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1
00:00:01,877 --> 00:00:03,586
Hey, Dad. Guess what?
2
00:00:03,586 --> 00:00:06,548
Life isn't always a blistering
wound of chaos and despair.
3
00:00:08,759 --> 00:00:11,011
Look who's in
a cheery mood.
4
00:00:11,011 --> 00:00:12,471
Some bookstore
must have closed
5
00:00:12,471 --> 00:00:14,723
and turned into
a new dispensary, huh?
6
00:00:16,099 --> 00:00:18,352
I went to an estate sale.
7
00:00:18,352 --> 00:00:20,187
This lady had
the coolest stuff.
8
00:00:20,187 --> 00:00:23,649
And after I eliminated
everything she could have
died in, on, or under,
9
00:00:23,649 --> 00:00:26,235
I bought this.
10
00:00:26,235 --> 00:00:29,947
Huh, actually looks like
a knockoff of a Frank Matranga,
11
00:00:29,947 --> 00:00:32,616
a very famous
California potter.
12
00:00:32,616 --> 00:00:35,077
-[Riley] Hmm.
-But I'm sure the only Potter
you know is Harry.
13
00:00:37,371 --> 00:00:40,457
Business has been great,
so I thought I'd treat myself.
14
00:00:40,457 --> 00:00:42,417
And I haven't bought any art
since I got that poster
15
00:00:42,417 --> 00:00:44,044
of a cat reading the newspaper
on the toilet
16
00:00:44,044 --> 00:00:45,087
that I hung above the toilet.
17
00:00:46,630 --> 00:00:49,716
Ah. Hey, um...
18
00:00:49,716 --> 00:00:52,386
you know where that would fit
is up in my guest room.
19
00:00:53,095 --> 00:00:54,763
You mean my room?
20
00:00:54,763 --> 00:00:56,932
-I thought you liked it.
-I do like it.
21
00:00:56,932 --> 00:00:59,268
It just doesn't fit
the aesthetic here
I've got going on.
22
00:00:59,268 --> 00:01:00,644
I've been doing work...
23
00:01:00,644 --> 00:01:02,062
I'll put it like
a millennial.
24
00:01:02,062 --> 00:01:04,105
I don't like the vibe, bro.
25
00:01:04,982 --> 00:01:07,025
What about my vibe, dude?
26
00:01:08,110 --> 00:01:10,195
God forbid I should have
one thing in this house.
27
00:01:10,195 --> 00:01:11,405
Wow. Well, you got two things.
28
00:01:11,405 --> 00:01:13,865
Georgia and that other one,
uh, Carlson...
29
00:01:14,533 --> 00:01:16,493
Oh. Oh, God, um,
what is his name?
30
00:01:17,452 --> 00:01:18,954
Hey, guys.
31
00:01:18,954 --> 00:01:22,749
This is Carlos Joaquín de la
Mancha Kobe-Bryant Martinez.
32
00:01:23,458 --> 00:01:24,835
But you can call him Charlie.
33
00:01:24,835 --> 00:01:27,004
Aw, he's so cute and tiny.
34
00:01:27,004 --> 00:01:28,297
It kinda makes me
want to have another--
35
00:01:28,297 --> 00:01:29,381
No.
36
00:01:30,090 --> 00:01:31,925
[gasps] A dog!
37
00:01:31,925 --> 00:01:34,052
Where? Hiding behind
that little white rat?
38
00:01:35,554 --> 00:01:37,306
Lily's family needs
someone to dog-sit
39
00:01:37,306 --> 00:01:38,724
while they're in San Diego.
40
00:01:38,724 --> 00:01:41,059
For a funeral,
not for something fun.
41
00:01:41,768 --> 00:01:44,146
Actually, we are going
to SeaWorld after the funeral.
42
00:01:44,146 --> 00:01:46,523
And Legoland.
It-- It's not important.
43
00:01:47,441 --> 00:01:50,319
I told them we could watch
Charlie, if that's okay?
44
00:01:50,319 --> 00:01:52,529
-Of course.
-How about asking the homeowner?
45
00:01:52,529 --> 00:01:55,991
Please, Grandpa? He's adorbs.
46
00:01:55,991 --> 00:01:58,952
Who's gonna boost my TikTok
viewer retention?
47
00:01:58,952 --> 00:02:00,287
You are!
48
00:02:00,287 --> 00:02:02,372
Who's gonna stay in a kennel
all weekend?
49
00:02:02,372 --> 00:02:03,415
You are!
50
00:02:05,876 --> 00:02:07,544
[♪ rock theme playing]
51
00:02:10,630 --> 00:02:12,382
[tires screeching]
52
00:02:15,802 --> 00:02:17,346
Come on, Charlie.
53
00:02:17,346 --> 00:02:18,930
He's here!
54
00:02:18,930 --> 00:02:21,767
Charlie, let's get you
into hair and makeup
for our first video.
55
00:02:24,102 --> 00:02:26,605
Why is he wearing a vest?
Is he parking cars now?
56
00:02:28,148 --> 00:02:30,359
No, he's an emotional
support animal.
57
00:02:30,359 --> 00:02:32,402
What emotions
does he support?
58
00:02:32,402 --> 00:02:34,488
The only ones I feel are
shame and embarrassment.
59
00:02:35,822 --> 00:02:37,449
Ignore him.
