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1
00:00:15,616 --> 00:00:18,652
*
2
00:00:26,194 --> 00:00:28,129
[indistinct chatter]
3
00:00:28,229 --> 00:00:32,133
[horn honking]
4
00:00:32,233 --> 00:00:34,735
DUDE, THIS IS GONNA
BE SO AWESOME.
5
00:00:34,835 --> 00:00:35,736
WHAT'S GONNA BE AWESOME?
6
00:00:35,836 --> 00:00:37,071
SINGLE MIXER.
7
00:00:37,171 --> 00:00:38,672
ROOMFUL OF LONELY LADIES!
8
00:00:38,772 --> 00:00:40,241
AND FELLAS.
9
00:00:40,341 --> 00:00:41,509
FISH IN A BARREL, MAN.
10
00:00:41,609 --> 00:00:44,212
WE ARE ALL GETTING
WAY LAID, RIGHT?
11
00:00:44,312 --> 00:00:45,379
OH, GOOD.
12
00:00:45,479 --> 00:00:47,115
REALLY, LAST TIME
THIS GUY HOOKED UP
13
00:00:47,215 --> 00:00:50,118
WITH ONE GIRL, HOUR LATER,
HOOKED UP WITH HER TWIN.
14
00:00:50,218 --> 00:00:51,985
AND TWINS!
15
00:00:52,086 --> 00:00:53,154
ACTUALLY
I FIGURED OUT LATER
16
00:00:53,254 --> 00:00:54,488
IT WAS JUST THE SAME GIRL
WHO PUT A SWEATER ON.
17
00:00:54,588 --> 00:00:55,489
I SEE.
18
00:00:55,589 --> 00:00:57,225
OKAY PEOPLE?
19
00:00:57,325 --> 00:00:58,259
WHAT DO I SAY?
20
00:00:58,359 --> 00:00:59,260
WHAT DO I SAY ALL THE TIME?
21
00:00:59,360 --> 00:01:01,095
NO PERSONAL BUSINESS...
22
00:01:01,195 --> 00:01:04,132
ON...
23
00:01:04,232 --> 00:01:05,766
COMPANY...
PROPERTY.
POND.
24
00:01:05,866 --> 00:01:07,235
TIME.
25
00:01:19,680 --> 00:01:22,750
[indistinct conversations]
26
00:01:32,126 --> 00:01:34,162
WHAT THE FUCK IS THIS?
27
00:01:34,262 --> 00:01:35,763
IT'S LIKE A NIGHTMARE
DREAM SEQUENCE.
28
00:01:35,863 --> 00:01:36,864
AM I THE ONLY ONE
WHO THINKS
29
00:01:36,964 --> 00:01:38,132
THIS IS LIKE,
REALLY WRONG?
30
00:01:38,232 --> 00:01:39,133
WRONG, HOW?
31
00:01:39,233 --> 00:01:41,335
UH, I DUNNO,
ALL THESE OLD PEOPLE
32
00:01:41,435 --> 00:01:43,036
CRUISIN'' AROUND,
TRYING TO FUCK EACH OTHER.
33
00:01:43,137 --> 00:01:44,338
WELL THEY'RE PROBABLY DIVORCED,
34
00:01:44,438 --> 00:01:46,607
OR WIDOWED AND HAVEN'T
BEEN SINGLE IN A WHILE,
35
00:01:46,707 --> 00:01:47,775
THEY NEED SOMETHING.
36
00:01:47,875 --> 00:01:49,310
SO PLAY CRIBBAGE.
37
00:01:49,410 --> 00:01:51,812
MY GRANDMA IS NOT FOR CRUISING
AROUND LIKE A SKANK.
38
00:01:51,912 --> 00:01:55,149
UGH, THOSE HANDS,
VEINS, AND SPOTS.
39
00:01:55,249 --> 00:01:58,219
GROPING EACH OTHER ALL OVER.
40
00:01:58,319 --> 00:01:59,387
YUCK!
41
00:01:59,487 --> 00:02:03,056
WRINKLED PARTS POUNDING
AGAINST WRINKLED PARTS.
42
00:02:03,157 --> 00:02:04,392
ICK.
43
00:02:04,492 --> 00:02:05,426
THEY'RE FLIRTING.
44
00:02:05,526 --> 00:02:06,827
I MEAN SERIOUSLY LADY,
45
00:02:06,927 --> 00:02:08,662
THAT GUY'S SCROTUM HAS GOT
TO BE LIKE THREE FEET LONG.
46
00:02:08,762 --> 00:02:10,198
TWO EGGS IN A TUBE SOCK.
47
00:02:10,298 --> 00:02:11,565
I MEAN, COULD HE EVEN
GET IT UP?
48
00:02:11,665 --> 00:02:12,766
NAH, THEY JUST--
49
00:02:12,866 --> 00:02:16,304
WAG IT AROUND TILL IT SHOOTS
LITTLE PUFFS OF DUST.
50
00:02:16,404 --> 00:02:17,571
SICK.
51
00:02:18,706 --> 00:02:20,140
WHY IS EVERYTHING AN ULTIMATUM?
52
00:02:20,241 --> 00:02:23,076
LIKE, THAT'S WHAT
I DON'T UNDERSTAND.
53
00:02:23,177 --> 00:02:25,246
YEAH BECAUSE I'M FINISHING
MY SHOW, YOU KNOW THAT.
54
00:02:25,346 --> 00:02:26,414
AND I HAVE THOSE AUD--
55
00:02:26,514 --> 00:02:27,681
I DO HAVE AUDITIONS!
56
00:02:30,751 --> 00:02:31,819
LOOK I DON'T KNOW, OKAY?
57
00:02:31,919 --> 00:02:32,820
SO I HAVE TO GO, OKAY?
58
00:02:32,920 --> 00:02:33,821
CAN I--
59
00:02:33,921 --> 00:02:36,224
CAN I PLEASE CALL YOU BACK?
60
00:02:36,324 --> 00:02:37,491
THANK YOU.
61
00:02:39,527 --> 00:02:40,694
HEY.
62
00:02:40,961 --> 00:02:43,731
HEY, UH, KYLE
IS LOOKING FOR YOU.
63
00:02:43,831 --> 00:02:45,233
DOUBTFUL.
64
00:02:45,333 --> 00:02:46,367
I MEAN HE'S STILL FUCKIN' CRYING
65
00:02:46,467 --> 00:02:48,736
ABOUT THE FACT THAT
HE SHAVED OFF HIS EYEBROW
66
00:02:48,836 --> 00:02:50,471
AND FUCKED UP THAT AUDITION.
67
00:02:50,571 --> 00:02:51,572
OKAY.
68
00:02:51,672 --> 00:02:53,641
YOU KNOW, I MEAN HE SHAVED
HIS OWN EYEBROW.
69
00:02:53,741 --> 00:02:54,642
HE HAD THE CLIPPERS.
70
00:02:54,742 --> 00:02:55,909
OKAY.
71
00:02:58,979 --> 00:03:01,815
SO WHAT'S GOING ON WITH YOU?
72
00:03:01,915 --> 00:03:03,116
HEY, WE UP FOR TONIGHT?
HEY.
73
00:03:03,217 --> 00:03:04,117
HENRY.
74
00:03:04,218 --> 00:03:05,118
SMILES?
75
00:03:05,219 --> 00:03:06,320
I'M SMILING RON, NEW ME.
76
00:03:06,420 --> 00:03:08,656
[laughs]
LOVE IT, THE NEW HENRY.
77
00:03:08,756 --> 00:03:09,657
GOOD.
78
00:03:09,757 --> 00:03:10,824
OKAY.
79
00:03:10,924 --> 00:03:12,693
REMEMBER NO STARING.
80
00:03:12,793 --> 00:03:14,127
OKAY, THEY'RE JUST
A BUNCH OF OLD PEOPLE
81
00:03:14,228 --> 00:03:16,129
JUST DOING THE BEST THEY CAN.
82
00:03:16,230 --> 00:03:17,164
SO DON'T STARE.
83
00:03:17,265 --> 00:03:18,466
JUST PRETEND
THEY'RE NOT THERE.
84
00:03:18,566 --> 00:03:19,800
DO OUR JOB AND PRETEND
THEY'RE NOT THERE.
85
00:03:19,900 --> 00:03:22,536
RON, YOU'RE KINDA STARING.
86
00:03:22,636 --> 00:03:23,804
UM...
87
00:03:26,440 --> 00:03:28,242
OLD PEOPLE FREAK ME OUT.
88
00:03:28,342 --> 00:03:29,477
HAVE YOU EVER SEEN IT?
89
00:03:29,577 --> 00:03:30,678
SEEN-- SEEN WHAT?
90
00:03:30,778 --> 00:03:31,812
THEM.
91
00:03:31,912 --> 00:03:33,247
DOING...
92
00:03:33,347 --> 00:03:34,748
IT.
93
00:03:34,848 --> 00:03:36,216
HAVE YOU?
94
00:03:37,951 --> 00:03:39,620
DISNEY WORLD,
I WAS EIGHT YEARS OLD.
95
00:03:39,720 --> 00:03:41,389
I GOT SICK,
I WENT BACK TO MY HOTEL.
