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Hello, and welcome. You're watching
a show called Taskmaster
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with a man called Greg Davies.
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00:00:38,960 --> 00:00:42,280
The battle for this tremendous
trophy is really raging,
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00:00:42,320 --> 00:00:44,760
as we enter the third
instalment of the series.
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00:00:44,800 --> 00:00:47,960
And our competitors are here to
proudly represent their
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00:00:48,000 --> 00:00:52,240
homelands, hailing from such exotic
kingdoms as Kettering,
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Bradford, Carmarthen, Ealing and,
of course, Stoke-on-Trent.
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00:00:56,640 --> 00:00:59,560
So, let's all give a red-hot welcome
to our fearless five.
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James Acaster...
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00:01:01,440 --> 00:01:03,080
{\an1}CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
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00:01:03,120 --> 00:01:05,320
..Jessica Knappet...
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..Kerry Godliman...
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..Phil Wang...
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..and Rhod Gilbert.
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{\an1}CHEERING
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And, here, balanced on top of a
benevolent booster seat,
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it's my pint-sized PA.
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Oooh.
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# What does everyone in the
street shout at him?
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# Little Alex Horne. #
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{\an1}CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
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What's in your pocket, Alex?
Well, I've come up with a game.
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I wanted to contribute to the
format, so I thought if I
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00:01:37,160 --> 00:01:40,040
come up with a task...
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00:01:41,080 --> 00:01:43,440
..maybe I can
affect the show more.
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00:01:43,480 --> 00:01:48,480
So, erm, it's a game called
"Stone, Paperclip", OK?
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So, in my hand, I've either got a
stone or a paperclip.
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Do you want to have a game? Yeah.
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Ready? Yeah, OK.
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Stone? Yes.
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We'll do it again? Yep. OK.
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Don't look. Yep.
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Paper clip? Yes. Again?
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00:02:06,120 --> 00:02:09,960
Paper clip. Yes, you're good
at this. Yep.
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00:02:10,000 --> 00:02:12,120
Paper clip. Yes.
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OK.
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Another go? Stone. Yes, very good.
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{\an1}LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE
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It's prize task time. Beep.
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00:02:24,920 --> 00:02:26,800
So, the prize category for this
specific show,
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00:02:26,840 --> 00:02:29,520
is best thing from the '90s, OK.
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Interesting.
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So, Greg Davies will decide who he
thinks has brought in the
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best thing from the '90s, and gift
that person five Taskmaster points.
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At the end of the show, the winner
won't take home any of the prizes...
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Not.
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The winner will, of course,
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take home all five best things
from the '90s.
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00:02:51,800 --> 00:02:54,480
Phil Wang, what's the best thing
you've brought in?
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I was born in Stoke-on-Trent,
in January 1990,
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so my best thing from
the '90s is...
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..It's me, Phil Wang.
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{\an1}LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE
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We make it clear that the prize is
to be kept by the person who
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00:03:12,280 --> 00:03:13,640
wins, permanently.
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Some people might not want you for
the rest of their lives.
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Me, for one. That one, there.
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00:03:19,360 --> 00:03:21,680
Well, it's a good thing Rhod's
not going to win.
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James, what have you brought
in from the '90s?
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00:03:25,760 --> 00:03:29,120
So, I love the '90s. Because they
were the end of me being a toddler.
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My toddler years were the worst
years of my life.
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People used to grab me by the arms
and swing me around,
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so I've brought in a collage of
Goodbye To My Toddler Years.
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OK.
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Fuck off!
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Is there any part of you that wants
me to hold you upside down now,
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to make sure that you didn't have
a good time, back then?
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You couldn't hold me upside down.
Yes, I could.
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{\an1}LAUGHTER
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CHANTING: Hold him upside down!
Hold him upside down!
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How are you even doing this?
Yes! Yes!
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{\an1}CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
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I loved it!
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That's cast a different light on
all this, hasn't it?
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Next, Jessica. I've brought a book
from the '90s. OK.
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This man changed the course of
cultural history.
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It's Timmy Mallett.
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That's one of the only books
I've ever read.
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I'm sure he's a perfectly nice man,
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but I found his televisual presence
quite unsettling in the '90s.
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00:04:47,160 --> 00:04:51,800
Was it because he hosted a game show
and he punished his contestants?
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{\an1}LAUGHTER
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00:04:59,800 --> 00:05:02,680
It is a treasured possession.
I can show you the inside cover.
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It was actually from 1989.
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00:05:05,440 --> 00:05:07,600
AUDIENCE: Ooh.
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00:05:07,640 --> 00:05:08,640
Ha-ha-ha-ha.
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00:05:11,640 --> 00:05:14,640
You've instantly been disqualified.
No! Oh, that's really harsh.
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00:05:14,680 --> 00:05:16,800
Oh, not wide awake!
89
00:05:18,280 --> 00:05:21,240
Rhod, what have you brought in from
the '90s? I don't believe it.
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00:05:21,280 --> 00:05:24,600
I found this little gem,
hiding...
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00:05:30,360 --> 00:05:32,040
Oh, my God.
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00:05:34,120 --> 00:05:35,320
So, is that from the '90s?
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00:05:35,360 --> 00:05:38,640
No, this is a photo from 2010.
Yes. Ha-ha-ha.
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00:05:38,680 --> 00:05:41,360
But I have a back-up
picture.
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00:05:41,400 --> 00:05:43,560
Here is a lovely picture of
Spice Girls.
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00:05:50,720 --> 00:05:53,560
Kerry, tell me yours is from
the actual '90s.
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Mine is so firmly from the '90s.
Here it is.
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Friends. It's the whole boxset.
Solid.
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{\an1}APPLAUSE
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00:06:00,840 --> 00:06:04,400
I think it defines the whole decade.
I don't mind Friends.
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00:06:04,440 --> 00:06:07,600
We could sit like this,
like they sit.
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Like this and then like this.
Lean in, James.
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{\an1}SHE SINGS FRIENDS THEME
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# So no-one told you... #
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Yes!
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Solid.
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They're all quite shit,
the prizes, aren't they?
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00:06:22,720 --> 00:06:24,400
Very. Yeah. It's a weak round.
109
00:06:24,440 --> 00:06:27,440
Very much so, but at least some
people are going to get
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00:06:27,480 --> 00:06:29,680
points because they chose
the right decade.
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00:06:30,720 --> 00:06:32,520
OK, let's get this over with.
You ready?
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00:06:32,560 --> 00:06:34,880
Zero points to Jessica Knappet.
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00:06:34,920 --> 00:06:37,680
He brought in a picture of you
from the Year 2000!
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00:06:37,720 --> 00:06:42,280
I brought in the Spice Girls.
I haven't come to him yet. OK.
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00:06:42,320 --> 00:06:46,400
One point to Phil Wang, just because
I would quite like to take
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00:06:46,440 --> 00:06:48,280
him home,
but that's a private thing.
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I'm going to give five points
to the only person who brought
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00:06:54,120 --> 00:06:56,680
an actual decent prize in,
and that's Kerry.
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00:06:56,720 --> 00:06:58,760
Who doesn't like a boxset of
Friends?
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00:06:58,800 --> 00:07:01,320
Well done, Kerry.
Well done, really happy for you.
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00:07:03,600 --> 00:07:04,720
Well done, mate.
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00:07:04,760 --> 00:07:07,440
I found James's genuinely touching.
Four points.
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00:07:07,480 --> 00:07:09,320
Second place to James Acaster.
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00:07:12,080 --> 00:07:15,160
And then there's Rhod, who did show
a picture of the Spice Girls
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but, unfortunately, tainted it by
adding a picture of me from 2010.
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00:07:19,360 --> 00:07:21,960
Therefore, neither image was from
the 1990s.
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00:07:22,000 --> 00:07:23,640
Nil points!
