All language subtitles for Cheers.S09E08.1080p.WEB-DL.AAC2.0.H.264-HQC

Cheers is filmed
before a live studio audience.

Oh, Lilith.

Boy, am I happy to see you.

And I, as ever, you.

You know, I was
cleanin' out my garage,

and I was gonna toss
a whole bunch of old toys

into the Dumpster,
and then I thought,

"Oh, heck, maybe
the Crane kid would like 'em."

Oh, goodie!

War toys.

Yeah.

Get a load of these, huh?

Ah.

Little tin
Confederate soldiers

so my child can
have the fun

of reliving the carnage and
agony of the Civil War.

You bet.

My Gino once did a battle
of Gettysburg using these

and a can of tomato
bisque soup.

Oh!

Here's a cute
little dolly.

Yeah.

If you run her along
the bar, she screams,

and sparks fly out
of her eyes.

Carla, these toys
are inappropriate.

I fear that a child who spent
his time playing with them

would be in grave danger

of developing severe
personality disorders,

possibly bordering
on the psychotic.

Wow! Spark Head!

God, I used to love
this when I was a kid!

Hey, guess who Sid
and Gladys ran into
the other day!

Hank and Marilyn!

(imitates squeaking
and thudding)

Through the
windshield! Aah!

Aah! Skidding on the pavement!

(laughs)

See?

Do I want my son to
grow up like that?

(theme song begins)

¶ Sometimes you want to go

¶ Where everybody
knows your name ¶

¶ And they're always
glad you came ¶

¶ You wanna be
where you can see ¶

¶ The troubles
are all the same ¶

¶ You wanna go where everybody
knows your name. ¶

Thanks for dropping
me off, honey.

Sure.
Yeah.

Oh, I tell you
guys-- man, phew!

Martha's Vineyard is the
sweetest place on Earth.

Bye, Sam.

Bye, Martha.

(laughs)

Hey, let me buy you guys
a round here, huh?

Hey, all right.
Thank you, Sammy.

You are in a
good mood, huh?

Well, why not? I woke up
on the right side of her bed.

You dog!

I know something that'll
make you feel even better.

Yeah? What's that?

Guess who's taking over
Melville's today.
Me?

Wow!

John Allen Hill...
Hmm.

...Manhattan's foremost
restaurateur.

And guess who made
it all happen.

Me? Wow!

REBECCA:
No.

Me. I was talking
to Rob...
Wait, wait, wait.

Does this story have anything
to do with me?

Yes.
Wow!

Go on, go on, go on.

When Mr. Hill makes
Melville's the toast
of Boston's nightlife,

our little bar will ride
right along with it.

And all
because of me.

Wow!
Wow!
Wow!

Guys, check this out.

Kelly sent me pictures
of herself

all the way from Paris.

Ah.
Oh.

Hmm. This
one's a cutie.

Ooh! Yeah.

Oh, yeah, that's her on her bed
in the... in the convent.

FRASIER:
Looking, uh,

rather fetching

in an oversized T-shirt reading,
"Je suis avec Stupide."

(laughs)

(ribald laughter)

Ooh, la, la.

So, who do you suppose took
those snapshots, Wood?

Oh, probably
her roommate, Cindy Ann.

Hmm.

Well, I-I don't know,
Woody.

There's a thumb
in this picture.

Either it's a man's thumb,
or little Cindy Ann

could use a big bottle
of Nair for Christmas.

I can't believe it.

This is a man's thumb.

She's having some hairy
French guy

take sexy pictures
of her!

All right, well,
two can play at this game.

I'm gonna have some hairy
French guy take pictures of me.

(door closes)

I'm John Hill,
your new upstairs neighbor.

Oh, hi.

And you must be
Sam Malone.

Yeah. How'd you know?

My hatcheck girl
described your hair.

She didn't do it justice.

Ah. Well,
it's kind of a hobby.

The joy it must bring you.

Well, Mr. Malone,

since we're going
to be neighbors,

I brought a little gift
for your tavern.

Oh! Look at that.
Hey, all right.

It's a welcome mat
with a duck on it.

Look at that.

Well, we've never really
used a-a doormat before.

Well, not
counting Clavin.

Do you, uh... Do you think
this kind of thing goes

in a sports bar?

Oh...
WOODY:
Well,

back in Hanover, duck
hunting is considered

one of the
manliest of sports.

We used to do it
all the time.

You-You actually
shot ducks, Woody?

Oh, no.

It was just an
excuse for the guys

to get together
and drink hot cocoa

and blow those little
quacker dealies, right?

I had the
best one.

I made it out of a
Good and Plenty box.

He's cute.

