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Cheers is filmedbefore a live studio audience.
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00:00:04,752 --> 00:00:06,503
English is, of course,
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00:00:06,537 --> 00:00:08,388
a member
of the Germanic sub-family
4
00:00:08,422 --> 00:00:11,624
of the Indo-European...
Isn't this fascinating?
5
00:00:11,659 --> 00:00:14,627
Must be what TV's like
after you're dead.
6
00:00:14,662 --> 00:00:17,030
All right, Normie,
turn off that claptrap.
7
00:00:17,065 --> 00:00:18,198
The cavalry has arrived.
8
00:00:18,232 --> 00:00:19,899
I just raided
Vincent's Video Emporium
9
00:00:19,934 --> 00:00:21,101
for the finest
10
00:00:21,135 --> 00:00:22,368
'50s sci-fi fare.
11
00:00:22,403 --> 00:00:23,503
All right. Yeah, get ready
12
00:00:23,537 --> 00:00:25,922
for a rollicking evening
of, uh, pod people,
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00:00:25,956 --> 00:00:28,408
invisible monsters
and wisecracking robots.
14
00:00:28,443 --> 00:00:31,645
Ooh... danger, danger!
Danger, danger!
15
00:00:31,679 --> 00:00:32,879
I love this stuff. Yeah?
16
00:00:32,914 --> 00:00:34,714
Oh, now there's
one of my favorites...
17
00:00:34,749 --> 00:00:36,382
Invasion of the Body Snatchers.
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00:00:36,417 --> 00:00:37,417
All right. Good one.
19
00:00:37,451 --> 00:00:39,118
A particularly
trenchant analysis
20
00:00:39,153 --> 00:00:40,854
of the collective
American psyche
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00:00:40,888 --> 00:00:42,288
during the Cold War era,
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with the pod people representing
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00:00:44,108 --> 00:00:48,295
the dehumanizing effect
of the McCarthy hearings.
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00:00:48,329 --> 00:00:51,798
I guess we got, uh,
plenty of other movies there.
25
00:00:51,832 --> 00:00:53,133
Here we go.
26
00:00:53,167 --> 00:00:54,868
Day the Earth Stood Still...
a real classic. Oh...
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00:00:54,902 --> 00:00:56,586
Klaatu barada nicto...
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00:00:57,438 --> 00:00:58,788
For my money, the finest
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00:00:58,822 --> 00:00:59,922
allegorical retelling
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00:00:59,957 --> 00:01:01,591
of the life of Christ on film.
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00:01:01,626 --> 00:01:03,393
Even better than E.T.
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00:01:04,678 --> 00:01:05,912
Next batter.
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00:01:05,946 --> 00:01:08,164
Forbidden Planet.
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00:01:08,199 --> 00:01:09,382
Well, that's a good choice.
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00:01:09,416 --> 00:01:12,018
It's a witty revamp of
Shakespeare's The Tempest
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00:01:12,053 --> 00:01:13,820
with Robbie the
Robot standing in
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00:01:13,854 --> 00:01:14,988
for the sprite Ariel.
38
00:01:15,022 --> 00:01:16,355
Well, so what'll it be?
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00:01:18,309 --> 00:01:19,859
This, then, was the height
40
00:01:19,894 --> 00:01:21,374
of the literary use
of Middle English.
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00:01:21,395 --> 00:01:22,729
By the end of...
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¶ Making your way
in the world today ¶
43
00:01:28,803 --> 00:01:32,489
¶ Takes everything you've got.
44
00:01:32,523 --> 00:01:35,091
¶ Taking a break
from all your worries ¶
45
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¶ Sure would help a lot.
46
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¶ Wouldn't you like
to get away? ¶
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¶ Sometimes you want to go.
48
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¶ Where everybody
knows your name ¶
49
00:01:51,759 --> 00:01:56,395
¶ And they're always glad
you came ¶
50
00:01:56,430 --> 00:01:58,932
¶ You want to be
where you can see ¶
51
00:01:58,934 --> 00:02:01,601
¶ Our troubles
are all the same ¶
52
00:02:01,635 --> 00:02:06,840
¶ You want to be where everybody
knows your name ¶
53
00:02:06,874 --> 00:02:09,358
¶ You want to go
where people know ¶
54
00:02:09,393 --> 00:02:12,044
¶ People are all the same.
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¶ You want to go where
everybody knows your name. ¶
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00:02:36,291 --> 00:02:37,412
Look, are you sure...?
57
00:02:37,437 --> 00:02:38,988
Check out Mr. Evan Drake
over there,
58
00:02:39,022 --> 00:02:40,690
acting like
he owns the place, eh?
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00:02:40,724 --> 00:02:41,925
Thinks that he's just
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00:02:41,959 --> 00:02:43,843
some, uh, big shot
corporate executive, eh?
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00:02:43,878 --> 00:02:45,211
Doesn't have to pay attention
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00:02:45,245 --> 00:02:46,846
to the common man
like you and me?
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00:02:46,881 --> 00:02:48,815
We're not important enough.
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00:02:48,849 --> 00:02:50,170
Well, actually, Cliff,
if it helps
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00:02:50,200 --> 00:02:51,835
to alleviate this envy
that seems to be
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00:02:51,869 --> 00:02:53,703
eating you up right now,
studies have shown
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00:02:53,737 --> 00:02:55,538
that rich people are
40 to 50% less happy
68
00:02:55,572 --> 00:02:56,923
than most of us.
69
00:02:56,958 --> 00:02:58,558
Oh, come on, that's a crock.
70
00:02:58,593 --> 00:03:00,993
Well, of course it is, but we
have to cling to it, don't we?
71
00:03:02,430 --> 00:03:03,280
Thank you.
72
00:03:03,398 --> 00:03:04,631
Damn.
73
00:03:04,665 --> 00:03:05,949
Bad news?
74
00:03:05,983 --> 00:03:07,517
Yeah, a very
important client and I
75
00:03:07,551 --> 00:03:09,252
were going to take
the corporate yacht
76
00:03:09,286 --> 00:03:11,755
out for a little cruise,
but he had to hurry home.