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00:07:25,440 --> 00:07:27,680
I think Phil's been unlucky though.
Why has Phil got..?
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00:07:27,720 --> 00:07:30,760
I mean, I agree, but five,
four, one, zero, zero?
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00:07:30,800 --> 00:07:33,080
Yeah, actually. All right.
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00:07:33,120 --> 00:07:36,440
I'll bump you up from one point
to three points.
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If you can genuinely swear to me on
the lives of all those dear to you,
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that whoever wins the prize category
can keep you in their house.
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00:07:45,960 --> 00:07:48,480
I knew what I was signing up for.
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00:07:48,520 --> 00:07:49,640
Three points to Phil Wang.
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00:07:53,360 --> 00:07:56,680
Good, so let's crack on. Can we have
an actual, proper task, please?
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00:07:56,720 --> 00:07:58,680
OK, first task, here we go.
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00:08:12,640 --> 00:08:14,400
This looks like a scene from Saw.
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00:08:14,440 --> 00:08:16,520
Oh, my goodness.
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00:08:16,560 --> 00:08:19,200
You're having your blood
pressure monitored. Yes.
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00:08:21,000 --> 00:08:24,240
I have no medical skills. Good.
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00:08:24,280 --> 00:08:28,960
Oh, my God. Excite Alex.
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00:08:31,800 --> 00:08:33,160
Oh, God.
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00:08:33,200 --> 00:08:37,080
Greatest increase from Alex's
current heart-rate wins.
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You have 20 minutes.
Your time starts now.
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00:08:43,880 --> 00:08:45,480
This is going to be fun, isn't it?
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00:08:46,840 --> 00:08:48,120
Your time starts now.
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00:08:48,160 --> 00:08:51,040
OK. I'm just going to... Just going
to think about this for a minute.
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00:08:51,080 --> 00:08:52,680
Just quietly, alone, OK?
150
00:08:54,000 --> 00:08:55,800
So, I'm going to just...
151
00:09:04,000 --> 00:09:06,240
Is this task...? Has it been phrased
152
00:09:06,280 --> 00:09:09,080
in a deliberately provocatively
saucy way?
153
00:09:09,120 --> 00:09:10,160
Don't know.
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00:09:10,200 --> 00:09:14,360
Whatever you were hoping to get out
of it, Rhod delivered early doors.
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00:09:14,400 --> 00:09:15,560
We're measuring my pulse,
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00:09:15,600 --> 00:09:17,760
so it's the bottom number on that
machine. Right.
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00:09:17,800 --> 00:09:19,920
It takes 30 seconds to read it.
Yeah.
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00:09:19,960 --> 00:09:23,320
And my starting rate was somewhere
between 60 and 70 for all of them.
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00:09:23,360 --> 00:09:27,440
We're going to start with the two
young dudes, Phil and James.
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00:09:29,120 --> 00:09:30,800
Come with me. Where are we going?
161
00:09:30,840 --> 00:09:33,480
Well, if I told you it wouldn't be
exciting, would it?
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00:09:35,280 --> 00:09:38,960
So, this is coffee. Black coffee.
With four cubes of sugar.
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00:09:39,000 --> 00:09:41,640
It felt like five.
Five cubes of sugar.
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00:09:41,680 --> 00:09:44,080
Would you drink this, please,
if you will, Alex?
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00:09:48,120 --> 00:09:51,200
Where are we going, James?
Just shout out "Alex Horne".
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00:09:51,240 --> 00:09:53,240
Alex Horne! Shout at these guys.
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00:09:53,280 --> 00:09:56,040
Alex Horne! Come on, baby.
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00:09:56,080 --> 00:09:58,840
63, still. Right.
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00:10:00,480 --> 00:10:02,080
{\an1}HE GRUNTS WITH EFFORT
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00:10:04,320 --> 00:10:05,960
{\an1}GRUNTING
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00:10:06,000 --> 00:10:10,040
Hmm. I actually don't think I'm
going to be able to excite you,
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00:10:10,080 --> 00:10:12,120
it's quite difficult...
Wha ha! Banana!
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00:10:15,920 --> 00:10:17,640
Still 63, James. OK.
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00:10:19,120 --> 00:10:21,880
{\an1}CLATTERING
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00:10:23,040 --> 00:10:25,280
67. Where we started.
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00:10:29,440 --> 00:10:31,480
You're it! You're it.
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00:10:31,520 --> 00:10:33,800
Oh, he's so quick!
178
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Alex!
LAUGHS
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00:10:37,080 --> 00:10:41,040
You got me! Come here, Alex!
I'm going to get you!
180
00:10:42,760 --> 00:10:46,520
Oh, that was close.
Oh, that was a near miss!
181
00:10:46,560 --> 00:10:47,880
His hat fell off.
182
00:10:50,360 --> 00:10:52,240
OK, so that was 61. 61.
183
00:10:52,280 --> 00:10:56,480
What was the compilation called?
Near Misses.
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00:10:56,520 --> 00:10:59,760
Yeah, they missed every time,
didn't they? They missed every time.
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00:10:59,800 --> 00:11:03,360
151. That's good, isn't it?
186
00:11:03,400 --> 00:11:05,560
151.
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00:11:05,600 --> 00:11:07,080
{\an1}APPLAUSE
188
00:11:09,440 --> 00:11:12,080
How quickly was it between pouring
him a cup of coffee that you
189
00:11:12,120 --> 00:11:17,280
went for the time-served technique
of hitting a pan with a hammer?
190
00:11:17,320 --> 00:11:19,200
{\an1}LAUGHTER
191
00:11:19,240 --> 00:11:20,560
To be fair to me,
192
00:11:20,600 --> 00:11:23,120
I did try nearly kicking him in
the face for about five minutes.
193
00:11:23,160 --> 00:11:24,600
Yeah, yeah. I saw the karate stuff.
194
00:11:24,640 --> 00:11:27,680
But I can't comment on that,
cos all I can see is your genitalia!
195
00:11:27,720 --> 00:11:30,560
{\an1}LAUGHTER
196
00:11:30,600 --> 00:11:32,960
A lot of what you did was relaxing.
You gave me a hot drink...
197
00:11:33,000 --> 00:11:34,960
That's what you do to relax,
isn't it?
198
00:11:35,000 --> 00:11:37,960
Yeah. At one point, he reclined
my chair. That was nice.
199
00:11:38,000 --> 00:11:40,880
And then he showed me these clips
of a Russian dashcam.
200
00:11:40,920 --> 00:11:44,200
But it said Near Misses, so I knew
every time...everyone was OK.
201
00:11:44,240 --> 00:11:47,240
So, how quickly into the video
did you realise that no-one
202
00:11:47,280 --> 00:11:49,440
was going to get hurt?
Oh, immediately. Immediately.
203
00:11:49,480 --> 00:11:51,520
It was the most relaxing
video I've ever seen.
204
00:11:51,560 --> 00:11:53,760
My heart rate dropped
by six in the...
205
00:11:53,800 --> 00:11:55,520
LAUGHTER
..in the time.
206
00:11:55,560 --> 00:11:59,080
James, what was your thinking about
getting Alex to shout his own
207
00:11:59,120 --> 00:12:03,480
name at passing traffic? I thought
about what would excite me in life.
208
00:12:03,520 --> 00:12:08,400
Mmm. And I would be excited to wave
at cars and shout "James Acaster".
209
00:12:08,440 --> 00:12:09,720
You would?
210
00:12:09,760 --> 00:12:13,360
What I discovered pretty quickly,
if you are trying to excite Alex,
211
00:12:13,400 --> 00:12:15,600
best not go down the route
of emotions.
212
00:12:15,640 --> 00:12:17,240
{\an1}LAUGHTER
213
00:12:17,280 --> 00:12:19,680
And it was better to play tig
with him in the garden and just
214
00:12:19,720 --> 00:12:22,520
get his heart rate up so that
he was chasing me.
