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1
00:00:04,280 --> 00:00:06,480
One of these is wobbly.
2
00:00:06,560 --> 00:00:08,560
I've always wanted to juggle.
3
00:00:09,920 --> 00:00:11,920
Your water's very hard, isn't it?
4
00:00:12,960 --> 00:00:15,960
Oh, look at the state of this!
5
00:00:17,120 --> 00:00:19,000
Oh, it's stunning. It's a stunner.
6
00:00:19,080 --> 00:00:21,640
Just you wait until you
get inside the actual pods.
7
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Pods?!
8
00:00:23,240 --> 00:00:26,200
Oh, Rach, I've always wanted to go
in a pod!
9
00:00:26,280 --> 00:00:28,200
OK, I am calling it.
10
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It's a triumph.
11
00:00:29,720 --> 00:00:32,120
OK, Cherry, let's not overhype it,
you know.
12
00:00:32,200 --> 00:00:33,920
No, I'm not, I'm just saying,
13
00:00:34,000 --> 00:00:36,080
this is going to be the best hag do
14
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that's ever happened to anyone
15
00:00:38,480 --> 00:00:39,760
on Earth.
16
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Or the moon. Yeah.
17
00:00:41,680 --> 00:00:43,240
What? The moon?
18
00:00:43,320 --> 00:00:46,160
It's like where
the Teletubbies live, isn't it?
19
00:00:46,240 --> 00:00:49,040
A bit. It is like Tubbyland,
actually - you're right, Mum.
20
00:00:49,120 --> 00:00:50,640
Fat Tubbyland.
21
00:00:50,720 --> 00:00:53,800
Well, I, for one, cannot wait
to get my Tinky-Winky in the tub.
22
00:00:53,880 --> 00:00:56,040
Oh! As long as you don't do a
Po in it.
23
00:00:56,120 --> 00:00:57,200
LAUGHTER
24
00:00:57,280 --> 00:00:58,400
That's lovely. Laa-Laa.
25
00:00:58,480 --> 00:01:00,480
What's this? Driving me la-la.
26
00:01:02,120 --> 00:01:05,080
There IS one called Laa-Laa.
That was bad. Which pod am I in?
27
00:01:05,160 --> 00:01:08,120
So the boys are in this pod. Oi, oi.
28
00:01:08,200 --> 00:01:09,960
And the girls are in here.
29
00:01:10,040 --> 00:01:11,480
Oh, we're going single-sex, are we?
30
00:01:11,560 --> 00:01:14,480
I thought you believed that gender
was a social construct these days.
31
00:01:14,560 --> 00:01:15,960
Well, no, no, yeah, I sort of do.
32
00:01:16,040 --> 00:01:18,400
But they've, erm, got all their
Scalextrics.
33
00:01:18,480 --> 00:01:20,600
Yeah, and me and Kay
have got our make-up kit.
34
00:01:20,680 --> 00:01:22,920
Oh, my God. Why is it so big?
35
00:01:23,000 --> 00:01:24,720
You got Gok Wan in there,
or something?
36
00:01:24,800 --> 00:01:26,840
No. No, I know.
37
00:01:26,920 --> 00:01:28,040
Is there Wi-Fi here, Mum.
38
00:01:28,120 --> 00:01:29,240
There's, like, no signal.
39
00:01:29,320 --> 00:01:31,960
No, that's the whole point
of being off-grid, Amy.
40
00:01:32,040 --> 00:01:34,480
You know, to force you to put
your phone down and
41
00:01:34,560 --> 00:01:36,320
look at all those...
42
00:01:36,400 --> 00:01:38,400
The hedges and the... The hedges?
43
00:01:38,480 --> 00:01:39,680
Yeah, exactly.
44
00:01:39,760 --> 00:01:40,920
Take photos now,
45
00:01:41,000 --> 00:01:43,160
upload them to Insta
later when we're in Ashford.
46
00:01:43,240 --> 00:01:46,080
Well, no, that's not exactly
what I meant but, on that subject,
47
00:01:46,160 --> 00:01:49,360
erm, Paul will be driving the bus...
Hello.
48
00:01:49,440 --> 00:01:52,560
..to Disco Inferno at nine.
49
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CHEERING
So make sure you're ready to go.
50
00:01:55,320 --> 00:01:57,760
And then we'll head home about 1am
so we're not too shattered
51
00:01:57,840 --> 00:02:01,440
for the, erm, bird-watching/power
station trip tomorrow.
52
00:02:01,520 --> 00:02:03,000
Thanks, Mum.
53
00:02:03,080 --> 00:02:05,640
I mean, it's got everything. Argh!
54
00:02:05,720 --> 00:02:06,920
Haggy, Haggy, Haggy!
55
00:02:07,000 --> 00:02:08,120
Do, do, do!
56
00:02:08,200 --> 00:02:10,440
No! You want to do your chanting,
57
00:02:10,520 --> 00:02:12,360
you do it in your own pod.
58
00:02:12,440 --> 00:02:14,480
Yeah. Yeah, in your pod.
Sorry, Babe.
59
00:02:14,560 --> 00:02:16,920
Erm, all right, boys,
shall we just get in the pod and...?
60
00:02:17,000 --> 00:02:19,880
Sam, do you want to come and chant?
Erm, no, I'm good, mate. Yeah.
61
00:02:19,960 --> 00:02:22,120
Come on, then, fellas.
Let the chanting commence.
62
00:02:22,200 --> 00:02:23,560
What are you looking for, mate?
63
00:02:23,640 --> 00:02:25,600
Erm, I think I left my
camera charger at home.
64
00:02:25,680 --> 00:02:26,680
Oh, dude, that's a shame.
65
00:02:26,760 --> 00:02:29,160
Do you want me to use the...?
Haggy, Haggy, Haggy!
66
00:02:29,240 --> 00:02:32,160
Do, do! OK, thanks, Dad.
Haggy, Haggy, Haggy! Do, do, do!
67
00:02:32,240 --> 00:02:33,480
Haggy! Do!
68
00:02:33,560 --> 00:02:35,200
What is...? What is...?
69
00:02:35,280 --> 00:02:37,720
Oh, my God!
Sam, what the hell is this?
70
00:02:37,800 --> 00:02:39,960
I-I don't know.
How am I supposed to know?
71
00:02:40,040 --> 00:02:41,880
Well, you opened it.
Yeah, only cos...
72
00:02:41,960 --> 00:02:43,120
Dad!
73
00:02:43,200 --> 00:02:44,680
Dad? Sammy?
74
00:02:44,760 --> 00:02:46,160
What is it? I don't know.
75
00:02:46,240 --> 00:02:47,400
Argh! Oh!
76
00:02:47,480 --> 00:02:49,160
Yeah, it's not... What's happened?!
77
00:02:49,240 --> 00:02:50,560
Erm, yeah, I don't know.
78
00:02:50,640 --> 00:02:53,040
I think, erm, Sam bought
a second-hand sex doll.
79
00:02:53,120 --> 00:02:54,520
Shut up. No, I haven't.
