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1
00:00:26,127 --> 00:00:30,664
"TOGETHER WE'RE BUILDING
A BETTER, BRIGHTER TOMORROW?"
2
00:00:30,764 --> 00:00:32,200
ALL IN FAVOR?
3
00:00:32,300 --> 00:00:33,967
(MURMUR OF "YEAHS")
ALL OPPOSED?
4
00:00:34,068 --> 00:00:35,236
[THE "NAY'S" OUTWEIGH
THE "YEAS,"]
5
00:00:35,336 --> 00:00:36,504
VOTED DOWN!
6
00:00:36,604 --> 00:00:39,173
OKAY PEOPLE, COME ON, WE'VE BEEN
DOING THIS FOR AN HOUR, NOW.
7
00:00:39,273 --> 00:00:40,974
WE NEED A THEME
FOR NEXT YEAR.
8
00:00:41,075 --> 00:00:42,410
TIM,
9
00:00:42,510 --> 00:00:45,579
I FEEL LIKE THE "TOGETHER"
SOUNDS KIND OF SOCIALIST...
10
00:00:47,781 --> 00:00:48,749
HEY.
11
00:00:48,849 --> 00:00:49,983
WHAT YOU GOT HERE?
12
00:00:50,084 --> 00:00:51,119
INSTRUCTIONS.
13
00:00:51,219 --> 00:00:52,386
SEE, SINCE THIS
IS AN UNDERAGE FUNCTION
14
00:00:52,486 --> 00:00:54,622
I'LL BE SERVING
A VIRGIN MANHATTAN,
15
00:00:54,722 --> 00:00:57,057
WE CALL
THE "RUDY GIULIANI,"
16
00:00:57,158 --> 00:01:00,361
AND THIS RIGHT HERE.
17
00:01:00,461 --> 00:01:02,996
GOOD OLD VIRGIN
"FREEDOM-TINI."
18
00:01:03,097 --> 00:01:04,132
HOW IS IT?
19
00:01:04,232 --> 00:01:06,434
UM, SWEET AND INNOCENT,
20
00:01:06,534 --> 00:01:07,535
WITH ITS WHOLE
LIFE AHEAD OF IT.
21
00:01:07,635 --> 00:01:09,069
UMM.
22
00:01:10,638 --> 00:01:12,506
WELL, YOU COULD
AT MAKE IT A MIX TAPE
23
00:01:12,606 --> 00:01:14,142
BEFORE YOU TAKE
ITS VIRGINITY.
24
00:01:14,242 --> 00:01:15,709
JUST AGING IT UP
A LITTLE BIT.
25
00:01:15,809 --> 00:01:17,278
IT'S IN ITS THIRTIES NOW.
26
00:01:17,378 --> 00:01:19,680
SO ALL IN FAVOR OF "A BRIGHTER,
BETTER TOMORROW?"
27
00:01:19,780 --> 00:01:21,014
AYE!
28
00:01:21,115 --> 00:01:22,316
AYE.
29
00:01:22,416 --> 00:01:23,617
AYE.
30
00:01:24,185 --> 00:01:25,386
HEY HENRY,
31
00:01:26,287 --> 00:01:27,421
YOU'RE NOT STILL
DOWN IN THE DUMPS,
32
00:01:27,521 --> 00:01:30,224
ABOUT THIS WHOLE
HOLLYWOOD THING ARE YOU?
NO, NO
33
00:01:30,324 --> 00:01:31,459
WHEN YOU'VE BEEN IN
THE ACTING BUSINESS
34
00:01:31,559 --> 00:01:33,394
AS LONG AS I HAVE,
YOU SEE THAT EVERYTHING
35
00:01:33,494 --> 00:01:35,463
COMES AND GOES IN CYCLES.
36
00:01:35,563 --> 00:01:38,532
YOU'RE UP,
YOU'RE DOWN.
37
00:01:38,632 --> 00:01:40,168
YEAH, I MEAN,
I QUIT SO--
38
00:01:40,268 --> 00:01:41,669
YOU SOUND LIKE
MY FRIEND ED.
39
00:01:41,769 --> 00:01:43,437
NOW ED WAS AN ACTOR.
40
00:01:43,537 --> 00:01:47,408
AND TRIED AND TRIED AND NEVER
GOT THAT MAGIC ROLE.
41
00:01:47,508 --> 00:01:49,177
HE WORKED NIGHTS
AT A COPY STORE,
42
00:01:49,277 --> 00:01:52,079
LIVED IN A TERRIBLE APARTMENT
FILLED WITH ROACHES,
43
00:01:52,180 --> 00:01:56,350
BUT HE NEVER GAVE UP.
44
00:01:56,450 --> 00:02:00,388
THEN, ON HIS
SIXTIETH BIRTHDAY,
45
00:02:00,488 --> 00:02:04,592
HE SAID, "THAT'S IT, I QUIT
I CAN'T DO THIS ANYMORE."
46
00:02:04,692 --> 00:02:06,327
[ sighing ]
47
00:02:06,427 --> 00:02:10,063
GUESS WHAT HAPPENED
A WEEK LATER?
48
00:02:10,164 --> 00:02:11,098
HE...GOT DISCOVERED?
49
00:02:11,199 --> 00:02:13,801
HE DIED.
50
00:02:13,901 --> 00:02:18,239
DREAMS ARE OUR LIFE FORCE.
51
00:02:18,339 --> 00:02:20,208
HE JUST DROPPED DEAD?
52
00:02:20,308 --> 00:02:22,343
HE WAS ON VENICE PIER
AND SOME TOURIST
53
00:02:22,443 --> 00:02:23,544
ASKED HIM TO TAKE
THEIR PICTURE.
54
00:02:23,644 --> 00:02:28,349
HE STEPPED BACK TOO FAR,
AND--PFLTTHT.
55
00:02:28,449 --> 00:02:29,550
HANG IN THERE.
OKAY.
56
00:02:38,559 --> 00:02:41,629
*
57
00:02:49,337 --> 00:02:50,304
OKAY, OKAY,
58
00:02:50,404 --> 00:02:51,472
OKAY PEOPLE, LISTEN UP.
59
00:02:51,572 --> 00:02:53,641
NOT ONLY ARE WE SERVING
THE LEADERS OF TOMORROW,
60
00:02:53,741 --> 00:02:55,776
WHO PROBABLY WILL BE
YOUR BOSSES SOMEDAY,
61
00:02:55,876 --> 00:02:57,378
BUT ALSO--
62
00:02:57,478 --> 00:03:00,581
(STRANGE ACCENT) AH-NOLD.
63
00:03:00,681 --> 00:03:03,417
THE GOVERNATOR WILL BE
MAKING AN APPEARANCE.
64
00:03:03,517 --> 00:03:05,753
YEA-YAH, WE'RE GONNA
HANG WITH AH-NOLD.
65
00:03:05,853 --> 00:03:08,522
NO, WE HAVE BEEN SPECIFICALLY
ASKED TO NOT HANG WITH ARNOLD.
66
00:03:08,622 --> 00:03:10,658
OKAY SO SCHMOOZING,
NO GIVING HIM SCRIPTS,
67
00:03:10,758 --> 00:03:11,892
NO NADA.
68
00:03:11,992 --> 00:03:14,262
OKAY IT'S ARNOLD
WE'RE PROFESSIONALS,
69
00:03:14,362 --> 00:03:16,764
OKAY AND SMILES,
HENRY THAT MEANS YOU.
70
00:03:20,834 --> 00:03:22,336
WHAT'S THAT?
71
00:03:22,436 --> 00:03:23,504
HUSBAND SENT IT
TO PROVE I CAN
72
00:03:23,604 --> 00:03:25,673
PURSUE MY COMEDY
CAREER IN VERMONT.
73
00:03:25,773 --> 00:03:27,140
BURLINGTON HAS
A COMEDY TROUPE.
74
00:03:27,241 --> 00:03:29,310
"THE YUCKS."
ARE THEY SUPPOSED TO
75
00:03:29,410 --> 00:03:30,411
BE FUNNY,
OR DISGUSTING?
76
00:03:30,511 --> 00:03:31,412
FUNNY.
77
00:03:31,512 --> 00:03:35,283
SEE, "YUCKING IT UP SINCE 1992."
78
00:03:35,383 --> 00:03:36,550
SO, YOU'RE...GOING?
79
00:03:36,650 --> 00:03:38,419
I DON'T KNOW, HE'S
HOUSE HUNTING OVER THERE
80
00:03:38,519 --> 00:03:40,854
AND I'M HERE
"THINKING IT OVER."
81
00:03:40,954 --> 00:03:42,356
YEAH, WHAT ARE
YOU THINKING?
