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1
00:00:02,000 --> 00:00:03,399
Tevin is living in my house.
2
00:00:03,400 --> 00:00:06,399
- He's blackmailing me until I get
his record wiped! - What... What?!
3
00:00:06,400 --> 00:00:07,999
If we sort this out ourselves,
4
00:00:08,000 --> 00:00:10,319
then he also won't have
anything to blackmail me with.
5
00:00:10,320 --> 00:00:12,319
This must be where he lives, right?
6
00:00:12,320 --> 00:00:13,759
We are coming for you, Steve.
7
00:00:13,760 --> 00:00:14,810
Oh, shit!
8
00:00:16,200 --> 00:00:17,599
Nobody knows anything,
9
00:00:17,600 --> 00:00:21,879
and nobody's going to know as long
as you keep your shit together.
10
00:00:21,880 --> 00:00:24,639
OK. Why did you print this?
11
00:00:24,640 --> 00:00:26,279
Erm... That was me.
12
00:00:26,280 --> 00:00:28,039
I need a file pull on two agents.
13
00:00:28,040 --> 00:00:29,799
Either you come clean or I will.
14
00:00:29,800 --> 00:00:31,519
If I'm going to have
to confess to this thing,
15
00:00:31,520 --> 00:00:33,879
then I want to bring
him in at the same time.
16
00:00:33,880 --> 00:00:36,279
Solid proof I wasn't
working with the guy.
17
00:00:36,280 --> 00:00:38,520
We are bringing Steve in.
18
00:00:38,521 --> 00:00:42,559
- ECHOING:
- If I'm going to have to confess to this thing,
19
00:00:42,560 --> 00:00:45,079
I want to bring him
in at the same time.
20
00:00:45,080 --> 00:00:46,999
We are bringing Steve in.
21
00:00:47,000 --> 00:00:50,519
Dom, can you please get out of my
thoughts? I'm trying to concentrate!
22
00:00:50,520 --> 00:00:52,359
What are you doing that's
more important than this?
23
00:00:52,360 --> 00:00:54,239
CARIBBEAN MUSIC
24
00:00:54,240 --> 00:00:57,079
Stop! Stop! Stop!
25
00:00:57,080 --> 00:00:58,130
MUSIC STOPS
26
00:00:59,320 --> 00:01:01,599
Kayode! What the hell happened?
27
00:01:01,600 --> 00:01:05,359
- No, no...
- You were meant to come in four bars ago. Your big solo.
28
00:01:05,360 --> 00:01:07,279
I'm sorry. I'm sorry,
I'm sorry, everyone.
29
00:01:07,280 --> 00:01:09,959
I was... Just, er, my mind...
Got a lot going on.
30
00:01:09,960 --> 00:01:12,279
Oh, OK.
31
00:01:12,280 --> 00:01:15,290
So, you want me to call up Carnival
and ask them to postpone?
32
00:01:16,480 --> 00:01:18,279
It's two weeks away, man!
33
00:01:18,280 --> 00:01:19,959
I know, I know. I'm sorry.
34
00:01:19,960 --> 00:01:21,519
I'll get it, I swear.
35
00:01:21,520 --> 00:01:24,439
Maybe we should give your solo...
36
00:01:24,440 --> 00:01:25,490
..to Cordell.
37
00:01:28,760 --> 00:01:30,399
No, no! No, no, no, no.
38
00:01:30,400 --> 00:01:31,799
No, I've got it. I promise.
39
00:01:31,800 --> 00:01:34,559
Let's go again, let's go again.
I've got it.
40
00:01:34,560 --> 00:01:35,599
How are you feeling?
41
00:01:35,600 --> 00:01:36,920
MUSIC RESUMES
42
00:01:41,480 --> 00:01:47,719
CAR HORN HONKS
43
00:01:47,720 --> 00:01:49,720
Sorry, Clive, I've got to go.
44
00:01:51,040 --> 00:01:53,439
You're not getting my solo, Cordell.
45
00:01:53,440 --> 00:01:54,799
It's not happening.
46
00:01:54,800 --> 00:01:56,879
It's mine. It's mine!
47
00:01:56,880 --> 00:01:59,159
Sorry, Clive. Sorry, everyone.
48
00:01:59,160 --> 00:02:00,559
I... I go, I go.
49
00:02:00,560 --> 00:02:02,199
HONKING CONTINUES
50
00:02:02,200 --> 00:02:05,719
Yes, stop it! Stop it!
I'm here! I'm here!
51
00:02:05,720 --> 00:02:07,759
Ugh, you're 15 minutes early!
52
00:02:07,760 --> 00:02:12,279
I had to abandon my solo and
watch a teenager openly mock me!
53
00:02:12,280 --> 00:02:13,999
OK, head in the game, all right?
54
00:02:14,000 --> 00:02:15,740
We have a serious job to do tonight!
55
00:02:15,741 --> 00:02:19,159
Come on, come on, come on,
come on, come on...
56
00:02:19,160 --> 00:02:20,639
Hey.
57
00:02:20,640 --> 00:02:21,919
Oh...
58
00:02:21,920 --> 00:02:25,319
Why have you brought inflatable
numbers to a covert operation?
59
00:02:25,320 --> 00:02:27,119
They're for Julie's
birthday party tomorrow.
60
00:02:27,120 --> 00:02:28,959
I had to bring them or my dad
wouldn't let me borrow the car.
61
00:02:28,960 --> 00:02:30,279
Julie's 90?!
62
00:02:30,280 --> 00:02:31,679
God, she looks great!
63
00:02:31,680 --> 00:02:33,799
No! The six is upside down!
64
00:02:33,800 --> 00:02:36,079
Oh. Well, 60's a big deal.
65
00:02:36,080 --> 00:02:37,719
What have you bought her?
66
00:02:37,720 --> 00:02:39,879
A scented candle.
67
00:02:39,880 --> 00:02:41,879
You just can't hide
your contempt, can you?
