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Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:01,605 --> 00:00:04,405 Cheers is filmed before a live studio audience. 2 00:00:04,505 --> 00:00:06,704 What's going on there? 3 00:00:06,804 --> 00:00:09,104 There appears to be a man lying in the street. 4 00:00:09,204 --> 00:00:10,504 Oh, my God, it's Woody! Woody. 5 00:00:10,604 --> 00:00:11,504 Excuse us, excuse us. 6 00:00:11,604 --> 00:00:12,903 Move back, please, a doctor coming. 7 00:00:13,003 --> 00:00:13,903 Are you all right? 8 00:00:14,003 --> 00:00:15,103 Don't move me, don't move me! 9 00:00:15,203 --> 00:00:16,303 REBECCA: Don't move him! 10 00:00:16,303 --> 00:00:17,803 Somebody get help! 11 00:00:17,803 --> 00:00:19,702 (horn honks) 12 00:00:19,702 --> 00:00:22,902 WOODY: Straighten her out, Sam. 13 00:00:22,902 --> 00:00:23,902 Thanks, Woods. 14 00:00:23,902 --> 00:00:26,401 (theme song begins) 15 00:00:29,501 --> 00:00:31,800 ¶ Making your way in the world today ¶ 16 00:00:31,900 --> 00:00:35,000 ¶ Takes everything you've got ¶ 17 00:00:35,100 --> 00:00:37,699 ¶ Taking a break from all your worries ¶ 18 00:00:37,799 --> 00:00:41,199 ¶ Sure would help a lot 19 00:00:41,299 --> 00:00:45,198 ¶ Wouldn't you like to get away? ¶ 20 00:00:46,398 --> 00:00:48,698 ¶ Sometimes you want to go 21 00:00:48,798 --> 00:00:53,197 ¶ Where everybody knows your name ¶ 22 00:00:54,497 --> 00:00:59,096 ¶ And they're always glad you came ¶ 23 00:00:59,196 --> 00:01:01,395 ¶ You wanna be where you can see ¶ 24 00:01:01,495 --> 00:01:03,995 ¶ Our troubles are all the same ¶ 25 00:01:03,995 --> 00:01:08,294 ¶ You wanna be where everybody knows your name ¶ 26 00:01:09,494 --> 00:01:11,394 ¶ You wanna go where people know ¶ 27 00:01:11,494 --> 00:01:14,693 ¶ People are all the same 28 00:01:14,693 --> 00:01:19,293 ¶ You wanna go where everybody knows your name. ¶ 29 00:01:36,590 --> 00:01:38,189 Hey, Carla, you'll never believe what I found 30 00:01:38,289 --> 00:01:39,889 in the storage closet. 31 00:01:39,989 --> 00:01:41,489 This great old foosball table. 32 00:01:41,589 --> 00:01:43,189 (screams) 33 00:01:43,189 --> 00:01:45,788 Yeah, I was pretty excited, too. 34 00:01:45,888 --> 00:01:48,088 This foosball table is evil. 35 00:01:48,188 --> 00:01:49,588 It's cursed. 36 00:01:49,588 --> 00:01:50,887 What are you talking about? 37 00:01:50,887 --> 00:01:55,287 One day, it mysteriously appeared in the alley out back. 38 00:01:55,387 --> 00:01:57,386 From the moment we started to play it, 39 00:01:57,486 --> 00:02:00,086 this place turned from a nice local tavern 40 00:02:00,186 --> 00:02:04,185 into a seething pit of resentment and backstabbing. 41 00:02:04,285 --> 00:02:07,085 Oh... so that's how it happened. 42 00:02:11,184 --> 00:02:13,684 I'm telling you, things got ugly around here. 43 00:02:13,784 --> 00:02:14,783 One time, 44 00:02:14,883 --> 00:02:17,383 the ball flew out and hit Clavin in the eye 45 00:02:17,483 --> 00:02:19,083 for no earthly reason. 46 00:02:19,083 --> 00:02:22,382 (laughing): It was funny. 47 00:02:22,482 --> 00:02:23,982 But it was spooky. 48 00:02:24,082 --> 00:02:25,282 That's when I realized 49 00:02:25,382 --> 00:02:27,081 that this 50 00:02:27,081 --> 00:02:29,081 is an evil foosball table. 51 00:02:29,181 --> 00:02:31,381 Well, why didn't you get rid of it? 52 00:02:31,481 --> 00:02:33,680 Well, we tried to throw it away, 53 00:02:33,780 --> 00:02:35,680 but the trashman who picked it up 54 00:02:35,680 --> 00:02:38,979 slipped and fell backward into traffic. 55 00:02:39,079 --> 00:02:42,579 I'll never forget his last words... 56 00:02:42,679 --> 00:02:44,579 "What the...?" 57 00:02:51,677 --> 00:02:56,077 Well, it's, it's not exactly "The Telltale Heart," but... 58 00:02:56,077 --> 00:02:58,576 it's a pretty good story. 59 00:02:58,576 --> 00:02:59,776 Gee, Carla, I had no idea. 60 00:02:59,776 --> 00:03:01,276 I'll put it right back. 61 00:03:01,376 --> 00:03:02,076 Hey, Cliffie! Huh? 62 00:03:02,276 --> 00:03:04,175 Check it out-- the foos table. 63 00:03:04,175 --> 00:03:05,175 Too late. 64 00:03:05,275 --> 00:03:07,175 It has risen from its resting place 65 00:03:07,175 --> 00:03:10,074 to feed upon the fat and middle-aged. 66 00:03:11,974 --> 00:03:13,674 Uh, Sam. 67 00:03:13,774 --> 00:03:16,873 Oh, hey, John, how very nice to see you again. 68 00:03:16,973 --> 00:03:17,573 You're lying, aren't you? 69 00:03:17,773 --> 00:03:19,073 Yes, I am. 70 00:03:20,473 --> 00:03:22,872 Mr. Hill, I just had lunch up at your restaurant 71 00:03:22,872 --> 00:03:24,772 and the risotto with bay scallops and fennel-- 72 00:03:24,872 --> 00:03:26,672 oh, I think it was the most delicious 73 00:03:26,772 --> 00:03:28,371 thing I've ever had to eat. 74 00:03:28,471 --> 00:03:29,271 We'll name it for you. 75 00:03:29,271 --> 00:03:30,571 Thank you. 76 00:03:30,571 --> 00:03:31,371 Hey, come here. 77 00:03:31,471 --> 00:03:32,671 I hate this guy. 78 00:03:32,771 --> 00:03:34,470 What are you, what are you kissing up to him for? 79 00:03:34,570 --> 00:03:37,370 I'm not kissing up, Sam, I like the food. 80 00:03:37,470 --> 00:03:39,670 Sam, you don't have to be jealous. 