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1
00:00:03,000 --> 00:00:04,100
Come on, everyone.
2
00:00:04,100 --> 00:00:06,500
The Eight is Enough reunion show
is about to start.
3
00:00:06,700 --> 00:00:08,800
Mary, have you seen Nicholas?
4
00:00:09,000 --> 00:00:10,800
He's up in his room sulking, Dad.
5
00:00:11,000 --> 00:00:14,500
Yeah. He's still upset
because Abby threw out his baseball cards.
6
00:00:14,600 --> 00:00:16,900
Maybe I should make him a sandwich.
7
00:00:17,000 --> 00:00:18,000
[Laughing]
8
00:00:18,400 --> 00:00:21,200
Dad. That's your solution to everything.
9
00:00:22,900 --> 00:00:24,400
[Sister crying]
10
00:00:25,200 --> 00:00:26,900
Dad!
11
00:00:27,000 --> 00:00:28,000
What?
12
00:00:28,100 --> 00:00:29,700
Eight is enough.
13
00:00:30,000 --> 00:00:31,300
[Laughing]
14
00:00:33,400 --> 00:00:35,400
You know, I love you girls.
15
00:00:37,700 --> 00:00:40,900
LOIS: [Singing]
"It seems today that all you see
16
00:00:41,000 --> 00:00:44,300
"is violence in movies and sex on TV
17
00:00:44,500 --> 00:00:48,000
"But where are those good,
old-fashioned values
18
00:00:48,100 --> 00:00:50,600
"on which we used to rely?
19
00:00:51,200 --> 00:00:53,800
"Lucky there's a family guy
20
00:00:54,400 --> 00:00:57,700
"Lucky there's a man who'll
positively tell you
21
00:00:57,800 --> 00:00:59,300
"all the things that make us
22
00:00:59,400 --> 00:01:00,900
"laugh 'n' cry
23
00:01:01,100 --> 00:01:05,900
"He's a family guy"
24
00:01:08,500 --> 00:01:09,300
Splendid.
25
00:01:09,400 --> 00:01:12,800
That hausfrau's cheap rayon blouses
will make a serviceable parachute...
26
00:01:12,900 --> 00:01:15,500
...should I need to abandon
my jet in mid-flight.
27
00:01:15,600 --> 00:01:17,000
Once it's built, of course.
28
00:01:17,100 --> 00:01:19,600
Rupert, did you call that engineer
at Lockheed yet?
29
00:01:20,500 --> 00:01:23,200
No, of course you didn't,
you worthless little...
30
00:01:23,300 --> 00:01:27,700
There! See what you made me do?
Do you think I enjoy hitting you?
31
00:01:27,800 --> 00:01:30,700
Actually, I do.
I enjoy it so much I'm going to do it again!
32
00:01:31,400 --> 00:01:34,800
Stewie! My clothes are not for you
to play with, understand?
33
00:01:35,200 --> 00:01:36,700
Thanks for telling me, Brian.
34
00:01:36,800 --> 00:01:39,400
I don't know what we'd do without you.
35
00:01:40,600 --> 00:01:45,400
I'm on to you. Your pathetic attempts to
hinder my work have not gone unnoticed.
36
00:01:46,000 --> 00:01:48,700
You prance about this house
like the cock of the walk.
37
00:01:48,800 --> 00:01:52,700
But will you be prancing
when there's nothing to prance about?
38
00:01:54,400 --> 00:01:56,400
Will you be prancing then?
39
00:01:56,900 --> 00:01:58,500
You just want to eat him up.
40
00:02:01,100 --> 00:02:02,900
MEG: It is so hot out there!
41
00:02:03,000 --> 00:02:04,500
How hot is it?
42
00:02:04,800 --> 00:02:08,100
I don't know. Like, around 98, 99.
43
00:02:08,700 --> 00:02:10,100
I don't get it.
44
00:02:10,200 --> 00:02:11,800
I think I'm a little sweaty.
45
00:02:11,900 --> 00:02:15,500
You! You seem to know all the players
in this poorly-acted farce.
46
00:02:15,600 --> 00:02:17,300
What do they call that one?
47
00:02:17,400 --> 00:02:19,700
That's Meg, dude. You know that.
48
00:02:19,900 --> 00:02:23,800
Meg! You vile-smelling girl,
you're not to touch any of my things!
49
00:02:23,900 --> 00:02:26,500
You understand me? Dirty girl.
50
00:02:28,100 --> 00:02:29,800
DIANE: Meanwhile, here at home...
51
00:02:29,800 --> 00:02:32,600
...Quahog remains in the sweltering grip
of a freak heat wave.
52
00:02:32,700 --> 00:02:35,000
I don't think you should use
the word "freak".
