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1
00:00:03,757 --> 00:00:06,208
Cheers is filmedbefore a live studio audience.
2
00:00:06,243 --> 00:00:08,544
Carla, you look spiffy.
3
00:00:08,578 --> 00:00:11,313
You going out tonight? Yeah, Eddie
and I are catching a movie.
4
00:00:11,347 --> 00:00:12,698
This is his last night in town.
5
00:00:12,732 --> 00:00:15,034
He's going out on the road again
with the ice show.
6
00:00:15,068 --> 00:00:15,701
Uh-oh.
7
00:00:15,735 --> 00:00:17,253
What's that supposed to mean?
8
00:00:17,287 --> 00:00:18,687
Oh, nothing.
9
00:00:18,721 --> 00:00:21,306
Well, you know,
I get this image of, you know,
10
00:00:21,340 --> 00:00:23,408
chorus girls in skimpy costumes,
11
00:00:23,442 --> 00:00:24,793
you know, skating around,
12
00:00:24,827 --> 00:00:27,095
lonely husband on the road,
far away
13
00:00:27,130 --> 00:00:29,298
from his, uh,
connubial connubials,
14
00:00:29,332 --> 00:00:31,099
if you know what I mean.
15
00:00:31,134 --> 00:00:32,685
Well,
16
00:00:32,719 --> 00:00:33,869
y-you're not worried?
17
00:00:33,903 --> 00:00:34,954
Not at all.
18
00:00:34,988 --> 00:00:36,254
I know my Eddie,
19
00:00:36,289 --> 00:00:38,340
and I trust him completely.
20
00:00:38,375 --> 00:00:41,477
He is the sweetest,
most faithful, loving husband in
21
00:00:41,511 --> 00:00:42,694
the whole world, and I
22
00:00:42,729 --> 00:00:44,447
thank God every day
he married me.
23
00:00:44,481 --> 00:00:46,582
If ever there
was a one-woman man,
24
00:00:46,616 --> 00:00:48,250
it's Eddie LeBec.
25
00:00:48,285 --> 00:00:49,785
Hey, Carla,
what movie you going to see?
26
00:00:49,819 --> 00:00:51,454
Fatal Attraction.
27
00:00:59,562 --> 00:01:02,130
¶ Making your way
in the world today ¶
28
00:01:02,165 --> 00:01:05,133
¶ Takes everything you've got.
29
00:01:05,168 --> 00:01:07,969
¶ Taking a break
from all your worries ¶
30
00:01:08,004 --> 00:01:11,072
¶ Sure would help a lot.
31
00:01:11,107 --> 00:01:16,612
¶ Wouldn't you like
to get away? ¶
32
00:01:16,646 --> 00:01:19,448
¶ Sometimes you want to go.
33
00:01:19,483 --> 00:01:24,070
¶ Where everybody
knows your name ¶
34
00:01:24,104 --> 00:01:29,308
¶ And they're always glad
you came ¶
35
00:01:29,342 --> 00:01:31,310
¶ You want to be
where you can see ¶
36
00:01:31,344 --> 00:01:34,313
¶ Our troubles
are all the same ¶
37
00:01:34,347 --> 00:01:39,085
¶ You want to be where everybody
knows your name ¶
38
00:01:39,119 --> 00:01:42,221
¶ You want to go
where people know ¶
39
00:01:42,255 --> 00:01:44,356
¶ People are all the same.
40
00:01:44,391 --> 00:01:48,927
¶ You want to go where
everybody knows your name. ¶
41
00:02:09,933 --> 00:02:11,533
Good evening, everyone.
42
00:02:11,567 --> 00:02:13,502
You'll be glad to know
I decided to take your advice
43
00:02:13,536 --> 00:02:15,671
and become more dynamic.
44
00:02:15,705 --> 00:02:19,057
I have just left a seminar
that has changed my life.
45
00:02:19,092 --> 00:02:20,592
In a few short hours,
46
00:02:20,627 --> 00:02:23,495
I have become the essence
of self assertiveness.
47
00:02:23,529 --> 00:02:24,479
Five.
48
00:02:24,514 --> 00:02:25,831
Four,
49
00:02:25,865 --> 00:02:28,067
three, two, one!
50
00:02:30,470 --> 00:02:33,104
What's going on here?
51
00:02:33,139 --> 00:02:35,240
What's going on?
52
00:02:35,275 --> 00:02:37,959
Hey, I run this place.
What's happening?
53
00:02:41,982 --> 00:02:42,982
Yeah!
54
00:02:43,016 --> 00:02:44,450
If somebody doesn't tell me
55
00:02:44,484 --> 00:02:46,685
what's going on,
I am gonna start crying.
56
00:02:46,719 --> 00:02:47,987
Aw,
57
00:02:48,021 --> 00:02:49,788
we're sorry. Uh, we didn't know
you were here.
58
00:02:49,822 --> 00:02:52,090
Today is our anniversary.
59
00:02:52,125 --> 00:02:52,858
This is the day, two years ago
60
00:02:52,892 --> 00:02:54,142
where Cheers beat
61
00:02:54,177 --> 00:02:55,611
that scourge down the road,
62
00:02:55,645 --> 00:02:57,479
Gary's Old Town Tavern,
in bowling!
63
00:02:59,549 --> 00:03:01,216
That's-That's the big deal?
64
00:03:01,250 --> 00:03:02,811
It's the only time
we ever won anything.
65
00:03:02,819 --> 00:03:04,386
I take it that they've
beaten us at things.
66
00:03:04,421 --> 00:03:05,387
At everything.
67
00:03:05,422 --> 00:03:07,523
Touch football, softball, darts,
68
00:03:07,557 --> 00:03:09,991
ugliest toes, you name it...
69
00:03:10,026 --> 00:03:12,528
I think the current
tally is 173 to one,
70
00:03:12,562 --> 00:03:15,397
but we are presently
on a winning streak.
71
00:03:15,432 --> 00:03:16,998
Yeah!
72
00:03:17,032 --> 00:03:18,467
We're number one!
73
00:03:18,501 --> 00:03:20,085
We're number one!
74
00:03:20,119 --> 00:03:21,136
We're number one!
75
00:03:21,171 --> 00:03:23,038
- Yeah.
- We're number one...!
76
00:03:23,073 --> 00:03:24,039
Sammy! Sammy!
