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1
00:00:01,546 --> 00:00:04,482
Cheers is filmedbefore a live studio audience.
2
00:00:06,118 --> 00:00:07,385
Yeah, it's just a hop, skip
3
00:00:07,420 --> 00:00:09,621
and a jump from the
office to the Ginza.
4
00:00:09,655 --> 00:00:11,706
Look who just slithered in.
5
00:00:11,740 --> 00:00:13,541
The carpet cobras,
6
00:00:13,575 --> 00:00:16,878
featuring Evan
"The Snake" Drake.
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00:00:16,912 --> 00:00:19,447
- I'm all right.
- How are you?
8
00:00:19,482 --> 00:00:21,362
Rebecca, I've got
to use the phone here.
9
00:00:21,384 --> 00:00:23,318
Oh, you're a phone person, too?
10
00:00:23,352 --> 00:00:24,419
So am I.
11
00:00:24,453 --> 00:00:26,954
Isn't it amazing how much
we have in common?
12
00:00:26,989 --> 00:00:28,156
Thanks.
13
00:00:29,258 --> 00:00:30,891
You know that Drake guy?
14
00:00:30,926 --> 00:00:33,160
He's probably the kind of bloke
15
00:00:33,195 --> 00:00:37,098
that has his knuckle hair
removed with electrolysis.
16
00:00:37,132 --> 00:00:38,999
Yeah, he's probably got one
of those electronic zappers
17
00:00:39,034 --> 00:00:42,503
that he uses to forestall
his receding hairline.
18
00:00:42,538 --> 00:00:44,038
And I bet ya,
I bet ya a dime to a donut
19
00:00:44,072 --> 00:00:45,506
that he has his loofa
20
00:00:45,541 --> 00:00:49,176
and he rubs himself raw
to get rid of his cellulite.
21
00:00:52,448 --> 00:00:53,581
Well, it was in
22
00:00:53,615 --> 00:00:56,817
last month's Soldierof Fortune, okay?
23
00:01:02,074 --> 00:01:04,225
¶ Making your way
in the world today ¶
24
00:01:04,259 --> 00:01:07,862
¶ Takes everything you've got.
25
00:01:07,896 --> 00:01:10,497
¶ Taking a break
from all your worries ¶
26
00:01:10,532 --> 00:01:14,068
¶ Sure would help a lot.
27
00:01:14,103 --> 00:01:19,940
¶ Wouldn't you like
to get away? ¶
28
00:01:19,975 --> 00:01:21,842
¶ Sometimes you want to go.
29
00:01:21,877 --> 00:01:27,215
¶ Where everybody
knows your name ¶
30
00:01:27,249 --> 00:01:31,819
¶ And they're always glad
you came ¶
31
00:01:31,854 --> 00:01:34,255
¶ You want to be
where you can see ¶
32
00:01:34,289 --> 00:01:36,858
¶ Our troubles
are all the same ¶
33
00:01:36,892 --> 00:01:42,263
¶ You want to be where everybody
knows your name ¶
34
00:01:42,297 --> 00:01:44,598
¶ You want to go
where people know ¶
35
00:01:44,633 --> 00:01:47,201
¶ People are all the same.
36
00:01:47,236 --> 00:01:51,705
¶ You want to go where
everybody knows your name. ¶
37
00:02:12,645 --> 00:02:13,611
Oh. Oh!
38
00:02:13,646 --> 00:02:14,646
Sam, listen.
39
00:02:14,680 --> 00:02:16,080
Don't you find it interesting
40
00:02:16,114 --> 00:02:17,682
that of all the fine restaurants
41
00:02:17,716 --> 00:02:18,683
in Boston to dine,
42
00:02:18,717 --> 00:02:20,885
that Evans should repeatedly
dine at Melville's
43
00:02:20,920 --> 00:02:22,353
right upstairs from where I can
44
00:02:22,387 --> 00:02:23,555
be found every day of the week?
45
00:02:23,589 --> 00:02:24,556
No, no.
46
00:02:24,590 --> 00:02:25,857
But I do find it interesting
47
00:02:25,891 --> 00:02:27,759
that your button's undone there,
48
00:02:27,793 --> 00:02:30,595
and your bra has a little
bow in the middle.
49
00:02:33,999 --> 00:02:34,999
So, uh, what,
50
00:02:35,034 --> 00:02:37,602
you think the big guy's
finally coming around, huh?
51
00:02:37,636 --> 00:02:41,238
No, he's in there
using my phone.
52
00:02:41,273 --> 00:02:42,239
Can't you see?
53
00:02:42,274 --> 00:02:44,075
Since his divorce became final,
54
00:02:44,109 --> 00:02:46,410
he uses all of his spare
time to be around me.
55
00:02:46,445 --> 00:02:48,012
He is in my office right now
56
00:02:48,047 --> 00:02:49,614
sitting in my chair,
57
00:02:49,648 --> 00:02:52,750
his lips just inches
from the mouthpiece
58
00:02:52,785 --> 00:02:55,286
that I use every day.
59
00:02:55,320 --> 00:02:57,021
You're right.
60
00:02:57,056 --> 00:02:58,957
I'm an idiot.
61
00:02:58,991 --> 00:03:01,859
Excuse me. Rebecca, can we talk?
62
00:03:01,894 --> 00:03:03,544
Excuse me, Sam.
I'm being beckoned.
63
00:03:03,579 --> 00:03:06,647
Listen, if-if this is
what you think it is,
64
00:03:06,682 --> 00:03:07,763
can I give you some advice?
