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1
00:00:02,483 --> 00:00:04,883
Cheers is filmed beforea live studio audience.
2
00:00:06,283 --> 00:00:07,783
Anybody seen my gum?
3
00:00:07,783 --> 00:00:09,183
Left it around
here somewhere.
4
00:00:09,283 --> 00:00:10,783
What'd you take
your gum out for?
5
00:00:10,883 --> 00:00:13,783
To give my mouth a rest,
you know.
6
00:00:13,883 --> 00:00:18,283
Dear Diary, today
it finally happened.
7
00:00:20,583 --> 00:00:21,983
Wood, can I have another... Oh!
8
00:00:22,083 --> 00:00:24,683
Cliff,
9
00:00:24,683 --> 00:00:28,183
I think I found
your gum.
10
00:00:28,183 --> 00:00:30,683
This is a new jacket, too, man.
11
00:00:30,783 --> 00:00:32,383
Well, Norm, might I suggest
that you ice it
12
00:00:32,483 --> 00:00:35,283
and then try to scrape the bulk
of it off with a razor blade,
13
00:00:35,383 --> 00:00:37,083
and maybe that way
you can save it.
14
00:00:37,083 --> 00:00:38,483
Oh, no, that's okay, Frasier.
15
00:00:38,583 --> 00:00:40,483
I was about to get
a new piece anyway.
16
00:00:42,983 --> 00:00:45,583
Sounds like a lot of work,
Frasier, I don't know.
17
00:00:45,683 --> 00:00:48,183
Well, alternatively,
you could wait several years
18
00:00:48,183 --> 00:00:49,483
for the resins to break down,
19
00:00:49,483 --> 00:00:51,883
the gum to harden
and fall off by itself.
20
00:00:59,483 --> 00:01:02,383
I seem to have
my full range of movement.
21
00:01:02,483 --> 00:01:04,083
I can wait.
22
00:01:06,583 --> 00:01:09,883
(theme song begins)
23
00:01:09,883 --> 00:01:12,683
¶ Making your way
in the world today ¶
24
00:01:12,783 --> 00:01:15,983
¶ Takes everything you've got ¶
25
00:01:15,983 --> 00:01:18,583
¶ Takin' a break
from all your worries ¶
26
00:01:18,683 --> 00:01:21,883
¶ Sure would help a lot
27
00:01:21,883 --> 00:01:27,283
¶ Wouldn't you like
to get away? ¶
28
00:01:27,383 --> 00:01:30,083
¶ Sometimes you want to go
29
00:01:30,183 --> 00:01:34,983
¶ Where everybody
knows your name ¶
30
00:01:35,083 --> 00:01:40,083
¶ And they're always
glad you came ¶
31
00:01:40,183 --> 00:01:42,183
¶ You wanna be
where you can see ¶
32
00:01:42,283 --> 00:01:44,683
¶ Our troubles
are all the same ¶
33
00:01:44,783 --> 00:01:50,483
¶ You wanna be where everybody
knows your name ¶
34
00:01:50,583 --> 00:01:52,983
¶ You wanna go
where people know ¶
35
00:01:52,983 --> 00:01:55,583
¶ People are all the same
36
00:01:55,583 --> 00:02:00,083
¶ You wanna go where everybody
knows your name. ¶
37
00:02:17,983 --> 00:02:18,983
Whoo!
38
00:02:19,083 --> 00:02:20,683
Boy, did it just
get warm in here?
39
00:02:20,683 --> 00:02:22,083
I hate Indian summers.
40
00:02:22,083 --> 00:02:25,483
You never know what to wear
to work in the morning.
41
00:02:25,483 --> 00:02:28,083
I mean, it's gonna get cold,
it should stay cold.
42
00:02:29,483 --> 00:02:32,183
Then, who am I
to question the Lord?
43
00:02:39,783 --> 00:02:40,983
What's with
the getup?
44
00:02:40,983 --> 00:02:42,583
It's Indian summer, Sam.
45
00:02:42,583 --> 00:02:45,283
I need these clothes
for protection.
46
00:02:45,383 --> 00:02:46,583
Protection from what?
47
00:02:46,583 --> 00:02:48,283
The eyes of men.
48
00:02:49,483 --> 00:02:51,083
What are you
talking about?
49
00:02:51,183 --> 00:02:54,383
Every time I've conceived a kid
it's been during Indian Summer.
50
00:02:54,483 --> 00:02:56,883
That's when I'm at my most
fertile, Sammy.
51
00:02:56,883 --> 00:03:00,783
I cannot let any man touch me,
talk to me or see me,
52
00:03:00,783 --> 00:03:03,383
or I'll be shooting out kids
like a Pez dispenser.
53
00:03:06,783 --> 00:03:08,083
Oh, come on.
54
00:03:08,083 --> 00:03:09,783
I'm not kidding,
Sammy.
55
00:03:09,883 --> 00:03:12,183
I've-I've gone over two years
now without having a kid.
56
00:03:12,283 --> 00:03:13,983
Now that's a record for me.
57
00:03:14,083 --> 00:03:15,783
I'm not taking
any chances.
58
00:03:15,883 --> 00:03:18,583
I was gonna stay home,
turn off the lights,
59
00:03:18,583 --> 00:03:22,483
lie down... but the
cable man's coming over.
60
00:03:22,583 --> 00:03:24,783
Sweetheart, I promise you,
61
00:03:24,883 --> 00:03:26,883
I won't let anybody
put the moves on you, okay?
62
00:03:26,983 --> 00:03:28,283
Oh, no, you don't
understand, Sammy.
63
00:03:28,383 --> 00:03:30,483
It's not them,
it's me.
64
00:03:30,583 --> 00:03:31,683
When the mercury hits 95,
65
00:03:31,683 --> 00:03:34,283
I can't be responsible
for my actions.
66
00:03:34,383 --> 00:03:35,283
Oh.
67
00:03:35,383 --> 00:03:36,483
Oh!
