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1
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Cheers is filmedbefore a live studio audience.
2
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There you go.
3
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Cheers.
4
00:00:08,414 --> 00:00:10,616
Oh, yeah, hi, Vera.
5
00:00:10,650 --> 00:00:12,684
Uh, let me see if he's here yet.
6
00:00:14,687 --> 00:00:16,922
Oh, yeah, he just walked in.
7
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Yeah, here he is right now.
8
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All right, bye.
9
00:00:19,793 --> 00:00:21,326
Yeah, yeah, it's for you.
10
00:00:21,360 --> 00:00:22,628
Hi, honey.
11
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Yeah.
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I, I have no idea.
13
00:00:25,632 --> 00:00:26,765
I mean, uh...
14
00:00:26,799 --> 00:00:28,900
did you try that broom closet?
15
00:00:28,935 --> 00:00:30,602
Well, how about the pantry?
16
00:00:30,637 --> 00:00:33,572
Well, that would be
a good place to look, okay?
17
00:00:33,606 --> 00:00:34,739
All right.
18
00:00:34,773 --> 00:00:35,974
Okay, let me know, thanks.
19
00:00:36,008 --> 00:00:38,210
Oh, here.
20
00:00:38,244 --> 00:00:39,644
Well, what's
Mrs. Peterson doing?
21
00:00:39,678 --> 00:00:41,879
I don't know, she's looking
for the fire extinguisher.
22
00:00:44,133 --> 00:00:47,485
Was there a fire in your house?
23
00:00:47,520 --> 00:00:48,537
I have no idea.
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Should I have asked?
25
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¶ Making your way
in the world today ¶
26
00:01:00,500 --> 00:01:03,001
¶ Takes everything you've got.
27
00:01:03,035 --> 00:01:05,437
¶ Taking a break
from all your worries ¶
28
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¶ Sure would help a lot.
29
00:01:08,808 --> 00:01:12,243
¶ Wouldn't you like
to get away? ¶
30
00:01:14,781 --> 00:01:17,599
¶ Sometimes you want to go.
31
00:01:17,634 --> 00:01:21,936
¶ Where everybody
knows your name ¶
32
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¶ And they're always glad
you came ¶
33
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¶ You want to be
where you can see ¶
34
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¶ Our troubles
are all the same ¶
35
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¶ You want to be where everybody
knows your name ¶
36
00:01:36,118 --> 00:01:39,554
¶ You want to go
where people know ¶
37
00:01:39,589 --> 00:01:42,791
¶ People are all the same.
38
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¶ You want to go where
everybody knows your name. ¶
39
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Attention, everyone, attention!
40
00:02:13,372 --> 00:02:15,574
I'm getting rid
of that television.
41
00:02:17,309 --> 00:02:19,343
And I am replacing it
this weekend
42
00:02:19,378 --> 00:02:21,112
with a new 27-inch screen TV
43
00:02:21,146 --> 00:02:24,148
with a direct hookup
to the Cable Sports Channel.
44
00:02:24,183 --> 00:02:25,249
Thank you.
45
00:02:26,986 --> 00:02:28,787
Kind of a jerky thing to do,
46
00:02:28,821 --> 00:02:30,354
but I liked it.
47
00:02:30,389 --> 00:02:32,090
That means we'll be able
48
00:02:32,124 --> 00:02:34,325
to watch that world welterweight
championship bout
49
00:02:34,359 --> 00:02:35,944
between Hector
"The Hammer" Rodriguez
50
00:02:35,979 --> 00:02:37,412
and Julio
"The Hacker" Rodriguez.
51
00:02:37,447 --> 00:02:38,246
Who do you think's gonna win?
52
00:02:38,281 --> 00:02:39,931
My money's on Rodriguez.
53
00:02:40,867 --> 00:02:42,066
Julio "The Hacker" Rodriguez
54
00:02:42,101 --> 00:02:43,234
has got a glass jaw.
55
00:02:43,269 --> 00:02:45,570
My uncle Fergie had a glass eye.
56
00:02:45,605 --> 00:02:48,540
He used to take it out
and scare the cat.
57
00:02:51,577 --> 00:02:54,078
This is Cheers, Dorothy.
58
00:02:54,113 --> 00:02:56,848
Isn't it amusing?
59
00:02:56,883 --> 00:02:59,117
Frasier, would you be a dear
and get us some drinks?
60
00:03:03,389 --> 00:03:04,656
Sam, can I have
61
00:03:04,690 --> 00:03:05,707
three martinis please?
62
00:03:05,741 --> 00:03:06,775
Make mine a double.
63
00:03:06,809 --> 00:03:07,976
How's married life treating ya?
64
00:03:08,010 --> 00:03:09,077
Quite a change, huh?
65
00:03:09,111 --> 00:03:10,444
Well, you know, Lilith and I
66
00:03:10,479 --> 00:03:12,613
did live together for
a year before we wed.
67
00:03:12,648 --> 00:03:14,749
So other than the fact
that I now see it
68
00:03:14,784 --> 00:03:16,417
stretching endlessly before me,
69
00:03:16,451 --> 00:03:18,252
until I lie rotting
in the grave,
70
00:03:18,253 --> 00:03:19,721
there's no real difference.
71
00:03:19,755 --> 00:03:21,873
Now, Lilith, if you,
your family,
72
00:03:21,907 --> 00:03:24,792
and generations of your
ancestors had lived
73
00:03:24,794 --> 00:03:27,579
with the boot of oppression
on your throat,
74
00:03:27,613 --> 00:03:30,898
would cutting out a man's heart
seem that extreme?
75
00:03:30,933 --> 00:03:34,469
So who's the party girl?
76
00:03:34,503 --> 00:03:35,737
Dorothy Greenberg.
77
00:03:35,771 --> 00:03:38,906
She's an old childhood chum
of Lilith's from New York.
78
00:03:38,941 --> 00:03:40,808
She's been visiting for a week.
79
00:03:40,843 --> 00:03:42,076
She's a professional student.
