All language subtitles for The.Once.And.Future.Smash.2022.1080p.WEBRip.x264.AAC-[YTS.LT]

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(eerie music)

- Yeah, my Uncle Fred,

he was the first one to
show me "End Zone 2."

He had like a really faded,
faded and, oh, it was jacked up,

16mm copy.

- "End Zone 2."

Wow.

What ever happened to "End Zone 2?"

- To be totally honest with you,

I think the first "End Zone"
movie is much, much better

than the second.

- "End Zone 2" is far
superior to "End Zone 1."

- My earliest memory of "End
Zone 1," and "2" funny enough,

'cause I saw them both at the same time,

was at a drive-in theater.

They played them as a double feature.

I was no older than two

when my parents had me in
the back of the station wagon

for this thing.

And they had to play
both movies back to back

just to fill a 90 minutes slot.

- "End Zone 2" is the
slasher equivalent of "Jaws"

to shark movies or "The
Exorcist" to exorcism movies.

- They were the first to make it clear

that 400 pound pieces of beef
crashing their heads together

on the football field
might just possibly lead

to brain damage.

- Smash-Mouth is a really
unique character in horror.

He's the first living
zombie if you think about it.

He's kind of an un-undead.

- Everyone goes on and
on about Smash-Mouth.

Well, I've always had a
thing for the cheerleaders,

especially Mary.

(woman screams)

- Why do these movies always have to have

so much killing in them?

Have a story.

I don't like all the killing.

- It definitely never came out on DVD.

I don't know that there was a VHS of it.

There may have been.

I didn't have it.

A buddy of mine had a bootleg of it,

but I think it was
only just the first hour.

- I guess I always fell
asleep about one hour into it.

(Smash-Mouth roars)

- Maybe five people saw it.

Take away the usher, four.

- There were distributors

that wanted to distribute
the film first on VHS

and then there was another
one on DVD a few years ago.

But they could never locate
the last 30 minutes of the film.

- We couldn't find the last 30 minutes,

and therefore we had
to give the rights back.

- The movie just disappeared.

(metal clangs) (rock music)

(film rolls)

(crowd cheers)

- [Narrator] In 1955,

the George Donner High
School football team lost

the big game.

They beat freshman Jimmy Smazmoth

until he was hardly recognizable.

- You people broke his goddamn jaw!

Can't even eat like a regular person.

- [Narrator] But Jimmy recovered.

Jimmy Smazmoth became
Smash-Mouth and got his revenge.

- Did they ever find Jimmy?

- Who Smash-Mouth?

He died in the fire.

- I heard they never found his body.

- [Narrator] Now 15 years later.

(eerie music) (growling)

- It's really nice to be
here with you, Nancy.

We missed you.

- We should just have some fun.

We deserve it.

I've been coming out here for years.

I've never seen that before.

- What in tarnation?

- You guys remember AJ?

Him and Jimmy were always
hanging out together, right?

- Jimmy was like my brother.

I kept him safe.

(suspenseful music) (Nancy cries)

- [Narrator] Smash-Mouth is back.

- [Woman] Do you still
have a thing for him?

- Jimmy, it's me.

It's me Nancy.

- [Narrator] This time the
cheerleaders who stopped him.

- I still remember the
knife going into her.

- [Narrator] Will face
their greatest fears.

(Nancy screams)

- You will know pain
and suffering and blood.

- [Narrator] Don't close your eyes.

(man groans)

Don't cover your ears.

(woman screams)

And whatever you do, don't open your mouth.

(woman gags)

"End Zone 2," get smashed.

(woman screams)

(upbeat music)

- Yeah.

I'm waiting on this banner.

What banner?

For "End Zone 2!"

The fucking movie that you

and maybe like six other people heard of.

The great reunion that no one asked for.

I don't fucking know.

Look.

No, no, no, no, no.

Shut up.

Get us a fucking banner,
don't get us a banner.

I don't give a fuck.

But you wire the fucking
money right now, okay?

- Sean, got a print of "End Zone 2"

from a grind house theater on 42nd Street.

And when he showed it to us several times,

it was just the first hour,
and none of us could figure out

why he only had the first hour.

- Before we filmed, we would watch,

daily we would watch
at least the first hour

of "End Zone 2."

But that was it.

I didn't need to see anymore.

- Not a lot of people saw "End Zone 2,"

but those who did, they
created the slasher genre.

- Basically, you know, Wes, Sean, Tobe,

you know, all of 'em are huge fans.

Well maybe, maybe not.

Maybe not Wes.

- The thing that will
stand the test of time

in any horror movie is the
script which the author writes.

- Me and the guys had a
wild time at the drive-in.

We had a drinking game

that every time Smash-Mouth took a drink

of blended cheerleader, we'd take a shot.

Blended cheerleader, take a shot.

Whoa!

- I would say the main thesis or metaphor

or however you want to like get critical

or like, you know, auteur
theory about like "End Zone,"

I would say it's really about Vietnam

and the horrors of war.

Smash-Mouth is just like,

it's got a mix of Martin Sheen
and Marlon Brando's character

from "Apocalypse Now"

except he's dressed as a football player.

- "End Zone 2" may be the first slasher

that actually passes the Bechdel Test.

- Hey Shelly, can I talk
to you for a minute?

- Yeah.

- I'm happily retired, but, you
know, every once in a while,

I dream of writing the
remake of "End Zone."

- To have written a screenplay
like "End Zone 2," oh man.

So motivating, so inspiring.

That's my white whale.

- My son will come for you!

He will find you!

He will avenge me!

- Hi, my name is Percy Wynne.

I play Nancy in "End Zone 2."

It's been interesting.

- Go away!

- You know there was a rumor that

Sally field was going to
play Nancy in “End Zone 2.”

- I was at a birthday party

and we were watching some
kind of like Sally field TV show

and by mistake, her dad put in

the last 10 minutes of “End Zone 2.”

Most of the kids were traumatized, but me

I was like, I love it I
couldn’t stop yelling

Touchdown! Touchdown! Touchdown!

Yeah, it was good.

(upbeat music)

- So, I was invited back
to Mad Monster Party.

Really excited about it.

To get my press pass, they
want me to host a panel.

I was like, "Awesome!"

"Let's do 'Texas Chainsaw Massacre 2.'"

"I love 'Texas Chainsaw Massacre' movies."

And they're like, "No,
you're gonna do 'End Zone 2.'"

And I was like, "What is 'End Zone 2?'"

(woman screams) (Smash-Mouth roars)

So, I tried to find the movie.

I can't even find a copy of it to watch.

The "stars" of the movie,
the one guy Mash Mouth,

he's not credited in
anything but "End Zone 2"

and the other guy, I
don't even know his name,

he's not credited in anything,

not even "End Zone 2,"

the movie we're supposed to talk about!

What am I even gonna ask these guys?

- We're doing a reboot sequel
of the movie "End Zone 2,"

and it's gonna be called "End Zone."

It takes place one hour
after "End Zone 2" starts

and ignores everything that happens

in the last part of that movie

and "End Zone 3" and "End Zone 3D."

- Actually "End Zone 3" was
not part of the canon anyway.

It was just a retitled Italian movie

called "Cannibal Linebacker."

It doesn't even have Smash-Mouth in it.

- "It doesn't even have Smash-Mouth in it."

Shut up, Snyflan!

Point is this movie picks up exactly

where my nephew Johnny
said the last movie went wrong.

- You remember, right?

Yeah.

- Smash-Mouth was originally
played by Mikey Smash.

- Mikey.

- Mikey was an asshole.

- Weird guy.

- Mikey Smash was the
weirdest person I ever met.

- Mikey disappeared under
suspicious circumstances

in the early '70s.

- I was actually supposed
to play his brother

in a Canadian ninja film,

but right before we were supposed to start,

I heard that he died, that he
got shot and fell into a lake.

