All language subtitles for Feral.Female(.2025)

(wind blowing)

(victim gasping)

(dark music)

(victim gasping)

(ominous orchestral music)

(monster growling)

(ominous music continues)

(eerie music)

(eerie music continues)

(eerie music continues)

(acoustic guitar music)

(baby crying)

- Don't cry.

It's okay. Everything's gonna be okay.

(baby crying)

I'm so sorry it has to be this way.

(baby crying)

(gentle music)

I am so sorry, I'm sorry.

Someone will find you.

(baby crying)

You made me do this.

It's your fault.

No, I'm not telling you where she is.

How could you do this?

Do you think it's okay?

This was never okay.

I can't believe you made me
do this, after everything.

No, I can't do this anymore. I hate you.

You're never gonna hear from
me again. You understand?

(eerie music)

(tense music)

(birds chirping)

(tribal drumming continues)

(trash can rattling)

(tense music continues)

(Ebba growling)

(tense music continues)

(upbeat pop music)

(tense music)

(upbeat pop music)

- Honey, that mystery creature came back.

Our trash is everywhere again.

No, I saw it clearer this time.

It looked at me like a child

or a drug-fueled teenage girl rather,

staring at me like I was
some sort of mother figure.

Could they be part of the unhoused?

Could they be moving all the way out here?

We got this place to get
away from the madness.

No, I'd rather not deal with the police.

No, I don't want the forest
rangers out here either.

Our bird bath, as you very well
know, is not in compliance.

Okay, I'll call animal control.

(Ebba growling)

(phone beeping)

No, it's not a coyote.

It moved like a lynx.

It's hard to describe, it
definitely had wild cat-like eyes

with a body of a young hairless baboon.

No, it wasn't human, really, it wasn't.

No, no, it wasn't animal either.

Okay yes, it could be the same cougar

responsible for all those poor poodles.

Yes, it's definitely a job
for a specialist, send him.

This could be big.

A new creature.

They discover a new one
each day, don't they?

Maybe they'll let me name
it, if it's my discovery.

(tense music)

(driver screaming)
(brakes squealing)

(car running)

- Good day, good day, good day.

I'm Nigel B. Shearing,
the lovely dapper trapper,

world famous wolf hunter extraordinaire.

And today we've been given
the very special assignment

of tracking down a potential new creature,

never recorded by a man.

You know, I'm here to find
out, is it fact or farce?

(car revving)

(upbeat electronic music)

(tires squealing)

- [Observer] I can't believe it.

You're unreal.

You look like a cherub, a
daisy, a will o' the wisp.

I forget that you're not like us,

completely separated from mankind.

Even if you could understand
you wouldn't believe me.

No one else believes me.

We look nothing alike,
but you're my sister.

I bet you're a liberal like me.

(soft music)

(person crunching)

Whoa, she's definitely
wild but something tells me

she's starting to become woke already.

Her fury is exquisite.

She's really something.

You're like my hairy little Helen Keller.

You're free like an animal, not a person.

No hangups, no rat race.

Wild and free.

- Joanna.

Joanna?

I'm here about the animal-like girl.

Well, I hate to be a sticky beak,

but I think I'll have a look around.

(tense music)

Yeah, looks like some big game

turned this rubbish over here.

Oh, look there.

Oh, some well-made tracks. Beautiful.

In my early career, I'd
make a cast of this,

but now since I'm an expert,
I could tell right away.

It's a size seven.

Well, looks like the
homeowner's just there,

but she's not alive to speak with us.

I'm not gonna show the body.

I don't wanna be part of some snuff film.

Forensics will be by, make
a full page wrap on it,

but the only analysis I need is my own.

(horn honking)

Attaboy, Runty.

Looks like he's picked up a scent.

No time to chat now.

Better get after it, shall we?

(upbeat percussive music)

(Ebba growling)

(percussive music and growling continue)

(gentle piano music)

♪ This I know is true ♪

♪ When we're so tired of all ♪

♪ When love is tired of all ♪

(cat meowing)

♪ And I'll be tired of you ♪

Barthy, get away from the window.

(Barthy growling)

Bartholomew, what's out there?

What's out there?
(Bartholomew growling)

(high-tension music)

(Bartholomew screeching)

(piano man screaming)

(dramatic music)

- I'm often asked why I'm
at the forefront of my game

award-winning twice now in '07 and '09.

Yes, I'm the one who tagged
the famous puma, P-22,

and now I'm the sixth contender
for bagging the new one,

P-122 as they call it.

It's bloodline air.

We have this net.

It's strictly silicone-based

and it stretches for any
roughhouse rigamarole

as you can see.

This is what I'll trap it with, on paper.

Really I'll just need photo
evidence of setting it out

so the Forest Service will know

I'm not on my ass, but working.

And hopefully they'll sell me
my money and time for dinner.

Mm, now where's my bait
case? Whoops, not this one.

That one contains the
disease that has no cure.

All I've got to nourish
me right now is this.

Had a chance to buy 11 pallets on eBay

after they phased them out,

so I naturally jumped at the opportunity.

(bird cawing)

The ravens hover at 2:30.

They must be warning calls.

My intuition says she's still in the area.

No time to check myself now,
maybe we can track her down.

(car chugging)

What's the matter now, Runty?

Must have ran you too hot again.

(door creaking)

Well, sorry mate.

They say if it's too hot
to touch, she's overheated.

Ow! Ow!

Ah!

Ah!

Can't hold you much
longer, boy. (screaming)

Quick, Runty,

pitch me a 7/8 ratchet and a screwdriver.

(tense music)

(bird hooting)

(Ebba growling)

(Ebba roaring)

- No, yoga class? It's
different, you know?

And I like this spot, it's quiet.

No problem. Talk to you later.

(ominous music)

- Oh, hi there, girly.

You wouldn't happen to have
a toolkit kit, would you?

- Hi.

No, sorry.

- You haven't happened
to see or hear any signs

of a mangy wild sea freak of nature

running around here, have ya?

- No.

- Moves like a leopard this one,

with DNA split right down the middle,

part valley girl, part
neanderthal preemie.

- You are the only person
I've seen out here today.

- You sure? She looks like
a homecoming cheerleader.

Tossed around and dragged
through the mud a bit.

- Sorry. Can't help you.

- Your name Cassie?

- No, it's not.

- Huh? Of course it isn't.

- Sorry?
- You look like a girl

I used to know.

My ex-wife actually.

- Yeah. Not a chance.

- Mind if I call you Cassie?

- Nigel B. Shearing at
your service, madam.

Cryptozoologist and big
game hunter extraordinaire.

- You're what now?

- No time to explain.

I'm on a set and it's fading fast.

Bye Cassie.

Sorry there's no time to
serenade you with my didgeridoo.