65
00:03:07,783 --> 00:03:08,616
What?
66
00:03:08,650 --> 00:03:09,617
If you're going
67
00:03:09,651 --> 00:03:10,585
to make an ass of yourself,
68
00:03:10,619 --> 00:03:11,586
take it outside.
69
00:03:11,620 --> 00:03:13,521
I'm not going to
make an ass of myself.
70
00:03:13,555 --> 00:03:14,589
All right.
71
00:03:17,726 --> 00:03:20,528
I was just getting it
out of my system.
72
00:03:22,871 --> 00:03:24,591
You wanted to talk to me,
Mr. Drake?
73
00:03:24,616 --> 00:03:26,417
Yes, yes, yes, I do, Rebecca.
74
00:03:26,451 --> 00:03:28,986
Let's sit down here, okay?
75
00:03:29,021 --> 00:03:30,855
Thank you.
76
00:03:32,424 --> 00:03:34,625
Well, this conversation
is long overdue.
77
00:03:34,659 --> 00:03:38,229
I couldn't agree more,
with all my heart.
78
00:03:38,264 --> 00:03:40,914
You don't know what
I'm going to say.
79
00:03:40,949 --> 00:03:43,601
Oh... well, I agree again.
80
00:03:43,635 --> 00:03:47,905
Something... something very
exciting is happening to me.
81
00:03:47,940 --> 00:03:49,540
It's going to change
my whole life.
82
00:03:49,575 --> 00:03:50,775
It's a huge risk.
83
00:03:50,809 --> 00:03:53,060
Take it! Take it!
84
00:03:53,094 --> 00:03:53,895
I'm moving to Tokyo.
85
00:03:53,912 --> 00:03:55,829
I'm going to take over
the Japanese division.
86
00:03:55,864 --> 00:03:56,830
I leave tonight.
87
00:03:56,865 --> 00:03:59,767
Yes, darling, yes!
88
00:04:05,240 --> 00:04:07,842
I told her to take that outside.
89
00:04:14,182 --> 00:04:17,084
I don't believe it.
90
00:04:17,119 --> 00:04:18,919
Everything was going so well.
91
00:04:18,954 --> 00:04:23,825
Then everything went so black.
92
00:04:23,859 --> 00:04:25,159
Oh, don't worry about it.
93
00:04:25,193 --> 00:04:27,394
Women faint all the time.
94
00:04:27,429 --> 00:04:29,931
Well, in cartoons, they do.
95
00:04:31,433 --> 00:04:34,201
Do you think he noticed?
96
00:04:36,255 --> 00:04:38,305
Yes, yes, I-I think he did.
97
00:04:38,340 --> 00:04:41,609
He, uh, he said that
every time he sees you,
98
00:04:41,643 --> 00:04:45,079
you do something more bizarre
than the time before.
99
00:04:45,113 --> 00:04:46,780
What did you say?
100
00:04:46,815 --> 00:04:48,816
Well, honey, I had to agree.
101
00:04:52,004 --> 00:04:55,255
He is leaving for Japan
tonight forever,
102
00:04:55,290 --> 00:04:58,559
and I never got to
tell him how I feel.
103
00:04:58,594 --> 00:04:59,677
Well, hey...
104
00:04:59,711 --> 00:05:01,846
No, wait. You know, listen,
why don't you tell him
105
00:05:01,880 --> 00:05:02,880
at the good-bye party?
106
00:05:02,915 --> 00:05:04,866
What good-bye party?
107
00:05:04,900 --> 00:05:06,633
The one you're gonna
throw for him tonight.
108
00:05:06,668 --> 00:05:08,235
Listen, it's a great idea.
109
00:05:08,270 --> 00:05:11,071
I'll make it a...
a Japanese theme.
110
00:05:11,106 --> 00:05:13,775
Yeah, yeah, we'll
have chips and cheese.
111
00:05:16,712 --> 00:05:18,212
Sam,
112
00:05:18,246 --> 00:05:20,047
I will never have Mr. Drake.
113
00:05:20,081 --> 00:05:21,315
I will never have any man.
114
00:05:21,349 --> 00:05:22,517
I will just dry up,
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00:05:22,551 --> 00:05:26,637
crumble into dust and blow away.
116
00:05:26,671 --> 00:05:27,421
Oh, come on.
117
00:05:27,455 --> 00:05:28,773
That doesn't sound like you.
118
00:05:28,807 --> 00:05:33,578
That sounds like some lovesick
self-pitying, whiny...
119
00:05:33,612 --> 00:05:35,162
No, that's you all right.
120
00:05:37,449 --> 00:05:39,433
But I'm not gonna
let you give up.
121
00:05:39,467 --> 00:05:40,568
What do you care?
122
00:05:40,602 --> 00:05:42,737
What does anybody care?
123
00:05:42,771 --> 00:05:45,372
Listen, I pride myself
in being a connoisseur
124
00:05:45,407 --> 00:05:46,741
of beautiful babes,
125
00:05:46,775 --> 00:05:47,792
and I'll tell you.
126
00:05:47,826 --> 00:05:49,260
I'm not gonna sit by
127
00:05:49,294 --> 00:05:51,428
and watch a great woman like you
128
00:05:51,463 --> 00:05:52,079
going to waste.
129
00:05:52,113 --> 00:05:53,064
It's like, a...
130
00:05:53,098 --> 00:05:55,967
a thoroughbred pulling
a milk wagon.
131
00:05:56,001 --> 00:05:59,053
It's like a rare wine...
