Original subtitles

DO YOU KNOW WHAT YOU GET

WHEN YOU HIRE A PARTY DOWN CATERING TEAM?

AT PARTY DOWN, WE HAVE A SIMPLE MOTTO:

IT'S YOUR PARTY, YOU DESERVE TO ENJOY IT,

BUT HOW ARE YOU GOING TO ENJOY THE PARTY

IF YOU'RE WORRIED ABOUT WHETHER THE SHRIMP COCKTAIL'S

BEEN SITTING OUT TOO LONG OR IS THERE ENOUGH ICE

OR DO THE GUESTS THINK THE PARTY IS LAME,

ARE THEY STEALING STUFF,

OR GOING THROUGH THE MEDICINE CABINETS BECAUSE THEY'RE NOSY

OR BECAUSE THEY MIGHT FIND SOMETHING

THAT'LL GIVE'EM A ROCKIN' BUZZ.

I USED TO DO THAT LAST THING, NOT ANYMORE.

CLEAN AND SOBER.

UM WOW, THAT, THAT, THAT IS QUITE A MOTTO, MR...

DONALD.

RON DONALD.

RON DONALD, NICE TO MEET YOU.

OH.

HEY OKAY NO, NO, NO--

WHY DO THEY DO THESE SO TIGHT, YOU KNOW?

OKAY NO, NO, NO.

LOOK AT THIS.

CLEAN STICK.

THERE WILL BE NO FROWNS TODAY.

OKAY LEAVE THE FROWNING TO US.

HEY THAT SHOULD BE PART OF OUR MOTTO,

WHAT DO YOU THINK?

MR. DONALD, YOU ARE...

EFFICIENT. OH

IT, IT SEEMS LIKE YOU'VE GOT YOUR CLIENT

FEEDBACK CARD ALREADY WRITTEN!

OKAY PEOPLE, EYES FORWARD,

WE'VE GOT A LOT TO COVER.

CHILL, BUZZ KILL! YOU AIN'T MY MOMS.

THEY'RE GONNA RIP YOU A NEW ONE, T--

OKAY PEOPLE EYES FORWARD.

THINK I AIN'T PRIVY TO THAT INFO?

PRIVY. PRIVY TO THAT INFO.

THAT'S WHY THEY CALL IT THE PALISADES, BRO--

OKAY, KYLE YOU REALLY HAVE TO COMMIT TO THAT MOMENT.

YOU KNOW WHAT GENE HACKMAN SAID TO ME.

WHEN WE WERE SHOOTING "LUCKY LADY?"

HE SAID YOU SHOULD BE COMMITTED--"

CONSTANCE!

HE GOT A CALLBACK FOR THE PALISADES, RON.

WE'RE RUNNING THE SCENE--

OH HEY WELL, INSTEAD OF RUNNING THE SCENE

HOW ABOUT WE RUN SOME BRUCHETTA.

IS THAT...

OKAY UH--

NEXT THING THE RACIAL SENSITIVITY SEMINAR.

I TOOK IT YOU GUYS SHOULD TAKE IT,

I LEARNED THINGS THAT BLEW MY MIND.

YEAH LIKE WHAT?

"MEXICAN." NOT OFFENSIVE--

CONSTANCE, WHAT ARE YOU--

WHAT DID-- WHAT DID I SAY?

IT'S THEIR CHEESE, NOT OUR CHEESE--

RIGHT, SO THE GUEST RUNS OUT OF CHEESE--

HOW ARE YOU GOING TO FEEL ABOUT THAT?

TERRIBLE.

RIGHT, SO, SPIT IT OUT.

LAST THING, GUYS, YOU'RE GONNA LOVE THIS,

HOSTESS SAID WE COULD PUT OUT THE TIP JAR TONIGHT--

OH COME ON.

I KNOW WHAT YOU'RE GOING TO SAY--

YEAH, LET'S TAKE THE GUARANTEED TWENTY.

OR, WHY DON'T WE BET ON OURSELVES?

