Original subtitles

YOU KNOW, I FEEL LIKE I'M FINALLY

GETTING THE HANG OF THIS.

OF THIS? YEAH.

YOU'RE NOT.

NO, LIKE EVERYTHING.

LIKE I'M FINALLY OVER THE ACTING THING.

AND ALSO, I DON'T CARE

THAT MY JOB IS STUPID 'CAUSE YOU KNOW,

I DON'T HAVE ANY RESPONSIBILITIES

AND I GET TO COME HERE

AND GOOF OFF WITH YOU ALL THE TIME, IT'S--

IT'S COOL.

YEAH. YEAH.

LIKE I FEEL OKAY WITH EVERYTHING

FOR THE FIRST TIME IN A REALLY LONG TIME.

[phone rings]

AND UM, I DUNNO I FEEL LIKE A LOT OF THAT HAS TO DO--

I GOTTA TAKE THIS,

I HAVE TO TAKE THIS. WITH YOU...YEAH?

WILL YOU COVER FOR ME?

YEAH.

HELLO?

I AM THE BOAT, I AM THE CAPTAIN.

I AM THE BOAT.

I AM THE BOAT, I AM THE CAPTAIN.

[clears throat] AH, YOU'RE LATE.

WHERE'S CASEY?

UH, CAR TROUBLE.

SHE'LL BE HERE--

THIS IS A WEDDING UNDER THE SUN

AND ELTON JOHN MIGHT BE HERE.

THIS IS GOING TO BE ABSOLUTELY MAGICAL--

I BELIEVE YOU MEAN ABSOLUTELY GAY.

DON'T BE SUCH A HOMOPHOBE.

NOTHING GAY ABOUT A GAY WEDDING.

DO YOU LISTEN TO YOURSELF?

ALL RIGHT, ENOUGH WITH THE GAYS!

I'M TRYING TO CONCENTRATE HERE, PLEASE!

WHAT ARE THOSE?

OH, BENTWAY MOTIVATIONAL SYSTEM.

I AM THE BOAT, I AM THE CAPTAIN.

THAT'S-- I'M BOTH OF THOSE THINGS.

IT'S A SYSTEM FOR MOTIVATION

AND CLEAR CONFIDENCE, SO--

YOU OKAY RON?

UH-HUH, YEAH YEAH I'M FINE.

YOU ALL RIGHT?

I MEAN, I'M NOT GONNA LIE,

THE REUNION TOOK A LITTLE BIT OUTTA ME.

YA KNOW, I HAD A FEW DARK DAYS.

BUT I'M NOT GONNA LET MY FORMER CLASSMATES

RIDICULING MY ENTIRE EXISTENCE, YOU KNOW,

DRAG ME DOWN.

AND I HAVE THE CARDS.

FUCK ELTON JOHN.

I WANT TO MEET GEORGE TAKAY TONIGHT.

NO, IT'S GEORGE TAKEI.

NO, IT'S GEORGE TAKAY,

PEOPLE HAVE BEEN SAYING IT WRONG FOR YEARS.

WHO THE HELL IS THAT? SULU?

FROM A LITTLE SHOW CALLED STAR TREK?

I JUST CAN'T WAIT TO MEET STENNHEISER.

I'M UP FOR THE NEW HOLOCAUST THRILLER HE'S DOING,

I'M WORKING HIS WEDDING, IT'S FATE GUYS.

IT'S NOT FATE, IT'S A MISTAKE.

RON DIDN'T READ THE MEMO.

SURPRISE.

UDA BENGT?

SHIT.

WHAT MEMO?

I DON'T SEE ANY MEMO--

THAT ONE.

THE GIST IS THIS:

VALHALLA CATERING WILL BE COVERING THE RECEPTION.

PARTY DOWN WILL HANDLE THE LOGISTICS

AND PREP-WORK SUPPORTING VALHALLA--

VALHALLA SUCKS, WE'RE WORKING THIS THING.

YEAH, WHY ARE YOU GUYS EVEN HERE?

IMAGINE YOU WERE SUCCESSFUL

AND WEALTHY, AND IT WAS YOUR WEDDING DAY,

AND YOU'VE SPARED NO EXPENSE

TO CREATE AN ENVIRONMENT OF BEAUTY AND ELEGANCE,

AND THEN YOU SHOWED UP.

BLEH.

THIS'S UNFAIR--

TAKE IT UP WITH THE GOD THAT MADE YOU THAT WAY.

RON, TELL ME THAT YOUR PEOPLE

DON'T WANDER IN 15 MINUTES LATE.

DRIVING ISSUES.

FIRST TIME THAT'S EVER HAPPENED.

SCHEDULE AND MENU.

