Original subtitles

Previously on Harlem.

Everybody's got that one person

they'd blow their lives up for.

Do you want me to stay?

Message received.

I rarely want a second date,

but I'm trying to be better

and more open to something real.

Oh, God, you are breaking up with me.

I just don't think I have a lot of time

for a relationship right now.

But I came out for you.

My big break broke.

I'm back at square one. No job, no man, no money.

Honey, your husband's home.

What the fuck?

We did the blow up.

You want to rebuild?

I was afraid you weren't going to make it.

Last table ordered dessert twice.

♪ Do you know? Do you know? ♪

♪ 'Cause you're dealing with a lot of competition ♪

♪ You're gonna have to do a lotta ass-kissin' ♪

♪ You know I got someone with the time to listen ♪

He is sitting in my living room right now, June.

He just showed up!

How is it legal for him to just move back in here?

That fucking...

Fuck that lamp.

We waited long enough for this.

Mm-hmm.

♪ Here's what you gotta do ♪

♪ Treat me like I treat me ♪

♪ Yeah, you know I do it right ♪

♪ Treat me like I treat me ♪

♪ Treat me like I treat me ♪

♪ Love me like I love me completely and deeply, now ♪

Gosh, this is-- this is really happening.

About to order some food. You want some?

I can't believe this is happening.

All night long.

Till death do us part.

Don't you tempt me.

Get your ass over here.

Get your ass out of here!

Let me show you something.

Oh!

Something for you.

- Oh, whoa. OK. - Yeah.

It's a new... oh.

- Yeah. - You like that?

Mm-hmm. Oh, yeah.

You like that, don't you?

Oh, yeah.

What do you think of...

this?

- Mm. - Oh, yeah, I love that.

Mm.

♪ Harlem skills ♪

What?

N-nothing.

Just, it's a-an Angie thing.

- Yes. - Oh.

Mm-hmm. Oh, yeah.

- Yeah. - Oh, yeah.

Yeah, ride that thing, baby.

- Oh, like a cowgirl. - Yeah.

Wow, you got the new moves.

Yeah, let me show you something.

- Oh! - Show you something.

- OK. - Check this out.

Mm-hmm. Yep.

Just like that, just like that.

- Arch that back a little bit. - Oh, yep, yep, yep.

- To the left. - OK. Just... wait.

- To your left or to my left? - Your left.

- Wait. - Your left, my right.

OK, OK, OK. Mm-hmm.

Matter of fact, just-- just stay right there.

- Yeah, OK. - Stay right there.

Angela Wilson?

That's me.

We're excited to have you audition for this.

There have been many jukebox musicals

where an artist's library is turned into a show.

But this will be the first time a show has been created

based solely on one song,

a song that is both universal and multi-layered,

a song that defines the generation of our time.

And so I would like you to sing it with reverence.

But also, make it your own.

♪ Just listen ♪

♪ To what I'm saying ♪

♪ And doing ♪

♪ And take... ♪

♪ Take a chance ♪

♪ I put my hand up on your hip ♪

♪ When I dip, you dip, we dip ♪

♪ You put your hand up on my hip ♪

And we believe in the dip.

♪ I put my hand up on your hip ♪

Don't believe in the dip yet.

That's right.

Yeah, move it.

Yes. Believe it.

Believe in the dip.

Taste the dip.

Make the dip.

Now, pop that hip.

It was so humiliating.

The only thing worse than auditioning

for something called The Dip: The Musical

is not being good enough to be cast

in The Dip: The Musical.

I'm so sorry, honey. It's dip-ressing.

The good luck stuff that street psychic said

was all bullshit.

And normally, they're just so reliable.

I put in the work.

I fucked a hot pedicurist and his roommate, and for what?

I'm about to nail that Erykah Badu callback.

You will.

Oh, my gosh.

A national tour. That's so exciting.

Being on a stadium tour singing my own shit

would be exciting.

This is the best I can get right now.

Are your shoes literally on my couch?

It's only because they match so well.

Mm-hmm.

Tell me what you think.

Let me see.

It's my birthday card for my dad.

"To the only man who has ever loved me"?

Uh-uh!

What kind of depressing, true crime podcast,

red flag bullshit is this?

It's sweet.

It is a cry for help.

Look.

I know wack-ass Isabela really hurt you,

but Quinn I know, she bounces back from breakups.

Yes, she does.

I don't know.