68
00:02:41,880 --> 00:02:43,359
Also, I'm concerned those balloons
69
00:02:43,360 --> 00:02:44,759
are going to obstruct
your view while driving.
70
00:02:44,760 --> 00:02:46,239
Oh, my God, Kay. Shut up!
71
00:02:46,240 --> 00:02:50,439
And why are you wearing an orange
T-shirt when I said black fatigues?!
72
00:02:50,440 --> 00:02:51,479
Fatigues!
73
00:02:51,480 --> 00:02:54,310
Dom, I keep telling you,
I don't know what fatigues are!
74
00:03:00,520 --> 00:03:04,119
No, Tevin, you didn't need to do
that. Just leave them on the side.
75
00:03:04,120 --> 00:03:05,639
No, I like it.
76
00:03:05,640 --> 00:03:07,870
Quietens the noise in my head,
do you get me?
77
00:03:07,871 --> 00:03:11,759
Look, we just wanted to let
you know we're heading out.
78
00:03:11,760 --> 00:03:15,399
I'm taking Julie to Jardins
for her birthday.
79
00:03:15,400 --> 00:03:18,319
They serve the salads in
little, tiny watering cans.
80
00:03:18,320 --> 00:03:19,839
So inventive.
81
00:03:19,840 --> 00:03:22,239
There are a couple of pizzas
in the freezer if you want one.
82
00:03:22,240 --> 00:03:24,999
Julie, before you go, I got you a
little something for your birthday.
83
00:03:25,000 --> 00:03:26,839
Oh, you didn't need
to do that, Tevin!
84
00:03:26,840 --> 00:03:28,840
That's... That's very
thoughtful of you.
85
00:03:34,600 --> 00:03:35,919
Oh. Heh.
86
00:03:35,920 --> 00:03:36,970
Many happy returns.
87
00:03:37,920 --> 00:03:39,919
50. Very generous.
88
00:03:39,920 --> 00:03:42,839
Tevin, look,
re: Julie's party tomorrow.
89
00:03:42,840 --> 00:03:45,639
{\an8}In case it's not obvious,
you are very much invited.
90
00:03:45,640 --> 00:03:47,119
{\an8}Ah, you know, what...
91
00:03:47,120 --> 00:03:49,199
{\an8}I'm not really ready to meet
the rest of the family yet.
92
00:03:49,200 --> 00:03:51,359
- Nonsense! You ARE family.
- Mm!
93
00:03:51,360 --> 00:03:54,719
Nah, the thing is, like,
I'm not really a parties guy.
94
00:03:54,720 --> 00:03:56,839
Like, I'll probably
sit it out upstairs,
95
00:03:56,840 --> 00:04:00,039
have a vape,
play some Switch, you know?
96
00:04:00,040 --> 00:04:03,519
Tevin, look, we don't mean to pry,
97
00:04:03,520 --> 00:04:05,040
but we've noticed...
98
00:04:06,040 --> 00:04:08,679
..you don't mix with other people.
99
00:04:08,680 --> 00:04:11,639
Y-you don't even leave the house.
100
00:04:11,640 --> 00:04:14,279
Now, I'm a paediatrician -
that's a doctor for children.
101
00:04:14,280 --> 00:04:15,879
Yeah, I know what
a paediatrician is.
102
00:04:15,880 --> 00:04:17,519
It's just that sometimes
people get it mixed up
103
00:04:17,520 --> 00:04:18,639
with the other thing...
104
00:04:18,640 --> 00:04:23,639
So, my point is, I know a thing
or two about mental health and...
105
00:04:23,640 --> 00:04:24,759
Ah, y-you know what...
106
00:04:24,760 --> 00:04:26,480
Heh-heh-heh, you know what?
107
00:04:27,440 --> 00:04:28,800
Yeah, I'd love to be there.
108
00:04:30,880 --> 00:04:34,319
- Yeah, I'll come.
- Brilliant! - Oh, fantastic!
109
00:04:34,320 --> 00:04:35,639
Looking forward to it!
110
00:04:35,640 --> 00:04:37,359
- Yeah, man.
- Happy days.
111
00:04:37,360 --> 00:04:39,199
- Let's go spend some money!
- Yes!
112
00:04:39,200 --> 00:04:40,719
Come on, spend it.
113
00:04:40,720 --> 00:04:42,359
I'll see you there.
114
00:04:42,360 --> 00:04:43,680
Glad rags on.
115
00:04:46,960 --> 00:04:48,010
DOOR CLOSES
116
00:04:50,520 --> 00:04:52,559
So, what's the plan?
117
00:04:52,560 --> 00:04:54,959
OK, this is what I'm thinking...
118
00:04:54,960 --> 00:05:01,199
We will hide in Steve's building
and wait for him to leave his flat,
119
00:05:01,200 --> 00:05:05,679
then we will use
the lockpicker to break in.
120
00:05:05,680 --> 00:05:07,199
I've gotten pretty good with it.
121
00:05:07,200 --> 00:05:08,640
You're welcome.
122
00:05:11,880 --> 00:05:14,040
We will then wait
for him to return...
123
00:05:15,720 --> 00:05:16,959
..then jump him!
124
00:05:16,960 --> 00:05:18,999
Gaffer tape, cable ties, the lot!
125
00:05:19,000 --> 00:05:21,960
Stick him in the boot, job done,
Happy Meals are on me.
126
00:05:21,961 --> 00:05:25,879
And, and - this is
the piece de resistance, yeah?
127
00:05:25,880 --> 00:05:30,799
I'm talking some 4D chess shit -
we tell MI5 Tevin was the informant
128
00:05:30,800 --> 00:05:32,199
who gave us Steve's address.
129
00:05:32,200 --> 00:05:34,519
All he asks for in return
is his record wiped.
130
00:05:34,520 --> 00:05:36,719
Two birds, one stone - obliterated!
131
00:05:36,720 --> 00:05:37,919
God, I'm good!
132
00:05:37,920 --> 00:05:39,159
We'll probably get medals.