96
00:03:41,489 --> 00:03:43,924
WALKED IN ON MY GRANDPARENTS,
THEY DIDN'T NOTICE.
97
00:03:44,024 --> 00:03:44,925
EW.
98
00:03:45,025 --> 00:03:46,193
THEY JUST KEPT...
99
00:03:46,294 --> 00:03:48,496
THEIR MOUTHS...
100
00:03:48,596 --> 00:03:50,431
AND...THEIR HANDS,
101
00:03:50,531 --> 00:03:52,433
IT WAS LIKE WATCHING
A MUMMY BATTLE.
102
00:03:52,533 --> 00:03:53,567
TWO WHITES
AND AN OLD FASHIONED.
103
00:03:53,667 --> 00:03:54,768
WHAT'S LIKE A MUMMY BATTLE?
104
00:03:54,868 --> 00:03:55,769
HIS GRANDPARENT'S FUCKING.
105
00:03:55,869 --> 00:03:56,770
DON'T.
106
00:03:56,870 --> 00:03:58,572
WELL, SURE.
DON'T.
107
00:03:58,672 --> 00:04:00,341
GO CIRCULATE.
108
00:04:00,441 --> 00:04:03,611
WHY WOULD YOU--
109
00:04:03,711 --> 00:04:05,313
PLEASE MAKE ME A VODKA.
110
00:04:05,413 --> 00:04:06,814
COMING RIGHT UP.
111
00:04:06,914 --> 00:04:08,181
CHECK THIS OUT.
112
00:04:08,282 --> 00:04:09,182
GOT SOMETHING GOING ON HERE.
113
00:04:09,283 --> 00:04:10,318
[whistles]
114
00:04:10,418 --> 00:04:11,485
HEY!
YEAH.
115
00:04:11,585 --> 00:04:13,521
LOOK AT THAT, WHERE'D
YOU GET THOSE NEW MOVES?
116
00:04:13,621 --> 00:04:16,590
WELL, AS I SAT IN MY STUDIO
APARTMENT LAST NIGHT
117
00:04:16,690 --> 00:04:18,926
TRYING TO DECIDE BETWEEN
118
00:04:19,026 --> 00:04:20,494
FALLING ASLEEP ON THE COUCH
119
00:04:20,594 --> 00:04:22,696
OR WALKING
THE FOUR FEET TO THE BED,
120
00:04:22,796 --> 00:04:24,932
A SHOW CAME ON ABOUT THIS COP
121
00:04:25,032 --> 00:04:28,969
AND HOW THIS SLASHER
KILLED HIS ENTIRE FAMILY.
122
00:04:29,069 --> 00:04:29,970
OKAY...
123
00:04:30,070 --> 00:04:30,971
WITH HIS WHOLE
LIFE SHATTERED,
124
00:04:31,071 --> 00:04:33,674
THIS GUY BECAME
LIKE A SUPER COP.
125
00:04:33,774 --> 00:04:35,476
YA KNOW?
MMM-HMMM.
126
00:04:35,576 --> 00:04:36,477
SO I THOUGHT,
127
00:04:36,577 --> 00:04:38,679
WOW, I SHOULD DO THAT.
128
00:04:38,779 --> 00:04:40,381
LET THE JOB
FILL MY EMPTINESS.
129
00:04:40,481 --> 00:04:41,549
THIS JOB?
130
00:04:41,649 --> 00:04:43,351
ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT THIS JOB
OR BECOMING A SUPER COP?
131
00:04:43,451 --> 00:04:44,752
'CAUSE LISTEN,
I WATCH THE SHIELD.
132
00:04:44,852 --> 00:04:46,620
I DON'T REALLY SEE
YOU LASTING ON THE STREETS.
133
00:04:46,720 --> 00:04:47,621
NO I MEANT BARTENDING.
134
00:04:47,721 --> 00:04:52,526
BARTENDING,
WELL THANK GOD.
135
00:04:52,626 --> 00:04:55,429
UM, YOU DOING OKAY?
136
00:04:55,529 --> 00:04:56,430
NO.
137
00:04:56,530 --> 00:04:57,465
NO, NO.
138
00:04:57,565 --> 00:04:58,632
OH.
139
00:04:58,732 --> 00:05:00,334
SORRY TO HEAR THAT.
140
00:05:00,434 --> 00:05:02,603
YOU ARE SUPER BARTENDER.
141
00:05:02,703 --> 00:05:03,604
TOLD YA.
YEAH.
142
00:05:03,704 --> 00:05:05,238
HELLO EVERYONE!
143
00:05:05,339 --> 00:05:06,774
I'M PEPPER MCMASTERS!
144
00:05:06,874 --> 00:05:09,610
[applause]
145
00:05:09,710 --> 00:05:11,379
THANK YOU, THANK YOU, THANK YOU.
146
00:05:11,479 --> 00:05:13,681
WELCOME TO SENIORLICOUS!
147
00:05:13,781 --> 00:05:17,751
WHOOO!
148
00:05:17,851 --> 00:05:19,252
YAY!
149
00:05:19,353 --> 00:05:20,554
IF YOU READ MY BOOK,
150
00:05:20,654 --> 00:05:23,023
YOU KNOW THAT WE'RE GONNA
TAKE YOUR SINGLE SENIOR LIFE
151
00:05:23,123 --> 00:05:26,927
AND ADD A LITTLE PEPPER.
152
00:05:27,027 --> 00:05:28,462
BECAUSE LOVE AND ROMANCE
153
00:05:28,562 --> 00:05:30,364
ISN'T JUST FOR KIDS, IS IT?
154
00:05:30,464 --> 00:05:31,465
NO, NO, NO.
155
00:05:31,565 --> 00:05:32,466
WELL ALL NEED IT,
156
00:05:32,566 --> 00:05:34,001
AND WE ALL CAN GET IT!
157
00:05:34,101 --> 00:05:35,803
YES!
158
00:05:35,903 --> 00:05:37,838
ABSOLUTELY!
159
00:05:37,938 --> 00:05:39,740
SO OUR PRESENTATION
WILL BEGIN SHORTLY,
160
00:05:39,840 --> 00:05:41,308
BUT YA KNOW, IN THE MEANTIME
161
00:05:41,409 --> 00:05:44,545
JUST LOOSEN UP, LIVE A LITTLE,
162
00:05:44,645 --> 00:05:46,847
AND UH, GET READY
FOR A SURPRISE OR TWO.
163
00:05:49,817 --> 00:05:50,718
SURPRISES?
164
00:05:50,818 --> 00:05:52,620
SURPRISES, THEY'RE COMING.
165
00:05:58,426 --> 00:05:59,693
HEY ROMAN, CONGRATS MAN.
166
00:05:59,793 --> 00:06:01,862
I HEARD THAT GEORGE LUCAS
TOTALLY LOVED YOUR SCRIPT,
167
00:06:01,962 --> 00:06:02,996
EVERYONE'S TALKING ABOUT IT.
168
00:06:03,096 --> 00:06:04,665
YEAH, FIRST OF ALL
I TOLD NO ONE
169
00:06:04,765 --> 00:06:05,966
ABOUT THAT LITTLE
MESSAGE YOU LEFT ME.
170
00:06:06,066 --> 00:06:08,802
SECOND, EVERYONE KNOWS
LUCAS IS KIDDY BULLSHIT.
171
00:06:08,902 --> 00:06:10,070
I'M HARD SCI-FI.
172
00:06:10,170 --> 00:06:12,406
AND NEVER
THE TWAIN SHALL MEET.
173
00:06:12,506 --> 00:06:13,541
KICK ASS REVENGE BRO.
174
00:06:13,641 --> 00:06:14,675
KICK ASS.
175
00:06:14,775 --> 00:06:15,843
GEEZ.
176
00:06:15,943 --> 00:06:17,978
SCOTCH ROCKS.
177
00:06:18,078 --> 00:06:19,947
NICE LOOKIN' CROWD.
178
00:06:20,047 --> 00:06:21,314
IT'S NOT REALLY MY SCENE.
179
00:06:21,415 --> 00:06:22,583
YOU DON'T DATE?
180
00:06:22,683 --> 00:06:24,017
NOT OLD PEOPLE.
181
00:06:24,117 --> 00:06:25,886
YOU WILL SOMEDAY.
182
00:06:25,986 --> 00:06:27,588
I'LL PROBABLY DO LIKE A
MICHAEL DOUGLAS THING, YA KNOW?
183
00:06:27,688 --> 00:06:28,889
GRAB SOME YOUNG HOTTIE.
184
00:06:28,989 --> 00:06:31,459
AH, SO YOU'RE AN ACTOR.
185
00:06:31,559 --> 00:06:32,760
BUT NOT REALLY
A MICHAEL DOUGLAS TYPE.
186
00:06:32,860 --> 00:06:34,628
I'M MORE OF A COLIN FARRELL,
YA KNOW?
187
00:06:34,728 --> 00:06:37,064
DANGEROUS, YET VULNERABLE.
188
00:06:37,164 --> 00:06:38,899
WELL, IF DOESN'T WORK OUT--
189
00:06:38,999 --> 00:06:40,701
UH, IT'LL WORK OUT.