- Mikey Smash died in '71 in a car crash.

Same Porsche that James Dean died in.

- Mikey died in a Ferris wheel accident.

(carnival music)

- Mikey died of rabies, right?

And in fact,

I had heard it was from
him eating an animal's heart,

which by the way incredibly
influential on my work.

- Yeah, Mikey died in the '70s.

He was protesting Vietnam,
the country, not the war.

- He died in the '80s. Disco fire.

(melodic screaming)

- Well, he definitely
died in the '70s sometime.

You know, he's no longer with us.

Mikey has left the building.

- AJ.

Pick up that bag.

I don't want those wheels to wear out.

- I heard Mikey was decapitated.

You better come hard or come correct.

- What Mikey brought
to film was proof positive

that it's not the costume,
that it's not some guy,

some schmuck in a costume or under makeup.

It's the person, it's the
essence underneath all of that

that drives it.

- It doesn't matter who wears the mask,

nobody cares who's wearing the mask.

- You can put any jackass in a mask,

but it takes real talent
to make it special.

- The mask is the only thing that matters.

The actors do not matter at all.

(Smash-Mouth groans)

(Smash-Mouth yells)

(eerie music)

- It's really creepy that that
Mouth guy pretends he was

in the movie.

- Who'd you say?

William Mouth?

- [Crew Member] William.

- Is that the guy who
goes around conventions

pretending he played
Smash-Mouth in "End Zone 2?"

- He keeps shouting this line "touchdown!"

- But just like in "Casablanca"
with "play it again, Sam"

or "Star Trek" with "beam me up, Scotty,"

nobody ever said that!

- It's not in the movie.

- Terrible tagline.

- Terrible.

- I would never have a
character yell "touchdown"

in the middle of a horror movie.

- Touchdown!

- Touchdown.

- Touchdown.

- Touchdown.

- Touchdown!

- Touchdown.

- Touchdown.

God...

- Let’s trying something like

touchdown and let’s dance!

- Touchdown!

Touchdown!

Touchdown, touchdown.

(upbeat music)

- I am Jackie J. Jackson.

I am a big time celebrity manager.

I guess I really only have two clients,

Mikey Smash and William Mouth.

But I've been managing both
Mikey and William's careers

for the last five years.

I guess they really
don't have careers per se.

- Touchdown!

- It's kind of disturbing
someone claiming credit

for playing a role in a film,
in an iconic film no less,

when it was actually
played by somebody else.

- Mikey Smash was Smash-Mouth.

This is not debatable.

- He keeps calling me

and claiming that we
went to college together.

I have no memory of him whatsoever.

- [William] Touchdown!

Touchdown!

- There are rumors that there's a remake

in the works of "End Zone 2." (scoffs)

They asked me to be in
it, and no, I don't think so.

- I've been calling my
agent to get me in the room

to audition for Smash-Mouth.

- I got a crossover idea for the remake,

and it's called, ready?

"Maniac Jock."

- Let's just say "Smash-Mouth in Space."

- Dead. End. Zone.

- I'd love to audition for the role

of Backwoods Bob in the remake.

This character personified
all the horror and terror

that could be waiting for your kids

if they make the wrong decision.

Ribbit!

- I would kill for a shot

at Backwoods Brenda in the reboot

- I'm hoping to play AJ in the remake.

- This isn't high school.

It's after high school.

- Wait, is he in the remake?

- I'm gonna send in an
audition to play Smash

before he has a broken jaw.

- I think I could play Smash-Mouth
much better than Mikey.

Why?

(jaw clicks)

Can you hear that?

I have TMJ, and I can't
fucking get rid of it!

- I've got some great ideas
for the Smash-Mouth reboot.

Okay, catch this.

Smash-Mouth literally transfers his soul

with a lateral pass.

And that's coming from the
guy who made Jason a Deadite.

And that's canon, bitches.

- So, the convention said in
order to announce "End Zone,"

"End Zone 3,"

we had to send at least
two people to do a panel.

Mikey wasn't doing anything else anyway.

We tried to get the
actor who played Angela,

but she was a little weird.

- I can relate to Angela

'cause as a mother I'm
always trying to find food

for my kids.

- This other guy kept
calling, Willie Mouse,

when he found out we were
doing "End Zone," "End Zone 3."

He says he played
Smash-Mouth in "End Zone 2,"

but he wasn't in the credits.

But since we had to send at
least two people we sent him.

We didn't even have to pay either of them.

Once Mr. Brandon promised
it could be their audition

for "End Zone," "End Zone 3,"

they were willing to do it for free.

I wonder which one he is going
to pick to play Smash-Mouth.

(rock music)

- Both Mikey and William
are not being paid to be here.

And it's the SmashBlender
guy that's making the remake

or the sequel or, I don't know what it is.

- Technically it's "End Zone 3,"

but we're not calling it "End Zone 3."

and it's not the "End Zone
3" they made in the '80s

or the "End Zone 3D" they made in the '80s.

No, this is a completely
different "End Zone"

that takes place one
hour into "End Zone 2."

- He told them that this was the audition

for the new Smash-Mouth.

So, they both think
they're getting the part.

- I have been calling
SmashBlender every day

for my half hour lunch break,

trying to convince Mr. Brandon

to let one of them have
the roll of Smash-Mouth

in the reboot sequel

that takes place after the
first hour of "End Zone 2."

And they haven't called me back yet.

But Ms. Crump, his intern,

seems to really think he would be into it.

- Touchdown!

- Sorry, I got a little angry before.

SmashBlender asked us to
do this "End Zone 2" reunion.

And I mean, we do reunions all the time.

They were supposed to
send us a, you know, a banner,

handle everything, pay us.

You know, we were
supposed to get money for this.

Never happened.
Never happened.

Has anyone even heard of "End Zone 2?"

- I got a lot of friends,

but it's only a small very special group

that have also seen "End Zone 2."

'Cause those guys,
those are my real friends.

- I mean, I don't think this is
any secret that Adam Marcus

and I have never gotten along.

I mean, we both struggle over

who made the best "Jason" movie.

And just never meshed,

until we found out that
we're both "End Zone 2" fans.

And we've been brothers ever since.

- Have you seen Todd
Farmer's Smash-Mouth tattoo?

- My first tattoo was Smash-Mouth.

Hey, look, I'll show you.

Can we put dick in this?

Is it...

(bell chimes)

(Adam laughs)

- I'm one of the three
people that's seen it.

(rock music)

(men shout)

♪ Give in to a little bit of sin ♪

♪ And won't you grin from ear to ear ♪

- So, back in the day,

people used this viral
marketing stuff and flash mobs,

but that stuff is for boomers.

So, we, I invented
something completely new.

- It was my idea.

- Fan clubs.

Completely new invention.

And we just hired a bunch of guys

to pretend they're huge fans of "End Zone"

to create organic buzz.

That's called synergy.

- I don't think that
we actually hired them.

Legally speaking.

We would have to pay them
at least a minimum wage.

- Well, I guess it just depends on

how many horse amphetamines
add up to minimum wage, so...

(horse neighs)

♪ Raise 'em up if you feel okay ♪

♪ Raise 'em up if you wanna play ♪

♪ Raise 'em up if you want to ♪

- "End Zone" is a
fascinating horror series.

The original of course was shot in 1964,

during the football revenge craze.

- The whole football
revenge movie genre's one

of the more interesting ones that popped up

and kind of disappeared,

but there was some die
hard classics that came out.

- [Heidi] "Confessions of a Psycho Kicker."

- [James] "I Was a Teenage Quarterback."

"Faster Running Back! Kill! Kill!"

"Death Line of Scrimmage."

- [Heidi] "Gridiron Massacre."

- "I Blitz On Your Grave."