53
00:02:35,100 --> 00:02:36,900
Some people might find it offensive.
54
00:02:37,800 --> 00:02:41,800
- Finish your oatmeal, son.
- Why bother? I'm just a freak!
55
00:02:44,400 --> 00:02:46,800
We're all a little different, Diane.
Each of us.
56
00:02:46,900 --> 00:02:47,900
Good point.
57
00:02:48,000 --> 00:02:51,400
We're even feeling the effects
of this heat wave here in our studio.
58
00:02:51,500 --> 00:02:54,300
[Sneezing] Freak.
So stay inside and stay cool.
59
00:02:54,600 --> 00:02:56,600
I think I saw one of her nipples!
60
00:02:56,700 --> 00:02:59,700
Chris, that's a terrible word! "Nipple."
61
00:03:00,000 --> 00:03:02,200
I'll chalk that up to the heat, mister.
62
00:03:02,300 --> 00:03:06,100
Am I to strut about all day like
a beggar child on the streets of Calcutta?
63
00:03:06,200 --> 00:03:09,300
Fetch me something linen to throw on
before I call Child Services!
64
00:03:09,400 --> 00:03:12,600
Please don't threaten Mommy.
She's very hot.
65
00:03:13,000 --> 00:03:15,100
Chris, you're hogging up all the fans!
66
00:03:15,200 --> 00:03:18,700
Yeah? You're hogging up all the ugly!
67
00:03:19,000 --> 00:03:20,400
Check this out, you guys.
68
00:03:20,500 --> 00:03:23,500
PETER: The Rhode Island Dog Show
Championship is in Quahog this year!
69
00:03:23,600 --> 00:03:26,300
- First prize is $500!
- Really?
70
00:03:26,700 --> 00:03:30,000
If you won, we could use that money
for a new air conditioner.
71
00:03:30,100 --> 00:03:31,800
Brian. You could win for sure.
72
00:03:31,900 --> 00:03:34,800
You could do your impression
of a barbershop quartet.
73
00:03:35,200 --> 00:03:38,000
[Singing] "We were sailing along
74
00:03:38,400 --> 00:03:42,200
"On Moonlight Bay
75
00:03:42,200 --> 00:03:45,900
"We could hear the voices singing
76
00:03:46,400 --> 00:03:49,000
"They seemed to say"
77
00:03:49,400 --> 00:03:52,400
Sorry. I don't do dog shows.
It's not my thing.
78
00:03:52,500 --> 00:03:55,000
Come on.
All you gotta do is a few simple commands.
79
00:03:55,100 --> 00:03:58,300
And maybe a trick or two.
It'll be like taking candy from a baby.
80
00:03:58,600 --> 00:04:00,100
[Baby gurgling]
81
00:04:06,100 --> 00:04:07,100
Please, Brian.
82
00:04:07,300 --> 00:04:10,300
I don't know. I mean
I don't even know where my papers are.
83
00:04:10,400 --> 00:04:12,300
Can't you get the money another way?
84
00:04:12,400 --> 00:04:15,100
I've been trying.
That's why I went on that game show.
85
00:04:15,500 --> 00:04:20,100
For $800, this chemical dye is found
in over 95% of all cosmetic products.
86
00:04:20,200 --> 00:04:21,200
Diarrhea.
87
00:04:21,300 --> 00:04:22,300
[Laughter]
88
00:04:22,400 --> 00:04:23,300
What?
89
00:04:23,400 --> 00:04:25,700
Sorry. What is Diarrhea?
90
00:04:26,200 --> 00:04:29,400
Come on, Brian.
We really need a new air conditioner.
91
00:04:31,500 --> 00:04:32,700
[Groaning]
92
00:04:34,800 --> 00:04:36,900
Okay, let's go over the commands.
93
00:04:37,400 --> 00:04:38,400
Sit.
94
00:04:41,600 --> 00:04:42,800
Good. Roll over.
95
00:04:42,900 --> 00:04:45,800
I'm already shvitzing like crazy here.
Let's call it a night.
96
00:04:45,900 --> 00:04:47,500
Do you want to win this thing or not?
97
00:04:47,600 --> 00:04:50,300
We haven't even talked
about how you'll wear your ears.
98
00:04:50,400 --> 00:04:52,000
I was thinking up.
99
00:04:52,100 --> 00:04:53,700
I need a cocktail.
100
00:04:53,700 --> 00:04:55,600
Don't push too hard, Peter.
101
00:04:55,700 --> 00:04:58,500
You gotta take Brian's feelings
into consideration.
102
00:04:58,700 --> 00:05:00,800
After all, it's only a dog show.
103
00:05:00,900 --> 00:05:02,300
Lois, honey, I love you...