OUR CUISINE IS FILIPINO FUSION.

THE CHEFS SPEAK ONLY TAGALOG,

SO HERE IS A VISUAL GUIDE TO APPETIZERS,

BROKEN DOWN BY DIETARY RESTRICTIONS

AND FOOD ALLERGIES.

WE USE A COLOR-CODED TRAY SYSTEM.

STUDY IT.

I'D PREFER NOT TO LOSE ANYONE TO ANAPHYLACTIC SHOCK

ON MR. STENNHEISER'S BIG DAY.

HEY, WHEN YOU GET A MINUTE, CAN I TALK TO YOU?

RON.

SERIOUSLY, YOUR TEAM ARE LIKE ANIMALS.

SHHH!!!

THAT'S GONNA BE STRIKE ONE.

ONE MORE AND I'M GONNA REPORT YOU TO ALAN DUK.

YOU KNOW THERE ARE THREE STRIKES IN BASEBALL.

WELL THIS ISN'T FUCKING BASEBALL, WEASEL FACE,

IT'S CATERING.

I WOULDN'T TRUST THE RON I KNEW TO MOP A TOILET.

BUT WORD IS YOU PULLED YOURSELF TOGETHER

AND YOU'RE GONNA RUN A SOUP R' CRACKERS.

WHICH MAKES ME BREATH A LITTLE EASIER,

BECAUSE I'VE BEEN INSIDE A SOUP R' CRACKERS,

AND YOU CAN'T RUN ONE

IF YOU'RE A COMPLETE FUCKING IDIOT.

NO. YOU CAN'T.

AGREED.

GOOD. NOW, LET'S WORK.

HAIR READY, FOUNDATION IN FIVE.

[mocking] HAIR READY, FOUNDATION IN FIVE!

I HAVE TO GO...GET SOMETHING...

WHAT WAS ALL THAT ANYWAY?

WELL, SHE USED TO WORK HERE AND IF YOU ASK ME,

I THINK SHE NEEDS TO GET LAID BIG TIME.

WHAT DO WE DO NOW?

I THOUGHT I SAID STAY IN THE BARN.

UH YEAH, I WAS JUST LOOKING FOR RON.

WHY ISN'T HE IN THE BARN?

UM, WELL I-- I THINK HE'S CHECKING INVENTORY

OR SOMETHING, HE'S VERY METICULOUS.

UM--

COPY THAT.

CEREMONY STARTED.

TELL RON I NEED THOSE TRAYS READY

FOR THE RECEPTION IN 15,

WITH NEW WAVES EVERY 15 UNTIL THE FIREWORKS.

AND IF WE'RE OFF SCHEDULE, EVEN BY ONE TRAY,

I'M GONNA CALL ALAN DUK.

COPY THAT.

OH, AND UH, TELL THE BLONDE

THANKS FOR THE CONCERN,

BUT I GOT LAID THREE WEEKS AGO,

SO I'M GOOD.

[speaking Tagalog]

ALL RIGHT, SORRY.

I APOLOGIZE.

OKAY, THANKS AGAIN, FOR YELLING.

THIS GUY.

EVERYTHING OKAY?

I COULDN'T FIND HIM--

SWEET, LET'S GO RUB OUR PARTS TOGETHER.

UM--

YOU KNOW WHAT I--

WELL, WE'RE NINE MINUTES BEHIND.

OKAY WHY DON'T YOU GUYS--

DO YOU WANNA UM--

GET STARTED ON THESE MAYBE?

OKAY.

THANKS.

FETA AND SKATE TART.

OKAY PESCETARIAN, MAY CONTAIN GLUTEN.

DUDE THIS ARRANGEMENT IS BULLSHIT.

GEORGE TAKEI'S OUT THERE--

WHICH MEANS I HAVE TO BE OUT THERE.

DUDE NO WAY I'M NOT SEEING STENNHEISER TONIGHT.

YOU GET A CHANCE LIKE THIS ONCE IN A LIFETIME.

I GOTTA GET OUT THERE MAN.

WE'LL DISTRACT THEM.

I MEAN, THESE MODEL DILDOS

CAN'T BE TOO BRIGHT--

DON'T BE SO SURE OKAY,

I WAS A MODEL AND I USED TO LIKE DO--

HEY LOOK WHAT'S THAT?

WHAT IS IT?

MORON.

BOBBI, WHAT THE FUCK IS THAT?

WHAT...

THAT'S NOT RIGHT.

OH I MADE IT INTO THAT NAZI THING.

YEAH.

I DIDN'T KNOW, I THOUGHT I WAS--

IT STARTED OUT AS A SNOWFLAKE.

WHAT UM, WHAT ARE YOU ON RIGHT NOW?