68
00:03:36,583 --> 00:03:38,083
Who is that hunk over there
69
00:03:38,183 --> 00:03:40,383
in the uniform
with the cute buns?
70
00:03:41,883 --> 00:03:44,383
Oh, my God, it's Clavin!
71
00:03:47,183 --> 00:03:51,583
Oh, this is, this is
worse than I thought.
72
00:03:51,583 --> 00:03:53,283
Has he always had
that mustache?
73
00:03:55,883 --> 00:03:57,583
Iced coffee will
cool me down.
74
00:03:57,583 --> 00:03:59,283
REBECCA:
Hey, you guys,
listen to this.
75
00:03:59,383 --> 00:04:02,583
"Rumor has it that the reason
jillionaire jailbird
76
00:04:02,683 --> 00:04:04,883
"Robin Colcord gave up his
fortune and freedom
77
00:04:05,083 --> 00:04:06,683
"was a mystery femme.
78
00:04:06,683 --> 00:04:10,983
But so far our little caged
Robin isn't singing."
79
00:04:10,983 --> 00:04:14,283
Boy, that writer really paints
a picture, doesn't he?
80
00:04:14,283 --> 00:04:18,183
You know, I can just picture
Mister Colcord sitting
81
00:04:18,283 --> 00:04:20,183
on his little perch in a cage,
82
00:04:20,183 --> 00:04:23,183
sharpening his beak
on a cuttlebone...
83
00:04:23,283 --> 00:04:25,483
Woody. Woody.
84
00:04:25,583 --> 00:04:27,283
Pecking away
at a little bell
85
00:04:27,383 --> 00:04:28,483
made out
of sesame seeds.
86
00:04:28,583 --> 00:04:30,183
Yeah!
Sam!
87
00:04:30,183 --> 00:04:33,083
Rebecca, this is kind
of a rip-off, isn't it?
88
00:04:33,083 --> 00:04:34,783
I mean, they don't even
mention your name.
89
00:04:34,983 --> 00:04:35,983
And don't think
I'm not grateful.
90
00:04:36,083 --> 00:04:36,783
What do you mean?
91
00:04:36,883 --> 00:04:38,083
You could have been famous.
92
00:04:38,283 --> 00:04:39,783
Yeah, s-someday
I would like to be famous,
93
00:04:39,783 --> 00:04:41,783
but not because I'm involved
with a rich man.
94
00:04:41,883 --> 00:04:43,283
I mean, I would
like to be known
95
00:04:43,283 --> 00:04:44,683
for some real
achievement.
96
00:04:44,683 --> 00:04:47,583
Oh, yeah. How's that cure
for leprosy coming along?
97
00:04:47,583 --> 00:04:49,283
You know what I mean.
98
00:04:49,383 --> 00:04:52,483
You know how the girlfriends
of rich millionaires
99
00:04:52,483 --> 00:04:55,783
are treated by the press;
like cheap sluts.
100
00:04:55,783 --> 00:04:57,883
You know, I think it stems
from the envy
101
00:04:57,983 --> 00:04:59,383
that the public feels
towards people
102
00:04:59,483 --> 00:05:01,683
who achieve a certain level
of notoriety.
103
00:05:01,683 --> 00:05:04,383
Well, also the fact that most of
those women have posed nude
104
00:05:04,383 --> 00:05:06,183
in popular men's magazines.
105
00:05:06,183 --> 00:05:07,583
But, you know, frankly,
106
00:05:07,583 --> 00:05:09,783
I wouldn't waste my money
on publications like that.
107
00:05:09,883 --> 00:05:12,483
I mean, those letters
are not real.
108
00:05:14,683 --> 00:05:16,483
I just hope the rag
magazines don't find out
109
00:05:16,583 --> 00:05:18,783
that I am
the mystery woman.
110
00:05:18,783 --> 00:05:20,483
Who am I kidding?
111
00:05:20,583 --> 00:05:23,383
Those bloodhounds
will ferret me out
112
00:05:23,383 --> 00:05:25,383
the first chance
they get.
113
00:05:25,483 --> 00:05:28,183
But at least I have my dignity.
114
00:05:28,283 --> 00:05:30,183
Well, I'm off to change
the blue stuff
115
00:05:30,283 --> 00:05:31,483
in the toilet bowls.
116
00:05:33,383 --> 00:05:35,783
(sighs)
117
00:05:35,883 --> 00:05:37,683
What's the matter, Wood?
118
00:05:37,683 --> 00:05:40,283
I don't get The Far Side.
119
00:05:43,983 --> 00:05:45,983
Woody, come on.
Hand it over here.
120
00:05:46,083 --> 00:05:47,283
Come on.
Let's have a look.
121
00:05:48,583 --> 00:05:52,983
Okay, Wood, now you see
here in the first panel,
122
00:05:53,083 --> 00:05:55,283
the cows are standing
on their hind legs, right?
123
00:05:56,683 --> 00:05:58,383
The second panel,
when the car goes by,
124
00:05:58,483 --> 00:06:00,683
they're acting like
normal cows.
125
00:06:02,583 --> 00:06:06,383
See, the idea here is,
Wood, that, uh, you know,
126
00:06:06,483 --> 00:06:09,283
cows only act like cows
when, when we're around.
127
00:06:09,383 --> 00:06:11,283
Other times they act
like people.
128
00:06:11,383 --> 00:06:12,783
Now does that,
does that help you
129
00:06:12,783 --> 00:06:14,383
clear it up
a little bit for you?
130
00:06:14,483 --> 00:06:16,783
I just meant
I don't get The Far Side
131
00:06:16,783 --> 00:06:18,183
in my newspaper at home,
132
00:06:18,183 --> 00:06:20,683
but thanks for treating me
like a one-year-old.
133
00:06:29,083 --> 00:06:30,283
Oh, every time we turn on
134
00:06:30,283 --> 00:06:32,083
Robert Vaughn's
Amazing Discoveries,
135
00:06:32,083 --> 00:06:34,183
we always get
the hair-loss episode.
