All language subtitles for AFVS36E07

If you like this AFV appetizer, you'll
love Main Court.

Welcome to America's Funniest Home
Videos.

And now, here he is, the host of our
show, Alfonso Ribeiro!

Let's do this, y 'all!

Hello!

Hello and welcome to America's Funniest
Videos, a show that the title spells out

exactly what you're going to get.

We're like one of those restaurants that
has a type of food in the name. And

just as you wouldn't go to a place
called Pasta Paradise for sushi, you

tune in to America's Funniest Videos for
photos of the most depressing

skateboard crashes in Switzerland.

Anyway, here are today's specials.

On rare occasions, the hitter makes an
error.

This guy's a nut. Or at least the
squirrel thinks so.

I like cookies blank milk.

I like cookies at milk. I like cookies
and milk. I like

cookies. Butt milk or I like cookies?
Butt milk.

You're being recorded.

Butt milk.

Butt milk.

What is butt milk?

I'm going to scare the body Steve.

So I just saw the garage open. He's just
arriving.

to a two -story house just so she could
pull this prank on him.

How do

you know when you've overstuffed your
trash bags?

Why, what do you see?

T -Rex. Where?

T -Rex.

Hmm. T -Rexes look a lot bigger in the
movies.

Roar, honey, roar. Roar, Bunchy, roar.

Roar!

Roar!

Oh, my gosh, I'm scared. Bye -bye, bye
-bye, bye -bye.

Okay,

why?

That is pink.

This gender reveal reveals that this
little boy is in a state of

denial.

Oh,

we can try again when we want, but I
don't think it's going to change.

One of our most popular segments is dog
parks. I mean, we could switch it up and

call it Pooch Palace or the Barking Lot,
and it would be just as great, but then

we'd have to change the graphic, and it
would be a whole to -do, because as

great as our graphic designer Patrick
is, he has enough on his plate. So,

release the hound.

It's time to go to the dog park.

Did you do this?

Huh?

Did you open the window and let the
chicken in?

What's the problem? He heard you wanted
chicken for dinner and was trying to

help.

Talk about creative differences.

The lead singer insists on singing from
the next room.

If you won't give him a bath, he'll just
give himself a bath.

This explains last month's water bill.

Hope he knows how to turn it off.

Well, I'd do the same thing if an
Alfonso statue took my toy.

I don't know if he's scared of that
sculpture or if he just thinks it's

Look at this horse.

When this dog runs out of water, he
takes matters into his own paws.

He does this so he doesn't have to hear
you tell the story about the one that

got away.

Oh, this poor fish.

Spoiler up.

Spoiler up.

Spoiler's up.

Fat dog.

This next montage is dedicated to work.

Okay, I know a bunch of you just
shuddered at the thought of going back

tomorrow. Well, as bad as your workday
might be, here's some people to remind

you it can always be worse.

And if it is, please send me the video.

Wake up at the crack of dawn.

Slip my old workbook down.

Coffee, coffee, and I'm ready to roll.

Grab my keys, head out the door.

I do what I got to do.

to just maintain.

Tomorrow I'll do it again.

But I ain't no workin' still, cause I

get my own from ship to ship, and I do
my best each and every day, cause I

gotta push, gotta make that pay.

I ain't no workin' still, cause I love
it all, dude, that's my trip, cause I

Always know that it's what it is. Gotta
make my way.

I know.

Hey, want to see your funny video on TV?

Just upload it to AFB .com.

My father once told me it's better to
work smart than to work hard. Good

But the boneheads in these next videos
must have had dads who gave them the

advice, work hard at not being smart.

Yeah, I should have my dad talk to their
dads.

It's a slip and slide.

And a slip and hide.

This is the closest they'll ever come to
front row seats to a bowl game.

They should call animal control or their
hairdresser.

This

dance

team needs a new choreographer.

They're not going to get you, says the
lady a good 30 feet away.

You can't be scared.

They can sense it.

What?

Yeah.

We're angry.

Oh, my gosh. They're all swarming out.

They're all over you, Dad.

There's like 200 on you.

Oh, my God, they're all out. Oh, my God,
I'm going to start running.

They're learning that bee removal isn't
just some hobby you pursue on the

weekend.

the chance of a slice is thrice.

I videotaped the ball coming right at
you. He's not good on his feet,

but he's good with the ad -lib.

Huh?

You gotta watch your camera footage.

Time for Spoke Too Soon, where we show
videos of people who say stuff and are

immediately proven wrong.