81 00:03:39,770 --> 00:03:42,069 You are a very handsome businessman, 82 00:03:42,069 --> 00:03:44,369 and you own the hottest spot in town. 83 00:03:44,369 --> 00:03:46,168 Oh, oh, thank you very much. 84 00:03:46,368 --> 00:03:48,468 That's kissing up. 85 00:03:52,267 --> 00:03:54,367 Sam, I think we both know why I'm here. 86 00:03:54,467 --> 00:03:57,167 I bet you want the number to my hairstylist. Don't you? 87 00:03:57,367 --> 00:03:59,066 Oh, I'm sorry. 88 00:03:59,166 --> 00:04:00,566 Now, that was cruel. 89 00:04:04,465 --> 00:04:06,365 Sam, as we both know, 90 00:04:06,465 --> 00:04:09,165 I own legal title to your poolroom and both bathrooms. Hey, 91 00:04:09,165 --> 00:04:11,164 why do you keep repeating that every time you come down here? 92 00:04:11,264 --> 00:04:12,864 You're driving me up the wall. 93 00:04:12,964 --> 00:04:14,064 That's why. 94 00:04:14,064 --> 00:04:15,664 Now where was I? 95 00:04:15,764 --> 00:04:17,863 Oh, yes, as you know, I own legal title to your poolroom 96 00:04:17,963 --> 00:04:20,363 and both bathrooms, 97 00:04:20,463 --> 00:04:23,262 and rent on said property is past due since last Wednesday. 98 00:04:23,362 --> 00:04:24,662 I hope you haven't forgotten me, Sam. 99 00:04:24,762 --> 00:04:25,762 Forgotten you? 100 00:04:25,862 --> 00:04:27,562 John, I could never forget you. 101 00:04:27,662 --> 00:04:29,761 You're in my bad dreams every night. 102 00:04:29,761 --> 00:04:31,261 You're the reason why I'm in therapy 103 00:04:31,361 --> 00:04:32,561 for the first time in my life. 104 00:04:32,661 --> 00:04:34,061 Well, don't forget 105 00:04:34,161 --> 00:04:36,160 to mention to your therapist that I own legal title to y... 106 00:04:36,160 --> 00:04:37,260 All right, 107 00:04:37,360 --> 00:04:38,560 all right, all right, all right. 108 00:04:39,660 --> 00:04:42,359 I'll write you your stupid check. 109 00:04:42,359 --> 00:04:43,959 Sam, I'm a little hurt. 110 00:04:44,059 --> 00:04:45,859 If you felt the need to see a therapist, 111 00:04:45,959 --> 00:04:46,859 why didn't you come to me? 112 00:04:46,959 --> 00:04:48,058 Oh... 113 00:04:48,158 --> 00:04:49,758 Well, I-- you know, I was looking, sort of, 114 00:04:49,858 --> 00:04:51,858 for a doctor that, you know, didn't know me 115 00:04:51,958 --> 00:04:53,058 so well, 116 00:04:53,058 --> 00:04:56,957 who has, uh, blonde hair and smoky eyes 117 00:04:56,957 --> 00:05:01,356 and wears miniskirts and crosses her legs all the time. 118 00:05:01,356 --> 00:05:02,556 Oh. 119 00:05:02,656 --> 00:05:03,656 Connie Forsythe, a fine doctor. 120 00:05:03,656 --> 00:05:04,756 Yeah. 121 00:05:04,756 --> 00:05:05,555 (chuckles) 122 00:05:05,755 --> 00:05:06,555 She'll straighten you out. 123 00:05:06,655 --> 00:05:07,355 Oh, she did. 124 00:05:09,155 --> 00:05:10,455 Here's my personal check. 125 00:05:10,555 --> 00:05:12,354 You'll notice that I made it out to 126 00:05:12,354 --> 00:05:14,954 John "You Stink" Hill. 127 00:05:14,954 --> 00:05:17,953 Sam, this is not up to your usual standards. 128 00:05:18,053 --> 00:05:18,453 (blows raspberry) 129 00:05:18,653 --> 00:05:19,853 Now it is. 130 00:05:21,253 --> 00:05:24,052 Man, I can never get the guy. 131 00:05:24,052 --> 00:05:25,952 I hate him. Just once I would like to do something 132 00:05:26,052 --> 00:05:27,452 that gets under his skin. 133 00:05:27,552 --> 00:05:28,852 Sam, forget him, he's gone. No, he's 134 00:05:28,952 --> 00:05:30,451 not gone, there's no escaping the guy. 135 00:05:30,551 --> 00:05:32,351 I mean, I-I walk down my own hallway 136 00:05:32,451 --> 00:05:33,951 and I know that I'm on his turf. 137 00:05:34,051 --> 00:05:36,650 I can't even go to the damn bathroom without getting mad. 138 00:05:36,650 --> 00:05:38,950 Oh, you, too, Sammy? 139 00:05:41,050 --> 00:05:42,749 You know something? 140 00:05:42,849 --> 00:05:43,749 I'm out of here. 141 00:05:43,849 --> 00:05:45,049 I'm gonna go see Dr. Forsythe. 142 00:05:45,049 --> 00:05:46,849 I got to get this out of my system. 143 00:05:46,949 --> 00:05:48,248 You're going to talk to her about it? 144 00:05:48,348 --> 00:05:50,548 No, I'm gonna get it out of my system. Talk? 145 00:05:53,948 --> 00:05:55,147 Excuse me. 146 00:05:55,147 --> 00:05:56,947 Are you Mr. Malone? Yeah. 147 00:05:57,047 --> 00:05:59,147 Well, there seems to be a problem with this check. 