104
00:05:02,400 --> 00:05:05,000
...but you're sucking all the energy
out of the room.
105
00:05:10,700 --> 00:05:12,000
[Knocking on door]
106
00:05:12,100 --> 00:05:13,100
Come.
107
00:05:13,200 --> 00:05:16,700
I got you a little something for the show.
108
00:05:18,100 --> 00:05:20,400
It's Italian. Do you like it?
109
00:05:20,700 --> 00:05:22,200
It's exquisite.
110
00:05:22,500 --> 00:05:24,200
It's not for every day.
111
00:05:24,300 --> 00:05:26,500
Clearly. I'm gonna put it on right now.
112
00:05:27,400 --> 00:05:29,500
I know how hard you've been working.
113
00:05:29,600 --> 00:05:32,300
And the whole family appreciates it.
114
00:05:32,600 --> 00:05:33,700
Thank you, Lois.
115
00:05:33,800 --> 00:05:37,300
I should go. We'll be waiting downstairs
whenever you're ready.
116
00:05:37,400 --> 00:05:38,400
And Brian...
117
00:05:39,600 --> 00:05:41,400
...you look very handsome.
118
00:05:47,100 --> 00:05:48,400
[Lnhales deeply]
119
00:05:49,200 --> 00:05:50,600
Showtime!
120
00:05:51,200 --> 00:05:54,700
ANNOUNCER: Welcome to the Quahog Dog
Show. Today's competition will be...
121
00:05:54,800 --> 00:05:55,300
...almost as hot as the weather,
which is once again in the triple digits.
122
00:05:55,300 --> 00:05:58,200
...almost as hot as the weather,
which is once again in the triple digits.
123
00:05:58,300 --> 00:05:59,300
[Bird squawks]
124
00:06:04,800 --> 00:06:07,800
Peter, I'm not really comfortable
with all this.
125
00:06:08,500 --> 00:06:10,000
Do I know you?
126
00:06:10,900 --> 00:06:12,500
I don't think I can do this.
127
00:06:12,600 --> 00:06:14,600
You can't back out now. How about a pill?
128
00:06:14,800 --> 00:06:19,000
- Something to relax you before you go on?
- Peter, are you offering Brian drugs?
129
00:06:19,100 --> 00:06:23,000
Not drugs. Just a little blue thing
celebrities take to help them perform.
130
00:06:23,100 --> 00:06:25,100
Well, those celebrities are wrong!
131
00:06:25,200 --> 00:06:29,200
Lois, if Liza is wrong,
then I don't want to know what right is.
132
00:06:29,700 --> 00:06:31,800
STAGEHAND:
Two minutes to curtain, Miss Minnelli!
133
00:06:31,900 --> 00:06:36,900
Come on, baby! Mama's gotta sparkle!
It's time to make life a cabaret!
134
00:06:37,000 --> 00:06:40,900
Lady, for God's sake, I'm just
a hard-shelled chocolate candy! Get help!
135
00:06:42,500 --> 00:06:43,500
[Grunting]
136
00:06:43,700 --> 00:06:45,000
You there, child-woman!
137
00:06:45,100 --> 00:06:48,400
I'll give you a shiny dime
if you'll roll me into the nearest lake.
138
00:06:48,500 --> 00:06:50,600
Let me see if I can find you a juice box.
139
00:06:50,700 --> 00:06:52,600
And get the lead out, pudgy!
140
00:06:52,700 --> 00:06:55,300
ANNOUNCER:
Next, Peter Griffin and his dog, "Brain".
141
00:06:55,400 --> 00:06:57,400
We're off to a good start.
142
00:07:00,300 --> 00:07:02,300
[Dramatic instrumental music]
143
00:07:12,400 --> 00:07:15,300
ANNOUNCER: A beautiful performance
from "Brain" Griffin!
144
00:07:15,400 --> 00:07:16,700
Go, Brian!
145
00:07:16,800 --> 00:07:18,300
[Crowd applauding]
146
00:07:18,400 --> 00:07:20,900
All right, Brian. We got it all sewn up.
147
00:07:21,000 --> 00:07:22,400
What the hell is this?
148
00:07:22,500 --> 00:07:25,700
This? This is the part
where you beg for a treat.
149
00:07:25,800 --> 00:07:27,400
I don't think so.
150
00:07:27,900 --> 00:07:29,800
Brian, you're embarrassing me.
151
00:07:30,700 --> 00:07:33,400
God, he can't expect Brian to do that.
152
00:07:33,600 --> 00:07:35,600
It's easier than it looks, Mom.
153
00:07:35,700 --> 00:07:37,500
Come on, Brian. We had a deal.
154
00:07:37,600 --> 00:07:39,100
Yeah? The deal's off.