80
00:03:42,111 --> 00:03:43,912
She's writing her dissertation
81
00:03:43,946 --> 00:03:47,349
on the Comuneros' uprising in
Paraguay during the 1700s.
82
00:03:47,383 --> 00:03:49,484
She can't talk
about anything else.
83
00:03:49,518 --> 00:03:52,420
Believe me, when you've heard
one Bruno de Zavala joke,
84
00:03:52,455 --> 00:03:53,655
you've heard them all.
85
00:03:57,727 --> 00:03:59,060
Sam, I got to
86
00:03:59,094 --> 00:04:01,062
get this over with.
87
00:04:01,096 --> 00:04:03,265
Listen, there's something
I got to ask you,
88
00:04:03,299 --> 00:04:05,500
and I don't want you
to take it the wrong way.
89
00:04:05,534 --> 00:04:06,501
What is it?
90
00:04:06,535 --> 00:04:09,021
Would you come to dinner
at my house tonight?
91
00:04:09,055 --> 00:04:11,089
Hey, I thought we were friends.
92
00:04:11,124 --> 00:04:12,257
Well, it's just that
93
00:04:12,291 --> 00:04:14,292
Eddie wants us
to practice our social skills
94
00:04:14,326 --> 00:04:16,227
so he can invite
his boss over to dinner.
95
00:04:16,262 --> 00:04:17,495
Can't you ask somebody else?
96
00:04:17,530 --> 00:04:18,664
Please? Come on.
97
00:04:18,698 --> 00:04:19,965
I'm sure any one of the guys
98
00:04:19,999 --> 00:04:21,533
would love to go.
99
00:04:21,567 --> 00:04:23,234
Guys, am I...
100
00:04:25,538 --> 00:04:28,389
So, uh...
I'll expect you at 7:00?
101
00:04:28,423 --> 00:04:30,103
Yeah, all right. All right.
102
00:04:33,662 --> 00:04:35,480
Where'd you guys go?
103
00:04:35,514 --> 00:04:36,781
Go? Huh?
104
00:04:36,816 --> 00:04:39,384
We were right here
all the time, Sammy.
105
00:04:39,418 --> 00:04:41,085
By the way, uh,
106
00:04:41,119 --> 00:04:43,287
thanks for hogging
that invitation
107
00:04:43,322 --> 00:04:45,556
to Carla's house
all for yourself.
108
00:04:45,591 --> 00:04:47,325
There's room for one more.
109
00:04:54,416 --> 00:04:56,601
Sam, you sit here.
110
00:04:56,636 --> 00:04:58,403
Thank you.
111
00:04:58,437 --> 00:05:00,171
What is this, Sammy... no date?
112
00:05:00,205 --> 00:05:01,840
Uh, your mom didn't
want me to bring one.
113
00:05:01,874 --> 00:05:02,841
I always like
114
00:05:02,875 --> 00:05:03,942
to be the prettiest woman
115
00:05:03,976 --> 00:05:05,010
in my house.
116
00:05:05,044 --> 00:05:06,778
And you always will be, baby.
117
00:05:06,812 --> 00:05:09,213
You're no magazine cover
yourself.
118
00:05:13,503 --> 00:05:15,203
Now.
119
00:05:23,646 --> 00:05:26,448
Oh, these look great.
120
00:05:26,482 --> 00:05:27,649
Mm-hmm.
121
00:05:44,300 --> 00:05:45,333
You know, Carla,
122
00:05:45,368 --> 00:05:47,035
it's, uh, nice to see you
123
00:05:47,069 --> 00:05:49,337
surrounded by
such a loving family.
124
00:05:49,372 --> 00:05:52,374
Oh, it's eerie, Sam. Mmm.
125
00:05:52,408 --> 00:05:53,475
I got a husband
126
00:05:53,509 --> 00:05:54,809
who does windows.
127
00:05:54,843 --> 00:05:56,978
And all the kids
are out of jail.
128
00:05:59,182 --> 00:06:01,183
For the first time in my life,
129
00:06:01,217 --> 00:06:03,051
when morning comes around,
130
00:06:03,085 --> 00:06:06,120
I want to open up my eyes
instead of my wrists.
131
00:06:06,155 --> 00:06:08,056
That's beautiful, honey.
132
00:06:10,059 --> 00:06:11,259
Uh, and who knows, Ma?
133
00:06:11,294 --> 00:06:13,295
Someday... well,
you can look forward
134
00:06:13,329 --> 00:06:14,729
to having grandkids.
135
00:06:14,763 --> 00:06:16,898
Carla, a grandmother?
136
00:06:16,932 --> 00:06:18,533
You've got to be kidding.
137
00:06:18,568 --> 00:06:20,635
No, no.
138
00:06:20,670 --> 00:06:22,136
Sammy, it's true.
139
00:06:22,171 --> 00:06:24,639
I think I'd like to be
a grandmother someday.
140
00:06:24,674 --> 00:06:25,773
I mean, get all the fun,
141
00:06:25,808 --> 00:06:27,075
none of the responsibility.
142
00:06:27,109 --> 00:06:29,177
Just seeing the little brats
when I want to.
143
00:06:29,212 --> 00:06:30,978
I think you're gonna
be surprised
144
00:06:31,013 --> 00:06:33,147
what a sweet
little old granny I'll be.
145
00:06:33,182 --> 00:06:35,650
That's great,
'cause I knocked up Annie good.
146
00:06:35,685 --> 00:06:36,384
What!?
147
00:06:38,421 --> 00:06:39,454
Hey, hey, hey!
148
00:06:39,488 --> 00:06:41,590
Oh! Oh! Carla!
149
00:06:41,624 --> 00:06:44,259
Carla! Carla!
150
00:06:44,293 --> 00:06:46,328
What are you thinking of?!
151
00:06:46,362 --> 00:06:48,330
I just waxed that table.
152
00:06:48,364 --> 00:06:50,198
Come here, come here.
Come on, come on.
153
00:06:50,233 --> 00:06:51,866
Get off. Come on.
154
00:06:51,900 --> 00:06:53,702
Come here, come here.
