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1
00:00:01,956 --> 00:00:04,856
Cheers is filmedbefore a live studio audience.
2
00:00:04,856 --> 00:00:06,056
Watch this.
Okay...
3
00:00:14,056 --> 00:00:15,156
What do you got, Wood?
4
00:00:15,256 --> 00:00:19,556
Watch closely as I remove
my own index finger.
5
00:00:19,656 --> 00:00:21,256
Uh-huh.
6
00:00:21,256 --> 00:00:22,356
It's something I learned
from my uncle,
7
00:00:22,456 --> 00:00:24,356
only when I do it, it's a trick.
8
00:00:26,256 --> 00:00:28,356
Eh?
9
00:00:28,456 --> 00:00:29,556
Uh, not bad but, uh,
10
00:00:29,656 --> 00:00:31,556
I think Cliffy's still
ahead on points here.
11
00:00:31,656 --> 00:00:33,456
And in what sophomoric
activity
12
00:00:33,556 --> 00:00:35,456
are you gentlemen
involved now?
13
00:00:35,556 --> 00:00:38,456
Our first annual tricks
with digits exhibition!
14
00:00:39,956 --> 00:00:41,856
Of all the pointless wastes
of human energy.
15
00:00:41,956 --> 00:00:43,656
Frasier's right.
16
00:00:43,756 --> 00:00:46,256
You could sit here until
the end of time doing your
17
00:00:46,256 --> 00:00:47,656
silly little finger tricks,
18
00:00:47,656 --> 00:00:50,356
but none of you will ever
be able to top this.
19
00:00:58,256 --> 00:01:00,656
Wow, she's right.
20
00:01:00,656 --> 00:01:01,556
The king is dead.
21
00:01:01,656 --> 00:01:03,256
Long live the queen!
22
00:01:03,356 --> 00:01:05,856
NORM:
Yes and she's writing!
23
00:01:05,956 --> 00:01:08,056
She's going for
bonus points.
24
00:01:08,056 --> 00:01:09,456
CLIFF:
What's it say?
25
00:01:09,556 --> 00:01:11,456
"My fist is stuck.
Call 911."
26
00:01:14,956 --> 00:01:15,956
FRASIER:
Come on, hon.
27
00:01:16,056 --> 00:01:17,056
You know, this
happens to her
28
00:01:17,156 --> 00:01:18,756
more often than
you'd think.
29
00:01:23,656 --> 00:01:25,456
(theme song begins)
30
00:01:27,656 --> 00:01:29,856
¶ Making your way
in the world today ¶
31
00:01:29,956 --> 00:01:32,956
¶ Takes everything you've got ¶
32
00:01:32,956 --> 00:01:35,956
¶ Taking a break
from all your worries ¶
33
00:01:35,956 --> 00:01:38,956
¶ Sure would help a lot
34
00:01:38,956 --> 00:01:43,056
¶ Wouldn't you like
to get away? ¶
35
00:01:44,356 --> 00:01:47,056
¶ Sometimes you want to go
36
00:01:47,156 --> 00:01:51,056
¶ Where everybody
knows your name ¶
37
00:01:52,756 --> 00:01:55,656
¶ And they're always
glad you came ¶
38
00:01:57,256 --> 00:01:59,456
¶ You wanna be
where you can see ¶
39
00:01:59,556 --> 00:02:02,156
¶ Our troubles
are all the same ¶
40
00:02:02,256 --> 00:02:06,156
¶ You wanna be where
everybody knows your name ¶
41
00:02:07,656 --> 00:02:09,956
¶ You wanna go
where people know ¶
42
00:02:10,056 --> 00:02:12,757
¶ People are all the same
43
00:02:12,757 --> 00:02:16,757
¶ You wanna go where
everybody knows your name. ¶
44
00:02:32,657 --> 00:02:34,657
How am I supposed to make
a drink around here?
45
00:02:34,757 --> 00:02:37,857
We're out of gin, vermouth,
cherries and lime juice.
46
00:02:37,857 --> 00:02:39,457
We gotta get into
that storeroom.
47
00:02:39,557 --> 00:02:40,557
We can't.
48
00:02:40,557 --> 00:02:42,057
Sam said to substitute.
49
00:02:42,057 --> 00:02:44,057
Okay.
50
00:02:46,057 --> 00:02:48,057
Here you go.
51
00:02:48,057 --> 00:02:49,157
What the hell
is this?
52
00:02:49,257 --> 00:02:51,157
It's clam juice.
53
00:02:53,257 --> 00:02:54,957
I wanted a martini.
54
00:02:54,957 --> 00:02:57,657
I wanted to be Princess
Carla of Monaco.
55
00:02:57,757 --> 00:02:59,757
Drink it!
56
00:02:59,757 --> 00:03:02,057
Sorry,
57
00:03:02,157 --> 00:03:03,157
Mr. Krapence.
58
00:03:03,257 --> 00:03:05,057
We can't get into the office
or the storeroom
59
00:03:05,057 --> 00:03:06,457
because Miss Howe
locked herself in
60
00:03:06,457 --> 00:03:08,757
since she decided not to marry
Mr. Colcord.
61
00:03:08,857 --> 00:03:09,557
She's still
in there.
62
00:03:09,657 --> 00:03:10,657
She's still
in the gown.
63
00:03:10,757 --> 00:03:11,857
She won't talk
to anybody.
64
00:03:11,957 --> 00:03:13,357
Doesn't move.
Doesn't eat.
65
00:03:13,357 --> 00:03:14,857
Gee, that's awful.
66
00:03:14,857 --> 00:03:16,857
I really wanted a martini.
67
00:03:19,957 --> 00:03:21,657
Greetings all!
68
00:03:21,757 --> 00:03:22,457
A pint of lager,
69
00:03:22,557 --> 00:03:24,357
my good publican!
