All language subtitles for Cheers.S09E03.1080p.WEB-DL.AAC2.0.H.264-HQC

Cheers is filmed before
a live studio audience.

Here you go.

Hey...

Something wrong?

Yes, I'll say.

You didn't ask me if
I needed anything else.

Do you see this roll
of dollar bills here?

Yeah.

This is your tip.

I've set it aside in advance.

Now here's the deal.

Every time you
do something wrong,

I take a dollar bill, see?

That way, I get decent service.
Understood?

Fair enough.

Here's my deal for you.

Every time you take away
a dollar, I do this.

That just cost
you another dollar.

There, you happy?

Your tip money's all gone.

That's just great.
'Cause I just got my own.

So, uh, how long is your
brother going to be in town?

Two weeks.

(theme song begins)

¶ Making your way
in the world today ¶

¶ Takes everything you've got ¶

¶ Takin' a break
from all your worries ¶

¶ Sure would help a lot

¶ Wouldn't you like
to get away? ¶

¶ Sometimes you want to go

¶ Where everybody
knows your name ¶

¶ And they're always
glad you came ¶

¶ You wanna be
where you can see ¶

¶ The troubles
are all the same ¶

¶ You wanna be where everybody
knows your name ¶

¶ You wanna go
where people know ¶

¶ People are all the same

¶ You wanna go where everybody
knows your name. ¶

I would like to nominate

as the stupidest creature
on Earth

the one who awakens each day

to drive through
gridlocked traffic,

to sit in a windowless office
breathing re-circulated air,

then returns home and collapses
into a stupor--

only to do the same damn thing
all over again

every day until he dies.

Looking forward to that
vacation, eh, Fras?

You bet. We're going to Maui.

(Sam screaming)

Still having problems
with the computer, Sammy?

No, I think I've figured
out what to do.

Kiss your keyboard good-bye.

FRASIER:
Sam!

Sam, Sam, give me the bat.
Come sit down.

Now, I'm sure that Lilith would
be delighted to help you

with your computer.

She tells me she has quite
an affinity for machines.

Naturally, you could have
knocked me over with a feather.

What is it with these
machines, anyway?

Computers... faxes,
voice mail.

You know, when I ran this
place in the old days,

I had everything
I needed... right up here.

Brains, Sam?

No, good hair.
Brains... (scoffs)

I'm serious, you know.

Good looks can open doors.

Good hair blows them
off their hinges.

Sammy, what are you going
to do about the computer?

Rebecca's gonna come
over here and fix it.

I just have to wait
until she shows up.

What about the auto show, Sam?

Don't you want to go
see the new models?

Ah, that's all right.

I know where they're
staying, Woody.

Uh, Sammy, we're out
of pretzels.

Oh, sorry.

Hey, we're out
of pretzels.

I think that's what I meant when
I said we were out of pretzels.

Sorry I was so cryptic before.

I don't understand this.

We were supposed to get
a big shipment today.

I mean, I, ordered 20 bags
from the distributor.

I even faxed it on Rebecca's
stupid fax machine.

Oh, well.

"Oh, well"?!

Sammy, there are those of us
who need their pretzels.

What am I supposed to do,

go down to the grocery store
and buy you some?

And get some Beer Nuts, too.

These are antiques.

You know, I have a yen
for some Cheese Doodles.

CLIFF:
Hey, uh, Sammy,

while you're out there, will you
pick me up some cough syrup?

I've got a-- little tickle.

All right, fine. I'm gonna do
this once, you guys,

but you gotta remember--

I'm supposed to be
the boss around here,

not your errand boy.

Feed my meter.

I've got those 20 bags
of cement you ordered.

What 20 bags of cement?

I ordered 20 bags
of pretzels.

I faxed my order

to Amalgamated
Snack Foods.

Oh yeah, we often
intercept their orders
so we can push cement.

Maybe what happened is
I faxed the wrong company.

That happens all the time.

So you'll take it
back for me?

Nope. You still got
to pay for it.

Good thing it happens
all the time.

Here, sign here. I'll
get the rest of it.

I've got no time to do this.

I have more important
things going on.

Thanks.

Woody, do something
with this cement.

Sure thing, Sam.

Listen, while you're out,
can you pick up

some aggregate, a water trough,
a shovel and a wheelbarrow.

Now, what am I going to build?

All right, here you go,
you clowns.

Cheese Doodles...

Beer Nuts, pretzels...

Uh, where's
the cough syrup, Sam?

Oh, I knew I forgot something.

Geez, Sammy, tickles just don't
go away by themselves, you know.

I'm sorry.

Oh, man, I know it's going
to get in my ears.

I just know it.

