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Cheers is filmedbefore a live studio audience.
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00:00:05,051 --> 00:00:06,118
Come in.
3
00:00:08,171 --> 00:00:10,021
Mind if I use your office?
4
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Again?
5
00:00:11,374 --> 00:00:13,725
Hey, you think I like
having to do this?
6
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You know how hard it is
to breast-feed twins?
7
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I haven't had my bra
off and on this much
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00:00:20,350 --> 00:00:21,750
since junior high.
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Hey.
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Maybe you could help.
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00:00:31,127 --> 00:00:33,495
What do you mean "help"?
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Well, you got
13
00:00:34,330 --> 00:00:36,582
a decent set of ducts.
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Maybe I could use you
as a decoy.
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You see?
16
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While I'm pumping one kid,
17
00:00:43,889 --> 00:00:46,157
the other one's attached to you.
18
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Are you serious?
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Sure! It'll shut 'em up.
20
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So they won't get milk.
21
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Life is hard.
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¶ Making your way
in the world today ¶
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00:01:01,924 --> 00:01:04,576
¶ Takes everything you've got.
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¶ Taking a break
from all your worries ¶
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¶ Sure would help a lot.
26
00:01:10,416 --> 00:01:14,086
¶ Wouldn't you like
to get away? ¶
27
00:01:16,355 --> 00:01:19,157
¶ Sometimes you want to go.
28
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¶ Where everybody
knows your name ¶
29
00:01:23,579 --> 00:01:27,849
¶ And they're always glad
you came ¶
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¶ You want to be
where you can see ¶
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¶ Our troubles
are all the same ¶
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¶ You want to be where everybody
knows your name ¶
33
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¶ You want to go
where people know ¶
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¶ People are all the same.
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¶ You want to go where
everybody knows your name. ¶
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Good evening, everyone!
37
00:02:06,205 --> 00:02:07,271
Hello.
38
00:02:07,306 --> 00:02:08,740
You know, it's
uncanny, my darling,
39
00:02:08,774 --> 00:02:10,709
but there's not a room
you step foot into
40
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where you're not the most
beautiful woman there.
41
00:02:13,045 --> 00:02:15,413
That's deplorable sentence
structure, Frasier.
42
00:02:15,448 --> 00:02:16,747
What you mean to say is that
43
00:02:16,782 --> 00:02:19,517
I am the most beautiful
woman in any room I enter.
44
00:02:19,551 --> 00:02:20,851
Yes. Well, thank you
45
00:02:20,886 --> 00:02:23,621
for correcting me
in front of 30 people.
46
00:02:25,040 --> 00:02:26,908
There you go,
47
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your usual cured spritzer.
Thanks, Sam.
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00:02:28,928 --> 00:02:30,808
Hey, the big day is around
the corner, isn't it?
49
00:02:30,830 --> 00:02:32,229
Yeah, next Saturday.
50
00:02:32,264 --> 00:02:34,415
Lilith and I have
been in the process
51
00:02:34,450 --> 00:02:36,318
of writing, editing, rewriting,
52
00:02:36,352 --> 00:02:38,553
and researching
our wedding vows.
53
00:02:41,273 --> 00:02:42,490
Hi, boss.
54
00:02:42,524 --> 00:02:44,359
Hiya.
55
00:02:44,393 --> 00:02:45,460
Hello, Rebecca.
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I have a small favor to ask
57
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regarding our impending wedding.
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Since all my close friends
will be out of town,
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00:02:52,168 --> 00:02:54,236
and we have had a
previous conversation,
60
00:02:54,270 --> 00:02:56,738
and our eyes have met on
a number of occasions,
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00:02:56,772 --> 00:03:00,575
I was wondering if you'd consent
to be my maid of honor.
62
00:03:01,743 --> 00:03:03,178
Me?
63
00:03:03,212 --> 00:03:05,213
Isn't that usually
your best friend?
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00:03:05,247 --> 00:03:06,927
You are my best friend.
65
00:03:07,866 --> 00:03:09,134
Oh, I'm very flattered.
66
00:03:09,168 --> 00:03:11,335
Um... I guess so.
67
00:03:11,370 --> 00:03:12,503
Sure, Lila.
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00:03:12,538 --> 00:03:13,555
Lilith.
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00:03:13,673 --> 00:03:15,439
Right. Right.
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00:03:15,474 --> 00:03:16,824
I knew that.
71
00:03:16,858 --> 00:03:18,059
Let's discuss wedding gowns.
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00:03:18,094 --> 00:03:19,294
Do you think black...
73
00:03:19,328 --> 00:03:20,678
Sam, it, uh, goes without saying
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00:03:20,713 --> 00:03:23,048
of course, that you'll be
my best man.
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00:03:23,082 --> 00:03:24,632
Aw, I-I don't want to do that.
76
00:03:24,667 --> 00:03:26,601
It makes me feel
so uncomfortable.
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00:03:26,635 --> 00:03:29,704
I mean, a best man has
to give a toast, doesn't he?
78
00:03:29,738 --> 00:03:31,439
No, look, I-I took the liberty
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00:03:31,474 --> 00:03:33,475
of writing down a few things.
80
00:03:33,509 --> 00:03:34,959
Then I'd be honored.
81
00:03:34,994 --> 00:03:36,594
Oh, that's great.
82
00:03:36,628 --> 00:03:37,712
What are you doing
83
00:03:37,746 --> 00:03:38,880
for a bachelor party?
84
00:03:38,914 --> 00:03:41,015
Oh, actually,
I haven't any plans.
85
00:03:41,050 --> 00:03:43,001
Well, would you like
to have one tonight?
86
00:03:43,035 --> 00:03:44,485
Well, what do you
think, darling?
87
00:03:44,519 --> 00:03:46,320
Uh, would I like
a bachelor party?