70
00:03:24,457 --> 00:03:26,557
I'm of a Dickensian spirit
today.
71
00:03:26,657 --> 00:03:29,057
I've just come from
the Antiquarian Book Fair,
72
00:03:29,157 --> 00:03:31,357
where I managed to luck
into a handsomely bound
73
00:03:31,457 --> 00:03:34,457
first edition of Charles
Dickens' Tale of Two Cities.
74
00:03:34,457 --> 00:03:35,957
Wow!
75
00:03:35,957 --> 00:03:37,057
If you don't mind
my asking,
76
00:03:37,157 --> 00:03:39,057
how much does something
like this cost, Dr. Crane?
77
00:03:39,157 --> 00:03:40,957
Well, uh, Woody, money
isn't really the issue,
78
00:03:41,057 --> 00:03:43,857
but, uh, around $1,200.
79
00:03:43,857 --> 00:03:45,157
(scoffs, snickers)
80
00:03:45,157 --> 00:03:47,657
1,200 bucks?
81
00:03:47,657 --> 00:03:49,457
Got something to
show you, Dr. Crane.
82
00:03:49,557 --> 00:03:53,257
It's called a
library card.
83
00:03:53,957 --> 00:03:56,057
Thank you for the advice, Woody.
84
00:03:56,057 --> 00:03:58,057
Now may I have a scotch
on the rocks, please?
85
00:03:58,057 --> 00:03:59,657
Okeydoke!
86
00:03:59,757 --> 00:04:02,757
That'll be around
1,200 bucks.
87
00:04:04,157 --> 00:04:06,257
Oh, Frasier, you know,
it's a good thing you're here
88
00:04:06,257 --> 00:04:07,857
because we gotta
think of some way
89
00:04:07,957 --> 00:04:09,957
to get that crazy lady
out of the office.
90
00:04:09,957 --> 00:04:11,357
It's been two days.
91
00:04:11,457 --> 00:04:13,257
Well, I realize that
you're concerned about Rebecca
92
00:04:13,357 --> 00:04:14,757
and that you all look to me
93
00:04:14,757 --> 00:04:16,557
as the solver
of all problems personal,
94
00:04:16,557 --> 00:04:18,357
but, in this case,
I have to throw up my hands.
95
00:04:18,457 --> 00:04:20,257
I mean, there's a limit
to what even I can do.
96
00:04:20,357 --> 00:04:21,857
And we also know
how you pout
97
00:04:21,957 --> 00:04:23,557
when we don't ask you.
98
00:04:25,557 --> 00:04:27,457
Well... fine.
99
00:04:27,557 --> 00:04:29,457
Maybe I'll just go home.
100
00:04:31,457 --> 00:04:33,057
Okay!
101
00:04:33,057 --> 00:04:35,057
I've got the tool box here.
102
00:04:35,057 --> 00:04:38,057
I'm gonna get Rebecca out
of that office right now.
103
00:04:39,557 --> 00:04:41,657
Rebecca!
104
00:04:41,757 --> 00:04:44,457
I've got a screwdriver here!
105
00:04:44,557 --> 00:04:46,557
I'm gonna take that doorknob off
106
00:04:46,557 --> 00:04:49,557
and I'm gonna open the door
here.
107
00:04:50,957 --> 00:04:54,557
Rebecca, I got a Phillips head
by mistake,
108
00:04:54,657 --> 00:04:57,757
but I'm gonna...
109
00:04:57,857 --> 00:05:01,757
I'm putting that down and
I'm picking up a flathead,
110
00:05:01,857 --> 00:05:04,757
and then I'm gonna take that
doorknob off.
111
00:05:06,757 --> 00:05:09,757
Rebecca, I don't have
a flathead,
112
00:05:09,757 --> 00:05:12,757
but I have one of those
putty things
113
00:05:12,757 --> 00:05:14,757
and I'm gonna put it...
114
00:05:14,757 --> 00:05:17,057
Damn!
115
00:05:17,157 --> 00:05:20,757
Okay, Rebecca, I just punctured
my thumb with that, uh...
116
00:05:20,757 --> 00:05:23,957
putty thing and I'm gonna go
get a tetanus shot,
117
00:05:24,057 --> 00:05:25,957
then I'm...
118
00:05:26,057 --> 00:05:27,957
coming back here
and taking that doorknob off.
119
00:05:28,057 --> 00:05:29,957
Here's a Band-Aid.
120
00:05:30,057 --> 00:05:31,857
Hey, hey, guys!
Rebecca!
121
00:05:31,957 --> 00:05:33,457
Hey!
Rebecca's out.
REBECCA:
No, no.
122
00:05:33,557 --> 00:05:34,757
Don't say Rebecca.
123
00:05:34,757 --> 00:05:36,257
Don't call me
Rebecca.
124
00:05:36,357 --> 00:05:39,257
Rebecca doesn't live
here anymore.
125
00:05:39,357 --> 00:05:42,257
Rebecca died two
days ago.
126
00:05:42,357 --> 00:05:44,357
Oh! So that's
what that is.
127
00:05:44,457 --> 00:05:47,257
Whoof!
128
00:05:47,257 --> 00:05:48,557
I'm telling you,
129
00:05:48,657 --> 00:05:51,657
a woman should never
sweat in taffeta.
130
00:05:53,557 --> 00:05:55,257
Have a seat.
Come on.
131
00:05:55,357 --> 00:05:57,457
Thank you.
132
00:05:57,457 --> 00:05:59,057
Wow.
133
00:05:59,157 --> 00:06:00,858
I've never sat
here before.
134
00:06:02,858 --> 00:06:04,958
Here I am, sitting
on this stool,
135
00:06:05,058 --> 00:06:07,458
knowing my life
is a mess.
136
00:06:07,558 --> 00:06:09,658
I have no future, and...
137
00:06:09,758 --> 00:06:12,458
I'm a totally
hopeless failure.