190
00:06:40,801 --> 00:06:41,702
BUT IF IT DOESN'T.
191
00:06:41,802 --> 00:06:43,036
IT WILL.
192
00:06:43,136 --> 00:06:45,773
YEAH, BUT IF IT DOESN'T,
THIS MIGHT BE YOU IN 40 YEARS.
193
00:06:45,873 --> 00:06:49,076
BUT, WHY BOTHER?
194
00:06:49,176 --> 00:06:50,778
I DON'T MEAN TO BE RUDE BUT,
195
00:06:50,878 --> 00:06:54,014
ISN'T EVERYTHING ALL DRIED UP
AND LIMP ANYWAY?
196
00:06:54,114 --> 00:06:57,785
KID, THIS IS THE 21ST CENTURY.
197
00:07:01,622 --> 00:07:04,391
HEY UH, OKAY SO THIS
IS A TEXT MESSAGE.
198
00:07:04,492 --> 00:07:06,527
SO THERE'S LIKE GRAMMATICAL
ISSUES OR WHATEVER,
199
00:07:06,627 --> 00:07:09,930
BUT, BOTTOM LINE: "BTM LINE"
200
00:07:10,030 --> 00:07:15,035
UH, "SO-CALLED
CAREER = CHLDSH BLSHIT,"
201
00:07:15,135 --> 00:07:17,838
WHICH I-- I'M ASSUMING
IS CHILDISH BULLSHIT.
202
00:07:17,938 --> 00:07:24,812
UH, "IF GIVE FCK ANYTHING
BUT YRSELF, BUY TKET--"
203
00:07:24,912 --> 00:07:25,979
I DON'T EVEN KNOW.
204
00:07:26,079 --> 00:07:27,781
BUY TICKET.
205
00:07:27,881 --> 00:07:30,918
OH, YEAH LIKE
A TICKET TO VERMONT.
206
00:07:31,018 --> 00:07:32,920
YEAH, BUY A TICKET
TO VERMONT.
207
00:07:33,020 --> 00:07:34,154
YIKES.
208
00:07:34,254 --> 00:07:35,523
REALLY?
209
00:07:35,623 --> 00:07:37,057
IS IT--
YEAH I MEAN IS THAT--
210
00:07:37,157 --> 00:07:38,692
DICKISH ACTUALLY.
211
00:07:38,792 --> 00:07:39,760
YEAH.
212
00:07:39,860 --> 00:07:40,761
BECAUSE I'VE BEEN
TRYING TO THINK,
213
00:07:40,861 --> 00:07:42,162
LIKE MAYBE HE'S RIGHT.
214
00:07:42,262 --> 00:07:43,463
AND I'M WRONG, YA KNOW?
215
00:07:43,564 --> 00:07:44,965
LIKE MAYBE HE'S A GOOD GUY
216
00:07:45,065 --> 00:07:47,067
AND I'M JUST THE ASSHOLE WHO'S
BREAKING UP THE WHOLE MARRIAGE.
217
00:07:47,167 --> 00:07:49,069
OF-- I AT FIRST
THOUGHT I WAS THE--
218
00:07:49,169 --> 00:07:50,070
SURE.
219
00:07:50,170 --> 00:07:51,171
THE GOOD GUY,
BUT I-- I DUNNO.
220
00:07:51,271 --> 00:07:52,673
I REALLY--
221
00:07:52,773 --> 00:07:54,675
I-- I DON'T EVEN KNOW.
222
00:07:54,775 --> 00:07:55,976
OKAY.
223
00:07:57,611 --> 00:07:58,712
[whistles]
224
00:07:58,812 --> 00:07:59,913
SPLITSVILLE MAN, FOR SURE.
225
00:08:00,013 --> 00:08:01,549
YOU THINK?
226
00:08:01,649 --> 00:08:02,683
IT'S IN HER BODY LANGUAGE.
227
00:08:02,783 --> 00:08:04,652
I CAN READ HER BODY.
228
00:08:04,752 --> 00:08:06,987
SHE'S BACK ON THE MARKET MAN
229
00:08:07,087 --> 00:08:08,488
IF YOU'RE THINKING
ABOUT HAVING A GO,
230
00:08:08,589 --> 00:08:09,523
GET IN LINE BRO.
231
00:08:09,623 --> 00:08:11,592
WHOA, THERE'S A LINE?
232
00:08:11,692 --> 00:08:13,160
YEAH.
233
00:08:13,260 --> 00:08:14,862
I'M AHEAD OF YOU 'CAUSE
YOU'RE THE NEW GUY.
234
00:08:14,962 --> 00:08:16,630
ALRIGHT.
ALRIGHT GOOD.
235
00:08:16,730 --> 00:08:18,699
DIDN'T KNOW YOU
WERE INTO HER, SO...
236
00:08:18,799 --> 00:08:19,833
SHE'S ALRIGHT.
237
00:08:19,933 --> 00:08:22,102
SHE'S NOT THE HOTTEST GIRL,
238
00:08:22,202 --> 00:08:23,637
BUT I'M NOT THE KINDA GUY
WHO'S GONNA BE LIKE,
239
00:08:23,737 --> 00:08:25,505
OH, SHE'S-- YA KNOW,
HER BRAIN IS A NINE.
240
00:08:25,606 --> 00:08:29,109
WHAT ABOUT HER TITS?
241
00:08:29,209 --> 00:08:30,110
I MEAN DON'T GET ME WRONG,
242
00:08:30,210 --> 00:08:31,111
SHE'S GOT NICE TITS.
243
00:08:31,211 --> 00:08:32,980
I'D GIVE THEM A SIX.
244
00:08:33,080 --> 00:08:34,181
AND HER FACE IS DECENT.
245
00:08:34,281 --> 00:08:35,583
I GIVE THAT A SIX OR A SEVEN.
246
00:08:35,683 --> 00:08:37,150
BODY, GO TO THE GYM.
247
00:08:37,250 --> 00:08:39,553
ONCE IN A WHILE,
TONE UP THE STOMACH.
248
00:08:39,653 --> 00:08:42,089
OVERALL RIGHT NOW,
A SIX OR A SEVEN BODY.
249
00:08:42,189 --> 00:08:44,057
EYES ARE REALLY NICE
250
00:08:44,157 --> 00:08:46,226
BUT YA KNOW, SOME MAKEUP
251
00:08:46,326 --> 00:08:47,928
WOULD BE NICE TO KINDA
252
00:08:48,028 --> 00:08:49,863
BRING THEM OUT
A LITTLE BIT MORE.
253
00:08:49,963 --> 00:08:52,866
AND THEN HER HAIR,
BROWN, NICE.
254
00:08:52,966 --> 00:08:55,202
LIKE THE BROWN CARPET.
255
00:08:55,302 --> 00:08:57,638
I PREFER LINOLEUM.
256
00:08:57,738 --> 00:08:59,873
BUT I-- OVERALL IT'S A 6.8.
257
00:08:59,973 --> 00:09:03,510
6.9. 6.8, 6.8.9.
258
00:09:03,611 --> 00:09:05,979
THAT'S WHAT I'D SAY.
259
00:09:06,079 --> 00:09:09,950
THAT GUY GETS YOU UP
AND READY RIGHT AWAY.
260
00:09:10,050 --> 00:09:12,720
THESE GUYS, MORE
OF A MELLOW ALL DAY STYLE.
261
00:09:12,820 --> 00:09:15,756
THESE BABIES TAKE CARE
OF THE ACHES AND PAINS.
262
00:09:15,856 --> 00:09:18,091
THIS SHIT'S PRACTICALLY
STRAIGHT SPEED.
263
00:09:18,191 --> 00:09:19,760
KEEP THE RIGHT BALANCE, DUDE,
264
00:09:19,860 --> 00:09:20,861
I'M A TEENAGER.
265
00:09:20,961 --> 00:09:22,029
THAT IS AMAZING.
266
00:09:22,129 --> 00:09:24,865
UH, AND THAT ONE RIGHT
THERE IS THE INSTA-BONER?
267
00:09:24,965 --> 00:09:29,770
MMM-HMMM.
268
00:09:29,870 --> 00:09:32,940
UM, YOU THINK I COULD
KEEP ONE OF THOSE?
269
00:09:39,880 --> 00:09:40,781
FOR SHIZZLE.
270
00:09:40,881 --> 00:09:42,215
FOR SHIZZLE.
271
00:09:42,315 --> 00:09:43,216
ANYTHING USEFUL?
272
00:09:43,316 --> 00:09:44,985
MMM, YEAH,
I BET YOU DON'T KNOW
273
00:09:45,085 --> 00:09:46,887
WHAT THE BIGGEST
SEXUAL ORGAN IS.
274
00:09:46,987 --> 00:09:48,956
WELL THAT WOULD BE
MY THROBBING--
275
00:09:49,056 --> 00:09:49,957
BRAIN.
276
00:09:50,057 --> 00:09:50,958
IT'S YOUR BRAIN.
277
00:09:51,058 --> 00:09:52,592
EXACTLY, MY THROBBING
FIVE INCH BRAIN.