Maybe I'm just not the Quinn that you know anymore.

You have your own stash of greeting cards

alphabetized by occasion.

You are still Quinn.

Why get ready when you can stay ready?

Oh, I'm running out of National Kiss Your Pet Day.

I need to stock up on those.

Whichever one you get him from me,

make sure it's from the mahogany collection.

You know I don't give greeting cards

with white people on them.

Perfect.

Why did she have to break up with me

so close to my dad's birthday?

Honestly, I never get to see him anymore.

I just want to have a nice time.

So just smile through it.

No, my dad's going to know something's wrong.

Then come with me to my family's barbecue.

All my brothers will be there, and it's going to be li-i-t.

I know it is.

And normally, I would, but I can't stand my dad up.

I'm just going to rush through golfing.

Ooh, speaking of rushing,

I've got to get to this audition.

Maybe slip your Papa Phil a 50 in the card from me.

Oh, you know birthdays come once a year.

Don't be cheap. Make it a hundred.

And I'll see you in the wells in an hour.

Ooh, wish me luck with Erykah.

I wish you luck,

but you're not going to need it.

Thank you, sis.

You said that a cactus required very little care.

But this looks intentional.

I was having a difficult night.

I tried my best efforts,

and my intention was to get a dog, but--

Well, looking at this,

all dogs everywhere thank you for your life choices.

So I would like for you to give me a refund.

That's just not gonna happen.

Look.

"No cash store credit refunds/exchanges."

I don't even know what this sign is trying to say.

OK, well, just focus on the large no.

Well, can I exchange it for anything in this store

that's more death proof than a cactus?

What, a shovel? That's hard to kill.

I bet I'd do it.

OK.

This is so hard to kill, it's almost dangerous.

Devil's ivy.

Technically a weed nobody wants.

But also, I am insisting on this.

It's simple tips on caring for plants.

Ahem, no.

I am not reading a book about plants.

Someone needs to help you.

I mean, don't you know anyone, but not me,

but anyone who has flourishing plants

who can teach you how they do it?

Again, not me.

Someone to teach me.

Thank you, plant lady.

You forgot your book!

No, you keep it.

You forgot to pay!

I'm not paying!

So then it occurred to me.

Evan and Alicia.

OK, normally, I would smile and nod

and act like I know who the hell you talking about,

but I can tell Quinn and Camille don't know either.

Long sips of mimosas is the giveaway.

- Angie, you so crazy, girl. - I remember them, I think.

They are literally two of my best friends.

Well, as one of three of your best friends, who?

Evan and Alicia?

Gay friend group?

Oh!

The cool kids, OK.

Well, now that I've been on a lady date,

does that mean that

I get to be a part of that group and this group?

Keep saying lady date,

and you'll be a part of neither.

Amen.

Anyway, I'm thinking about crashing on their couch

until I force Brandon out.

And who better to get advice

on how to be in a happy partnership?

I thought you met that Zoe girl.

Pure recreation.

No-strings-attached sex until I find Mrs. Right, remember?

But Evan and Alicia have been together forever.

And on them, being in a couple is cool,

kind of like you and Ian without all the drama.

Except Ian and Camille are done with the drama.

Mmm.

Oh, no.

Drama returns.

OK, so we finally spent the night together.

And it was--

So different than I remember.

I mean, not bad exactly.

It's just, I mean, the man has definitely

learned some new moves since he's been away.

Ooh, yes!

I love when a brother boomerangs back with some age.

Toys, bondage,

piss play.

Literally, who are you?

Girl, piss on him.

It's empowering.

Yeah, but the thing is is I was so in my head.

I kept thinking, like,

OK, he's definitely done this stuff with Mira.

And so then I was like,

I have to try some new things to compete

and then he does something new, and then we go back and forth.

And it's basically multiple rounds

of who can fuck the newest.

Is it just me,

or does none of this sound like an actual problem?

Well, it just seems that Mira was very

adventurous in the bedroom.

And then here I am.

Am I enough?

Was I worth all the trouble?

Aw, Cami, you're overthinking.

Because she's Camille.

Listen, just get out of your head.

I say...

Go and get you a little edible, take the edge off,

- you'll be good. - Mm-mm, mm-mm.

Why not? It's legal, it's fine.

And it's much better than talking about it.

You know, but this is Ian and Camille.

She can literally talk to him about anything.

Yeah.

OK, one, nausea.

