All language subtitles for The.Real.Housewives.of.Vancouver.S01E03.She.Shouldve.Kept.Her.Clothes.On.720p.AMZN.WEB-DL.DDP5.1.H.264-Kitsune_track3_[eng]

Previously on The
Real Housewives of Vancouver...

The air smells so fresh.
I'm not used to it.

- Fresh air?
- Yeah.

You don't get out
of the bedroom much, Christina?

She's so mean to her.

Jody looks at me
just with blatant disapproval.

I want Vodka.

Happy birthday!

Hi!

She looked so beautiful,
from a distance.

With the tiara on, she felt
like she was queen of England.

Christina should have a few
drinks before she opens my gift.

"Like a hooker only smarter."

Yeah. Not so impressed.

My God, it's like Christina,
you should've left the dress on.

At this stage in my life,

I can afford to say it like
it is, and look good doing it.

I live life in the
fast lane, catch me if you can.

I traded being a singer
for being a mom

but now I'm ready
to step back into the spotlight.

Every queen needs an
empire and I built mine from
scratch.

Vancouver's a gold
mine and I love to go digging.

Morning... morning... morning...

Go away.

Morning, Napoleon.

- Hello?
- Uh...

Morning, Marika.

How are you?

I love that you
just start laughing.

You had so much fun.

I had so much fun. I'm
just remembering parts of it.

- I know.
- And cringing.

What was on Jody's head?
tiara?

That's cute, right?

But, hey, we're still
on for coffee? - Yeah.

I love you. See you soon.
I'll just get...

Just throw some clothes on.

- Okay. Bye.
- Okay. Bye.

My sore head.

Mommy has a sore head.

Isn't she lovely?

If I'm not careful,
I'm going to look my age

and that can't happen.

- Hi, Jody!
- Hi!

My girlfriend Reiko. -Hi,
Reiko, nice to meet you, Reiko.

Nice to meet you too.

I'm not a spa person,
but Jody is and knowing Jody,

I'm not sure what to expect,
so I'm a bit nervous.

If you come every three weeks,
like seriously you'll look 12.

I want her to see that
there's all sorts of technology
out there

that gives us youthful,
dewy skin. It's fantastic.

This is dermabrasion.

It's actually a very fine
diamond dust.

Diamond dust.

It is quite expensive.

Are you diamond dusting
your face, Jody?

I'm almost 50
and I go at least once a month,

this is how I stay young.

I'm gonna do my tuccus,
my arms, my chest...

When Jody tells me that her
secret to looking young is
facials...

I feel like a mummy.

Better get started.

So what is this now, Rosalyn,
what are we doing?

What's on
your skin is live cells,

so it makes it look younger
and shinier.

Wow. - It's
made from whale sperm.

- Pardon?
- Yeah.

When Jody throws out stuff
like whale sperm...

I mean, I don't know
whether to believe it or not.

- Yeah.
- Yeah.

No, I'm not kidding
about the whale sperm,

it's really whale sperm.

- No, no, no.
- Yeah, yeah.

- It is, it is!
- You'll recognize the texture.

Reiko's like, "Eww, eww."

I was like, "Oh, be quiet,
you've had it on there
before. And...

I will recognize the texture.

She's like, "What is it?".

I have live cells on my face.

You won't believe
what it does. Seriously.

Well, this is my question, how
is whale sperm obtained and why?

I don't care
what she sticks on my face

as long as it makes me
look youthful and it's painless.

What did you think of the party,
Reiko?

Well... from what I gather,
Christina was really out of
hand. No?

From what I hear...

like tone it down a bit,
you know?
You don't have to be so sexual.

I think Ronnie's
gift was hysterical.

"Like a hooker only smarter."

If the shoe fits, wear it. Like
look where it got Cinderella.

I can't stand it.

When Christina arrived,
she looked gorgeous.

- Yeah, wow.
- I had to... Oh, my gosh,

like a model out of a magazine.

Totally.

But an hour later,
she looked like a bag lady.

What the hell?

I was disgusted and I
really want to ask Christina,

what the hell was she thinking
that night?

I'm so glad you had a good time.

You might have to tell me how
good of a time you actually had.

- You have a liquor license.
- Oh, yeah.

Fantastic.

How do you feel about
the whole night? I'm curious.

Oh, well...
I don't know where to start.

When I saw Jody,

I was just looking
at her stupid tiara.

She is kind of the queen
of it all. The queen mother.