138
00:06:12,558 --> 00:06:14,458
Yeah. Try it
with beer nuts.
139
00:06:18,058 --> 00:06:19,658
It is all my fault.
140
00:06:19,658 --> 00:06:21,358
I mean, I got
what I deserve.
141
00:06:21,458 --> 00:06:22,558
And now I'm alone.
142
00:06:22,558 --> 00:06:24,958
I... I have nothing
and I'm just a,
143
00:06:24,958 --> 00:06:27,558
you know, worthless,
shallow person.
144
00:06:27,658 --> 00:06:30,558
I'm telling you,
try it with the beer nuts.
145
00:06:32,658 --> 00:06:35,058
Rebecca...
146
00:06:35,158 --> 00:06:37,858
I realize you haven't sought
my professional advice, but
147
00:06:37,958 --> 00:06:39,958
I think it's time
to get some perspective,
148
00:06:40,058 --> 00:06:41,358
take a look at yourself.
149
00:06:41,458 --> 00:06:44,758
Splash some water on your face
and get a fresh start.
150
00:06:44,758 --> 00:06:46,158
I'd like to, Frasier,
151
00:06:46,258 --> 00:06:48,858
but I seem to have lost
the will to move.
152
00:06:48,958 --> 00:06:51,858
I just want to sit here
for the rest of my life.
153
00:06:51,958 --> 00:06:54,158
Geez, maybe
it's the stool.
154
00:07:00,058 --> 00:07:01,958
Come on,
Miss Howe.
155
00:07:02,058 --> 00:07:04,058
Woody...
156
00:07:04,158 --> 00:07:06,758
have you ever
had your whole life
157
00:07:06,758 --> 00:07:08,758
cave in on you
all of a sudden?
158
00:07:08,758 --> 00:07:11,058
No, but I have had
a cave cave in on me
159
00:07:11,158 --> 00:07:13,458
all of a sudden.
160
00:07:13,458 --> 00:07:15,858
You know, at the risk
of sounding insensitive,
161
00:07:15,958 --> 00:07:18,858
I'm... I'm glad she's
getting out of here.
162
00:07:18,958 --> 00:07:21,058
Her walking around
in that wedding dress
163
00:07:21,058 --> 00:07:23,558
was just a tad too
"Miss Havisham" for me.
164
00:07:24,858 --> 00:07:26,758
Who?
Miss Havisham.
165
00:07:26,758 --> 00:07:28,358
Famous character
from Charles Dickens'
166
00:07:28,458 --> 00:07:30,058
Great Expectations.
167
00:07:30,158 --> 00:07:31,358
Spends the entire novel
168
00:07:31,358 --> 00:07:32,658
walking around
in her wedding dress.
169
00:07:32,758 --> 00:07:34,658
What?!
Yes.
170
00:07:34,758 --> 00:07:36,558
Well, surely you know it.
171
00:07:36,558 --> 00:07:38,158
It's Great Expectations.
172
00:07:38,258 --> 00:07:40,058
Pip? Miss Havisham?
173
00:07:40,058 --> 00:07:41,558
Magwich?
174
00:07:41,658 --> 00:07:44,958
And, uh... and four...
175
00:07:44,958 --> 00:07:46,058
pizza-loving turtles
176
00:07:46,158 --> 00:07:48,358
who practice martial
arts in the sewer.
177
00:07:49,858 --> 00:07:52,958
Oh, cowabunga, dudes!
178
00:07:52,958 --> 00:07:54,258
CLIFF:
You know,
179
00:07:54,258 --> 00:07:55,758
there's a lot of people
don't realize
180
00:07:55,858 --> 00:07:57,758
that that was
a comic book first.
181
00:08:01,558 --> 00:08:03,558
I'm gonna go for a drive, Sam.
182
00:08:03,658 --> 00:08:05,458
SAM:
Oh, yes, sweetheart.
183
00:08:05,458 --> 00:08:07,458
That's a good idea.
You know, get some fresh air.
184
00:08:07,558 --> 00:08:09,258
Take all the time
you want.
Thank you.
185
00:08:11,258 --> 00:08:13,058
Where did she get those clothes?
186
00:08:13,158 --> 00:08:15,358
WOODY:
Hey, Sam, could you
dig some clothes out
187
00:08:15,458 --> 00:08:17,258
of lost and found?
188
00:08:25,358 --> 00:08:26,558
Here you go.
189
00:08:26,558 --> 00:08:28,958
Woody, come on out here.
Let's take a look.
190
00:08:29,058 --> 00:08:30,758
Hey, Sam, how long did
you say these clothes
191
00:08:30,958 --> 00:08:32,358
have been in the
lost and found?
192
00:08:32,358 --> 00:08:34,158
I don't know--
a while, I guess. Why?
193
00:08:36,958 --> 00:08:39,858
(laughing)
194
00:08:46,258 --> 00:08:47,958
Is that Woody Boyd?
195
00:08:48,058 --> 00:08:50,158
Or is that
Keith Partridge?!
196
00:08:52,058 --> 00:08:55,858
When is Miss Howe getting back
with my real clothes?
197
00:08:55,958 --> 00:08:58,658
I can't go out like this.
198
00:08:58,758 --> 00:09:00,758
I mean, I know it was
the '70s and all,
199
00:09:00,858 --> 00:09:03,458
but who would dress in anything
this dumb-looking?
200
00:09:05,458 --> 00:09:08,658
Those duds look familiar.
201
00:09:10,458 --> 00:09:13,758
"Property
of C. Clavin."
202
00:09:14,558 --> 00:09:18,058
Deep inside, didn't
we all know that?
203
00:09:18,158 --> 00:09:19,658
(laughing)
204
00:09:19,758 --> 00:09:21,458
These are your
clothes, Mr. Clavin?