133
00:05:39,160 --> 00:05:41,919
No. I'm sorry, Dom, I...
I can't agree to that.
134
00:05:41,920 --> 00:05:46,399
Bundling someone into a car boot
does not align with my values.
135
00:05:46,400 --> 00:05:49,519
No, no. We can do this
in a more civilised way.
136
00:05:49,520 --> 00:05:51,640
SHE SIGHS
137
00:05:49,520 --> 00:05:51,639
OK, Kay...
138
00:05:51,640 --> 00:05:52,920
..what is your suggestion?
139
00:05:55,280 --> 00:05:59,479
We knock on Steve's door,
calmly explain that the game's up.
140
00:05:59,480 --> 00:06:02,399
We dial 101 because a crime
isn't currently being committed
141
00:06:02,400 --> 00:06:04,719
and sit with him in
a firm but reassuring manner
142
00:06:04,720 --> 00:06:06,679
until the arresting officers arrive.
143
00:06:06,680 --> 00:06:08,639
Hmm?
144
00:06:08,640 --> 00:06:11,999
OK. Yeah. I hear it, I see it.
145
00:06:12,000 --> 00:06:14,559
- I think there might be a little
flaw with it, though. - What's that?
146
00:06:14,560 --> 00:06:15,679
It's st-yo-pid!
147
00:06:15,680 --> 00:06:17,999
You said minimal force!
148
00:06:18,000 --> 00:06:19,839
Minimal force is still force, Kay!
149
00:06:19,840 --> 00:06:21,839
All right? I'm just not going
to pistol-whip the guy.
150
00:06:21,840 --> 00:06:23,799
"Pistol-whip"? "Pistol-whip"?!
151
00:06:23,800 --> 00:06:25,919
Yes, I've said worse things
than "pistol-whip", Kay.
152
00:06:25,920 --> 00:06:27,639
- Shh!
- Shit, he's coming out!
153
00:06:27,640 --> 00:06:30,439
So, we approach him and then we
politely escort him to the car.
154
00:06:30,440 --> 00:06:32,879
It's too open! There are too
many exits, too many witnesses.
155
00:06:32,880 --> 00:06:34,399
Oh, he's gone! What do we do now?
156
00:06:34,400 --> 00:06:36,279
I guess we're just going to
have to do what I said.
157
00:06:36,280 --> 00:06:38,959
- Divine intervention, Kay.
- No, no! I don't like this!
158
00:06:38,960 --> 00:06:40,599
You don't have to like it!
159
00:06:40,600 --> 00:06:42,279
Look, I think we should
call the MI5,
160
00:06:42,280 --> 00:06:44,159
tell them the truth
about everything,
161
00:06:44,160 --> 00:06:46,559
give them Steve's address and
then they can take care of...
162
00:06:46,560 --> 00:06:49,759
Kay! They're going to send over
numpty, who'll turn up empty-handed,
163
00:06:49,760 --> 00:06:51,839
and then it looks like we're
trying to pull a fast one.
164
00:06:51,840 --> 00:06:55,959
Meanwhile, Steve is still out there,
at large, planning God knows what!
165
00:06:55,960 --> 00:06:59,880
Look, we wait for him to come
back home and then we get him.
166
00:07:03,560 --> 00:07:04,839
What's in there?
167
00:07:04,840 --> 00:07:06,759
Just one or two things
from the gadget stores.
168
00:07:06,760 --> 00:07:08,279
And how'd you get stuff
out of the gadget stores?
169
00:07:08,280 --> 00:07:10,199
Put it on the same code
as the lockpicker.
170
00:07:10,200 --> 00:07:12,319
What?! Dom, that's
signed out under my name!
171
00:07:12,320 --> 00:07:14,439
OK, can we just get some
perspective here, please, OK?
172
00:07:14,440 --> 00:07:17,679
I got you to smuggle out a
classified file from MI5, all right?
173
00:07:17,680 --> 00:07:18,879
This is not worse than that, is it?
174
00:07:18,880 --> 00:07:20,640
How is that your argument?!
175
00:07:22,120 --> 00:07:23,479
Wh... Where are you going?!
176
00:07:23,480 --> 00:07:25,239
We're putting a tracker
on Steve's car.
177
00:07:25,240 --> 00:07:26,919
If he comes back and drives off,
we can tail him.
178
00:07:26,920 --> 00:07:29,199
No, no, no, no! I do not
consent to a car chase, Dom,
179
00:07:29,200 --> 00:07:32,039
especially with
inflatables in the vehicle!
180
00:07:32,040 --> 00:07:33,439
It's a precaution, Kay!
181
00:07:33,440 --> 00:07:35,240
You love that word - "caution"!
182
00:07:37,920 --> 00:07:39,559
Evening.
183
00:07:39,560 --> 00:07:40,610
Ooh...
184
00:07:43,600 --> 00:07:44,650
Right...
185
00:07:46,000 --> 00:07:47,199
What's that?
186
00:07:47,200 --> 00:07:49,559
Motion sensor, so we know
when he's coming back.
187
00:07:49,560 --> 00:07:51,519
Did you leave anything
at the gadget store?!
188
00:07:51,520 --> 00:07:54,000
Yeah, those cacao balls.
They tasted like arse.
189
00:07:55,840 --> 00:07:58,839
- Dom, Dom, Dom, Dom...
- Hmm?
190
00:07:58,840 --> 00:08:00,359
Oh! Hey!
191
00:08:00,360 --> 00:08:02,279
Good evening, madam!
192
00:08:02,280 --> 00:08:08,399
We would like to introduce you
to our Lord and our Saviour...
193
00:08:08,400 --> 00:08:10,039
No? No? OK.
194
00:08:10,040 --> 00:08:11,160
Good evening.
195
00:08:12,560 --> 00:08:13,679
Offensive.
196
00:08:13,680 --> 00:08:15,279
Worked though, didn't it?