155
00:06:59,808 --> 00:07:01,543
And besides...
156
00:07:01,577 --> 00:07:03,411
this is family business.
157
00:07:03,446 --> 00:07:05,046
Let's, um...
158
00:07:06,048 --> 00:07:08,182
Let's talk
about this later, okay?
159
00:07:25,067 --> 00:07:27,802
So what kind of car
do you drive, Ed?
160
00:07:29,738 --> 00:07:30,972
I thought you said
161
00:07:31,006 --> 00:07:32,707
you wanted to be a grandmother.
162
00:07:32,741 --> 00:07:34,108
Someday.
163
00:07:34,142 --> 00:07:35,176
Like years from now,
164
00:07:35,210 --> 00:07:37,712
when you've moved
thousands of miles away.
165
00:07:37,747 --> 00:07:39,481
Carla, please.
166
00:07:43,786 --> 00:07:46,220
I drive a Corvette myself.
167
00:07:47,423 --> 00:07:48,890
How could you do this?!
168
00:07:48,924 --> 00:07:51,793
Hey, I'm going to
be 20 in two years.
169
00:07:51,827 --> 00:07:55,029
I can hear my biological
clock ticking.
170
00:07:55,063 --> 00:07:57,732
Do you know what it
takes to raise a kid?
171
00:07:57,766 --> 00:07:59,601
Ma, will you relax? I got a job.
172
00:07:59,635 --> 00:08:01,169
You think you can
support a family
173
00:08:01,203 --> 00:08:02,303
pushing cheeseburgers?!
174
00:08:02,338 --> 00:08:03,938
Well, I thought
we'd all stay here.
175
00:08:03,972 --> 00:08:05,273
Ho-ho, great.
176
00:08:05,307 --> 00:08:07,108
More people in this house.
177
00:08:07,143 --> 00:08:10,103
I get about 19 on the
highway, 15 in town.
178
00:08:11,280 --> 00:08:14,915
Whose stupid idea
was this anyway?
179
00:08:14,950 --> 00:08:17,552
Hey, I was getting bored
sitting around the house.
180
00:08:17,586 --> 00:08:19,987
I thought this might
give her something to do.
181
00:08:20,022 --> 00:08:20,988
I'll give you
182
00:08:21,023 --> 00:08:22,190
something to do!
183
00:08:23,225 --> 00:08:24,759
- Oh!
- No, no.
184
00:08:24,793 --> 00:08:26,727
Carla, Carla, Carla!
185
00:08:26,762 --> 00:08:29,364
Come on.
186
00:08:29,398 --> 00:08:30,632
Well...
187
00:08:30,666 --> 00:08:33,100
if this is the way
that we are going to be treated
188
00:08:33,135 --> 00:08:35,036
on the happiest day
of our young lives,
189
00:08:35,070 --> 00:08:37,472
then I don't want
to live in this house anymore!
190
00:08:39,508 --> 00:08:40,875
Anthony!
191
00:08:40,909 --> 00:08:42,549
You should probably
come with me.
192
00:08:42,578 --> 00:08:45,830
But we haven't eaten yet.
193
00:08:45,864 --> 00:08:47,565
Your hair is full
of bread crumbs.
194
00:08:47,599 --> 00:08:50,034
We could butter your head
and make a sandwich.
195
00:08:51,370 --> 00:08:54,238
I had a sandwich for lunch!
196
00:08:54,273 --> 00:08:55,506
Oh, go on. Go, go!
197
00:08:55,540 --> 00:08:56,507
Get out of here!
198
00:08:56,541 --> 00:08:57,976
Let's see how long
you last on your own!
199
00:08:58,010 --> 00:08:59,543
I give you three days!
200
00:08:59,578 --> 00:09:01,646
Two, two tops! You hear me?
201
00:09:01,680 --> 00:09:04,149
Carla, come on. Calm down.
202
00:09:05,684 --> 00:09:10,454
Sammy, you get 15 in the city?
203
00:09:10,489 --> 00:09:12,907
Hey, so they're
gonna have a baby.
204
00:09:12,941 --> 00:09:14,981
They'll, they'll find their way
through it.
205
00:09:15,194 --> 00:09:18,396
You don't understand.
206
00:09:18,430 --> 00:09:19,630
My life is over.
207
00:09:19,665 --> 00:09:22,033
I'm going to be a grandmother.
208
00:09:22,067 --> 00:09:23,151
I mean,
209
00:09:23,302 --> 00:09:25,119
I might as well wrap myself up
210
00:09:25,153 --> 00:09:26,454
in a black babushka,
211
00:09:26,488 --> 00:09:28,989
get fat and grow hairs
out of my moles.
212
00:09:29,024 --> 00:09:30,491
Oh, come on.
213
00:09:31,563 --> 00:09:33,003
You're exaggerating.
214
00:09:33,028 --> 00:09:35,530
Do I have
to get out the family album?
215
00:09:35,564 --> 00:09:37,081
Oh, God,
216
00:09:37,116 --> 00:09:38,616
this is terrible.
217
00:09:39,818 --> 00:09:41,986
Look at my life.
218
00:09:42,021 --> 00:09:43,287
I never had a childhood.
219
00:09:43,321 --> 00:09:45,456
I married Nick when I was 15.
220
00:09:45,490 --> 00:09:48,143
Never got to go
to the prom or homecoming,
221
00:09:48,177 --> 00:09:49,944
to a slumber party,
222
00:09:49,978 --> 00:09:52,780
to Fort Lauderdale
on Spring Break.
223
00:09:52,814 --> 00:09:55,049
Or on one lousy date
with Fabian.
224
00:09:56,935 --> 00:09:58,987
Now I don't even get
a middle age.
225
00:09:59,021 --> 00:10:02,289
Go straight from grade school
to Granny.
226
00:10:02,324 --> 00:10:03,474
I don't know what to say,
227
00:10:03,509 --> 00:10:04,592
Carla.
228
00:10:04,626 --> 00:10:06,161
Just don't say anything, okay?