205
00:09:21,458 --> 00:09:22,758
Yeah, I guess.
206
00:09:22,858 --> 00:09:24,158
Well, how'd they end up
in the lost and found?
207
00:09:24,258 --> 00:09:25,558
How did they end up in there?
208
00:09:25,658 --> 00:09:27,758
Well, it was the '70s,
209
00:09:27,758 --> 00:09:29,858
(chuckles):
and I was a swinger.
210
00:09:32,258 --> 00:09:33,558
Uh-oh.
211
00:09:33,658 --> 00:09:35,458
I had some good times
in those rags, Woody.
212
00:09:35,458 --> 00:09:37,258
Cliff, we don't want to
hear about it, please.
213
00:09:37,358 --> 00:09:39,058
Huh? Oh, it was great.
214
00:09:39,158 --> 00:09:40,458
You know, hey,
the disco scene,
215
00:09:40,558 --> 00:09:41,458
grooving.
216
00:09:41,558 --> 00:09:42,958
Ixnay, Cliff.
217
00:09:43,058 --> 00:09:44,358
Yeah, it was
a great decade, huh?
218
00:09:44,458 --> 00:09:45,658
Hot-tubbing every night.
219
00:09:45,658 --> 00:09:46,758
I got rolfed.
220
00:09:46,858 --> 00:09:47,958
WOODY:
Oh.
221
00:09:48,058 --> 00:09:50,359
Please stop, Mr. Clavin.
222
00:09:50,459 --> 00:09:52,759
Oh, now I remember
how I lost those clothes.
223
00:09:52,759 --> 00:09:54,459
Oh, don't say it;
don't say it.
224
00:09:54,559 --> 00:09:56,059
I was streaking!
225
00:09:56,159 --> 00:09:57,359
Oh! I knew it!
226
00:09:57,359 --> 00:09:59,359
I knew he was gonna
say it!
227
00:09:59,459 --> 00:10:01,359
Of course, I was about
three pounds lighter then.
228
00:10:03,359 --> 00:10:04,659
FRASIER:
Woody...
229
00:10:04,759 --> 00:10:05,859
I think it was
a great sacrifice
230
00:10:05,959 --> 00:10:07,459
for you to give
your clothes to Rebecca.
231
00:10:07,559 --> 00:10:08,759
It puts me in mind
232
00:10:08,859 --> 00:10:11,059
of another novel by
my favorite British author.
233
00:10:11,159 --> 00:10:12,959
You know who I mean.
234
00:10:13,059 --> 00:10:14,259
I'll give you a hint.
235
00:10:14,259 --> 00:10:16,159
Charles...?
236
00:10:16,259 --> 00:10:18,459
In Charge?
237
00:10:18,559 --> 00:10:20,459
(laughs)
238
00:10:20,559 --> 00:10:22,459
Are you people really
this ignorant
239
00:10:22,559 --> 00:10:24,459
or do you just do this
to torture me?
240
00:10:24,459 --> 00:10:27,459
Uh, sometimes the two
go hand-in-hand.
241
00:10:27,459 --> 00:10:28,759
All right.
242
00:10:28,859 --> 00:10:30,259
Gather around,
everyone.
243
00:10:30,359 --> 00:10:32,459
I am going to right
a horrible wrong.
244
00:10:32,459 --> 00:10:34,759
I am going to read to you
Dickens' classic,
245
00:10:34,859 --> 00:10:36,359
A Tale of Two Cities,
246
00:10:36,459 --> 00:10:38,159
and you will see
just how much fun
247
00:10:38,159 --> 00:10:39,659
great literature can be.
248
00:10:39,659 --> 00:10:41,159
(all groaning)
249
00:10:41,159 --> 00:10:42,659
FRASIER:
"Book the First.
250
00:10:42,759 --> 00:10:45,959
It was the best of times,
it was the worst of times."
251
00:10:46,059 --> 00:10:47,059
Hey, wait,
whoa, whoa, whoa.
252
00:10:47,159 --> 00:10:49,959
Which was it?
253
00:10:54,159 --> 00:10:56,159
Just stay tuned, Norm.
254
00:10:58,459 --> 00:11:00,859
"It was the age of wisdom,
it was the age of foolishness.
255
00:11:00,959 --> 00:11:04,059
It was the epoch of belief, it
was the epoch of incredulity."
256
00:11:04,059 --> 00:11:05,559
Boy, this Dickens guy
really liked
257
00:11:05,559 --> 00:11:07,559
to keep his butt covered,
didn't he?
258
00:11:12,159 --> 00:11:14,059
"There was a king
with a large jaw,
259
00:11:14,159 --> 00:11:16,359
"and a queen with a plain face,
260
00:11:16,459 --> 00:11:17,959
"on the throne
of England.
261
00:11:18,059 --> 00:11:21,459
"And... and..."
262
00:11:22,459 --> 00:11:24,859
"...and there was
a bloodthirsty clown,
263
00:11:24,959 --> 00:11:27,659
"who beckoned innocent
children into the sewer,
264
00:11:27,759 --> 00:11:29,159
and swallowed them whole."
265
00:11:30,859 --> 00:11:32,359
Ah!
266
00:11:32,459 --> 00:11:35,059
That's a neat trick.
267
00:11:35,059 --> 00:11:36,859
(phone ringing)
268
00:11:36,959 --> 00:11:38,659
Wait-wait-wait a minute, Fras,
wait there.
269
00:11:38,759 --> 00:11:40,059
Yeah, Cheers. What?
270
00:11:41,659 --> 00:11:43,059
Hey... uh... Rebecca!
271
00:11:43,159 --> 00:11:45,259
Where are you calling from?
I can barely hear you.
272
00:11:45,259 --> 00:11:47,659
30,000 feet over Pittsburgh.
273
00:11:47,759 --> 00:11:48,859
What?
