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1
00:00:05,450 --> 00:00:08,568
I'm not a punter. Never have been,
never will be. I look round Broughty
Ferry and I see the punters,
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00:00:12,324 --> 00:00:15,443
and I think, "Well...
"Good luck to you, lads.
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00:00:15,976 --> 00:00:19,615
"But you're not my gang."
I'm not one for name-dropping,
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00:00:19,682 --> 00:00:23,963
but I look at your Obamas and your
Gandhis and your Burt Reynolds,
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00:00:24,001 --> 00:00:27,479
and I think, "That's my mob.
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"That's my mob right there."
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Because being a man isn't about
having a nice extension
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or snazzy clothes or being able
to send a message with your eyes.
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Don't get me wrong,
these things help.
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00:00:41,439 --> 00:00:45,520
But it is also important
to know your way around an anecdote
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and have a decent walk.
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Well, I've got those arrows
in my knapsack,
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00:00:50,801 --> 00:00:55,680
and now, with this by-election,
I've got the chance to use them.
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This is my Ben Nevis,
or my Everest,
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00:01:02,040 --> 00:01:03,638
or that mountain in America
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where they've carved
all the presidents' penises.
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And you know what, Frank?
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You know what?
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It's like we're on a train.
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We've got the sun on our faces
and a clear track ahead.
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I'm the driver,
you're the chief engineer.
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And if I may, can I ask you
to start shovelling the coal?
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Yes.
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What I'm saying to you, Frank, is...
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And I think it's all been
relatively clear,
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that it's time to start the engines.
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Full steam ahead!
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Subtitles by MemoryOnSmells
http://UKsubtitles.ru.
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Hey, Georgie!
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Campaign launch day.
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Pick up posters,
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meet young voters,
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and go on Broughty FM.
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00:02:14,469 --> 00:02:16,947
What about Edwards?
Well, he's not here for a week.
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Oh, well, that's a mistake.
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You should always be at
the party first.
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Early if possible.
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Oh, no, no, no.
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Frank, not early, no.
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That's a cry for help.
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So...
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The young voters, they're vital.
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We get the message to a few of them,
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they phone the Internet,
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tell their pals,
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and the word starts spreading.
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Like, er...
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Like, er... Birds?
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Waves.
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00:02:41,576 --> 00:02:44,855
I tell you what,
let's give them a wee laugh.
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Bring that hat.
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The one you got in Magaluf.
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Oh no! Well...
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I'm not sure about that. Oh no, no!
They'll love it, they'll love it.
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Well, come on.
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Let's see the posters.
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00:02:55,975 --> 00:02:59,254
Yes, we'd better get them down
to the High Street ASAP.
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Just to remind the people that I...
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Sweet Jesus!
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No?
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Why are you doing this to me?
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Well...
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Well, that's...
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You know, that...
That's what you said you wanted.
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I wanted the posters
to send that message.
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00:03:20,256 --> 00:03:21,975
Well, you're...
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00:03:21,976 --> 00:03:24,976
You're not going to send it
much better than that. I mean...
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00:03:24,977 --> 00:03:26,935
I mean, this...
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This sends it.
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00:03:28,216 --> 00:03:30,136
Exactly.
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00:03:31,136 --> 00:03:32,536
Mmmm...
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Where's the taxi?
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Any minute.
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00:03:39,296 --> 00:03:41,894
Did you tell them
a woman's about to have a baby?
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00:03:41,895 --> 00:03:45,414
No. Always tell them a woman's
about to have a baby.
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00:03:45,415 --> 00:03:46,696
They come straight away.
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Oh, here it is!
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Give me a break.
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00:03:52,095 --> 00:03:54,816
This isn't exactly Air Force One,
is it?
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Er...
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A woman's just had a baby.
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'OK, Sadie.
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00:04:07,096 --> 00:04:08,896
'Ready for your last question?
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00:04:08,897 --> 00:04:13,296
'Yeah!' 'If I was standing
under the Arc de Triomphe...
85
00:04:14,296 --> 00:04:15,615
'Where would I be?'
86
00:04:15,616 --> 00:04:17,735
Tour de France. 'Paris?'
87
00:04:17,736 --> 00:04:20,615
'Correct!' 'Ah, no way!'
88
00:04:20,616 --> 00:04:22,854
'Correct, Sadie!'
'Thank you so much!'
89
00:04:22,855 --> 00:04:25,894
'No problem at all, Sadie. Time
for a blast of something soothing,
90
00:04:25,895 --> 00:04:28,336
'and then I'll be talking to a man
who wants your vote.'
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00:04:28,337 --> 00:04:29,376
Showtime.
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00:04:30,536 --> 00:04:32,416
We're ready for you now, Mr Servant.
93
00:04:34,016 --> 00:04:36,094
Are you now? 'And now, the weather.'
94
00:04:36,095 --> 00:04:38,574
'A cold front is moving in
from the east,
95
00:04:38,575 --> 00:04:41,214
'but most of the day will be sunny
with occasional showers.
96
00:04:41,215 --> 00:04:43,894
'And now back to Anders
in the Afternoon.'
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00:04:43,895 --> 00:04:45,216
How you doing, Anders?
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00:04:45,217 --> 00:04:46,695
Ladies and gentlemen,
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00:04:46,696 --> 00:04:49,536
something strange is happening
at the moment in Broughty Ferry.
100
00:04:49,537 --> 00:04:52,335
Leaflets, adverts, posters...
101
00:04:52,336 --> 00:04:55,294
It can only mean one thing -
yes, it's election time.
102
00:04:55,295 --> 00:04:56,536
But not just any election -
103
00:04:56,537 --> 00:04:59,535
it's Broughty Ferry's very own
by-election,
104
00:04:59,536 --> 00:05:03,096
so over the next five weeks we'll
be meeting all the candidates
105
00:05:03,097 --> 00:05:05,375
here on Anders in the Afternoon.
