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1
00:00:02,161 --> 00:00:04,545
Cheers is filmedbefore a live studio audience.
2
00:00:09,568 --> 00:00:11,369
Oh, Fras.
3
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You make it
4
00:00:12,454 --> 00:00:13,688
home okay last night, buddy?
5
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Yeah, thanks for putting me
in that cab.
6
00:00:15,624 --> 00:00:17,058
I figured
you had a little too much
7
00:00:17,092 --> 00:00:19,373
when you started making fun
of that longshoreman's mother.
8
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Oh, Lord,
I don't remember a thing.
9
00:00:22,498 --> 00:00:23,797
What-what did I say?
10
00:00:23,832 --> 00:00:25,433
Something like, uh,
11
00:00:25,534 --> 00:00:28,686
"Unions are for mommy's boys
who can't get their own jobs,"
12
00:00:28,720 --> 00:00:29,921
I think.
13
00:00:29,955 --> 00:00:32,289
Oh, why didn't he kill me?
14
00:00:32,324 --> 00:00:33,941
Well, you-you said
you wanted to wait and
15
00:00:33,976 --> 00:00:35,777
take him on when
there were more people here.
16
00:00:36,728 --> 00:00:37,846
So, uh,
17
00:00:37,880 --> 00:00:39,848
you said you'd meet the guy
back here today,
18
00:00:39,882 --> 00:00:42,049
about, uh, right about
19
00:00:42,084 --> 00:00:43,317
now, actually.
20
00:00:43,351 --> 00:00:44,685
No, wait. Whoa, whoa.
21
00:00:44,720 --> 00:00:46,320
The guy couldn't make it!
22
00:00:48,156 --> 00:00:49,123
Whoop, there he is.
23
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Oh, oh!
24
00:00:50,692 --> 00:00:52,326
No, no, no, no, no.
25
00:00:52,360 --> 00:00:54,228
That's just a car.
26
00:00:56,599 --> 00:00:58,883
Okay, why are you taunting me
27
00:00:58,917 --> 00:01:00,951
like some sort of play thing?
28
00:01:00,986 --> 00:01:04,171
It's just my little
hangover cure.
29
00:01:04,205 --> 00:01:05,773
Didn't help me a bit.
30
00:01:05,808 --> 00:01:07,809
No, but mine's gone completely.
31
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¶ Making your way
in the world today ¶
32
00:01:16,301 --> 00:01:19,270
¶ Takes everything you've got.
33
00:01:19,304 --> 00:01:22,106
¶ Taking a break
from all your worries ¶
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¶ Sure would help a lot.
35
00:01:25,243 --> 00:01:30,848
¶ Wouldn't you like
to get away? ¶
36
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¶ Sometimes you want to go.
37
00:01:33,586 --> 00:01:38,222
¶ Where everybody
knows your name ¶
38
00:01:38,256 --> 00:01:43,460
¶ And they're always glad
you came ¶
39
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¶ You want to be
where you can see ¶
40
00:01:45,497 --> 00:01:48,465
¶ Our troubles
are all the same ¶
41
00:01:48,500 --> 00:01:53,237
¶ You want to be where everybody
knows your name ¶
42
00:01:53,271 --> 00:01:56,373
¶ You want to go
where people know ¶
43
00:01:56,408 --> 00:01:58,509
¶ People are all the same.
44
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¶ You want to go where
everybody knows your name. ¶
45
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How you doing, Woody?
46
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Fine.
47
00:02:24,236 --> 00:02:25,570
Is that a new shirt?
48
00:02:25,604 --> 00:02:27,138
You mean the one I'm wearing?
49
00:02:27,172 --> 00:02:28,239
Yes.
50
00:02:29,107 --> 00:02:30,608
You look very nice today.
51
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Very... cute.
52
00:02:32,344 --> 00:02:33,645
Really?
53
00:02:33,679 --> 00:02:34,378
You...
54
00:02:34,413 --> 00:02:35,246
You mean it?
55
00:02:35,280 --> 00:02:36,147
Me? I mean,
56
00:02:36,181 --> 00:02:38,382
me... you think me look cute?
57
00:02:38,417 --> 00:02:41,085
Well, I did.
58
00:02:44,156 --> 00:02:45,289
Hey, fella.
59
00:02:46,558 --> 00:02:48,626
You a little sweet
on Rebecca there, huh?
60
00:02:48,660 --> 00:02:49,793
Nah, get out.
61
00:02:49,828 --> 00:02:51,329
No, come on. You've got that
62
00:02:51,363 --> 00:02:53,931
kind of dopey look.
63
00:02:53,965 --> 00:02:55,149
Hey, get over here.
64
00:02:55,183 --> 00:02:56,784
You can tell us, come on.
65
00:02:56,818 --> 00:02:58,452
Well...
66
00:02:58,486 --> 00:03:00,487
okay.
67
00:03:00,522 --> 00:03:02,823
Uh, last couple of months,
I have kind of noticed her.
68
00:03:04,125 --> 00:03:05,660
In fact, if it weren't
for Mr. Drake,
69
00:03:05,694 --> 00:03:06,928
I really might go after her.
70
00:03:08,196 --> 00:03:09,997
- Come on, Woody.
- Hey, hey, that's
71
00:03:10,032 --> 00:03:10,865
good, Woody, good.
72
00:03:10,899 --> 00:03:12,333
What's so funny?
73
00:03:12,368 --> 00:03:15,703
No disrespect,
Rhinestone Cowpie.
74
00:03:17,639 --> 00:03:20,107
But I really don't think
her idea of a hot date
75
00:03:20,141 --> 00:03:22,777
is a butter-churning contest
in Tobacci-flats.
76
00:03:22,811 --> 00:03:25,012
Hey, you're forgetting
something.
77
00:03:25,046 --> 00:03:27,081
Miss Howe said I was cute.
78
00:03:27,115 --> 00:03:29,000
Yeah, but, Woody, I think
she thinks you're cute,
79
00:03:29,034 --> 00:03:31,202
kind of like
she thinks a puppy dog is cute.
