All language subtitles for Christmas.with.Jerks.2023.1080p.AMZN.WEB-DL.DDP5.1.H.264

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Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:20,555 --> 00:00:22,790 ♪ Christmas With Jerks ♪ 2 00:00:25,593 --> 00:00:26,828 This is Eve Carter. 3 00:00:26,961 --> 00:00:28,295 Leave me a message. 4 00:00:28,663 --> 00:00:29,898 Hey, sis. 5 00:00:30,030 --> 00:00:31,799 I know it's a weird time of year for you, 6 00:00:31,933 --> 00:00:33,333 but you can still come with us to Hawaii for Christmas. 7 00:00:33,467 --> 00:00:34,836 Okay? Let me know. 8 00:00:35,703 --> 00:00:37,070 ♪ Christmas With Jerks ♪ 9 00:00:37,204 --> 00:00:38,740 Eve, it's Brian. 10 00:00:38,873 --> 00:00:40,474 I've been on the phone with the studio all morning. 11 00:00:40,608 --> 00:00:42,309 They know they screwed us both over, but 12 00:00:42,877 --> 00:00:44,913 there's nothing we can do at this point. 13 00:00:45,045 --> 00:00:46,313 But we'll get the next one. 14 00:00:48,382 --> 00:00:50,183 Hey, uh, 15 00:00:50,317 --> 00:00:53,320 I saw the viral video of you. 16 00:00:53,688 --> 00:00:54,354 Yikes. 17 00:00:54,488 --> 00:00:55,890 Um, look, I get it. 18 00:00:56,024 --> 00:00:57,257 If you wanna hide out for the holidays, 19 00:00:57,391 --> 00:00:58,893 but I don't want you all alone. 20 00:00:59,027 --> 00:01:01,061 Okay? So just come to Atlanta 21 00:01:01,194 --> 00:01:02,697 and stay with Mickey. Okay? 22 00:01:04,666 --> 00:01:06,466 ♪ Christmas With Jerks ♪ 23 00:01:06,601 --> 00:01:08,703 Eve, PR is having to work double time for you, 24 00:01:08,870 --> 00:01:11,471 so maybe don't go out this December. 25 00:01:12,339 --> 00:01:14,107 Eve Carter? 26 00:01:14,374 --> 00:01:15,810 You know what? 27 00:01:15,944 --> 00:01:17,612 You got to stop leaving me these angry voicemails, 28 00:01:17,912 --> 00:01:19,413 okay? 29 00:01:19,547 --> 00:01:21,516 I know this reboot's been our baby for years. I... 30 00:01:21,783 --> 00:01:23,017 I fought for you. 31 00:01:23,417 --> 00:01:24,852 I fought for you. I really did. 32 00:01:24,986 --> 00:01:27,087 But you can't fight a studio, so just-- 33 00:01:27,589 --> 00:01:29,624 You got to stop badmouthing me in public. 34 00:01:30,024 --> 00:01:31,124 Move on. 35 00:01:33,027 --> 00:01:34,194 Bye. 36 00:01:39,366 --> 00:01:43,738 ♪ 8 Days til Christmas ♪ 37 00:01:43,871 --> 00:01:45,405 ♪ Yeaaah ♪ 38 00:01:46,708 --> 00:01:48,275 Good news! 39 00:01:48,408 --> 00:01:50,143 You at least got a callback for Emma. 40 00:01:50,277 --> 00:01:52,814 It's Off Off Broadway, but 41 00:01:53,113 --> 00:01:54,882 at least it's not New Jersey. 42 00:01:56,951 --> 00:01:58,151 Hey, jackass, it's your sister. 43 00:01:58,485 --> 00:01:59,587 Remember me? 44 00:02:00,088 --> 00:02:02,122 Look, I need to know if you're coming or not. 45 00:02:02,255 --> 00:02:03,457 Call me. Seriously. 46 00:02:03,591 --> 00:02:05,526 ♪ Christmas With Jerks ♪ 47 00:02:07,095 --> 00:02:08,730 ♪ Christmas With Jerks ♪ 48 00:02:08,863 --> 00:02:10,464 Uncompromising. 49 00:02:10,598 --> 00:02:12,132 Unwilling to admit my faults. 50 00:02:12,265 --> 00:02:13,433 What my ex said. 51 00:02:13,568 --> 00:02:14,902 Glad he's gone, actually. 52 00:02:15,036 --> 00:02:17,071 I want to be alone for holiday. 53 00:02:17,204 --> 00:02:20,140 Alone. Alone, Alone. 54 00:02:21,274 --> 00:02:22,476 Wow. I mean, 55 00:02:22,610 --> 00:02:25,747 that was... 56 00:02:26,179 --> 00:02:27,649 Yeah. 57 00:02:27,782 --> 00:02:30,283 Listen, I know that we had to do a callback 58 00:02:30,417 --> 00:02:32,587 as soon as you landed off the plane, but 59 00:02:32,720 --> 00:02:34,622 I'm really, really glad it worked out. 60 00:02:34,756 --> 00:02:36,858 - Yeah? - My driver understands. 61 00:02:36,991 --> 00:02:38,593 When Brian told me you were going to do a 62 00:02:38,726 --> 00:02:40,260 - modern take on Emma. - Oh, no. 63 00:02:40,394 --> 00:02:43,131 This play is going to be lit sizzling. 64 00:02:43,263 --> 00:02:45,800 Okay? We're going to get butts back in seats. 65 00:02:45,933 --> 00:02:47,635 Right? Get that butt 66 00:02:47,769 --> 00:02:48,569 back in a seat. 67 00:02:48,703 --> 00:02:50,170 Hashtag live theater, baby. 68 00:02:50,303 --> 00:02:51,773 - Yeah? - Yeah. 69 00:02:52,305 --> 00:02:53,641 I just want to do meaningful work 70 00:02:53,775 --> 00:02:54,942 from now on. 71 00:02:55,943 --> 00:02:57,210 Hmm.... Yeah, yeah, 72 00:02:57,344 --> 00:02:58,913 they really typecast you, huh? 73 00:02:59,047 --> 00:03:00,548 Uh, listen... it doesn't really help 74 00:03:00,682 --> 00:03:03,316 that you've had A LOT of uh... 75 00:03:03,450 --> 00:03:05,153 crazy moments go viral. 76 00:03:05,953 --> 00:03:08,790 And I've never gotten to work with a female director before, 77 00:03:08,923 --> 00:03:11,693 so I'd love to see you in action. 78 00:03:11,826 --> 00:03:12,994 Cool. Great. 79 00:03:13,127 --> 00:03:15,730 Well, I am so impressed by your range, 80 00:03:16,196 --> 00:03:19,133 and I'm sure that we're going to get word before the holidays, 81 00:03:19,266 --> 00:03:22,036 so I want you to go and just enjoy your family. 82 00:03:22,170 --> 00:03:22,904 Yes. 83 00:03:23,037 --> 00:03:23,905 Same to you. 84 00:03:26,406 --> 00:03:27,508 What did you think? 85 00:03:28,109 --> 00:03:30,044 Five stars. Up high! 86 00:03:32,412 --> 00:03:33,915 Thanks for letting me get that done. 87 00:03:34,048 --> 00:03:35,683 Yeah. 88 00:03:35,817 --> 00:03:36,984 Why aren't you in the new "Christmas With Jerks" movie? 89 00:03:37,919 --> 00:03:39,286 Just lucky, I guess. 90 00:03:48,863 --> 00:03:49,997 Thanks. 91 00:04:02,643 --> 00:04:05,913 "All I got for Christmas was a candy cane!" 92 00:04:06,047 --> 00:04:07,280 I love that line. 93 00:04:07,414 --> 00:04:08,216 You learn the real meaning of Christmas 94 00:04:08,348 --> 00:04:09,416 after being such a brat. 95 00:04:09,550 --> 00:04:10,852 Yeah. 96 00:04:10,985 --> 00:04:11,886 Thanks. 97 00:04:12,419 --> 00:04:14,756 - Bye. - bye. 98 00:04:28,268 --> 00:04:29,269 Ahh! 99 00:04:31,172 --> 00:04:33,174 Wait! Wait! Wait! 100 00:04:36,077 --> 00:04:37,145 Somebody! 101 00:04:37,277 --> 00:04:38,246 Help me! 102 00:04:38,378 --> 00:04:39,247 Help! 103 00:04:39,379 --> 00:04:41,082 Oh god! 104 00:04:41,215 --> 00:04:42,415 My phone! 105 00:04:47,922 --> 00:04:50,057 I don't know how to get in the house! 106 00:04:53,293 --> 00:04:54,929 ♪ Up on the housetop reindeer pause ♪ 107 00:04:55,062 --> 00:04:56,731 ♪ Out jumps good old Santa Clause ♪ 108 00:04:56,864 --> 00:04:58,533 ♪ down through the chimney with lots of toys ♪ 109 00:04:58,666 --> 00:04:59,967 ♪ All for the little ones Christmas joys ♪ 110 00:05:00,101 --> 00:05:01,068 ♪ Oh, oh, oh, ♪ 111 00:05:01,202 --> 00:05:02,036 ♪ Who wouldn't go? ♪ 112 00:05:02,170 --> 00:05:03,137 ♪ Oh, oh, oh, ♪ 113 00:05:03,271 --> 00:05:04,806 ♪ Where'd the keys go? ♪ 114 00:05:04,939 --> 00:05:06,774 ♪ Up on the housetop, click, click, click ♪ 115 00:05:06,908 --> 00:05:07,508 ♪ Down through the chimney like old Saint Nick ♪ 116 00:05:08,176 --> 00:05:09,409 How you gonna get in the house? 117 00:05:09,544 --> 00:05:10,812 I don't know. 118 00:05:11,212 --> 00:05:12,445 ♪ First comes the stocking of little Nell ♪ 119 00:05:12,580 --> 00:05:14,048 ♪ Old dear Santa, fill it well ♪ 120 00:05:14,182 --> 00:05:15,716 ♪ Give her a dolly that laughs and cries ♪ 121 00:05:15,850 --> 00:05:17,285 ♪ one that can open and shut its eyes ♪ 122 00:05:17,450 --> 00:05:18,385 ♪ Oh, oh, oh ♪ 123 00:05:18,519 --> 00:05:19,386 ♪ Who wouldn't go? ♪ 124 00:05:19,520 --> 00:05:20,487 ♪ Oh, oh, oh ♪ 125 00:05:20,621 --> 00:05:22,156 ♪ Where'd the keys go? ♪ 126 00:05:22,290 --> 00:05:23,825 ♪ Up on the housetop, click, click, click ♪ 127 00:05:23,958 --> 00:05:24,725 ♪ Give them keys find them quick ♪ 128 00:05:25,159 --> 00:05:26,093 Did you try the window? 129 00:05:27,427 --> 00:05:29,063 ♪ Look in the stocking of little Bill ♪ 130 00:05:29,197 --> 00:05:30,798 ♪ Oh, just see what a glorious fill ♪ 131 00:05:30,932 --> 00:05:32,667 ♪ Here is a hammer and lots of tacks ♪ 132 00:05:32,800 --> 00:05:34,202 ♪ a whistle, and a ball, and a whip that cracks ♪ 133 00:05:34,334 --> 00:05:35,870 ♪ Check the gnome Check the gnome ♪ 134 00:05:36,003 --> 00:05:37,738 ♪ There you go There you go ♪ 135 00:05:37,872 --> 00:05:39,574 ♪ Up on the housetop, click, click, click ♪ 136 00:05:39,707 --> 00:05:40,508 ♪ You found the keys, yeah, that's sick ♪ 137 00:05:44,078 --> 00:05:45,478 Throw a party! 138 00:05:45,613 --> 00:05:47,114 You don't have to climb down the chimney! 139 00:05:48,216 --> 00:05:48,983 Woohoo! 140 00:05:49,116 --> 00:05:50,483 Yeah, baby! 141 00:05:51,484 --> 00:05:53,353 We're gettin' in that house. 142 00:05:53,821 --> 00:05:54,689 Ah huh! 143 00:05:55,823 --> 00:05:57,291 Thank you, gnome. 144 00:05:58,458 --> 00:06:01,295 ♪ You don't have to climb down the chimney ♪ 145 00:06:01,428 --> 00:06:06,133 ♪ Like Old Saint Nick ♪ 146 00:06:15,475 --> 00:06:16,510 Mickey? 147 00:06:49,310 --> 00:06:50,244 To family! 148 00:06:50,378 --> 00:06:51,712 Thank God they're not here! 149 00:07:56,744 --> 00:07:58,913 Social media royalty: Shadonna Lambert 150 00:07:59,046 --> 00:08:01,015 has landed the coveted lead role 151 00:08:01,148 --> 00:08:04,418 in the reboot of the holiday classic, "Christmas with Jerks". 152 00:08:04,752 --> 00:08:07,388 DEADLINE previously reported that the eighties child star 153 00:08:07,521 --> 00:08:10,858 Eve Carter was reprising her role as "Cookie Jerk", 154 00:08:11,092 --> 00:08:13,928 But it appears the 44 year old has been replaced 155 00:08:14,161 --> 00:08:15,863 by the 30 year old influencer 156 00:08:15,997 --> 00:08:18,399 with over 10 million followers. 157 00:08:18,632 --> 00:08:20,201 When asked why the recasting 158 00:08:20,334 --> 00:08:22,803 this is what director Charlie Belflour had to say: 159 00:08:23,170 --> 00:08:25,206 "How could I argue with 10 million people?" 160 00:08:25,339 --> 00:08:28,109 Next up, how young is too young for Botox? 161 00:08:48,662 --> 00:08:51,799 ♪ Touch Me ♪ 162 00:08:51,932 --> 00:08:55,403 ♪ Baaaby ♪ 163 00:08:55,536 --> 00:08:58,339 ♪ Oooh, oooh, oooh ♪ 164 00:08:59,673 --> 00:09:03,344 ♪ We should be together ♪ 165 00:09:03,477 --> 00:09:06,313 ♪ The moment's here now ♪ 166 00:09:12,720 --> 00:09:14,588 You might want to do that somewhere a little more private. 167 00:09:17,324 --> 00:09:18,626 Jesus Christ! 168 00:09:19,193 --> 00:09:20,061 Mickey! 169 00:09:21,629 --> 00:09:22,696 Who are you? 170 00:09:23,532 --> 00:09:24,231 Ace. 171 00:09:26,567 --> 00:09:27,701 Jim's cousin. 172 00:09:28,202 --> 00:09:29,370 Oh, dear God. 173 00:09:29,904 --> 00:09:31,405 No, just "Ace" is fine. 174 00:09:37,311 --> 00:09:38,579 Hey, Ace. 175 00:09:42,483 --> 00:09:43,851 Beat it, squirt. 176 00:09:48,622 --> 00:09:50,591 You grew up. 177 00:09:51,692 --> 00:09:52,893 You too. 178 00:09:54,295 --> 00:09:55,663 You remember me? 179 00:09:56,263 --> 00:09:58,365 My cousin's in-law is "Cookie Jerk". 180 00:09:58,499 --> 00:09:59,900 How could I forget? 181 00:10:00,535 --> 00:10:03,370 Will you please do the candy cane line for me? 182 00:10:03,505 --> 00:10:04,573 Please? 183 00:10:04,705 --> 00:10:07,308 No! Why are you here? 184 00:10:07,441 --> 00:10:08,510 I'm dog sitting. 185 00:10:08,642 --> 00:10:09,610 Recovering from surgery. 