155
00:07:39,200 --> 00:07:43,300
Me and the little shred of dignity I have left
will be waiting in the car!
156
00:07:43,400 --> 00:07:46,000
Brian, come! Don't you walk out on me!
157
00:07:48,000 --> 00:07:49,800
I now command you to leave.
158
00:07:49,900 --> 00:07:53,300
Keep going. Yeah, that's right.
Yeah, flip me off. Good boy.
159
00:07:53,400 --> 00:07:54,400
[Giggling]
160
00:07:58,100 --> 00:08:00,300
How could you let me down
like that, Brian?
161
00:08:00,400 --> 00:08:03,100
I let you down?
Because I refused to demean myself...
162
00:08:03,200 --> 00:08:05,900
...by perpetuating the stereotype
of the good dog?
163
00:08:06,000 --> 00:08:08,700
This is the one thing I ever asked you
to do for us.
164
00:08:08,800 --> 00:08:12,200
This and not do that thing where you
drag your ass across the carpet.
165
00:08:12,600 --> 00:08:13,900
One time I did that!
166
00:08:14,000 --> 00:08:15,400
Peter, Brian, please.
167
00:08:15,500 --> 00:08:19,100
Let's just have a nice family car ride
like we always do.
168
00:08:19,200 --> 00:08:21,900
Yeah.
Except for the time Dad hit that deer.
169
00:08:23,800 --> 00:08:25,900
Yeah, it looks like it's just a ding.
170
00:08:26,000 --> 00:08:28,600
There's no reason to involve
the insurance companies.
171
00:08:28,800 --> 00:08:30,900
I should still take down your information.
172
00:08:31,000 --> 00:08:33,300
Really? You could probably just
buff that out.
173
00:08:33,400 --> 00:08:34,700
Yeah, but I...
174
00:08:35,200 --> 00:08:38,100
I would really feel better
if I got your information.
175
00:08:38,600 --> 00:08:40,700
Brian, maybe I had you pegged wrong.
176
00:08:40,800 --> 00:08:43,100
Maybe you really don't care
about this family.
177
00:08:43,200 --> 00:08:46,700
If you cared about me, you'd never
ask me to do something so degrading.
178
00:08:46,800 --> 00:08:50,400
The next time I ask you to do something,
I expect you to do it. Understand?
179
00:08:50,500 --> 00:08:52,700
Who wants to sing show tunes? "In old..."
180
00:08:52,800 --> 00:08:53,800
BRIAN: Stop the car.
181
00:08:53,900 --> 00:08:56,300
PETER: Is that what you want?
Because I'll stop.
182
00:08:56,400 --> 00:08:58,100
BRIAN: Pull over now.
PETER: Fine.
183
00:09:00,000 --> 00:09:02,400
God. Brian, don't do this.
184
00:09:04,500 --> 00:09:07,600
Is the doggie going bye-bye? I'm so sad.
185
00:09:08,700 --> 00:09:09,700
Quick! Back up!
186
00:09:11,800 --> 00:09:13,900
[Sorrowful instrumental music]
187
00:09:15,900 --> 00:09:19,300
Great. Is there a problem, Officer?
188
00:09:19,400 --> 00:09:21,300
Can I see your license, boy?
189
00:09:21,400 --> 00:09:22,400
"Boy"?
190
00:09:22,500 --> 00:09:26,100
Oh, God. I left it on my other collar.
191
00:09:26,600 --> 00:09:29,600
- You been chasing cars tonight, boy?
- Look, the name is Brian.
192
00:09:29,700 --> 00:09:32,900
- I was just out for a little walk. That's all.
- Without a leash.
193
00:09:33,500 --> 00:09:37,400
I'm gonna have to ask you to lie down
on the sidewalk. Down!
194
00:09:38,100 --> 00:09:39,800
I don't believe this.
195
00:09:40,600 --> 00:09:43,400
I don't suppose you could let us off
with a warning?
196
00:09:43,500 --> 00:09:46,200
Sorry, sir.
But leash laws are for his own good.
197
00:09:46,200 --> 00:09:49,400
The fine is $10.
You behave, little fella, you hear me?
198
00:09:49,500 --> 00:09:51,700
[Slave voice]
Lordy, I'll never roam again!
199
00:09:52,700 --> 00:09:53,700
Jackass.
200
00:09:53,800 --> 00:09:57,500
He's the law outside this house
just like I'm the law inside this house.
201
00:09:57,600 --> 00:10:00,500
- And you better start obeying both of us.
- Look at you.
202
00:10:00,600 --> 00:10:04,200
Big man, can't even afford to buy
an air conditioner for your family.
203
00:10:04,600 --> 00:10:05,800
What a bitch.
204
00:10:07,300 --> 00:10:10,400
DIANE: Good morning Quahog.