JUST MUSHROOMS.

YOU'RE ON CILICYBEN MUSHROOMS RIGHT NOW?

YEAH, WHY'D YOU THINK I SAID I WAS GONNA

HAVE A MAGICAL EVENING?

I THOUGHT WE WERE TALKING ABOUT ELTON JOHN.

I THOUGHT THAT--

NO, WHEN I'M IN NATURE, I USUALLY DROP A CAP.

THAT'S WHY I'M SO CENTERED.

I MEAN, YOU KNOW NATURE IS SO LARGE.

THAT IF YOU CAN SEE IT REALLY CLEARLY,

YOU CAN EXPAND YOUR UNCONSCIOUSNESS TO--

WELL, NEARLY TO INFINITY.

OK SO WHAT IS IT YOU WANTED TO TALK TO ME ABOUT?

WELL IT'S THIS OFFER THAT I MIGHT GET.

LIKE A STAND UP THING--

THAT'S GREAT, RIGHT?

YEAH UH-HUH. THAT'S GOOD.

MAYBE, I DON'T KNOW--

I'M PROBABLY NOT EVEN GONNA GET IT SO--

I JUST WANTED TO TALK TO YOU--

HEY.

HI. HEY.

I JUST WANTED TO FEEL WHAT IT WOULD FEEL LIKE

OVER HERE.

WAIT A SECOND, WHAT'S GOING ON?

BRO, BRO.

SHE'S TRIPPING HER BALLS OFF--

ARE YOU KIDDING?

I NEED THOSE READY TO FLY IN FIVE.

WE'RE ALREADY DONE

BECAUSE THIS JOB'S SO EASY A CARROT COULD DO IT.

SO YOU THINK THIS JOB IS EASY.

YEAH. GOOD.

THEN ONE OF YOU COME WITH ME.

I'LL GO-- NOT YOU, HIM.

COME WITH ME.

WHAT, THAT'S BULLSHIT.

I'M SO MUCH HOTTER THAN HE IS.

ENJOY THE BARN, ASSHOLE.

AND YOU'RE NINE MINUTES BEHIND.

I KNOW, I KNOW, I KNOW.

AFTER YOU MY DEAR.

THIS OFFICIALLY SUCKS--

OKAY YEAH, I'M GONNA GO FIND RON.

WHY DON'T YOU UH--

YOU FINISH THESE UP OKAY?

JUST FINISH UH, FINISH ARRANGING.

[speaks Tagalog]

WHOA, THIS PLACE IS HUGE HUH?

SO WHEN DO I GET MY BLACK SHIRT AND ALL THAT--

YOU DON'T.

I NEED YOU TO STAND HERE AND DIRECT GUESTS

TOWARDS THE RESTROOMS.

DO YOU THINK YOU CAN HANDLE THAT?

HANDLE WHAT?

CATFISH INFUSED ROOT CURD.

WHAT?

IF THEY TOUCH, DISPOSE OF THEM.

YES. I LOVE BEN AFFLECK.

DO YOU?

BEN AFFLECK, NO HE'S A HACK--

DO YOU THINK YOU CAN HANDLE THIS JOB?

HANDLE WHAT?

THERE'S A SIGN HERE--

THAT'S A SMALL SIGN.

JUST MAKE SURE THEY SEE IT.

WE ALMOST LOST JUDI DENCH.

YOU WANT ME TO STAND HERE ALL NIGHT

LIKE A DOUCHBAG NEXT TO A SIGN?

DO IT IN WHATEVER STYLE YOU LIKE.

BUT YES.

YOU KNOW, I WENT TO COLLEGE.

I DIDN'T.

BUT I STILL GET THE IRONY.

ALL RIGHT.

STEP RIGHT UP AND PEE OR POO

OR BOTH.

[music plays]

IT WASN'T A BIG DEAL, THERE WAS LIKE 150 PEOPLE--

WHO WOULD HAVE THOUGHT YOU'D MEET AN ASIAN GUY

AT A BAR MITZVAH?

I KNOW, I'M NOT EVEN JEWISH MYSELF.

[laughs]

I MEAN IT WASN'T EXACTLY LOVE AT FIRST SIGHT, YA KNOW?

[laughing]

WHATEVER, YOU FALL IN LOVE,

I DON'T UNDERSTAND EITHER.

HOW DO YA-- HOW DO YA TELL IF A GUY IS GAY?

NO 'CAUSE YOU KNOW, I--

I'VE BEEN SLEEPING WITH A GUY RECENTLY

AND WHEN I'M-- WHEN I'M FUCKING HIM

HE'S LIKE THIS-- HE LOOKS AT ME LIKE THIS.