I would love to elaborate, but I'm
afraid to accidentally say something

incorrect, and then I'll end up in the
next Spoke Too Soon package, and we

want that.

Or at least, I don't want that.

So what are we having for lunch today?

Um, the new cake.

Cancel that.

No, it's okay Luckily

dad can spot a spoke too soon from a
mile away

Many restaurants have a senior citizen
discount so that older folks can save a

few bucks. Well, I'm proud to say that
AFB now offers a senior citizen discount

so that anyone 65 and up can upload
their video to our show for free.

Okay, yes, it was always free, but when
seniors hear the word discount, they'll

be on it like gravy on a biscuit.

Which they can also get a discount on
depending on the restaurant.

Behind every clumsy man...

is an overly critical wife.

What are you doing?

Are you okay?

It's in cheese.

Look what Jersey's wearing.

Hey.

Two, one, three.

Baboon.

A monkey?

This game has one rule. Don't say the
word.

But grandma never plays by the rules.

In the water, alligator.

Don't say the word.

Don't say the word.

Is it in the water?

Well, at least she can still read
without her glasses.

Hair,

hair.

Well, don't say nothing.

We don't.

We're ready.

Look at it. Don't say nothing.

That's my car.

He called shotgun.

He didn't care which car.

I

don't

know what the age limit for leapfrog is.

But they're passing.

I'm going to show you the rocket.

Oh, my God.

That's a pretty impressive rocket.

But check out this turbo booster.

Is that a rocket?

When you have a problem, it's good to
seek advice from someone who's had the

same problem. But what if you have a
problem that's so unusual no one's ever

it before?

Well, I'm afraid you're on your own.

But it's pretty cool that you have a
problem so weird that nobody else has

had it before, right? Right?

It's hard to lose the baby weight when
the baby won't let you exercise.

He may be a house mouse, but he still
likes to go outside and explore.

There

are

downsides to being the cool neighbor.

You're going to stay here until you're
18?

Yep. Are you serious?

Yep. All right, well, um... She's
spreading

the ashes of someone who wanted to pull

one last prank.

Jesse!

Jesse!

You've got Barry on you.

Jesse!

She's tossing him his tees after
borrowing his car.

Can you get him all the way to me?

Now she can borrow his ladder.

This dog is crazy.

He has to hold someone's hand or else he
freaks out in the car.

Okay, see?

Go on.

Give him a break.

He was born to pull a sled, not sit in
the back seat of a sedan.

They think there are mice behind those
shutters.

But compared to what's really there,
mice would be nice.

All right, just got done hanging a
mirror, perfect height. She told me to

it where?

No.

In the middle. In the middle. So I hung
it in the middle.

And I forgot.

You're so safe.

Lower it.

Join me as I view life through the prism
of unbridled optimism.

Don't be such a gloomy Gus. It's time to
look on the bright side.

Look on the bright side.

Now, maybe you'll finally get those
overtime hours you've been asking for.

Here's the good news. You may live near
scary forest creatures, but at least

they respect your privacy.

Hey, Mr. Bear, can you close the door
for me?

Think of it this way. Not having to comb
your hair gives you more time to hang

out with your kids.

Cheer up. At least no one will ever ask
to borrow your phone.

All right, Ethel.

I

hope

we've set you right. right by showing
you that things can be bright.

It's time for AFB's Winner's Circle,
where we salute winners from years past.

Proving that the best part of winning
isn't the money, it's being able to brag

about the money for many years to come.

It's time to have a blast with some big
winners from AFB's past.

Hey, baby, come here.

I got that thing stuck in my finger. Oh,
my God.

Don.

Come on, cut it.

You're going to have to go.

Is it in your bone?

Pull it out, baby.

Here,

wait a minute, wait a minute, wait a
minute. Don, let me go get Steve. No,

a minute.

Cut it right here.

I will say, who, who?

This one says, you, who?

I'm trying to simulate labor.

I'm so nervous right now.

Oh, oh, oh, oh, stop. Oh, my gosh. Oh,
my gosh. They're simulating labor pains.

Oh, my gosh. Oh, my gosh.

I don't know who gave birth to this
idea, but old baby, I like it.

He's starting to understand that they
call it labor because it's a heck of a

of work.

After he's done with this, he's going to
call his mom and apologize for 35 years

of mediocre Mother's Day gifts.

I had a baby.

I think I put it in my pants.

It's a boy.

It is?

We did it.

Let's circle back next week for another
Inner Circle.