BET ON SUCCESS!

BECAUSE WE ALWAYS LOSE.

UH AND MAYBE WE SHOULD TRY HARDER, HOW ABOUT THAT?

TRY HARDER.

HEY, THERE HE IS.

HENRY POLLARD, EVERYBODY, HUH.

HEY OKAY, COME ON.

[ grunting sounds ]

YEAH HENRY AND I USE TO SLING DEVOURS, BACK IN THE DAY.

REMEMBER THAT? HUH?

BEFORE HE LEFT TO BE A BIG STAR. BUT NOW HE'S BACK!

WHERE'S YOUR SHIRT?

I'M SORRY. YOUR SHIRT?

WHERE'S YOUR SHIRT?

YEAH, YEAH, THEY SAID WHITE SHIRT--

YEAH, SO A CRISP WHITE SHIRT.

CRISP, CRISP.

IT LOOKS LIKE YOU WERE SLEEPING IN THIS THING?

IN A FOREST? SORRY.

I'LL TELL YOU WHAT, NO WORRIES.

I GOT A BACKUP IN THE VAN.

WOW, TEAM LEADER, HUH RON.

YEAH WELL A LOT CAN HAPPEN IN EIGHT YEARS, MY MAN.

YEAH.

A LITTLE RUSTY.

UH YEAH PROBABLY.

IT'LL COME BACK YA.

GOOD LORD, YOU HAVEN'T CHANGED.

OH NO, UNFORTUNATELY, YOU THOUGH--

YOU LOOK-- DIFFERENT? YEAH.

I KNOW UH, RIGHT.

IT'S NEW RON.

YEAH, THE BOOZING AND THE DRINKING

AND GETTING HIGH IN THE VAN, I'M DONE WITH THAT.

YOU KNOW HOW YOU WERE GONNA BE AN ACTOR?

HOW YOU, HOW YOU HAD A DREAM? VAGUELY--

WELL, NOW I HAVE A DREAM,

I'M GONNA RUN A SOUP R' CRACKERS FRANCHISE.

WHAT? THE ALL YOU CAN EAT SALAD PLACE?

AND SOUP, THEY'RE KNOWN FOR THEIR SOUP.

THEY HAVE SALADS BUT THEY'RE KNOWN FOR THEIR SOUP.

OH.

I WAS TALKING TO ALLEN, MR. DUCK ABOUT IT.

OWNER OF PARTY DOWN,

HE SAID IF I SHOW THAT I'M A GOOD TEAM LEADER,

THAT AH, HE'LL GO PARTNERS WITH ME--

GOD YOU'RE JUST DESTROYING THE LIMES.

DON'T TOUCH ANYTHING.

WATCH A PRO, OKAY HERE WE GO.

MOVE OVER... REALLY?

YEAH.

ALL RIGHT, ALL RIGHT, YOU SEE THIS?

YOU SEE THE GRAIN?

THE A--

I WASN'T AWARE A LIME HAD A GRAIN RON, BUT--

YOU HAVE MUCH TO LEARN YOUNG JEDI.

THE A LIME'S GRAIN RUNS NORTH/SOUTH.

NIPPLE TO NIPPLE.

THE WAY YOU WERE DOING IT WAS LIKE

HACK, HACK, HACK--

I TOLD YOU THREE TIMES THAT I WAS AT IMPROV

THAT IS WHY.

HEY.

YOU KNOW WHAT THAT IS?

I WILL CALL YOU BACK. JESUS.

PERSONAL BUSINESS ON COMPANY TIME.

WHICH IS WHAT?

HEARTILY ENCOURAGED?

FORBIDDEN AND YOU'RE LATE.

FOR THE SECOND TIME.

SO THAT'S YOUR FINAL WARNING.

WHO'S THIS? WHAT HAPPENED TO SAGE?

OH UH--

SAGE WAS CAUGHT DOING THAT THING,

SO HE HAD TO LET HIM GO.

