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1
00:00:01,000 --> 00:00:03,439
It is estimated that there are some
10 quintillion insects alive
2
00:00:03,440 --> 00:00:05,399
at any one time.
But forget about them.
3
00:00:05,400 --> 00:00:08,440
This is about me, Lloyd. I'm a fly!
4
00:00:40,800 --> 00:00:43,759
But why my room?!
Lloyd.
5
00:00:43,760 --> 00:00:44,919
Through no small effort,
6
00:00:44,920 --> 00:00:48,399
I have persuaded your dad's
favourite actor, Dolichovsky,
7
00:00:48,400 --> 00:00:50,479
to do a surprise performance
for us tonight.
8
00:00:50,480 --> 00:00:52,119
Oh, how nice.
9
00:00:52,120 --> 00:00:56,199
And as an actor, he needs a place
to prepare for his performance.
10
00:00:56,200 --> 00:00:59,599
So this house has got a lot
of rooms that are not my room.
11
00:00:59,600 --> 00:01:02,919
Yes. And your dad uses most of them.
12
00:01:02,920 --> 00:01:04,599
It's meant to be a surprise.
13
00:01:04,600 --> 00:01:08,159
What about PB's room?
It's full of toenails. Don't ask.
14
00:01:08,160 --> 00:01:09,359
Please, Lloyd.
15
00:01:09,360 --> 00:01:11,719
I forgot mine and your dad's
last anniversary.
16
00:01:11,720 --> 00:01:14,159
I want this one to be extra special.
17
00:01:14,160 --> 00:01:16,479
But you'll have another one.
Probably.
18
00:01:16,480 --> 00:01:17,479
You're not that old.
19
00:01:17,480 --> 00:01:20,639
You love your dad, don't you, Lloyd?
Yes.
20
00:01:20,640 --> 00:01:23,559
So wouldn't you like to do
something nice for him?
21
00:01:23,560 --> 00:01:25,279
I suppose.
22
00:01:25,280 --> 00:01:26,719
Great. Then that's settled.
Huh?
23
00:01:26,720 --> 00:01:27,999
Can we go now, Gena?
24
00:01:28,000 --> 00:01:30,679
I've been doing Kundalini
to stretch my belly out,
25
00:01:30,680 --> 00:01:32,560
fit in more pancake crumbs.
26
00:01:35,600 --> 00:01:37,679
I'm taking him to the pancake
so he'll be out the way
27
00:01:37,680 --> 00:01:39,439
while you set up for Dolichovsky.
28
00:01:39,440 --> 00:01:40,759
Set up?
29
00:01:40,760 --> 00:01:43,559
Sorry, I forgot to say he's a bit
particular,
30
00:01:43,560 --> 00:01:46,839
so there's a few things you'll need
to prepare for him while we're out.
31
00:01:46,840 --> 00:01:47,919
Hold on.
32
00:01:47,920 --> 00:01:49,359
Dolichovsky is a snail.
33
00:01:49,360 --> 00:01:51,719
He probably just wants a bit of
grass to nibble and no sharp edges.
34
00:01:51,720 --> 00:01:52,720
There.
35
00:01:54,200 --> 00:01:56,440
Sorry. What's all this?
For Dad.
36
00:01:58,120 --> 00:02:00,039
Fine for Dad.
37
00:02:00,040 --> 00:02:01,680
Thanks, love. See you later.
38
00:02:03,160 --> 00:02:04,919
Yeah.
39
00:02:04,920 --> 00:02:06,999
Oh, your mum must really love
your dad
40
00:02:07,000 --> 00:02:09,399
to make you go to so much
effort for him.
41
00:02:09,400 --> 00:02:10,560
Hmm.
42
00:02:14,240 --> 00:02:16,360
Comfy cushions coordinated.
What's next?
43
00:02:17,400 --> 00:02:19,279
Round couscous for snacking.
44
00:02:19,280 --> 00:02:22,520
Round is underlined.
So find round couscous, I guess.
45
00:02:23,920 --> 00:02:25,399
Why do I have to help?
46
00:02:25,400 --> 00:02:28,839
It's for Dad, PB. If you don't,
he might realise he prefers me
47
00:02:28,840 --> 00:02:32,079
to you because I'm the best.
Fine.
48
00:02:32,080 --> 00:02:33,759
What else do I need to do?
49
00:02:33,760 --> 00:02:37,759
Ensure that the apple is a
completely salt-free environment.
50
00:02:37,760 --> 00:02:39,680
You can start in here.
51
00:02:41,040 --> 00:02:42,040
No salt.
52
00:02:43,160 --> 00:02:44,160
No salt.
53
00:02:45,400 --> 00:02:46,599
Are these round enough?