- Really? Since when?
- Yeah.

And her nose is just so long
with all those lies.

Of course I get drunk.

And then I told Jody she
was everything I aspire to be.

- Really?
- She's my hero.

Oh, my God.

- I didn't mean it.
- No, you don't...

God, no. -Obviously,
you don't mean it now.

- Just entertaining myself.
- You don't mean it now,

that's for sure.

I think I said,

"You're the epitome of what
a wife and mother should be."

Just take a look at Mia!

Well... Oh, my gosh.

- She is her mother's daughter.
- Yeah.

- They're a team.
- Aren't they?

- Well, so are we. So...
- Okay. Thank you. Okay.

I'm going to Grace,
my studio and meet with my
business partner

about a line of scarves
that we're launching.

No one should live and die

without wearing a great scarf.
That's our motto.

Let's not do all of our colors.
What if we just do black
for them?

That's kind of a nice idea.

We've been friends for years.

She helped me
in my first music video.

We always thought that we
should do something together

and then about a year and a
half ago,
we just went in on this line

and then we became partners.

- Ah, very nice.
- Isn't that nice?

We're just finishing up
everything,
we're trying to make sure

that everything is working
the way we want it.

By fall, we want this
in all of our favorite stores.

All of the stores
that we would shop at.

Fred Seagle and Ron Herman
and Maxfield.

We don't want to punk around
with any kind of--

Oh!

Oh, my gosh.

Ronnie's coming over.

What did she say though?
I need to know.

All right. Hold on.
I'm going to check. She said...

"I am... I'm in a great mood

- and massively buzzed."
- Oh, yay.

I could
easily drink two bottles.

Two glasses? That's great,
I'm just getting started.

I knew it was gonna be
interesting when she had a few
cocktails

and she walked into our space.

It's not gonna be pretty.

Coming up
on The Real Housewives...

The Nightmare Before Christmas.

Take it off.

This is just... wrong.

My God!

Ronnie's one of
my best friends for sure.

I really wanted her
to look at the scarves

and really try some scarves
on and see...

We really put a lot of work
into the scarves.

You do this and then go
like this to your customers.

But she's massively buzzed.

- Do you got wine?
- You got wine!

- I couldn't say no.
- Cheers, honey.

Ronnie is Ronnie.
She doesn't listen to me.

Ariba!

I'll have a chardonnay or two...

Sweetheart,
you're riding the sheep.

maybe 3.

What else am I supposed to ride?

Know your limit, stay within it.

So...

Okay, let's go look
at the scarves. Come on.

Wendy's trying to get her
onto the scarf subject and...

Woo-hoo!

I like small boobs.

I think that too big
is just a little cheapish.

Mine are normal.

Not like over the
top or anything. Right?

- Let's show our dear--
- Do you want to see them, honey?

- Ronnie, our scarves. Come on.
- Scarves?

- Yeah.
- Oh, yeah. Come see our scarves.

So this is the other space
that we have.

Oh, my God!

Ronnie's looking seriously
inebriated at this point.

I'm gonna set you up
with a hit-young...

A hit girl that's young...

It was really difficult to
get her to focus on the scarves.

Long and short of it is Mary
is now going for women.

- Okay.
- Oh, shut up.

Oh, lord, I don't know
what she's talking about.

- Okay.
- We need subtitles.

'Cause I'm totally confused.

Put this down,
I'm going to put this on you.

Okay, you hold it.

Stop, this is enough. It's
starting to really irritate me.

- She's not into it.
- That looks so pretty on you.

I love it.

I'm not a scarf person.
I don't wear scarves.

Just wrap it around your
shoulders and then do this.

Watch, look at that.

It is really beautiful.

Honey, it's beautiful.
Think of yourself.

No, it's so beautiful.
It's truly is the most
beautiful thing.

- Honey, do you like it?
- Yeah. I love it. I love it.

She was being insincere.

I wanted her to be a
little bit more supportive.

I'm, like, totally loving it.
I'm loving it.

I don't wear scarves.

It was kind of, like,
just get this off of me.

That's cool,
look how gorgeous that looks.

Wendy was a little disappointed.

Mary, I'm heading out.
I gotta go.

- Yeah, I gotta go buy a puppy.
- Where's the wine?

I was hurt because I feel
that good friends

should be
supportive of each other.

What?

Now I get to dress you up.
Come on, try it on.

Just take it off.