THIS IS HENRY POLLARD.

OUR NEW TEAM MEMBER.

SO I JUST WANNA BE CLEAR,

SAGE GOT FIVE WARNINGS FOR

MASTURBATING IN CLOSETS? WHY DO WE HAVE TO SAY THE WORD?

AND I'M ON LAST WARNING ALREADY

EVEN THOUGH I'VE ONLY BEEN LATE TWO TIMES?

HI, I'M CASEY KLEIN.

HELLO. HI.

AH GOING FOR YOUR OWN LOOK, I SEE.

YEAH, THOUGHT I'D GO FOR THE HELPFUL

GAY PIRATE KIND OF THING.

YOU DON'T LOOK HELPFUL.

ACTUALLY, I LEARNED THIS AT THE SENSITIVITY SEMINAR,

THAT WE DON'T USE THAT WORD.

OKAY, I MEAN, I'M NOT, BUT WE DON'T KNOW WHO--

MAY BE, YOU KNOW--

A PIRATE? HELPFUL?

GAY.

UH-OOW!

IS THAT LITTLE FRIED CHICKENS?

GORDON, YOU AREN'T WEARING THAT?

WHAT?

YOU LOOK LIKE A HOMELESS PERSON.

WHAT ABOUT THE NICE PLEATED SHORTS I GOT YOU?

AND ARE YOU PLANNING ON SHAVING?

AHH! THE GUESTS ARE GONNA BE HERE ANY MINUTE.

I'M WITH YOU, ON THE SHORTS, LIKE THE MOTTO SAYS,

IT'S YOUR PARTY AND YOU DESERVE TO HAVE A GOOD TIME.

YES, EXCELLENT--

OH EXCELLENT I LIKE THAT WORD,

USE THAT WORD FOR THE FEEDBACK CARD.

WE'LL BE HAVING VIDEO?

YEP, GETTING IT.

VIOLA.

HEY LOOK, YOU'RE A STAR.

OH, WHO'S THE HOSTESS WITH THE MOSTEST?

I THINK WE'RE LOOKING AT HER, HUH?

* WE'RE DANCING WITH THE STARS, WE'RE DANCING WITH THE STARS *

* WE'RE ALL GOOD FRIENDS AND WE'RE DANCING WITH THE STARS *

HUH? THAT'S GOOD FUN.

OKAY WE'RE GONNA STOP.

WE'RE STARS--

AH STOP!

GRAB SOME CHEESE.

OKAY, I CAN. YES.

CUT.

[ INDISTINCT CONVERSATIONS ]

GO FOR IT, DUDE.

SURE SHE'S GONNA SEE THE CREEP WORKING HER PARENTS' PARTY

WITH THE TECHNO CD'S AND "RETURN TO GORM"

AND REALIZE YOU GUYS ARE SOUL MATES.

OOH, IN TO ME.

HEY, YOU LOOK A LITTLE OUT OF PLACE.

NO KIDDING.

SORRY, MY BAD.

I GOT IT.

CONSTANCE, WILL YOU GET THIS MAN SOME FRIED CHI--

SOME APPETIZERS THAT ARE NOT SHRIMP.

HI, LIDDY, SUPER PARTY.

SAY HELLO TO MY LITTLE FRIEND!

[ screaming ]

SO IT'LL BE A CHI-POODLE, OR A LABRA-DOODLE,

OR A GOLDEN RETROODLE-- I LIKE WORKING WITH HYBRIDS.

BECAUSE THEY SURPRISE YOU.

EVERYDAY IS LIKE HAVING A DIFFERENT DOG.

HEY,

BEER ME.

I TAKE IT YOU'RE A REGULAR.

I DON'T KNOW WHO THOSE PEOPLE ARE,

BUT THEY'RE KILLING MY BUZZ.

YOU LOOK FAMILIAR TO ME.

YOU AN ACTOR?

JUST ONE OF THOSE FACES.

ORDINARY FUCKING PEOPLE, RIGHT?