77
00:03:11,789 --> 00:03:12,905
Illness in the family?
78
00:03:12,940 --> 00:03:15,625
No, they overthrew
his government.
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00:03:15,659 --> 00:03:16,893
Ah, on the weekend,
to boot, huh?
80
00:03:16,927 --> 00:03:19,729
Just can't make plans
with dictators.
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00:03:19,764 --> 00:03:22,015
Sam,
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00:03:22,049 --> 00:03:22,682
why don't you join me?
83
00:03:22,716 --> 00:03:24,267
We're heading out
to Martha's Vineyard.
84
00:03:24,301 --> 00:03:26,169
Oh, I'd love to.
85
00:03:26,203 --> 00:03:29,356
Why don't we make it
a romantic weekend, huh?
86
00:03:29,390 --> 00:03:31,974
Oh, well, I'm flattered,
Evan, that's...
87
00:03:32,009 --> 00:03:33,576
No, no, no, no.
88
00:03:33,611 --> 00:03:35,578
I meant bring Rebecca along.
89
00:03:35,613 --> 00:03:38,230
Rebecca? Why would
I want to do that?
90
00:03:38,265 --> 00:03:40,333
Well, the last I heard,
you two were a hot item.
91
00:03:40,367 --> 00:03:42,436
Uh, well, uh... I'm not going
to hear any more about it.
92
00:03:42,470 --> 00:03:44,337
I don't know, man... No, no, no.
You two are coming.
93
00:03:44,371 --> 00:03:45,405
Now, just call my secretary.
94
00:03:45,440 --> 00:03:47,440
She'll give you all the details,
all right?
95
00:03:48,392 --> 00:03:50,010
Oh, Mr. Drake? Hmm.
96
00:03:50,044 --> 00:03:51,495
Um, I'm an insignificant cog
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00:03:51,529 --> 00:03:54,097
in the vast machinery
of your corporation.
98
00:03:54,131 --> 00:03:55,264
Nice to meet you.
99
00:03:55,299 --> 00:03:57,000
You being a rich
and powerful guy,
100
00:03:57,034 --> 00:03:59,903
you might think you'd let
yourself get all fat and lazy,
101
00:03:59,937 --> 00:04:03,106
but you look like you keep
yourself in pretty good shape.
102
00:04:03,140 --> 00:04:05,241
Well, I get to the gym
a few times a week.
103
00:04:05,275 --> 00:04:07,127
Good, good, then maybe
you can catch the truck
104
00:04:07,161 --> 00:04:08,694
that's towing your Rolls.
105
00:04:12,032 --> 00:04:15,268
I love to see rich people
haul butt.
106
00:04:18,689 --> 00:04:20,089
Well, let's see here.
107
00:04:20,124 --> 00:04:22,258
What little mermaid
would like me
108
00:04:22,292 --> 00:04:24,327
to scale her tail this weekend?
109
00:04:24,361 --> 00:04:27,363
What, you're not taking
Miss Howe?
110
00:04:27,398 --> 00:04:29,733
No, I thought I'd
have fun instead.
111
00:04:29,767 --> 00:04:32,035
I'm tired of barking
up that tree.
112
00:04:32,069 --> 00:04:33,970
I thought Mr. Drake
told you to take her.
113
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Well, I'll just, uh, tell him
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00:04:35,356 --> 00:04:36,606
we broke up, or something.
115
00:04:36,641 --> 00:04:38,124
Besides...
116
00:04:38,158 --> 00:04:40,576
I got this, uh,
gorgeous dental hygienist
117
00:04:40,611 --> 00:04:42,612
that I've been
trying to impress,
118
00:04:42,646 --> 00:04:44,547
and flossing every day
just isn't doing it.
119
00:04:45,850 --> 00:04:47,283
She'll love this yacht thing.
120
00:04:47,317 --> 00:04:49,037
She's, uh, into money
in a big way.
121
00:04:49,053 --> 00:04:50,386
It's amazing how superficial
122
00:04:50,420 --> 00:04:51,921
some people can be, isn't it?
123
00:04:51,955 --> 00:04:52,755
Oh, tell me about it.
124
00:04:52,790 --> 00:04:53,940
Good thing for her
125
00:04:53,975 --> 00:04:55,415
she's got
a great set of hooters.
126
00:04:56,414 --> 00:04:58,054
Good luck. Mmm, thank you.
127
00:04:58,079 --> 00:04:59,179
Hold it, hold it...
128
00:04:59,213 --> 00:05:00,296
hold it, hold it, hold...
129
00:05:00,331 --> 00:05:02,031
Look, no, I'm
telling you, Normie,
130
00:05:02,065 --> 00:05:04,166
recent research
into the Revolutionary War
131
00:05:04,201 --> 00:05:06,536
indicates that the, uh,
defenders of this area
132
00:05:06,570 --> 00:05:08,971
were not called
the, uh, Minutemen after all.
133
00:05:09,005 --> 00:05:11,641
Oh, like every history book
is then wrong, right?
134
00:05:11,676 --> 00:05:14,243
Oh, they were actually called
the Minute Men.
135
00:05:15,188 --> 00:05:16,789
A lot of them
under three feet tall,
136
00:05:16,814 --> 00:05:18,014
as a matter of fact.
137
00:05:18,049 --> 00:05:19,232
Right.
138
00:05:19,266 --> 00:05:20,666
Way back in history,
people were shorter.
139
00:05:20,701 --> 00:05:22,001
All right, fine.
140
00:05:22,036 --> 00:05:22,752
Take, for example, the, uh,
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00:05:22,787 --> 00:05:24,027
the Knights of the Round Table.
142
00:05:24,038 --> 00:05:25,238
Yeah? Genuine midgets.
143
00:05:25,272 --> 00:05:29,159
You're a very lonely man,
aren't you?
144
00:05:31,578 --> 00:05:33,980
Julie, sweetheart, come on,
it's the middle of winter.
145
00:05:34,015 --> 00:05:35,615
You're going
to have to bundle up.
146
00:05:35,650 --> 00:05:37,918
I don't know, pack
a wool bikini, or something.
147
00:05:37,952 --> 00:05:39,152
All right.