82
00:03:42,456 --> 00:03:44,558
I'M THINKING VERMONT?
83
00:03:44,658 --> 00:03:47,160
AND THEN I'M ALSO
THINKING ABOUT THIS
84
00:03:47,261 --> 00:03:48,696
COMEDY CENTRAL SHOW
THAT I'M REALLY POSITIVE
85
00:03:48,796 --> 00:03:49,763
THAT I'M GONNA GET.
86
00:03:49,863 --> 00:03:51,365
LIKE I FEEL
REALLY GOOD ABOUT IT.
87
00:03:51,465 --> 00:03:53,434
AND SO I DON'T KNOW, I DON'T
KNOW IF I WANT TO GIVE UP.
88
00:03:53,534 --> 00:03:56,637
ON EVERYTHING SO SOON,
YA KNOW?
89
00:03:56,737 --> 00:03:58,539
YOU WANT MY ADVICE?
90
00:04:00,040 --> 00:04:01,442
NO.
91
00:04:03,411 --> 00:04:07,348
[ indistinct conversations ]
92
00:04:07,448 --> 00:04:08,916
DON'T, DON'T FUSS.
93
00:04:09,016 --> 00:04:10,318
OH HONEY,
YOU WANT RIBS?
94
00:04:10,418 --> 00:04:11,652
YES.
95
00:04:16,957 --> 00:04:18,459
YOU KNOW WHAT I LIKE
ABOUT YOU CONSERVATIVES?
96
00:04:18,559 --> 00:04:20,428
MEAT.
97
00:04:20,528 --> 00:04:23,597
A LOT OF THESE WUSSY PARTIES WE
DO, IT'S CHICKEN, IT'S QUICHE.
98
00:04:23,697 --> 00:04:25,599
VEGGIE PLATTERS.
99
00:04:25,699 --> 00:04:26,800
HONEST RED MEAT.
100
00:04:26,900 --> 00:04:30,838
YES, AMERICAN BEEF.
YEAH.
101
00:04:30,938 --> 00:04:35,343
IT TRUE WHAT THEY SAY
ABOUT YOUR LADIES?
102
00:04:35,443 --> 00:04:38,278
PRIM OUTSIDE, BUT
THEY ATTACK IN THE SACK?
103
00:04:38,379 --> 00:04:40,414
GET REAL NASTY,
SCRATCH AND SHIT?
104
00:04:40,514 --> 00:04:42,716
WHAT WAS THAT.
NOTHING, SWEETIE
105
00:04:47,621 --> 00:04:49,490
MM-HMM, I COMPLETELY
UNDERSTAND.
106
00:04:49,590 --> 00:04:51,792
THANK YOU,
RON, WALK WITH ME.
107
00:04:51,892 --> 00:04:53,461
YES JEFFREY,
HOW CAN I HELP YOU?
108
00:04:53,561 --> 00:04:56,263
MM-HMM, RIGHT,
I TOTALLY UNDERSTAND.
109
00:04:56,364 --> 00:04:58,499
THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR KEEPING
US IN THE LOOP, DAN.
110
00:04:58,599 --> 00:04:59,567
I REALLY APPRECIATE IT.
111
00:04:59,667 --> 00:05:00,901
OKAY, BYE.
112
00:05:01,001 --> 00:05:02,770
OKAY, THAT WAS
THE GOVERNOR'S LEAD MAN.
113
00:05:02,870 --> 00:05:03,771
THE GOVERNOR
IS GONNA BE LATE,
114
00:05:03,871 --> 00:05:05,238
SO WE NEED TO MOVE
THE BUFFET BACK--
115
00:05:05,339 --> 00:05:07,375
OKAY, CONSTANCE CHAFFING
DISHES ON WARMERS
116
00:05:07,475 --> 00:05:08,876
AND WE WILL PACE
THE APPETIZERS AS WELL.
117
00:05:08,976 --> 00:05:11,879
HEY, DENNIS, JEFFERY,
HI LISTEN I'M IN THE HALL
118
00:05:11,979 --> 00:05:13,514
GOVERNOR'S PUSHED AN HOUR.
119
00:05:13,614 --> 00:05:15,483
RIGHT, THANKS, BYE.
120
00:05:15,583 --> 00:05:16,650
ARNOLD, THAT'S
VERY EXCITING.
121
00:05:16,750 --> 00:05:17,651
HOW'D YOU GET HIM?
122
00:05:17,751 --> 00:05:18,919
LET ME TELL
YOU SOMETHING, RON.
123
00:05:19,019 --> 00:05:21,989
AH, THERE IS A SIMPLE
FORMULA FOR SUCCESS,
124
00:05:22,089 --> 00:05:23,391
AND I FOLLOWED IT.
125
00:05:23,491 --> 00:05:25,426
"WORK HARD
AND YOU SUCCEED."
126
00:05:25,526 --> 00:05:26,594
OH THERE IT IS, WOW.
127
00:05:26,694 --> 00:05:27,795
AND THAT'S WHY
YOU'RE PRESIDENT.
128
00:05:27,895 --> 00:05:29,262
I'M THE SECRETARY.
129
00:05:29,363 --> 00:05:30,564
OH SECRETARY, ANSWERING PHONES,
SITTING AT A DESK
130
00:05:30,664 --> 00:05:31,999
NO, NOT LIKE
A "SECRETARY."
131
00:05:32,099 --> 00:05:33,601
NO, NOT LIKE A FEMALE.
132
00:05:33,701 --> 00:05:35,268
IT'S THE NUMBER THREE
EXECUTIVE POSITION.
133
00:05:35,369 --> 00:05:36,336
THIRD BEST,
VERY GOOD.
134
00:05:36,437 --> 00:05:37,671
IT'S A BRONZE,
BRONZE MEDAL.
135
00:05:37,771 --> 00:05:39,039
TELL YA I'M GONNA BE
PRESIDENT NEXT YEAR.
136
00:05:39,139 --> 00:05:40,441
I CAN ASSURE YOU.
I DON'T DOUBT--
137
00:05:40,541 --> 00:05:43,677
GREG MEERS THINKS
HE CAN WIN IT WITH LOOKS.
138
00:05:43,777 --> 00:05:44,812
YOU NEED MORE THAN THAT.
139
00:05:44,912 --> 00:05:46,279
I'M GONNA TEACH
HIM OTHERWISE.
140
00:05:46,380 --> 00:05:47,581
EVER READ THE BOOK
WHERE THE BLOOD FLOWS?
141
00:05:47,681 --> 00:05:48,916
SO TOO GOES THE VICTOR.
142
00:05:49,016 --> 00:05:50,418
I HAVE NOT I HAVE TO
WRITE THAT DOWN.
143
00:05:50,518 --> 00:05:52,586
WALK WITH ME.
YEAH.
144
00:05:56,390 --> 00:05:57,558
FOR GOD'S SAKE, RON.
145
00:05:57,658 --> 00:05:59,359
THIS IS SUPPOSED TO
BE OFF LIMITS, COME ON.
146
00:05:59,460 --> 00:06:00,461
KYLE,
147
00:06:00,561 --> 00:06:02,396
OKAY, WAS IT THE EYEBROW?
148
00:06:02,496 --> 00:06:04,998
KYLE THIS ROOM
IS OFF LIMITS.
OKAY.
149
00:06:05,098 --> 00:06:06,500
THANK YOU.
150
00:06:11,639 --> 00:06:12,740
SIMPLE AS THAT.
151
00:06:12,840 --> 00:06:14,742
NOBODY CAN BE IN HERE
WHO ISN'T AUTHORIZED.
152
00:06:14,842 --> 00:06:15,809
YOU UNDERSTAND THAT?
WON'T HAPPEN AGAIN.
153
00:06:15,909 --> 00:06:17,411
NOBODY OKAY?
154
00:06:17,511 --> 00:06:21,715
THERE ARE VERY IMPORTANT
PAPERS HERE, ITEMS OF VALUE.
155
00:06:21,815 --> 00:06:22,783
LOOK AT THAT.
156
00:06:22,883 --> 00:06:24,351
CUSTOM MADE
FOR THE GOVERNOR.
157
00:06:24,452 --> 00:06:25,352
WOW, ENGRAVED.
158
00:06:25,453 --> 00:06:26,720
HE'LL BE IMPRESSED.
159
00:06:26,820 --> 00:06:28,589
YES HE WILL,
YES HE WILL.
160
00:06:28,689 --> 00:06:30,090
AND MY NAME GOES
RIGHT INTO HIS ROLODEX.
161
00:06:30,190 --> 00:06:31,559
AHH, NETWORKING.
162
00:06:31,659 --> 00:06:32,860
NAME OF THE GAME.
163
00:06:37,164 --> 00:06:39,733
AH, YOUR FLAG'S A LITTLE DIRTY.