80
00:03:31,236 --> 00:03:34,005
Yeah, I know.
81
00:03:34,039 --> 00:03:36,107
Hey, is that a cut?
82
00:03:38,212 --> 00:03:40,053
Oh, so you guys
really don't think
83
00:03:40,078 --> 00:03:41,379
she'd go for me, huh?
84
00:03:41,413 --> 00:03:43,181
I may just have to show you.
85
00:03:43,215 --> 00:03:45,349
You couldn't get to first base.
86
00:03:45,384 --> 00:03:46,384
First base, nothing.
87
00:03:46,418 --> 00:03:47,618
I can hit a home run with her.
88
00:03:48,620 --> 00:03:49,804
Oh, come on. Aah!
89
00:03:49,838 --> 00:03:51,605
- You can't hit a home run.
- Can so.
90
00:03:51,640 --> 00:03:54,408
In fact, by midnight tonight,
I can get a kiss.
91
00:03:54,442 --> 00:03:55,610
A kiss, huh?
92
00:03:55,644 --> 00:03:57,745
That-that what you meant
by home run?
93
00:03:57,779 --> 00:03:59,546
Yeah, sure.
94
00:03:59,581 --> 00:04:01,082
What else could it be?
95
00:04:03,752 --> 00:04:05,486
I thought you meant
go all the way.
96
00:04:05,520 --> 00:04:07,254
You mean marry her?
97
00:04:09,224 --> 00:04:11,559
Sam, where is your mind?
98
00:04:12,761 --> 00:04:14,662
All right.
99
00:04:14,696 --> 00:04:16,263
Wait a minute now.
I got ten bucks says
100
00:04:16,298 --> 00:04:17,264
Woody can get that kiss.
101
00:04:17,299 --> 00:04:18,265
Come on.
102
00:04:18,300 --> 00:04:19,567
Will you stop it, Norm?
103
00:04:19,601 --> 00:04:21,836
I mean, Woody's got
about as much chance
104
00:04:21,870 --> 00:04:24,639
of getting a kiss out of Rebecca
as Sammy here.
105
00:04:24,673 --> 00:04:25,740
Yeah.
106
00:04:25,774 --> 00:04:27,976
Hey, whoa, wait, listen,
sure, Woody can't do it,
107
00:04:28,010 --> 00:04:29,811
but you think
I can't come through?
108
00:04:29,845 --> 00:04:30,861
You know, rumor has it, Sam,
109
00:04:30,896 --> 00:04:33,097
that, uh, the woman finds you
utterly repulsive.
110
00:04:34,566 --> 00:04:36,934
Rumor? Heck, it's
in the newsletter.
111
00:04:37,969 --> 00:04:40,137
Hey, would you guys give me
a break?
112
00:04:40,172 --> 00:04:41,972
You're talking to Sammy here.
113
00:04:42,007 --> 00:04:43,373
I am the king.
114
00:04:43,408 --> 00:04:44,608
Well, when was the last time
115
00:04:44,642 --> 00:04:46,210
that Rebecca said you were cute?
116
00:04:46,245 --> 00:04:47,578
- Yeah.
- Yeah, yeah, Sam.
117
00:04:47,612 --> 00:04:48,363
Might be time
118
00:04:48,397 --> 00:04:49,614
to hang up those lips, buddy.
119
00:04:49,648 --> 00:04:50,815
Hey, no, no, no.
120
00:04:50,849 --> 00:04:52,383
Hey, listen, I still got it.
121
00:04:52,417 --> 00:04:54,285
And if you need proof,
then fine.
122
00:04:54,319 --> 00:04:57,354
I will get that kiss from her,
and before Woody, too.
123
00:04:57,389 --> 00:04:58,456
Oh!
124
00:04:58,490 --> 00:04:59,624
Oh, yeah? Yeah.
125
00:04:59,658 --> 00:05:00,792
Well, there's an expression
126
00:05:00,826 --> 00:05:02,159
we used to have back in Indiana.
127
00:05:02,194 --> 00:05:03,354
Yeah? Same to you.
128
00:05:05,197 --> 00:05:06,931
All right, all right.
129
00:05:06,966 --> 00:05:09,066
I got ten bucks on Woody, huh?
130
00:05:09,835 --> 00:05:11,135
Me, too.
131
00:05:11,169 --> 00:05:13,771
I'll put, uh, 20 bucks down
on the kid.
132
00:05:13,806 --> 00:05:15,105
You're putting 20 on Woody?
133
00:05:15,140 --> 00:05:17,374
Uh, you're right,
Sammy, make that 50.
134
00:05:17,409 --> 00:05:19,126
Come on,
you're putting me on here.
135
00:05:19,160 --> 00:05:20,294
No,
136
00:05:20,328 --> 00:05:21,913
Sammy. I mean,
look at that face.
137
00:05:21,947 --> 00:05:24,648
Okay? That sweet, innocent face.
138
00:05:24,682 --> 00:05:27,084
The kind of face we
all hate and resent,
139
00:05:27,118 --> 00:05:28,653
but we will cash in on it.
140
00:05:28,687 --> 00:05:30,120
Okay, all right.
141
00:05:30,155 --> 00:05:32,490
You know, I'm going
to teach you doubters a lesson.
142
00:05:32,524 --> 00:05:33,658
I'm gonna take all bets.
143
00:05:33,692 --> 00:05:35,326
Okay, let's set
the ground rules here.
144
00:05:36,728 --> 00:05:38,028
All right, wait a second.
145
00:05:38,062 --> 00:05:39,797
A kiss before midnight tonight.
146
00:05:39,831 --> 00:05:41,899
It's got to be a full one
on the lips,
147
00:05:41,933 --> 00:05:43,233
all four lips touching.
148
00:05:43,268 --> 00:05:45,202
For an entire...
149
00:05:45,236 --> 00:05:46,370
three count.
150
00:05:46,405 --> 00:05:47,471
Wait, wait, wait, but, uh,
151
00:05:47,506 --> 00:05:49,106
there's got to be a
bona fide witness.
