Original subtitles

Oh hey, I need to pick up some cargo

do you think I could maybe borrow a ship

from your hubby Aristotle Onassis?

What a completely pointless snap,

you numbskull.

Rough night?

I did my scene in the Apatow movie.

Oh great.

And afterward I went out with Seth and these guys.

Seth Rogan and Jonah Hill.

Just when the names were dropping so subtly.

We hit this premier after party thing.

sponsored by that fig vodka.

They have Fig vodka now?

They do.

Oh my god I'm so sorry,

I totally forgot, you don't get out very much any more.

You must be so jealous.

I am, I am so--

Ron? Hey Ron?

You prep the buffet table?

Ah right, Buffet.

""Dust in the Wind." On repeat.

Kyle.

Could you give me a hand?

Yeah.

I didn't want want Henry to know.

I was putting in my earrings and I tripped,

and I dropped one,

Why would Henry care if you dropped one?

I dropped in there. In the casket.

Oh.

I'm sorry Kyle, I wouldn't normally ask,

It's just that Escapade gave me these earrings.

No it's-- in there with the guy?

Yeah, yeah.

Okay, um--

You guys are ridiculous.

You've never seen a dead body before.

Don't say dead body.

Why, that's what it is.

An inanimate object.

Okay, so get her earring that was dropped in there.

Go for it.

You're like medieval villagers.

On a molecular level,

this is no different than digging in a sandbox

or a sock drawer.

Don't touch it.

What, you don't oh, on no I touched it..

Oh no I hope he wasn't murdered,

or his unquiet spirit will come and haunt us.

Man, come on.

Dude, seriously, cut it out.

Or what, you think his eyes'll open

and he'll come out and eat everybody's brains.

Hi. Hey, now.

So, about ten minutes?

Yeah, we're all set here.

Good.

And we over-ordered on food,

So someone from the homeless shelter

is gonna come and pick up the extras.

So come you show them to the back ? Yep.

And could you put my dad's cufflink back?

Sorry.

If there was a common thread in my husband's life,

from success at Dunn and Bradshaw,

to marriage,

to raising our beautiful daughter Mary.

It was a commitment to values.

The value of hard work.

The value of family.

The value of giving back.

I know for me,

the values of James Walter Ellison live on.

Dad?

Six minutes to sum up a whole life.

Kind of makes you think, doesn't it?

Huh. An old black man playing the blues.

How original.

Dude, shut up.

Awesome.

[ man singing ]

Ron, what are you doing?

Death.

It's heavy shit.

Just takin' the edge off, no big deal.

Okay, but if a guest came in and saw you,

Henry, please, don't worry about,

these people are cool.

Oh right, because they're black,

they're cool with the wait staff

getting high at their loved one's funeral.

God, doesn't that blow your mind?

one minute he's alive, next minute he's dead?

"Dust in the wind." That's all we.

All right.

Ahh,

you're busting me for getting high.

Come on, don't see the irony there?

I do and I don't like it,

but I need you at the bar, Ron.

You okay?

Am I, Henry?

Am I, I got a dead-end job, no woman, no.

I mean, are you mentally capable

of performing simple tasks?

Don't worry about me, Henry.

I was pretty much constantly high between 1987 and 2002.

Okay?

So I think I can manage myself.

You just relax.

Relax, Honey,

It's a lovely reception, you did great.

It's just, that none of the Phoenix people showed.

For all the time he spent in that office.

Excuse me, I'm sorry.

Can I get either of you anything?

Oh no thank you, thanks.

The girl is getting something for me, thank you.

I'm very sorry for your loss.

Seems like he was a good man.

That he was.

You married?

Me, no.

Girlfriend? Um. yeah.

Little tip about relationships.

Forget fireworks.

You don't want something that blows all bright,

and then fades.

Oh, thank you, sweetheart. Sure.

Know what love is?

It's a crockpot.

Not flashy, not exciting,

but cooks at a low heat, day in, and day out, and won't fade.

That's what you want.

I'm guessing your girlfriend

has got herself a crockpot. mm-hmm.

What?

You crockpot.

So did he die at peace, or was he, you know, murdered?

Good, Thank you so much for coming.

Um, you're welcome.

If you could come with us?

You.

This way.

Excuse me sir.

You're awesome.

The blues.

Yeah, I'm in a band, I know.

That's where it all started.

Do you think you could you...teach me.

The guitar?