132
00:05:59,087 --> 00:06:01,572
pulling a milk wagon.
133
00:06:03,525 --> 00:06:05,492
Sam, I can't tell him.
134
00:06:05,527 --> 00:06:08,112
Oh, please, please, do
this for me, will you?
135
00:06:08,146 --> 00:06:09,614
I've been watching
this sappy movie
136
00:06:09,648 --> 00:06:11,115
for God knows how long.
137
00:06:11,149 --> 00:06:13,751
I want to see if the
girl gets the guy.
138
00:06:13,785 --> 00:06:16,320
If only once I'd ever had
139
00:06:16,354 --> 00:06:18,956
any little bit of
encouragement from him.
140
00:06:18,991 --> 00:06:21,258
Some teeny, tiny
shred of evidence
141
00:06:21,292 --> 00:06:23,160
that he even knew I existed.
142
00:06:23,194 --> 00:06:25,262
Well, now, he-he did
express some concern
143
00:06:25,296 --> 00:06:26,931
while you were out cold there.
144
00:06:26,965 --> 00:06:28,315
Oh, yeah, I bet.
145
00:06:28,349 --> 00:06:29,784
What'd he say?
146
00:06:29,818 --> 00:06:32,319
Gee, I-I hope she's not dead.
147
00:06:34,239 --> 00:06:36,056
He did?
148
00:06:36,608 --> 00:06:37,941
Oh, God.
149
00:06:37,976 --> 00:06:41,379
And all this time I thought
maybe I was kidding myself.
150
00:06:48,753 --> 00:06:51,589
¶ ...for he's a jolly
good fellow ¶
151
00:06:51,623 --> 00:06:53,757
¶ That nobody can deny.
152
00:06:57,079 --> 00:06:59,764
That's a perfect illustration
of life's bitter irony,
153
00:06:59,798 --> 00:07:00,898
isn't it?
154
00:07:00,932 --> 00:07:02,232
Oh, how's that, Cliff?
155
00:07:02,267 --> 00:07:04,334
I mean, would you
pass the beer nuts?
156
00:07:06,038 --> 00:07:07,404
There's a guy like Drake...
157
00:07:07,438 --> 00:07:09,891
It's a fabulous job...
158
00:07:09,925 --> 00:07:12,260
Hey, it's time to
make your move.
159
00:07:13,545 --> 00:07:15,505
Come on, he's had
a couple of drinks.
160
00:07:15,530 --> 00:07:17,498
His resistance is down.
161
00:07:18,800 --> 00:07:21,568
He's feeling all
warm, sentimental.
162
00:07:21,603 --> 00:07:23,603
Hell, I think I'll
tell him I love him.
163
00:07:23,605 --> 00:07:25,907
All right, all right.
164
00:07:30,779 --> 00:07:32,346
Mr. Drake?
165
00:07:32,380 --> 00:07:34,015
Hello, Rebecca.
166
00:07:34,049 --> 00:07:36,350
Hi.
167
00:07:36,384 --> 00:07:38,152
You're not gonna faint, are you?
168
00:07:38,187 --> 00:07:40,020
Oh, no. No, I'm fine.
169
00:07:40,054 --> 00:07:41,895
I just thought
that this might be
170
00:07:41,923 --> 00:07:43,883
a good opportunity to tell
you something that I've
171
00:07:43,892 --> 00:07:45,192
wanted to tell you
for a long time.
172
00:07:45,226 --> 00:07:47,227
Miss Howe, may I speak with
you for a moment, please?
173
00:07:47,262 --> 00:07:48,228
Carla, can't it wait?
174
00:07:48,263 --> 00:07:49,430
I don't think so.
175
00:07:49,464 --> 00:07:51,165
It's kind of a woman's problem.
176
00:07:51,199 --> 00:07:52,533
Ah, leave those to the experts.
177
00:07:52,567 --> 00:07:54,435
But I...
178
00:07:54,469 --> 00:07:55,603
What? What? What?
179
00:07:55,637 --> 00:07:57,471
Look, look, look, I
wouldn't have butted in,
180
00:07:57,506 --> 00:07:59,774
but I know that tonight
is your last chance
181
00:07:59,808 --> 00:08:01,475
to tell the boss you got a case
182
00:08:01,510 --> 00:08:03,611
of the screaming
thigh sweats for him.
183
00:08:06,147 --> 00:08:07,782
How did you know that?
184
00:08:07,816 --> 00:08:10,451
Woody put out a special
edition of the newsletter.
185
00:08:10,485 --> 00:08:12,720
Why didn't I just write it
on the bathroom wall?
186
00:08:12,754 --> 00:08:14,322
I'm way ahead of you.
187
00:08:14,356 --> 00:08:16,490
Anyway, look,
188
00:08:16,525 --> 00:08:18,693
I've been down this
road a few times myself,
189
00:08:18,727 --> 00:08:19,860
and take it from a pro,
190
00:08:19,894 --> 00:08:21,862
there is one thing
you always have to do
191
00:08:21,896 --> 00:08:23,631
before you tell a
guy you love him.
192
00:08:23,665 --> 00:08:24,298
What's that?
193
00:08:24,333 --> 00:08:26,367
Lose the mustache.
194
00:08:35,394 --> 00:08:38,329
Uh, Mr. Drake,
there's something that I...
195
00:08:38,363 --> 00:08:39,897
Evan. Yes?
196
00:08:39,931 --> 00:08:41,399
We're really gonna
miss your carpet.
197
00:08:41,433 --> 00:08:42,400
Yeah, you take care.