Two, you can have sex or you can talk about it.

As soon as the big sit down happens,

kiss sitting on a big D goodbye.

But this is also not an Ian problem to talk about.

This is a Camille just needs to relax problem.

Less talking.

Just get the damn weed, girl.

Oh, shit, I got to go. I'ma to miss that ferry.

Ooh, is somebody off to the Isles of Staten?

Yes.

And my whole family is going to be there.

You know my daddy has had his grilling sandals on

since, like, 6:00 a.m.

Ooh, y'all gonna barbecue for real, for real.

Is all your half-brothers gonna be there?

Mm, they are all my brothers.

I told you we don't do that half shit.

And, Camille, you better get out of your head.

Get your head down.

Pussy popping on a handstand.

Yeah, show him dirty Camille, girl.

Daddy!

Oh, there's my baby girl.

- Happy birthday! - Aw.

Beautiful, as always. Aww.

Dad.

Everything OK?

Yes, yes, everything is good.

Then why is your mom driving me?

- Oh, my God, Dad. - Quinny!

Hi!

Oh, have you done something new to your hair?

Oh, no. No, no, no.

Well, I suggest you start.

Mmm!

And a hearty "good day" to you too, Mom.

Your sister and her husband are going to be late.

Picking up a new Mercedes along the way.

Mm-hmm.

And what says "Dad's birthday" better

than buying yourself a car?

And the McCays are on their way as well.

The McCays? But Mommy, I thought we were going

to do, like, a small family thing this year.

Oh, Quinny, don't be a wet blanket.

The more, the merrier.

Speaking of which,

this is Michael.

He is a Yale graduate

and named one of the most successful real estate agents

in New York City under 40.

Uh, you forgot that he's also an Aries

and enjoys surfing and old-school hip-hop.

Ah, and he's funny.

Jackpot!

His mother and me are new friends at the club,

and we thought you two should meet.

At Dad's birthday, Mom?

Look, I will see you all at the first hole, OK?

She is awkward at first, but don't give up.

Ciao.

Hip-hop head, huh?

SWV or Jay-Z?

Eh, he took too long.

- Take his money, Quinn. - See you, Daddy.

My mom is as subtle as a sledgehammer.

I'm going to go out on a limb and say

when your mom told my mom

you saw my picture in the Times piece

and have been dying to meet ever since,

that was a slight exaggeration?

Oh, my God, are you kidding me?

Now, if you'd like, you know,

I can come down with a serious stomach ache, like, right now.

Too late. I already have one.

Just get in.

Ah, Angie!

Ah! Mama!

Baby girl!

Mommy!

Aw, let me look at you!

Let me look at you!

I love this top.

Why you didn't get me one?

You think I didn't when I did.

Hey, hey, hey. OK, y'all doing too much.

You just saw each other last week

at the drag queen brunch bingo thing.

Oh, and the week before that.

- And the week before that! - Come on!

- And the week before that! - Yes!

We go so often that they going as us next month,

- and don't be jelly. - Mm-hmm!

There's my superstar. Come here!

Daddy! Ooh!

Come here, lil sis. Come here.

Freddy.

You so grumpy!

You know it gotta be me first.

Hey, Damien!

Hi, Jay-Jay.

- Come on, big time. - Hey, now.

Oh, we can do some day wine.

Hit Lambda?

Or downtown and do the Cubbyhole.

You haven't done that in a while.

Listen, I can hit up a club any time.

I mean, I appreciate you all letting me crash here

while I get Brandon out of my house.

And I just want to see what you normally do.

You want to observe a lesbian couple

in our natural habitat?

Something like that, yeah.

Tye, I'm not sure we're equipped

to give relationship lessons.

You two?

Neither one of us are teachers.

I asked Alicia to teach me how to use the DVR once,

and she got so frustrated,

we didn't talk for almost two days.

OK, the problem wasn't my teaching.

- She just wouldn't listen. - Ooh!

I believe that.

- See? - Mm-hmm.

Yeah, but, Tye, how are you going to

own a whole queer dating app

and have no experience in long-term dating?

The problem isn't meeting women.

It's how to act after we meet.

I mean, so y'all just do what you do.

Are you sure?

100%.

Well, Friday nights, we always have Chinese,

and we doctor it up a little bit.

- Uh-huh. - Right?

And so normally, today for lunch, we'd reheat soup.

Wow. The domesticated life.