It's like I don't know how
you mix football and violence

and Vietnam and make 'em
all work in all these movies.

- “My Bloody Valentine”
was originally conceived as a

a curling slasher where the killer

pushed the head of the victims

down the ice with a broom

but by then the sports
slasher craze was over

so, up came the holiday slasher

- Warren Q. Harolds
was a pesticide salesman

from a small town in
New York called Penn Yan

who thought he could make some easy money

in the drive-in circuit
with a rip off film.

- Harolds basically found an 8mm camera

at a pawn shop,

reached out to some
community theater students

and made a masterpiece.

- You know, I remember getting

this 8mm canister for the film "End Zone,"

which is odd because most
drive-ins aren't equipped

to project 8mm films.

- So, the movie is a terrible disaster.

Everyone hated the big reveal

that the killer was actually
Smash-Mouth's mother.

- The thing about "End
Zone" is the twist ending.

And at the time, it just didn't work.

No one wanted to see the mom as the killer.

I mean, people were pissed off.

I've read news articles

where apparently people
would throw things at the screen.

I heard a drive-in burned down.

- I think it was brilliant
that the mother is the killer.

- So we actually had a
commercial 8mm projector

here at the drive-in,

which meant "End Zone" could play the B

after all of these great
football films that came through.

"John Goldfarb, Please Come Home!"

What was that other one?

"Paper Lion."

Now Alan Alda, fantastic in that.

- I saw "End Zone" with a
double feature with "Paper Lion."

- Smash-Mouth is a metaphor
for all the horrific injuries

that our American soldiers
sustained in the Vietnam War.

(rock music)

- In order for a movie
to run at the drive-in

it has to be at least 60 minutes long.

"End Zone" is only 30 minutes long.

So, he had a scheme that would allow it

to hit that 60 minute minimum.

- So, the big idea was since
the movie was 30 minutes long,

he would just tell him
play it twice in a row.

But I think playing it twice kind of added

to the whole like Vietnam metaphor

'cause you got to see the cycle of violence

over and over again.

It was just like watching
the news in the '60s.

It just kept hitting you.

And "End Zone" just hit you that hard,

just like Smash-Mouth hit you that hard.

- I learned to use a blender
by watching "End Zone."

- To this day, I still
get chills when I hear

the roar of a blender.

- The drive-ins were saturated

with much better films than "End Zone."

So, really they had no
interest in showing the film.

- Unfortunately Harolds was
forced to put the 200 prints

that he'd struck into storage.

In 1965 there was an electrical
short at the vault at MGM

and a massive fire broke out.

Now the fire not only destroyed MGM films

but an entire season of foreign films

that had been brought to the United States

to play in the art house
circuit by EuroContinental Films.

So, EuroContinental CEO,
Jacques Renault had no idea

what to do.

He needed something to
send to the art house theaters.

- The films, they have all burned.

I have no idea what to do.

- Then he had an idea.

- Oh, but wait, I have an idea.

- [Jared] For you see,

Jacques had accidentally
picked up a print of "End Zone"

while buying pornographic
loops in a seedy alleyway.

- Mr. Jacques, I think you
might take a gander at this one.

It just came in, and I
hear it's very special.

Very special indeed.

If you know what I mean.

- Ooh, I do know what you
mean for I understand insinuation.

- [Jared] Needless to say
Jacques was at first disappointed.

- Needless to say, I am at
first disappointed by this movie.

- [Jared] But his mood soon turned.

(Jacque laughs)

- Oh, this Smash-Mouth is very funny.

He murders the American football players

in such entertaining ways.

Such a silly sport.

- [Jared] He didn't even mind the twist

that Smash-Mouth's
mother was the real killer.

He didn't even mind that
Smash-Mouth's mother was

barely mentioned in
the movie before the end.

- This twist with the
mother I do not mind it,

even though she is not
mentioned before the end.

- Jacques bought the rights to the film

and distributed it in art house theaters

in the United States,
billing it as a hilarious satire

of the American obsession with sports.

(silly music)

- And so, the movie was a hit.

And under the lens of satire
was actually pretty clever,

even if it wasn't intentional.
- This is one of the biggest

like heartfelt Vietnam movies ever made,

and you're just doing it for laughs.

Like, no one's laughing at
Martin Sheen in "Apocalypse Now."

No one's laughing at the
dude in "Rolling Thunder"

after he lost his hand.

No one's laughing at
Rambo in "First Blood."

(rock music)

- Oh, good morning, sir.

How may I help you?

- Touchdown!

- Well, our television service does have

all the major cable channels,

many of which show all the
regularly scheduled NFL games.

Does that answer your question, sir?

- Touchdown!

I wanna check in.

- Oh (laughs) okay.

I just need an ID and major credit card.

- I'm with the convention.

- I just still need to see
an ID and major credit card

just to process the room.

- ID.

ID.

ID.

- Great, and a major credit card.

- I don't have credit.

- You know, that's not
a problem, all right?

We can just take a $200 cash deposit.

It's just for incidentals and damages.

- This is all I have.

- (sighs) Okay.

Well, since you're with the convention,

we can just put the
incidental charge on their bill.

- Oh, that's good.

Thank you.

- I'm afraid I don't see a William Matheson

in our system though.

- It could be under William Mouth.

- I just need an ID with
that name on it though

to check you in.

- Well, I changed my name

but not legally 'cause
it was too expensive.

I was in "End Zone 2."

Smash-Mouth.

Touchdown!

- Oh, "End Zone 2!"

Yes, yes!

I believe I saw the first hour of that.

But didn't Mikey Smash
play Smash-Mouth in that?

- We both did.

What about Sneed Crump?

- He was in "End Zone 1."

- Maybe I saw the first hour of that one.

- Well, it was only 30 minutes long,

but they used to show
it two times in a row.

- All right, you know what?

We can check you in.

We'll put the liability on the convention,

and we'll be all set.

- Oh, oh, by the way, I had
two packages delivered here.

Were they, did they arrive?

- Yes, you did get two packages.

One was picked up and
signed for about an hour ago.

- Who signed for it?

- William Mouth.

- I never got it.

What about the other package?

- Well, the other one it
seems we were told to open

and throw in the trash.

- I didn't tell you to do that!

(bright music)

- [Evan] Hey gang, it's
Eben with Mad Monster Party,

and I just wanna welcome you all

and say thanks for being here

for Mad Monster Party's 10th year.

We've got a lot of
exciting things happening,

a special "Friday the 13th
Part 13 Pamela's Revenge" panel

on Sunday.

An old versus new "My Bloody
Valentine" cast tug of war,

benefiting the Scares That Care charity.

And of course our big,
big event on Saturday,

a very special reunion

and future franchise plans
announcement for "End Zone 2."

- Just make sure they're neat.

They've got to be neat
or the kids won't buy them.

- Yes, Mikey.

- That's Mr. Smash.

- Yes, Mr. Smash.

- It's difficult when your only two clients

both hate each other

and really can't be in
the same room together.

And I mean that by court decree.

But I think that this
convention announcement is

going to be a really
big break for one of 'em.

Probably pretty life
destroying for the other one.

Neither one really has a
life anyway, so (laughs)

I'm just glad they got 'em separate tables.

- Mr. Smash, I do have
a little bit of bad news.

- I don't like any kind of news.

- I think we have to share
this table with William.

- No!

- I don't think there's a choice.

- Let me consider this.

No.

- Smash-Mouth has this sidekick named AJ.

- I'm almost in this context
offended by the term sidekick.

He was an equal partner.

- You kill people like him.

- Jimmy's gotta eat.

- I really love the name AJ.

So hey, I started going by the name VC.

I mean, AJ, VC.

- The whole idea about
Smash-Mouth is he was bullied

and becomes a monster.

And gets revenge.

He becomes a hero.