186 00:10:11,112 --> 00:10:12,379 What are you doing here besides uhh... 187 00:10:16,050 --> 00:10:18,452 I have a mosquito bite. 188 00:10:19,253 --> 00:10:21,655 Is that what the kids are calling it these days? 189 00:10:22,223 --> 00:10:25,025 I -- I -- I want to wallow in my misery alone. 190 00:10:25,259 --> 00:10:26,227 with Mickey! 191 00:10:26,360 --> 00:10:28,095 and not be judged by someone like you. 192 00:10:28,229 --> 00:10:29,430 So get out! 193 00:10:29,797 --> 00:10:30,764 Well if it makes you feel any better 194 00:10:30,898 --> 00:10:32,133 I'm not that judgy. 195 00:10:32,433 --> 00:10:34,001 This is my sister's house. 196 00:10:34,135 --> 00:10:35,504 She said I could stay here. 197 00:10:36,237 --> 00:10:37,805 And I forgot to confirm with her but... 198 00:10:38,573 --> 00:10:39,707 It's her house so... 199 00:10:40,509 --> 00:10:41,342 Get out! 200 00:10:42,710 --> 00:10:43,711 No. 201 00:10:44,812 --> 00:10:46,280 Jim asked me to watch the dog, 202 00:10:46,413 --> 00:10:47,781 and I need a bedroom on the main, so I -- 203 00:10:48,916 --> 00:10:49,884 I don't care! 204 00:10:50,017 --> 00:10:51,719 Do I look like I care? 205 00:10:51,852 --> 00:10:53,954 Are you or are you not leaving? 206 00:10:54,088 --> 00:10:54,822 No. 207 00:10:55,422 --> 00:10:56,290 I'm not. 208 00:10:57,291 --> 00:10:58,325 I could pay you. 209 00:10:58,459 --> 00:10:59,260 I don't need your money. 210 00:10:59,760 --> 00:11:00,427 Okay. 211 00:11:06,000 --> 00:11:07,569 But I'll get you a nice hotel. 212 00:11:07,701 --> 00:11:09,170 I'll get you a nice hotel! 213 00:11:10,771 --> 00:11:11,573 My god! 214 00:11:12,406 --> 00:11:14,475 This is my sister's house! 215 00:11:14,942 --> 00:11:17,278 and I'm never going back into the world again. 216 00:11:17,612 --> 00:11:19,180 Or until after Christmas. 217 00:11:20,481 --> 00:11:21,348 Same. 218 00:11:25,452 --> 00:11:26,453 Sorry, Cookie. 219 00:11:26,588 --> 00:11:27,755 I ain't leavin'. 220 00:11:28,623 --> 00:11:29,990 And word to the wise: 221 00:11:30,525 --> 00:11:31,692 If you're going to wallow in your misery 222 00:11:31,825 --> 00:11:33,227 with your mosquito bite, 223 00:11:33,961 --> 00:11:35,496 make sure you have on underwear. 224 00:11:38,199 --> 00:11:39,166 Ohh! 225 00:11:39,300 --> 00:11:40,334 Get out! 226 00:11:41,702 --> 00:11:42,803 I don't like you! 227 00:11:43,337 --> 00:11:44,972 So good to see you again! 228 00:11:47,509 --> 00:11:48,976 Look, I don't care who stays there 229 00:11:49,109 --> 00:11:50,978 as long as someone takes care of Mickey. 230 00:11:51,111 --> 00:11:52,713 Send me a new phone, Ash! 231 00:11:52,846 --> 00:11:54,481 I'm dying over here! 232 00:11:56,016 --> 00:11:56,884 Happy holidays? 233 00:11:58,886 --> 00:11:59,987 Come on. 234 00:12:06,927 --> 00:12:08,729 Mickey was my mom's dog, and I'm not leaving. 235 00:12:08,862 --> 00:12:10,965 So you better get your crap and-- 236 00:12:15,402 --> 00:12:20,474 ♪ Seven days til Christmas ♪ 237 00:12:20,609 --> 00:12:22,611 ♪ Oh, no, he did not! ♪ 238 00:12:31,819 --> 00:12:32,920 Ugh! 239 00:12:36,890 --> 00:12:40,861 ♪ It's pretty hot here for December ♪ 240 00:12:43,230 --> 00:12:49,571 ♪ Or is that just the way you're making my blood boil? ♪ 241 00:12:49,704 --> 00:12:53,240 ♪ You put my brain into a blender ♪ 242 00:12:56,043 --> 00:13:00,281 ♪ Throw it out before it spoils ♪ 243 00:13:01,982 --> 00:13:06,420 ♪ It's like I'm living in a nightmare ♪ 244 00:13:08,690 --> 00:13:13,894 ♪ And now you've ruined everything that I enjoy ♪ 245 00:13:14,928 --> 00:13:18,932 ♪ I'm writing Santa, this is not fair ♪ 246 00:13:21,902 --> 00:13:25,239 ♪ Gonna take away your toys ♪ 247 00:13:26,741 --> 00:13:31,312 ♪ Helluva Holiday with you ♪ 248 00:13:33,648 --> 00:13:36,984 ♪ A lump of loathing is the only thing ♪ 249 00:13:37,117 --> 00:13:39,453 ♪ You will get under this roof ♪ 250 00:13:39,587 --> 00:13:44,158 ♪ Helluva Holiday with you ♪ 251 00:13:46,126 --> 00:13:47,696 ♪ I'll stuff your stocking ♪ 252 00:13:47,828 --> 00:13:51,965 ♪ And I'll show you where you can put your tofu ♪ 253 00:13:52,099 --> 00:13:56,604 ♪ You took the joy from my martinis ♪ 254 00:13:58,673 --> 00:14:04,078 ♪ But just like spite, I have a holiday supply ♪ 255 00:14:04,912 --> 00:14:09,551 ♪ There's nothing cheerful here about us ♪ 256 00:14:10,084 --> 00:14:11,519 ♪ And I-- uh... ♪ 257 00:14:16,290 --> 00:14:18,626 Sweet baby Jesus! 258 00:14:22,996 --> 00:14:24,264 Oh ! 259 00:14:25,065 --> 00:14:26,433 My god... 260 00:14:26,735 --> 00:14:28,503 I didn't know anyone actually looked like this. 261 00:14:38,112 --> 00:14:43,183 ♪ Helluva Holiday with you ♪ 262 00:14:45,452 --> 00:14:47,354 ♪ I'll stuff your stocking ♪ 263 00:14:47,488 --> 00:14:54,294 ♪ And I'll show you where you can put your tofu ♪ 264 00:14:56,163 --> 00:15:03,170 ♪ extra firm tofu ♪ 265 00:15:06,875 --> 00:15:07,609 Oh. 266 00:15:08,375 --> 00:15:08,976 Wow. 267 00:15:23,090 --> 00:15:24,091 Ooh! 268 00:15:28,028 --> 00:15:29,029 Like I was saying... 269 00:15:30,264 --> 00:15:32,567 ♪ Helluva Holiday! ♪ 270 00:15:34,602 --> 00:15:36,203 ♪ - With you! - With you! ♪ 271 00:15:36,336 --> 00:15:38,939 ♪ With you!♪ 272 00:15:39,072 --> 00:15:42,409 ♪ Helluva Holiday! ♪ 273 00:15:42,811 --> 00:15:46,714 ♪ - Holiday with you! - Holiday! ♪ 274 00:15:47,247 --> 00:15:48,550 ♪ With you! ♪ 275 00:15:49,884 --> 00:15:54,254 ♪ 6 days till Christmas ♪ 276 00:15:54,388 --> 00:15:57,224 ♪ It's getting ugly in here ♪ 277 00:15:57,926 --> 00:16:02,429 HELLUVA HOLIDAY WITH YOU! ♪ 278 00:16:04,566 --> 00:16:06,400 - No! - ♪ A lump of loathing ♪ 279 00:16:06,534 --> 00:16:10,572 ♪ Is the only thing you will get under this roof ♪ 280 00:16:10,705 --> 00:16:15,209 ♪ Helluva Holiday with you! ♪ 281 00:16:17,244 --> 00:16:18,312 ♪ A touch of snow ♪ 282 00:16:18,445 --> 00:16:20,380 ♪ And then we'll see how long ♪ 283 00:16:20,515 --> 00:16:23,618 ♪ you're in the bathroom ♪ 284 00:16:35,930 --> 00:16:39,834 ♪ Helluva holiday ♪ 285 00:16:42,002 --> 00:16:45,707 ♪ Helluva Holiday with you! ♪ 286 00:16:45,840 --> 00:16:46,841 I hate you. 287 00:16:54,616 --> 00:16:57,384 - I hate you. - I hate you more. 288 00:16:58,753 --> 00:16:59,787 Oh, my God. 289 00:17:00,522 --> 00:17:01,054 Oh... 290 00:17:08,830 --> 00:17:09,764 Mac! 291 00:17:10,765 --> 00:17:11,533 Hey. 292 00:17:12,967 --> 00:17:14,002 Yeah. Just uh... 293 00:17:14,502 --> 00:17:16,103 laying low for the holidays. 294 00:17:16,971 --> 00:17:17,872 Uh, January. 295 00:17:18,438 --> 00:17:20,340 Yeah, rehearsals are up in January. 296 00:17:21,876 --> 00:17:22,610 Oh I'll-- 297 00:17:22,810 --> 00:17:24,144 I'll be-- I'll be ready. 298 00:17:30,217 --> 00:17:31,184 What? 299 00:17:31,753 --> 00:17:32,820 That computer working? 300 00:17:35,155 --> 00:17:36,824 Actually, the internet's down. 301 00:17:38,960 --> 00:17:39,861 Can I please borrow your phone 302 00:17:39,994 --> 00:17:41,629 for, like, 2 seconds? 303 00:17:42,530 --> 00:17:44,632 Only if you promise to go to a hotel. 304 00:17:45,332 --> 00:17:46,834 I need to call my doctor. 305 00:17:47,735 --> 00:17:48,570 Ha! 306 00:17:49,571 --> 00:17:50,304 My God. 307 00:17:50,738 --> 00:17:51,706 Same. 308 00:18:00,314 --> 00:18:02,182 Hey, uh, this is Ace Strong 309 00:18:02,316 --> 00:18:03,718 calling Dr. Arjona back. 310 00:18:04,484 --> 00:18:06,320 Doc! Hey. Hey. Uh... 311 00:18:06,453 --> 00:18:07,555 What's the good news? 312 00:18:07,689 --> 00:18:08,590 Scans look good? 313 00:18:13,795 --> 00:18:14,896 Right but I'm goin'-- 314 00:18:15,029 --> 00:18:16,864 I'm goin' be good to go by January, right? 315 00:18:19,333 --> 00:18:20,233 I know that 316 00:18:20,367 --> 00:18:21,769 95% of people 317 00:18:21,903 --> 00:18:23,938 need longer to recover from this, but -- 318 00:18:24,438 --> 00:18:27,441 you and I both know I'm not 95% of people, right? 319 00:18:28,710 --> 00:18:29,744 Doc? I've-- 320 00:18:29,877 --> 00:18:31,746 I've been doing my exercises every day. 321 00:18:31,879 --> 00:18:33,548 and, and then some. 322 00:18:36,851 --> 00:18:39,353 So what happens if I go through with filming then? 323 00:18:43,457 --> 00:18:44,826 Permanent damage? 324 00:18:46,961 --> 00:18:47,629 Oh, okay. 325 00:18:47,762 --> 00:18:48,261 Yeah, umm... 326 00:18:48,395 --> 00:18:49,429 Yeah. Yes. 327 00:18:49,564 --> 00:18:51,198 We should reassess next week. 328 00:18:51,331 --> 00:18:52,900 Absolutely. 329 00:18:54,134 --> 00:18:55,036 Talk to you then. 330 00:18:55,335 --> 00:18:56,370 All right. 331 00:18:56,638 --> 00:18:57,371 Bye. 332 00:19:00,074 --> 00:19:03,011 ♪ God Rest Ye Merry Gentlemen ♪ 333 00:19:03,143 --> 00:19:06,413 ♪ Let nothing you dismay ♪ 334 00:19:09,483 --> 00:19:13,220 ♪ ...was born on Christmas Day ♪ 335 00:19:13,353 --> 00:19:14,321 Eve! 336 00:19:14,454 --> 00:19:14,989 ♪ ...to save us all ♪ 337 00:19:15,123 --> 00:19:16,124 EVE! 338 00:19:16,256 --> 00:19:17,025 ♪ from Satan's power ♪ 339 00:19:17,157 --> 00:19:18,026 What is going on?! 340 00:19:18,158 --> 00:19:19,927 I lost 5 whole pounds! 341 00:19:20,061 --> 00:19:21,896 So I'm baking brownies, Darling! 342 00:19:22,697 --> 00:19:26,500 Can you turn the music down? 343 00:19:27,001 --> 00:19:28,970 Not at all! Au revoir! 344 00:19:30,672 --> 00:19:32,707 ♪ ...comfort and joy ♪ 345 00:19:36,711 --> 00:19:38,245 No, I got it! 346 00:19:40,682 --> 00:19:41,616 I got it. 347 00:19:48,923 --> 00:19:50,290 Why do you listen 348 00:19:50,525 --> 00:19:52,527 to such bad Christmas music? 349 00:19:52,660 --> 00:19:54,461 I can't find anything else. 350 00:19:54,595 --> 00:19:56,864 There's 11-teen remotes. 351 00:20:02,402 --> 00:20:03,738 Look at that! 352 00:20:05,840 --> 00:20:08,810 My phone hasn't come in. Can I please borrow yours? 353 00:20:10,178 --> 00:20:11,311 No. 354 00:20:16,483 --> 00:20:17,819 I need to take this. 355 00:20:20,420 --> 00:20:22,322 Bianca! Hey... 356 00:20:22,456 --> 00:20:23,858 ...girl, um... 357 00:20:24,458 --> 00:20:26,060 Yeah, no, uh, you got my message. 358 00:20:26,194 --> 00:20:27,327 That's awesome, uhh... 359 00:20:27,729 --> 00:20:29,429 I'm... just wanted to let you know 360 00:20:29,564 --> 00:20:31,599 I'm back in town, and uh... 361 00:20:31,733 --> 00:20:34,001 Yeah, for the next, next gig... 362 00:20:34,135 --> 00:20:35,435 um, I may or may not 363 00:20:35,570 --> 00:20:38,172 be wearing spandex, so... 364 00:20:39,073 --> 00:20:41,976 Uh-- but-- I was wondering if you were-- 365 00:20:45,079 --> 00:20:46,246 Yeah, no. Cool. 366 00:20:46,379 --> 00:20:48,549 That's... That's cool, uh... 367 00:20:49,150 --> 00:20:51,284 Sure. Whenever. Just... 368 00:20:51,619 --> 00:20:54,555 uh... text me and-- 369 00:20:56,456 --> 00:20:57,759 Bianca? 370 00:21:19,412 --> 00:21:20,782 Peace in the Middle East? 371 00:21:23,350 --> 00:21:25,385 That's not applicable. 372 00:21:31,225 --> 00:21:32,627 So how did you get hurt? 373 00:21:34,061 --> 00:21:36,664 Driving a car out of an airplane. 374 00:21:37,231 --> 00:21:38,298 Okay. 375 00:21:41,468 --> 00:21:42,737 You like this person? 