- Go on...
- Oh, my God.

This is just wrong.

Nothing is
funny about this to me.

Can I sit down for a second?

It's just not the way I want
to have my friendships to be.

- I need another glass of wine.
- Uh...

Oh, my God.

I'm hurt.
I'm very hurt actually.

My clothing store
and my catering company

are in the same building...

What's going on?

And Jody's Fine Foods
needed some remodeling.

Oh, my God.

So today I'm
starting renovations.

I had no idea
how stressful it was.

Mr. Moe? How much timing
you need for electrical work.

A year.

I've hired
these two fabulous contractors

called Moe and Moe.

It's easy for me to remember.
Moe, Moe, Moe.

Gonna take all
this out right now

and I need you
to stay a little bit back.

Sure. -Don't want
anything fly and hit you.

We have to make sure
that, you know, no dust leaks,

there's no noise
for the clients et cetera,

'cause we have the dress shop
in the front.

First, we have the high
heels coming, the summer ones.

Oh, God.

My retail shop!

I'm gonna be bankrupt!

- Can't you do this quietly, Moe?
- Yeah, I can do it
quietly for you.

- The winter stuff coming also.
- The chains?

The chain and the crochet
and the boots with all the...

This is the last pair.

This is not healthy.

Holy...

That's mold, isn't it?

That's a concern.

- So did you want these boots?
- I love them.

Whoa!

I'll be borrowing them because
we're the same foot size.

Whoa!

Take me out back and shoot me.

I would like the whole thing

to be finished
in two and a half weeks.

They'll have it finished.

I'm so looking forward
to seeing Christina.

Hi, Mary!

- Hi, honey!
- Hi!

I really like Christina.

You look gorgeous!
Where are you going?

I'm in love with Mary,
I just want to embrace her.

I hate men so I'm thinking
of becoming a lesbian.

I've heard lots of
different things about
Christina,

that she is quite
the promiscuous one

and that she has had problems
with Jody's daughter Mia.

- It's so nice to see you!
- So nice to see you, sweetie.

I don't know what's true
and what's not true,

all I want to do is give her
the benefit of the doubt

and treat her at face value.

Okay, so... How did
you like the birthday party?

- The night is kind of a blur...
- Is it?

to be honest.

I danced around in a T-shirt,
the hooker T-shirt in my
underwear.

Ronnie's gift
just did not sit right with me.

I was mortified.

Ronnie texted me she said

that I didn't have her back,
that I let her drink.

- Oh, my God!
- Okay!

And that I offered her a drink
at Grace

when she came by to see the
studio but she had already
texted me

before she got to Grace saying
that she was already wasted.

She was drinking at my studio,
so, boom, it's my fault.

So she called me,
texted me and said, "You know,
the thing is that

you're supposed
to be watching my back,"

and I said, "Ronnie,
but you can't blame this on me,

- I do try to watch your back...
- No...

Then she said for me
to go "F" myself.

- What? What?
- This is what she wrote to me?

In a text? She wrote it?

Why are people so stupid

that they write
things in texts? -I know.

Like there's no denying
something written.

And I was really hurt
'cause she's done this before.

I know you guys didn't speak
for a couple years.

Yes. -
For something similar.

- Kinda, yeah.
- Yeah.

- And...
- That's not fair to you.

That disappoints me.

Yeah, so this
time it's not gonna...

Unfortunately, it's gonna
take a lot for this to heal.

Coming up on The
Real Housewives of Vancouver ...

Oh, my God.

Oh, my God!

Here's Christina's
birthday party pictures.

- Okay come here.
- Is that?

Is that her in her underwear?

She's like half naked.

"Like a hooker only smarter."

With the ass out.

I just brought the T-shirt as a
joke and she obviously liked it.

I'm glad it wasn't you, Mom.
That's disturbing.

Does she know about these
pictures? -Yeah,
I was the one taking them.

Okay, so I'm
gonna send these onto--

What do you think
Christina will think?

- She won't care.
- She won't care

that you're passing them around?

If somebody were worried

that these photos
were going to circulate,

they wouldn't have danced around
in front of the camera

- while I was taking pictures.
- That's true.

No, it's all in good fun.

So is it
working out with my hair?

Yeah. It's gonna be
really classic looking.

- I like that look.
- Cascading curls.

Let's see another email.

Ronnie.

Oh, my God!

I'm sorry you
have to witness that.

Oh, my God, Christina.