54
00:02:46,600 --> 00:02:49,119
They're not perfect spheres,
but they're quite round.
55
00:02:49,120 --> 00:02:50,559
Uh, yeah, they'll do.
56
00:02:50,560 --> 00:02:54,719
OK. No evidence of
Arachnofly anywhere.
57
00:02:54,720 --> 00:02:55,720
No salt.
58
00:02:59,960 --> 00:03:01,879
What's wrong with Arachnofly?
59
00:03:01,880 --> 00:03:04,879
He must still be bitter about being
replaced by Buzz Barton-Fly
60
00:03:04,880 --> 00:03:06,079
in the stage adaptation.
61
00:03:06,080 --> 00:03:09,399
Why? As a fly Buzz was an
objectively better Arachnofly.
62
00:03:09,400 --> 00:03:10,920
There. Fixed it.
63
00:03:12,720 --> 00:03:16,399
Now it's Woodlousefly.
PB, don't draw on my posters!
64
00:03:16,400 --> 00:03:18,239
Where shall I hide these?
65
00:03:18,240 --> 00:03:19,959
Leave them. Just leave them.
66
00:03:19,960 --> 00:03:23,320
I'm not re-arranging my room
for the whims of an actor.
67
00:03:24,000 --> 00:03:27,279
Anyway, next it says
he wants complete darkness.
68
00:03:27,280 --> 00:03:29,559
We cover the window.
He can't see any of it.
69
00:03:29,560 --> 00:03:30,920
We're all good.
70
00:03:33,480 --> 00:03:34,480
No salt.
71
00:03:35,480 --> 00:03:37,079
No salt.
72
00:03:37,080 --> 00:03:38,759
OK, the floors have been polished.
73
00:03:38,760 --> 00:03:40,719
The water has a hint of cucumber.
74
00:03:40,720 --> 00:03:41,999
What next?
75
00:03:42,000 --> 00:03:44,639
A stage is essential. A stage?
76
00:03:44,640 --> 00:03:46,279
Where are we gonna get a stage!?
77
00:03:46,280 --> 00:03:47,639
What's wrong with the floor?
78
00:03:47,640 --> 00:03:50,959
Maybe we could make
the floor into a stage.
79
00:03:50,960 --> 00:03:52,879
Oh, stages have trapdoors.
80
00:03:52,880 --> 00:03:55,720
So put a trapdoor in the floor
and then it's a stage.
81
00:03:56,440 --> 00:03:57,520
Hmm.
82
00:04:03,240 --> 00:04:04,399
There. Stage.
83
00:04:04,400 --> 00:04:06,759
Hold on. Is that my door?
84
00:04:06,760 --> 00:04:08,599
Ooh, what about the trap?
85
00:04:08,600 --> 00:04:11,320
Oh, as long as he doesn't open it,
he'll never know there isn't one.
86
00:04:17,240 --> 00:04:19,399
It's him.
Is he complaining already?
87
00:04:19,400 --> 00:04:20,719
He hasn't even got in yet.
88
00:04:20,720 --> 00:04:22,639
We've not prepared everything
on the list.
89
00:04:22,640 --> 00:04:23,719
There's no more time.
90
00:04:23,720 --> 00:04:26,079
Oh, oh.
91
00:04:26,080 --> 00:04:30,919
Oh, oh, oh, oh.
92
00:04:30,920 --> 00:04:32,559
OK, well, we have some time.
93
00:04:32,560 --> 00:04:33,920
Let's finish the list quick. For Dad.
94
00:04:34,960 --> 00:04:39,239
No salt. No salt. No salt. No salt.
No salt. No salt.
95
00:04:39,240 --> 00:04:42,080
OK. He likes it humid.
96
00:04:47,760 --> 00:04:50,440
Next, flowery scent.
97
00:04:51,280 --> 00:04:53,879
Oh. Oh.
98
00:04:53,880 --> 00:04:55,479
No salt. No salt.
99
00:04:55,480 --> 00:04:57,199
Waft it, Abacus, waft it!
100
00:04:57,200 --> 00:04:59,560
Wafting, Lloyd. I'm wafting.
101
00:05:00,760 --> 00:05:03,599
That's it. The last thing
on the list. OK.
102
00:05:03,600 --> 00:05:06,559
Use that rose petal to cover
the window for full darkness
103
00:05:06,560 --> 00:05:07,720
and I'll get Dolichovsky.
104
00:05:11,480 --> 00:05:13,519
Dolichovsky, it is a true honour.
105
00:05:13,520 --> 00:05:16,359
We have set up everything
exactly as you asked.
106
00:05:16,360 --> 00:05:19,800
Oh, good.
107
00:05:20,840 --> 00:05:22,919
Does that include a fountain?