106
00:05:05,376 --> 00:05:08,414
But first up, I'd like to introduce
someone who's...
107
00:05:08,415 --> 00:05:10,376
a little bit different.
Thank you, Anders.
108
00:05:10,377 --> 00:05:12,535
Because he's not a politician,
109
00:05:12,536 --> 00:05:16,576
and he's not flown up from the ivory
towers of Westminster.
110
00:05:16,577 --> 00:05:19,255
It is in fact local businessman,
111
00:05:19,256 --> 00:05:21,055
Bob Servant.
112
00:05:21,056 --> 00:05:23,295
Hello, Anders.
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Big fan of the show.
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Oh, buttering me up already, eh?
115
00:05:26,217 --> 00:05:27,455
No, no, I'm not.
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That was just a joke.
117
00:05:28,617 --> 00:05:31,655
Politics is not a joking matter,
Anders.
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It's people's lives.
119
00:05:32,897 --> 00:05:33,935
OK. So...
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00:05:33,936 --> 00:05:36,414
When a lot of people will hear
the name Bob Servant,
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00:05:36,415 --> 00:05:38,974
they'll think of Broughty Ferry's
own Cheeseburger Wars,
122
00:05:38,975 --> 00:05:42,414
which, I think it's fair to say,
Bob, you did rather well out of.
123
00:05:42,415 --> 00:05:44,534
Well, you know, Anders,
what I like to say is,
124
00:05:44,535 --> 00:05:46,896
don't call it the Cheeseburger Wars.
125
00:05:46,897 --> 00:05:49,376
Call it the Cheeseburger Massacre.
126
00:05:57,096 --> 00:05:59,176
You can't just nod, mate,
it's the radio.
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00:05:59,177 --> 00:06:01,335
OK, so, Bob...
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00:06:01,336 --> 00:06:04,216
You're asking us to vote for you
in this by-election.
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00:06:04,217 --> 00:06:05,255
Why?
130
00:06:05,256 --> 00:06:08,254
I'm what is known as an
independent candidate, Anders,
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which means I don't support
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00:06:09,655 --> 00:06:12,254
what are known as the traditional
political parties.
133
00:06:12,255 --> 00:06:14,014
I'm familiar with the concept.
134
00:06:14,015 --> 00:06:17,094
And having an independent candidate
has never been done in an election.
135
00:06:17,095 --> 00:06:18,896
I'm pretty sure it has, Bob.
136
00:06:18,897 --> 00:06:20,816
Well, only in films.
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00:06:23,736 --> 00:06:24,775
Er...
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00:06:24,776 --> 00:06:27,094
Broughty Ferry's been good to me,
Anders,
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00:06:27,095 --> 00:06:30,054
and it's time for me
to be good to Broughty Ferry.
140
00:06:30,055 --> 00:06:32,694
Well, you're certainly
going to spice things up
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00:06:32,695 --> 00:06:35,694
in this by-election, Bob,
I am pretty certain of that.
142
00:06:35,695 --> 00:06:38,656
So what say we hit the phones
and meet the voters?
143
00:06:38,657 --> 00:06:41,855
Absolutely,
and don't screen the calls.
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00:06:41,856 --> 00:06:44,335
Throw me some grenades! Ha ha, OK.
145
00:06:44,336 --> 00:06:47,654
Fighting talk there from
independent candidate Bob Servant.
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00:06:47,655 --> 00:06:50,454
And I'm sure you're going to be
facing tough questions today
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00:06:50,455 --> 00:06:54,216
on the budget deficit, immigration,
and, of course, the NHS.
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00:06:55,616 --> 00:06:57,415
Oh.
149
00:06:57,416 --> 00:06:59,174
I thought it'd about local stuff.
150
00:06:59,175 --> 00:07:01,576
Well, everything's local
in politics, isn't it?
151
00:07:01,577 --> 00:07:02,615
Is it?
152
00:07:02,616 --> 00:07:07,095
OK, so first up, we have
Carol from Maryfield Road. Carol.
153
00:07:07,096 --> 00:07:09,054
'I'd like to know
what the candidate would do
154
00:07:09,055 --> 00:07:11,416
'to help bring down
the national debt.'
155
00:07:11,417 --> 00:07:12,495
Good question.
156
00:07:12,496 --> 00:07:15,336
The national debt,
which was, at the last count...?
157
00:07:19,056 --> 00:07:21,296
'It's over a trillion pounds,
Anders.'
158
00:07:21,297 --> 00:07:22,335
Correct.
159
00:07:22,336 --> 00:07:25,095
So, Mr Servant, one trillion pounds,
160
00:07:25,096 --> 00:07:27,256
what are you going to do
to sort that out?
161
00:07:27,257 --> 00:07:29,375
Well, I think...
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we should all just tighten our belts
a little bit.
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That's... your entire policy?
164
00:07:35,576 --> 00:07:36,854
No, I've not finished.
165
00:07:36,855 --> 00:07:40,054
I'm not one of those guys, and
there's plenty of them out there,
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00:07:40,055 --> 00:07:41,374
who are down on the binmen.
167
00:07:41,375 --> 00:07:43,534
I mean, granted, they do make
a lot of noise,
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00:07:43,535 --> 00:07:46,294
but you cannae drive a lorry
and empty bins and not make noise.
169
00:07:46,295 --> 00:07:48,374
I mean, it's like asking
a rock and roll drummer
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00:07:48,375 --> 00:07:50,694
to go out there, do rock and roll,
and not make a noise.
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00:07:50,695 --> 00:07:52,336
It's ridiculous. Next call.
172
00:07:53,376 --> 00:07:56,174
OK, we've got Stewart
from West Ferry. Stewart?
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'Hi, I called last week about the
dog mess in Dawson Park.'