88
00:03:47,422 --> 00:03:49,958
Well... while I feel
that particular ritual
89
00:03:49,992 --> 00:03:53,194
is as passé as taking
the topknot of one's dead enemy,
90
00:03:53,229 --> 00:03:55,630
I will not deprive you
of the experience.
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00:03:55,664 --> 00:03:57,365
Immature though it might be.
92
00:03:57,399 --> 00:03:58,933
She's a gamer!
93
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Oh!
94
00:04:01,019 --> 00:04:02,620
We're on!
95
00:04:02,655 --> 00:04:04,422
Fellas, stag party tonight.
96
00:04:04,456 --> 00:04:05,656
Hey! All right.
97
00:04:05,691 --> 00:04:08,093
You know, uh,
being maid of honor
98
00:04:08,252 --> 00:04:10,820
means you have
to throw Brunehilda
99
00:04:10,855 --> 00:04:12,222
a bridal shower.
100
00:04:12,256 --> 00:04:13,289
Oh, right.
101
00:04:13,324 --> 00:04:15,466
I guess I should do something.
102
00:04:15,467 --> 00:04:16,284
What kind of shower
do you think?
103
00:04:16,402 --> 00:04:17,602
Kitchen? Linen?
104
00:04:17,636 --> 00:04:19,170
Look at who she's
hitching up with.
105
00:04:19,204 --> 00:04:21,773
Better make it marital aids.
106
00:04:22,241 --> 00:04:24,375
I'll handle this.
107
00:04:24,409 --> 00:04:25,443
Uh, Lilith?
108
00:04:25,477 --> 00:04:27,178
What do you say we have
a little get-together
109
00:04:27,213 --> 00:04:28,412
at my place tonight?
110
00:04:28,447 --> 00:04:29,681
That would be lovely.
111
00:04:29,715 --> 00:04:31,332
Now, you're gonna have
to tell me who to invite,
112
00:04:31,366 --> 00:04:32,433
because I don't know...
113
00:04:32,467 --> 00:04:35,036
anything about you.
114
00:04:35,070 --> 00:04:37,021
I only wish there were some way
115
00:04:37,056 --> 00:04:38,856
I could repay you, Rebecca.
116
00:04:38,891 --> 00:04:40,058
Oh, don't mention it.
117
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If you ever need
to admit a family member
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to a mental institution,
119
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I could certainly
speed up the paperwork.
120
00:04:47,983 --> 00:04:50,134
That's very dear of you.
121
00:04:51,947 --> 00:04:54,148
Well, gents... Yep.
122
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My last night of freedom. Yep.
123
00:04:56,542 --> 00:04:58,009
One last chance to...
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00:04:58,044 --> 00:05:00,611
loosen the old
noose, so to speak.
125
00:05:00,646 --> 00:05:03,047
Really have some fun
while I still can.
126
00:05:04,316 --> 00:05:06,584
Do I hear the pitter-patter
of cold feet?
127
00:05:06,618 --> 00:05:07,485
No! No! Not at all.
128
00:05:07,519 --> 00:05:09,571
I mean, as long as I'm in love
with this woman
129
00:05:09,605 --> 00:05:11,906
and she has my dear old mother
tied up in the cellar,
130
00:05:11,940 --> 00:05:13,441
I'm gonna go through with it.
131
00:05:15,694 --> 00:05:16,761
Darling...
132
00:05:16,796 --> 00:05:19,013
could I speak with you a moment?
133
00:05:19,048 --> 00:05:20,882
Excuse me.
134
00:05:20,916 --> 00:05:22,516
The ball and chain.
135
00:05:26,172 --> 00:05:27,638
Frasier, do you realize that is
136
00:05:27,672 --> 00:05:30,007
the fourth derogatory remark
about marriage
137
00:05:30,041 --> 00:05:31,409
you've made this evening?
138
00:05:31,443 --> 00:05:32,593
Oh, come on, my angel.
139
00:05:32,627 --> 00:05:34,529
I mean, they're...
they're jokes.
140
00:05:34,563 --> 00:05:36,230
I mean, everybody knows
my mother is dead.
141
00:05:36,265 --> 00:05:38,732
That's what makes it funny.
142
00:05:39,735 --> 00:05:42,069
No one loves a good joke
more than I.
143
00:05:42,104 --> 00:05:44,439
But I find that...
as our wedding day approaches...
144
00:05:44,473 --> 00:05:47,325
the frequency of these quips
has increased.
145
00:05:47,360 --> 00:05:49,227
Are you having second thoughts?
146
00:05:49,261 --> 00:05:50,895
Well, only that I
love you more now
147
00:05:50,930 --> 00:05:52,496
than I did five minutes ago.
148
00:05:52,531 --> 00:05:55,133
Leaving aside your
schoolboy sophistries,
149
00:05:55,167 --> 00:05:57,152
let me make you an offer.
150
00:05:57,186 --> 00:05:59,937
If, after your madcap night
of debauchery and vomiting,
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00:05:59,972 --> 00:06:03,240
you still feel you want to go
through with the wedding plans,
152
00:06:03,275 --> 00:06:04,542
call me and tell me so.
153
00:06:04,576 --> 00:06:05,643
But... Lilith,
154
00:06:05,677 --> 00:06:07,345
that's entirely unnecessary.
155
00:06:07,379 --> 00:06:08,712
I beg to differ.
156
00:06:08,747 --> 00:06:10,498
Up until this point,
157
00:06:10,532 --> 00:06:14,285
you've only seen my warm
and vulnerable side.
158
00:06:15,054 --> 00:06:18,038
Now I must become
cold and analytical.
159
00:06:20,409 --> 00:06:22,626
As if you could, my treasure.
160
00:06:24,196 --> 00:06:26,230
Frasier, I need
your reassurance.
161
00:06:26,264 --> 00:06:28,066
I'll be awaiting your call.