136
00:06:34,283 --> 00:06:36,083
I mean, it's like they,
they never did any others.
137
00:06:36,183 --> 00:06:38,583
Well, listen, we don't have
to watch an infomercial.
138
00:06:38,583 --> 00:06:40,283
We can choose
from any of 60
139
00:06:40,283 --> 00:06:42,383
wonderful cable
stations here.
140
00:06:42,483 --> 00:06:44,083
At the very least it's....
141
00:06:44,183 --> 00:06:46,783
Well, there's Lyle Waggoner
talking about impotence.
142
00:06:46,783 --> 00:06:50,483
Oh, people trying to whiten
their yellow teeth.
143
00:06:50,583 --> 00:06:51,983
Singing in the Rain.
144
00:06:52,083 --> 00:06:54,183
Oh, how to buy real estate
with no money down.
145
00:06:54,283 --> 00:06:55,783
Wait, wait, wait,
you just passed by
146
00:06:55,883 --> 00:06:57,483
one of the all-time
classics, Frasier.
147
00:06:57,583 --> 00:07:00,983
Put it back on
the yellow teeth one.
148
00:07:01,083 --> 00:07:02,383
Wait, wait,
go back.
149
00:07:02,383 --> 00:07:04,083
There was a picture
of Robin Colcord.
150
00:07:04,183 --> 00:07:05,883
Sources have confirmed
the identity
151
00:07:05,983 --> 00:07:07,383
of Colcord's mystery woman.
152
00:07:07,383 --> 00:07:09,583
Oh, God! They found me out!
153
00:07:09,683 --> 00:07:11,283
Colcord's secret lover
revealed herself
154
00:07:11,383 --> 00:07:15,283
in a press conference today
to be Jeanne Marie Beaulier,
155
00:07:15,483 --> 00:07:17,083
Charges d'Affaires
for the French Consulate.
156
00:07:17,083 --> 00:07:20,183
Miss Beaulier...
Excuse me?
157
00:07:20,183 --> 00:07:20,783
I thought Robin dumped
158
00:07:20,983 --> 00:07:22,383
that French babe
for you weeks ago.
159
00:07:22,383 --> 00:07:24,283
Well, he did!
160
00:07:24,283 --> 00:07:26,283
The nerve of that
cheap slut pretending
161
00:07:26,283 --> 00:07:28,483
like Robin turned
himself in for her!
162
00:07:28,483 --> 00:07:31,583
Don't worry,
Rebecca.
163
00:07:31,583 --> 00:07:33,883
Your friends know who
the real cheap slut is.
164
00:07:37,083 --> 00:07:40,683
Thank you, Norm.
165
00:07:40,783 --> 00:07:42,283
Well, Rebecca,
don't be upset.
166
00:07:42,383 --> 00:07:44,083
I mean, she's actually
doing you a favor.
167
00:07:44,083 --> 00:07:45,483
You're off the hook.
168
00:07:45,483 --> 00:07:46,983
The press is going
to tear her apart
169
00:07:47,083 --> 00:07:50,083
and leave your relationship
with Robin unsullied.
170
00:07:50,183 --> 00:07:51,883
I guess you're right.
171
00:07:51,983 --> 00:07:54,883
I mean, the only thing that
really does matter is that,
172
00:07:54,983 --> 00:07:56,783
that I am Robin's true love.
173
00:07:56,783 --> 00:07:58,183
And it actually
makes it more romantic
174
00:07:58,283 --> 00:08:00,183
because we're
the only ones who know.
175
00:08:00,283 --> 00:08:01,483
Yeah, except for us.
176
00:08:01,583 --> 00:08:05,283
And I kind of told my mom
in Hanover.
177
00:08:05,383 --> 00:08:06,583
You know what I mean.
178
00:08:06,583 --> 00:08:08,483
It's sort of like
a secret valentine
179
00:08:08,583 --> 00:08:09,583
between me and Robin.
180
00:08:09,583 --> 00:08:10,683
And us.
181
00:08:10,683 --> 00:08:12,183
And my mom.
182
00:08:12,283 --> 00:08:14,983
Woody, who cares
if your mother knows?
183
00:08:15,083 --> 00:08:17,083
I mean, who is she
going to tell?
184
00:08:17,183 --> 00:08:18,183
Are you serious?
185
00:08:18,283 --> 00:08:20,983
She has choir practice tonight.
186
00:08:21,083 --> 00:08:22,183
Once she gets
a cup
187
00:08:22,283 --> 00:08:23,383
of coffee in her,
188
00:08:23,483 --> 00:08:25,483
those old biddies
will bleed it out of her.
189
00:08:25,583 --> 00:08:27,883
For a moist crumb cake,
190
00:08:27,883 --> 00:08:29,883
she'll tell anybody
why you never see
191
00:08:29,983 --> 00:08:32,783
Uncle Willie and Aunt May
in the same room
192
00:08:32,883 --> 00:08:34,583
at the same time.
193
00:08:34,683 --> 00:08:38,883
Why, uh, why would
that be, Wood?
194
00:08:38,983 --> 00:08:42,183
I don't see any crumb cake.
195
00:08:44,983 --> 00:08:48,583
(phone ringing)
196
00:08:48,683 --> 00:08:49,883
Cheers.
197
00:08:49,983 --> 00:08:52,083
Oh, hi, Mom!
198
00:08:52,183 --> 00:08:54,883
It's for me.
199
00:08:54,883 --> 00:08:57,683
Oh, yeah, yeah, I saw the news,
200
00:08:57,683 --> 00:08:59,583
but don't believe everything
you see on TV.
201
00:08:59,683 --> 00:09:03,983
That French lady, Jeanne Marie,
was telling a big whopper.
202
00:09:04,083 --> 00:09:07,083
It was really Miss Howe
who was having...
203
00:09:07,183 --> 00:09:10,883
well, you know,
with Mister Colcord.
204
00:09:10,983 --> 00:09:14,683
Oh, all right.
I'm sorry. I will.