278
00:09:52,693 --> 00:09:53,593
FIVE INCH BRAIN?
279
00:09:53,694 --> 00:09:54,594
CASEY.
WHAT?
280
00:09:54,695 --> 00:09:55,863
CIRCULATING.
281
00:09:58,866 --> 00:10:00,567
OH, CONSTANCE!
282
00:10:00,668 --> 00:10:01,835
I'M SORRY?
283
00:10:01,935 --> 00:10:03,804
CONSTANCE CARMELL!
284
00:10:03,904 --> 00:10:05,806
OH HONEY, THINK!
285
00:10:05,906 --> 00:10:08,041
CABO, EVERY NIGHT TEQUILA
286
00:10:08,141 --> 00:10:10,210
AND A NEW PAGE FROM
THE KARMA SUTRA.
287
00:10:10,310 --> 00:10:12,079
DAVID.
288
00:10:12,179 --> 00:10:13,681
NO, HOW ABOUT...
289
00:10:13,781 --> 00:10:17,150
"YOU'RE THE ONLY MAN
I EVER LET GO UP THERE."
290
00:10:17,250 --> 00:10:19,987
OH, UH JEFFREY,
TODD, T-BONE...
291
00:10:20,087 --> 00:10:21,088
NO, HOLD ON.
292
00:10:21,188 --> 00:10:23,691
YOU CAN'T HAVE
FORGOTTEN ABOUT THIS.
293
00:10:23,791 --> 00:10:24,692
HUH?
294
00:10:24,792 --> 00:10:25,693
UH, I DUNNO.
295
00:10:25,793 --> 00:10:26,694
UM, BRUCE.
296
00:10:26,794 --> 00:10:28,862
YES!
297
00:10:28,962 --> 00:10:30,563
BRUCE WINGSTREET!
298
00:10:30,664 --> 00:10:31,799
BRUCE NESBITT.
299
00:10:31,899 --> 00:10:33,100
BRUCE NESBITT!
YEAH.
300
00:10:33,200 --> 00:10:34,735
OH MY GOSH.
301
00:10:34,835 --> 00:10:37,671
WHAT HAPPENED TO YOUR FACE?
302
00:10:37,771 --> 00:10:39,239
NOTHING.
303
00:10:39,339 --> 00:10:40,240
IT'S BEEN 25 YEARS,
304
00:10:40,340 --> 00:10:41,875
I GOT A LINE OR TWO.
305
00:10:41,975 --> 00:10:43,076
YEAH.
306
00:10:43,176 --> 00:10:44,244
IT'S BEEN 25 YEARS HUH?
307
00:10:44,344 --> 00:10:45,245
YEAH.
WOW.
308
00:10:45,345 --> 00:10:46,980
HONEY, YOU LOOK GREAT.
309
00:10:47,080 --> 00:10:48,248
CAN I BUY YOU A DRINK?
310
00:10:48,348 --> 00:10:50,784
UM...NO.
311
00:10:50,884 --> 00:10:53,320
NO PERSONAL BUSINESS
ON COMPANY POND.
312
00:10:57,958 --> 00:10:59,192
ROUGH OUT THERE.
313
00:10:59,292 --> 00:11:00,660
GOT ANY TIPS?
314
00:11:00,761 --> 00:11:02,830
NO.
315
00:11:02,930 --> 00:11:04,131
HEY.
316
00:11:04,231 --> 00:11:05,833
UM, CAN I GET
YOU ANYTHING?
317
00:11:05,933 --> 00:11:07,000
NO.
318
00:11:07,100 --> 00:11:10,270
I JUST GOT HIT ON BY ONE
OF THE CREEPY OLD FREAKS.
319
00:11:10,370 --> 00:11:11,604
WHATCHA DOIN'?
320
00:11:11,705 --> 00:11:12,873
REVENGE.
321
00:11:12,973 --> 00:11:13,874
I'M GETTING BACK AT ROMAN.
322
00:11:13,974 --> 00:11:14,875
POISON?
323
00:11:14,975 --> 00:11:17,344
BONER PILL.
324
00:11:17,444 --> 00:11:18,345
HEY KYLE.
325
00:11:18,445 --> 00:11:19,379
HEY MAN WHAT'S UP.
326
00:11:19,479 --> 00:11:20,380
LADY IN THE PANTSUIT
327
00:11:20,480 --> 00:11:21,381
SAID SHE'D GIVE YOU A BLOW-J
328
00:11:21,481 --> 00:11:23,016
IN THE BACK OF HER
BUICK SKYLARK.
329
00:11:23,116 --> 00:11:24,284
EVEN TAKE OUT HER TEETH.
330
00:11:24,384 --> 00:11:25,719
GIVE ME A GINGER ALE.
331
00:11:25,819 --> 00:11:26,754
I'M PARCHED.
332
00:11:26,854 --> 00:11:28,055
IT'S ROUGH OUT THERE,
333
00:11:28,155 --> 00:11:31,624
I WAS JUST TRYING TO GET
SOME BARTENDER ADVISE.
334
00:11:31,725 --> 00:11:32,760
GEEZ MISTER, I DUNNO.
335
00:11:32,860 --> 00:11:34,895
IT'S NOT EXACTLY OUR SCENE,
IS IT FELLAS?
336
00:11:34,995 --> 00:11:35,963
MY ADVISE, MATLOCK.
337
00:11:36,063 --> 00:11:36,964
I DID A MATLOCK.
338
00:11:37,064 --> 00:11:38,298
YOU EVER PLAY A CORPSE?
339
00:11:38,398 --> 00:11:39,299
NO.
340
00:11:39,399 --> 00:11:40,400
CHARACTER WITH NO LIFE?
341
00:11:40,500 --> 00:11:42,169
NOT ALLOWED TO BREATHE,
CAN'T EVEN MOVE?
342
00:11:42,269 --> 00:11:43,170
THAT'S A CHALLENGE.
343
00:11:43,270 --> 00:11:44,171
AMAZING.
344
00:11:44,271 --> 00:11:45,906
SO YOU'RE AN ACTRESS.
345
00:11:46,006 --> 00:11:47,207
WIPE YOUR MOUTH.
346
00:11:50,010 --> 00:11:52,645
[sighs]
347
00:11:52,746 --> 00:11:54,915
LISTEN, MY ADVISE TO YOU
WOULD BE LEAVE US ALONE.
348
00:11:55,015 --> 00:11:56,183
OKAY?
349
00:11:56,283 --> 00:11:57,450
LEAVE US ALONE.
350
00:12:01,088 --> 00:12:02,155
DON'T WORRY ABOUT HER.
351
00:12:02,255 --> 00:12:04,792
WHERE THE FUCK
IS MY GINGER ALE?
352
00:12:04,892 --> 00:12:05,893
HERE YOU GO,
SORRY ABOUT THAT.
353
00:12:05,993 --> 00:12:06,927
SWEET, REAL SPEEDY.
354
00:12:07,027 --> 00:12:08,195
DICK.
355
00:12:09,930 --> 00:12:11,731
[laughs]
356
00:12:20,307 --> 00:12:21,474
[sighs]
357
00:12:26,513 --> 00:12:28,782
BAD BACK.
358
00:12:28,882 --> 00:12:30,417
ROLLED MY HORSE
ON THE BEACH IN PHUKET.
359
00:12:30,517 --> 00:12:31,919
SCOTCH.
360
00:12:32,019 --> 00:12:35,022
SOUNDS A LOT MORE FUN THAN
HOW I SCREWED UP MY BACK.
361
00:12:35,122 --> 00:12:39,292
I'D SHARE BUT IT
WAS MY LAST ONE.
362
00:12:39,392 --> 00:12:42,429
UNLESS YOU GO FOR
THE ALL NATURAL STUFF.
363
00:12:43,463 --> 00:12:44,965
WHY YES I DO.
364
00:12:47,334 --> 00:12:48,435
HEY HENRY, WHAT'S UP?
365
00:12:48,535 --> 00:12:50,403
UH NOT MUCH,
JUST HEADED TO THE JOHN.
366
00:12:50,503 --> 00:12:52,172
DROP A DEUCE.
367
00:12:56,309 --> 00:12:59,246
JUST UH, ACTUALLY MEETING
A MAN WHO OFFERED ME SOME POT.
368
00:12:59,346 --> 00:13:01,048
OH HEY, I COULD
REALLY USE A MELLOW.
369
00:13:01,148 --> 00:13:02,382
YEAH?
LET ME GET RID OF THIS
370
00:13:02,482 --> 00:13:03,917
AND I'LL MEET YOU IN
THE LITTLE BOY'S IN A COUPLE.
371
00:13:04,017 --> 00:13:05,853
I DUNNO, YOU KNOW,
I DON'T REALLY--
372
00:13:05,953 --> 00:13:08,922
O-- OKAY.
373
00:13:09,022 --> 00:13:10,390
SO YOU FLAMED OUT HUH?
374
00:13:10,490 --> 00:13:13,426
ACTING THING WAS A BUST.
375
00:13:13,526 --> 00:13:16,129
TOTAL BUST, YEAH YEAH.