274
00:11:48,959 --> 00:11:50,559
I thought you were just
going for a drive.
275
00:11:50,559 --> 00:11:52,259
I did.
I drove to the airport.
276
00:11:52,359 --> 00:11:53,759
Listen,
277
00:11:53,859 --> 00:11:55,359
will you tell Woody
that I left his car
278
00:11:55,459 --> 00:11:57,859
outside the United terminal.
279
00:11:57,959 --> 00:11:59,959
Or American.
280
00:11:59,959 --> 00:12:01,659
It doesn't really
make any difference.
281
00:12:01,759 --> 00:12:05,059
They all tow them
to the same place anyway.
282
00:12:06,559 --> 00:12:07,659
Sam, is that Miss Howe?
283
00:12:07,659 --> 00:12:09,159
Ask her if she
has my wallet.
284
00:12:09,259 --> 00:12:11,459
I need my
driver's license.
285
00:12:11,459 --> 00:12:14,359
Actually, you don't
have to worry about
that right now, Wood.
286
00:12:14,359 --> 00:12:16,359
What are you doing?
Where are you going?
287
00:12:16,459 --> 00:12:18,659
I'm-I'm going home
to San Diego, Sam.
288
00:12:18,759 --> 00:12:20,459
I want to try and forget Boston.
289
00:12:20,559 --> 00:12:23,859
I want to erase
the last three years of my life.
290
00:12:23,959 --> 00:12:25,159
It's been five, Rebecca.
291
00:12:25,159 --> 00:12:27,359
Has it been that long?
292
00:12:29,559 --> 00:12:30,859
Hey, Sam, does she
have my wallet?
293
00:12:30,959 --> 00:12:32,759
You still have Woody's
wallet, don't you?
294
00:12:32,859 --> 00:12:35,259
Yeah, sure, how do you think
I'm paying for this call?
295
00:12:35,259 --> 00:12:38,259
Hell, how do you think
I'm paying for this flight?
296
00:12:38,259 --> 00:12:41,459
Yeah, she still has it.
297
00:12:45,959 --> 00:12:48,059
Honey, listen to me.
298
00:12:48,059 --> 00:12:50,159
You can't run away from
your problems like this.
299
00:12:50,259 --> 00:12:51,759
Sam, Sam, look,
the only reason I called
300
00:12:51,859 --> 00:12:54,659
was to say good-bye
and thank you for everything.
301
00:12:54,759 --> 00:12:57,459
It's really meant a lot to me.
Bye-bye.
302
00:12:58,459 --> 00:13:00,359
Oh, miss, did you remember
your credit card?
303
00:13:00,459 --> 00:13:01,859
Oh, yeah, thanks.
304
00:13:01,959 --> 00:13:03,159
I'm gonna need this.
305
00:13:03,259 --> 00:13:05,459
I need to buy a whole new
wardrobe when we land.
306
00:13:05,459 --> 00:13:07,959
I'm gonna be good to myself.
307
00:13:18,335 --> 00:13:20,435
As we recall...
308
00:13:20,435 --> 00:13:24,235
from Monday's installment
of A Tale of Two Cities,
309
00:13:24,235 --> 00:13:27,635
Sydney Carton was about to go
to the guillotine
310
00:13:27,735 --> 00:13:29,535
and sacrifice himself.
311
00:13:29,635 --> 00:13:32,235
The guillotine--
slice that neck.
312
00:13:32,335 --> 00:13:33,535
(laughing)
313
00:13:33,635 --> 00:13:37,135
"When suddenly,
an Apache attack chopper
314
00:13:37,235 --> 00:13:40,135
"hovered above the guillotine,
315
00:13:40,235 --> 00:13:42,335
pumping hot lead
into the crowd."
316
00:13:42,436 --> 00:13:44,236
Get them Frogs, huh?
317
00:13:44,336 --> 00:13:46,536
"As Darnay climbed
into the chopper,
318
00:13:46,636 --> 00:13:49,236
"sweat streaming
from his bloodstained headband,
319
00:13:49,236 --> 00:13:51,436
"he could be heard to mutter,
320
00:13:51,536 --> 00:13:54,136
"'It is a far, far
better thing I do
321
00:13:54,136 --> 00:13:56,136
"'than I have ever done.
322
00:13:56,236 --> 00:13:58,736
"'It is a far, far better...
323
00:13:58,836 --> 00:14:01,236
"'butt-kicking I give...
324
00:14:03,036 --> 00:14:05,336
...than I have ever
butt-kicked.'"
325
00:14:05,336 --> 00:14:07,036
All right.
Whoa!
326
00:14:07,136 --> 00:14:08,736
What a book, huh?
327
00:14:08,736 --> 00:14:10,536
Yeah, that was
great, great, Fras.
328
00:14:10,636 --> 00:14:12,236
What, uh, what are you
going to read to us next?
329
00:14:12,236 --> 00:14:15,336
Well, I was thinking about,
uh, David Copperfield.
330
00:14:15,436 --> 00:14:16,536
What's that about?
331
00:14:16,636 --> 00:14:18,936
Well, it's about
these, uh...
332
00:14:19,036 --> 00:14:23,236
two coppers,
and this... field,
333
00:14:23,336 --> 00:14:26,336
um... and they're found...
334
00:14:26,436 --> 00:14:29,636
dismembered with their
body parts switched.
335
00:14:29,636 --> 00:14:31,236
CARLA:
Man...!
336
00:14:31,336 --> 00:14:34,536
Man, that Dickens
is one sick dude.
337
00:14:35,736 --> 00:14:38,036
Have any of you guys
heard from Rebecca yet?
338
00:14:38,136 --> 00:14:40,336
Normie.
Turn on the game,
will you, Sam?
339
00:14:40,436 --> 00:14:41,536
No, no, no, come on,
let's, uh...
340
00:14:41,636 --> 00:14:42,336
Let's give her
a call here.
