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1
00:00:02,294 --> 00:00:04,994
Cheers is filmed beforea live studio audience.
2
00:00:05,094 --> 00:00:08,094
Hey, guys, mail's in.
3
00:00:08,094 --> 00:00:09,594
All right, let's see...
4
00:00:09,694 --> 00:00:10,994
Mr. Peterson.
5
00:00:11,094 --> 00:00:13,494
Mr. Peterson.
6
00:00:13,494 --> 00:00:15,694
Mr. Peterson.
7
00:00:15,794 --> 00:00:17,694
Occupant.
8
00:00:17,694 --> 00:00:20,094
Mr. Peterson.
9
00:00:20,094 --> 00:00:21,494
Mr. Boyd.
10
00:00:21,594 --> 00:00:23,294
Oh, hey, that's me.
11
00:00:23,394 --> 00:00:26,194
Oh, yeah, I ordered
this weeks ago.
12
00:00:26,194 --> 00:00:28,494
This is a whole big book
of crossword puzzles.
13
00:00:28,494 --> 00:00:29,794
All right. Well,
let's check them out.
14
00:00:29,894 --> 00:00:30,694
Hey, this is great
15
00:00:30,894 --> 00:00:32,294
because it has all
the answers in the back
16
00:00:32,394 --> 00:00:36,094
so we don't have to worry
about all those confusing clues.
17
00:00:36,094 --> 00:00:37,594
All right,
18
00:00:37,694 --> 00:00:38,894
one across.
19
00:00:38,994 --> 00:00:40,194
"Penguin."
20
00:00:40,294 --> 00:00:43,394
Penguin?
21
00:00:43,394 --> 00:00:45,194
Hey, hey, hey, it fits.
22
00:00:45,194 --> 00:00:47,394
All right!
23
00:00:47,494 --> 00:00:49,994
Hey, these are great once
you get the hang of them, huh?
24
00:00:50,094 --> 00:00:52,994
(theme song begins)
25
00:00:54,694 --> 00:00:56,994
¶ Sometimes you want to go
26
00:00:57,094 --> 00:01:01,894
¶ Where everybody
knows your name ¶
27
00:01:01,894 --> 00:01:06,694
¶ And they're always
glad you came ¶
28
00:01:06,694 --> 00:01:09,094
¶ You wanna be
where you can see ¶
29
00:01:09,194 --> 00:01:11,894
¶ Our troubles
are all the same ¶
30
00:01:11,994 --> 00:01:16,794
¶ You wanna go where
everybody knows your name. ¶
31
00:01:36,394 --> 00:01:37,694
Oh, hey, Miss Howe.
32
00:01:37,694 --> 00:01:39,894
You look nice.
What's the occasion?
33
00:01:39,894 --> 00:01:42,794
Well, I just signed up with
an executive placement agency,
34
00:01:42,894 --> 00:01:43,894
and I have all sorts
of interviews
35
00:01:43,894 --> 00:01:45,094
lined up this afternoon.
36
00:01:45,094 --> 00:01:46,694
I feel really great about it.
37
00:01:46,694 --> 00:01:50,994
I'm finally gonna get myself out
of this brain-dead mausoleum.
38
00:01:50,994 --> 00:01:53,694
Oh, no offense, guys.
39
00:01:53,794 --> 00:01:55,894
Huh?
40
00:01:57,594 --> 00:01:58,994
Well, I'm off.
41
00:01:59,094 --> 00:02:00,194
Good luck, Miss Howe.
42
00:02:00,294 --> 00:02:01,694
Thanks, Woody,
but I don't need it.
43
00:02:01,794 --> 00:02:03,494
I'm wearing my lucky dress.
I can't lose.
44
00:02:03,494 --> 00:02:05,394
Hi, Sam. I'm off
to get a job.
45
00:02:05,494 --> 00:02:06,794
Nothing can stop me now.
46
00:02:06,794 --> 00:02:07,894
In that?
47
00:02:07,894 --> 00:02:08,994
Oh, who am I fooling?
48
00:02:09,094 --> 00:02:10,994
They're not going to hire
a loser like me.
49
00:02:14,294 --> 00:02:15,694
Hey, just saw
50
00:02:15,794 --> 00:02:17,494
the neatest little present
in this kids' shop.
51
00:02:17,494 --> 00:02:19,294
Look at this.
52
00:02:19,494 --> 00:02:22,194
Does this say little
Freddie Crane or what, huh?
53
00:02:22,194 --> 00:02:24,194
"Babe hound in training."
54
00:02:26,094 --> 00:02:28,494
Afternoon, all.
55
00:02:28,494 --> 00:02:29,694
Hey, Dr. Crane.
56
00:02:29,794 --> 00:02:31,094
Dr. Sternin-Crane.
57
00:02:31,194 --> 00:02:34,294
And little Frederick
Crane-Sternin-Crane-Crane.
58
00:02:36,094 --> 00:02:36,894
What can I get you?
59
00:02:36,994 --> 00:02:38,794
I know I could use
a glass of water.
60
00:02:40,794 --> 00:02:42,194
Hey, it's my best pal.
61
00:02:42,194 --> 00:02:43,894
Well, hello to
you, too, Sam.
62
00:02:43,994 --> 00:02:46,094
Oh, hey, Fras.
63
00:02:46,094 --> 00:02:47,694
Hi, there.
64
00:02:47,794 --> 00:02:49,194
Give me five.
65
00:02:49,294 --> 00:02:51,194
Pow!