60
00:02:37,449 --> 00:02:39,117
The only emotional
support animal he believes in
61
00:02:39,117 --> 00:02:40,369
is slow-cooked pork.
62
00:02:42,079 --> 00:02:44,664
Why are you being such a pain?
You like dogs.
63
00:02:44,664 --> 00:02:47,668
I love dogs, but I like
full-size regular dogs,
64
00:02:47,668 --> 00:02:49,336
Labradors, Rottweilers.
65
00:02:49,336 --> 00:02:52,464
That thing looks like
Colonel Sanders mated
with a Labubu.
66
00:02:55,592 --> 00:02:56,927
Is that all his stuff?
67
00:02:56,927 --> 00:02:58,387
Yeah, these are
Charlie's treats,
68
00:02:58,387 --> 00:02:59,888
which aren't
as good as they look.
69
00:03:07,104 --> 00:03:09,481
Look, if they didn't
want me to eat 'em,
70
00:03:09,481 --> 00:03:11,566
shouldn't have made 'em
look like little sausages.
71
00:03:14,027 --> 00:03:16,530
Oh, and here's
his anti-anxiety meds.
72
00:03:16,530 --> 00:03:18,073
-Ooh.
-Riley.
73
00:03:18,073 --> 00:03:21,868
What?
I'm not stealing pills
from a dog.
74
00:03:21,868 --> 00:03:23,245
The dosage is way too low.
75
00:03:24,496 --> 00:03:26,581
Oh, and here's his food.
76
00:03:26,581 --> 00:03:29,376
Lily has him on a strict,
meat-free diet.
77
00:03:29,376 --> 00:03:31,753
The dog is a vegan?
And what else is in there?
78
00:03:31,753 --> 00:03:34,172
Cashew lasagna
and a fear of effort?
79
00:03:36,049 --> 00:03:37,467
Carter, put it down!
80
00:03:41,930 --> 00:03:44,266
What? I want healthy bones
and a shiny coat. Sue me.
81
00:03:48,145 --> 00:03:50,730
Yeah. This is gonna be
a badass Caddy.
82
00:03:50,730 --> 00:03:52,858
You know what I want you to do,
is get your schematics together
83
00:03:52,858 --> 00:03:54,484
and start listing
where you want to go with this.
84
00:03:54,484 --> 00:03:56,194
You got it, boss.
I'll get it to you on Saturday.
85
00:03:56,194 --> 00:03:57,779
-Alright. Cool.
-Got a little hair on you.
86
00:03:57,779 --> 00:03:59,364
Oh. Damn.
87
00:03:59,364 --> 00:04:02,576
I'm with that dog one day,
I got hair all over me.
88
00:04:02,576 --> 00:04:04,077
Gimme. Give me that thing.
89
00:04:04,077 --> 00:04:06,288
You know,
I used to date a woman
that was into that.
90
00:04:08,457 --> 00:04:11,042
Man, she used to dress me up
like a Phillie Phanatic.
91
00:04:12,461 --> 00:04:15,172
Man, that woman was crazy.
92
00:04:15,172 --> 00:04:16,005
I should call her.
93
00:04:18,216 --> 00:04:19,760
Can you help me
with my back there?
94
00:04:19,760 --> 00:04:20,760
Can you grab that?
95
00:04:20,760 --> 00:04:22,429
Oh. Alright.
96
00:04:23,847 --> 00:04:25,223
I feel like I need consent
97
00:04:25,223 --> 00:04:27,934
before I venture
into the badonk-a-donk.
98
00:04:27,934 --> 00:04:31,438
Just keep rolling before
I kick you in the badonk-a-donk.
99
00:04:31,438 --> 00:04:33,607
Get that junk
off that dirty trunk!
100
00:04:33,607 --> 00:04:34,399
[Matt] Easy!
101
00:04:35,692 --> 00:04:37,778
You guys really need
an HR department.
102
00:04:37,778 --> 00:04:39,321
We don't need
an HR department.
103
00:04:39,321 --> 00:04:40,572
We like being mean
to each other around here.
104
00:04:42,824 --> 00:04:45,327
Hey, babe. You forgot
your toothbrush last night.
105
00:04:45,327 --> 00:04:46,912
I didn't forget it.
106
00:04:46,912 --> 00:04:48,914
I thought maybe I could
keep it at your place
107
00:04:48,914 --> 00:04:50,457
since I'm spending
so much time there.
108
00:04:50,457 --> 00:04:52,918
You guys are getting serious.
109
00:04:52,918 --> 00:04:55,378
I never even used
to let women know where I live.
110
00:04:56,087 --> 00:04:59,090
My motto: Go find the freaky.
Don't let the freaky find you.
111
00:05:00,759 --> 00:05:02,469
Well, we can't go to my place.
112
00:05:02,469 --> 00:05:04,763
I've got three roommates,
and we're all dancers.
113
00:05:04,763 --> 00:05:06,348
So there's always one girl
in the shower
114
00:05:06,348 --> 00:05:08,850
and another wrapped
in a towel banging on the door.
115
00:05:09,684 --> 00:05:11,686
Mm.
116
00:05:13,647 --> 00:05:16,107
You know what?
Let me help you out.
117
00:05:17,400 --> 00:05:20,070
How about you move in with Gabe
and I move in with them?
118
00:05:21,738 --> 00:05:23,698
You moving in
does kinda make sense.