148 00:05:59,247 --> 00:06:01,046 Oh, what? I just made a joke name up. 149 00:06:01,046 --> 00:06:02,246 Big deal. 150 00:06:02,346 --> 00:06:04,246 All he has to do is make sure he endorses it 151 00:06:04,346 --> 00:06:05,446 John "I Stink" Hill. 152 00:06:05,446 --> 00:06:06,545 (laughs) 153 00:06:06,645 --> 00:06:09,045 No, Mr. Malone, you made it out for too much. 154 00:06:09,145 --> 00:06:11,345 You added an extra zero. 155 00:06:11,345 --> 00:06:12,944 Wow. 156 00:06:13,044 --> 00:06:15,344 Oh, well, thank you very much, it's... 157 00:06:15,344 --> 00:06:17,544 I'm kind of surprised someone as nice as you 158 00:06:17,644 --> 00:06:19,943 works for that bald-headed jackass. 159 00:06:20,043 --> 00:06:20,943 Oh, I don't work for him. 160 00:06:21,043 --> 00:06:23,243 I'm the bald-headed jackass' daughter, 161 00:06:23,243 --> 00:06:25,942 Valerie "You Stink" Hill. 162 00:06:26,742 --> 00:06:29,142 I'm sorry. 163 00:06:29,242 --> 00:06:31,641 I-I-I never intended for anyone to see that 164 00:06:31,741 --> 00:06:33,141 except John. 165 00:06:33,141 --> 00:06:34,741 And all the people at the bank. 166 00:06:34,841 --> 00:06:36,441 Well, yeah. 167 00:06:37,840 --> 00:06:40,040 I'll write you another check. 168 00:06:41,040 --> 00:06:43,539 Valerie, what are you doing down here? 169 00:06:43,639 --> 00:06:46,339 I asked you never to come down here. 170 00:06:48,239 --> 00:06:50,938 I just wanted to get the right amount on the check. 171 00:06:51,038 --> 00:06:54,038 Well, I was perfectly pleased with the amount as written. 172 00:06:54,038 --> 00:06:55,837 Besides, I don't want you associating 173 00:06:55,837 --> 00:06:57,237 with the element that hangs around 174 00:06:57,337 --> 00:07:00,137 in this bar. Wipe your hands. 175 00:07:01,437 --> 00:07:03,136 Thank you. 176 00:07:04,536 --> 00:07:05,836 Sam, I heard you say you wanted 177 00:07:05,936 --> 00:07:07,436 to get under Mr. Hill's skin. 178 00:07:07,536 --> 00:07:08,135 Yeah. 179 00:07:08,235 --> 00:07:09,535 Well, I got a way, 180 00:07:09,635 --> 00:07:12,035 but... I think it's impossible. 181 00:07:12,135 --> 00:07:13,934 You're thinking that maybe I should date his daughter? 182 00:07:13,934 --> 00:07:15,134 (laughs) 183 00:07:15,134 --> 00:07:16,734 Great idea! 184 00:07:16,734 --> 00:07:20,033 No, no, no, if you really want to get under Mr. Hill's skin, 185 00:07:20,133 --> 00:07:24,233 the best way is we shrink you down to microscopic size 186 00:07:24,333 --> 00:07:25,833 and then we put you in a syringe 187 00:07:25,933 --> 00:07:28,132 and we inject you right into his arm. 188 00:07:28,232 --> 00:07:29,932 But I still say it's impossible. 189 00:07:29,932 --> 00:07:30,932 Oh, I love this. 190 00:07:30,932 --> 00:07:32,032 This is a great idea. 191 00:07:33,031 --> 00:07:34,231 Oh, great. 192 00:07:34,331 --> 00:07:35,931 Now I got Sam trying to contradict 193 00:07:36,031 --> 00:07:37,531 the immutable laws of science. 194 00:07:39,130 --> 00:07:41,530 When am I going to learn to keep my mouth shut? 195 00:07:49,329 --> 00:07:51,228 (elegant music plays) 196 00:07:51,328 --> 00:07:54,628 You know, Sam, I have to confess I've never really been out 197 00:07:54,728 --> 00:07:55,928 with a guy like you before. 198 00:07:56,028 --> 00:07:57,627 I'm afraid I don't even know how to act. 199 00:07:57,627 --> 00:07:59,127 Ah, well, it's really easy. 200 00:07:59,227 --> 00:08:00,727 Shimmy over here a little bit, will you? 201 00:08:00,827 --> 00:08:01,727 There you go. 202 00:08:01,827 --> 00:08:04,126 Now... first off, just, you know, 203 00:08:04,226 --> 00:08:06,726 adjust your, uh, outfit a little bit there. 204 00:08:06,726 --> 00:08:07,826 Very good. 205 00:08:07,826 --> 00:08:09,425 Laugh like hell at everything I say 206 00:08:09,425 --> 00:08:11,525 and, oh, yeah, put your hand in my lap. 207 00:08:11,525 --> 00:08:13,125 (laughs) 208 00:08:13,225 --> 00:08:15,324 (chuckling): No, th-that was not a joke. 209 00:08:15,324 --> 00:08:19,824 Sam, I really feel like I don't know what to say to you. 210 00:08:19,924 --> 00:08:20,824 Well, it doesn't really matter, sweetheart, 211 00:08:20,923 --> 00:08:21,923 it's just... 212 00:08:23,323 --> 00:08:24,823 All you got to do is make sure you whisper it 213 00:08:24,823 --> 00:08:26,323 right here, right in my neck. 214 00:08:26,423 --> 00:08:28,022 Yeah, there you go. Oh, hi, John! 215 00:08:28,022 --> 00:08:29,722 (laughs) 216 00:08:29,722 --> 00:08:31,822 Boy, I didn't expect to see you here tonight. 217 00:08:31,922 --> 00:08:34,121 Sam, I see you've made friends with my daughter. 218 00:08:34,221 --> 00:08:36,521 Oh, yes, we're very good friends by now, John. 219 00:08:36,521 --> 00:08:40,220 I've discovered how her eyes dance in the light, 220 00:08:40,320 --> 00:08:44,620 how neat her hair smells, how soft her skin feels. 221 00:08:44,620 --> 00:08:47,219 Modesty prevents me from going on. 222 00:08:47,319 --> 00:08:48,819 Fine, I'll send 223 00:08:48,919 --> 00:08:50,019 the wine steward over. 224 00:08:51,918 --> 00:08:55,718 Sam, I liked what you said about my eyes, 225 00:08:55,818 --> 00:08:58,117 but you know I'm wearing contacts. 