77
00:03:24,074 --> 00:03:27,726
Isn't it about time
for the call?
78
00:03:27,760 --> 00:03:29,862
Oh-ho!
79
00:03:29,896 --> 00:03:31,062
By golly, yes, it is.
80
00:03:31,097 --> 00:03:32,817
Time to give him a call?
81
00:03:33,766 --> 00:03:35,667
Hear ye, hear ye.
82
00:03:35,702 --> 00:03:37,802
It's time
for the ceremonial call
83
00:03:37,837 --> 00:03:39,338
to Gary's! The call!
84
00:03:39,372 --> 00:03:40,272
The call!
85
00:03:40,306 --> 00:03:41,757
The call...!
86
00:03:42,792 --> 00:03:44,025
All right.
87
00:03:44,060 --> 00:03:46,862
Yeah!
88
00:03:46,896 --> 00:03:48,296
Hello, Gary.
89
00:03:48,331 --> 00:03:50,298
It's Sam Malone.
90
00:03:50,333 --> 00:03:53,234
Yeah, I was just calling
to say hi, see how you're doing.
91
00:03:53,269 --> 00:03:55,236
No. You know,
for the life of me,
92
00:03:55,271 --> 00:03:58,039
I-I can't think
of what brought you to mind.
93
00:03:58,074 --> 00:03:59,641
No, wait a minute, may...
94
00:03:59,676 --> 00:04:02,978
Maybe it was because
two years ago tonight,
95
00:04:03,012 --> 00:04:05,681
we waxed your heinie in bowling!
96
00:04:05,715 --> 00:04:07,349
Yeah!
97
00:04:08,717 --> 00:04:10,052
No, no. Oh...
98
00:04:10,086 --> 00:04:12,054
The poor sap is begging
for a rematch.
99
00:04:12,088 --> 00:04:13,655
No. No, no.
100
00:04:13,689 --> 00:04:14,723
I'm sorry, Gary, no.
101
00:04:14,757 --> 00:04:16,592
No, there'll be no rematch.
102
00:04:16,626 --> 00:04:20,729
The moment of victory
is frozen in time.
103
00:04:20,763 --> 00:04:22,197
That's right. Gar...
104
00:04:22,232 --> 00:04:23,599
Hello? Gary?
105
00:04:24,867 --> 00:04:27,536
The guy is such a poor loser.
106
00:04:27,570 --> 00:04:28,371
Drinks on the house!
107
00:04:29,505 --> 00:04:30,638
Carla, Carla,
108
00:04:30,673 --> 00:04:32,874
once more around
the bar, huh? Huh?
109
00:04:32,908 --> 00:04:34,142
All right.
110
00:04:34,177 --> 00:04:35,361
We're number one!
111
00:04:35,395 --> 00:04:36,629
We're number one...!
112
00:04:36,663 --> 00:04:37,929
Hold it. Hold it!
113
00:04:37,964 --> 00:04:39,531
Where is the trophy?
114
00:04:39,566 --> 00:04:40,932
Who moved it? What?
115
00:04:42,201 --> 00:04:43,552
Oh, come on.
116
00:04:43,586 --> 00:04:45,454
It's got to be around
here somewhere.
117
00:04:45,488 --> 00:04:46,605
Hey, now listen,
118
00:04:46,639 --> 00:04:47,606
this is not funny.
119
00:04:47,640 --> 00:04:48,774
Where is the trophy?
120
00:04:48,808 --> 00:04:49,942
Wa-hay-hay
121
00:04:49,976 --> 00:04:51,944
hait a minute.
122
00:04:51,978 --> 00:04:54,245
This smacks of Gary.
123
00:04:54,280 --> 00:04:55,580
Hey, you mean
he had a spy in here?
124
00:04:55,615 --> 00:04:56,615
Yeah, hey, that's right.
125
00:04:56,649 --> 00:04:58,249
Who was that guy
at the end of the bar
126
00:04:58,284 --> 00:04:59,317
drinking imported beer?
127
00:04:59,351 --> 00:05:00,619
Mm-hmm. Very suspicious.
128
00:05:00,653 --> 00:05:02,420
You know none of us
can afford that stuff.
129
00:05:02,455 --> 00:05:04,135
Let's storm the place!
130
00:05:05,375 --> 00:05:07,242
Wait, wait, wait, wait,
wait, wait, wait.
131
00:05:07,276 --> 00:05:09,511
Come on, let's not turn this
into mob rule here.
132
00:05:09,545 --> 00:05:12,214
Just a couple of guys go over
and talk to him first. Come on.
133
00:05:12,248 --> 00:05:13,748
All right, Sam, I think
you better take me
134
00:05:13,783 --> 00:05:15,317
because, uh, they got
to be intimidated
135
00:05:15,351 --> 00:05:16,591
by the authority of my uniform.
136
00:05:16,619 --> 00:05:17,819
Uh...
137
00:05:17,853 --> 00:05:20,589
Actually, I think
I'll take Woody.
138
00:05:20,623 --> 00:05:22,191
You know, in case
there's some trouble,
139
00:05:22,225 --> 00:05:24,426
I'd like to have someone
young and strong around.
140
00:05:24,460 --> 00:05:25,494
Come on, Woody.
141
00:05:38,274 --> 00:05:40,375
Good luck.
142
00:05:49,035 --> 00:05:50,336
Oh!
143
00:05:50,370 --> 00:05:52,171
Our trophy!
144
00:05:52,205 --> 00:05:53,305
Oh,
145
00:05:53,340 --> 00:05:55,089
Sam!
146
00:05:55,124 --> 00:05:56,157
What did you do to Gary?
147
00:05:56,192 --> 00:05:57,759
Did you punch him
right in the face?
148
00:05:57,794 --> 00:05:58,827
Uh, n-not exactly, no.
149
00:06:00,029 --> 00:06:01,163
He did ask out a waitress.
150
00:06:01,197 --> 00:06:02,164
Hey.
151
00:06:02,198 --> 00:06:03,565
Sam.
152
00:06:03,599 --> 00:06:05,116
Hey.
153
00:06:05,151 --> 00:06:06,418
What are you all
154
00:06:06,452 --> 00:06:07,469
sitting around here
155
00:06:07,504 --> 00:06:09,271
like a bunch of wimps for?