119
00:05:24,407 --> 00:05:27,118
-Really?
-Yeah. You're there
like every night.
120
00:05:27,118 --> 00:05:29,329
And, I mean, you already
moved in your toothbrush.
121
00:05:30,622 --> 00:05:32,624
Are you asking me
to move in with you?
122
00:05:34,000 --> 00:05:35,627
Stitch started it.
123
00:05:37,587 --> 00:05:40,048
But, yeah. Why not?
124
00:05:40,549 --> 00:05:43,885
Not the most romantic thing
I've ever heard, but sure.
125
00:05:43,885 --> 00:05:46,179
Why not? [chuckles]
126
00:05:46,179 --> 00:05:47,806
Wow, this is so exciting!
127
00:05:48,473 --> 00:05:50,016
Woo-hoo!
128
00:05:51,518 --> 00:05:53,770
Alright, I'm gonna go break
the news to my roommates.
129
00:05:53,770 --> 00:05:55,855
-Alright.
-The naked ones?
130
00:05:57,315 --> 00:05:58,900
Hey, I'll do it.
131
00:05:58,900 --> 00:06:00,735
Stitch, it's a
fourth-floor walk-up.
132
00:06:00,735 --> 00:06:02,445
I'll make it work.
133
00:06:02,445 --> 00:06:04,447
♪♪
134
00:06:09,119 --> 00:06:11,162
You know, you got no nuts.
That's empty calories.
135
00:06:13,164 --> 00:06:15,166
In his defense, he's like
an old sea captain
136
00:06:15,166 --> 00:06:17,544
scratching a leg that
hasn't been there for years.
137
00:06:20,046 --> 00:06:22,382
Hey, Pops.
Eve sent a picture
from her tour.
138
00:06:22,382 --> 00:06:23,717
-Wanna see?
-No.
139
00:06:23,717 --> 00:06:25,260
If your phone is
anything like your laptop,
140
00:06:25,260 --> 00:06:27,095
I definitely don't want
to see what's on there.
141
00:06:28,138 --> 00:06:31,182
Alright, but I'm here when
you're ready to heal, brochacho.
142
00:06:35,145 --> 00:06:37,147
[sighs] Must be hard
hearing about Eve
143
00:06:37,147 --> 00:06:39,065
having all these
incredible adventures.
144
00:06:39,065 --> 00:06:41,318
No, I'm having
my own adventure here.
145
00:06:41,318 --> 00:06:43,361
Looking at Gabe's punch list
for that Cadillac,
146
00:06:43,361 --> 00:06:47,157
and he keeps putting
a dancing girl emoji on here.
147
00:06:48,950 --> 00:06:50,327
Hey, hey, hey, hey!
148
00:06:50,619 --> 00:06:51,745
[text whooshes]
149
00:06:52,162 --> 00:06:54,039
You just sent Gabe
an eggplant emoji.
150
00:06:55,832 --> 00:06:57,792
Take the dog, okay?
I need the dog out of here.
151
00:06:57,792 --> 00:06:59,336
Oh, really? [scoffs]
152
00:06:59,336 --> 00:07:01,546
I can't have a vase.
I can't have a dog.
153
00:07:01,546 --> 00:07:04,215
I can't shout out the answers
during Wheel of Fortune.
154
00:07:05,216 --> 00:07:07,844
You already saw that episode.
155
00:07:07,844 --> 00:07:09,387
It's the same thing
over and over.
156
00:07:09,387 --> 00:07:11,139
It's your house, your rules.
157
00:07:11,139 --> 00:07:13,600
Your guest room I have
to share with your globe
158
00:07:13,600 --> 00:07:15,477
where you've blacked out
all the countries
that are communist.
159
00:07:16,811 --> 00:07:18,688
Don't I get any say?
160
00:07:18,688 --> 00:07:20,357
It was bad enough
when I was a teenager,
161
00:07:20,357 --> 00:07:22,776
but now I'm a mom
and I run my own business--
162
00:07:22,776 --> 00:07:23,860
And I'm a homeowner.
163
00:07:23,860 --> 00:07:25,445
Why don't you get yourself
your own home?
164
00:07:25,445 --> 00:07:28,281
-You know what? I will.
-Well, good luck with that.
165
00:07:28,281 --> 00:07:29,741
I'm sick of not feeling welcome
166
00:07:29,741 --> 00:07:31,409
in what I thought
was my own home.
167
00:07:31,409 --> 00:07:32,953
What you thought was wrong.
168
00:07:32,953 --> 00:07:34,496
Okay. That's it.
169
00:07:34,496 --> 00:07:37,123
Consider this my notice.
We are moving out.
170
00:07:37,791 --> 00:07:39,250
And for your information,
171
00:07:39,250 --> 00:07:41,961
California's not
a communist country.
172
00:07:43,463 --> 00:07:45,382
Just give it time.
173
00:07:46,841 --> 00:07:49,260
-[message chimes]
-Oh.
174
00:07:49,260 --> 00:07:51,846
-Gabe just sent me
a heart emoji.
-[barks]
175
00:07:51,846 --> 00:07:54,015
You started sending these,
finish it off.
176
00:07:57,310 --> 00:07:59,062
♪♪
177
00:08:00,230 --> 00:08:01,731
Hey, do you guys know
any apartments
178
00:08:01,731 --> 00:08:02,982
that are cheap but nice?