Does he come with
his own dueling banjo?

Well, Mr. Malone,

uh, please make sure
your patrons

use this mat before
tracking dirt up to Melville's.

Oh, uh,

John, you know, I...

Listen, I really don't think so.

Oh.

Well, fine.

Uh, oh, by the way I...

I think this will
amuse you, Sam.

In looking
at the property map

that came
with my title deed,

it appears that the area
beyond that hallway

actually belongs to me.

Oh, no, no, John.

That's, uh...
that's the pool room,

and those are our bathrooms.

No, no, no.
Look here.

You see?

Apparently, it was Melville's
old storage basement.

Uh-huh, uh-huh.

Don't.... Don't
get alarmed.

I have no designs on them.

I just mentioned it, because
I thought it was amusing.

(laughs weakly)

That's-That's
very funny.

Um...

so, do we still
get to use it?

Of course! We're neighbors.

Neighbors help each other.

Yeah, well, of c...
Yeah, of course they do.

Of course they... You
know, I got an idea.

Why don't you let me help
you put this duck mat

right down at the
foot of the stairs?

Well, that's very thoughtful
of you, Sam.

Oh.

Oh, um,
one other thing.

Our, uh, garbage area seems
to be strewn with beer cans

that appear to have been crushed
against someone's forehead.

SAM:
Oh...

I warned you
about that.

Hey, I get crazy!

Don't-Don't... Don't
worry about it, John.

I'll, uh... I'll take
care of that right away.

Also, your red Corvette seems
to be parked in my space.

Oh, no.

Now-Now, John, I've-I've
always parked in that space.

Not any longer.

Uh, fine.
All-All right.

Uh, I'll move it.

Of course you will.

You know, I...

I don't know
if I like this guy so much.

He seems kind of snooty.

He's not
snooty, Sam.

He's sophisticated.

I think this bar could benefit
from his kind of class.

Oh, come on. Cheers is
classy enough the way it is.

(party horns tooting)

Have you ever seen
so many Yuppies
with gold cards?

John Allen Hill
worked his magic,

and we reap
the benefits.

I love these
charge slips.

Look at here.

They put down a
five for a tip.

Now, all I have to
do is stick a one
in front of it...

...and I got 15!

Uh, oh, all right, Normie,
you beat me fair and square,

so, uh, all right,
let me buy you a beer.

Yeah.

Um... excuse me,
I was, uh...

I was sitting, uh...
sitting there?

Oh, there was no one here
when we came in.

No, I mean,
yesterday.

And...

I mean, really since
the Ford administration.

We're just waiting
for our table up in Melville's.

So you'll move?

Look, there's lots
of other stools.

Um...

(chuckles slightly):
Um...

(clears throat)

Look, uh, um...

Sounds kind
of silly...

I'm, uh...
I'm Norm.

I'm Jeffrey,
and this is Hillary.

Nice to meet you.

What do you do, Norm?

I sit there.

(clears throat)

Well, it's nice
meeting you.

(clears throat
repeatedly)

Look, uh, this is...
this is...

(clears throat)

Yeah. We're runnin'
out of time here.

He's-He's already
two stages

beyond anything
I've seen before,

so I-I think
you'd better give him the stool.

I'm-I'm sorry.
We're sitting here.

(grunting)

(thudding)

Norm? Norm! Norm...!

(overlapping crowd chatter)

Uh, what's all
the commotion about?

Who cares?

Set 'em up, Wood.

(phone ringing)

(clears throat)

Cheers.

Uh, okay, just a second.

Armstrong, party of four,
your table is ready.

Uh, have our drinks
sent upstairs.

We'll pay for them
up there.

Excuse me?

Young man, could you
call upstairs and tell them

that we're waiting
down in the lounge

until our table
is ready?

Sure.
No, Woody.
Woody, no.

This is not...
This is not Melville's lounge.

Uh, I got to go talk
to this Hill guy.

This is getting
out of hand here.

This is my bar.

It's not his stupid
yuppie lounge!

I think Sam's
overreacting

just a bit,
don't you?

Ciao, gang!

CROWD:
Randy!

Times they are
a-changin', Mr. P.

Hey, Norm!
Norm, Norm, Norm!

Give me your coat
and tie, will you?

Forgot about
their stupid dress code.

Woody,

you sent up a party of eight
without calling ahead.

Where is my brain?

Oh, man!

This is going too far.

Sam! Sam! Sam,
stop it. Relax.

Listen, don't let your anger
get the better of you.

That's the worst thing
you can do

in a business
situation.

Well, maybe
you're right.

I don't know.
It just...

You know, it seems to me like
he's turning our bar into...

well, into something
Diane would have liked.