- AJ was really his only friend.

- Yeah, kind of late in the development of

“My Bloody Valentine”

they ran into budget cuts

so they had to write the
miner’s sidekick CJ out.

- AJ is Smash's his Chop Top.

- All right, I promised
my father on his deathbed

that I'd always be Smash-Mouth's sidekick.

It's completely ridiculous
'cause he plays AJ in the movie

and then he names me after the character.

People always say what does AJ stand for?

It doesn't stand for anything,

except maybe an unhealthy obsession

with a movie that no one's even seen.

AJ loses his leg in the movie.

(suspenseful music)

I coincidentally lost my leg as a child.

It's humiliating.

- Smash is my best friend.

I'm gonna be there for
him for the rest of my life,

and my children are
gonna be there for him too.

- I just wanted to be
an aerospace engineer.

- Randall lost his leg in Vietnam

- Tex just cast him because

he wanted to cut down
on the special effects costs.

- I thought that was a great gag.

I wrote it right into the script. Perfect!

- Randall had a son.

He named him AJ.

- Not AJ Browning, just AJ.

That's his name.

- AJ the kid was named
after AJ the character.

- Randall Browning cuts
his kid's leg off "by accident."

- You don't cut your
kid's leg off by accident!

- In 1990 there was a court case

against that guy, Randall Browning

- Oh, Browning, yeah.

This guy cut the leg off his kid JJ,

so he'd looked more like
a horror movie character

that he was named after.

And this isn't "The Exorcist"

or some acclaimed film classic.

This is something called "Touchdown 2"

or something about a football
player zombie. I don't know.

But 'cause we all make a living
on a corrupt justice system,

I got Randall off on a technicality.

Had to be humiliating
for that JJ kid though.

But I got paid.

Didn't even charge him an arm and a leg,

just the leg!

- Basically because of my father's role

in "End Zone 2" I have to
perpetuate the sidekick legacy.

He called it the family business.

(tape clicks)

- [Child AJ] Yes, father.

I swear I will assist Smash-Mouth

as long as I'm on this earth.

(tape clicks)

- I mean, I guess I'll
have to keep my promise

and put aerospace engineering on hold

at least until Mikey dies,

which I hope will be soon.

(Mikey fake gags)

- And that's my impression
of AJ dying in "End Zone 2."

- We have seen "End Zone
2" 500 times this year alone!

- Seriously!

- But yeah, I mean,
we're really excited, man.

We just wanna know who's
gonna play Smash-Mouth

in the sequel.

Ah!

We hear they're gonna hold
auditions during the panel.

Ah, we're ready!

- Touchdown!

- I'm going to see if I can get
paid in horse amphetamines

instead of "End Zone" posters.

- Look at how foxy we are in our uniforms.

- Oh, you'll never catch
me in a skirt again.

- We had our whole lives ahead of us.

- We still do.

- My name is Melody Riviera,

and I loved working on this project.

In fact, it's my first feature,

and I'm so glad to be
with the cast and crew.

- "End Zone 3" is actually pretty good.

Now I'm talking about the real
"End Zone 3," "End Zone 3D."

- Not the Italian "End Zone 3."

That's just "Cannibal Linebacker" retitled.

- "End Zone 3," "Cannibal
Linebacker" is one

of my favorite movies,

and I actually think it's
Claudio Fragasso's best movie.

It has everything he does well.

It has action, it has gore, it has sex,

it has everything you want
in a great exploitation movie

about football and possibly Vietnam.

- Rossella Drudi's "Cannibal
Linebacker" script is awesome.

It is the high benchmark
of the "End Zone" series.

- It's kind of interesting
that like some of the script

from "Cannibal Linebacker"
actually ended up being reused

in "Troll 2."

You know, the whole angle

where like the cannibal
only eats vegetarians,

like that was first done in "End Zone 3."

- I'm a huge 3D guy,

and so I cannot wait
for one of these labels

to put out "End Zone 3D" in actual 3D.

(glass shatters) (rock music)

- "End Zone 3D" is actually
the worst of the series.

Like, they didn't even
bother to do any makeup

to make him look like Smash-Mouth.

They just hired some dick in a beard.

(rock music)

- "End Zone 3D."

- Even "Cannibal Linebacker" was better

than that quick cash grab.

- It makes the rest of us

who made 3D sequels look pretty awesome.

- Yeah.

- So, we had to deny
"Man-Spider" a second table,

you know, "Man-Spider,"

you know, a comic people actually
care about and have heard of,

to make room for this "End Zone 2" reunion,

the great reunion that no one asked for

'cause no one's seen this fricking film.

And so far,

not only did they not even
bother sending a banner,

we didn't even get the
money we were promised.

- The convention called

and said they had to take
away one of the tables

because you never paid.

- I'm not hearing anything I care about.

- Their manager said that

as long as you don't put
Mikey Smash and Willie Mouse

at the same table, it's fine.

- I don't know what that means.

- Sorry about the mix up Mr. Mouth.

It's just I've never heard of you

and no one in the
security center has either.

- It's okay.

Happens a lot.

- Oh no, no, no, no, no.

This is my table.

- I'm told the production
company didn't pay the bill.

They need the table for
extra "Man-Spider" merch.

You're gonna have to share
the table with Mr. Mouth.

- AJ!

- Okay, it's fine.

We'll take care of it.

Mikey, he just likes his space.

It's fine, it's fine.

- Can you move the blender, AJ?

Thanks.

- You get that part.

- [AJ] I'm sorry.

- Oh, those cheerleaders
didn't deserve to be blended up

and eaten.

- If just one of those cheerleaders

gave Jimmy a Valentine

things might have worked out.

- Hey Marty, how are you?

- Fine.

Fine.

I'm here just getting the rights

to Man-Spider for the Origin Trilogy.

I'm sure you saw in Variety,

I just sold the rights to my film,

"Land of the Living
Ghost Eunuchs" to Disney.

- My card.

- Thanks.

- Marty here is one of
the greatest directors

I've ever worked with.

We only did one project,

but he really knew how to get
the best performance outta me.

It was a huge moment in my career.

Would you like to mega size your fries?

- You were in that commercial?

- Well, my part got cut.

I mean I didn’t exactly have a part

but I was there.

- You know, thanks for bringing
up a terrible memory for me.

- Hey, hey, hey.
- [Marty] Nice talking to you.

- Hey Marty, maybe you got a
spot for me in your next movie?

My ex-wife always said I
was a great ghost eunuch.

Well, she didn't say the ghost part, but...

- Only like 15 to 20 people
have seen "End Zone 2."

But I'm told that some of
those people made a movie

or did a really important
thing with their lives

because of it,

or something.

- I loved "End Zone 2" so much,

I had to make a film
with "zone" in the title.

- Oh, back then, everybody
was putting “zone”

at the end of all their titles.

- Leatherface was basically, you know,

a Smash-Mouth rip off.

- I mean, Nancy and Nancy! Hello!

- Smash-Mouth can't talk.

Leatherface can't talk.

They're both cannibals, and
they hated the football team.

- "Texas 1" was was like,
you know, "End Zone 1."

"Texas 2" was "End Zone 2."

- Leatherhead, Leatherface.

Nobody tried to hide it.

(suspenseful music)

- Let's face it, most
sequel movies stole the idea

of doing a part two from "End Zone 2."

- Even though Freddy had the hat and glove

Smash had the helmet and the football

But there was one thing
they had major in common.

It was Vietnam.

- I mean, "End Zone 2" is
tremendously influential.

Well, I mean, the first hour
of it actually is influential.

I don't know any director at that time

who didn't use Smash-Mouth
as a point of reference

for performers.

You know, you would
give the simple direction

of "attack like Smash-Mouth,"

"run like Smash-Mouth,"

"scream like Smash-Mouth."