66
00:02:51,194 --> 00:02:52,994
So what are you
guys doing here?
67
00:02:53,094 --> 00:02:56,194
Someone got a little
thirsty while we were
playing in the park.
68
00:02:56,294 --> 00:02:57,994
Aw, yeah, I see.
Need some juice?
69
00:02:57,994 --> 00:02:59,694
You said it.
Scotch on the rocks.
70
00:02:59,694 --> 00:03:02,494
I'm joking.
71
00:03:02,594 --> 00:03:04,594
No, Sam, Uh, just
a little apple juice
72
00:03:04,694 --> 00:03:06,294
and, uh, a couple
of ginger ales.
73
00:03:11,394 --> 00:03:12,994
We're having quality
family time.
74
00:03:13,094 --> 00:03:14,494
FRASIER:
That's right.
75
00:03:14,594 --> 00:03:17,194
I canceled every single one
of my appointments today.
76
00:03:17,294 --> 00:03:18,894
LILITH:
And I called in
sick to the lab.
77
00:03:18,994 --> 00:03:21,694
I placed some gauze
over the telephone
78
00:03:21,794 --> 00:03:24,794
and altered my voice
so as to appear ill.
79
00:03:24,894 --> 00:03:26,894
And the Oscar goes to...
80
00:03:29,794 --> 00:03:31,394
Here we are, dear.
81
00:03:31,494 --> 00:03:34,494
So, we decided to have
a lovely afternoon
with a picnic,
82
00:03:34,594 --> 00:03:37,294
and now we're off
to go fly a kite.
83
00:03:37,394 --> 00:03:38,894
Oh, hey, I noticed
it was windy, too.
84
00:03:38,894 --> 00:03:41,094
I went out and I got little
Frederick this kite, huh?
85
00:03:41,194 --> 00:03:42,194
What do you think?
86
00:03:42,194 --> 00:03:44,194
I've got
an idea.
87
00:03:44,194 --> 00:03:46,494
Why don't we, uh, why don't
we go try these babies.
88
00:03:46,594 --> 00:03:48,594
I'll be right back.
I'm gonna get my jacket.
89
00:03:48,594 --> 00:03:50,594
Sam is tagging along?
90
00:03:50,594 --> 00:03:52,694
We need some time
to ourselves.
91
00:03:52,694 --> 00:03:55,094
Well, you know,
darling, it is Sam.
92
00:03:55,194 --> 00:03:56,494
Frasier, am I going
93
00:03:56,494 --> 00:03:59,294
to have to play "bad cop?"
94
00:03:59,294 --> 00:04:02,094
Now, let me understand...
95
00:04:02,194 --> 00:04:04,794
are you saying that
up, up until this point,
96
00:04:04,894 --> 00:04:07,094
you've been playing "good cop?"
97
00:04:10,394 --> 00:04:12,794
Hey, Frasier, I've got an idea.
We can tie your little kite
98
00:04:12,794 --> 00:04:14,894
to the end of this
and make a great tail.
99
00:04:21,294 --> 00:04:22,394
(doorbell ringing)
100
00:04:22,494 --> 00:04:23,494
Coming.
101
00:04:23,594 --> 00:04:25,094
I'm coming.
102
00:04:27,794 --> 00:04:28,994
Oh, it's you.
103
00:04:29,094 --> 00:04:31,294
Yeah. Hi, hi, Lilith.
104
00:04:31,294 --> 00:04:32,594
Hey, look at you.
105
00:04:32,694 --> 00:04:34,194
You've got hair like a woman.
106
00:04:36,894 --> 00:04:39,094
I'm here to watch
Huckleberry Hound.
107
00:04:39,194 --> 00:04:40,794
At 5:53 a.m.?
108
00:04:40,894 --> 00:04:41,894
Yeah. Yeah.
109
00:04:41,894 --> 00:04:43,094
Yesterday, me
and Freddie decided
110
00:04:43,194 --> 00:04:44,894
we're gonna watch
some cartoons.
111
00:04:44,894 --> 00:04:47,694
Who decided?
The child can barely speak.
112
00:04:47,694 --> 00:04:50,694
Well, he can nod.
Hey, Frasier.
113
00:04:50,794 --> 00:04:52,794
Hey, Freddie, we're gonna
watch the cartoons.
114
00:05:00,394 --> 00:05:02,694
That wasn't Sam Malone, was it?
115
00:05:03,994 --> 00:05:06,594
Please tell me
that was an armed intruder.
116
00:05:06,594 --> 00:05:08,094
It was Sam.
117
00:05:08,194 --> 00:05:09,694
Frasier, you've got
to do something.
118
00:05:09,694 --> 00:05:10,994
Every day he gets here
119
00:05:10,994 --> 00:05:11,994
a little earlier,
120
00:05:12,094 --> 00:05:14,194
and every night
he leaves a little later.
121
00:05:14,194 --> 00:05:16,294
Well, darling,
he, he is a friend of ours.
122
00:05:16,294 --> 00:05:17,994
It's getting so we can't
make love in the morning.
123
00:05:18,094 --> 00:05:21,794
I didn't know we could make love
in the morning.
124
00:05:23,394 --> 00:05:25,094
We can't.
125
00:05:25,194 --> 00:05:26,794
It was just a "for instance."
126
00:05:28,094 --> 00:05:29,494
The point is
127
00:05:29,494 --> 00:05:31,794
I don't like people seeing me
in my nightgown.