No, the blues.

What it's about.

What it really is, that'd be, awesome.

Mmm, I don't know whether I can really explain it in words.

It's more something you live.

Like, the black experience.

And having stuff to be blue about.

Oh, yeah. Yeah, okay.

Like, I did this movie, right?

Supposed to bump me up to the B list, Okay.

Well it goes straight to video.

Yeah, and this yoga model I was hooking up with

stopped calling, and my Xbox is weird,

it's like nothing's going right.

Well, maybe I can try,

sorta like give you a feel for it.

Yeah, okay.

Gimme your belt.

You want my belt?

You want to experience the blues,

start by giving me your belt.

experience getting whipped, like slaves--

What? No.

What's wrong with you?

This is a nice belt.

It's Donna Karan.

So are we gonna switching belts?

No. I'm taking your belt.

Because the blues is about what you don't have?

Don't try to understand.

Just experience.

Right, okay, experiencing having no a belt.

And get me a Squirt.

Casey's on drinks.

Oh she wanna learn about the blues?

Oh, this is part of the experience, Okay.

Got it, got it.

And a plate of shrimp.

We have shrimp puffs.

Pick out the shrimp.

Okay, Yeah...like picking cotton?

What'd I say?

Don't try to understand.

Just experience. Right, I got it.

Thank you.

So, the rest of the food is in there,

if you can just help her out, that'd be great.

So, did you park in back?

Uh, no, down the block?

Oh, all right, well I guess I could carry it,

or you could pull around back.

Um, I don't know what you're?

Aren't you from the shelter?

I'm here for the funeral?

Oh. I'm sorry.

Oh shit--

Ah--

Are you--

I'm-- I'm--

Were you close?

Mom?

In here, Walter.

Oh God, God, it's so obvious, isn't it? No.

I just wanted to come say goodbye,

but I stick out like a sore thumb.

Can I drink this?

Yeah.

Sorry, I was just getting more--

sparkling water.

[ continuing to cry ]

You did good, my man.

Sales Leader of the year.

Twice.

Community Leadership award,

friends and family out there talking about your legacy.

That's a life, my friend, that's a life.

Resume like that,

I'd feel pretty good about being dead.

I mean, what are they gonna say about me?

"Here lies Ronald Wayne Donald.

Repeated first grade because he couldn't figure out scissors.

First in his class to master a keg stand.

Partied for twenty years,

ran a soup place for five months.

Never did anything.

Never won anything.

Never mattered.

Now he's dead, nobody cares,

Got nothing to put on the wall

to show he ever existed at all.

Excuse me.

Kind of an unspoken time limit.

How am I doing on time?

You're done. Okay.

I don't know if I can do this.

I never imagined it'd be like this.

Like what?

So...black.

Well, he was black...

Not like this, all, fancy pants

NAACP award I'm-so-great stuffy.

They thought I was hired help.

The James I knew was a free spirit,

he hung with everyone.

Just be one of them.

and if anyone asks.

"I knew James from the Phoenix office of Dunn and Bradshaw."

That's right, and no one will know

Because no one from Phoenix came.

It's just, I'm a terrible liar.

It's not lying, it's acting.

I was an actor, it's easy.

You just use the true bits, fake the fake bits.

And that's acting?

Most actors aren't bright,

so it has to be simple.

Thank you, Henry.

No problem.

Hey, three whites.

What is going on with you and that woman?

Oh nothing.

You are truly the worst actor I've ever seen

in my entire life. What do you mean?

It's so obvious you're lying to me right now.

What was that?

Okay, that woman.

What, she's the dead guy's mistress,

and that kid's his love child?

Wait are you-- Fuckin' serious, is it that obvious?

Are you serious?

Are you serious--

That's really what it is I just guess--

White wine.

What's that lady from

the homeless shelter still doing here?

Oh, she's not from the shelter, she's here to pay her respects.

I've never seen her before.

She said she's from the Phoenix office.

Well, at least someone showed up.

Worst actor ever?

I know why you're doing this why?

Because that woman called you a crockpot.

Ah No. And I'm not, so.

Yeah cause your life is boring

so you're creating melodrama.

No, I'm just trying to help that woman out.

If the widow finds out about this--

Which she won't. Because I am coaching that girl.

Oh, well in that case.

Hey, honey, who's that?

I don't know. I think she might be from the Phoenix office,

Oh. I saw her come in, and I was like,

who here came down with a case of jungle fever.