LIKE THAT,

AND IT LOOKS LIKE HE'S NOT ENJOYING HIMSELF.

WHICH MAKES ME THINK HE COULD BE GAY.

AND THEN-- BUT-- I'M INSULTED--

[laughs] WHOA.

HEY. HEY, FIND HIM?

NO, IT'S LIKE HE JUST VANISHED.

OH HEY, DID YOU FINISH THAT NEXT WAVE?

NO I DIDN'T FINISH THAT NEXT WAVE, BOSS.

OKAY SORRY, IT'S JUST, WE DON'T WANT RON

TO GET FIRED, RIGHT?

RIGHT, RIGHT.

WHAT?

WELL, OKAY WHEN YOU WERE ACTING,

HOW COULD YOU TELL THE DIFFERENCE BETWEEN

A DUMB JOB THAT WAS YA KNOW, LEGITIMATELY DUMB,

AND A DUMB JOB THAT MIGHT LEAD TO SOMETHING?

WELL, OBVIOUSLY I COULDN'T, SO--

RIGHT.

WHY?

UM, WELL--

[crashing sounds]

OH, GOOD GOD. EW!

HEY HENRY!

ARE WE HAVING FUN YET?

COME ON IN, JOIN ME FOR A SHOT

LIKE THE OLD DAYS--

JESUS CHRIST RON.

WHERE ARE YOUR PANTS?

I WENT TO TAKE A WHIZ,

AND UH, I GOT TANGLED UP

AND THEN I SAID WHY BOTHER

BECAUSE I CAN'T DO IT HENRY.

UDA WAS RIGHT WHEN SHE SAID--

COLOR CODED TRAYS?

WAIT, WE'RE DOIN' IT.

IT'S NOT THAT HARD. IT'S NOT.

NO, "YOU CAN'T RUN A SOUP R' CRACKERS

IF YOU'RE A FUCKING IDIOT."

AND I'M A FUCKING IDIOT.

AND I'M A FUCKING IDIOT,

I CAN'T DO IT. SHIT, HEY LISTEN.

CAN YOU GO FINISH THE TRAYS?

GO. I WANNA SEE--

NO, NO, NO, GO.

RON. RON.

LOOK, WE NEED YOU IN THERE--

THESE THINGS ARE WORTHLESS.

I WASTED $76 ON THOSE.

RON LISTEN TO ME, IF UDA FINDS YOU,

YOU'RE GONNA GET FIRED.

NO JOB.

NO SOUP R CRACKERS RON.

NO SOUP R--

RON YOU CAN'T GIVE UP--

YOU GAVE UP HENRY.

YEAH AND THAT'S EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDN'T--

WHY, PEOPLE LIKE YOU HENRY.

YOU'VE GOT CASEY, AND YOU GOOF AROUND--

YOU DON'T GIVE A SHIT ABOUT SHIT.

YEAH BUT I HAVE NO LIFE

AND I'M EARNING MINIMUM WAGE IN THE FOOD SERVICE INDUSTRY.

OH AND THAT'S HORRIBLE BECAUSE

THE FOOD SERVICE INDUSTRY IS STUPID--?

NO, THAT'S NOT WHAT I MEANT.

MY DREAMS ARE STUPID AND MY WHOLE LIFE IS STUPID--

IT'S A FUCKING ILLUSION. NO YOUR DREAMS ARE GREAT.

I'M A FUCKING IDIOT--

LISTEN TO ME,

LISTEN TO ME RON.

WE'RE GONNA GO IN THERE, AND WE'RE GONNA MAKE IT WORK.

OKAY, WE'RE GONNA WORK IT OUT.

OKAY?

CAN YOU PROMISE ME THAT?

CAN YOU LOOK ME IN THE EYE AND CAN YOU PROMISE ME

THAT IT ALL MEANS SOMETHING,

AND THAT MY WHOLE BULLSHIT LIFE

IS JUST A BAD START TO A REALLY INCREDIBLE

CINDERELLA STORY?

CAN YOU PROMISE ME THAT?

HERE WE GO, NUMBER ONE OR NUMBER TWO?

I'M SORRY?

IF YOU'RE LOOKING FOR THE BATHROOM SIGN

IT'S RIGHT HERE.

OH SO THE BATHROOM'S THIS WAY?

I DON'T KNOW.

IS THE SIGN WRONG?

NO, I'M JUST HERE TO POINT OUT THE SIGN.

WHAT YOU DO WITH THIS INFORMATION, THAT'S UP TO YOU.

I JUST WANNA FIND THE BATHROOM.

RIGHT, I'M GONNA REFER YOU BACK TO THIS GLORIOUS SIGN.