179
00:08:02,982 --> 00:08:05,318
'Cause the place I'm living in
is free but mean.
180
00:08:06,277 --> 00:08:07,821
Well, you know,
my neighbor's almost 100.
181
00:08:07,821 --> 00:08:09,155
I could startle him.
182
00:08:09,155 --> 00:08:10,740
Tell him I'm dating
his granddaughter.
183
00:08:12,283 --> 00:08:13,952
[Gabe]
Why would you want
to move out?
184
00:08:13,952 --> 00:08:15,620
You get to live
with Matt Parker.
185
00:08:16,329 --> 00:08:18,415
You should have seen
what he texted me yesterday.
186
00:08:19,374 --> 00:08:21,042
I need my own space.
187
00:08:21,042 --> 00:08:23,253
But apartments are
so expensive. Ugh.
188
00:08:23,712 --> 00:08:26,423
Completely unrelated,
these lattes are now $200.
189
00:08:28,758 --> 00:08:30,510
And don't forget to tip.
190
00:08:30,510 --> 00:08:32,846
♪♪
191
00:08:35,056 --> 00:08:36,683
It's not gonna work.
You know why?
192
00:08:36,683 --> 00:08:38,101
Because I don't think
you're that cute.
193
00:08:38,101 --> 00:08:40,562
You're just an odd-looking dog.
That's all there is to it.
194
00:08:42,563 --> 00:08:44,065
[Charlie whimpering]
195
00:08:44,065 --> 00:08:45,608
[scratching door]
196
00:08:45,608 --> 00:08:47,944
Alright, alright, alright,
alright, alright, alright.
197
00:08:47,944 --> 00:08:50,989
Okay, gosh. Come in here.
198
00:08:52,240 --> 00:08:53,867
You know, the people
that really like you?
199
00:08:53,867 --> 00:08:55,201
They're gone.
200
00:08:55,201 --> 00:08:57,370
Maybe for the weekend,
probably gone forever.
201
00:08:58,413 --> 00:09:00,290
Yeah, that's what Eve
did to me.
202
00:09:00,290 --> 00:09:01,124
Gone forever.
203
00:09:01,708 --> 00:09:03,209
[whimpering]
204
00:09:04,919 --> 00:09:06,379
Oh, boy.
205
00:09:11,009 --> 00:09:13,678
Alright.
They're not gone forever.
206
00:09:13,678 --> 00:09:15,972
Look, don't tell anybody
I did that.
207
00:09:16,848 --> 00:09:19,059
Or else I'll make you watch
those Sarah McLachlan
commercials.
208
00:09:19,059 --> 00:09:22,479
-[barking]
-Yeah, yeah, yeah.
209
00:09:22,479 --> 00:09:23,772
Pretty spooky, right?
210
00:09:26,900 --> 00:09:29,986
Alright, a little cozy,
but cute.
211
00:09:29,986 --> 00:09:31,571
What do you guys think?
212
00:09:31,571 --> 00:09:33,198
Smells kinda weird.
213
00:09:34,824 --> 00:09:36,868
And that's from the guy who's
single-handedly keeping
214
00:09:36,868 --> 00:09:38,161
"Pull my finger" alive.
215
00:09:40,205 --> 00:09:41,498
Nice, huh?
216
00:09:41,498 --> 00:09:44,375
But it's a competitive market.
You need to act fast.
217
00:09:44,375 --> 00:09:48,296
Look, she might fall for your
"manufactured scarcity" trick,
218
00:09:48,296 --> 00:09:50,381
but we both know
the market is softening.
219
00:09:50,381 --> 00:09:51,925
Uh...
220
00:09:51,925 --> 00:09:54,177
Pardon my daughter.
She's getting her MBA
221
00:09:54,177 --> 00:09:55,929
from the University
of Shark Tank.
222
00:09:57,263 --> 00:09:59,516
Why don't you guys
go check out the bedrooms?
223
00:09:59,516 --> 00:10:00,892
Remember, I need
the bigger bedroom
224
00:10:00,892 --> 00:10:02,769
for my crypto mining farm.
225
00:10:02,769 --> 00:10:04,479
Uh, sorry.
No home businesses.
226
00:10:04,479 --> 00:10:06,606
[Georgia]
It's not a business,
it's a lifestyle!
227
00:10:08,066 --> 00:10:10,527
Ignore her.
We're not high rollers.
228
00:10:11,277 --> 00:10:14,155
You didn't tell us we'd all have
to share a bathroom.
229
00:10:14,155 --> 00:10:15,698
Yeah, it's not gonna
work for me.
230
00:10:15,698 --> 00:10:16,699
I need my tub time.
231
00:10:18,952 --> 00:10:21,037
Is that what
you're calling it?
232
00:10:21,996 --> 00:10:23,748
I'll let you three discuss.
233
00:10:26,042 --> 00:10:28,962
Mom, we don't want to live here.
We love living at Grandpa's.
234
00:10:28,962 --> 00:10:31,965
Yeah, his house
is like a fancy hotel.
235
00:10:31,965 --> 00:10:35,385
In every room,
there's a TV and a Bible
236
00:10:35,385 --> 00:10:37,137
that he stole
from a fancy hotel.
237
00:10:38,638 --> 00:10:40,849
But we're living
under his thumb.