It's so weird these days. There's a
bazillion shows on a million streaming

services, but when you find a show you
like, it's only like six episodes, and

then you have no idea when the next
season's coming out if there even is

That's what's so great about ASB. We're
here every week, and there's no

cliffhangers. I mean, there might be
some guy named Cliff slipping on a

hanger, but that's about it.

Danny, I'm the best at rock, paper,
scissors, shoot. No doubt. I can beat a

machine. Look, rock, paper, scissors,
shoot.

Dang it, he won.

Hello there, friend.

Look at you, all pretty. She gets the
snake to move, just not where she wants

to go.

Here I go.

Go, snake, go. Oh, no, no, no, not in
the house.

Really? Seriously?

Ah!

Mommy!

Mommy! She can't see Mommy.

You know who else she can't see?

Hoverboards are hard enough when your
eyes aren't covered.

Are you okay?

Taking out the recycling helps recycle
an old back injury.

Time for the talk.

You got to squat down real far and then
just back up and then jump up into it.

When your dad's a fireman, you make your
own water park.

Saved by the TV tray.

The spinning teacups ride isn't for
everyone.

check in on her sea delivery.

about who they let pet them and what
show they appear on. Luckily, AFV is one

them, which has me feline pretty good.

That's a pretty expensive cat toy.

Some cats are afraid you'll run out of
catnip. These two are afraid you'll run

out of ink.

Curiosity didn't kill the cat, but it
did almost ruin dinner.

I

can't

tell if he's thankful you found his
happy spot or angry about it.

The good thing about having outdoor
cats, they can scare away outdoor

bears.

Bruiser, get back here.

Give me my corndog.

Bruiser, give me my corndog.

You could have avoided this if you had
just taken Bruiser to the state fair and

let him buy his own corndog.

Give me my corndog back.

At this point, do you really want it
back?

Ah, finally, a way

to get kittens to walk slower.

I love the New York Giants.

Yes, I do.

You know, there's a few people around
here that don't like them. His pet's

clearly a fan of the Panthers or the
Bengals.

You know, because both teams are named
after cats.

Everybody don't like the giant. You just
let me know.

For kids, losing their baby teeth is a
rite of passage. Some people let nature

take its course, while others like to
give their teeth pulling a little

So here's some creative yanks worthy of
your thanks.

Do you have a funny video worth $20
,000?

What are you waiting for?

Upload it to AFV .com.

Okay, Paisley, Blake, and Junie, you
want to see more baby videos?

Well, how could I say no to that cute
little thing?

Ready, kiddo?

See, Daddy can't get this thing up. Kids
outsmarting their parents seems like

it's starting earlier and earlier.

Come on, really?

She's doing her impression of what
she'll look like when her teeth come in.

New dad's been dadding so much, he dads
in his sleep.

It's hard to tell twin babies apart,
especially when you're practically a

yourself.

Baby's first steps? So what?

But baby's first trust fall?

Now that's impressive.

A baby's belly doesn't hold that much.

But it holds way more than you want.

It happened. Hold on. Let me see what
this looks like.

Know what the world needs now?

A guy who's been meaning to put a lock
on the bathroom door.

I hope you've enjoyed a guy who's been
meaning to put a lock on the bathroom

door.

Why is nobody happy with what they have?

Case in point, products that make
straight hair curly are a billion

business, and products that make curly
hair straight are also a billion -dollar

business. I think the only people who
are truly happy in life are the ones who

watch funny videos regardless of whether
the people in the videos have curly

hair, straight hair, or no hair at all.

That's a truck carrying a truck that's
carrying a truck that's pulling a truck

that waits for it.

Is this where baby trucks come from?

You don't see

this every day.

And you're not going to see it any day
at my house.

I've heard of Australian rules football.
I didn't know they had Australian rules

basketball.

This is insane.

How is nobody calling double dribble on
that kid?

Most guys his age give up

bike riding for pickleball.

And now you see why.

Hey, there's two bucks outside my tree
stand.

They're fighting.

He turns the turtle around because he
doesn't want it to see him pee.

The whole cul -de -sac's free to watch,
but he draws the line and stuffed the

reptile.

A much -needed break interrupted by a
much -unneeded break.

I didn't know a little girl did this.

I can't believe he's doing this.

You know, without putting down a coat of
primer first.

Um, don't.

Silly senior citizen.

Someone from the greatest generation
who's as funny as they are old. Great.

Because seniors aren't just our
respected elders. They're also tonight's

Assignment America.

Yes, we want to see overactive
oxygenarians on the air again. Jeff,

more.