128
00:05:31,894 --> 00:05:33,594
It undermines my authority.
129
00:05:33,694 --> 00:05:35,994
I really wouldn't worry
about that.
130
00:05:37,694 --> 00:05:40,394
Frasier, do something.
131
00:05:40,394 --> 00:05:43,694
Well, my love, let's...
132
00:05:43,694 --> 00:05:48,694
let's try to use some insight
into what Sam's going through.
133
00:05:48,794 --> 00:05:51,694
His affection
for Frederick
134
00:05:51,794 --> 00:05:53,794
is not unusual under
the circumstances.
135
00:05:53,894 --> 00:05:55,694
After all, he's
an aging playboy
136
00:05:55,794 --> 00:05:57,994
who is just now
coming to realize
137
00:05:58,094 --> 00:06:00,494
that... he has nothing,
138
00:06:00,594 --> 00:06:02,894
and that he's
got no progeny left
139
00:06:02,894 --> 00:06:04,694
to carry on his name.
140
00:06:04,794 --> 00:06:07,394
And that is a frightening
revelation for any man.
141
00:06:07,494 --> 00:06:10,694
Frasier, it's 5:55
in the morning.
142
00:06:10,794 --> 00:06:11,594
The heave-ho.
143
00:06:14,794 --> 00:06:17,794
Sam, could you come
down here, please?
144
00:06:19,294 --> 00:06:21,594
Oh, good timing.
Commercial's on.
145
00:06:21,594 --> 00:06:23,294
Sam, there's something
we have to ask you.
146
00:06:23,394 --> 00:06:24,894
Yeah, good,
147
00:06:24,994 --> 00:06:26,494
because there's something
we have to ask you, too.
148
00:06:26,594 --> 00:06:27,694
What's for breakfast?
149
00:06:29,294 --> 00:06:31,894
He's reacting to the nightgown.
150
00:06:34,994 --> 00:06:37,794
Sam, look, as much
as we adore you,
151
00:06:37,794 --> 00:06:39,994
and are happy that you've taken
such an interest in Frederick,
152
00:06:40,094 --> 00:06:41,794
we, we're just not getting
153
00:06:41,894 --> 00:06:43,894
enough private time
to ourselves.
154
00:06:43,894 --> 00:06:45,594
Oh, say no more. I understand.
You guys want to be alone.
155
00:06:45,694 --> 00:06:46,894
Sure, tell you what.
156
00:06:46,994 --> 00:06:48,794
Why don't, uh, Freddie and I
go over to my apartment
157
00:06:48,894 --> 00:06:50,494
and you can catch up
with us later?
158
00:06:50,494 --> 00:06:52,294
No, no, Sam.
You misunderstand.
159
00:06:52,294 --> 00:06:54,794
We're not saying
that we want to be intimate
160
00:06:54,894 --> 00:06:56,094
with each other right now.
161
00:06:56,194 --> 00:06:58,994
God forbid while the sun's up.
162
00:07:03,094 --> 00:07:05,494
No, no, we're just saying
that we'd like to spend the day
163
00:07:05,594 --> 00:07:07,794
with our son,
just the three of us.
164
00:07:07,794 --> 00:07:09,294
Oh.
165
00:07:09,394 --> 00:07:10,294
Well, shoot.
166
00:07:10,394 --> 00:07:11,494
You should have told me sooner.
167
00:07:11,594 --> 00:07:13,294
I mean, I don't want
to, you know,
168
00:07:13,394 --> 00:07:14,494
horn in
on you guys.
169
00:07:14,494 --> 00:07:15,494
Tell you what, Freddie,
we're gonna have
170
00:07:15,594 --> 00:07:16,794
to watch cartoons
some other time, all right?
171
00:07:16,894 --> 00:07:18,694
Why don't you now go over
to your daddy, huh?
172
00:07:18,694 --> 00:07:21,394
There you go. Go to Daddy.
173
00:07:23,694 --> 00:07:25,894
Go on, Freddie. It's okay.
174
00:07:27,094 --> 00:07:29,494
Oh, fine. Now you see
what you've done?
175
00:07:29,494 --> 00:07:31,694
My son likes you better
than he likes me.
176
00:07:31,794 --> 00:07:33,794
No, don't be silly.
177
00:07:33,894 --> 00:07:35,394
Come on, go to Daddy.
You'll have fun.
178
00:07:35,494 --> 00:07:36,494
He loves you.
179
00:07:36,594 --> 00:07:38,294
Oh, now you're
being sarcastic.
180
00:07:39,794 --> 00:07:40,894
I'm not being sarcastic.
181
00:07:40,894 --> 00:07:41,994
Come on. Come on.
182
00:07:42,094 --> 00:07:44,694
Go to your daddy. Go on. Go.
183
00:07:44,694 --> 00:07:46,994
Okay, come on.
Go, go to your other daddy.
184
00:07:47,094 --> 00:07:48,694
Go to Uncle Frasier.
185
00:07:48,794 --> 00:07:52,094
Sam, you have turned
my son against me.
186
00:07:52,194 --> 00:07:53,394
LILITH:
If you two don't mind,
187
00:07:53,494 --> 00:07:54,994
I think I'll take
our little wishbone
188
00:07:55,094 --> 00:07:56,594
into the kitchen
for breakfast.
189
00:07:58,294 --> 00:08:01,294
Oh, this is...
190
00:08:01,394 --> 00:08:02,494
Fras, I'm sorry.