(Heidi groans)

(Richard groans)

(Marc groans)

(Laurene groans)

(Adam groans)

(Helene groans)

(VC groans)

(Mark groans)

(Melanie groans)

(Todd groans)

(James groans)

- It was always, "see what
Smash-Mouth does here?"

"Do that."

- I mean, you know, it's
just a really good shorthand.

- Wes hated Smash-Mouth.

Told me that he was
in the village one night,

and he walked into a theater

and caught the last 20
minutes of "End Zone 2"

and he freaked out.

'Cause all they were yelling is

"touchdown, touchdown, touchdown!"

- Touchdown!

Only $20.

I'll sign it even.

- Who are you?

- I played Smash-Mouth in "End Zone 2."

- [Man] That's one where
you're the football guy, right?

- Exactly.

- I only watched like an hour of it.

- I was only in the end part.

You wanna buy a shirt?

- No thanks.

- Let's go see that guy from

"I Made a Warm Cozy Quilt Outta Your Skin"

while we wait for the "Man-Spider" panel.

- Ah, that quilt skin movie was awesome.

- I saw that whole movie.

- Touchdown!

Touchdown!

- "End Zone," I love this movie.

It's classic.

I've still got the canister.

My parents claim they sold
the print to "Andy Warhol."

I call bullshit.

- 200 prints are struck.

That's all there is.

And who buys 150 of those prints?

Andy Warhol.

- Apparently Andy Warhol just purchased 150

of the 200 prints of "End Zone."

I don't know why.

I guess he was just a super fan.

I don't really see him as a big Vietnam guy

or a football guy, but...

(guitar music)

- That was Andy’s favorite film.

- I guess "Warhol" didn't need the canister

because he wasn't interested
in "preserving the film."

- It's been been rumored that Warhol

just basically chopped up all the copies

of "End Zone" they had and
started mixing them together

in other projects,

sometimes for film loops he was doing,

other times he would just
include 'em in paintings.

- So, Warhol would take
groups of 8mm frames

from "End Zone," and he
would splice them together

to make them into 16mm frames,

which was his preferred format.

That's the format that his films were in.

- Several copies of Warhol's
"Outer and Inner Space"

were found with frames
of "End Zone" spliced in.

- Thousands of art
consumers in the '60s and '70s,

they probably saw scenes
from the original "End Zone"

and had absolutely no idea
what they were looking at.

And had absolutely no idea
what they were looking at.

(Edie Sedgwick's voice overlapping)

- “Outer and Inner Space” is a masterpiece

because of Edie but also because of Smash.

- Besides Warhol,

I think the rest of the
prints went to people

who collected rare loops, and
I think Vietnam enthusiasts,

collectors, fetishists,
whatever you wanna call 'em.

It's a weird market.

- I have heard that the last
screening of "End Zone 1,"

the original "End Zone,"
was at the Liberty in 1971.

It was a kinescope print, it was a bootleg,

and it ran before the second
or third run of "End Zone 2"

for a few weeks.

- I don't think an original print was shown

after Jacques Renault died in 1969.

- I was given the rights
to make "End Zone 2"

from this French fella
named Jacques Renault.

He died on this very same table.

I got his contract right here.

He wrote it on a napkin.

And he signed it with his hand right there.

He already had finished the first hour,

but then I took over producing.

I was a big fan of cannibalism,

but I thought this film
needed more football.

- I would never say
anything bad about anyone

that I'd worked with.

But Mikey was...

- Mikey's great.

No, I can't lie.

He's a complete jerk.

He treats Randall like
he really is his assistant,

and it's making everybody
really uncomfortable.

- So, I replaced the so-so
actor with a Smash-Mouth

who knew how to yell "touchdown!"

- Touchdown!

- I keep telling William

he's gotta drop the touchdown thing.

Yes, the last 30 minutes of "End Zone 2" is

just Smash-Mouth yelling
"touchdown" a lot, or so I hear.

I haven't actually seen that part.

I've only seen the first hour.

But William swears that "touchdown" is his

"Here's looking at you, kid"

or his "I'll be back,"

or his "Run for your lives, children!"

"It's a cannibal linebacker!"

But it's just not.

- Mikey's making me enter

the stupid Mad Monster
costume contest as Smash-Mouth.

No one here has heard of "End Zone 2."

- [Contest Announcer]
Let's get this party started!

The winner gets $500!

(crowd cheers)

500 smackaroos can buy a lot

of peanut butter and banana sandwiches.

You know what I'm saying?, baby

This guy knows what I'm talking about.

All right, baby!

Let's bring up the first
ugly creature thing.

Come on up!

We got one of them illegal aliens.

Yay or nay?

(crowd cheers)

What are we supposed to be, besides ugly?

- Smash-Mouth.

- You are not an all star!

They say nay!

Take a hike, ugly!

(crowd shouts)

Now, wait, let me explain this.

Even if you are a
stupendous loser like yourself,

now what you're gonna
do is stand over there

and get a nice picture
taken for the interwebs.

Now, go over there and
get a brand new picture.

No, no, you're terrible.

I said you go over there.

Next.

Next.

You know, I found my thrill.

(crowd cheers)

Oh, there's more.

Just wait.

(solemn music)

(crowd cheers)

Ladies and gentleman, your
winner of $500, the illegal alien!

Now, you can get a green card!

Welcome to America, Mr. Alien!

You did it.

Congratulations!

We have a weiner.

Great job, everybody.

You were great, you were great.

Not as great as this
alien, but you were great.

Now we're gonna bring up the worst costume,

ladies and gentlemen.

Let's bring up the worst costume.

We've got the biggest loser right here.

Come here.

Boo this costume that
you guys hated the most!

I wanna hear boos and horrible yells

'cause this costume was the worst.

Let's boo this man.

Boo!

Boo!

Boo!

- I promised my father on his deathbed-

- I'm glad your father is dead.

Get off my stage, loser!

Boo!

Boo!

Boo this man!

Boo this man!

(crowd boos)

Give it up for the alien!

Give it up for Twitchy!

(crowd cheers)

(emotional music)

(AJ cries)

- My first Halloween
costume was Smash-Mouth

and I was so proud of all
the work that I did making it

and I cried

when everybody thought
that I looked like Jack Lambert.

(growl)

-Oh, Smash-Mouth is still a
popular Halloween costume.

(growl)

(rock music)

- Can you make this out to Ricky?

- Sure, kid.

Next. - Can we take a picture?

- AJ, get this kid out of my face.

- Sorry, Ricky.

Smash has got a long line.

Come on, let's go.

I'm sorry, man.

Let's get you outta here.

- I only have $19.

- That's fine.

- That's not fine.

What does the sign say?

- [AJ] 20 bucks.

- That's right.

It says $20, not 19 if that's all you have.

- Okay.

What if I give him the
dollar and then he's got 20?

I'll give you the dollar.

Okay, kid, come up.

- You got 20 bucks?

- 19, but he just gave you a dollar.

- Yeah, but his money's no good here.

Get lost.

- That's not what that means.

Can I have my dollar back?

- Consider it your severance pay.

You're fired.

Give me that shirt off your back.

- Again, not what that means.

- $25.

- It says 20.

- I'm doing both jobs now
so I gave myself overtime.

- Hello, my name is Bernadette Ryan.

Happy to be here working on "End Zone 2."

The set has been wonderful.

The crew is just lovely.

We have had a couple of
issues with one of the actors.

- Really what I think happened was

that they ended up cutting Smash-Mouth

out of the last 20 minutes of "End Zone 2"

because I mean, nobody wanted
to work with Mikey anymore.

Could you blame 'em?

- I am glad I never had
to work with that guy.

- Mikey Smash was iconic

but I always thought that
James Dean would have been

a great Smash-Mouth!

“Rebel Without a Jaw.”

- Do you have nightmares?