152
00:05:49,140 --> 00:05:50,308
No, I'll do it, I'll do it.
153
00:05:50,342 --> 00:05:52,109
You know, I think
this is gonna be better
154
00:05:52,143 --> 00:05:54,077
than our contest
for the biggest spit bubble.
155
00:05:54,112 --> 00:05:55,446
Hey, well, it's possible.
156
00:05:55,480 --> 00:05:56,647
Explain this to me.
157
00:05:56,682 --> 00:05:58,816
If, uh, the winner is gonna
get a kiss from Rebecca,
158
00:05:58,850 --> 00:05:59,850
what does the loser get?
159
00:05:59,884 --> 00:06:01,419
Well, uh...
160
00:06:01,453 --> 00:06:03,187
a kiss from Norm.
161
00:06:05,657 --> 00:06:07,625
Then, of course,
there is no loser.
162
00:06:07,659 --> 00:06:09,676
All right, Normie.
163
00:06:13,081 --> 00:06:14,922
So, when are we gonna
see some action?
164
00:06:14,950 --> 00:06:16,511
Oh, what are you worried about?
165
00:06:16,518 --> 00:06:17,785
I got all day here.
166
00:06:17,819 --> 00:06:19,053
I'll see you guys.
167
00:06:19,087 --> 00:06:20,221
Oh, Sammy.
168
00:06:20,255 --> 00:06:22,323
Anyway, I got this sewn up.
169
00:06:22,357 --> 00:06:23,925
I don't know, Sammy.
170
00:06:23,959 --> 00:06:27,094
I'm on your side,
but you know, a lot
171
00:06:27,129 --> 00:06:28,379
of women come into this bar
172
00:06:28,413 --> 00:06:30,314
wanting to meet
the sexy bartender,
173
00:06:30,349 --> 00:06:33,217
and more and more of them
are not talking about you.
174
00:06:33,251 --> 00:06:34,885
Hey, wait, wait, wait.
175
00:06:34,919 --> 00:06:37,221
Listen, you're not losing
faith in me here, are you?
176
00:06:37,255 --> 00:06:38,456
I mean, you-you still think.
177
00:06:38,490 --> 00:06:39,490
I-I got it, don't you?
178
00:06:39,524 --> 00:06:40,858
Sure I do,
179
00:06:40,892 --> 00:06:42,025
but you know,
180
00:06:42,060 --> 00:06:43,627
you can't take this thing
for granted.
181
00:06:43,662 --> 00:06:45,496
Get a little older,
you got to work harder,
182
00:06:45,530 --> 00:06:47,064
or date uglier.
183
00:06:50,348 --> 00:06:52,228
Well, you know,
come to think of it,
184
00:06:52,253 --> 00:06:53,186
Woody is kind of cute, isn't he?
185
00:06:53,221 --> 00:06:54,354
Mm.
186
00:06:54,389 --> 00:06:55,689
Oh, this is not good.
187
00:06:55,724 --> 00:06:58,125
This is not good
for my image at all.
188
00:06:58,159 --> 00:06:59,377
I mean, if I let Woody win here,
189
00:06:59,411 --> 00:07:00,677
then every young punk
190
00:07:00,712 --> 00:07:02,873
with a pair of lips is
gonna be challenging me.
191
00:07:04,416 --> 00:07:06,250
All right, I got a way
to go here.
192
00:07:06,284 --> 00:07:08,085
Watch this.
193
00:07:08,120 --> 00:07:09,653
Hey, hey, these go to table six.
194
00:07:09,687 --> 00:07:11,855
And you owe 'em some change.
195
00:07:16,662 --> 00:07:18,362
Hey, boss.
196
00:07:18,397 --> 00:07:19,897
What, are you doing inventory?
197
00:07:19,932 --> 00:07:21,132
That's right.
198
00:07:21,166 --> 00:07:23,367
Boy, you know, it
is getting warmer.
199
00:07:23,401 --> 00:07:26,738
Maybe we ought to be ordering
some more rum and...
200
00:07:28,941 --> 00:07:30,307
Sam?
201
00:07:31,509 --> 00:07:33,978
Oh, my God, are you all right?
202
00:07:34,012 --> 00:07:36,647
No. Not that.
203
00:07:36,681 --> 00:07:38,216
Mouth-to-mouth.
204
00:07:38,250 --> 00:07:39,516
Are you sure?
205
00:07:39,551 --> 00:07:41,936
Mouth-to-mouth.
206
00:07:41,970 --> 00:07:42,470
All right.
207
00:07:42,503 --> 00:07:43,554
Oh, God, does anybody know
208
00:07:43,588 --> 00:07:44,889
mouth-to-mouth?
209
00:07:44,923 --> 00:07:46,924
I do, I do, I do.
210
00:07:50,462 --> 00:07:52,129
It's okay, I'm all right,
I'm all right.
211
00:07:52,163 --> 00:07:54,965
Works every time.
212
00:08:03,107 --> 00:08:05,242
Low, Sammy, real low.
213
00:08:05,276 --> 00:08:06,944
Not worthy of the king.
214
00:08:06,978 --> 00:08:09,012
Entering Nick Tortelli country.
215
00:08:09,047 --> 00:08:10,714
Hey...
216
00:08:10,749 --> 00:08:11,949
King Woody.
217
00:08:11,983 --> 00:08:13,484
It does have a ring to it.
218
00:08:13,518 --> 00:08:14,685
Yeah. Yeah, I'll be right...
219
00:08:14,719 --> 00:08:16,353
Yeah, say it Sam,
see what you think.
220
00:08:16,387 --> 00:08:18,055
King Woody.
221
00:08:19,491 --> 00:08:20,758
Your Grace.
222
00:08:20,792 --> 00:08:22,509
Hey, hey.
223
00:08:25,113 --> 00:08:27,230
Afternoon, Woody.
224
00:08:27,265 --> 00:08:28,499
Oh, yeah, hi.
225
00:08:28,533 --> 00:08:31,902
Are you okay?
226
00:08:31,937 --> 00:08:33,671
Oh, yeah, sure. Great.