205
00:09:17,983 --> 00:09:19,583
Where're you
going, Wood?
206
00:09:19,683 --> 00:09:23,083
I have to go wash
my mouth out with soap.
207
00:09:23,083 --> 00:09:25,883
I'm sorry, Woody.
208
00:09:25,883 --> 00:09:27,383
Yeah, well, maybe next time
209
00:09:27,383 --> 00:09:29,983
you'll think about the
consequences of your actions.
210
00:09:37,783 --> 00:09:40,483
REPORTER:
Looks like no end
to the heat wave is in sight.
211
00:09:40,583 --> 00:09:42,083
Today may actually break
a hundred.
212
00:09:42,183 --> 00:09:43,583
Oh, man!
213
00:09:43,683 --> 00:09:47,383
I'd better get the crib out
of the garage.
214
00:09:47,383 --> 00:09:49,883
Hi, everybody.
I brought doughnuts.
215
00:09:49,883 --> 00:09:51,583
Oh!
216
00:09:51,683 --> 00:09:53,183
Gee, I haven't dunked
a doughnut in years.
217
00:09:53,283 --> 00:09:54,783
Wood, give me another beer,
will you?
218
00:09:54,783 --> 00:09:57,383
Oh, hey, did you see
the Midnight Tattler?
219
00:09:57,383 --> 00:09:58,383
What?
220
00:09:58,483 --> 00:10:00,083
Seems that, uh,
Jeanne Marie
221
00:10:00,183 --> 00:10:01,783
sold her love letters
from Robin.
222
00:10:01,783 --> 00:10:03,483
Yeah? Whoo-ee!
223
00:10:03,583 --> 00:10:05,583
Look at the legs
on this chick!!
224
00:10:05,683 --> 00:10:07,283
Hey, hey, guys?
Guys, guys.
225
00:10:07,383 --> 00:10:09,183
Rebecca's standing
right here.
226
00:10:09,183 --> 00:10:10,783
Try and to be
a little more polite.
227
00:10:10,783 --> 00:10:12,583
Oh, uh, I'm sorry.
Thank you very much
228
00:10:12,683 --> 00:10:13,883
for the doughnuts,
Rebecca.
229
00:10:13,883 --> 00:10:15,783
Look at the legs
on this babe!
230
00:10:15,783 --> 00:10:18,083
Are they continued on
the next page or what?!
231
00:10:18,183 --> 00:10:19,683
Don't bother, Sam.
I've seen the article.
232
00:10:19,783 --> 00:10:22,083
It's just a stupid,
pitiable act
233
00:10:22,183 --> 00:10:23,483
of a desperate woman.
234
00:10:23,483 --> 00:10:25,483
Those letters
are not real.
235
00:10:25,583 --> 00:10:27,883
They never are.
236
00:10:31,083 --> 00:10:33,883
Robin did not type
those letters.
237
00:10:33,883 --> 00:10:34,883
I have seen his typewriter.
238
00:10:34,983 --> 00:10:37,383
He doesn't even use
that font.
239
00:10:37,483 --> 00:10:39,383
(phone ringing)
240
00:10:39,483 --> 00:10:41,383
Cheers.
241
00:10:41,483 --> 00:10:43,883
Oh, hi, Mom.
242
00:10:43,983 --> 00:10:45,083
It's for me.
243
00:10:46,883 --> 00:10:49,683
Um, yeah, yeah,
I-I saw the article.
244
00:10:49,783 --> 00:10:52,883
Miss Howe says
it's not even his font.
245
00:10:52,983 --> 00:10:54,383
What?
246
00:10:54,483 --> 00:10:58,983
No, Mom, font
isn't a bad word.
247
00:10:58,983 --> 00:11:00,383
No, it's not...
248
00:11:00,383 --> 00:11:02,483
All right. Okay.
249
00:11:11,483 --> 00:11:13,783
Thanks a lot, Miss Howe.
250
00:11:13,783 --> 00:11:17,583
CLIFF:
Hey, Sammy, how about
turning up the sound?
251
00:11:17,583 --> 00:11:18,783
Don't you care
about any of this?
252
00:11:18,883 --> 00:11:20,283
I mean, it's got to be
bothering you a little bit.
253
00:11:20,383 --> 00:11:21,483
I wouldn't be human
254
00:11:21,583 --> 00:11:23,383
if it didn't bother me
a little bit.
255
00:11:23,383 --> 00:11:25,383
But, I mean, what does
it really amount to?
256
00:11:25,483 --> 00:11:26,683
I have Robin's love
257
00:11:26,683 --> 00:11:29,083
and she has a couple of blurbs
in a cheap tabloid.
258
00:11:29,183 --> 00:11:31,083
And it's not like she's some
national celebrity.
259
00:11:31,083 --> 00:11:33,183
ARSENIO HALL:
Join me tonight as the stage
sizzles with my guests
260
00:11:33,283 --> 00:11:34,383
Michael Caine, M.C. Hammer
261
00:11:34,483 --> 00:11:36,383
and the woman Robin Colcord
gave it up for,
262
00:11:36,483 --> 00:11:40,083
and I mean really gave it up
for, Jeanne Marie Beaulieu.
263
00:11:40,183 --> 00:11:42,883
Watch her kick it
on the next Arsenio Hall Show.
264
00:11:42,983 --> 00:11:45,283
Hey!
265
00:11:45,383 --> 00:11:47,683
I'm the one who should be
kickin' it!
266
00:12:03,387 --> 00:12:04,387
Hey.
267
00:12:04,487 --> 00:12:06,587
This is getting
very serious.
268
00:12:06,687 --> 00:12:08,687
Thank you for your concern, Sam.
269
00:12:08,787 --> 00:12:10,887
Do you have any idea how much
that TV costs?
270
00:12:10,987 --> 00:12:12,187
What?
271
00:12:12,287 --> 00:12:14,187
The corporation owns this bar
for three years,
272
00:12:14,187 --> 00:12:15,287
you don't break anything.