226 00:08:58,217 --> 00:08:59,417 Hmm? 227 00:08:59,517 --> 00:09:00,817 Oh, yeah, yeah, I know. 228 00:09:00,817 --> 00:09:03,716 I saw them swimming around in there earlier. 229 00:09:07,516 --> 00:09:08,516 Here, here, o-open up. 230 00:09:08,616 --> 00:09:09,616 Hey, John, look at this. 231 00:09:09,716 --> 00:09:12,115 Your daughter and I are sharing food together. 232 00:09:14,315 --> 00:09:16,114 I hope I'm not interrupting, 233 00:09:16,114 --> 00:09:18,114 but has anybody told you about the specials for tonight? 234 00:09:18,214 --> 00:09:20,614 Oh, it doesn't really matter, John. We're just gonna have 235 00:09:20,714 --> 00:09:25,013 a ton of raw oysters and then dash out of here all out of breath. 236 00:09:27,013 --> 00:09:29,812 The oysters are delicious. 237 00:09:30,612 --> 00:09:33,312 What the hell kind of father is he? 238 00:09:33,412 --> 00:09:35,611 Here I am, smelling your hair, talking oysters. 239 00:09:35,711 --> 00:09:37,811 I mean, I could be the biggest creep in the world. 240 00:09:37,911 --> 00:09:39,811 I could be taking you out for all the wrong reasons. 241 00:09:39,911 --> 00:09:41,410 Are you, Sam? No, of course not. 242 00:09:42,210 --> 00:09:43,910 Here, jump in my lap. 243 00:09:44,010 --> 00:09:46,010 There you go. 244 00:09:46,110 --> 00:09:47,709 Sam, I'm not sure I feel comfortable 245 00:09:47,809 --> 00:09:49,109 sitting in your lap like this. 246 00:09:49,109 --> 00:09:50,809 Hmm? Oh. How's that? 247 00:09:50,809 --> 00:09:52,409 Oh, I like that. 248 00:09:54,808 --> 00:09:58,208 Uh, Sam, I wonder if I could speak with you for a moment? 249 00:09:58,308 --> 00:10:00,107 Well, sure, John. 250 00:10:00,207 --> 00:10:01,907 Will you excuse me for a minute, Valerie? 251 00:10:02,007 --> 00:10:03,707 Oh, do I have to move? 252 00:10:03,807 --> 00:10:06,806 Usually, but, uh, we'll talk about that later. 253 00:10:11,205 --> 00:10:13,105 Yes, John? 254 00:10:13,205 --> 00:10:14,905 Sam, I was thinking if you're 255 00:10:15,005 --> 00:10:16,405 considering dessert, I'd like to recommend 256 00:10:16,505 --> 00:10:18,604 the Grand Marnier soufflé for two. 257 00:10:18,704 --> 00:10:19,904 It's quite elegant. 258 00:10:20,004 --> 00:10:21,404 The only thing is, you have to order it 259 00:10:21,504 --> 00:10:22,804 at least a half an hour ahead... 260 00:10:22,904 --> 00:10:25,403 Oh, please, don't take her away from me, Sam. 261 00:10:25,403 --> 00:10:27,303 She's the only daughter I've ever had. 262 00:10:27,403 --> 00:10:29,302 Please, Sam, please. 263 00:10:29,402 --> 00:10:32,402 Oh, John, I-I was just taking her out to annoy you. 264 00:10:32,502 --> 00:10:36,601 I had no idea it would cause such genuine pain. 265 00:10:39,301 --> 00:10:41,301 I'll give you anything you want, Sam. 266 00:10:41,401 --> 00:10:42,200 You want your poolroom 267 00:10:42,200 --> 00:10:44,300 and both bathrooms rent-free, fine. 268 00:10:44,400 --> 00:10:47,000 Just promise me you'll never see Valerie again. 269 00:10:47,100 --> 00:10:49,099 Oh, John, what kind of guy do you think I am? 270 00:10:49,199 --> 00:10:50,599 I mean, how can I go along 271 00:10:50,599 --> 00:10:52,799 with a sleazy arrangement like that? Oh, boy, oh, boy. 272 00:10:52,899 --> 00:10:55,198 I'll give you my parking space for your Corvette. 273 00:10:55,298 --> 00:10:57,198 Deal. 274 00:11:03,597 --> 00:11:04,897 I'm telling you guys, it was beautiful. 275 00:11:04,997 --> 00:11:05,896 Yeah? 276 00:11:05,996 --> 00:11:07,596 I now have my poolroom 277 00:11:07,696 --> 00:11:08,996 and my bathrooms rent-free, 278 00:11:08,996 --> 00:11:11,796 but better yet, I had the guy in tears. 279 00:11:11,796 --> 00:11:12,795 Look at that-- I got some of them 280 00:11:12,895 --> 00:11:14,295 right there on the napkin. 281 00:11:15,395 --> 00:11:16,895 Very nice. Now, what are you 282 00:11:16,995 --> 00:11:18,494 gonna do about the date with the girl? 283 00:11:18,594 --> 00:11:19,694 What? 284 00:11:19,694 --> 00:11:22,094 Oh, thank you, ooh. 285 00:11:22,194 --> 00:11:24,293 (laughing): I forgot. 286 00:11:24,293 --> 00:11:25,993 Sam, 287 00:11:25,993 --> 00:11:27,193 I finished all the oysters 288 00:11:27,193 --> 00:11:28,993 and I'm feeling kind of funny. 289 00:11:30,792 --> 00:11:31,892 What do you want to do now? 290 00:11:31,892 --> 00:11:33,992 Actually, Val, I'm kind of busy here. 291 00:11:33,992 --> 00:11:35,692 Uh, a problem's just come up. 292 00:11:35,692 --> 00:11:37,791 Uh, something with the kegs here. 293 00:11:37,891 --> 00:11:38,991 The kegs are leaking. 294 00:11:39,091 --> 00:11:40,091 What?! 295 00:11:40,191 --> 00:11:42,191 He's feeding her a line, stupid. 296 00:11:42,191 --> 00:11:45,290 Well, you don't joke about that kind of thing, ever. 297 00:11:45,390 --> 00:11:46,290 VALERIE: Well... 298 00:11:46,390 --> 00:11:48,090 maybe when you're through here 299 00:11:48,090 --> 00:11:49,289 we can go for a drive. 300 00:11:49,389 --> 00:11:50,389 Oh, I don't know. 301 00:11:50,489 --> 00:11:52,789 Uh, these kegs are a never-ending problem. 