80
00:02:54,600 --> 00:02:56,080
Oh, Sammy!
81
00:02:56,160 --> 00:02:58,480
Well, at least buy
a new one if you're going to...
82
00:02:58,560 --> 00:03:00,280
..get a...one of those.
83
00:03:00,360 --> 00:03:01,640
How is it even for that?
84
00:03:01,720 --> 00:03:03,200
It's only a torso.
85
00:03:03,280 --> 00:03:05,760
Well, it depends what you're into.
86
00:03:05,840 --> 00:03:07,840
What's all this
shouting about, please?
87
00:03:07,920 --> 00:03:10,160
Did you order an incredibly
creepy rubber girl?
88
00:03:10,240 --> 00:03:12,520
Yeah, my Resusci Annie -
I got it on eBay.
89
00:03:12,600 --> 00:03:13,760
Right, see?
90
00:03:13,840 --> 00:03:15,360
What?! Why is it open?
91
00:03:15,440 --> 00:03:17,800
Well, because it said Mr Jessop,
so I thought it was for me.
92
00:03:17,880 --> 00:03:19,000
Well, it's not.
93
00:03:19,080 --> 00:03:21,240
Oh, God! What the hell is that?
94
00:03:21,320 --> 00:03:23,560
Dad bought an old sex doll.
No, I didn't, though.
95
00:03:23,640 --> 00:03:24,880
It's my Resusci Annie.
96
00:03:24,960 --> 00:03:26,240
It's for learning CPR.
97
00:03:26,320 --> 00:03:28,360
I thought you were doing
that on your police course.
98
00:03:28,440 --> 00:03:29,640
I've got to practise at home.
99
00:03:29,720 --> 00:03:31,680
Well, can you put it away, please?
It's horrible.
100
00:03:31,760 --> 00:03:34,120
DOORBELL RINGS
I didn't get it out! Doorbell, someone!
101
00:03:34,200 --> 00:03:35,520
I'll get it.
102
00:03:35,600 --> 00:03:38,320
You lose yourself in it.
All right, Spielberg?
103
00:03:38,400 --> 00:03:40,160
You all right? Yes, I am.
104
00:03:40,240 --> 00:03:41,640
Don't mind if I do. Morning, all!
105
00:03:41,720 --> 00:03:42,920
Oh, my gosh!
106
00:03:43,000 --> 00:03:44,400
Now, we won't stay long.
107
00:03:44,480 --> 00:03:46,120
Just wanted to show you...
108
00:03:46,200 --> 00:03:48,840
..the Lord of the Blings -
here it is.
109
00:03:48,920 --> 00:03:50,480
Whoa! Get your shades on.
110
00:03:50,560 --> 00:03:51,960
Sparkling, innit?
111
00:03:52,040 --> 00:03:55,280
Oh, Cheryl, that's lovely.
Yes, it is.
112
00:03:55,360 --> 00:03:57,880
Oh, and it's so Christmassy.
113
00:03:57,960 --> 00:04:00,320
I've got to keep my hand
pointed up like this for now,
114
00:04:00,400 --> 00:04:01,680
in case it slides off.
115
00:04:01,760 --> 00:04:03,440
Why? Is it too big? A bit, yeah.
116
00:04:03,520 --> 00:04:05,440
I've got thin fingers. Thingers.
117
00:04:05,520 --> 00:04:06,880
She has, actually. But, yeah, no,
118
00:04:06,960 --> 00:04:09,520
keeping your hand like this is the
best way to show it to people,
119
00:04:09,600 --> 00:04:11,800
so, you know. No, we'll have it
taken in at some point.
120
00:04:11,880 --> 00:04:14,360
And have you set a date yet?
I have, Sue, yes.
121
00:04:14,440 --> 00:04:15,520
April the 20th.
122
00:04:15,600 --> 00:04:19,280
Oh! How exciting.
I'm going to iron my hat.
123
00:04:20,360 --> 00:04:21,960
No, sorry, I'm talking about
the stag.
124
00:04:22,040 --> 00:04:23,920
Oh, yeah, we haven't booked
the wedding yet.
125
00:04:24,000 --> 00:04:25,320
Who cares about that bit? Yeah!
126
00:04:25,400 --> 00:04:27,000
Erm, you do. I do, actually.
127
00:04:27,080 --> 00:04:29,080
More than anything. Great.
128
00:04:29,160 --> 00:04:31,160
And is the best man...?
129
00:04:32,520 --> 00:04:33,880
Is it me?
130
00:04:33,960 --> 00:04:35,200
Pathetic way to ask.
131
00:04:35,280 --> 00:04:37,400
Now, Paolo, it should be,
in many ways.
132
00:04:37,480 --> 00:04:39,920
But I feel so guilty not
asking Dean. I don't.
133
00:04:40,000 --> 00:04:41,440
I mean, you're both such...
134
00:04:41,520 --> 00:04:43,800
..great men, but who's the best?
135
00:04:43,880 --> 00:04:46,040
It's like, innit,
Alien vs Predator?
136
00:04:46,120 --> 00:04:47,360
I mean, why does it...?
137
00:04:47,440 --> 00:04:49,280
Why does it have to be a man at all?
138
00:04:49,360 --> 00:04:50,720
You know?
139
00:04:50,800 --> 00:04:52,480
Well, because it's a
best man, right?
140
00:04:52,560 --> 00:04:54,160
I mean, the clue's in the question.
141
00:04:54,240 --> 00:04:57,480
No, I mean, I just find
these binary divisions
142
00:04:57,560 --> 00:04:59,520
so old-fashioned, you know?
143
00:04:59,600 --> 00:05:02,040
Oh, God, don't you start, please.
What's happening?
144
00:05:02,120 --> 00:05:04,480
Mum's just discovered gender theory
at college,
145
00:05:04,560 --> 00:05:07,920
having ignored everything I've been
saying for the last 15 years. OK.
146
00:05:08,000 --> 00:05:11,480
Yes, I have, and I just find this
single-sex stuff so regressive.
147
00:05:11,560 --> 00:05:14,880
You know, I mean, I've known you
far longer than either of them.
148
00:05:14,960 --> 00:05:16,400
Oh, OK, I see.
149
00:05:16,480 --> 00:05:17,600
I know what this is about.
150
00:05:17,680 --> 00:05:19,040
What?
151
00:05:19,120 --> 00:05:20,480
You want to be best man. No.
152
00:05:20,560 --> 00:05:22,520
That is not what I'm saying.
Do you?
153
00:05:22,600 --> 00:05:23,800
But I would...
154
00:05:23,880 --> 00:05:25,520
I wouldn't mind, actually.
155
00:05:25,600 --> 00:05:28,040
Yes! Oh, right. Why not? Yeah.
156
00:05:28,120 --> 00:05:31,840
Because you will be on the hen
with me and the girls.
157
00:05:31,920 --> 00:05:33,320
Isn't that really depressing,
158
00:05:33,400 --> 00:05:35,160
though? Like stags and hens,
you know,
159
00:05:35,240 --> 00:05:38,400
trying to make it seem like men and
women are two different species.