227
00:08:34,940 --> 00:08:37,508
Oh, you wouldn't want
to know anyway.
228
00:08:37,542 --> 00:08:38,943
Well, of course I would.
229
00:08:38,977 --> 00:08:40,344
Really?
230
00:08:40,378 --> 00:08:41,278
Very much.
231
00:08:41,312 --> 00:08:42,646
You sure? Yes.
232
00:08:42,680 --> 00:08:43,580
Honestly?
233
00:08:43,614 --> 00:08:44,949
When was the last time
234
00:08:44,983 --> 00:08:46,800
someone actually struck you?
235
00:08:48,770 --> 00:08:52,539
Well, see, I'm, uh, trying out
for this part in a play.
236
00:08:52,573 --> 00:08:53,874
It's a really important part,
237
00:08:53,909 --> 00:08:55,642
and it's a really
well-known play. Uh,
238
00:08:55,676 --> 00:08:56,944
Bus Station.
239
00:08:56,978 --> 00:08:58,612
You mean Bus Stop?
240
00:08:58,646 --> 00:09:00,580
I'll never get it.
241
00:09:03,819 --> 00:09:04,952
This is great.
242
00:09:04,986 --> 00:09:06,854
He's gonna be so worried
about his dumb play,
243
00:09:06,888 --> 00:09:08,756
he's probably gonna
forget all about the bet.
244
00:09:08,790 --> 00:09:11,225
At least his memory loss
isn't from senility.
245
00:09:12,994 --> 00:09:15,896
Gee, I'm so glad you're
on my side, Carla.
246
00:09:16,898 --> 00:09:18,966
See, the thing is,
the audition's tomorrow,
247
00:09:19,000 --> 00:09:20,400
and I don't have
a chance to work
248
00:09:20,435 --> 00:09:22,569
with any of the other actors
to prepare my part.
249
00:09:22,604 --> 00:09:24,071
Actors have to do that,
you know.
250
00:09:25,173 --> 00:09:27,141
Say, Miss Howe,
do you think maybe
251
00:09:27,175 --> 00:09:28,843
you could read with me?
252
00:09:28,877 --> 00:09:30,311
Oh, gee, Woody, I'm sorry.
253
00:09:30,345 --> 00:09:32,546
I-I'm really busy
with this inventory.
254
00:09:32,581 --> 00:09:34,681
Oh, yeah, sure, I understand.
255
00:09:34,716 --> 00:09:37,017
I'll just lose the part.
256
00:09:37,051 --> 00:09:39,220
All right, Woody.
257
00:09:39,254 --> 00:09:41,989
But you have to promise
to make it quick.
258
00:09:42,023 --> 00:09:43,524
Thanks, Miss Howe.
259
00:09:43,558 --> 00:09:46,460
Hey, I hope you don't mind,
it's a love scene.
260
00:09:48,563 --> 00:09:49,796
Did you hear that?
261
00:09:49,831 --> 00:09:50,998
Love scene.
262
00:09:54,002 --> 00:09:56,203
Ow!
263
00:09:56,238 --> 00:09:58,239
Love scene!
264
00:09:59,274 --> 00:10:00,674
Sometimes
265
00:10:00,708 --> 00:10:03,210
the little hamster
falls asleep in the wheel.
266
00:10:14,282 --> 00:10:16,083
Okay, if you could
just sit here.
267
00:10:16,108 --> 00:10:17,508
All right, Woody,
but I'm expecting
268
00:10:17,543 --> 00:10:18,943
a beer distributor
in five minutes.
269
00:10:18,977 --> 00:10:20,111
No problem.
270
00:10:20,145 --> 00:10:22,113
Sell it, make me believe it.
271
00:10:22,147 --> 00:10:23,348
Carla?
272
00:10:23,382 --> 00:10:24,349
Well, it really helps
273
00:10:24,383 --> 00:10:25,350
when you have an audience.
274
00:10:25,384 --> 00:10:27,017
Is there gonna be any nudity?
275
00:10:28,420 --> 00:10:31,055
Not unless you're planning
something repugnant.
276
00:10:31,089 --> 00:10:33,023
All right, so
277
00:10:33,058 --> 00:10:34,258
what are we doing here?
278
00:10:34,293 --> 00:10:36,260
Okay. The scene is between
279
00:10:36,295 --> 00:10:38,262
a wayward, young,
rodeo buff, Bo...
280
00:10:38,297 --> 00:10:40,098
that'd be me... and, uh,
281
00:10:40,132 --> 00:10:41,465
the sexy showgirl,
282
00:10:41,499 --> 00:10:42,633
Cherie.
283
00:10:42,668 --> 00:10:43,868
That's you, I guess.
284
00:10:43,902 --> 00:10:45,870
Okay, uh...
285
00:10:45,904 --> 00:10:47,271
So where do we start?
286
00:10:47,305 --> 00:10:49,540
Uh, right here before
it says, "They kiss."
287
00:11:01,069 --> 00:11:03,671
Oh, oh, golly.
288
00:11:05,916 --> 00:11:07,717
When you kiss
someone for serious,
289
00:11:07,742 --> 00:11:09,109
it's kind of scary, ain't it?
290
00:11:09,144 --> 00:11:10,911
Yeah, it is.
291
00:11:10,945 --> 00:11:12,780
Now I'm supposed to kiss you.
292
00:11:14,249 --> 00:11:15,949
Sorry, I, uh,
293
00:11:15,984 --> 00:11:17,368
hope I'm not interrupting
anything here.
294
00:11:17,403 --> 00:11:18,702
What is it, Sam?
295
00:11:18,737 --> 00:11:21,306
Uh... we're out of vermouth.
296
00:11:22,541 --> 00:11:24,575
So order more.
297
00:11:24,609 --> 00:11:25,776
Uh, is that okay?
298
00:11:25,811 --> 00:11:27,312
Yes, if we're out of it.
299
00:11:27,346 --> 00:11:28,479
We are.
300
00:11:28,513 --> 00:11:29,480
Then order more.