229
00:10:06,195 --> 00:10:07,478
There's nothing anybody can say
230
00:10:07,512 --> 00:10:08,796
that's gonna change anything,
231
00:10:08,830 --> 00:10:10,198
so just don't say anything.
232
00:10:10,232 --> 00:10:10,665
Yeah, but, Carla...
233
00:10:10,699 --> 00:10:12,016
Sam, I said don't say anything.
234
00:10:12,050 --> 00:10:13,351
Weren't you listening to me?
235
00:10:13,385 --> 00:10:13,905
Yes, Carla...
236
00:10:13,936 --> 00:10:15,653
I said don't say anything!
237
00:10:15,688 --> 00:10:17,154
Nobody listens to me.
238
00:10:17,189 --> 00:10:17,705
I listen to...
239
00:10:17,740 --> 00:10:20,425
Shut up, shut up, shut up!
240
00:10:20,459 --> 00:10:23,694
Just stay away
and leave me alone!
241
00:10:23,728 --> 00:10:25,930
I'm going to my room,
242
00:10:25,964 --> 00:10:27,965
wait for the angel of death.
243
00:10:38,995 --> 00:10:41,029
Oh, here's one
of my favorite paintings
244
00:10:41,063 --> 00:10:42,897
of the Comuneros.
245
00:10:42,932 --> 00:10:45,066
It depicts the peasant army
struggling
246
00:10:45,101 --> 00:10:48,302
to push this cannon
to the top of the hill.
247
00:10:48,337 --> 00:10:50,639
Later, they found out
they were on the wrong hill
248
00:10:50,673 --> 00:10:52,774
and had fired
on their own village.
249
00:10:52,808 --> 00:10:57,112
These people had no luck.
250
00:10:58,597 --> 00:11:01,649
That's fascinating, Dorothy.
251
00:11:01,684 --> 00:11:03,852
Isn't that fascinating, Frasier?
252
00:11:05,071 --> 00:11:06,438
Oh, yes, yes.
253
00:11:06,472 --> 00:11:10,442
You know, these stories make me
long to visit Paraguay...
254
00:11:10,476 --> 00:11:12,977
right now.
255
00:11:19,101 --> 00:11:21,153
I hired you
as a temporary waitress.
256
00:11:21,187 --> 00:11:23,288
What on earth were you doing
with your blouse off?
257
00:11:23,322 --> 00:11:24,756
Serving drinks.
258
00:11:24,791 --> 00:11:26,258
This is not a topless bar.
259
00:11:26,292 --> 00:11:28,493
What, I'm supposed to get
tips for good service?
260
00:11:28,527 --> 00:11:30,495
Yes, dear, that's the way
we do it around here.
261
00:11:30,529 --> 00:11:31,763
Well, I'm sorry,
262
00:11:31,798 --> 00:11:34,099
but I don't beauties
like these under wraps.
263
00:11:34,133 --> 00:11:35,566
Out.
264
00:11:35,601 --> 00:11:36,934
Out!
265
00:11:36,969 --> 00:11:39,304
God, that is the fourth temp
266
00:11:39,338 --> 00:11:40,806
waitress we've gone through.
267
00:11:40,840 --> 00:11:41,973
I hate this bar.
268
00:11:42,008 --> 00:11:43,975
Excuse me, Miss,
can we get some service?
269
00:11:44,010 --> 00:11:45,443
Yes, sir.
270
00:11:45,477 --> 00:11:46,778
Miss,
271
00:11:46,813 --> 00:11:48,146
this martini is too dry.
272
00:11:48,181 --> 00:11:50,315
Oh, I'm sorry.
I'll take care of that.
273
00:11:50,349 --> 00:11:51,482
I've had it.
274
00:11:51,517 --> 00:11:52,918
Isn't Carla ever coming back?
275
00:11:52,952 --> 00:11:54,452
I was not born to be a waitress.
276
00:11:54,486 --> 00:11:56,021
I was born to manage waitresses.
277
00:11:56,055 --> 00:11:58,689
Oh, Miss? You'll get it when
I'm damn good and ready!
278
00:12:01,293 --> 00:12:02,460
Oh, God.
279
00:12:02,494 --> 00:12:04,295
Well, we tried
to cheer up Carla,
280
00:12:04,329 --> 00:12:05,997
but I don't think it worked.
281
00:12:06,032 --> 00:12:07,899
Yeah? How far did you get?
282
00:12:07,933 --> 00:12:09,567
About a half block away.
283
00:12:09,602 --> 00:12:12,470
She hit Mr. Clavin with a rock.
284
00:12:13,772 --> 00:12:15,607
Woody, uh, would you have
a little look-see?
285
00:12:15,641 --> 00:12:16,774
Is there a lump up there?
286
00:12:16,809 --> 00:12:18,342
Well, let's see.
287
00:12:18,377 --> 00:12:19,577
No.
288
00:12:19,612 --> 00:12:22,814
Gee, Mr. Clavin, do you
pluck your eyebrows?
289
00:12:26,215 --> 00:12:27,895
We can't get along
without Carla here.
290
00:12:27,920 --> 00:12:29,120
How can we get her back?
291
00:12:29,154 --> 00:12:30,922
Uh, well, I don't know,
but let's start
292
00:12:30,956 --> 00:12:32,089
at square one here.
293
00:12:32,124 --> 00:12:33,424
We know that, uh, she's upset
294
00:12:33,458 --> 00:12:34,993
about having a
grandchild, right?
295
00:12:35,027 --> 00:12:36,694
Another round, Sam?
296
00:12:36,729 --> 00:12:37,796
Coming right up.
297
00:12:37,830 --> 00:12:39,831
Table 11, please.
298
00:12:41,633 --> 00:12:42,967
Well, she was complaining
299
00:12:43,002 --> 00:12:45,369
that she'd missed out on all
that teenage stuff, you know?
300
00:12:45,404 --> 00:12:46,771
Homecoming, proms, may...
301
00:12:46,805 --> 00:12:48,240
What-What if we do something
302
00:12:48,274 --> 00:12:50,175
to take her back
to her teen years?