215
00:12:22,560 --> 00:12:25,320
He's right! It's something
I've never realised about you,
216
00:12:25,360 --> 00:12:28,240
you're a cold fish. Yeah.
Very efficient!
217
00:12:28,280 --> 00:12:30,280
{\an1}LAUGHTER
218
00:12:30,320 --> 00:12:31,760
Well, we're glad that's over!
219
00:12:31,800 --> 00:12:34,920
See you in part two
for excited Horne action!
220
00:12:34,960 --> 00:12:36,360
{\an1}APPLAUSE
221
00:12:44,040 --> 00:12:47,240
Hello! Welcome back to Taskmaster.
Nice to see you all.
222
00:12:47,280 --> 00:12:51,080
Alex, are you looking forward to
this part of the show? Yes, I am.
223
00:12:51,120 --> 00:12:54,120
I am excited because the current
task is to excite Alex Horne.
224
00:12:54,160 --> 00:12:55,680
And I am Alex Horne.
225
00:12:55,720 --> 00:12:58,640
Next up, from the Valleys,
weighing in around 140 lbs,
226
00:12:58,680 --> 00:13:00,200
it's Rhod Gilbert.
227
00:13:03,760 --> 00:13:07,520
Different idea. Do you want this
off as well? Yes, please.
228
00:13:07,560 --> 00:13:10,720
I'm just worried that they're all
coming down. Yeah.
229
00:13:10,760 --> 00:13:13,480
I'm going to excite you. Right.
230
00:13:13,520 --> 00:13:15,320
It's quite tight, Rhod.
231
00:13:15,360 --> 00:13:19,200
Well, there's no point doing it
loose, is there? So, coffee.
232
00:13:19,240 --> 00:13:22,160
Guaranteed to get your heart rate
up. I'm going to go in this angle.
233
00:13:22,200 --> 00:13:24,760
OK. Are you ready? Yeah.
234
00:13:24,800 --> 00:13:26,800
How are you getting on?
235
00:13:30,000 --> 00:13:33,840
Oh! I'm sorry. That's not bad.
It's not going in my mouth. No. OK.
236
00:13:33,880 --> 00:13:35,280
It's in. OK.
237
00:13:38,240 --> 00:13:40,640
Yes, I've got a good line
of sight now.
238
00:13:40,680 --> 00:13:42,760
I'm going to go for a big hit now.
I'm ready.
239
00:13:50,920 --> 00:13:52,640
{\an1}THEY GIGGLE
240
00:13:52,680 --> 00:13:55,720
I just wanted to finish the pot, I
don't like waste. How are we doing?
241
00:13:55,760 --> 00:13:59,920
We're going to get the final reading
now. Get the final reading. 78.
242
00:13:59,960 --> 00:14:01,640
Is that your final reading?
243
00:14:01,680 --> 00:14:04,160
I think we've learned a lot more
about you than we have about
244
00:14:04,200 --> 00:14:06,720
me, here. I've learnt
a bit about you!
245
00:14:06,760 --> 00:14:09,160
{\an1}HE LAUGHS
246
00:14:10,800 --> 00:14:12,600
{\an1}APPLAUSE
247
00:14:12,640 --> 00:14:14,760
Jesus Christ, what's wrong?! I...
248
00:14:14,800 --> 00:14:16,920
With these tasks, you just panic!
249
00:14:16,960 --> 00:14:18,800
You just panic, it's blind panic.
250
00:14:18,840 --> 00:14:20,400
It didn't look like blind panic,
251
00:14:20,440 --> 00:14:22,440
it looked like fairly
structured torture!
252
00:14:22,480 --> 00:14:24,120
{\an1}LAUGHTER
253
00:14:24,160 --> 00:14:29,600
I'm sorry! Well, did it raise your
heart rate? By 11, yeah. Only by 11?
254
00:14:29,640 --> 00:14:31,480
I'll tell you, it wasn't hot,
it was lukewarm.
255
00:14:31,520 --> 00:14:35,320
And it was coffee and hot chocolate,
so it was basically a mocha. OK.
256
00:14:35,360 --> 00:14:37,440
And I do like mochas.
257
00:14:37,480 --> 00:14:39,560
Last to try to excite me
are the two ladies,
258
00:14:39,600 --> 00:14:41,520
Jessica Knappett and Kerry Godliman.
259
00:14:41,560 --> 00:14:42,840
What do you find exciting?
260
00:14:42,880 --> 00:14:44,880
It was quite exciting when my
children were born.
261
00:14:44,920 --> 00:14:47,480
Have you got video footage?
Your wife might not want that.
262
00:14:47,520 --> 00:14:50,920
No, we didn't film that one.
You're in a shark cage...
263
00:14:50,960 --> 00:14:53,680
You've been lowered into the water.
264
00:14:53,720 --> 00:14:57,600
When you open your eyes,
you're going to see a shark.
265
00:14:57,640 --> 00:14:59,120
Oh, no!
266
00:14:59,160 --> 00:15:02,000
The cage has broken! Oh.
267
00:15:03,520 --> 00:15:08,120
But you're... The shark's coming
into the cage, and it's eating you!
268
00:15:09,360 --> 00:15:11,680
I could re-enact childbirth.
269
00:15:11,720 --> 00:15:15,760
Not in a gynae way, but in a sort
of...we could role play.
270
00:15:15,800 --> 00:15:17,040
66.
271
00:15:17,080 --> 00:15:20,800
It's gone up by six! Oh, we could
get out of the chair.
272
00:15:20,840 --> 00:15:24,080
Out, in. Up.
273
00:15:24,120 --> 00:15:27,720
Does it feel secure? Yes.
274
00:15:27,760 --> 00:15:30,360
Keep going! Keep going. Keep going!
275
00:15:31,520 --> 00:15:32,840
Ah!
276
00:15:34,880 --> 00:15:36,880
Oh, I hit the post.
277
00:15:36,920 --> 00:15:39,240
Are you excited? Tired.
278
00:15:41,440 --> 00:15:42,480
Keep going!
279
00:15:42,520 --> 00:15:46,200
101! 101. Let's go! 101.
280
00:15:46,240 --> 00:15:50,920
Ah, that's exciting! Just give me,
give me 100 burpees. 100?
281
00:15:52,600 --> 00:15:55,800
I... Oh, no! Really high.
282
00:15:58,400 --> 00:15:59,720
115!
283
00:15:59,760 --> 00:16:02,400
157. Yeah.
284
00:16:02,440 --> 00:16:06,880
Are you OK? Well, no. Look.
You nearly tripled my heart rate.
285
00:16:06,920 --> 00:16:09,600
I think you need to go to hospital!
286
00:16:09,640 --> 00:16:12,480
Why did that make you dribble
when you said "Hospital"?
287
00:16:12,520 --> 00:16:14,680
Tackle me! Oh, that's good.
288
00:16:16,280 --> 00:16:19,840
I scored! That was exciting,
wasn't it?
289
00:16:19,880 --> 00:16:21,760
{\an1}APPLAUSE
290
00:16:21,800 --> 00:16:25,040
I do want to make sure it's on
record than when Kerry
291
00:16:25,080 --> 00:16:27,800
offered to re-enact
childbirth for Alex,
292
00:16:27,840 --> 00:16:30,880
she followed the offer
with "Not in a gynae way."
293
00:16:32,640 --> 00:16:34,440
Just to be clear!
294
00:16:34,480 --> 00:16:38,640
There's a very iconic scene in the
film Kes where the PE teacher plays
295
00:16:38,680 --> 00:16:40,280
football with the kids, but really,
296
00:16:40,320 --> 00:16:43,360
he was wanting to show off his own
skills. Well...
297
00:16:43,400 --> 00:16:45,240
OK, I see what you're saying.