376
00:13:16,229 --> 00:13:17,730
TOTAL...
377
00:13:17,831 --> 00:13:19,799
COMPLETE FUCKIN' BUST.
378
00:13:19,900 --> 00:13:21,835
MONEY, CELEBRITY,
WHO WANTS THE TROUBLE?
379
00:13:21,935 --> 00:13:23,937
WHY DO YOU THINK YOU DON'T
SEE OLD DUDES LIKE ME
380
00:13:24,037 --> 00:13:26,239
TRYING TO BE FAMOUS?
381
00:13:26,339 --> 00:13:27,374
WE KNOW BETTER.
382
00:13:27,474 --> 00:13:28,909
OKAY.
383
00:13:29,009 --> 00:13:31,244
THERE'S REALLY ONLY FOUR THINGS
IN LIFE THAT ARE IMPORTANT.
384
00:13:31,344 --> 00:13:34,114
YOU GOT FRIENDSHIP, MMM?
385
00:13:34,214 --> 00:13:35,115
UH-HUH.
386
00:13:35,215 --> 00:13:36,516
LOVE.
387
00:13:36,616 --> 00:13:38,218
SEX, BADA BING,
388
00:13:38,318 --> 00:13:39,887
THAT'S WHY I COME
TO THESE THINGS.
389
00:13:39,987 --> 00:13:41,855
THAT'S ONLY THREE THINGS.
390
00:13:41,955 --> 00:13:44,024
OH YEAH, SHIT.
391
00:13:44,124 --> 00:13:46,293
I FORGOT THE OTHER ONE.
392
00:13:46,393 --> 00:13:48,095
IS IT WORK?
393
00:13:48,195 --> 00:13:51,298
LIKE UH, CAREER?
394
00:13:51,398 --> 00:13:54,234
NO, IT'S A REALLY BIG ONE.
395
00:13:54,334 --> 00:13:55,502
LET'S GET HIGH!
396
00:14:05,578 --> 00:14:08,248
HEY UH, RON WANTS YOU
TO TUCK YOUR SHIRT IN.
397
00:14:08,348 --> 00:14:10,350
WHAT, YOU DON'T
WANNA TUCK IT IN?
398
00:14:10,450 --> 00:14:11,919
WHAT'S YOUR PROBLEM?
399
00:14:12,019 --> 00:14:13,786
TUCK IT IN.
400
00:14:13,887 --> 00:14:14,988
HAPPY?
401
00:14:18,926 --> 00:14:21,194
QUEERBOT, WHAT THE--
402
00:14:21,294 --> 00:14:22,195
IT IS EXCITING.
403
00:14:22,295 --> 00:14:23,230
RIGHT?
404
00:14:23,330 --> 00:14:24,397
YEAH! OH, ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
405
00:14:24,497 --> 00:14:25,865
I GET TO TRAVEL,
406
00:14:25,966 --> 00:14:27,400
I MEET NEW PEOPLE,
407
00:14:27,500 --> 00:14:29,436
EVERYDAY IS NEW.
408
00:14:29,536 --> 00:14:30,837
WOW.
409
00:14:30,938 --> 00:14:32,539
I FINALLY, WITHOUT A MAN,
410
00:14:32,639 --> 00:14:35,808
LIVING THE LIFE
I'VE ALWAYS WANTED TO LIVE.
411
00:14:35,909 --> 00:14:37,344
AND IT'S NOT LIKE YOU'RE
JUST SOME PIECE OF FURNITURE
412
00:14:37,444 --> 00:14:39,913
THAT HE MOVES FROM
THE OLD HOUSE TO THE NEW HOUSE.
413
00:14:40,013 --> 00:14:41,214
RIGHT.
YEAH.
414
00:14:41,314 --> 00:14:42,315
RIGHT.
I MEAN IT SHOULD
BE LIKE THAT.
415
00:14:42,415 --> 00:14:43,917
YOU KNOW, YOU SHOULD
LIVE YOUR LIFE.
416
00:14:44,017 --> 00:14:47,054
YOU SHOULD WRITE YOUR NAME
ON THE EARTH IN GASOLINE
417
00:14:47,154 --> 00:14:49,322
AND JUST LIKE LIGHT
THAT SHIT ON FIRE.
418
00:14:49,422 --> 00:14:50,323
YES, YES!
419
00:14:50,423 --> 00:14:51,992
IT'S OUR RIGHT!
IT IS OUR RIGHT!
420
00:14:52,092 --> 00:14:53,526
WE SHOULD GRAB IT,
WE SHOULD SEIZE IT,
421
00:14:53,626 --> 00:14:56,429
IT'S OURS.
422
00:14:56,529 --> 00:14:58,598
HAVE YOU EVER GIVEN THIS
SPEECH TO SOMEBODY BEFORE
423
00:14:58,698 --> 00:15:00,567
AND THEY LIKE DID EXACTLY
WHAT YOU'RE SAYING
424
00:15:00,667 --> 00:15:04,104
AND THEN IT TOTALLY RUINED
THEIR WHOLE LIFE?
425
00:15:04,204 --> 00:15:05,405
HMMM.
426
00:15:09,609 --> 00:15:10,510
SHOOT, I'M ON!
427
00:15:10,610 --> 00:15:12,245
OH, ALRIGHT.
428
00:15:12,345 --> 00:15:14,147
UM, OKAY BYE.
429
00:15:17,985 --> 00:15:19,219
I-- OKAY.
430
00:15:19,319 --> 00:15:20,587
OH, OH, OH!
431
00:15:20,687 --> 00:15:22,522
REMEMBER THE WRAP PARTY FOR
HOOPER WHERE THE STUNT GUY
432
00:15:22,622 --> 00:15:24,124
OH YES.
433
00:15:24,224 --> 00:15:25,258
JUMPED OFF THE ROOF
INTO THE POOL.
434
00:15:25,358 --> 00:15:27,260
[laughing]
435
00:15:27,360 --> 00:15:28,461
YOU KNOW WHAT HAPPENED?
436
00:15:28,561 --> 00:15:30,097
YOU KNOW WHAT HAPPENED?
437
00:15:30,197 --> 00:15:33,967
UH, YEAH HE JUMPED IN THE POOL.
438
00:15:34,067 --> 00:15:36,936
[laughing too hard to speak]
439
00:15:37,037 --> 00:15:40,107
FRACTURED HIS SKULL.
440
00:15:40,207 --> 00:15:42,375
THAT SOUNDS HORRIBLE.
441
00:15:42,475 --> 00:15:44,011
DID WE MENTION HE WAS NAKED?
442
00:15:44,111 --> 00:15:45,378
HE WAS COMPLETELY NAKED.
443
00:15:45,478 --> 00:15:50,150
THAT SOUNDS--
THAT STILL SOUNDS HORRIBLE.
444
00:15:50,250 --> 00:15:52,019
OH MY GOD IT WAS SO HILARIOUS.
445
00:15:52,119 --> 00:15:53,586
OH AND THE COKE
WAS SO GOOD BACK THEN.
446
00:15:53,686 --> 00:15:54,988
OH YEAH.
REMEMBER?
447
00:15:55,088 --> 00:15:56,356
I MEAN THE SHIT THEY'RE
SNORTING TODAY, MY GOD.
448
00:15:56,456 --> 00:15:57,357
IT'S LIKE BABY FORMULA.
449
00:15:57,457 --> 00:15:58,891
COME ON, WHY BOTHER?
450
00:15:58,992 --> 00:16:01,028
IT'S LIKE HAVING A STRONG
CUP OF COFFEE OR SOMETHING.
451
00:16:01,128 --> 00:16:02,095
YOU KNOW?
452
00:16:02,195 --> 00:16:03,263
BIG FREAKIN' DEAL.
453
00:16:03,363 --> 00:16:04,431
YEAH.
454
00:16:04,531 --> 00:16:06,666
DO YOU REMEMBER WHEN
WE DID IT IN THE PHONE BOOTH?
455
00:16:06,766 --> 00:16:07,900
UH-HUH.
456
00:16:08,001 --> 00:16:09,669
DO YOU REMEMBER
THAT WE REALIZED
457
00:16:09,769 --> 00:16:13,906
THAT EVERYBODY
COULD SEE IN.
458
00:16:14,007 --> 00:16:15,075
OR THE TIME WE
DID IT IN THE YARD
459
00:16:15,175 --> 00:16:16,209
WHEN I BROKE MY HAND?
460
00:16:16,309 --> 00:16:17,310
YOU BROKE YOUR HAND!
461
00:16:17,410 --> 00:16:18,911
IT WAS CRAZY!
PLASTER ALL OVER
BOTH OF US.
462
00:16:19,012 --> 00:16:21,914
WE DID-- WE HAD SEX
IN SOME INSANE PLACES.
463
00:16:22,015 --> 00:16:22,915
INSANE.
464
00:16:23,016 --> 00:16:23,916
AND IT WAS SO MUCH FUN.
465
00:16:24,017 --> 00:16:25,085
IT WAS SO MUCH FUN.
466
00:16:25,185 --> 00:16:26,119
I HAD A GOOD TIME.
467
00:16:26,219 --> 00:16:27,187
IT WAS A GOOD TIME.