341
00:14:42,536 --> 00:14:44,336
I got her parents'
number here.
342
00:14:44,336 --> 00:14:45,536
Let's just tell her that,
you know,
343
00:14:45,536 --> 00:14:47,536
we're thinking about her
and that we care.
344
00:14:48,936 --> 00:14:51,036
Ah, hell,
it's her parents' machine.
345
00:14:51,136 --> 00:14:52,436
I hate these things.
346
00:14:52,436 --> 00:14:54,036
I never know what to say.
347
00:14:54,036 --> 00:14:55,336
Hi. This is Sam from Cheers.
348
00:14:55,436 --> 00:14:56,836
Uh, this message is for Rebecca.
349
00:14:56,836 --> 00:14:58,636
Um, hi, Rebecca.
350
00:14:58,736 --> 00:15:00,436
We just wanted to find out
if you're okay,
351
00:15:00,536 --> 00:15:01,836
and tell you
that we all miss you,
352
00:15:01,836 --> 00:15:03,436
and I love you,
and I hope that...
353
00:15:03,436 --> 00:15:05,136
Oh, oh, Sam.
Wh-What?
354
00:15:05,236 --> 00:15:06,736
You love her?
355
00:15:06,836 --> 00:15:09,236
No. No, I-I didn't say that.
356
00:15:09,236 --> 00:15:11,136
Hold on a second.
No, I didn't say that.
357
00:15:13,436 --> 00:15:16,036
No, no, I said-I said
we miss her and we love her.
358
00:15:16,036 --> 00:15:17,536
You said we miss her
and you love her.
359
00:15:17,636 --> 00:15:20,136
Yeah, but it was implied
that you miss her, too.
360
00:15:20,936 --> 00:15:22,436
Well, shoot.
361
00:15:22,536 --> 00:15:24,836
I-I-I don't want her to get
the wrong impression here.
362
00:15:24,936 --> 00:15:27,236
Uh, hi, Rebecca, listen,
when I said that I love you,
363
00:15:27,336 --> 00:15:29,036
you know I didn't mean
love love.
364
00:15:29,136 --> 00:15:32,436
I, uh, you know, I meant more
like a friend, you know,
365
00:15:32,536 --> 00:15:35,136
a buddy, a pal, uh,
like a partner, you know.
366
00:15:35,236 --> 00:15:37,936
Like the two cops
in David Copperfield.
367
00:15:39,036 --> 00:15:41,436
Okay, honey?
368
00:15:41,436 --> 00:15:42,736
Well, anyway, bye-bye.
369
00:15:42,836 --> 00:15:44,536
Wait, no...
Wait, hold on.
370
00:15:44,636 --> 00:15:45,836
That was a little cold.
371
00:15:45,836 --> 00:15:47,036
Yeah, you know,
372
00:15:47,136 --> 00:15:48,436
listen, she's, uh,
she's feeling kind of low.
373
00:15:48,536 --> 00:15:50,736
You can't just kick her
when she's down like that.
Yeah.
374
00:15:52,836 --> 00:15:55,736
Sweetheart, when-when I said
that I love you, you know,
375
00:15:55,836 --> 00:15:58,636
I meant that you're a-a very
important part of my life,
376
00:15:58,736 --> 00:16:00,936
you know, along with a lot
of other people.
377
00:16:00,936 --> 00:16:03,836
It-it's, uh, you know,
it's like my-my life
378
00:16:03,936 --> 00:16:05,336
is this big jigsaw puzzle,
379
00:16:05,336 --> 00:16:06,836
and you are
a very important part.
380
00:16:06,936 --> 00:16:08,836
You know,
like a corner piece, huh?
381
00:16:08,836 --> 00:16:10,336
All right.
382
00:16:10,336 --> 00:16:11,736
Hold on. Oh...
383
00:16:11,836 --> 00:16:13,636
I think the guys want to say
something here. Go ahead.
384
00:16:13,736 --> 00:16:15,636
GUYS:
Sammy loves you.
385
00:16:23,236 --> 00:16:27,736
Hey, any of you guys tried that
new steak house on Commonwealth?
386
00:16:27,736 --> 00:16:28,536
No.
387
00:16:28,736 --> 00:16:29,836
It's the greatest.
388
00:16:29,836 --> 00:16:32,436
Beautiful waitresses
in tiny little wench outfits.
389
00:16:32,536 --> 00:16:33,736
Yeah? What
did you have?
390
00:16:33,836 --> 00:16:36,536
Beautiful waitress
in a tiny little wench outfit.
391
00:16:36,636 --> 00:16:39,336
I'm going back, too.
392
00:16:39,336 --> 00:16:42,436
Dr. Crane, when are you going
to read us some more Dickens?
393
00:16:42,536 --> 00:16:44,736
(chanting):
Dickens, Dickens, Dickens.
LILITH: Oh, well.
394
00:16:45,636 --> 00:16:47,936
Frasier, I'm impressed.
395
00:16:48,036 --> 00:16:50,636
It seems your experiment
in cultural enrichment
396
00:16:50,736 --> 00:16:52,536
has been a success.
397
00:16:52,636 --> 00:16:55,936
Yep. We're waiting for OliverTwist: The Wrath of Fagin.
398
00:16:56,936 --> 00:16:59,336
Excuse me?
399
00:16:59,336 --> 00:17:02,836
Darling, I've done some
things the past few weeks
400
00:17:02,936 --> 00:17:05,636
I'm not very proud of.
401
00:17:07,036 --> 00:17:09,236
Just leave it alone.
402
00:17:10,436 --> 00:17:12,436
Shoot, shoot, shoot.
403
00:17:12,536 --> 00:17:14,536
Hey, guys...
404
00:17:14,636 --> 00:17:16,036
listen to this.
405
00:17:16,136 --> 00:17:18,236
(recorder beeps)
Sam, this is Rebecca.