303
00:12:50,209 --> 00:12:51,309
Like get her pregnant?
304
00:12:51,343 --> 00:12:52,577
No.
305
00:12:52,611 --> 00:12:54,612
That's been done to death.
306
00:12:56,715 --> 00:12:58,316
W-What else did she say?
What else?
307
00:12:58,350 --> 00:12:59,590
Uh, let me think, let me think.
308
00:12:59,618 --> 00:13:01,252
All right, something
about a sleep over.
309
00:13:01,287 --> 00:13:02,487
No, no, I know. Slumber party.
310
00:13:02,521 --> 00:13:03,488
Yeah, slumber party.
311
00:13:03,522 --> 00:13:04,489
A slumber party? Right.
312
00:13:04,523 --> 00:13:05,856
Well, that's it.
313
00:13:05,891 --> 00:13:07,225
Why don't we just
throw the woman
314
00:13:07,259 --> 00:13:09,076
a slumber party, and
that'll cheer her up.
315
00:13:09,111 --> 00:13:10,945
Recreating a ritual
of youth is often
316
00:13:10,979 --> 00:13:12,247
just the thing to get someone
317
00:13:12,281 --> 00:13:14,782
out of depression centered
on a fear of aging.
318
00:13:14,816 --> 00:13:16,784
I find it also helps
to listen to heavy doses
319
00:13:16,818 --> 00:13:19,320
of Credence Clearwater Revival.
320
00:13:20,889 --> 00:13:22,190
Great.
321
00:13:22,224 --> 00:13:23,591
- I'm gonna do that.
- All right.
322
00:13:23,626 --> 00:13:24,659
Just one question.
323
00:13:24,693 --> 00:13:26,261
What-what do you do
at a slumber party?
324
00:13:26,295 --> 00:13:28,463
Well, the phrase "slumber party"
325
00:13:28,497 --> 00:13:30,498
would imply that one sleeps,
326
00:13:30,533 --> 00:13:33,768
but somehow I sense
that's meant to be ironic.
327
00:13:35,338 --> 00:13:37,638
Terrific. We're really
on a roll here.
328
00:13:37,673 --> 00:13:39,073
I have a patient of that age.
329
00:13:39,108 --> 00:13:40,775
I suppose
I could do some research
330
00:13:40,810 --> 00:13:42,210
and help you put
something together.
331
00:13:42,311 --> 00:13:43,261
Thank you, Lilith.
332
00:13:43,295 --> 00:13:44,495
I would really appreciate that.
333
00:13:44,530 --> 00:13:45,863
- Certainly.
- Say, Rebecca,
334
00:13:45,897 --> 00:13:46,530
if you're in need
335
00:13:46,565 --> 00:13:47,782
of some extra guests,
336
00:13:47,817 --> 00:13:49,183
I know a couple
of fun-loving gals
337
00:13:49,218 --> 00:13:50,819
who could really use
a night on the town
338
00:13:50,853 --> 00:13:51,853
away from boring old me.
339
00:13:51,887 --> 00:13:54,022
And, uh,
340
00:13:54,056 --> 00:13:55,290
Lilith, you've always told me
341
00:13:55,324 --> 00:13:57,225
that you found Carla
an interesting, uh...
342
00:13:57,259 --> 00:13:58,899
psychological case study.
343
00:13:58,928 --> 00:14:00,195
Won't you be lonely?
344
00:14:00,229 --> 00:14:01,129
Well, it'll give me
345
00:14:01,163 --> 00:14:03,180
a chance to be alone
with Dorothy's books
346
00:14:03,215 --> 00:14:05,416
and a roaring fire.
347
00:14:09,338 --> 00:14:11,372
Well, what do you say, Lilith?
348
00:14:11,407 --> 00:14:14,041
¶ Big wheel keep on turning.
349
00:14:14,076 --> 00:14:16,311
¶ Proud Mary keep on burning.
350
00:14:16,345 --> 00:14:18,145
¶ Rolling ¶ Rolling.
351
00:14:18,180 --> 00:14:19,581
¶ Rolling ¶ Rolling.
352
00:14:19,615 --> 00:14:22,317
¶ Rolling on the river...
353
00:14:22,351 --> 00:14:25,953
You know, you don't often get
to see them loosen up like this.
354
00:14:36,965 --> 00:14:38,933
Come on in, the coast is clear.
355
00:14:38,967 --> 00:14:40,201
Hi, Eddie. Hey, how you doing?
356
00:14:40,235 --> 00:14:41,936
Good. Hi, uh... how are you?
357
00:14:41,970 --> 00:14:43,250
There you go. Thank you so much.
358
00:14:43,271 --> 00:14:45,272
Sure, sure.
359
00:14:45,307 --> 00:14:47,187
All right, I'm gonna
put on the 45s.
360
00:14:47,876 --> 00:14:48,910
Where's Carla?
361
00:14:48,944 --> 00:14:50,244
She's in the back room knitting.
362
00:14:50,278 --> 00:14:52,113
Oh, that's a sign
she's perking up.
363
00:14:52,147 --> 00:14:53,280
I don't think so.
364
00:14:53,315 --> 00:14:55,316
It's her death shroud.
365
00:14:57,285 --> 00:14:58,886
Oh, no.
366
00:14:58,921 --> 00:15:01,823
I forgot the marshmallows
for the hot chocolate.
367
00:15:01,857 --> 00:15:04,726
That's okay, we'll use
the ones for the s'mores.
368
00:15:04,760 --> 00:15:07,228
Then what will we use
for the s'mores?
369
00:15:07,262 --> 00:15:08,763
Why don't we just skip
the s'mores?
370
00:15:08,797 --> 00:15:11,099
You've been trying to get rid of
the s'mores since we've started.
371
00:15:11,133 --> 00:15:12,266
No, I haven't.
372
00:15:12,300 --> 00:15:13,735
You most certainly have...
373
00:15:13,769 --> 00:15:14,769
Shh! Shh!
374
00:15:16,638 --> 00:15:17,905
Go get Carla.