(eerie music)

(Ebba grunting)

(person panting)

(dramatic music)

(Ebba roaring)

(victim screaming)

(dramatic music)

(Ebba grunting)

(dramatic music)

(phone bleeping)

(victim screaming)

(aggressive music)

(monster growling)

- Well, she should be good to go now.

Who doesn't love my
heavily customized ride?

Touch sensitive screens are waterproof

and tiny microphone here allows
me to verbally communicate

with whoever.

I guess there's no better time than now

to show you what she's made of.

Got the latest and greatest
gadgets and gizmos here

to go over.

Here we have seven radars
not to be toyed with.

Got my first aid kit here with me

filled with my favorite
tailor fit rubbers.

In case I get lucky.

I carry no camera these days

because the way I see
it is if I can snap her,

I can tag her.

And if I can tag her or I can have her.

This is my hydrogen condensed
lithium laser tranquilizer

from IBM, banned in all 30 states.

That's why it's disguised
as a cheese grater.

Shoots a real laser.

Two shots can detriment the
impulse for less than a minute.

Three shots can promote hysteria

and other complications
with bad bathroom times.

And here's my field notes.

Doubles as my diary with plenty of poetry

dedicated to my love, Cassie.

And also has a few tidbits
about the elusive wild girl.

Here's a nice entry brimming with prose.

She's not wild like a hog.

She's still like a snake
with fangs of a cougar

and can also turn transparent
in the moment of danger.

(energetic music)

Yee-ha. Yee-ha.

(phone ringing)

We're getting a call.

- [Video Speaker] Nigel,
your parcel arrived.

- Finally. I've been anxious

to get your thoughts on my latest fines.

- [Video Speaker] You
mean my latest fines?

I'm just looking at them now.

I trust you were successful this time.

- I got what I could for
now and it wasn't a joy.

- [Video Speaker] A rodent, a badger.

- It's up to you for
now. Skittish little guy.

- [Video Speaker] Surely
he's been accounted for.

- Come on now.

Have I ever presented you of
species that wasn't genuine?

- [Video Speaker] And that
is mostly due to my trust.

I rarely oversee the most
profound authentications

before accepting a novel
new lineage from you.

- Well, I assure you their new
discoveries never cataloged.

- [Video Speaker] Another insect.

What can I do with this?

More muck.

- That there is a color changing rarity.

You really have to see
this natural habitat

to appreciate this one.

Vibrant hues that really
twinkle at twilight.

Surely this one's an honest find.

- [Video Speaker] It's a marsh deer.

- It's a poisonous fungi, actually.

A carnival that's
infecting the deer's thigh.

That's the real winner.

- [Video Speaker] Am I
supposed to be impressed?

- Well, I assume you find
a delight in this last one.

It's a rather enticing reptilian charmer

from the black mamba variety.

- [Video Speaker] You insult my taste

by claiming this grizzly mutant a charmer.

- What now?

I couldn't forcibly dream of
a more innovative creature.

You don't know this is neck?

It's throat puffs out.

Truly an unordinary and
almost mythical find.

Ain't that what you're after?

- [Video Speaker] You
have frustrated me, Nigel.

We'll have to discuss the
peculiars of our new contract

moving forward.

- Can I charge you for this video call?

He hung up on me.

Can you believe that, Runty?

Hope he doesn't let me
go after all this time.

It's hard to find a good
side hustle like him.

(energetic music)

(dramatic music)

(Ebba grunting)

(tense music)

(person giggling nervously)

- All right, I'm very excited

because we just received a hot tip

that there's been a
sighting of the wild girl

right here across this bridge

in that there cabin.

(exciting music)

(tense music)

Rumor has it that this is
where the purty pop's mother

once resided before she
fled social services

and went into exile.

So mangy old bric a brac, this is.

Plenty of nice parts to
take to a pawn shop guy.

It's like a snapshot in time

of what all that bush baby could
have had and grown up with.

(dramatic music)

An obliterated family.

(eerie music)

Reminds us that a house is not a home.

We have to stay calm and
clever and keep our mask on.

Animals can only recognize you
by the shape of your mouth.

(eerie music)

Oh, I can feel their mega mites

nipping at my own family jewels already.

We'd better vacate now.

This target area's infested
with not only vermin,

but with the dark dank vengeance

of this she lion's sinister soul.

(tense music)

- I can't believe it. It's her.

It's really you. You're alive.

(tense music)

Mother will never believe it.

(phone ringing)

- What is it, Tasha?

- Mother. I found her.

I snapped a photo. It's blurry,
but it's definitely her.

- What do you care? How many
more posters are around town?

- What you did to our
family was despicable.

- Stop doing that.
- Heinous.

- I want nothing to do with this girl.

- I hate being an only child.

- You know, maybe I
abandoned the wrong daughter.

- And there she is

gazing at me lovingly.

- I've moved on. I'm a different person.

I- I- you need to stop.

- Behind the dale.

- What are you trying
to accomplish with this?

- Through the twigs.
- Quit it.

I'm done.

- It's not the juniper berries
on that branch she craves.

It's me.

- You are done.
- Her big Tasha.

- It's the worst day of my life

but I've forgotten about
it and I've moved on.

And you should too.

- It's over mother.
They're gonna put you away.

- They can't prove DNA unless
they take a swab from me.

And I'm not gonna let that happen.

- I just want my sister.

- I know you're just doing this

for the fame and fortune.

- I want the bond we never had.

- She's dead to me.

- Never to know if she would be gay

or straight or non-binary.

- Oh really?

- Don't these things keep
you up at night, mother?

Like they do me?

- That chapter of my life is done.

- You're a bitch, mother.

I love you.

- You don't know me.

- I've read your diaries.

- I am not the same
person I was 17 years ago.

- You're screwed, mother.

- It's you that should
have been raised by wolves.

- And I'm gonna tell everyone
what really happened.

- I would disown you forever.

(phone bleeping)

- Well, my ship has come in.

I think it's safe to say so anyways.

Do you know what this is?

That's right.

5,000 tons of Awkwafina.

Yeah, boy.

Mellie Yellie's about to run out,

and I'm gonna need a little
something called hydration.

(ax thwacking)

You can see here, I've made
a very impressive dent on it.

It should just be another
six or seven hours now

before I get a six inch hole in diameter.

Water will be gushing
out, but not too heavy.

I can bathe in it or I can wash my tush.

And most of all, I can
get a sip of that H20.

But I don't crave,

actually haven't had it in about
12 years since I was a lad.

That's right. I've been faithful.

My favorite brand. Mellie Yellie.

If only they made it in diet,

I could slim down, lose my pooch.

(energetic music)

- Right. Left.

Roll down.

Right, left.

Hard.

Okay. Again.

There's a lot of steps to it. Okay.

- All right.

(energetic music)

Here we go. Roll to the left.

Turn.

Right, left.

Roll down.

Right. Left.

- You know what? You know what?

I don't even want to do this.