156
00:06:09,305 --> 00:06:11,473
It's what wimps do.
157
00:06:16,512 --> 00:06:19,114
Let's go over to Gary's
and torch the place! Come on!
158
00:06:19,148 --> 00:06:21,116
Oh, no, no, come on, whoa, whoa.
159
00:06:21,150 --> 00:06:23,185
There's got to be a cooler
way of doing this now.
160
00:06:23,219 --> 00:06:24,939
We got to use a little cunning.
161
00:06:24,954 --> 00:06:26,621
Yeah.
162
00:06:26,655 --> 00:06:28,390
Yeah, I'd like
to do something to Gary
163
00:06:28,424 --> 00:06:29,824
and make him really miserable.
164
00:06:29,858 --> 00:06:31,960
Why don't you marry him?
165
00:06:33,630 --> 00:06:34,830
Why don't you?
166
00:06:34,864 --> 00:06:36,799
Why don't you? Why don't you?
167
00:06:36,833 --> 00:06:37,515
You! You!
168
00:06:37,550 --> 00:06:38,717
You! You!
169
00:06:38,751 --> 00:06:40,419
That's it!
170
00:06:40,453 --> 00:06:41,737
I do not want this thing
171
00:06:41,771 --> 00:06:43,104
getting out of hand.
172
00:06:43,139 --> 00:06:45,206
If this bar becomes
a high school locker room,
173
00:06:45,241 --> 00:06:47,009
my patronage,
other than the Bowery Boys,
174
00:06:47,043 --> 00:06:49,011
will disappear.
175
00:06:49,045 --> 00:06:50,245
No, in this case,
176
00:06:50,279 --> 00:06:52,080
I'm afraid
I must agree with Rebecca.
177
00:06:52,114 --> 00:06:53,899
Thank you, Dr. Crane.
178
00:06:53,933 --> 00:06:55,100
Well, it's-it's not
179
00:06:55,134 --> 00:06:56,367
for your dollar-grubbing,
180
00:06:56,402 --> 00:06:58,937
you know, front office,
kissy face reasons, but...
181
00:07:00,556 --> 00:07:01,840
...it's because
182
00:07:01,874 --> 00:07:03,408
revenge is never the answer.
183
00:07:03,442 --> 00:07:04,876
You see,
184
00:07:04,911 --> 00:07:07,445
a potentially unending cycle of
185
00:07:07,479 --> 00:07:08,363
juvenile retaliation
186
00:07:08,398 --> 00:07:10,432
can only lead to a...
187
00:07:10,466 --> 00:07:12,584
well, a kind of mob mentality,
188
00:07:12,619 --> 00:07:14,319
which will ultimately result
189
00:07:14,353 --> 00:07:16,021
in a regrettable act.
190
00:07:16,055 --> 00:07:17,556
Wait a minute, Doc.
191
00:07:17,590 --> 00:07:19,191
When Diane left you
at the altar,
192
00:07:19,225 --> 00:07:20,692
aren't you the guy
who enrolled her
193
00:07:20,726 --> 00:07:22,194
in every tape, book,
and record club
194
00:07:22,228 --> 00:07:23,462
known to mankind?
195
00:07:24,814 --> 00:07:26,574
Yes, but that was different.
196
00:07:26,599 --> 00:07:28,133
The pompous witch deserved it.
197
00:07:28,167 --> 00:07:29,568
No,
198
00:07:29,602 --> 00:07:30,735
no, no, no, come on.
199
00:07:30,770 --> 00:07:32,604
We got to think of something
200
00:07:32,638 --> 00:07:34,273
to get our pride back.
201
00:07:34,307 --> 00:07:35,507
Like what Sammy, huh? Well...
202
00:07:35,541 --> 00:07:36,859
There is one thing
203
00:07:36,893 --> 00:07:39,160
you can beat
Gary's Old Town Tavern at.
204
00:07:39,195 --> 00:07:40,228
Oh, yeah? What's that?
205
00:07:40,262 --> 00:07:41,597
Maturity.
206
00:08:03,419 --> 00:08:04,686
It's Al.
207
00:08:04,721 --> 00:08:07,756
Hey, Al, why aren't
you at Cheers?
208
00:08:07,790 --> 00:08:10,559
Holy mackerel,
this isn't Cheers?
209
00:08:12,778 --> 00:08:15,129
Uh-oh, Malone's back.
210
00:08:15,164 --> 00:08:16,415
And this time,
211
00:08:16,449 --> 00:08:18,283
he brought some muscle.
212
00:08:18,318 --> 00:08:21,036
Ooh!
213
00:08:21,070 --> 00:08:22,738
Sammy, I-I can't go
through with this,
214
00:08:22,772 --> 00:08:24,640
not when this guy's
taking shots at me.
215
00:08:24,674 --> 00:08:26,141
No, no, that was a shot at me.
216
00:08:26,175 --> 00:08:27,375
You're right.
217
00:08:27,410 --> 00:08:28,710
Yeah. Okay.
218
00:08:28,745 --> 00:08:30,445
Gary? Mm-hmm.
219
00:08:30,479 --> 00:08:31,980
We're here in peace.
220
00:08:32,014 --> 00:08:34,366
Now we want
to let bygones be bygones,
221
00:08:34,400 --> 00:08:36,151
so we brought along
some champagne
222
00:08:36,185 --> 00:08:37,519
to bury the hatchet.
223
00:08:37,554 --> 00:08:39,220
What do you say, huh?
224
00:08:39,255 --> 00:08:40,321
Is that right?
225
00:08:40,355 --> 00:08:41,723
No tricks?
226
00:08:41,757 --> 00:08:43,091
No tricks.
227
00:08:43,125 --> 00:08:45,393
Wow, that's damn decent
of you, Malone.
228
00:08:45,428 --> 00:08:46,695
Milt, some glasses.
229
00:08:46,729 --> 00:08:48,196
I'll be honest with you.
230
00:08:48,230 --> 00:08:49,731
I mean, last night at Cheers,
231
00:08:49,766 --> 00:08:51,800
all we could talk
about was revenge.
232
00:08:51,834 --> 00:08:53,935
That trophy meant
a great deal to us.