238
00:10:40,849 --> 00:10:43,935
Don't you hate
being bossed around
by an unforgiving tyrant?
239
00:10:44,561 --> 00:10:46,896
I mean, Georgia's been around
most of my life, so...
240
00:10:49,148 --> 00:10:51,943
When we lived in Vegas,
we almost never saw
Grandma and Grandpa.
241
00:10:51,943 --> 00:10:54,112
Now Grandma's gone...
242
00:10:54,112 --> 00:10:56,739
And the way Pops eats red meat,
clock's a-ticking.
243
00:10:56,739 --> 00:10:57,949
Ugh.
244
00:10:58,616 --> 00:11:00,493
Okay, fine.
245
00:11:00,493 --> 00:11:02,704
But don't worry. Grandpa's
gonna be here a long time.
246
00:11:02,704 --> 00:11:04,122
That's how evil works.
247
00:11:08,376 --> 00:11:11,296
Alright, how about that?
Ooh. You like bacon, huh?
248
00:11:11,880 --> 00:11:14,883
That's good fat.
Well, not according to Riley.
249
00:11:14,883 --> 00:11:17,510
If she was here,
she'd say bad fat.
250
00:11:17,510 --> 00:11:19,262
Bad fat, good fat.
251
00:11:19,262 --> 00:11:20,680
I mean,
the country's divided enough,
252
00:11:20,680 --> 00:11:23,057
now Fat's got to make a choice.
253
00:11:24,475 --> 00:11:26,060
Yeah, you know what?
254
00:11:26,060 --> 00:11:28,062
I actually kind of like you.
255
00:11:28,062 --> 00:11:29,522
You know, gotta say that,
Chuck.
256
00:11:31,441 --> 00:11:33,443
Just two dudes watching
a little college basketball.
257
00:11:33,443 --> 00:11:34,569
What could be better, man?
258
00:11:34,569 --> 00:11:36,112
We don't need women telling
us what to do today,
259
00:11:36,112 --> 00:11:37,655
do we, you know?
260
00:11:37,655 --> 00:11:39,449
I did like Eve though, a lot.
261
00:11:40,742 --> 00:11:42,660
She's different.
Opposites attract sometimes.
262
00:11:42,660 --> 00:11:44,913
It's like, uh,
bacon and lettuce.
263
00:11:44,913 --> 00:11:46,831
I don't understand
why lettuce went to Korea
264
00:11:46,831 --> 00:11:50,251
when bacon said, "I love you."
That seems like a weird thing.
265
00:11:50,251 --> 00:11:51,461
I like her a lot, though.
266
00:11:51,461 --> 00:11:52,795
-Should I text her?
-[barks]
267
00:11:52,795 --> 00:11:54,172
Yeah. Why would I text her?
268
00:11:54,172 --> 00:11:55,632
She's the one that left, right?
269
00:11:55,632 --> 00:11:57,217
Hey, Pops.
270
00:11:57,217 --> 00:11:58,301
Hey, Grandpa.
271
00:11:58,301 --> 00:12:00,345
Hey, where's your mom?
272
00:12:00,345 --> 00:12:02,764
Oh, she dropped us off.
She's going to Meditate.
273
00:12:02,764 --> 00:12:04,265
It's the name
of that new dispensary
274
00:12:04,265 --> 00:12:05,725
that used to be a bookstore.
275
00:12:07,310 --> 00:12:08,686
What are you doing?
276
00:12:08,686 --> 00:12:10,730
Charlie's not allowed
to have bacon!
277
00:12:10,730 --> 00:12:13,566
You know what? I think
that's really a Saint Bernard
278
00:12:13,566 --> 00:12:17,028
trapped in a body that
didn't get enough protein.
279
00:12:17,028 --> 00:12:19,155
Pops, Lily said he has
a severe allergy!
280
00:12:19,155 --> 00:12:20,782
Probably why he threw up
so much today.
281
00:12:22,158 --> 00:12:23,409
But I thought it was
the chorizo.
282
00:12:23,409 --> 00:12:24,661
It's too spicy for a dog.
283
00:12:25,745 --> 00:12:27,163
You gave him chorizo, too?
284
00:12:27,163 --> 00:12:28,873
Quite a bit of it.
285
00:12:28,873 --> 00:12:30,959
[gasps] We gotta
take him to the vet.
286
00:12:30,959 --> 00:12:32,794
Pops, I know I'm new to dating,
287
00:12:32,794 --> 00:12:35,463
but if I kill Lily's dog,
I'm never getting to first base.
288
00:12:36,214 --> 00:12:37,715
Trust me,
that dog has eaten
289
00:12:37,715 --> 00:12:39,300
a lot worse things
than what I gave it.
290
00:12:39,300 --> 00:12:41,261
[Charlie choking, retching]
291
00:12:43,179 --> 00:12:44,847
That's more than that
dog weighs.
292
00:12:44,847 --> 00:12:46,933
Okay, maybe we should
take the dog to the vet.
293
00:12:50,979 --> 00:12:52,230
[knocking at door]
294
00:12:54,899 --> 00:12:56,609
Riley, what are you doing here?
295
00:12:56,609 --> 00:12:58,736
[groans] I had to get away
from my dad
296
00:12:58,736 --> 00:13:01,823
before one of us murders
the other in their sleep.
297
00:13:01,823 --> 00:13:04,951
Me. I'm the murderer.