Can we just stop?

- Raya, come on. It's not that hard.

- Why are we doing this again?

- You always have a bad attitude.

Whenever we do something I want to do.

- We always do what you want to do.

- Seriously?

- Just the other day we went to a movie

I didn't even wanna see.

- Are you serious?

- Look, I'm tired of you always

just taking all my energy away from me.

I have no time to do what I wanna do.

No time to spend time with the people

that I wanna spend time with.

I'm just, you know what?

You know what, do you,
I'm gonna do me. Okay?

- You're gonna leave.

Oh fine. I'll do it myself.

(ax thwacking)

(energetic music)

(Ebba grunting)

(energetic music)

(tense music)

Hey, do you wanna do my dance video?

It's gonna be so lame if I'm by myself.

Hi, I'm Brianna.

(tense music)

Oh my God. My finger.

Why would you do that? Oh my God.

Oh my finger. Oh.

Hey. Leave it.

What are you doing? Ugh.

Stop. Get away.

Leave it. Get outta here.

Ugh, my finger. Ugh.

Yeah, you better run. Ugh.

You better hope they can sew this back on.

Oh my God.

(tense music)

(eerie music)

(phone bleeping)

- Oh crap. The Rangers be calling me.

Yes? I don't understand.

And has Sandra called you?

He was a one time employer.

His opinion of me shouldn't matter.

He's an exotic animal
enthusiast, all right?

I'll level with you.

He hires me to discover new species

from the forest of Bolivia.

The filthy rat just thinks I
fooled him about some fungi.

It's got nothing to do with
this or your assignment.

I'm your man, remember.

I'm the only one that
has that invincible sense

for finding creatures at the unknown.

This assignment is personal,
very important to me.

I speak fluently with most members

of our animal kingdom community.

You know, I appreciate this
opportunity to deliver.

We're just days away now. Runty's excited.

He's firing on all cylinders.

At any moment he could just break down.

I need more funding for fuel
in my team moon sheen hole.

I got stuff in the cart just
waiting for me to check out.

(water trickling)

(tense music)

(energetic music)

(engine revving)

(energetic music)

Well, we lost power now. No problem.

We'll just have to sit
here for 11 or 12 hours

and wait for the solar
batteries to charge us up.

(eerie music)

It sure is beautiful out here.

Not as nice as the outback
but nice in its own way.

Guess I'll take this time to
answer some questions now.

Some of you have asked
me why I like to rotate

between the boots and the flip flops.

Well, the boots keep me insulated

from the extreme heat out here,

and the flip flops.

Well, besides being much easier to run in,

they double as a flotation device,

which has served me well a couple times

in the am Amazonian River.

Everyone always seems perplexed.

Why I wear this amazing silver jumpsuit.

I cut the knees and arms off

because it's no longer winter.

But the reason I wear it is simple.

Everyone knows animals can't see silver.

I'm basically invisible to them

and it makes it a whole lot easier

when I'm sneaking up on 'em.

Some of you wonder why I rave so hard.

And it's because studies
show that it's the only music

that actually soothes our furry friends.

Surprised none of you have asked me

why I don't have an accent.

I was born and educated in Melbourne

and then spent some
time with the Aborigines

before they tried to
castrate me and cast me out.

So I hopped across the pond of the UK

to finish my veterinary conservatorship

amongst all the Shires,
Bedfordshire, Berkshire, Cheshire,

Derbyshire, and Cornwall,

before getting booked on a steam liner

to different subtropics like Bolivia.

- [Video Speaker] Nigel, my
archeologists need their leader.

You are all we've got. The
only cryptozoologist I know.

Although lately I have been
increasingly disappointed

with your ongoing clutter of bootlickers.

I will give you anything you want

as long as you bring
this new rare breed home.

(eerie music)

(phone bleeping)

- Yeah hon. What is it?

I'm working on this doggone house.

Damn you, Mabel. Why are
you such a pain in my ass?

Why you make such weak coffee?

Tastes like ass water.

I'm sick of this crap you put me through.

Out here day and night
working to pay our mortgage.

Well why don't you go
get on down to Home Depot

and get the discount
paint for the kitchen.

I don't give a rat's ass
what color the cabinets are.

As long as they keep the food dry.

(cat mewling)

What the hell is this now?

Honey, I'm gonna have to call you back.

It looks like one of the
neighborhood children

has gotten loose.

(Ebba grunting)

What? You don't scare me.

Yeah, it's a working man
right here. Take a good look.

I don't know what you
are. Oh, you is a female.

Hey, you actually kind of good looking.

What you doing now?

You crazy. Now go back in your yard.

No.

(tense music)

What cha doing? Ah, get out.

Shoo.

No. Shoo.

Get outta there. Bad boy.

Shoot you away.

(aggressive music)

(Ebba grunting)

- Oh, look at here.

This is a good sign.

Looks like she's been here.

The skin of an unknown slithering snake.

I wonder what kind it is. No
way to tell without its body.

She must have regurgitated it.

Not sure why, but this is the best part.

Pack with nutrients like vitamin D and A.

This is why I always carry this container

to collect the sample.

This is the kind of thing
that really pushes my buttons.

But in a good way.

I think it's time to hunker
down and set up camp here.

Hone in on Cassie's ground.

By this time tomorrow
I'll be world famous.

- I can hear it now. The hell
town singing harmoniously.

Nigel B. Shearing he's a hero yes, he is.

Nigel B. Shearing, I hope my
boy grows up to be like him.

(tense music)

- I don't need you. You don't control me.

You don't sustain me. You
don't mean anything to me.

Burn. Burn.

(tense music)

(cat mewling)

(tense music)

What the hell are you doing?
Covered in all that crud.

Lord knows what.

You lost or something?

Ugh. Girl, what the hell?

And you're naked. Nasty.

Can I help you with
something? What do you want?

Well you know what? Here,
Andrea will get you cleaned up.

See?
(Ebba grunting)

So don't your mom ever
wonder where you at.

You know you're a real hot
girl underneath all this mess.

Just tell me, why the birthday suit?

You know what? Thanks for not explaining.

Actually, you know I used to be

into some kinky role playing.

You look like the kind of girl yourself.

And you know I was one of those

treat me like an animal kind of girls.

You know what I mean?

I can get down with that. Yeah.

You're a real hot chick, right?

Wait a minute. You might
look really good in this.

You know I've been saving this

for a real hot girl like yourself.

Real special occasion, you know.

You know, maybe later we can go to a rave

and you can wear this, you know.

Come here. Don't be scared now.

You're a pretty girl underneath all that.

You are looking hot girl.

You look good. You look good.

I've never seen anyone look so good

in the color chartreuse before.

I love it. You look hot.

(Ebba grunting)

Where you going? Hey. Hey, wait.

I like you. Come back.

Stop. Come back.

I liked her. She made me feel less insane.