233
00:08:53,970 --> 00:08:55,304
But then, you
know, cooler heads,
234
00:08:55,338 --> 00:08:56,905
light of day and all
that kind of thing,
235
00:08:56,939 --> 00:08:59,240
we just... well, we realized
236
00:08:59,275 --> 00:09:00,575
that to do battle with you
237
00:09:00,610 --> 00:09:02,644
would just destroy both of us.
238
00:09:02,678 --> 00:09:05,079
At least we have
the satisfaction of knowing
239
00:09:05,114 --> 00:09:08,016
that we, uh, we beat you
in one thing.
240
00:09:08,050 --> 00:09:09,684
Maturity.
241
00:09:09,719 --> 00:09:12,553
Oh, actually, I'm afraid
you came up short there, too.
242
00:09:12,588 --> 00:09:14,656
I just sent a dozen roses
over to Cheers
243
00:09:14,690 --> 00:09:15,924
with an apology note.
244
00:09:15,958 --> 00:09:18,159
Oh. Oh, well.
245
00:09:18,193 --> 00:09:19,828
Here's to Cheers.
246
00:09:19,862 --> 00:09:20,978
No, no, no.
247
00:09:21,013 --> 00:09:22,097
To Gary's.
248
00:09:22,131 --> 00:09:24,733
Yeah, to Gary's! Yeah!
249
00:09:35,528 --> 00:09:37,379
Whoo! Gary, Gary, I think maybe
250
00:09:37,413 --> 00:09:40,282
you ought to keep that
back window locked.
251
00:09:40,316 --> 00:09:42,684
You know, people could sneak
in here and steal some of this
252
00:09:42,718 --> 00:09:43,602
fine crystal.
253
00:09:45,020 --> 00:09:46,254
Come, my little
254
00:09:46,288 --> 00:09:48,173
vandal, our job here is done.
255
00:09:48,207 --> 00:09:50,392
You know what gets me
about this, Malone?
256
00:09:50,426 --> 00:09:52,126
It's how weenie this stunt was.
257
00:09:52,161 --> 00:09:54,078
This is the best
you could come up with?
258
00:09:54,113 --> 00:09:55,847
I am embarrassed, all right.
259
00:09:55,882 --> 00:09:57,783
Not for me, but for you.
260
00:09:59,135 --> 00:10:00,401
That's pretty small.
261
00:10:00,436 --> 00:10:02,070
Oh, yeah?
262
00:10:02,105 --> 00:10:04,072
I told you we should
have fixed his brakes.
263
00:10:04,107 --> 00:10:06,375
No, no...
264
00:10:06,409 --> 00:10:07,909
You think I'm humiliated?
265
00:10:07,944 --> 00:10:09,077
I'm not humiliated.
266
00:10:09,111 --> 00:10:11,112
Pretty weenie.
267
00:10:16,251 --> 00:10:18,319
Now I'm humiliated.
268
00:10:23,659 --> 00:10:25,393
Then, after lunch,
I had a patient.
269
00:10:25,427 --> 00:10:26,895
Three separate personalities,
270
00:10:26,929 --> 00:10:28,964
each one more boring
than the other.
271
00:10:28,998 --> 00:10:30,966
As a matter of fact,
he's the only one
272
00:10:31,000 --> 00:10:33,702
who can tell them apart.
273
00:10:33,736 --> 00:10:35,871
Now, Lilith, darling,
let's remember our caveat.
274
00:10:35,905 --> 00:10:36,838
No more shop talk.
275
00:10:36,872 --> 00:10:37,939
It's the weekend.
276
00:10:37,973 --> 00:10:39,106
It's time to engage
277
00:10:39,141 --> 00:10:40,592
in nice, normal conversation.
278
00:10:40,626 --> 00:10:42,027
I'll, uh, get us
some drinks. Woody?
279
00:10:42,061 --> 00:10:44,763
Why do you have this obsession
with labeling everything?
280
00:10:44,797 --> 00:10:48,166
Normal, abnormal,
weekday, weekend.
281
00:10:48,200 --> 00:10:50,401
Well, darling, I was only trying
to create a certain...
282
00:10:50,436 --> 00:10:52,470
In other words,
control the conversation.
283
00:10:52,505 --> 00:10:54,272
That's rather compulsive,
isn't it?
284
00:10:54,306 --> 00:10:56,508
Well, how anal of you to notice.
285
00:10:58,544 --> 00:11:00,679
Oh, the whole world's anal
to you.
286
00:11:00,813 --> 00:11:03,231
Well, what say we, uh,
sleep in late tomorrow
287
00:11:03,265 --> 00:11:04,599
and have eggs Benedict?
288
00:11:04,633 --> 00:11:05,399
I love you.
289
00:11:13,175 --> 00:11:14,442
Pest control.
290
00:11:15,344 --> 00:11:16,611
Where should we start?
291
00:11:16,645 --> 00:11:18,463
Excuse me. What's this about?
292
00:11:18,498 --> 00:11:19,798
Your rat problem.
293
00:11:19,832 --> 00:11:21,132
Rat problem?
294
00:11:21,166 --> 00:11:23,368
Aren't you the one that called
about a rat problem?
295
00:11:23,402 --> 00:11:25,069
No, of course not.
296
00:11:25,104 --> 00:11:27,338
No. We don't have rats.
297
00:11:27,373 --> 00:11:29,040
Well, that's
what we understand, ma'am.
298
00:11:29,074 --> 00:11:30,809
Rats in the building...
big gray ones.
299
00:11:30,843 --> 00:11:32,009
That's why we're here.
300
00:11:32,044 --> 00:11:33,378
Excuse... Everybody hold on.
301
00:11:33,412 --> 00:11:34,679
There are no rats here.
302
00:11:34,714 --> 00:11:36,882
Oh, of course, Rebecca,
we believe you.
303
00:11:36,916 --> 00:11:39,400
If you should run across
any white ones, about yea big,
304
00:11:39,435 --> 00:11:42,337
I'd be happy to give you
four dollars apiece for them.
305
00:11:44,006 --> 00:11:45,173
What do you use them for?
306
00:11:45,207 --> 00:11:47,742
Snacks.
307
00:11:47,776 --> 00:11:50,211
Everyone just stay
where you are.
308
00:11:50,246 --> 00:11:51,746
There are no rats.
309
00:11:51,780 --> 00:11:53,248
Free round of drinks
on the house.