273
00:12:15,387 --> 00:12:16,887
I have it for three weeks,
274
00:12:16,987 --> 00:12:18,687
you yank my television
off the wall.
275
00:12:18,787 --> 00:12:20,887
I'm sorry.
I shouldn't have done that.
276
00:12:20,987 --> 00:12:22,087
It's just that
I didn't expect
277
00:12:22,087 --> 00:12:24,387
this thing with Jeanne
Marie to go this far.
278
00:12:24,487 --> 00:12:26,887
Before, nobody even
took it seriously.
279
00:12:26,987 --> 00:12:29,287
And all of a sudden she's
getting national attention.
280
00:12:29,387 --> 00:12:31,387
Tonight she's going
to be on Arsenio.
281
00:12:31,487 --> 00:12:34,287
Yeah, I know.
And thanks to you,
I can't watch it.
282
00:12:34,287 --> 00:12:37,587
Why hasn't Robin spoken out?
283
00:12:37,687 --> 00:12:39,387
I mean, why hasn't
he denied this?
284
00:12:39,487 --> 00:12:42,787
What if... what if he really
does love Jeanne Marie?
285
00:12:42,787 --> 00:12:43,887
What would I do?
286
00:12:43,987 --> 00:12:45,687
Hey. I know.
What?
287
00:12:45,687 --> 00:12:48,187
I'll get my landlady
to tape Arsenio.
288
00:12:48,287 --> 00:12:50,787
No, Sam.
No, no, no, you're right,
you're right, you're right.
289
00:12:50,887 --> 00:12:51,987
Then I'd be obligated.
290
00:12:51,987 --> 00:12:53,887
Sam!
291
00:12:53,887 --> 00:12:55,187
You're not listening to me.
292
00:12:55,287 --> 00:12:56,487
Well, all right,
I'm listening. What?
293
00:12:56,487 --> 00:12:58,187
I mean I cannot just ask him
if he loves Jeanne Marie
294
00:12:58,187 --> 00:12:59,787
because then he will think
that I don't trust him.
295
00:12:59,887 --> 00:13:00,787
You don't.
296
00:13:00,887 --> 00:13:02,287
I know, but I should.
297
00:13:02,387 --> 00:13:04,287
But if I ask him,
"Do you love Jeanne Marie?"
298
00:13:04,387 --> 00:13:06,787
and he says "Yes," I don't think
that I could handle that.
299
00:13:06,887 --> 00:13:09,487
And if I ask him if he loved me
and he said "Yes,"
300
00:13:09,487 --> 00:13:11,587
then he would know
that I did not trust him.
301
00:13:11,587 --> 00:13:13,987
And trusting him is the one
thing that I really should do
302
00:13:14,087 --> 00:13:15,687
since he gave up
his fortune for me...
303
00:13:15,687 --> 00:13:17,487
if he really did
give it up for me,
304
00:13:17,587 --> 00:13:20,187
which I can never know
because I can't ask.
305
00:13:21,787 --> 00:13:25,187
Let me see if I can
put this in a nutshell...
306
00:13:25,187 --> 00:13:28,487
What?
307
00:13:28,587 --> 00:13:32,087
Sam, would you ask him for me?
308
00:13:32,187 --> 00:13:33,987
No. No, no. No, I don't
want to do that.
309
00:13:34,087 --> 00:13:35,187
I've never been to prison.
310
00:13:35,187 --> 00:13:36,687
Oh, well, it's not
really a real prison.
311
00:13:36,787 --> 00:13:37,887
I...
No it's like a
312
00:13:37,887 --> 00:13:38,987
minimum-security deal.
313
00:13:38,987 --> 00:13:40,287
It's like summer camp,
314
00:13:40,387 --> 00:13:44,687
only Robin has to spend
seven to ten summers there.
315
00:13:47,987 --> 00:13:49,587
No, really, and when you,
when you see him,
316
00:13:49,687 --> 00:13:51,687
don't tell him that
I told you to ask, okay?
317
00:13:51,687 --> 00:13:53,487
I mean, just make it
sound like, you know,
318
00:13:53,587 --> 00:13:54,987
you just dropped by
prison, you know,
319
00:13:54,987 --> 00:13:57,687
it's just like a real
casual deal for you.
320
00:13:57,787 --> 00:14:00,387
Uh, no.
No, Rebecca, I'm sorry.
321
00:14:00,487 --> 00:14:03,187
Okay.
322
00:14:03,187 --> 00:14:05,787
Forget it.
323
00:14:05,887 --> 00:14:09,187
It's just that, um...
324
00:14:09,187 --> 00:14:10,987
whenever I think
325
00:14:11,087 --> 00:14:14,187
that Robin might love
Jeanne Marie, you know,
326
00:14:14,287 --> 00:14:18,287
I just get so darned mad,
you know?
327
00:14:18,287 --> 00:14:21,587
Just feel like I could just...
328
00:14:29,687 --> 00:14:31,387
Okay. Okay.
329
00:14:31,487 --> 00:14:35,387
I guess I can...
swing by the prison,
330
00:14:35,387 --> 00:14:38,687
on my way to the billiards
supply store.
331
00:14:40,887 --> 00:14:43,287
Carla, uh, watch the bar
for me, will you?
332
00:14:43,387 --> 00:14:45,587
I've got to go down
to prison for a minute.
333
00:14:45,587 --> 00:14:47,187
Prison?
334
00:14:47,287 --> 00:14:50,387
Isn't that where they keep
all the bad, lonely men?
335
00:14:50,487 --> 00:14:52,287
Now, come on, Carla.
Don't.
336
00:14:52,387 --> 00:14:55,287
Oh, Sammy, take me
with you, please?
No.
337
00:14:55,287 --> 00:14:57,487
Smuggle me in
in your pants.
No!
338
00:14:57,587 --> 00:15:00,387
Please?
I need a tattooed man!
339
00:15:00,487 --> 00:15:01,487
Please, Sammy.
340
00:15:01,487 --> 00:15:02,787
Carla, no!