- Alright, special announcement.

Turns out I didn't hack
my way through the woods

for the better part of the day in vain

because I found a very special discovery.

The mightiest pine cone of the wood.

What most people don't
know is you can make

a pretty decent meal outta this.

It's thinner than oatmeal,
thicker than grits.

You just gotta boil it
for 16 hours overnight

and it'll keep the moths away twice over.

Just gonna sanitize it
now with a Mellie Yellie,

and put it in the pot over the fire,

and by morning I'll
have a modified genuine

Nigel B. Shearing puree.

All I gotta do is season it

with a bit of my forehead sea salt sweat

and I'm off to the races.

Yum, yum, yum.

In my tum, calories for the day.

- Nah, I just don't think
it's going too well.

I think maybe I'll break up with her.

If you only knew.

I really wish, you know?

In another life, maybe.

- I found a bit of brekkie
in my swimming cozy.

It's a bit melted 'cause
it's been the warm car.

Down here had an ucka ducka.

So putting down one of
my favorite little treats

a Chicky Bicky.

Double layered, crispy
rice kernels and fudge.

Mm, that's right.

I'm gonna be filled with
fudge before the day's out

and it's gonna put wind in my sails

and float me through this miserable day.

I'll just have to climb
this hill, 11 kilometers,

and go over it.

Reckon it'll take about eight hours.

By the time I get down,
I hear there's a town

and possibly a cafe.

Wouldn't that be nice?
So let's go find out.

(tense music)

- Cheryl. Hey girl.

Come on.

I don't even know how you got out.

I keep those doors locked all the time.

You walk through the screen.

Come on.

(tense music)

Hey girl.

Girl, get over here.

Cheryl.

Cheryl, get over here and
stop acting a dang fool.

Right now.

What'd I say to you?

You have me out here looking
all over the place for you.

You're a good dog, but
this is dang foolish.

Come on, lemme get this on
you here real quick, girl.

(Ebba grunting)

All right, now come on, get.

Let's go.

No pork chop for you tonight.

(whip cracking)
(wild girl hissing)

(dramatic music)

- Hey there. Good day, mate.

What a day it has been already.

When it comes to trapping,

there's a wrong way and a sure way.

What I'm doing now is the
classic hollow out a six footer,

lay some hosanna over it and walk away.

Come back here early in the morning

and boom, there she'll be six feet under.

But live, a body found.

I get twice the reward money
if she's still breathing.

However, that is a bit tougher
than the ground back home.

Not sure if I feel like digging it.

So since that's not gonna fly,

I've got me variation on the
classic spring back trapper

right down here.

Like the old spring-a-ling.

She sniffs the snail bait down here

and whammo, snags around the limbs.

She flips, lasso up

and before you know it, she's
swinging from her ankles,

right where I want her.

Easy pickings for the

wish I was American boy scout
with a badge boy wonder.

It has to be me to cash in on her.

Rightfully so.

Been steadfast on her for days now,

closing in fast on her.

I reckon she's in a 30 mile radius.

And if all those traps fail me,

I've still got one final method here.

Some may find it rather opaque and cruel,

but I find it's quite effective.

(phone ringing)

I don't believe it. I got a notification.

(phone buzzing)

My credit card's been declined.

Well, at least I finally got
a bit of service out here.

Got a new email here from a Debbie

who claims she's harboring the fugitive,

who she got mixed up for her own doggy.

- [Debbie] Dear Mr.
Nigel, weird looking man.

I have found what I think you
are looking for. She's my dog.

Her name's Cheryl, and people keep saying

you'd be looking for her.

I found her on the side of the road.

If you can kindly find me in my home area,

I would greatly appreciate it
if there's only a cash reward.

If you got nothing on
you, please don't show up.

Sincerely, Debbie Dingle Beller.

(whip cracking)

- It sure looks like that
dangerous girl on the tank.

I'll have to pop on
over and have a lookie.

This is incredible. Two whole bars.

Well, I can finally post a status update

and see who likes it.

Woo hoo.

(Nigel screaming)
(dramatic music)

(aerosol farting)

I am all right, Runty.

Just gonna have to take a
moment and saw my leg off.

Won't be long now.
Yeah, it is too painful.

I'm just gonna have to lean
into all the sudden adrenaline

and muscle the teeth open.

Ah, ah, ah, ah.

I told you it works the
way it's supposed to.

Well, good news is I don't
suspect the leg is fractured.

Bad news is the gashes are rather deep

and have already run out of my
mother's medicated ointment.

But I'm in luck.

This stuff here,

the stinging nettle acts
like a disinfectant.

It's like poison ivy,

but it's tiny needle-like fibers

stick around much longer, no pun intended.

Ah, really starting to sting now.

That means it's working.

Ah.

(dramatic music)

(owls hooting)

- Okay. So I've had this crazy idea.

You know how I hate reading

and you really like reading and writing.

So I was thinking maybe you

should do the book report for me.

I mean, you could just
copy yours and then,

but just like change up
the words a little bit.

I think it would work.

And then we could hang out all week

because I wouldn't have
something to do on Wednesday.

Oh, you're the best. Thank you.

(energetic music)

- Good day, my mate.

You must be the one they called
Debbie. I got your email.

- Oh, well it depends who's asking?

Are you that little Nigel?
Weird looking frontier man?

- Sir Shearing to you.

- Okay, well what can I
do for you today, sir?

- It looks like you have
something that belongs to me.

- Are you talking about my dog, Cheryl?

- I suppose so, I seen the picture.

- Well, she belongs to
me. She's my dog Cheryl.

She don't say much, but she's a good dog

and I'm not giving her without no payment.

You got something for me, big boy?

- Well, I only have four USD,

but I do have a nearly
four pack of marbles.

And if that's not good enough,
I got a 24 karat gold Rolex.

Hey.

Ah, what are you doing?

- That ain't real.

That's a fake Rolex If I
ever did see one myself.

Hey, you come up in here
with a fake watch again.

You see what happens?

- You crazy, mate.

I'm sick of your kind.

Now you better deliver her
right now. Don't make me wait.

(dramatic music)

Ah, here she comes.

- She gone.
- She's gone?

- I don't know. She must have got hungry.

Maybe went out looking
for some pork chops.

- This is a very important subject.

You have no idea. You're a loon, you is.

- I'm a loon?

You're the loon pulling up
here with your fake ass watch.

- I'm sick of this,

I'm worse off than when I came here.

Cracked Rolex. No smokes.

I'm off the McDonald's.
Get myself a whopper.

- Okay? You do what you want.

Still can't understand a word
you saying. So goodbye sir.

- Alright, well try to be a decent person

and quit doing your Craigslist scams.

- I don't know what that is.

(tense music)

(Ebba grunting)

(fly buzzing)

(phone bleeping)

- What do you mean?

Oh, you just told me you
could do the book report.

Are you serious?