376 00:21:44,272 --> 00:21:45,372 She's my ex. 377 00:21:47,141 --> 00:21:48,441 You want her back? 378 00:21:51,145 --> 00:21:52,079 Okay. 379 00:21:52,213 --> 00:21:53,981 So what's the big plan, Ace? 380 00:21:55,415 --> 00:21:56,584 Beg. 381 00:21:57,084 --> 00:21:59,352 Okay, I can help. 382 00:21:59,821 --> 00:22:01,255 but not tonight. Cause I'm about to be 383 00:22:01,388 --> 00:22:03,691 real messed up and I'm not trying to go back to jail. 384 00:22:04,324 --> 00:22:06,127 But mañana we work on it. 385 00:22:08,963 --> 00:22:10,397 I swear to God. 386 00:22:10,531 --> 00:22:11,833 Sorry. 387 00:22:14,902 --> 00:22:17,437 Eve Carter in "A Matchmaker for Christmas." 388 00:22:17,572 --> 00:22:19,941 That's actually a great title. 389 00:22:21,309 --> 00:22:22,677 I need to call my agent. 390 00:22:23,410 --> 00:22:24,512 No. 391 00:22:26,948 --> 00:22:27,815 You know what? 392 00:22:27,949 --> 00:22:28,950 - Give me that drink. - No! 393 00:22:29,083 --> 00:22:30,483 No! You gave this to me! 394 00:22:30,852 --> 00:22:31,451 You-- uh-- 395 00:22:31,586 --> 00:22:33,087 Eve! Hey, hey, hey! 396 00:22:34,421 --> 00:22:36,090 Maybe the universe 397 00:22:36,489 --> 00:22:37,859 wants you to disconnect. 398 00:22:37,992 --> 00:22:40,360 Maybe the universe wants you to fuck off. 399 00:22:45,299 --> 00:22:47,400 Hey, that's not funny. 400 00:22:48,769 --> 00:22:50,338 I'm still healing! 401 00:22:50,470 --> 00:22:52,573 Eve! Don't be a c-- uhh.... 402 00:22:55,042 --> 00:22:55,910 crone. 403 00:22:57,178 --> 00:22:58,613 Don't be a crone. 404 00:22:58,746 --> 00:23:01,215 You just wait till that cannabis juice kicks in, fella. 405 00:23:01,349 --> 00:23:02,950 You won't know up from down. 406 00:23:05,353 --> 00:23:06,153 What? 407 00:23:07,889 --> 00:23:09,389 I hope you don't have to pee! 408 00:23:09,523 --> 00:23:11,158 Kay, byeee! 409 00:23:20,201 --> 00:23:21,434 I have to pee so bad. 410 00:24:07,748 --> 00:24:11,519 ♪ Five days 'til Christmas ♪ 411 00:24:12,853 --> 00:24:15,256 ♪ You're up to no good ♪ 412 00:24:15,389 --> 00:24:16,257 ♪ Ooooh ♪ 413 00:24:20,828 --> 00:24:24,432 ♪ Are you ready to fall in love this Christmas? ♪ 414 00:24:24,565 --> 00:24:27,401 ♪ Under the mistletoe ♪ 415 00:24:28,069 --> 00:24:31,339 ♪ Is a kiss on the top of your wish list? ♪ 416 00:24:31,471 --> 00:24:34,976 ♪ Well, I know a girl you should know ♪ 417 00:24:36,444 --> 00:24:38,746 ♪ She's sugar and spice ♪ 418 00:24:38,879 --> 00:24:40,414 ♪ Naughty and nice ♪ 419 00:24:40,548 --> 00:24:42,950 ♪ Waiting under that evergreen ♪ 420 00:24:43,084 --> 00:24:46,420 ♪ If you're ready to fall in love this Christmas ♪ 421 00:24:46,587 --> 00:24:50,157 ♪ Fall in love with me ♪ 422 00:24:52,927 --> 00:24:53,728 Lunch? 423 00:24:54,562 --> 00:24:56,297 Is it laced? 424 00:24:56,430 --> 00:24:57,765 With my scorn. 425 00:25:05,606 --> 00:25:07,842 So what'd you do to run off Kiki? 426 00:25:07,975 --> 00:25:08,509 Bianca. 427 00:25:08,642 --> 00:25:10,044 Ooh la la. 428 00:25:10,311 --> 00:25:11,912 She would say I was a bit... 429 00:25:12,346 --> 00:25:13,214 of a killjoy. 430 00:25:13,347 --> 00:25:14,715 I see that. 431 00:25:14,882 --> 00:25:17,351 I didn't go to this one influencer thing and... 432 00:25:17,885 --> 00:25:19,320 Didn't feel like faking happiness 433 00:25:19,453 --> 00:25:21,789 in front of a bunch of strangers and cameras, you know? 434 00:25:23,324 --> 00:25:25,126 Yeah. She lives here? 435 00:25:25,459 --> 00:25:26,527 Midtown. 436 00:25:27,695 --> 00:25:28,596 Okay. 437 00:25:28,996 --> 00:25:30,564 I got an A in stalking in high school, 438 00:25:30,698 --> 00:25:33,300 and this was long before the interweb, Mr.. 439 00:25:33,601 --> 00:25:35,002 We had to do the legwork. 440 00:25:35,136 --> 00:25:36,837 I once followed a guy all the way to Lake Lure and-- 441 00:25:36,971 --> 00:25:38,239 I got it. 442 00:25:38,372 --> 00:25:39,607 You're insane. 443 00:25:40,674 --> 00:25:41,809 It's almost Christmas. 444 00:25:41,942 --> 00:25:44,245 So what's some stuff she always does? 445 00:25:44,378 --> 00:25:45,780 Her best friend Crystal 446 00:25:45,913 --> 00:25:48,816 always throws a Christmas Eve party. Every year. 447 00:25:49,216 --> 00:25:51,452 She gets there early, stays late. 448 00:25:52,319 --> 00:25:54,188 She always rides me for not dressing up 449 00:25:54,321 --> 00:25:55,790 for these events either. 450 00:25:55,923 --> 00:25:57,124 And I believe in dressing for the job that you want, 451 00:25:57,258 --> 00:25:58,592 - and athleisure wear-- - I get it. 452 00:25:58,726 --> 00:25:59,860 You're a schlub. 453 00:25:59,994 --> 00:26:01,028 Okay. 454 00:26:01,362 --> 00:26:02,663 This is going to work. 455 00:26:02,797 --> 00:26:04,098 You'll go to the party, wear something spiffy, 456 00:26:04,231 --> 00:26:06,834 get her a little gift, prepare a few words. 457 00:26:07,435 --> 00:26:08,369 We got this. 458 00:26:08,503 --> 00:26:09,370 We got this? 459 00:26:09,504 --> 00:26:10,505 Yeah. 460 00:26:10,638 --> 00:26:11,739 - You and me? - Oh yeah. 461 00:26:11,872 --> 00:26:13,007 - You're going to help me? - Mmhmm. 462 00:26:14,543 --> 00:26:15,510 And you'll... 463 00:26:16,010 --> 00:26:17,578 let me use your phone... 464 00:26:17,711 --> 00:26:19,246 and leave me the house by Christmas Eve. 465 00:26:19,380 --> 00:26:21,615 So win win. 466 00:26:31,392 --> 00:26:32,527 So what's the big plan, Eve? 467 00:26:33,828 --> 00:26:35,262 No fucking way! 468 00:26:35,629 --> 00:26:37,731 She hasn't been offered the role yet, 469 00:26:37,865 --> 00:26:39,733 but we know she's auditioned. 470 00:26:39,867 --> 00:26:40,901 That's my goddamn part! 471 00:26:41,035 --> 00:26:43,471 And she's-- what? 12?! 472 00:26:43,904 --> 00:26:46,474 Gigi has over a million followers, 473 00:26:47,007 --> 00:26:49,110 So I can't even get this teeny, tiny role 474 00:26:49,243 --> 00:26:50,411 off-Broadway-- 475 00:26:50,545 --> 00:26:52,213 Off-OFF-Broadway. 476 00:26:52,346 --> 00:26:53,515 Exactly! 477 00:26:53,647 --> 00:26:55,249 They have, like, 50 seats to fill. 478 00:26:55,382 --> 00:26:57,218 What do they care about a following like that? 479 00:26:57,351 --> 00:26:58,553 Just keep doing what you're doing. 480 00:26:58,686 --> 00:26:59,420 Lay low. 481 00:26:59,554 --> 00:27:00,855 No mishaps. 482 00:27:00,988 --> 00:27:02,656 And it'll be if it's meant to be. 483 00:27:02,923 --> 00:27:04,358 Bye. 484 00:27:06,460 --> 00:27:07,862 My agent just-- 485 00:27:08,863 --> 00:27:10,030 You don't care. 486 00:27:12,700 --> 00:27:14,468 I hate that shirt and it hates you. 487 00:27:14,603 --> 00:27:15,870 Next! 488 00:27:22,409 --> 00:27:23,377 What? Worse! 489 00:27:23,512 --> 00:27:25,580 Who's your stylist? The Rock?! 490 00:27:25,713 --> 00:27:27,081 What are you? Some kind of... 491 00:27:27,214 --> 00:27:28,415 Muscle Milk... 492 00:27:28,550 --> 00:27:29,783 tuna fish twice a day 493 00:27:29,917 --> 00:27:31,418 tank top lovin' freak? 494 00:27:32,253 --> 00:27:33,187 Yes. 495 00:27:34,255 --> 00:27:35,156 Gross. 496 00:27:37,057 --> 00:27:38,627 Eee! Look at this! 497 00:27:38,759 --> 00:27:39,693 Check this suit out. 498 00:27:39,827 --> 00:27:40,928 Pure class. 499 00:27:41,228 --> 00:27:42,531 A grand?! 500 00:27:42,663 --> 00:27:43,632 Is it motorized?! 501 00:27:43,764 --> 00:27:45,032 You get what you pay for. 502 00:27:45,166 --> 00:27:46,767 I'm not paying for anything. 503 00:27:47,301 --> 00:27:50,771 Oh, I kind of already got us some sushi delivery. 504 00:27:51,272 --> 00:27:52,607 And some saki. 505 00:27:52,740 --> 00:27:54,008 And a Great American Cookie Company cookie cake! 506 00:27:56,611 --> 00:27:57,778 What is up with you? 507 00:27:58,112 --> 00:27:59,548 It's called self love. 508 00:27:59,680 --> 00:28:01,115 And I'm leaning into it. 509 00:28:01,650 --> 00:28:03,150 And where's your phone? 510 00:28:03,751 --> 00:28:04,985 It's on back order. 511 00:28:05,119 --> 00:28:06,487 But Ashley's sending me one tomorrow. 512 00:28:07,556 --> 00:28:09,323 I got an idea! BRB. 513 00:28:34,448 --> 00:28:37,017 Pomegranate martinis! 514 00:28:39,019 --> 00:28:40,689 Would you care for a drink, sir? 515 00:28:45,660 --> 00:28:47,761 No. I'm watching my figure. 516 00:28:47,895 --> 00:28:48,896 They're sugar free. 517 00:28:49,029 --> 00:28:50,497 But booze forward. 518 00:28:51,165 --> 00:28:53,500 I won't let you snack after. Promise. 519 00:28:59,240 --> 00:29:00,307 Come on! 520 00:29:00,441 --> 00:29:01,875 I make it a point never to drink alone... 521 00:29:02,009 --> 00:29:03,511 while someone else is in the room. 522 00:29:09,283 --> 00:29:10,317 Fine. 523 00:29:18,759 --> 00:29:19,694 Tart. 524 00:29:19,827 --> 00:29:20,894 In a less narcissistic life, 525 00:29:21,028 --> 00:29:22,597 I was a mixologist. 526 00:29:22,731 --> 00:29:24,431 Or Donatella Versace! 527 00:29:24,865 --> 00:29:26,735 Yeah, well in a less dangerous life 528 00:29:26,867 --> 00:29:28,369 I was a gym owner. 529 00:29:28,503 --> 00:29:29,604 Well, now you can be? 530 00:29:29,738 --> 00:29:30,938 What? No! 531 00:29:31,706 --> 00:29:33,240 I'm a stuntman. 532 00:29:33,675 --> 00:29:34,542 You know? It's... 533 00:29:35,909 --> 00:29:37,811 not just what I do. It's who I am. 534 00:29:37,945 --> 00:29:40,582 Like, you with the acting thing, right? 535 00:29:40,715 --> 00:29:41,882 Yeah. 536 00:29:42,016 --> 00:29:43,150 Let's not get too personal, shall we? 537 00:29:47,187 --> 00:29:49,423 I was thinking about getting... 538 00:29:50,257 --> 00:29:51,025 umm.... 539 00:29:51,526 --> 00:29:52,893 some jewelry? 540 00:29:53,027 --> 00:29:54,128 For Banaca? 541 00:29:54,928 --> 00:29:56,363 Bianca! 542 00:29:56,497 --> 00:29:57,798 Right? Hmm. 543 00:30:02,604 --> 00:30:03,837 Okay, I love these earrings. 544 00:30:03,971 --> 00:30:05,573 They say "I want to do you... 545 00:30:05,707 --> 00:30:06,473 but like... 546 00:30:06,608 --> 00:30:07,709 forever." 547 00:30:09,544 --> 00:30:12,580 Maybe in another life you were a personal shopper. 548 00:30:12,714 --> 00:30:14,649 Well now I can be? 549 00:30:14,783 --> 00:30:17,318 I'll be like Norma Desmond from "Sunset Boulevard", 550 00:30:17,451 --> 00:30:20,187 but instead of holing up in my house wooing a younger man, 551 00:30:20,321 --> 00:30:22,122 I'll be helping folks pick the exact right 552 00:30:22,256 --> 00:30:25,593 pair of cufflinks to wear to granddaddy's funeral. 553 00:30:27,861 --> 00:30:29,863 Why are you some kind of like... 554 00:30:29,997 --> 00:30:32,499 crazy Auntie Mame hermit these days? 555 00:30:33,635 --> 00:30:35,035 Oh, my God. 556 00:30:35,369 --> 00:30:39,106 That's like the best compliment I've ever gotten in my life! 557 00:30:39,239 --> 00:30:41,141 I love that you know that film! 558 00:30:41,275 --> 00:30:42,943 My mom watches movies. 559 00:30:43,077 --> 00:30:46,648 She loved you in "Operation Octopus". 560 00:30:46,781 --> 00:30:48,382 Nobody liked that movie! 561 00:30:48,516 --> 00:30:52,186 She would leave her singles cruise in a lifeboat right now 562 00:30:52,319 --> 00:30:53,822 If she knew I was with... 563 00:30:53,987 --> 00:30:55,155 "The Cookie Jerk" 564 00:30:56,924 --> 00:30:58,492 Oh, I do send that out. 565 00:30:58,626 --> 00:30:59,426 Every year. 566 00:30:59,561 --> 00:31:00,528 Just look at-- 567 00:31:03,097 --> 00:31:04,532 See, they show that... 568 00:31:04,666 --> 00:31:06,033 and then they show this. 569 00:31:06,867 --> 00:31:08,703 Like, "she used to be sooo cute, 570 00:31:08,837 --> 00:31:10,237 but look at her now." 571 00:31:10,371 --> 00:31:13,207 Like it's a crime getting old! 572 00:31:14,843 --> 00:31:16,443 Yeah, for men too. 573 00:31:17,945 --> 00:31:19,446 It's worse for women. 