197
00:08:15,280 --> 00:08:18,679
We have absolutely no idea how long
he's going to take to get back,
198
00:08:18,680 --> 00:08:21,559
so when we're inside,
we must examine the three Ps -
199
00:08:21,560 --> 00:08:23,279
patience, precision and...
200
00:08:23,280 --> 00:08:24,800
LOCK CLICKS
201
00:08:23,280 --> 00:08:24,799
Ooh, got it. Let's go.
202
00:08:24,800 --> 00:08:26,159
Oi, what's the third P?
203
00:08:26,160 --> 00:08:28,119
Dom, what's the third P?!
204
00:08:28,120 --> 00:08:31,479
OK, we have to do all
this precisely, right?
205
00:08:31,480 --> 00:08:34,119
So just follow everything I do
and we'll be absolutely fine, OK?
206
00:08:34,120 --> 00:08:36,479
Hope you don't mind,
I borrowed your dressing...
207
00:08:36,480 --> 00:08:37,999
- YELPS:
- ..gown!
208
00:08:38,000 --> 00:08:39,280
Sorry, who are you?!
209
00:08:41,320 --> 00:08:42,370
Erm...
210
00:08:43,840 --> 00:08:45,680
I should ask you
the same question...
211
00:08:46,800 --> 00:08:48,200
..seeing as this is my flat!
212
00:08:51,360 --> 00:08:52,519
Oh!
213
00:08:52,520 --> 00:08:54,159
Heh, sorry.
214
00:08:54,160 --> 00:08:56,919
Jared didn't mention any housemates.
215
00:08:56,920 --> 00:08:58,399
Jared?
216
00:08:58,400 --> 00:09:01,479
Didn't he? He didn't? That's...
217
00:09:01,480 --> 00:09:04,199
That's bloody Jared, eh?
218
00:09:04,200 --> 00:09:05,999
Typical Jared!
219
00:09:06,000 --> 00:09:11,759
Always playing the big man!
Always playing the homeowner!
220
00:09:11,760 --> 00:09:13,039
And he is not.
221
00:09:13,040 --> 00:09:15,319
He is...not the homeowner.
222
00:09:15,320 --> 00:09:16,919
I am...
223
00:09:16,920 --> 00:09:18,199
..the homeowner.
224
00:09:18,200 --> 00:09:19,919
Mm.
225
00:09:19,920 --> 00:09:23,439
Sorry, you know, that I
was a bit argh just now.
226
00:09:23,440 --> 00:09:26,720
Jared didn't tell me that he was...
227
00:09:30,480 --> 00:09:32,639
..seeing anyone.
228
00:09:32,640 --> 00:09:33,799
Oh.
229
00:09:33,800 --> 00:09:36,279
Well, it's only a second date.
230
00:09:36,280 --> 00:09:38,199
Ah, well, going well, then.
231
00:09:38,200 --> 00:09:40,239
See? Careful there.
232
00:09:40,240 --> 00:09:43,039
You know Jared, he's all
charm and smiles until he...
233
00:09:43,040 --> 00:09:44,719
..lands you in the shit!
234
00:09:44,720 --> 00:09:46,440
Hang on, isn't this a one-bed?
235
00:09:50,320 --> 00:09:51,879
Yes.
236
00:09:51,880 --> 00:09:53,399
Yes, it is.
237
00:09:53,400 --> 00:09:56,999
Welcome to the London
housing market!
238
00:09:57,000 --> 00:09:59,359
Am I right? Thanks, boomers.
239
00:09:59,360 --> 00:10:02,040
Oh, wow, so how does that work?
240
00:10:03,480 --> 00:10:05,759
How does it work? How does it work?
241
00:10:05,760 --> 00:10:07,999
It works like this, mate.
242
00:10:08,000 --> 00:10:10,719
I'm going to tell you how it works.
This is how it works...
243
00:10:10,720 --> 00:10:15,560
I work nights, Jared days.
244
00:10:16,800 --> 00:10:20,799
Ships passing away from each other
in the wind cos we don't,
245
00:10:20,800 --> 00:10:23,279
we don't ever see each other
cos he's in the other...
246
00:10:23,280 --> 00:10:24,839
Different time schedules and...
247
00:10:24,840 --> 00:10:26,359
Hey, do you want a drink?
248
00:10:26,360 --> 00:10:28,319
- We should go.
- No. No.
249
00:10:28,320 --> 00:10:30,039
I'm sure, erm, er...
250
00:10:30,040 --> 00:10:34,799
- Benito.
- Ah! Benito and Jared wouldn't mind if we, you know,
251
00:10:34,800 --> 00:10:36,200
hung out with them for a bit.
252
00:10:37,200 --> 00:10:41,159
You know what? Actually, where is...
..where is our...our Jared?
253
00:10:41,160 --> 00:10:42,559
Our kid, our kid!
254
00:10:42,560 --> 00:10:44,639
Where is our roomie?
Where has he gone?
255
00:10:44,640 --> 00:10:46,719
He's just gone to pick up
a Chinese and a gram.
256
00:10:46,720 --> 00:10:48,599
Oh! And Chinese and a gram! Great!
257
00:10:48,600 --> 00:10:50,519
So, he's gone to pick that up,
258
00:10:50,520 --> 00:10:53,319
so, what, he'll be, what, like,
15...15 minutes? 10? 15?
259
00:10:53,320 --> 00:10:54,359
I... I guess.
260
00:10:54,360 --> 00:10:58,120
Yeah, so he will be
right back, OK? Soon.
261
00:10:59,920 --> 00:11:01,440
What would you like to drink?
262
00:11:01,801 --> 00:11:05,159
Kay, what would you like to drink?
263
00:11:05,160 --> 00:11:06,640
HE BREATHES SHAKILY
264
00:11:08,160 --> 00:11:09,479
O-orange squash.
265
00:11:09,480 --> 00:11:10,879
OK!
266
00:11:10,880 --> 00:11:12,279
Erm...
267
00:11:12,280 --> 00:11:15,399
Not-not-not something
from the fridge? No?
268
00:11:15,400 --> 00:11:17,719
No, just orange squash, please.