298
00:16:45,280 --> 00:16:47,880
I see what you're saying,
but football really excites him,
299
00:16:47,920 --> 00:16:49,560
so we played football to excite him.
300
00:16:49,600 --> 00:16:51,480
No, listen,
I know that was the starting point.
301
00:16:51,520 --> 00:16:53,880
What I'm suggesting to you
is you got carried away and you
302
00:16:53,920 --> 00:16:55,920
became goal hungry.
303
00:16:57,360 --> 00:16:59,760
There was a moment at the end
where you went, "I've scored!"
304
00:16:59,800 --> 00:17:03,480
And I could see it in your eyes,
it didn't matter who else was there!
305
00:17:03,520 --> 00:17:07,160
And that was the least scary
description of a shark attack
306
00:17:07,200 --> 00:17:09,720
of all time.
307
00:17:09,760 --> 00:17:12,040
It was... The shark tank had broken!
308
00:17:12,080 --> 00:17:14,440
I think it was just your voice,
Jess.
309
00:17:14,480 --> 00:17:17,920
I don't think you're capable
of describing something scary.
310
00:17:17,960 --> 00:17:21,400
Of instilling fear? Yeah.
You wanna bet? Yep!
311
00:17:23,160 --> 00:17:25,160
And yet,
once you started doing burpees,
312
00:17:25,200 --> 00:17:29,480
there was a sort of twisted sense
of pleasure came across your face.
313
00:17:29,520 --> 00:17:32,160
Well, it was a role reversal,
wasn't it? It was very pleasing.
314
00:17:32,200 --> 00:17:33,920
Give us some statistics, then.
315
00:17:33,960 --> 00:17:37,880
Well, Phil took me down, as we know,
so he's in last place.
316
00:17:37,920 --> 00:17:41,120
Rhod took me up by 11,
so he's in second last.
317
00:17:41,160 --> 00:17:44,720
My heart rate went up by 43
thanks to Kerry Godliman.
318
00:17:44,760 --> 00:17:47,640
In second place, it's James,
who took me up by 80.
319
00:17:47,680 --> 00:17:51,560
But Jessica took my heart rate
up by 97, so wins five points!
320
00:17:51,600 --> 00:17:53,680
{\an1}APPLAUSE
321
00:17:53,720 --> 00:17:54,880
Yes! I'm happy now.
322
00:17:54,920 --> 00:17:58,160
But it feels like we should have a
scoreboard update, right? Yes. Yes.
323
00:17:58,200 --> 00:18:01,440
It does. After two tasks,
Rhod Gilbert has two points.
324
00:18:01,480 --> 00:18:04,760
But there are two leaders, James
and Kerry, both on eight points!
325
00:18:04,800 --> 00:18:07,560
{\an1}CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
326
00:18:07,600 --> 00:18:11,000
Which task is up next? OK,
have a look at this. Ready? Oooh!
327
00:18:25,160 --> 00:18:27,080
Ah! Hello.
328
00:18:27,120 --> 00:18:30,640
What's this? What do you
think it is? Hello! Hello.
329
00:18:30,680 --> 00:18:32,400
Task, isn't it? Yep.
330
00:18:32,440 --> 00:18:34,720
Hello, James. Yeah.
331
00:18:34,760 --> 00:18:37,360
"Make the best noise."
332
00:18:37,400 --> 00:18:39,320
"When you are ready to make
your noise,
333
00:18:39,360 --> 00:18:41,680
"you must say
"This is my best noise"."
334
00:18:41,720 --> 00:18:44,400
"After you have made your noise
you must remain still and silent
335
00:18:44,440 --> 00:18:46,200
"for at least ten seconds."
336
00:18:46,240 --> 00:18:50,520
"You have 20 minutes, one attempt.
Your time starts now."
337
00:18:54,400 --> 00:18:56,240
{\an1}DISTANT SHOUT
338
00:18:56,280 --> 00:18:58,560
That wasn't me.
LAUGHTER
339
00:18:58,600 --> 00:19:01,760
Right. What noises do people like?
340
00:19:01,800 --> 00:19:03,400
{\an1}APPLAUSE
341
00:19:05,440 --> 00:19:08,920
Best noise, eh? Best noise. Good.
What noises do you like?
342
00:19:08,960 --> 00:19:11,280
The rustling of...
Do you like this?
343
00:19:11,320 --> 00:19:14,760
WHOOOOOO!
LAUGHTER
344
00:19:16,720 --> 00:19:19,480
Who's up first? We're going to start
with the outlaw, Jessie James!
345
00:19:19,520 --> 00:19:21,320
Jess and James, Jess and James.
346
00:19:30,280 --> 00:19:33,240
Whooo whoooo whooooo!
347
00:19:35,520 --> 00:19:38,680
I found some stuff.
SHE GIGGLES
348
00:19:39,720 --> 00:19:42,280
I'm just going to do a little
practice.
349
00:19:44,080 --> 00:19:47,880
No noise at all, that.
What if I filled this with water...
350
00:19:47,920 --> 00:19:51,840
And then hit it really hard
with something?
351
00:19:51,880 --> 00:19:56,200
Whaaaarrr! How am I going to make
this happen all at the same time?
352
00:19:58,920 --> 00:20:02,480
Why don't you talk to me at the
beginning of the tasks? What?
353
00:20:02,520 --> 00:20:05,360
I always say, "Hello, James."
Yeah. You never say hello back.
354
00:20:05,400 --> 00:20:07,720
It's not in the task, is it?
355
00:20:07,760 --> 00:20:09,200
{\an1}LAUGHTER
356
00:20:09,240 --> 00:20:12,080
The task isn't,
"Say hello to Alex."
357
00:20:12,120 --> 00:20:14,800
AUDIENCE: Aw!
Be nice, though.
358
00:20:16,000 --> 00:20:17,720
This is my best noise!
359
00:20:19,760 --> 00:20:22,640
Whoooo ooooh ooooh!
360
00:20:22,680 --> 00:20:24,360
Whoooo ooooh! Booooh!
361
00:20:28,200 --> 00:20:32,040
Whoooo ooooh oh!
362
00:20:32,080 --> 00:20:34,120
Whooooooooh!
363
00:20:35,720 --> 00:20:40,680
Hhhheeew! Hhhheeew! Hhhheeew!
Hhhheeew! Hhhheeew! Hhhheeew!
364
00:20:40,720 --> 00:20:42,560
{\an1}DINGS BELL
365
00:20:43,880 --> 00:20:46,720
OK. Let's just do it now.
366
00:20:46,760 --> 00:20:49,800
This is the best noise!
367
00:20:49,840 --> 00:20:51,920
{\an1}DULL CLUNK
368
00:20:51,960 --> 00:20:54,280
{\an1}LAUGHTER
369
00:20:54,320 --> 00:20:56,000
{\an1}APPLAUSE
370
00:20:57,560 --> 00:20:59,720
Two quick questions.
Why were you wearing a hat?
371
00:20:59,760 --> 00:21:02,480
Why were you on a bike?
LAUGHTER
372
00:21:05,000 --> 00:21:08,240
Erm, the answer to that is, I don't
know, and I don't fucking know.
373
00:21:09,960 --> 00:21:13,760
One could argue that was a series
of noises, could one not?
374
00:21:13,800 --> 00:21:18,320
Yeah, it was an elongated noise.
It had components.
375
00:21:18,360 --> 00:21:23,520
And they were connected by...?
The same person doing them. Oh.
376
00:21:23,560 --> 00:21:26,360
Oh, yeah. I'm the fool(!)
377
00:21:26,400 --> 00:21:30,880
James. Dear, dear, dear God! Awful.
378
00:21:30,920 --> 00:21:34,720
In my head, that was going to
sound so incredible.