SO THE BATHROOM'S THIS WAY?

I HOPE SO.

NOT.

I GOT THIS.

RAWR.

WHITE-- [yelling]

OKAY, OH GOD.

YES, JESUS.

WOW. OKAY, OKAY.

GOLDEN BEET CHARD LOGS.

WHAT THE FUCK?

PUT THESE ON THE WHITE.

I NEED HIGHBALL GLASSES AND NAPKINS.

I ALSO NEED MUNG CRISPS

AND OSTRICH EMPANADAS.

AND SHE IS NOT SUPPOSED TO LEAVE THE BARN.

OH LOOK, I FOUND A LITTLE ELF IN THE WOODS.

WHERE THE HELL IS RON?

UH, I DON'T KNOW WHERE HE IS RIGHT NOW--

GLASSWARE'S HERE, GOT THEM UNDER CONTROL.

UH YEAH, WE CHECKED INVENTORY

AND IT'S ALL VERY RIDICULOUS.

YOU OKAY? YEP.

RON I WANT YOU TO WRITE THIS WOMAN UP FOR INSUBORDINATION.

YOU GOT IT, YOU ARE INSUBORDINATED.

[phone ringing]

LET HER ANSWER THAT RON,

AND I'LL CALL ALAN DUK.

DO NOT ANSWER THAT PHONE.

WHAT YOU SAID HENRY.

WHAT YOU SAID IN THAT VAN,

THE BENTWAY MOTIVATIONAL SYSTEM IS BULLSHIT.

I'M WRITING DOWN WHAT YOU SAY.

WHAT THE HELL DID YOU SAY TO HIM?

DON'T STOP BELIEVING.

DON'T STOP BELIEVING!

THAT'S A JOURNEY SONG.

I COULDN'T THINK OF ANYTHING ELSE.

WELL IT WORKED I GUESS, 'CAUSE HE BOUGHT IT.

NO, BECAUSE I'M A GREAT ACTOR--

OKAY. WHAT'S THE SITUATION.

LET THE BOSS MAN KNOW.

WELL WE'RE A MAN BEHIND,

AND WE'RE WAY BACKED UP.

AND THAT ONE ATE A BUNCH OF MUSHROOMS.

I SEE LEMONS.

OH NO IT'S OKAY, BECAUSE...

THEY'RE RIGHT HERE.

NO THESE ARE SUN EGGS.

RON?

RON, RON, NO. WHAT?

LISTEN TO ME.

RON! WHAT?

GIVE ME IT.

RON.

DON'T STOP BELIEVING.

YOU UNDERSTAND? YES.

NOW WE'RE GONNA GO OVER HERE,

WE'RE GONNA GET SOMETHING TO EAT.

WE'LL GET YOU A CUP OF COFFEE,

RON, NO, UDA'S NOT HERE.

SO WE CAN JUST TAKE IT EASY,

EVERYTHING'S GONNA BE FINE.

GRANDPA'S EYES!

CAN YOU PROMISE ME? I PROMISE.

KYLE, WILL YOU DEAL WITH HER.

YEAH, I'M TRYING.

AH FOOD.

OOH, SUSTENANCE.

SO WHERE ARE YOU NOW?

I'M IN A PURPLE TUBE OF CONSCIOUSNESS,

I DON'T THINK THESE GO ON THERE.

OKAY CASEY, THE MUNG CRISPS GO ON THAT ONE.

[phone rings] SHIT.

REALLY?

OH I'M SORRY, THIS IS THE OFFER. I HAVE TO TAKE IT.

OKAY, BUT CAN YOU WAIT FOR FIVE MINUTES?

I CAN'T, MY AGENT WAS WAITING

FOR THE CRUISE LINE TO CALL BACK,

AND THEY CALLED BACK AND I HAVE TO TELL THEM BY SIX.

CRUISE LINE?

YEAH IT'S STAND UP ON A FUCKING CRUISE SHIP.

IT'S SO LAME, BUT IT'S YOU KNOW,

SIX MONTHS STEADY WORK, SO I HAVE TO--

I'LL TAKE TWO SECONDS.

SIX MONTHS?

ON A BOAT?

YOU KNOW WHAT, BEING AWARE OF SNAKE-HOLES

IS ALL PART OF THE JOB, DUNE.

I'M SORRY.

STOP CRYING.

ALL RIGHT, THESE ARE MIDOL.

I WANT YOU TO TAKE 'EM, GO HOME,

AND THEN CALL ME TOMORROW MORNING.

RON, ARE YOU EATING THE CLIENT'S FOOD,

'CAUSE THAT'S STRIKE TWO--

NO, I'M SEEING IF--

HENRY, WHAT WAS I DOING?