108
00:05:22,920 --> 00:05:24,799
I must have a fountain.
109
00:05:24,800 --> 00:05:26,519
A fountain?
110
00:05:26,520 --> 00:05:33,720
The sound of running water helps me
remain calm before a performance.
111
00:05:36,680 --> 00:05:39,879
Oh, yes. Fountain. Sorry.
Yeah, we definitely have a fountain.
112
00:05:39,880 --> 00:05:43,880
Let me just check... it's
running... the fountain that we have.
113
00:05:45,720 --> 00:05:49,039
Abacus, PB,
we need a fountain.
114
00:05:49,040 --> 00:05:50,479
A fountain?
A fountain.
115
00:05:50,480 --> 00:05:52,279
Where, how?
I don't know.
116
00:05:52,280 --> 00:05:53,520
You'll have to improvise.
117
00:05:55,120 --> 00:06:01,799
Dolichovsky! I suppose you are ready
to go in and prepare for your acting,
118
00:06:01,800 --> 00:06:04,599
which you need a fountain for,
to relax.
119
00:06:04,600 --> 00:06:05,759
Indeed.
120
00:06:05,760 --> 00:06:07,559
I do not like to wait.
121
00:06:07,560 --> 00:06:09,560
Not in my condition.
122
00:06:10,600 --> 00:06:13,159
OK, um...
123
00:06:13,160 --> 00:06:14,320
Come on in.
124
00:06:20,520 --> 00:06:23,799
Well, I think you'll be
very comfortable in here.
125
00:06:23,800 --> 00:06:25,239
It's humid, flowery.
126
00:06:25,240 --> 00:06:28,959
And as you can hear,
there is a lovely fountain.
127
00:06:28,960 --> 00:06:30,520
Very relaxing for you.
128
00:06:31,920 --> 00:06:33,760
Is the fountain not OK?
129
00:06:44,320 --> 00:06:46,919
It's a living fountain.
Oh!
130
00:06:46,920 --> 00:06:48,919
Forget the fountain.
131
00:06:48,920 --> 00:06:50,839
Here, try couscous. It's round.
132
00:06:50,840 --> 00:06:54,080
Oh. Oh. I should never have come.
133
00:06:54,800 --> 00:06:56,999
I can't do this.
134
00:06:57,000 --> 00:06:59,799
Uh... Now, wait. What's wrong?
135
00:06:59,800 --> 00:07:01,119
Is the couscous not round enough?
136
00:07:01,120 --> 00:07:02,559
Are the walls too salty?
137
00:07:02,560 --> 00:07:05,440
Is it the ample evidence of
Arachnofly all over the room?
138
00:07:09,040 --> 00:07:12,039
Your Dad's downstairs.
How is everything?
139
00:07:12,040 --> 00:07:15,719
Oh, Mr Dolichovsky, you're here.
140
00:07:15,720 --> 00:07:18,080
Thank you so much for this.
141
00:07:21,360 --> 00:07:23,039
What's wrong with him?
142
00:07:23,040 --> 00:07:24,399
Lloyd, what have you done?
143
00:07:24,400 --> 00:07:25,679
Nothing. We did everything.
144
00:07:25,680 --> 00:07:28,599
No, it's happening early.
145
00:07:28,600 --> 00:07:29,999
I'm not prepared.
146
00:07:30,000 --> 00:07:33,279
It's OK. I can distract
Malcolm until you are.
147
00:07:33,280 --> 00:07:34,520
There's no rush.
148
00:07:36,520 --> 00:07:38,319
Oh.
149
00:07:38,320 --> 00:07:40,759
Ahhhh.
150
00:07:40,760 --> 00:07:41,760
Huh.
151
00:07:43,840 --> 00:07:46,279
Is it healthy for a snail
to poop white?
152
00:07:46,280 --> 00:07:48,079
I think that's an egg, Lloyd.
153
00:07:48,080 --> 00:07:50,839
Ugh!
Aww, he's pregnant.
154
00:07:50,840 --> 00:07:51,919
What a relief.
155
00:07:51,920 --> 00:07:53,639
I thought he was angry at Lloyd.
156
00:07:53,640 --> 00:07:55,120
Oh.
157
00:07:55,960 --> 00:07:58,599
You've got this right, Mum?
158
00:07:58,600 --> 00:08:02,679
Me? I don't have a clue. When
I'm giving birth I tend to zone out.
159
00:08:02,680 --> 00:08:06,759
Malcolm has much more experience
with this side of the process.
160
00:08:06,760 --> 00:08:07,800
I'll go get him.
161
00:08:09,560 --> 00:08:13,399
Dolichovsky, in our house,
giving birth on our floor.
162
00:08:13,400 --> 00:08:14,440
Amazing.