468
00:16:27,287 --> 00:16:28,555
HENRY, WHAT IS
THE CRAZIEST PLACE
469
00:16:28,655 --> 00:16:32,659
THAT YOU EVER MADE LOVE?
470
00:16:32,759 --> 00:16:35,628
A BED.
471
00:16:35,728 --> 00:16:36,696
WHAT'D HE SAY?
WOW.
472
00:16:36,796 --> 00:16:37,930
WHAT'D HE SAY?
BED.
473
00:16:38,031 --> 00:16:39,032
WHAT-- WHAT'D WE ASK HIM?
474
00:16:39,132 --> 00:16:40,533
I DON'T KNOW.
475
00:16:40,633 --> 00:16:42,935
WHAT DO YOU SAY CONNIE,
476
00:16:43,036 --> 00:16:46,005
WHEN YOU GET OFF LET'S SAY
WE TAKE THIS PARTY
477
00:16:46,106 --> 00:16:47,307
BACK TO MY PLACE.
478
00:16:47,407 --> 00:16:48,575
I DUNNO.
479
00:16:53,646 --> 00:16:55,515
I DON'T THINK I WANT TO.
480
00:16:55,615 --> 00:16:57,417
I HAVE TO GO
TO THE BATHROOM.
481
00:17:01,054 --> 00:17:02,255
HARSH.
482
00:17:03,156 --> 00:17:04,324
HARSH.
483
00:17:11,598 --> 00:17:13,666
I DIDN'T REALLY GO.
484
00:17:13,766 --> 00:17:15,102
I KNOW.
485
00:17:21,708 --> 00:17:22,709
SCOTCH.
486
00:17:22,809 --> 00:17:25,044
MAN, I DO NOT GET WOMEN.
487
00:17:25,145 --> 00:17:28,281
DUDE, YOU SAID THAT PILL
GIVES YOU AN INSTANT BONER.
488
00:17:28,381 --> 00:17:30,483
IT'S NOT LIKE
PUSHING A BUTTON.
489
00:17:30,583 --> 00:17:32,285
STILL NEED THE RIGHT
MOOD AND EVERYTHING.
490
00:17:32,385 --> 00:17:34,254
OR IS THAT GAY?
491
00:17:34,354 --> 00:17:37,023
TO YOU KIDS,
EVERYTHING'S GAY NOW.
492
00:17:37,124 --> 00:17:39,025
SHIT, I AM HIGH AS A KITE.
493
00:17:39,126 --> 00:17:43,630
GIVE ME THAT,
I GOTTA EVEN MY KEEL.
494
00:17:43,730 --> 00:17:45,232
YEAH.
495
00:17:45,332 --> 00:17:46,533
I DON'T SEE WHY YOU
COULDN'T AT LEAST
496
00:17:46,633 --> 00:17:47,600
GIVE HIM YOUR NUMBER.
497
00:17:47,700 --> 00:17:49,202
HE'S OLD.
498
00:17:49,302 --> 00:17:52,305
WELL, HOW OLD ARE YOU?
499
00:17:52,405 --> 00:17:55,408
WHAT DO YOU MEAN?
500
00:17:55,508 --> 00:17:57,076
IN YEARS.
501
00:17:57,177 --> 00:18:00,012
YOU'RE AS YOUNG
AS YOU FEEL HENRY
502
00:18:00,113 --> 00:18:03,416
AND I FEEL SUPER.
503
00:18:03,516 --> 00:18:04,584
WHAT ARE YOU, LIKE 48?
504
00:18:04,684 --> 00:18:06,286
WOW.
505
00:18:06,386 --> 00:18:09,289
OKAY, WELL YOU DID IT
ON THE SET OF HOOPER.
506
00:18:09,389 --> 00:18:11,258
THAT WAS 30 YEARS AGO.
507
00:18:11,358 --> 00:18:12,425
DON'T REMIND ME.
508
00:18:12,525 --> 00:18:13,693
YUGH.
509
00:18:13,793 --> 00:18:15,662
BUT IF YOU'RE AS YOUNG
AS YOU FEEL
510
00:18:15,762 --> 00:18:17,564
AND SO IS HE,
511
00:18:17,664 --> 00:18:23,170
AND YOU GUYS BOTH FEEL THE WAY
YOU DID 30 YEARS AGO
512
00:18:23,270 --> 00:18:25,372
WHEN YOU HAD A GREAT
TIME TOGETHER,
513
00:18:25,472 --> 00:18:30,643
THEN AREN'T YOU
BOTH STILL LIKE...
514
00:18:30,743 --> 00:18:32,212
THE SAME PERSON?
515
00:18:32,312 --> 00:18:33,346
WAIT, WHAT?
516
00:18:33,446 --> 00:18:34,681
WHAT?
517
00:18:34,781 --> 00:18:36,316
I DON'T KNOW, I'M SORRY.
518
00:18:36,416 --> 00:18:41,053
I-- I'M SO FUCKIN' HIGH.
519
00:18:41,154 --> 00:18:42,589
IT'S JUST--
520
00:18:42,689 --> 00:18:46,226
I WISH I HAD SOMEONE THAT...
521
00:18:46,326 --> 00:18:53,466
I GOT ALONG WITH THE WAY
YOU GUYS GET ALONG.
522
00:18:53,566 --> 00:18:55,735
THERE ARE FOUR THINGS
THAT ARE IMPORTANT IN LIFE.
523
00:18:55,835 --> 00:18:58,838
FRIENDSHIP, LOVE, AND SEX.
524
00:18:58,938 --> 00:19:00,173
WHAT'S THE FOURTH ONE?
525
00:19:00,273 --> 00:19:01,241
WHAT?
526
00:19:01,341 --> 00:19:09,148
WHAT'S THE FOURTH ONE,
YOU SAID THERE WAS--
527
00:19:09,249 --> 00:19:11,184
WHAT ARE YOU-- CONSTANCE,
528
00:19:11,284 --> 00:19:12,752
WHAT ARE YOU DO--
529
00:19:12,852 --> 00:19:13,853
[sniffs]
530
00:19:13,953 --> 00:19:14,854
IS THAT POT?
531
00:19:14,954 --> 00:19:16,256
MY GOD IT STINKS
LIKE POT IN HERE,
532
00:19:16,356 --> 00:19:17,257
WHAT ARE YOU DOING?
533
00:19:17,357 --> 00:19:18,558
POT.
534
00:19:18,658 --> 00:19:21,628
SMOKING POT.
535
00:19:21,728 --> 00:19:23,563
GOD DAMMIT WHAT HAPPENED
TO THE NEW HENRY?
536
00:19:23,663 --> 00:19:25,832
I-- NOW MY--
537
00:19:25,932 --> 00:19:27,700
SHIRT SMELLS LIKE POT.
538
00:19:33,740 --> 00:19:36,676
OKAY YOU KNOW WHAT?
539
00:19:36,776 --> 00:19:38,345
I'M NOT GONNA BUST YOU GUYS
540
00:19:38,445 --> 00:19:40,513
FOR SMOKING POT ON THE JOB.
541
00:19:40,613 --> 00:19:41,514
EVEN THOUGH I SHOULD,
542
00:19:41,614 --> 00:19:43,182
BECAUSE IT'S REALLY WRONG.
543
00:19:43,283 --> 00:19:45,252
OKAY, THIS IS ME, RON.
544
00:19:45,352 --> 00:19:47,787
GIVING YOU TWO
A LITTLE STRAIGHT TALK.
545
00:19:47,887 --> 00:19:51,123
YOU-- YOU'RE AWARE THAT I USED
TO PARTY PRETTY HARD, RIGHT?
546
00:19:51,224 --> 00:19:52,259
OH, YEAH.
547
00:19:52,359 --> 00:19:53,660
YEAH YOU MADE A BONG
OUT OF CHEESE.
548
00:19:53,760 --> 00:19:54,761
OH MY GOSH.
549
00:19:54,861 --> 00:19:56,263
I WANNA SHOW YOU SOMETHING.
550
00:19:56,363 --> 00:19:57,897
FOUR YEARS AGO I VOWED
TO GET STRAIGHT.
551
00:19:57,997 --> 00:19:59,532
I PUT THIS IN MY WALLET
552
00:19:59,632 --> 00:20:06,673
AS A CONSTANT REMINDER.
553
00:20:06,773 --> 00:20:08,207
I DON'T KNOW WHAT
I'M LOOKING AT HERE RON.
554
00:20:08,308 --> 00:20:09,208
YOU DON'T--
555
00:20:09,309 --> 00:20:10,677
DO YOU REMEMBER MY PARTY BUDDY
556
00:20:10,777 --> 00:20:12,178
KEVIN CATHCART?
557
00:20:12,279 --> 00:20:13,246
NO.
558
00:20:13,346 --> 00:20:16,716
THAT'S WHERE HIS
FOOT USED TO BE.
559
00:20:16,816 --> 00:20:19,252
SO POT MADE
HIS FOOT FALL OFF?
560
00:20:19,352 --> 00:20:20,520
NO.