YEAH, ACTUALLY I MIXED UP THE UH--

THE UH, MONK FISH AND THE UH BOK CHOY EMPANADAS

I'M ASKING RON TO TEST THEM OUT,

SEE WHICH IS WHICH.

I SCREWED UP.

PLEBIAN.

WHAT'S HIS SHIRT SIZE?

I'M GUESSING 16 34.

DUNE SPRAINED HIS ANKLE.

COME WITH ME.

WE KINDA NEED HIM HERE--

I NEED A MAN.

YOU NEED RON, AND THE GUY WORKING THE TOILET SIGN

IS TOO RATTY-LOOKING.

AND YOU'RE TOO OLD.

WE'LL POWDER YOU ON THE WAY.

WAIT, DOES THIS MEAN I GET TO SEE THE FIREWORKS AND STUFF?

YOU'LL BE PRESENT FOR THE FIREWORKS,

BUT YOU ARE NOT TO LOOK UP.

THAT'S FINE.

GRAB A TRAY.

TADA!

THANK YOU, HENRY.

'CAUSE IF ALAN DUK FOUND OUT, I'D BE TOTALLY--

I'D BE TOTALLY FUCKED.

NO PROBLEM.

HENRY WAIT, WAIT, WAIT.

HENRY, HENRY, HENRY, WAIT.

WHAT? I'M GONNA THROW UP.

HERE, HERE, HERE.

[laughing]

HOLY SHIT, MR. TAKEI.

THE BATHROOMS ARE RIGHT THIS WAY.

AH. THANK YOU.

YEAH, I'M A HUGE STAR TREK FAN, SEMINAL.

THANKS.

COULD I JUST MAYBE ASK YOU ONE QUESTION?

SORRY, I...REALLY HAVE TO GO--

FUCK.

I HAD TO GO, TOO.

I'M REALLY INTO STAR TREK.

I ALWAYS HAD QUESTIONS ABOUT THE MIND MELD--

THE MIND MELD.

YEAH.

THAT WASN'T REALLY MY THING.

RIGHT.

SO, WAS THERE A BIOPHYSICAL PRINCIPLE BEHIND IT?

BECAUSE IT KINDA SEEMED LIKE MAGIC,

AND MAGIC YA KNOW, HAS NO PLACE IN SCI-FI,

SO I WAS JUST WONDERING IF MAYBE YOU COULD--

LITTLE TROUBLE, CAN'T GO?

IT'S THE TALKING.

OKAY YEAH, RIGHT, OKAY.

[tinkling]

ALL RIGHT, THERE YOU GO.

I FIGURED IT WAS THE CAPACITY

FOR PERCEIVING THE ACTION OF NEURONS--

JESUS.

SO WHAT ABOUT WHEN SPOCK MIND MELDED

WITH A WHALE IN "FOUR"?

IT WAS IN THE SCRIPT, SO--

RIGHT I GET THAT, BUT WHERE'S THE LINE DRAWN?

I MEAN CAN YOU MIND MELD WITH ANYTHING?

LIKE SAY, A RACCOON OR A RABBIT--?

THAT'S A QUESTION FOR MR. NIMOY, I THINK,

BECAUSE I PLAYED SULU--

RIGHT.

I'M JUST GONNA GRAB ONE OF THESE.

OH WAIT, DO YOU HAVE ANY ALLERGIES?

UM, SHELLFISH...

YOU DON'T WANT ANYTHING OFF THE PURPLE TRAY.

I MEAN, THAT'S SHRIMP MERINGUE.

HEY GEORGE!

WHAT ARE YOU DOING HERE?

WHAT I--?

WHAT IS HE DOING HERE?

SUP BRO?

WHAT IS YOUR JOB?

BATHROOM SIGN.

AND IF YOU'RE NOT OUT OF MY SIGHT IN TEN SECONDS,

I WILL RIP YOUR NUTS OFF.

JESUS.

OH, WHITE TRAY.

SHELLFISH FREE.

YEAH, ENJOY THAT.

REALLY NICE TALKING TO YOU.

NOW BACK TO THE TOILETS, TOILET BOY.

FUCK YOU.

SECOND WIND.

"DON'T STOP BELIEVING."

I WILL NOT.

ALL RIGHT.

YOU'RE A GOOD FRIEND HENRY.

OKAY.

YEAH.

YEAH.

YOU GOT A LITTLE ON YOUR SHOE STILL.

YEAH I THINK THE IDEA WAS TO THROW UP IN THE BUCKET.

MY BAD.

IT'S OFFICIALLY THE WORST DAY OF MY LIFE.

YEAH.

YA KNOW, I WAS TRYING TO TALK TO YOU ABOUT THIS,

LIKE ALL DAY.