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00:07:58,657 --> 00:08:00,375
Carry on, Stewart!
175
00:08:00,376 --> 00:08:02,854
Poo. Dawson Park.
'Well, I live next to Dawson Park,
176
00:08:02,855 --> 00:08:05,416
'and I can't even take my kids there
because of the dog mess.
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00:08:05,417 --> 00:08:07,695
'It's disgusting.' Stewart...
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00:08:07,696 --> 00:08:09,496
I'm an independent candidate,
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00:08:09,497 --> 00:08:11,575
I make independent decisions,
180
00:08:11,576 --> 00:08:14,256
so here's one I think
you're going to like.
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00:08:15,936 --> 00:08:18,615
No more dogs in Dawson Park.
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00:08:18,616 --> 00:08:19,694
There you go, done.
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00:08:19,695 --> 00:08:22,974
'What, really?' Er, that would be
a council decision, surely? Oh...
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00:08:22,975 --> 00:08:26,014
Don't worry about the council,
I'm primae noctis on this one.
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00:08:26,015 --> 00:08:29,734
If I win the by-election, all dogs
will be banned from Dawson Park.
186
00:08:29,735 --> 00:08:32,414
Bob, I really don't think this is...
So, Stewart,
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00:08:32,415 --> 00:08:36,174
You and the little ones can
roll around in the grass once again
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without the least concern.
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00:08:37,657 --> 00:08:39,295
And, and...
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00:08:39,296 --> 00:08:42,814
If you'll have me, I'll be rolling
along right beside you.
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00:08:42,815 --> 00:08:44,896
'That's fantastic!
So that's definite?'
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00:08:44,897 --> 00:08:48,255
Signed, sealed, delivered. Ah!
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Well... Eh, Frank?!
194
00:08:49,936 --> 00:08:53,296
It's explosive stuff here on
Anders in the Afternoon.
195
00:08:53,297 --> 00:08:57,175
Um... Next up, we've got Joan
from Barnhill. Joan.
196
00:08:57,176 --> 00:09:00,814
'I don't know if this is
something your guest can help with,
197
00:09:00,815 --> 00:09:03,334
'but I got a very unfair
parking ticket.'
198
00:09:03,335 --> 00:09:06,576
Joan, Joan... Parking tickets isn't
the kind of thing... Whoa-oh.
199
00:09:11,056 --> 00:09:12,414
Let's hear it, Joan.
200
00:09:12,415 --> 00:09:15,014
'I came out of the dry cleaners
down at Brook Street.'
201
00:09:15,015 --> 00:09:16,054
Oh, I know the one.
202
00:09:16,055 --> 00:09:18,054
'And there was a traffic warden
at my car.'
203
00:09:18,055 --> 00:09:19,454
Looking pleased with himself?
204
00:09:19,455 --> 00:09:21,294
'He was looking pleased
with himself.'
205
00:09:21,295 --> 00:09:22,694
Ah, surprise, surprise.
206
00:09:22,695 --> 00:09:25,616
'He'd given me a ticket,
but I was only three hours over.'
207
00:09:25,617 --> 00:09:26,655
Three hours?
208
00:09:26,656 --> 00:09:30,694
That's nit-picking, Joan, and I
won't have it. Not on my watch.
209
00:09:30,695 --> 00:09:34,494
Hang on the line, hen, my campaign
manager will be with you directly.
210
00:09:34,495 --> 00:09:37,214
And we could probably throw in
a disabled parking badge as well.
211
00:09:37,215 --> 00:09:39,134
There's a guy in Whitfield
has a printer...
212
00:09:39,135 --> 00:09:40,736
I think at this stage I should say
213
00:09:40,737 --> 00:09:43,535
that Broughty FM
takes no responsibility
214
00:09:43,536 --> 00:09:45,414
for any advice given out by guests.
215
00:09:45,415 --> 00:09:48,374
Next up, we've got Cathy from
Fairfield Road. Cathy.
216
00:09:48,375 --> 00:09:51,174
'How on earth can you ban
dogs from Dawson Park?
217
00:09:51,175 --> 00:09:52,774
'I walk mine there every day.
218
00:09:52,775 --> 00:09:55,734
'I clear up after him along with
the vast majority of dog owners,
219
00:09:55,735 --> 00:09:57,414
'so why the hell
should we get banned
220
00:09:57,415 --> 00:09:59,016
because of the actions of others?'
221
00:10:01,296 --> 00:10:03,056
Do you want to take this one?
222
00:10:03,057 --> 00:10:04,096
It's all yours.
223
00:10:06,176 --> 00:10:08,095
Er...
224
00:10:08,096 --> 00:10:09,135
Cathy...
225
00:10:09,136 --> 00:10:12,254
What would it take for you to
walk your dog somewhere else?
226
00:10:12,255 --> 00:10:14,654
'Why should I?! I'd have to
drive...' A number, a number.
227
00:10:14,655 --> 00:10:16,816
Cathy, Cathy, Cathy,
I'm looking for a number.
228
00:10:16,817 --> 00:10:18,935
'What, you mean... money?' Yep.
229
00:10:18,936 --> 00:10:22,335
'But how...?' Five grand?
230
00:10:22,336 --> 00:10:24,535
'£5,000?' Five large ones.
231
00:10:24,536 --> 00:10:27,136
'Well... that, er... Yes,
I could probably...' Deal!
232
00:10:27,137 --> 00:10:32,055
And that would apply to every
dog walker in Dawson Park?
233
00:10:32,056 --> 00:10:35,575
Absolutely, a one time payment
of £5,000. Cash.
234
00:10:35,576 --> 00:10:36,615
Next!
235
00:10:36,616 --> 00:10:39,294
Er, next up, we've got
Alan from Lochee. Alan.
236
00:10:39,295 --> 00:10:42,494
'Hi, I just heard the woman
with the parking ticket.
