Original subtitles

Once, there was a maid.

I'm still here.

I'm just fine.

And the name of this person who came to Suguru Misato's home was Mahoro.

Hello.

I may not look like it, but I am a former Vesper combat android.

She is a pure-hearted, virtuous,

...cheerful and extremely hardworking maid,

but there is one flaw in this gem.

Weekly HARUKA IKAWA

P O U N D I N G H E A R T S W A Y I N G B R E A S T S

It's a dirty book...

anata ni tazuneraretara watashi

あなたに尋ねられたら私

When you come visit me

nikkori hohoemu deshou

にっこり微笑むでしょう

I'll probably break into a big smile

umaku ienai kedo subete ga

うまく言えないけどすべてが

I can't really put it into words

totemo totemo kageyaitemasu

とてもとても輝いてます

but everything is shining oh so bright

kitto ima goro minna atsumattemasu

きっと今頃皆集まってます

I bet everyone is together right about now

sore wa sawagashikute

それは騒がしくて

It may get a little rowdy

demo itoshii

でもいとしい

but I wouldn't have it any other way

tonde ikimasu itsumo no tokoro e

飛んでいきますいつもの所へ

Let's fly away to our usual place

taiyou takaku ashita mo hare desu

太陽高く明日も晴れです

Tomorrow will be clear with the sun in the sky

moshi mo sukoshi sabishiku nattemo

もしも少し寂しくなっても

Even if you get a little lonely

daijoubu chanto miteimasu

大丈夫ちゃんと見ています

it's okay, I'll be watching

koko de

ここで

right here

Dirty thoughts are bad!

Dirty thoughts are bad!

Are you ready?

Not yet!

Are you ready?

Not yet!

So, what happened with the goods?

Hey, that's right! I wanted to get your impressions on it.

It was found by Mahoro 1 hour and 27 minutes after I snuck it into my room,

CONFISCATED

...at which point she confiscated it.

CONFISCATED

CONFISCATED

CONFISCATED

CONFISCATED

Dirty thoughts are bad!

Are bad! Are bad! Are bad!

She what?!

Honest, I have no idea how she manages to sniff them out every single time...

If this keeps up, my treasures are on a course for extinction!

Suguru! You don't mean to say that she's even found THAT treasure, do you?

No, Hamaji, that one is still safe.

That's the one treasure that she'll never find.

You can't let your guard down, no matter what.

Kawahara...

Listen, Suguru.

That greatest and most powerful treasure,

...that ultimate and unmatched driving force of the libido which knows no bounds...

...does not belong to you alone!

It's ours... No, all humanity's!

No, it's a grand treasure that deserves to be called a cosmic legacy!

You mustn't let your guard down under any circumstances.

If worst comes to worst...

We'll help you, and guard that treasure with our very lives if we must!

Hamaji... Kawahara...

Minawa! I found'ja!

She found me...

Mahoro! I found'ja!

Oh, dear! You found me, all right!

I found'ja!

You sure did.

Found'ja, found'ja!

Here you are, Minawa! A second helping!

Tonight's Dinner

Onion Gratin Soup

Hamburger Curry

Caesar Salad

I gave you an extra beef patty, too.

Big sister... Thank you.

Um, Mahoro...

Here you are! You wanted seconds, too, right, Suguru?

T-Thanks...

Mahoro was like that even after we got home,

...she was all smiles, never mentioning the incident even once.

Um...

That freaks me out worse than anything else!

Excuse me...

Minawa!

Are you okay?

I'm sorry...

Um...

Uh, do you know where Ms. Shikijo is?

Yeah, I saw her a while ago behind the school building,

...checking to see if the kids had done their cleaning chores.

Thank you very much!

Don't look!

Are you okay, Minawa?

I'm so sorry, I'm so sorry, I'm so sorry!

T o M s. S h i k i j o

C o m p u l s o r y M e e t i n g O r d e r

S e c r e t D o c u m e n t s E n c l o s e d

If you don't come, I'll be very angry!

Okay, count me in!

Yeah, you're right. It might just be a photo book,

...but it's no fun to have a boy be infatuated with other girls.

If you want to get an eyeful, I'm always available...

F-Forget it, it's nothing. I'm in, too.

Chizu, how 'bout you?

Well, let me think...

It sounds like fun. I'm in!

Thank you so much! What stout-hearted friends you are...

Right, Minawa?

Hm? Oh. Yes.

I'm gonna pass on this one.

What's the problem? He's old enough.

I think it's cute.

As an older woman, it makes me want to mess around with him,

...saying that it's okay to do naughty things.

I'm going to pretend that I didn't hear the dirty things in the second half of that sentence.