379
00:21:34,760 --> 00:21:38,200
I thought, this is going to be
that satisfying squelchy boing on
380
00:21:38,240 --> 00:21:40,840
the galoshes, the ding of a bell...
Ding of the bell!
381
00:21:40,880 --> 00:21:42,880
The resonance of the
acoustic guitar.
382
00:21:42,920 --> 00:21:45,840
And it just sounded like... I may
as well have stamped on the floor!
383
00:21:45,880 --> 00:21:47,640
Yeah.
384
00:21:47,680 --> 00:21:49,960
OK, time for a commercial break.
See ya.
385
00:21:59,000 --> 00:22:01,160
Hello! It's Taskmaster part three,
386
00:22:01,200 --> 00:22:04,240
and everyone is playing
for the chance to win Phil Wang.
387
00:22:04,280 --> 00:22:09,000
Including Phil Wang. What did we
hear before the break, Alex?
388
00:22:09,040 --> 00:22:10,920
We heard some lovely noises, Greg.
389
00:22:10,960 --> 00:22:14,760
We're going to see Rhod next.
You don't need to!
390
00:22:14,800 --> 00:22:17,440
Did Rhod have the same idea as Jess?
391
00:22:17,480 --> 00:22:19,280
We don't need to see all of them,
Alex.
392
00:22:19,320 --> 00:22:21,560
Come on, let's see
what the bell-end's done.
393
00:22:21,600 --> 00:22:23,480
{\an1}LAUGHTER
394
00:22:24,560 --> 00:22:26,120
I need some things, Alex.
395
00:22:26,160 --> 00:22:32,720
I need a very tall ladder and
a picture of Greg, the Taskmaster.
396
00:22:37,920 --> 00:22:39,640
{\an1}LAUGHTER
397
00:22:47,680 --> 00:22:52,040
CLEARS THROAT
This is my best noise.
398
00:22:54,680 --> 00:22:56,760
{\an1}DULL THUD
399
00:22:58,480 --> 00:23:01,080
{\an1}LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE
400
00:23:05,400 --> 00:23:07,160
Good girl!
401
00:23:07,200 --> 00:23:09,440
LAUGHTER
402
00:23:18,280 --> 00:23:21,360
You know I give the points out
on this show, don't you?
403
00:23:21,400 --> 00:23:24,440
It was to make the best noise you
can, and your instant reaction was,
404
00:23:24,480 --> 00:23:27,600
"Great, this is an opportunity
for me to drop dog shit
405
00:23:27,640 --> 00:23:31,240
"onto the face of a friend
I've had for 15 years."
406
00:23:31,280 --> 00:23:33,480
This is how it ends.
407
00:23:33,520 --> 00:23:36,680
I didn't even panic!
LAUGHTER
408
00:23:39,360 --> 00:23:43,080
Well, you're a very rude prick!
Alex, who's next?
409
00:23:43,120 --> 00:23:47,080
Last up, from Location, Location,
Location, Kirstie and Phil!
410
00:23:47,120 --> 00:23:50,080
Kerry and Phil! Yes, here we go.
411
00:23:54,240 --> 00:23:58,000
OK, then. This is my best noise.
412
00:23:59,960 --> 00:24:02,000
{\an1}LAPS TONGUE WETLY
413
00:24:09,280 --> 00:24:11,640
I'm going to do the best
noise from my mouth.
414
00:24:11,680 --> 00:24:13,840
BLOWS RASPBERRY
Those are pleasing, aren't they?
415
00:24:13,880 --> 00:24:16,520
Fart noises always bring
a bit of pleasure.
416
00:24:16,560 --> 00:24:18,880
{\an1}BLOWS RASPBERRY
417
00:24:18,920 --> 00:24:20,680
{\an1}BLOWS RASPBERRY LOUDLY
418
00:24:24,480 --> 00:24:28,040
If I did an actual fart,
would that be pushing it, too...?
419
00:24:28,080 --> 00:24:29,760
I don't know if I could control it.
420
00:24:31,840 --> 00:24:33,880
{\an1}LAPS TONGUE WETLY
421
00:24:42,400 --> 00:24:45,200
Right. This is my best noise.
422
00:24:50,960 --> 00:24:53,360
{\an1}DEFLATES ECHOINGLY
423
00:24:55,520 --> 00:24:57,720
{\an1}LAUGHTER
424
00:24:57,760 --> 00:24:59,560
{\an1}APPLAUSE
425
00:25:00,800 --> 00:25:02,560
I'm going to win this!
426
00:25:04,040 --> 00:25:07,360
Ah, you're definitely not!
LAUGHTER
427
00:25:07,400 --> 00:25:11,080
Fart noise is a classic, but I very
much enjoyed your presentation.
428
00:25:11,120 --> 00:25:13,520
Thank you.
It's all in the presentation.
429
00:25:13,560 --> 00:25:16,560
Phil. I mean, Jesus Christ.
430
00:25:16,600 --> 00:25:20,400
I'm sorry I didn't shit on
your face, Greg!
431
00:25:20,440 --> 00:25:23,400
I don't think that's the first time
you've made that noise.
432
00:25:23,440 --> 00:25:27,120
I make that noise every day.
It's how I wake up.
433
00:25:27,160 --> 00:25:30,000
So I'm sleeping...
OK, so you're fully asleep now.
434
00:25:30,040 --> 00:25:33,240
Oh, the sun's coming through
the curtains now.
435
00:25:33,280 --> 00:25:35,160
{\an1}LAPS TONGUE
436
00:25:36,720 --> 00:25:38,120
{\an1}LAPS TONGUE
437
00:25:38,160 --> 00:25:40,120
Aahhhh!
438
00:25:40,160 --> 00:25:42,160
{\an1}LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE
439
00:25:42,200 --> 00:25:44,040
Do you want to hear
the noises in isolation?
440
00:25:44,080 --> 00:25:46,080
I do, cos then I can judge
which is the best noise.
441
00:25:46,120 --> 00:25:48,040
OK, here's the first noise.
442
00:25:48,080 --> 00:25:50,160
{\an1}DULL CLUNK
443
00:25:50,200 --> 00:25:52,160
Second noise.
444
00:25:52,200 --> 00:25:54,520
{\an1}ECHOING DEFLATION
445
00:25:54,560 --> 00:25:56,000
Third noise.
446
00:25:56,040 --> 00:25:58,320
Whooooo ooooh ooooh!
447
00:25:58,360 --> 00:26:02,880
BELL DINGS
Oooooh! Hhheeew!
448
00:26:04,520 --> 00:26:06,360
Fourth noise, Greg.
449
00:26:06,400 --> 00:26:08,240
{\an1}DULL THUD
450
00:26:08,280 --> 00:26:09,760
And the final noise.
451
00:26:11,000 --> 00:26:14,000
{\an1}TONGUE LAPPING
452
00:26:14,040 --> 00:26:17,280
There they all are,
the five best noises in the world.
453
00:26:19,040 --> 00:26:22,920
My least favourite noise...
No, no, no, no. Come on.
454
00:26:22,960 --> 00:26:24,360
No, no, no.
455
00:26:24,400 --> 00:26:26,480
My least favourite noise
was the sound of dog shit
456
00:26:26,520 --> 00:26:28,720
being dropped onto my face.
457
00:26:28,760 --> 00:26:31,800
I'm sorry, one point.
One point to Rhod. Come on! Yeah.
458
00:26:31,840 --> 00:26:34,960
And James Acaster, you thank
your lucky stars, young man,
459
00:26:35,000 --> 00:26:38,840
that you didn't drop poo on my face.
You have two points. Yes.
460
00:26:38,880 --> 00:26:41,600
It's a tight-run thing,
but it's Kerry with three points.
461
00:26:41,640 --> 00:26:43,680
Third place. Correct. Second place?
462
00:26:43,720 --> 00:26:47,360
I'm giving it to the person I'm
genuinely worried about, Jessica.