310
00:11:53,282 --> 00:11:54,349
I wouldn't do that, ma'am.
311
00:11:54,383 --> 00:11:55,751
Those little buggers
might already
312
00:11:55,785 --> 00:11:57,052
have gotten into your beer.
313
00:11:57,086 --> 00:11:58,169
Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa.
314
00:11:58,203 --> 00:12:00,304
I'll chance it.
315
00:12:00,339 --> 00:12:03,357
Sam, did you call anyone
about a rat problem?
316
00:12:03,392 --> 00:12:04,826
No, no. We have a rat problem?
317
00:12:04,860 --> 00:12:06,060
Ew, God.
318
00:12:06,094 --> 00:12:07,295
I didn't call, you didn't call.
319
00:12:07,329 --> 00:12:08,730
Who called?
320
00:12:08,764 --> 00:12:10,949
Gary. Gary. Gary.
321
00:12:11,451 --> 00:12:12,700
How did he know
322
00:12:12,735 --> 00:12:14,536
we have rats?
323
00:12:14,570 --> 00:12:16,538
Uh, look, if you need us, uh...
324
00:12:16,572 --> 00:12:18,272
here's our card.
325
00:12:20,776 --> 00:12:22,627
Come again.
326
00:12:24,563 --> 00:12:27,298
"Now that's a stunt.
327
00:12:27,333 --> 00:12:30,001
Love, Gary."
328
00:12:30,036 --> 00:12:32,103
He's mine.
329
00:12:48,237 --> 00:12:49,537
Mess with us, huh?
330
00:12:49,571 --> 00:12:50,538
Wait till he finds
331
00:12:50,572 --> 00:12:52,857
the prune juice in his Kahlua.
332
00:12:52,891 --> 00:12:54,559
Yeah, what about
the sneezing powder
333
00:12:54,593 --> 00:12:56,027
in the ventilation system, huh?
334
00:12:56,062 --> 00:12:57,562
That was the coup de ville, huh?
335
00:12:57,596 --> 00:12:59,764
Yeah, Gary's messed around
with the wrong guys.
336
00:13:01,033 --> 00:13:03,134
I wish I was there to
see the stupid looks
337
00:13:03,169 --> 00:13:04,809
on their faces, you know?
338
00:13:11,310 --> 00:13:13,190
Hey, hey, who's the chrome dome?
339
00:13:14,880 --> 00:13:16,080
I don't know.
340
00:13:16,115 --> 00:13:17,315
I've never seen him before.
341
00:13:17,349 --> 00:13:19,517
Uh-huh.
342
00:13:19,551 --> 00:13:20,886
Afternoon.
343
00:13:20,920 --> 00:13:22,120
I'll have a draft.
344
00:13:22,155 --> 00:13:25,090
Excuse me there,
uh, pal of mine.
345
00:13:25,124 --> 00:13:26,391
Yeah?
346
00:13:26,425 --> 00:13:27,459
Eh, what exactly
347
00:13:27,493 --> 00:13:29,027
are you, uh, doing in here?
348
00:13:29,061 --> 00:13:31,062
Getting a drink.
349
00:13:31,096 --> 00:13:32,330
Aha.
350
00:13:32,364 --> 00:13:33,030
So, uh, you're not
351
00:13:33,065 --> 00:13:34,499
from the neighborhood, are you?
352
00:13:34,533 --> 00:13:35,850
No, no, I'm from Framingham.
353
00:13:35,885 --> 00:13:37,485
Uh, my wife's at Mass General.
354
00:13:37,520 --> 00:13:39,120
She just had a double bypass,
355
00:13:39,154 --> 00:13:41,689
and I thought I'd
unwind a little with a drink.
356
00:13:41,724 --> 00:13:43,224
That okay?
357
00:13:45,661 --> 00:13:47,411
Sure.
358
00:13:49,915 --> 00:13:51,555
Let's shave his head
and put him on a bus!
359
00:13:52,635 --> 00:13:53,952
Excuse me.
360
00:13:53,986 --> 00:13:55,086
On second thought,
361
00:13:55,121 --> 00:13:56,387
I think I'll check to see
362
00:13:56,421 --> 00:13:58,422
if they have a juice machine
in the ICU.
363
00:13:58,457 --> 00:13:59,590
Yeah.
364
00:13:59,625 --> 00:14:00,792
You do that, pal.
365
00:14:00,826 --> 00:14:03,862
Hey, you tell Dr. Gary
the gang at Cheers says hello.
366
00:14:04,930 --> 00:14:05,797
Huh? Right, huh?
367
00:14:05,915 --> 00:14:07,482
Okay. I don't know.
368
00:14:07,517 --> 00:14:09,651
What, does he think
we're idiots or something?
369
00:14:14,624 --> 00:14:15,791
Did anybody remember
370
00:14:15,825 --> 00:14:17,726
to grease the bar stools
over at Gary's?
371
00:14:17,760 --> 00:14:19,093
Oh yeah. Yeah, I did.
372
00:14:19,128 --> 00:14:20,595
Woody, get this man
373
00:14:20,630 --> 00:14:21,779
his favorite.
374
00:14:21,813 --> 00:14:23,581
Hello, everyone.
375
00:14:23,616 --> 00:14:26,417
Thank you, thank you.
376
00:14:26,452 --> 00:14:27,519
You're too kind.
377
00:14:27,553 --> 00:14:28,853
May I please see the manager?
378
00:14:28,887 --> 00:14:29,871
I'm the manager.
379
00:14:29,905 --> 00:14:30,772
Can I help you?
380
00:14:30,806 --> 00:14:32,373
Oh, so you're the manager.
381
00:14:32,407 --> 00:14:34,275
Finally something in this place
worth looking at.
382
00:14:34,309 --> 00:14:35,409
I'm, uh, Gary
383
00:14:35,444 --> 00:14:37,612
from the Old Town Tavern.
384
00:14:37,646 --> 00:14:38,847
Well, well, well.
385
00:14:38,881 --> 00:14:41,783
I never expected to see you
step foot in this bar.
386
00:14:41,817 --> 00:14:43,651
Now I can call the exterminator.
387
00:14:43,685 --> 00:14:45,019
Oh, gee, I'm sorry
you feel that way.
388
00:14:45,054 --> 00:14:46,287
Although I can't
say I blame you.