301
00:11:29,514 --> 00:11:30,481
Vermouth?
302
00:11:30,515 --> 00:11:33,684
Yeah! Sam, would you
excuse us, please?
303
00:11:39,307 --> 00:11:41,925
Okay, where were we? Uh...
304
00:11:41,960 --> 00:11:43,628
Wait.
305
00:11:43,662 --> 00:11:47,097
Oh, oh, golly.
306
00:11:48,534 --> 00:11:50,468
When you kiss
someone for serious,
307
00:11:50,502 --> 00:11:52,170
it's kind of scary, ain't it?
308
00:11:52,204 --> 00:11:53,771
Yeah, it is.
309
00:11:54,473 --> 00:11:55,806
Sorry, I, uh...
310
00:11:55,840 --> 00:11:57,308
I wouldn't interrupt like this
311
00:11:57,342 --> 00:11:58,442
except it's important.
312
00:11:58,476 --> 00:12:01,045
What is it, Sam?
313
00:12:01,079 --> 00:12:03,080
I ordered the vermouth.
314
00:12:04,082 --> 00:12:06,684
Sam,
315
00:12:06,718 --> 00:12:07,885
would you get out of here?
316
00:12:07,920 --> 00:12:09,360
We're right in the
middle of a scene.
317
00:12:09,387 --> 00:12:10,521
Oh, a play!
318
00:12:10,555 --> 00:12:11,689
Oh, I love good dramatic stuff.
319
00:12:11,723 --> 00:12:14,591
What is this, uh,
Tennessee Ernie Ford?
320
00:12:14,626 --> 00:12:16,310
Sam, get out.
321
00:12:17,071 --> 00:12:18,672
Come on. All right,
all right, all right.
322
00:12:18,697 --> 00:12:20,097
Play fair.
323
00:12:20,131 --> 00:12:21,549
All right, all right.
324
00:12:21,584 --> 00:12:22,884
Play fair?
325
00:12:22,918 --> 00:12:25,136
That's my opinion
of the play so far,
326
00:12:25,170 --> 00:12:26,704
but with enough rehearsal,
327
00:12:26,738 --> 00:12:29,073
it might play great.
328
00:12:31,076 --> 00:12:32,377
Okay, let's pick it up.
329
00:12:32,411 --> 00:12:33,378
All right.
330
00:12:35,080 --> 00:12:37,681
Oh. Oh, golly.
331
00:12:38,961 --> 00:12:42,162
When you kiss someone for serious,
it's kind of scary, ain't it?
332
00:12:42,187 --> 00:12:43,821
Yeah, it is.
333
00:12:44,623 --> 00:12:45,923
Wait a minute.
334
00:12:45,957 --> 00:12:49,227
I just ordered two cases
of vermouth yesterday!
335
00:12:49,261 --> 00:12:50,428
Sam's crazy.
336
00:13:03,809 --> 00:13:05,569
Better make that move, Sammy.
337
00:13:05,594 --> 00:13:06,694
Time's getting short.
338
00:13:06,728 --> 00:13:08,362
No, this is how I like it.
339
00:13:08,396 --> 00:13:10,364
Late innings, game on the line.
340
00:13:10,398 --> 00:13:11,398
Yeah.
341
00:13:11,433 --> 00:13:14,234
The cool character
steps to center stage.
342
00:13:14,269 --> 00:13:15,470
Well, I don't know, Sammy.
343
00:13:15,504 --> 00:13:17,705
You seem to be sweating
a little bit up there.
344
00:13:17,739 --> 00:13:18,706
No, I'm not.
345
00:13:18,740 --> 00:13:19,807
Yeah, that's okay.
346
00:13:19,842 --> 00:13:21,342
Nothing wrong with sweating.
347
00:13:21,376 --> 00:13:22,710
I, myself, have perspired
348
00:13:22,744 --> 00:13:23,778
once or twice.
349
00:13:23,812 --> 00:13:25,629
We could grow rice.
350
00:13:30,502 --> 00:13:32,403
Oh, watch this.
351
00:13:32,437 --> 00:13:34,705
Say, Rebecca.
352
00:13:34,739 --> 00:13:36,373
Oh, excuse me for a minute.
353
00:13:36,408 --> 00:13:38,709
Caroline, are you all right?
354
00:13:38,743 --> 00:13:40,377
You look kind of depressed.
355
00:13:40,412 --> 00:13:42,513
Oh, Sam, it's
the same old thing.
356
00:13:42,547 --> 00:13:43,614
What?
357
00:13:43,648 --> 00:13:45,716
I'm so in love
with my boss, and I
358
00:13:45,750 --> 00:13:48,352
just can't get him to notice me.
359
00:13:48,386 --> 00:13:50,426
Well, have you tried
kissing him like this?
360
00:13:56,778 --> 00:13:58,645
Oh, my God.
361
00:13:58,680 --> 00:14:00,514
That was...
362
00:14:00,548 --> 00:14:02,416
That was...
363
00:14:02,450 --> 00:14:04,719
Oh, thank heaven
you showed it to me.
364
00:14:04,753 --> 00:14:07,855
There's no way anyone could
possibly describe it.
365
00:14:07,890 --> 00:14:09,356
If I kiss him like that,
366
00:14:09,391 --> 00:14:11,792
he's bound to fall
in love with me.
367
00:14:11,827 --> 00:14:13,427
Bye, Sam.
368
00:14:13,461 --> 00:14:14,629
Bye-bye.
369
00:14:14,663 --> 00:14:16,504
You two have a great honeymoon.
370
00:14:17,399 --> 00:14:19,366
Thank you so much.
371
00:14:19,401 --> 00:14:21,836
Anything to get
my disc player back.
372
00:14:21,870 --> 00:14:23,203
Hey, hey, hey...
373
00:14:27,075 --> 00:14:29,376
By the way, Rebecca,
374
00:14:29,411 --> 00:14:32,379
how are things between
you and your boss?
375
00:14:32,414 --> 00:14:35,449
Anything, uh, I can do?
376
00:14:35,483 --> 00:14:37,151
These lips remind
you of anything?