463
00:26:47,400 --> 00:26:50,800
And therefore the winner,
against all odds, is Phil Wang!
464
00:26:50,840 --> 00:26:55,200
Five points to Phil Wang!
CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
465
00:26:55,240 --> 00:26:57,760
We have time for another one,
don't we? We do.
466
00:26:57,800 --> 00:27:02,120
It's a lovely little tournament
I've labelled The Task Masters.
467
00:27:02,160 --> 00:27:03,640
Mmm! OK?
468
00:27:17,520 --> 00:27:20,960
Hiya! Hello, Jess. Hello.
469
00:27:21,000 --> 00:27:22,480
Hello, Rhod. Hiya.
470
00:27:22,520 --> 00:27:24,720
Hi, James.
471
00:27:24,760 --> 00:27:26,520
LAUGHTER
472
00:27:28,320 --> 00:27:29,440
{\an1}CLEARS THROAT
473
00:27:29,480 --> 00:27:32,320
"Get this ball
in that hole..."
474
00:27:32,360 --> 00:27:34,800
"..In as few strokes as possible."
475
00:27:34,840 --> 00:27:36,920
"The ball must only be struck..."
476
00:27:36,960 --> 00:27:39,200
"The ball must never be carried."
477
00:27:39,240 --> 00:27:41,720
"You have a maximum of 20 minutes.
Your time starts now."
478
00:27:41,760 --> 00:27:43,640
What hole? What hole?
479
00:27:43,680 --> 00:27:45,680
Where's the hole?
480
00:27:45,720 --> 00:27:49,760
Oh, that hole!
LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE
481
00:27:49,800 --> 00:27:52,360
But this is Taskmaster, of course,
so they're not just going to
482
00:27:52,400 --> 00:27:54,800
whack the ball, they're going
to think about it for a while.
483
00:27:54,840 --> 00:27:56,760
The time's not important,
it's worth saying,
484
00:27:56,800 --> 00:27:59,400
it's the fewest possible shots.
It's the fewest possible shots.
485
00:27:59,440 --> 00:28:02,280
They can take their time, set it up
however they want. However you want.
486
00:28:02,320 --> 00:28:05,520
We're going to see James
and Kerry first. OK?
487
00:28:05,560 --> 00:28:07,240
{\an1}TINKLING
488
00:28:09,760 --> 00:28:11,760
Not bad!
489
00:28:11,800 --> 00:28:14,080
TINKLING
Oh, I broke it. Oh, no!
490
00:28:15,600 --> 00:28:17,360
Anyone under the caravan?!
491
00:28:17,400 --> 00:28:18,680
One shot.
492
00:28:20,920 --> 00:28:25,040
Ah, fuck you! It's a bit further
away from the hole now, James.
493
00:28:25,080 --> 00:28:26,200
Yeah.
494
00:28:30,560 --> 00:28:32,680
Three!
495
00:28:35,520 --> 00:28:37,000
Four!
496
00:28:43,880 --> 00:28:45,360
{\an1}LAUGHTER
497
00:28:51,200 --> 00:28:52,560
{\an1}LAUGHTER
498
00:28:54,040 --> 00:28:55,880
Four.
499
00:28:58,320 --> 00:28:59,840
Five.
500
00:28:59,880 --> 00:29:01,560
Six.
501
00:29:04,040 --> 00:29:06,480
Seven. Croquet mallet, seven shots.
502
00:29:06,520 --> 00:29:10,200
Posh. Posh. Well, thank you.
Very quick. Thanks.
503
00:29:15,800 --> 00:29:17,560
Aarghhhh!
504
00:29:22,160 --> 00:29:24,160
{\an1}APPLAUSE
505
00:29:27,600 --> 00:29:30,160
That's a side we've not seen of you
before, blind rage.
506
00:29:30,200 --> 00:29:34,320
I was absolutely furious! Well,
you broke a camera. Yeah, broke it.
507
00:29:34,360 --> 00:29:35,880
How do you feel about that?
508
00:29:35,920 --> 00:29:37,760
Pretty good, actually.
Yeah? At the time.
509
00:29:37,800 --> 00:29:41,520
Kerry, when you completed the task,
you said, "Bosh." Yes.
510
00:29:41,560 --> 00:29:44,640
And I'm increasingly thinking that's
your approach to this whole game!
511
00:29:44,680 --> 00:29:46,880
Yes. "Get in, do the job, bosh!"
512
00:29:46,920 --> 00:29:49,680
They're very straightforward tasks.
513
00:29:49,720 --> 00:29:51,920
Get the ball in the hole, bang.
514
00:29:51,960 --> 00:29:54,920
Are you like that at home?
Yes! Yeah?
515
00:29:54,960 --> 00:29:59,600
"What do you want, dinner, kids?
Bosh! There it is. Beans. Eat."
516
00:29:59,640 --> 00:30:00,960
"Right, bed."
517
00:30:02,600 --> 00:30:07,200
Let's see some others. OK, do you
want to see... Oh, I've made a joke.
518
00:30:07,240 --> 00:30:11,040
Do you want to see Nick Fildo and
Jessica Tappit? They're golf jokes.
519
00:30:11,080 --> 00:30:12,560
Fucking hell... No?
520
00:30:17,240 --> 00:30:19,160
{\an1}SHE LAUGHS
521
00:30:19,200 --> 00:30:22,000
Have you struck it yet?
No, I haven't struck it yet.
522
00:30:27,840 --> 00:30:29,960
That's all right, isn't it! One.
523
00:30:35,120 --> 00:30:36,640
Right, OK.
524
00:30:47,360 --> 00:30:49,000
Come on!
525
00:30:49,040 --> 00:30:51,400
Two shots. OK.
526
00:30:51,440 --> 00:30:53,120
Oh!
527
00:30:54,160 --> 00:30:57,320
Oh, why did I put the broom end
there? Great!
528
00:30:57,360 --> 00:31:00,120
I don't know why I didn't just do
this the whole way down!
529
00:31:02,080 --> 00:31:03,520
Oh, my God!
530
00:31:05,040 --> 00:31:08,200
You missed the...you missed
the tunnel.
531
00:31:08,240 --> 00:31:09,960
Heeeee!
532
00:31:12,480 --> 00:31:14,120
Seven. OK. You're on the green.
533
00:31:14,160 --> 00:31:16,560
No, do you know what,
this is fine now.
534
00:31:19,480 --> 00:31:20,880
Hey!
535
00:31:24,440 --> 00:31:26,040
Done.
536
00:31:26,080 --> 00:31:27,920
Eight.
537
00:31:30,440 --> 00:31:32,160
Oh, that is unfortunate!
538
00:31:33,200 --> 00:31:35,760
Nine. You're off the green. Oooh!
539
00:31:36,840 --> 00:31:38,960
Oh, God!
540
00:31:42,320 --> 00:31:44,680
Thank you!
541
00:31:44,720 --> 00:31:46,840
{\an1}APPLAUSE
542
00:31:49,800 --> 00:31:53,280
I put it to you, Jessica,
once you started using construction
543
00:31:53,320 --> 00:31:57,360
techniques,
those actively hampered you.
544
00:31:57,400 --> 00:32:02,800
Yeah, I complicated it. Phil's
weren't a lot better. Oh, come on.
545
00:32:02,840 --> 00:32:05,840
They at least guided the ball
towards the hole
546
00:32:05,880 --> 00:32:07,320
instead of blocked it.
547
00:32:07,360 --> 00:32:11,400
On one occasion, they guided
the ball towards the end of a broom.
548
00:32:11,440 --> 00:32:13,400
Yeah.
LAUGHTER
549
00:32:13,440 --> 00:32:15,320
You created your own barrier!
Yeah.
550
00:32:15,360 --> 00:32:18,560
In retrospect, I should have turned
the broom the other way around.