I was mortified. Oh, my God.

Oh, my God.

Is she the only one
without her pants on?

Yes! I think so.

Christina, no!

Mia! Oh, my gosh.

Oh, my God!

Where's her pants?

Oh, my God!

Oh, my God. I heard
Christina's behavior was bad

but this is even worse
than I had heard.

Gosh, when is Christina
gonna grow up?

This is her 30th birthday party.

Something's got to be done.

Oh, my God.

Let's blow that up
and put it in the window.

"Coming for Spring."

Where's my kiss?
Where's my morning kiss?

Family comes
first in this family.

With me and my girls, there's
just like tons of affection

and I just want to hug and kiss
all the time and I just love it.

Good morning!

She said good morning, grandma.

Growing up,
it was a little different.

My mom, she has a very Japanese
way to her,
just not as affectionate.

Ashanti,
start eating breakfast, please.

She lives with us
and now we get along amazingly.

She's crying,
just leave her alone.

My husband's usually
in the office and I think
it's great

that he usually does work
out of the house

because sometimes he'll come out
and join us...

- Grandma!
- Pardon me, I'm still eating.

It just depends on what
the market's doing that day.

Grandma!

Yeah, on with the day.

Okay.

I train five days a week.

One day with my weight trainer
and four days with martial arts.

I can't spin around today.

Oh, wow! You just said,
"I can't."

Robert is really strict.

- Deck.
- No, no.

Hit the deck, it's 10 push ups,
you can't say "I can't" in here.

10?

He is a 5th degree black belt
in Hakido Tae Kwon Do

and he's an amazing
mixed martial artist.

Go.

Good. Knees up!

Okay, hold plank.
One, two, three, four, five.

Wearing the wrong bra today.

Six, seven, eight, nine, ten.

Rock form. One, two...

Offensive stance.

I do naturally have a temper.

It's probably
the Scottish in me.

Good. Time, moving onto round 2.

Reiko is a full-on competitor.

Put your hands like that,
all right?

Reaching for an
elite athlete level.

I could see you
in a competition.

Not only could I see you
in a competition,

I could see you winning one.

Ready, jabs! One.

I never thought in my life

I would actually be training
for a competition...

but it seems to be kind
of going that way.

Again.

Okay. If you want to do a
tournament,
you can't run out of gas

in the second round?
Come on, try again.

There obviously
is a risk of injury.

- Kick! One more.
- I think I broke a nail.

There goes my pedicure.

One more, come on!

That was a great workout, Reiko.

- Thank you. Thank you.
- You worked really hard.

Do you have a good dental plan?

- Oh, my God.
- Just kidding.

They cost me a fortune.

I will get into the ring
and spar and I will kick ass

but before I do, I want to talk
to my doctor about Botox.

- Good morning. Hello there.
- Hi, how are you?

Excellent, I'm great, thanks.
How's it going?

Um, well, I train with mixed
martial arts and I guess I
should ask

if it will affect anything...

Well, yes,
if you get punched in the face,

it's gonna bruise your face
and swell it

and make the Botox look funny.

No, there's no risk,

it shouldn't change anything
to do with martial arts,
or fighting

- or type of activity.
- Okay.

Let's have a look at you,
lift up your eyebrows.

Make sure that you are
well aligned, you look natural.

I didn't want to lose
all expression in my face.

I didn't want to look fake.

Lift your eyebrows again.

Excellent. Excellent.

So you can see
there's nice relaxation there.

Your eyebrows look natural.

I think so too, I mean,
I don't want to look unnatural

and I like my frown.

Good. Frown again.

I still have my frown.

Good. Frown again.

You need your frown,
you like your frown.

It's good to have
the stern mommy face

in my back pocket
when I need to pull it out.

- I need to look mad to my kids.
- You need to look stern, exactly.

So this is my stern mommy face.

Mia's back from London,

she's been studying
at the Cordon Bleu,

I'm really looking forward
to working with her this summer.

I'm starving.

So hungry I need
a drink desperately.

We work really,
really well together.

- Thank you so much.
- Thank you.

I find it very hard
working for my mom.

She's used to dealing with
people and getting what
she wants.

I need a beverage.

With all the
renovations going on,

I'm really depending on Mia
to help me.

I really want a drink...

'cause I got
some bad news for you.

- Oh, really?
- I think I have to go to London.

Pardon me?

So I'm gonna have to leave
for one night to go to London

to fix my apartment 'cause
something's not working out

and then come back.