574 00:31:19,880 --> 00:31:20,749 Okay. 575 00:31:20,881 --> 00:31:21,649 But... 576 00:31:21,783 --> 00:31:23,317 men can't be weak. 577 00:31:23,450 --> 00:31:25,854 And that's why I picked my stage name: 578 00:31:25,986 --> 00:31:27,020 Strong. 579 00:31:27,622 --> 00:31:28,823 Ace Strong. 580 00:31:28,956 --> 00:31:30,391 Stop! It's... 581 00:31:30,525 --> 00:31:32,192 - very on the nose. - It's very on the nose! 582 00:31:36,163 --> 00:31:37,766 Okay, okay. 583 00:31:37,898 --> 00:31:39,466 But if you could go back, 584 00:31:40,234 --> 00:31:41,902 would you turn down the role? 585 00:31:43,170 --> 00:31:45,172 So we're getting personal? 586 00:31:47,575 --> 00:31:48,475 Shall we? 587 00:31:49,577 --> 00:31:51,445 No, I mean, 588 00:31:52,045 --> 00:31:54,014 I love being on set. 589 00:31:54,982 --> 00:31:57,351 but then I'd go back and learn how to direct. You know? 590 00:31:57,484 --> 00:31:59,987 like Spielberg it as a teenager. 591 00:32:00,254 --> 00:32:02,189 Tell the stories. 592 00:32:03,056 --> 00:32:04,224 So do it now. 593 00:32:06,828 --> 00:32:07,695 It's hard. 594 00:32:07,829 --> 00:32:08,897 - And I'm just-- - Don't. 595 00:32:09,263 --> 00:32:10,330 - I'm too old to start! - No! 596 00:32:10,464 --> 00:32:12,433 - No, I am! - Nooo! 597 00:32:12,567 --> 00:32:14,536 No! Stop! You-- 598 00:32:14,669 --> 00:32:16,437 You bought in! You're-- 599 00:32:16,571 --> 00:32:18,338 You're ageist against yourself. 600 00:32:18,472 --> 00:32:19,440 No! Uh-- 601 00:32:20,073 --> 00:32:21,576 Okay. 602 00:32:23,410 --> 00:32:25,279 What about you, tough guy? 603 00:32:25,713 --> 00:32:26,748 - Huh? - What? 604 00:32:27,281 --> 00:32:29,016 Your ankle's pretty messed up. 605 00:32:31,051 --> 00:32:33,888 I am in the best shape of my life. 606 00:32:34,388 --> 00:32:36,457 Okay? Doctor says the word. 607 00:32:36,591 --> 00:32:37,792 I'm back on track. 608 00:32:40,027 --> 00:32:41,094 And if not? 609 00:32:42,129 --> 00:32:44,465 I just need a couple good years. 610 00:32:44,732 --> 00:32:46,233 When you don't get hurt? 611 00:32:46,868 --> 00:32:47,635 Yeah. 612 00:32:48,068 --> 00:32:48,903 And... 613 00:32:49,136 --> 00:32:50,738 You know, then maybe I can 614 00:32:50,872 --> 00:32:52,372 get into stunt coordinating. 615 00:32:52,674 --> 00:32:54,909 I just need to... 616 00:32:55,042 --> 00:32:57,144 you know, make a name for myself first. 617 00:32:59,279 --> 00:33:00,582 But if not there's like 618 00:33:00,715 --> 00:33:02,750 other things people like you can do, right? 619 00:33:05,152 --> 00:33:06,987 "People like me"? 620 00:33:07,120 --> 00:33:08,021 who... 621 00:33:08,455 --> 00:33:09,356 train their whole lives 622 00:33:09,490 --> 00:33:11,593 care for their body, and... 623 00:33:12,627 --> 00:33:13,661 then have the best 624 00:33:13,795 --> 00:33:15,797 opportunity of their career 625 00:33:15,930 --> 00:33:18,398 only to have a freak accident? 626 00:33:22,504 --> 00:33:23,270 No. 627 00:33:25,573 --> 00:33:26,808 No, this is wh... 628 00:33:27,307 --> 00:33:28,643 what I was born to do. 629 00:33:31,946 --> 00:33:34,181 You're scared to reinvent yourself. 630 00:33:34,314 --> 00:33:35,282 And so am I. 631 00:33:35,415 --> 00:33:36,985 'Cause I'm old! 632 00:33:38,018 --> 00:33:39,687 I have bursitis! 633 00:33:39,821 --> 00:33:41,455 and my skin is retreating 634 00:33:41,589 --> 00:33:42,891 from my neck! 635 00:33:43,858 --> 00:33:44,726 Stop laughing! 636 00:33:44,859 --> 00:33:45,860 It's not funny! 637 00:33:45,994 --> 00:33:46,794 It's real. 638 00:33:47,862 --> 00:33:49,296 Nobody thinks this is sexy. 639 00:33:49,429 --> 00:33:51,365 And guess what? I'm right there with them. 640 00:33:51,498 --> 00:33:53,300 I want to hump some 18 year olds too! 641 00:33:54,936 --> 00:33:56,638 I maybe just don't want to have to talk to 'em after. 642 00:33:58,438 --> 00:34:00,675 'Cause all my jokes are from 30 year old films and TV. 643 00:34:00,808 --> 00:34:02,376 I can quote the hell out of some "Full House" 644 00:34:02,510 --> 00:34:04,144 and I want someone to appreciate that. 645 00:34:04,278 --> 00:34:05,780 Stop laughing! 646 00:34:06,814 --> 00:34:10,350 ♪ Come here, baby. Kiss me under this mistletoe ♪ 647 00:34:14,288 --> 00:34:15,723 Hey, can you um... 648 00:34:15,857 --> 00:34:17,457 pass me some gingersnaps? 649 00:34:17,592 --> 00:34:18,526 No! No, no! 650 00:34:18,660 --> 00:34:21,261 A promise is a promise, Sparky. 651 00:34:21,596 --> 00:34:22,329 Sparky? 652 00:34:22,462 --> 00:34:24,064 And we are on a crash diet 653 00:34:24,197 --> 00:34:25,700 for Kimmy Gibbler's birthday party. 654 00:34:27,401 --> 00:34:29,236 See? See what I did? 655 00:34:29,369 --> 00:34:30,572 It was good. 656 00:34:31,271 --> 00:34:32,740 Okay. 657 00:34:36,276 --> 00:34:38,913 Can you get yourself home alright, partner? 658 00:34:39,313 --> 00:34:40,380 Believe so. 659 00:34:40,715 --> 00:34:41,649 Okay. 660 00:34:59,366 --> 00:35:01,501 ♪ Wind you up, boy ♪ 661 00:35:01,636 --> 00:35:03,071 ♪ Get your gears going ♪ 662 00:35:03,203 --> 00:35:04,338 ♪ Yeah ♪ 663 00:35:04,471 --> 00:35:08,308 ♪ Hey now, hey now, hey now ♪ 664 00:35:08,442 --> 00:35:10,778 ♪ As I pull your little string ♪ 665 00:35:10,912 --> 00:35:12,714 ♪ Make you say the nicest thing ♪ 666 00:35:12,847 --> 00:35:18,553 ♪ Oh! Oh, hey now, hey now, hey now ♪ 667 00:35:18,686 --> 00:35:20,454 ♪ If could have my way ♪ 668 00:35:20,588 --> 00:35:23,256 ♪ You'd be my robot baby ♪ 669 00:35:23,390 --> 00:35:27,562 ♪ Hey now, hey now, hey now ♪ 670 00:35:27,695 --> 00:35:29,931 ♪ 'Cause you're better than a boyfriend ♪ 671 00:35:30,064 --> 00:35:32,332 ♪ Who would take my heart and pretend ♪ 672 00:35:32,466 --> 00:35:33,835 ♪ to stay now ♪ 673 00:35:33,968 --> 00:35:38,271 ♪ Hey now, hey now ♪ 674 00:35:38,405 --> 00:35:40,675 ♪ Robot boy, hey, ♪ 675 00:35:40,808 --> 00:35:42,977 ♪ Beep boop, beep boop beep boop ♪ 676 00:35:43,111 --> 00:35:45,412 ♪ Robot boy. Sing it loud! ♪ 677 00:35:45,546 --> 00:35:47,314 ♪ Beep boop, Beep boop, beep boop ♪ 678 00:35:47,447 --> 00:35:49,149 ♪ I ♪ 679 00:35:49,282 --> 00:35:51,753 ♪ I try ♪ 680 00:35:51,886 --> 00:35:53,955 ♪ to believe in love before ♪ 681 00:35:54,088 --> 00:35:56,924 ♪ But it leaves me wanting more ♪ 682 00:35:57,058 --> 00:35:59,027 ♪ I ♪ 683 00:35:59,159 --> 00:36:01,328 ♪ have tried ♪ 684 00:36:01,461 --> 00:36:03,631 ♪ to fall in love again ♪ 685 00:36:03,765 --> 00:36:06,134 ♪ But it always hurts my feelings ♪ 686 00:36:06,266 --> 00:36:08,335 ♪ All I need is a Robot Boy ♪ 687 00:36:08,468 --> 00:36:10,772 ♪ 'Cause he will bring me joy ♪ 688 00:36:10,905 --> 00:36:12,940 ♪ And I know he won't break my heart ♪ 689 00:36:13,074 --> 00:36:16,476 ♪ like the other boys did before ♪ 690 00:36:16,611 --> 00:36:18,445 ♪ Robot Boy, hey ♪ 691 00:36:19,080 --> 00:36:21,381 ♪ Beep boop, beep boop, beep boop ♪ 692 00:36:21,516 --> 00:36:23,885 ♪ Robot Boy, hey ♪ 693 00:36:24,018 --> 00:36:26,219 ♪ Beep boop, beep boop, beep boop ♪ 694 00:36:26,353 --> 00:36:28,756 ♪ Robot Boy, hey! ♪ 695 00:36:28,890 --> 00:36:30,925 ♪ Beep boop, beep boop, beep boop ♪ 696 00:36:31,059 --> 00:36:33,293 ♪ Robot Boy. Everybody at home! ♪ 697 00:36:33,427 --> 00:36:35,129 ♪ Beep boop, beep boop, beep boop ♪ 698 00:36:43,838 --> 00:36:48,341 ♪ 4 Days 'til Christmas ♪ 699 00:36:48,475 --> 00:36:50,845 ♪ Girl, you do you ♪ 700 00:36:53,948 --> 00:36:54,782 Yeah! 701 00:36:57,685 --> 00:37:01,388 Not sure you're famous enough for the wig and glasses. 702 00:37:04,357 --> 00:37:05,492 Okay. 703 00:37:05,927 --> 00:37:07,061 What are you going to say to her when you see her? 704 00:37:07,195 --> 00:37:08,428 Set the scene for me. 705 00:37:08,863 --> 00:37:11,065 She's there looking all gorgeous, 706 00:37:11,431 --> 00:37:13,634 surrounded by people full of holiday cheer. 707 00:37:13,935 --> 00:37:17,205 You're there. Sharp suit, Grinch face. 708 00:37:17,337 --> 00:37:18,873 What are you going to say, Hot Shot? 709 00:37:19,339 --> 00:37:21,943 Hey, uh, Bianca... I-- 710 00:37:23,243 --> 00:37:24,411 Uhh, hey Bianca. 711 00:37:24,545 --> 00:37:25,546 What's up, girl? 712 00:37:25,680 --> 00:37:27,048 That's not what I sound like. 713 00:37:27,181 --> 00:37:28,683 No, you got to be suave. 714 00:37:29,382 --> 00:37:31,219 Sweep her off her feet. You know? 715 00:37:31,451 --> 00:37:32,285 Sweep her... 716 00:37:32,419 --> 00:37:33,588 up onto your scooter. 717 00:37:35,022 --> 00:37:36,891 I want to tell her that this accident 718 00:37:37,024 --> 00:37:40,027 put a lot of things into perspective for me? 719 00:37:40,161 --> 00:37:41,261 And... 720 00:37:41,929 --> 00:37:44,565 that I'm willing to be more flexible. 721 00:37:44,866 --> 00:37:46,033 And... 722 00:37:46,534 --> 00:37:47,969 Li-- listen... 723 00:37:48,102 --> 00:37:48,936 to her? 724 00:37:49,971 --> 00:37:51,706 Yeah. Yeah, that's good. 725 00:37:51,839 --> 00:37:52,507 Oh that-- 726 00:37:52,640 --> 00:37:53,975 "That's good"? 727 00:37:54,108 --> 00:37:56,511 No snark from Eve Carter? 728 00:37:56,644 --> 00:37:59,781 Why are you saying my whole name like you're from TMZ? 729 00:38:00,447 --> 00:38:02,617 Maybe you can segue into tabloid host. 730 00:38:04,185 --> 00:38:05,086 You're here live with 731 00:38:05,219 --> 00:38:06,788 Ace Strong, 732 00:38:06,921 --> 00:38:10,124 former stunt man, current gossip king of Avondale Estates. 733 00:38:10,490 --> 00:38:12,160 We're outside the home of... 734 00:38:12,292 --> 00:38:14,929 some famous asshole just trying to live their life in peace. 735 00:38:15,062 --> 00:38:17,098 Let's see if we can catch a glimpse 736 00:38:17,231 --> 00:38:19,466 of their greasy hair whilst they haul their 737 00:38:19,600 --> 00:38:22,469 recycling bin full of vodka bottles to the curb! 738 00:38:23,905 --> 00:38:25,106 Alright. 739 00:38:25,740 --> 00:38:27,809 I'll give this a whirl. You take this. 740 00:38:35,116 --> 00:38:36,651 Don't stare at me like that. 741 00:38:36,784 --> 00:38:38,820 I just don't want to have to piggyback your ass to the house. 742 00:38:38,953 --> 00:38:42,023 You are 100% going to piggyback my ass to the house. 743 00:38:42,156 --> 00:38:44,559 No, sir. I will leave you on the ground. 744 00:38:55,503 --> 00:38:56,971 Oh, Jesus! 745 00:38:57,337 --> 00:38:58,371 How long have you been there? 746 00:39:01,008 --> 00:39:02,176 What uh-- 747 00:39:02,442 --> 00:39:03,443 What do you think? 748 00:39:03,778 --> 00:39:05,112 You look really nice. 749 00:39:06,180 --> 00:39:07,114 "Really nice"? 750 00:39:07,248 --> 00:39:08,616 Mm hmm. 751 00:39:08,749 --> 00:39:10,117 Yeah, but you kind of look like a pallbearer. 752 00:39:10,450 --> 00:39:11,519 You need some Ace flair. 753 00:39:18,526 --> 00:39:20,094 What the hell does that mean? 754 00:39:34,008 --> 00:39:35,810 Eeeek! 755 00:40:00,835 --> 00:40:02,703 Happy Hour starting... 756 00:40:03,905 --> 00:40:04,739 early? 757 00:40:05,239 --> 00:40:07,108 I can't remember my passwords, 758 00:40:07,241 --> 00:40:09,911 except for my Nordstrom password, 'cause I'm a lady. 759 00:40:11,145 --> 00:40:12,580 Oh, good. 760 00:40:13,547 --> 00:40:14,782 What are you missing out on? 761 00:40:14,916 --> 00:40:16,517 I'm trying post a photo of this beauty. 