164
00:06:39,833 --> 00:06:42,503
RON, THIS A VERY
SPECIAL GIFT
165
00:06:42,603 --> 00:06:43,871
FROM ONE OF OUR MEMBERS
CURRENTLY STATIONED
166
00:06:43,971 --> 00:06:45,739
WITH OUR FORCES
IN THE MIDDLE EAST, OKAY.
167
00:06:45,839 --> 00:06:46,874
IT'S FROM A CONVOY
168
00:06:46,974 --> 00:06:49,477
THAT CAME UNDER ENEMY FIRE.
169
00:06:49,577 --> 00:06:51,411
NO, NOT DO THAT, DON'T DO THAT
YOU GOTTA BE CAREFUL.
170
00:06:51,512 --> 00:06:53,013
BECAUSE A FLAG IS FOLDED
171
00:06:53,113 --> 00:06:55,082
ACCORDING TO VERY
SPECIFIC SET OF RULES.
172
00:06:55,182 --> 00:06:59,086
RIGHT THAT'S
WHAT THEY DO.
173
00:06:59,186 --> 00:07:00,554
AH, CIGARS.
174
00:07:00,654 --> 00:07:01,955
ARNOLD LOVES CIGARS!
175
00:07:02,055 --> 00:07:04,057
THAT'S RIGHT,
DON TARGAS, CUBAN.
176
00:07:04,157 --> 00:07:05,425
BEST IN THE WORLD.
177
00:07:05,526 --> 00:07:08,095
WOW, CAN I JUST SAY,
I AM RIGHT THERE WITH YOU.
178
00:07:08,195 --> 00:07:09,997
AND ARNOLD.
179
00:07:10,097 --> 00:07:12,833
PERSONAL RESPONSIBILITY,
SMALL BUSINESS
180
00:07:12,933 --> 00:07:15,636
UH-- FUTURE SMALL BUSINESS
OWNER MYSELF
181
00:07:15,736 --> 00:07:17,505
SOUP'R CRACKERS.
182
00:07:17,605 --> 00:07:20,641
ALL YOU CAN EAT SOUP.
183
00:07:20,741 --> 00:07:24,478
I'M PRACTICALLY THE EMBODIMENT
OF ARNOLD'S LIFE PHILOSOPHY.
184
00:07:24,578 --> 00:07:25,779
UHM.
185
00:07:29,049 --> 00:07:30,450
JEFFERY,
186
00:07:31,151 --> 00:07:33,654
I WOULD LOVE TO JUST--
187
00:07:33,754 --> 00:07:35,122
SHAKE HIS HAND.
188
00:07:36,990 --> 00:07:38,792
YOU KNOW JUST TO SAY--
189
00:07:41,128 --> 00:07:42,530
YEAH.
190
00:07:46,166 --> 00:07:48,936
"LEADERS OF TOMORROW"
MY ASS.
191
00:07:49,036 --> 00:07:51,471
ONLY THING THOSE DORKS
COULD LEAD IS A CIRCLE JERK.
192
00:07:51,572 --> 00:07:53,574
YOU KNOW WHAT I MEAN?
193
00:07:53,674 --> 00:07:54,875
FUCKERS!
194
00:07:55,175 --> 00:07:56,577
GOD DAMIT!
195
00:07:59,212 --> 00:08:01,782
SO, THANKS TO YOU,
I DIDN'T GET THE PALISADES.
196
00:08:01,882 --> 00:08:04,151
WELL BOO, FUCKIN' HOO.
197
00:08:04,251 --> 00:08:05,686
WHAT'S THIS?
HEY!
198
00:08:05,786 --> 00:08:07,420
WHOA!
COME ON GIVE
THAT BACK MAN.
199
00:08:07,521 --> 00:08:08,488
SO, WHAT, YOU'RE GONNA
SLIP THAT TO ARNOLD?
200
00:08:08,589 --> 00:08:09,489
DON'T FUCKIN'
WRINKLE IT!
201
00:08:09,590 --> 00:08:10,490
I JUST WANNA
SEE IT BRO.
202
00:08:10,591 --> 00:08:11,559
YOU'RE PISSING ME OFF--
203
00:08:11,659 --> 00:08:12,560
A TERROR BIRD?
204
00:08:12,660 --> 00:08:14,027
YOU CAN READ.
205
00:08:14,127 --> 00:08:15,095
IT'S SO DUMB.
206
00:08:15,195 --> 00:08:16,730
OH MY GOD.
207
00:08:16,830 --> 00:08:18,431
YOU'VE NO IDEA WHAT
YOU'RE TALKING ABOUT.
208
00:08:18,532 --> 00:08:19,867
UM, A TERRIFYING BIRD?
209
00:08:19,967 --> 00:08:21,168
WRONG.
210
00:08:23,003 --> 00:08:24,705
I MEAN, YES.
211
00:08:24,805 --> 00:08:26,439
IT'S CALLED PHORUSRHACIDS,
IT'S A TEN FOOT TALL
212
00:08:26,540 --> 00:08:28,108
PREHISTORIC
MAN-EATING BIRD, OKAY?
213
00:08:28,208 --> 00:08:30,911
VELOCIRAPTOR'S WAS MAYBE
SIX FEET, AT THE MOST.
214
00:08:31,011 --> 00:08:32,846
AND "JURASSIC" PARK MADE,
A BILLION DOLLARS?
215
00:08:32,946 --> 00:08:34,214
WHO'S AFRAID OF
A BIG BIRD?
216
00:08:34,314 --> 00:08:35,883
YOU WOULD BE IF IT
WAS PICKING OUT YOUR GUTS
217
00:08:35,983 --> 00:08:37,818
WITH A GIANT BEAK--
218
00:08:37,918 --> 00:08:39,219
CONSTANCE, HOW BIG WOULD
A BIRD HAVE TO BE
219
00:08:39,319 --> 00:08:40,888
FOR YOU LIKE TO BE
SUPER SCARED OF IT.
220
00:08:40,988 --> 00:08:43,090
I DON'T KNOW,
A HUNDRED FEET, TWO HUNDRED--
221
00:08:43,190 --> 00:08:45,659
I DON'T KNOW, I'M SORRY KYLE
I CAN'T THINK STRAIGHT RIGHT NOW
222
00:08:45,759 --> 00:08:47,460
AND THAT'S SUCH
A GOOD QUESTION.
223
00:08:47,561 --> 00:08:49,129
BUT I'M SO MAD--
224
00:08:49,229 --> 00:08:52,465
I JUST HEARD ONE OF
THOSE FASCIST MAKE A GAY JOKE.
225
00:08:52,566 --> 00:08:54,902
AND I'M JUST
BESIDE MYSELF.
226
00:08:55,002 --> 00:08:56,670
FUCKIN' INTOLERANCE--BLOWS.
227
00:08:56,770 --> 00:08:57,838
WHAT'RE YOU DOING HERE?
228
00:08:57,938 --> 00:08:59,607
I AM GONNA SPIT ON
ALL THE APPETIZERS,
229
00:08:59,707 --> 00:09:01,609
BECAUSE I CAN'T REMEMBER
WHICH ONES HE WAS EATING.
230
00:09:01,709 --> 00:09:03,577
NO, THERE'S OTHER THINGS WE
CAN DO THAN SPIT.
231
00:09:03,677 --> 00:09:04,878
LIKE WHAT,
I LOVE SPITTING.
232
00:09:04,978 --> 00:09:07,480
I KNOW BUT IF YOU JUST
POINT HIM OUT TO ME.
233
00:09:07,581 --> 00:09:10,550
I WILL TAKE CARE OF IT.
234
00:09:10,651 --> 00:09:11,619
HI, FREEDOM-TINI.
235
00:09:11,719 --> 00:09:13,520
STRAIGHT OLD-FASHIONED
VIRGIN.
236
00:09:13,621 --> 00:09:14,788
WHAT I THINK
IS MORE IMPORTANT
237
00:09:14,888 --> 00:09:16,556
IS CHANGING THE CULTURE
OF POLITICS
238
00:09:16,657 --> 00:09:17,858
I AGREE A HUNDRED PERCENT.
239
00:09:17,958 --> 00:09:20,193
I MEAN NO MORE DEFEATISM
OR BUSINESS AS USUAL.
240
00:09:20,293 --> 00:09:21,695
EXACTLY AND THAT'S WHY I FEEL
LIKE WHAT WE'RE DOING IS--
241
00:09:21,795 --> 00:09:23,196
REALLY MAKING A DIFFERENCE.
242
00:09:23,296 --> 00:09:25,032
ARE YOU SICK?
243
00:09:25,132 --> 00:09:27,635
OH NO IT'S JUST
A PAIN-KILLER.