191
00:08:02,594 --> 00:08:03,394
Sam, he's my son.
192
00:08:03,494 --> 00:08:05,194
I made him.
I get to keep him.
193
00:08:07,694 --> 00:08:09,894
Come on, Fras.
Calm down.
194
00:08:09,894 --> 00:08:11,594
This is my house, my child
and my wife,
195
00:08:11,594 --> 00:08:13,394
who, thanks to you,
I don't even have time
196
00:08:13,494 --> 00:08:14,994
to make love to in the morning.
197
00:08:14,994 --> 00:08:15,994
I thought you said...
198
00:08:16,094 --> 00:08:17,194
All right, I'm raving!
199
00:08:23,794 --> 00:08:24,794
I'm sorry.
200
00:08:24,894 --> 00:08:26,594
It's just, uh...
I like your kid.
201
00:08:26,694 --> 00:08:28,094
I didn't know
I liked kids before.
202
00:08:28,194 --> 00:08:29,394
If you like kids so much,
203
00:08:29,394 --> 00:08:31,194
why don't you get
one of your own.
204
00:08:32,694 --> 00:08:33,994
Oh, Sam, Sam,
look, I'm sorry.
205
00:08:34,094 --> 00:08:34,994
Oh, that's all right.
206
00:08:35,094 --> 00:08:36,494
You, you know
I love you, right?
207
00:08:36,594 --> 00:08:38,894
I think you're one of the
greatest guys in the world.
208
00:08:38,994 --> 00:08:40,694
It's, it's just, it's
just a little bit early
209
00:08:40,794 --> 00:08:43,294
on a Saturday morning to, to
lose the love of your child.
210
00:08:45,494 --> 00:08:47,594
Now, if you...
you'd just excuse me
211
00:08:47,694 --> 00:08:50,294
I, I think I'll go try
to bond with my son
212
00:08:50,294 --> 00:08:51,594
over a bowl
of Froot Loops.
213
00:08:51,594 --> 00:08:53,694
Oh, God, I love Froot Loops.
214
00:08:54,994 --> 00:08:56,094
Sorry, sorry.
215
00:09:06,294 --> 00:09:07,394
Oh, hey, Miss Howe.
216
00:09:07,494 --> 00:09:08,194
How was
your interview?
217
00:09:08,294 --> 00:09:10,094
Did it go any better
than the others?
218
00:09:10,094 --> 00:09:11,294
Oh, yeah, the usual.
219
00:09:11,394 --> 00:09:13,294
You know, I was sitting
in the waiting room
220
00:09:13,394 --> 00:09:15,894
and got kind of nervous
so I just had a quick cigarette.
221
00:09:15,994 --> 00:09:18,294
You know, and that was
pretty much that.
222
00:09:30,994 --> 00:09:32,794
Think you could stop
throwing that thing?
223
00:09:32,894 --> 00:09:34,194
Why? Gives me something to do.
224
00:09:39,894 --> 00:09:41,594
We've got to talk.
225
00:09:41,694 --> 00:09:43,094
You know, ever since
I've been hanging around
226
00:09:43,194 --> 00:09:44,394
with Frasier and Lilith's kid,
I...
227
00:09:44,494 --> 00:09:45,494
(knocking)
228
00:09:51,394 --> 00:09:54,394
Sammy, uh, you don't expect me
to pay for this beer, do you?
229
00:09:54,394 --> 00:09:56,194
No.
230
00:09:56,294 --> 00:09:58,094
Good.
231
00:10:05,994 --> 00:10:08,094
Come on, what's wrong?
232
00:10:08,094 --> 00:10:11,194
Do you think guys have
a biological clock?
233
00:10:11,294 --> 00:10:14,094
You know, like they know
when it's time to have a kid?
234
00:10:14,094 --> 00:10:15,494
Oh, yeah.
235
00:10:15,494 --> 00:10:16,694
Usually when they say,
236
00:10:16,794 --> 00:10:19,494
"Hey, Carla, you want
to go out tonight?"
237
00:10:19,494 --> 00:10:21,694
Come on. What's on your mind?
238
00:10:21,794 --> 00:10:23,694
Well, I've been thinking.
239
00:10:23,794 --> 00:10:26,194
You know, I'm, I'm not
that young anymore.
240
00:10:26,194 --> 00:10:29,294
It's not that I'm old.
It's just... that I'm not young.
241
00:10:29,373 --> 00:10:30,373
I'm not old-old.
242
00:10:30,373 --> 00:10:31,773
I'm just youngish.
243
00:10:31,773 --> 00:10:34,473
You know, I'm,
I'm a youngish man.
244
00:10:34,473 --> 00:10:37,173
Please go on.
245
00:10:37,273 --> 00:10:40,673
Well, I'm thinking about...
thinking about being a dad.
246
00:10:40,673 --> 00:10:42,773
What?
247
00:10:42,773 --> 00:10:44,573
Yeah.
248
00:10:44,673 --> 00:10:46,573
You know, I've been playing
around all my life
249
00:10:46,673 --> 00:10:48,873
and, I don't know, you know,
maybe I'm missing something.
250
00:10:48,994 --> 00:10:50,994
Have you thought
about getting a dog?
251
00:10:51,194 --> 00:10:53,094
I don't want a dog.
252
00:10:53,194 --> 00:10:54,694
You know, I want someone
to be with,
253
00:10:54,794 --> 00:10:57,994
to, to take care of,
to watch grow.
254
00:10:57,994 --> 00:10:59,794
Have you thought
about getting a plant?