- Mm-hmm. - I'm all about it.

♪ Drink in my hand chillin' on a rooftop ♪

♪ City never sleeps so the flex never stop ♪

♪ Sun feels good on my melanin ♪

♪ Feelin' pretty good to be out again ♪

♪ Drink in my hand chillin' on a rooftop ♪

♪ City never sleeps so the flex never stop ♪

♪ Sun feels good on my melanin ♪

♪ Feelin' pretty good to be out again ♪

♪ This is how summertime should feel ♪

Excruciating.

♪ Summertime feels ♪

Love sure does require a lot of cleaning.

Yes.

You sure this is what you want to do?

In tech, you have to know the goal

in order to know the steps, so that's what I'm doing.

Well, usually, our next goal on a Saturday

- is game show marathon. - Mm-hmm.

One of our guilty pleasures we have in common is game shows.

Great.

Oh, I--

Mm. [smooches] Okay.

Mm?

- Funny story. - What?

I was out shopping today,

and I stopped by the Weed Works place.

The dispensary that looks like the Genius Bar, right?

Mm-hmm.

And I was thinking, just for, like, no particular reason,

that I would buy some edibles,

and maybe it would help get us in the mood, so.

Well... well, hold on. Why?

You weren't, uh, you weren't in the mood last night?

You can have sex...

or you can talk about it.

- Um-- - I mean, you can tell me.

No, no. I was, I was. No, it was great.

Like, you are the best.

It's just I've had a lot of work stress,

and so I was just thinking,

you know, I need to get out of my head.

All right.

- Let's see what you got there. - Mm-hmm.

Whoa, whoa.

All right, all right.

Damn, girl, how high you trying to get?

No, it's just there was a lot of options,

and I needed to get out of there.

I mean, for something that Black people

are still serving time for,

weed has gotten very commercialized.

Yeah, that's why I usually go old school, buy local.

Fight the power.

Yeah, except for

I didn't want the apartment to smell because you know

Mrs. Valdez will definitely come down and complain.

- She's still alive? - Yeah.

Oh, hell, no.

She definitely gonna come down to complain.

Mm. - ♪ Stop playin' ♪

- Oh, you just went for it. - Mm-hmm.

Taste some.

Mm.

♪ I got the moves, I got the grooves ♪

♪ I got the ooh ♪

♪ I got the ooh, I got the ooh ♪

♪ I got the moves, I got the groove ♪

♪ I got the ooh ♪

♪ Finna take 'em to school ♪

♪ They finna lose ♪

♪ I got the flavor, they never hate us ♪

- Yeah. - Ay!

Yeah, my girl's still got it.

- You feeling me! Yeah! - Yes!

Aw, baby.

- Mm. I fucking missed this! - Me too.

Mm, mm, mm, mm!

Should we have sex right now?

Uh--

Yeah?

Yeah.

Uh, yeah.

Yeah.

Mm!

Mm.

What?

Holy shit.

- What? - Shh, shh.

- Shh. - Shh.

I look kind of like this nigga Drake.

It's something about the eyes.

- Oh, yeah. - The eyes, the nose.

Matter of fact, the area above the eyes.

Yep.

What are eyebrows here for?

- Hmm? - What?

Hmm?

Hi, eyebrows. Hi.

Hi.

Hi, hi, hi!

Hey. Are you crying?

It's just that, you know, eyebrows are--

they probably work so hard at whatever they're here for.

We don't pay them no attention.

We just come out here and--

Wax 'em off.

Mm!

I'm hot!

You think I could fit in the freezer?

You know, the one above the fridge?

Let's go try.

We'll fit in that motherfucker right now.

So having fun at my dad's birthday?

I mean, we could make this an awkward tradition every year.

I'd have never crashed his birthday,

but your mom kept going on and on

about your perpetual singleness

and your horrible taste in men.

- Her words, not mine. - Yeah, of course she did.

My God. You know some moms mean well?

Mine does mean well.

That's good.

I mean, it's bad.

I kind of like it, though. I might steal it.

Yeah, take it. It's all yours.

Honestly, Michael, you seem great.

It's just that I've been through a breakup.

Two, actually. Recently.

And my mom doesn't know about either.

Now I feel really dumb about being here.

No. No, no, no, please.

Trust me, it makes total sense because you are my type.

I'm not going to lie. I'm glad to hear that.

Or were my type.

Mm.

Gosh, so much has changed so fast.