160
00:05:38,480 --> 00:05:41,160
Yeah, well, I've never thought
about that, actually.
161
00:05:41,240 --> 00:05:43,680
Yeah, but, I mean, it's not
as though stags even
162
00:05:43,760 --> 00:05:46,000
have sex with hens, is it,
in the wild?
163
00:05:46,080 --> 00:05:48,560
Well, no. No, Mum.
That would be horrible.
164
00:05:48,640 --> 00:05:49,600
Yeah.
165
00:05:49,680 --> 00:05:51,080
Do a hag, then.
166
00:05:51,160 --> 00:05:52,280
A what?
167
00:05:52,360 --> 00:05:53,480
What's that?
168
00:05:53,560 --> 00:05:56,320
It's like a combined hen and stag.
Hag.
169
00:05:56,400 --> 00:05:59,360
Hag, yeah, with me as best man.
Yeah.
170
00:05:59,440 --> 00:06:01,080
Go on. Come on.
171
00:06:01,160 --> 00:06:03,000
I-I... You're not going to...
172
00:06:03,080 --> 00:06:04,920
I don't mind that, actually.
173
00:06:05,000 --> 00:06:07,840
Yeah.
Yeah, it lets me keep an eye on him.
174
00:06:07,920 --> 00:06:10,360
Make sure you don't end
up inside a strip club,
175
00:06:10,440 --> 00:06:12,720
or inside a stripper.
Ha-ha.
176
00:06:12,800 --> 00:06:15,000
But, I mean, we could still go
clubbing, though, right?
177
00:06:15,080 --> 00:06:17,240
I mean, it won't all be just sort
of facials and crying.
178
00:06:17,320 --> 00:06:20,400
Yeah, clubbing's not gendered.
It's not gendered, is it? No, yeah.
179
00:06:20,480 --> 00:06:22,560
I wouldn't say no to a facial,
actually.
180
00:06:22,640 --> 00:06:23,720
Oh, no!
181
00:06:23,800 --> 00:06:27,080
Amy, you can't go
because you are seeing Maya
182
00:06:27,160 --> 00:06:28,880
that weekend in Swansea.
183
00:06:28,960 --> 00:06:31,560
Not if she hasn't told her parents
about us by then I'm not.
184
00:06:31,640 --> 00:06:34,400
Yeah, so I'm going to find somewhere
really exciting for us, OK?
185
00:06:34,480 --> 00:06:36,640
OK, but with a hot tub.
With a hot tub.
186
00:06:36,720 --> 00:06:38,960
Oh. And off-grid, like in the
sticks.
187
00:06:39,040 --> 00:06:41,520
In the... Yeah. And somewhere I can
go bird-watching.
188
00:06:41,600 --> 00:06:43,920
But not so off-grid that we're not
near a nightclub.
189
00:06:44,000 --> 00:06:45,680
For the other kind of
bird-watching.
190
00:06:45,760 --> 00:06:47,280
Robin! I'm joking.
191
00:06:47,360 --> 00:06:48,760
Or am I? No, I am.
192
00:06:48,840 --> 00:06:51,280
Stop trying to crowbar
bird-watching into everything, Mum.
193
00:06:51,360 --> 00:06:54,400
If you want to perv at birds,
you can do it out the window.
194
00:06:54,480 --> 00:06:57,000
At what? There's nothing out there.
195
00:06:57,080 --> 00:06:58,720
You haven't even got a bird feeder.
196
00:06:58,800 --> 00:07:00,240
Then get a bird feeder.
197
00:07:00,320 --> 00:07:02,920
All right, I'll factor that in, Sue.
198
00:07:03,000 --> 00:07:04,440
Oh, also near a power station
199
00:07:04,520 --> 00:07:06,600
would be helpful
for my geography course, Mum.
200
00:07:06,680 --> 00:07:07,960
Yes, absolutely.
201
00:07:08,040 --> 00:07:10,640
This is just a dreadful way
to organise a stag. Hag.
202
00:07:10,720 --> 00:07:13,080
I'm trying to find somewhere that
ticks all those boxes.
203
00:07:13,160 --> 00:07:16,880
I mean, I'm not sure Booking.com
has exactly those filters,
204
00:07:16,960 --> 00:07:18,360
but I'll do my best.
205
00:07:18,440 --> 00:07:20,720
And you'll succeed,
because you are the best man.
206
00:07:22,080 --> 00:07:23,960
As of now. I'm the best man. Yup.
207
00:07:24,040 --> 00:07:25,360
Sorry about that.
208
00:07:25,440 --> 00:07:27,440
It's cool, man, I'm cool.
209
00:07:27,880 --> 00:07:31,400
Oh, look at those stars
pinging away.
210
00:07:31,480 --> 00:07:33,960
Oh, you don't get them in Bedford.
211
00:07:34,040 --> 00:07:35,920
I mean, you do, you just can't see
'em
212
00:07:36,000 --> 00:07:37,760
because of all the light pollution.
213
00:07:37,840 --> 00:07:39,880
All right, smart arse.
You know what she meant.
214
00:07:39,960 --> 00:07:41,280
Just saying. Rachel.
215
00:07:41,360 --> 00:07:43,000
Hmm? Hi.
216
00:07:43,080 --> 00:07:45,360
Sorry to, erm, talk to you.
217
00:07:45,440 --> 00:07:47,160
Erm, it's only to say that
218
00:07:47,240 --> 00:07:49,840
we can't find a plug socket
in our pod.
219
00:07:49,920 --> 00:07:51,040
Mm.
220
00:07:51,120 --> 00:07:53,080
Well, no, there isn't one -
there's no...
221
00:07:53,160 --> 00:07:55,120
..you know, power.
222
00:07:55,200 --> 00:07:56,520
What? OK.
223
00:07:56,600 --> 00:07:58,440
All it is, is that
224
00:07:58,520 --> 00:08:02,200
we spent the last two hours
laying out the Scalextrics track.
225
00:08:02,280 --> 00:08:06,000
Right. Does Scalextrics need
electricity? It does, doesn't it?
226
00:08:06,080 --> 00:08:07,800
It's implicit in the name. Erm...
227
00:08:07,880 --> 00:08:09,640
Yeah. Well, I'm sorry, Gelson,
228
00:08:09,720 --> 00:08:11,120
you'll just have to play it...
229
00:08:11,200 --> 00:08:13,120
..acoustic.
230
00:08:13,200 --> 00:08:15,280
Right, erm...
231
00:08:15,360 --> 00:08:17,600
..that won't...work... OK.
232
00:08:17,680 --> 00:08:19,800
..per se, but, erm, thanks.
233
00:08:19,880 --> 00:08:21,960
I'll pass that on. Thank you.
234
00:08:22,040 --> 00:08:23,640
Ah, ya...! Oh, you all right?
235
00:08:23,720 --> 00:08:25,760
Hang on, there's no power?
236
00:08:25,840 --> 00:08:28,680
Well, no, Cherry, we're off-grid,
like you wanted.