All right, Sam.

You hold him,
I'll hit him.

No, no.

You-You-You
were right.
Thanks, man.

You were right the
first time. Listen,

I'll just go...
talk to him... here.

Say, Mr. Hill... John!

Could I have a
little chat with you?

Oh, certainly, Mr. Malone.

John, I'm...

I'm feeling a little
uncomfortable

with you delegating
new responsibilities

to my employees.

I understand completely.

Oh, good, so it'll stop.

No...

I think I deserve
a little leeway.

After all, I am allowing you
to use that poolroom

as well as both washrooms.

Well, no, no, now
wait a second.

I could just as easily
say that I'm allowing you

and your customers
to use my stairs.

I mean, look, there go two of
your customers up my stairs.

Yes, and there go two of your
customers into my washroom.

Yeah, well, look, there go
three more of your customers

up my stairs.

Sam, I'm sensing
hostility here,

and, frankly, it hurts me.

I mean, especially

since I came down
to do you a favor.

Oh. Uh, well, I'm sorry.

Uh, what's that?

I wanted to give you
the number of the impound lot

where your automobile
has been towed.

What?

Well, you parked
in my space again,

and I had to have it
taken away.

You towed my Vette?

FRASIER:
Sam...

Sam...

He towed my Vette.

Well... all right.

I'm just... I'm afraid
I'm gonna have to ask you

and your customers
to no longer use my stairs.

Don't you think
that's a little drastic?

No, I don't.
I think it's quite fair.

I mean, it's not like
I'm scratching their chrome

with a giant metal hook.

Very well.

Everyone, may I have
your attention?

Melville's patrons
are no longer welcome here.

Would you please join me
upstairs

for a complimentary cocktail?

SAM:
No, whoa, whoa.

Not you, Norm.

Carla! Carla, bring me one down!

Hey, Carla,
get-get out of line.

Well, I think I handled that
quite well.

Nobody messes with Sam Malone,

least of all some hairless
king of the snobs.

Wow, that was a real shot
at you from out of nowhere,

huh, Dr. Crane?

There we go.

Well, congratulations,
Sammy.

It's been a whole week
since you gave Hill the boot,

and he hasn't retaliated at all.

Oh, yeah, I know
guys like that.

They're all the same.

You know, you
call their bluff,

pretty soon they crumble.

(thud)

Can you believe
the nerve of that guy

putting up a wall like this?

(shouting):
...you know the Constitution
guarantees us certain rights,

among those the right
to go to the bathroom

and the right to play pool!

Way to tell them off, Sammy.

Actually they wouldn't let me in

'cause I wasn't wearing
a jacket,

but he can hear me!

Sam, calm down.

I'm calm. I'm calm.

I mean,
just according to his lawyer,

that horse's ass is not going
to take down that brick wall

until I pay rent
on the poolroom.

(laughing):
Ooh, ooh... look what I did.

I stole all his dinner mints.

I know, I know, I know.

I shouldn't have done it.
Yes.

I just let him get to me
just a touch.

It won't happen again,
swear to God.

Ten bucks says he goes
ballistic by midnight.

I've got ten that says 11:00.

Well, uh, I'll take 9:30.

Hey, Fras, you want in?

Well, I don't think
that would be fair.

I mean, I am
a professional psychiatrist.

Then again, it might give me
the edge I need.

I say by 8:15
he'll be spitting up blood.

Dr. Crane,

I need your help.

I've been walking the streets,

pulling out my hair,

bumping into things,
talking to myself.

So, what's new, Woody?

Well, it's Kelly.

I can't stop
thinking about her

and-and that man
with the thumb.

Oh, Woody.

You've created this whole
scenario based on what?

A snapshot of an innocent
girl in a T-shirt.

I mean, look, if you want
to straighten things out,

why don't you just call her
and talk to her?

Yeah, maybe you're right.

I mean, maybe
if I just talk to her,

we could clear
this whole thing up.

But, so help me God
if a man with a thumb answers...

Hold on.

It's him. It's the thumb guy.

And you know what that pervert
said to me?

"Allo."
What does that mean in English?

Wait, wait, wait, wait.

No, I took some French
in high school.

I think "allo..."
"allo" means, um...

"I've got your
girlfriend in my arms

and, uh, soon we'll be naked,
you stupid cuckold."

That's-that's funny, Norm,
because I thought it meant, uh,

"I've got your girlfriend
in my arms

and we're already naked,
you stupid cuckold."

FRASIER:
Oh, for God's sake.

Stop hectoring the poor lad.

Woody, it simply means

that "I enjoyed
your girlfriend."