Sam, I believe I ordered
Cheese Doodles--

not "Imitation
Puffed Cheese" food.

So, I got the plain wrapped.
What's the difference?

"Can also be used
as packing material."

See, it's efficient, too.

"Keep out of the
reach of children."

You know, Sammy,

you shouldn't have to cut
corners like this.

If you're having money problems,
maybe we can help.

Come here, you guys.

Listen, you, you remember
that raise I gave you guys

a couple of weeks ago?

How much does it really
mean to you?

More than my
children's lives.

Okay, Carla gets to
keep her raise.

What do you say, Wood?

Well, I suppose I can put
it off a couple of months,

if it'll help.

Aw, yeah, thanks, man,
you're a brick.

In return for this concession,
I think the group medical plan

should be expanded
to include dental.

I'm just barely keeping my
head above water here.

What are you doing to me?

You're acting like
selfish, greedy leeches.

Well, why should we work
here then, huh?

Because we're family, honey.

Why is everybody treating me

like I'm the biggest jerk
on Earth?

Don't worry about that, Sammy,
okay?

You're the owner here.
You have responsibilities.

If they can't handle that,
that's their problem.

Yeah, thanks.

Can I have another
beer, please?

I can't run a tab anymore.

I'm going to have to
take cash on this.

Or maybe you are the
biggest jerk on Earth.

Maybe you are!

Fine, you know, just fine.

What do you guys want
from me, huh?

Free medical plans--
raises all around.

How about free beer and all
the pretzels you can eat?

Can I get you anything else?

Can we have
"fondue night"?

No.

Not everybody likes fondue.

Hi.

Hi, Miss Howe.

Oh, Woody, you don't work
for me anymore.

You don't need to call
me "Miss Howe."

Just call me Rebecca.

Oh, hi, Rebecca.
(chuckles)

"Rebecca," I kind of like that.

What do you think, Norm?

Now, now, Woody. Come on.

I'm sorry, Mr. Peterson.

It's just not me,
Miss Howe.

Oh, great, there you are.

I can't stay long.
I only have a few minutes.

What's wrong with the computer?

Oh, nothing, really.

I just can't get
those little green letters

to pop up on the screen.

Well, did you try
booting it up?

Yeah, I did plenty of that.

Sam, you can call me stupid,

but I think if Miss Howe
was still around here,

she could take care of
all this technical stuff.

You're stupid.

I said Sam could
call me stupid, not you.

I don't know if that's
a good idea, Woody.

I said you could call
me stupid, not my idea.

Doesn't anybody
listen around here?

You don't think I don't
want Rebecca back here

managing the bar?

I'd love it, man, but she

quit, she's never
gonna come back here.

Well, Sam, you'll never know
unless you offer her the job.

Yeah, hey, how would
you guys feel

about Rebecca managing
this place again?

Well, would it raise
the price of beer?

No.

Then what do we care?

All right, that's a good idea.

I'll offer her the job.

Oh, good. Did you find
out what was wrong?

Yeah, the disk was
in backwards

and the keyboard connection
was loose.

Also, you had picked it up
and thrown it on the ground.

Wow, Rebecca, you are

so great. You've got this
real knack for managing.

What, what are
you doing... for
the rest of the day?

What are you doing for
the rest of the week?

I'm going to work.

You got a job?

Yeah, didn't I tell you guys?

Yeah, and it could turn out

to be something
real exciting.

Oh, wow, what're you doing?

Well, I'm in
public relations now.

Good for you.
REBECCA:
Yeah.

I mean, it doesn't mean
I'll never see you guys.

I can still come in here
as a customer.

Of course, with work and all,
I mean, I can't stay

for ten, 12 hours at a stretch
like you guys.

Well, that's okay, you could be
in the part-timers club.

They sit over there.

And when you're ready to
commit, you'll let us know.

Yeah. Like Phil there--
he's right on the verge.

Well, I'd better get back.

I've already been
gone ten minutes.

Ten minutes--
she'll never make the cut.

Bye-bye.

You know, it would've been nice
to have her back in the bar.

Come to think of it, you know,

how much work would there be
for her really to do?

I mean, do I really need
a manager?

I've got a truckload of sorghum
for a Sam Malone.

I didn't say I wanted sorghum.

I said I wanted
"some more gum."

God, I hate voice mail.

It's not my problem. Uh...

Where do you want me
to put this?

I don't know.

What is sorghum, anyway?

Oh, it's grain, Sam.

It's used to feed livestock.

So, if I put it in a bowl,
would those guys eat it?

Are you kidding?

I was late putting out the
Beer Nuts last night

and Mr. Peterson almost
snapped off my thumb.