The heat wave has finally broken.
205
00:10:10,600 --> 00:10:13,400
It sure has. You know what they say,
"If you don't like...
206
00:10:13,500 --> 00:10:16,300
"...the weather in New England,
go back where you came from."
207
00:10:16,400 --> 00:10:18,300
I don't think that's the expression.
208
00:10:18,400 --> 00:10:21,300
I guess I had too many
bloody marys this morning. But anyway...
209
00:10:21,400 --> 00:10:22,400
[Belching]
210
00:10:22,500 --> 00:10:24,600
God. I hope the boss isn't watching.
211
00:10:25,300 --> 00:10:26,300
[Laughing]
212
00:10:26,900 --> 00:10:30,100
I don't know how those two manage
to be so perky in the morning.
213
00:10:30,200 --> 00:10:31,500
Something smells good.
214
00:10:31,600 --> 00:10:34,300
Homemade cinnamon buns
fresh from the tube.
215
00:10:34,400 --> 00:10:35,400
[Giggling]
216
00:10:35,500 --> 00:10:38,000
Nothing says "I love you"
like something from...
217
00:10:38,100 --> 00:10:40,200
What the hell are you doing,
you crazy bitch?
218
00:10:40,400 --> 00:10:43,500
These oughta cheer Brian up.
Cinnamon buns are his favorite.
219
00:10:43,800 --> 00:10:44,700
Really?
220
00:10:44,800 --> 00:10:48,000
I could've sworn his favorite was
"treat Peter like crap" buns.
221
00:10:48,100 --> 00:10:49,800
LOIS: Good morning, Brian.
222
00:10:50,600 --> 00:10:54,900
My, your summer coat is really
coming in nicely. Isn't it, Peter?
223
00:10:55,400 --> 00:11:00,600
Yeah. Must be that special jojoba shampoo
I bought you. It cost a little extra.
224
00:11:00,600 --> 00:11:03,500
But I would do anything for you, Brian.
225
00:11:04,300 --> 00:11:07,200
I'll be on the veranda
since you're already on the cross.
226
00:11:07,300 --> 00:11:10,000
Eat with us, Brian. I made cinnamon buns.
227
00:11:10,100 --> 00:11:13,600
May I have one on a plate or is
Peter planning to balance it on my nose?
228
00:11:13,700 --> 00:11:15,500
Peter, Brian, stop this.
229
00:11:15,600 --> 00:11:18,000
Can't you two go back to the way
you used to be?
230
00:11:18,400 --> 00:11:20,400
[Ragtime music playing]
231
00:11:50,500 --> 00:11:53,700
We can't go back to the way things were
after how I was treated.
232
00:11:53,800 --> 00:11:57,500
- Not after the things I've seen.
- What did you see? Was it breasts?
233
00:11:57,600 --> 00:12:01,000
Get over it, Brian.
I mean, how bad do you really have it here?
234
00:12:01,100 --> 00:12:05,000
- When I found you, you were just a stray.
- You swore you would never speak of that.
235
00:12:11,800 --> 00:12:14,200
No, thank you. I just had it cleaned.
236
00:12:14,300 --> 00:12:16,200
No. Jeez.
237
00:12:16,700 --> 00:12:17,700
All set, sir.
238
00:12:17,800 --> 00:12:20,000
I don't have any change. Sorry.
239
00:12:20,100 --> 00:12:22,200
That's okay. No charge.
240
00:12:22,900 --> 00:12:24,900
[Sad instrumental music]
241
00:12:26,700 --> 00:12:27,700
Wait.
242
00:12:28,400 --> 00:12:29,400
[Stammering]
243
00:12:29,500 --> 00:12:30,600
You hungry?
244
00:12:30,700 --> 00:12:33,600
Because my wife makes
this beef-a-roni casserole.
245
00:12:33,700 --> 00:12:34,800
Out of this world.
246
00:12:37,000 --> 00:12:39,900
Look, you got everything
you could possibly want right here.
247
00:12:40,000 --> 00:12:42,700
Now just eat your cinnamon bun
and stop being a bad dog.
248
00:12:43,400 --> 00:12:45,500
How dare you?
249
00:12:45,600 --> 00:12:48,900
How dare I?
Where do you think you're going?
250
00:12:49,000 --> 00:12:49,900
Out!
251
00:12:50,000 --> 00:12:52,100
You're not going anywhere
without your leash!
252
00:12:52,200 --> 00:12:54,200
I don't need your damn leash, or you!
253
00:12:54,400 --> 00:12:56,000
I'm going for a walk.
254
00:12:56,100 --> 00:12:59,000
Don't worry. He won't get far without this.
255
00:13:02,100 --> 00:13:04,200
And a pack of Eldorados, unfiltered.