551
00:32:18,600 --> 00:32:21,600
It's the fourth and final part
of the show next.
552
00:32:21,640 --> 00:32:25,280
Will Wang win, I wonder? Find out
very soon. You see if we don't!
553
00:32:25,320 --> 00:32:27,000
{\an1}APPLAUSE
554
00:32:36,320 --> 00:32:39,760
Hi and welcome back to the last part
of Taskmaster and The Task Masters.
555
00:32:39,800 --> 00:32:43,240
Yes, Greg, they're trying to get
a ball into a hole.
556
00:32:43,280 --> 00:32:46,200
It's a little bit like golf,
but it's definitely not golf.
557
00:32:47,360 --> 00:32:50,920
One man left to see. He's flying
solo again. It's Rhod Gilbert again.
558
00:32:50,960 --> 00:32:52,280
Here we go.
559
00:32:52,320 --> 00:32:54,320
Just got to investigate the hole.
560
00:32:54,360 --> 00:32:57,040
It doesn't say anything about me
walking on here.
561
00:32:57,080 --> 00:32:59,800
It doesn't say anything about me
moving the hole.
562
00:33:01,360 --> 00:33:06,360
So, technically,
that hole is movable.
563
00:33:14,880 --> 00:33:17,080
Oh, my God!
564
00:33:17,120 --> 00:33:21,360
I mean this, people say my ADHD
makes me shit at problem-solving.
565
00:33:21,400 --> 00:33:23,360
No, sir.
566
00:33:23,400 --> 00:33:26,360
Oh, God, look at that. It's a better
hole than the original hole!
567
00:33:30,680 --> 00:33:32,960
Have you got all the hole?
Not quite.
568
00:33:33,000 --> 00:33:34,840
I'm certainly going to get
all the hole.
569
00:33:34,880 --> 00:33:38,360
You're getting the whole hole?
That's the whole hole!
570
00:33:38,400 --> 00:33:41,360
Is that not the hole in the middle
of that hole? No. What's that hole?
571
00:33:41,400 --> 00:33:42,920
It's a different one.
572
00:33:44,480 --> 00:33:46,280
OK. OK?
573
00:33:48,920 --> 00:33:51,600
Oh, dragging a hole is a lot
harder than it looks!
574
00:33:55,360 --> 00:33:58,200
Oh, there it is. There it is.
575
00:34:10,680 --> 00:34:12,280
Good luck.
576
00:34:16,120 --> 00:34:18,160
{\an1}CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
577
00:34:18,200 --> 00:34:21,720
That is what you call a hole-in-one.
578
00:34:23,280 --> 00:34:24,600
{\an1}APPLAUSE
579
00:34:25,840 --> 00:34:29,760
That was, loath as I am to admit it,
fairly impressive.
580
00:34:29,800 --> 00:34:33,240
Thank you very much.
It's not like I need the points!
581
00:34:33,280 --> 00:34:35,280
Oh, Jesus, you do, yeah.
582
00:34:35,320 --> 00:34:37,760
It was nice to see something
different than just whacking it,
583
00:34:37,800 --> 00:34:41,960
wasn't it? Tell us how they all did,
because it's a strikes-based system.
584
00:34:42,000 --> 00:34:45,280
Jess took most strikes so gets the
fewest points. One. Yeah. Thank you.
585
00:34:45,320 --> 00:34:48,200
OK.
586
00:34:48,240 --> 00:34:52,040
Kerry, seven strokes, two points.
James, six strokes, three points.
587
00:34:52,080 --> 00:34:54,880
Bosh. Phil, five strokes,
four points.
588
00:34:54,920 --> 00:34:57,800
Rhod, one stroke.
589
00:34:57,840 --> 00:35:01,240
It's too impressive not to give him
full marks. Five points for Rhod.
590
00:35:01,280 --> 00:35:03,560
That's the end of it.
591
00:35:03,600 --> 00:35:05,600
{\an1}APPLAUSE
592
00:35:05,640 --> 00:35:08,400
Can we quickly see the scoreboard
before the final task, please?
593
00:35:08,440 --> 00:35:11,120
Joint leaders all on 13 points,
594
00:35:11,160 --> 00:35:13,360
James, Kerry and Phil.
595
00:35:13,400 --> 00:35:16,000
{\an1}APPLAUSE
596
00:35:18,240 --> 00:35:20,800
OK, up you go to the stage
for the final task of the show!
597
00:35:20,840 --> 00:35:22,400
{\an1}APPLAUSE
598
00:35:29,840 --> 00:35:31,400
Alex, who will read the task out?
599
00:35:31,440 --> 00:35:34,280
Rhod will read the first part
of the task out.
600
00:35:34,320 --> 00:35:36,240
AUDIENCE: Oooh!
601
00:35:36,280 --> 00:35:41,000
Bloody hell! "Write down a ten-word
fact. You have 100 seconds.
602
00:35:41,040 --> 00:35:43,480
"There is a bonus point
for the best fact."
603
00:35:43,520 --> 00:35:45,440
That's the first part of the task.
604
00:35:45,480 --> 00:35:49,440
{\an1}You've got 100 seconds. Starting...
WHISTLE BLOWS
605
00:35:49,480 --> 00:35:53,680
I don't know if you can cheer on
people writing facts.
606
00:35:53,720 --> 00:35:56,480
{\an1}AUDIENCE SHOUT ENCOURAGEMENT
607
00:35:56,520 --> 00:35:59,280
Get in there! Do all ten words!
608
00:36:13,560 --> 00:36:18,240
WHISTLE BLOWS
OK, they've written their facts.
609
00:36:18,280 --> 00:36:21,240
{\an1}You are a very generous audience!
610
00:36:21,280 --> 00:36:23,760
So, here we go. Oh.
611
00:36:23,800 --> 00:36:25,600
The second half of the task,
612
00:36:25,640 --> 00:36:30,800
mouth your fact to the Taskmaster
without making any noise whatsoever.
613
00:36:30,840 --> 00:36:33,800
Most words understood
by the Taskmaster wins.
614
00:36:35,040 --> 00:36:37,480
OK, we're going to start
with Kerry Godliman.
615
00:36:39,960 --> 00:36:41,800
OK.
616
00:36:42,840 --> 00:36:45,080
Oh, keep it down!
LAUGHTER
617
00:36:45,120 --> 00:36:47,240
Getting it loud and clear over here!
618
00:36:47,280 --> 00:36:49,000
This is sabotage.
619
00:36:58,520 --> 00:37:00,280
{\an1}LAUGHTER
620
00:37:01,520 --> 00:37:04,120
Ready? OK, what is Kerry's fact?
Greg?
621
00:37:04,160 --> 00:37:07,160
I was born in Perivale in
London, UK, Europe, Earth.
622
00:37:08,280 --> 00:37:11,720
I was born in Perivale, Ealing,
London, UK, Europe, Earth.
623
00:37:11,760 --> 00:37:16,040
It's not bad, not bad. That was
amazing! OK, you can sit down.
624
00:37:16,080 --> 00:37:18,400
You can sit down.
625
00:37:18,440 --> 00:37:21,840
James, please take your place on
the spot. And mouth your fact.
626
00:37:42,680 --> 00:37:44,080
There we go.
627
00:37:44,120 --> 00:37:47,720
I didn't know I was going to have
to mouth it when I wrote it! No.
628
00:37:49,080 --> 00:37:52,760
What is the fact, Greg?
Well, I've had to invent a word.
629
00:37:52,800 --> 00:37:55,720
The second word I think is Youbats.
630
00:37:55,760 --> 00:37:57,680
{\an1}LAUGHTER
631
00:37:59,640 --> 00:38:05,880
Only Youbats and armadillos
can catch the awful disease leprosy.
632
00:38:05,920 --> 00:38:07,920
It's everything right
except for Youbats!