244
00:09:27,735 --> 00:09:29,837
YOU OKAY,
ANYTHING BROKEN?
245
00:09:29,937 --> 00:09:31,672
AH JUST MY CAREER
AND MY LIFE.
246
00:09:31,772 --> 00:09:34,141
SO I ABUSE PAIN-KILLERS
AND DRINK TOO MUCH.
247
00:09:34,241 --> 00:09:36,043
DEFEATISM, I KNOW.
248
00:09:37,878 --> 00:09:40,580
I'M A LIBERAL, IT'S
NOT YOUR PROBLEM THOUGH.
249
00:09:40,681 --> 00:09:42,816
SO FREEDOM-TINI
AND OLD FASHIONED,
250
00:09:42,916 --> 00:09:43,917
THERE YOU GO.
251
00:09:44,017 --> 00:09:45,585
SO WHAT'RE YOU,
AN ACTOR OR SOMETHING?
252
00:09:45,686 --> 00:09:47,621
WAS I QUIT.
253
00:09:47,721 --> 00:09:48,789
YOU QUIT?
254
00:09:48,889 --> 00:09:50,658
SEEMED LIKE THE ONLY
DIGNIFIED THING TO DO.
255
00:09:50,758 --> 00:09:52,592
BOY, IF YOU THINK
THERE'S ANYTHING
DIGNIFIED ABOUT QUITTING
256
00:09:52,693 --> 00:09:53,861
WELL THE UNDIGNIFIED
PART COMES
257
00:09:53,961 --> 00:09:56,630
WHEN I MOVED BACK
IN WITH MY PARENTS.
258
00:09:56,730 --> 00:09:58,598
MIND IF I GIVE YOU
A LITTLE ADVICE?
259
00:09:58,699 --> 00:09:59,900
SURE.
260
00:10:01,168 --> 00:10:02,102
WHEN I USE TO FEEL
LIKE QUITTING
261
00:10:02,202 --> 00:10:03,971
MY FATHER WOULD
SAY THIS.
262
00:10:04,071 --> 00:10:05,806
JIM ABBOTT.
263
00:10:05,906 --> 00:10:07,140
GREAT MAN.
264
00:10:11,178 --> 00:10:12,212
THAT'S THE ADVICE?
JIM ABBOTT.
265
00:10:12,312 --> 00:10:14,547
YEAH, JIM ABBOTT,
BORN WITH ONE HAND.
266
00:10:14,648 --> 00:10:15,749
HE WENT ON TO PITCH
IN THE MAJORS.
267
00:10:15,849 --> 00:10:17,017
YOU CAN TELL HIM
ABOUT OSCAR PISTORIUS.
268
00:10:17,117 --> 00:10:18,051
SPRINTER, NO LEGS.
269
00:10:18,151 --> 00:10:19,586
MAYBE YOU'VE HEARD
OF MAX CLELAND?
270
00:10:19,687 --> 00:10:21,254
YES, DIDN'T LET BEING
A MULTIPLE AMPUTEE,
271
00:10:21,354 --> 00:10:22,790
STOP HIM FROM BEING
A U.S. SENATOR.
272
00:10:22,890 --> 00:10:23,924
OF COURSE I DISAGREED
WITH HIS POLITICS.
273
00:10:24,024 --> 00:10:25,058
ME TOO,
BUT HE DIDN'T QUIT,
274
00:10:25,158 --> 00:10:26,193
THAT'S THE POINT
I'M TRYING TO MAKE.
275
00:10:26,293 --> 00:10:28,028
SURE AND I'VE GOT
ALL PARTS.
276
00:10:28,128 --> 00:10:29,296
RIGHT,
SEE IT'S A CHOICE.
277
00:10:29,396 --> 00:10:30,898
YOU CAN CHOSE
TO BE A VICTIM,
278
00:10:30,998 --> 00:10:32,866
OR YOU CAN CHOSE
TO ACHIEVE YOUR GOALS.
279
00:10:32,966 --> 00:10:34,167
FREEDOM OF CHOICE.
THAT'S RIGHT.
280
00:10:34,267 --> 00:10:36,336
AND THAT, IS WHAT MAKES
THIS COUNTRY SO GREAT.
281
00:10:36,436 --> 00:10:41,208
SHRIMP?
282
00:10:41,308 --> 00:10:43,777
THAT'S VERY UN-PC THAT'S
NOT WHAT I MEANT.
283
00:10:43,877 --> 00:10:46,346
NO, EVEN IF YOU DID MISS,
WE'RE NOT THE PC POLICE.
284
00:10:46,446 --> 00:10:47,981
SO YOU DON'T HAVE
TO WORRY ABOUT IT, YOU KNOW.
285
00:10:48,081 --> 00:10:49,249
OKAY.
286
00:10:49,349 --> 00:10:52,920
FREEDOM OF SPEECH, THAT, IS WHAT
MAKES THIS COUNTRY SO GREAT.
287
00:10:53,020 --> 00:10:54,654
WHY DON'T YOU JUST
GO AHEAD AND SAY IT.
288
00:10:54,755 --> 00:10:55,689
SAY IT?
289
00:10:55,789 --> 00:11:00,293
YOU'RE A SHRIMP,
SAY IT.
290
00:11:00,393 --> 00:11:01,729
YOU'RE S SHRIMP.
I KNOW AND THAT'S
WHY I TRY HARDER.
291
00:11:01,829 --> 00:11:03,230
JIM ABBOTT.
292
00:11:03,330 --> 00:11:04,231
EXACTLY
EXACTLY.
293
00:11:04,331 --> 00:11:06,099
THAT'S RIGHT,
THANK YOU.
294
00:11:06,199 --> 00:11:07,901
CHEERS.
CHEERS.
295
00:11:08,001 --> 00:11:10,070
I DON'T-- OKAY.
296
00:11:10,170 --> 00:11:13,373
AH I JUST FOUND OUT I DIDN'T
GET THE COMEDY CENTRAL GIG.
297
00:11:13,473 --> 00:11:15,743
SORRY,
MAKING IT THE FOURTH
THING IN A ROW
298
00:11:15,843 --> 00:11:17,610
WHERE THEY'RE LIKE,
"YOU'RE THE GIRL."
299
00:11:17,711 --> 00:11:18,879
AND THEN ZERO.
300
00:11:18,979 --> 00:11:20,347
OF COURSE THAT SUCKS.
301
00:11:20,447 --> 00:11:21,614
I THINK MAYBE
I AM GONNA QUIT.
302
00:11:21,715 --> 00:11:23,183
YOU SHOULD DO IT,
I'M A QUITTER, IT'S FUN.
303
00:11:23,283 --> 00:11:25,018
YOU LOOK LIKE--
ONE LAST THING,
304
00:11:25,118 --> 00:11:27,354
NOBODY EVER ACCOMPLISHED
ANYTHING BY QUITTING.
305
00:11:27,454 --> 00:11:29,256
WHAT IF RONALD REAGAN QUIT?
306
00:11:29,356 --> 00:11:30,958
QUIT ACTING,
HE DID.
307
00:11:31,058 --> 00:11:33,660
YEAH THAT'S ACTUALLY
WHERE I GOT THE IDEA.
308
00:11:33,761 --> 00:11:34,962
I GET TO SHAKE
HANDS WITH ARNOLD.
309
00:11:35,062 --> 00:11:36,163
I NEED YOU TO
TAKE A PICTURE.
310
00:11:36,263 --> 00:11:37,765
WAIT HOW COME YOU GET
TO SHAKE HANDS WITH ARNOLD
311
00:11:37,865 --> 00:11:38,999
IF WE'RE NOT ALLOWED
TO SAY ANYTHING?
312
00:11:39,099 --> 00:11:41,168
IT'S DIFFERENT,
IT'S THEIR IDEA!
313
00:11:41,268 --> 00:11:42,669
OH MAN,
314
00:11:42,770 --> 00:11:45,138
WHAT'RE YOU GONNA THINK WHEN YOU
WALK INTO A SOUPR' CRACKERS
315
00:11:45,238 --> 00:11:47,407
AND YOU SEE IS ME SHAKING HANDS
WITH ARNOLD SCHWARZENEGGER!
316
00:11:47,507 --> 00:11:51,078
FUCK AM I DOING
IN A SOUPR'CRACKERS.
317
00:11:51,178 --> 00:11:52,212
I NEED A CIGAR.
318
00:11:52,312 --> 00:11:53,280
I GOTTA GET A CIGAR.
319
00:11:53,380 --> 00:11:56,049
THESE GUYS GOT
ARNOLD SCHWARZENEGGER
320
00:11:56,149 --> 00:11:58,819
THESE DON TARGAS,
CUBAN CIGARS.