Why can't you get
one of your girlfriends?

They all went traveling.
My other girlfriends

are in the south of France,
everyone's away.

But then I was thinking if
I go over there for one night,

I can stop in Ibiza
also for one night.

Like we're under a full
renovation and you're going to
do what?

I almost had a
seizure at the table.

It's really inconvenient for me.

- I know but--
- Look at me, I'm a wreck.

I have no voice,

I can't do all of this by myself
and you're planning to go
to London?

I know. I understand what
you're saying but I have to go.

We have so much that
we're dealing with right now,

it's overwhelming.

You're making me cry
just the thought of it.

You're making me cry
at the thought of it.

We're so stressed.

She's supposed to be my sidekick
in this project

and she's decided
for one split of a second

that she's
going to London... not.

Coming up
on The Real Housewives ...

When was the
last time you saw Mary?

She kind of attacked me and I
said, "You're absolutely
pathetic,

do you wonder why you are 48
and still single?

We have a tennis court
and a private gym.

I hate gyms.
I've never been a gym person.

Ronnie!

So we are so
lucky to have Stanley.

- Morning.
- Hey, Stan!

Stanley, Stanley!
I call him "Stanley Manley."

- Hey, Manley. Morning, honey.
- Very good.

Stanley was the guard
for the queen of England.

Okay.

He's agile,
he's quick, he's amazing.

- Okay, I'm all yours.
- Yeah, looking good.

The only problem is that when
Stanley leaves,
I can barely move.

Don't want to burn out.

The last work out I had
with Stanley, it was...

Actually had to call my doctor

and get on a heavy-duty
muscle relaxant.

I was just like, "Ah, my body!"

Easy, easy.

Good. Good. Get some water.

Yeah, keep your arms up.

Steady. Last two.

When you're punching
and you're punching full on...

One, two, three, four.

...you can only go for so long.

- Rest.
- Okay.

- Get some water.
- Okay.

How the
hell do they do ten rounds?

You got to be
really fit like you.

I'm ready.

I've sweat,
I've really had a great workout

and then I go on with the rest
of my day and I just feel
like great.

Beautiful, thanks a lot.
Yeah, brilliant!

- Good work!
- It was awesome! Thanks!

I'm really tired.

So we have a new shipment
that came in today

- of new jewelry from London.
- Oh, you're kidding?
That excites me.

Yes! I waited
for you to open it,

which was very nice of me
'cause I never normally do that.

Nice.

- Oh, my God!
- But it's super exciting.

Mia's booked a ticket to London

and she says she's
gonna go party in Ibiza.

Jody said absolutely not but
I am an adult, it is my life.

You understand
why I was frustrated, right?

I understand but I think you
just need to realize I'm
an adult.

I'm your mom
and we work together as a team.

I cancelled your ticket.

That's not fair!

- I cancelled it on her.
- I was not pleased.

You know it wasn't so difficult.

I just picked up the phone,

I called the airline,
I pretended to be her--

If I didn't cancel the ticket,
you would have left!

Let's be frank about it, Mia.

Jody, I'm an adult.

Do I want to kill her sometimes?

Yes, definitely.

I need you. For the first time
in my life, I really need you.

For you to just call up
and cancel my ticket

and pretend to be me, very
clever pretending to be me--

- Obviously.
- Very clever.

I taught her that trick.

"Hi, it's Jody Claman calling,

of course, I would like
to extend my credit card limit."

I taught her well.

You can be so cute and so sweet
but you're such a pain in
the ass.

That's how I feel
about you there, sweet cheeks.

That's not nice.

I get so upset
because I get frustrated.

I understand that and I
understand you have a lot on
your plate,

I just need you
realize I'm an adult.

So you have to behave like one.

Okay. I need you
to say you're sorry

'cause that's your fault.

Ha! Hell will freeze over first.

Jody always thinks
I should apologize.

There should always be
an apology in Jody's eyes.

- What are you doing?
- I'm sending you an apology.

"I am sorry mother."

There you go. I don't mean it so
I'll text it. It's way better.

That's terrible.

Well, I'm not sorry.

I didn't do anything wrong,
but there's a message that
says I am.

Text messaging is the best
way, you write it, you type it,

you might not mean it,
you could mean it,

but that's for
the person to guess.

Okay, just say sorry.

- I just texted you.
- No. Tell me to my face.

I'm sorry.