406
00:17:18,336 --> 00:17:19,836
I got your message.
407
00:17:19,936 --> 00:17:21,136
Hearing your voice
made me realize
408
00:17:21,236 --> 00:17:23,436
what I'm missing
in my life, and...
409
00:17:23,436 --> 00:17:26,736
and I was such a fool
not to have seen it before.
410
00:17:26,736 --> 00:17:28,236
My plane lands
at midnight tonight,
411
00:17:28,336 --> 00:17:29,836
and I'm coming straight
to the bar to see you.
412
00:17:29,936 --> 00:17:31,836
So will you please,
please wait for me?
413
00:17:31,836 --> 00:17:33,237
(beep)
414
00:17:33,337 --> 00:17:35,137
(snickering)
415
00:17:36,637 --> 00:17:39,037
What am I gonna do?
416
00:17:39,137 --> 00:17:41,237
I mean, do you think
that she's coming back here
417
00:17:41,337 --> 00:17:43,237
because I left that message
on her machine?
418
00:17:43,337 --> 00:17:45,437
Yeah.
419
00:17:45,537 --> 00:17:47,237
Hey, will you be serious here
for a minute?
420
00:17:47,237 --> 00:17:49,037
Just once I'd like to have
a serious conversation
421
00:17:49,037 --> 00:17:51,037
in this damn bar.
Okay. Fine.
Mm-hmm.
422
00:17:51,137 --> 00:17:53,837
Do you really think
that she's rushing back
423
00:17:53,937 --> 00:17:55,437
because I said I love you?
424
00:17:55,537 --> 00:17:57,837
Mm, yeah.
425
00:17:58,837 --> 00:18:00,937
What do you know.
426
00:18:00,937 --> 00:18:03,137
I'm gonna talk to somebody who
knows something around here.
427
00:18:03,237 --> 00:18:04,537
What do you think?
428
00:18:04,537 --> 00:18:06,737
You're dead meat
on a stick.
429
00:18:07,737 --> 00:18:09,337
No, I'm not dead meat
on a stick.
430
00:18:09,437 --> 00:18:10,837
You know,
and even if she does think that,
431
00:18:10,937 --> 00:18:12,637
I've handled lots
of love-crazed babes
432
00:18:12,737 --> 00:18:14,537
who want to become
Mrs. Sam Malone.
433
00:18:14,637 --> 00:18:16,937
I got dozens of ways
of handling that.
434
00:18:17,037 --> 00:18:19,637
You know,
even if they all don't work,
435
00:18:19,737 --> 00:18:22,037
I still have Plan Z.
436
00:18:23,837 --> 00:18:25,337
What's, uh,
Plan Z there, Sam?
437
00:18:25,437 --> 00:18:27,237
Never you mind.
438
00:18:27,237 --> 00:18:28,937
It's pretty drastic, I'll admit,
439
00:18:29,037 --> 00:18:31,637
but I'll use it if I have to.
440
00:18:31,737 --> 00:18:33,437
SAM:
I-I...
441
00:18:33,437 --> 00:18:35,037
I don't want the same woman
hanging onto me
442
00:18:35,137 --> 00:18:36,537
for the rest of my life.
443
00:18:36,637 --> 00:18:39,637
I mean, can you imagine how
creepy that would be, Frasier?
444
00:18:47,037 --> 00:18:51,037
I'll... answer that
question another time.
445
00:19:00,637 --> 00:19:02,337
Okay, Leon, you just
wait outside there
446
00:19:02,437 --> 00:19:04,037
and come running in when
you see the lights flash.
447
00:19:04,137 --> 00:19:05,437
Right.
448
00:19:05,437 --> 00:19:07,437
Carla, Sammy will
not tell us.
449
00:19:07,537 --> 00:19:09,337
What is this Plan Z?
450
00:19:09,437 --> 00:19:12,637
I'll tell you everything I know
for 20 bucks each.
451
00:19:13,537 --> 00:19:15,837
All right.
452
00:19:19,837 --> 00:19:23,137
It's called Plan Z.
453
00:19:23,237 --> 00:19:24,937
When Sammy flashes the lights,
454
00:19:25,037 --> 00:19:27,937
this guy Leon comes in
and executes it.
455
00:19:30,137 --> 00:19:32,937
Okay, well, what...
what is Plan Z?
456
00:19:33,037 --> 00:19:34,137
Beats me.
457
00:19:34,137 --> 00:19:35,937
I didn't know that much
two minutes ago.
458
00:19:35,937 --> 00:19:37,337
Give me the money.
459
00:19:45,837 --> 00:19:47,137
I think it was worth it.
460
00:19:47,237 --> 00:19:49,137
Oh, yeah.
461
00:19:52,137 --> 00:19:54,337
Sam, it seems to me
462
00:19:54,437 --> 00:19:56,937
you're going through an awful,
awful lot of machinations
463
00:19:56,937 --> 00:19:59,537
to avoid dealing honestly
and directly with Rebecca.
464
00:19:59,637 --> 00:20:03,137
Well, that's me,
you know, always thinking.
465
00:20:03,137 --> 00:20:06,037
Besides, you know,
I don't think we're gonna
have to use Plan Z here.
466
00:20:06,137 --> 00:20:07,437
I mean, what are we
talking about?
467
00:20:07,537 --> 00:20:08,637
We're talking about Rebecca.
468
00:20:08,737 --> 00:20:09,937
I mean, what's
the worst she can do?
469
00:20:09,937 --> 00:20:11,637
Sam.
470
00:20:11,737 --> 00:20:13,537
I hope you're ready to change
your life, because I am.
471
00:20:13,537 --> 00:20:15,237
Ah...
472
00:20:15,237 --> 00:20:17,237
Can you excuse me
just a second here, hon?
473
00:20:21,437 --> 00:20:22,637
Sam, why are you flashing
the lights?