298
00:13:04,951 --> 00:13:08,079
Also, I brought
a housewarming gift
for you and Amelie.
299
00:13:10,123 --> 00:13:12,500
Ah, thank you.
300
00:13:12,500 --> 00:13:14,294
This is so thoughtful.
301
00:13:14,294 --> 00:13:18,214
Where should I put it?
Um, how about here?
302
00:13:21,217 --> 00:13:22,635
How's the apartment
hunting going?
303
00:13:22,635 --> 00:13:24,220
Terrible.
304
00:13:24,220 --> 00:13:26,973
Turns out it's tough to beat
"free at my dad's place."
305
00:13:26,973 --> 00:13:29,142
Yeah, and if you did find
another place for free,
306
00:13:29,142 --> 00:13:31,102
you'd probably have to call
that guy "Daddy" too.
307
00:13:33,271 --> 00:13:34,689
What are you doing?
308
00:13:34,689 --> 00:13:36,107
I'm just getting rid of
some of my stuff
309
00:13:36,107 --> 00:13:37,608
to make room
for Amelie's stuff.
310
00:13:37,608 --> 00:13:40,028
Because you can't make room
with a partner
311
00:13:40,028 --> 00:13:41,696
without making room
for a partner.
312
00:13:42,488 --> 00:13:44,657
-I listened to a podcast.
-Ooh.
313
00:13:45,783 --> 00:13:47,577
Wow. Big step. Good for you.
314
00:13:47,577 --> 00:13:49,037
[voice cracks] Is it though?
315
00:13:49,037 --> 00:13:50,496
[high-pitched]
I just, you know,
316
00:13:50,496 --> 00:13:52,373
don't really want
to get rid of my stuff.
317
00:13:52,957 --> 00:13:55,126
[strained] Having second
thoughts about living together.
318
00:13:55,126 --> 00:13:57,086
Uh-oh.
Are you getting cold feet?
319
00:13:57,086 --> 00:13:58,921
They're so cold,
I can't feel them.
320
00:13:59,797 --> 00:14:02,383
It happens to everybody.
I got cold feet
321
00:14:02,383 --> 00:14:05,094
right before I married that
stupid son of a bitch Jimmy.
322
00:14:06,345 --> 00:14:08,306
But you and Amelie
are gonna be great!
323
00:14:10,183 --> 00:14:12,602
They're getting colder!
They're ice!
324
00:14:12,602 --> 00:14:14,520
Gabe, this could be
good for you.
325
00:14:14,520 --> 00:14:16,731
It's therapeutic to do
a little spring cleaning.
326
00:14:16,731 --> 00:14:18,608
Get rid of stuff
that doesn't bring you joy.
327
00:14:20,193 --> 00:14:22,987
Good news, babe.
Oh. Hey, Riley.
328
00:14:22,987 --> 00:14:25,823
I found some amazing
accent pillows.
329
00:14:25,823 --> 00:14:27,450
Oh, great.
330
00:14:27,450 --> 00:14:29,994
Maybe you could use them
to smother my joy!
331
00:14:32,872 --> 00:14:33,956
What?
332
00:14:34,874 --> 00:14:37,043
-I've been talking to Riley.
-[scoffs]
333
00:14:37,043 --> 00:14:40,588
Yeah, I realize I'm
making a big mistake.
334
00:14:40,588 --> 00:14:41,964
I can't do this!
335
00:14:45,968 --> 00:14:47,929
What did you say to him?
336
00:14:47,929 --> 00:14:51,641
I didn't say anything.
I-- I love an accent pillow.
337
00:14:51,641 --> 00:14:53,935
Especially if it's
an Australian accent.
338
00:14:53,935 --> 00:14:56,020
[with Australian accent]
Oh, crikey. That's not a pillow.
339
00:14:56,020 --> 00:14:57,563
That's a pillow!
340
00:14:58,397 --> 00:15:00,608
♪♪
341
00:15:08,783 --> 00:15:10,451
What's he in for?
342
00:15:10,451 --> 00:15:12,286
He had a panic attack.
343
00:15:13,246 --> 00:15:15,164
Maybe 'cause you're making him
wear a bow tie.
344
00:15:16,624 --> 00:15:19,836
He kind of looks like a dancer
at a bachelorette strip party.
345
00:15:20,920 --> 00:15:23,131
He's dressed for his birthday,
and now you've ruined it.
346
00:15:26,843 --> 00:15:28,344
Hey, how was
house hunting today?
347
00:15:28,886 --> 00:15:30,263
Uh, the places weren't great,
348
00:15:30,263 --> 00:15:32,098
but at least they were
out of our price range.
349
00:15:33,432 --> 00:15:35,226
[Georgia] We told Mom
we don't want to move.
350
00:15:35,226 --> 00:15:36,894
I just don't think at this age
351
00:15:36,894 --> 00:15:39,522
I'm meant to live
an uncomfortable life.
352
00:15:41,023 --> 00:15:43,693
We love your place.
All the bathrooms have locks.
353
00:15:45,403 --> 00:15:47,405
I got the idea
your mom was miserable.
354
00:15:48,281 --> 00:15:50,783
Mostly 'cause she told me
I was making her miserable.
355
00:15:50,783 --> 00:15:52,451
She doesn't mean it.