269
00:11:17,720 --> 00:11:20,119
Alrighty, then! OK.
270
00:11:20,120 --> 00:11:21,679
So, an orange squash.
271
00:11:21,680 --> 00:11:23,039
Oh, do you want in on the squash?
272
00:11:23,040 --> 00:11:24,879
Oh, no, I'm good with
my Chablis, thanks.
273
00:11:24,880 --> 00:11:26,639
- He's good.
- Just not too much squash.
274
00:11:26,640 --> 00:11:28,279
OK, so you want an orange squash?
275
00:11:28,280 --> 00:11:32,879
Cos, yes, you are the only one who
wants it and I'm in the kitchen,
276
00:11:32,880 --> 00:11:36,040
going to get you an orange...
..an orange squash, so, erm...
277
00:11:40,560 --> 00:11:42,719
- Oh, er, by the way, Benito...
- Mm?
278
00:11:42,720 --> 00:11:45,719
Er, this is...
this is where we keep the cereal
279
00:11:45,720 --> 00:11:47,719
cos I assume you're going to
spend the night? Hey? Hey?
280
00:11:47,720 --> 00:11:49,519
You randy wee bugger! You know...
281
00:11:49,520 --> 00:11:51,120
You're just... Erm...
282
00:11:54,240 --> 00:11:56,600
Here is a single light bulb...
283
00:11:57,600 --> 00:12:00,759
..cos, erm, you know,
if the lights do go out,
284
00:12:00,760 --> 00:12:03,879
you don't want to be rummaging
around in the dark, you know, so...
285
00:12:03,880 --> 00:12:08,519
You know where it is, it's in there,
in the single light bulb cupboard.
286
00:12:08,520 --> 00:12:11,840
Orange... Orange squash is...
287
00:12:15,520 --> 00:12:17,359
That is a bin.
288
00:12:17,360 --> 00:12:18,999
And, er...
289
00:12:19,000 --> 00:12:21,959
Might be a little bit of
a weird place to keep a bin,
290
00:12:21,960 --> 00:12:23,519
I'm sure you're thinking,
291
00:12:23,520 --> 00:12:25,799
until you consider...
292
00:12:25,800 --> 00:12:27,919
- ..mice. Yeah?
- Mm.
293
00:12:27,920 --> 00:12:33,679
Er, I am yet to see a mouse that's,
er, able to open a cupboard,
294
00:12:33,680 --> 00:12:35,910
especially one at this
ridiculous height!
295
00:12:35,911 --> 00:12:40,039
I'm sorry, I don't know why I'm
giving you a tour of the cupboards.
296
00:12:40,040 --> 00:12:41,679
What was it you said you
wanted again, Kay?
297
00:12:41,680 --> 00:12:42,719
Orange squash.
298
00:12:42,720 --> 00:12:45,079
Orange squash! Yes!
299
00:12:45,080 --> 00:12:46,759
That was it! Hold on!
300
00:12:46,760 --> 00:12:49,919
No, I...I moved it over there,
so we're good.
301
00:12:49,920 --> 00:12:52,919
Just orange...orange squash...
302
00:12:52,920 --> 00:12:56,239
Orange squash, orange squash...
303
00:12:56,240 --> 00:12:59,159
Oh, mate, I think we're
out of orange squash.
304
00:12:59,160 --> 00:13:00,359
Would you like a water?
305
00:13:00,360 --> 00:13:01,439
Water would be fine.
306
00:13:01,440 --> 00:13:02,490
Great!
307
00:13:03,560 --> 00:13:06,239
I'm just going to give
Jared a quick ring.
308
00:13:06,240 --> 00:13:07,959
No!
309
00:13:07,960 --> 00:13:10,079
No. No, no.
310
00:13:10,080 --> 00:13:11,759
Erm...
311
00:13:11,760 --> 00:13:12,919
Because I...
312
00:13:12,920 --> 00:13:13,970
Benito...
313
00:13:15,320 --> 00:13:18,039
How serious are you about Jared?
314
00:13:18,040 --> 00:13:19,519
I mean, I like him.
315
00:13:19,520 --> 00:13:21,999
He's... He's funny, he's, erm...
316
00:13:22,000 --> 00:13:25,599
- He's charismatic.
- He is. He is very charismatic.
317
00:13:25,600 --> 00:13:28,079
Yeah. And he...he smells incredible.
318
00:13:28,080 --> 00:13:31,639
Look, Benito, word to the wise -
319
00:13:31,640 --> 00:13:38,519
if you want a meaningful
romantic future with...
320
00:13:38,520 --> 00:13:40,479
- BOTH:
- ..Jared...
321
00:13:40,480 --> 00:13:42,639
..don't be calling him all the time.
322
00:13:42,640 --> 00:13:46,199
Yes! Don't be too available.
323
00:13:46,200 --> 00:13:48,519
You know, it's giving...
324
00:13:48,520 --> 00:13:49,799
..desperate.
325
00:13:49,800 --> 00:13:52,679
Yeah, we see guys come
and go all the time.
326
00:13:52,680 --> 00:13:56,319
Ohhh! So, you two are...together?
327
00:13:56,320 --> 00:13:57,799
- Yeah.
- No!
328
00:13:57,800 --> 00:13:59,359
- No.
- Yes and no.
329
00:13:59,360 --> 00:14:01,719
- Yeah.
- Mostly no. - Half and half, really.
330
00:14:01,720 --> 00:14:03,799
But, er, that's not the point.
What's the point?
331
00:14:03,800 --> 00:14:06,119
The point is, Steve doesn't
like guys calling him a lot.
332
00:14:06,120 --> 00:14:07,170
Mm-hm.
333
00:14:08,640 --> 00:14:09,690
Who's Steve?
334
00:14:16,680 --> 00:14:19,719
Steve is what we call
Jared because...
335
00:14:19,720 --> 00:14:26,199
Mm-hm. Yeah, we-we call him that
because he once had a short stint -
336
00:14:26,200 --> 00:14:30,199
very embarrassing for him -
at the Jobcentre.