302 00:11:52,789 --> 00:11:54,589 I'm thinking of getting rid of them, actually. 303 00:11:54,589 --> 00:11:56,088 Hey, I don't find this kind of thing funny. 304 00:11:56,188 --> 00:11:57,788 Okay, maybe it's me. 305 00:11:57,888 --> 00:11:59,788 Well, maybe we can do it another time. 306 00:11:59,788 --> 00:12:02,787 Uh... I don't, I don't think so. 307 00:12:02,787 --> 00:12:05,487 I-I don't think things are working out, Valerie. 308 00:12:05,587 --> 00:12:07,386 All right. 309 00:12:08,586 --> 00:12:10,186 Was it something I did? 310 00:12:10,186 --> 00:12:11,586 Oh, no, no-no, no, no. 311 00:12:11,586 --> 00:12:14,885 Uh, you know, some things work out, some things don't. 312 00:12:16,385 --> 00:12:19,284 This is one of those that just didn't work out. 313 00:12:19,384 --> 00:12:21,784 Oh. Okay. 314 00:12:23,184 --> 00:12:25,483 Well, bye. 315 00:12:25,583 --> 00:12:27,483 Bye. 316 00:12:30,783 --> 00:12:32,182 (snaps fingers) 317 00:12:35,182 --> 00:12:37,781 I tell you, man, this is the best deal I've ever scammed. 318 00:12:37,881 --> 00:12:39,081 I get my poolroom 319 00:12:39,181 --> 00:12:40,981 and my bathrooms rent-free, and all I had to do 320 00:12:40,981 --> 00:12:42,881 was throw a little fish back I didn't want anyway. 321 00:12:42,981 --> 00:12:44,080 CLIFF: Yeah, way to go, Sammy. 322 00:12:44,180 --> 00:12:45,080 You want to, uh, go 323 00:12:45,180 --> 00:12:46,880 shoot some stick in your poolroom? 324 00:12:46,980 --> 00:12:48,580 No, I don't think so. 325 00:12:48,680 --> 00:12:50,579 Well, how'd you like to wash your hands, Sam, 326 00:12:50,679 --> 00:12:52,379 in your bathroom? 327 00:12:52,379 --> 00:12:53,679 No, no. 328 00:12:53,679 --> 00:12:54,979 What do you want Sam? 329 00:12:55,878 --> 00:12:57,278 I want that little fish back. 330 00:13:11,646 --> 00:13:13,346 Yes! Oh, we're tied! 331 00:13:13,346 --> 00:13:15,846 We're tied! (shouting) 332 00:13:16,646 --> 00:13:18,545 Carla, give us the ball. 333 00:13:18,645 --> 00:13:21,045 No, this is an evil game and it brings a curse 334 00:13:21,145 --> 00:13:22,445 on anyone who plays it. 335 00:13:22,445 --> 00:13:24,044 I'm just trying to save you guys. 336 00:13:24,144 --> 00:13:25,244 Oh, come on, Carla. 337 00:13:25,344 --> 00:13:26,644 It's just a harmless foosball game. 338 00:13:26,744 --> 00:13:28,044 We're just having fun. 339 00:13:28,044 --> 00:13:29,544 So look, here, you drop the ball 340 00:13:29,644 --> 00:13:31,843 so I can tear the heads off these pasty-faced geeks 341 00:13:31,843 --> 00:13:33,843 and drink their warm, red blood! 342 00:13:39,942 --> 00:13:42,441 Did my head just turn completely around? 343 00:13:44,441 --> 00:13:46,741 Or was that just a trick of the light? 344 00:13:49,340 --> 00:13:52,540 I can't believe I traded her for bathrooms. 345 00:13:52,640 --> 00:13:55,139 Sam, give me a break. 346 00:13:55,139 --> 00:13:56,739 The only reason you're interested in that girl 347 00:13:56,839 --> 00:13:58,339 is because you can't have her. 348 00:13:58,339 --> 00:13:59,739 It was the same thing with me. 349 00:14:02,138 --> 00:14:04,138 You wanted her, too, Miss Howe? 350 00:14:07,937 --> 00:14:11,437 Boy, I've been in this city one month too long. 351 00:14:11,437 --> 00:14:12,636 No, no... 352 00:14:12,736 --> 00:14:13,736 Woody... 353 00:14:13,836 --> 00:14:15,336 he wanted me because he couldn't have me. 354 00:14:15,436 --> 00:14:16,536 You know, Sam, 355 00:14:16,636 --> 00:14:18,436 if I told you right now you could have me, 356 00:14:18,536 --> 00:14:19,935 I bet you wouldn't even be interested. 357 00:14:20,035 --> 00:14:22,935 Maybe, but I'd, uh, still perform 358 00:14:22,935 --> 00:14:24,535 'cause I'm a professional. 359 00:14:26,934 --> 00:14:28,234 So, uh, Sammy. 360 00:14:28,234 --> 00:14:29,734 What is it now? What are you gonna do? 361 00:14:29,734 --> 00:14:31,633 I'm gonna see her again. FRASIER: Sam, 362 00:14:31,733 --> 00:14:33,633 if you do that, you may end up having to pay rent 363 00:14:33,733 --> 00:14:35,433 again on the poolroom and on the bathrooms. 364 00:14:35,433 --> 00:14:36,733 Why is that? 365 00:14:36,833 --> 00:14:38,532 Well, if you take an action, 366 00:14:38,632 --> 00:14:40,732 you'll have to face the consequences. 367 00:14:40,832 --> 00:14:42,732 No, I don't. I'm Sammy. 368 00:14:42,832 --> 00:14:44,831 Where have you been all these years? 369 00:14:44,831 --> 00:14:46,531 Oh, right. 370 00:14:46,531 --> 00:14:48,131 I forgot, you're Nietzsche's Superman. 371 00:14:48,231 --> 00:14:49,430 CLIFF: Oh, yeah. 372 00:14:49,530 --> 00:14:51,030 Is that the one with the craggy face, 373 00:14:51,130 --> 00:14:52,930 uh, looks like granite? 374 00:14:52,930 --> 00:14:55,629 No. No-no, that's, uh, Bizarro Superman. 375 00:14:55,629 --> 00:14:59,029 Oh, wait, which one was weakened by red Kryptonite? 376 00:14:59,129 --> 00:15:00,629 Blue Superman. 