237
00:08:28,760 --> 00:08:29,960
Oh.
238
00:08:30,040 --> 00:08:33,120
See, I thought off-grid just meant
like...
239
00:08:33,200 --> 00:08:34,360
..not in the city.
240
00:08:34,440 --> 00:08:36,920
Well, no, it's off the
power grid, isn't it?
241
00:08:37,000 --> 00:08:39,160
I'm sure that's what it means.
It does, yeah.
242
00:08:39,240 --> 00:08:41,520
So how do I plug in
243
00:08:41,600 --> 00:08:43,120
my curling wand?
244
00:08:43,200 --> 00:08:45,040
Erm, well, what are we meant to do
245
00:08:45,120 --> 00:08:47,400
before going to Ashford,
more to the point?
246
00:08:47,480 --> 00:08:49,680
Just sit around the fire
like olden-days people?
247
00:08:49,760 --> 00:08:51,520
Well, no, no, we've got the hot tub
248
00:08:51,600 --> 00:08:55,160
and, erm, some
other surprises coming up.
249
00:08:55,240 --> 00:08:57,840
Oh, my gosh. In fact, I think
that might be one of them now.
250
00:08:57,920 --> 00:09:00,200
Boys get out of the pod!
251
00:09:00,280 --> 00:09:02,520
The entertainment is about to start!
252
00:09:02,600 --> 00:09:03,680
Woo! Whoa!
253
00:09:03,760 --> 00:09:04,960
Yes, please.
254
00:09:05,040 --> 00:09:06,840
Oh, God. OK. Oh, all right.
255
00:09:06,920 --> 00:09:08,160
RACHEL LAUGHS
256
00:09:08,240 --> 00:09:09,840
Is one of you Rachel?
257
00:09:09,920 --> 00:09:11,280
Yes, I am. Sorry.
258
00:09:11,360 --> 00:09:13,080
Come on. OK.
259
00:09:13,160 --> 00:09:14,480
Is it, erm...?
260
00:09:14,560 --> 00:09:16,320
Well, where do you want me?
261
00:09:16,400 --> 00:09:19,520
Oh-ho! Oo-er, missus. What is it,
Rach? Hypnotist or something, is he?
262
00:09:19,600 --> 00:09:22,160
Oh, I love an hypnotist.
Here? Is here OK?
263
00:09:22,240 --> 00:09:24,280
Here, like outside?
264
00:09:24,360 --> 00:09:28,280
Erm, well, our pods are full
of clothes and Scalextrics.
265
00:09:28,360 --> 00:09:29,480
Erm...
266
00:09:29,560 --> 00:09:31,400
I'm just not meant to do it
outside, really.
267
00:09:31,480 --> 00:09:33,000
And it's very dark.
268
00:09:33,080 --> 00:09:35,200
I mean, have you got any more
light, or...?
269
00:09:35,280 --> 00:09:36,760
You have got the fire.
270
00:09:36,840 --> 00:09:38,080
And the moon, look.
271
00:09:38,160 --> 00:09:40,360
And the little battery-powered
peckers from the pods.
272
00:09:40,440 --> 00:09:42,880
Yeah, and the minibus.
Amy, put the headlights on.
273
00:09:42,960 --> 00:09:45,120
A please would be nice.
What's this about headlights?
274
00:09:45,200 --> 00:09:47,000
Oh, we just need more light
for the hypnotist.
275
00:09:47,080 --> 00:09:49,720
Oh, right, yeah, well, just don't
leave them on too long, all right?
276
00:09:49,800 --> 00:09:51,040
So is there no Wi-Fi here? No.
277
00:09:51,120 --> 00:09:53,320
All my music's online.
Yeah, we're off-grid.
278
00:09:53,400 --> 00:09:55,600
Does anyone have any songs
on their phone,
279
00:09:55,680 --> 00:09:57,080
as in that work offline?
280
00:09:57,160 --> 00:09:59,720
Yep, yep, I do,
I'll put some on.
281
00:09:59,800 --> 00:10:02,040
Hello! Showtime!
282
00:10:02,120 --> 00:10:04,120
CHEERING
283
00:10:05,040 --> 00:10:07,400
That is...very bright!
284
00:10:07,480 --> 00:10:09,560
Hypnotise Jelson, make him
moo like a cow.
285
00:10:09,640 --> 00:10:11,440
I'll do that anyway.
286
00:10:11,520 --> 00:10:12,680
Moo!
287
00:10:12,760 --> 00:10:15,040
CLUCKING NOISES
288
00:10:15,120 --> 00:10:17,120
LIVELY CHATTER
289
00:10:17,920 --> 00:10:20,000
Oh, my gosh. Oh! Oh, my gosh.
290
00:10:20,080 --> 00:10:22,320
Here we go, here we go. Ooh!
291
00:10:22,400 --> 00:10:24,480
Oh! Oh, my God. Oh, my God!
292
00:10:24,560 --> 00:10:26,160
RACHEL GIGGLES
293
00:10:26,240 --> 00:10:27,360
BIRDSONG IN BACKGROUND
294
00:10:27,440 --> 00:10:30,040
Is this...Is this part of the
hypnotism, is it?
295
00:10:30,120 --> 00:10:31,640
You what? What are you...?
296
00:10:31,720 --> 00:10:32,960
No, no, no, he's a stripper.
297
00:10:33,040 --> 00:10:34,520
Oh, wicked!
298
00:10:34,600 --> 00:10:36,240
You hired a stripper?
299
00:10:36,320 --> 00:10:38,000
Is there a girl one coming too?
300
00:10:38,080 --> 00:10:40,680
Well, no, that's very different.
Why?!
301
00:10:40,760 --> 00:10:43,480
Well, because it just is -
watching women strip is sleazy.
302
00:10:43,560 --> 00:10:45,720
When a man does it,
it's, you know, progressive.
303
00:10:45,800 --> 00:10:47,600
THEY SCREAM
304
00:10:47,680 --> 00:10:49,760
Well done!
305
00:10:49,840 --> 00:10:51,360
"Well done"?
306
00:10:51,440 --> 00:10:52,720
Yeah, his chest.
307
00:10:52,800 --> 00:10:55,840
I mean, it takes a lot of work
to get muscles like that.
308
00:10:55,920 --> 00:10:57,240
BIRDSONG
It does, believe me.
309
00:10:57,320 --> 00:10:59,200
Just stop ogling him, Mum, please.
310
00:10:59,280 --> 00:11:01,280
I mean, there's people walking past.
311
00:11:01,360 --> 00:11:04,280
Oh, no. Right, ignore them - try to.
Sorry.
312
00:11:04,360 --> 00:11:06,680
Oh! He's going to take his
trousers off.
313
00:11:06,760 --> 00:11:09,040
Hey. Oh, come on, brother,
not the trousers!
314
00:11:09,120 --> 00:11:10,680
Leave the trousers on,
do us a favour.
315
00:11:10,760 --> 00:11:13,520
So what is...?
Sorry, what is this music?
316
00:11:14,840 --> 00:11:16,520
I think it's, erm...