(tense music)
(Ebba grunting)

I don't even remember what
chapter I was reading.

(tense music)

Ugh, you're horrible.
Behaving like an animal.

It's addicts like you
that give LA a bad name.

Stay away from me.

(dramatic music)

(Ebba grunting)

(dramatic music)

(victim screaming)

(aggressive music)

- Here we are.

The infamous bridge of destruction.

Used to have 500 cars a day.

Now it's down to zero, nil.

And you know why?

Because that beast
destroyed it, ravaged it,

shoot on it with all the grizzle,

all the might she could muster

and all for what purpose?

To strengthen their fangs and canines.

That's what they do.

Not that there's been many accounts

of these wild little creatures.

Very few have been documented.

But what we do know is
they spite humanity.

So they're destroy all that we create

if they have a chance,

and most importantly, the time.

Look what she did here, made
a meal out of this asphalt

and people could just
lop off the side of it

and plunge to their death.

Eight feet down.

(birds chirping)

- Mom, I need you to come pick me up.

I need you to come now.
I need you to pick me up.

(dramatic music)

- You don't know the first
thing about dating, honey.

You're gonna get your heart broken.

I'm just trying to be your
mother as you say that I'm not.

Isn't this what mothers do?

- You're just so negative.

- Then don't ask for my advice

because I'm not gonna be here

to support you when you
get your heart broken

time and time again.

(Ebba grunting)

- [Daughter] What was
the point of coming here

if you were just gonna be on
your phone the whole time?

- [Mother] I'm trying to work too.

- You said we would be
having quality time.

- This is quality time.

We're roasting marshmallows, sweetheart.

Here, I'll put it down, okay?

You're burning yours.

- I like it like that.
- Of course you do.

(monster growling)

- What was that?

- What?

(monster growling)

- It sounded like a mountain lion.

- [Mother] Sweetheart, please.

- [Daughter] You don't hear that?

- Hear what? You're so neurotic, honey.

Did you take your meds?

- Something's out there.

- Okay, honey.
(monster growling)

- Oh, crikey mate. What have we here?

Oh no.

Look at the destruction of this
once precious female child.

This is why you never do
the latest TikTok challenge.

Bush births.

As you can see, the
newborn's been snatched away.

Who knows where, but what's worse,

the sharks can smell the blood a mile out.

But not to worry, because I always carry

a spare bandaid with me
in my silver slipper.

Could quite possibly use
two or three more of these,

but this will really help out.

Just gonna stick this here

and I'll hold it all together.

Oh yeah. What lovely blood
sausage this will make later.

Don't worry, love.

These will grow back.

(dramatic music)

- Help, help.

Help.

- You'll be fine.

Just gonna try to tuck these back in

and you can be very thankful

because these organs are just the spleen

and some other bits.

Things that aren't vital,
that aren't mandatory

to human survival.

Nothing essential here.

And don't worry, I'll
bill you for the bandaid

sometime next week.

Well, I've done my good deed for the day.

Nigel B. Shearing signing out.

- [Victim] Help.

(dramatic music)

- Come on.

- No, I'm sorry.

I just, it's too much for me.

All this going on, and your finger.

I just, it's one thing after another.

- My finger's gonna be fine.

They reattached it. It's gonna heal.

- Really?

It looks like you went
to a backdoor doctor.

- It's supposed to look bad at
first. It's gonna heal fine.

- No, it's not. See,
this is your dissolution.

This is how you live life.

- Maybe this wouldn't have
happened if you were with me.

I had to take an Uber to the hospital

'cause you were nowhere to be found.

And they luckily did a great
job putting my finger back on.

But like, where were you?

- I had somewhere better to be.

And I'm sorry that happened to you,

but like, it wasn't my fault.

Maybe you shouldn't have been dancing.

- Oh my God. Are you kidding me?

Look at this. Like-

- You know what? Stop.

I, it's every time, every time
something bad happens to you,

I'm forced to stay.

Somehow or another. I
can't do this anymore.

- Oh my God. You don't care at all, Raya.

- I, I do. I do.

But just not that much.

- Are you seriously dumping me
right now while I have this?

- Yeah, I am... yes.

This is, this is a final straw
and I can't do this anymore.

- Oh my God. Raya, you're heartless.

- It's all about you
all the time. Alright.

And I'm done with it. I'm done with you.

- Are you seriously leaving?

(door creaking)

It's gonna be fine.

(giggling)

(eerie music)

- Well, what a tasty little
snack of meat out over.

I always say humans make the best jerky.

What a pressie this is.
And it ain't even Chrissy.

Well, better get back
to old Runty McGunty.

I'm worried about the coppers

because you ain't got no radio.

(engine chugging)

- I think he likes me.
- Mm.

He's only with you to
get to me, sweet pea.

- Why do you always do this?

- Do what?

- You'll date anybody I date.

- Oh, please. It's not
my fault they like me.

What do you want me to do about it?

I can't help what God gave me.

- [Daughter] You try to flirt with them.

You wear provocative outfits.

- Oh, come on. I don't try.

- [Daughter] Just stop
trying to act like my sister.

You literally tell everybody
that you're my sister.

- Well, we do kind of look like sisters.

- Well, you don't act like a mom.

- [Mother] Well, isn't
it fun to have a sister?

- [Daughter] I have a sister.

- [Mother] What is mom like to you?

- [Daughter] Someone who takes care of me.

- I feed you. I give you clothing.

What else do you want from me?

You're always complaining.

(Mother sighs)
(tense music)

speaking of which, I think
it's time for a girls trip.

Casino?

- Mom? Come on.

You promised we would do shadow puppets.

- Sweetheart, you're neurotic, remember.

Just take another dose of
whatever they have you on now.

- Pretty please.

- Ginny. I have to go.

You know how these little twerps are?

Never get a minute to myself.

Let's do one of those challenges together.

The smoothie challenges.

All right, chow.

Here, take a melatonin gummy.

(tense music)

(wild girl slurping)

- Mom, why are we camping
so close to the stream?

- Because it's relaxing.

- It will help me zonk out.

- But in Girl Scouts, I
learned you should never

pitch a tent near a body of
water in case of flooding.

- Hogwash. Just go to sleep.

Lay down.

(tense music)

- Mommy.

There's a monster over there.

- [Mother] Oh, for God's sake,

what horror film is your
father having you watch?

(tense music)

- Please go look.

- Fine.

As long as you promise
to lay down and shut up.

(tense music)

There's nothing here.

(Ebba grunting)

Such a little scared baby.

(Ebba grunting)

(tense music)

(Mother screaming)

- Mom, stop trying to scare me.

You always do this.

So embarrassing.

I'm not a little kid anymore.

(Mother screaming)

Mom. You're so dramatic.

You're not fooling anybody.

(Mother screaming)
(dramatic music)

Where are you? Quit throwing
a pity party for yourself.