YOU'RE HENRY, RIGHT? - YEAH.

ROMAN. HEY MAN.

WHAT'S UP?

CAN I GET A SPARKLING WATER?

NICE PLEATED SHORTS, RIGHT?

PUNCHING THE CLOCK AT OMNI- CORP

TO MAKE YOUR MORTGAGE ON THIS JOINT,

MAYBE ONE DAY BUY A SKI-DO.

I'D RATHER SHOOT MYSELF.

YEAH WELL IT MIGHT BE NICE TO OWN A HOUSE.

THIS DUMP?

ORDINARY FUCKING PEOPLE.

YOU KNOW?

OH-- REPO MAN?

NICE.

ME AND YOU ARE PROBABLY THE ONLY

TWO PEOPLE HERE THAT WOULD GET THAT. PERHAPS.

CHARDONNAY AND A G'N T.

GET WHAT?

"ORDINARY FUCKING PEOPLE."

YEAH, I KNOW THAT MOVIE.

THE GUY'S BROTHER DROWNS.

YOU IDIOT, THAT'S ORDINARY PEOPLE.

YEAH.

WATCH THIS GUY, HE ALWAYS THINKS

'CAUSE HE'S A WRITER,

HE'S THE ONLY ONE WHO KNOWS ANYTHING.

"THAT'S WHY THEY CALL IT THE PALISADES, BRO."

THAT'S WHY YOU CAN'T SELL A DECENT SCRIPT.

'CAUSE EVERYONE IS COMPLETELY STUPID.

NO ONE KNOWS REPO MAN, BUT

THEY'LL HIRE THIS IDIOT FOR A SHOW

ABOUT DEFENSIVE WALLS--

WELL, GOOD THING IT'S NOT ABOUT WALLS.

THAT'S WHAT "PALISADES" MEANS.

OKAY, MAYBE IT'S NOT AS COOL

AS YOUR SCRIPT ABOUT WORMS...

WORMHOLES.

HAVE YOU EVER HEARD OF PHYSICS?

A TEAR IN THE FABRIC OF TIME.

ROMAN. WORMHOLE.

WHAT AM I NOT HEARING?

I DON'T KNOW, A SQUID?

THERE ARE OTHER OPTIONS, I SUPPOSE.

MUSIC, PRONTO. ALL RIGHT.

OH, HEY RON DO WANT ME TO HAUL THIS TRASH OUT TO THE STREET?

NAH. THEY HAVE A COMPACTOR IN THEIR KITCHEN.

THEY'LL HAVE ONE OF THEIR MEXICANS

TAKE IT OUT IN THE MORNING.

AH, WHITE WINE, PLEASE

COMING RIGHT UP.

HEY, I KNOW YOU?

YOU LOOK SO FAMILIAR TO ME.

I WAS THINKING THE EXACT SAME THING.

THAT KIND OF FACE.

INTERESTING.

MILF ACTION, NICE.

THE ONLY PERK OF THE JOB RIGHT THERE. YEAH?

"IF MUSIC IS THE FOOD OF LOVE, PLAY IT."

I'M WAY INTO SHAKESPEARE.

YEAH? YEAH, I'M AN ACTOR.

YOU EVER HEARD OF KARMA ROCKET?

NO. THAT'S MY BAND.

AND YOU KNOW, I DO SOME MODELING AND STUFF TOO.

SO THAT'S PRETTY COOL.

SO-- YOU'RE LIKE IN THE OVERALL

HANDSOME BUSINESS.

YEAH. ALL RIGHT.

YOU AN ACTOR?

RON SAID YOU WERE A STAR OR SOMETHING?

NO, NO, NO, NOT REALLY.

WHO'S YOUR AGENT?

STATE FARM. AWESOME,

THEY GIVE YOU SOME GOOD AUDITIONS AND STUFF?

I...DON'T REALLY ACT ANYMORE.

THAT'S COOL. UM,

SO WHAT ARE YOU DOING NOW?