389
00:14:46,321 --> 00:14:47,355
Things did...
390
00:14:47,389 --> 00:14:48,422
kind of get out of hand,
391
00:14:48,457 --> 00:14:49,924
but hey, we're both
professionals here.
392
00:14:49,959 --> 00:14:51,960
Why don't we just
call this whole thing off
393
00:14:51,994 --> 00:14:53,561
before we lose
any more customers?
394
00:14:53,595 --> 00:14:55,463
Look, uh, I have to admit,
395
00:14:55,497 --> 00:14:57,232
that when I first heard
that you personally
396
00:14:57,266 --> 00:14:58,566
authorized some of these pranks,
397
00:14:58,600 --> 00:14:59,935
I was a little
ticked off myself.
398
00:14:59,969 --> 00:15:01,286
But now that I've met you,
399
00:15:01,320 --> 00:15:03,121
why don't we call that
water under the bridge,
400
00:15:03,155 --> 00:15:06,574
and have a new era of
peaceful coexistence?
401
00:15:06,609 --> 00:15:08,910
Hmm?
402
00:15:08,944 --> 00:15:11,613
All right. Truce.
403
00:15:11,647 --> 00:15:12,880
Whoa, I feel like
404
00:15:12,915 --> 00:15:15,083
a giant weight has been lifted
405
00:15:15,117 --> 00:15:16,484
from my shoulders.
406
00:15:18,553 --> 00:15:20,354
Do you mind
if I call you sometime
407
00:15:20,388 --> 00:15:22,607
and maybe we go out
for a cup of coffee?
408
00:15:22,642 --> 00:15:23,825
Sure, why not?
409
00:15:23,860 --> 00:15:26,761
I like coffee.
410
00:15:28,114 --> 00:15:31,316
Uh, see ya.
411
00:15:31,350 --> 00:15:32,317
How could
412
00:15:32,351 --> 00:15:33,551
you do that?
413
00:15:33,585 --> 00:15:35,553
How could I do what?
414
00:15:35,587 --> 00:15:38,189
After all that's
happened around here,
415
00:15:38,224 --> 00:15:40,658
you can go on a
date with that rat?
416
00:15:40,692 --> 00:15:43,328
Would you please
not say that word?
417
00:15:47,433 --> 00:15:50,501
I happen to think Gary
made a lot of sense.
418
00:15:50,536 --> 00:15:52,304
Besides, he's kind of cute.
419
00:15:52,338 --> 00:15:55,273
Cute?! You think Gary's cute?
420
00:15:55,308 --> 00:15:57,508
Yeah, he's got a real cool
face and a nice body.
421
00:15:57,543 --> 00:15:58,944
He looks kind of
like an athlete.
422
00:15:58,978 --> 00:16:00,178
Hey, what am I?
423
00:16:00,212 --> 00:16:02,180
Jealous.
424
00:16:04,967 --> 00:16:06,034
Excuse me.
425
00:16:09,538 --> 00:16:11,940
There are sheep in my office!
426
00:16:11,974 --> 00:16:13,942
Whoa, sheep. Ho-ho!
427
00:16:13,976 --> 00:16:17,478
You got to admire that, huh?
428
00:16:17,512 --> 00:16:19,747
I thought it smelled like home.
429
00:16:22,017 --> 00:16:22,767
I'm gonna get him.
430
00:16:22,885 --> 00:16:24,285
I'm going to rip his head off.
431
00:16:24,319 --> 00:16:26,521
Aw, but he's so cute.
432
00:16:26,555 --> 00:16:27,789
And then I'm going
to tie him up,
433
00:16:27,823 --> 00:16:29,123
and I'm going to take a lighter,
434
00:16:29,158 --> 00:16:31,325
and I'm going to torch him
from the tip of his toes
435
00:16:31,360 --> 00:16:32,460
to the top of his head.
436
00:16:32,494 --> 00:16:33,628
How come you never
437
00:16:33,663 --> 00:16:35,303
do stuff like that to me?
438
00:16:35,969 --> 00:16:38,009
Don't worry about it.
Don't worry about it.
439
00:16:38,034 --> 00:16:39,155
It's all taken care of here.
440
00:16:41,170 --> 00:16:43,371
You all set?
441
00:16:43,405 --> 00:16:44,906
Yep.
442
00:16:46,291 --> 00:16:48,058
Tool box, check.
443
00:16:48,093 --> 00:16:50,261
Coaxial cable, check.
444
00:16:50,296 --> 00:16:52,930
VCR, check.
445
00:16:52,964 --> 00:16:54,098
Tape.
446
00:16:54,132 --> 00:16:55,333
Check.
447
00:16:55,367 --> 00:16:57,134
Good luck, babe.
448
00:16:57,169 --> 00:16:58,403
Carla?
449
00:16:58,437 --> 00:17:00,004
Carla?
450
00:17:00,038 --> 00:17:01,606
Carla?
451
00:17:01,640 --> 00:17:04,074
You're not going to do
anything illegal, are you?
452
00:17:04,109 --> 00:17:06,927
What makes you say that?
453
00:17:15,938 --> 00:17:18,256
Ladies and gentlemen!
Ladies and gentlemen!
454
00:17:18,290 --> 00:17:21,276
Gary's Old Town Tavern
is once again proud to present
455
00:17:21,310 --> 00:17:23,244
the finest in world-class boxing
456
00:17:23,279 --> 00:17:25,913
on the largest screen TV
available in any bar
457
00:17:25,947 --> 00:17:28,416
in the greater
Metropolitan Boston area!
458
00:17:32,538 --> 00:17:33,555
Grab a drink,
459
00:17:33,673 --> 00:17:35,040
sit back, relax,
460
00:17:35,074 --> 00:17:36,941
and let the bloodletting begin!
461
00:17:38,160 --> 00:17:39,260
All right.
462
00:17:39,295 --> 00:17:40,695
The months of waiting are over.
463
00:17:40,729 --> 00:17:41,963
We've heard all the hype,
464
00:17:41,997 --> 00:17:44,099
we know how many millions
are on the line.
465
00:17:44,133 --> 00:17:45,266
This is the big one.
466
00:17:45,301 --> 00:17:46,568
Here we go!
467
00:17:47,736 --> 00:17:49,904
Good evening, I'm Norm Peterson.