317
00:11:16,600 --> 00:11:18,080
..yeah, a blackbird.
318
00:11:18,160 --> 00:11:20,320
SCREAMING
319
00:11:20,400 --> 00:11:22,000
Sorry, what?
320
00:11:22,080 --> 00:11:24,240
A blackbird, as in birdsong?
321
00:11:24,320 --> 00:11:25,680
Yeah, yeah, erm,
322
00:11:25,760 --> 00:11:27,640
I've got an app with them all on.
323
00:11:27,720 --> 00:11:29,200
Huh.
324
00:11:29,280 --> 00:11:31,680
Yeah, no, I'm not going to dance
to birdsong.
325
00:11:31,760 --> 00:11:33,600
What? That was dancing, was it?
326
00:11:33,680 --> 00:11:35,520
I'm not even supposed to do
this outside.
327
00:11:35,600 --> 00:11:36,760
I'd like to see you have a go.
328
00:11:36,840 --> 00:11:39,640
Look, there's a family over there.
And with the headlights,
329
00:11:39,720 --> 00:11:42,120
the flaming torches -
this feels like a lynching. What?!
330
00:11:42,200 --> 00:11:43,960
You what? That's ridiculous.
331
00:11:44,040 --> 00:11:45,520
Is that all we're getting?
332
00:11:45,600 --> 00:11:47,200
No! No, no, no, no.
333
00:11:47,280 --> 00:11:49,320
No! No! Rach... Rach!
334
00:11:49,400 --> 00:11:50,760
Hang on! Oh, my God.
335
00:11:50,840 --> 00:11:52,160
Let him go, Rach.
336
00:11:52,240 --> 00:11:54,840
I'm sorry, but you cannot expect
us to pay you 400 quid
337
00:11:54,920 --> 00:11:57,600
when we didn't, you know... What?
338
00:11:57,680 --> 00:12:00,240
See your bits. Well, no, Sue.
I mean, we didn't.
339
00:12:00,320 --> 00:12:01,680
That's also true, but I meant,
340
00:12:01,760 --> 00:12:03,960
you know, when you only
did about five minutes!
341
00:12:04,040 --> 00:12:06,840
The website states that it has to
take place inside. That's on you.
342
00:12:06,920 --> 00:12:09,600
Yeah, that's clearly on us, Mum.
Don't side with the stripper, Amy.
343
00:12:09,680 --> 00:12:11,000
Rach, just forget about him.
344
00:12:11,080 --> 00:12:13,360
Don't worry about it.
We'll go to Ashford early.
345
00:12:13,440 --> 00:12:16,240
No, you can keep the 200 quid
we already gave you, but, you know,
346
00:12:16,320 --> 00:12:18,360
that's all you're getting, end of!
347
00:12:18,440 --> 00:12:19,720
Ugh. Forget it.
348
00:12:19,800 --> 00:12:22,680
And I'll be giving you a bad
star rating as well.
349
00:12:22,760 --> 00:12:25,440
Mum. If that's a thing you
can do... Rach. ..with strippers.
350
00:12:25,520 --> 00:12:26,640
It won't be.
351
00:12:26,720 --> 00:12:29,480
Come on, Paolo, let's get in the
bus. Come on, let's get in the bus!
352
00:12:29,560 --> 00:12:31,920
Come on, Chez! Shake a leg, will ya?
353
00:12:32,000 --> 00:12:33,560
Do not rush me.
354
00:12:33,640 --> 00:12:35,320
It is very hard to curl hair
355
00:12:35,400 --> 00:12:37,800
without electricity!
ENGINE STRUGGLES
356
00:12:37,880 --> 00:12:40,400
We're supposed to be going to
Ashford now, though. Yeah.
357
00:12:40,480 --> 00:12:42,040
I don't think we are, actually.
358
00:12:42,120 --> 00:12:43,440
What? What do you mean?
359
00:12:43,520 --> 00:12:44,960
No, battery's flat.
360
00:12:45,040 --> 00:12:46,840
Oh! It's cos you left the lights on.
361
00:12:46,920 --> 00:12:48,480
Well, can we call the AA?
362
00:12:48,560 --> 00:12:51,640
Not without signal, no.
363
00:12:53,320 --> 00:12:55,160
No rush, actually, Chez.
364
00:12:55,240 --> 00:12:57,120
I said that would happen.
So what do we do?
365
00:12:57,200 --> 00:12:58,160
Yeah, no, it's fine,
366
00:12:58,240 --> 00:13:00,360
it doesn't matter. Doesn't matter
because, erm...
367
00:13:00,440 --> 00:13:01,960
Because? Just stay here.
368
00:13:02,040 --> 00:13:03,520
Here? Yeah!
369
00:13:03,600 --> 00:13:04,960
And then...and do what?
370
00:13:05,040 --> 00:13:06,760
Well, the...
371
00:13:06,840 --> 00:13:08,240
..get in the hot tub.
372
00:13:08,320 --> 00:13:11,360
Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. It'll be great.
It'll be better, probably.
373
00:13:11,440 --> 00:13:14,080
Gelson, fire up the hot tub,
will you, brother? Aye-aye, cap'n.
374
00:13:14,160 --> 00:13:16,680
Change of plan, Chez,
get your trunks on.
375
00:13:16,760 --> 00:13:18,160
We're going in the hot tub.
376
00:13:18,240 --> 00:13:19,600
We're going in the hot tub.
377
00:13:19,680 --> 00:13:23,360
Hang on, it says it takes five hours
to heat up the hot tub.
378
00:13:23,440 --> 00:13:24,960
What was that?
379
00:13:25,040 --> 00:13:27,040
Don't worry actually, babe.
380
00:13:28,120 --> 00:13:30,200
OK. Don't. Don't say anything.
381
00:13:30,280 --> 00:13:33,160
Hey, hey, you're best man.
You know, this is your baby.
382
00:13:33,240 --> 00:13:36,880
I'm just interested to know what the
plan is for the next five hours.
383
00:13:36,960 --> 00:13:40,400
Yeah, well, just, you know, hanging
and chattin' and... Chattin'?
384
00:13:40,480 --> 00:13:42,400
..we've got 300 bottles of beer
Biere d'Alsace.
385
00:13:42,480 --> 00:13:44,360
Oh, and my big bottle of Baileys.
386
00:13:44,440 --> 00:13:45,600
Thank you, thank you, Sue.
387
00:13:45,680 --> 00:13:49,440
And I know a couple of extremely
difficult riddles.
388
00:13:49,520 --> 00:13:51,840
Huh. OK.
389
00:13:53,120 --> 00:13:55,120
Riddles?
390
00:13:55,560 --> 00:13:57,480
You see? It's all coming together.
Is it?
391
00:13:57,560 --> 00:13:59,400
Yeah, it is. It is, actually.
392
00:13:59,480 --> 00:14:02,120
It's going to be brilliant.
Uh-huh.
393
00:14:02,200 --> 00:14:03,560
Where? I can't see it.