162
00:06:30,536 --> 00:06:32,303
Boy, this bachelor party
should be keen.
163
00:06:32,338 --> 00:06:33,521
"Keen"?
164
00:06:35,357 --> 00:06:37,858
Hey, I don't know about Indiana,
165
00:06:37,892 --> 00:06:39,477
but around here
when guys get together
166
00:06:39,511 --> 00:06:41,112
to send another guy
off to his doom,
167
00:06:41,146 --> 00:06:43,214
things can get a little raunchy,
you hear me?
168
00:06:44,616 --> 00:06:46,850
You fellas ever
dress up farm animals
169
00:06:46,885 --> 00:06:48,386
in women's clothing?
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00:06:51,891 --> 00:06:53,257
No.
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00:06:53,291 --> 00:06:55,159
Well, then I'm one up on you.
172
00:07:03,118 --> 00:07:04,869
Gentlemen!
173
00:07:06,621 --> 00:07:08,088
You know, I,
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00:07:08,123 --> 00:07:10,208
I was listening
to a rock and roll station
175
00:07:10,242 --> 00:07:11,242
on my way over here,
176
00:07:11,276 --> 00:07:13,277
and... you know, to put me
in the mood.
177
00:07:13,312 --> 00:07:17,615
There was a passage in one
of those tribal songs
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that I feel, uh...
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well, is the keynote
for this evening.
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00:07:21,687 --> 00:07:25,690
"Everybody have fun tonight."
181
00:07:25,724 --> 00:07:29,160
"Everybody Wang Chung tonight."
182
00:07:33,431 --> 00:07:35,983
Yeah, I think we got
a madman on our hands here.
183
00:07:36,018 --> 00:07:36,868
I had a nap.
184
00:07:38,287 --> 00:07:39,503
You know, gentlemen I...
185
00:07:39,538 --> 00:07:41,973
I can't tell you how touched
I am that you all...
186
00:07:42,007 --> 00:07:43,741
to a man...
came back for my party.
187
00:07:43,775 --> 00:07:46,243
We never left.
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00:07:46,278 --> 00:07:48,763
Boy, this is gonna
be some night.
189
00:07:48,797 --> 00:07:50,865
Oh, a real guy night. Yeah!
190
00:07:50,899 --> 00:07:53,601
Check your X chromosome
at the door.
191
00:07:55,937 --> 00:07:58,622
I wonder what
the women are doing?
192
00:07:58,657 --> 00:07:59,957
Oh, they're probably, uh,
193
00:07:59,992 --> 00:08:02,693
hanging around, drinking
some European coffee
194
00:08:02,728 --> 00:08:05,330
you know, mocha Finland
or the like, eh.
195
00:08:05,364 --> 00:08:06,831
Passing around a bunch
of brownies,
196
00:08:06,865 --> 00:08:08,432
saying, "No, I
really shouldn't,"
197
00:08:08,466 --> 00:08:09,967
and then stuffing their faces.
198
00:08:15,123 --> 00:08:16,808
To the man of the hour, huh?
199
00:08:18,610 --> 00:08:19,694
Mr. Frasier Crane,
200
00:08:19,728 --> 00:08:21,862
and to all the girls
we've loved before.
201
00:08:21,897 --> 00:08:23,414
Hear! Hear!
202
00:08:23,448 --> 00:08:24,582
I've, uh...
203
00:08:24,616 --> 00:08:26,496
loved quite a few.
How 'bout a fill-up, huh?
204
00:08:26,501 --> 00:08:27,668
Cliffie.
205
00:08:27,702 --> 00:08:30,121
A big difference between
loving women and annoying them
206
00:08:30,156 --> 00:08:33,424
in the checkout line, okay?
207
00:08:33,459 --> 00:08:34,492
Ah, women.
208
00:08:34,526 --> 00:08:36,760
They're tough to figure out.
209
00:08:36,795 --> 00:08:38,963
Yeah, but they're
sure fun to play with
210
00:08:38,997 --> 00:08:40,431
while you're trying.
211
00:08:41,500 --> 00:08:43,260
If you guys could
have one woman,
212
00:08:43,285 --> 00:08:44,585
any woman in the world,
213
00:08:44,619 --> 00:08:45,769
who would it be?
214
00:08:45,804 --> 00:08:48,172
Oh, that's easy.
Kathleen Turner.
215
00:08:48,207 --> 00:08:51,475
Wah-wah-wah-wah!
216
00:08:51,509 --> 00:08:53,995
Give me Kim Basinger
in 91/2 Weeks.
217
00:08:54,029 --> 00:08:55,262
Ten weeks. Ten weeks.
218
00:08:56,181 --> 00:08:57,581
Jill Eikenberry.
219
00:08:58,951 --> 00:08:59,951
You know, L.A. Law?
220
00:09:00,036 --> 00:09:02,036
She's married to that short,
dumpy guy on the show.
221
00:09:02,038 --> 00:09:05,773
Something about her, I like.
222
00:09:05,807 --> 00:09:07,090
Lilith Sternin.
223
00:09:10,929 --> 00:09:12,196
Loni Anderson.
224
00:09:12,231 --> 00:09:13,731
Boy, she's got a set of oompahs
225
00:09:13,765 --> 00:09:15,733
that John Phillip Sousa
would kill for.
226
00:09:22,941 --> 00:09:24,375
I swear to God.
227
00:09:24,409 --> 00:09:26,360
My very first time
was in the sixth grade.
228
00:09:26,394 --> 00:09:27,728
School crossing guard.
229
00:09:29,131 --> 00:09:31,015
No! Hey, I swear to you.
230
00:09:31,050 --> 00:09:33,400
Wow, that's more exciting
than my first time.
231
00:09:33,435 --> 00:09:34,735
Wedding night, Norm?