Come on, Mia, say it nicely.

- Okay, I forgive you, darling.
- And now your turn, back to me.

- No!
- Oh. you're so!

You're so annoying.
I knew you were gonna do that.

Next time, you're going first.
Ugh!

I need another glass of wine.

- So fun!
- So fun!

Go faster!

I'm excited about Ronnie's
property,
it's supposed to be beautiful.

Greetings.

How are you, darling?

- Good.
- Hi, sweetie!

Look at you.

- You guys thank you for coming!
- Thanks for inviting us.

Oh, thank you.

I invited Reiko and Jody over

to see my house before it
turns into a massive
construction site.

We're so excited
because the project's just
started.

- Wow!
- Yeah.

We have homes
side by side on the water,

we're tearing three down
and building one big home.

It'll be pretty nice.

So this house right here
and this house are coming down.

They're gonna tear down
this and tear down that and
rebuild this,

I mean, I think
it's every woman's dream.

So this house, 11, 12 and 13
will be the main one.

11, 12 and 13.

400 feet of waterfront,

I think possibly the
biggest waterfront in Vancouver.

Unreal.

Okay, so this is
Russell's man-cave.

My husband Russell
is out of town on business,

so that's the perfect time
to sneak over to the man-cave.

It's the only thing
we're not demolishing.

I named it the man-cave

because I think all men
should have one.

- Wow.
- We're building a climbing wall.

- So...
- Yeah. Looks exciting.

Wow -So I did a
photo shoot for Russell

because a bunch of men suggested

they should have
scantily clad women on the walls

and Russell said,
"Well, do my wife"

and I thought, "Hey,
let's make hay while the sun's
still shining,

while I still can do it.
Absolutely!"

This is Russell's space

and he's building a
Cobra right now so he's just...

and they're
doing some French doors,

actually this will be a garage
to get the cars in and out,

you'll drive your car in
and we'll have a turntable

- that turns your car...
- Oh, my God!

So you don't have... You
just drive on, turns your car,

- you drive out...
- My dream garage.

Oh, yeah!

I was thinking I could use
myself a little man cave and
build a car.

I know you're into cars.

I think Reiko was in awe
of how beautiful the house was

and how
extensive the project was.

This is our Dojo.

- Reiko, you would love this.
- I love it already.

Oh, for sakes. A dojo...

Those are tiny.
What are those, 8 ounce gloves?

These are mine.
What do you wear?

- 12 ounce.
- Oh, sorry.

Oh, my God,
that's such a cool spot.

I want a man-cave of my own.

So now you've seen it all

and I'll show you sort of
just on the plans there.

- Oh, my God.
- So...

The house I think in total
will be over 15,000 square feet.

- Wow.
- It'd be really, really nice.

I mean,
we're a family of five though,

even though the three older
ones... One's in boarding school

and two don't live here,
still you know what?

Everybody comes home

and this is home and
this is us. -It's so special.

I love Ronnie's idea

of building a 15,000 square foot
super mansion

and I saw the plans
for her shoe closet,

I mean, this girl,
she's got it going on.

It's like The Taj Mahal
but it's the Ronnie Mahal.

We'll have to have Mary
or Christina's wedding here...

Whoever gets married first!

Christina and Mary's wedding,
I want to see that.

I'll cater it, it'll only be
four people if it's Christina's

and if it's Mary's,
I don't know what will happen.

What did you think of
those pictures I sent of
Christina

dancing at her birthday?

I loathe that behavior.

Oh, my gosh,
what made you send those out?

I thought that we should see
her real side.

That's a side of Christina
I wish I had never seen.

I'm very disappointed,
I have to discuss it with her

because I'm really up front
and I don't like that behavior.

Coming up on The
Real Housewives of Vancouver ...

What she did was bizarre.

It was bizarre behavior.

It's shocking.

I'm still a little hung over
from my birthday

and the best
cure for a hangover?

I'm going out to the country
with my best friend Kevin

to do a little horse shopping.

She's told me
that she wants to buy a horse

and I thought, "You know what?

It's the only way to
get out there onto the ranch

is the 2011 White Ghost."

one of the most beautiful cars
in the world.

Well, darling, we're here.

Oh, my goodness!

Nice to be back
out in horse country.

I love everything about horses.

It's been ages,
it's been three years.

The peacefulness,
the calmness, the smell.

The smell is like horseshit.

I think we should celebrate this
riding something four legged

as opposed to two and...