237
00:10:42,495 --> 00:10:45,174
'I received this speeding fine
the other day...'
238
00:10:45,175 --> 00:10:46,536
Did you hit anything, Alan?
239
00:10:46,537 --> 00:10:48,815
'Er... Well, not really.'
240
00:10:48,816 --> 00:10:49,855
Alan...
241
00:10:49,856 --> 00:10:51,095
'Yes?'
242
00:10:51,096 --> 00:10:52,935
Rip it up.
243
00:10:52,936 --> 00:10:54,575
'Pardon?' Rip it up!
244
00:10:54,576 --> 00:10:57,336
'But... It says,
"Possible imprisonment."'
245
00:10:57,337 --> 00:11:00,855
What you got? Tom from Monifieth.
246
00:11:00,856 --> 00:11:02,894
'I own a dog,
I walk it in Dawson Park,
247
00:11:02,895 --> 00:11:05,014
'and whether or not this moron
wins the election,
248
00:11:05,015 --> 00:11:08,174
'I will be walking it in Dawson Park
in five weeks' time.'
249
00:11:08,175 --> 00:11:09,536
Oh, you will, will you?!
250
00:11:09,537 --> 00:11:10,735
Absolutely.
251
00:11:10,736 --> 00:11:12,094
Well, you'll regret it.
252
00:11:12,095 --> 00:11:14,416
Or more accurately,
your dog'll regret it.
253
00:11:14,417 --> 00:11:16,095
'What do you mean?'
254
00:11:16,096 --> 00:11:18,015
I'll shoot it.
255
00:11:18,016 --> 00:11:19,775
'You'll shoot my dog?'
256
00:11:19,776 --> 00:11:22,494
Bang, bang. OK, going to have
to stop it there, guys.
257
00:11:22,495 --> 00:11:25,096
Ho ho! Thanks for all your calls
folks, time for some music.
258
00:11:34,056 --> 00:11:36,815
Well done, Bob.
259
00:11:36,816 --> 00:11:38,695
Cheers, Frank, cheers.
260
00:11:38,696 --> 00:11:39,816
It was a team effort.
261
00:11:41,136 --> 00:11:42,176
To a degree.
262
00:11:44,896 --> 00:11:47,095
What a start.
263
00:11:47,096 --> 00:11:48,495
So...
264
00:11:48,496 --> 00:11:51,616
You don't know anything about
fraudulent disabled parking badges?
265
00:11:51,617 --> 00:11:52,696
Nope.
266
00:11:54,016 --> 00:11:56,175
When you said...
267
00:11:56,176 --> 00:11:58,856
"There's a guy in Whitfield
with a printer"...?
268
00:11:58,857 --> 00:12:00,135
Ahhh...
269
00:12:00,136 --> 00:12:01,656
I was getting confused.
270
00:12:01,657 --> 00:12:02,855
With what? Er...
271
00:12:02,856 --> 00:12:04,976
With something I saw on Watchdog.
272
00:12:04,977 --> 00:12:06,895
Nothing there. I told you.
273
00:12:06,896 --> 00:12:08,056
You don't own a gun?
274
00:12:08,057 --> 00:12:09,575
Course not.
275
00:12:09,576 --> 00:12:13,975
So when you said you would
shoot local domestic pets...?
276
00:12:13,976 --> 00:12:15,136
That was a metaphor.
277
00:12:15,137 --> 00:12:16,975
A metaphor?
278
00:12:16,976 --> 00:12:18,016
For what?
279
00:12:19,336 --> 00:12:20,415
Life.
280
00:12:20,416 --> 00:12:21,815
Mr Servant...
281
00:12:21,816 --> 00:12:24,455
We don't like receiving calls
282
00:12:24,456 --> 00:12:28,374
to say someone is declaring
criminal acts on local radio.
283
00:12:28,375 --> 00:12:30,134
Is that clear?
Fair enough, fair enough.
284
00:12:30,135 --> 00:12:32,414
Chase the real criminals
sort of thing, right, yeah.
285
00:12:32,415 --> 00:12:33,776
Good, yeah, good, got that.
286
00:12:33,777 --> 00:12:35,015
Yeah.
287
00:12:35,016 --> 00:12:36,136
Today's a warning.
288
00:12:37,176 --> 00:12:40,896
But we'll be watching your campaign
with interest.
289
00:12:44,456 --> 00:12:45,616
And so will we.
290
00:12:46,656 --> 00:12:47,935
OK, boys?
291
00:12:47,936 --> 00:12:48,976
Break a leg.
292
00:12:52,376 --> 00:12:53,894
You see what's happening, Frank?
293
00:12:53,895 --> 00:12:56,814
The powers that be don't want
an independent candidate.
294
00:12:56,815 --> 00:12:59,734
It upsets the apple cart. They're
just trying to Birmingham Six you.
295
00:12:59,735 --> 00:13:01,496
And they couldn't even
bring themselves
296
00:13:01,497 --> 00:13:04,135
to say something
about the extension.
297
00:13:04,136 --> 00:13:05,896
Pathetic.
298
00:13:07,416 --> 00:13:11,176
So how do you become
a campaign manager?
299
00:13:12,936 --> 00:13:16,655
Well, I was 30 years in Bob's
cheeseburger vans.
300
00:13:16,656 --> 00:13:17,895
I see.
301
00:13:17,896 --> 00:13:19,696
Director of sauces.
302
00:13:22,616 --> 00:13:24,175
Mustards...
303
00:13:24,176 --> 00:13:25,736
Ketchup...
304
00:13:27,456 --> 00:13:28,815
Brown.
305
00:13:28,816 --> 00:13:29,855
I mean, I...
306
00:13:29,856 --> 00:13:31,055
That's...
307
00:13:31,056 --> 00:13:32,934
That's just how I got into it, I...