356
00:15:53,202 --> 00:15:55,663
In Vegas, we were always moving
from place to place.
357
00:15:55,663 --> 00:15:57,832
She hated it.
358
00:15:57,832 --> 00:15:59,876
Remember that time we lived
at Circus Circus?
359
00:16:00,710 --> 00:16:02,336
It was awful awful.
360
00:16:03,588 --> 00:16:05,256
Well, no, it wasn't.
361
00:16:05,256 --> 00:16:07,425
The Elvis impersonator
taught me long division.
362
00:16:08,426 --> 00:16:11,053
"Divide by two, carry the
hunka hunka burnin' one."
363
00:16:13,848 --> 00:16:16,017
I think Mom just wants a place
that she can call her own.
364
00:16:18,352 --> 00:16:20,104
She never told me any of this.
365
00:16:21,480 --> 00:16:22,815
-[Matt] Oh, look.
-Charlie is fine.
366
00:16:22,815 --> 00:16:24,025
You can take him home.
367
00:16:24,025 --> 00:16:26,611
Thanks, Doc. You're helping
a young boy become a man.
368
00:16:28,321 --> 00:16:30,198
How much do you charge
to neuter a kid?
369
00:16:30,198 --> 00:16:31,657
[both chuckle]
370
00:16:31,657 --> 00:16:33,117
Listen, uh, dog's okay, though?
371
00:16:33,117 --> 00:16:34,535
-Hundred percent.
-Excellent.
372
00:16:34,535 --> 00:16:37,163
Gave him a very thorough exam.
Top to bottom, inside and out.
373
00:16:38,414 --> 00:16:39,332
Hmm.
374
00:16:41,584 --> 00:16:43,252
What's going on?
375
00:16:43,252 --> 00:16:45,338
Why is he having
second thoughts?
376
00:16:45,338 --> 00:16:47,381
He's just freaking out about
getting rid of his stuff.
377
00:16:47,381 --> 00:16:50,009
It happened to my grandmother.
Of course, she was a hoarder.
378
00:16:50,009 --> 00:16:52,678
And I was throwing away
a 14-year-old can of peaches.
379
00:16:53,304 --> 00:16:54,597
What is with him?
380
00:16:54,597 --> 00:16:57,058
I don't understand why
he's hanging on to his junk.
381
00:16:57,058 --> 00:16:59,143
Don't all men like
to hang on to their junk?
382
00:17:00,978 --> 00:17:03,272
The thing is,
it's not actually junk to Gabe.
383
00:17:03,272 --> 00:17:05,107
Did he ever tell you
about his childhood?
384
00:17:05,983 --> 00:17:09,028
No. He never talks
about that stuff.
385
00:17:09,028 --> 00:17:12,031
Well, it was pretty crappy.
Not a lot of great memories.
386
00:17:12,031 --> 00:17:13,824
This stuff reminds him
of the good times.
387
00:17:13,824 --> 00:17:16,536
Like, uh, this plastic cup.
388
00:17:16,536 --> 00:17:18,454
My dad took Gabe and my brother
to this game
389
00:17:18,454 --> 00:17:20,205
the night Gabe's dad left.
390
00:17:20,205 --> 00:17:23,416
And then, uh, Gabe's dad
blew him off on his birthday,
391
00:17:23,416 --> 00:17:26,212
so we surprised him
with a trip to Medieval Times.
392
00:17:26,212 --> 00:17:27,588
And after, I told
the Green Knight
393
00:17:27,588 --> 00:17:30,091
Gabe had stage-four eczema,
so he let him pet his horse.
394
00:17:32,426 --> 00:17:34,303
I had no idea.
395
00:17:34,303 --> 00:17:35,721
Now I feel bad that
I was pressuring Gabe
396
00:17:35,721 --> 00:17:37,223
to get rid of his stuff.
397
00:17:37,223 --> 00:17:39,183
Well, maybe you
should tell him that.
398
00:17:39,892 --> 00:17:41,269
Hi.
399
00:17:41,269 --> 00:17:44,814
I wasn't eavesdropping,
but, uh,
400
00:17:44,814 --> 00:17:46,315
I accept your apology.
401
00:17:47,108 --> 00:17:49,652
Just so you know,
you can talk to me
about anything.
402
00:17:49,652 --> 00:17:51,112
Even your childhood.
403
00:17:51,779 --> 00:17:53,406
I know, it's just--
404
00:17:53,406 --> 00:17:55,908
it's hard for me to talk
about things that make me sad.
405
00:17:55,908 --> 00:17:57,785
It's like when McDonald's
was serving breakfast all day,
406
00:17:57,785 --> 00:17:58,995
and then they just stopped.
407
00:18:00,413 --> 00:18:03,040
Yeah, with zero warning.
408
00:18:04,584 --> 00:18:05,835
Continue.
409
00:18:07,461 --> 00:18:09,130
It's gonna work out, babe.
410
00:18:09,130 --> 00:18:10,965
We're gonna be so happy here.
411
00:18:13,718 --> 00:18:15,094
Okay.
412
00:18:16,804 --> 00:18:18,848
I should go.
413
00:18:18,848 --> 00:18:21,601
Uh, with this.
414
00:18:21,601 --> 00:18:23,519
And I think I'll treat myself
415
00:18:23,519 --> 00:18:26,230
to the Director's Cut
of Encino Man.