UH...BARTENDING.

DUDE, NICE.

WHERE?

HERE.

WHAT AM I GOING TO DO IN BURLINGTON,

STAND-UP COMEDY TRAFFIC SCHOOL?

LOOK, I HAVE TO GO, OKAY--

BECAUSE YOU KNOW THAT I CAN'T TALK TO YOU AT WORK.

MIKE, MIKE, NO!

DO NOT COME HERE...

DAMNIT.

SO I KNOW I DON'T KNOW YOU AT ALL,

BUT COULD YOU HELP ME OUT WITH SOMETHING?

BOYFRIEND TROUBLE?

HUSBAND-- TROUBLE.

IT'S LIKE A BUNCH OF STUPID DRAMA,

YOU DON'T WANNA KNOW ABOUT,

BUT HE MIGHT COME HERE,

AND I JUST CAN'T HAVE HIM CAUSING THIS BIG, HUGE SCENE

'CAUSE LIKE RON'S TOTALLY ON MY ASS.

SO IF YOU SEE A PISSED OFF THIRTY-ISH GUY WITH BROWN HAIR.

I WILL GIVE A HEADS UP.

IT WILL GIVE ME A SENSE OF PURPOSE, WHICH I COULD USE.

GREAT.

I APPRECIATE IT.

NEW GUY I TOTALLY FORGOT YOUR NAME.

THAT'S FUNNY, BECAUSE, PEOPLE USUALLY REMEMBER IT.

WHY'S THAT?

IT'S SCROTUM PHILLIPS.

HA.

HENRY. RIGHT.

AND YOU'RE NOT EVEN THE NEW GUY.

'CAUSE YOU, YOU WORKED WITH RON.

EIGHT YEARS AGO, YES, THANK YOU FOR REMINDING ME.

WOW.

SO, DO YOU ACT?

WHY, I LOOK FAMILIAR?

YOU DO.

AND YOU SMOKE PARLIAMENTS.

I DABBLED.

ARE YOU?

A PROFESSIONAL WAITER? I'M NOT.

NO, NO, NO, I'M A COMEDIAN.

OH.

I FIGURED THAT MY NATURAL HILARIOUSNESS

WOULD HAVE TIPPED YOU OFF BY NOW.

RIGHT, RIGHT.

WAIT A MINUTE.

WERE YOU THAT--?

WERE YOU THAT GUY?

YES. I WAS.

YOU WERE, YOU WERE I TOTALLY THAT G--

THAT IS BANANAS.

I REMEMBER THAT!

I REMEMBER YOU.

YEAH.

WHAT'RE YOU DOING WORKING HERE?

WELL, YOU REMEMBER ME FROM ANYTHING ELSE?

[ clapping ]

CONGRATULATIONS.

AND THE AWARD FOR BEST CHRISTMAS DECORATIONS GOES TO...

THE WISEMANS.

THE WISEMANS.

[ cheering ]

WE LOST.

TO JEWS.

HEY CONGRATULATIONS.

WHOO HOO HOO--

SHE'S SO LITTLE. PUT HER IN MY POCKET.

SO THE AWARD FOR "BEST MAILBOX,"

GOES TO...

OH US! US HONEY!

WE WON!

WOW, WE WON!

TO ORDINARY FUCKIN' PEOPLE...

I WOULD LIKE TO THANK MY AGENT.

MY REAL ESTATE AGENT.

THAT'S SHERRI!

THAT'S HILARIOUS, SHE WANTS TO THANK HER REAL ESTATE AGENT.

AND I JUST WANTED TO SAY,

THANK YOU, THE OVERALL IMPROVEMENT

IN THE QUALITY OF MAILBOXES

HAS MADE SUCH A DIFFERENCE THROUGHOUT THE NEIGHBORHOOD.

AND I THINK WE'RE ALL WINNERS, I'M HONORED.

TRULY, THANK YOU.