321
00:11:58,919 --> 00:12:01,188
BEST IN THE WORLD--
WAIT,
322
00:12:01,288 --> 00:12:06,193
WE'RE GIVING THE CONSERVATIVE
GOVERNOR COMMUNIST CIGARS?
323
00:12:06,293 --> 00:12:08,862
IT'S A FREE MARKET ISSUE!
324
00:12:08,962 --> 00:12:11,064
WHY NOT GIVE HIM
THE BEST CIGARS?
325
00:12:11,164 --> 00:12:13,266
BECAUSE WE CAN'T CONDONE
COMMUNISM, JEFFREY.
326
00:12:13,366 --> 00:12:14,667
COMMUNISM?
COMMUNISM.
327
00:12:14,768 --> 00:12:15,735
OBVIOUSLY,
THAT'S NOT A MESSAGE
328
00:12:15,836 --> 00:12:17,204
WE WANT TO SEND
TO THE GOVERNOR,
329
00:12:17,304 --> 00:12:19,272
OR TO THE NATION--
OKAY, YOU KNOW WHAT WE'LL VOTE,
330
00:12:19,372 --> 00:12:20,808
OKAY, BOTTOM LINE.
331
00:12:20,908 --> 00:12:23,410
WE GIVE A NEW GIFT OR
WE'LL GIVE HIM THE CIGARS.
332
00:12:27,214 --> 00:12:28,949
I DON'T KNOW WHY YOU HAD
TO OPEN YOUR MOUTH. OKAY,
333
00:12:29,049 --> 00:12:31,051
THIS MAKES
ME LOOK BAD.
334
00:12:31,151 --> 00:12:32,820
I AM SO SORRY...
335
00:12:35,055 --> 00:12:36,289
HENRY!
336
00:12:36,790 --> 00:12:38,391
SMILES, DAMMIT.
337
00:12:41,829 --> 00:12:44,798
EXCUSE ME,
IS THIS YOURS?
338
00:12:44,898 --> 00:12:47,034
YOU DROPPED--
AH YES SORRY.
339
00:12:47,134 --> 00:12:48,101
YOU KNOW THE YUCKS?
340
00:12:48,201 --> 00:12:49,469
YOU KNOW THE YUCKS?
341
00:12:49,569 --> 00:12:52,873
YES, I KNOW THE YUCKS, I'M FROM
ST. GEORGE, OUTSIDE BURLINGTON.
342
00:12:52,973 --> 00:12:54,741
OH WEIRD.
I'VE SEEN THEM
A BUNCH OF TIMES.
343
00:12:54,842 --> 00:12:56,109
AND THEY'RE SUPER FUNNY.
344
00:12:56,209 --> 00:12:58,711
REALLY?
YEAH, ARE YOU
GOING TO VERMONT?
345
00:12:58,812 --> 00:13:01,081
I...MY HUSBAND GOT
A JOB THERE.
346
00:13:01,181 --> 00:13:02,382
OH, SO YOU'RE MOVING.
347
00:13:02,482 --> 00:13:06,386
MAYBE, I DON'T KNOW.
348
00:13:06,486 --> 00:13:11,158
WHAT'S IT LIKE THERE?
349
00:13:11,258 --> 00:13:13,726
THERE HE IS THAT ASSHOLE
IN THE ARGYLE.
350
00:13:13,827 --> 00:13:15,328
HE MADE THE GAY JOKE.
351
00:13:15,428 --> 00:13:17,831
ALL RIGHT, NOW THE THING
WITH PREJUDICE?
352
00:13:17,931 --> 00:13:20,367
YOU JUST GOTTA THROW IT RIGHT
BACK IN THEIR FACE.
353
00:13:20,467 --> 00:13:24,471
WATCH AND LEARN.
354
00:13:24,571 --> 00:13:26,940
HEY GUYS, SHRIMP PUFFS?
355
00:13:27,040 --> 00:13:28,341
THANKS.
356
00:13:28,441 --> 00:13:30,410
HEY, YOU KNOW
ANY GOOD GAY JOKES?
357
00:13:30,510 --> 00:13:31,744
GAY JOKES?
358
00:13:31,845 --> 00:13:34,514
I HEARD YOU KNEW
AN AWESOME GOOD GAY JOKE.
359
00:13:34,614 --> 00:13:37,184
YEAH, YEAH, YEAH I DO.
COOL.
360
00:13:37,284 --> 00:13:40,954
SO THESE TWO GAY GUYS GO
THE FAIR, AND ONE OF THEM SAYS
361
00:13:41,054 --> 00:13:43,090
"LET'S GO ON
THE FERRIS WHEEL,"
362
00:13:43,190 --> 00:13:45,425
AND THE OTHER SAYS "NO, NO,
YOU GO, I'M AFRAID IF HEIGHTS"
363
00:13:45,525 --> 00:13:48,061
SO THE ONE GUY GOES,
AND HE'S GOING AROUND
364
00:13:48,161 --> 00:13:50,397
AND AROUND, BUT SUDDENLY
THE CAR SNAPS OFF
365
00:13:50,497 --> 00:13:51,965
AND FALLS TO THE GROUND,
RIGHT.
366
00:13:52,065 --> 00:13:54,501
THE OTHER GAY GUY RUNS IN,
AND IS LIKE,
367
00:13:54,601 --> 00:13:57,938
"ARE YOU HURT?"
AND THE GUY SAYS
368
00:13:58,038 --> 00:14:00,307
"OF COURSE I'M HURT,
I WAVED THREE TIMES
369
00:14:00,407 --> 00:14:03,877
AND YOU NEVER WAVED BACK."
370
00:14:03,977 --> 00:14:05,445
WELL, GUESS WHAT.
371
00:14:05,545 --> 00:14:08,848
I'M GAY.
372
00:14:08,949 --> 00:14:11,018
REALLY? SO AM I.
373
00:14:16,389 --> 00:14:20,160
I'M NOT REALLY GAY.
374
00:14:20,260 --> 00:14:23,463
EVERYBODY LISTEN UP,
SO, BY A ONE VOTE MARGIN,
375
00:14:23,563 --> 00:14:26,833
THE CUBAN CIGARS
ARE REJECTED, UNFORTUNATELY.
376
00:14:26,934 --> 00:14:29,002
JEFFREY, CAN YOU ARRANGE
A DIFFERENT GIFT, PLEASE.
377
00:14:29,102 --> 00:14:31,238
THANK YOU JEFFERY.
THANKS JEFF.
378
00:14:31,338 --> 00:14:33,473
NO UH-UH,
WAIT A MINUTE.
379
00:14:33,573 --> 00:14:36,276
LOOK AT THAT?
TODD VOTED?
380
00:14:36,376 --> 00:14:38,011
WHAT?
BUT TODD CAN'T VOTE.
381
00:14:38,111 --> 00:14:40,347
EXACTLY IT'S A TIE.
WE GOTTA A TIE.
382
00:14:40,447 --> 00:14:42,049
AND A TIE IS BROKEN
BY THE VICE PRESIDENT
383
00:14:42,149 --> 00:14:46,253
AND I'M VICE PRESIDENT,
384
00:14:46,353 --> 00:14:49,489
SO-- THAT DIDN'T WORK,
HE'S A GAY.
385
00:14:49,589 --> 00:14:51,524
WHOA, WHOA, WHOA WHAT
IS THIS JIM CROW?
386
00:14:51,624 --> 00:14:53,426
I CAN'T BELIEVE WHAT
I'M HEARING HERE.
WHAT?
387
00:14:53,526 --> 00:14:55,828
THAT BLACK GUYS
VOTE DOESN'T COUNT?
388
00:14:55,929 --> 00:14:57,564
AND THAT'S OKAY
WITH ALL OF YOU?
389
00:14:57,664 --> 00:14:58,565
NOW MISS YOU DON'T--
390
00:14:58,665 --> 00:15:00,367
WHAT I DON'T HAVE
THE RIGHT TO SPEAK??
391
00:15:00,467 --> 00:15:02,069
BECAUSE
I'M A WOMAN.
392
00:15:02,169 --> 00:15:04,171
IS THAT WHAT YOU'RE
TRYING TO TELL ME?
393
00:15:04,271 --> 00:15:05,973
HEY TODD IS FROM TORONTO.
394
00:15:06,073 --> 00:15:08,241
NON-CITIZENS CAN'T VOTE,
IT'S IN THE BYLAWS.
395
00:15:08,341 --> 00:15:09,509
I'M SO SORRY.
AND SINCE WHEN--
396
00:15:09,609 --> 00:15:12,980
IS TORONTO IS NOT APART
OF THE UNITED STATES
397
00:15:13,080 --> 00:15:15,115
OF AMERICA?