255
00:11:02,294 --> 00:11:04,094
You don't think
I'll be a good father?
256
00:11:04,094 --> 00:11:07,894
Oh, no, no, I think
you'd be a great father.
257
00:11:07,994 --> 00:11:09,894
Do you have a mother
picked out?
258
00:11:09,894 --> 00:11:12,694
No, not really.
259
00:11:12,894 --> 00:11:14,194
Oh.
260
00:11:14,294 --> 00:11:16,994
Does that mean, uh,
you're not going to ask me?
261
00:11:17,094 --> 00:11:17,994
Well, I'm, I'm sorry.
262
00:11:18,094 --> 00:11:19,594
You know, I didn't
think of that.
263
00:11:19,694 --> 00:11:20,694
Yeah, would you?
264
00:11:20,794 --> 00:11:22,094
What are you, nuts?
265
00:11:24,694 --> 00:11:26,994
Do you think I'm gonna go
through labor an eighth time
266
00:11:26,994 --> 00:11:28,394
because you're
a little lonely?
267
00:11:30,494 --> 00:11:32,094
Selfish bastard.
268
00:11:33,794 --> 00:11:35,794
Aw, you know,
with me it doesn't matter.
269
00:11:35,794 --> 00:11:37,894
What the heck?
I know a hundred women.
270
00:11:37,994 --> 00:11:39,894
(chuckles):
What am I talking about?
271
00:11:39,894 --> 00:11:41,594
I know thousands of women.
272
00:11:41,594 --> 00:11:42,994
What am I talking about?
273
00:11:43,094 --> 00:11:44,994
I know tens of
thousands of women.
274
00:11:45,094 --> 00:11:46,694
Wait, wait, wait.
What am I talking about?
275
00:11:46,794 --> 00:11:47,394
Sam...
276
00:11:47,594 --> 00:11:48,894
come on, now,
277
00:11:48,994 --> 00:11:51,294
just think about this
for a minute.
278
00:11:51,394 --> 00:11:53,894
Do you really, really want this?
279
00:11:53,994 --> 00:11:56,594
Yeah, I really,
really want this.
280
00:11:56,594 --> 00:11:58,294
Come on, Sam.
281
00:11:58,294 --> 00:12:01,594
Do you have any idea
what it means to have a kid?
282
00:12:02,994 --> 00:12:05,994
It's changing dirty diapers
and getting spit-up stains
283
00:12:06,094 --> 00:12:08,694
on those shoulders
of your best clothes, and...
284
00:12:08,794 --> 00:12:10,994
and ear infections
in the middle of the night,
285
00:12:10,994 --> 00:12:13,694
and shoving antibiotics
down their throats,
286
00:12:13,694 --> 00:12:16,894
and worrying about them
every day and every night
287
00:12:16,894 --> 00:12:18,894
for the rest of your life.
288
00:12:18,994 --> 00:12:20,894
How does that sound?
289
00:12:21,994 --> 00:12:24,094
Sounds cool.
290
00:12:25,594 --> 00:12:26,994
(chuckles):
Yeah.
291
00:12:27,094 --> 00:12:28,694
It is, kind of.
292
00:12:32,294 --> 00:12:36,594
Would they, like, really
spit it up on, um, leather?
293
00:12:36,694 --> 00:12:38,894
(chuckles):
Oh, they know fabrics.
294
00:12:51,198 --> 00:12:53,298
So, who's gonna be
the mom, Sam?
295
00:12:53,398 --> 00:12:55,198
I haven't figured
that out yet, Woody,
296
00:12:55,298 --> 00:12:58,098
but, you know, she's got
to be somewhere in here.
297
00:12:58,198 --> 00:13:00,098
Or here.
298
00:13:01,598 --> 00:13:03,698
(door opens)
299
00:13:05,798 --> 00:13:07,098
Well, what about Miss Howe?
300
00:13:07,198 --> 00:13:10,198
She's getting
up there like you.
301
00:13:10,198 --> 00:13:12,198
She's probably about
ready to have a kid.
302
00:13:12,298 --> 00:13:13,898
And she's very responsible.
303
00:13:13,998 --> 00:13:15,698
I think that was
my best interview yet.
304
00:13:15,798 --> 00:13:17,698
I think that they really
were impressed with me
305
00:13:17,798 --> 00:13:20,798
until I accidentally knocked
the CEO into a fax machine
306
00:13:20,898 --> 00:13:24,598
and sent a copy of his butt
to Wichita.
307
00:13:24,598 --> 00:13:27,398
See, Sam, you could've
asked her just now.
308
00:13:29,498 --> 00:13:31,098
Oh, wait a minute.
Here you go.
309
00:13:31,198 --> 00:13:32,198
Now, this could work out.
310
00:13:32,198 --> 00:13:34,298
What am I doing?
What am I gonna say?
311
00:13:34,298 --> 00:13:36,298
I have to figure out
how to word this.
312
00:13:36,498 --> 00:13:37,598
Hold on a second.
313
00:13:37,598 --> 00:13:39,898
Excuse me, miss?
314
00:13:39,998 --> 00:13:42,398
Uh, can I ask you
a question?
Sure.
315
00:13:42,498 --> 00:13:44,398
All right, just
hypothetically, now,
316
00:13:44,398 --> 00:13:46,598
say someone you've been dating,
you know, a couple times
317
00:13:46,698 --> 00:13:50,298
calls you up to say, uh,
"Hey, we had some
laughs together.