Seniors, come out of retirement.

We want to see grannies falling on their
fannies and pawpaws dropping the

coleslaw. The video of your golden -ager
who acts like a teenager might even win

$20 ,000 or $100 ,000.

Just upload the video to AFV .com.

For full contest rules, log on to AFV
.com. Nothing excites us more than our

version of senior items.

We've seen lots of videos. The show's
almost done. But, hey, there's a

Let's find out who's won.

Time to meet our finalists. First up,
brother or sister, let's ask the cake.

when the cake's the wrong color, it must
be a mistake.

It's gender reveal redo sent in by
Alicia Neubauer from Burkhold, North

It's a girl!

That is, that is pink.

Did it blow my tail? Did it blow my
tail?

This gender reveal reveals that this
little boy is in a state of denial.

Wait a minute, is there, I think
that's...

Joining us are Alicia, Shelby, Jackson,
Nellie, and Travis.

Now, first of all, we want to wish
Jackson a very happy ninth birthday, and

appreciate you letting us be a part of
it. Now, Jackson, you didn't get the

brother you were hoping for, but what do
you think of your new baby sister,

Nellie?

Great.

Great.

Great. Okay. All right, great.

You know, listen, family is all that
matters, okay? Well, family and cake, of

course.

Gotta love some cake.

All right, good luck, y 'all.

Thank you.

Next up, there's something slithering,
but don't be afraid. It's less of a

reptile and more of a parade. It's hairy
snake mistake sent in by Chelsea Malvo

from Houston, Texas.

They should call animal control.

Or their hairdresser.

What is it?

Somebody call me, Taylor.

Jeannie, it's your hair.

I am sending this to AFB.

Joining us are Chelsea, Aaliyah, and
Daryl. Now, Aaliyah, you discovered this

snake in your garage.

Now, on a scale from one to Indiana
Jones, how afraid of snakes are you?

You know, I'm afraid of snakes, too, so
I'm with you. And, Darrell, when you

were recruited to help, what made you
realize what the snake really was?

I had to get a little closer to just
zoom in on it before I could see the

pattern was not a snake.

Well, listen, if I ever have a snake in
my garage, I know who to call, player.

All right, all right.

Good luck, y 'all.

Thank you.

And finally, when it's time for bed and
mom won't come when you call, maybe

there's a pro wrestler just down the
hall. It's clamoring for a champion sent

by Jen Wicker from Arlington Heights,
Illinois.

Mommy! She can't see mommy. You know who
else she can't see?

Mommy!

Joining us are Jen, Sloan, Gary,
Grayson, and Declan. So, Sloan, you are

little older now. Do you remember why
you chose John Cena to come get you out

your crib?

Well, basically, my brother said

that John Cena is really strong, so I
thought he could come and get

me out of my crib.

All right, well, listen, John Cena is
pretty cool, right?

Yeah, I like that. Well, good luck, y
'all.

All right.

We're going to find out who takes home
the cash in just a minute. But first,

let's take a look at some of the clips
that didn't make our top three in

tonight's honorable mention.

Okay, it's time to hand out tonight's
prizes. $20 ,000 for first, $6 ,000 for

second, and $4 ,000 for third. Here we
go. Our third place $4 ,000 winner is...

Thank

you.

And the winner of the $20 ,000 and
tonight's funniest home video is...

Clamoring for a champion, sent in by Jen
Wicker from Hollis, Illinois.

We have Sloan, Jen, Gary Grayson, and
Declan.

All right, listen, congratulations.

Now, Jen, the video was shot three years
ago, but you just recently sent it in,

even though Sloan had been asking you to
send it in for quite some time. What

took you so long?

Good question. I thought the process was
going to be more difficult, but it

was... Super easy, so we really should
have listened to Flown and done it a

time ago.

I mean, okay, did you hear that,
America? The submission process was

if trying to get John Cena to come to
your room isn't quite as simple, okay?

Well, listen, congratulations.

You got $20 ,000 and a shot at $100
,000.

Congratulations, y 'all.

Yeah.

Well,

that's our show, or as we say in the
biz, that's a wrap.

Well, rap with a W, not rap rap. I mean,
I could bust out some rhymes. I mean, I

got some rhymes.

Oh,

we're out of show?

We're out of time.

Oh, shoot.

Next time. All right, we'll see you next
time. And don't forget, if you upload a

video and it airs on the show, we'll
send you an AFV t -shirt. So good night,

everybody. And remember, send your video
to me. You might win 20 Gs. Good night,

y 'all.