Fill 'em up.

Woody, this new
trail mix is great.

Yeah.

Yeah, slide another
bowl down, please.

You might want to mix a raw egg
in there, Mr. Peterson.

Makes your coat nice and shiny.

What?

(laughing):
Oh, nothing.

Hey, guys, listen up
here for a second.

I want you to meet
someone here.

It's your new manager--
this is Earl.

Hey, Earl.
Hi, Earl.

Earl used to play shortstop
for the Cubs.

All right...
one of us, huh?

You guys from Chicago?

No. They're all losers.

(sneezes)

Boy, that sounds like

a nasty cold you've
got there, son.

And still you're out
there delivering the mail?

I've got a lot of
respect for you guys.

Sammy, give
this guy a raise.

Earl, get out
from behind there.

Come on, have a seat.

Oh, don't sit me down at a bar.

I'll never get up.
Ah...

It's either that
or go home to the wife,

and God knows I hate to do that.

Do you have the other half
of this amulet?

Looks like
you've found
a home here, Earl.

Oh, well, thanks, Sam.

Why don't you find me an apron
and I'll get started here?

Holy moly!
The man handles computers,

he tends bar...

Anything you
need me for, son.

Whoa! Would you...

What? What?

...catch a look
at that babe there?

Where are you?
Where are you?

In the poolroom,
kind of behind that pole.

Whoo! Boy, you
do have good eyes.

You sure you played
with the Cubs?

Well, guys, I...
I hope I do as well
as your last manager.

You're probably
going to want

to set your sights
a wee bit higher.

Come on, guys, guys, guys.
Rebecca's doing great.

Our old manager moved on
to bigger and better things.

Nothing can hurt a car
treated with Miracle Buff.

Absolutely nothing.

Watch me pour acid
on this car, and wipe it

right off!

Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow!

REBECCA:
That's right.

Nothing can penetrate
the mirror-like luster

of Miracle Buff.

Not even... fire.

(panting)

You people are
just going to have

to take my word for
it this time, okay?

Ladies and gentlemen,

I have to take a break now,

but our next demonstration
will be in... one minute?!

I just get so afraid up there.

We're afraid for you.

But that's what makes
the auto show so exciting.

Hey, huh? Is this great
to cut out from work like this?

Yeah.

With Earl at the bar,
you know,

we can stay here all day.

Oh, Sam, check it out!
Sheepskin covers!

What are you doing, man?

Why are you buying
all this vinyl cleaner,

leather cleaner?
I mean, sheepskin?

You don't even
have a car.

I know, Sam,
but most of my furniture

comes from the interior
of cars.

I've got to be careful
when I shave

because objects may
be closer than they appear.

REBECCA:
Ladies and gentlemen, the next
Miracle Buff demonstration

will commence in ten seconds.

Oh, my God! Look at that.
That's Rebecca.

She's working the auto show.

Oh, wow! She does
have a great job.

She's Miss Miracle Buff.

SAM:
I don't think
she'd want us

to see her like this.

Just keep out of sight.

Miracle Buff,
the amazing discovery

that will make your car's finish
last a lifetime.

For safety reasons,

we can't actually simulate
a nuclear blast,

but we have already shown
that acid and fire

are no match for Miracle Buff.

Unlike human skin.

Sam, I don't think
I can keep up this pace.

I'm still dizzy from being
knocked in the face

from that airbag demonstration.

I think I'm going to go over
to the RVs and lie down.

REBECCA:
Now, you're probably
all saying

to yourself,
"Hey, Miss Miracle Buff,

would the same thing apply
to..." Boiling tar?!

No way! No. Forget it.

Then you get me
some oven mitts.

He won't even give me
any oven mitts.

I am making a lousy
six bucks an hour.

I mean,
that will not even cover

the skin grafts!

I'm not doing this anymore.
This is it!

You're not getting paid
for this.

Look, buddy, I am carrying
a boiling bucket of tar!

It's okay. It's all
right. It's okay.

Oh, Sam, could this
all be a bad dream?

No, honey.
This is the auto show.

My friends! Thanks to my buddy
Earl's amazing cold remedy,

you are looking at
the picture of perfect health.

Every sinus cavity
in my head is clear and dry.

Well, not dry, but moist enough
to be comfortable.

Glad you're feeling
better, Cliffy.

Eh! Thank you.

Did this, uh...
particular cold...

Did this start out
with a funny taste

up in the back
of your mouth?

Uh-oh! The old acid
in the adenoids.

Scratchy throat?

Yucky coating
on the tongue?

Sounds like an epidemic.

My friends, I don't want
to be an alarmist,

but tonight--
if you live through it--

is going to be the worst
night in your entire lives.

