Original subtitles

It is estimated that there are some 10 quintillion insects

alive at any one time.

But forget about them. This is about ME - Lloyd!

I'm a fly!

Oof!

Uh...

Hm.

Hm!

Um... What if I read this one here now at the stall

and take this one with me?

Mate, if that's your plan, don't tell me.

He's got a point, Lloyd. It's like stealing with your eyes.

Are you sure this won't cover both?

It's good apple. Dry and chewy. Just like you like it.

I've had enough apple. Baked bits is what I want.

There's a shortage right now.

What I wouldn't trade for a nice crumpet crumb.

Yeah, well, I don't have any baked bits. I live in an apple.

Not my problem, mate. It's yours.

Speaking of which - choose.

Argh.

Oh. Did I make the right choice, Abacus?

What if the other one would make me happier?

Or only 50% happy,

and I need BOTH to be 100% happy?

My dad says total happiness isn't healthy.

You need something to aim for.

Well, I'm aiming for enough baked crumbs

to buy two comics, maybe three.

Where am I going to find baked crumbs, especially crumpet?

That stuff gets dibbed the moment it lands.

Lloyd, look out!

Ah! Crumbs!

Focaccia? Bagel? Crumpet?!

I'm loaded!

Dibs! Dibs! Dibs! Dibs! Dibs! Dibs! Dibs! Dibs! Dibs!

Hmm...

And...

...dibs!

Dibs.

Oh, sorry, Abacus. I dibsed all the rest.

Don't be sorry, Lloyd. I have a whole pita crumb to myself.

Plain, stale, wholemeal - my favourite. Mmm!

Oi, No sitting around. I've got a comic to get, remember?

Can't decide. Should I eat it now or save it for later?

Eat it? And waste a valuable crumb?

No, eat this one, and trade THAT for something that makes you happy.

Now let's find out how much more happiness I can trade for this!

What about the crumbs? They're in a neat pile.

No-one's going to touch a neat pile.

Pure crumpet!

Lightly toasted.

That's worth way more than one measly comic.

So, I can get this one as well?

And this one. Oh, and this one.

And this one I've not even heard of before right now

yet still desperately want.

I've never had this much of anything before

except love and acceptance from my family.

And that's just the start! With all of my...

Huh? Hang on.

I dibs you. And I dibs you. And I dibs you.

And I definitely dibs you.

No, no, no, no, no. Stop right there.

I dibsed all these already. All of them.

He did. And I dibsed this one.

Wow. So many incredible crumbs.

Clearly, I can't leave all my crumbs lying around

or someone will think they're fair dibs.

But if someone else took them, then wouldn't that make them happy?

Well, yes, technically, but then that will make me UNHAPPY.

And I don't want that.

PB, use these to get something to carry the rest around in

and keep whatever's left for yourself.

You got it, boss brother.

Oh, being crumb-rich is hard work.

Fancy a turn, PB?

I'll give you another crumb.

Deal!

Oh, it's so heavy!

Agh. Crumb in advance if I don't have to listen to you moan about it.

Uh... How big a pancake crumb can I get for this?

It's banana bread.

It all depends.

Are we speaking walnut banana bread or chocolate banana bread or...

I don't know. This interaction is boring me.

Abacus, I'll give you a pita crumb to haggle for me.

So, what makes you think your pancake crumbs are worth our while?

They're from our OWN pancake.

And here at Pancake Diner

we serve the very best and only pancake available.

Sounds good. Lloyd, I think we should give them more crumbs.

I don't mind chipping in. Abacus, you're fired.

PB, you're up.

Final offer - three banana bread crumbs,

and we want pancake crumbs as big as a bumbley bee's bum.

Hey, who are you calling bumbley?

Whoa, PB, you're making customers unhappy. Fix it.

Everyone's pancake crumbs are on my brother Lloyd!

Hey, that's me. Whoo-hoo!

Martine, a big bee-bum pancake crumb, please.

And I mean THIS big.

Lloyd, are you not going to eat your bee-bum pancake crumb?

