Original subtitles

Right, well, this worked for Shirley Valentine.

So, it might work for you, Alan.

Really? Ooh, ooh, ooh, God.

No, Amanda.

It's good!

Oh...

Oh, this is lovely.

Isn't that lovely?

Can we have two menus, please?

What's catch of the day?

You are, Alan.

You are joking!

Oh, God, my phone's in my pocket!

Oh, no!

Oh, my phone!

That's your stupid idea.

But you didn't spill a drop.

I'm going on dry land.

I'm not that desperate for love!

On the beautiful Greek island of Corfu,

we're halfway through our toughest renovation yet.

Oh, disgusting.

Turning this traditional Corfiot house

into a gorgeous family holiday home.

Do you know art is about making mistakes?

Not every five minutes.

We've completed the living area and the kids' bedroom.

But we've still got to show some love to the heart

of the home - the kitchen.

First of all, Alan, that has to be the main door.

Definitely.

And I know it's a tip, but doesn't that look romantic

with the ivy round the window?

We're not keeping that, though.

We're not keeping the window?

No, the ivy.

Oh.

But I think we should 100% keep the bread oven.

We could make some bread in there for real, Alan.

All right, then. I am loving this floor, though,

and I think, wouldn't it be lovely if we could just restore it

and make it... Cos it is good, isn't it?

It is. It's really good. They're like proper flagstones.

Me and Amanda are very different interior designers.

With Amanda, it's a mood board, it's 2D. I'm a 3D designer.

I will often go in a room and just twirl around

and see what comes into my head.

And then do you reckon we should have, like, Greek words for like

"cook" and "eat"?

No.

Is that a "think about it"?

On my mood board, I...

You know this mood board you keep referencing? Yes.

It's like the Beast of Bodmin, this mood board.

You hear it exists but I've never seen it.

Preparation is key.

If you're not as organised,

then your ideas aren't going to get through, Mr Carr.

So, I was thinking about a very pale green in here, like a sage.

Because sage grows wild in Corfu.

I like that, but I don't think too green.

Subtle, understated, like Corfu, but quietly confident.

That's what Corfu is. It is. Quietly confident.

I love that analogy, Alan. It is true, innit?

It's true.

Right. OK, I like this.

This is good. Love it.

To fire up my kitchen creativity, I want to immerse myself

in the local culture, and in Corfu it's the Greek grandmothers,

or "yiayias", that call the shots when it comes to cooking.

So, I've come to the village of Perivoli to meet food writer

Anastasia...

Hello! How are you?

..and her yiayia.

She's got the ouzo out for you. Ouzo. Oh, I love ouzo.

Whoa!

I see you, I think you're judging me.

Is she judging me? She's always judging.

Oh, OK, that's good. Not just you. It's a yiayia thing.

Does she like me? Does she like me, do you reckon?

THEY LAUGH

Don't worry, this is just a Greek yiayia thing.

The recipes of the yiayias are at the heart of Corfu cuisine,

which, unlike the rest of Greece,

is heavily influenced by Italian flavours.

Pastitsada, we're going to eat today.

Yeah, what's that, then?

So pastitsada is a dish that came to Corfu with the Venetians...

Ooh, nice. ..400 years ago. It's made with lots of spices,

because the Venetians put us on the spice trail here.

Oh, really? Which means that we make our dishes with...

She's always interrupting me.

THEY LAUGH

She's the master!

It's much...a spicier island than the rest of the Greek islands.

Yeah, yeah. So, pastitsada is a slow-cooked meat dish.

You know how she keeps interrupting you...

Yeah. ..that's what Amanda Holden's like with me.

Yeah, no, I get that.

SHE SPEAKS GREEK

She said, "Drink some ouzo so you can learn some Greek."

To make pastitsada, we need to peel and chop onion and garlic.

I'm trying to take it off.

Thank you.

And add in a mix of cloves, cinnamon and spicy paprika.

Again, a very Venetian thing.

Not too hot, hot, hot.

No, it's not funny. No, no, not funny, not funny.

No, no, naughty, naughty yiayia.

Is it the spicy one? SHE LAUGHS

Is it the spicy one? So spicy!

Have some ouzo. Ouzo!

Yeah! It's so hot!

Stop shouting!

Whilst Alan gets his fill of tradition,

I've got a more modern vision in mind.

I always say to Alan that we share a leg each on who wears the trousers,

but today they're firmly on me.