377 00:15:00,629 --> 00:15:03,128 I thought he was black and he wore the big hats. 378 00:15:03,228 --> 00:15:04,628 No, that's Super Fly. 379 00:15:09,827 --> 00:15:11,327 Woody, come over here, man. 380 00:15:11,427 --> 00:15:13,826 I want you to run a note up to Valerie for me. 381 00:15:13,926 --> 00:15:15,126 "I'm sorry for everything. 382 00:15:15,126 --> 00:15:17,326 "Would you please go away with me this weekend? 383 00:15:17,326 --> 00:15:18,926 I can't stop thinking of you. Sam." 384 00:15:18,926 --> 00:15:20,225 Take it upstairs. 385 00:15:20,225 --> 00:15:22,325 Just make sure her father doesn't get this, all right? 386 00:15:22,425 --> 00:15:24,225 No sweat, Sam. 387 00:15:24,325 --> 00:15:25,525 You know, back in Hanover, 388 00:15:25,525 --> 00:15:27,524 I was the official town go-between. 389 00:15:27,624 --> 00:15:30,924 Anytime anybody needed a love note delivered, 390 00:15:30,924 --> 00:15:32,523 they'd call on Woody Boyd. 391 00:15:32,523 --> 00:15:35,423 It got to where all I had to do was knock on a door, 392 00:15:35,523 --> 00:15:37,623 my butt was filled with birdshot. 393 00:15:39,222 --> 00:15:41,422 All right, I got the ball. 394 00:15:41,522 --> 00:15:43,222 All right. Foos 'em if you got 'em, come on. 395 00:15:43,222 --> 00:15:44,421 Let's go! Fools! 396 00:15:44,521 --> 00:15:45,721 Nonbelievers! 397 00:15:45,821 --> 00:15:48,221 Can't you see what this evil machine has done? 398 00:15:48,221 --> 00:15:49,721 Look, you're trapped! 399 00:15:49,821 --> 00:15:52,320 You're spending every minute of every day in this bar. 400 00:15:53,220 --> 00:15:54,620 We always do that. 401 00:15:54,720 --> 00:15:57,919 Yeah, but now you're doing it standing up. 402 00:15:59,019 --> 00:15:59,819 NORM: Ooh, 403 00:15:59,919 --> 00:16:01,819 that is kind of eerie. 404 00:16:01,919 --> 00:16:03,618 FRASIER: Oh, Carla! 405 00:16:03,718 --> 00:16:06,618 This machine does not have a demonic capacity! 406 00:16:06,718 --> 00:16:08,218 Even if it did, what could it do to you? 407 00:16:08,218 --> 00:16:09,417 It's got a tiny little ball. 408 00:16:09,517 --> 00:16:11,217 It's got these-these little plastic men. 409 00:16:11,317 --> 00:16:13,917 Or do you suppose that if you, you stick your hand here 410 00:16:13,917 --> 00:16:15,716 into the goal, it'll bite it off? Ow! 411 00:16:15,716 --> 00:16:16,216 (screams) 412 00:16:16,216 --> 00:16:17,716 (men laughing) 413 00:16:17,716 --> 00:16:19,716 See? 414 00:16:19,716 --> 00:16:22,315 I'm just playing on your superstitions. 415 00:16:22,415 --> 00:16:25,315 Hey. Hey, my hand's caught. 416 00:16:25,415 --> 00:16:26,515 (Norm and Cliff laugh) 417 00:16:26,615 --> 00:16:27,814 No, no, it's really caught. 418 00:16:27,914 --> 00:16:30,014 I know, that's why we're laughing. 419 00:16:32,814 --> 00:16:34,913 Oh, good, Woody, did you deliver the note there? 420 00:16:34,913 --> 00:16:37,313 Uh, yeah. Well, I-I couldn't find Miss Hill, 421 00:16:37,413 --> 00:16:39,412 so I waited around a while and ended up 422 00:16:39,512 --> 00:16:40,912 leaving it with Reuben, the busboy. 423 00:16:41,012 --> 00:16:42,412 Oh, good, thanks, man. 424 00:16:42,512 --> 00:16:44,712 Yeah, he's-he's really looking forward to the weekend. 425 00:16:44,712 --> 00:16:46,411 He wants to know what he should wear. 426 00:16:49,311 --> 00:16:51,011 Woody, Woody, didn't you tell Reuben 427 00:16:51,111 --> 00:16:52,510 that the note was for Valerie? 428 00:16:52,610 --> 00:16:54,510 Oh, Sam, I didn't have the heart. 429 00:16:54,610 --> 00:16:55,810 He was so happy. 430 00:16:55,910 --> 00:16:57,509 He was walking on air. 431 00:16:59,309 --> 00:17:02,209 Sam, this isn't fair. 432 00:17:02,309 --> 00:17:04,308 It's one thing to string me along, 433 00:17:04,408 --> 00:17:07,508 but our busboy, Reuben, is in a very vulnerable state. 434 00:17:08,908 --> 00:17:10,707 He just split up with the pastry chef. 435 00:17:10,807 --> 00:17:12,207 No, Valerie! Wait! 436 00:17:12,307 --> 00:17:13,407 Val, wait! 437 00:17:13,507 --> 00:17:14,507 That note wasn't for Reuben. 438 00:17:14,607 --> 00:17:15,707 That note was for you. 439 00:17:15,806 --> 00:17:17,406 I don't understand. 440 00:17:17,506 --> 00:17:18,806 You just brushed me off. 441 00:17:18,906 --> 00:17:19,906 Oh, no, no, that was-- 442 00:17:19,906 --> 00:17:21,606 I just had a problem with the kegs there. 443 00:17:21,706 --> 00:17:23,205 Did that seem like a brush-off to you? 444 00:17:23,305 --> 00:17:25,205 I'm sorry. See, I wouldn't know. 445 00:17:25,305 --> 00:17:26,605 I've never brushed anyone off before. 446 00:17:26,705 --> 00:17:28,604 (scoffs) 447 00:17:30,804 --> 00:17:33,104 Listen, I-I really like you a lot, 448 00:17:33,104 --> 00:17:34,503 and I'd like to see you again. 449 00:17:34,603 --> 00:17:36,703 You know, maybe we could go up to the Cape for a weekend. 450 00:17:36,803 --> 00:17:38,903 What do you say? I hear it's really nice up there. 