762 00:40:18,552 --> 00:40:19,587 Take a picture of it. 763 00:40:20,388 --> 00:40:22,790 I'm trying to post a photo so people can see it. 764 00:40:23,024 --> 00:40:24,892 Like my sister who gave it to me. 765 00:40:25,026 --> 00:40:26,394 She knows what a cake looks like. 766 00:40:26,527 --> 00:40:28,396 Okay, but it's me saying I'm grateful. 767 00:40:28,529 --> 00:40:30,430 So call her and tell her. 768 00:40:30,765 --> 00:40:33,534 Okay, also I'd get like 3000 likes. 769 00:40:33,935 --> 00:40:35,236 It's called social capital. 770 00:40:35,369 --> 00:40:36,771 If someone likes you, 771 00:40:36,904 --> 00:40:38,172 you're more appealing to others. 772 00:40:38,606 --> 00:40:41,742 People would be all impressed by your 773 00:40:41,876 --> 00:40:44,912 big pretty cake and think more highly of you? 774 00:40:45,579 --> 00:40:47,515 Bianca was into the same stuff. It's nuts. 775 00:40:47,648 --> 00:40:49,517 You know none of this means anything, right? 776 00:40:49,650 --> 00:40:52,920 It might mean the difference between me getting my dream job or not. 777 00:40:53,321 --> 00:40:54,055 Oh! 778 00:40:54,555 --> 00:40:55,790 Eve, why didn't-- 779 00:40:55,923 --> 00:40:57,325 Why didn't you say that? 780 00:40:57,792 --> 00:40:59,093 Let me help you out. 781 00:40:59,994 --> 00:41:00,895 Like. 782 00:41:01,461 --> 00:41:02,563 Like. 783 00:41:02,997 --> 00:41:03,698 Like. 784 00:41:04,031 --> 00:41:04,832 - Like. - Stop that. 785 00:41:04,966 --> 00:41:05,633 Like. 786 00:41:05,766 --> 00:41:06,600 - Stop! - Like. 787 00:41:06,734 --> 00:41:07,768 Like, like. 788 00:41:07,902 --> 00:41:08,936 - Like, like. - You know what? 789 00:41:09,070 --> 00:41:10,604 Nobody likes you. 790 00:41:12,106 --> 00:41:13,074 Yikes. 791 00:41:13,207 --> 00:41:14,508 See that's why I'm not on the socials. 792 00:41:14,642 --> 00:41:15,943 It's ugly out there. 793 00:41:16,077 --> 00:41:16,944 Also, 794 00:41:17,078 --> 00:41:19,080 you can't have any of my cake. 795 00:41:19,213 --> 00:41:20,614 I don't want any of your damn cake! 796 00:41:20,748 --> 00:41:22,783 It's coconut. 797 00:41:22,917 --> 00:41:23,584 What? 798 00:41:23,718 --> 00:41:25,119 Even more reason! 799 00:41:42,870 --> 00:41:44,405 Sure you don't want some? 800 00:41:44,672 --> 00:41:45,773 No. 801 00:41:46,273 --> 00:41:48,676 Stop! 802 00:41:54,515 --> 00:41:55,282 You have-- 803 00:41:55,983 --> 00:41:56,717 What? 804 00:41:58,419 --> 00:41:59,387 You have frosting-- 805 00:41:59,520 --> 00:42:00,454 - No. - Did I get it? 806 00:42:00,588 --> 00:42:01,989 No. It's on the other side. 807 00:42:02,790 --> 00:42:03,758 Stop! 808 00:42:03,891 --> 00:42:05,960 You look so dumb. Stop. 809 00:42:16,237 --> 00:42:17,004 Thanks. 810 00:42:18,406 --> 00:42:19,173 Yeah. 811 00:42:22,276 --> 00:42:23,310 Thanks, buddy. 812 00:43:15,362 --> 00:43:21,635 ♪ 3 Days 'til Christmas ♪ 813 00:43:21,769 --> 00:43:23,804 ♪ Oh, he smells so good! ♪ 814 00:43:37,118 --> 00:43:38,285 Charlie Belfour... 815 00:43:38,419 --> 00:43:39,554 The-- the director? 816 00:43:39,687 --> 00:43:41,523 He's an hole! 817 00:43:42,857 --> 00:43:43,891 You know they titled it 818 00:43:44,024 --> 00:43:45,759 "Christmas with MORE Jerks" 819 00:43:45,893 --> 00:43:47,128 Tha-- the title! 820 00:43:49,096 --> 00:43:51,098 That movie is gonna blow! 821 00:44:10,684 --> 00:44:12,820 All Cookie Jerk wanted for Christmas 822 00:44:12,953 --> 00:44:15,156 was a Punky Brewster doll. 823 00:44:15,756 --> 00:44:16,757 Jiminy Christmas! 824 00:44:16,891 --> 00:44:19,059 This eggnog is disgusting! 825 00:44:20,227 --> 00:44:21,328 And that little jerk 826 00:44:21,462 --> 00:44:22,296 would stop at nothing 827 00:44:22,429 --> 00:44:23,330 until she got one. 828 00:44:24,932 --> 00:44:26,367 Her family will follow her 829 00:44:26,500 --> 00:44:29,103 all over New York City until they find her. 830 00:44:30,271 --> 00:44:33,207 All I got for Christmas is a candy cane! 831 00:44:35,242 --> 00:44:37,011 And in the meantime, 832 00:44:37,144 --> 00:44:38,979 they just might find the true meaning of Christmas. 833 00:44:39,113 --> 00:44:42,716 ♪ Christmas with Jerks ♪ 834 00:44:42,850 --> 00:44:43,951 Now... 835 00:44:44,084 --> 00:44:46,153 take off your clothes. 836 00:45:00,000 --> 00:45:03,170 Now do exactly as I say. 837 00:45:03,871 --> 00:45:06,207 Turn to the left. 838 00:45:08,677 --> 00:45:09,578 Yes. 839 00:45:09,710 --> 00:45:11,879 Now turn to the right. 840 00:45:15,182 --> 00:45:17,484 We are going to indicate incision sites. 841 00:45:17,619 --> 00:45:19,353 Areas to be altered. 842 00:45:19,486 --> 00:45:22,189 As well as those to be avoided when you get here. 843 00:45:22,323 --> 00:45:24,024 But this will save some time. 844 00:45:26,160 --> 00:45:28,095 Okay, we can straighten out your nose 845 00:45:28,229 --> 00:45:29,830 when we do the rest of your face. 846 00:45:29,964 --> 00:45:31,465 And, uh... 847 00:45:31,865 --> 00:45:34,134 What about your earlobes? 848 00:45:34,536 --> 00:45:36,203 My earlobes? 849 00:45:36,337 --> 00:45:39,406 Yes. Most patients prefer to have the detached earlobes. 850 00:45:39,541 --> 00:45:41,242 I can do this for you, no problem. 851 00:45:42,476 --> 00:45:43,410 Okay. 852 00:45:44,579 --> 00:45:46,548 And you mentioned some 853 00:45:46,681 --> 00:45:49,183 syndactyly in your digits? 854 00:45:51,519 --> 00:45:52,687 Some webbed toes? 855 00:45:52,820 --> 00:45:54,221 Oh, yeah. 856 00:45:54,355 --> 00:45:57,324 Careful, doc. They're the reason I'm a fast swimmer. 857 00:46:02,263 --> 00:46:03,497 Oh, wow. 858 00:46:03,632 --> 00:46:06,534 I-- I see you have sizable bunions as well. 859 00:46:06,668 --> 00:46:08,035 Uh, that's okay. That's-- 860 00:46:08,168 --> 00:46:09,638 That's-- That's not-- uh-- That's not good. 861 00:46:09,770 --> 00:46:11,872 But I can take care of both of these for you. 862 00:46:12,006 --> 00:46:13,407 They don't hurt. 863 00:46:13,541 --> 00:46:15,276 Just wait. 864 00:46:15,744 --> 00:46:19,213 And in the meantime, we can take care of these unsightly bumps, hmm? 865 00:46:19,346 --> 00:46:21,415 Okay, uh, you haven't mentioned 866 00:46:21,549 --> 00:46:24,818 labiaplasty, but I'm seeing some-- 867 00:46:25,219 --> 00:46:26,920 Oh, no, no, no, no. 868 00:46:27,054 --> 00:46:29,758 My girl is perfect just the way she is. 869 00:46:29,923 --> 00:46:31,726 We're doing some incredible things 870 00:46:31,859 --> 00:46:34,261 in vaginal rejuvenation for 871 00:46:34,395 --> 00:46:35,062 women of 872 00:46:35,195 --> 00:46:37,364 advanced age. 873 00:46:39,266 --> 00:46:42,469 Could I just get an itemization of the costs? 874 00:46:43,505 --> 00:46:44,872 Of course. 875 00:46:45,239 --> 00:46:47,441 Do you have any more questions for me? 876 00:46:47,808 --> 00:46:49,076 Is it going to hurt? 877 00:46:51,078 --> 00:46:52,681 For sure! 878 00:46:52,813 --> 00:46:55,249 Pain is painful, right? 879 00:47:45,299 --> 00:47:46,634 You having a party? 880 00:47:47,034 --> 00:47:49,303 Christmas comes, but once a year! 881 00:47:50,137 --> 00:47:51,472 That's quite a dress. 882 00:47:51,872 --> 00:47:53,273 This old thing? 883 00:47:54,709 --> 00:47:56,076 It's a family tradition. 884 00:47:57,077 --> 00:47:58,580 My mom always did a big hors d'oeuvres night 885 00:47:58,713 --> 00:47:59,947 before Christmas. 886 00:48:00,648 --> 00:48:03,818 She was a teacher, and her students would bring her little treats. 887 00:48:04,318 --> 00:48:06,821 And we'd cover the table in 'em and it was like... 888 00:48:06,954 --> 00:48:08,489 snack roulette. 889 00:48:11,992 --> 00:48:12,861 I'm telling a story. 890 00:48:12,993 --> 00:48:14,361 Take the champs. 891 00:48:18,733 --> 00:48:21,268 And she'd put out all the presents they gave her. 892 00:48:21,402 --> 00:48:23,404 you know, like pot holders and 893 00:48:23,538 --> 00:48:25,406 stuff with little apples on it. 894 00:48:27,776 --> 00:48:29,009 But this one year, 895 00:48:29,143 --> 00:48:31,211 she had a student and she said, 896 00:48:32,379 --> 00:48:34,348 he didn't have anything to give her. 897 00:48:35,683 --> 00:48:37,184 So the day before break, 898 00:48:37,317 --> 00:48:38,952 he brings her this dress 899 00:48:39,086 --> 00:48:41,054 in a beat up old box. 900 00:48:42,956 --> 00:48:44,491 And it was his mom's. 901 00:48:44,626 --> 00:48:46,661 And it was the nicest thing they could think to give her. 902 00:48:49,363 --> 00:48:51,331 That was the Christmas after my dad died. 903 00:48:51,866 --> 00:48:54,669 And we all just cried about it the whole night. 904 00:48:55,870 --> 00:48:58,939 And said how he would've cried too, you know? 905 00:49:00,842 --> 00:49:01,776 And then my mom would wear it 906 00:49:01,910 --> 00:49:03,611 every year after. 907 00:49:05,179 --> 00:49:07,014 I think to show up for us. 908 00:49:07,147 --> 00:49:08,182 You know? 909 00:49:08,817 --> 00:49:10,050 For her life. 910 00:49:11,786 --> 00:49:13,721 Ashley inherited it, so-- 911 00:49:18,860 --> 00:49:19,694 My dad... 912 00:49:21,228 --> 00:49:22,730 died last year. 913 00:49:29,069 --> 00:49:31,004 Does it get easier? 914 00:49:39,279 --> 00:49:40,748 Okay, uh... 915 00:49:41,248 --> 00:49:42,584 Why didn't she 916 00:49:42,884 --> 00:49:44,084 return the dress? 917 00:49:45,520 --> 00:49:46,320 She tried! 918 00:49:46,453 --> 00:49:48,590 They wouldn't take it back. Aw! 919 00:49:49,557 --> 00:49:51,124 Okay! 920 00:49:51,258 --> 00:49:53,962 That's my crab Rangoon. Do not be a scrotum! 921 00:49:54,094 --> 00:49:55,229 Eat my Rangoon. 922 00:49:55,362 --> 00:49:56,997 It's delicious. 923 00:50:22,422 --> 00:50:24,224 ♪ Beep boop, beep boop ♪ 924 00:50:24,358 --> 00:50:27,127 ♪ beep boop. Robot Boy, sing it now! ♪ 925 00:50:27,795 --> 00:50:28,997 Hello! 926 00:50:29,396 --> 00:50:30,899 Eve Carter. 927 00:50:31,031 --> 00:50:32,466 What are you up to? 928 00:50:32,600 --> 00:50:35,904 You've gotten 2,000 new followers in 24 hours? 929 00:50:36,036 --> 00:50:37,137 Who is this mystery man? 930 00:50:37,271 --> 00:50:39,239 Wait for it. 931 00:50:39,373 --> 00:50:41,509 I'm just laying low and proving I'm the best person 932 00:50:41,643 --> 00:50:43,443 for the role of Emma, darling! 933 00:50:43,578 --> 00:50:45,479 I'm a matchmaker at heart. 934 00:50:46,014 --> 00:50:46,848 Well... 935 00:50:47,047 --> 00:50:48,016 Can't hurt. 936 00:50:48,315 --> 00:50:49,483 Follow along, dear. 937 00:50:49,684 --> 00:50:51,351 I have a plan! 938 00:50:57,792 --> 00:51:02,530 ♪ 2 Days 'til Christmas ♪ 939 00:51:02,664 --> 00:51:05,499 ♪ Ew, ew, ew, you better wash those hands! ♪ 940 00:51:56,050 --> 00:51:58,151 Oh?! Were you still sleeping? 941 00:51:58,586 --> 00:51:59,453 Yeah. 942 00:51:59,754 --> 00:52:00,555 I need... 943 00:52:00,688 --> 00:52:02,289 a full 9 when I'm recovering. 944 00:52:02,422 --> 00:52:04,058 You got 10 minutes. Time's a wasting. 945 00:52:05,258 --> 00:52:06,628 Come on, Mickey! 946 00:52:06,761 --> 00:52:07,729 Let's go! 947 00:52:09,797 --> 00:52:11,699 For what?! 948 00:52:18,973 --> 00:52:22,110 ♪ Ready to fall in love this Christmas? ♪ 949 00:52:22,242 --> 00:52:24,912 ♪ Fall in love with me ♪ 950 00:52:25,046 --> 00:52:25,913 Jam' on! 951 00:52:27,749 --> 00:52:28,616 What? 952 00:52:29,083 --> 00:52:30,417 You are going to make sure 953 00:52:30,551 --> 00:52:32,654 that Brit Brit knows you're ready to party. 954 00:52:33,121 --> 00:52:33,921 Bianca. 955 00:52:34,221 --> 00:52:34,922 Yeah. 956 00:52:38,158 --> 00:52:38,993 What are you doing? 