First, the cold sweats,
the pounding headache...

Cliff, I don't
want to hear this.

Don't worry, Norm.

In a few hours,
your ears will be so clogged

you won't be able
to hear anything.

Look, Clavin,
you gave us this cold,

and I'm going to get you for it.

You're not going to know when,
but I'll be there.

Don't worry, Carla.
I'll know when.

I'll hear your liquid-filled
lungs wheezing a mile away.

Hey, hey, everybody!

CARLA AND NORM:
Hey, Earl.

Hey! Norm, do me a favor,
will you?

Let me know how this tastes.

It's great.
What did you do?

Well, I adjusted the pressure
in the kegs,

and then I cleaned out
all the lines.

Earl, how do you like
the sound of this?

Mrs. Earl Peterson.

Come on.

Think about it.
Come on.

I don't know why you guys

are falling all over
yourselves about this Earl.

So he's a nice guy.
Big deal.

Uh... Carla, excuse me.

I noticed you've been carrying
your tray a little low.

Are... are your shoulders tense?

Let me just... if you don't
mind... let me just...

Oh! Oh!

That is the best
I have ever felt

without ending up
with a baby.

It wasn't just
the acid, Sam.

It was the fire,
and the simulated hailstorm,

and the live pigeons.

12 times a day,
I rubbed and I rubbed

and I rubbed and I rubbed.

Come on, Miss Howe.
The auto show couldn't
have been that bad.

Woody, I don't have
any fingerprints left!

Sit in here and calm down.

Rebecca was working
at the auto show?

Yeah. She was
Miss Miracle Buff.

Don't let the fancy
title fool you.

She was pitching snake oil
like a sideshow geek.

Woody?
What did she do?

Well, as near as I could tell,

everything but bite the head
off a live chicken.

Of course, we got there late.

It's an indestructible
space-age polymer, Sam,

and it's in my hair.

Why didn't you come to us?

I mean, come on. The auto show?

Because I was ashamed,

and I really wanted
to find a good job.

Oh, honey, I know, I know.

It's just that no
corporation will hire me

because of my
involvement with Robin.

I mean, it was either that or...

or selling myself on the street.

All right,
so I made the wrong choice.

Listen. Uh...
whatever, you know?

You've got a job here
managing, if you want.

I do?

Yeah.

Oh, Sam, thank you.

I'll do a great job for you.

¶ ...jolly good fellow,
for Earl's a jolly good fellow ¶

¶ For Earl's
a jolly good fellow... ¶

Shoot!

I forgot about Earl.

Who is Earl?

A jolly good fellow.

Oh, I know that, Sam.

He's working here now.

He's, uh... he's
a real nice guy.

We all got close
to him real fast.

He's like a father
figure to all of us.

Are-Are you sure you gave
the auto show a chance?

Sam!

Kid, you've got the job.

You've got the job.
This is swell.

And, you know, I bet
I'll grow to love Earl

just as much
as everybody else does.

Hmm...
So what do you want
me to do first?

Fire Earl.

NORM:
You fired Earl!

Norm! Norm! Norm! Norm!

Sam,

did you send this
poor little lady

out here to fire me?

No.

All right, I could
never lie to you, Earl.

Yes. Yes. But don't you see?

Rebecca's our friend,
and she needs the job,

and I can't afford
to hire both of you.

I'm sure you can go out
and get a job someplace.

Well, of course
I can, Sam.

I just wish you had
told me to my face

instead of handling
it this way.

I'm... I'm a little
disappointed in you.

Please don't say that.

I'm more than happy
to step aside.

I understand
the importance of loyalty.

You know, I always believe
that the only way

to run a business
or a friendship

or, hell, a life,

is through loyalty
and commitment to other people.

Gee, that's just what my
father always used to say.

Ah. Your father
was right, missy.

Hey, why don't
you pick up a phone

and give him a call?

Well, so long, everybody.

Bye!
Bye, Earl!
Good-bye!

Well, back to work.

Sammy, that was Earl
that just walked out of here!

(all yelling)

I know, I know that, I... but I
had to hire Rebecca back.

Come on, she's our friend.

I can't afford both of them.
Don't you see?

I mean, I had to go
with the personal decision here.

I'm sorry. I just hope
you can live with it.

NORM:
Wait, wait.
Sam! Sam!

One question.
What?

Is this going
to raise the price of beer?

No.

Then what do we care?

Welcome back, Rebecca.

¶ For she's
a jolly good fellow ¶

¶ For she's a jolly
good fellow ¶

¶ For she's a jolly
good fellow... ¶
Shut up! I can't hear Daddy!