468
00:17:49,938 --> 00:17:52,240
And I'm Clifford C. Clavin.
469
00:17:53,308 --> 00:17:55,476
Welcome to an evening of poetry.
470
00:17:55,511 --> 00:17:56,243
We're so glad that
471
00:17:56,278 --> 00:17:57,728
you've chosen to ignore
472
00:17:57,763 --> 00:17:58,713
the fisticuffs they're watching
473
00:17:58,747 --> 00:18:00,064
over at Cheers right now,
474
00:18:00,099 --> 00:18:02,666
uh, three blocks down
and on your right,
475
00:18:02,701 --> 00:18:04,702
drinks half price if you
mention, "Gary sent me."
476
00:18:04,736 --> 00:18:06,370
Tapped into the cable.
477
00:18:06,404 --> 00:18:08,406
Instead, relax with us and enjoy
478
00:18:08,440 --> 00:18:09,707
as we read and interpret
479
00:18:09,741 --> 00:18:12,710
the many works of
Dante Gabriel Rosetti,
480
00:18:12,744 --> 00:18:15,579
the famous 19th century
poet and fancy guy.
481
00:18:15,614 --> 00:18:16,564
Clifford?
482
00:18:16,598 --> 00:18:17,882
Norman...
483
00:18:17,916 --> 00:18:20,218
I'd like to start with
"The Ballad of the Dead Ladies."
484
00:18:20,252 --> 00:18:21,219
Ah.
485
00:18:21,253 --> 00:18:22,720
An excellent choice.
486
00:18:22,755 --> 00:18:24,789
It's written
in iambic pentathlon
487
00:18:24,823 --> 00:18:26,557
with, uh, rhyming couplets,
488
00:18:26,591 --> 00:18:28,359
every couple of couplets.
489
00:18:28,393 --> 00:18:31,362
"Tell me now, in what hidden way"
490
00:18:31,397 --> 00:18:34,198
"is Lady Flora
the lovely Roman?"
491
00:18:38,721 --> 00:18:40,704
Oh, oh, oh.
492
00:18:40,739 --> 00:18:42,040
Hey, uh, Gary.
493
00:18:43,242 --> 00:18:44,542
What's up, buddy?
494
00:18:44,576 --> 00:18:45,577
I want to know, did you enjoy
495
00:18:45,664 --> 00:18:46,904
the, uh, fight the other night?
496
00:18:46,929 --> 00:18:47,829
Yeah.
497
00:18:47,863 --> 00:18:50,064
Who'd you bet on...
Shelley or Keats?
498
00:18:51,099 --> 00:18:52,200
You guys are great.
499
00:18:52,234 --> 00:18:54,435
I tell you,
I didn't know you had it ya.
500
00:18:54,469 --> 00:18:55,536
You know what?
501
00:18:55,570 --> 00:18:57,771
This is going to go down
in the annals of gags
502
00:18:57,806 --> 00:18:58,940
as one of the greatest.
503
00:18:58,974 --> 00:19:00,214
Here, give me your hands, guys.
504
00:19:00,242 --> 00:19:01,775
I got something better
for you, though,
505
00:19:01,810 --> 00:19:04,078
than a trophy now.
506
00:19:04,112 --> 00:19:05,429
Come on, Gare. No, no, no.
507
00:19:05,464 --> 00:19:06,530
On the level.
508
00:19:06,565 --> 00:19:08,399
No crossed fingers,
standing on both feet.
509
00:19:08,433 --> 00:19:11,903
I am a personal
friend of Wade Boggs.
510
00:19:11,937 --> 00:19:13,671
The Wade Boggs, who was gonna
come over to my place,
511
00:19:13,705 --> 00:19:14,739
sign some autographs,
512
00:19:14,773 --> 00:19:15,807
but I rerouted him over here.
513
00:19:15,841 --> 00:19:17,408
He should be here any minute.
514
00:19:17,443 --> 00:19:19,209
You take good care of him, okay?
515
00:19:19,244 --> 00:19:20,661
You guys are the greatest.
516
00:19:20,695 --> 00:19:22,463
I didn't know you had it in you.
517
00:19:22,497 --> 00:19:25,199
Take care.
518
00:19:25,234 --> 00:19:26,534
Did you guys hear that?
519
00:19:26,569 --> 00:19:28,236
Wade Boggs is coming here.
520
00:19:28,270 --> 00:19:29,804
All right. All right.
521
00:19:29,838 --> 00:19:30,955
Who's Wade Boggs?
522
00:19:30,989 --> 00:19:32,123
"Who's Wade Boggs?"!
523
00:19:32,157 --> 00:19:34,692
He's only the
greatest third baseman
524
00:19:34,726 --> 00:19:35,876
in Red Sox history.
525
00:19:35,911 --> 00:19:36,911
Guy's a pure hitter.
526
00:19:36,945 --> 00:19:39,113
He's only popped up six
times in five years.
527
00:19:39,147 --> 00:19:40,782
Wait a minute. Wait a minute.
528
00:19:40,816 --> 00:19:43,051
I'm standing in a room
full of idiots.
529
00:19:43,085 --> 00:19:45,386
That's true. What's your point?
530
00:19:46,722 --> 00:19:48,840
Gary's not gonna send
the real Wade Boggs
531
00:19:48,874 --> 00:19:49,974
over to see us.
532
00:19:50,008 --> 00:19:52,509
He's gonna get some guy
in a Wade Boggs suit,
533
00:19:52,544 --> 00:19:54,145
claiming to be Wade Boggs.
534
00:19:54,179 --> 00:19:56,414
We're all gonna slobber
all over him,
535
00:19:56,448 --> 00:19:58,916
buy him drinks,
beg him for autographs
536
00:19:58,950 --> 00:20:02,320
and Gary'll come in
and bust a gut laughing at us.
537
00:20:07,309 --> 00:20:09,026
Excuse me.
538
00:20:09,060 --> 00:20:10,862
Can I help you?
539
00:20:10,896 --> 00:20:12,262
Yeah, uh, Gary sent me over
540
00:20:12,297 --> 00:20:13,531
to sign some autographs.
541
00:20:13,565 --> 00:20:14,632
Hi, I'm Wade Boggs.
542
00:20:14,666 --> 00:20:15,700
Hi.
543
00:20:15,734 --> 00:20:17,301
Wade Boggs, huh?