Recently, I was, actually, seeing...

Seeing what?

Seeing how important it is

for Black people to stop overcooking their vegetables.

You know, cabbage shouldn't just slide down your throat.

- I'm just saying. - Right.

So are we planning a dinner date?

No, we weren't.

I'll call Rafaela's and make reservations.

Mom, please don't call Rafaela's--

Better yet, Matsuhisa. So romantic.

Oh, my God.

- I tried. - Ah, shit!

I got it!

Ready, set, spit!

Oh, shoot.

Oh, wait, wait a minute, Nia. You think I can't count?

Since when does a nine follow a five?

Take that back.

Oh, gosh.

Ooh, what we got?

Mm! It's the beverage for me.

Mmm! Nom, nom, nom, nom!

Mmm, delicious!

Thank you.

I win, Auntie Motherfucker.

Whoo! Atta girl!

But remember, I curse loud,

you curse soft, so Grandma doesn't hear.

I win, Auntie Motherfucker.

I miss you.

Oh, I miss you, too, beautiful.

But I know you cheated.

- Ha! - Mommy!

- Hey! - Yes!

- Hey, hey! - Yes!

- Whoo! - Hey!

- Turn it! - Oh!

Whoo, yes!

That's right! That's my mama!

Shake it! Shake your tail.

And I heard you. Grandmama hear everything.

Ha!

I told you to curse soft.

So what are we watching again?

Um...

I don't know.

- But it's riveting. - Mm.

Wait, shouldn't we have sex?

Uh, not shouldn't. Should. Yeah, we should have sex.

- Yeah. - Not should.

- Shouldn't?

- Could. - Could?

Could.

Well, well, we could have sex.

- Could have sex. - No, no.

- No? No? - No, no, no.

We will have sex.

Yes, we can.

- Yes, we can. - Yes!

Yes.

Yes, we can!

But aren't you hungry?

- Starving. - Yeah.

Nah, I had that weed cupcake,

but I need some more food, like, ASAP.

You had another cupcake?

Mm-hmm.

Yeah, you was eating a cookie, but you wouldn't share.

Wait, I had another cookie?

Mm-hmm.

Is it bad that we took this much?

Mm-hmm.

That's why I don't do that science weed.

Nah, this is why I do the old-school weed.

We just used to--

It's just weed, man.

We need to order some not-weed food.

- Yeah. - OK, I'm gonna--

- I'm gonna order it. - Yeah.

Where's my phone?

- Wh-where-where is it? - I don't know.

Where's my phone? My phone... where's phone?

Am I saying words?

Let me hear.

Words.

Mm-hmm.

- Words. - Yeah.

- Yeah? - Yeah.

- Oh, my God! - Huh?

That would be the best lecture.

Words...

Words.

- ...that are not words. - Uh-huh.

- Right? - Dr. Camille?

- Yes. - Let me hear.

Yes, because in today's society...

Mm-hmm.

Nope, yeah, I lost it.

Un-weed food, un-weed food.

I need food. Food, food.

♪ Here, kitty, kitty ♪

- ♪ Phone? ♪ - Mm.

- ♪ Here, kitty, kitty ♪ - No.

Phone!

Where did she go?

What?

- I love you, girl. - I can't find her.

I love your ass, Camille.

I love you too!

- Food. - Um, un-weed food.

- Food. - Un-weed.

You order that? You call it?

Call the food?

Killing it, sis, like I... just like I taught you.

Right? You taught all of us.

Yeah, pass that.

You damn straight I did. That's right.

And look, I'm proud of y'all for keeping my legacy going.

Hey, but look. Hey, hey.

You-you need to lay off the bud, OK?

You gotta keep that voice ready

because you're about to tour with Erykah Badu.

Ooh, now, I love E Badu.

- She's the shit. - Ang, connect me with her.

I wanna give her some babies.

What the fuck are you talking about?

Erykah Badu do not want your sweaty, ashy ass, Luka.

Apparently, she don't want my ass either.

I found out on the ride here I didn't get the gig.

Man, fuck Erykah Badu.

She ain't even all that.

You're better than her anyway, Ang.

- Come on. - You know what?

I'm not even putting babies in her.

Yo, look, lay off the smoking anyway,

so you can knock her off the charts.

Then blow a smoke ring in her face.

You know what I mean?

Uh, do you hear yourself?

That's some of the dumbest shit I've ever heard

somebody say to somebody.