KYLE, JIM TOWER FROM THE PALISADES

WE LOVED YOUR ADDITION.

WE THOUGHT IT WAS AMAZING.

BUT I JUST WANTED TO CALL AND MAKE YOU AWARE

THAT WE'VE MADE AN INTERESTING CHOICE FOR THE CHARACTER,

WE'VE CHOSEN TO TAKE HIM DOWN AN INTERESTING AVENUE--

I'LL CALL YOU BACK, I'VE GOTTA GO.

OKAY WONDERFUL WHICH HAND IS IT IN?

HUH, WHICH HAND, RIGHT, LEFT.

HERE'S A RON DONALD SPIN.

NORTH/SOUTH REVERSE NORTH/SOUTH.

EAST/WEST. GOOD JOB.

HEY, ALL RIGHT, OKAY.

BEHIND THE BACK, NORTH/SOUTH.

WHO DID THAT?

...YOU'RE NOT IMPRESSED.

A LITTLE HIGHER MAYBE.

FUCK, FUCK, FUCK, FUCK, FUCK!

I TOTALLY COULD BE ON IDOL.

I KNOW, I BET YOU'RE AWESOME.

MM-HMM.

BUT I'M JUST STUCK HERE.

YEAH, I MEAN, THIS WHOLE SUBURB TRIP.

YOU KNOW, I WROTE A SONG ABOUT IT.

IT'S CALLED "YOU STAINED ME" OR "MINDJAIL,"

I HAVEN'T REALLY DECIDED YET.

REALLY?

OH MY GOD, CAN I HEAR IT?

(SINGING) I GAVE YOU MY SOUL; YOU TREAT IT LIKE POISON;

* GAVE YOU MY HEART; YOU BETRAYED IT WITH A LIE.

(music playing)

* CAUSE YOU STAINED ME, LIKE AN ANGLE DRAGGED IN DIRT

* YOU STAINED ME, SHAN'T EVER SEE MY WORTH.

* YOU STAINED ME LIKE SHAKESPEARE SAID THOU DOTH...**

(STOPS SINGING)

THAT'S ALL I HAVE SO FAR...

WOW....THAT'S AWESOME.

GOD DAMNIT.

GOD DAMNIT.

WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN THERE! WHAT?

WHAT, HEY, HEY!?

KYLE WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOING!

ARE YOU OUTTA YOU MIND?

WHAT WERE YOU DOING IN THERE?

I WAS JUST RUBBING SOMETHING OUT.

ARE YOU CRAZY?

THAT IS DISGUSTING. HUH?

NO, NO!

LOOK I WAS USING MY STICK ON YOUR MOM THIS MORNING.

SHE THOUGHT IT WAS AMAZING.

MOM!

NO, LISTEN TO ME LITTLE GIRL!

I HAVE TOO MUCH A STAKE HERE.

IF YOU TELL YOUR MOM, I WILL...

JUST...DESTROY YOU.

SIMPLE AS THAT.

AND YOU.

WE'RE PARTY PROFESSIONALS.

PARTY PROFESSIONALS.

WE MAKE THE FUN.

DO IT.

OKAY?

SO, ARE WE HAVING FUN YET?

OH YEAH.

BETCHA THIS IS A LAUGH TO YOU.

ACTUALLY IT LOOKS PRETTY APPEALING.

I KINDA WISH I WAS YOU RIGHT NOW.

COME ON!

YOU DID THE RIGHT THING, BEING AN ACTOR.

YOU WENT FOR IT, YOU'RE SOMEONE.

YOU'RE NOT SOMEONE WHO DOES THE SAME SHIT DAY IN, DAY OUT,

WEARING PLEATED SHORTS.

I WASN'T ALWAYS LIKE THIS.

I COULDA BEEN YOU,

I WAS IN A BAND, LIVIN' CRAZY.

KNOW THE LAST TIME I DID ANYTHING UNEXPECTED?

CANCUN.

OKAY BUT YOU KNOW--

YOU HAVE A HOUSE, YEAH YOU HAVE A FAMILY.