256
00:13:05,600 --> 00:13:09,600
What? That. Yeah.
I'll clean that up on my way out.
257
00:13:10,000 --> 00:13:11,400
See that sign?
258
00:13:11,900 --> 00:13:14,700
Now why don't you go tie yourself
up to that parking meter?
259
00:13:14,800 --> 00:13:16,600
I don't want any trouble.
260
00:13:19,500 --> 00:13:22,400
Mom, have you ever had
a problem with freshness?
261
00:13:22,400 --> 00:13:23,800
What do you mean, honey?
262
00:13:23,900 --> 00:13:26,800
You know. Have you ever felt not so fresh?
263
00:13:27,000 --> 00:13:30,000
I'm not sure what you're...
I don't follow you.
264
00:13:31,100 --> 00:13:35,000
Have you ever felt like you're dirty?
265
00:13:36,300 --> 00:13:37,300
Down there?
266
00:13:37,900 --> 00:13:39,200
[Exclaiming]
267
00:13:40,700 --> 00:13:41,900
God, no!
268
00:13:42,400 --> 00:13:44,900
That was Brian's favorite commercial.
269
00:13:45,000 --> 00:13:48,200
"Brian"? No, it's not ringing a bell.
270
00:13:48,300 --> 00:13:50,300
Stop it! We all miss him.
271
00:13:50,400 --> 00:13:53,200
Go find him, apologize,
and bring him home.
272
00:13:53,300 --> 00:13:56,200
You heard him.
He doesn't want to be a part of this family.
273
00:13:56,300 --> 00:13:58,300
We don't need him. We'll get another pet.
274
00:13:58,400 --> 00:14:01,200
No way, Dad.
No one can take Brian's place.
275
00:14:01,300 --> 00:14:02,500
STEWIE: Silence!
276
00:14:03,000 --> 00:14:06,800
That mongrel is probably decomposing
on the side of a dirt road as we speak!
277
00:14:06,900 --> 00:14:10,300
- Let's get a kitty!
- See, gang? Stewie's got the right idea.
278
00:14:10,400 --> 00:14:12,800
- I don't know, Peter.
- Lois, trust me.
279
00:14:12,900 --> 00:14:16,100
We'll get a lovable kitty-cat
and everybody will feel a lot better.
280
00:14:16,300 --> 00:14:17,500
[Hissing]
281
00:14:18,100 --> 00:14:21,500
PETER: Here, kitty, kitty.
Come on down nice and easy.
282
00:14:21,600 --> 00:14:22,900
That's a good kitty.
283
00:14:23,000 --> 00:14:24,000
[Gasping]
284
00:14:24,500 --> 00:14:26,300
What the hell was that?
285
00:14:29,100 --> 00:14:31,300
Something near a window.
Preferably a booth.
286
00:14:33,200 --> 00:14:35,700
Yeah, you got 50 Puerto Ricans
in the kitchen!
287
00:14:35,700 --> 00:14:37,900
Yeah, that's authentic Italian.
288
00:14:40,600 --> 00:14:43,700
BRIAN: Don't do that.
That's what they expect you to do.
289
00:14:44,800 --> 00:14:47,400
Okay, fine for you.
But what about your puppies?
290
00:14:47,500 --> 00:14:51,100
And your puppies' puppies?
Am I the only one who's outraged here?
291
00:14:52,500 --> 00:14:54,700
I'm sorry. Enjoy your dinner.
292
00:14:57,600 --> 00:15:00,000
How come you're still setting
a place for Brian?
293
00:15:00,100 --> 00:15:03,900
Because when he comes home, I want
him to know he never left our thoughts.
294
00:15:04,000 --> 00:15:06,200
I know you're thinking about him,
too, Peter.
295
00:15:06,300 --> 00:15:09,600
Look, Lois, he broke his promise to me.
Besides, we have a new pet.
296
00:15:09,800 --> 00:15:11,900
And we love our fluffy kitty.
297
00:15:17,300 --> 00:15:19,600
Gross. Did he just drink from the fountain?
298
00:15:19,700 --> 00:15:21,000
Hey, you!
299
00:15:21,800 --> 00:15:22,800
COP: Stay!
300
00:15:23,200 --> 00:15:25,500
[Dramatic instrumental music]
301
00:15:37,800 --> 00:15:39,100
[Shouting]
302
00:15:45,400 --> 00:15:48,200
Joyce DeWitt?
So that's where you've been.
303
00:15:51,000 --> 00:15:54,600
Sorry, pooch. You gotta sleep outside.
No dogs allowed in the bus station.
304
00:15:54,700 --> 00:15:57,500
My blind guy's in the john.
305
00:15:58,000 --> 00:15:59,900
I'll point him in your direction.