957 00:52:39,127 --> 00:52:40,128 Texting her. 958 00:52:40,394 --> 00:52:41,729 What are you writing? 959 00:52:41,863 --> 00:52:44,098 Are you going to be at Crystal's tomorrow night? 960 00:52:44,732 --> 00:52:45,867 "Do you still like me?" 961 00:52:46,000 --> 00:52:46,934 "Check yes or no." 962 00:52:48,335 --> 00:52:49,003 'Kay. 963 00:52:49,137 --> 00:52:50,738 She ended things 964 00:52:50,872 --> 00:52:51,973 because you're no fun. 965 00:52:52,106 --> 00:52:53,440 And... 966 00:52:54,142 --> 00:52:55,375 I'm not flexible? 967 00:52:55,510 --> 00:52:57,945 I mean, physically, I am very flexible. 968 00:52:59,947 --> 00:53:02,382 Alright, maybe not emotionally, though. 969 00:53:03,651 --> 00:53:06,521 So what we need to do is let her know you've changed 970 00:53:06,654 --> 00:53:08,790 So by the time you see her, 971 00:53:08,923 --> 00:53:10,858 she's gagging for it. 972 00:53:11,959 --> 00:53:14,428 I don't think you can say things like that anymore. 973 00:53:14,562 --> 00:53:16,430 Yeah, I can. But you certainly shouldn't. 974 00:53:16,564 --> 00:53:18,198 Pull up Instagram. 975 00:53:19,734 --> 00:53:20,735 Facebook? 976 00:53:21,234 --> 00:53:22,704 It got hacked a while back, but I 977 00:53:22,837 --> 00:53:24,672 think the account is still there? 978 00:53:24,806 --> 00:53:26,473 Okay, let's roll. 979 00:53:28,976 --> 00:53:29,777 Okay. 980 00:53:31,445 --> 00:53:32,345 Hey, guys, uh... 981 00:53:32,479 --> 00:53:34,247 long time no see. 982 00:53:34,381 --> 00:53:36,951 At the request of a friend, 983 00:53:37,484 --> 00:53:39,219 uh, I wanted to let you know 984 00:53:39,352 --> 00:53:40,387 I'm back in town! 985 00:53:40,521 --> 00:53:42,322 I'd love to see you. 986 00:53:42,456 --> 00:53:43,991 Grab a holiday nosh. 987 00:53:45,059 --> 00:53:46,994 Yeah. So hit me up! 988 00:53:49,329 --> 00:53:51,231 I cannot say "nosh". 989 00:53:51,364 --> 00:53:53,634 I'm not one of the Golden Girls. 990 00:53:53,768 --> 00:53:54,535 Okay. 991 00:53:54,669 --> 00:53:55,670 That was good energy, though. 992 00:53:55,803 --> 00:53:57,138 This time 993 00:53:57,270 --> 00:53:59,640 say "drink" instead of "nosh" and... 994 00:54:00,307 --> 00:54:02,409 give me a little devilish grin at the end. 995 00:54:02,543 --> 00:54:04,344 You know I'm not an actor, right? 996 00:54:04,478 --> 00:54:05,880 Yeah, I can tell. 997 00:54:06,848 --> 00:54:07,749 Okay. 998 00:54:10,985 --> 00:54:13,688 Hey guys! Long time no see. 999 00:54:13,821 --> 00:54:16,023 At the request of a friend... 1000 00:54:23,197 --> 00:54:24,031 Hey! 1001 00:54:24,165 --> 00:54:24,732 She watched my video! 1002 00:54:25,633 --> 00:54:26,567 She watched my video! 1003 00:54:26,701 --> 00:54:27,235 Yes! 1004 00:54:27,367 --> 00:54:28,401 Mmm! 1005 00:54:32,039 --> 00:54:33,074 Windmill it out! 1006 00:54:33,207 --> 00:54:34,274 Come on! 1007 00:54:34,407 --> 00:54:35,877 I can't do that! 1008 00:54:39,412 --> 00:54:40,581 Eve?! 1009 00:54:41,281 --> 00:54:42,315 EVE! 1010 00:54:42,449 --> 00:54:44,051 Hey, come here. 1011 00:54:45,186 --> 00:54:46,754 Crystal texted! 1012 00:54:47,789 --> 00:54:49,422 Hey! Crystal-- Crystal texted. 1013 00:54:49,557 --> 00:54:50,490 The friend? 1014 00:54:50,625 --> 00:54:51,559 What'd she say? 1015 00:54:51,692 --> 00:54:53,861 Come to my Dog and Nog. 1016 00:54:55,263 --> 00:54:57,565 Hot dogs and eggnog. It's-- 1017 00:54:58,431 --> 00:54:59,432 It's a thing. 1018 00:55:00,768 --> 00:55:02,069 Gagging. 1019 00:55:02,203 --> 00:55:04,404 You're so gross! 1020 00:55:05,106 --> 00:55:06,207 Let's celebrate. 1021 00:55:07,241 --> 00:55:09,277 Ashley told me how to turn on the hot tub. 1022 00:55:09,409 --> 00:55:10,310 What? 1023 00:55:11,546 --> 00:55:13,281 Come on, let's go! 1024 00:55:13,413 --> 00:55:14,749 We'll do some swimming. 1025 00:55:14,882 --> 00:55:15,917 Breaststroke. 1026 00:55:16,050 --> 00:55:17,952 What? What? 1027 00:55:18,451 --> 00:55:19,319 Come on, come on. 1028 00:55:19,452 --> 00:55:21,488 Hop up. Hop up. Hop up! 1029 00:55:21,622 --> 00:55:23,758 Who could say no to that? 1030 00:55:23,891 --> 00:55:24,759 Let's go! 1031 00:55:26,127 --> 00:55:27,829 Angela Merkel, 1032 00:55:28,596 --> 00:55:29,931 Melania Trump, 1033 00:55:30,665 --> 00:55:32,465 or Michelle Obama? 1034 00:55:32,600 --> 00:55:34,367 Oh, clear winner. 1035 00:55:34,501 --> 00:55:36,737 I gotta marry Michelle. 1036 00:55:36,871 --> 00:55:37,538 No! 1037 00:55:37,672 --> 00:55:39,040 It's a trick question. 1038 00:55:39,173 --> 00:55:40,608 Don't marry anyone. 1039 00:55:40,741 --> 00:55:42,342 Just be with someone 1040 00:55:42,475 --> 00:55:43,443 and be good to them 1041 00:55:43,578 --> 00:55:44,679 for as long 1042 00:55:44,812 --> 00:55:46,113 as you both shall live. 1043 00:55:47,148 --> 00:55:47,982 Alright. 1044 00:55:48,816 --> 00:55:50,985 Did you ever tie the knot? 1045 00:55:52,019 --> 00:55:53,486 I almost got married 1046 00:55:53,621 --> 00:55:55,256 for the wrong reasons 1047 00:55:55,388 --> 00:55:56,456 twice. 1048 00:55:56,591 --> 00:55:57,859 Why didn't you pull the trigger? 1049 00:55:58,626 --> 00:56:00,828 I think I needed to grow up some. 1050 00:56:00,962 --> 00:56:01,596 Yeah. 1051 00:56:01,729 --> 00:56:03,898 Hashtag spinster life. 1052 00:56:06,934 --> 00:56:07,802 Did you ever 1053 00:56:07,935 --> 00:56:09,003 tie the knot? 1054 00:56:09,136 --> 00:56:10,171 Nah. 1055 00:56:10,304 --> 00:56:11,906 Too busy working. 1056 00:56:12,039 --> 00:56:12,807 I... 1057 00:56:13,541 --> 00:56:14,775 like the nomad life. 1058 00:56:15,442 --> 00:56:16,310 Same. 1059 00:56:16,677 --> 00:56:18,813 Mmm. Mmm! 1060 00:56:19,547 --> 00:56:22,350 You can work around the clock at a big muscle gym! 1061 00:56:22,482 --> 00:56:23,885 "A big muscle gym"? 1062 00:56:24,018 --> 00:56:24,585 Mmhmm. 1063 00:56:24,719 --> 00:56:26,020 And have tuna fish 1064 00:56:26,153 --> 00:56:28,789 and wheatgrass Happy Hours 1065 00:56:28,923 --> 00:56:31,893 every Friday morning at 5 a.m. 1066 00:56:32,026 --> 00:56:33,060 after boot camp. 1067 00:56:33,694 --> 00:56:35,663 That actually sounds pretty great. 1068 00:56:35,796 --> 00:56:37,698 Ew! You're the worst. 1069 00:56:37,832 --> 00:56:38,766 What? 1070 00:56:39,166 --> 00:56:40,968 But I do need to get back to the gym in the new year. 1071 00:56:41,102 --> 00:56:43,905 No! You're the worst. People like you! 1072 00:56:44,038 --> 00:56:45,506 Always waiting 'til the New Year 1073 00:56:45,640 --> 00:56:47,541 "New Year's resolutions" 1074 00:56:47,675 --> 00:56:48,576 "Diet starts on Monday." 1075 00:56:48,709 --> 00:56:50,177 No, it's now! 1076 00:56:50,912 --> 00:56:52,013 Ahh! 1077 00:56:52,412 --> 00:56:53,781 Doesn't matter anyway because 1078 00:56:53,915 --> 00:56:56,517 I'm getting a full body tuneup, toot sweet. 1079 00:56:57,919 --> 00:56:58,753 What? 1080 00:56:59,520 --> 00:57:00,821 Yeah. 1081 00:57:00,955 --> 00:57:02,690 I'm getting a little NJ and a pick me up. 1082 00:57:02,823 --> 00:57:05,059 I don't speak Rodeo Drive. 1083 00:57:05,192 --> 00:57:07,161 Uh, liposuction, 1084 00:57:07,295 --> 00:57:09,964 some lifts and a nose job. 1085 00:57:10,097 --> 00:57:11,198 That's... 1086 00:57:11,332 --> 00:57:12,432 crazy. 1087 00:57:12,566 --> 00:57:13,567 Is it? 1088 00:57:15,536 --> 00:57:17,138 I never had any work done 1089 00:57:17,271 --> 00:57:18,706 because I was Cookie Jerk 1090 00:57:18,839 --> 00:57:21,142 for 35 fucking years 1091 00:57:21,275 --> 00:57:23,611 and then they shot the reboot without me! 1092 00:57:23,744 --> 00:57:25,079 They hired an influencer 1093 00:57:25,212 --> 00:57:27,748 to play my role with my film family. 1094 00:57:27,882 --> 00:57:29,083 So, 1095 00:57:29,216 --> 00:57:31,786 I don't think I need to look like Cookie anymore! 1096 00:57:36,290 --> 00:57:37,091 Sorry. 1097 00:57:38,559 --> 00:57:39,560 It got loud. 1098 00:57:39,694 --> 00:57:41,128 It got really loud. 1099 00:57:45,299 --> 00:57:46,200 Look... 1100 00:57:46,968 --> 00:57:48,903 go for what you want, Eve. 1101 00:57:49,570 --> 00:57:51,539 But do it on your terms. 1102 00:57:52,472 --> 00:57:53,307 And... 1103 00:57:53,441 --> 00:57:54,642 you know... 1104 00:57:54,909 --> 00:57:55,943 Don't carve yourself up like a Christmas ham 1105 00:57:56,077 --> 00:57:57,979 and expect to be happy after. 1106 00:58:01,415 --> 00:58:02,616 Christmas ham?! 1107 00:58:03,117 --> 00:58:05,286 That's going to be the title of my memoir. 1108 00:58:05,419 --> 00:58:07,188 Or my band name! Aw! 1109 00:58:11,491 --> 00:58:12,827 So I whipped my shirt off, 1110 00:58:12,960 --> 00:58:14,095 and I had 1111 00:58:14,228 --> 00:58:16,097 the world's oldest bra on 1112 00:58:16,230 --> 00:58:17,798 like cotton clamshells 1113 00:58:17,932 --> 00:58:21,035 from the fifties. I had borrowed it from my mother. 1114 00:58:21,168 --> 00:58:22,837 But I was going to do it with my crush, 1115 00:58:22,970 --> 00:58:25,139 and then he whispered, 1116 00:58:26,407 --> 00:58:28,809 "You're moving too fast." 1117 00:58:30,611 --> 00:58:32,713 No! 1118 00:58:32,847 --> 00:58:33,881 You did not get laid? 1119 00:58:34,015 --> 00:58:35,516 Oh, aw! 1120 00:58:35,649 --> 00:58:37,018 I wish! 1121 00:58:37,151 --> 00:58:38,185 That-- So, 1122 00:58:38,319 --> 00:58:41,022 I was on this TV show out in Arizona, 1123 00:58:41,756 --> 00:58:43,290 and there was this woman on set. 1124 00:58:43,424 --> 00:58:45,526 God, she was gorgeous. 1125 00:58:46,327 --> 00:58:48,529 I was so nervous to talk to her. 1126 00:58:48,662 --> 00:58:50,498 But I finally got the chance 1127 00:58:50,631 --> 00:58:52,033 to make out with her, right? 1128 00:58:52,166 --> 00:58:54,902 But I had had so much Jack Daniels 1129 00:58:55,436 --> 00:58:56,670 that by the time... 1130 00:58:56,804 --> 00:58:58,139 that it was time... 1131 00:58:58,672 --> 00:59:00,307 No boner? 1132 00:59:00,441 --> 00:59:01,208 Taffy pull. 1133 00:59:01,342 --> 00:59:02,476 Ewww! 1134 00:59:02,610 --> 00:59:03,844 That's not good! 1135 00:59:03,978 --> 00:59:05,012 No. 1136 00:59:05,146 --> 00:59:06,914 She didn't look me in the eyes again. 1137 00:59:07,048 --> 00:59:08,082 Aww! 1138 00:59:08,549 --> 00:59:11,152 There is one person I still think about from time to time. 1139 00:59:11,285 --> 00:59:12,720 You know, my uh... 1140 00:59:13,154 --> 00:59:14,188 first. 1141 00:59:15,056 --> 00:59:16,323 Mmmm. 1142 00:59:16,791 --> 00:59:18,059 You know, 'cause my-- 1143 00:59:18,192 --> 00:59:20,227 my body said he was something special. 1144 00:59:20,361 --> 00:59:21,662 And your brain? 1145 00:59:21,796 --> 00:59:22,663 Said we might kill each other. 1146 00:59:24,665 --> 00:59:25,866 Should you track him down? 1147 00:59:26,000 --> 00:59:28,869 God, no. I mean, I did, years ago. But-- 1148 00:59:29,737 --> 00:59:30,604 He's married. 1149 00:59:30,738 --> 00:59:32,006 Two kids. 1150 00:59:32,339 --> 00:59:33,641 Kinda looks like a... 1151 00:59:34,575 --> 00:59:36,710 stodgy old man now. 1152 00:59:37,111 --> 00:59:38,345 So he got-- 1153 00:59:38,479 --> 00:59:39,647 I know, I know. 1154 00:59:39,780 --> 00:59:41,516 But he doesn't look like fun old. 1155 00:59:41,649 --> 00:59:42,583 He looks like 1156 00:59:42,716 --> 00:59:45,286 an angry Santa. You know? 1157 00:59:45,419 --> 00:59:46,954 Why'd you call it quits? 