394
00:14:03,640 --> 00:14:06,680
No, not the feeder. The branch, Sam.
The branch.
395
00:14:06,760 --> 00:14:08,560
Yeah, which one? Narrow it down.
396
00:14:08,640 --> 00:14:10,760
It's a green woodpecker.
397
00:14:10,840 --> 00:14:12,280
Oh, how marvellous.
398
00:14:12,360 --> 00:14:13,840
I can't find it. Sorry.
399
00:14:13,920 --> 00:14:15,320
Oh, crikey doodlums,
400
00:14:15,400 --> 00:14:17,360
you'll never get a job
on Planet Earth.
401
00:14:17,440 --> 00:14:20,560
David Attenborough would be tearing
his hair out with you around.
402
00:14:20,640 --> 00:14:22,000
Look, there, look.
403
00:14:22,080 --> 00:14:23,520
SQUAWKING
Oh!
404
00:14:23,600 --> 00:14:25,400
Oh, no. What?
405
00:14:25,480 --> 00:14:27,280
Oh, it's not a green woodpecker.
406
00:14:27,360 --> 00:14:29,600
It's another bloody parakeet.
Oh, no!
407
00:14:29,680 --> 00:14:31,280
And? What's wrong with them?
408
00:14:31,360 --> 00:14:33,680
Well, they're not a native
species, are they?
409
00:14:33,760 --> 00:14:35,040
They shouldn't be here.
410
00:14:35,120 --> 00:14:38,960
They take the food and the habitats
away from our British ones.
411
00:14:39,040 --> 00:14:40,240
Right, yeah.
412
00:14:40,320 --> 00:14:43,320
Bloody foreigners coming
over here, stealing our jobs.
413
00:14:43,400 --> 00:14:45,680
They'll be marrying our birds next,
if we're not careful.
414
00:14:45,760 --> 00:14:47,360
Oh, don't be daft.
415
00:14:47,440 --> 00:14:49,240
I'm talking about wildlife.
416
00:14:49,320 --> 00:14:51,080
I know. You're a bird bigot.
417
00:14:51,160 --> 00:14:53,600
Oh, stop it, I... Amy, please.
418
00:14:53,680 --> 00:14:55,520
I voted Remain.
419
00:14:55,600 --> 00:14:58,560
She's winding you up, Sue -
ignore her. And I'm not a bigot.
420
00:14:58,640 --> 00:15:01,240
There are just some things
I don't like to see
421
00:15:01,320 --> 00:15:03,920
in my back garden.
So ignore that as well.
422
00:15:04,000 --> 00:15:05,160
Yes, I will.
423
00:15:05,240 --> 00:15:08,760
This garden is absolute crappo
for wildlife, let me tell you.
424
00:15:08,840 --> 00:15:10,720
Right, yeah, blame the garden.
425
00:15:10,800 --> 00:15:13,040
Oh, actually, have you found
anywhere
426
00:15:13,120 --> 00:15:15,160
on the hag, Rachel,
for my birding?
427
00:15:15,240 --> 00:15:17,360
Yeah, I'm working on it, Sue.
428
00:15:17,440 --> 00:15:20,760
So Black Tar Sands is only
an hour from Leeds
429
00:15:20,840 --> 00:15:22,080
for Robin's clubbing
430
00:15:22,160 --> 00:15:24,800
and the Drax Power Station
for Sam's course work.
431
00:15:24,880 --> 00:15:27,120
But I've not found anywhere
off-grid for cherry.
432
00:15:27,200 --> 00:15:30,240
Drax? No, that's a biomass one.
I need nuclear, really.
433
00:15:30,320 --> 00:15:32,400
Yeah, the fuel source of the power
station
434
00:15:32,480 --> 00:15:34,640
isn't my number one
priority now, weirdly, Sam.
435
00:15:34,720 --> 00:15:36,080
All right. Finding somewhere
436
00:15:36,160 --> 00:15:38,160
that will take all nine of us
is hard enough as it is.
437
00:15:38,240 --> 00:15:39,400
No, it's now ten.
438
00:15:39,480 --> 00:15:41,960
I'm coming now, as I'm not
visiting Maya.
439
00:15:42,040 --> 00:15:44,680
Oh, God. Has she still not
told her parents? No.
440
00:15:44,760 --> 00:15:46,080
Another demand from Cherry.
441
00:15:46,160 --> 00:15:49,080
Apparently, the vibe she wants
is sexy AND relaxing.
442
00:15:49,160 --> 00:15:51,880
I mean, it's not even possible to do
both of those at once, is it?
443
00:15:51,960 --> 00:15:53,360
Of course it is.
444
00:15:53,440 --> 00:15:54,920
Michael Buble.
445
00:15:55,000 --> 00:15:57,000
Have you looked
into Center Parcs?
446
00:15:57,080 --> 00:15:59,120
No, and I'm not going to.
447
00:15:59,200 --> 00:16:02,120
Because when I best-manned for
Colin... Colin, yeah!
448
00:16:02,200 --> 00:16:04,600
..I organised a lawn bowls tournoi
at Center Parcs Longleat,
449
00:16:04,680 --> 00:16:06,360
which was the stuff of
absolutely legend!
450
00:16:06,440 --> 00:16:08,600
Can you stop trying to back-seat
drive my hag do, please?
451
00:16:08,680 --> 00:16:11,160
Well, if you aim to please
everyone you please no-one, Rach -
452
00:16:11,240 --> 00:16:12,360
a bit of free advice for you.
453
00:16:12,440 --> 00:16:15,240
Yeah, which I do not need, because
my hag is going to be amazing
454
00:16:15,320 --> 00:16:16,640
and better than all of your ones,
455
00:16:16,720 --> 00:16:19,560
so back off, please, and go back
to snogging your little rubber girl.
456
00:16:19,640 --> 00:16:23,560
Resusci Annie! And I'm practising
resuscitation, thank you very much.
457
00:16:23,640 --> 00:16:25,560
Yeah, for a suspiciously long time.
458
00:16:25,640 --> 00:16:28,120
Hang on, is that...another one?
What?!
459
00:16:28,200 --> 00:16:30,720
Oh, my God! I've bought two
Resusci Annies?
460
00:16:30,800 --> 00:16:33,600
No. God. This is Choking Charlie.
461
00:16:33,680 --> 00:16:35,320
This is a man one.
462
00:16:35,400 --> 00:16:39,080
I mean, completely absurd
that they're even gendered at all,
463
00:16:39,160 --> 00:16:41,400
but why do you need him as well?
464
00:16:41,480 --> 00:16:44,360
Well, Charlie's for choking - you
know, for practising the Heimlich.
465
00:16:44,440 --> 00:16:46,000
They do completely different things.
466
00:16:46,080 --> 00:16:49,800
Are you going to buy a plastic doll
for every single medical scenario?
467
00:16:49,880 --> 00:16:52,800
I mean, you know, not ideally,
468
00:16:52,880 --> 00:16:54,760
but I do need to practise, you know.
469
00:16:54,840 --> 00:16:58,600
I freeze in the simulations and I
just, I forget what to do.