416
00:18:27,857 --> 00:18:29,650
Ah, what a life I lead.
417
00:18:29,650 --> 00:18:31,652
♪♪
418
00:18:33,404 --> 00:18:35,156
Look at the tail on that thing.
419
00:18:37,366 --> 00:18:39,285
You're watching
Turner & Hooch?
420
00:18:39,285 --> 00:18:43,623
Yeah. That dog is
a good actor, right?
421
00:18:43,623 --> 00:18:45,583
That Tom Hanks?
I don't know.
422
00:18:47,084 --> 00:18:49,003
-[barks]
-I know, I just said that.
423
00:18:50,921 --> 00:18:53,007
By the way,
don't worry about the vase.
424
00:18:53,007 --> 00:18:56,260
It's going back in my room.
Sorry. Your guest room.
425
00:18:56,260 --> 00:18:58,387
How about just put it
on our credenza?
426
00:18:59,513 --> 00:19:01,932
Wait, did you say "our"?
427
00:19:01,932 --> 00:19:06,687
Well, as my buddy
Carlos Joaquín de la Mancha
Kobe-Bryant Martinez says,
428
00:19:06,687 --> 00:19:08,856
"Mi casa es su casa."
429
00:19:10,358 --> 00:19:11,567
Thanks, Dad.
430
00:19:11,567 --> 00:19:12,860
There is a little
caveat, though.
431
00:19:12,860 --> 00:19:14,487
Ay Dios mio.
432
00:19:15,321 --> 00:19:17,990
Listen, let's have you
start paying me rent,
433
00:19:17,990 --> 00:19:19,575
but we'll put that
into a savings account,
434
00:19:19,575 --> 00:19:20,951
and pretty soon
you'll have a down payment.
435
00:19:20,951 --> 00:19:22,036
Get your own house.
436
00:19:22,912 --> 00:19:24,288
Hmm. Thanks, Dad.
437
00:19:24,288 --> 00:19:27,666
Although, by then
this will be my home,
438
00:19:27,666 --> 00:19:30,044
and your home will be,
well, a home.
439
00:19:30,044 --> 00:19:31,462
[chuckles]
440
00:19:32,672 --> 00:19:34,382
Okay. But do we have a deal?
441
00:19:34,382 --> 00:19:38,094
This is our house
with our rules. Deal?
442
00:19:39,929 --> 00:19:41,931
Speaking of, I was thinking
we could get solar panels--
443
00:19:41,931 --> 00:19:44,350
No, no, no.
444
00:19:44,350 --> 00:19:46,519
This is a house.
It's not some hippie commune
445
00:19:46,519 --> 00:19:48,104
in the People's Republic
of Portland.
446
00:19:48,104 --> 00:19:49,021
[barks]
447
00:19:49,939 --> 00:19:51,023
Exactly.
448
00:19:55,194 --> 00:19:58,739
Here you go.
First rent check.
449
00:19:58,739 --> 00:20:00,032
Feels good
to be independent.
450
00:20:00,658 --> 00:20:02,618
Oh, if you really want
to feel independent,
451
00:20:02,618 --> 00:20:04,787
I could take you off
the family phone plan.
452
00:20:04,787 --> 00:20:07,748
Oh. Easy, tiger.
That check hasn't cleared yet.
453
00:20:08,958 --> 00:20:09,959
[clears throat]
454
00:20:13,337 --> 00:20:14,588
Why are you putting that there?
455
00:20:14,588 --> 00:20:15,881
It looks better here.
456
00:20:15,881 --> 00:20:17,341
I'm sorry.
What'd you say, Charlie?
457
00:20:17,341 --> 00:20:18,759
[barking]
458
00:20:18,759 --> 00:20:20,970
Exactly. I agree.
He said it doesn't fit there.
459
00:20:21,929 --> 00:20:23,931
What happened to
"our house, our rules"?
460
00:20:23,931 --> 00:20:25,433
It's just too big for the space.
461
00:20:25,433 --> 00:20:27,184
You gave birth to Carter,
you get it.
462
00:20:28,269 --> 00:20:29,520
[doorbell rings]
463
00:20:29,520 --> 00:20:31,355
Oh. [chuckles]
464
00:20:31,355 --> 00:20:34,024
Carter, your girlfriend's here!
465
00:20:34,024 --> 00:20:35,985
Oh, we're not using
traditional labels.
466
00:20:35,985 --> 00:20:37,862
We're going with
"boo" and "bae."
467
00:20:39,238 --> 00:20:41,198
[chuckles] Boo-bae.
468
00:20:41,198 --> 00:20:43,325
[chuckles] Oh, I missed you.
469
00:20:46,537 --> 00:20:48,038
You saw that?
470
00:20:50,207 --> 00:20:52,001
Thanks for taking care
of Charlie.
471
00:20:52,001 --> 00:20:55,004
Oh, of course. We'll miss him.
472
00:20:55,004 --> 00:20:56,505
Don't you want to say
goodbye, Dad?
473
00:20:56,505 --> 00:20:58,340
Sure. One more belly rub.
474
00:20:58,340 --> 00:20:59,633
Come here, boy, come over here.
475
00:21:00,676 --> 00:21:01,844
[vase shatters]
476
00:21:08,517 --> 00:21:10,561
You really are
man's best friend.
477
00:21:10,561 --> 00:21:12,313
♪♪
35516
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