YOU HAVE A LIFE.

YOU KNOW WHAT I'D GIVE FOR THAT?

(blowing raspberries)

OKAY, WELL THEN HOW ABOUT WE SWITCH?

DO YOU KNOW ANYTHING ABOUT ESTATE LAW?

NO.

IT'S A BUMMER.

YEAH. HEY.

"ARE WE HAVING FUN YET?"

DUDE, THAT'S WHERE I KNOW YOU YOU'RE THAT GUY!

"HEY, ARE WE HAVING FUN YET?"

RIGHT, FROM THOSE BEER COMMERCIALS, THAT'S AWESOME!

"ARE WE HAVING FUN YET",

REMEMBER THAT'S ACTUALLY THE GUY.

SEE? I KNEW YOU WERE SOMEONE!

ALL RIGHT COME ON LET'S HERE IT. HEY...

I'D RATHER NOT.

"ARE WE HAVING FUN YET?"

(PEOPLE LAUGH, SMILE)

"ARE WE HAVING FUN YET?"

I'M NOT HAVING FUN YET, MAKE IT A DOUBLE.

YOU GOT IT.

HEY, HEY, HEY...

THE HOSTESS SPECIFICALLY REQUESTED, NO DOUBLES.

ONE JIGGER ONLY. WHAT?

(SHOUTING) I DON'T YOU SERVING THEM TWO JIGGERS.

COME ON.

RON, WHAT?

I BELIEVE THE PREFERRED TERM IS JIG-ROES.

KYLE CAN YOU WATCH THE BAR PLEASE?

YEAH.

HEY MAN, HEY CAN I HELP YOU?

NAW, I'M JUST LOOKING FOR UM...

NEVER MIND.

YOU HER HUSBAND? HEY AH...

HER BOSS'S REALLY BEEN RIDING HER TODAY.

HOW ABOUT YOU GO OUT FRONT AND WAIT

AND I'LL SEND HER OUT TO MEET YA.

WHO ARE YOU?

ME I'M NOBODY.

I'M JUST TRYING TO DO A GOOD DEED TODAY, YOU KNOW.

OKAY CAN YOU AT LEAST BE QUIET

SHIT.

I DON'T CARE IF YOU'VE BEEN CALLING

THIS IS MY PLACE OF BUSINESS.

YOU ARE A MANIAC!

WHAT DO YOU MEAN GIVE ME A BREAK?

AM I NOT AT WORK RIGHT NOW?

WHOO! CANNONBALL!

OOW-HOO-HOO!

HEY, WHO'S GOING CRAZY?

C'MON, THE WATER'S FINE!

C'MON IN!

C'MON IN!

LET'S CUT LOOSE!

LET'S CUT LOOSE, C'MON!

OH WHAT? I'M THE ASSHOLE HERE?

I AM! I'M THE ASSHOLE! I'M THE ASSHOLE.

OH I GET IT I'M THE ASSHOLE HERE, HUH?

PUT YOUR CLOTHES ON, GORDON.

NO ONE WANTS TO SEE YOUR PENIS.

NO ONE.

WELL WHY?

MAYBE I'LL WIN AN AWARD FOR BEST COCK!

I'D RATHER HAVE AN AWARD FOR BEST COCK ON MY MANTLE

THAN-- TIDIEST LAWN

OR FAGGIEST MAILBOX,

OR GODDAMN CHRISTMAS LIGHTS.

THEY BETTER NOT BLINK!

NO BLINKING LIGHTS, NEIGHBORS!

NO BLINKY, BLINKY!

ORDINARY FUCKING PEOPLE!

REPO MAN.

YOU'RE ALREADY DEAD!

YOU'RE ALREADY DEAD!

YOU'RE ALL FUCKIN' DEAD!

ALL THE MORE POOL FOR ME, FUCKO'S!

THAT WAS JIM TOWER.

HE'S SO POWERFUL.