Nuh-uh. Saving it.

When that pancake is all gone,

the trade value of this bee-bum pancake crumb will skyrocket.

Agh!

And there'll be another crumb for you on delivery.

PB, what are you doing? I'm outsourcing the labour.

Ah. Good idea.

Watching all this hard work is tiring.

Not sure I've got the energy to read for myself.

Panel 4.

"Arachnofly jumps from the refrigerator."

Panel 5. A close-up of the web spraying from his bum

and the word 'praft'?

Panel 6. "Hey, buddy..."

Oh, uh... Do the voices.

"Hey, buddy.

"How much for this picture of the Arachnofly I drew?"

Not sure THAT'S worth three crumbs.

Yeah, well, they're MY crumbs.

You shouldn't even be listening! Go find your own happiness.

Wow! That's...

...lemon puff! Wow! Thanks!

Was it?!

I should hire someone to tell me these things.

Oi, enough of the dramatic pause. Continue.

"This will go well with my headline!

"Arachnofly - Pest or Peacemaker?"

I've never seen you so happy, Lloyd. You did it. 100% happiness.

Eh... 99%.

The voice work is weak and he can't pronounce 'pfft'.

Dolichovsky, you're fired!

Hm.

Dolichovsky! Wow!

I loved you in Withsnail And I.

You were better than Richard Flagrant.

Always a pleasure to meet a...

Oi! It's not a meet-and-greet.

What's all this? Muffin? Ciabatta?

Oh, this is some fine dining.

The creme de la creme of crumbs.

A-a-a-a-h!

Oi! Away!

They're all mine. And they're not for eating.

Really?

Well, then you can't leave them here tormenting our taste buds.

Put them in your room. Go on. Oh, come on.

I'll give you a crumb for the storage space.

A crumb per day?

Fine. Good. I like being in my room anyway.

Just need to...

...there.

Read that one.

Read that one. What's next?

Uh... That was the last one.

You did it! You read every comic.

Well done. You must be so happy.

They barely made me happier at all.

What a waste of crumbs!

Precious, precious crumbs.

Let's find something fun to do to make you happier.

We could...

...roll down the pear.

Uh... But I'd have to leave the crumbs.

So? Uh...

Do you think I can trust my parents? Or PB?

Or what if the maggots got in? They'd be gone in a moment.

You could, um...

...hire someone to watch them.

'Someone', you say? Someone like YOU, I suppose?

Leave you alone with my throne of crumbs

so you can claim it for yourself?

Never!

I guess I'll... I'll go then.

What? No! You can't leave.

I'll...

I'll give you more pita crumbs.

I haven't used THIS one yet.

I don't think I want it now.

It hasn't made me very happy.

Yeah? Well, I'M happy. Look how happy I am!

I'm glad. But this new Lloyd doesn't make me very happy either.

Ha! Go on then. Go!

I don't need hangers-on.

Goodbye, Lloyd.

Yeah. This is good.

Yeah, this is the best, actually.

Abacus?

Oh, it's just... Just my tummy. Mm.

I could just do with a snack, I suppose.

No. I can't have my crumbs AND eat them.

Whoo!

Whee!

Whoo!

A-a-a-a-a-gh...

Whee! I don't need them. I've got...

Whoo! Whoo-hoo!

...all this.

Ah!

Wait, am I...

No, I can't be. I...

I am.

I'm miserable!

Abacus was right.

These crumbs DON'T make me happy!

Although THAT was strangely satisfying.

That's it!

Un-dibs!

I declare un-dibs!

Everybody! Dibs your heart out!

Dibs! Dibs!

Dibs!

There. Done.

Oh, I feel...

...hungry.

I found this outside and re-dibsed it,

and...I...finally worked out what to do with it.

Abacus, you could get more comics for this. Or hire a...

Never mind.

A happy tummy and good company.

What more can you ask for?

So, which comic shall we re-read first?

Captions by Red Bee Media

Copyright Australian Broadcasting Corporation