474
00:20:22,637 --> 00:20:24,837
Oh, you know, it's just kind of
to welcome you back.
475
00:20:24,937 --> 00:20:26,937
You know like, three cheers,
hey, Rebecca's back.
476
00:20:26,937 --> 00:20:28,937
Rebecca's back.
477
00:20:29,737 --> 00:20:31,237
REBECCA:
Sam,
478
00:20:31,237 --> 00:20:32,737
get over here,
quit being silly.
479
00:20:32,737 --> 00:20:34,237
I have to ask you something
really important.
480
00:20:36,737 --> 00:20:39,137
Will you sell me this bar?
481
00:20:39,137 --> 00:20:40,837
No. What?
482
00:20:40,937 --> 00:20:42,237
Cheers-- I want to buy Cheers.
483
00:20:42,237 --> 00:20:44,837
Running this place was the only
time I ever felt like somebody.
484
00:20:44,937 --> 00:20:46,637
You know, people
looked up to me.
485
00:20:46,737 --> 00:20:48,137
Who?
486
00:20:51,637 --> 00:20:53,737
You mean you didn't come
back here to marry Sam?
487
00:20:53,837 --> 00:20:54,937
Marry Sam?!
488
00:20:55,037 --> 00:20:56,937
No, why would
you think that?
489
00:20:57,037 --> 00:20:58,237
You didn't think that, did you?
490
00:20:58,337 --> 00:21:01,137
Shoot, no.
491
00:21:01,137 --> 00:21:03,537
That's why you've been doing
all this weird stuff.
492
00:21:03,637 --> 00:21:05,937
Because you think I came
back here to marry you?
493
00:21:06,037 --> 00:21:07,637
What weird stuff?
494
00:21:08,537 --> 00:21:11,137
I can't keep
living a lie, Sam.
495
00:21:11,137 --> 00:21:13,137
No, no, no, Leon.
496
00:21:20,737 --> 00:21:23,938
Sam is my lover.
497
00:21:23,938 --> 00:21:25,938
Boy, you...
498
00:21:26,038 --> 00:21:29,538
you really did think
I was after you.
499
00:21:29,638 --> 00:21:31,738
REBECCA:
I can't believe this.
500
00:21:31,738 --> 00:21:33,938
You are a wussy little
fraidy cat.
501
00:21:33,938 --> 00:21:36,638
I'm not a wussy
little fraidy cat.
502
00:21:36,738 --> 00:21:38,138
Oh, then this is real?
503
00:21:38,138 --> 00:21:40,938
You and Leon
are lovers.
504
00:21:41,038 --> 00:21:43,838
Well, why don't you give
Leon a kiss then?
505
00:21:47,538 --> 00:21:49,438
Because we've been
together for 14 years,
506
00:21:49,538 --> 00:21:51,538
and we're no longer
demonstrative.
507
00:21:57,138 --> 00:21:58,538
You know, the, uh,
the spark's gone.
508
00:21:58,538 --> 00:22:00,238
I'm sorry, Leon.
509
00:22:00,238 --> 00:22:02,938
I probably should have
said something sooner.
510
00:22:02,938 --> 00:22:05,438
No, no, no, Sam,
you can't have it both ways.
511
00:22:05,538 --> 00:22:08,838
You either give Leon a kiss...
512
00:22:08,938 --> 00:22:10,838
on his lips...
513
00:22:10,938 --> 00:22:13,138
or you admit
that you are
514
00:22:13,238 --> 00:22:15,138
a wussy little fraidy cat.
515
00:22:15,238 --> 00:22:16,838
Sammy, don't let her
make you look like
516
00:22:16,938 --> 00:22:19,038
a wussy little fraidy cat.
517
00:22:19,138 --> 00:22:20,738
I'm not a wussy
little fraidy cat.
518
00:22:20,838 --> 00:22:22,338
(Carla meowing)
519
00:22:22,438 --> 00:22:23,638
What are we
supposed to think?
520
00:22:30,138 --> 00:22:32,638
Sorry about that, Leon.
521
00:22:32,738 --> 00:22:35,538
You realize I'm gonna have
to slug you in the face now.
522
00:22:35,638 --> 00:22:37,338
I wish you would.
523
00:22:37,438 --> 00:22:40,138
(Cliff and Norm
groaning)
524
00:22:40,138 --> 00:22:41,938
We, uh, still on for golf
on Thursday?
525
00:22:42,038 --> 00:22:43,238
Yeah, you bet, Leon.
526
00:22:43,238 --> 00:22:45,138
Great.
527
00:22:46,438 --> 00:22:47,938
Oh, ow...
528
00:22:48,038 --> 00:22:49,138
That hurt.
529
00:22:49,238 --> 00:22:50,638
Sammy, look at you.
530
00:22:50,638 --> 00:22:51,938
Your nose is bleeding.
531
00:22:52,038 --> 00:22:53,538
Your eye is
starting to swell.
532
00:22:53,638 --> 00:22:55,538
And you just kissed a man.
533
00:22:57,938 --> 00:23:00,538
But you're not a wussy
little fraidy cat.
534
00:23:00,638 --> 00:23:02,838
NORM:
You ain't afraid.
No, not Sammy.
535
00:23:02,938 --> 00:23:04,038
NORM:
Good boy.
536
00:23:04,138 --> 00:23:05,338
Good, Sam.
You know,
537
00:23:05,438 --> 00:23:07,538
in the space
of the last 30 seconds,
538
00:23:07,638 --> 00:23:11,238
we have witnessed deceit,
sexual turmoil
539
00:23:11,338 --> 00:23:13,538
and sudden,
senseless violence.
540
00:23:13,538 --> 00:23:16,838
It puts me in mind
of a passage from...
541
00:23:16,838 --> 00:23:19,138
The Pickwick Papers.38321
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