398
00:15:15,215 --> 00:15:17,117
TODD WHY ARE YOU EVEN HERE?
399
00:15:17,217 --> 00:15:19,953
THESE PEOPLE HATE YOU!
400
00:15:20,053 --> 00:15:22,855
AND YOU GAY GUY,
401
00:15:22,956 --> 00:15:25,525
HAVE SOME SELF RESPECT.
402
00:15:25,625 --> 00:15:27,927
THEY WANNA SILENCE
MY VOICE AS A WOMAN.
403
00:15:28,028 --> 00:15:28,928
AND IF YOU HELP THEM RON
404
00:15:29,029 --> 00:15:29,929
YOU ARE AS BAD
AS THEY ARE.
405
00:15:30,030 --> 00:15:31,598
CONSTANCE,
I TOTALLY UNDERSTAND
406
00:15:31,698 --> 00:15:34,934
AND I TOTALLY RESPECT
YOUR VOICE AS A WOMAN.
407
00:15:35,035 --> 00:15:36,036
THANK YOU.
408
00:15:36,136 --> 00:15:38,105
I JUST THINK FOR NOW,
409
00:15:38,205 --> 00:15:40,107
TO HELP US
BE PROFESSIONAL,
410
00:15:40,207 --> 00:15:44,544
YOU SHOULD JUST STAY BACK HERE
WORK WITH THE FOOD--
411
00:15:44,644 --> 00:15:47,547
DON'T TALK OKAY?
412
00:15:47,647 --> 00:15:49,449
RON, NOW.
413
00:15:53,353 --> 00:15:54,654
I NEED TO JUST--
414
00:15:54,754 --> 00:15:56,489
HEY THIS IS A
GIANT STEP BACK.
415
00:15:56,589 --> 00:15:58,425
DAMMIT! GOSH DARN FUCK!
416
00:15:58,525 --> 00:15:59,526
DIDN'T I SAY NOBODY'S
ALLOWED IN HERE,
417
00:15:59,626 --> 00:16:00,527
DIDN'T I SAY THAT?
418
00:16:00,627 --> 00:16:02,562
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN HERE?
NOTHING.
419
00:16:02,662 --> 00:16:04,897
ROMAN, THIS ROOM
IS OFF LIMITS!
420
00:16:04,998 --> 00:16:07,067
I TOLD YOU,
I SPECIFICALLY TOLD YOU THAT.
421
00:16:07,167 --> 00:16:08,401
I TOLD HIM.
422
00:16:08,501 --> 00:16:09,436
SO GET OUT!
423
00:16:09,536 --> 00:16:10,570
OKAY.
424
00:16:10,670 --> 00:16:12,105
OF THE ROOM.
425
00:16:14,141 --> 00:16:16,443
AND I HAD NO IDEA CONSTANCE
WAS A LIBERAL--
426
00:16:16,543 --> 00:16:18,411
THESE ARE EXCUSES, RON!
427
00:16:18,511 --> 00:16:19,979
I DON'T WANT EXCUSES.
428
00:16:20,080 --> 00:16:21,181
I WANT RESULTS--
429
00:16:21,281 --> 00:16:22,415
I'M SO, SO SORRY--
430
00:16:22,515 --> 00:16:24,484
DON'T APOLOGIZE,
DON'T, DON'T APOLOGIZE!
431
00:16:24,584 --> 00:16:25,552
LET ME TELL YOU SOMETHING,
432
00:16:25,652 --> 00:16:26,686
YOU KNOW WHAT MY FATHER
USED TO SAY ME?
433
00:16:26,786 --> 00:16:29,256
WHEN I WAS JUST A KID.
434
00:16:29,356 --> 00:16:31,258
HE USE TO SAY JEFFERY
"THERE ARE TWO KINDS
435
00:16:31,358 --> 00:16:33,093
OF PEOPLE
IN THIS WORLD,
436
00:16:33,193 --> 00:16:34,594
THERE'RE ACHIEVERS AND FUCK-UPS.
437
00:16:34,694 --> 00:16:36,163
RIGHT, OH.
438
00:16:36,263 --> 00:16:38,265
WHAT DO YOU WANNA BE?"
I WANT TO BE AN ACHIEVER.
439
00:16:38,365 --> 00:16:39,366
AN ACHIEVER.
AN ACHIEVER.
440
00:16:39,466 --> 00:16:40,567
THAT'S WHAT I THOUGHT,
THEN DO WHAT I SAY
441
00:16:40,667 --> 00:16:41,968
NO EXCUSES OKAY?
442
00:16:42,069 --> 00:16:43,436
I NEED YOU TO GET A CASE
OF DANIEL MARSHALL CIGARS.
443
00:16:43,536 --> 00:16:45,405
MADE IN THE USA.
444
00:16:45,505 --> 00:16:47,607
REPLACE THE DON TARGAS
WITH THOSE. OKAY?
445
00:16:47,707 --> 00:16:48,608
GO.
446
00:16:48,708 --> 00:16:50,077
IF YOU MISS HIM,
WE'LL MAIL 'EM.
447
00:16:50,177 --> 00:16:52,645
DANIEL MARSHALL--
WHAT DO YOU MEAN IF I MISS HIM?
448
00:17:01,054 --> 00:17:02,255
ROMAN.
449
00:17:03,190 --> 00:17:04,424
OHH.
450
00:17:10,730 --> 00:17:12,165
BARBEQUE.
451
00:17:15,368 --> 00:17:16,369
CONSTANCE.
452
00:17:16,469 --> 00:17:18,238
RON, I SWEAR TO GOD IF
YOU ASK ME TO GO OUT THERE
453
00:17:18,338 --> 00:17:19,306
AND APOLOGIZE
TO THOSE PIGS,
454
00:17:19,406 --> 00:17:20,740
I WILL STAB YOU IN THE FACE.
455
00:17:20,840 --> 00:17:22,509
FORGET ABOUT
THE CONSERVATIVES.
456
00:17:22,609 --> 00:17:23,676
I NEED YOU TO RUN OUT
AND I NEED YOU TO GET ME
457
00:17:23,776 --> 00:17:25,312
A BOX OF
DANIEL MARSHALL CIGARS
458
00:17:25,412 --> 00:17:27,147
AS QUICKLY AS POSSIBLE
459
00:17:27,247 --> 00:17:28,415
THEY'RE FOR ARNOLD.
460
00:17:28,515 --> 00:17:31,251
DO I GET TO MEET HIM?
461
00:17:31,351 --> 00:17:32,552
I'LL INTRODUCE YOU
BUT YOU CANNOT SPEAK.
462
00:17:32,652 --> 00:17:33,986
OKAY, GO. GO.
463
00:17:34,087 --> 00:17:35,322
YES!
464
00:17:37,524 --> 00:17:40,493
ROMAN, NOT ONLY IS
THIS AGAINST THE RULES,
465
00:17:40,593 --> 00:17:42,562
BUT YOU GOT BBQ SAUCE
ON THE AMERICAN FLAG.
466
00:17:42,662 --> 00:17:46,499
YOU KNOW THE RULES,
WHAT' AM I GONNA SAY?
467
00:17:46,599 --> 00:17:47,567
DON'T EAT THEIR FOOD.
468
00:17:47,667 --> 00:17:48,668
OKAY THAT, TOO.
469
00:17:48,768 --> 00:17:49,669
SO THAT'S THREE THINGS.
470
00:17:49,769 --> 00:17:53,206
SO THAT'S TRIPLE
PROBATION FOR YOU.
471
00:17:53,306 --> 00:17:54,507
SHIT.
472
00:18:09,889 --> 00:18:12,425
HEY LOVE YOU.
473
00:18:12,525 --> 00:18:13,726
NICE.
474
00:18:17,664 --> 00:18:19,432
SO THOSE GUYS CALLED
YOU A QUITTER?
475
00:18:19,532 --> 00:18:21,033
UM YEAH.
476
00:18:21,134 --> 00:18:24,304
THESE GUYS ARE A BUNCH
OF LOSERS TOO.
477
00:18:24,404 --> 00:18:26,373
I DON'T KNOW, THEY SEEM LIKE
A PRETTY TOGETHER BUNCH.
478
00:18:26,473 --> 00:18:29,209
YEAH, THEY'RE
FOOLING THEMSELVES.
479
00:18:29,309 --> 00:18:30,643
YOU THINK ALL THIS
BULLSHIT ABOUT HARD WORK
480
00:18:30,743 --> 00:18:32,812
ACHIEVING MEANS SOMETHING,
BUT IT DOESN'T.
481
00:18:32,912 --> 00:18:34,714
THE UNIVERSE
IS COMPLETELY RANDOM.