I assumed that you would say as much, Ms. Shikijo.

Well, if that's settled...

That's too bad.

If the operation proved successful, I was going to throw a celebratory banquet.

You were?

That reminds me, Minawa.

You remember that vintage wine we found in the cellar the other day?

What was its name again?

Um... Roman... Romany Conti. I think.

I think.

Y-You mean Romanée-Conti?!

Calculations in Progress

Hey, that's right...!

If Misato did have all his dirty books taken away, he'd...

Ms. Shikijo! I've had all my dirty books taken away by Mahoro,

...so now my volcano of youthful passion is about to explode...

...and blow a hole clean through the stratosphere!

All right, come and get it!

Calculations Concluded

Well, well! Not only do I get free booze, I can't lose with this little plan!

All right, fine. Count on my assistance.

Agreement Reached

Agreement Reached

Mahoro is serious...

She's seriously planning to stamp out my treasures this time!

She even bought off Ms. Shikijo...

I can't believe she's coming at you loaded for bear.

It's... It's hopeless.

Hey, you two! Why have you given up already?!

No matter how many troops Mahoro's mustered,

...we have brains, guts, and most of all, the power of friendship on our side!

Kawahara...

You...

We have to pit ourselves against reality!

You're right...!

No man would ever admit defeat before even starting!

Yeah. I mean, if the three of us join forces...

Right! We'll never be beaten!

Yeah!

T o d a y' s D i n n e r

Y e l l o w T a i l

W h i t e R a d i s h

V a r i o u s

O t h e r s

This yellowtail and white radish sure is delicious, Mahoro!

Thank you so much!

At this time of year, there's nothing like yellowtail and white radish, is there, Suguru?

Several Days Later

So, they've finally come...

Now the fight really begins!

Let's see our treasures through this crisis!

Yeah!

Warrant

Suguru!

I have a warrant to search these premises on suspicion that a large quantity...

...of dirty books is concealed...

Warrant

Warrant

Warrant

Huh?

Looks like he got the drop on you.

He gave us the slip!

Big sister?

A R R E S T W A R R E N T

A R R E S T W A R R E N T

A R R E S T W A R R E N T

A R R E S T W A R R E N T

They're under arrest!

A R R E S T W A R R E N T

They're probably hot on our trail by now.

That's far enough, Kawahara!

Give yourself up and hand over those dirty books!

So, you got me...

Hey, boss.

We just nabbed a suspect over at the third block of Motonakame Town, over.

Minawa!

Are you okay?! Are you hurt?

M-Minawa?!

You're under arrest. I'm so sorry.

C'mon, Hamaji...

You can't run forever, so why don't you make it easy for yourself?

You wanna give Minawa some peace of mind, don't you?

I've put you through so much trouble!

As if I'd play hide and seek...

Now, while that caricature of a maid is gone...

Oh, dear! My good Romanée-Conti!

Ow, that hurt!

When did she rig this booby trap?

Or more to the point, what kind of maid rigs a pitfall trap inside a house?!

I-It's flooding! Are you kidding me! She'd go this far?!

Understood. Copy that.

Now there's only one left...

Suguru! Where are you?!

This isn't good...

Suguru? Hamaji and Kawahara have already been apprehended and taken to the house,

...so why don't you come home, too?

Oh, Mahoro? Um, I just bought a ticket to Macau, so...

There you are.

Wait, Suguru! Come back here this instant!

It's strange how fast Suguru can run at times like these...

In that case...

Summon the Silpheed!

Huh?

Clearance: 100 Yen

Clearance: 100 Yen

Clearance: 100 Yen

Clearance: 100 Yen

Clearance: 100 Yen

It's been switched for a fake!

Summon the Fang!

Giddyup!

Uh, Suguru, I DO work for Vesper, you know...

That doesn't matter! You need to help ME out for once!

Yessir...

Suguru! And Slash, too?!

Hey, she's spotted us already! You'd better turn yourself in!

No way! I can't give up yet, not over a little setback like this!

You come back here right this minute!

Suguru, let's give up and surrender!

Not a chance!

This is another fine mess you've gotten me into...

Acceleration device!

I said come back here, and I mean it!

No way!

Suguru, I can't go any further...

Slash!

Leave me here and go on without me...

Don't talk like that! I can't leave you behind, Slash!

Why do you suppose Mahoro is so obsessed with dirty books, anyway?

You're pretty impressive yourself, running all this way over 'em...

Mahoro's that way because of your Dad...

Er, I mean it's the influence of her commanding officer back when she was in Vesper.

This is his fault, that sly fox...

Hm?

Um, the key... Key...

Gosh, look at all this treasure...