470
00:16:58,680 --> 00:17:01,400
This is madness.
Can you send it back, please?
471
00:17:01,480 --> 00:17:03,160
You can't keep buying medical
dolls.
472
00:17:03,240 --> 00:17:05,720
They're horrible
to look at, so return it.
473
00:17:05,800 --> 00:17:07,320
Fine! All right, all right.
474
00:17:07,400 --> 00:17:10,160
{\an8}Oh, he's got a lovely chest, though.
Don't...
475
00:17:10,240 --> 00:17:13,480
Can you stop objectifying
Charlie, please, Mum?
476
00:17:13,560 --> 00:17:16,640
That's what you should get for the
hag do, Rachel -
477
00:17:16,720 --> 00:17:18,720
a male strip artist.
478
00:17:18,800 --> 00:17:21,080
Oh! Oh, really?
Yeah.
479
00:17:21,160 --> 00:17:25,120
Bren went to see some recently,
and she had the time of her life.
480
00:17:25,200 --> 00:17:28,840
Bren, your 85-year-old bridge
partner, Bren, went to a strip club?
481
00:17:28,920 --> 00:17:31,280
83.
And she didn't mean to.
482
00:17:31,360 --> 00:17:35,000
No, she booked tickets for
Magic Mike, thinking it was a normal
483
00:17:35,080 --> 00:17:38,240
magic show - you know, like
Paul Daniels or something.
484
00:17:38,320 --> 00:17:40,240
Well, it wasn't.
485
00:17:40,320 --> 00:17:43,880
She's been back eight times
since then!
486
00:17:43,960 --> 00:17:47,680
THEY LAUGH
487
00:17:52,720 --> 00:17:54,240
Right, try it now.
488
00:17:54,320 --> 00:17:57,680
Oh! Who's the daddy?
I'm the Daddy!
489
00:17:57,760 --> 00:17:59,960
The Daddy? Dad.
490
00:18:00,040 --> 00:18:03,320
Huh?
Paul, come on, we've got to go.
491
00:18:03,400 --> 00:18:05,960
I'm ready, Mum.
Get the others, will you, Sam?
492
00:18:06,040 --> 00:18:08,640
Yeah, I am, I'm doing it now.
493
00:18:08,720 --> 00:18:10,960
Mum? Mum?
494
00:18:11,040 --> 00:18:12,440
SNORING
495
00:18:12,520 --> 00:18:14,840
Did you fall asleep
in the hot tub?
496
00:18:14,920 --> 00:18:17,640
Oh, it took a while to heat up.
497
00:18:17,720 --> 00:18:20,200
Come on, then, Rachel,
chop, chop! Oh, God!
498
00:18:20,280 --> 00:18:22,080
We've got to be there by 9am,
499
00:18:22,160 --> 00:18:24,840
otherwise the beds will be less
active.
500
00:18:24,920 --> 00:18:27,480
Of course, yeah, great, fantastic,
OK.
501
00:18:27,560 --> 00:18:29,280
Wake up, everyone.
502
00:18:29,360 --> 00:18:31,320
Huh! Wahey, splash him!
503
00:18:31,400 --> 00:18:33,600
OVERLAPPING SPEECH
504
00:18:33,680 --> 00:18:35,360
Did you drink all of THAT?
505
00:18:35,440 --> 00:18:38,400
Huh? Well, yeah, there wasn't
anything else to do.
506
00:18:38,480 --> 00:18:41,040
We did, yeah.
Oh, God!
507
00:18:41,120 --> 00:18:43,600
OK, time to go bird-watching!
508
00:18:43,680 --> 00:18:46,440
Absolutely not. No, not happening!
509
00:18:46,520 --> 00:18:49,480
But Rachel promised -
you promised, Rachel!
510
00:18:49,560 --> 00:18:51,040
She promises a lot of things, Mum.
511
00:18:51,120 --> 00:18:53,720
All right, no, we're doing it,
Sue.
512
00:18:53,800 --> 00:18:55,320
Is the minibus...?
513
00:18:55,400 --> 00:18:56,960
Yeah, it's sorted - you're welcome.
514
00:18:57,040 --> 00:18:59,160
{\an8}Is it on?
Well, I-I was going to do that.
515
00:18:59,240 --> 00:19:02,560
{\an8}Can you please consult with Best Man
before you do anything again?
516
00:19:02,640 --> 00:19:03,840
Yeah, Come on, let's go -
517
00:19:03,920 --> 00:19:05,160
up and at 'em! Come on, guys.
518
00:19:05,240 --> 00:19:06,440
Woo! Woo!
519
00:19:06,520 --> 00:19:08,080
Oh, you're all so hungover.
520
00:19:08,160 --> 00:19:11,520
{\an8}Yeah, we'll be golden once we've had
some charcoal, don't you worry, pal.
521
00:19:11,600 --> 00:19:13,440
Yeah. Hear, hear. What? Charcoal?
522
00:19:13,520 --> 00:19:16,480
Yeah, it's a cutting-edge
hangover cure, actually,
523
00:19:16,560 --> 00:19:18,600
according to Online Health
Secrets.wiki.
524
00:19:18,680 --> 00:19:21,240
You just swallow some charcoal
and it soaks up all the alcohol
525
00:19:21,320 --> 00:19:23,080
in your bloodstream
like a little loofah,
526
00:19:23,160 --> 00:19:24,440
so job's a good 'un.
527
00:19:24,520 --> 00:19:26,480
That sounds unlikely.
Charcoal?
528
00:19:26,560 --> 00:19:28,600
Well, it's science, Sam.
Briquettes?
529
00:19:28,680 --> 00:19:31,920
No, tablets you doughnut!
Briquettes!
530
00:19:32,000 --> 00:19:34,680
Hardly going to chow down on a
couple of them, am I?
531
00:19:34,760 --> 00:19:36,080
Briquettes!
532
00:19:36,160 --> 00:19:37,480
Oh! I'm joking...
533
00:19:37,560 --> 00:19:39,520
Come on, everything's very much
still on track,
534
00:19:39,600 --> 00:19:41,320
so let's get changed,
535
00:19:41,400 --> 00:19:43,240
swallow some charcoal and go
bird-watching.
536
00:19:43,320 --> 00:19:45,600
Not a sentence I ever
thought I'd say, but there you are.
537
00:19:45,680 --> 00:19:47,000
{\an8}Can you wake up Amy, please.
538
00:19:47,080 --> 00:19:48,600
Let's go! Let's go!
Oh, my God...
539
00:19:48,680 --> 00:19:50,640
Ah! Rachel, your toenails!
540
00:19:50,720 --> 00:19:53,800
Pass my shorts. Pass my shorts!
Are you nude?
541
00:19:53,880 --> 00:19:55,160
Come on!
542
00:19:55,240 --> 00:19:57,280
There's none anywhere.
543
00:19:57,360 --> 00:20:01,000
Sorry. No birds. Can you give us
another charcoal, please, Jelly?
544
00:20:01,080 --> 00:20:03,880
The first one not work, then?