544
00:20:18,269 --> 00:20:20,110
Yeah, how you doing?
I'm Babe Ruth.
545
00:20:21,557 --> 00:20:24,492
Yeah, I'm his, uh,
good friend Dizzy Dean.
546
00:20:25,994 --> 00:20:28,028
And I'm Woody Boyd.
547
00:20:30,916 --> 00:20:32,716
Are you sure
that isn't Wade Boggs?
548
00:20:32,751 --> 00:20:34,485
I mean,
it really looks like him.
549
00:20:34,520 --> 00:20:35,619
Oh, Carla, come on.
550
00:20:35,654 --> 00:20:36,921
That's not Wade Boggs.
551
00:20:36,955 --> 00:20:39,723
Wade Boggs is a big,
strapping lad like myself.
552
00:20:40,892 --> 00:20:44,529
Uh, Mr., uh, Wade Boggs,
553
00:20:44,563 --> 00:20:46,030
what, uh...
554
00:20:46,065 --> 00:20:47,898
what are we batting these days?
555
00:20:47,933 --> 00:20:49,400
Something like .360, huh?
556
00:20:49,435 --> 00:20:51,302
- .361.
- Oh.
557
00:20:51,336 --> 00:20:53,604
Well, welcome to Cheers, Mr...
558
00:20:53,638 --> 00:20:56,507
Wade Boggs.
559
00:20:58,077 --> 00:21:00,878
I thought you folks
were, uh, Red Sox fans.
560
00:21:00,912 --> 00:21:03,347
Oh, yeah, we're,
we're Red Sox fans.
561
00:21:03,382 --> 00:21:06,217
Sure, Mr. Wade Boggs.
562
00:21:06,251 --> 00:21:07,985
As a matter of fact, uh,
563
00:21:08,020 --> 00:21:10,454
we'd, uh, like to give you
a nice welcome
564
00:21:10,488 --> 00:21:12,556
that we give
all great sports stars
565
00:21:12,590 --> 00:21:14,425
that happen by to Cheers here.
566
00:21:15,351 --> 00:21:17,271
Maybe I ought to
get out of here.
567
00:21:17,296 --> 00:21:18,377
Hurry, guys! Let's get him!
568
00:21:33,362 --> 00:21:36,030
Whoo-hoo!
569
00:21:36,064 --> 00:21:38,832
Man, that guy was
a lot quicker than he looked.
570
00:21:38,867 --> 00:21:39,933
Yeah. Let's, uh,
571
00:21:39,968 --> 00:21:41,802
check out this guy's wallet.
572
00:21:41,836 --> 00:21:44,338
Find out who this
joker really was.
573
00:21:44,373 --> 00:21:45,440
Yeah, this, uh,
574
00:21:45,474 --> 00:21:48,209
this guy's name
was... Wade Boggs.
575
00:21:48,243 --> 00:21:52,079
Wait. Wow, what a coincidence.
576
00:21:52,113 --> 00:21:54,031
Well, I guess Gary went
to a lot of trouble
577
00:21:54,066 --> 00:21:55,733
to make up fake I.D.'s
for this guy and...
578
00:21:55,767 --> 00:21:57,902
credit cards and...
579
00:21:57,936 --> 00:22:00,905
photo of him with
Jim Rice and Dwight Evans.
580
00:22:03,642 --> 00:22:05,076
Oh, I'm sorry I'm late, guys.
581
00:22:05,110 --> 00:22:06,310
I had a rough night.
582
00:22:06,344 --> 00:22:08,212
I was out showing
Gary's steady chick
583
00:22:08,246 --> 00:22:09,379
the time of her life.
584
00:22:10,448 --> 00:22:12,233
Whoo.
585
00:22:12,267 --> 00:22:14,151
Did I miss anything?
586
00:22:14,186 --> 00:22:15,853
No, no, just an average day.
587
00:22:15,887 --> 00:22:17,722
We refilled the pretzel bowls,
588
00:22:17,756 --> 00:22:20,525
played a little darts,
pantsed Wade Boggs,
589
00:22:20,559 --> 00:22:22,610
watched a little TV.
Wait, you did what?
590
00:22:22,644 --> 00:22:25,796
Oh, man, we thought it was
another one of Gary's tricks.
591
00:22:25,830 --> 00:22:27,932
So that's who was
running out there
592
00:22:27,966 --> 00:22:29,934
in his underwear in traffic.
593
00:22:29,968 --> 00:22:31,602
You know, you see...
594
00:22:31,636 --> 00:22:33,371
Gary has pulled off
the greatest,
595
00:22:33,405 --> 00:22:35,139
most ingenious
trick of them all.
596
00:22:35,174 --> 00:22:37,075
He's gotten us to get ourselves.
597
00:22:37,109 --> 00:22:38,292
Frasier's right.
598
00:22:38,326 --> 00:22:39,927
We can't top this.
599
00:22:39,962 --> 00:22:41,528
Gary's beaten us.
600
00:22:41,563 --> 00:22:43,864
You know, it's really
rather Machiavellian.
601
00:22:43,898 --> 00:22:45,316
Hey.
602
00:22:45,350 --> 00:22:48,202
Come on, guys.
603
00:22:48,236 --> 00:22:50,721
So we've been humiliated
in every sport.
604
00:22:50,755 --> 00:22:52,039
We've still got something
605
00:22:52,073 --> 00:22:53,608
that Gary can't take away.
606
00:22:54,392 --> 00:22:55,843
Our pride?
607
00:22:55,877 --> 00:22:58,512
Hell, no. We never had that.
608
00:22:58,547 --> 00:23:00,631
We have got
609
00:23:00,665 --> 00:23:03,400
the great Wade Boggs' pants!
610
00:23:05,120 --> 00:23:07,688
Well, it's either
this or nothing.
611
00:23:11,710 --> 00:23:13,377
We're number one!
612
00:23:13,412 --> 00:23:15,346
We're number one!
613
00:23:15,380 --> 00:23:17,348
We're number one!
614
00:23:17,382 --> 00:23:18,649
We're number one!
615
00:23:18,684 --> 00:23:20,217
We're number one!
616
00:23:20,252 --> 00:23:21,552
Hey! We're number one!
617
00:23:21,587 --> 00:23:24,088
Pretty weenie.
40713
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