So you want her to stop smoking,

become a star, then start smoking again,

and then blow it to Erykah Badu's face?

What-what-what was the point of that?

Nigga, listen for comprehension.

Lay off doesn't mean stop,

and I'm talking to Ang, not you.

Why are you always feel the need to say something?

Time to eat!

- Ooh, with that. - Oh, shit.

- Febreze, please. - Hell, yeah!

I got first plate, though. Don't do that, don't do that.

Ang, close your mouth.

Ooh. Mm.

Nigga.

Hey, hey, hey, hey.

Real quick... you OK?

Yeah. Yeah, I'm good.

Yeah.

It's been a lot of nos lately.

I don't know how you do it, honestly.

How you take all this rejection?

Nigga, you still go to clubs.

It's no worse than all the nos you get.

So you're going to be a hater all your life?

If I choose to.

No, I'm serious, though.

Like, do you see how strong you actually are?

Yeah, you take all the rejection and nos,

but you always get back up.

Only type of person I know that does that is a star.

And that's exactly what you are.

You are a star.

And I'm not just saying it 'cause I'm your brother.

What if I'm a star who never makes it?

It's a marathon, not a sprint.

You hear me?

Hey, look, yeah, yeah.

I mean, I get quite a few nos when I'm out and about

because nobody appreciates a brother with glasses and...

- Mm-hmm. - Nice jewelry.

- Nice. - You know?

And then so then I get maybes

because some people do like that

because, you know, nerds are back.

No, but seriously, keep your head up, OK?

You got this.

Hey. You found the ball?

Yeah.

Well, I just want you to know

I didn't know your mother was bringing a date for you today.

But maybe if you tell her about Isabela,

maybe she'll stop trying.

Sharing something like that with Mom?

- It's not easy. - Yeah.

Well, it was easy with us.

Yeah, but that's us.

I was planning on doing it after golf.

I was even planning on bringing Isabela.

Oh, I wish you had.

Only one hitch, though.

She broke up with me.

Oh, honey.

I'm so sorry. It was going so well.

I guess I was the last one to know it wasn't.

Aw, come here.

It really hurts, Dad.

See, I didn't want to mess up your birthday

with all of my stuff.

As long as you're here, I'm good.

And if you're happy, I'm even better.

Quinn, come now. I have Michael.

He says you're pretty!

Ooh!

♪ You made your spinach and artichoke dip ♪

All right, tell me something new.

Since the front yard? Not much.

You know what I mean.

All your auditions and fun dates.

You know, all your fabulous shit.

I wish I had something to tell.

But yet again, here I am empty-handed

with a extra side of not a damn thing.

Uh-uh. Don't do that.

What have I always told you?

That I'm enough.

And I get it, but Mommy, you don't understand.

No, you don't.

I can tell you forgot.

You are basing your worth on having something

when you are something.

Something beautiful, something bold,

something precious...

a motherfucking Sonya Wilson creation.

Yes.

And my shit is amazing.

Yes, Mama! Talk all your shit.

Those six boys in there and all their children?

Me.

Even the ones without my DNA are still a product of me.

But especially you, Angie.

I wish I was as dope as you are.

Baby girl, everyone does.

But you, you had a head start.

Angie, you weren't raised in a house where you were told

you aren't pretty enough, you aren't skinny enough,

you aren't light enough, you just aren't enough.

I made sure of that.

So the way I see it, you have no excuse,

'cause if I can find my enough, your cup should be overflowing.

It's just hard sometimes.

I get that.

But that's what you have me for.

I will always be here for my best friend.

Mommy.

Yes?

No shade, but this dip, it's a little off this time.

That's because Trader Joe made it.

Well, you know, just keep eating it.

It'll grow on you.

Because it's enough, too.

I see what you did there.

There are my girls.

I need a taster at the grill.

Ooh, I volunteer, I volunteer.

- OK, 152 to pin, Quinn. - Mm-hmm.

Quinn, why are you way over here

hovering over your father when Michael's way over there?

Because, Mommy, it is Dad's birthday,

and I did not ask to be fixed up.

Because you have so many romantic choices in your life.

Because I'm not ready!

I just got dumped by Isabela.

And, yes, I was dating a woman, and I'm hurt.

But you know what? Upside is you liked her.

I don't, um--

so you're gay now?

I'm hurt now.

I'm still trying to figure it out, OK?