Right, like any of these guys.

Actually, you have it reversed.

Her lusting after him, that's jungle fever.

I think it applies generally.

No, technically, it's white on black.

Because black people live in the jungle.

Not all, obviously.

Just no white people do.

What term would you use to refer to a black person

lusting after a white person.

Temperate Deciduous fever, fjord fever...

These're just facts of semantics,

I'm not being racist.

I'm post-racial.

People are people.

If you're cool, you're cool.

If you're an ass, you're an ass.

Exactly.

[ singing ]

What're you doing?

That old bluesman is teaching me understand the blues.

What is that supposed to help you understand?

Oh well, not really just to understand more--

more to experience.

Experience the blues.

Right.

Guess you could say I done that.

[ singing ]

* Ah Got no woman,

* mm...lost the lease to my camaro,

* I got a dead-end job, girl.

* I got a dead-end job.

What kind of accent is that?

It's a blues accent.

Sounded like Indian or Jamaican.

No it's a blues accent.

It's more like.

*

* workin' for the man,

* picking shrimp all day,

* Ain't got no belt.

* where's your belt

Woo, singing. * Ain't got no belt.

What are you singing?

Thinking 'bout the blues.

Yeah and life.

Struggle.

Like, does anything matter,

If death's just the end?

Death is not the end.

I can tell you that one for sure.

When my friend Peg's fiancee got shot,

he haunted her apartment.

Oh he got shot?

Hunting accident.

Yeah Randy had this t-shirt

with a big eagle on it,

came through the bushes, and Peg just.

There's an eagle season?

Duck. But you see wings, you just react.

But let me tell you something

Randy haunted her plumbing

until she had to move into a different unit.

* ain't got no belt

[ continuing to sing ]

No you go high, I'm gonna go low.

* ain't got no belt...

Not bad.

Pretty good man.

Thank you so much for coming.

Mary, who is that?

She's from the Phoenix office.

Oh someone did come. Well that's nice.

Well, he certainly does seem to have been well loved.

[ crying ]

Yes, he was a good man.

You married?

Ah looking.

Well, you should do what I did.

Find yourself a crockpot.

Hey, mind if I ask you a question?

Your parents, is that like a one of each, kind of thing?

Yeah.

Great, you might know this.

Jungle Fever, Is it only when a Caucasian

lusts after a black person?

All right, a plate of shrimp and a squirt.

These have tails. Yes.

No I thought--

Ahh-- Don't try to understand.

Clean it up, and think about what you feeling,

when you crawling around down there.

All right.

I think I gettin' it.

Everything okay?

Yes, thank you, that really helped.

Can I drink this?

Yeah.

So my dad must have been very popular

at the Phoenix office.

Oh. Yes, he.

What department were you in?

Um...the Phoenix office.

Sales, did you say sales?

Sales, that's what I said.

Sales is in LA.

Is this is your son?

Oh, yes. Walter.

Walter?

That's my Dad's middle name?

It's a popular name.

Oh, my fucking god.

My Dad? And you?

And a fuckin' kid?

I just wanted to say goodbye.

I shouldn't have come.

Get her out of here, now.

Um, I don't really do that.

I'm trying to throw a perfect reception

for my mother's perfect husband,

and there's no way on today of all days

My mother's gonna find out--

Hello.

I'm Diane.

I heard you're from the Phoenix office?

Vanna DeMilo.

She's in sales.

I am so glad you came.

He spent so much time there,

I'd love to talk about it.

Come, come.

What the hell is wrong with you people?

White people?

Hey I'm from Sunrise Shelters?

Hey Ron.

Can you show this guy the extra food in back, please?

I mean men! Why can't you keep

your goddamn brains in your pants.

Give me a scotch.

Look, It doesn't matter, you know, they'll talk.

she'll leave, and your mom will never know the difference, okay.

You better hope not.

My theory, you know that white girl,

with the half-black kid? Walter.

Oh, I met that woman, she is from the Phoenix office.

Three whites and a red please.

Dead guy, his middle name is Walter?

Ten bucks says that's his mistress.

Uh, Roman, have you met Mary?

Daughter of the deceased?

Hey, you should tell your mom all this stuff.

No, no Roman, not now.

What's more important, truth, or protecting someone's feelings?

"The truth shall set you free." Martin Luther King.

No, actually, that's Jesus.

Also black.

Shut it, white boy.