I'm gonna call dad.

(dramatic music)

I wish I was with you.
Mom is being so difficult.

You know how she is.

No. I know.

I'm never gonna come here again with her.

(dramatic music)

Okay, love you.

Bye.

Mom.

Mom.

Mommy?

(dramatic music)

(energetic music)

(dramatic music)

(Ebba grunting)

(daughter screaming)

You are silly.

Let's be friends.

I'll ask my dad if you can
sleep over this weekend.

- I did happen to find this granola bar.

It's seven years old. Expired.

But I'm quite famished, so
I'm gonna have to go for it,

even though it's not keto friendly.

- [Video Speaker] Nigel.

- Why'd you go and have
to call the rangers on me?

- [Video Speaker] I need you
to board a red eye tonight.

- Oh, come on.

I'm on a restricted timeframe.

- [Video Speaker] You have six days

to finish your folly there.

- So you say I'm the best,

then you say, I'm no good anymore.

- [Video Speaker] Control yourself.

- My attempts have been nearly fatal.

Where the heck are you now?

- [Video Speaker] My nocturnal gallery

crooning to my endangered friends.

- Oh no. Not them night monkeys again.

I can't stand them and
their big little eyes.

Even though I do love all creatures.

- [Video Speaker] I expect
my wishes to be fulfilled.

Bring me the golden God

and I will sponsor your future expeditions

so you can pay for all your
streaming subscriptions.

- You want her too, now.

- [Video Speaker] A large
shipping crate with holes will do.

- I'm not a poacher.

I'm simply doing this for
the greater good of humanity.

- [Video Speaker] You're a
fine outdoors man, Nigel,

but need to control your anxiety.

- How can you expect this of me?

- Trust your interface that I paid for.

Let your onboard computers assist you

in scaling the dry lagoons and
aid in your daily procedures.

- [Nigel] Thanks for the good advice.

Bye for now.

(energetic music)

(Ebba grunting)

- Yo, lady.

Where you from? Jersey?

I know Jersey trash when I sees it.

You sure looking hot today.
Want some malt liquor?

(Ebba grunting)

Dang. Little sister.

You look like you was dragged
under a moving vehicle.

Yeah, I'm a white rapper. Proud of it.

You don't know me.

Want a cigarette?

(Ebba grunting)

What's your deal, girl?
What are you doing?

You insane or something?

Yo, yo, yo.

Raised by coyotes. She
could eat your cannolis.

What you see is a dirty
girl. A dirty naked girl.

But when I look beyond the
dirt, what I see is a pearl.

Mm. I just wanna have a cocktail
with you. Ferocious female.

Mm.

Yo yo yo.

Rocking and rolling.

Coyotes. Man.

She was raised by coyotes. Mm.

She could eat your cannolis.

What'd you think of my rap, Girly?

(wild girl roaring)

Why you bite my lip, girl?

Why you bite my lip?

- Well, if she be any
place she'd be right here.

This is a post apocalyptic world

where humans used to thrive.

But when the glory went,
the people went with it.

The perfect place for a
little four-legged creature

to room about and wait
for unsuspecting hikers

and poodles to rip apart.

This is what'll happen
when the humans dry out.

The roads and the cities and villages

and the towns that we live
in will be taken over.

This is a sign of the times.

So I have a controversial suspicion

that that little feral girl

has been here digging up
the bones of our elders,

dining on them, making a
snack out of the deceased

like it's a play thing from Pets Mart.

Well, I'm here to put an end to that.

Whatever I have to do,
slice, dice or skewer.

And I'm here to make sure

that no strange little undomesticated girl

is gonna disturb their
souls in the afterlife.

(dramatic music)

- [Radio] The body of a young woman

was recovered late
Monday in Griffith Park,

brutally mangled, organs dangling.

She was an aspiring yoga instructor.

Rising the ranks of OnlyFans,
only to be taken too soon.

Some theorize a strong possibility

of a dangerous carnivorous
womanlike creature.

Authorities have assigned

the infamous Nigel B.
Shearing to the case.

Increase caution in the area,

and conduct selfies at
a reasonable distance.

If you have any information
relating to this

or any other incident,
call Channel 8 news first

so that we can have the exclusive story.

(energetic music)

- Right. I never knew how
good life would be momless.

I know.

I guess dreams do come true.

Yeah. Her funeral was today.

I didn't even go, but there will be food.

So yeah, I'll probably go for that.

(tense music)

(birds chirping)

Okay. Sleepover later.

Yeah. It'll be so much more fun now.

Bye.

(Ebba grunting)

Hey, you again.

Why are you looking at me like that?

Why are you growling?

(Ebba grunting)

(wild girl hissing)

(daughter screaming)

I thought we were friends.

(wild girl growling)

(disembodied screaming)

(Nigel snoring)

(dramatic music)

(bear growling)

(Ebba grunting)

(victim coughing)

(tense music)

(Nigel whistling)

(tense music)

- I heard something.

Who's there?

(wild beast growling)

That's a male mating call
of a 13-year-old puma.

Oh yeah. She heard it all right.

She responded.

I heard a twig snap. And that
could only mean one thing.

A Canadian goose has laid her
eggs. She's being protective.

All that big old little
mangy mods out there

watching my every move.

You have to be careful now.
She could strike from behind.

Tear off a good shank of my bum.

If only I wasn't allergic to
every variety of green foliage,

I would go over there and
hide behind that green stuff.

(monster growling)

She could smell my fear

and I can sense her rage.

Come on out here if someone's there.

I hope it's who I think it is.

Come on out.

Show yourself.

(tense music)

(victim coughing)

- Ooh.
- Help.

- You're not looking too good, babe.

- Oh, help.

- Oh, she got you good.

- Help. Help.

- Oh, I'm sorry. I, I, I need help.

I need all the help I can get.

You are not the first
girl I've seen out here.

I'm just gonna,

I'm just gonna borrow
your phone really quick.

You know you're not gonna
be needing anymore anyway.

In the meantime, you know, keep it cute.

Gotta make a few phone calls,
so hope you don't mind.

Hang in there.

They call me a hot mess.

- [Radio] We have
received more information

about the rabid juvenile delinquent.

She's believed to be teenaged

covered in the blood of
her numerous victims.

There has been half a dozen deaths so far.

She remains at large and may
very well continue to slaughter

and slay at random.

(Nigel panting)

- What the hell?

- Are you friend or foe? Tell me now.

- It depends on you.
- She's after me.

She's coming after me.

Wait, help me.

- Hold on. Hold on.

You ain't got nothing to be afraid of.

It's Andrea here.

- You know about the
wild girls, don't you?

- Oh, of course I know
about everybody out here.

- You've seen her?

- I've seen 'em all. This is my land.

You're safe here with me.

- Oh, thank goodness for that.

I feared for my life just there.