It's not that I don't trust Alan, I just...

I don't really trust him. I don't really trust him.

Stamatis has brought me to a local kitchen showroom near Corfu town.

How are you? Fine, thank you.

Oh, this is so exciting. Yeah.

Because for the first time ever, we are buying rather than building.

Oh, yeah, look at that pantry.

I never thought I'd get to an age where I'd be excited about a pantry.

Oh, you see, now this is the colour that I've got in my head.

Isn't this pretty? Yeah.

Despite the fact that this is a really old house,

I want quite a sleek, modern, simple kitchen.

Simple I don't normally do,

but simple I'm doing today.

I love this, Stamatis.

This is just gorgeous.

It's olive wood. Olive wood? Yeah.

Oh, well, that's brilliant. It looks like.

It's very Greek and I think if we had something modern and sleek

and then a rustic touch like that, that's good.

I think that's a good idea.

Oh, I'm loving this, you're just a yes man.

No, no, no, no... I love a yes man.

I'm not a yes man, but, yeah... You're not a yes man?

Yeah, no, no, no. Have they told you about me?

No. It's best to say yes.

Well, Alan said some... It's best to say yes.

What did Alan say? Nothing.

What did Alan say?! Nothing.

Well, this is cosy.

Back in Yiayia's outhouse kitchen,

we're adding the spice mix to the beef short ribs.

So now, all these flavours are going to infuse in here.

And then in a minute we're going to add a bit of wine.

She's been making her own wine since she was a kid.

Stomps on the grapes herself.

She doesn't. Yeah, she does.

I think she's got a verruca.

To create the sauce, we need some tomatoes.

YIAYIA SPEAKS GREEK

She said in two hours you'll eat.

Two hours?

Yes.

Picked fresh from Yiayia's garden.

Yiayia...

What? She said quickly, quicker. Faster, faster.

OK, OK, quick? Well, we're not eating for two hours...

Ooh.

Ask her if she likes me.

Do you like me?

She said, yeah, she does like you.

Ah.

After you've gone through the torture...

Don't kiss me!

She said go and kiss your wife.

Well, my wife is, erm, away.

Ooh, yes. This is good. OK.

Back at the showroom,

I've been let loose with a Pandora's box of worktop samples.

This, to me, is like looking at jewellery.

I'm going bankrupt.

You would if it was jewellery. OK.

That's the colour I see in my head.

And then I think that.

Arctic ice. Perfect.

Arctic ice and whatever that colour is.

OK.

I'm really happy, yeah.

I'm not sure if I'm going to be happy but...

If I'm happy, you're happy.

What about Alan, yeah? That's what I say to my husband.

Amanda may have managed to strong-arm Stamatis,

but I'm still trying to get on the right side of Yiayia

with a Greek salad.

I genuinely love the fact that she's this bridge to the last generation.

She must have seen Corfu change... Yeah.

..for the better and sometimes for the worst, you know?

I mean, it was really difficult here before tourism.

She didn't go to school. Mm.

So she was out farming, growing vegetables to sell

on her dad's cart. Yeah.

So, yeah, she has had a tough life

and I think that's obviously toughened her.

Right, come on, dinner is served.

What can you taste?

Oh, I can taste paprika, the pepper, the cinnamon.

It's not too spicy, though, is it?

No, no, no, it's delicious.

Would you like some salad?

Delicious, tuck in.

Do you know what? This is just what I wanted.

Good, I'm happy.

Nice to meet you.

And her very much.

Aw! Thank you, that's nice.

Yeah, lovely.

Yeah, I'll come back with some ouzo later.

The dating thing for Alan here in Corfu is not going very well at all.

So, I thought I would join him to a Greek dating app.

I'm looking for... Dates, friends or love?

I'm going to go love.

Position.

What the hell? No entry?

Oh, God, I'm having flashbacks to when I went down

that black hole in Aqualand.

Back at the house, Scott and I are breathing life into the bread oven.

I think it'll look really good.

I love it, you know, I love tradition, and we're in Corfu,

you know, who doesn't like a bit of pitta bread with their taramasalata?

Yeah.

It's like being on an archaeological dig.

I feel a bit like Indiana Jones. Yeah?

You know when he's like just finding out like the history of it and,

you know, the different kinds of pitta people had it in the years...

The pitta people? Pitta people.

Like ancient tribes?