SO--I'M-- I'M REALLY SORRY THAT--

OH, DON'T BE.

IT'S THE RIGHT THING TO DO.

I WOULD'VE

OR SHOULD'VE.

DID YOU?

YEAH.

OH. YEAH.

UH, AND I NEED TO ASK IF I CAN LEAVE EARLY.

ASK ME?

WHY?

WHO AM I GONNA ASK, RON?

IT'S JUST-- I HAVE TO--

I HAVE TO GO HOME AND PACK

LIKE EVERYTHING

'CAUSE I LEAVE TOMORROW, SO--

TOMORROW?

YEAH.

REALLY?

I'M THE WORST SO--

YOU SHOULD-- YOU SHOULD BE WITH A BETTER PERSON THAN ME.

I'M NOT SAYING THAT, YOU KNOW,

THE GUY'S NOT A GOOD DIRECTOR.

HE'S A VERY GOOD DIRECTOR

BUT ON THE SET I JUST THINK HE ENDS UP

JUST, YA KNOW, GETTING TIRED.

WINTER VEGETABLES IN A ROOT CURD GELLE?

STRICTLY VEGETARIAN.

HEY.

HOW DO I KNOW YOU?

I'M KYLE BRADWAY, MR. STENNHEISER.

I READ A COUPLE TIMES ON "CAGED HEARTS"

I JUST WANTED TO LET YOU KNOW

IT'S A FANTASTIC SCRIPT AND YA KNOW,

I JUST FEEL HONORED TO BE CONSIDERED--

OH, THAT'S GOOD, THANK YOU--

AND UM, YA KNOW, I KNOW YOU'RE CONSIDERING

A LOT OF OTHER PEOPLE,

BUT I JUST WANTED TO TELL YOU

IF THERE'S ANYTHING I CAN DO TO CONVINCE YOU

THAT I'M THE RIGHT GUY FOR THE ROLE,

I'LL DO ANYTHING.

I MEAN, ANYTHING...

I'M VERY SORRY, MR. STENNHEISER.

YOU'RE JUST HERE TO SERVE, OKAY?

DO NOT ENGAGE IN-- IT'S OKAY, PAL.

I GOT IT.

I GOT IT.

SO UH, WHAT WAS THAT YOU WERE SAYING?

YOU KNOW ABOUT-- ABOUT DOING ANYTHING?

OH. YEAH.

YEAH?

YEAH.

OF COURSE YOU WOULD SHOW UP THE DAY I GOT MARRIED--

OH, UM...I'M SORRY--

THAT'S-- I HOPE THIS DOESN'T AFFECT--

MR. STENNHEISER, I DIDN'T--

HEY, I'M NOT THE ONLY PRODUCER HERE.

HEY DINO--

EXCUSE ME. DINO, COME OVER HERE.

WHAT ABOUT THIS KID FOR YOUR NEW BASE JUMPING MOVIE?

HE'S HIGHLY MOTIVATED TO ADVANCE HIS CAREER--

HE SAID HE WOULD DO ANYTHING.

OH REALLY?

THE MISTAKE I MADE IS I STOPPED BELIEVING.

I STOPPED BELIEVING OKAY?

AND SO WHAT I'M GONNA DO,

IS I'M GONNA CONTINUE TO BELIEVE,

SO DREAMS WILL COME TRUE

RIGHT, HENRY?

DREAMS WILL COME TRUE.

YEAH--

DREAMS DO COME TRUE.

YOU JUST GOTTA BELIEVE.

I'M GONNA SIT DOWN JUST FOR A SECOND.

JUST GONNA SIT DOWN FOR A SECOND.

AW, ARE YOU SAD?

I'M SAD TOO.

AND I JUST ORDERED MY NEW

GREEN MERKIN IN THE MAIL.

AND IT'S TOO SMALL.

[laughs]

MR. DUK?

UH, WHERE'S RON?

I NEED TO TALK TO HIM.

OH, MR. DUK?

WHAT ARE YOU DOING HERE--? MR. DUK, I WANNA TELL YOU

THAT RON DID AN AWESOME JOB TODAY

EVERYTHING WENT VERY SMOOTH.

SO NO MATTER WHAT YOU MAY HAVE HEARD,

HE'S BEEN REALLY--

...TRAN DIMENSIONALITY, YOU'RE GONNA LOVE THIS SCRIPT.

I WROTE THE PERFECT PART FOR YOU.

I'VE GOTTEN A LOT OF NOTES ON IT.

THEY'VE ALL BEEN POSITIVE.

WHOA, WHAT HAPPENED TO HIM?

IS THAT SULU?