148
00:05:39,186 --> 00:05:40,754
Okay, bye-bye.
149
00:05:40,788 --> 00:05:42,621
Whee. All right.
150
00:05:42,656 --> 00:05:44,224
Julie is set.
151
00:05:44,258 --> 00:05:45,325
Sammy, come here.
152
00:05:45,359 --> 00:05:46,792
Let me see if I
got this straight.
153
00:05:46,827 --> 00:05:47,994
What?
154
00:05:48,028 --> 00:05:49,329
Drake invited you and Rebecca.
155
00:05:49,363 --> 00:05:50,330
Mm-hmm.
156
00:05:50,364 --> 00:05:53,333
Uh, Rebecca's got the
major hots for Drake.
157
00:05:53,367 --> 00:05:55,701
You take Julie
instead of Rebecca.
158
00:05:55,736 --> 00:05:58,738
Rebecca is left standing
alone on the dock.
159
00:05:58,772 --> 00:06:00,773
Hey, what's that in her hand?
160
00:06:00,807 --> 00:06:04,210
Oh, must be your severed head.
161
00:06:04,245 --> 00:06:05,444
Uh, don't worry about it.
162
00:06:05,479 --> 00:06:08,114
Rebecca's not even going
to find out she was invited.
163
00:06:08,148 --> 00:06:10,516
Well, Sam, looks like
we're going to be shipmates.
164
00:06:10,551 --> 00:06:12,852
What do you mean?
165
00:06:12,887 --> 00:06:15,205
I just saw Evan outside,
and he told me the good news.
166
00:06:15,239 --> 00:06:16,606
I'm going to be your date.
167
00:06:16,640 --> 00:06:17,857
Uh, well, here... uh...
168
00:06:17,892 --> 00:06:19,125
here's the bad news.
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00:06:19,159 --> 00:06:21,360
I've already invited
somebody else.
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00:06:21,395 --> 00:06:22,712
Un-invite her.
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00:06:22,746 --> 00:06:24,547
Sam, I have been dying
172
00:06:24,581 --> 00:06:26,115
for this chance
to get to know Evan
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00:06:26,150 --> 00:06:27,283
in a social setting.
174
00:06:27,317 --> 00:06:28,551
He only sees me
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00:06:28,585 --> 00:06:31,004
as some tough businesswoman
in tailored suits.
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00:06:31,038 --> 00:06:32,973
I want him to see me
in sportswear.
177
00:06:33,007 --> 00:06:35,825
No... you don't understand.
178
00:06:35,860 --> 00:06:37,694
See, Julie is really
important to me.
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00:06:37,728 --> 00:06:39,629
I've been working
like crazy to-to set
180
00:06:39,664 --> 00:06:42,464
something up with her for
almost three days now.
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00:06:45,052 --> 00:06:46,235
All right, all right.
182
00:06:46,270 --> 00:06:49,305
I'll, uh, I'll call Evan
and I'll try to fix it up.
183
00:06:49,339 --> 00:06:52,942
I... what am... how am I going
to explain Julie tagging along?
184
00:06:52,977 --> 00:06:54,093
Oh, I don't know.
185
00:06:54,127 --> 00:06:56,195
Tell him she's your sister.
186
00:06:56,229 --> 00:07:01,934
My sister? Rebecca, this is
a hot, gorgeous, sexy woman.
187
00:07:01,969 --> 00:07:03,753
Yeah, he'll believe that.
188
00:07:08,592 --> 00:07:10,427
Oh, this looks just marvelous,
189
00:07:10,461 --> 00:07:12,228
Lorenzo, just marvelous.
190
00:07:12,263 --> 00:07:13,830
Grazie, signore.
191
00:07:13,864 --> 00:07:14,697
Thanks again, Evan,
192
00:07:14,815 --> 00:07:16,649
for, uh, making room
for my sister here
193
00:07:16,684 --> 00:07:17,950
on such short notice.
194
00:07:17,984 --> 00:07:19,502
Yeah, I really appreciate that.
195
00:07:20,237 --> 00:07:21,504
This yacht must have
196
00:07:21,538 --> 00:07:22,638
cost a fortune!
197
00:07:22,672 --> 00:07:24,112
Mmm.
198
00:07:24,608 --> 00:07:26,625
Well, did it?
199
00:07:28,278 --> 00:07:30,379
Well, the important thing
is that it
200
00:07:30,414 --> 00:07:31,547
gets me where I want to go.
201
00:07:31,581 --> 00:07:33,449
Ah. Yep.
202
00:07:33,483 --> 00:07:36,619
All I really need is
a boat beneath my feet
203
00:07:36,653 --> 00:07:38,754
and a star to guide her with.
204
00:07:38,789 --> 00:07:40,589
And of course, a helicopter pad.
205
00:07:42,693 --> 00:07:44,344
Oh, you have a
beautiful laugh, Julie.
206
00:07:44,378 --> 00:07:47,530
Doesn't she brighten up
the old tub, Lorenzo?
207
00:07:47,564 --> 00:07:50,249
It is like a ray of sunshine
to have a woman as beautiful
208
00:07:50,283 --> 00:07:52,651
as Miss Malone on board.
209
00:07:52,686 --> 00:07:54,047
Oh, and of course you, too.
210
00:07:56,704 --> 00:07:58,384
Oh, yeah, yeah, of course.
211
00:07:58,409 --> 00:08:00,126
Oh, thank you, Mr. Drake,
it's nice...
212
00:08:00,160 --> 00:08:02,228
Wow, you must be very
proud of your brother.
213
00:08:02,262 --> 00:08:04,831
He was one heck of a
pitcher, I'll tell you.
214
00:08:04,865 --> 00:08:06,315
It's too bad he's
not playing now,
215
00:08:06,349 --> 00:08:08,717
when he could be
making some real money.
216
00:08:08,752 --> 00:08:11,020
Isn't she sweet?
217
00:08:11,829 --> 00:08:13,749
You two are very
close, aren't you?
218
00:08:13,774 --> 00:08:14,674
Mm. Oh, yeah.
219
00:08:14,792 --> 00:08:17,927
She's, um, like a sister to me.