318
00:13:50,298 --> 00:13:52,098
What say we have a baby?"
319
00:13:52,198 --> 00:13:54,398
Now, I'm not talking
commitment here;
don't misunderstand me.
320
00:13:54,498 --> 00:13:55,998
You know, maybe yes,
maybe no.
321
00:13:56,098 --> 00:13:59,298
The picture is: get
pregnant, have the baby,
322
00:13:59,298 --> 00:14:01,798
give it to me, go away.
323
00:14:01,898 --> 00:14:04,098
Uh...
324
00:14:04,198 --> 00:14:06,898
you know, just offhand,
how would you react to that?
325
00:14:06,998 --> 00:14:09,298
How would I react
if a guy called me up
326
00:14:09,398 --> 00:14:11,798
and asked me
to be a breeder for him?
327
00:14:11,898 --> 00:14:15,298
To be sort of an incubator
for his seed?
328
00:14:15,398 --> 00:14:17,498
Yeah, exactly.
W-Wait a second.
329
00:14:17,598 --> 00:14:19,298
Let me, uh... let
me get a pencil.
330
00:14:19,298 --> 00:14:21,598
I want to write
this down.
331
00:14:21,798 --> 00:14:22,698
Okay.
332
00:14:27,598 --> 00:14:29,998
Okay, "incubator."
333
00:14:32,698 --> 00:14:35,198
"Breeder."
334
00:14:35,298 --> 00:14:37,698
Red-flag words.
335
00:14:39,498 --> 00:14:41,998
You know, uh, if it's a boy,
336
00:14:42,098 --> 00:14:45,598
I just hope he names it
Clifford Clavin Malone.
337
00:14:46,998 --> 00:14:48,298
I don't care what he names it
338
00:14:48,398 --> 00:14:49,998
as long as he doesn't
bring it in here.
339
00:14:49,998 --> 00:14:51,898
If there's one thing
I can't stand, it's babies.
340
00:14:51,998 --> 00:14:53,598
Oh, come on, Mr. Krapence.
341
00:14:53,698 --> 00:14:55,498
Wouldn't you like
a helpless little guy
342
00:14:55,598 --> 00:14:59,198
all soft and cuddly
who you could burp
every once in a while?
343
00:15:01,298 --> 00:15:04,298
Yeah, we need
another one of those.
344
00:15:06,298 --> 00:15:07,898
(door opens)
345
00:15:08,098 --> 00:15:09,598
Sam.
346
00:15:11,498 --> 00:15:15,598
Listen, Sam, I... I'd like
to apologize about this morning
347
00:15:15,598 --> 00:15:17,598
when I kicked you out.
348
00:15:17,598 --> 00:15:19,398
I...
349
00:15:19,398 --> 00:15:21,298
I forgot how much
Freddie means to you
350
00:15:21,398 --> 00:15:23,198
and how much you mean to him.
351
00:15:24,698 --> 00:15:26,598
I also forgot that Lilith and I
have two tickets
352
00:15:26,698 --> 00:15:28,498
to Jerome Robbins' Broadway
tonight-- hundred bucks a throw.
353
00:15:28,498 --> 00:15:30,498
If you think I'm gonna
miss that, you're nuts.
354
00:15:30,498 --> 00:15:33,298
Have fun, Freddie.
Daddy loves you.
355
00:15:38,398 --> 00:15:39,598
Hey, you want me
to lock up, Sam?
356
00:15:39,698 --> 00:15:42,998
No, thanks. I got to wait
for Frasier and Lilith.
357
00:15:42,998 --> 00:15:44,598
All right. Good night.
Good night.
358
00:15:46,398 --> 00:15:48,598
Hey, little buddy.
359
00:15:48,698 --> 00:15:52,498
So, what do you want
to watch there, Freddie?
360
00:15:52,498 --> 00:15:54,498
(music playing on TV)
Whew!
361
00:15:54,498 --> 00:15:56,098
NEWSMAN:
Congress and
the administration...
362
00:15:56,098 --> 00:15:57,798
24-hour news.
363
00:15:57,898 --> 00:15:59,398
(newswoman talking)
364
00:15:59,498 --> 00:16:00,898
Headline news.
365
00:16:00,898 --> 00:16:03,198
Local news.
366
00:16:03,298 --> 00:16:05,798
Oh, hey. Elvis.
367
00:16:05,898 --> 00:16:06,798
¶
368
00:16:06,898 --> 00:16:09,798
ELVIS:
¶ Night and you
369
00:16:09,898 --> 00:16:11,598
¶ And Blue
(yawns)
370
00:16:11,598 --> 00:16:15,398
¶ Hawaii
¶ Blue Hawaii
371
00:16:15,498 --> 00:16:19,098
(ocean purring,
seabirds squawking)
372
00:16:19,198 --> 00:16:20,498
Hey, Sam.
373
00:16:20,598 --> 00:16:21,598
What?
374
00:16:21,698 --> 00:16:22,898
Sam.
375
00:16:22,898 --> 00:16:25,098
Who's there?
376
00:16:25,098 --> 00:16:26,798
Up-up here, Sam.
It's me, Elvis.
377
00:16:30,698 --> 00:16:32,198
Elvis?
378
00:16:32,298 --> 00:16:33,298
Yeah. Come on
over here, man.
379
00:16:33,398 --> 00:16:34,998
I don't want to have
to shout at you.
380
00:16:38,498 --> 00:16:40,898
I'm having a dream about Elvis.