The pitta people from Corfu.

Now we've cleaned out all the debris...

This does look like hummus.

..we can give the outside a smooth finish using the local

Mediterranean technique of slapping the plaster onto the stone.

Ah-h-h, ah!

Something like that.

It's that movement there.

It's quite an awkward position.

It's... This trowel's not working.

You do it, and let me see.

OK.

And we go like that, yeah?

Take your arm...

It's always been my Achilles heel.

I just don't know. I don't know if it's the wrist.

Do you know what? I think I might be left-handed,

cos I eat left-handed, but I do all my design with my right hand.

That's the great thing about design.

Not only do you find out things about the house,

you find out things about yourself.

Interests.

SHE GIGGLES

I'm going to put down wrestling.

SHE SNORTS

Done.

There.

Five guys nearby!

Alan's going to kill me.

I'm much better at this, cos I can just switch off,

I don't have to think, you know?

I used to do a job in a factory where we used to sand

gearboxes off and then paint them.

So this is like... This is actually a skillset of mine.

Yeah. Am I boring you?

Why... I'm telling you bits about my life and you're reading

the instructions on the paint can.

No, no, I lis-... I listen with my ears, not my eyes.

Now it's buffed to perfection,

the hood gets a heat-resistant protective finish.

Look how better I am at painting with my left hand.

Isn't that weird? Yeah.

I'm really pleased with this, look at it.

And I realise now the reason is, is because I'm left-handed.

I've been doing it with the wrong hand all your life.

We're taking a break from DIY to explore

the thousands of islands that make up the Greek archipelago.

A stone throw from Corfu is one of the smallest, Paxos,

and it's home to a natural wonder.

Oh, this is paradise.

Isn't it lovely?

Hidden along Paxos's western coastline

are limestone caves that are only accessible by boat.

It's the most beautiful colour.

This is magical.

Oh!

It's quite eerie as well.

Wow.

You know in World War II they used to hide in these caves.

Did they? Yeah.

Can you imagine the emotions and the fear, and...

Terror, and you couldn't come out.

You daren't have a lantern on, because someone might see you.

I mean, it must be terrifying.

I feel so lucky, cos there's not many people you get

to experience this with.

Mind you, as I'm getting older, there's few...

People that you want to spend that time with? I know.

I know what you mean.

Your friend circle should be getting bigger, but it's getting smaller.

I've started... I've started having a cull.

In your friendships that have survived the cull,

what are you looking for? What do you have?

Loyalty, it's got to be loyal.

Oh, 100%, mm-hm.

Fun, no boring people. Intelligent.

Can't stand boring people. Yeah.

What about you, what do you look for in a friend...?

The same. Clever girls I like, world savvy.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Who are practical, who've earnt their own money.

Would you say you're a feminist?

I would, but a lot of people probably wouldn't say I was,

cos of how I, like...

But that's when I think women can be the strongest.

Yeah, yeah. Empowered.

Yes. By putting on the armour.

Oh, OK.

Never knowingly understated, Alan.

No, no. That will be on my gravestone.

Like, you'll never see me without a lash.

Isn't that the motto for John Lewis?

No, it is not.

You don't want that...

Never knowingly understated? Never knowingly undersold.

Undersold.

Put that on your gravestone.

Amanda Holden, never knowingly undersold.

AMANDA CACKLES

I don't know.

Oh, my God. My laugh in this cave is bad.

Oh, my God. Bouncing off every crevice.

AMANDA'S CACKLE ECHOS

I've got an announcement to make.

I actually took the liberty, don't kill me,

of signing you up to a dating app out here.

No, no, no.

And I had to fill out all your profile questions.

Which included a lot of personal ones.

They... Did you put a picture up?

I put... Well, that was the other thing, you see.

I had a lovely shot of you with like a glass of wine in your hand.

That's good, I like that.

So, that was nice. Then I found a picture of you with a donkey.

But I'm holding out quite a lot of hope,

because we already found people within like 0.3km.

But they were in Albania.

So you're telling me I'm getting a lot of donkey lovers

from Albania getting in touch?

Yes.

The sun is shining in Kokkini, and thanks to the builders,

it's now streaming into the kitchen.

Just be careful of your head, yes?

The team have removed the old roof and uncovered a hidden window.

Oh, my gosh.

Alan!

It's so nice.

Oh, my God! Look, it's a window.