220
00:08:17,961 --> 00:08:19,345
I'm afraid I didn't have much
221
00:08:19,380 --> 00:08:21,020
in common with my brother.
222
00:08:21,047 --> 00:08:23,132
Oh, you, too...
same with my brother.
223
00:08:23,167 --> 00:08:26,252
Julie, you told me you
didn't have another brother.
224
00:08:26,286 --> 00:08:27,153
Well... Uh, well...
225
00:08:27,271 --> 00:08:29,105
she doesn't, actually, but I do.
226
00:08:29,140 --> 00:08:31,207
Well, well, it's
not actually his brother.
227
00:08:31,242 --> 00:08:32,809
They're just such close friends
228
00:08:32,843 --> 00:08:35,378
that Sam likes to think
of him as his brother.
229
00:08:35,412 --> 00:08:36,132
We just don't have
230
00:08:36,163 --> 00:08:39,048
anything in common, that's all.
231
00:08:39,082 --> 00:08:41,250
Everything is ready, sir.
232
00:08:41,284 --> 00:08:42,035
Ah. Ah. Hey!
233
00:08:42,153 --> 00:08:43,474
Everyone help themselves here.
234
00:08:43,487 --> 00:08:45,288
I have to have
a word with the chef.
235
00:08:45,322 --> 00:08:47,006
Hey, I have three for him,
"Keep it coming."
236
00:08:47,041 --> 00:08:49,375
Whoo!
237
00:08:49,409 --> 00:08:51,094
You know, this is kind of fun,
238
00:08:51,128 --> 00:08:54,130
pretending to have this
whole different personality.
239
00:08:54,164 --> 00:08:57,000
If you like it, you might
want to get one of your own.
240
00:08:59,203 --> 00:09:01,804
Wow, would you look at this.
241
00:09:01,838 --> 00:09:05,074
Lobster, cracked crab, caviar...
242
00:09:05,108 --> 00:09:06,776
Hey, ham. Whoo!
243
00:09:09,663 --> 00:09:11,397
I wonder what this spread cost.
244
00:09:11,432 --> 00:09:13,666
You know, Julie, you
seem very concerned
245
00:09:13,701 --> 00:09:15,101
with the price of things.
246
00:09:15,135 --> 00:09:17,069
Don't you find that
a little rude?
247
00:09:17,104 --> 00:09:20,590
Well, it's not like
I asked him how old he is.
248
00:09:20,624 --> 00:09:21,941
What do you think?
249
00:09:21,976 --> 00:09:23,493
45? 50?
250
00:09:28,883 --> 00:09:30,884
Find anything to your liking?
251
00:09:30,918 --> 00:09:33,453
Actually, yes.
252
00:09:33,487 --> 00:09:35,755
So have I.
253
00:09:37,357 --> 00:09:39,425
So I guess your cabin
is that, uh,
254
00:09:39,460 --> 00:09:41,293
really big one upstairs, huh?
255
00:09:41,328 --> 00:09:42,728
Uh-huh.
256
00:09:42,763 --> 00:09:44,397
Ah, I'd really like to see it.
257
00:09:45,966 --> 00:09:48,334
Well, maybe I could take
you on the captain's tour
258
00:09:48,368 --> 00:09:49,535
right after dinner.
259
00:09:49,569 --> 00:09:51,070
Oh, I'd really like that.
260
00:09:51,104 --> 00:09:53,889
Do you think your
brother would mind?
261
00:09:53,924 --> 00:09:55,058
What brother?
262
00:09:55,092 --> 00:09:57,527
Ah. Great.
263
00:09:59,453 --> 00:10:01,373
Tonight is the night. Yeah.
264
00:10:01,398 --> 00:10:03,866
I can feel it in my bones.
265
00:10:03,900 --> 00:10:06,869
Right after dinner, I'm gonna
tell Evan how I really feel.
266
00:10:06,903 --> 00:10:08,871
Mmm. No, I'm gonna
show him how I feel.
267
00:10:08,905 --> 00:10:10,406
I'm going to seize the moment.
268
00:10:10,440 --> 00:10:11,641
Fine, do what you want.
269
00:10:11,675 --> 00:10:13,309
Right about then,
I'm going to be
270
00:10:13,344 --> 00:10:15,211
seizing Julie's headboard.
271
00:10:20,301 --> 00:10:22,235
Well...
272
00:10:22,269 --> 00:10:24,770
May I propose a toast?
273
00:10:24,805 --> 00:10:25,972
Oh, yeah. Yes.
274
00:10:26,006 --> 00:10:29,375
To a night full
of promise and possibilities.
275
00:10:29,409 --> 00:10:30,576
Hear, hear. Hear, hear.
276
00:10:30,610 --> 00:10:32,645
Hear, hear, yeah.
277
00:10:48,945 --> 00:10:51,129
Well, I hope
Lorenzo has seen to everything.
278
00:10:51,164 --> 00:10:52,264
Julie, this is your cabin.
279
00:10:52,298 --> 00:10:53,599
I hope you find it comfortable.
280
00:10:53,633 --> 00:10:54,767
Thank you.
281
00:10:54,801 --> 00:10:56,134
I'll check in on you later, sis.
282
00:10:56,169 --> 00:10:57,236
Oh, uh, that's okay.
283
00:10:57,270 --> 00:10:58,937
I think I'm getting a headache.
284
00:10:58,972 --> 00:11:00,138
Well, not to worry.
285
00:11:00,173 --> 00:11:02,174
I'll just drop by
with the old family cure.
286
00:11:05,479 --> 00:11:06,679
Your cabin, you two.
287
00:11:06,713 --> 00:11:07,946
Ah. Good night.
288
00:11:07,981 --> 00:11:09,081
Good night. Sleep tight.
289
00:11:09,115 --> 00:11:10,616
Don't let the bedbugs bite.
290
00:11:10,650 --> 00:11:11,851
I'm sure you don't have
291
00:11:11,885 --> 00:11:14,587
bedbugs on this boat,
or any other kind of bugs.
292
00:11:14,621 --> 00:11:15,271
Do they even have bugs
293
00:11:15,305 --> 00:11:16,689
at sea?