(birds cawing)

You have no idea what I've been through.

I've been chased around.
My bollocks bitten off.

And now here I am.

I thought I was in heaven
'cause I saw an angel.

- There is no heaven.

And we've all had our bollocks
ripped off here and there.

- I can't believe it's already Thursday.

Haven't eaten in almost a week.

Starving. Miss brekkie, miss din din.

I don't know what I'm gonna do.

- I don't know what din din is,

I don't know what
language you're speaking.

I'm so sorry. There's a language barrier.

You might need to go somewhere else.

Someone else might know
what you're talking about.

- Give me some words of
wisdom, won't you, Andrea?

- No.

(tense music)

- Alright.

See you next Tuesday.

- I might not be here.

- Bugger off now.

- Oh yes. That's wonderful.

It's, it's going excellent.

It's all going according to plan. Really.

I know, right?

It's kind of like glamping,

but just not glamorous, but that's okay.

I've always been kind of a hippie anyway.

(person whistling)

So when are you gonna bring
me that stuff you promised?

I miss my makeup and sushi. Oh my God.

I could really do some sushi right now.

You're so funny.

I mean, if it works out

and it will, I mean, pretty
soon everyone's gonna know

who you are and how you rescued me

and brought me back into normal society.

- Oh yeah.

- Now the talk show appearances
alone and the sponsors.

I mean, can live off them forever.

(tense music)

Ugh. Hang on.

Someone's spying on me and
doesn't think I can see them.

- That jig is up, girly.

That's right. You've been found.

The game is over.

You've done enough.

Time to drag you into the authorities now.

We could do this the easy way

or the Nigel B. Shearing way.

- Oh, please.
- Yeah.

- Surely we can work something out.

- What's this about?

What you doing now?

I know what you're trying to do.

You're trying to break down my defenses.

It's getting sexy now.

You think I'm not gonna hog tie you?

Now. This behooves me.

Oh yeah. Twirl.

Oh, I'm fond of you. Oh yeah.

My diaper's filling out.

This is quite nice
actually. And unexpected.

Don't stop now. Come on over.

Oh yeah. I'm falling in love with you now.

Oh yeah. Are you thinking
what I'm thinking, baby?

Oh yeah. Time to nibble my a kibble baby.

Yeah, work your way down. Oh yeah.

Oh yeah, darling, don't stop now.

Only a few seconds longer. Oh yeah.

Any moment now. Oh yeah.

Oh, oh, oh. Not too hard.

Not too hard. Oh, oh.

Less is more. Less is more.

Better ever better ever. Oh, don't bite.

No, no, no, no. That's not for biting.

That's not a snack. Oh,
this is not a shoot on.

Ah. Oh.

Whoever. Now let go.

Ow. Better ever better ever.

(monster growling)

(Nigel panting)

It's all right, Runty.

Just having another
x-rated nightmare again.

(phone bleeping)

New voicemail. Someone out
there does care about me.

- [Andy] Hey buddy, it's Andy.

Gimme a call when you wake up.

I wanna hang out with you. Okay, bye.

- Oh, come off it Mr. Dick.

I wish you'd stopped flirting with me.

I already told you I date to marry

and I'm allergic to cheetahs.

Well, on with our day.

Just get a quick boost from
the prize Mellie Yellie.

Not sure what I'm gonna do when I run out.

Rightly so. Better get after it.

No idea what she looks like. Really.

Not sure if the gal likes nuts or what,

what she feeds off of.

Maybe the excrement of other animals.

But I've got a good feeling
that by the end of the day,

my PayPal will be filled with the brim.

Oh, I can feel the caffeine
going right to the medulla.

It's what I need to get
paid and be world famous.

And in the Guinness Book of World Records

for the best animal hunter known to man.

(energetic music)

- Hi Alexis. It's Kendra.

Yeah, just getting a little color

before my big date tonight.

Yes. He's a bodybuilder.

No, I left Cameron.

Oh my gosh. I didn't tell you?

That bastard.

Well, you know how we're trying

to get me pregnant and
it's just not working.

Oh, I was like, hello. That's not my egg.

So now I'm left childless
with nothing to do.

Hold on. There's some homeless
woman in my yard again.

Hello. Excuse me.

You're not supposed to be here.

I'm taking photos of you.

Go tweak out elsewhere.

Not cool.

You think I can't see you? I'm pissed.

(Ebba grunting)

No. No, no, no.

Get away from me.

(aggressive music)

- [Radio] Earlier today, Kendra Silva,

a young woman from Palmdale

was found dead and dismembered

in the above ground swimming
pool where she resided.

Amateur animal hunter Nigel B.
Shearing stands by his claims

that the culprit is not an animal at all,

but rather a very famished
undomesticated girl.

Police remain skeptical,

believing that it's just
another deranged woman

trying to make a name for herself

as a barbaric serial killer.

- Oh, Ebba, you're just so misunderstood.

I think I'm going to call you
the female freak of nature

or my feral friend.

Yes, that's it.

That's what you'll be called

in our number one bestselling book.

I'm coming for you, Ebba.

Just as soon as I get my ugly
sleep, I'm coming for you.

(serene music)

Do you understand? You're
my long lost sister.

It's hard to believe you've slaughtered

and eviscerated half a dozen people.

You're damn lucky I caught
you instead of the police

or that diabolical loon, Nigel.

(Ebba grunting)

You need to be quiet.

The neighbors will hear.

(Ebba grunting)

Silence.

I'm not allowed to have pets, you know.

Rest now.

Oh, I think you clogged
it. You filthy girl.

Here we are together for eternal bliss

and let's assess the situation, shall we?

There's a wild woman wanted for
murder passed out in my bed,

and it's only a matter of
hours before she wakes up.

And then what?

Oh Ebba, can I please be more

than just a savory snack to you?

They'd have locked you
up with the rest of them

in a nuthouse

and thrown away the key,

lobotomies on the reg

with the same simple food.

From now on, it's TCBY treats.

Oh, she's dreaming.

With your flick of the wrist.

Or shall I say paw.

I don't know if I wanna give
you a sippy cup or spoon you.

The pain and suffering is over now.

No more scratching at your
fleas or chasing your tail.

I'm going to give you a makeover.

I have a giant Walmart bag
filled with false lashes

that are gonna be glued on you and I.

First thing tomorrow.

Sleep now.

Mother, see if you can get in touch

with that talk show host.

I'm sure Maury will come
out of retirement for this.

Just try. Okay.

I gotta go. My publisher is calling.

(Ebba grunting)

Ebba.

It was only a dream.

(engine chugging)

- Hi. Yeah.

I'm gonna need a jump or possibly a tow.

I'm not sure, it won't start.

Let me see.

Radio works. Let me check the headlights.

Oh my God. There she is.

It's that girl. Oh my God.

She took my finger. Please
just send help quick.

No, no, please stop.

Please. You're beautiful.