Look, this is going to give a lot more light.

Oh, my gosh, it's magical.

We made a plan for the kitchen, didn't we, Stamatis?

Yes, yeah.

So, the kitchen literally is one layer all the way round

with a fridge there.

When did this happen?

You were probably having a snooze.

A long one!

It wasn't a coma.

She's picked the kitchen and the colour and the scheme,

but she hasn't told me.

And then we also had this idea that we might create some

sort of breakfast bar here, Alan.

Mm.

We were like a double act, and now we've become a throuple.

And I don't want to have a throuple with Stamatis.

The original flagstone floor is just resting on earth,

so it needs lifting and relaying in cement.

This is not going to be easy.

Oh!

Are you going to see, only watching there or are you going to do some...

Yeah, no. I will, come on, then. OK.

So, which way do you think?

You need to take this one, but it's a little bit heavy.

Don't underestimate me. No.

No.

I think it's a cultural thing, but Stamatis is determined to

sort of mollycoddle me and doesn't think I'm capable of doing anything.

Bravo. Oh, no, no, no, no...

No, what you doing? There.

It's heavy.

It's... Stop it, I'm a woman.

Yeah.

He'll learn as time goes on that Alan will be the one

that needs to put the kettle on and sit down.

Stamatis, your upper body strength's amazing.

We should definitely go to the gym together, me and you.

Really? Yeah.

OK. I like the gym.

OK. What do you do?

Do you do sit-ups, do you do leg days, do you miss leg day?

Doing other things.

Why don't you do lift the floor day, Alan?

Carry on, you're doing well.

Oh, look, I'll do it, all you... Moan, moan, moan.

That's all you do, Miss Holden.

Give it here, I'll do it. Blooming heck.

That's the right way. This is not for women. Yeah, that...

Back off, Amanda.

Bend your knees.

Together. Oh, no, I can't get up.

OK, together, yes?

Yes, together. OK. Perfect.

OK, here? Perfect. Yes. We put it down.

Wahey.

35 slabs later, we need a sit down, and I know just the spot.

Corfu town, like our kitchen, is a rich mix of the traditional

and the new.

Shall we go... Are you going the top?

Ooh, yeah.

And Alan's found a unique way for us to see how the city

weaves it seamlessly together

It's your first time on my hop-on-off bus?

Yes. Yes, first time. We're virgins.

Are you ready to hop on and off? Virgins. Yeah! Yeah!

We just hop on. Very, very big and warm welcome to Corfu.

Let's do a selfie, Alan.

Along with its legendary role in Homer's Odyssey,

Corfu town reflects centuries as a thriving maritime trading hub.

With its byzantine fort, the Napoleonic Liston Promenade

and Venetian old town.

Quick look left.

What do you see just now?

I saw an M&S. Marks and Spencer's.

Marks and Spencer's. Is that right?

A bell tower. Did you see the bell tower, direct,

the bell tower in the background?

Yes, yes, I did.

Dominating the skyline is the city's 500-year-old basilica,

home to the island's beloved patron saint.

Saint Spyridon, his full body is still enshrined in the church.

People are daily entering the church in order to stoop

and kiss his slippered feet.

I want to go and kiss his slipper. Slippered feet, ah.

I want to go and kiss his slippered feet.

The house needs a prayer. It needs a blessing, doesn't it?

We're about to see the airport...

I wasn't expecting an airport on a historical tour.

No, I know.

Quite busy, our airport, during the summer time.

At this rate she's going to tell us the departure times.

That'd be quite handy, actually.

Bend down, quickly.

Alan! Argh!

Oh, my God, I nearly lost my hat!

Let me know when I have to bend down.

Ooh, God. Ooh, ooh...

This is the main square of the island.

Ooh! Ooh, sorry.

So, this is the end of our tour, my dear guests.

Health and happiness to you, to your families, thank you.

At the house, our original flagstones have been cleaned up

and are being re-laid ready for the arrival of the cabinets.

Meanwhile, I'm on the hunt for kitchen accessories

in the mountain village of Makrades.

Corfu is covered in olive trees, cultivated by the Venetians,

and carving olive wood is a centuries-old island tradition.

That is itching to be a dining room table.

So, I've come to try my hand at the skill...

Hello. Hi.

Hello.

..with father and son Spiros and Lefteris.

Me and my friend, Alan, are in the middle of renovating a house

and what I really wanted was to see

if I could make something to give to Alan for the house.