232
00:09:34,769 --> 00:09:36,988
Uh, the following week.
233
00:09:37,022 --> 00:09:39,056
Yeah.
234
00:09:39,091 --> 00:09:40,257
Hey, hey, good news, guys.
235
00:09:40,291 --> 00:09:42,810
Wife says I don't have to go
home till midnight.
236
00:09:42,845 --> 00:09:43,877
Ooh, yeah. The bad news is,
237
00:09:43,912 --> 00:09:45,832
she'll still be awake
when you get there.
238
00:09:47,352 --> 00:09:48,592
Eh, I don't know. Women, women.
239
00:09:48,617 --> 00:09:50,418
You know, uh, once they get
their claws in you,
240
00:09:50,452 --> 00:09:52,320
they just don't let go,
you know what I mean?
241
00:09:52,354 --> 00:09:53,187
Oh, I don't know, Cliff.
242
00:09:53,221 --> 00:09:54,638
I wouldn't say that
about all women.
243
00:09:54,673 --> 00:09:56,593
I'm sure Loni Anderson
doesn't do that.
244
00:09:57,659 --> 00:09:58,776
And I know my Lilith.
245
00:09:58,811 --> 00:10:01,012
Why, just today, she presented
me with an opportunity
246
00:10:01,046 --> 00:10:02,847
to back out of the marriage
if I so desire.
247
00:10:02,881 --> 00:10:04,641
Now, is that blind faith or what?
Uh-oh.
248
00:10:06,551 --> 00:10:07,969
Uh-oh, what?
249
00:10:08,003 --> 00:10:09,804
Seems to me that
she might have changed her mind
250
00:10:09,838 --> 00:10:11,405
and is just trying
to let you down easy.
251
00:10:11,439 --> 00:10:13,758
That's the most preposterous
thing I've ever heard.
252
00:10:13,792 --> 00:10:14,509
Oh, I don't know, now.
253
00:10:14,543 --> 00:10:16,027
If you had a 200-pound marlin,
254
00:10:16,061 --> 00:10:17,762
and you're about haul him
on the boat,
255
00:10:17,796 --> 00:10:20,898
would you stop and ask him if he
wanted to go back in the water?
256
00:10:22,667 --> 00:10:23,551
Be careful, Dr. Crane.
257
00:10:23,585 --> 00:10:25,002
This could be a trick question.
258
00:10:25,037 --> 00:10:28,306
I think the laws are
different in each state.
259
00:10:30,084 --> 00:10:31,885
Well, I-I certainly
don't believe
260
00:10:31,910 --> 00:10:33,711
that's true in Lilith's case.
261
00:10:33,745 --> 00:10:36,026
I don't know, Frase, Sammy
could have a point there.
262
00:10:36,949 --> 00:10:40,184
Do you really think Lilith
wants me to back out?
263
00:10:40,218 --> 00:10:40,818
Could be. Could be.
264
00:10:40,852 --> 00:10:43,770
I'd think about it, Doc.
265
00:10:43,805 --> 00:10:45,805
Well, then let's just see
how the night progresses.
266
00:10:45,824 --> 00:10:47,784
Maybe Lilith Sternin will
get her wish, after all.
267
00:10:47,792 --> 00:10:49,060
Where's that stripper?
268
00:10:50,561 --> 00:10:51,721
Let's get Bubbles or Peaches,
269
00:10:51,746 --> 00:10:53,781
or whatever her name is
out here and have at her!
270
00:10:57,068 --> 00:10:59,937
No, you, uh,
you stay right there. Yeah.
271
00:11:19,324 --> 00:11:20,307
We are amused.
272
00:11:20,342 --> 00:11:21,659
Whoo!
273
00:11:36,858 --> 00:11:39,060
Whoa! Whoa! Whoa!
274
00:11:42,948 --> 00:11:44,481
Karen!
275
00:11:44,516 --> 00:11:45,649
Dr. Crane!
276
00:11:45,683 --> 00:11:47,034
You know each other?
277
00:11:47,069 --> 00:11:49,053
She's one of my patients.
278
00:11:54,258 --> 00:11:56,193
Karen, I hope you're doing
this for the money,
279
00:11:56,228 --> 00:11:58,095
because this certainly
won't square things
280
00:11:58,129 --> 00:11:59,564
between you and your father.
281
00:12:12,695 --> 00:12:14,012
I'm sorry I spoiled your party.
282
00:12:14,047 --> 00:12:16,414
Oh, nonsense, Karen, you
didn't spoil anything.
283
00:12:16,448 --> 00:12:17,916
And under the circumstances,
284
00:12:17,950 --> 00:12:20,285
we understand, don't we, guys?
285
00:12:23,906 --> 00:12:25,523
There, you see?
286
00:12:25,558 --> 00:12:27,692
Well, bye-bye, now.
287
00:12:27,727 --> 00:12:29,194
Bye-bye.
288
00:12:32,298 --> 00:12:34,266
Maybe I shouldn't get married.
289
00:12:34,300 --> 00:12:36,501
Oh, come on,
what are you talking about?
290
00:12:36,535 --> 00:12:38,203
Oh, it's time I realized
291
00:12:38,238 --> 00:12:40,505
that there are
two Frasier Cranes.
292
00:12:40,540 --> 00:12:43,374
Frasier the prospective groom
who sent Karen on her way,
293
00:12:43,409 --> 00:12:46,511
and Frasier the pig who wanted
to see her shake her nonnies.
294
00:12:47,671 --> 00:12:49,791
You know, I've never revealed
this to anybody,
295
00:12:49,816 --> 00:12:50,916
but when Diane left me
296
00:12:50,950 --> 00:12:52,701
at the altar, I...
well, there was
297
00:12:52,735 --> 00:12:54,269
a tiny voice that kept saying,
298
00:12:54,304 --> 00:12:56,588
"You're off the hook,
you're off the hook."