Well, maybe water bugs...
294
00:11:16,723 --> 00:11:18,574
Good night.
295
00:11:19,866 --> 00:11:21,586
What is my problem? Huh?
296
00:11:21,611 --> 00:11:24,146
Every time I talk to him, I
sound like a complete idiot.
297
00:11:25,849 --> 00:11:27,415
Sam? Mm-hmm.
298
00:11:27,450 --> 00:11:29,317
Did you ever get
tongue-tied with a woman?
299
00:11:29,352 --> 00:11:30,953
Oh, sure, lots of times.
300
00:11:30,987 --> 00:11:33,789
As a matter of fact, once we had
to go to the emergency room.
301
00:11:33,823 --> 00:11:35,257
They do have bugs at sea.
302
00:11:35,292 --> 00:11:36,591
Oh, now...
303
00:11:36,626 --> 00:11:38,510
Hey, this is a great
room, isn't it?
304
00:11:39,713 --> 00:11:41,313
Too bad I won't be using it.
305
00:11:41,347 --> 00:11:43,015
Yeah, well, if I get lucky,
I won't, either.
306
00:11:44,218 --> 00:11:45,818
Sam, do you have to do
that in front of me?
307
00:11:45,852 --> 00:11:46,985
What? Oh, I'm sorry,
308
00:11:47,020 --> 00:11:48,454
but Julie's a dental hygienist.
309
00:11:48,488 --> 00:11:50,856
This is gonna be the first thing
she checks.
310
00:11:50,891 --> 00:11:52,157
Maybe the second.
311
00:11:54,160 --> 00:11:56,128
You know, I love it
when you talk stupid, Sam.
312
00:11:56,162 --> 00:11:58,130
Uh-huh.
313
00:11:58,164 --> 00:12:00,132
Didn't she just say
she had a headache?
314
00:12:00,166 --> 00:12:01,534
No, no. For Evan's benefit.
315
00:12:01,568 --> 00:12:03,369
No, she's got the
kind of headache
316
00:12:03,370 --> 00:12:04,803
where you go straight to bed
317
00:12:04,838 --> 00:12:07,440
and take a couple of
Sammys every four hours.
318
00:12:09,445 --> 00:12:10,285
God, I cannot believe
319
00:12:10,310 --> 00:12:11,794
I'm sharing a stateroom
with you.
320
00:12:11,828 --> 00:12:13,195
I will never get
any mirror time.
321
00:12:13,229 --> 00:12:14,363
All right, all right.
322
00:12:15,565 --> 00:12:17,332
Thank you. Just...
323
00:12:20,433 --> 00:12:22,113
Oh, what can I get you?
324
00:12:22,138 --> 00:12:23,138
Well, let's see.
325
00:12:23,172 --> 00:12:24,573
Uh, today's my birthday.
326
00:12:24,607 --> 00:12:26,542
What's a good birthday drink?
327
00:12:26,576 --> 00:12:28,176
Oh, well, Sam always buys
a free beer
328
00:12:28,211 --> 00:12:29,812
for people on their birthday.
329
00:12:29,846 --> 00:12:31,163
Hey, that's great.
330
00:12:31,197 --> 00:12:32,765
Uh, actually,
331
00:12:32,799 --> 00:12:35,668
it's, uh, my girlfriend
here's birthday, too.
332
00:12:35,702 --> 00:12:38,904
Oh, well, she gets
a free beer, too, then.
333
00:12:39,972 --> 00:12:41,907
Funny thing is,
it's our birthday, also.
334
00:12:41,941 --> 00:12:43,509
Oh, yeah, that's how we all met.
335
00:12:43,543 --> 00:12:45,110
We were, uh, at the same party.
336
00:12:45,144 --> 00:12:47,880
Wow.
337
00:12:47,914 --> 00:12:50,099
Free beers all around then, huh?
338
00:12:50,133 --> 00:12:51,967
Hey. Hey,
hey, hey, there,
339
00:12:52,002 --> 00:12:55,120
Mr. Hoof and Mouth, will you
put your thinking cap on?
340
00:12:55,154 --> 00:12:57,072
Hey, what are the chances
of those four people
341
00:12:57,107 --> 00:12:58,573
having a birthday
on the same day?
342
00:12:58,608 --> 00:13:00,693
The odds must be astronomical.
343
00:13:00,727 --> 00:13:02,862
I'm just glad
I was here to see it.
344
00:13:02,896 --> 00:13:05,063
Hey, hey... Woody,
Woody, Woody, Woody...
345
00:13:05,097 --> 00:13:06,577
Don't you think
it's the slightest bit
346
00:13:06,583 --> 00:13:08,551
of a coincidence
that those four people happen
347
00:13:08,585 --> 00:13:11,554
to have the exact
same birthday as...
348
00:13:11,588 --> 00:13:12,888
Cliff and me?
349
00:13:17,627 --> 00:13:19,328
Really?
350
00:13:20,480 --> 00:13:21,401
A pitcher will be fine.
351
00:13:21,414 --> 00:13:22,614
Yeah.
352
00:13:22,649 --> 00:13:24,016
Two.
353
00:13:29,656 --> 00:13:31,657
You've been working
on your hair all this time,
354
00:13:31,691 --> 00:13:33,926
and it still looks like that?
355
00:13:33,960 --> 00:13:35,761
Like what?
356
00:13:35,795 --> 00:13:36,962
Like something you'd surf on.
357
00:13:36,997 --> 00:13:38,164
Well...
358
00:13:38,198 --> 00:13:39,965
Give me the brush.
359
00:13:40,000 --> 00:13:41,400
Get down.
360
00:13:41,434 --> 00:13:42,568
All right.
361
00:13:42,602 --> 00:13:44,236
God...
362
00:13:44,270 --> 00:13:46,471
am I really gonna have the guts
to go through with this?
363
00:13:46,473 --> 00:13:47,706
Yes, I am.
364
00:13:47,740 --> 00:13:49,007
I have to.
365
00:13:49,042 --> 00:13:50,108
And now...