451 00:17:38,903 --> 00:17:40,902 I wouldn't know. I've never been there myself. 452 00:17:41,002 --> 00:17:42,802 (scoffs) 453 00:17:48,701 --> 00:17:49,801 What do you say? 454 00:17:49,901 --> 00:17:51,201 Gee, it sounds like fun. 455 00:17:51,301 --> 00:17:52,900 Good. All right, uh, just make sure 456 00:17:53,000 --> 00:17:54,200 you don't tell your father, all right? 457 00:17:54,200 --> 00:17:55,700 Good idea. 458 00:17:55,700 --> 00:17:57,200 You know, you may not believe this, 459 00:17:57,300 --> 00:17:59,599 but I get the feeling he'd rather I didn't see you. 460 00:17:59,699 --> 00:18:01,399 Oh, well, that's not the problem, really. It's just that 461 00:18:01,499 --> 00:18:03,299 I don't like to do my romantic stuff in public. 462 00:18:07,998 --> 00:18:09,598 I don't know, you seemed so forward. 463 00:18:09,698 --> 00:18:11,397 You had me sitting on your lap and everything. 464 00:18:11,497 --> 00:18:13,697 I'm sorry. Did that seem forward? 465 00:18:13,797 --> 00:18:15,697 I wouldn't know. I've never done anything like that before. 466 00:18:15,797 --> 00:18:17,696 (scoffs) (scoffs) (scoffs) 467 00:18:22,496 --> 00:18:24,795 What's wrong with them? 468 00:18:24,895 --> 00:18:28,095 Oh, uh, well, the blonde has bad sinuses. 469 00:18:28,195 --> 00:18:30,094 The rest of them just have bad attitudes! 470 00:18:38,293 --> 00:18:40,193 I feel so stupid. 471 00:18:41,992 --> 00:18:44,892 I can't believe my hand is stuck in this stupid hole. 472 00:18:44,992 --> 00:18:47,192 Breathe easy, Doc. 473 00:18:47,192 --> 00:18:48,791 I brought an expert to help you. 474 00:18:48,891 --> 00:18:49,591 Great! 475 00:18:52,691 --> 00:18:54,590 CARLA: Okay, Father. 476 00:18:54,690 --> 00:18:56,390 Get out your holy water 477 00:18:56,490 --> 00:18:59,390 and cast Satan from that foosball machine. 478 00:18:59,490 --> 00:19:02,089 Carla, I didn't come to perform an exorcism. 479 00:19:02,089 --> 00:19:04,489 I came because you told me that-that you had a friend 480 00:19:04,489 --> 00:19:06,188 who was thinking of converting. 481 00:19:06,288 --> 00:19:07,588 Oh, he will, Father. 482 00:19:07,688 --> 00:19:09,588 Go with me on this one, Fras. 483 00:19:10,888 --> 00:19:12,787 But first, you have to exorcise 484 00:19:12,887 --> 00:19:13,987 this foosball table. 485 00:19:14,087 --> 00:19:15,887 Carla, it may surprise you to learn 486 00:19:15,987 --> 00:19:19,086 that since Vatican Two, the church does not accept 487 00:19:19,186 --> 00:19:21,786 the existence of Satanically-possessed 488 00:19:21,786 --> 00:19:23,686 amusement machines. 489 00:19:25,385 --> 00:19:27,685 First you dump Latin, and now this. 490 00:19:27,785 --> 00:19:30,085 What do we pay you guys for, anyway? 491 00:19:30,185 --> 00:19:31,384 Well, I know 492 00:19:31,384 --> 00:19:32,784 exactly what to do. 493 00:19:32,784 --> 00:19:35,084 You relax and put your faith in me. 494 00:19:35,184 --> 00:19:36,683 You do trust me, don't you? 495 00:19:36,683 --> 00:19:37,483 Absolutely, Father. 496 00:19:37,583 --> 00:19:38,683 Good! 497 00:19:38,783 --> 00:19:40,983 (screams) 498 00:19:41,083 --> 00:19:42,482 (moans) 499 00:19:42,582 --> 00:19:44,982 My thumb! 500 00:19:45,082 --> 00:19:48,981 Offer the pain up to God for the poor souls, my son. 501 00:19:49,081 --> 00:19:51,281 What?! 502 00:19:51,281 --> 00:19:53,281 I think you just lost one, Father. 503 00:19:54,880 --> 00:19:56,680 Boy, it was hard sneaking out of there, 504 00:19:56,780 --> 00:19:58,780 but I don't think he saw me. 505 00:19:58,880 --> 00:20:01,479 Good. So you're sure, now, your father doesn't know? 506 00:20:01,579 --> 00:20:02,779 Oh, Dad stepped out. 507 00:20:02,879 --> 00:20:04,179 I meant Reuben the busboy. 508 00:20:04,279 --> 00:20:05,679 He's still in tears. 509 00:20:07,478 --> 00:20:09,178 You know, I really feel bad about that. 510 00:20:09,278 --> 00:20:10,478 Maybe I should send him something. 511 00:20:10,578 --> 00:20:13,777 Why don't we just get up to the car here, all right? 512 00:20:13,777 --> 00:20:16,177 Sam, I'd like to freshen up before we leave. 513 00:20:16,277 --> 00:20:18,477 Oh, well, all right. I'll meet you up at the car. 514 00:20:18,577 --> 00:20:19,876 Uh, Sam. Yeah? 515 00:20:19,976 --> 00:20:22,176 I like the way your hair smells, too. 516 00:20:22,276 --> 00:20:23,676 Oh, thank you. 517 00:20:25,575 --> 00:20:28,475 She's really nice, isn't she, Woody? 518 00:20:28,475 --> 00:20:31,874 Oh, she's really nice. 519 00:20:31,874 --> 00:20:34,074 And sweet and warm and wonderful. 