375
00:15:17,940 --> 00:15:19,073
Hey, Carla,
376
00:15:19,108 --> 00:15:20,507
could you come out
here for a second?
377
00:15:20,542 --> 00:15:22,243
No!
378
00:15:22,277 --> 00:15:24,812
I'd like to discuss something
about your, uh, grave site.
379
00:15:24,847 --> 00:15:26,414
Be right there.
380
00:15:35,123 --> 00:15:35,874
Now!
381
00:15:35,908 --> 00:15:38,293
Surprise!
382
00:15:38,327 --> 00:15:39,494
What the hell
383
00:15:39,528 --> 00:15:41,296
are you doing here?
384
00:15:41,330 --> 00:15:43,465
We're having a slumber party!
385
00:15:43,499 --> 00:15:45,216
That's right, Carla.
386
00:15:45,251 --> 00:15:47,168
Hold on to your hat;
The gals are here.
387
00:15:47,202 --> 00:15:49,036
Eddie, get the gun.
388
00:15:49,071 --> 00:15:50,104
Now, Carla,
389
00:15:50,139 --> 00:15:51,272
we know you're down,
390
00:15:51,306 --> 00:15:53,607
but being alone is no way
to deal with depression.
391
00:15:53,642 --> 00:15:55,409
You need your friends
around you.
392
00:15:55,443 --> 00:15:56,811
Good idea.
393
00:15:56,845 --> 00:15:58,146
Who the hell are you?
394
00:16:00,182 --> 00:16:01,348
Dorothy.
395
00:16:01,383 --> 00:16:03,517
Dorothy Greenberg.
396
00:16:03,551 --> 00:16:05,619
Well, listen, Dorothy, Dorothy,
397
00:16:05,654 --> 00:16:06,888
get the hell out of here,
398
00:16:06,922 --> 00:16:08,389
and take all this crap with you.
399
00:16:08,423 --> 00:16:09,757
Now, come on, Carla. Go, go, go!
400
00:16:09,792 --> 00:16:10,892
Come on.
401
00:16:10,926 --> 00:16:12,059
Why'd you let them in?
402
00:16:12,094 --> 00:16:13,377
Because for the last four days
403
00:16:13,412 --> 00:16:15,346
you've been sitting around
moping and whining
404
00:16:15,380 --> 00:16:16,480
and scaring the kids.
405
00:16:16,515 --> 00:16:17,615
I mean, for God's sake,
406
00:16:17,649 --> 00:16:19,149
you haven't yelled at them once.
407
00:16:19,184 --> 00:16:22,853
Don't you think children
notice those things?
408
00:16:22,887 --> 00:16:24,855
You're right,
I'm not a fit mother.
409
00:16:24,889 --> 00:16:26,257
I'll leave immediately.
410
00:16:26,291 --> 00:16:27,391
No, no, no.
411
00:16:27,426 --> 00:16:28,792
Come on, Carla, look.
412
00:16:28,827 --> 00:16:31,295
Look, if you're not gonna
do this for yourself,
413
00:16:31,330 --> 00:16:32,496
will you do it for me?
414
00:16:32,531 --> 00:16:35,666
I can't live with you
like this anymore.
415
00:16:35,701 --> 00:16:38,001
Look, sweetie, gi-give
it a chance, would you?
416
00:16:38,036 --> 00:16:39,337
Come on, give it an hour.
417
00:16:40,539 --> 00:16:41,972
Look, if I do this,
418
00:16:42,006 --> 00:16:44,041
would you and the Supremes
419
00:16:44,075 --> 00:16:46,043
promise to leave me alone,
420
00:16:46,077 --> 00:16:47,645
get off my back?
421
00:16:47,679 --> 00:16:48,812
We promise.
422
00:16:48,847 --> 00:16:51,349
All right,
let's get the thing over with.
423
00:16:51,383 --> 00:16:54,218
Let the slumber party begin.
424
00:16:56,288 --> 00:16:58,048
I'm going to take off
for about an hour,
425
00:16:58,073 --> 00:17:00,174
then I'm gonna come back
and help you clean up
426
00:17:00,208 --> 00:17:01,942
after you have
all your wacky gal fun.
427
00:17:01,977 --> 00:17:03,678
Bring body bags.
428
00:17:08,800 --> 00:17:10,560
Well, Lilith, you have the list.
429
00:17:10,585 --> 00:17:11,685
Where do we start?
430
00:17:12,988 --> 00:17:14,655
All right, let's see.
431
00:17:14,689 --> 00:17:16,257
All right, so on the list
432
00:17:16,291 --> 00:17:18,625
we have to do, uh,
each other's hair.
433
00:17:18,660 --> 00:17:21,428
Then we talk about boys.
434
00:17:21,463 --> 00:17:23,331
Ooh, tell scary stories.
435
00:17:23,365 --> 00:17:24,665
Have a pillow fight,
436
00:17:24,699 --> 00:17:26,600
and then for the grand finale,
437
00:17:26,634 --> 00:17:28,169
assorted madcap pranks.
438
00:17:28,203 --> 00:17:31,538
What kind of pranks?
439
00:17:31,573 --> 00:17:33,074
According to my patient,
440
00:17:33,108 --> 00:17:35,443
when the first person
falls asleep,
441
00:17:35,477 --> 00:17:38,580
the others take her underwear,
dip it in water
442
00:17:38,614 --> 00:17:41,382
and then put it
in the icebox for an hour
443
00:17:41,416 --> 00:17:42,750
to freeze it solid.
444
00:17:43,786 --> 00:17:46,721
Or they could let you
wear it for ten minutes.
445
00:17:49,542 --> 00:17:50,791
Why don't we just
446
00:17:50,825 --> 00:17:53,628
move to the pillow fight?
447
00:17:56,598 --> 00:17:57,732
Do that again,
448
00:17:57,766 --> 00:18:00,434
and they'll be
tracing you in chalk.
449
00:18:00,469 --> 00:18:03,103
Uh-oh, Carla.
450
00:18:03,138 --> 00:18:07,025
I saw the corners of
your mouth twitching.