198
00:08:42,434 --> 00:08:44,535
Anyway, Mr. Drake,
there's something I've wanted
199
00:08:44,569 --> 00:08:46,570
to tell you a long time...
There you go, Mr. Drake.
200
00:08:46,605 --> 00:08:48,572
Hmm? Oh, thank you,
thank you, Woody.
201
00:08:48,607 --> 00:08:50,224
Damn.
202
00:08:50,258 --> 00:08:51,859
I changed all my
American money into yen.
203
00:08:51,893 --> 00:08:52,974
I don't have a tip for you.
204
00:08:52,994 --> 00:08:54,061
I'm sorry, Woody.
205
00:08:54,096 --> 00:08:55,095
Oh, that's okay, Mr. Drake.
206
00:08:55,129 --> 00:08:56,396
I don't need a tip from you.
207
00:08:56,431 --> 00:08:57,214
Okay.
208
00:08:57,248 --> 00:08:59,466
Cheap, cheap, cheap.
209
00:09:00,484 --> 00:09:02,045
Mr. Drake, as I was
about to tell you...
210
00:09:02,070 --> 00:09:03,037
Hey, hold on, hold on...
211
00:09:03,071 --> 00:09:04,205
Woody, Woody,
come here a second.
212
00:09:04,239 --> 00:09:05,439
I've got these
213
00:09:05,473 --> 00:09:06,691
company courtside tickets
214
00:09:06,725 --> 00:09:07,806
to the Celtics-Lakers game.
215
00:09:07,826 --> 00:09:09,460
Will you take those
in lieu of a tip?
216
00:09:09,494 --> 00:09:10,861
Huh? Yes, sir.
217
00:09:10,895 --> 00:09:13,230
I-I hope you'll forget
about that cheap crack.
218
00:09:14,232 --> 00:09:16,567
What cheap crack?
219
00:09:16,601 --> 00:09:18,919
You're a prince.
220
00:09:23,395 --> 00:09:25,035
Anyway, Mr. Drake,
um, I've wanted
221
00:09:25,060 --> 00:09:26,927
to tell you something
for a really long time.
222
00:09:26,962 --> 00:09:28,261
Mm-hmm. Hold on there, you two.
223
00:09:28,296 --> 00:09:29,897
Let's, let's get
a picture. Smile.
224
00:09:29,931 --> 00:09:31,211
Ah! Hmm. Mm-hmm.
225
00:09:31,232 --> 00:09:34,702
I just hate those flashbulbs,
don't you, Mr. Drake?
226
00:09:36,237 --> 00:09:39,372
Mr. Drake?
227
00:09:39,407 --> 00:09:40,924
These are some USDA, uh,
228
00:09:40,959 --> 00:09:42,693
prime tickets here.
229
00:09:42,728 --> 00:09:44,678
So, uh, who's going with you?
230
00:09:44,712 --> 00:09:46,313
Oh, gee, I don't know.
231
00:09:46,347 --> 00:09:47,982
Well, I think
232
00:09:48,016 --> 00:09:49,666
the obvious choice
would be me, Woody.
233
00:09:49,701 --> 00:09:51,702
I mean, Cliff here
is always making fun
234
00:09:51,736 --> 00:09:52,970
that, uh, you're a yokel.
235
00:09:53,004 --> 00:09:54,905
Whereas, I completely
ignore the fact
236
00:09:54,940 --> 00:09:56,140
that you're a yokel.
237
00:09:57,626 --> 00:09:59,960
Mr. Drake, I...
238
00:09:59,995 --> 00:10:01,294
No. Evan.
239
00:10:01,329 --> 00:10:02,963
I'll call him Evan.
240
00:10:02,998 --> 00:10:04,481
Evan...
241
00:10:04,516 --> 00:10:06,483
I'm a man, you're a woman. I...
242
00:10:06,518 --> 00:10:08,285
No, no.
243
00:10:11,122 --> 00:10:12,089
You get lucky?
244
00:10:12,123 --> 00:10:13,958
Oh!
245
00:10:13,992 --> 00:10:16,027
I'm sorry. I...
246
00:10:16,667 --> 00:10:18,187
The important thing,
Mr. Drake, is that
247
00:10:18,212 --> 00:10:19,747
I finally have you alone
248
00:10:19,781 --> 00:10:20,848
so I can tell you
what I've wanted
249
00:10:20,882 --> 00:10:21,982
to tell you.
Pardon me, Mr. Drake.
250
00:10:22,016 --> 00:10:22,783
Excuse me.
251
00:10:22,818 --> 00:10:23,984
But we're gonna have
to leave now
252
00:10:24,018 --> 00:10:25,298
if you're gonna make your plane.
253
00:10:25,320 --> 00:10:26,303
Oh, yeah. Thanks, bud.
254
00:10:26,338 --> 00:10:27,404
But Mr. Drake, I've really got
255
00:10:27,439 --> 00:10:28,606
to tell you something important.
256
00:10:28,640 --> 00:10:29,840
Uh, Rebecca, hold the thought.
257
00:10:29,841 --> 00:10:31,808
Better yet, telex it, okay?
258
00:10:31,843 --> 00:10:33,210
Bye, Rebecca.
259
00:10:39,050 --> 00:10:41,285
Hold that drink for me, babe.
260
00:10:58,920 --> 00:11:00,638
Sweetheart, sweetheart, he...
261
00:11:00,672 --> 00:11:03,674
He's gone, and you got to
go on with your life now.