299
00:12:56,623 --> 00:12:57,505
Yeah, the only voice
300
00:12:57,540 --> 00:12:59,057
I heard was Vera's
301
00:12:59,092 --> 00:13:01,393
just yapping and yapping.
302
00:13:01,427 --> 00:13:02,577
You ever notice
303
00:13:02,611 --> 00:13:05,030
it's always the women
who want to get married?
304
00:13:05,064 --> 00:13:07,799
Yapping and yapping.
305
00:13:07,833 --> 00:13:10,268
Well, you know, when I think
of all the unhappy people
306
00:13:10,303 --> 00:13:12,604
whom I've counseled
over the years, whose lives
307
00:13:12,639 --> 00:13:17,359
have been scarred and destroyed
by marriages badly cast,
308
00:13:17,393 --> 00:13:19,394
I could write a book.
309
00:13:19,428 --> 00:13:22,581
I have written a book.
310
00:13:22,615 --> 00:13:23,498
Come on, now, Fras.
311
00:13:23,616 --> 00:13:25,450
You're just having
last-minute jitters.
312
00:13:25,485 --> 00:13:27,219
Geez, I-I don't know.
313
00:13:27,253 --> 00:13:30,371
Maybe Lilith
isn't the woman for me.
314
00:13:30,406 --> 00:13:32,674
What do you think of her, guys?
315
00:13:32,709 --> 00:13:35,009
Tell me, listen, I-I-I demand...
316
00:13:35,044 --> 00:13:36,944
complete honesty.
317
00:13:36,979 --> 00:13:39,598
Well, uh, Doc,
I'll be honest with you.
318
00:13:39,632 --> 00:13:42,234
Uh, ixnay, ixnay.
319
00:13:42,268 --> 00:13:43,518
Oh, no, Normie, no,
320
00:13:43,636 --> 00:13:46,204
I just wish
that I was there for you.
321
00:13:50,943 --> 00:13:52,944
No, uh...
322
00:13:52,978 --> 00:13:54,279
I was, uh,
323
00:13:54,313 --> 00:13:56,348
waiting for you
to wise up, there, Doc.
324
00:13:56,382 --> 00:13:58,283
You know, I mean,
Lilith Sternin...
325
00:13:58,318 --> 00:13:59,518
I mean, even the name
326
00:13:59,552 --> 00:14:01,920
makes the old butt cheeks,
uh, tighten up,
327
00:14:01,954 --> 00:14:03,455
you know what I mean?
328
00:14:03,489 --> 00:14:06,541
I mean, she is Olive Oyl
without the good fashion sense.
329
00:14:06,576 --> 00:14:08,977
And that personality, geez...
330
00:14:09,011 --> 00:14:10,846
Hey, whoa, whoa, come on,
hey, Cliff, that's enough.
331
00:14:10,880 --> 00:14:13,114
Yeah, you think so? Yeah, yeah.
332
00:14:13,148 --> 00:14:14,383
All right.
333
00:14:14,417 --> 00:14:16,737
Sam, you know, you've been
uncharacteristically mute.
334
00:14:16,753 --> 00:14:18,720
I mean, surely you have
some opinion on this.
335
00:14:18,755 --> 00:14:19,988
No, no, do it, man.
336
00:14:20,022 --> 00:14:21,155
I think you should
337
00:14:21,190 --> 00:14:23,175
walk off together
into the sunset, you know?
338
00:14:23,209 --> 00:14:24,509
Live happily ever after.
339
00:14:24,543 --> 00:14:25,594
Frasier Crane,
340
00:14:25,628 --> 00:14:27,462
you're a complete fool
if you get married.
341
00:14:27,496 --> 00:14:28,830
I did not say that.
342
00:14:28,865 --> 00:14:30,932
Now, listen, Sam, I know
exactly what you're thinking.
343
00:14:30,966 --> 00:14:32,701
I mean, every fiber of
your body speaks it.
344
00:14:32,735 --> 00:14:33,735
You live it every day.
345
00:14:33,770 --> 00:14:35,687
Give me one good reason
why the single life
346
00:14:35,722 --> 00:14:37,121
is better than being married.
347
00:14:37,156 --> 00:14:40,659
Okay, uh... well, let's see.
348
00:14:40,661 --> 00:14:43,094
When I get home, I don't
have to explain to anybody
349
00:14:43,128 --> 00:14:45,363
uh, where I've been
or what I've been doing.
350
00:14:45,398 --> 00:14:47,065
If I was out having a good time,
351
00:14:47,099 --> 00:14:50,251
I don't have to call home
to see if I can stay later.
352
00:14:50,285 --> 00:14:51,736
Oh, that reminds me.
353
00:14:51,770 --> 00:14:53,137
There, right there.
354
00:14:53,172 --> 00:14:54,472
There you go.
355
00:14:54,507 --> 00:14:56,241
See, that's
what you're losing, man...
356
00:14:56,275 --> 00:14:57,742
your freedom.
357
00:14:57,776 --> 00:15:01,079
You know, I can eat doughnuts
for dinner if I want to.
358
00:15:01,114 --> 00:15:03,781
Nobody nags me
to put down the toilet seat.
359
00:15:03,816 --> 00:15:06,218
I am the king
of my own remote control.
360
00:15:06,252 --> 00:15:07,519
I can date anybody I want to,
361
00:15:07,553 --> 00:15:09,254
and if somebody better
turns up...
362
00:15:09,288 --> 00:15:11,656
and somebody always does,
bless their hearts...
363
00:15:11,691 --> 00:15:13,558
then I can date them
the very next night.
364
00:15:13,568 --> 00:15:14,768
You know, I don't have to worry
365
00:15:14,793 --> 00:15:16,127
about forgetting an anniversary,
366
00:15:16,161 --> 00:15:19,364
no mother-in-laws,
no father-in-laws,
367
00:15:19,398 --> 00:15:21,499
no laws, period.