377
00:14:40,321 --> 00:14:43,157
Yeah, I think the liver
in my freezer's gone bad.
378
00:14:47,295 --> 00:14:48,495
What happened?
379
00:14:48,529 --> 00:14:50,430
She couldn't possibly
have seen through
380
00:14:50,465 --> 00:14:51,832
your little morality play.
381
00:14:53,168 --> 00:14:54,135
Huh!
382
00:14:54,169 --> 00:14:55,736
Oh... hey!
383
00:14:55,771 --> 00:14:57,204
What's going on here?
384
00:14:57,239 --> 00:14:59,774
Whatever do you mean?
385
00:14:59,808 --> 00:15:03,627
Sam and Woody are trying
desperately to kiss me.
386
00:15:03,662 --> 00:15:07,164
Boy, someone's a little full
of herself, isn't she?
387
00:15:08,700 --> 00:15:09,667
Come on, Carla.
388
00:15:09,701 --> 00:15:10,701
What's the story here?
389
00:15:10,736 --> 00:15:11,736
One woman to another.
390
00:15:11,770 --> 00:15:13,604
Why would I tell you something
391
00:15:13,638 --> 00:15:16,974
about my two closest best
friends in the whole world?
392
00:15:17,008 --> 00:15:18,342
I'll give you a paid day off.
393
00:15:18,377 --> 00:15:19,510
They got a bet.
394
00:15:20,681 --> 00:15:22,522
They want to see who
could kiss you
395
00:15:22,547 --> 00:15:23,881
by the end of the shift tonight.
396
00:15:23,915 --> 00:15:27,151
Why would they do such an
asinine, juvenile, thing?
397
00:15:27,185 --> 00:15:29,036
Look at the contestants.
398
00:15:30,021 --> 00:15:30,988
Actually,
399
00:15:31,022 --> 00:15:32,089
Woody's doing it 'cause
400
00:15:32,123 --> 00:15:33,223
they were razzing him.
401
00:15:33,258 --> 00:15:35,025
Sam's trying to prove
he still got it.
402
00:15:35,059 --> 00:15:36,660
Other than that,
just cheap thrills.
403
00:15:36,695 --> 00:15:39,697
Don't tell them I know.
404
00:15:39,731 --> 00:15:40,898
Wait a minute.
405
00:15:40,932 --> 00:15:42,466
You're not cooking up something
406
00:15:42,501 --> 00:15:44,334
that's going
to humiliate my friends
407
00:15:44,369 --> 00:15:46,169
and make them
look stupid, are you?
408
00:15:46,204 --> 00:15:47,204
Well, yeah.
409
00:15:47,239 --> 00:15:48,289
How can I help?
410
00:15:56,298 --> 00:15:57,265
Oh, Miss Howe?
411
00:15:57,299 --> 00:15:58,699
Can I ask you a question?
412
00:15:58,733 --> 00:16:00,434
Sure, Woody.
What do you want to know?
413
00:16:00,468 --> 00:16:03,871
Um... which key unlocks
the storage room?
414
00:16:03,906 --> 00:16:05,106
I don't know.
415
00:16:05,140 --> 00:16:06,240
Hold it still.
416
00:16:06,275 --> 00:16:10,044
Look carefully, very carefully.
417
00:16:11,062 --> 00:16:12,696
You're getting sleepy.
418
00:16:12,730 --> 00:16:14,464
Very sleepy.
419
00:16:14,499 --> 00:16:15,599
Woody?
420
00:16:15,634 --> 00:16:19,537
Very, very, sleepy.
421
00:16:19,571 --> 00:16:23,608
You'll do whatever I say.
422
00:16:23,642 --> 00:16:25,293
Woody, go to sleep.
423
00:16:36,205 --> 00:16:38,872
Oh, no. I made her disappear.
424
00:16:45,747 --> 00:16:47,414
To recap,
425
00:16:47,448 --> 00:16:49,550
sitting in the bar today,
we have, among others,
426
00:16:49,584 --> 00:16:52,419
a man who was actually simple
enough to hypnotize himself.
427
00:16:53,605 --> 00:16:56,641
I'd like to offer the suggestion
that we've seen it all.
428
00:16:57,392 --> 00:16:58,809
Ten hut!
429
00:17:01,746 --> 00:17:02,997
Happily, I stand corrected.
430
00:17:06,501 --> 00:17:08,969
Well, it's time for me
to be all that I can be.
431
00:17:11,706 --> 00:17:15,109
You enlisted in
the Army, you idiot?
432
00:17:15,142 --> 00:17:20,664
Hey, we do more by 9:00 a.m.
than most people do all day.
433
00:17:20,698 --> 00:17:22,966
And that's a
selling point to you?
434
00:17:24,852 --> 00:17:28,622
Yeah, and I've had a bellyful
of that Ayatolah guy.
435
00:17:28,656 --> 00:17:30,474
Quite frankly...
436
00:17:30,508 --> 00:17:33,361
I don't like what's been
happening in the Persian Gulf.
437
00:17:33,395 --> 00:17:36,397
So, I'm off to, uh...
I'm off to Persia.
438
00:17:38,600 --> 00:17:41,903
I just wanted to shake
a few hands, say good-bye.
439
00:17:41,937 --> 00:17:43,137
Kiss a few girls
440
00:17:43,171 --> 00:17:44,872
for the last time.
441
00:17:44,907 --> 00:17:46,507
Well, baby...
442
00:17:46,541 --> 00:17:49,110
this is good-bye.
443
00:17:49,144 --> 00:17:50,244
Yep, this may be
444
00:17:50,279 --> 00:17:52,880
the last time
you ever see this dogface.
445
00:17:52,915 --> 00:17:55,416
You can always take
a gander at this one.
446
00:17:57,419 --> 00:18:00,087
Sam, I had no idea you
were this dedicated.
447
00:18:00,122 --> 00:18:03,524
This is a wonderful thing
you're doing for our country.
448
00:18:03,558 --> 00:18:04,658
Well, thank you.