308
00:13:32,935 --> 00:13:35,176
I don't know if that's
the usual route, you know?
309
00:13:36,416 --> 00:13:38,376
Those toilets are tiny.
310
00:13:39,816 --> 00:13:42,176
How many students
will I be talking to?
311
00:13:42,177 --> 00:13:43,215
10.
312
00:13:43,216 --> 00:13:45,816
Oh, depends what time the party
finished last night, eh?
313
00:13:45,817 --> 00:13:48,015
Erm...
314
00:13:48,016 --> 00:13:50,336
Give us the hat. Bob, I don't...
Give us the hat!
315
00:13:54,496 --> 00:13:56,056
This will take the roof off.
316
00:14:00,456 --> 00:14:01,696
Calm down, children!
317
00:14:05,176 --> 00:14:07,135
What's this?
318
00:14:07,136 --> 00:14:09,894
I tried to tell you.
I wanted young voters, Frank.
319
00:14:09,895 --> 00:14:11,536
Not the fuckin' Secret Seven.
320
00:14:11,537 --> 00:14:12,576
Mr Servant...
321
00:14:18,256 --> 00:14:19,535
Hello, children.
322
00:14:19,536 --> 00:14:21,176
Hello!
323
00:14:22,536 --> 00:14:24,535
Do you like children?
324
00:14:24,536 --> 00:14:26,214
Absolutely, I'm a family man.
325
00:14:26,215 --> 00:14:27,496
How many kids do you have?
326
00:14:27,497 --> 00:14:28,535
None.
327
00:14:28,536 --> 00:14:29,816
But I like families.
328
00:14:29,817 --> 00:14:31,495
Boys and girls...
329
00:14:31,496 --> 00:14:34,295
Now here's what I want youse to do.
330
00:14:34,296 --> 00:14:39,216
I want youse to go home tonight
and send a message to your parents.
331
00:14:40,696 --> 00:14:43,335
- You all know your parents?
- Yes.
332
00:14:43,336 --> 00:14:46,175
Could be orphans.
Well, they could be.
333
00:14:46,176 --> 00:14:48,135
Guys, any orphans?
334
00:14:48,136 --> 00:14:50,095
What's an orphan?
335
00:14:50,096 --> 00:14:53,495
No-one here is an orphan.
Mr Servant, please!
336
00:14:53,496 --> 00:14:58,135
All I'm saying is, tell your
parents, or your Mother Superior,
337
00:14:58,136 --> 00:15:00,256
or whoever it is
that looks after you,
338
00:15:00,257 --> 00:15:02,255
to vote for Bob Servant.
339
00:15:02,256 --> 00:15:03,295
Mr Servant,
340
00:15:03,296 --> 00:15:06,214
I was hoping you could explain to
the children about the by-election
341
00:15:06,215 --> 00:15:08,936
and how you came to stand in it.
Yes, yes, yes, yes, I will, I will!
342
00:15:08,937 --> 00:15:11,415
I'm just warming them up.
343
00:15:11,416 --> 00:15:13,655
Boys and girls...
344
00:15:13,656 --> 00:15:15,895
I was standing in my extension.
345
00:15:15,896 --> 00:15:17,376
I was listening to the radio.
346
00:15:17,377 --> 00:15:23,416
And they said that
Broughty Ferry's MP had...
347
00:15:25,696 --> 00:15:28,495
Died. No...
348
00:15:28,496 --> 00:15:31,295
He wasn't dead. Oh, yes!
349
00:15:31,296 --> 00:15:33,776
He was decapitated in a car crash
on the A90.
350
00:15:33,777 --> 00:15:36,495
He wasn't dead.
351
00:15:36,496 --> 00:15:37,536
He just...
352
00:15:38,936 --> 00:15:41,255
Can't do his job any more.
353
00:15:41,256 --> 00:15:43,296
Because his legs fell off.
354
00:15:44,376 --> 00:15:47,015
And his head. What? Mr Servant!
355
00:15:47,016 --> 00:15:48,254
What's wrong with you?!
356
00:15:48,255 --> 00:15:50,774
They didn't like the leg stuff
either. Mr Servant. OK, OK.
357
00:15:50,775 --> 00:15:51,976
Calm down, calm down.
358
00:15:53,176 --> 00:15:55,255
I was listening to the radio,
359
00:15:55,256 --> 00:15:58,614
and they said that Broughty Ferry's
MP had gone away,
360
00:15:58,615 --> 00:16:00,334
and there was going to be
a by-election,
361
00:16:00,335 --> 00:16:02,774
and I thought, "Well, this is a real
kick in the chestnuts
362
00:16:02,775 --> 00:16:06,014
"for the poor boy's family.
I hope they bounce back ASAP."
363
00:16:06,015 --> 00:16:10,494
And I thought, "Well, you know,
this might be a wee chance for me."
364
00:16:10,495 --> 00:16:13,334
As you all know, I am
a bit of a face locally.
365
00:16:13,335 --> 00:16:15,694
I mean, I've got a few quid,
I've got opinions,
366
00:16:15,695 --> 00:16:17,574
and then the wheels,
you know, start...
367
00:16:17,575 --> 00:16:18,976
Children, a by-election is...
368
00:16:18,977 --> 00:16:23,095
A by-election is where
the Prime Minister
369
00:16:23,096 --> 00:16:27,216
asks the people of Broughty Ferry
who their favourite person is.
370
00:16:27,217 --> 00:16:29,295
Well... One man, one vote.
371
00:16:29,296 --> 00:16:30,535
One PERSON.
372
00:16:30,536 --> 00:16:33,176
Democracy, just like
every country in the world.
373
00:16:33,177 --> 00:16:34,415
Not every country.
374
00:16:34,416 --> 00:16:37,815
So, I want all of youse
to go home tonight,
375
00:16:37,816 --> 00:16:41,494
to go out there and spread the word,
put the pressure on.