337
00:14:30,200 --> 00:14:31,359
You know, cos Jobs.
338
00:14:31,360 --> 00:14:33,519
- Steve Jobs, so Steve.
- Yeah.
339
00:14:33,520 --> 00:14:37,679
We are a very witty
and fun friendship group.
340
00:14:37,680 --> 00:14:38,730
Yeah.
341
00:14:41,160 --> 00:14:43,239
I think I might just go get changed.
342
00:14:43,240 --> 00:14:45,879
I suddenly feel aware that
I'm not wearing any trousers.
343
00:14:45,880 --> 00:14:46,999
THEY LAUGH LOUDLY
344
00:14:47,000 --> 00:14:48,799
Yeah! Now, see, see, now I'm aware
345
00:14:48,800 --> 00:14:50,199
that you're not wearing
any trousers.
346
00:14:50,200 --> 00:14:52,719
Oh! Ooh! Don't let me see it!
Don't let me see it!
347
00:14:52,720 --> 00:14:54,199
KAY LAUGHS
348
00:14:54,200 --> 00:14:55,640
Ooh! Ooh-hoo!
349
00:14:56,680 --> 00:14:58,279
No, no, no, no, no, no, no!
350
00:14:58,280 --> 00:14:59,719
Erm...
351
00:14:59,720 --> 00:15:02,999
Your battery's low, so I'm going to
charge it whilst you get changed,
352
00:15:03,000 --> 00:15:05,039
my friend, Benito. OK?
353
00:15:05,040 --> 00:15:07,399
Erm... Ideally you should
never let it go below 20%
354
00:15:07,400 --> 00:15:09,079
and never charge it over 80%.
355
00:15:09,080 --> 00:15:10,759
We need to leave, now!
356
00:15:10,760 --> 00:15:12,919
- When he comes back,
we need to jump him! - What?!
357
00:15:12,920 --> 00:15:14,839
Yeah, because Steve's going to
come through that door any minute
358
00:15:14,840 --> 00:15:15,879
and we can't handle two of them!
359
00:15:15,880 --> 00:15:17,239
This guy's not even involved!
360
00:15:17,240 --> 00:15:18,439
We don't know that!
361
00:15:18,440 --> 00:15:20,119
This is a mess. We should just go.
362
00:15:20,120 --> 00:15:22,799
If we go, he's going
to tell Steve we're here
363
00:15:22,800 --> 00:15:24,999
and then Steve will vanish
into a puff of smoke!
364
00:15:25,000 --> 00:15:27,359
We are here now.
The only way out is through.
365
00:15:27,360 --> 00:15:28,399
But...
366
00:15:28,400 --> 00:15:32,679
Kay, when Benito comes back,
you just keep him talking.
367
00:15:32,680 --> 00:15:34,199
I will do the rest.
368
00:15:34,200 --> 00:15:35,479
- You talk...
- Talk.
369
00:15:35,480 --> 00:15:36,559
- ..I'll do the rest.
- Yeah.
370
00:15:36,560 --> 00:15:37,599
- Just talk.
- Just...
371
00:15:37,600 --> 00:15:39,199
- Just talk!
- Ahh...
372
00:15:39,200 --> 00:15:40,319
That's better.
373
00:15:40,320 --> 00:15:41,679
- BOTH:
- Hey!
374
00:15:41,680 --> 00:15:44,559
- Ooh!
- Ooh! Mustard suits you!
375
00:15:44,560 --> 00:15:45,599
Hey, Dijon!
376
00:15:45,600 --> 00:15:48,359
I'm going to go to the kitchen...
Get another drink...
377
00:15:48,360 --> 00:15:49,519
Oh!
378
00:15:49,520 --> 00:15:50,879
This is nice. Mm-mm.
379
00:15:50,880 --> 00:15:52,479
Yep, mm-hm.
380
00:15:52,480 --> 00:15:53,519
Yeah.
381
00:15:53,520 --> 00:15:56,760
Er, Benito, tell me,
what do you do when you're not...
382
00:15:57,880 --> 00:15:59,519
..doing this?
383
00:15:59,520 --> 00:16:01,039
I'm an artist.
384
00:16:01,040 --> 00:16:02,839
Oh, really?
385
00:16:02,840 --> 00:16:06,239
Well, I mean, I do online marketing
for a B2B recruitment agency,
386
00:16:06,240 --> 00:16:08,919
but art is my passion.
387
00:16:08,920 --> 00:16:11,199
Oh, that's fascinating. I love art.
388
00:16:11,200 --> 00:16:13,079
- Oh, yeah?
- You know when...
389
00:16:13,080 --> 00:16:17,119
You know...when you look at pictures
and it's not what it seems at first?
390
00:16:17,120 --> 00:16:18,559
You know, you look at
it and you go, "Uh?"
391
00:16:18,560 --> 00:16:20,159
You mean abstract expressionism?
392
00:16:20,160 --> 00:16:21,839
Magic Eye.
393
00:16:21,840 --> 00:16:23,280
So, tell me more about...
394
00:16:24,680 --> 00:16:26,919
..y-your work.
395
00:16:26,920 --> 00:16:30,079
Ah, well, my background
is in textile design...
396
00:16:30,080 --> 00:16:33,119
- Mm-hm.
- ..and I've always painted, but then, well, by chance, really,
397
00:16:33,120 --> 00:16:34,959
because I had a, erm...
398
00:16:34,960 --> 00:16:38,519
- Mm.
- ..a Wowcher, I did a night class in ceramics
399
00:16:38,520 --> 00:16:40,959
- and something just clicked for me.
- KAY SCREECHES
400
00:16:40,960 --> 00:16:43,279
I started making decorative
ornamental teacups
401
00:16:43,280 --> 00:16:48,439
with a playful, erotic edge, which
I see as political with a small P.
402
00:16:48,440 --> 00:16:50,120
KAY GASPS
403
00:16:48,440 --> 00:16:50,119
What are you doing?