341
00:15:19,787 --> 00:15:21,087
Ah, yeah, there he is.
342
00:15:21,187 --> 00:15:22,087
Thanks very much.
343
00:15:22,187 --> 00:15:23,287
Hey, Robin.
344
00:15:23,387 --> 00:15:25,087
Robin. Hey.
345
00:15:25,187 --> 00:15:26,287
Hey, Sam.
346
00:15:26,387 --> 00:15:27,487
What are you doing here?
347
00:15:27,587 --> 00:15:29,387
I, uh,
348
00:15:29,487 --> 00:15:31,287
I need to talk to you
for a minute.
349
00:15:31,387 --> 00:15:32,787
Oh, yeah, certainly.
350
00:15:32,787 --> 00:15:34,187
Grab a racket.
351
00:15:34,187 --> 00:15:35,987
Oh, well, all right.
352
00:15:39,287 --> 00:15:40,587
Yes, I'd stop to talk, only...
353
00:15:40,687 --> 00:15:42,787
I just get three hours
a week on the court.
354
00:15:45,287 --> 00:15:46,987
Prison, you know.
355
00:15:51,687 --> 00:15:52,887
Excuse me, Sam,
356
00:15:52,987 --> 00:15:54,387
weren't you
a professional athlete?
357
00:15:54,487 --> 00:15:56,787
Well, yeah, I was a pitcher
for the American League,
358
00:15:56,787 --> 00:16:00,687
but I never actually
had to hit anything.
359
00:16:00,787 --> 00:16:03,987
I see, so basically you just did
what this machine is doing.
360
00:16:03,987 --> 00:16:05,687
Yeah, but my arm got tired.
361
00:16:05,687 --> 00:16:07,787
So, Sam, what have you
got on your mind?
362
00:16:07,887 --> 00:16:10,487
I want to talk to you
about your ex-girlfriend.
363
00:16:10,487 --> 00:16:13,487
Can you be, uh, more specific?
364
00:16:13,687 --> 00:16:16,587
The one you were running around
with behind Rebecca's back.
365
00:16:18,787 --> 00:16:20,187
Can you be more specific?
366
00:16:20,287 --> 00:16:21,487
Jeanne Marie.
367
00:16:21,587 --> 00:16:22,387
Oh!
368
00:16:22,587 --> 00:16:23,887
Oh, dear Jeanne Marie.
369
00:16:23,987 --> 00:16:26,587
Yes, I do hope her little game
with the press
370
00:16:26,587 --> 00:16:27,787
isn't troubling Rebecca.
371
00:16:27,887 --> 00:16:28,787
Yeah, well...
372
00:16:29,787 --> 00:16:32,087
Yeah, it is actually.
373
00:16:32,187 --> 00:16:34,587
You know this girl
is running around
374
00:16:34,687 --> 00:16:36,187
getting exploited
all over the place,
375
00:16:36,287 --> 00:16:38,087
but we all know
that it's Rebecca
376
00:16:38,187 --> 00:16:39,687
that deserves
to be exploited.
377
00:16:39,787 --> 00:16:42,587
Hey, these things are coming
pretty fast.
378
00:16:42,687 --> 00:16:44,087
Can we slow them down?
379
00:16:44,087 --> 00:16:46,487
Oh no, if they went any slower
they wouldn't remain airborne.
380
00:16:48,087 --> 00:16:49,187
Yeah, yeah, Sam, look,
381
00:16:49,287 --> 00:16:50,987
if Rebecca is really
getting troubled by this,
382
00:16:50,987 --> 00:16:52,887
why didn't she make
mention of it to me?
383
00:16:52,987 --> 00:16:55,187
Well, I don't know,
actually.
384
00:16:55,287 --> 00:16:58,687
She, uh, tried to explain
that to me, but I, uh...
385
00:16:58,787 --> 00:17:00,987
Yes, enough said.
386
00:17:01,087 --> 00:17:02,087
Poor Rebecca.
387
00:17:03,987 --> 00:17:06,987
Her insecurities have finally
got the better of her.
388
00:17:07,087 --> 00:17:08,387
Well, perhaps I should, uh,
389
00:17:08,387 --> 00:17:10,487
make an end of Jeanne
Marie's little charade
390
00:17:10,487 --> 00:17:14,187
and go to the press
and tell them the truth.
391
00:17:14,287 --> 00:17:15,387
Do you think
that would help her?
392
00:17:15,487 --> 00:17:17,187
Sure, yeah.
393
00:17:17,387 --> 00:17:18,587
Say, is your arm sore?
394
00:17:18,587 --> 00:17:20,287
What?
My arm's sore.
395
00:17:20,387 --> 00:17:21,787
Right here.
Oh, yes.
396
00:17:21,887 --> 00:17:23,487
Well, we can take
a break if you like.
397
00:17:23,587 --> 00:17:25,287
All right.
Maurice!
398
00:17:25,387 --> 00:17:26,987
Thanks, Maurice.
399
00:17:31,787 --> 00:17:33,087
Whoo!
400
00:17:33,087 --> 00:17:34,187
Hey, Robin.
401
00:17:34,287 --> 00:17:36,087
Excuse me, are you through
with the court yet?
402
00:17:36,087 --> 00:17:37,087
Yes, Sherman.
It's all yours.
403
00:17:37,187 --> 00:17:38,287
Thanks.
404
00:17:38,387 --> 00:17:39,687
Maurice!
405
00:17:39,687 --> 00:17:42,087
Hey, I voted for that guy.
406
00:17:51,287 --> 00:17:53,687
Okay, guys, we got it.
407
00:17:53,787 --> 00:17:55,487
You know, I think
Rebecca did us a favor
408
00:17:55,587 --> 00:17:56,787
by breaking that old TV.
409
00:17:56,887 --> 00:17:58,087
Yeah, I like
this new TV
410
00:17:58,087 --> 00:17:59,587
a lot better
than the old one.
411
00:17:59,687 --> 00:18:00,787
We're not talking TV here.