262
00:11:03,709 --> 00:11:05,976
I mean, you got to
pick up the pieces
263
00:11:06,010 --> 00:11:08,246
and-and start behaving like a
264
00:11:08,280 --> 00:11:09,480
mature person.
265
00:11:12,417 --> 00:11:14,585
Well, now you're cookin'.
All right.
266
00:11:14,620 --> 00:11:15,553
Excuse me.
267
00:11:15,587 --> 00:11:16,420
Mr. Drake seems
268
00:11:16,454 --> 00:11:17,972
to have forgotten his topcoat.
269
00:11:18,006 --> 00:11:20,708
Tell him it's hanging
on the coat rack.
270
00:11:20,742 --> 00:11:22,776
Uh, I believe.
271
00:11:22,811 --> 00:11:26,114
Mr. Drake's, uh... topcoat
272
00:11:26,148 --> 00:11:28,149
is in the...
273
00:11:28,183 --> 00:11:29,334
topcoat closet.
274
00:11:29,368 --> 00:11:30,501
Sam,
275
00:11:30,535 --> 00:11:31,669
I said to tell him...
276
00:11:31,703 --> 00:11:34,038
No, no. Uh, yes,
we keep all of our
277
00:11:34,073 --> 00:11:36,574
executive topcoats
in this closet right here.
278
00:11:37,876 --> 00:11:39,877
It's, uh, way in the back there.
279
00:11:39,912 --> 00:11:41,946
Way, way in the back.
280
00:11:41,980 --> 00:11:44,515
Watch the hat there.
Watch the hat.
281
00:11:44,550 --> 00:11:46,517
There do not appear
to be any topcoats in here.
282
00:11:46,552 --> 00:11:47,518
Oops.
283
00:11:47,553 --> 00:11:49,019
My mistake. Ooh!
284
00:11:49,054 --> 00:11:50,788
Is there a light switch?
285
00:11:50,823 --> 00:11:51,956
Whoa, oh!
286
00:11:51,990 --> 00:11:53,925
Does anyone have a key here
for this closet?
287
00:11:53,959 --> 00:11:55,860
I'm-I'm afraid we're gonna
have to make a key there.
288
00:11:55,894 --> 00:11:57,662
Can you hold on?
Yeah, but be quick.
289
00:11:57,696 --> 00:11:59,130
Oh, dear.
290
00:11:59,164 --> 00:12:01,232
Martin seems to be locked
in the closet there.
291
00:12:01,266 --> 00:12:03,534
Does anyone know
how to drive a limo around here?
292
00:12:03,568 --> 00:12:04,902
Well, I've driven a tractor.
293
00:12:04,937 --> 00:12:06,270
It can't be that different.
294
00:12:09,008 --> 00:12:11,843
No, Woody, when I said anyone,
I meant Rebecca.
295
00:12:11,877 --> 00:12:14,145
Well, in the future, Sam,
296
00:12:14,179 --> 00:12:15,659
you might try using
a little something
297
00:12:15,681 --> 00:12:17,148
that's popular back in Indiana
298
00:12:17,182 --> 00:12:18,683
called "direct address."
299
00:12:21,186 --> 00:12:23,187
I'm... I'm sorry.
300
00:12:23,221 --> 00:12:25,890
Sam, forget it. I'm going
to let that man out of there.
301
00:12:25,924 --> 00:12:27,591
Hey, don't give up.
Don't give up.
302
00:12:27,626 --> 00:12:28,860
What do you want me to do?
303
00:12:28,894 --> 00:12:31,228
You want me to
masquerade as a chauffeur,
304
00:12:31,263 --> 00:12:32,930
get him alone on the highway,
305
00:12:32,965 --> 00:12:35,499
and tell the man
I want to have his babies?
306
00:12:36,669 --> 00:12:40,371
Martin, I'll be
getting that key now.
307
00:12:54,887 --> 00:12:57,188
I love you, Mr. Drake.
308
00:12:57,222 --> 00:12:58,489
There. I said it.
309
00:12:59,725 --> 00:13:02,026
I love you.
310
00:13:02,061 --> 00:13:03,527
I love you more than anyone
311
00:13:03,562 --> 00:13:06,297
I've ever loved
in my whole life.
312
00:13:06,331 --> 00:13:10,601
I love you more than
any woman's ever loved a man.
313
00:13:10,635 --> 00:13:13,571
Mr. Drake?
314
00:13:13,605 --> 00:13:15,573
Hello?
315
00:13:15,607 --> 00:13:17,075
Ow!
316
00:13:17,109 --> 00:13:19,343
Oh, God.
317
00:13:21,513 --> 00:13:22,980
Rebecca?
318
00:13:23,015 --> 00:13:25,649
What are you doing
up there? Where's Martin?
319
00:13:25,684 --> 00:13:27,651
Uh... Martin got sick
320
00:13:27,686 --> 00:13:29,620
looking for your topcoat, sir,
321
00:13:29,654 --> 00:13:32,156
so I'll be driving
you to the airport.
322
00:13:32,191 --> 00:13:35,026
I appreciate that,
if it's not too much trouble.
323
00:13:37,362 --> 00:13:40,832
Uh... anyway, now that I've got
324
00:13:40,866 --> 00:13:42,499
you alone here, Mr. Drake,
325
00:13:42,534 --> 00:13:45,335
the real reason
I'm filling in for Martin
326
00:13:45,370 --> 00:13:48,673
is so that I could tell you what
I wanted to tell you all night.
327
00:13:50,241 --> 00:13:52,009
What I've been
trying to tell you
328
00:13:52,044 --> 00:13:53,811
since the first time I met you.