1158 00:59:47,721 --> 00:59:49,524 Well, I think he loved me, 1159 00:59:49,657 --> 00:59:51,892 but he didn't like me. 1160 00:59:52,026 --> 00:59:54,228 And what is not to like? 1161 00:59:54,361 --> 00:59:55,062 Okay. 1162 00:59:57,431 --> 00:59:58,432 Okay! 1163 00:59:58,567 --> 01:00:00,034 But let's talk about true love. 1164 01:00:00,901 --> 01:00:01,869 Let's talk about... 1165 01:00:02,002 --> 01:00:03,604 Brianna. 1166 01:00:03,737 --> 01:00:05,973 Bianca! It's Bianca! 1167 01:00:06,107 --> 01:00:07,308 Come on! 1168 01:00:07,942 --> 01:00:10,377 Does your body just know? 1169 01:00:11,612 --> 01:00:12,279 Yeah. 1170 01:00:12,980 --> 01:00:14,849 - I think so. - Yeah? 1171 01:00:18,252 --> 01:00:19,220 All right, well... 1172 01:00:19,920 --> 01:00:21,222 that's it for me. 1173 01:00:21,355 --> 01:00:22,389 Okay. 1174 01:00:27,562 --> 01:00:28,996 I should've had some agua. 1175 01:00:29,630 --> 01:00:30,599 - Here. - Here. Get-- 1176 01:00:30,731 --> 01:00:31,765 - No! - No! Eve! Eve! 1177 01:00:35,102 --> 01:00:36,036 Ow! 1178 01:00:36,470 --> 01:00:37,404 You okay? 1179 01:00:38,272 --> 01:00:39,673 Yeah, I'm okay. 1180 01:00:54,556 --> 01:00:55,422 Eve. 1181 01:00:57,291 --> 01:00:58,425 I-- 1182 01:01:00,327 --> 01:01:01,428 I'm sorry. 1183 01:01:01,929 --> 01:01:04,098 - It's okay. - It's not okay. 1184 01:01:04,932 --> 01:01:06,767 We're just a little drunk. 1185 01:01:07,569 --> 01:01:11,238 I'm crazy, but I try to never be a complete douche. 1186 01:01:11,939 --> 01:01:14,175 You're not a complete douche. 1187 01:01:14,308 --> 01:01:15,209 Just... 1188 01:01:15,610 --> 01:01:17,811 maybe a partial douche? 1189 01:01:18,779 --> 01:01:20,948 'Kay, I'm gonna... 1190 01:01:21,081 --> 01:01:22,216 I-- 1191 01:01:22,349 --> 01:01:23,450 Can you, uh-- 1192 01:01:24,251 --> 01:01:25,152 Yeah. 1193 01:01:26,521 --> 01:01:27,855 - Okay. - Oh, hey. 1194 01:01:29,123 --> 01:01:31,660 "Chin up, Cookie." 1195 01:01:32,760 --> 01:01:35,296 Are you doing movie lines on me? 1196 01:01:36,797 --> 01:01:37,666 Yea-- 1197 01:01:39,266 --> 01:01:40,267 Eve-- 1198 01:02:32,886 --> 01:02:38,560 ♪ 1 Day 'Til Christmas ♪ 1199 01:02:38,693 --> 01:02:41,362 ♪ Girl, what did you do? ♪ 1200 01:03:57,137 --> 01:03:59,173 Hi. Did you find everything okay? 1201 01:03:59,306 --> 01:04:00,441 I did. 1202 01:04:00,675 --> 01:04:01,475 Wait, 1203 01:04:01,609 --> 01:04:03,844 are you Cookie Jerk? 1204 01:04:04,244 --> 01:04:06,413 I'm Cookie Jackass now. 1205 01:04:06,548 --> 01:04:07,816 I knew it! 1206 01:04:07,948 --> 01:04:10,951 I almost didn't recognize you because... 1207 01:04:11,919 --> 01:04:13,153 Got tall? 1208 01:04:13,521 --> 01:04:14,522 Yeah! 1209 01:05:09,042 --> 01:05:10,244 Eve? 1210 01:05:34,468 --> 01:05:36,538 That's why they call me... 1211 01:05:36,671 --> 01:05:38,673 Ace Strong. 1212 01:05:57,391 --> 01:05:59,359 Okay, can't do that yet. Can't do that yet. 1213 01:05:59,493 --> 01:06:00,360 That's okay. 1214 01:06:19,046 --> 01:06:21,315 You big old dirty slut! 1215 01:06:21,583 --> 01:06:23,885 I cannot believe you tried to bone Ace! 1216 01:06:24,117 --> 01:06:26,521 I thought you were done with love and going out in public. 1217 01:06:26,654 --> 01:06:27,789 I am. 1218 01:06:27,922 --> 01:06:28,823 Yeah, clearly. 1219 01:06:28,957 --> 01:06:30,157 Where are you right now? 1220 01:06:30,290 --> 01:06:31,860 In Jim's car, 1221 01:06:32,025 --> 01:06:33,060 in front of the house. 1222 01:06:36,063 --> 01:06:36,764 Okay. 1223 01:06:36,898 --> 01:06:38,432 Are you done? 1224 01:06:38,566 --> 01:06:40,835 Oh, I am never going to let you live this one down. 1225 01:06:40,969 --> 01:06:42,336 Absolutely not, Sister. 1226 01:06:42,469 --> 01:06:43,303 Ugh. 1227 01:06:43,437 --> 01:06:44,639 Do you have the coconut cake? 1228 01:06:44,772 --> 01:06:45,607 I already ate it. 1229 01:06:45,740 --> 01:06:46,741 I got something else. 1230 01:06:47,407 --> 01:06:48,041 Light her up! 1231 01:06:48,175 --> 01:06:49,176 Alright. 1232 01:06:56,818 --> 01:06:58,786 Okay, done. 1233 01:06:59,554 --> 01:07:00,889 Happy birthday, Baby Girl. 1234 01:07:01,021 --> 01:07:02,422 - I love you. - I love you. 1235 01:07:02,557 --> 01:07:03,490 Thanks. 1236 01:07:04,626 --> 01:07:06,694 Okay now, Evie, say the words. 1237 01:07:06,828 --> 01:07:08,362 I don't feel like it today. 1238 01:07:08,830 --> 01:07:10,464 I'm not asking. 1239 01:07:11,498 --> 01:07:13,568 I'm thankful for my birthday. 1240 01:07:13,935 --> 01:07:14,736 Mmhmm. 1241 01:07:14,869 --> 01:07:16,004 And every day. 1242 01:07:16,771 --> 01:07:18,472 I'm thankful for the chance to get older. 1243 01:07:18,606 --> 01:07:20,440 that some people never get. 1244 01:07:21,776 --> 01:07:23,011 Mmhmm. 1245 01:07:23,143 --> 01:07:25,880 I'm thankful for my family and friends. 1246 01:07:26,346 --> 01:07:28,550 And this here red velvet cupcake! 1247 01:07:30,985 --> 01:07:31,986 Mmhmm! 1248 01:07:32,119 --> 01:07:34,187 Get a big old bite, Sister! 1249 01:07:34,321 --> 01:07:36,558 Mmm, that's good. 1250 01:07:37,491 --> 01:07:38,392 Mmm! 1251 01:07:40,628 --> 01:07:41,729 Oh, Jesus. 1252 01:07:42,329 --> 01:07:43,497 That's rude. 1253 01:07:44,398 --> 01:07:45,867 What? Is somebody there? 1254 01:07:46,000 --> 01:07:47,035 Mmhmm. 1255 01:07:47,334 --> 01:07:48,536 Show me. Show me! 1256 01:07:49,904 --> 01:07:51,706 Hey! You big jerkface! Why don't you 1257 01:07:51,839 --> 01:07:53,240 - back the fuck up? - Stop! 1258 01:07:53,373 --> 01:07:55,743 I'm still trying to get that job! 1259 01:07:55,877 --> 01:07:58,178 Why do you think I've been doing all these posts about Ace? 1260 01:07:58,546 --> 01:07:59,847 What are you talking about? 1261 01:07:59,981 --> 01:08:01,749 I'm growing my following the old fashioned way. 1262 01:08:01,883 --> 01:08:04,251 Lots of cryptic posts about love. 1263 01:08:07,989 --> 01:08:10,692 Oh, my God. You got to take these down right now. 1264 01:08:10,825 --> 01:08:11,826 I can't. 1265 01:08:11,960 --> 01:08:13,226 They've got shitloads of views. 1266 01:08:13,360 --> 01:08:15,329 I can't believe you'd do this to him. 1267 01:08:15,863 --> 01:08:17,065 What? It's fine. 1268 01:08:17,197 --> 01:08:18,800 He's not even online. 1269 01:08:18,933 --> 01:08:22,537 Right! But the studio people that hired him are! 1270 01:08:23,170 --> 01:08:26,074 And you can clearly tell it's him in this last one. 1271 01:08:26,206 --> 01:08:28,308 - I cannot believe you'd do this! 1272 01:08:28,442 --> 01:08:29,744 Ashley, it's fine. 1273 01:08:29,877 --> 01:08:31,311 No, it is not. 1274 01:08:31,445 --> 01:08:33,246 Do you even know why he's alone for the holidays? 1275 01:08:33,380 --> 01:08:34,816 He's recovering from surgery. 1276 01:08:34,949 --> 01:08:36,684 Right, and he doesn't want anyone 1277 01:08:36,818 --> 01:08:38,820 to know so he can keep his next job. 1278 01:08:38,953 --> 01:08:40,521 It's a big one, Evie. 1279 01:08:40,655 --> 01:08:43,024 I would think you of all people would respect his privacy. 1280 01:08:43,156 --> 01:08:44,458 Ash! 1281 01:08:44,592 --> 01:08:46,460 Ash?! Don't "Ash" me. Look. 1282 01:08:46,928 --> 01:08:49,296 Take that shit down. Now. I got to go. 1283 01:08:49,429 --> 01:08:50,698 Take that shit down now. 1284 01:08:51,231 --> 01:08:51,933 Now! 1285 01:08:56,037 --> 01:08:57,705 Oh, Jesus. 1286 01:09:35,576 --> 01:09:37,310 Brian, talk to me. 1287 01:09:37,444 --> 01:09:39,147 So, down to business. 1288 01:09:39,279 --> 01:09:40,882 You didn't get the role of Emma. 1289 01:09:41,015 --> 01:09:42,449 What? Why? 1290 01:09:42,583 --> 01:09:44,686 I have thousands of new followers. 1291 01:09:45,153 --> 01:09:47,622 Andrea saw your last post and said it's no bueno. 1292 01:09:47,755 --> 01:09:49,123 But we'll get the next one. 1293 01:09:53,695 --> 01:09:54,796 Fuck! 1294 01:09:58,633 --> 01:10:00,400 Shit! 1295 01:10:06,808 --> 01:10:08,375 What do you think, Coach? 1296 01:10:09,376 --> 01:10:10,377 It's better. 1297 01:10:10,845 --> 01:10:11,746 Yeah? 1298 01:10:12,180 --> 01:10:14,448 Long time fanboy, huh? 1299 01:10:15,149 --> 01:10:16,050 Suits you. 1300 01:10:16,184 --> 01:10:17,217 The red. 1301 01:10:17,852 --> 01:10:19,053 You know, I could drive you over there. 1302 01:10:19,187 --> 01:10:20,588 She doesn't live that far away. 1303 01:10:20,722 --> 01:10:23,057 Oh, my buddy's waiting for me out front. 1304 01:10:23,191 --> 01:10:25,893 uh, so the house is yours. 1305 01:10:26,728 --> 01:10:27,829 Oh, and 1306 01:10:27,962 --> 01:10:29,797 I, uh, 1307 01:10:30,531 --> 01:10:31,799 I got you something. 1308 01:10:38,940 --> 01:10:39,907 Thanks. 1309 01:10:45,179 --> 01:10:47,882 Hey, do you remember the first time we met? 1310 01:10:48,182 --> 01:10:49,183 Yeah. 1311 01:10:49,316 --> 01:10:51,753 I was kind of a bitch, I guess. 1312 01:10:51,886 --> 01:10:53,121 No you weren't. 1313 01:10:55,322 --> 01:10:57,658 I was trying to get a kiss from Riley Tippet. 1314 01:11:04,264 --> 01:11:05,900 Gross! 1315 01:11:11,506 --> 01:11:12,840 Hey, Ace? 1316 01:11:14,407 --> 01:11:16,511 You know what my Mimi always says? 1317 01:11:17,512 --> 01:11:18,813 The bus comes along 1318 01:11:18,946 --> 01:11:20,948 every 10 minutes. 1319 01:11:23,684 --> 01:11:25,086 What does that mean? 1320 01:11:25,219 --> 01:11:27,454 It means you'll be a heartbreaker 1321 01:11:27,588 --> 01:11:29,289 after puberty. 1322 01:11:34,562 --> 01:11:35,696 Beat it, squirt. 1323 01:11:40,300 --> 01:11:42,203 Puberty. 1324 01:11:42,904 --> 01:11:45,907 And I have been a Cookie Jerk fan 1325 01:11:46,373 --> 01:11:47,742 ever since. 1326 01:11:48,576 --> 01:11:49,744 You were... 1327 01:11:51,846 --> 01:11:52,647 magic. 1328 01:11:53,648 --> 01:11:55,917 I was young and full of myself. 1329 01:11:57,185 --> 01:11:58,953 So be old and full of yourself. 1330 01:11:59,587 --> 01:12:00,788 I'm full of something. 1331 01:12:03,291 --> 01:12:04,192 All right, 1332 01:12:04,391 --> 01:12:05,660 beat it, squirt. 1333 01:12:07,929 --> 01:12:09,030 Eve, I-- 1334 01:12:09,163 --> 01:12:10,531 Ace, actually I want to tell you something. 1335 01:12:11,999 --> 01:12:14,101 The other night, I was so messed up. 1336 01:12:16,737 --> 01:12:18,606 You've been posting about me? 1337 01:12:19,339 --> 01:12:20,708 That's what I wanted to tell you. 1338 01:12:20,842 --> 01:12:22,510 See, that wasn't even about you. 1339 01:12:22,643 --> 01:12:24,377 - It's just that-- - Eve, what the hell? 1340 01:12:24,779 --> 01:12:26,413 Why would you do this? 1341 01:12:26,547 --> 01:12:27,347 Listen, I-- 1342 01:12:27,480 --> 01:12:28,149 I don't want to hear it. 1343 01:13:00,047 --> 01:13:03,351 ♪ It's Christmas Eve in the city ♪ 1344 01:13:03,483 --> 01:13:04,652 Fuck! 1345 01:13:04,785 --> 01:13:09,257 ♪ And all around the world ♪ 1346 01:13:12,193 --> 01:13:14,095 ♪ ...wish good will towards man ♪ 1347 01:13:14,228 --> 01:13:14,962 Bianca. 1348 01:13:15,196 --> 01:13:16,130 Hey, you. 1349 01:13:17,098 --> 01:13:18,666 Can I grab you a nog? 1350 01:13:18,966 --> 01:13:19,533 I'm sorry. 1351 01:13:19,667 --> 01:13:20,968 Where's Ace? 1352 01:13:21,102 --> 01:13:23,537 He only drinks raw eggs and lives in dry fit. 1353 01:13:28,242 --> 01:13:30,177 I'm trying to do things a little different. 1354 01:13:32,213 --> 01:13:33,480 It's good to see you. 1355 01:14:46,153 --> 01:14:47,521 Eve Carter. 1356 01:14:47,655 --> 01:14:49,523 Hey, you calling to yell at me again on Christmas Eve? 1357 01:14:49,657 --> 01:14:50,858 I got my kids on the speakerphone 1358 01:14:50,992 --> 01:14:52,626 so they can hear everything. 