412
00:18:00,787 --> 00:18:02,287
This is the latest
in video technology.
413
00:18:02,387 --> 00:18:05,487
We've got Dolby sound,
black matrix, high resolution.
414
00:18:05,587 --> 00:18:07,087
I mean, look at that.
415
00:18:07,087 --> 00:18:09,887
It's almost as if Deputy Dog's
right in the room with us.
416
00:18:09,987 --> 00:18:11,387
Yeah.
Yeah.
417
00:18:15,487 --> 00:18:16,887
My God.
418
00:18:16,987 --> 00:18:20,387
It's another scorcher out there.
419
00:18:20,387 --> 00:18:21,887
I am sick and tired
420
00:18:21,887 --> 00:18:25,687
of peeling patients
off of my leather couch.
421
00:18:25,687 --> 00:18:27,587
I'll tell you,
the ones in shorts
422
00:18:27,687 --> 00:18:31,587
scream like banshees
when I get them up fast.
423
00:18:31,587 --> 00:18:34,087
Well, fortunately,
I'm a trained psychiatrist
424
00:18:34,187 --> 00:18:37,787
and I've learned to tune out
cries for help.
425
00:18:41,187 --> 00:18:42,987
Say, where's Carla?
426
00:18:42,987 --> 00:18:44,687
She asked us to lock her
in the office
427
00:18:44,787 --> 00:18:46,287
until the heat wave breaks.
428
00:18:46,387 --> 00:18:47,987
For goodness sakes.
429
00:18:48,087 --> 00:18:49,687
I mean this has gone on
long enough.
430
00:18:49,787 --> 00:18:52,387
The human female doesn't have
an estrous cycle.
431
00:18:52,487 --> 00:18:54,487
Someone is gonna have to tell
her that the weather
432
00:18:54,587 --> 00:18:56,387
cannot affect human beings
this way.
433
00:18:56,487 --> 00:18:58,687
Carla! May I have a word
with you, please?
434
00:19:00,387 --> 00:19:01,487
Oh!
435
00:19:09,787 --> 00:19:11,187
How is she, Fras?
436
00:19:11,187 --> 00:19:14,287
Be afraid.
437
00:19:14,387 --> 00:19:18,087
Be very afraid.
438
00:19:18,187 --> 00:19:20,987
Has anyone seen
an afternoon paper?
439
00:19:21,087 --> 00:19:22,787
Uh, what are you
looking for?
440
00:19:22,787 --> 00:19:24,487
Well, because
Robin's statement
441
00:19:24,587 --> 00:19:26,287
about me being his true
love is supposed
442
00:19:26,287 --> 00:19:27,287
to be in the late edition.
443
00:19:27,287 --> 00:19:28,987
I sent Woody out
for it hours ago.
444
00:19:29,087 --> 00:19:30,487
You, you sent Woody out there?
445
00:19:30,487 --> 00:19:32,087
It's a hundred degrees.
446
00:19:37,587 --> 00:19:39,187
I'm sorry, Miss Howe.
447
00:19:39,187 --> 00:19:40,387
I would have been here sooner,
448
00:19:40,487 --> 00:19:43,287
but I think I passed out between
the newsstand and here.
449
00:19:44,987 --> 00:19:46,687
Woody, man,
are you all right?
450
00:19:46,787 --> 00:19:49,487
Yes, he's all right.
451
00:19:49,587 --> 00:19:50,987
I bet I'm on the cover.
452
00:19:50,987 --> 00:19:52,687
Heat wave,
heat wave...
453
00:19:52,787 --> 00:19:54,187
heat wave.
454
00:19:54,287 --> 00:19:56,487
children in sprinklers,
heat wave...
455
00:19:56,487 --> 00:19:58,287
So it's a little warm out.
456
00:19:58,287 --> 00:20:00,487
Grandma?
457
00:20:02,487 --> 00:20:04,287
Is that you, Grandma?
458
00:20:06,087 --> 00:20:08,987
Thank you, Grandma.
459
00:20:09,087 --> 00:20:11,187
Here it is.
460
00:20:11,187 --> 00:20:12,987
"Millionaire Robin Colcord says
461
00:20:12,987 --> 00:20:15,787
that his true love
is some Boston bar manager."
462
00:20:15,887 --> 00:20:16,887
What?
463
00:20:16,887 --> 00:20:18,087
That's it?!
464
00:20:18,187 --> 00:20:20,987
I thought I was gonna
be big news.
465
00:20:21,087 --> 00:20:23,487
Such is the transitory
nature of fame.
466
00:20:23,487 --> 00:20:25,587
You have missed
your moment in the sun.
467
00:20:25,587 --> 00:20:28,387
I had three hours in the sun.
468
00:20:28,487 --> 00:20:30,187
Would somebody shut him up?
469
00:20:31,387 --> 00:20:34,487
This just isn't fair.
470
00:20:34,487 --> 00:20:36,287
Robin gave it up for me.
471
00:20:36,287 --> 00:20:37,987
Me, not Jeanne Marie.
472
00:20:38,087 --> 00:20:39,287
Well, hey,
473
00:20:39,287 --> 00:20:41,087
I wouldn't worry so
much about Jeanne Marie.
474
00:20:41,087 --> 00:20:42,787
She's washed
up, too.
475
00:20:42,787 --> 00:20:44,387
Look where they put her
on Hollywood Squares.
476
00:20:44,487 --> 00:20:46,387
Center bottom.
477
00:20:46,387 --> 00:20:48,187
Nobody's gonna
call on her there.
478
00:20:48,287 --> 00:20:52,087
She might as well
be a Gabor.
479
00:20:52,187 --> 00:20:54,487
MAN:
I'll take Robin Colcord's
lover to block.
480
00:20:55,887 --> 00:20:56,787
No, no, whoa, whoa!
481
00:20:56,887 --> 00:20:57,887
Come on, guys,
switch the channel.
482
00:20:57,987 --> 00:20:59,187
Put a game on or something.