I...I don't know. I'm bi or pan.

Pan?

Like the pizza?

Phil, do you have any reaction

to the news our daughter just give us at all...

any human emotion?

Ah.

Well--

Of course.

You are not surprised.

You knew because you're the cool friend.

But me, I'm the one that--

No, no, no.

You are not going to make this moment

about how hard life is for you.

It is hard.

And do you think I would have invited that boy here

if I had known about Isabela?

You shut me out of your life,

and then you get angry with me 'cause I don't know nothing.

OK, that's fair.

But, Mama, you ever think

that the reason why I don't have a partner right now

is because I have a mother who tells me every single day

all the ways in which I disappoint her?

OK.

At the risk of losing cool friend status,

my birthday wish is that you give each other a break

for once.

I like you both a lot.

I wish you two would like each other.

Now, you two stop fighting

and just let me cheat and win the damn game.

I'm sorry she hurt you.

Mwah, mwah! Love you, Mama! Love you, Daddy!

- We love you! - See you now.

We gonna miss you!

I miss you already!

All righty!

You know, I heard that Twinkies aren't really baked.

It's a chemical reaction that looks like baking.

Well, whatever it is, they're good to me.

I don't think I loved getting high.

Why did you get so much then?

Angie said that I shouldn't talk to you about sex,

or else I was going to ruin it.

Mm.

You see, I knew something was up.

Yeah, but, I mean, honestly,

after you did all those new moves,

I thought I had to go the extra mile

to keep up with Mira.

Mira?

Yeah.

Nah, that was Jessica.

Who the hell is Jessica?

She about two before Mira.

Two?

What about you and your new moves?

I know you and Jason had some wild times.

I ain't want to show up and just be the, uh...

you know, the boring guy.

Jameson and I never did any of that stuff in my life.

I was just remembering an old porno that Angie showed me.

But point is you and I have both lived lives

in between breaking up and getting back together.

And if we keep looking back,

then we're going to miss who we are right now.

Damn, that's pretty good. That you?

No, no, you might need to keep that one.

- I think so too. - Yeah.

I actually think I heard it somewhere.

Or maybe it's the Cap'n Crunch. I don't know.

I am still really high, but...

Mm-hmm.

But finally, after long last...

Mm.

We can, um, you know...

- Mm. - Mm-hmm, mm-hmm, mm.

Goddamn, girl.

When did we come to your brownstone?

I have no clue.

Huh.

Is it possible it came to us?

No more edibles.

Hey, that part.

- Yeah. - Never again.

Hold on, did I order some more damn pizza?

Fuck, man!

What?

I just got served.

By who?

Wait, what?

Oh, my--

♪ Heartbreaker, lil baby, you the worst ♪

♪ The next one gon' be special that's for sure ♪

♪ Ooh, you really got the nerve ♪

♪ Da-da-da, da-da-da-da ♪

♪ Da-da-da ♪

♪ Da-da-da-da ♪

♪ You really got a nerve ♪

♪ Da-da-da, da-da-da-da ♪

♪ Da-da-da, ooh ♪

♪ You really got a nerve ♪

♪ I got receipts I had to keep ♪

♪ Just in case you wanna try and delete ♪

♪ You been lying through them tweets ♪

♪ You can finally take a seat ♪

♪ But I been up on some new things ♪

♪ We don't need your two cents ♪

♪ Imagine looking back ♪

♪ Knowing you dumb enough to lose me ♪

♪ An L, hold it tight ♪

♪ I hope you feeling it every night ♪

♪ Imagine never growing up ♪

♪ Because you always think you right ♪

♪ You got toxic tendencies ♪

♪ You should be breaking those habits ♪

♪ And if the streets is what you want ♪

♪ I hope they makin' you happy ♪

♪ But be careful 'cause you might get the right one ♪

♪ To do you like you did me ♪

♪ 'Cause karma ain't a nice one ♪

♪ Fuel to the fire, I'ma fuck around and light one ♪

♪ That bigger person shit is out the window ♪

♪ I got time, love ♪

♪ You really got the nerve ♪

♪ To sit around and act like you so hurt ♪

♪ Heartbreaker, lil baby, you the worst ♪

♪ The next one gon' be special, that's for sure ♪

♪ Ooh, you really got the nerve ♪

♪ To sit around and act like you so hurt ♪

♪ Heartbreaker, lil' baby, you the worst ♪