306
00:16:02,100 --> 00:16:03,600
PETER: Brian's tennis ball.
307
00:16:03,700 --> 00:16:05,700
Man, he loved to play with this thing.
308
00:16:07,700 --> 00:16:09,100
REFEREE: Double fault!
309
00:16:09,400 --> 00:16:10,900
Come on, Brian.
310
00:16:11,200 --> 00:16:14,000
Peter, why don't you
just admit you miss Brian?
311
00:16:14,200 --> 00:16:18,500
You're right, Lois. Who am I kidding?
This family needs Brian. I need him.
312
00:16:18,600 --> 00:16:19,600
[Cat howling]
313
00:16:19,800 --> 00:16:22,000
God, I hate this freaking cat.
314
00:16:27,200 --> 00:16:29,000
Can you spare some change?
315
00:16:29,100 --> 00:16:32,200
Why? So you can go buy yourself
another bottle of booze?
316
00:16:32,300 --> 00:16:35,200
Why don't you make something
of your life, like this dog?
317
00:16:35,300 --> 00:16:38,000
That's me! I mean, that was me.
318
00:16:38,100 --> 00:16:39,200
MAN: Yeah, sure.
319
00:16:39,300 --> 00:16:40,800
No, I mean it. That was me.
320
00:16:40,900 --> 00:16:42,700
Get away from me, you crazy animal!
321
00:16:42,800 --> 00:16:46,100
You want me to be a crazy animal?
Okay, I'm a crazy animal!
322
00:16:46,200 --> 00:16:47,700
Stop! Help!
323
00:16:47,800 --> 00:16:49,000
Help!
324
00:16:50,100 --> 00:16:52,600
BRIAN: All right, who wants to be next?
You? You?
325
00:16:52,700 --> 00:16:53,600
Brian!
326
00:16:55,700 --> 00:16:57,600
PETER: I'm here to bring you...
327
00:16:57,700 --> 00:16:59,600
COP: You're going downtown, pal.
328
00:17:03,900 --> 00:17:04,900
...home.
329
00:17:10,000 --> 00:17:11,700
Hi. How's it going?
330
00:17:12,800 --> 00:17:15,000
Oh, God. I know karate!
331
00:17:15,100 --> 00:17:17,200
[Kung fu noises]
332
00:17:17,600 --> 00:17:18,600
[Dog growling]
333
00:17:18,700 --> 00:17:20,600
Look! A tasty little baby!
334
00:17:22,100 --> 00:17:24,400
I see somebody's been neutered.
335
00:17:27,000 --> 00:17:28,900
Come on, sugar. It's time.
336
00:17:29,000 --> 00:17:30,300
Thank God.
337
00:17:32,200 --> 00:17:35,800
He's cute. Aren't you precious?
Lethal injection. Next!
338
00:17:35,900 --> 00:17:37,100
- What?
- Oh, no!
339
00:17:37,200 --> 00:17:38,200
You can't do this!
340
00:17:38,300 --> 00:17:40,800
Who's up for a little lunch?
Something festive.
341
00:17:40,900 --> 00:17:42,300
Did someone say Tex-Mex?
342
00:17:42,400 --> 00:17:44,000
I'm sorry, sugar.
343
00:17:44,300 --> 00:17:45,500
Help me.
344
00:17:45,600 --> 00:17:47,700
Don't worry. I'll get you out of this.
345
00:17:47,800 --> 00:17:49,800
I'll get us the best help there is.
346
00:17:49,900 --> 00:17:51,100
PETER: "Dear MacGuyver...
347
00:17:51,200 --> 00:17:54,900
"Enclosed is a rubber band, a paper clip,
and a drinking straw.
348
00:17:55,200 --> 00:17:56,700
"Please save my dog."
349
00:18:10,600 --> 00:18:11,800
You're looking well.
350
00:18:11,800 --> 00:18:14,400
Don't get too close.
They say I'm dangerous.
351
00:18:14,500 --> 00:18:16,700
That's why the man's gonna put me down.
352
00:18:16,800 --> 00:18:19,900
Don't say that, Brian.
Peter is working on your appeal.
353
00:18:20,000 --> 00:18:22,100
You'll see. Everything's gonna work out.
354
00:18:22,200 --> 00:18:26,200
I may have been born with my eyes closed,
but now I see the world for what it is.
355
00:18:26,400 --> 00:18:28,500
I'm a second-class citizen, Lois.
356
00:18:28,700 --> 00:18:31,500
Great news!
The City Council agreed to hear your case!
357
00:18:31,600 --> 00:18:35,100
BRIAN: You're kidding! If I prepare
my case, I might have a chance after all.
358
00:18:35,200 --> 00:18:36,800
I don't know how to thank you.