376
00:16:41,495 --> 00:16:45,534
Tell your parents, vote Bob Servant
or you'll run away from home.
377
00:16:45,535 --> 00:16:48,376
Make it personal. OK, Mr Servant,
thanks for coming in.
378
00:16:48,377 --> 00:16:50,215
Right, boys and girls.
379
00:16:50,216 --> 00:16:52,496
After three, "Vote for Bob Servant."
380
00:16:52,497 --> 00:16:54,856
One, two, three...!
381
00:16:58,496 --> 00:17:01,654
Well done, Frank, that was
a complete Hiroshima.
382
00:17:01,655 --> 00:17:03,496
That was just a warm-up, Bob.
383
00:17:05,856 --> 00:17:08,375
Why have we got this guy again?
384
00:17:08,376 --> 00:17:10,255
Well...
385
00:17:10,256 --> 00:17:11,656
I've paid him for the day.
386
00:17:12,696 --> 00:17:14,614
Never, ever, pay them for the day.
387
00:17:14,615 --> 00:17:15,776
They get complacent.
388
00:17:17,376 --> 00:17:19,296
Same with gardeners.
389
00:17:20,976 --> 00:17:22,055
Right, Frank.
390
00:17:22,056 --> 00:17:25,494
It's time to show Broughty Ferry
what we're all about.
391
00:17:25,495 --> 00:17:27,656
We're going to hit them
with a PR blitz.
392
00:17:28,696 --> 00:17:31,015
PR? Public relations.
393
00:17:31,016 --> 00:17:34,055
Everything's PR, Frank. PR.
394
00:17:34,056 --> 00:17:37,616
Why do you think a bus driver
doesn't drink on the job any more?
395
00:17:38,696 --> 00:17:39,896
Health and safety?
396
00:17:39,897 --> 00:17:41,175
PR!
397
00:17:41,176 --> 00:17:43,536
It's about creating a public image.
398
00:17:43,537 --> 00:17:45,135
Burying the bad news.
399
00:17:45,136 --> 00:17:48,694
When Cliff Richard poisoned
that ball boy at Wimbledon,
400
00:17:48,695 --> 00:17:51,816
next day, just brought out a new pop
record and it was all forgotten.
401
00:17:51,817 --> 00:17:53,455
You see?
402
00:17:53,456 --> 00:17:54,496
Well, not really.
403
00:17:54,497 --> 00:17:58,215
Why do celebrities adopt babies?
404
00:17:58,216 --> 00:18:02,016
Or "accidentally" walk into
supermarkets without their pants on?
405
00:18:04,176 --> 00:18:05,215
PR?
406
00:18:05,216 --> 00:18:06,975
You got there, Frank.
407
00:18:06,976 --> 00:18:11,536
Now you get the posters sorted, and
I'll go and press some punter flesh.
408
00:18:11,537 --> 00:18:12,695
Hello!
409
00:18:12,696 --> 00:18:14,296
Bob Servant, independent.
410
00:18:23,936 --> 00:18:25,415
OK, lads.
411
00:18:25,416 --> 00:18:28,654
Bob Servant, independent,
standing in the by-election.
412
00:18:28,655 --> 00:18:31,334
So you're up against this guy,
then? Unbelievable.
413
00:18:31,335 --> 00:18:33,934
The boy's not even here yet
and he's throwing his money about.
414
00:18:33,935 --> 00:18:35,614
Got good posters, though.
415
00:18:35,615 --> 00:18:37,256
Mugabe's got good posters.
416
00:19:04,536 --> 00:19:05,735
Hello.
417
00:19:05,736 --> 00:19:06,895
All right?
418
00:19:06,896 --> 00:19:09,976
Bob Servant, independent,
standing in the by-election.
419
00:19:09,977 --> 00:19:11,136
OK.
420
00:19:16,336 --> 00:19:18,255
Have I got your vote?
421
00:19:18,256 --> 00:19:19,695
Well...
422
00:19:19,696 --> 00:19:21,615
I don't know.
423
00:19:21,616 --> 00:19:23,494
I just walked all the way out here.
424
00:19:23,495 --> 00:19:24,656
I've not decided yet.
425
00:19:33,856 --> 00:19:35,854
What you doing?
Waiting for you to decide.
426
00:19:35,855 --> 00:19:37,616
I'm trying to fish here! Fine.
427
00:19:38,816 --> 00:19:40,096
Put you down as a maybe.
428
00:19:42,576 --> 00:19:44,416
Hi there! Will you be voting?
429
00:19:46,896 --> 00:19:49,096
All set, lads? Off to the disco?
430
00:20:02,416 --> 00:20:05,494
Frank, you remember when I was a
member of Very Good Video?
431
00:20:05,495 --> 00:20:06,974
Oh, like it was yesterday.
432
00:20:06,975 --> 00:20:09,336
I know the rest of youse were
members of Blockbusters,
433
00:20:09,337 --> 00:20:10,535
the big boys.
434
00:20:10,536 --> 00:20:13,374
You used to slag me off
something rotten.
435
00:20:13,375 --> 00:20:15,454
Because I'd defend Very Good Video.
436
00:20:15,455 --> 00:20:17,456
I mean, I'd defend them like a...
Like a...
437
00:20:17,457 --> 00:20:19,775
A lion. A lion, aye. Like a lion.
438
00:20:19,776 --> 00:20:22,736
One day, I cancelled
my membership to Very Good Video,
439
00:20:22,737 --> 00:20:25,335
and joined Blockbusters.
And bang!
440
00:20:25,336 --> 00:20:29,016
I could see straight away that Very
Good Video were absolute shite.
441
00:20:29,017 --> 00:20:30,055
Oh, terrible.
442
00:20:30,056 --> 00:20:31,454
Well, it's like the public.