561
00:20:20,620 --> 00:20:21,888
HE BECAME AN ALCOHOLIC,
562
00:20:21,988 --> 00:20:23,756
MIXED GIN AND PERCOSET
ON HIS WAY TO WORK,
563
00:20:23,856 --> 00:20:27,360
HE CRASHED THE COMPANY VAN
INTO A TREE AND LOST HIS FOOT.
564
00:20:27,460 --> 00:20:29,562
GOD.
WHERE DOES
POT FIT IN?
565
00:20:29,662 --> 00:20:31,798
HE SMOKED A LOT OF POT!
566
00:20:31,898 --> 00:20:33,800
THAT'S A LEG?
567
00:20:33,900 --> 00:20:34,801
MADE FOOTLESS.
568
00:20:34,901 --> 00:20:36,736
BY POT.
569
00:20:36,836 --> 00:20:38,805
[laughing]
570
00:20:38,905 --> 00:20:40,273
GET IT?
571
00:20:42,775 --> 00:20:43,943
GIVE ME THIS.
572
00:20:46,646 --> 00:20:47,814
STRAIGHT TALK.
573
00:20:54,387 --> 00:20:55,555
THANKS RON.
574
00:20:56,356 --> 00:20:57,524
THANKS RON.
575
00:21:02,995 --> 00:21:04,664
OH, HELLO.
576
00:21:04,764 --> 00:21:05,765
HEY.
577
00:21:05,865 --> 00:21:06,899
UH, ARE YOU HERE FOR SOMETHING?
578
00:21:06,999 --> 00:21:08,501
WORKING THE EVENT, LIKE YOU.
579
00:21:08,601 --> 00:21:09,502
THAT THE MEN'S ROOM?
580
00:21:09,602 --> 00:21:10,503
UH, WHY?
581
00:21:10,603 --> 00:21:13,205
WHAT DO YOU MEAN, WHY?
582
00:21:13,306 --> 00:21:15,408
WHY-- I WOULDN'T GO
IN THERE IF I WERE YOU.
583
00:21:15,508 --> 00:21:16,776
I MEAN I DIDN'T
STINK UP THE PLACE
584
00:21:16,876 --> 00:21:18,978
YA KNOW, NOT MY THING
WHEN I'M WORKING
585
00:21:19,078 --> 00:21:20,547
BUT THERE'S
AN OLD GUY IN THERE
586
00:21:20,647 --> 00:21:23,583
AND UH...HE HAS
SOME BOWEL PROBLEMS
587
00:21:23,683 --> 00:21:25,618
AND HE CAN'T SEE SO IT'S--
588
00:21:25,718 --> 00:21:28,388
QUITE FRANKLY IT'S
A LITTLE MESSY IN THERE.
589
00:21:28,488 --> 00:21:30,523
I'D USE THE BATHROOM
DOWN THE HALLWAY.
590
00:21:30,623 --> 00:21:32,224
IT'S NOT FAR.
591
00:21:32,325 --> 00:21:33,526
SO.
592
00:21:38,865 --> 00:21:41,868
SENIORS, GOD WHAT A WORD, HUH?
593
00:21:41,968 --> 00:21:43,503
YUCK.
594
00:21:43,603 --> 00:21:48,741
BUT MAYBE IT'S BECAUSE WE'RE
JUST NOT LOOKING AT IT RIGHT.
595
00:21:48,841 --> 00:21:49,942
SEXY!
596
00:21:50,042 --> 00:21:51,978
[laughter and applause]
597
00:21:52,078 --> 00:21:53,580
THAT'S RIGHT, THAT'S RIGHT!
598
00:21:53,680 --> 00:21:54,647
OKAY THAT'S GOOD.
599
00:21:54,747 --> 00:21:56,416
BUT YOU KNOW,
YOU GUYS WON'T ADMIT IT
600
00:21:56,516 --> 00:21:58,651
BECAUSE YOU THINK
THAT ONCE YOU GET OLDER
601
00:21:58,751 --> 00:22:01,654
YOU HAVE TO ACT
ALL DIGNIFIED.
602
00:22:01,754 --> 00:22:02,655
YES SIR.
603
00:22:02,755 --> 00:22:04,357
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE SEXY?
604
00:22:04,457 --> 00:22:05,892
IF I CAN'T EVEN STAND UP!
605
00:22:05,992 --> 00:22:07,293
I'M GLAD YOU ASKED.
606
00:22:07,394 --> 00:22:09,462
IF YOU READ CHAPTER NINE,
607
00:22:09,562 --> 00:22:10,663
"SEXY TIME",
608
00:22:10,763 --> 00:22:13,633
YOU'D KNOW THAT
YOUR BIGGEST SEX ORGAN,
609
00:22:13,733 --> 00:22:15,968
AND I DON'T CARE WHO YOU ARE,
610
00:22:16,068 --> 00:22:17,737
IS YOUR BRAIN.
611
00:22:17,837 --> 00:22:19,806
THAT'S WHERE IT STARTS.
612
00:22:19,906 --> 00:22:23,676
[talking continues
in background]
613
00:22:27,747 --> 00:22:29,882
[Pepper]
RESPECT YOURSELF,
RESPECT YOUR BODY,
614
00:22:29,982 --> 00:22:31,951
AND THEN OTHER PEOPLE
WILL RESPECT YOU.
615
00:22:32,051 --> 00:22:34,487
DON'T BE AFRAID
TO SEIZE THE MOMENT.
616
00:22:34,587 --> 00:22:40,059
[talking continues]
617
00:22:40,159 --> 00:22:42,629
[phone clicking]
618
00:22:42,729 --> 00:22:44,464
THINK OF HOW EXCITING
IT WAS TO BE IN HIGH SCHOOL
619
00:22:44,564 --> 00:22:45,698
AND HAVE ALL THOSE
NERVOUS FEELINGS,
620
00:22:45,798 --> 00:22:47,934
AND WHO WOULDN'T WANT
TO GO BACK TO HIGH SCHOOL!
621
00:22:48,034 --> 00:22:50,570
YES, ARE THERE ANY QUESTIONS?
622
00:22:50,670 --> 00:22:52,405
UH...
623
00:22:52,505 --> 00:22:53,773
OKAY, OH YOU AGAIN.
624
00:22:53,873 --> 00:22:55,408
OKAY, YES SIR?
625
00:22:55,508 --> 00:22:58,445
ISN'T THIS WHOLE
THING KINDA UNDIGNIFIED?
626
00:22:58,545 --> 00:22:59,879
YOU KNOW WHAT FRED?
627
00:22:59,979 --> 00:23:02,515
WHAT I REALLY THINK
YOU NEED TO DO IS LOOSEN UP.
628
00:23:02,615 --> 00:23:03,516
HUH?
629
00:23:03,616 --> 00:23:04,517
YEAH SHE'S RIGHT FRED.
630
00:23:04,617 --> 00:23:05,718
YOU NEED TO LOOSEN UP
A LITTLE.
631
00:23:05,818 --> 00:23:06,819
YOU SHOULD LISTEN
TO YOUR NURSE.
632
00:23:06,919 --> 00:23:08,087
YEAH.
633
00:23:08,187 --> 00:23:10,523
[music starts]
634
00:23:10,623 --> 00:23:11,658
OH MY GOD!
635
00:23:11,758 --> 00:23:14,894
I TOLD YOU THERE
WOULD BE SURPRISES!
636
00:23:14,994 --> 00:23:16,496
WHOO!
637
00:23:16,596 --> 00:23:18,998
BET YOU'RE ALL WISHING
YOU HAD A NURSE LIKE THIS.
638
00:23:19,098 --> 00:23:22,134
[cheering]
639
00:23:24,103 --> 00:23:25,905
WHOO!
640
00:23:34,180 --> 00:23:39,085
WHOO!
641
00:23:39,185 --> 00:23:40,352
WHOA!
642
00:23:40,453 --> 00:23:41,654
OKAY!
643
00:23:44,223 --> 00:23:45,124
OH HEY.
644
00:23:45,224 --> 00:23:47,560
SO I JUST GOT REALLY HIGH,
645
00:23:47,660 --> 00:23:49,629
AND I HAD THE WEIRDEST
FUCKING THING HAPPEN.
646
00:23:49,729 --> 00:23:51,063
I'M GETTING A DIVORCE.
647
00:23:51,163 --> 00:23:52,565
OH MY GOSH.
648
00:24:04,811 --> 00:24:07,847
[cheering]
649
00:24:17,256 --> 00:24:18,157
OH SHIT.
650
00:24:18,257 --> 00:24:19,158
OH MY GOSH.
651
00:24:19,258 --> 00:24:20,459
CUT THE MUSIC!
652
00:24:20,560 --> 00:24:21,528
OH MY GOSH.
653
00:24:21,628 --> 00:24:22,662
CUT THE MUSIC!
654
00:24:22,762 --> 00:24:23,963
OH.
655
00:24:24,063 --> 00:24:25,532
OH YEAH.
NURSE.
656
00:24:25,632 --> 00:24:26,566
NURSE!
657
00:24:26,666 --> 00:24:28,067
WHAT ARE YOU--
WHAT'S HAPPENING?
658
00:24:28,167 --> 00:24:29,068
SHE'S NOT A NURSE.