482
00:18:34,814 --> 00:18:36,549
PARTICLES COLLIDING
AT RANDOM.
483
00:18:36,649 --> 00:18:37,850
BLIND CHANCE.
484
00:18:39,819 --> 00:18:41,120
SO YOU DIDN'T MAKE IT.
485
00:18:41,221 --> 00:18:44,691
NO BIG DEAL, NOT YOUR
FAULT, SHIT'S RANDOM.
486
00:18:46,793 --> 00:18:48,828
THANKS ROMAN I FEEL
A LOT BETTER.
487
00:18:48,928 --> 00:18:51,598
YOU GOT IT.
488
00:18:51,698 --> 00:18:54,201
WHEN I'M HUGE,
489
00:18:54,301 --> 00:18:55,702
I'M GONNA REALLY ENJOY
490
00:18:55,802 --> 00:18:58,471
FUCKIN' WITH
THESE PERVERTS.
491
00:19:04,844 --> 00:19:06,546
OH NO.
492
00:19:06,646 --> 00:19:08,281
NO, NO, NO, NO.
493
00:19:08,381 --> 00:19:13,520
NO, NO, NO.
494
00:19:13,620 --> 00:19:15,488
AWE F--
495
00:19:15,588 --> 00:19:17,657
MOTHAFUCKER!
496
00:19:33,406 --> 00:19:34,441
HEY RON I GOT
THE CIGARS.
497
00:19:34,541 --> 00:19:36,943
COME ON GET DOWN,
GET DOWN!
498
00:19:39,812 --> 00:19:42,549
PLEASE TELL ME YOU GOT
THE DANIEL MARSHALLS.
499
00:19:42,649 --> 00:19:43,816
OH YEAH THEY HAD
DANIEL MARSHALLS.
500
00:19:43,916 --> 00:19:45,818
THE STORE MANAGER,
501
00:19:45,918 --> 00:19:47,687
TOLD ME TO GET YOU THESE.
502
00:19:47,787 --> 00:19:49,256
DON TARGAS
FROM CUBA.
503
00:19:49,356 --> 00:19:51,424
THESE ARE THE BEST
CIGARS IN THE WORLD!
504
00:19:56,963 --> 00:20:00,633
TAKE OFF THE LABELS POUR
THE BOX INTO THE BRIEFCASE.
505
00:20:08,708 --> 00:20:11,311
TWO FREEDOM-TINIS.
506
00:20:11,411 --> 00:20:13,145
I NEED A BOTTLE OF GRAIN
ALCOHOL AND A LIGHTER.
507
00:20:13,246 --> 00:20:14,180
WHAT?
508
00:20:14,281 --> 00:20:16,616
JUST DO IT AND COME WITH ME.
509
00:20:16,716 --> 00:20:17,917
PLEASE.
510
00:20:20,820 --> 00:20:23,323
OKAY, LOOK FOR DIRT. ROCKS.
ANYTHING GRIMY.
511
00:20:23,423 --> 00:20:25,292
ASHES WOULD BE GOOD.
512
00:20:25,392 --> 00:20:28,328
OR CINDERS OR ANY KIND
OF DARK DUST.
513
00:20:28,428 --> 00:20:29,729
DARK DUST WOULD BE GOOD.
514
00:20:29,829 --> 00:20:31,364
ASHES WOULD BE NICE.
515
00:20:31,464 --> 00:20:32,865
AH, AH CINDERS.
516
00:20:32,965 --> 00:20:36,235
CINDERS WOULD BE--
CINDERS WOULD BE GOOD
517
00:20:41,741 --> 00:20:42,942
WHAT ARE YOU DOING?
518
00:20:43,042 --> 00:20:44,577
HENRY, HENRY,
519
00:20:44,677 --> 00:20:47,514
THEY HAD THIS FLAG, SPECIAL
FLAG FROM A BATTLE IN IRAQ
520
00:20:47,614 --> 00:20:48,515
AND THEY WERE GONNA GIVE
IT TO THE GOVERNOR,
521
00:20:48,615 --> 00:20:50,249
AND SOMETHING
HAPPENED TO IT.
522
00:20:50,350 --> 00:20:54,287
SO WHAT-- WE'RE GONNA GET DRUNK
AND DESECRATE THIS ONE?
523
00:20:54,387 --> 00:20:56,956
OH WHAT AM I SPEAKING
ANOTHER GOD DAMN LANGUAGE?
524
00:20:57,056 --> 00:20:59,191
THE GOVERNOR'S GONNA BE
HERE ANY MINUTE, OKAY,
525
00:20:59,292 --> 00:21:00,827
WE NEED TO MAKE IT LOOK LIKE
THIS FLAG HAS BEEN UNDER FIRE.
526
00:21:00,927 --> 00:21:01,828
OKAY.
527
00:21:01,928 --> 00:21:06,866
TEAR IT UP, DIRTY IT
UP, BULLET HOLES, BURNS.
528
00:21:06,966 --> 00:21:09,636
GIVE ME THE BOOZE
AND GIVE ME YOUR LIGHTER.
529
00:21:12,572 --> 00:21:15,575
THAT'S WHEN WE'D GO TO THESE
ORCHARDS AND PICK APPLES.
530
00:21:15,675 --> 00:21:18,210
I KNOW IT'S CORNY
BUT IT'S JUST SO PRETTY.
531
00:21:18,311 --> 00:21:20,513
AND THE AIR IS ALL CRISP.
532
00:21:20,613 --> 00:21:22,281
AND YOU GET SEASONS,
YOU KNOW,
533
00:21:22,382 --> 00:21:23,483
I MISS SEASONS.
534
00:21:23,583 --> 00:21:26,353
YEAH, I MISS SEASONS, TOO.
535
00:21:26,453 --> 00:21:27,820
AND IT IS REALLY PRETTY.
536
00:21:27,920 --> 00:21:29,389
BUT IT'S BORING RIGHT,
COME ON?
537
00:21:29,489 --> 00:21:31,391
IT'S SO BORING
IT'S SMALL.
NO, NO.
538
00:21:31,491 --> 00:21:34,561
I'VE LIVED THERE FOR 18 YEARS
I WASN'T BORED A SINGLE DAY.
539
00:21:34,661 --> 00:21:35,862
OH THERE YOU ARE.
540
00:21:35,962 --> 00:21:37,630
HEY.
HEY.
541
00:21:37,730 --> 00:21:39,766
THIS IS CASEY.
542
00:21:39,866 --> 00:21:41,901
I WAS JUST TELLING HER
HOW GREAT VERMONT IS.
543
00:21:42,001 --> 00:21:43,636
SHE'S GONNA MOVE
TO BURLINGTON.
544
00:21:43,736 --> 00:21:44,904
AWE SO YOU
ARE GONNA QUIT.
545
00:21:45,004 --> 00:21:47,006
HER HUSBAND GOT
A JOB THERE.
546
00:21:47,106 --> 00:21:48,541
I WAS JUST SAYING
HOW GOOD A PLACE IT IS
547
00:21:48,641 --> 00:21:49,642
TO RAISE A FAMILY
AND STUFF.
548
00:21:49,742 --> 00:21:51,344
RIGHT, GREAT.
549
00:21:51,444 --> 00:21:52,779
YEAH, WE'RE ACTUALLY
MOVING BACK AFTER GRADUATION.
550
00:21:52,879 --> 00:21:53,780
NO WAY.
MM-HMM.
551
00:21:53,880 --> 00:21:55,782
UM ACTUALLY WE'RE
GONNA GO TO D.C.
552
00:21:55,882 --> 00:21:57,316
I GOT THAT INTERNSHIP.
553
00:21:59,419 --> 00:22:00,920
WHAT?
I THOUGHT YOU'D
BE EXCITED.
554
00:22:01,020 --> 00:22:03,656
SO WHEN I GOT MY INTERNSHIP,
YOU WERE ALL FOR
555
00:22:03,756 --> 00:22:05,425
FAMILY VALUES
AND VERMONT.
556
00:22:05,525 --> 00:22:07,259
BUT NOW THAT YOU HAVE
YOUR INTERNSHIP, IT'S OK.
557
00:22:07,360 --> 00:22:09,662
SERIOUSLY.
WE'RE MOVING TO
VERMONT GREG.
558
00:22:09,762 --> 00:22:11,698
THAT WAS THE PLAN,
SCREW D.C.
559
00:22:11,798 --> 00:22:12,999
HEATHER--
560
00:22:13,099 --> 00:22:14,266
HOW CAN YOU BE
SO SELFISH?
561
00:22:14,367 --> 00:22:15,668
IT'S SELFISH TO WORK
HARD AND SUCCEED?
562
00:22:15,768 --> 00:22:17,637
YES, WHAT DOES YOUR
CAREER HAVE TO DO WITH US?