443
00:20:31,455 --> 00:20:33,934
You know, when I was a member
of the public, I used to think,
444
00:20:33,935 --> 00:20:36,894
"Well, they're not bad. You know,
they're good." I'd defend them.
445
00:20:36,895 --> 00:20:38,254
But now I'm a politician,
446
00:20:38,255 --> 00:20:41,096
I look at the public, and I see them
for the bunch of selfish...
447
00:20:41,097 --> 00:20:42,855
Oh, hello!
448
00:20:42,856 --> 00:20:45,216
Did you tell my daughter
she was an orphan?
449
00:20:45,217 --> 00:20:46,855
Frank speaking.
450
00:20:46,856 --> 00:20:49,294
On, no. No, I said she wasn't
an orphan.
451
00:20:49,295 --> 00:20:50,336
Who said she was?
452
00:20:50,337 --> 00:20:52,415
The ginger boy.
453
00:20:52,416 --> 00:20:54,736
There was a ginger boy
in your class, wasn't there?
454
00:20:54,737 --> 00:20:56,415
There you go.
455
00:20:56,416 --> 00:20:57,576
Nasty piece of work.
456
00:20:58,576 --> 00:21:00,136
Do you know where this kid lives?
457
00:21:01,936 --> 00:21:03,816
Vote for Bob Servant.
458
00:21:04,936 --> 00:21:06,975
That was the radio station.
459
00:21:06,976 --> 00:21:08,735
They want us back in!
460
00:21:08,736 --> 00:21:10,176
I'm not surprised.
461
00:21:13,696 --> 00:21:15,974
They probably want me on
as a disc jockey.
462
00:21:15,975 --> 00:21:18,334
You know, shoot from the hip,
that kind of thing.
463
00:21:18,335 --> 00:21:20,336
I would say it's good
for a campaign.
464
00:21:20,337 --> 00:21:23,376
Well, we'll see
what they're offering.
465
00:21:25,896 --> 00:21:27,655
Go and get him, then!
466
00:21:27,656 --> 00:21:29,415
Bring him out!
467
00:21:29,416 --> 00:21:30,735
Boo boys!
468
00:21:30,736 --> 00:21:33,135
Are you going to shoot my dog?
469
00:21:33,136 --> 00:21:35,616
You! Round the back! Now!
470
00:21:44,776 --> 00:21:46,335
Who? Who? Who?
471
00:21:46,336 --> 00:21:50,575
Now, ladies and gentlemen,
before I wrap up this evening,
472
00:21:50,576 --> 00:21:52,816
I think it's fair to say
that this afternoon's show
473
00:21:52,817 --> 00:21:55,215
stirred up a bit of a hornet's nest
474
00:21:55,216 --> 00:21:58,934
after comments from by-election
candidate Bob Servant.
475
00:21:58,935 --> 00:22:01,414
But we made a quick call,
and I'm very pleased to say
476
00:22:01,415 --> 00:22:04,416
that we've actually got the man
in question back in the studio.
477
00:22:04,417 --> 00:22:08,455
So, um...
Bob, thanks for coming back in.
478
00:22:08,456 --> 00:22:10,974
Well, as it happens,
I was just passing by.
479
00:22:10,975 --> 00:22:13,054
You must have had
a bit of a strange day.
480
00:22:13,055 --> 00:22:15,414
I've had stranger.
Well, I'm not sure we have,
481
00:22:15,415 --> 00:22:19,374
after hundreds of complaints
and people protesting outside,
482
00:22:19,375 --> 00:22:22,854
so I think I'd like to start
by clarifying an important point.
483
00:22:22,855 --> 00:22:25,374
On behalf of everyone here
at Broughty FM,
484
00:22:25,375 --> 00:22:28,776
we'd like to reassure the dog owners
of Broughty Ferry
485
00:22:28,777 --> 00:22:32,135
that no dogs will be executed
486
00:22:32,136 --> 00:22:34,254
no matter who wins the forthcoming
by-election.
487
00:22:34,255 --> 00:22:36,576
Bob, I'm sure you'd like
to back me up on that.
488
00:22:36,577 --> 00:22:38,055
Anders...
489
00:22:38,056 --> 00:22:39,094
I just want to say
490
00:22:39,095 --> 00:22:42,256
on behalf of Bob Servant independent
campaign team...
491
00:22:43,576 --> 00:22:44,895
Well done.
492
00:22:44,896 --> 00:22:46,855
And thank you for that.
493
00:22:46,856 --> 00:22:51,776
I mean, there's no doubt in my mind
that you chose, for whatever reason,
494
00:22:51,777 --> 00:22:56,615
to sensationalise the comments
I made earlier today about dogs.
495
00:22:56,616 --> 00:22:58,094
And clearly, clearly...
496
00:22:58,095 --> 00:23:00,854
There's been a wee bit
of Chinese whispers since then.
497
00:23:00,855 --> 00:23:04,136
But would just like to say
to the people of Broughty Ferry:
498
00:23:05,776 --> 00:23:07,535
People of Broughty Ferry,
499
00:23:07,536 --> 00:23:12,615
If I am elected your MP,
and I suspect anyone,
500
00:23:12,616 --> 00:23:16,455
anyone, of even considering
harming a dog,
501
00:23:16,456 --> 00:23:19,254
then that person will be arrested
on the spot.
502
00:23:19,255 --> 00:23:21,614
All right, come on, Bob,
that is rid... Furthermore,
503
00:23:21,615 --> 00:23:24,016
I had a meeting
with the police earlier today
504
00:23:24,017 --> 00:23:29,855
on this very subject, and we found
ourselves in broad agreement.
505
00:23:29,856 --> 00:23:34,735
Broughty Ferry's dogs can sleep
soundly in their cages tonight.
506
00:23:34,736 --> 00:23:36,294
Right, I'm sorry, Bob, erm...