1359 01:14:53,094 --> 01:14:54,494 No, Charlie. 1360 01:14:54,628 --> 01:14:56,163 Well look, "Christmas with More Jerks" 1361 01:14:56,297 --> 01:14:58,466 wasn't quite right without you, kid. 1362 01:14:58,599 --> 01:14:59,800 Shadonna, it turns out, 1363 01:14:59,934 --> 01:15:01,469 is quite the "Sha-diva". 1364 01:15:01,602 --> 01:15:03,938 So that's on me. 1365 01:15:04,071 --> 01:15:06,273 - Can you forgive me? - Maybe. Listen, 1366 01:15:07,174 --> 01:15:08,809 I need a favor. 1367 01:15:15,116 --> 01:15:18,886 ♪...under the mistletoe ♪ 1368 01:15:19,020 --> 01:15:22,323 ♪ Is a kiss on the top of your wish list? ♪ 1369 01:15:22,456 --> 01:15:25,960 ♪ Well I know a girl you should know ♪ 1370 01:15:27,194 --> 01:15:28,229 ♪ She's sugar and spice ♪ 1371 01:15:28,362 --> 01:15:29,196 Eve? 1372 01:15:29,497 --> 01:15:31,165 ♪ Naughty and nice ♪ 1373 01:15:31,298 --> 01:15:32,533 What are you doing here? 1374 01:15:32,833 --> 01:15:34,135 What? Came to finish the job, 1375 01:15:34,268 --> 01:15:35,703 just needed an audience? 1376 01:15:36,504 --> 01:15:37,872 Go ahead. Just do it to my face. 1377 01:15:38,005 --> 01:15:39,508 I don't even have my phone. 1378 01:15:39,640 --> 01:15:41,075 Sorry if I don't believe you. 1379 01:15:41,542 --> 01:15:42,676 That's fair. 1380 01:15:42,810 --> 01:15:43,911 Who's this? 1381 01:15:46,113 --> 01:15:47,415 Cookie Jerk! 1382 01:15:49,650 --> 01:15:50,618 Oh, my gosh! 1383 01:15:50,751 --> 01:15:52,153 Let's take a selfie! 1384 01:16:00,494 --> 01:16:02,229 Why are you here, Eve? 1385 01:16:03,831 --> 01:16:05,166 I just wanted to make sure you got here okay. 1386 01:16:05,299 --> 01:16:07,101 And you did. You're doing great! 1387 01:16:07,234 --> 01:16:08,702 So I'm just going to go. 1388 01:16:12,740 --> 01:16:13,874 I screwed up. 1389 01:16:15,609 --> 01:16:16,744 I was so focused on what I wanted 1390 01:16:16,877 --> 01:16:18,446 I wasn't even thinking about you. 1391 01:16:18,579 --> 01:16:20,681 I just wanted you out of that house. 1392 01:16:22,049 --> 01:16:24,385 But somebody told me recently that if I wanted something, 1393 01:16:24,885 --> 01:16:26,921 I should go for it on my terms. 1394 01:16:28,089 --> 01:16:29,558 But the thing is, right now, 1395 01:16:29,924 --> 01:16:30,991 all I want... 1396 01:16:31,992 --> 01:16:33,727 is just a little more time with you. 1397 01:16:35,663 --> 01:16:36,897 Ooh! 1398 01:16:37,698 --> 01:16:38,365 Thank you. 1399 01:16:38,499 --> 01:16:40,000 Mistletoe! 1400 01:16:40,535 --> 01:16:41,536 Who is next? 1401 01:16:42,269 --> 01:16:43,737 - Come on. - We-- We talked about this. 1402 01:16:43,871 --> 01:16:45,574 Simon, consent. 1403 01:16:45,706 --> 01:16:47,041 Okay, Well, I-- 1404 01:16:47,441 --> 01:16:48,609 Are you okay? 1405 01:16:50,211 --> 01:16:51,045 Wow. 1406 01:16:51,580 --> 01:16:52,346 She's, like, 1407 01:16:52,480 --> 01:16:53,614 obsessed with you. 1408 01:16:54,448 --> 01:16:55,249 That's... 1409 01:16:55,584 --> 01:16:56,650 so sad. 1410 01:16:56,784 --> 01:16:58,619 ♪ She's sugar and spice ♪ 1411 01:16:58,752 --> 01:17:00,488 ♪ But she's not asking twice ♪ 1412 01:17:00,621 --> 01:17:03,224 ♪ Waiting under that evergreen tree ♪ 1413 01:17:03,357 --> 01:17:06,427 ♪ If you're ready to fall in love this Christmas ♪ 1414 01:17:06,561 --> 01:17:10,764 ♪ Fall in love with me ♪ 1415 01:17:13,033 --> 01:17:14,335 You're saying no? 1416 01:17:14,468 --> 01:17:16,837 Andrea saw that viral party video. 1417 01:17:16,971 --> 01:17:19,340 She wants you now for Emma. 1418 01:17:19,473 --> 01:17:20,941 And your passing?! 1419 01:17:21,108 --> 01:17:22,643 Is this some kind of midlife crisis thing now? 1420 01:17:22,776 --> 01:17:24,445 No! 1421 01:17:24,579 --> 01:17:26,080 But you're bailing on the plastic surgery trip? 1422 01:17:26,213 --> 01:17:28,282 Well, I'm still going to get my Botox. 1423 01:17:28,415 --> 01:17:29,850 'Cause I'm not an animal. 1424 01:17:30,684 --> 01:17:32,253 And Andrea said I could shadow her 1425 01:17:32,386 --> 01:17:34,021 while she directs Emma this summer. 1426 01:17:34,488 --> 01:17:36,123 So you want to direct now? 1427 01:17:37,158 --> 01:17:38,859 I'm getting whiplash over here. 1428 01:17:39,426 --> 01:17:41,962 Look, I got to get back to my family. 1429 01:17:42,830 --> 01:17:44,165 Yeah, of course. 1430 01:17:44,566 --> 01:17:45,833 Let's talk next week. 1431 01:17:45,966 --> 01:17:47,536 Maybe you'll come to your senses. 1432 01:17:47,668 --> 01:17:49,036 Merry Christmas. 1433 01:17:49,503 --> 01:17:50,871 Merry Christmas to you, too. 1434 01:17:52,840 --> 01:17:54,141 Group shot! 1435 01:17:56,477 --> 01:17:58,078 Here, like this. 1436 01:18:03,552 --> 01:18:05,319 Next stop, Claremont Rooftop? 1437 01:18:05,686 --> 01:18:07,688 Havana Club! 1438 01:18:11,258 --> 01:18:11,959 Umm, 1439 01:18:12,092 --> 01:18:13,360 let's just go to a bar. 1440 01:18:14,295 --> 01:18:15,329 Mmhmm. 1441 01:18:25,706 --> 01:18:28,042 Why, Satan? Why?! 1442 01:19:08,215 --> 01:19:10,518 ♪ Christmas With Jerks ♪ 1443 01:19:23,497 --> 01:19:24,298 Gross. 1444 01:19:36,511 --> 01:19:37,244 Hey, Mac. 1445 01:19:38,747 --> 01:19:40,180 Yeah, you saw the post. 1446 01:19:40,615 --> 01:19:42,416 Look, I'm-- I'm really sorry. 1447 01:19:44,586 --> 01:19:45,553 Wait, what? 1448 01:19:48,255 --> 01:19:50,224 They want to offer me what? 1449 01:19:56,430 --> 01:20:00,200 ♪ Ho, ho, ho, Merry Christmas! ♪ 1450 01:20:15,449 --> 01:20:18,419 ♪ Oh, tell me do you want to get down tonight? ♪ 1451 01:20:18,553 --> 01:20:21,121 ♪ Do the Christmas boogie and it feels alright ♪ 1452 01:20:21,255 --> 01:20:23,625 ♪ Santa, let the music move your feet ♪ 1453 01:20:23,758 --> 01:20:25,826 ♪ Feel the eternal rhythm to the crazy beat ♪ 1454 01:20:25,959 --> 01:20:28,495 ♪ Aren't you tired of driving that same old sleigh? ♪ 1455 01:20:28,630 --> 01:20:31,265 ♪ You deserve a night to just play, play, play ♪ 1456 01:20:31,398 --> 01:20:33,568 ♪ No one's going to miss you for an hour or so ♪ 1457 01:20:33,702 --> 01:20:36,638 ♪ Come on, Santa! Let yourself go ♪ 1458 01:20:36,771 --> 01:20:37,639 Eve? 1459 01:20:37,938 --> 01:20:38,640 Oh shit! 1460 01:20:38,773 --> 01:20:40,074 Uh, sorry! Sorry! 1461 01:20:42,577 --> 01:20:43,477 Sorry. 1462 01:20:45,112 --> 01:20:46,614 Eve, thank you. 1463 01:20:48,282 --> 01:20:50,084 I know you made some calls for me. 1464 01:20:50,984 --> 01:20:52,019 And... 1465 01:20:53,187 --> 01:20:55,189 I get to stay in the multiverse. They're... 1466 01:20:55,989 --> 01:20:57,291 going to let me coordinate. 1467 01:20:58,526 --> 01:21:00,528 Are you sad you won't be in the spandex? 1468 01:21:02,396 --> 01:21:05,866 Uh, with the higher rate I think I'll survive. 1469 01:21:08,969 --> 01:21:09,804 You know, I was-- 1470 01:21:09,937 --> 01:21:11,472 I was getting dressed. 1471 01:21:11,972 --> 01:21:12,873 Huh? 1472 01:21:13,508 --> 01:21:14,441 My ankle. 1473 01:21:15,543 --> 01:21:17,878 I wasn't driving a car out of a plane. 1474 01:21:18,011 --> 01:21:19,446 I was getting dressed. 1475 01:21:20,648 --> 01:21:23,551 Got my foot caught in my underwear, and 1476 01:21:23,685 --> 01:21:24,519 I tripped. 1477 01:21:25,553 --> 01:21:26,621 I guess I'm.... 1478 01:21:27,454 --> 01:21:29,557 - I guess I'm getting-- - Old? 1479 01:21:30,958 --> 01:21:32,426 Well, 1480 01:21:32,560 --> 01:21:34,128 today's my birthday. 1481 01:21:38,566 --> 01:21:40,668 I really like your suit. 1482 01:21:44,905 --> 01:21:47,074 She wanted you back. 1483 01:21:50,043 --> 01:21:51,011 Yeah. 1484 01:21:52,146 --> 01:21:53,280 She just... 1485 01:21:54,816 --> 01:21:56,083 doesn't really like me. 1486 01:21:59,721 --> 01:22:00,889 What's not to like? 1487 01:22:06,628 --> 01:22:10,097 You know my body says you're something special. 1488 01:22:10,565 --> 01:22:11,365 And your brain? 1489 01:22:11,498 --> 01:22:13,000 Says we might kill each other. 1490 01:22:13,133 --> 01:22:15,102 Oh, we're definitely going to kill each other. 1491 01:22:17,705 --> 01:22:21,576 ♪ I just want to be with you for Christmas ♪ 1492 01:22:22,610 --> 01:22:26,146 ♪ Wrap you up in a big red bow ♪ 1493 01:22:26,280 --> 01:22:29,149 All I got for Christmas was a candy cane. 1494 01:22:31,118 --> 01:22:32,654 Oh, my God. 1495 01:22:32,787 --> 01:22:34,589 You did the line! 1496 01:22:34,722 --> 01:22:37,525 You did the line, and you made it naughty. 1497 01:22:42,062 --> 01:22:43,263 You 1498 01:22:43,731 --> 01:22:45,032 are 1499 01:22:45,466 --> 01:22:46,701 magic. 1500 01:22:47,100 --> 01:22:48,435 You are 1501 01:22:48,770 --> 01:22:50,437 overdressed. 1502 01:22:51,138 --> 01:22:52,574 I couldn't agree more. 1503 01:22:55,175 --> 01:22:56,076 Oh, no! Going down! 1504 01:22:58,613 --> 01:23:00,047 You okay? 1505 01:23:00,380 --> 01:23:01,348 No. 1506 01:23:01,616 --> 01:23:02,784 I'm Ace. 1507 01:23:04,752 --> 01:23:09,757 ♪ Come on and fill my Christmas stocking ♪ 1508 01:23:09,891 --> 01:23:14,762 ♪ Turn on all my Christmas lights ♪ 1509 01:23:15,630 --> 01:23:18,065 I'm going to need to piggy back your ass to the bed, aren't I? 1510 01:23:18,198 --> 01:23:19,433 Absolutely. 1511 01:23:21,736 --> 01:23:22,604 Here we go! 1512 01:23:25,239 --> 01:23:32,312 ♪ Hallelu- uu- uuu - ujah! ♪ 1513 01:23:32,446 --> 01:23:35,182 ♪ Christmas came ♪ 1514 01:23:35,315 --> 01:23:37,084 ♪ twice ♪ 1515 01:23:37,217 --> 01:23:38,385 for real. 1516 01:23:42,790 --> 01:23:44,491 Merry Christmas, Eve. 1517 01:23:48,796 --> 01:23:49,631 Uh oh. 1518 01:23:52,266 --> 01:23:53,801 Found your little friend. 1519 01:23:55,102 --> 01:23:57,371 Her name is Maude. 1520 01:23:58,038 --> 01:23:59,874 And she could be your friend too. 1521 01:24:01,241 --> 01:24:02,075 Oooh. 1522 01:24:02,977 --> 01:24:03,811 Ooh! 1523 01:24:05,145 --> 01:24:07,682 Ooh! Oh, okay! 1524 01:24:09,483 --> 01:24:11,218 You big old dirty slut! 1525 01:24:12,554 --> 01:24:13,755 I knew it. 1526 01:24:15,289 --> 01:24:18,158 Merry Christmas? 1527 01:24:18,292 --> 01:24:20,862 You're buying me new sheets. Both of you. 1528 01:24:24,532 --> 01:24:25,332 Does this have other settings? 1529 01:24:26,534 --> 01:24:27,669 - Ohh! - Oh, my God! 1530 01:24:27,802 --> 01:24:28,703 Oh, it goes faster! Oh, hello. 1531 01:24:35,375 --> 01:24:37,011 ♪ Christmas With Jerks ♪ 1532 01:24:44,351 --> 01:24:46,253 ♪ Christmas With Jerks ♪ 1533 01:24:48,488 --> 01:24:50,324 ♪ Christmas With Jerks ♪ 1534 01:24:52,426 --> 01:24:54,161 ♪ Christmas With Jerks ♪ 1535 01:24:59,366 --> 01:25:01,368 ♪ Christmas With Jerks ♪ 1536 01:25:15,415 --> 01:25:17,250 ♪ Christmas With Jerks ♪ 1537 01:25:28,261 --> 01:25:30,397 ♪ Christmas With Jerks ♪ 1538 01:25:31,298 --> 01:25:33,500 ♪ Christmas With Jerks ♪ 1539 01:25:36,269 --> 01:25:38,438 ♪ Christmas With Jerks ♪ 1540 01:25:40,374 --> 01:25:42,442 ♪ Christmas With Jerks ♪ 1541 01:25:47,481 --> 01:25:49,651 ♪ Christmas With Jerks ♪ 1542 01:25:56,289 --> 01:25:58,492 ♪ Christmas With Jerks ♪ 1543 01:26:03,430 --> 01:26:05,633 ♪ Christmas With Jerks ♪ 1544 01:26:12,472 --> 01:26:14,408 ♪ Christmas With Jerks ♪ 1545 01:26:19,479 --> 01:26:21,716 ♪ Christmas With Jerks ♪ 1546 01:26:23,417 --> 01:26:25,653 ♪ Christmas With Jerks ♪ 1547 01:26:27,320 --> 01:26:32,392 ♪ Christmas With Jerks ♪ 104013

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