- Oh, I love that sound.
- So tell me about this horse.

I'm so excited to see him
and I'm so excited to meet him,

his name is Merlin
and I love the name.

Thank you.

And I'm hoping he's the one.

- Cheers, darling.
- Cheers.

Come and meet, Christina.

Wow.

He's lovely.

- Hi, Christina.
- Beautiful horse.

He's as beautiful as you,
Napoleon. -This is Merlin.

- Oh, my goodness, hello!
- Merlin, meet Christina.

What a beautiful horse.

Merlin is so handsome.
He is love at first sight.

Hi, Merlin.

I sweet talk everyone, darling.

And he kind of matches Napoleon.

So I like that as well.

Please like me. Please. Please.

For a minute I got jealous and
then I thought, "You know what?

If you're gonna buy him,
it's best you kiss him."

He kissed me back. It's
the best kiss I've had all year.

He really likes my
Hermes bracelet. Great.

You have good taste.
You and I are going to get along
just fine.

And how much is he?

He's currently priced at 35.

Okay.

$35,000 on a horse
is money very well spent,

especially when
it's not my money.

It's exciting. It's nice.

I don't know
who's buying this horse.

I guess I'll have to get myself
a new boyfriend.

This is exciting!
I'm excited for you.

I've
ridden horses my entire life

and it's been a few years,
I really miss it.

I used to skip school
and go to the stables

and just ride horses all day
and then I found boys.

- How's that feel?
- Good.

Be nice to me, I'll buy you
and stuff you with carrots.

Tally ho!

Looks like a nice size for you.

Just trot around,
feel comfortable.

Nice work,
honey, nice work. Nice work.

I've always connected with
horses. I find them so soothing
and peaceful.

Honey, you look great on him.

Come on, big jump, big jump,
big jump!

All right!

Nice riding,
beautiful riding. Nice!

You've done that before.

- She can ride!
- Yeah!

- Very good!
- Excellent!

That was fun,
you're really good.

- I'm in love!
- Yeah.

He has a wonderful personality
and a lot of it.

- I really like him.
- Yeah, he's beautiful.

Like, I really like him!

He's just...
I think he'll entertain me.

- To Merlin.
- Here's to Merlin.

Hopefully the new member
of our family.

I'm
giving sugar to my new daddy.

Little role reversal.
Not like I'm not used to that.

I really, really like Ronnie.
I have a lot of time for her.

She's a riot.
She's sort of like me.

She says what she wants,
she doesn't really care.

Ah, so we annihilate a
few people, we pick you back up,

we smile, we shake your hand,
we dust you off

and you'll be good to do.

So good to see you. -Good
to see you too, cheers, honey.

Yeah, thank you.

So when was the last time
you saw Mary?

Um, she kind of attacked me...
She attacked me.
She kind of went...

- When?
- Via text.

She said, "Hey,
you need to take responsibility"

and I said, "If I order myself
a glass of wine or two,
no problem.

But don't you be
pushing it on me."

Grace studios, she
had two bottles of Chardonnay.

I said, "Of course, I'm gonna
drink the wine. I like wine."

Then it was almost like
a bunch of pent up anger

that maybe she's had towards me
or jealousy over all the years,

just kind of... just...

It was a little disturbing
and I said something

- I probably shouldn't have said.
- What did you say?

I said, "You're
absolutely pathetic"

and I said, "Do you wonder why
you are 48 and still single?"

I look at their
relationship like my ex-husband.

Mary's a bad wife and
Ronnie should get rid of her.

Get a divorce.

But I'm more concerned about
Christina right at the moment.

What she did was bizarre.

It was bizarre behavior.

I thought her hair was darling
and I thought her dress
was darling

but I just wish
she would have kept it on.

Let me tell you, she looks
better with clothes on then off.

I do.

I was like, "Is this real life?"

This woman is in a pair of
underwear with high heels and a
T-shirt.

- Did you make her wear it?
- No, God, no.

Did you make her strip down
to nothing and put it on?

No. It was supposed to be funny,
it was a gag gift come on.

- I'm sure she'll give me
- Excuse me.

- something hilarious.
- Let's be frank. Let's be frank.

On my 40th birthday,
somebody brought me a vibrator,

like hello?
I chucked it in the garbage,

but you know you think I get
down nude and start using it?

I mean, it's shocking.