THEY WANT TO TAKE ME TO NETWORK ON THE PALISADES.

YES!

YOU WALK INTO THAT ROOM AND YOU SEDUCE THEM.

AND YOU HAVE A SECRET--

BUT THEY REWROTE THE CHARACTER A LITTLE BIT.

SO I GOTTA RETHINK--

SO YOU'RE NOT THE VULNERABLE BAD BOY WHO'S NEW IN TOWN?

NO, NO HE'S STILL THAT,

BUT NOW HE HAS NUT CANCER AND HE'S DOING CHEMO.

DUDE, YOU KNOW WHAT YOU GOTTA DO?

WHAT?

I MEAN, IF WANT TO BE REAL.

REAL'S WHAT I'M ABOUT.

GOTTA LOOSE YOUR HAIR.

EVERYWHERE.

IT'S FOR YOUR ART, MAN.

EVERYWHERE.

HEAD, EYEBROWS, PUBE'S.

SOUP TO NUTS.

"ARE WE HAVING FUN YET?"

OR WOULD YOU PREFER WE NOT DO THAT.

NO I LOVE THAT.

YOU DO?

LOOK UH--

I'M SORRY ABOUT THAT, I TRIED TO STOP HIM.

BUT, MAYBE RON WAS DISTRACTED BY THE--

SPECTACLE OF MY HUMILIATION?

HE WAS NOT, HE WAS NOT.

NO, HE FIRED ME.

BUT I SAID I'D SUE HIM, SO I'M BACK ON FINAL WARNING.

WELCOME BACK. THANKS.

THANKS FOR TRYING THOUGH,

I UH, I OH GOD, I TOTALLY FORGOT YOUR NAME AGAIN.

I'M SORRY.

HENRY. HENRY.

HENRY, HENRY YES.

HE GOT THE JOB IN VERMONT.

REALLY?

MM-HMM. OH.

SO YOU DON'T NEED THIS JOB.

IT WAS NICE KNOWING YOU.

NO, I'M GONNA KEEP THE JOB.

FOR NOW, I'M GONNA KEEP IT.

JESUS KYLE, ROMAN LEFT THE MESSAGE.

WHAT?

HEY, THERE.

HEY.

MMM.

I KNEW, I KNEW YOU.

SIGN HERE AND HERE.

AND HERE.

WAIT, WAIT, I THOUGHT I WAS SUPPOSED

TO FILL OUT THE FEEDBACK CARD?

UM...TO GET A NEW CARD

THEY'RE ALL THE WAY OUT IN THE VAN.

I'LL GET A NEW CARD.

DUDE YOU TOTALLY FUCK ME IN THE ASS!

HEY.

SO, YOU SHAVED OFF YOUR EYEBROW.

IT'S JUST AN EYEBROW.

LISTEN, I REMEMBER WHEN I WAS UP FOR

ONE OF THE JUMPSUIT BABES IN "CANNONBALL 2"

RIGHT AFTER MY AUDITION I WAS HIT BY A CAR.

YEAH I WAS DISAPPOINTED.

BUT WHILE I WAS IN THE HOSPITAL,

I FINALLY GOT THE CHANCE TO READ

ZEN AND THE ART OF MOTORCYCLE MAINTENANCE

AND THAT SHIT ROCKED MY WORLD.

SO WHAT I'M SAYING IS

GOD NEVER CLOSES A DOOR

WITHOUT OPENING A WINDOW.

FOURTEEN DOLLARS...

FOURTEEN DOLLARS...

FOURTEEN DOLLARS...

FOURTEEN DOL--

THIRTEEN DOLLARS AND--

SEVENTY SIX CENTS.

WELCOME BACK, HENRY.

*

*

C'MON. PLEASE.

JUST ONCE.

PLEEEEEEESE!

NO, NO.

PLEASE.

ARE WE HAVING FUN, YET?

YEA!

OOW, WHAT HAPPENED? [ laughing ]

T-R-E-E, TREE.