449
00:18:04,692 --> 00:18:06,560
Kiss me, Sam, kiss me.
450
00:18:07,886 --> 00:18:09,806
No, I can't kiss
another soldier.
451
00:18:09,831 --> 00:18:11,732
Not after Kevin.
452
00:18:12,935 --> 00:18:15,269
Kevin? Who-who's Kevin?
453
00:18:15,304 --> 00:18:16,536
Kevin was my boyfriend
in high school,
454
00:18:16,571 --> 00:18:17,704
and we really loved each other,
455
00:18:17,739 --> 00:18:18,939
and then
he enlisted in the Army,
456
00:18:18,974 --> 00:18:20,674
and I never wrote,
and I never saw him again.
457
00:18:20,708 --> 00:18:22,476
Well, he sounds like a creep.
Kiss me and make him jealous.
458
00:18:22,510 --> 00:18:24,178
No, Sam, I'm sorry.
459
00:18:26,447 --> 00:18:29,549
Come home safely, doughboy.
460
00:18:32,120 --> 00:18:33,520
Damn!
461
00:18:33,554 --> 00:18:34,889
I mean, what does it take?!
462
00:18:34,923 --> 00:18:37,557
Well, maybe
you're being too subtle.
463
00:18:39,444 --> 00:18:40,744
One hour.
464
00:18:40,778 --> 00:18:43,214
I don't think
either of you heartthrobs
465
00:18:43,248 --> 00:18:44,515
got the lips to win.
466
00:18:44,549 --> 00:18:46,133
Serves you right
if you lose, Sam,
467
00:18:46,168 --> 00:18:47,401
doing all that weird stuff.
468
00:18:47,435 --> 00:18:48,902
Me? What about you?
469
00:18:48,936 --> 00:18:51,505
You-you and that acting routine.
470
00:18:51,540 --> 00:18:52,640
You know something, Woody,
471
00:18:52,674 --> 00:18:54,642
I'm getting a little
sick and tired of you.
472
00:18:54,676 --> 00:18:56,843
You and your wholesome
farm boy bit.
473
00:18:56,878 --> 00:18:58,679
You're not so dumb.
474
00:18:58,713 --> 00:19:00,914
I resent that.
475
00:19:02,408 --> 00:19:05,529
You're just upset because
you're not king of the hill.
476
00:19:05,554 --> 00:19:06,654
Well, that's too bad.
477
00:19:06,688 --> 00:19:08,656
And I'll tell you another thing.
478
00:19:08,690 --> 00:19:10,924
I'm thinking about not writing
you when you're overseas.
479
00:19:10,959 --> 00:19:13,160
Oh, break my heart.
480
00:19:14,730 --> 00:19:16,029
Sam?
481
00:19:16,498 --> 00:19:17,847
Can I speak with you a moment?
482
00:19:17,882 --> 00:19:19,734
You sure can.
483
00:19:21,737 --> 00:19:23,937
¶ Over there.
484
00:19:23,972 --> 00:19:25,773
¶ Over there.
485
00:19:25,807 --> 00:19:27,107
¶ Send the word, send the word ¶
486
00:19:27,141 --> 00:19:28,242
¶ Over there...
487
00:19:28,276 --> 00:19:29,744
Yeah?
488
00:19:29,778 --> 00:19:31,879
Sam, I know what you
and Woody are up to.
489
00:19:31,913 --> 00:19:32,913
I-I don't know what you're
490
00:19:32,914 --> 00:19:34,081
talking about.
I want you to win.
491
00:19:34,115 --> 00:19:35,115
What?
492
00:19:35,149 --> 00:19:37,301
I want you to win. All right!
493
00:19:38,903 --> 00:19:41,204
And they said that
I was losing it.
494
00:19:41,239 --> 00:19:44,475
Okay, so, uh, let's get on
with the dirty deed here.
495
00:19:44,509 --> 00:19:45,709
No, no, no, we have to make this
496
00:19:45,744 --> 00:19:46,777
look really natural.
497
00:19:46,811 --> 00:19:48,646
Otherwise they'll think
the kiss is a setup.
498
00:19:48,680 --> 00:19:50,013
Kiss, oh, sweetheart, no, no.
499
00:19:50,047 --> 00:19:51,315
Someone mislead you there.
500
00:19:51,349 --> 00:19:53,309
Uh, we're supposed
to sleep together.
501
00:19:54,952 --> 00:19:56,253
You're trying my patience.
502
00:19:56,288 --> 00:19:57,388
All right, all right;
503
00:19:57,422 --> 00:19:58,522
A kiss, a kiss, okay.
504
00:19:58,556 --> 00:20:00,190
Uh... so, uh, how do
you want to do this?
505
00:20:00,224 --> 00:20:01,325
All right, here's the plan.
506
00:20:01,359 --> 00:20:03,093
You go home and change.
507
00:20:03,127 --> 00:20:05,262
And I'll tell the others
I'm really beat
508
00:20:05,297 --> 00:20:07,931
and I have to go in
and take a nap in my office.
509
00:20:07,965 --> 00:20:09,633
And you come back and wake me,
510
00:20:09,668 --> 00:20:12,803
and I'll act like I'm having
this really erotic dream,
511
00:20:12,837 --> 00:20:14,772
and give you this long,
passionate kiss.
512
00:20:14,806 --> 00:20:17,874
Oh, God, I love this.
I love this. Oh...!
513
00:20:17,909 --> 00:20:19,576
Whoa, whoa, whoa,
wait a minute. Uh...
514
00:20:19,611 --> 00:20:22,078
Carla's supposed
to witness this.
515
00:20:22,113 --> 00:20:23,213
Okay, bring her along.
516
00:20:23,247 --> 00:20:25,482
Oh, and then I'll spit
and rinse my mouth out
517
00:20:25,517 --> 00:20:26,983
to make it look really legit.
518
00:20:27,018 --> 00:20:28,985
Nice touch, nice touch.
519
00:20:31,122 --> 00:20:33,407
Yeah, so long there.
520
00:20:33,441 --> 00:20:34,575
Oh, wait a minute.