368
00:15:21,534 --> 00:15:24,235
I only asked for one reason.
369
00:15:24,270 --> 00:15:26,504
My God.
370
00:15:26,539 --> 00:15:28,423
I'm, I'm actually
beginning to have doubts.
371
00:15:28,457 --> 00:15:29,524
No.
372
00:15:29,558 --> 00:15:30,859
You know, I've got to hear
373
00:15:30,893 --> 00:15:32,060
the voice of my beloved
374
00:15:32,095 --> 00:15:33,128
just to reassure me.
375
00:15:33,162 --> 00:15:35,413
Uh, Woody, Woody, give
me Rebecca's number,
376
00:15:35,448 --> 00:15:37,415
and hand me the phone,
would you?
377
00:15:37,450 --> 00:15:39,585
Oh, Dr. Crane,
if Miss Howe answers,
378
00:15:39,619 --> 00:15:41,820
could you ask her something
for me?
379
00:15:41,854 --> 00:15:42,637
What's that, Wood?
380
00:15:42,672 --> 00:15:45,556
Ask her if she has Prince Albert
in a can.
381
00:15:46,926 --> 00:15:48,326
Don't tell her it was me.
382
00:15:48,360 --> 00:15:49,510
No.
383
00:15:52,899 --> 00:15:54,165
Hello.
384
00:15:54,200 --> 00:15:55,166
Yeah, h-hello.
385
00:15:55,200 --> 00:15:56,985
Is that you, Carla?
386
00:15:57,019 --> 00:15:58,536
Yeah, yeah, who is it?
387
00:15:58,570 --> 00:15:59,321
Uh, it's Frasier.
388
00:15:59,439 --> 00:16:00,539
What's all that noise?
389
00:16:00,573 --> 00:16:02,140
What's going on over there?
390
00:16:02,174 --> 00:16:04,826
We're making a quilt.
391
00:16:04,861 --> 00:16:06,961
Well, can I speak to Lilith,
please?
392
00:16:06,995 --> 00:16:07,979
Well, is it important?
393
00:16:08,013 --> 00:16:11,215
She's showing the male stripper
where to put his things.
394
00:16:11,250 --> 00:16:12,517
What?
395
00:16:12,552 --> 00:16:14,803
Oh, I-I got to get back.
396
00:16:14,837 --> 00:16:18,506
I-I got a bet
this guy's packing socks.
397
00:16:20,960 --> 00:16:23,728
She'll call you back sometime.
398
00:16:26,932 --> 00:16:28,467
What happened?
399
00:16:28,501 --> 00:16:30,469
Oh, nothing.
400
00:16:30,503 --> 00:16:32,604
Seems Lilith
is indisposed at the moment.
401
00:16:32,638 --> 00:16:34,872
She's helping to undress
a male stripper.
402
00:16:36,608 --> 00:16:38,760
A male stripper?
403
00:16:38,794 --> 00:16:41,395
Well, where do they put
the tassels?
404
00:16:45,100 --> 00:16:48,236
The thought of my Lilith
having one last carnal fling
405
00:16:48,271 --> 00:16:51,306
with some fellow in a Speedo
is beyond belief!
406
00:16:51,340 --> 00:16:52,357
Now, Frasier, I mean,
407
00:16:52,392 --> 00:16:53,953
just 'cause some guy
strips in her honor
408
00:16:53,959 --> 00:16:56,495
doesn't mean they're going
to wind up in the sack together.
409
00:16:56,529 --> 00:16:58,563
Oh, no, no, no,
you don't know my Lilith.
410
00:16:58,598 --> 00:16:59,881
I'll tell you,
once her libido's cut loose,
411
00:16:59,916 --> 00:17:01,700
I mean, there's no tying
her down, unless, of course,
412
00:17:01,734 --> 00:17:03,254
that's what she's into
for the evening.
413
00:17:04,637 --> 00:17:06,471
She's, right now,
she's with him.
414
00:17:06,505 --> 00:17:09,174
Oh, no, hey, hey, come
on, take it easy here.
415
00:17:09,208 --> 00:17:11,943
She's with that man...
that sweating, chiseled,
416
00:17:11,978 --> 00:17:13,945
Frasier. Pulsing, throbbing...
417
00:17:13,980 --> 00:17:15,563
Hey, hey, whoa. Sexy...
418
00:17:21,070 --> 00:17:23,371
Creme de Menthe?
419
00:17:24,773 --> 00:17:27,659
You couldn't find some water?
420
00:17:30,512 --> 00:17:32,547
My God, Sam.
421
00:17:32,582 --> 00:17:37,318
You realize what this...
this means?
422
00:17:37,352 --> 00:17:39,538
Well, I-I don't know
the clinical term for it,
423
00:17:39,572 --> 00:17:41,072
but it seems to me
424
00:17:41,106 --> 00:17:42,941
you were going
a little scooters there.
425
00:17:45,110 --> 00:17:46,611
I was jealous, Sam.
426
00:17:46,646 --> 00:17:49,280
I-I was insanely,
blindly jealous.
427
00:17:49,315 --> 00:17:53,284
If ever I needed a clearer
gut-level demonstration
428
00:17:53,319 --> 00:17:56,154
of my feelings,
I mean, that was it.
429
00:17:56,188 --> 00:17:58,022
Yes, yes, it's perverted.
430
00:17:58,057 --> 00:18:01,659
Yes, it's childish,
but yes, it's love.
431
00:18:01,693 --> 00:18:03,912
Maybe you ought
to go see her right now.
432
00:18:03,946 --> 00:18:05,313
I will, Sam.
433
00:18:05,347 --> 00:18:07,866
There's just one matter that
has to be rectified first.