- Sure. Everyone does.

- How do you deal?

- I just know there are a lot
of things to keep fighting for.

- After Bernadette got
that first freak fired,

they hired this guy

who just sat in the corner
wearing a mask all day.

He kept going "touchdown!"

None of us were really sure
what the deal was with that.

- Mikey Smash was the
weirdest person I ever met.

And then William showed up.

- Touchdown, touchdown, touchdown.

- Hey, can I buy a shirt?

- You can have one.

- Yeah?

- Want me to sign it? - Nah, thanks.

- More like it.

- Can I sit?

- Yeah.

- Sales are a little slow today, huh?

- Why am I kidding myself?

Everyone prefers Mikey as Smash-Mouth.

- I don't.

- Really?

- Yeah, sure.

- Touchdown!

- Touchdown!

- Touchdown!

- Touchdown!

- I heard Mikey fired you.

How would you like to be my intern?

I don't know that I can pay you...

- Pay?

- I can't pay you.

- Oh.

- [Child AJ] I swear I
will assist Smash-Mouth

as long as I'm on this earth.

- Of course.

Sure, I'll do it.

- I mean, nobody buys my t-shirts.

Nobody wants to buy my
signature, and that's free.

- Nobody wants Mikey's signature either.

Mikey's essentially painting the tape.

He's taking these blenders
and he's signing them,

and he's putting up fake
auctions, and he buys them himself.

So, he makes people think

that they can sell these signed blenders

after they leave the
convention, but they can't.

They can't.

So, they're just stuck with them.

- I've been accepting signed
blenders from Mikey as payment.

It seemed like a solid idea.

There's this guy on eBay,

his account number is MSmashMouth.

And he sells signed blenders
for thousands of dollars.

But I can't even get
50 bucks for one, so...

At this point I might as
well just sell 'em on Craigslist

as regular blenders.

- Hey!

I needed those quarterly
reports done at 2:00 PM!

- Yes sir.

Right.

I apologize.

- Who the hell are these people?

Get outta here.

You can't film here!

- Sorry.

- What a cheating liar.

- Yeah.

Wait, do you wanna be a cheating liar too?

- I sure do.

- I got William to do the
same thing Mikey's doing,

and I thought he would be apprehensive,

but he was pretty into it.

Even more so he wants
to add his signed photos

with the signed blenders,

and it makes it a lot more authentic.

And I just mean these
people actually believe

that they will sell these
things and make a lot of money,

but I guess they still won't.

- You people broke his goddamn jaw!

He can't even eat like a regular person!

- A cannibal who cannot chew.

- How do you bite
someone with a broken jaw?

- Kind of tough to be a carnivore

when you got the teeth of a vegetarian.

- If he would just bite
people like a civilized zombie

he wouldn't have to blend them up.

- The blender thing.

(blender whirs)

(Marc imitates blender)

(Melanie imitates blender)

(Victor imitates blender)

(Helene imitates blender)

(Mark imitates blender)

(Jared imitates blender)

(VC imitates blender)

(Mark imitates blender)

(Heidi imitates blender)

(James imitates blender)

(Laurene imitates blender)

(Adam imitates blender)

(Richard imitates blender)

(Bob imitates blender)

(Melanie imitates blender)

(Jennifer imitates blender)

- I mean, that's brilliant.

Just brilliant.

- I guess using a blender is better

than if AJ chewed it up

and spit it into his
mouth like a baby bird.

- I wanted to write a
cautionary tale about bullying.

You mess with the wrong person

they’ll put you in a blender.

- When he eats the entire football team,

we can't really blame him.

- I mean, really,

who wouldn't want to eat
the entire football team?

-And now my dear with the broken jaw

fuck you and your jaw!

I’m going to prepare some
nice baby food for you!

(Rossella imitates blender)

There you go!

It’s a lovely mush with eyes
and fingers all blended up for you.

Bye!

- Hey, where you going?

How about 10 bucks?

- Touchdown!

- All right, so right when William

and I started the eBay scam,

the first group we get a hold of

and the first group we take advantage of,

it's a group of clowns, like actual clowns,

which is cool

'cause they're like trying to
buy all sorts of clown stuff

and they're really into it.

Like, they probably need
like clown noses, clown hair,

clown shoes, like little clown
props, little flower, and...

Oh, they actually probably just need drugs.

- Hey, you wanna take a picture with me?

- Will I get a higher price?

- Hey, come on, let's do it.

One, two, three, touchdown.

Okay?

- One, two, three, touchdown.

Okay.

- One.

Two.

- Okay.

- Three.

Hey, hey, hey.

I didn't say touchdown.

One, two, three, touchdown.

Okay?

- Okay, okay.

- One.

Two. - How about I just count?

- No, no, no, no, no, no.

We have to savor the moment.

You know, like someday you're
gonna be drinking your coffee

at home, sitting in your chair,

and remembering the time

that you took this wonderful
picture with your idol,

your screen idol, William Mouth.

- Wait, were you in any other movies?

- Well, no, just "End Zone 2."

- But not the beginning, right?

- No, not the beginning.

- And the middle and the end?

- Well, not really the middle.

- But in the end?

- Most of it.

The touchdown part.

- I'll check that out.

- There's a rumor I'm gonna
be playing Smash-Mouth

in the remake of the movie.

I can see the headlines tomorrow.

"William Mouth as the
once and future Smash."

- I think what you mean is Mikey Smash,

the only one to truly portray Smash-Mouth.

- That's not what the blenders say.

(Mikey growls)

(William whistles)

(piano music)

- Another.

Once and future Smash.

Once and future Smash.

(upbeat music)

- William Mouth in "End Zone 3."

"End Zone 3" starring William Mouth.

I am the once and future Smash.

I am the once and future Smash.

I am the once and future Smash.

I am the once and future Smash.

I am the once and future Smash.

I am the once and future Smash.

I am the once and future,

the once and future,

the once and future Smash!

Ooh!

The once and future Smash.

I am the once and future Smash.

I am the once and future Smash.

The once and the future.

The once and future Smash.

Once and, once and future.

Once and future Smash.

- William, come sit down.

We have like 30 minutes

before the repeat of
the "Man-Spider" panel,

and that's something that
people actually care about.

- Shouldn't I enter after you introduce me?

- I don't have time to stand here

and wait for you to walk
all the way across here

at your arthritic pace.

Just get in here and sit down.

Where the hell's Mikey?

Whatever.

Let's just get this started.

So everybody, welcome
to the "End Zone 2" reunion

and reboot panel.

- Where's the "Man-Spider" panel?

- Yeah.

- Yeah, that'll be after this.

You'll actually have to
leave and then come back in

for the "Man-Spider" panel.

- You suck!

- But now we have some big announcements

about the "End Zone 2" sequel or reboot.

I don't know.

But we basically have
20 minutes to get it done.

So, let's just get it over with.

So, first of all, we have the
man who played Smash-Mouth,

supposedly.

He's not in the credits.

William Moth.

- Mouth.

- Oh yeah, yeah.

Sorry, William Moth Mouth.

Dear diary, I was having one
of the worst days ever today.

I was hosting this panel
that nobody cared about

with these two idiots

from this movie no one's ever even seen.

I was just about to walk off the stage

when something magical happened.

See, I get this text,
and they start to tell me

that the star of the "End Zone" reboot is

one of the biggest actors of modern times.

And who gets to tell everybody?

Me.

He's an icon that other icons look up to.

He is the archetype of a superstar.

He is the blueprint

that all other horror icons are built upon.

He is the real Smash-Mouth.

It's an honor, it's a
privilege to share this stage,

to share this moment with
the hologram of James Dean.

(crowd cheers)

- Smash is my best friend.

I'm gonna be there for
him for the rest of my life,

and my children are
gonna be there for him too.