366
00:13:50,143 --> 00:13:51,610
There you go.
367
00:13:51,644 --> 00:13:53,211
Yeah, that's great.
368
00:13:53,246 --> 00:13:54,663
This is really going
to be tricky tonight.
369
00:13:54,697 --> 00:13:55,831
Yeah.
370
00:13:55,865 --> 00:13:57,566
I have to create just the right
romantic mood
371
00:13:57,601 --> 00:13:59,401
with Evan. Yeah.
372
00:13:59,436 --> 00:14:01,387
Do you have any suggestions
on how I could do that?
373
00:14:01,421 --> 00:14:02,621
Oh, yeah, that's easy.
374
00:14:02,655 --> 00:14:04,490
What you do...
375
00:14:04,524 --> 00:14:06,325
...is you knock on his door,
and you tell him
376
00:14:06,359 --> 00:14:07,792
that you're having trouble
sleeping,
377
00:14:07,827 --> 00:14:09,794
that you need some air.
378
00:14:09,829 --> 00:14:11,796
And then you get him
to take a little stroll
379
00:14:11,831 --> 00:14:13,332
around the deck with you,
380
00:14:13,366 --> 00:14:15,567
and then when the...
the moment's right,
381
00:14:15,601 --> 00:14:18,337
you tell him you'd like
to see him naked.
382
00:14:22,075 --> 00:14:23,442
Works for me. Yeah.
383
00:14:23,476 --> 00:14:24,809
I'm out of here.
384
00:14:24,844 --> 00:14:25,811
Okay.
385
00:14:27,313 --> 00:14:28,513
Good luck.
386
00:14:31,168 --> 00:14:33,535
I-I was just heading up on deck.
387
00:14:33,569 --> 00:14:35,754
I was just going up
on deck, too.
388
00:14:35,789 --> 00:14:36,972
I just changed my mind.
389
00:14:37,007 --> 00:14:38,156
I just changed my mind, too.
390
00:14:40,827 --> 00:14:43,028
Whoa-ho! That was quick.
391
00:14:43,063 --> 00:14:44,863
Was it everything
you thought it'd be?
392
00:14:48,201 --> 00:14:49,702
Sam, don't be stupid.
393
00:14:49,736 --> 00:14:51,003
All right, here I go.
394
00:14:51,037 --> 00:14:52,170
Go on.
395
00:14:56,960 --> 00:14:58,944
I changed my mind,
decided to get some fresh air.
396
00:14:58,978 --> 00:15:00,162
Me, too.
397
00:15:00,196 --> 00:15:01,346
Oh, but I forgot my...
398
00:15:01,381 --> 00:15:02,047
So did I.
399
00:15:03,599 --> 00:15:05,760
Would you do something
about that damn Julie?
400
00:15:05,785 --> 00:15:06,851
What?
401
00:15:06,886 --> 00:15:07,919
She keeps heading up on deck
402
00:15:07,954 --> 00:15:09,154
every time I open up the door.
403
00:15:09,155 --> 00:15:10,389
Julie? What the hell's
she doing?
404
00:15:10,423 --> 00:15:11,756
We got a date.
405
00:15:11,791 --> 00:15:13,676
That would probably send me
to the rail, too.
406
00:15:13,710 --> 00:15:15,678
Here I go again.
407
00:15:17,047 --> 00:15:19,381
You ready
for the Captain's tour?
408
00:15:19,416 --> 00:15:20,716
Oh, I don't know.
409
00:15:20,750 --> 00:15:22,851
I don't think I'm dressed for it.
410
00:15:22,886 --> 00:15:24,236
Maybe you could help me
411
00:15:24,270 --> 00:15:26,371
pick out something.
412
00:15:28,958 --> 00:15:30,291
Oh, my God!
413
00:15:30,326 --> 00:15:31,527
What?
414
00:15:31,561 --> 00:15:33,028
I just saw Evan go
in Julie's cabin,
415
00:15:33,062 --> 00:15:35,430
and my life has no meaning.
416
00:15:35,464 --> 00:15:36,632
You're crazy.
417
00:15:36,666 --> 00:15:37,799
I'm not, I saw it.
418
00:15:37,834 --> 00:15:39,618
Shoot me now!
419
00:15:47,309 --> 00:15:49,645
J-Julie?
420
00:15:51,280 --> 00:15:53,198
Uh, Sam,
421
00:15:53,232 --> 00:15:55,017
I told you I have a headache.
422
00:15:55,051 --> 00:15:57,352
Oh, wait a minute. What...?
423
00:15:57,386 --> 00:15:58,754
Hey, Drake's in there, isn't he?
424
00:15:58,788 --> 00:16:00,656
Oh.
425
00:16:00,690 --> 00:16:02,051
Oh. Well...
426
00:16:02,058 --> 00:16:04,026
I don't believe this. What...?
427
00:16:04,060 --> 00:16:06,862
You're-You're throwing me over
for that guy? Why?
428
00:16:06,896 --> 00:16:08,380
Just because
he has more money than me?
429
00:16:08,414 --> 00:16:10,049
More money
than I'll ever hope to have?
430
00:16:10,083 --> 00:16:12,051
More money
than most of America h...?
431
00:16:12,085 --> 00:16:14,153
I'm losing this argument,
aren't I?
432
00:16:16,089 --> 00:16:18,256
Good night.
433
00:16:19,859 --> 00:16:21,359
Okay.
434
00:16:21,394 --> 00:16:24,780
I don't believe the
nerve of that woman.
435
00:16:24,814 --> 00:16:26,181
I believe it.
436
00:16:26,216 --> 00:16:28,050
Of course I believe it.
437
00:16:28,084 --> 00:16:29,684
Because she is nothing more than
438
00:16:29,719 --> 00:16:31,403
Hey,
439
00:16:31,437 --> 00:16:32,537
don't defend her to me.
440
00:16:36,492 --> 00:16:39,028
To think, you know, I
have wasted three days
441
00:16:39,062 --> 00:16:41,130
on that lost cause.
442
00:16:41,164 --> 00:16:43,632
Three days?!
443
00:16:43,666 --> 00:16:45,968
Try wasting two years.