563
00:22:17,737 --> 00:22:20,272
FAMILY VALUES GREG, THAT'S WHAT
MADE THIS COUNTRY GREAT.
564
00:22:20,373 --> 00:22:22,809
WHAT THE FUCK???
565
00:22:22,909 --> 00:22:24,577
YOU DON'T HAVE TO
RUN AROUND MAN.
566
00:22:24,677 --> 00:22:26,012
DON'T JUST STAND THERE.
567
00:22:26,112 --> 00:22:28,014
COME ON HENRY, YOU COULD BE
TWO THINGS IN LIFE..
568
00:22:28,114 --> 00:22:31,451
YOU CAN BE AN ACHIEVER
OR YOU CAN BE A FUCK-UP.
569
00:22:31,551 --> 00:22:33,553
AND UH, WHICH ONE ARE
YOU BEING RIGHT NOW?
570
00:22:33,653 --> 00:22:34,887
I'M AN ACHIEVER!
571
00:22:34,987 --> 00:22:36,823
OKAY, THEN I AM
DEFINITELY A FUCK-UP,
572
00:22:36,923 --> 00:22:40,693
AND STANDING HERE WATCHING YOU
LIGHT A FLAG ON FIRE
573
00:22:40,793 --> 00:22:43,563
IN A PARKING LOT,
I FEEL KIND OF OKAY ABOUT IT.
574
00:22:43,663 --> 00:22:45,532
HENRY DON'T BE A QUITTER,
DON'T BE A QUITTER,
575
00:22:45,632 --> 00:22:46,699
DO SOMETHING.
576
00:22:46,799 --> 00:22:48,000
DO SOMETHING.
577
00:22:52,905 --> 00:22:55,975
YOU CAN PUT THAT ONE NEXT TO YOU
AND ARNOLD SHAKING HANDS.
578
00:23:11,758 --> 00:23:13,693
I AM SO, SO SORRY.
579
00:23:13,793 --> 00:23:14,961
YOU'RE SORRY?
580
00:23:15,061 --> 00:23:16,729
RON, YOU WERE BURNING
AN AMERICAN FLAG.
581
00:23:16,829 --> 00:23:19,799
FOR ARNOLD SCHWARZENEGGER.
582
00:23:19,899 --> 00:23:22,401
AND THIS LIGHTER IT'S
EVEN MINE, IT'S HENRY'S.
583
00:23:22,502 --> 00:23:23,603
NO IT'S NOT.
584
00:23:23,703 --> 00:23:24,804
LIAR.
585
00:23:24,904 --> 00:23:26,338
WHAT DID I SAY
ABOUT EXCUSES, HUH?
586
00:23:26,439 --> 00:23:27,840
(MUMBLING)
587
00:23:27,940 --> 00:23:28,875
YOU'RE AGAINST THEM...
588
00:23:28,975 --> 00:23:30,042
HATE THEM.
589
00:23:30,142 --> 00:23:31,878
EXCUSE ME GENTLEMEN, IS ONE
OF YOU JEFFERY ELLES?
590
00:23:31,978 --> 00:23:33,880
THAT'S ME. HI.
591
00:23:33,980 --> 00:23:37,416
HI, DAN WISNER, WITH
THE GOVERNOR'S OFFICE.
592
00:23:37,517 --> 00:23:39,552
THE GOVERNOR'S BEEN HELD UP
ON A LEGISLATIVE EMERGENCY.
593
00:23:39,652 --> 00:23:40,753
AND WON'T BE ABLE TO COME,
594
00:23:40,853 --> 00:23:45,958
BUT I WANTED TO
THANK YOU FOR--
595
00:23:46,058 --> 00:23:50,763
AH-- PART OF OUR GIFT FOR.
GOVERNOR SCHWARZENEGGER
596
00:23:52,031 --> 00:23:52,965
[ clearing throat ]
597
00:23:53,065 --> 00:23:59,438
ANYONE KNOW
HOW TO FOLD THIS?
598
00:23:59,539 --> 00:24:01,140
SO NO ARNOLD, RIGHT?
599
00:24:17,890 --> 00:24:21,594
YOU KNOW BEING IN THERE
IT WAS LIKE IT WAS 1776,
600
00:24:21,694 --> 00:24:25,031
AND I WAS THE JANITOR
IN CONSTITUTION HALL.
601
00:24:25,131 --> 00:24:27,734
IT WAS AH--
IT WAS AMAZING.
602
00:24:27,834 --> 00:24:28,835
WELL IT SOUNDS AMAZING.
603
00:24:28,935 --> 00:24:31,571
YEAH.
604
00:24:31,671 --> 00:24:33,840
SO VERMONT, SEEMED OKAY
605
00:24:33,940 --> 00:24:35,942
VERMONT SOUNDED VERY OKAY.
606
00:24:36,042 --> 00:24:37,443
IT'S VERY NICE
607
00:24:37,544 --> 00:24:40,079
I LIKED IT IN YOU KNOW
A FAMILY VALUES KIND OF WAY.
608
00:24:40,179 --> 00:24:42,849
IT'S NOT REALLY VERMONT,
THAT'S THE PROBLEM.
609
00:24:42,949 --> 00:24:43,883
WHAT'S THE PROBLEM?
610
00:24:43,983 --> 00:24:45,051
MY WHOLE THING.
611
00:24:45,151 --> 00:24:47,754
LIKE THE WHOLE,
"DO TELL ME WHAT TO DO."
612
00:24:47,854 --> 00:24:49,055
YOU KNOW WHICH MAKES
ME AUTOMATICALLY
613
00:24:49,155 --> 00:24:50,990
VERY ANTI-FAMILY VALUES.
614
00:24:51,090 --> 00:24:52,525
YOU KNOW AND THEN
615
00:24:52,625 --> 00:24:54,093
THERE'S THE IF I GIVE
UP MY CAREER
616
00:24:54,193 --> 00:24:55,962
I'D BECOME
A WEAK-WILLED QUITTER.
617
00:24:56,062 --> 00:24:58,965
WELL YOU SEE, THAT IS WHY
I WAS NEVER A CONSERVATIVE.
618
00:24:59,065 --> 00:25:00,733
BECAUSE YOU CAN'T
WIN WITH THESE GUYS.
619
00:25:00,833 --> 00:25:01,701
YOU CAN'T WIN WITH THEM.
620
00:25:01,801 --> 00:25:02,835
IT'S IMPOSSIBLE.
621
00:25:02,935 --> 00:25:04,136
NEARLY IMPOSSIBLE.
622
00:25:06,939 --> 00:25:08,775
OKAY, DO YOU WANT MY ADVICE
CAUSE YOU KIND OF--
623
00:25:08,875 --> 00:25:09,842
WELL IT KIND OF SEEMS
LIKE YOU DO NOW.
624
00:25:09,942 --> 00:25:11,477
NO, I DON'T, I DON'T
WANT YOUR ADVICE.
625
00:25:11,578 --> 00:25:13,012
YOU'RE A QUITTER, WHY WOULD I
TAKE THE ADVICE OF A QUITTER?
626
00:25:13,112 --> 00:25:14,714
I PREFER FUCK UP, ACTUALLY.
627
00:25:14,814 --> 00:25:15,982
OH A FUCK UP.
WELL FUCK UP,
628
00:25:16,082 --> 00:25:17,684
I ALREADY KNOW
WHAT YOU'RE GONNA SAY.
629
00:25:17,784 --> 00:25:18,818
OR REALLY?
630
00:25:18,918 --> 00:25:20,019
OKAY, WHAT AM I GONNA SAY?
631
00:25:20,119 --> 00:25:23,823
YOU'RE GONNA SAY,
GO DO THE FAMILY VALUES THING.
632
00:25:23,923 --> 00:25:25,858
GO DO THAT,
DON'T BECOME ME,
633
00:25:25,958 --> 00:25:27,126
DON'T FOLLOW THIS PATH.
634
00:25:27,226 --> 00:25:31,063
NO, NO, NO, NO ACTUALLY,
635
00:25:31,163 --> 00:25:32,965
I THINK YOU SHOULD STAY.
636
00:25:36,335 --> 00:25:37,737
REALLY?
637
00:25:38,838 --> 00:25:40,673
NAW, JUST KIDDING.
638
00:26:03,062 --> 00:26:04,797
"TERROR BIRD."
639
00:26:04,897 --> 00:26:06,498
HMM.
640
00:26:06,599 --> 00:26:09,669
*
641
00:26:16,643 --> 00:26:19,712
*
642
00:26:36,663 --> 00:26:39,732
*
643
00:26:48,941 --> 00:26:51,978
T-R-E-E, TREE.
44650
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