(upbeat music)

- Hey, Mr. Hologram of James Dean.

Normally to make these holograms,

they have AI watch
thousands of hours of footage,

but James Dean only made three movies

with a total of like
seven hours of footage.

So, they had the AI watch
the same seven hours

on repeat thousands of times

to create the most perfect iconic actor

that's only been in three films.

- We've got to do something.

- And maybe if we work together.

- That's perfect.

You could be my new AJ.

- I thought we could
work together as partners.

- I'll call you AJ.

AJ!

- I promised my dad that
I'd assist Smash-Mouth,

and now Smash-Mouth is
an actual respectable actor,

the hologram of James Dean.

Now I can keep my promise
and still assist Smash-Mouth.

I just gotta play it cool with
the hologram of James Dean.

He's just a person that
happens to be a hologram,

which is awesome.

Just be cool.

Be cool.

- When I took over Pa's Morgue business

and turned it into Deodato-Lenzi Labs,

I had no idea we'd be industry leaders

in nutrition technology.

And to deal with the elephant in the room,

yes, we are the lab that
created the radioactive man

who went a little crazy and bit a spider,

giving it human powers
they based that silly comic on.

(bright music)

But that was a long time ago.

More recently, our $20 million grant

from the Soylent Green
Foundation allowed us

to explore the benefits of
human meat consumption.

While there are many benefits,

we found that human muscle contains

only 1,300 calories per kilogram.

It's an extremely inefficient way

to sustain a living organism.

In fact, you'd have to
eat an entire football team

just to stay healthy.

But who can eat a whole team?

Smash-Mouth could!

- Now, AJ, look, when the
hologram of James Dean walks by,

you're gonna jump out
and hit him over the head

with a brick.

- I don't have a brick.

Do you have a brick?

- Do I look like a brick
maker or a brick layer

or even a mason?
- You're the one who told me

to hit the hologram of
James Dean with a brick!

- Show some initiative.

Must I do everything?

- I don't think the hologram
of James Dean deserves

to be hit with a brick.

It's not his fault.

- When Cain killed Abel, did they say,

"oh, it wasn't his fault."

- No, but, but-

- Always making excuses.

AJ, can you do something
without making an excuse?

- I just don't think the hologram

of James Dean killed anybody,

and I don't feel comfortable
hitting him with a brick!

(Mikey sighs)

Maybe, oh!

Maybe I could scare him with a brick.

- You're gonna scare the
hologram of James Dean

with a brick.

What is he a brickaphobe?

Are you a psychiatrist?

God, I so miss the old AJ.

He would've just hit him with a brick.

- The old AJ would never have
hit the hologram of James Dean

with a brick.

- The hologram of James
Dean told me I could wait

outside the bathroom for him.

I didn't even know holograms
could use the bathroom,

but I guess they go hologram number one

and hologram number
two, just like everybody else.

That makes sense.

The hologram of James Dean
said that he saw "End Zone 2"

just the first hour.

But he loved AJ.

I told him I could be the
new AJ, and he loved that.

Told me to wait for him.

I feel special.

I feel so special.

Mikey never told me to wait for him.

He would just scream at me to go away

and then scream at me to come
back whenever he was ready.

He's like kind of a dick.

- AJ, get a brick.

- No, AJ, This time I'm
in charge, and you're AJ!

- AJ, you are AJ.

- You AJ.

You're AJ!

- You are AJ!

- I know I am, but what are you AJ?

- I'm...

I'm AJ.

I've always been AJ.

I've never been Smash.

Just a fraud.

- It's okay.

I can be AJ.

- No, you...

You are the one true Smash.

I am AJ.

You know, when they
fired me from that film,

I thought, "How are they gonna replace me?"

- They couldn't.

- They did.

They found somebody better.

They found you.

So, I did everything in
my power to make sure

that nobody saw that part of the film.

- What did you do?

- I called all the theaters
and told them the last reel had

accidentally been replaced by
scenes from "The Flying Nun,"

so they only need to show the first hour.

- So you sabotaged my entire career?

- I tried really hard, but it didn't work.

- You think I had a career?

- No.

But you didn't have a career
because you didn't deserve one,

not because of me trying to sabotage it.

The sabotage didn't work
because you didn't have a career.

- Okay.

- I wanted to be the
one to destroy your career

because your Smash was
so much better than mine.

But I failed because
you didn't have a career!

You were always nothing, so
I couldn't make you nothing.

- I get it.

What do you want me to do?

- Get a brick.

- Okay, I'll get a brick

and smash the hologram of James Dean.

- No, not the hologram of James Dean.

Smash me.

- I can't do that.

- Smash me!

- I can't.

- Smash me, AJ!

- Did you get that?

Will that hold up in court?

Okay, Mikey, let's grab a brick

and smash the hologram
of James Dean together.

Smash and Smash smashing as one!

- I don't have to be AJ?

- No AJs anymore.

Just Smash.

Just Smash. - Just Smash!

Just Smash! - Just Smash!

(upbeat music)

- I see a depth in Smash-Mouth
that wasn't there before.

I'm aware that this is

just a cheerleader versus monster movie,

but I honestly think the last 30 minutes

of the picture could get us
an Academy Award nomination.

I even think they should change the title

of the film to "Touchdown."

- The hologram of James Dean,

he's been taking a long time in there.

I'm sure he's just getting into character.

Definitely.

A great actor like that,

they have a way of finding a character

just very deep inside themselves.

They access memories and dreams,

anything they can to get
an authentic performance.

- Okay, where's that
hologram of James Dean?

- He's in the bathroom
preparing for his role.

- Let's get him!

- No!

I cannot let you interrupt this process.

- We've got a brick
and we're gonna hit him.

- We don't really have a brick, remember?

- Well, don't tell AJ.

- Tell me what?

- That we don't have a brick.

- We don't need a brick!

We got our fists!

Let's get him! - No, no, no, no.

Mr. Hologram of James Dean!

Mr. Hologram of James Dean,

some angry has-beens are
coming to interrupt your process.

I'll get the brick.

- See, I told you the real
AJ would hit him with a brick.

- Actually, wait, I got a better idea.

Let's go.

All right.

This is what we're gonna do.

I'm gonna holoprogram the holovirus

and then break through the holofirewall.

I'm gonna upload it to the
holomainframe and holoroute it

through the right holodynamic hologateway

to shut down the hologram of James Dean's

hologenerator holocrystal,

thus returning him to
the great holograveyard.

- Are you surfing

the worldwide web
information super highway?

- Yeah, I'm working on it.

- Ask Jeeves, ask Jeeves.

- Get on Clippy.

He loves to help.

- Use Napster.

- What about Friendster?

Use Friendster.

- No one uses Friendster anymore.

They all switched to MySpace.

- Try the AOL chat.

- Check You've Got Mail.

- You know, AJ, you're
modem isn't even working.

- How do you know his modem isn't working?

- 'Cause it isn't going
(imitates machine whir)

- You're right.

It didn't go (imitates machine whir)

- Okay, okay, will you guys shut up!

Boom.

Got it (sighs)

♪ Oh let it breathe ♪

♪ England, where you at ♪

♪ Where you at ♪

♪ London, where you at ♪

(hologram whirs)

(crowd boos)

- No.

(news broadcast music)

- The hologram of James
Dean's free climbing skills were

on impressive display today
when he made this daring escape.

In other late breaking
hologram related news,

the hologram of Tupac was killed on stage

in London, England when
he was hit with a virus.

This just in, I'm being told the virus came

from a computer called AJ's Laptop.

The FBI are on the case.

- We're harboring a fugitive!

- I never felt so alive!

(knocks on door)

- [Officer] AJ, come out with your legs on

and your hands up. - Coming, officer.

- [Officer] Detective Frank
Dobson does not mess around.

- Hey, let's fight.