404
00:16:50,120 --> 00:16:51,279
Hmm? Hmm?
405
00:16:51,280 --> 00:16:53,359
This your...
406
00:16:53,360 --> 00:16:54,759
Do you want an omelette?
407
00:16:54,760 --> 00:16:56,319
You know, it's just rude of me.
408
00:16:56,320 --> 00:16:59,959
I just realised you're a guest
in my home and I haven't...
409
00:16:59,960 --> 00:17:01,439
..I haven't offered you an omelette.
410
00:17:01,440 --> 00:17:04,159
- Are you...?
- I'm good. I'm about to eat a Chinese, so...
411
00:17:04,160 --> 00:17:06,079
Oh, no? OK, well, your loss!
412
00:17:06,080 --> 00:17:07,759
My omelettes are banging.
413
00:17:07,760 --> 00:17:08,799
Yeah...
414
00:17:08,800 --> 00:17:13,119
More recently, I've been smashing
the teacups, burying the bits
415
00:17:13,120 --> 00:17:15,279
and selling the co-ordinates
as an NFT.
416
00:17:15,280 --> 00:17:16,959
Yeah, absolutely. That's... What...?
417
00:17:16,960 --> 00:17:18,359
Do you like hugs?
418
00:17:18,360 --> 00:17:20,399
- Sorry?
- Oh... - Do you like hugs?
419
00:17:20,400 --> 00:17:21,759
I'm a hugger.
420
00:17:21,760 --> 00:17:23,479
Everyone who comes
into my home gets one.
421
00:17:23,480 --> 00:17:25,079
Come on! Bring it in!
422
00:17:25,080 --> 00:17:26,439
We all love a hug!
423
00:17:26,440 --> 00:17:27,680
- OK.
- Come on!
424
00:17:28,760 --> 00:17:29,919
Aww...
425
00:17:29,920 --> 00:17:33,079
I read somewhere that hugging,
it really calms the...
426
00:17:33,080 --> 00:17:34,319
- Grab his legs!
- What?!
427
00:17:34,320 --> 00:17:36,199
- Grab his legs!
- What are you doing?! Are you crazy?!
428
00:17:36,200 --> 00:17:38,759
- No, no, no!
- I've broken cover!
429
00:17:38,760 --> 00:17:40,400
I'm wrestling a man!
430
00:17:41,560 --> 00:17:42,840
SCREAMING
431
00:17:43,920 --> 00:17:44,970
HE WHIMPERS
432
00:17:45,960 --> 00:17:47,640
- Oh...
- Oh, my God.
433
00:17:48,880 --> 00:17:50,679
He's unconscious!
434
00:17:50,680 --> 00:17:52,639
Oh, phew. Well, problem solved.
435
00:17:52,640 --> 00:17:55,559
No. No, Dom. Problem activated.
436
00:17:55,560 --> 00:17:57,999
He's unconscious!
That's a head trauma!
437
00:17:58,000 --> 00:17:59,799
He needs medical attention!
438
00:17:59,800 --> 00:18:02,839
Well, I mean, he's breathing
and he's got a pulse.
439
00:18:02,840 --> 00:18:05,439
I'm not a doctor, but how's that
any different from being asleep?
440
00:18:05,440 --> 00:18:06,799
OK, Dom...
441
00:18:06,800 --> 00:18:09,519
Dom, this man is an
innocent bystander, OK?
442
00:18:09,520 --> 00:18:11,239
A ceramicist.
443
00:18:11,240 --> 00:18:13,599
This has totally gotten out of hand.
444
00:18:13,600 --> 00:18:16,519
This, this right here, is why we
should never should have been here
445
00:18:16,520 --> 00:18:17,559
in the first place!
446
00:18:17,560 --> 00:18:18,679
Help me get him on the sofa.
447
00:18:18,680 --> 00:18:20,119
Dom, are you even listening to me?
448
00:18:20,120 --> 00:18:21,279
What?
449
00:18:21,280 --> 00:18:24,759
I don't have time to debate
this shit with you, all right?!
450
00:18:24,760 --> 00:18:26,959
Steve could be here any minute!
Where are you going?!
451
00:18:26,960 --> 00:18:28,999
For a wee!
452
00:18:29,000 --> 00:18:31,079
Is that all right with you?!
453
00:18:31,080 --> 00:18:33,159
You know stress excites my bladder!
454
00:18:33,160 --> 00:18:35,000
Just...hurry up!
455
00:18:36,040 --> 00:18:37,090
Jeez!
456
00:18:41,560 --> 00:18:43,000
Sorry, mate.
457
00:18:52,920 --> 00:18:58,119
Round and round...the bunny ears...
458
00:18:58,120 --> 00:18:59,639
Tight...
459
00:18:59,640 --> 00:19:00,690
PHONE CHIMES
460
00:19:04,360 --> 00:19:06,119
Shit! Shit!
461
00:19:06,120 --> 00:19:08,479
Erm, erm, Steve's on his way back,
he just sent a text.
462
00:19:08,480 --> 00:19:11,639
Right, erm, get on your haunches
and...and watch the door.
463
00:19:11,640 --> 00:19:12,679
What are haunches?!
464
00:19:12,680 --> 00:19:15,519
Have you never used a toilet
in rural France? Just crouch!
465
00:19:15,520 --> 00:19:16,759
Jeez...
466
00:19:16,760 --> 00:19:18,559
- OK.
- Is that a Taser?
467
00:19:18,560 --> 00:19:21,759
- Yes.
- I know you haven't done the course on how to deploy that.
468
00:19:21,760 --> 00:19:24,319
Hey, I watched most of
a YouTube video at double speed
469
00:19:24,320 --> 00:19:25,719
when you were in band practice, OK?
470
00:19:25,720 --> 00:19:29,959
A guy in Texas zapped a watermelon,
it was fine, all right?
471
00:19:29,960 --> 00:19:32,079
So, it can't fail.
And if it does, you just grab him.