521
00:20:34,609 --> 00:20:36,042
What do you got
on your lips there?
522
00:20:36,077 --> 00:20:37,211
Oh, no one.
523
00:20:41,983 --> 00:20:44,418
Can I talk to you a minute?
524
00:20:44,452 --> 00:20:47,221
Listen, I know
what you and Sam are up to,
525
00:20:47,255 --> 00:20:48,788
and I want you to win.
526
00:20:54,912 --> 00:20:56,079
Hey, Cliffie.
527
00:20:56,113 --> 00:20:57,548
Hi, Sam.
528
00:20:57,582 --> 00:20:58,498
Where is everybody?
529
00:20:58,533 --> 00:21:00,116
Oh, most have gone home.
530
00:21:00,151 --> 00:21:01,201
Carla's in the back.
531
00:21:01,236 --> 00:21:03,003
Rebecca's asleep in her office.
532
00:21:03,037 --> 00:21:04,121
Rebecca's asleep?
533
00:21:04,155 --> 00:21:05,556
Yeah. She said
534
00:21:05,590 --> 00:21:06,590
she was up late last night
535
00:21:06,625 --> 00:21:07,825
doing the books, or something.
536
00:21:07,859 --> 00:21:08,926
Mm.
537
00:21:08,960 --> 00:21:10,193
Oh, yeah, she said she wanted me
538
00:21:10,228 --> 00:21:11,468
to wake her up right about now.
539
00:21:11,496 --> 00:21:13,063
Better go do that. Oh, no, no,
540
00:21:13,097 --> 00:21:14,297
that's, that's uh, my job.
541
00:21:14,332 --> 00:21:16,500
Oh.
542
00:21:16,535 --> 00:21:18,368
Want to help me here, Carla?
543
00:21:34,469 --> 00:21:35,802
Mmm.
544
00:21:35,837 --> 00:21:37,537
Mmm.
545
00:21:37,572 --> 00:21:38,939
"Mmm"? "Mmm?
546
00:21:38,974 --> 00:21:40,074
Mmm?!
547
00:21:40,108 --> 00:21:41,175
Oh!
548
00:21:49,250 --> 00:21:52,786
¶ Sammy and Woody
sittin' in a tree ¶
549
00:21:57,258 --> 00:21:58,959
You were supposed
to be Miss Howe.
550
00:21:58,993 --> 00:22:01,061
That's a rotten thing you did.
551
00:22:01,095 --> 00:22:02,212
Don't talk to me about rotten.
552
00:22:02,246 --> 00:22:03,781
What about
all this kissing nonsense?
553
00:22:03,815 --> 00:22:05,282
Yeah, that's different.
554
00:22:05,317 --> 00:22:06,850
There's money involved.
555
00:22:08,619 --> 00:22:11,454
Well, I am going to say this
once and once only.
556
00:22:11,489 --> 00:22:14,642
I am a person
who cannot be used.
557
00:22:15,744 --> 00:22:17,160
Now if you'll excuse me,
558
00:22:17,194 --> 00:22:20,530
I've got to drive Mr. Drake's
valet to the airport.
559
00:22:27,305 --> 00:22:28,605
Call me a romantic,
560
00:22:28,640 --> 00:22:31,975
but I always knew you two
would end up together.
561
00:22:35,880 --> 00:22:37,881
I can't believe I kissed you.
562
00:22:38,933 --> 00:22:39,893
Yeah, well, you're lucky
563
00:22:39,918 --> 00:22:41,235
I didn't punch
your lights out, man.
564
00:22:41,269 --> 00:22:42,702
Yeah? You and what army?
565
00:22:42,737 --> 00:22:44,021
Hey, hey, hey, guys.
566
00:22:44,055 --> 00:22:45,089
Come on, now.
567
00:22:45,123 --> 00:22:46,991
Relax.
568
00:22:47,025 --> 00:22:49,093
Geez, you guys,
you were tricked.
569
00:22:49,127 --> 00:22:50,360
It's no big deal.
570
00:22:50,394 --> 00:22:52,212
I mean,
you're such good friends.
571
00:22:52,247 --> 00:22:53,981
You mean a lot to each other.
572
00:22:54,015 --> 00:22:55,648
I mean, don't walk away mad.
573
00:22:55,683 --> 00:22:57,117
Go on, kiss and make up.
574
00:23:01,356 --> 00:23:03,590
Remember,
you both owe me a big wet one.
575
00:23:18,739 --> 00:23:21,608
Ah...
576
00:23:21,642 --> 00:23:23,643
Ah, I couldn't stay mad
at you, Sam.
577
00:23:23,678 --> 00:23:25,745
You're just like
a brother to me.
578
00:23:25,780 --> 00:23:30,333
Yeah, and if anyone ever does
knock off the king around here,
579
00:23:30,368 --> 00:23:33,103
I guess I hope it's you, man.
580
00:23:33,137 --> 00:23:34,271
No hard feelings?
581
00:23:34,305 --> 00:23:35,739
No hard feelings.
582
00:23:37,408 --> 00:23:39,042
Listen, Sam,
now that everything's okay,
583
00:23:39,077 --> 00:23:40,577
can I ask you something,
guy to guy?
584
00:23:40,611 --> 00:23:42,012
Yeah, sure.
585
00:23:42,831 --> 00:23:44,681
How was I?
586
00:23:50,455 --> 00:23:51,988
Don't-don't do that.
587
00:23:52,022 --> 00:23:53,990
No, I mean it's a question
you can't ask a girl.
588
00:23:54,024 --> 00:23:55,826
I mean, is there anything
I need to work on?
589
00:23:55,860 --> 00:23:58,862
No, see, I-I don't want
to talk about this, Woody.
590
00:24:00,197 --> 00:24:03,299
I was nervous, so I might
have been a little dry.
591
00:24:03,334 --> 00:24:05,268
Oh, for God's...! Yech!
592
00:24:05,302 --> 00:24:07,036
No, I'm serious, Sam.
593
00:24:07,071 --> 00:24:09,639
Hey, do you want to know
how you were?
39373
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