434
00:18:07,900 --> 00:18:11,903
Cliff, in light
of my recent decision,
435
00:18:11,938 --> 00:18:17,208
I now take offense at your
remarks about Lilith.
436
00:18:17,242 --> 00:18:20,545
In short, I'm going
to kick your sorry butt.
437
00:18:22,348 --> 00:18:24,416
Ah, now, come on, Doc,
just cool down, will you?
438
00:18:24,450 --> 00:18:25,883
It was just a joke.
439
00:18:25,918 --> 00:18:28,520
Oh, you mean like that costume
you wear every day?
440
00:18:28,554 --> 00:18:30,605
Whoa!
441
00:18:33,793 --> 00:18:36,027
All right, put up your dukes,
Dr. Cream Puff.
442
00:18:36,061 --> 00:18:37,821
Okay, now we got a party, eh?
443
00:18:38,947 --> 00:18:41,182
All right, all right,
uh, before we start,
444
00:18:41,216 --> 00:18:42,650
let's just, uh,
445
00:18:42,685 --> 00:18:44,335
set a few ground rules,
all right?
446
00:18:45,104 --> 00:18:46,271
Uh, no punching in the face
447
00:18:46,305 --> 00:18:48,422
because that can cause
severe brain damage.
448
00:18:49,691 --> 00:18:51,676
Oh, oh, all right, uh,
just one other thing.
449
00:18:51,710 --> 00:18:53,344
Uh, no hitting below the belt.
450
00:18:53,379 --> 00:18:55,063
I'm about to be married.
451
00:18:55,097 --> 00:18:57,165
Uh, all right, all right,
fair enough, fair enough.
452
00:19:01,299 --> 00:19:02,380
All right, well, no hitting
453
00:19:02,405 --> 00:19:03,888
in the, uh,
right shoulder, though.
454
00:19:03,923 --> 00:19:05,356
That's my bag shoulder,
all right?
455
00:19:12,531 --> 00:19:16,200
What about the, um,
upper thigh area?
456
00:19:16,235 --> 00:19:17,769
Uh...
457
00:19:17,803 --> 00:19:20,521
Oh, no, I think we covered that
on page five over here.
458
00:19:20,556 --> 00:19:22,123
Yeah.
459
00:19:22,158 --> 00:19:23,892
Well, then, where
does that leave us?
460
00:19:23,926 --> 00:19:25,226
I don't know; It's leaving me
461
00:19:25,261 --> 00:19:27,128
with writer's cramp,
I'll tell you.
462
00:19:27,162 --> 00:19:28,963
Well, let that be
a lesson to you.
463
00:19:32,418 --> 00:19:34,385
As for me,
464
00:19:34,420 --> 00:19:35,854
I'm going to go back
to my beloved,
465
00:19:35,888 --> 00:19:37,889
throw my arms around
her milky-white shoulders,
466
00:19:37,924 --> 00:19:39,524
and let me tell you
something, fellas.
467
00:19:39,558 --> 00:19:41,293
I'm going to tell her
I'm devoted to her,
468
00:19:41,327 --> 00:19:43,594
and that I'm dedicating
the rest of my life to her.
469
00:19:44,964 --> 00:19:46,430
Hello, everyone.
470
00:19:47,216 --> 00:19:48,667
Frasier, is that you?
471
00:19:48,701 --> 00:19:52,236
Good. I hope this doesn't spoil
the bachelor party,
472
00:19:52,271 --> 00:19:54,105
but the engagement is off.
473
00:19:54,139 --> 00:19:55,624
It's over, history,
474
00:19:55,658 --> 00:19:57,425
kaput. Good night.
475
00:19:57,460 --> 00:19:58,093
What?!
476
00:19:58,127 --> 00:19:59,361
She's kind of juiced.
477
00:19:59,395 --> 00:20:01,429
I can't be engaged
to you, Frasier,
478
00:20:01,464 --> 00:20:03,431
because I'm marrying Randy here.
479
00:20:04,784 --> 00:20:06,884
If anyone wants to get us
a wedding gift,
480
00:20:06,919 --> 00:20:09,454
his butt is this size.
481
00:20:13,759 --> 00:20:15,827
Why don't you sit down,
Dr. Sternin?
482
00:20:15,862 --> 00:20:18,663
Oh, "Dr. Sternin"
is a little formal, isn't it?
483
00:20:18,697 --> 00:20:24,569
You can call me Sheena,
Ruler of the Jungle of Love.
484
00:20:24,603 --> 00:20:25,886
Can somebody sober her up?
485
00:20:25,921 --> 00:20:27,282
Hey, I think you lost a button.
486
00:20:33,229 --> 00:20:35,647
We'll handle it from here.
Thanks, Randy.
487
00:20:35,681 --> 00:20:37,965
Happy to do it. There's still
the matter of cab fare.
488
00:20:38,000 --> 00:20:40,284
Oh. Here, there you go.
489
00:20:40,319 --> 00:20:41,820
Great. Thanks.
490
00:20:41,854 --> 00:20:43,388
See you.
491
00:20:45,357 --> 00:20:46,724
Oh, Randy, don't leave me.
492
00:20:48,043 --> 00:20:51,779
I'll never be able
to hear "Shock the Monkey" again
493
00:20:51,813 --> 00:20:53,647
without crying.
494
00:20:58,321 --> 00:20:59,654
Lilith,
495
00:20:59,688 --> 00:21:01,222
what were you thinking of?!
496
00:21:01,256 --> 00:21:03,424
I'm sorry, Frasier,
it's just that I felt the need
497
00:21:03,458 --> 00:21:04,859
to get back at you.
498
00:21:04,893 --> 00:21:06,611
I waited all evening
for you to call
499
00:21:06,645 --> 00:21:08,245
and say that the wedding
was still on,
500
00:21:08,280 --> 00:21:09,380
but you didn't, you cur.