472
00:19:32,080 --> 00:19:33,159
You just said it can't fail!
473
00:19:33,160 --> 00:19:35,599
It can't fail!
IF it does, you grab him!
474
00:19:35,600 --> 00:19:36,639
Watch the door!
475
00:19:36,640 --> 00:19:38,479
At least when you deploy it,
shout, "Taser, Taser!"
476
00:19:38,480 --> 00:19:39,719
Will you stop telling me what to do?
477
00:19:39,720 --> 00:19:41,639
- I'm not telling you what to do.
- You are! - It's a suggestion.
478
00:19:41,640 --> 00:19:43,999
You're holding a weapon
that could hurt me,
479
00:19:44,000 --> 00:19:46,470
- so it's for my safety
as well as yours. - Oh, my God...
480
00:20:15,440 --> 00:20:19,119
- I have masterminded this entire
thing on my own... - Yeah.
481
00:20:19,120 --> 00:20:20,159
- All right?
- Ho-ho-hooo!
482
00:20:20,160 --> 00:20:24,599
- All you have done is moan, just...
- No. - ..myeh, myeh, myeh.
483
00:20:24,600 --> 00:20:27,279
You know what? This is Clinton's
dead finger all over again.
484
00:20:27,280 --> 00:20:31,319
Me cutting it off and you
crying in the corner, doing nothing.
485
00:20:31,320 --> 00:20:35,280
This whole thing is a metaphor
for Clinton's dead finger!
486
00:20:45,991 --> 00:20:52,159
- What are you doing?
- My haunches are aching, so I'm going on my knees.
487
00:20:52,160 --> 00:20:54,319
You can't pounce from your knees!
488
00:20:54,320 --> 00:20:56,119
- Well, I'm going on the beanbag.
- Don't you sit on that beanbag!
489
00:20:56,120 --> 00:20:57,679
- Nngh!
- I've seen you on a beanbag,
490
00:20:57,680 --> 00:20:59,119
it takes you ten minutes
to get back up!
491
00:20:59,120 --> 00:21:02,439
Look, I'm not going to be able
to do anything, let alone pounce,
492
00:21:02,440 --> 00:21:05,239
if I'm in a constant state of cramp!
493
00:21:05,240 --> 00:21:06,920
No, that's it. I'm going to...
494
00:21:09,440 --> 00:21:11,799
Shhh-ania Twain.
495
00:21:11,800 --> 00:21:13,760
- Dom...
- Yeah, just shh!
496
00:21:13,761 --> 00:21:16,319
- WHISPERS:
- He's listening.
497
00:21:16,320 --> 00:21:18,320
SHE MOUTHS
498
00:21:30,931 --> 00:21:33,119
- WHISPERS:
- Take it!
499
00:21:33,120 --> 00:21:34,440
No, I'm not doing it.
500
00:21:40,520 --> 00:21:45,240
Kay, stop going on about your
haunches and watch the door!
501
00:21:46,680 --> 00:21:47,840
SHE MOUTHS
502
00:21:49,320 --> 00:21:51,040
- THEY WHISPER: What, now?
- Go!
503
00:22:00,280 --> 00:22:01,880
HE BREATHES SHAKILY
504
00:22:04,200 --> 00:22:05,250
HE GASPS
505
00:22:11,520 --> 00:22:12,799
HE GASPS
506
00:22:12,800 --> 00:22:16,040
HE BREATHES HEAVILY
507
00:22:17,280 --> 00:22:21,279
OK... OK... OK...
508
00:22:21,280 --> 00:22:25,559
OK... OK... OK...
509
00:22:25,560 --> 00:22:26,759
HE WHIMPERS
510
00:22:26,760 --> 00:22:28,319
HE GASPS
511
00:22:28,320 --> 00:22:30,639
OK... OK...
512
00:22:30,640 --> 00:22:32,680
It was just a T-shirt.
513
00:22:46,360 --> 00:22:48,480
OK... Oh...
514
00:22:50,240 --> 00:22:51,880
HE GASPS
515
00:23:03,560 --> 00:23:04,840
HE GASPS
516
00:23:13,520 --> 00:23:14,570
Yargh!
517
00:23:20,240 --> 00:23:22,520
Ah, you're really strong...
518
00:23:25,960 --> 00:23:28,320
Argh! Aaaargh! Aaaargh!
519
00:23:30,160 --> 00:23:31,240
Oh-ho-ho-ho!
520
00:23:33,160 --> 00:23:35,399
I didn't shout, "Taser, Taser!"
521
00:23:35,400 --> 00:23:38,560
It's fi... It's fine. I'm not
judging you. Thank you. Thank you.
522
00:23:39,840 --> 00:23:41,199
BEEPING
523
00:23:41,200 --> 00:23:44,159
Oh... That's the motion sensor.
524
00:23:44,160 --> 00:23:45,480
It's Steve!
525
00:23:47,760 --> 00:23:49,159
Steve?!
526
00:23:49,160 --> 00:23:50,680
I'm so sorry, Benito!
527
00:23:56,240 --> 00:23:57,440
Haunches!
528
00:24:02,920 --> 00:24:04,759
Aaaargh!
529
00:24:04,760 --> 00:24:06,199
Oh, God, Alasdair!
530
00:24:06,200 --> 00:24:07,599
Wha...
531
00:24:07,600 --> 00:24:10,320
You are in deep caca.
532
00:24:11,360 --> 00:24:12,999
Apprehend them.
533
00:24:13,000 --> 00:24:14,920
No, no, no. I have a frying pan.
534
00:24:16,640 --> 00:24:18,280
How did you know we were...?
535
00:24:20,160 --> 00:24:21,440
You?
536
00:24:22,680 --> 00:24:23,840
Judas.
537
00:24:26,061 --> 00:24:29,279
OK, is that absolutely necessary?
538
00:24:29,280 --> 00:24:30,399
'Fraid so.
539
00:24:30,400 --> 00:24:34,520
MUFFLED SCREAM
540
00:24:34,570 --> 00:24:39,120
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