People bring hilarious gifts.
Penis putters,

you don't take
like the golf club

and, like, Scotland
and use the penis putter,

it was a joke for your
50th birthday, sweet cheeks.

I don't know. It worries me.

But I think we should try
and help her. I don't know.

Like... -You almost
feel like you want to.

You almost feel like you want

- As a woman, you have to.
- to take somebody like Christina

under your wing,
but it would be a lot of work.

I don't know if I have the time
to take Christina under my wing.

I'm a mother with five children

but you almost wish
that somebody would.

Coming up
on The Real Housewives...

Be responsible for your actions,
Christina.

Don't think I'm your enemy
'cause I'm not.

Really?
It certainly seems like you are.

I'm wearing slippers
today because I was very busy
this morning

working from bed.

Prada slippers.

It's a good look.

I'm going to
meet Christina today

because somebody
has to tell Christina,

it's time to grow up.

- Christina!
- Hi!

How are you? You look so
pretty. -So do you. All summery.

I don't look pretty at all,

I was just in my bedroom
doing meetings,

so I come out in my slippers,
I'm sorry.

I'm really nervous
about my meeting Jody.

She's... very intimidating.

- How are you feeling?
- Any day is a good day.

Yeah, yeah, you woke up alive
and what a birthday!

- Quite!
- Is that how you planned it?

God, no.

Let's be really clear here,
you know,

I'm straight forward,
and your behavior...

Thank God I left then.

Have you seen the pictures
that are traveling the internet?

You stripped.

It's pathetic.

So you came to chastise me
about my birthday?

Look at your daughter.

My daughter?

Don't ever bring my daughter up.
I will sue your ass.

- Really?
- Yeah. It'll be on fire.

You mention my daughter... You
mention my daughter, Christina,

one more time
and you'll be served.

My daughter is 24,
she's not a misbehaved child,

she's not married...

She's never been married
and she will do as she pleases.

Don't bring up my daughter.
Off grounds.

So she's never been married
that means she's a virgin?

Yes, I was married at 25, twice,
but Mia's pretty skanky.

She likes to party.

I came to meet you to talk about
your birthday, not my daughter.

- Kids are out of bounds.
- My inappropriate behavior.

Christina. You want to see
what's on the internet?

Let me show you
what's being downloaded.

Drop it. -Let's look
here first. You think...

God,
you bore the out of me.

- You think that's pretty?
- Whatever!

You think that's pretty?
You think that's nice?

Shot after shot after shot.

- Whatever.
- 20 photos.

- What do you mean whatever?
- It's done. It's done.
It's done.

Do I regret it? Sure! Do I
regret lots of things in my
life? Sure.

Be responsible for your actions,
Christina.

Don't think I'm your enemy
'cause I'm not.

Really?
It certainly seems like you are.

- No.
- You are so disapproving

- of everything and everyone
- Let me tell you something...

and you lord over everyone, you
think you're some queen,

you wear a goddamn
tiara, okay?

I wear a tiara
'cause I want to wear a tiara

'cause it's fashion forward
and it's by Butler and Wilson.

What are you talking about?

Come on, Christina,
why are you crying?

You're crying
because of your behavior,

not because of my actions. I did
nothing wrong, I left at 11:00.

I'm crying because I'm sick of
having to make excuses
for myself.

Well, then don't. But you know
what? Don't strip in public.

- Not cool.
- Don't tell me what to do.

Who do you think... Who do
you think sent these pictures?

Don't tell me what to do. -Who
do you think sent the pictures?

Probably you.

I wasn't there, sweet cheeks,
what are you, stupid?

Concentrate on
what you're saying.

- Shut up.
- No.

You know what? I can't do this,
I don't want to do it.

So is there anything else
you'd like to say to me?

Absolutely not.

Okay. Thank you.

Very, very much.

I hate your slippers
by the way.

She hates my f-ing slippers?

That's all you hate?
I hate a few more things.

I'm crying and I
hate that she can make me feel
like that.

I hate that she can make me feel
so small.

Next time on The
Real Housewives of Vancouver...

Make a big wish!

We've invited the neighbors,

my friends, Mia's friends,
our friends,

Mary's not invited and
Christina's not invited either.

When you're not invited to one
party, you make another party.

It's not a pity party,
it's an instead of party.

Here's to a better party.

You come in and you pretend
like nothing has happened.

Jody is sizing up Christina
for round two...

- We don't get along.
- I agree on that.

There is definite tension.
It's uncomfortable.

And here we go!