YEAH, HE'S GOT A SHELLFISH ALLERGY,

AND THERE WAS SHRIMP APPETIZERS ON A WHITE TRAY--

HE'LL BE FINE, HE JUST CAN'T SPEAK.

IF HIS AIRWAY CLOSES UP, COVER HIM IN ICE.

RON, DO YOU WANT TO EXPLAIN TO ME

AND TO MR. DUK HOW THIS COULD HAVE HAPPENED?

NOW.

UH, ACTUALLY UM, IT HAD NOTHING TO DO WITH RON.

I AM THE ONE WHO FUCKED UP ALL THE APPETIZERS.

SO IT'S TOTALLY MY FAULT.

SO YEAH, FIRE ME IF YOU NEED TO FIRE SOMEBODY.

AND YEAH.

ACTUALLY, DON'T FIRE ANYBODY,

I'M GONNA GO AHEAD AND QUIT, SO--

SAVE YOU THE TROUBLE.

I'M REALLY SORRY, RON.

BYE, HENRY.

YOUR LIP KINDA LOOKS LIKE A GIANT HERPE.

OKAY WAIT, I DIDN'T COME HERE TO FIRE ANYONE.

ALL RIGHT?

I CAME TO TALK TO YOU.

I FOUND A SITE IN TORRANCE, KAY?

LET'S TALK ABOUT THAT OUTSIDE, ALL RIGHT?

OH.

OH!

TORRANCE, YES, YES!

LET'S TALK OUTSIDE.

LET'S TALK OUTSIDE.

MORON.

KYLE, I'M GONNA NEED A QUICKER TURN-AROUND.

NO.

NO ONE TOUCHES SIR ELTON'S PANTS UNTIL I GET THERE.

HOW YOU FEELING?

HEY ASSHOLE.

GUESS WHO'S STARRING IN THE NEW BASE-JUMPING FILM?

THIS GUY, RIGHT HERE.

GUESS IT'S NOT GONNA BE THAT GOOD HUH?

LATER RETARD.

ME AND TAKEI GOT A WAY BETTER THING GOING HERE.

YOU WANT ME TO TELL YOU ABOUT THE PART IN THE MOVIE?

ARE YOU EXCITED?

I AM.

YOU ALL RIGHT, YOU MOVING? YOU HAVE TO PEE?

SHOULD WE TAKE YOU TO THE PEE?

PEE? PEE? PEE?

HENRY.

HENRY.

RON IS GOING TO BE LEAVING IN A FEW WEEKS.

THAT'S OKAY, JUST TO RUN A SOUP R' CRACKERS FRANCHISE

YA KNOW, I'VE JUST PURCHASED,

SO, I'M GOING TO NEED A NEW TEAM LEADER,

AND RON RECOMMENDED YOU.

IT'S A RAISE, FULL BENEFITS,

YA KNOW, IF YOU'RE INTERESTED.

OKAY, ALL RIGHT, JUST THINK IT OVER.

I'M GOING TO CATCH THE FIREWORKS.

TWO, THREE, FOUR, FIVE, SIX.

I'M NOT BLIND.

YOU CARRIED RON TODAY.

I KNOW THAT.

YOU SHOULD CALL ME SOMETIME.

OH I ACTUALLY JUST GOT PROMOTED HERE.

WASN'T I TOO OLD?

I DON'T MEAN FOR A JOB, I MEAN SOCIALLY.

I'M USUALLY FREE ON MONDAYS,

WHICH I KNOW IS A BAD NIGHT FOR THE BETTER RESTAURANTS,

BUT IT'S SHORTER MOVIE LINES.

I LIKE ART FILMS,

NOTHING TOO DEPRESSING,

NO HOLOCAUST SHIT.

I'M NOT REALLY THIS ABRASIVE,

BUT YOU HAVE TO BE TO DO THIS JOB.

SOMETHING YOU SHOULD THINK ABOUT.

YOU CAN'T BE A LEADER AND A FRIEND.

I HAVE A KID,

BUT HE'S VERY QUIET AND NO TROUBLE.

UM...OKAY, THANKS.

THANK YOU.

I LOOK FORWARD TO HEARING FROM YOU, HENRY.

UDA.

RON.

OH WOW, HENRY.

I OWE IT ALL TO YOU.

I MEAN IT'S JUST LIKE YOU SAID.

DON'T STOP BELIEVING, DREAMS DO COME TRUE.

[fireworks start]

AH, WOW.

WHOA!

WOW!

WOULD YOU LOOK AT THAT?

THAT'S INCREDIBLE!

THIS IS PROBABLY THE MOST INCREDIBLE THING

I'VE EVER SEEN!

[laughs]

[screams] TREE!