Of course, this sorta stuff don't float my boat.

S-Stop that, Slash! Not out here!

Oh, I see...

What's all this?

M-Mahoro?!

They're all naked.

He said that if he'd kept 'em at home, his wife would've found 'em and confiscated 'em.

Something wrong, Suguru?

No, it's just that when you said that, it made me think that my dad...

...must have gone through the same thing with my mom.

Listen up, Suguru, my boy. Men are dirty creatures.

Yeah! Dirty!

Right! We can't help it!

Yeah! We can't help it!

But you should wait until you're bigger to look at dirty books, Suguru.

Fine, then! I know where you hide your dirty books, Dad!

I'm gonna go tell Mom!

What?! Don't, Suguru!

Don't tell your mother! Anything but that!

They make your mother incredibly jealous!

Then show me!

No!

Then I'm telling!

Anything but that!

In the end, Dad hid all his dirty books somewhere right after that.

I guess they meant a lot to him.

Sheesh, like father like son...

Huh? Did you say something?

Listen, don't let Mahoro beat you...

Slash! Don't die on me! Slash!

Hey! Don't write me off as dead!

Commander Misato...

I'll never forget the words you spoke to me that day, Commander...

Don't! Girls shouldn't look at these dirty books!

You mean... dirty thoughts are bad?

Right! Dirty thoughts are bad!

They sure are, aren't they? Dirty thoughts are bad, aren't they?!

I think so, too!

They certainly are...

In that case, I'll go dispose of this huge quantity of naughty articles at once!

Mahoro... Don't run in the halls.

It's dangerous.

That ain't the problem here.

All right. I'm confiscating that.

I... I surrender.

A-A cross counter?

I don't really want to think about it, but where do you suppose we are?

Now that you mention it, we came a long way, didn't we?

We certainly did.

Hey, that's Etorufu Island, isn't it?

Current location Hokkaido · Shiretoko Peninsula

Wow, really?

Everything looks so fresh!

I unexpectedly found myself with some excellent ingredients on hand, so...

Suguru, how far did you run, anyway?

You didn't have to run all the way up to Hokkaido, you know.

Like they say, "Criminals always flee to the north."

Ack!

Get real. As if that would ever happen.

I was kidding.

Who cares about that?

Let's hurry up and have that toast, and then eat that crab!

I had to fight for my life to escape from that pitfall trap, so I'm starving!

You're still here? You traitor.

I didn't betray nobody!

I was searching the house on my own initiative!

Stare ...

Oh, really?

Uh... Something like that.

At any rate, the crab is perfectly cooked now,

...so let's have a toast and celebrate the eradication of all those dirty books!

Yeah!

Congratulations A Big Success

It was a big success!

Y-Yes? Come on in!

Pardon me.

Pardon me.

W-What are all those for?

Well, after seeing your passion for these this afternoon,

...I've reconsidered my opinion somewhat.

I'd like to pretend that today's events never happened.

Please take two or three days to hide these again somewhere.

O-Oh, really?

T-Thanks!

Minawa!

I'm so sorry!

W-What in the world?

Oh my goodness!

I see. The books I confiscated this afternoon were just a decoy...

...meant to divert my attention away from here, weren't they?

Y-Yeah.

I was worried that if I didn't make it look convincing...

How unfortunate.

The very thought of a ploy this large-scale is so absurd...

...that if it weren't for Minawa, I might have spent my whole life none the wiser.

I'm sorry...

If you stack them on end, dirty books take up less space than you'd think!

Um, Suguru...

Yes?

I think dirty thoughts are bad!

I-I'm sorry!

Um, I... I think that dirty thoughts are bad, too!

Not yet, not yet, we mustn't. What do you mean, "Show me everything"?

Take that! Take that! Take that!

I mustn't give you quick peeks. Summertime is just too dangerous.

Oh me, oh my, this is wrong. Please be gentle.

Bump, thump, bump, thump!

That's right, do girls really wait?

I'll swell up fit to burst.

My belly will sway back and forth.

The day might come when I won't be able to resist,

...and I'll look you straight in the eye...

...and say, "I love you!"

Summer festival music, exploding fireworks,

Heave ho! Heave ho!

...I want to see you again here in Hiryu.

Hey! Hey! Hey!

The girls in this town...

Heave ho! Heave ho!

...whisper behind your back!

Hey! Hey!

I can't believe Mahoro managed to find them right at the very end...

Mahoro is truly terrifying!

Not yet! This doesn't mean that it's over!

The treasures confiscated by Mahoro amount to a mere 15% of the total!

My battle with Mahoro...

...has only just begun!

Right on, Suguru! That's the spirit!

We'll fight by your side!

The End