451
00:18:07,059 --> 00:18:08,793
Are there little elves
452
00:18:08,827 --> 00:18:10,128
pulling on them?
453
00:18:10,162 --> 00:18:12,363
Up. Up.
454
00:18:12,397 --> 00:18:13,764
Oh, here they go again.
455
00:18:13,799 --> 00:18:15,559
Are you trying not to smile?
456
00:18:15,584 --> 00:18:18,453
No, I'm getting ready
to spit on you.
457
00:18:24,509 --> 00:18:26,527
Yep, in a little under an hour,
458
00:18:26,561 --> 00:18:28,162
Hector "The Hammer" Rodriguez
459
00:18:28,196 --> 00:18:30,665
will be nailing
Julio "The Hasbeen" Rodriguez
460
00:18:30,699 --> 00:18:32,366
into the canvas on our new TV.
461
00:18:32,400 --> 00:18:33,434
Cliffie, in your dreams.
462
00:18:33,468 --> 00:18:35,436
I say "The Hammer"
goes down in five rounds.
463
00:18:35,470 --> 00:18:36,738
You're on.
464
00:18:36,772 --> 00:18:37,839
I say three. Two.
465
00:18:37,873 --> 00:18:39,073
All right. Get some
money up here.
466
00:18:39,108 --> 00:18:40,441
We don't even have a manual.
467
00:18:40,475 --> 00:18:42,309
How are you gonna
hook that thing up?
468
00:18:42,344 --> 00:18:43,377
Easy, Sam.
469
00:18:43,411 --> 00:18:45,329
They included
a special videotape
470
00:18:45,363 --> 00:18:47,865
showing exactly
how to hook everything up.
471
00:18:47,900 --> 00:18:50,467
So all we have to do
is hook everything up,
472
00:18:50,502 --> 00:18:51,602
watch the tape,
473
00:18:51,637 --> 00:18:53,838
and then we'll know
exactly what to do.
474
00:18:56,859 --> 00:18:57,959
Okay, how long
475
00:18:57,993 --> 00:19:00,728
before Woody spots the
flaw in his reasoning?
476
00:19:00,762 --> 00:19:03,498
I say, uh, eight minutes.
Give me three.
477
00:19:03,532 --> 00:19:05,566
Okay, I say five. I say two.
478
00:19:07,669 --> 00:19:09,103
Yeah, I'm in, I'm in.
479
00:19:09,137 --> 00:19:10,337
Wait a minute, wait a minute.
480
00:19:10,372 --> 00:19:11,539
There you go. I'm in for ten.
481
00:19:11,573 --> 00:19:12,807
Cheers.
482
00:19:12,841 --> 00:19:13,974
Sam, we're over here at Carla's,
483
00:19:14,008 --> 00:19:15,476
but things aren't going
very well.
484
00:19:15,510 --> 00:19:16,327
I thought that maybe
485
00:19:16,361 --> 00:19:18,278
you guys could come over
and crash the party.
486
00:19:18,313 --> 00:19:20,864
You know, something
to shake things up a little bit?
487
00:19:20,899 --> 00:19:22,133
I'm desperate.
488
00:19:22,167 --> 00:19:23,384
Oh, really?
489
00:19:23,418 --> 00:19:25,887
I bet you're kind of sexy
when you're desperate, huh?
490
00:19:27,372 --> 00:19:28,105
Breathing heavily?
491
00:19:28,140 --> 00:19:29,306
Sam.
492
00:19:29,341 --> 00:19:30,457
Is your chest heaving?
493
00:19:30,492 --> 00:19:31,658
Sam, please.
494
00:19:31,693 --> 00:19:33,194
Is your nightgown clinging
495
00:19:33,228 --> 00:19:34,962
to your sweat-soaked body?
496
00:19:35,964 --> 00:19:37,515
Yes.
497
00:19:37,549 --> 00:19:39,333
We're on our way.
498
00:19:41,135 --> 00:19:42,102
Hang on here.
499
00:19:42,137 --> 00:19:44,057
How can I hook this up
to watch the tape
500
00:19:44,089 --> 00:19:45,890
if I don't know
how to hook it up?
501
00:19:45,924 --> 00:19:47,458
Uh, two minutes. No.
502
00:19:47,493 --> 00:19:48,392
Who had two?
503
00:19:52,947 --> 00:19:54,508
Listen, guys, uh,
that was Rebecca.
504
00:19:54,533 --> 00:19:55,866
Uh, slumber party's gone sour.
505
00:19:55,900 --> 00:19:56,967
Let's go help her out.
506
00:19:57,002 --> 00:19:58,569
Wait, wait, Sam,
what about the fight?
507
00:19:58,604 --> 00:19:59,670
Oh, come on.
508
00:19:59,705 --> 00:20:01,772
You think Woody's gonna be
able to fix that?
509
00:20:01,807 --> 00:20:03,941
No one but Carla
can hook up a TV around here.
510
00:20:03,976 --> 00:20:06,210
So we'll go cheer her up
and bring her back.
511
00:20:06,244 --> 00:20:07,661
Don't be so harsh
on the kid, Sam.
512
00:20:07,696 --> 00:20:08,896
Have a little faith here.
513
00:20:08,931 --> 00:20:10,064
Wait a minute.
514
00:20:10,099 --> 00:20:11,933
What are all these wires?
515
00:20:13,769 --> 00:20:15,489
Party's gone sour, you say.
516
00:20:30,910 --> 00:20:32,677
Want another s'more?
517
00:20:32,711 --> 00:20:34,479
Not sweet enough for me.
518
00:20:34,513 --> 00:20:37,482
I think I'll just
have a bowl of syrup.
519
00:20:37,542 --> 00:20:39,543
Look, Carla.
520
00:20:39,577 --> 00:20:41,578
Lilith's hair
is coming out nice.
521
00:20:41,613 --> 00:20:43,714
Yeah, in clumps.
522
00:20:45,750 --> 00:20:48,085
Carla, do you want me
to fix your hair, too?