Like what? Well, something easy. I was thinking like

a chopping board. OK.

I have there some pieces of lumber.

Look. Yes, this is good.

If we can have that, but what sort of sh-...

Oh. Make. We do the shape?

Of course. Make, write what you want. Oh, wow.

Whilst Amanda's whittling her wood,

I've managed to convince Stamatis to take me to his gym.

Stamatis, everyone looks a bit hench here.

Look, everyone's like really fit.

Would I look like this if I came here?

Hmm... No? Well, couple of years' time.

Thanks to the olive oil-rich diet and healthy attitude to fitness,

the Greeks are one of the world's longer living populations.

Oh, yes, yes. Lovely, like a sleigh. Giddy up, giddy up!

And I'm hoping for some tips to get buff like a Corfiot.

I think if I'm getting back on the dating scene,

I want to look good, and one of my problem points is my hump.

So, if I can get rid of some of the things that might put people

off going on a date with me, then I feel I can just go for it, you know?

Two, and three.

Why you going so fast?

Watch what you're doing, not what I... Am I right?

He needs to watch himself.

Yeah!

Great job. Ah, look.

Do you see how smooth it is?

Like a baby's bottom.

Yeah, I wouldn't say it so, but...

So, we have oil.

This is so lovely.

You see? This is beautiful. It's OK.

I wondered whether we could talk about the wood that I've seen

out the front. Cos I was thinking we could make

a breakfast bar in the kitchen.

We make good deal, don't worry.

He threw his rag down. Let's go and make a deal.

What are you going to do now?

So, we have to make some circles.

Wait a minute.

And very, very good, very good.

Stamatis, look, Alan. Look. Watch me. Watch me, Stamatis, look.

I feel so good. It's just what the doctor ordered.

Are you all right, Stamatis? Do you need first aid?

This renovation, although it's small, does take it out of you.

It's nice to look after yourself.

What is this even doing?

This one is my favourite, yeah.

This is 600 years old.

Is it? So, I'm... Which one are you happy to sell,

and make a lady very happy?

I give any piece ever you want, present for your house.

No. Why?

Because you can't do that.

And? I have a lot of wood.

This is a big... The boss says so, yeah.

I am the boss here, I'm doing everything that I want.

Come on.

Oh, my God.

Anything that I want, come on.

Yeah. If he says so it is so. Aha. Yeah.

Thank you very much. You're welcome.

Thank you. I'm doing it with my heart. Oh, my God.

Me and Alan are doing it with our hearts too, this house.

Oh, my gosh, you just can't believe people's generosity.

It's amazing.

It's so lovely there are generational family businesses

still thriving on this island.

And to use materials that, you know, we've got all around us,

and that will be in our new little family villa.

At the house, the builders have been busy fitting the kitchen,

installing the lights and my very own olive wood worktop,

ready for us to do the finishing touches.

If you want any lemons, just shout, yeah?

Beautiful.

I made this for you.

But I'm on the Atkins.

The bread board.

Oh, how clever. Yeah.

Ta-da!

Oh, my God, this is better than I ever thought it would be.

That window....

Was the gamechanger.

Beautiful and light and open and airy.

I think whitewashing and cleaning up the pitched roof,

it feels double the space.

And then we found... Ah, look, I did that.

That's a nice feature. No, it's so nice.

I love this piece of olive wood as well.

Yeah. For the bar.

Don't you think modern works with an old background?

Yes, yeah.

I think it's just the right mix of old and new.

Do you love the fact that we went for a pale green sagey?

Well, WE didn't go for it, did we? You went for it.

No. I went for it because I had a mood board...

I wasn't even consulted! But I think it really, really works.

I mean, this is above and beyond what we've ever done.

But I think it shows that we are taking more of a chance

and I think this looks really cool.

I think this could be in a magazine.

BANG

Ooh, God. I thought something... Urgh, why?!

There's a rival interior designer on the island.

It's Kelly Hoppen.

She's taking shots at you.

"I'll get you, Alan. Next time, Alan!"

Next time...

Whee!

..we visit the Tunnel of Love...

See, it is like your love life.

Yes, very shallow.

..and get creative in the bedroom...

This is the only intimacy I've had in Corfu.

..as we bring passion to our Aphrodite suite.

We can't stop, or it looks like a mistake.

It is a mistake.