329
00:13:55,180 --> 00:13:57,715
Get off my tail, scuzzball!
330
00:13:59,051 --> 00:14:00,985
Mr. Drake,
331
00:14:01,019 --> 00:14:02,853
with all my heart...
332
00:14:02,888 --> 00:14:05,389
Could you turn right at the next
corner here, Rebecca?
333
00:14:05,423 --> 00:14:06,691
We have to pick up Christy.
334
00:14:06,725 --> 00:14:08,192
Oh, yes, sir.
335
00:14:08,226 --> 00:14:11,145
Mr. Drake, with all my heart...
336
00:14:11,179 --> 00:14:12,646
Christy?
337
00:14:12,680 --> 00:14:14,198
Yes. She's the young lady
338
00:14:14,232 --> 00:14:16,267
who is accompanying me to Japan.
339
00:14:18,003 --> 00:14:21,572
"Accompanying" in the modern
sense of the word?
340
00:14:21,607 --> 00:14:22,906
Yeah, you might say so.
341
00:14:22,941 --> 00:14:24,542
She's a very special woman.
342
00:14:24,576 --> 00:14:26,110
Very up front.
343
00:14:26,112 --> 00:14:27,979
Aggressive, even.
344
00:14:29,380 --> 00:14:32,299
You know, the first time we met
a few months ago,
345
00:14:32,333 --> 00:14:34,869
she was the one
who actually asked me out.
346
00:14:35,904 --> 00:14:37,772
God, that's refreshing.
347
00:14:37,806 --> 00:14:39,490
Mm-hmm. Ah.
348
00:14:39,524 --> 00:14:41,492
Anyway...
349
00:14:42,560 --> 00:14:45,196
you wanted to ask me something?
350
00:14:45,230 --> 00:14:46,347
Oh, yes, sir.
351
00:14:46,381 --> 00:14:49,333
I just wanted
to tell you that...
352
00:14:51,753 --> 00:14:54,955
...that this is really
a lot of car to handle.
353
00:14:57,459 --> 00:14:59,360
I can't believe
I have the strength
354
00:14:59,394 --> 00:15:02,029
to keep from swerving
into the oncoming traffic
355
00:15:02,064 --> 00:15:03,781
and killing us both.
356
00:15:11,589 --> 00:15:12,990
Sammy? Yeah?
357
00:15:13,024 --> 00:15:14,492
You mind if I ask you
a question?
358
00:15:14,526 --> 00:15:15,560
No, go ahead.
359
00:15:15,594 --> 00:15:17,428
I've been trying
to figure out your strategy.
360
00:15:17,462 --> 00:15:18,563
Hmm. You know,
361
00:15:18,597 --> 00:15:20,097
I've always admired you
362
00:15:20,131 --> 00:15:23,100
for being sort of
a selfish, egotistical pig.
363
00:15:23,134 --> 00:15:24,669
Why, thank you, Carla.
364
00:15:24,703 --> 00:15:25,736
But suddenly,
365
00:15:25,770 --> 00:15:28,172
you're locking chauffeurs
in closets,
366
00:15:28,207 --> 00:15:30,140
and giving going-away parties.
367
00:15:30,175 --> 00:15:32,243
It's like you're
bending over backwards
368
00:15:32,277 --> 00:15:33,644
to help Boss Howe
369
00:15:33,679 --> 00:15:35,813
score with Mega-Boss Drake.
370
00:15:35,847 --> 00:15:37,114
Mm-hmm.
371
00:15:38,033 --> 00:15:39,793
This kind of self-sacrifice
372
00:15:39,818 --> 00:15:42,019
isn't like you,
and it's scaring me.
373
00:15:42,053 --> 00:15:43,487
Please, please, tell me
374
00:15:43,522 --> 00:15:45,956
you have some sleazy
ulterior motive.
375
00:15:45,990 --> 00:15:48,342
Fear not, little one.
376
00:15:48,376 --> 00:15:50,177
Aha.
377
00:15:50,211 --> 00:15:51,412
So you don't think
they're gonna make it.
378
00:15:51,446 --> 00:15:52,813
I just wanted to bring
379
00:15:52,847 --> 00:15:54,514
this whole thing to a boil,
380
00:15:54,549 --> 00:15:56,616
so when it blows up, I can...
381
00:15:56,651 --> 00:15:59,152
swoop in and gather up
the pieces.
382
00:15:59,187 --> 00:16:02,957
I call it my, uh,
vulture position.
383
00:16:02,991 --> 00:16:05,059
Sammy? Mm-hmm.
384
00:16:05,093 --> 00:16:06,360
You've got Wessonality.
385
00:16:06,394 --> 00:16:08,295
Thank you.
386
00:16:09,364 --> 00:16:10,430
Hey, hey, hey, huh?
387
00:16:10,465 --> 00:16:11,598
How about that?
388
00:16:11,633 --> 00:16:12,800
According to vulture time,
389
00:16:12,834 --> 00:16:13,968
I bet that's my, uh,
390
00:16:14,002 --> 00:16:15,936
wounded little sparrow
391
00:16:15,971 --> 00:16:17,154
right now.
392
00:16:17,188 --> 00:16:18,789
Hello?
393
00:16:18,823 --> 00:16:20,357
Hi, Rebecca.
394
00:16:21,526 --> 00:16:22,993
O-Okay.
395
00:16:23,028 --> 00:16:24,628
Uh, can you hold
one second, please?