523
00:20:48,120 --> 00:20:49,153
What do you say?
524
00:20:49,188 --> 00:20:51,488
I say your hour is almost over.
525
00:20:51,523 --> 00:20:52,957
Right.
526
00:20:52,991 --> 00:20:56,160
Um, let's see what's
next on the list?
527
00:20:56,195 --> 00:20:57,561
Ooh, good!
528
00:20:57,595 --> 00:20:59,864
We get to tell scary stories.
529
00:20:59,898 --> 00:21:01,799
You want to hear a scary story?
530
00:21:01,834 --> 00:21:03,600
I'll tell you a scary story.
531
00:21:03,635 --> 00:21:06,304
My life, that's a scary story.
532
00:21:06,338 --> 00:21:08,188
Wonderful, Carla!
533
00:21:08,223 --> 00:21:10,124
Okay, who's next?
534
00:21:14,012 --> 00:21:15,413
Oh, I hope it's not some boys
535
00:21:15,447 --> 00:21:17,147
trying to crash
our slumber party.
536
00:21:18,750 --> 00:21:20,418
What?!
537
00:21:20,452 --> 00:21:21,719
Hi, listen. What?!
538
00:21:21,753 --> 00:21:23,153
I know, I know you
don't want to see me.
539
00:21:23,188 --> 00:21:24,255
But I'll bet you want to see
540
00:21:24,289 --> 00:21:25,323
the Four Swell Guys.
541
00:21:25,357 --> 00:21:26,557
We're going to be bringing you
542
00:21:26,592 --> 00:21:28,226
memories of your
swinging teenage years.
543
00:21:28,260 --> 00:21:30,394
Do you remember this, Carla?
544
00:21:30,429 --> 00:21:32,980
¶ Duke, Duke, Duke,
Duke of Earl ¶
545
00:21:33,014 --> 00:21:34,482
¶ Duke, Duke, Duke of Earl.
546
00:21:34,516 --> 00:21:37,151
¶ Duke, Duke, Duke of Earl ¶
547
00:21:37,185 --> 00:21:38,986
¶ Duke, Duke, Duke of Earl.
548
00:21:39,020 --> 00:21:41,221
¶ As I walked
through this world ¶
549
00:21:41,256 --> 00:21:43,991
¶ Duke, Duke, Duke of Earl ¶
550
00:21:44,025 --> 00:21:46,060
¶ Nothing can stop... Shut up!
551
00:21:46,094 --> 00:21:47,394
¶ Duke, Duke...
552
00:21:47,429 --> 00:21:49,497
Why do you all
keep coming over here?
553
00:21:49,531 --> 00:21:51,398
We're trying to cheer you up.
554
00:21:51,433 --> 00:21:52,633
Well, stop it!
555
00:21:53,769 --> 00:21:55,019
You can't cheer me up.
556
00:21:55,053 --> 00:21:56,354
Why do people think
557
00:21:56,388 --> 00:21:58,356
they always have to rush over
558
00:21:58,390 --> 00:22:00,124
a-and talk somebody out of it
559
00:22:00,158 --> 00:22:01,825
when they're feeling lousy?
560
00:22:03,711 --> 00:22:05,329
Look, this grandmother thing
561
00:22:05,363 --> 00:22:07,798
is just something
I have to work through,
562
00:22:07,832 --> 00:22:08,999
and I will in time.
563
00:22:11,603 --> 00:22:13,937
There's nothing
any of you guys could do.
564
00:22:13,972 --> 00:22:16,907
Unless you can make me 15 again.
565
00:22:18,276 --> 00:22:19,477
Can any of you
566
00:22:19,511 --> 00:22:21,145
make me 15 again?
567
00:22:23,848 --> 00:22:26,167
Well, can you?
568
00:22:29,370 --> 00:22:31,705
Look, if you really
cared about me,
569
00:22:31,740 --> 00:22:34,408
you would just...
get out of my house
570
00:22:34,442 --> 00:22:37,611
and do what I asked you to
a long time ago.
571
00:22:37,645 --> 00:22:41,648
Just... just leave me alone.
572
00:22:44,553 --> 00:22:45,569
You mean you really
573
00:22:45,604 --> 00:22:47,021
want to be left alone?
574
00:22:51,092 --> 00:22:52,627
Let's go, guys. Come on.
575
00:22:52,661 --> 00:22:54,228
Now what?
576
00:22:54,262 --> 00:22:55,329
The party was stupid.
577
00:22:55,363 --> 00:22:57,598
This was not a stupid party.
578
00:22:57,633 --> 00:22:59,033
Oh, well, I stand corrected.
579
00:22:59,067 --> 00:23:00,968
It was the social event
of the season.
580
00:23:02,037 --> 00:23:03,203
Shut up.
581
00:23:03,238 --> 00:23:05,506
Oh, yeah? You want
a punch in the mouth?
582
00:23:08,209 --> 00:23:10,244
You're gonna be all right?
583
00:23:10,278 --> 00:23:11,461
Yeah.
584
00:23:11,496 --> 00:23:13,931
I appreciate
what you tried to do, Sam.
585
00:23:13,965 --> 00:23:16,183
I'll be okay, you know?
586
00:23:16,217 --> 00:23:19,152
You know, something
always comes along,
587
00:23:19,187 --> 00:23:21,589
some little something,
588
00:23:21,623 --> 00:23:23,223
makes everything work out.
589
00:23:24,281 --> 00:23:25,402
But I got to find it myself.
590
00:23:25,427 --> 00:23:26,527
You can't do it for me.
591
00:23:26,561 --> 00:23:28,161
All right.
592
00:23:29,681 --> 00:23:32,349
You know my number.
593
00:23:37,723 --> 00:23:38,940
Sorry, Carla, I, uh...
594
00:23:41,143 --> 00:23:42,793
...just forgot my jacket.
595
00:23:50,168 --> 00:23:53,103
Darn these pants.
596
00:23:53,138 --> 00:23:54,338
Why do they keep doing this?
597
00:23:54,372 --> 00:23:55,439
I had them fixed.
40113
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