483
00:20:59,187 --> 00:21:00,287
I'm trying, Sammy.
484
00:21:00,387 --> 00:21:01,787
How do you work
this damned remote?
485
00:21:01,787 --> 00:21:03,887
Oh, wait, you need this
one to work that one.
486
00:21:07,987 --> 00:21:09,187
Damn!
Relax. Relax.
487
00:21:09,287 --> 00:21:11,187
No, it was my turn, Sam!
488
00:21:11,187 --> 00:21:12,887
Everybody in the world was
supposed to know that...
489
00:21:12,887 --> 00:21:15,287
that I was Robin's
mystery femme.
490
00:21:15,387 --> 00:21:17,787
I was supposed to be famous.
491
00:21:17,887 --> 00:21:18,887
You know, that's not
what you said before.
492
00:21:18,987 --> 00:21:19,987
You said the only thing
that mattered
493
00:21:20,087 --> 00:21:21,087
was that Robin loves you.
494
00:21:21,187 --> 00:21:22,687
Yeah, yeah, well...
495
00:21:22,687 --> 00:21:24,587
that was back when
I thought Jeanne Marie
496
00:21:24,587 --> 00:21:26,087
was gonna be laughed at.
497
00:21:26,187 --> 00:21:28,187
But now, I didn't know
that she was gonna become
498
00:21:28,287 --> 00:21:29,887
America's little sweetheart
and I was gonna become
499
00:21:29,987 --> 00:21:33,787
America's little
stupid idiot nobody.
500
00:21:33,787 --> 00:21:35,787
Honey, listen, from the
outside, fame looks great.
501
00:21:35,887 --> 00:21:37,987
But when you actually
have it, it's not,
502
00:21:37,987 --> 00:21:39,887
it's not all that
it's cracked up to be.
503
00:21:39,987 --> 00:21:41,187
Oh, how would you know?
504
00:21:41,187 --> 00:21:44,387
Well, I had a little bit
of fame, once upon a time.
505
00:21:44,487 --> 00:21:47,187
Oh, yeah, right, that time you
almost got hit by that truck.
506
00:21:47,287 --> 00:21:48,487
No.
507
00:21:48,587 --> 00:21:50,787
No, no, no, come on.
508
00:21:50,887 --> 00:21:52,387
When I was pitching
for the Sox.
509
00:21:52,487 --> 00:21:53,887
Yeah, sure,
510
00:21:53,987 --> 00:21:55,287
fame has its perks.
511
00:21:55,387 --> 00:21:57,687
I mean, you don't have to stand
in line at restaurants.
512
00:21:57,687 --> 00:21:58,787
That's very nice.
513
00:21:58,887 --> 00:22:02,187
And cops let you slide
on a few traffic tickets.
514
00:22:02,187 --> 00:22:04,287
That's... that's very nice.
515
00:22:04,387 --> 00:22:06,587
Autographs, I mean, that's cool
and all of that.
516
00:22:06,687 --> 00:22:07,987
But, basically,
it's just a hassle.
517
00:22:08,087 --> 00:22:09,287
Really?
518
00:22:09,387 --> 00:22:09,987
Yeah, sure.
519
00:22:10,187 --> 00:22:12,287
Not being famous
is ten times better.
520
00:22:12,387 --> 00:22:13,487
Really?
Yeah.
521
00:22:13,587 --> 00:22:15,487
Yeah, you get treated
just like everybody else.
522
00:22:15,587 --> 00:22:17,587
You can go to the
supermarket in peace.
523
00:22:17,687 --> 00:22:20,287
Nobody crowds around you.
524
00:22:20,387 --> 00:22:21,687
As a matter of fact,
525
00:22:21,687 --> 00:22:24,187
they don't pay any
attention to you at all.
526
00:22:24,287 --> 00:22:27,087
No, they certainly don't
let you cut ahead of them
527
00:22:27,087 --> 00:22:28,687
in the ten-items-or-less line.
528
00:22:28,787 --> 00:22:30,787
No, no, no, no, no, no.
529
00:22:30,887 --> 00:22:32,887
You have to wait behind
all the old ladies.
530
00:22:32,887 --> 00:22:35,387
Some of them have
way beyond ten items.
531
00:22:35,387 --> 00:22:37,087
'Cause believe me, you've got
all the time in the world
532
00:22:37,187 --> 00:22:39,887
to count every little can,
every little loaf of bread.
533
00:22:39,887 --> 00:22:40,887
Sam...
534
00:22:40,987 --> 00:22:42,987
By the time you get to the front
of the line,
535
00:22:42,987 --> 00:22:44,887
they're only too happy
to cut up your credit cards
536
00:22:44,987 --> 00:22:46,687
right in front of your face
because you're nothing!
537
00:22:46,787 --> 00:22:47,787
Sam...
538
00:22:47,787 --> 00:22:50,487
Sam, are you all right?
539
00:22:50,587 --> 00:22:53,787
I miss it so much, Rebecca.
540
00:22:53,887 --> 00:22:55,387
Oh...
541
00:22:55,487 --> 00:22:56,587
I know you do.
542
00:22:56,587 --> 00:22:58,787
But we're both better
off without it, Sam.
543
00:22:58,787 --> 00:23:00,987
Do you remember, remember
all the attention I got
544
00:23:01,087 --> 00:23:03,987
when that truck almost hit me?
545
00:23:06,787 --> 00:23:08,587
Well, there's no break
in this heat wave.
546
00:23:08,687 --> 00:23:11,787
As a matter of fact, tomorrow
is going to be even hotter.
547
00:23:11,787 --> 00:23:13,287
Let's look now
at the satellite...
548
00:23:13,287 --> 00:23:14,487
(rumbling)
549
00:23:14,587 --> 00:23:16,287
Oh, my God!
550
00:23:16,287 --> 00:23:17,487
Clear out, everybody!
551
00:23:17,487 --> 00:23:18,787
She's gonna blow!
552
00:23:22,087 --> 00:23:23,587
(rumbling)39721
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