163
00:08:15,960 --> 00:08:17,160
Can you help him?
164
00:08:18,280 --> 00:08:20,479
No idea, but I can certainly
give it a go.
165
00:08:20,480 --> 00:08:22,039
Anything for Dolichovsky.
166
00:08:22,040 --> 00:08:23,599
It's such an honour.
167
00:08:23,600 --> 00:08:24,879
I'm a big fan.
168
00:08:24,880 --> 00:08:27,319
Now I need you to breathe.
169
00:08:27,320 --> 00:08:30,479
I am.....an actor.
170
00:08:30,480 --> 00:08:35,319
...I know how to breathe.
171
00:08:35,320 --> 00:08:38,719
Oh, I know. I saw you in
Ghost of Zafar.
172
00:08:38,720 --> 00:08:40,119
Chills.
173
00:08:40,120 --> 00:08:42,080
We need to help him relax.
On it.
174
00:08:45,600 --> 00:08:47,679
Lloyd, there's going to be
a lot more eggs,
175
00:08:47,680 --> 00:08:49,519
so I'll need you
to stop them rolling away.
176
00:08:49,520 --> 00:08:50,840
Uh-huh. OK.
177
00:08:52,320 --> 00:08:57,239
I need... ..Javaratti.
178
00:08:57,240 --> 00:08:58,639
What's Javaratti?
179
00:08:58,640 --> 00:09:00,280
Ooh, I know where to find Javaratti.
180
00:09:01,920 --> 00:09:04,239
Oh... (POP!) ..more.
181
00:09:04,240 --> 00:09:05,480
I got it.
182
00:09:07,200 --> 00:09:09,319
Oh. Have you decided on names yet?
183
00:09:09,320 --> 00:09:11,999
I think this one looks like
a little Malcolmski.
184
00:09:12,000 --> 00:09:13,799
This one looks like a Lloydski.
185
00:09:13,800 --> 00:09:14,999
So does this one.
186
00:09:15,000 --> 00:09:16,199
I found Javaratti.
187
00:09:16,200 --> 00:09:19,520
We came as fast as we could,
so not very fast.
188
00:09:21,120 --> 00:09:24,279
Doli!
Javaratti!
189
00:09:24,280 --> 00:09:26,399
We're fathers.
190
00:09:26,400 --> 00:09:28,279
Our very own acting troupe.
191
00:09:28,280 --> 00:09:30,480
We shall be unstoppable.
192
00:09:31,520 --> 00:09:34,999
Sorry, Malcolm. Looks like
I've messed up our anniversary.
193
00:09:35,000 --> 00:09:37,399
Messed up? I had a nice meal
with you.
194
00:09:37,400 --> 00:09:40,879
And then a once-in-a-lifetime
experience with my favourite actor.
195
00:09:40,880 --> 00:09:43,399
It's been a wonderful anniversary.
196
00:09:43,400 --> 00:09:46,639
And I helped. Quite a lot, actually.
It was all unnecessary,
197
00:09:46,640 --> 00:09:48,359
now you're not getting
a surprise performance.
198
00:09:48,360 --> 00:09:51,919
Oh, thanks, son. Would have been
a lovely surprise, I'm sure.
199
00:09:51,920 --> 00:09:57,599
It may no longer be a surprise,
but I still intend to perform.
200
00:09:57,600 --> 00:10:02,879
As a thank you,
I will perform the Spring Lament
201
00:10:02,880 --> 00:10:06,159
from the Ghost of Zafar.
202
00:10:06,160 --> 00:10:09,120
Oh. As laments go,
that's my favourite.
203
00:10:10,000 --> 00:10:12,639
Go forth, O Spring.
204
00:10:12,640 --> 00:10:15,279
Be there not an end...
205
00:10:15,280 --> 00:10:16,479
Doli!
206
00:10:16,480 --> 00:10:20,120
Oh, I forgot.
I made a trap to go with the door.
207
00:10:20,560 --> 00:10:23,599
Be there no end to thy coil
208
00:10:23,600 --> 00:10:26,079
As it descendeth
into the very darkness
209
00:10:26,080 --> 00:10:29,479
from which I gazed upon
the textile heights.
210
00:10:29,480 --> 00:10:32,359
If this were but a dream,
I would slide...
211
00:10:32,360 --> 00:10:34,039
He may be demanding,
but he's a real pro.
212
00:10:34,040 --> 00:10:35,719
I'll give him that.
213
00:10:35,720 --> 00:10:37,360
...my gastropod constraints...
214
00:10:55,360 --> 00:10:56,359
Captions by Red Bee Media
215
00:10:56,360 --> 00:10:58,360
Copyright
Australian Broadcasting Corporation
15304
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