507
00:23:36,295 --> 00:23:37,894
Forgive my confusion on this matter,
508
00:23:37,895 --> 00:23:39,814
but was it not actually you
who suggested...
509
00:23:39,815 --> 00:23:42,374
Anders, when you're in the middle
of a political campaign,
510
00:23:42,375 --> 00:23:44,134
you do what is called
testing the waters.
511
00:23:44,135 --> 00:23:47,656
I mean, you come up with a policy
and you see how the public react.
512
00:23:47,657 --> 00:23:49,575
I mean, look at the...
513
00:23:49,576 --> 00:23:51,694
Look at the poll tax
or the Iraq War.
514
00:23:51,695 --> 00:23:54,414
I mean, that's what the government
did, they tested the waters,
515
00:23:54,415 --> 00:23:56,294
the public said no and the
government said,
516
00:23:56,295 --> 00:23:58,294
"Fine, forget it,
we were only joking anyway."
517
00:23:58,295 --> 00:24:00,934
I mean, that's politics, Anders,
that's the name of the game.
518
00:24:00,935 --> 00:24:02,094
Now, whatever the game is,
519
00:24:02,095 --> 00:24:04,616
I don't think you'll be getting
many votes from dog owners.
520
00:24:04,617 --> 00:24:06,255
Well, that's ridiculous.
521
00:24:06,256 --> 00:24:08,015
Absolutely ridiculous.
522
00:24:08,016 --> 00:24:09,855
Considering...
523
00:24:09,856 --> 00:24:11,334
I'm a dog owner myself.
524
00:24:11,335 --> 00:24:12,656
Oh, really? What's it called?
525
00:24:12,657 --> 00:24:13,695
Dancer.
526
00:24:13,696 --> 00:24:14,974
Dancer? Well, um...
527
00:24:14,975 --> 00:24:17,934
Maybe tomorrow you could take Dancer
out when you're campaigning
528
00:24:17,935 --> 00:24:20,056
in Broughty Ferry,
that'd be a really nice touch.
529
00:24:20,057 --> 00:24:22,415
Well, I wish I could, Anders.
530
00:24:22,416 --> 00:24:24,935
I wish I could, but, er...
531
00:24:24,936 --> 00:24:27,815
Unfortunately, er...
532
00:24:27,816 --> 00:24:28,854
Dancer ran away.
533
00:24:28,855 --> 00:24:31,174
Ran away? When? Yesterday.
Ah, yesterday.
534
00:24:31,175 --> 00:24:34,014
Well... Why don't we see if we can't
get him back for you?
535
00:24:34,015 --> 00:24:35,896
Perhaps you'd like to put out
an appeal
536
00:24:35,897 --> 00:24:39,175
right now live on Broughty FM?
537
00:24:39,176 --> 00:24:40,296
All right.
538
00:24:41,456 --> 00:24:42,496
Er, well...
539
00:24:49,056 --> 00:24:50,175
I...
540
00:24:50,176 --> 00:24:52,015
Dancer...
541
00:24:52,016 --> 00:24:54,975
I'd just like to say
all is forgiven.
542
00:24:54,976 --> 00:24:56,016
Come home.
543
00:24:58,336 --> 00:25:00,135
Daddy misses you.
544
00:25:00,136 --> 00:25:04,175
And do you have a description
of Dancer?
545
00:25:04,176 --> 00:25:05,456
Oh, he just loves life.
546
00:25:05,457 --> 00:25:06,495
Loves it.
547
00:25:06,496 --> 00:25:08,094
Barking and running about.
548
00:25:08,095 --> 00:25:11,016
In fact, clearly he likes
running about a bit too much,
549
00:25:11,017 --> 00:25:13,095
seeing as he's run away.
550
00:25:13,096 --> 00:25:15,616
I was thinking more of a
physical description.
551
00:25:15,617 --> 00:25:17,095
Aye. Well, um...
552
00:25:17,096 --> 00:25:18,256
About a metre long.
553
00:25:18,257 --> 00:25:20,095
Er...
554
00:25:20,096 --> 00:25:21,975
Kind face.
555
00:25:21,976 --> 00:25:23,055
Tail.
556
00:25:23,056 --> 00:25:24,216
Any last words, Bob?
557
00:25:24,217 --> 00:25:25,695
Yes.
558
00:25:25,696 --> 00:25:27,615
Vote for Bob Servant,
559
00:25:27,616 --> 00:25:32,696
and send a message to Westminster
to leave our dogs alone.
560
00:25:33,936 --> 00:25:35,496
'Next up on Broughty FM...'
561
00:25:37,656 --> 00:25:39,615
Going to the dogs.
562
00:25:39,616 --> 00:25:43,174
Sorry? I should have said something
about going to the dogs.
563
00:25:43,175 --> 00:25:45,574
We'll have to go back.
And how would we do that?
564
00:25:45,575 --> 00:25:46,856
Well, just rewind it.
565
00:25:48,536 --> 00:25:49,575
Rewind it!
566
00:25:49,576 --> 00:25:50,615
Rewind it!
567
00:25:50,616 --> 00:25:52,254
Aye, rewind it. Just rewind it.
568
00:25:52,255 --> 00:25:54,176
Just... Just rewind, Rewind it!
569
00:25:54,177 --> 00:25:55,335
Go back.
570
00:25:55,336 --> 00:25:57,296
You can go back.
571
00:26:05,336 --> 00:26:06,975
This is demeaning.
572
00:26:06,976 --> 00:26:09,215
I'm not taking you otherwise.
573
00:26:09,216 --> 00:26:10,696
They'll set the dogs on me.
574
00:26:12,096 --> 00:26:14,096
Will, er... you be voting, folks?
575
00:26:14,097 --> 00:26:15,576
We will now.
576
00:26:19,256 --> 00:26:20,496
Great.
42425
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