396
00:16:24,662 --> 00:16:26,997
"Sam, I need your help."
397
00:16:27,032 --> 00:16:28,365
Unquote.
398
00:16:28,400 --> 00:16:29,800
Yeah.
399
00:16:29,834 --> 00:16:31,668
I'm-I'm taking off right now.
400
00:16:37,993 --> 00:16:39,360
Here we go.
401
00:16:39,394 --> 00:16:40,427
Here we go.
402
00:16:40,462 --> 00:16:42,163
Why don't you go in
and sit down there?
403
00:16:42,197 --> 00:16:43,730
Here you go.
404
00:16:43,765 --> 00:16:46,933
There you go.
405
00:16:57,712 --> 00:16:58,512
Do you feel like
406
00:16:58,546 --> 00:17:00,214
you can talk about it yet?
407
00:17:05,103 --> 00:17:07,588
Thank you for bailing
me out of jail.
408
00:17:09,591 --> 00:17:11,292
Anytime.
409
00:17:11,326 --> 00:17:12,493
Oh, God.
410
00:17:12,527 --> 00:17:13,594
This has been
411
00:17:13,628 --> 00:17:15,789
the worst night of my life. Oh.
412
00:17:15,813 --> 00:17:18,382
Of anybody's life.
413
00:17:18,416 --> 00:17:22,987
I pour out my heart and
soul to the man I love,
414
00:17:23,021 --> 00:17:24,254
then he tells me he's taking
415
00:17:24,289 --> 00:17:25,989
someone else across the globe.
416
00:17:26,024 --> 00:17:29,727
I hate guys like that.
417
00:17:30,762 --> 00:17:33,664
And she's really cute, Sam.
418
00:17:33,699 --> 00:17:34,548
Oh.
419
00:17:34,583 --> 00:17:35,816
And they made out
420
00:17:35,851 --> 00:17:37,017
in the back seat.
421
00:17:38,403 --> 00:17:41,655
And he didn't even
roll up the window.
422
00:17:41,689 --> 00:17:43,924
The man is a pig.
423
00:17:48,930 --> 00:17:50,263
I tried not to look,
424
00:17:50,298 --> 00:17:52,232
but the rearview mirror
was just huge,
425
00:17:52,267 --> 00:17:53,534
and I couldn't help it.
426
00:17:54,969 --> 00:17:56,420
And then I got so upset,
427
00:17:56,454 --> 00:17:59,957
I just wrapped the company limo
around a 7-Eleven.
428
00:18:01,026 --> 00:18:03,794
Well, that is dreadful.
429
00:18:03,829 --> 00:18:05,462
Very, very, very sad.
430
00:18:07,200 --> 00:18:08,248
And then Evan
431
00:18:08,282 --> 00:18:11,318
and his cheap imitation
Geisha bimbo whore
432
00:18:11,352 --> 00:18:12,486
grabbed a taxi.
433
00:18:14,455 --> 00:18:15,906
While I had to stand there
434
00:18:15,940 --> 00:18:17,441
and wait for a tow truck.
435
00:18:18,643 --> 00:18:20,877
Oh, and then this
cop came along,
436
00:18:20,912 --> 00:18:22,446
and he asked me to see
437
00:18:22,480 --> 00:18:24,215
my chauffeur's license.
438
00:18:24,249 --> 00:18:26,716
God, if only I'd had one.
439
00:18:26,751 --> 00:18:28,385
Or if only I'd remembered
440
00:18:28,420 --> 00:18:31,839
to bring my purse with
my own driver's license.
441
00:18:31,873 --> 00:18:34,457
Or if only I'd resisted arrest
442
00:18:34,492 --> 00:18:36,694
and he just shot me dead.
443
00:18:47,656 --> 00:18:49,189
Well...
444
00:18:49,223 --> 00:18:52,142
maybe I ought to
leave you alone now.
445
00:18:53,628 --> 00:18:55,279
By yourself...
446
00:18:55,313 --> 00:18:57,564
with some music...
447
00:18:57,599 --> 00:18:59,766
with your depression...
448
00:18:59,800 --> 00:19:01,335
alone.
449
00:19:02,937 --> 00:19:05,606
Sam, can I offer you
a cup of coffee or...
450
00:19:05,640 --> 00:19:08,158
olives?
451
00:19:10,011 --> 00:19:12,663
I didn't have a chance
to go to the grocery store.
452
00:19:12,697 --> 00:19:15,098
I, um...
453
00:19:15,133 --> 00:19:17,902
just kind of don't want
to be alone right now.
454
00:19:17,936 --> 00:19:19,086
Then you shouldn't be.
455
00:19:19,120 --> 00:19:21,287
You need consolation now.
456
00:19:22,356 --> 00:19:23,957
And warmth.
457
00:19:23,992 --> 00:19:27,227
Lots and lots of warmth.
458
00:19:35,069 --> 00:19:36,603
You know, Sam,
459
00:19:36,638 --> 00:19:39,439
I don't have anything
sexual in mind.
460
00:19:39,473 --> 00:19:41,241
I just need
a shoulder to cry on.
461
00:19:41,275 --> 00:19:44,912
Oh, honey, you cry
on anything you want.
462
00:19:49,751 --> 00:19:52,152
Gee, Sam...
463
00:19:52,186 --> 00:19:54,220
what I needed right
now was a friend.
464
00:19:54,255 --> 00:19:55,488
Mmm.
465
00:19:55,523 --> 00:19:58,358
And you're the best friend
I have in the whole world.
466
00:19:58,392 --> 00:20:00,027
No, no.