520 00:20:34,174 --> 00:20:35,374 Yeah? Yeah. 521 00:20:35,474 --> 00:20:36,574 Back in Hanover, 522 00:20:36,574 --> 00:20:38,373 me and my brother used to have a name 523 00:20:38,473 --> 00:20:40,173 for a girl like that. Yeah, what's that? 524 00:20:40,273 --> 00:20:41,673 Mom. 525 00:20:44,472 --> 00:20:46,072 By the way, Sam, if I ever catch you 526 00:20:46,072 --> 00:20:47,672 anywhere near my mother, you'd better pray 527 00:20:47,772 --> 00:20:49,671 that God takes you before I do. 528 00:20:51,571 --> 00:20:53,271 Oh, Sam. 529 00:20:53,271 --> 00:20:55,171 I've written up a new agreement stating 530 00:20:55,271 --> 00:20:57,670 that since you've agreed to never see my daughter again, 531 00:20:57,770 --> 00:21:00,570 you now have full use of the poolroom... 532 00:21:00,570 --> 00:21:02,069 That's funny, that looks just like 533 00:21:02,069 --> 00:21:03,269 my daughter's suitcase. 534 00:21:03,369 --> 00:21:04,569 No, that's mine. 535 00:21:04,669 --> 00:21:06,169 You know what they say at the airport: 536 00:21:06,169 --> 00:21:08,268 "Many bags do look alike." 537 00:21:08,368 --> 00:21:10,768 Isn't that her monogram: V.H.? 538 00:21:10,868 --> 00:21:14,067 Uh, actually I think it used to belong to Van Halen. 539 00:21:17,367 --> 00:21:19,967 Sam, indulge me. 540 00:21:20,067 --> 00:21:22,066 You're telling me this is your suitcase, 541 00:21:22,166 --> 00:21:25,266 so by extension, would this be your negligee? 542 00:21:25,266 --> 00:21:26,965 All right, the secret's out. 543 00:21:26,965 --> 00:21:29,765 I'm a transvestite, John. 544 00:21:29,765 --> 00:21:31,565 And a size seven? 545 00:21:31,665 --> 00:21:33,364 A guy can dream, can't he? 546 00:21:35,364 --> 00:21:37,764 Sam, you are not a transvestite. 547 00:21:37,864 --> 00:21:39,963 Hey, hey, those are fighting words there... 548 00:21:40,063 --> 00:21:41,063 Daddy? 549 00:21:41,063 --> 00:21:42,963 Daddy, you may as well know the truth. 550 00:21:42,963 --> 00:21:46,562 I'm going away with Sam to the Cape for the weekend. 551 00:21:46,662 --> 00:21:49,062 I see. 552 00:21:49,162 --> 00:21:51,161 Well, since there's nothing I can do about it, 553 00:21:51,261 --> 00:21:52,661 I'll give you my blessing. 554 00:21:52,661 --> 00:21:54,761 Really? 555 00:21:54,861 --> 00:21:56,061 Darling, I have complete faith in you. 556 00:21:56,061 --> 00:21:58,860 If this is the man you want, that's good enough for me. 557 00:21:58,860 --> 00:22:00,360 Wait, all right, wait. 558 00:22:00,460 --> 00:22:02,060 I see what you're doing here. 559 00:22:02,060 --> 00:22:04,559 Yeah, y-you think... you think that I just wanted to go out 560 00:22:04,559 --> 00:22:06,459 with your daughter 'cause you said that I couldn't. 561 00:22:06,559 --> 00:22:07,859 And now that you say it's okay, 562 00:22:07,859 --> 00:22:09,158 you're hoping that I won't want to. 563 00:22:09,258 --> 00:22:11,358 Well, that won't work, because I really like her. 564 00:22:11,358 --> 00:22:12,658 So forget it. Come on, Valerie. 565 00:22:12,758 --> 00:22:13,658 Let's go. 566 00:22:13,758 --> 00:22:15,157 Gee, I don't know, Sam. 567 00:22:15,257 --> 00:22:16,257 Why? What? 568 00:22:16,357 --> 00:22:19,657 Well, it seemed really exciting 569 00:22:19,757 --> 00:22:22,156 when Daddy didn't want me to date you. 570 00:22:22,156 --> 00:22:24,656 But now, I don't know. 571 00:22:24,756 --> 00:22:27,355 It just seems like I'd be dating some greasy bartender. 572 00:22:29,355 --> 00:22:30,255 Excuse me? 573 00:22:30,355 --> 00:22:31,655 Well... 574 00:22:31,655 --> 00:22:33,355 Really, you're not exactly my type. 575 00:22:33,454 --> 00:22:35,454 Oh, hey, don't you see what he's doing? 576 00:22:35,454 --> 00:22:36,554 Please, Sam. 577 00:22:36,654 --> 00:22:38,754 Let's not prolong this. 578 00:22:38,854 --> 00:22:41,353 The smell of your hair is making me queasy. 579 00:22:43,353 --> 00:22:44,653 Well, Sam, 580 00:22:44,653 --> 00:22:46,152 since you've broken the agreement, 581 00:22:46,152 --> 00:22:47,852 it seems that once again I have 582 00:22:47,952 --> 00:22:50,052 legal title to your poolroom 583 00:22:50,152 --> 00:22:51,851 and your bathrooms. 584 00:22:51,851 --> 00:22:54,051 I'll be expecting the rent 585 00:22:54,051 --> 00:22:55,751 promptly at the first of every month. 586 00:22:55,751 --> 00:22:57,251 Oh, by the way, 587 00:22:57,351 --> 00:22:59,350 I'm doubling the amount. 588 00:22:59,350 --> 00:23:01,150 Have a good evening. 589 00:23:01,250 --> 00:23:03,250 Oh, he's so bad! 590 00:23:03,350 --> 00:23:05,049 I hate him! 591 00:23:05,149 --> 00:23:06,249 I hate his whole family! 592 00:23:06,349 --> 00:23:07,749 I hate everybody he's ever talked to! 593 00:23:07,749 --> 00:23:10,049 Well, you know, I may not be able to take his daughter out, 594 00:23:10,148 --> 00:23:11,948 and I may have to pay him his stupid rent, 595 00:23:12,048 --> 00:23:13,848 but I can still hit him where it hurts. 596 00:23:13,848 --> 00:23:15,048 Yeah, you know something? 597 00:23:15,048 --> 00:23:16,547 This is the busiest time in his restaurant, right? 598 00:23:16,647 --> 00:23:17,547 Watch this. 599 00:23:17,647 --> 00:23:19,147 Hey, Reuben, get your coat! 600 00:23:19,247 --> 00:23:21,147 We're going dancing!42492

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