- Yeah!

- Let's fight!

- Yeah?

- Yeah! - Yeah!

- Yeah, let's fight.

- Yeah!

(upbeat music)

- You're gonna have to
share the table with Mr. Mouth.

- [Child AJ] As long as I'm on this Earth.

(upbeat music)

- Smash! - Smash!

(slow-mo shouting)

- I think we're ready.

(glass shatters) (punching)

- [William] Touchdown!

- [Officer] I'm a police officer!

- [William] Smash!

- AJ, 'cause you kicked butt today,

I'm so proud of you

that I've awarded you
the title of Smash-Mouth.

- I agree.

We've been fighting for 50 years about

who's the true Smash-Mouth,

but I think we all learned something today.

The true meaning of Smash-Mouth is not

who appeared on screen

or who the kids get
their blenders signed by.

It's about having the strength
to stand up to injustice.

It's about finding the hidden
virtue in your darkest self.

It's about beauty and honor and goodness.

- It's about blending and
eating the football team.

- Yeah! - Yeah!

- And I wanna give a
big thanks to both of you

for showing me the true meaning of Smash.

- You're welcome, AJ.

Now let's get the fuck outta here.

- I really hate when
directors insert themselves

into a documentary.

Unfortunately, all of the footage

of their cowardly, pathetic attempt

at an escape was confiscated.

So, here I am to tell
you the rest of the story.

(sirens blare) (dramatic music)

(kids cry)

Mikey, William, and AJ,
the three true Smashes,

fought a heroic battle.

At least that's what Mikey keeps writing

on his MySpace page.

In reality, they ran out of
that room ready to rumble,

but they were immediately
subdued and arrested, of course.

And they did not even put up a fight.

At the trial, Mikey threatened
everyone in the jury pool,

everyone on the jury, and
everyone in the entire country.

Thus a mistrial was declared,

and Mikey and William were acquitted.

Meanwhile, the tabloids went wild

when after showing
his ability to free climb

down the side of a building,

the hologram of James Dean quit "End Zone"

to take on the lead role in
the "Man-Spider Origin" trilogy,

three movies that each tell
slightly different variations

on the origin of "Man-Spider."

- So, I thought I'd get back
the hologram of James Dean

for "End Zone"

after he finished filming
the "Man-Spider" movie.

He'd have a bigger fan
base, and with all that buzz,

we'd have a guaranteed hit on our hands.

We wouldn't even need the fan club.

Well, turns out, of course,

that the hologram of James Dean got hired

to do the "Man-Spider"
trilogy, the origin series.

That's three movies all focusing

on the origins of "Man-Spider"
with slight variations.

- Those are mine.

- So, now I'm just looking
for anyone I can find.

- Lift with your knees, okay?

- Hey, hey, repo guy.

- Yeah? - You want to be in a movie?

Yeah, yeah.

You wanna play Smash-Mouth in "End Zone?"

- The guy who sells blenders?

- Yeah.

- I'm seeing these two
all over the place now.

I'm seeing them on park benches.

I'm seeing them on billboards.

I'm seeing them on social media.

- Not only am I surprised
that William and Mikey are

both still alive, but now
they're actually friends,

and they're both billion
dollar blender spokesmen.

- Apparently, Mikey Smash isn’t dead.

Disappointing.

- Didn't see that coming.

- The plans for the "End
Zone" sequel starting one hour

into "End Zone 2" and ignoring "End Zone 3"

and "End Zone 3D" were
scrapped by SmashBlender.

And everyone forgot that
they'd already signed a contract

with Deodato-Lenzi Labs to have the actors

who portrayed Smash-Mouth
do a blender endorsement.

After SmashBlender abandoned the project,

ownership of the film

and all blender endorsement rights reverted

back to the family of Sneed Crump,

the guy who played Smash-Mouth

in the very first "End Zone" film.

And randomly Sneed's
only living relative was

his great-niece, SmashBlender
intern Snyflan Crump.

Mikey and William worked
together miraculously

to sue SmashBlender and Deodato-Lenzi Labs

to force them to hire the
pair as the blender spokesmen.

- We have extensively studied
hundreds of blender models

and prototypes and Smash
Blenders are the only blenders

that could obliterate a whole body

and still keep all amino
acids and proteins intact

for ultimate nutrition.

What used to be 1,300
calories per kilogram is

now a whopping 13,000!

Thanks to this cutting
edge blender technology,

it's like eating a
football team all at once.

- I never used to blend anything,

and then I got the Smash Blender.

I blend everything now.

- Smash Blenders really are the best.

- Mikey and William's blender
commercials became viral hits,

selling more blenders in one year

than any company had ever sold before.

Chop and puree, and the rest is history.

- AJ’s not even in the commercial?

- Whatever happened to AJ?

(sirens blare)

- AJ pled guilty,

so he wouldn't have to testify
against his Smash bosses.

- Guilty!

- At the sentencing,

Mikey, who was not
asked to be there at all,

came to try to convince the judge

that AJ deserved the death penalty

for getting them all caught.

- Hang him!

- As a result of Mikey's determination,

AJ was sentenced to two years in prison.

While serving time, AJ went to college

and received his
aerospace engineering Ph.D.

(graduation music)

He became the first one legged man

to go to the International Space Station.

(gentle music)

AJ realized that if he stayed on the ISS,

his pledge to his father was null and void.

- [Child AJ] I swear I
will assist Smash-Mouth

as long as I'm on this earth.

On this earth.

On this earth.

- He'd be finally rid of the
"family business" forever.

- When you need to blend
something, try a Smash Blender.

- Your mouth will thank you.

- Smash Blenders!

- When you need to take it to the end zone.

Touchdown! - Touchdown!

(blender whirs)

- Now, those guys are not
just great selling blenders,

they're top notch karaoke singers.

- [Man] Michael and Bill,

come up here and sing a song for us.

(crowd cheers)

♪ Do you think there's
room for a guy like Smash ♪

(crowd cheers)

♪ He's got a smile with a dream attached ♪

♪ Look up in the sky there's a feeling
♪ ♪ It's their scene he be stealing ♪

♪ If they only gave him a chance ♪

♪ A chance ♪

- Thank you to whoever's
going deep into history

to unearth the secrets of "End Zone 2."

- Toxic Avenger, that was like
Smash if he was the good guy.

Well, he kind of was the good guy though.

- I heard that one of the producers wanted

to get rid of Smash-Mouth's
helmet for "End Zone 4."

- I read on the internet that they buried

all the planned "End
Zone 2" Coleco cartridges

in some landfill in Newark.

And Adam Marcus, Dean Lorey,

a bunch of us drove up drunk one night

to see if we could find them

and all we found was a
bunch of Atari cartridges.

- Personally, I think
they ruined the series

with making Smash-Mouth the killer.

- Our favorite scene is

when they cut off
Backwood Bob's head (laughs)

and they blend that bastard up (laughs)

Classic.

(Claudio speaks Italian)

- When I was doing

"Come Back to the Five and Dime Jimmy Dean"

on Broadway with Robert Altman,

there were many, many of the
stars came up and told me there

that he had slept with them.

I mean, it was amazing.

Like, the people from "Match Game"

and just everybody had actually
had a piece of James Dean.

So, they described what
it was like to have sex

with James Dean.

And I can tell you, after
having sex with the hologram,

that they're all absolutely right.

The hologram's great.

- Now, Linda pretending
to be the Smash-Mouth killer

at the beginning of the
film, that was genius.

But having the real killer
Smash-Mouth play the killer

in the end, that was really disappointing.

That just doesn't work.

- The Mystic Knights of the Oingo Boingo

had a 16mm print we'd throw on at parties

and do a wild impromptu score to.

Those were the nights.

(William and Mikey slurp drink)

(crowd cheers)

- Vietnam!