It's obvious who has the racial issues.

Roman, remember time that you made me that script

about the intelligent fungus?

Which one?

There's more than one?

The one, there was meteor that came down,

and the people they breath in this fungus.

"Overlords of Gron?"

That was probably the worst piece of writing

I've ever read in my entire life.

But I lied and I told you that I liked it,

So I wouldn't hurt your feelings.

It's obvious you're just saying this

to refute my point.

No, I would call Henry and I would read him lines

over the phone and we would just-- oh we would laugh.

"We are all descendants of Gron"

"You will be mere cells in the super-brain."

This does not change how I feel,

It doesn't. I'm glad you told me.

Try to be constructive next time.

Okay. Never show that to anybody involved

in the film industry, ever.

There you go.

So through there.

Makes you think, doesn't it.

This is it.

End of the line.

Oh.

Oh-- oh.

OOO.

Hey you want one, man?

Sure.

Makes you think doesn't it buddy?

We're dead a hell of a lot longer than we're alive.

In a box, Excuse me--

six feet under.

That's life.

Non-existence, For eternity.

[ muffled ] Oh wow, all right, that's freaky.

Hey buddy , the latch is ah--

There's no latch in here.

can you open it up for me outside?

[ knocking ]

Hey. Hey!

Oh come on.

[ banging ]

[ screaming ]

No, no, no, no!

[ banging ] No, no, no, no!

There's just so much archeological evidence

that supports the fact that Jesus

was African American.

And the pyramids?

Nubian pharaohs?

I mean homeboy was dark.

Who's the white chick with the kid?

She's from Phoenix.

James did spend a lot of time in Phoenix.

Uh-mm. Um-hm.

Haystack head.

You missed a spot.

Kyle, what the hell are you doing down there?

I'm learning about the blues,

something you wouldn't understand, man.

Sorry, I just can't take any more.

Stand up, kid,

he's a goddamn dentist.

I got him the how-to-play guitar videos when he retired!

This is his NAACP community image award.

Oh he was so proud of that.

Wow. That's a side of him we never saw in Phoenix.

Ed, my ex, he was also very proud

of his race.

He had an award.

Oh he sounds like a very good man.

And what about your boy's daddy?

Actually, Vanna was just--

Passed away, actually.

Oh, I'm so sorry.

No, it feels good to talk about it.

He was a good man.

A lot like your husband, but more of a free spirit.

With us, it was just, fireworks

Excuse me would anyone like anything,

or maybe-- maybe are we done here?

I'd like a club soda.

Actually Vanna was just--

Whiskey and sprite.

White wine.

For me I would think, who needs all that drama

and excitement? But you need some excitement.

What'd be perfect is to have two guys.

One boring, and one crazy.

Mrs. Ellison?

Morris Haines.

Head of the Phoenix branch.

I'm so sorry for your loss.

Oh, thank you for coming.

Well, if he could visit us twice a year,

it was only right I-- Twice a year?

He was in Phoenix practically every month.

You know Vanna DeMilo.

From sales department.

I'm sorry...I shouldn't have come.

Oh, mama, I'm sorry.

Oh, it's you?

I always just assumed it'd be some Asian lady.

Mom?

Asian lady?

He was very into Asian ladies.

Honey, I knew he had someone.

Your father was a good father, a good husband

and did well at Dunn and Bradshaw,

but if we had not had an open relationship,

we'd have been bored to death years ago.

Well, it's so nice to meet you.

Thank you very much for coming.

Excuse me, Mr. Haines,

did my husband ever tell you he was cited by the city council?

Oh the City Council?

Excuse me.

Is this the James Ellison funeral?

*

*

Sir, Sir,

Sir, Hey, I just wanna say thank you.

You know, I know you were pulling my leg,

but I still feel like I learned something.

It was nothing to learn, son.

But, I still think I learned something from it.

It was a joke.

Which is what I think I learned from.

It was a joke.

I totally get it.

Oh hey, I found it,

it wasn't easy it was in his mouth.

Oh god, oh.

Who's mouth? The dead guy.

The dead guy's mouth?

So funny, I can't even say dead guy

without you guys freakin' out.

(BANGING)

Oh my god!

Henry! Ron.

Are you real? Am I alive?

Yes, on both counts.

Oh, my god, Henry.

I saw everything.

I need to change my entire life.

Don't open the bottom half,

I have an erection for some reason.

*

*

**

TREE.