381
00:16:42,998 --> 00:16:46,198
What do you want with me, Elvis?
382
00:16:48,898 --> 00:16:50,198
I want to tell
you something.
383
00:16:50,298 --> 00:16:51,598
You're right about
wanting a child.
384
00:16:51,698 --> 00:16:53,898
You know, the best thing
that ever happened to me
385
00:16:53,998 --> 00:16:55,698
was having Lisa Marie.
386
00:16:55,798 --> 00:16:59,098
Here. Isn't she precious?
387
00:16:59,198 --> 00:17:00,698
Yeah, she's a real cutie.
388
00:17:00,698 --> 00:17:02,698
Well, you'll be happy
to know, Elvis,
389
00:17:02,798 --> 00:17:05,198
she turned out
to be a real babe.
390
00:17:05,198 --> 00:17:08,198
Sam, don't make me
come through this TV.
391
00:17:09,998 --> 00:17:11,798
I'm sorry.
392
00:17:11,898 --> 00:17:14,298
Now, this baby's gonna
need a mama, Sam.
393
00:17:14,398 --> 00:17:16,598
Yeah, I know that,
Elvis, but I...
394
00:17:16,698 --> 00:17:18,998
I can't think of anybody.
395
00:17:19,098 --> 00:17:20,998
Well, I just think
you're overlooking someone.
396
00:17:21,098 --> 00:17:21,998
Who?
397
00:17:21,998 --> 00:17:24,198
Miss Rebecca Howe.
398
00:17:24,298 --> 00:17:25,798
Rebecca?
399
00:17:25,798 --> 00:17:27,398
Miss Rebecca.
400
00:17:29,098 --> 00:17:30,898
She's been
a true friend,
401
00:17:30,898 --> 00:17:33,098
and-and you've been
through so much together.
402
00:17:33,198 --> 00:17:35,298
There's a lot of love
in her heart, Sam.
403
00:17:35,398 --> 00:17:37,498
She has no one
to give it to.
404
00:17:37,598 --> 00:17:39,298
And she's a
handsome woman.
405
00:17:39,398 --> 00:17:41,498
Miss Rebecca? Really?
406
00:17:42,798 --> 00:17:44,698
Think about her, Sam.
I know I'm right.
407
00:17:44,798 --> 00:17:46,598
Now, if you'll
just excuse me, man.
408
00:17:46,598 --> 00:17:48,998
I got to go back and
frolic on a beach,
409
00:17:49,098 --> 00:17:50,898
or jump in a stock car race
or something.
410
00:17:50,998 --> 00:17:53,998
I don't know what they
got me doing in this one.
411
00:17:54,098 --> 00:17:55,798
Later, Sam.
412
00:18:02,498 --> 00:18:04,098
Isn't this sweet?
413
00:18:04,198 --> 00:18:07,898
My son and his baby-sitter
passed out in a bar.
414
00:18:10,998 --> 00:18:12,598
(Frederick fusses)
415
00:18:12,598 --> 00:18:15,098
No, it's okay... Ooh!
Sam. Sam.
416
00:18:17,498 --> 00:18:18,398
I've got him, Sam.
417
00:18:18,498 --> 00:18:19,698
Fras.
Thanks.
418
00:18:19,798 --> 00:18:20,898
Yeah.
419
00:18:24,598 --> 00:18:26,698
Say... Frasier.
420
00:18:26,798 --> 00:18:28,698
Whew!
421
00:18:28,698 --> 00:18:31,498
Weirdest thing
just happened to me.
422
00:18:31,598 --> 00:18:34,498
I could have sworn I just, uh,
423
00:18:34,498 --> 00:18:37,498
just had a conversation
with Elvis Presley.
424
00:18:37,498 --> 00:18:40,598
Well, Sam, I've had, uh,
four or five patients
425
00:18:40,598 --> 00:18:42,298
that have had the
same experience.
426
00:18:42,398 --> 00:18:45,398
I'll simply... simply
tell you what I told them.
427
00:18:45,398 --> 00:18:47,198
The man is dead.
428
00:19:01,698 --> 00:19:03,498
Hi, Sam.
429
00:19:03,498 --> 00:19:06,698
Hi. Wh-What are you
doing back here?
430
00:19:06,798 --> 00:19:08,598
My night to lock up.
431
00:19:08,698 --> 00:19:10,198
Besides, it looks like
432
00:19:10,298 --> 00:19:12,698
I'm still gonna be
working here anyway.
433
00:19:12,798 --> 00:19:13,898
Nobody else wants me.
434
00:19:13,998 --> 00:19:15,398
Oh, I'm sorry
to hear that.
435
00:19:15,498 --> 00:19:16,898
Yeah, well, you know,
436
00:19:16,998 --> 00:19:20,098
maybe I've been barking up
the wrong tree my whole life.
437
00:19:20,198 --> 00:19:24,698
All these big dreams about
being a big corporate executive
438
00:19:24,698 --> 00:19:27,798
and, you know, having
a lot of power...
439
00:19:27,898 --> 00:19:29,898
a lot of control.
440
00:19:29,998 --> 00:19:34,098
I don't know why I've been
knocking my brains out.
441
00:19:34,198 --> 00:19:35,298
Maybe I should have
just settled
442
00:19:35,398 --> 00:19:39,098
for some dumb, ordinary jerk,
you know, and raised a family.
443
00:19:39,198 --> 00:19:40,898
Wow.