467
00:20:00,061 --> 00:20:01,762
No, you got plenty of friends.
468
00:20:01,796 --> 00:20:04,047
What, girlfriends, maybe?
469
00:20:04,082 --> 00:20:06,016
Old college friends?
470
00:20:06,050 --> 00:20:07,267
No... I've kind of
471
00:20:07,301 --> 00:20:09,553
grown apart from my old friends,
472
00:20:09,588 --> 00:20:12,639
and I haven't had a
chance to make new ones
473
00:20:12,673 --> 00:20:14,641
with work and everything.
474
00:20:15,627 --> 00:20:17,561
Well, that...
475
00:20:17,595 --> 00:20:18,612
that just leaves...
476
00:20:18,646 --> 00:20:22,599
Yeah, you.
477
00:20:22,633 --> 00:20:23,784
I'm your best friend?
478
00:20:25,003 --> 00:20:26,970
Crazy, huh?
479
00:20:29,690 --> 00:20:32,692
I really think I ought to go.
480
00:20:32,727 --> 00:20:34,795
Sam, why?
481
00:20:34,829 --> 00:20:37,464
Hey, I like you.
482
00:20:37,498 --> 00:20:38,766
I mean, there's not anything
483
00:20:38,800 --> 00:20:40,383
I wouldn't do for you
in the world,
484
00:20:40,418 --> 00:20:42,552
but I-I know what's gonna happen
if I stay here.
485
00:20:42,586 --> 00:20:44,054
You're going to cry some more,
486
00:20:44,088 --> 00:20:45,622
and I'll comfort you some more,
487
00:20:45,656 --> 00:20:47,257
and the next thing you know, uh,
488
00:20:47,292 --> 00:20:49,693
your pantyhose will be
hanging from the lamp.
489
00:20:52,697 --> 00:20:54,948
Sam, please, don't go.
490
00:20:54,983 --> 00:20:57,818
Hey, I can't be trusted.
491
00:20:57,852 --> 00:20:59,370
Trust me.
492
00:21:01,656 --> 00:21:04,041
Le-Let me just leave here now
493
00:21:04,075 --> 00:21:05,342
as a friend, please?
494
00:21:07,328 --> 00:21:09,830
Oh, I'm sorry, I...
495
00:21:15,887 --> 00:21:18,054
Listen.
496
00:21:18,089 --> 00:21:19,456
I want to try this.
497
00:21:20,675 --> 00:21:21,976
For the sake
498
00:21:22,010 --> 00:21:23,110
of our friendship,
499
00:21:23,144 --> 00:21:24,178
I am just gonna resist
500
00:21:24,212 --> 00:21:25,279
my sexual urges,
501
00:21:25,313 --> 00:21:26,546
and that's all there is to it.
502
00:21:26,581 --> 00:21:29,083
Now, come here.
503
00:21:29,117 --> 00:21:30,584
There.
504
00:21:30,618 --> 00:21:32,319
All right.
505
00:21:32,354 --> 00:21:34,488
All right, now...
506
00:21:34,522 --> 00:21:36,857
You know that I loved Evan Drake
507
00:21:36,891 --> 00:21:39,559
since the first time I met him.
508
00:21:39,594 --> 00:21:40,894
I'm sorry, this is not working.
509
00:21:40,928 --> 00:21:42,529
Hot fire below.
510
00:22:29,727 --> 00:22:30,594
Hello.
511
00:22:30,628 --> 00:22:31,495
Hi.
512
00:22:31,529 --> 00:22:32,696
Listen, if this
513
00:22:32,730 --> 00:22:34,010
is what it takes to be a friend,
514
00:22:34,031 --> 00:22:35,832
then I really want
to give it a shot, okay?
515
00:22:35,866 --> 00:22:37,217
So...
516
00:22:37,251 --> 00:22:38,636
we've got all evening here.
517
00:22:38,670 --> 00:22:39,670
Pour your heart out.
518
00:22:39,704 --> 00:22:40,604
Where are you?
519
00:22:40,639 --> 00:22:41,605
I'm downstairs
520
00:22:41,640 --> 00:22:42,839
at a pay phone.
521
00:22:44,409 --> 00:22:45,993
But just, uh, pretend like
522
00:22:46,027 --> 00:22:48,428
I'm right there beside you,
all right?
523
00:22:48,462 --> 00:22:50,280
Thanks, Sam.
524
00:22:50,315 --> 00:22:51,632
Yeah. Yeah, you're welcome.
525
00:22:52,800 --> 00:22:54,467
Well...
526
00:22:54,502 --> 00:22:56,637
as you know,
527
00:22:56,671 --> 00:22:58,872
I have loved Evan Drake
528
00:22:58,907 --> 00:23:01,542
since the first time I saw him.
529
00:23:01,576 --> 00:23:03,043
I know.
530
00:23:03,077 --> 00:23:05,445
Sam, this is silly.
531
00:23:05,479 --> 00:23:06,647
Get up here.
532
00:23:06,681 --> 00:23:08,114
No... Sam, you know
533
00:23:08,149 --> 00:23:09,249
what I've been through.
534
00:23:09,283 --> 00:23:10,984
You're not going
to take advantage of me.
535
00:23:11,019 --> 00:23:12,819
Oh, yeah?
536
00:23:14,822 --> 00:23:16,489
Do me a favor, will you?
537
00:23:16,524 --> 00:23:18,124
Check your bra.
538
00:23:22,764 --> 00:23:24,798
How did you do that?
35694
Can't find what you're looking for?
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