633
00:38:07,960 --> 00:38:09,240
{\an1}CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
634
00:38:09,280 --> 00:38:12,480
Oh, humans.
Nine. You may have a seat. Nine.
635
00:38:12,520 --> 00:38:16,240
Arguably, I could have used
common-sense for "humans"!
636
00:38:16,280 --> 00:38:18,960
Who's next? Phil is up next.
Up you pop, Phil.
637
00:38:35,480 --> 00:38:37,760
Oooh!
638
00:38:46,840 --> 00:38:49,040
{\an1}LAUGHTER
639
00:38:49,080 --> 00:38:51,240
Greg, what is Phil Wang's fact?
640
00:38:51,280 --> 00:38:55,120
Phil Wang's tool sacks,
12 blush, majesty two.
641
00:38:55,160 --> 00:38:57,160
{\an1}LAUGHTER
642
00:38:57,200 --> 00:38:58,880
{\an1}APPLAUSE
643
00:39:00,640 --> 00:39:03,160
Can I tell them...?
Yeah, what is your fact?
644
00:39:03,200 --> 00:39:07,320
My fact was Phil Wang's
shoe size is 12
645
00:39:07,360 --> 00:39:10,280
- then I realised
I had four words left -
646
00:39:10,320 --> 00:39:12,640
that's plus two, minus two.
647
00:39:12,680 --> 00:39:15,240
Oh. Close, wasn't it?
648
00:39:15,280 --> 00:39:18,840
Penultimately,
it's you, Jessica Knappett. Yeah.
649
00:39:33,640 --> 00:39:37,240
Very nice. Very nice.
Thank you. Ready?
650
00:39:37,280 --> 00:39:38,760
Let's just do it, Greg!
651
00:39:38,800 --> 00:39:42,200
Did you know that ants live
to an average of 22 years?
652
00:39:42,240 --> 00:39:45,760
He's chucked in two extra words,
but he's got it exactly right! Yes!
653
00:39:45,800 --> 00:39:49,360
{\an1}CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
654
00:39:49,400 --> 00:39:52,440
The final contestant is
Rhod Gilbert. Up you come, Rhod.
655
00:39:52,480 --> 00:39:54,320
Mwhhhh! Let's go.
656
00:40:01,640 --> 00:40:05,200
I am trying,
but it is worse than Phil.
657
00:40:05,240 --> 00:40:08,520
And Phil looked like he was having
a stroke.
658
00:40:08,560 --> 00:40:10,720
I'm really bad at this.
659
00:40:10,760 --> 00:40:13,040
You've got a very strong accent,
that's the problem.
660
00:40:13,080 --> 00:40:15,320
{\an1}LAUGHTER
661
00:40:16,960 --> 00:40:18,920
{\an1}APPLAUSE
662
00:40:23,280 --> 00:40:25,160
OK. Here's what I've got.
663
00:40:25,200 --> 00:40:27,840
And I genuinely have tried to
get this right.
664
00:40:27,880 --> 00:40:32,680
Greg brawls in dog jail, think
bail, failing old dog death.
665
00:40:32,720 --> 00:40:34,720
{\an1}LAUGHTER
666
00:40:34,760 --> 00:40:36,800
And that is genuinely what I think.
667
00:40:38,400 --> 00:40:40,720
Bang on!
LAUGHTER
668
00:40:40,760 --> 00:40:43,080
Would you like to hear the original?
Yeah, sure.
669
00:40:43,120 --> 00:40:46,000
Greg broke a toilet seat
by sitting on said toilet.
670
00:40:47,720 --> 00:40:53,800
I'm quite hurt you don't remember.
I do remember, it was my own toilet.
671
00:40:53,840 --> 00:40:56,360
It wasn't actually,
it was in the Edinburgh Festival.
672
00:40:56,400 --> 00:40:59,520
I was trying to get a non-refundable
deposit, but thank God I didn't!
673
00:40:59,560 --> 00:41:02,240
In that case, it should have read,
"Greg has broken two toilets!"
674
00:41:02,280 --> 00:41:04,680
{\an1}LAUGHTER
675
00:41:07,680 --> 00:41:10,480
Bring everyone down, we'll work it
all out when you're down here.
676
00:41:10,520 --> 00:41:13,960
Come on down to the studio floor.
APPLAUSE
677
00:41:18,320 --> 00:41:20,680
Well translated.
Thank you very much.
678
00:41:20,720 --> 00:41:23,760
Do you want to dish out the bonus
point for best fact first?
679
00:41:23,800 --> 00:41:27,680
Yes, I do. OK. I enjoyed all of the
facts. All of them.
680
00:41:27,720 --> 00:41:32,720
But, for me, the most genuinely
interesting, I had no idea
681
00:41:32,760 --> 00:41:36,120
that it was only humans and
armadillos that can get leprosy.
682
00:41:36,160 --> 00:41:38,840
So, there goes the bonus point -
James Acaster.
683
00:41:38,880 --> 00:41:40,360
{\an1}APPLAUSE
684
00:41:43,360 --> 00:41:45,840
So, do you want the scores then,
including the bonus point?
685
00:41:45,880 --> 00:41:47,560
For God's sake, yes. OK.
686
00:41:47,600 --> 00:41:53,120
You only got one of Rhod's words
right, so he gets one point.
687
00:41:53,160 --> 00:41:54,560
The word "Greg"!
688
00:41:56,120 --> 00:41:59,200
After that, Phil was in fourth
place with four words,
689
00:41:59,240 --> 00:42:00,840
so he gets two points.
690
00:42:00,880 --> 00:42:04,880
Yeah. Kerry and James joint second
with nine words.
691
00:42:04,920 --> 00:42:06,440
{\an1}WHISTLES
692
00:42:06,480 --> 00:42:09,720
But a bonus point to James, so
James and Jess both get five points.
693
00:42:09,760 --> 00:42:12,440
Whooo! OK, so joint winners
of that task.
694
00:42:12,480 --> 00:42:15,080
{\an1}APPLAUSE
695
00:42:15,120 --> 00:42:20,080
So the series scores? OK, James
in last place with 45. Phil, 47.
696
00:42:20,120 --> 00:42:23,000
Jess, 52.
And then back down to Rhod with 50.
697
00:42:23,040 --> 00:42:26,080
And then up again,
Kerry in the lead with 60 points.
698
00:42:26,120 --> 00:42:28,600
Eight points clear. Oooh!
699
00:42:28,640 --> 00:42:30,880
{\an1}APPLAUSE
700
00:42:30,920 --> 00:42:34,200
Absolutely boshing it.
Yes, she is. Smashing it.
701
00:42:34,240 --> 00:42:37,200
However, despite being in last
place, this episode has been
702
00:42:37,240 --> 00:42:42,000
won by one point by the mighty
Mr James Acaster with 18 points!
703
00:42:42,040 --> 00:42:44,240
{\an1}CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
704
00:42:44,280 --> 00:42:45,880
Yes!
705
00:42:45,920 --> 00:42:47,600
YES!
706
00:42:47,640 --> 00:42:50,000
James Acaster, congratulations.
707
00:42:50,040 --> 00:42:54,320
Go and collect your things from the
'90s and take Phil Wang with you!
708
00:42:54,360 --> 00:42:56,160
Because you've won Phil Wang!
709
00:42:56,200 --> 00:42:59,680
APPLAUSE
So, what have we learnt today?
710
00:42:59,720 --> 00:43:02,040
We've learnt that Youbats can
contract leprosy.
711
00:43:02,080 --> 00:43:05,600
And we've learnt that tonight's
paragon of task completion
712
00:43:05,640 --> 00:43:07,320
is James Acaster!
713
00:43:07,360 --> 00:43:09,920
Nighty-night, and byesy-bye!
APPLAUSE
714
00:43:12,160 --> 00:43:15,600
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