444
00:16:47,253 --> 00:16:48,203
Two years of waiting
445
00:16:48,238 --> 00:16:50,038
by the phone for him to call.
446
00:16:51,174 --> 00:16:54,309
Two years of making excuses
for why he didn't.
447
00:16:54,344 --> 00:16:55,978
Two years
448
00:16:56,012 --> 00:16:57,879
of dreaming about him
449
00:16:57,914 --> 00:17:00,149
and thinking about him.
450
00:17:00,183 --> 00:17:01,266
Living every
451
00:17:01,300 --> 00:17:04,569
moment for Evan Gregory Drake.
452
00:17:04,604 --> 00:17:06,221
Wow.
453
00:17:06,256 --> 00:17:09,391
Boy, you sure have me beat.
454
00:17:11,611 --> 00:17:13,845
I'm just so...
455
00:17:13,880 --> 00:17:16,365
disappointed in him.
456
00:17:16,399 --> 00:17:18,183
Disappointed? Think how I feel.
457
00:17:18,218 --> 00:17:20,685
I mean, he's in there
boinking my sister.
458
00:17:20,720 --> 00:17:21,220
Oh.
459
00:17:26,276 --> 00:17:29,577
I am never gonna have a husband
460
00:17:29,612 --> 00:17:30,779
or babies.
461
00:17:30,814 --> 00:17:32,047
Oh, now...
462
00:17:32,081 --> 00:17:33,682
Or a family.
463
00:17:33,716 --> 00:17:36,000
All I have is my stupid career,
464
00:17:36,035 --> 00:17:38,337
And I don't even like it.
465
00:17:40,573 --> 00:17:42,213
Hey, come on now.
466
00:17:42,241 --> 00:17:45,644
Listen, you-you
are a-a beautiful,
467
00:17:45,678 --> 00:17:46,812
intelligent woman.
468
00:17:46,846 --> 00:17:50,015
Oh, Sam, please, not now.
469
00:17:50,049 --> 00:17:51,850
What? Oh, come on.
470
00:17:51,884 --> 00:17:52,851
What-What you think that I'm...?
471
00:17:52,885 --> 00:17:55,287
Listen, I made a lot
of stupid passes at you,
472
00:17:55,321 --> 00:17:58,123
but this is not one of them.
473
00:17:58,157 --> 00:17:59,708
Hey...
474
00:17:59,742 --> 00:18:03,378
...you are a terrific person.
475
00:18:03,412 --> 00:18:05,446
You know, a lot of good
things are gonna happen,
476
00:18:05,481 --> 00:18:08,550
and I'm sure the right
person's gonna come along.
477
00:18:08,585 --> 00:18:11,386
Well, what if he already did,
and I didn't know it
478
00:18:11,421 --> 00:18:13,388
Because of Evan?
479
00:18:14,591 --> 00:18:15,757
Well, then, if you miss him,
480
00:18:15,791 --> 00:18:17,526
then he wasn't the right person.
481
00:18:18,794 --> 00:18:19,928
Oh.
482
00:18:23,249 --> 00:18:25,216
Really?
483
00:18:25,251 --> 00:18:27,319
Yeah, really.
484
00:18:29,155 --> 00:18:31,556
Really?
485
00:18:32,641 --> 00:18:34,760
Uh-oh.
486
00:18:34,794 --> 00:18:37,329
Um...
487
00:18:37,363 --> 00:18:41,100
listen you're in a very, uh...
488
00:18:41,134 --> 00:18:43,335
emotional state
right now, and I...
489
00:18:43,369 --> 00:18:46,121
I don't want to take
advantage of that.
490
00:18:46,155 --> 00:18:50,392
If you want me to
leave, you just say so.
491
00:18:54,013 --> 00:18:57,015
I don't seem to be
saying anything.
492
00:19:04,557 --> 00:19:05,840
Oh...
493
00:19:05,874 --> 00:19:07,125
Oh, I'm sorry.
494
00:19:07,193 --> 00:19:09,993
No, it's all
right, Evan, come in.
495
00:19:11,865 --> 00:19:14,716
Well, I can't sleep until
I get something off my chest.
496
00:19:14,750 --> 00:19:17,590
Well, read a book, man, and-and get
back to us in about three hours, huh?
497
00:19:17,620 --> 00:19:19,604
No, no. Go on, Evan.
498
00:19:19,638 --> 00:19:20,388
Sam...
499
00:19:21,774 --> 00:19:23,608
I got where I am in life
500
00:19:23,642 --> 00:19:25,643
because I have always
dealt honestly
501
00:19:25,678 --> 00:19:28,046
with people I respect.
502
00:19:28,081 --> 00:19:30,765
Hey, that's great. Can we talk
about it in the morning, please?
503
00:19:30,800 --> 00:19:33,401
Sam, I tried
to seduce your sister.
504
00:19:33,436 --> 00:19:34,569
Oh, oh, oh...
505
00:19:34,603 --> 00:19:36,338
Oh, well, that's a...
that's a shocker.
506
00:19:36,372 --> 00:19:38,340
Um, may...
507
00:19:38,374 --> 00:19:40,775
maybe we ought
to sleep on it, huh?
508
00:19:40,810 --> 00:19:43,128
Sam, please, give me
my day in court, will you?
509
00:19:44,564 --> 00:19:46,615
You see, I...
510
00:19:46,649 --> 00:19:48,383
Well, since
my marriage broke up,
511
00:19:48,418 --> 00:19:50,486
I have been feeling lonely.
512
00:19:51,871 --> 00:19:54,239
Still, a man gets urges.
513
00:19:54,274 --> 00:19:55,440
But
514
00:19:55,474 --> 00:19:56,708
I guess
I'm just too old-fashioned
515
00:19:56,742 --> 00:20:00,312
to think I can find
any real happiness that way.
516
00:20:00,346 --> 00:20:02,580
Nothing happened, Sam.
517
00:20:02,615 --> 00:20:03,748
Oh... And I just
wanted to explain
518
00:20:03,783 --> 00:20:05,133
that to you, so, uh...
519
00:20:05,802 --> 00:20:07,085
Uh, excuse me.