501
00:21:09,414 --> 00:21:10,564
I did call!
502
00:21:10,599 --> 00:21:12,200
Didn't Carla tell you?
503
00:21:12,234 --> 00:21:15,770
She was too busy licking
Bosco off Randy's chest.
504
00:21:17,806 --> 00:21:20,425
I became increasingly more
distraught and foolish
505
00:21:20,459 --> 00:21:21,726
as the night grew long.
506
00:21:21,761 --> 00:21:24,529
Of course, the 11 tequila
shooters didn't help.
507
00:21:24,563 --> 00:21:27,581
And now, the epilogue
is that my behavior
508
00:21:27,616 --> 00:21:31,202
has probably cost me
the one man I truly love.
509
00:21:31,237 --> 00:21:33,605
Oh, you can probably
still catch him.
510
00:21:35,724 --> 00:21:37,058
Woody, I don't think
511
00:21:37,092 --> 00:21:39,961
you're following along
closely enough.
512
00:21:39,995 --> 00:21:41,446
Listen, you're not the only one
513
00:21:41,480 --> 00:21:44,816
who's behaved
irrationally tonight.
514
00:21:44,850 --> 00:21:48,486
Lilith... I want
to marry you anyway.
515
00:21:50,105 --> 00:21:51,239
You do?
516
00:21:51,273 --> 00:21:52,590
Absolutely.
517
00:21:52,624 --> 00:21:54,775
For the rest of my life,
518
00:21:54,810 --> 00:21:57,912
I will always
cherish those words:
519
00:21:57,946 --> 00:22:01,416
"Lilith, I want to
marry you anyway."
520
00:22:03,602 --> 00:22:04,836
Come, my sweet.
521
00:22:04,870 --> 00:22:07,839
Let's get on
with our life together.
522
00:22:07,873 --> 00:22:09,273
Uh, thank you all.
523
00:22:09,308 --> 00:22:10,542
Yeah, way to go, Doc.
524
00:22:10,576 --> 00:22:11,676
Good night, Doc. See you, Doc.
525
00:22:11,710 --> 00:22:13,477
Oh, Lilith, just, uh...
526
00:22:13,512 --> 00:22:15,146
promise me two things.
527
00:22:15,180 --> 00:22:17,915
Never leave me for
another, and uh...
528
00:22:17,950 --> 00:22:20,351
don't throw up on me in the cab.
529
00:22:25,307 --> 00:22:27,141
Well, guys, what do you think?
530
00:22:27,175 --> 00:22:28,676
What'll we do now, huh?
531
00:22:28,711 --> 00:22:29,811
I got to get home.
532
00:22:29,845 --> 00:22:32,012
Yeah, I got
to tell my wife, too.
533
00:22:32,047 --> 00:22:33,264
Yeah, I'm out of here, too.
534
00:22:33,298 --> 00:22:34,499
Me, too. Good night, Sam.
535
00:22:34,533 --> 00:22:35,767
Good night, Sam. Yeah.
536
00:22:35,801 --> 00:22:36,534
Hey, that reminds me.
537
00:22:36,568 --> 00:22:38,419
I promised Vera
I'd pick up some Chinese food.
538
00:22:38,454 --> 00:22:39,804
Oh, that's nice of you, Norm.
539
00:22:39,839 --> 00:22:41,959
Well, I spilled it on the floor
this morning.
540
00:22:46,779 --> 00:22:48,062
Yeah, well,
541
00:22:48,097 --> 00:22:50,148
I'll be saying
good night there, Sammy.
542
00:22:50,182 --> 00:22:52,751
I, uh, I am married
to the U.S. Postal Service.
543
00:22:52,785 --> 00:22:53,952
What the hell, Sammy,
544
00:22:53,986 --> 00:22:56,021
we all can't lead
your carefree life.
545
00:22:56,055 --> 00:22:57,896
Well, good night. Yeah.
546
00:23:02,010 --> 00:23:04,011
Oh, boy.
547
00:23:10,419 --> 00:23:12,170
Party's over? Yeah.
548
00:23:12,204 --> 00:23:15,973
They all had women
they had to run home to. Saps.
549
00:23:16,008 --> 00:23:18,225
I just came back to lock up.
550
00:23:18,260 --> 00:23:20,060
Oh, come on,
hey, I always do that.
551
00:23:20,095 --> 00:23:20,912
Oh, that's right.
552
00:23:20,946 --> 00:23:23,264
You're a real night owl,
aren't you?
553
00:23:23,298 --> 00:23:25,516
Yeah. One of the great joys
of being single.
554
00:23:25,551 --> 00:23:26,851
You don't have to tell me.
555
00:23:26,885 --> 00:23:28,403
Those women at the shower...
556
00:23:28,437 --> 00:23:30,271
they have no idea
how to have fun.
557
00:23:30,306 --> 00:23:33,641
Five minutes after Randy left,
we got into this heated debate
558
00:23:33,675 --> 00:23:36,444
about which was better,
mayonnaise or Miracle Whip.
559
00:23:36,479 --> 00:23:38,113
Turned into a fistfight.
560
00:23:38,147 --> 00:23:40,315
Ha!
561
00:23:40,349 --> 00:23:41,232
Ah, that's pathetic.
562
00:23:41,266 --> 00:23:43,067
Boy, you know, I'll never
trade in the single life.
563
00:23:43,102 --> 00:23:44,085
Me, neither.
564
00:23:44,203 --> 00:23:46,404
Good night, Sam.
Yeah, good night.
565
00:23:51,176 --> 00:23:53,244
Ah.
566
00:23:53,278 --> 00:23:54,245
Freedom.
567
00:23:56,248 --> 00:23:57,928
You want to go get
a cup of coffee?
568
00:23:57,950 --> 00:24:00,134
Oh, you bet I do.
39809
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