359
00:18:36,900 --> 00:18:40,100
We're family.
This is what we do for each other.
360
00:18:40,400 --> 00:18:41,900
Right, Peter?
361
00:18:42,900 --> 00:18:44,700
LOIS: Peter, don't stare!
362
00:18:45,500 --> 00:18:47,800
[Lntense instrumental music]
363
00:19:08,900 --> 00:19:10,300
Good luck, sweetness.
364
00:19:10,500 --> 00:19:11,500
Thanks, Felicia.
365
00:19:11,700 --> 00:19:13,100
This meeting was called...
366
00:19:13,200 --> 00:19:16,400
...to review the judgment
in City of Quahog v. Brian Griffin.
367
00:19:18,300 --> 00:19:21,100
Justice, for all? Or for some?
368
00:19:22,000 --> 00:19:23,600
Does a dog not feel?
369
00:19:23,700 --> 00:19:26,100
If you scratch him, does his leg not shake?
370
00:19:26,300 --> 00:19:30,700
Yes, he is man's best friend.
But what manner of friend is man?
371
00:19:32,200 --> 00:19:35,200
I would like to cite the case of
Plessy v. Ferguson...
372
00:19:35,400 --> 00:19:37,700
Wait a minute.
Why are we listening to a dog?
373
00:19:37,800 --> 00:19:38,800
Take him away!
374
00:19:39,000 --> 00:19:41,000
Does not every dog have his day?
375
00:19:41,100 --> 00:19:43,800
Wait! Please! I gotta say something!
376
00:19:44,000 --> 00:19:47,300
Look, all Brian's ever wanted
is the same respect he gives us.
377
00:19:47,400 --> 00:19:50,900
That and Snausages.
He's mental for those Snausages.
378
00:19:51,200 --> 00:19:55,500
And sure, sometimes we have arguments,
like when he's sleeping on the bed and...
379
00:19:55,600 --> 00:19:58,600
...Lois is in the "oodmay"
but Brian won't "amscray."
380
00:19:58,700 --> 00:20:00,000
- Peter...
- Okay.
381
00:20:00,100 --> 00:20:04,800
Look. The point is, he's a member
of our family first and a dog second.
382
00:20:05,400 --> 00:20:08,100
And I'm real sorry I forgot that, buddy.
383
00:20:08,600 --> 00:20:10,700
Sometimes we all need a second chance.
384
00:20:10,800 --> 00:20:13,700
Sometimes we all need to forgive!
385
00:20:14,300 --> 00:20:17,400
I stole $10 from Meg's room!
386
00:20:17,500 --> 00:20:19,600
I stole $10 from Mom's purse!
387
00:20:20,100 --> 00:20:23,300
I've been making counterfeit $10 bills
for years.
388
00:20:23,700 --> 00:20:26,300
Mr. Griffin, this dog is a danger to society.
389
00:20:26,400 --> 00:20:29,200
Albeit an articulate and charismatic one.
390
00:20:29,300 --> 00:20:32,500
But the law is the law and can't
be circumvented by pretty words.
391
00:20:32,600 --> 00:20:34,000
I'll give you each $20.
392
00:20:34,100 --> 00:20:35,600
Deal. He can go.
393
00:20:35,700 --> 00:20:37,000
[All cheering]
394
00:20:37,200 --> 00:20:39,100
STEWIE: Mistrial, damn you! Mistrial!
395
00:20:39,900 --> 00:20:41,800
[Triumphant instrumental music]
396
00:20:50,900 --> 00:20:53,000
No. Let him go.
397
00:21:11,700 --> 00:21:13,400
Anybody want more pizza rolls?
398
00:21:13,500 --> 00:21:15,500
Yeah. Quiet, Lois. Murder She Wrote.
399
00:21:15,600 --> 00:21:18,400
Charles Montrose, after all these years.
400
00:21:18,500 --> 00:21:22,400
Jessica Fletcher!
Why I haven't seen you since you had the...
401
00:21:24,300 --> 00:21:27,800
You can say it, Charles.
I'm not ashamed. Abortion.
402
00:21:28,900 --> 00:21:30,600
So she's the murderer!
403
00:21:30,700 --> 00:21:32,700
Come on, kids. Bedtime.
404
00:21:34,100 --> 00:21:36,600
Good night, Brian. And welcome home.
405
00:21:36,900 --> 00:21:39,000
CHRIS: Good night, you guys.
MEG: Good night.
406
00:21:39,100 --> 00:21:41,000
- Dog?
- Yeah?
407
00:21:49,300 --> 00:21:52,200
If you ever tell anyone about that,
I will kill you.
408
00:21:54,400 --> 00:21:55,900
[Theme music]
31755
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