659
00:24:29,168 --> 00:24:30,136
NOW DO SOMETHING!
660
00:24:30,236 --> 00:24:31,437
UH...
661
00:24:31,538 --> 00:24:32,939
OKAY, OKAY,
WHAT'S ALL THE COMMOTION?
662
00:24:33,039 --> 00:24:33,940
OH, OFFICER.
663
00:24:34,040 --> 00:24:34,941
WE GOT A MAN DOWN,
664
00:24:35,041 --> 00:24:36,809
AND THIS WOMAN
IS NOT A NURSE.
665
00:24:36,909 --> 00:24:37,910
YEAH, UH...
666
00:24:38,010 --> 00:24:39,946
I TOOK A CLASS!
667
00:24:40,046 --> 00:24:41,180
I TOOK A CLASS,
WE'LL DO A TWO MAN VERSION
668
00:24:41,280 --> 00:24:42,615
YOU'RE GONNA DO THE BACK,
669
00:24:42,715 --> 00:24:43,816
YOU'RE GONNA BREATHE--
AND WHATEVER THAT ENTAILS,
670
00:24:43,916 --> 00:24:46,118
AND I'M GONNA--
AND I'M GONNA SMUSH THE HEART.
671
00:24:46,218 --> 00:24:47,419
OH SHIT!
672
00:24:47,520 --> 00:24:48,420
IS HE DEAD?
673
00:24:48,521 --> 00:24:49,421
WHAT?
674
00:24:49,522 --> 00:24:51,090
LISTEN, LISTEN TO ME!
675
00:24:51,190 --> 00:24:55,427
THIS IS WHAT YOU
WERE TRAINED FOR!
676
00:24:55,528 --> 00:24:56,495
HE'S A STRIPPER.
677
00:24:56,596 --> 00:24:57,496
THEY'RE BOTH STRIPPERS.
678
00:24:57,597 --> 00:24:58,531
DO SOMETHING!
679
00:24:58,631 --> 00:24:59,532
DOCTOR?!
680
00:24:59,632 --> 00:25:01,668
IS SOMEONE HERE A DOCTOR?
681
00:25:01,768 --> 00:25:02,969
IS ANYBODY A DOCTOR?
682
00:25:03,069 --> 00:25:04,003
THERE'S NO DOCTOR!
683
00:25:04,103 --> 00:25:05,672
OKAY, YOU TOOK THE CLASS.
684
00:25:05,772 --> 00:25:06,673
COME ON, DO IT,
DO IT, DO IT.
685
00:25:06,773 --> 00:25:07,840
IT'S A SERIES--
686
00:25:07,940 --> 00:25:09,742
IT'S A SERIES OF BREATHS
AND COMPRESSIONS--
687
00:25:09,842 --> 00:25:12,178
OH! 15 TO TWO RATIO.
688
00:25:12,278 --> 00:25:13,946
THAT'S RIGHT,
15 TO TWO RATIO.
689
00:25:14,046 --> 00:25:15,047
HERE WE GO.
I WAS A GIRL SCOUT.
690
00:25:15,147 --> 00:25:16,048
COME ON.
691
00:25:16,148 --> 00:25:17,950
IT'S OKAY, COME ON.
692
00:25:18,050 --> 00:25:23,756
COME ON.
693
00:25:23,856 --> 00:25:24,924
TWO.
694
00:25:25,024 --> 00:25:26,826
THREE.
695
00:25:26,926 --> 00:25:29,028
OH NO, IT'S
THE OTHER WAY AROUND!
696
00:25:29,128 --> 00:25:30,029
JUST TWO BREATHS.
697
00:25:30,129 --> 00:25:31,163
NO, YOU CAN'T TELL ME THAT NOW!
698
00:25:31,263 --> 00:25:32,665
TWO BREATHS, TWO BREATHS,
TWO BREATHS.
699
00:25:32,765 --> 00:25:33,733
BRUCE, NO DON'T BE DEAD!
700
00:25:33,833 --> 00:25:34,934
DON'T BE DEAD,
701
00:25:35,034 --> 00:25:36,235
OH GOD BRUCE,
PLEASE DON'T BE DEAD.
702
00:25:36,335 --> 00:25:37,870
OH PLEASE BRUCE!
703
00:25:37,970 --> 00:25:39,538
BRUCE, PLEASE LIVE!
704
00:25:39,639 --> 00:25:40,707
I'M TOO YOUNG!
705
00:25:40,807 --> 00:25:42,008
YOU CAN'T DIE!
706
00:25:42,108 --> 00:25:44,243
BRUCE, PLEASE, PLEASE.
707
00:25:44,343 --> 00:25:46,813
LIVE, DAMMIT, YOU BASTARD!
708
00:25:46,913 --> 00:25:53,219
OKAY, THAT'S ONE.
709
00:25:53,319 --> 00:25:54,220
WHOO!
710
00:25:54,320 --> 00:25:58,725
[clapping]
711
00:25:58,825 --> 00:26:00,092
IS THIS PART OF THE SEMINAR?
712
00:26:00,192 --> 00:26:01,694
YES!
713
00:26:01,794 --> 00:26:03,029
YES IT IS.
714
00:26:03,129 --> 00:26:05,031
YES IT'S PART OF THE SEMINAR.
715
00:26:05,131 --> 00:26:07,233
YOU SEE, YOU GOTTA BE PREPARED,
716
00:26:07,333 --> 00:26:08,768
YOU GOTTA BE SEXY!
717
00:26:08,868 --> 00:26:10,737
[cheers]
718
00:26:10,837 --> 00:26:12,905
SENIORLICIOUS!
719
00:26:13,005 --> 00:26:14,040
WHOO!
720
00:26:14,140 --> 00:26:17,176
TELL YOUR FRIENDS!
721
00:26:17,276 --> 00:26:18,711
SORRY, I THOUGHT THIS
WAS THE MEN'S ROOM.
722
00:26:18,811 --> 00:26:19,712
JESUS!
723
00:26:19,812 --> 00:26:20,980
IT'S NOT.
724
00:26:23,950 --> 00:26:26,986
*
725
00:26:31,924 --> 00:26:33,726
AND AGAIN SERVICE--
726
00:26:33,826 --> 00:26:35,061
KNOCK IT OFF!
727
00:26:35,161 --> 00:26:36,062
EXCELLENT.
728
00:26:36,162 --> 00:26:37,196
CAN'T GET ANY HIGHER
THAN THAT.
729
00:26:37,296 --> 00:26:39,632
OH HENRY,
WHERE'VE YOU BEEN?
730
00:26:39,732 --> 00:26:40,767
GUESS WHAT?
731
00:26:40,867 --> 00:26:42,301
THE BAR'S NOT
GONNA PACK ITSELF.
732
00:26:42,401 --> 00:26:46,038
WHERE'S CONSTANCE?
733
00:26:46,138 --> 00:26:47,840
SO UH, SEE YOU LATER THEN.
734
00:26:47,940 --> 00:26:50,009
SEE YOU LATER.
OKAY.
735
00:26:53,646 --> 00:26:55,081
HEY CASEY,
GRAB THOSE BOXES FOR ME.
736
00:26:55,181 --> 00:26:56,082
YEP.
737
00:26:56,182 --> 00:26:58,184
NO, CALM DOWN.
738
00:26:58,284 --> 00:27:02,689
HEY UM, CASEY
I JUST WANTED TO SAY
739
00:27:02,789 --> 00:27:04,991
THAT WE HEARD WHAT'S HAPPENING
IN YOUR PERSONAL LIFE
740
00:27:05,091 --> 00:27:06,092
WITH YOUR MARRIAGE
AND STUFF,
741
00:27:06,192 --> 00:27:08,060
I WANTED
TO LET YOU KNOW
742
00:27:08,160 --> 00:27:10,029
THAT IF YOU
NEED ANYTHING,
743
00:27:10,129 --> 00:27:12,064
SOMEONE TO TALK TO,
YOU KNOW,
744
00:27:12,164 --> 00:27:13,099
MAYBE YOU JUST NEED A HUG.
745
00:27:13,199 --> 00:27:19,706
SO NI-- OH THANKS ROMAN.
746
00:27:19,806 --> 00:27:20,940
WHAT THE FUCK?
747
00:27:21,040 --> 00:27:24,343
OH FUCK LOOK, I-- THAT--
748
00:27:24,443 --> 00:27:26,245
IS THAT-- REAL-- OKAY, SURE.
749
00:27:26,345 --> 00:27:29,081
IN MY POCKET.
750
00:27:29,181 --> 00:27:30,917
FUCK.
751
00:27:31,017 --> 00:27:32,985
SNAP, MOTHERFUCKER!
752
00:27:33,085 --> 00:27:33,986
OW!
753
00:27:34,086 --> 00:27:35,054
[laughs]
754
00:27:35,154 --> 00:27:38,190
*
755
00:27:45,231 --> 00:27:48,267
*
756
00:28:05,251 --> 00:28:08,287
*
757
00:28:16,763 --> 00:28:19,031
**
758
00:28:19,131 --> 00:28:22,168
T-R-E-E, TREE.
47710
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