444
00:19:48,698 --> 00:19:50,598
What?
445
00:19:50,698 --> 00:19:53,398
I was just, uh... I...
446
00:19:53,398 --> 00:19:55,398
you know, I've been
thinking the same thing.
447
00:19:55,398 --> 00:19:58,598
Only, you know, I was thinking
that you should have a child
448
00:19:58,698 --> 00:20:01,298
with someone who is, you
know, good-looking and...
449
00:20:01,298 --> 00:20:03,598
and really cool.
450
00:20:03,598 --> 00:20:06,898
Yeah, well, I don't know
anybody like that.
451
00:20:06,998 --> 00:20:08,898
What about me?
452
00:20:08,998 --> 00:20:10,798
What, you know
somebody like that?
453
00:20:10,898 --> 00:20:13,198
No, you know, I...
454
00:20:13,298 --> 00:20:15,698
what I mean is, I
was thinking that...
455
00:20:15,698 --> 00:20:18,598
you and I should have
a baby together.
456
00:20:18,698 --> 00:20:20,598
(laughs)
457
00:20:20,698 --> 00:20:22,898
Oh, come on, Sam!
What?
458
00:20:22,998 --> 00:20:24,198
No, why? Why not?
459
00:20:24,298 --> 00:20:25,598
I mean, think about it.
460
00:20:25,598 --> 00:20:27,198
You and I
are good friends--
461
00:20:27,198 --> 00:20:28,498
hell, you're
my best friend--
462
00:20:28,498 --> 00:20:30,198
and we've been through
a lot together,
463
00:20:30,298 --> 00:20:33,298
and, you know, you... you
have a lot of love to give,
464
00:20:33,398 --> 00:20:34,798
and you're
a handsome woman.
465
00:20:39,198 --> 00:20:41,598
Well, I-I'm flattered.
466
00:20:41,698 --> 00:20:44,798
But I'm just... I'm not ready
to have a baby, Sam, you know?
467
00:20:44,898 --> 00:20:47,898
I got a lot of things
left to do in my life.
468
00:20:47,898 --> 00:20:49,798
Yeah? Like what?
Like a lot.
469
00:20:49,898 --> 00:20:51,198
Well, all right, name one.
470
00:20:51,298 --> 00:20:54,098
Well, like I had always
planned on growing old
471
00:20:54,098 --> 00:20:55,998
and, you know,
dying alone.
472
00:20:57,398 --> 00:20:59,398
You can still do that.
473
00:20:59,498 --> 00:21:01,398
Well, you don't just, you know,
474
00:21:01,498 --> 00:21:04,298
go out and have a baby
with somebody.
475
00:21:04,298 --> 00:21:05,998
Why not?
476
00:21:06,098 --> 00:21:07,598
Well, I don't know why not.
477
00:21:07,698 --> 00:21:08,898
Then why not?
478
00:21:08,998 --> 00:21:10,098
And why with you?
479
00:21:10,198 --> 00:21:11,398
Why not?
480
00:21:11,498 --> 00:21:13,298
Well, but...
481
00:21:15,898 --> 00:21:17,498
Why not?
482
00:21:17,598 --> 00:21:19,298
I mean, we could.
483
00:21:19,398 --> 00:21:20,698
Yeah.
484
00:21:20,698 --> 00:21:22,498
And your mom did it.
My mom did...
485
00:21:22,598 --> 00:21:25,298
I mean, Carla does it
all the time.
486
00:21:27,898 --> 00:21:30,098
I mean, I... why shouldn't we?
487
00:21:30,198 --> 00:21:33,098
I mean, and, you know,
maybe this would be something
488
00:21:33,098 --> 00:21:35,098
that I'd finally be good at.
489
00:21:36,198 --> 00:21:38,898
So, will you?
490
00:21:39,998 --> 00:21:41,298
'Kay.
491
00:21:44,098 --> 00:21:46,298
Let's have a baby.
492
00:21:54,198 --> 00:21:56,998
You know, I think this is
gonna change my whole life.
493
00:21:57,098 --> 00:21:57,998
Oh, yeah.
494
00:21:58,098 --> 00:22:01,198
I think, no more
Rebecca the jerk,
495
00:22:01,298 --> 00:22:05,298
no more Rebecca the goonball,
Rebecca the loser.
496
00:22:05,398 --> 00:22:06,798
Rebecca the mother!
497
00:22:06,798 --> 00:22:09,798
I'm gonna have
a brand-new human baby!
498
00:22:11,498 --> 00:22:13,598
I get to feed her.
I get to hold her!
499
00:22:13,598 --> 00:22:14,898
Oh!
500
00:22:14,898 --> 00:22:16,598
I can't wait!
501
00:22:16,698 --> 00:22:18,798
You know, a new life!
502
00:22:18,798 --> 00:22:22,598
A new life that depends
completely on me!
503
00:22:22,698 --> 00:22:25,098
(clattering)
504
00:22:31,398 --> 00:22:33,698
Do you believe it?
I forgot my coat!
505
00:22:33,698 --> 00:22:36,898
(gasps):
I guess I'm just so excited
about this whole thing!
506
00:22:36,998 --> 00:22:39,798
I don't know.
I'm gonna be a mommy!
507
00:22:39,898 --> 00:22:41,798
(giggling)
508
00:22:41,898 --> 00:22:45,498
(coatrack clattering)
Oh, a mommy!
509
00:22:48,998 --> 00:22:51,398
You'd better be right, Elvis.35591
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