(laughing)

All right, listen, Monsieur
Thumb, you think you got...

No, no, no, Woody, Woody,
Woody, Woody, Woody, stop, stop.

We were just joking.
Here let me talk to him.

Bonjour, Monsieur.

Eh, mm-hmm,
je suis un ami de Woody.

Un petit problème--

ma question est
le photographe de Kelly.

Uh-huh.

(laughing)

Non. Non.

C'est marveilleux.

Merci.

Oh, Woody.

It seems that there's a...
a Monsignor, uh, Pilot,

a very elderly French cleric,
who was the one

that took the photograph
of your beloved.

Oh, well.

Thank you, Dr. Crane.

I-I feel a million times better.

You know what I'm gonna do?

I-I'm gonna... I'm gonna go
write Kelly

the best darned love letter
she's ever had.

CLIFF:
There you go.

(Frasier chuckling)

So, uh, some old
French priest, huh?

I have no idea.

Apparently, Woody dialed
the wrong exchange.

Somewhere in Belgium, there's
a very confused chocolatier.

I'm taking things
into my own hands here.

I hate that damned wall.

I'm gonna put my bar
back the way it was.

Coming out, no more bets.

Uh, excuse me, you may
want to move over here
just a little bit.

Fellas, you may want
to take note where you were

the day the wall came down.

(panting)

(panting)

Is it down yet?

Mr. Hill, wait here just
one moment, please, okay?

Sam,

now I don't want you
to be mad at me,

but I brought Mr. Hill here
to settle this whole ugly mess

between the two of you.

Please say
you'll talk to him.

Oh, sure, I'd love
to talk to him.

Not with the
sledgehammer.

Aw, I wasn't gonna actually,
you know, hit him with it.

I was just gonna drop it
on his foot by mistake.

No, Sam.

Sammy, just let me have it.

(thud)
Ow!

It would have worked, Sam.

No, I'll just, uh...

I'll go talk to him,
that's all right.

Mr. Hill.

John.

I'm glad you came back.

Sit down for a second.
Oh, thank you.

Uh, things have just gotten
too far out of hand here.

I mean, come on,
we're neighbors.

We need to, well, we need
to learn to live together.

We-we need each other.

I don't need you.

Oh, God, you're evil.

I can't fight the evil.

I-I... I give up, Mr. Hill.

You know,
the funny thing is, I...

when I got my bar back
just recently,

I thought, "Hey, Sam, you're
on top of the world here.

"Your life's finally
turning around.

You're in charge of
your own destiny."

But I was wrong.

You have my bathrooms,
Mr. Hill.

You hold all the cards.

You're everything.

You're God.

I'm nothing.

Here's your rent.

I'm sorry, Sam,
I was wrong.

I don't want your money.

You don't?

No, I just want you to make
that speech to me in public

every month
when your rent is due.

No, no.

I was wrong, you're not God.

You're-you're some big petty,
mean nothing.

I'll tell... you know
I'm gonna give you
your rent every month,

and every month from here
on out, and I'll tell you,

every time I do I'm gonna write
right down here

on the memo part
"You're not God."

There.

How do you like that?

Well, you certainly put me
in my place.

I'll just, uh,
take your money and go.

Yeah. Good, good.

Oh, by the way,
when I came in,

I noticed they were
towing your car again.

What for?
I didn't park in your space.

No, but it was in a fire lane.

I don't make the rules.

I just notify the authorities
when they're broken.

Oh, God!

Oh, he's making me insane! Oh!

I'd say that scream
makes it official.

Woody, who
won the pool?

Well...

Oh, Sam,
you aren't gonna believe this.

The winner of the $200

is our friendly new
neighbor, John A. Hill.

(grunts)

(yells)

He gets paid $200
to make me insane?

No, he can't get away with this.

No, this is not fair.
I'll tell you something,

I'm gonna make him take down
that brick wall, brick by brick,

with his own little
polished fingernails.

I need... I need
to get back.

I need revenge.

Ooh, yes, yes.

The mat.
The stupid mat.

I've always hated this mat.

This is a mat from hell.

(grunting)

Never mind. Never mind.

Where's my sledgehammer?

Yeah, die you stupid duck.

(grunting)

CARLA:
Sammy.

You're not making a dent in it.

Oh, yeah? Oh, yeah?
Watch this.

(laughing)

(panting)

Burn, Donald, burn.

(laughing)

It won't burn.

Say, this is a pretty good mat,
isn't it?

I know what I'm gonna do.

I'm gonna take this home
for myself.

I'm gonna bring back
one of those cheap ones,

the kind that wear out
all the time,

and then he'll have to replace
it himself every month.

I win!