520
00:20:07,120 --> 00:20:08,887
Well... Good night.
521
00:20:08,921 --> 00:20:11,390
Yeah, yeah, good night.
522
00:20:11,424 --> 00:20:13,492
All right. Now...
523
00:20:13,526 --> 00:20:15,494
All right, okay.
524
00:20:15,528 --> 00:20:17,729
Where were we here?
525
00:20:17,764 --> 00:20:19,648
I have never loved that man
more than I do
526
00:20:19,682 --> 00:20:22,484
right at this very minute.
527
00:20:23,452 --> 00:20:24,669
Me, neither.
528
00:20:24,704 --> 00:20:25,837
So where were we?
529
00:20:25,871 --> 00:20:27,551
God, he needs someone so badly.
530
00:20:27,557 --> 00:20:29,525
Oh, come on!
531
00:20:29,559 --> 00:20:31,276
I haven't used that
"men have urges" line
532
00:20:31,310 --> 00:20:32,611
since I was in the fifth grade.
533
00:20:32,645 --> 00:20:34,463
Excuse me, Sam.
534
00:20:35,982 --> 00:20:37,749
What? Come on! What
are you gonna do?
535
00:20:37,784 --> 00:20:38,833
You gonna go chasing after him?
536
00:20:38,868 --> 00:20:39,834
No, no, no. Please.
537
00:20:39,869 --> 00:20:41,170
It isn't the right time.
538
00:20:41,204 --> 00:20:42,844
I just have to think.
539
00:20:43,422 --> 00:20:44,606
I'm gonna go up on deck
540
00:20:44,640 --> 00:20:46,408
and sleep and look at the stars.
541
00:20:46,442 --> 00:20:47,625
Uh, li-listen, you can't...
542
00:20:48,861 --> 00:20:50,328
You can't just work
me up like that,
543
00:20:50,362 --> 00:20:51,797
and then walk out
of here. Please.
544
00:20:51,831 --> 00:20:53,765
Sam... No, please.
545
00:20:53,800 --> 00:20:57,702
I believe you have a sister
with a vacancy sign on her door.
546
00:20:57,737 --> 00:20:59,888
Right, right.
547
00:21:04,126 --> 00:21:06,628
Say hello to the stars
for me there, sweetheart.
548
00:21:06,662 --> 00:21:09,030
Boy, this... Okay, all right.
549
00:21:11,884 --> 00:21:13,601
Um, Julie?
550
00:21:13,636 --> 00:21:15,404
Listen, uh,
551
00:21:15,438 --> 00:21:17,805
why don't we let bygones
be bygones here?
552
00:21:17,840 --> 00:21:20,575
Um, you were tempted,
I was tempted,
553
00:21:20,609 --> 00:21:21,809
but what the hell?
554
00:21:21,844 --> 00:21:24,379
We're both
consenting adults, huh?
555
00:21:24,414 --> 00:21:26,381
I sure hope there's, uh,
some room
556
00:21:26,416 --> 00:21:28,417
in that bunk of yours for me.
557
00:21:29,519 --> 00:21:31,520
There isn't.
558
00:21:34,807 --> 00:21:37,008
I got to stay off boats, man.
559
00:21:42,415 --> 00:21:43,865
Hello.
560
00:21:43,899 --> 00:21:44,933
Hey, Carla.
561
00:21:44,967 --> 00:21:46,718
Did you pick
your mother-in-law up?
562
00:21:46,752 --> 00:21:47,886
Yeah.
563
00:21:47,921 --> 00:21:50,588
I tried to pawn her off
on some Hare Krishnas,
564
00:21:50,623 --> 00:21:51,839
but I think she's the only thing
565
00:21:51,874 --> 00:21:53,775
they won't take at the airport.
566
00:21:54,927 --> 00:21:56,627
So, how's it been going?
567
00:21:56,662 --> 00:21:57,579
Oh, fine.
568
00:21:57,613 --> 00:22:00,382
Well, they tried to pull
that old birthday gag
569
00:22:00,416 --> 00:22:02,384
where they get a
free round of beers,
570
00:22:02,418 --> 00:22:04,403
but I caught on
after the fifth round.
571
00:22:04,437 --> 00:22:08,256
Oh, Gomer, Gomer, Gomer.
572
00:22:08,291 --> 00:22:09,074
Geez!
573
00:22:09,108 --> 00:22:10,725
Well, lucky for me, I remembered
574
00:22:10,760 --> 00:22:13,595
that Mr. Clavin and Mr. Peterson
already had their birthday.
575
00:22:13,629 --> 00:22:17,049
Those foam suckers
were in on this?!
576
00:22:17,083 --> 00:22:18,917
That does it. Where are they?
577
00:22:18,951 --> 00:22:20,118
Hey, hey, hey.
578
00:22:20,153 --> 00:22:21,453
I want to talk to you.
579
00:22:21,487 --> 00:22:23,589
Nobody stiffs this bar.
580
00:22:23,623 --> 00:22:24,956
Oh... Oh...
581
00:22:24,990 --> 00:22:26,258
You owe me
582
00:22:26,292 --> 00:22:28,393
for five rounds.
583
00:22:28,428 --> 00:22:30,262
Hey, come here.
584
00:22:30,296 --> 00:22:32,330
Ooh.
585
00:22:33,962 --> 00:22:35,242
All right, Cliffie, we split up.
586
00:22:35,267 --> 00:22:36,935
There's no way
she can catch both of us.
587
00:22:36,969 --> 00:22:39,270
Norm-Norm, she's... she's gonna
come after me first, Normie.
588
00:22:39,304 --> 00:22:40,572
Yeah. Ready? No,
589
00:22:40,607 --> 00:22:41,406
no, no, no, no, no.
590
00:22:41,440 --> 00:22:42,491
No, no, no.
591
00:22:42,525 --> 00:22:43,758
No. Get back here. Get...
592
00:22:43,792 --> 00:22:45,232
Oh, oh. Ooh, ooh.
593
00:22:46,095 --> 00:22:47,362
Hey!
594
00:22:47,396 --> 00:22:48,697
Where's the tip?
40421
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