I see a light in your eyes. Please don't.

(dramatic music)

(victim screaming)

- I made a pinky promise
with myself eight years ago

that I wouldn't stop searching for you.

And today is your birthday.

And to celebrate,

I'm gonna bring you
some raw chicken, baby.

(serene music)

- Quick. Take cover.

- Yo, yo. What?

- There's a teenage savage
beast lurking around here.

She's territorial. You shouldn't be here.

- I don't wanna be in your vlog.

- I'm not a vlogger.

- So what are you? Some
type of wedding DJ?

- I happen to be a highly
decorated big game hunter

of the modern era.

- So why are you dressed like that?

- It's called swagger.

You should try it sometime.

Well, sack's a sack.

(energetic music)

(dramatic music)

- What are you doing?

(Ebba grunting)

That's my tofu.

(Ebba grunting)

Fine. Just get outta here.

Enjoy my leftovers.

Bitch.

(tense music)

(victim screaming)

(dramatic music)

(dramatic music continues)

(birds cawing)

- Well, I'm very eager
to check on my traps.

But first we gotta hide
Mr. Runty with some tactics

I picked up from the military
before I was discharged

for tricking all them
bullies in the barracks

to drink Mellie Yellie
that was actually my urine.

Well, this is it.

If I don't catch you by
sundown, I risk being replaced.

Was that a lady bug?

Come back, I could use some good luck.

(energetic music)

(serene music)

Bingo.

A body found.

Looks like she's still alive.

Looking a bit ill.

My goodness. Mom's gonna be proud.

Well, time to get on with the
mouth to mouth resuscitation.

(dramatic music)

Wow. Look at the size of the thing.

Nearly five six or five seven,
if I'm lucky five, eight.

Good thing I found her when I did.

Otherwise the rattlers might've got her.

All right, love. Now my job's nearly over.

Just gonna have to inject you

with this new controversial steroid

to make my sponsors happy,

so they can study its side effects,

and then we'll be on our way.

(tense music)

There you have it, ma'ams and gents.

Nigel B. Shearing strikes again.

(energetic music)

- [Tasha] Tasha, what the hell
do you think you're doing?

Do you really think you're
able to capture a manic,

bloodthirsty wild girl?

It's suicide. You're just
going to end up a victim.

A statistic like the rest.

Click bait for those
doom scrolling fake news.

(engine revving)

- Don't worry, love,
there's an animal hospital

right around the bend.

(energetic music)

- [Tasha] Oh, Ebba. I
know you're out there.

(energetic music)

I can sense you, sister.

- Oh, no, what have we here?

Some deranged woman blocking the road.

(horn honking)

Doesn't have space to turn around.

She better not be after my prize.

(stealthy music)

- Stick 'em up.

That's right.

Yeah. Keep 'em up.

Hand over my sister, Nigel.

- Sister?

You don't look like a rollo.

- Sure she's my sister,

but that doesn't make me
automatically love her.

She's an embarrassment
to me and my family.

And now I'm gonna make her pay me back

for all the years I spent looking for her.

- Alright.

I'd rather not get mixed
up in some family affair.

So I think it's best
she'll leave with you.

- Now you see that over there?

- No, I don't see nothing.

- That's right.

Nothing but hundreds of
miles of sun scorched sand

and burned out trees from forest fires.

If you're lucky, you'll make it to Fresno

by this time next week.

Should be simple for a
survivalist like you.

Now get going.

- But I don't stand a chance.

I'll be dead by sunrise from dehydration

unless you let me grab me
Mellie Yellie real quick.

- Give me one good reason

why I shouldn't blow your
brains out right now.

- Um,

I'm Nigel B. Shearing,

the lovely dapper Trevor,

world famous worth hunter extraordinaire.

And all my many
subscribers would be pissed

if I went silent.

(gun cocking)

- And I'm gonna be filthy rich

after Ebba and I go on
every primetime talk show

in the country.

- Why not go global? Think big.

And sure you'll mention
me in those articles

and what all I did.

- Maybe if I needed a punchline.

Because you're a joke.

- I'll get it. You'll be the stars.

You'll be on all the
covers of the magazines

at the supermarket when you check out.

I could see it now.

Ebba's face on the cover
of the National Enquirer

and maybe even Time
magazine's person of the year.

All I have to say is I'm glad you found

your version of success, whatever that is.

And I just hope she's in good hands.

- Don't you move, you bastard.

(tense music)

Oh, Ebba.

Oh, you're so skinny.
You look so malnourished.

Oh, don't worry.

I'll make my world
famous Chicken fricassee

when we get home.

I just have to take care
of this Nigel freak.

(door creaking)

Ah,

- Ah. Don't do that.

- [Tasha] Oh, is this what
you need for your travels?

Oh, oh, I'm sorry.

Will this quench your thirst?

Oh wait, I just found some.

Enjoy. Thanks.

Is there a trick to starting this thing?

What's with this hunk of junk?

- [Nigel] Attaboy, Runty.

- Hey, can I get a push?

(gun blasting)

What's with this crap?

(gun blasting)

How old is this thing?

- Well, so long, Ebba.

I best get back to the great down under

where my senses tell me

there's a gopher named Jeffrey

that could be in need of a helping hand.

Help.

It's about to run dry.

I have no idea where I am.

Help. I'm a goner.

My Mellie Yellie ain't tasting right.

(eerie music)

(tense music)

- Wake up. Sniff sniff.

Time to come to.

Big sis is here.

You're beautiful.

We're going home to take
a bubble bath and scissor.

(dramatic music)

- Someone please lend me a helping hand.

I'm drying out.

It must be 30 degrees Celsius out here.

I'm shriveling up.

(tense music)

I know she tried to poison me,

but what she doesn't know is

I spent the better part of my
life building up a tolerance

to antifreeze.

(gentle music)

Cassie?

Cassie, what are you doing here?

All right.

You've come to brighten
up my day, haven't you?

Wow. Perfect timing.

Fresh ice cold Mellie Yellie,
thanks for bringing it out.

I don't care if it is
flat. I'm just about out.

Down to my last fluid ounce.

Oh, please, Cassie, why
don't you come on over here

and pour it in my mouth.

Please.

(tense music)

Well, I think I've found my tomb,

my final resting place

and I'm in luck for I have one last meal.

I love a bit of crunch in my lunch.

(crunching) Meaty little guys.

Oh, the taste is bad.

So I'd just like to say
it's been a privilege

and to all the furry
little rascals out there,

I'm sorry that I didn't get
the chance to rescue you

and give you a decent home.

I wish you the best.

I'm Nigel B. Shearing, soaring out.

If only I could serenade
you all with my didgeridoo.

(Nigel imitating didgeridoo)

(eerie music)

(eerie music continues)

(eerie music continues)

Just pet me mullet, will you?

- Oh, I'll pet your mullet.