That's a surprise.
545
00:20:03,960 --> 00:20:06,440
I wouldn't say it's eliminated
my hangover, no.
546
00:20:06,520 --> 00:20:08,120
That's a duck, isn't it?
547
00:20:08,200 --> 00:20:11,160
You got reception again, then?
Uh-huh.
548
00:20:11,240 --> 00:20:12,560
Not I need it.
549
00:20:12,640 --> 00:20:16,720
Maya's basically still refusing
to come out to her parents, so...
550
00:20:16,800 --> 00:20:19,360
Do you think I should just call her?
551
00:20:19,440 --> 00:20:21,440
Oh, I don't know, love.
552
00:20:22,800 --> 00:20:25,680
If you, if you want to identify the
call of a bearded tit,
553
00:20:25,760 --> 00:20:27,200
I'm your woman.
554
00:20:27,280 --> 00:20:31,080
But I'm a bit out of me depth
with this situation, I'm afraid.
555
00:20:31,160 --> 00:20:33,720
What's that?
Is that a shopping mall?
556
00:20:33,800 --> 00:20:36,600
A mall? No, it's a nuclear power
station.
557
00:20:36,680 --> 00:20:37,880
Nuclear?! What? Yeah.
558
00:20:37,960 --> 00:20:40,160
For Sam's coursework, we're going
there after this.
559
00:20:40,240 --> 00:20:41,880
No, no, we're not going
nuclear, Rach.
560
00:20:41,960 --> 00:20:43,560
Why not? Me and Robin might have
kids soon
561
00:20:43,640 --> 00:20:45,240
and his sperms are gammy
enough as it is.
562
00:20:45,320 --> 00:20:46,480
Oh. They are, actually, yeah,
563
00:20:46,560 --> 00:20:48,280
A lot of them don't have necks,
apparently.
564
00:20:48,360 --> 00:20:51,800
Necks? I didn't know sperm
were meant to have necks.
565
00:20:51,880 --> 00:20:53,880
But I promised Sam we'd see it.
Yeah.
566
00:20:53,960 --> 00:20:56,080
Well, he can see it from
here. OK.
567
00:20:56,160 --> 00:20:58,200
Well, erm...
568
00:20:58,280 --> 00:21:01,280
Does that help, Sam?
Well, obviously not. No.
569
00:21:01,360 --> 00:21:03,760
Another hag promise bites the dust.
570
00:21:03,840 --> 00:21:06,360
Oh, no!
What are you, then?
571
00:21:06,440 --> 00:21:08,880
I'll take another one of those
charcoals over here, Jelson.
572
00:21:08,960 --> 00:21:11,320
I'm absolutely hanging.
Beautiful!
573
00:21:11,400 --> 00:21:13,800
Is that the stripper? What?
574
00:21:13,880 --> 00:21:15,400
No, I think it's a wood warbler.
575
00:21:15,480 --> 00:21:17,520
Oh, my God, it is.
576
00:21:17,600 --> 00:21:19,240
OK, yeah, we should hide.
577
00:21:19,320 --> 00:21:20,640
Hide?
578
00:21:20,720 --> 00:21:22,280
I really don't want to see him
again.
579
00:21:22,360 --> 00:21:23,840
Hide where?
580
00:21:23,920 --> 00:21:25,920
I guess...there.
581
00:21:26,800 --> 00:21:28,800
No, look, let's just ignore
him. Oh, my God!
582
00:21:28,880 --> 00:21:31,360
He's having a peaceful day out
with his boyfriend. Urgh!
583
00:21:31,440 --> 00:21:33,800
Let's just stay away and not
cause a scene.
584
00:21:33,880 --> 00:21:35,000
Oh, no!
585
00:21:35,080 --> 00:21:37,960
What? It's a parakeet, again!
586
00:21:38,040 --> 00:21:40,680
Oh, OK.
I don't bloody believe it.
587
00:21:40,760 --> 00:21:42,440
OK, Mum, calm down.
588
00:21:42,520 --> 00:21:44,560
It drives me mad, Paul!
589
00:21:44,640 --> 00:21:47,080
They're absolutely everywhere.
590
00:21:47,160 --> 00:21:49,960
I mean, you come all this way
and you still can't get
591
00:21:50,040 --> 00:21:51,680
away from them.
Mum...
592
00:21:51,760 --> 00:21:54,600
I mean, I don't mind them so much
in the city... Mum...
593
00:21:54,680 --> 00:21:56,760
..but when you see them in the
countryside...
594
00:21:56,840 --> 00:21:59,920
Good God!
..it's out of control!
595
00:22:00,000 --> 00:22:04,080
Good God! They need to be
rounded up and caged, frankly.
596
00:22:04,160 --> 00:22:06,000
Sorry, what the hell did you just
say?
597
00:22:06,080 --> 00:22:08,040
We have as much right to be here
as anyone else.
598
00:22:08,120 --> 00:22:09,720
She was talking about the
birds.
599
00:22:09,800 --> 00:22:11,600
Oh... Wait, it's you lot.
600
00:22:11,680 --> 00:22:14,320
Hiya! Hi. So, first you refuse to
pay me
601
00:22:14,400 --> 00:22:17,080
and then you yell homophobic
abuse at me and my boyfriend?
602
00:22:17,160 --> 00:22:19,080
No. Yeah.
I...
603
00:22:19,160 --> 00:22:23,520
I was shouting at the parakeets -
I am not homophobic, I promise.
604
00:22:23,600 --> 00:22:25,800
She isn't, she really isn't.
605
00:22:25,880 --> 00:22:28,360
I voted Remain.
No, that's not relevant, Mum.
606
00:22:28,440 --> 00:22:30,480
My granddaughter's gay.
She is.
607
00:22:30,560 --> 00:22:32,640
And I'm absolutely delighted
about it.
608
00:22:32,720 --> 00:22:35,960
Yeah. OK, Granny, that's a weird
thing to say.
609
00:22:36,040 --> 00:22:37,760
I promise it wasn't aimed at you.
610
00:22:37,840 --> 00:22:39,360
She just really hates parakeets.
611
00:22:39,440 --> 00:22:41,680
CHOKING
Is Dean, is he all right?
612
00:22:41,760 --> 00:22:45,440
Let's just go back, can we?
Cos I really need to lie down...
613
00:22:45,520 --> 00:22:48,680
Guys.
I think Dean's choking.
614
00:22:48,760 --> 00:22:50,760
Oh, my God!
615
00:22:51,880 --> 00:22:53,840
Dean, are you choking?
616
00:22:53,920 --> 00:22:55,200
He can't answer, Mum.
617
00:22:55,280 --> 00:22:56,800
SOMEONE DO SOMETHING!
618
00:22:56,880 --> 00:22:59,080
Stop choking, Dean, if you
can.
619
00:22:59,160 --> 00:23:00,840
He can't. Clearly, he can't.
620
00:23:00,920 --> 00:23:02,200
He's going to pop!
621
00:23:02,280 --> 00:23:04,160
Oh, my God! Paul,
do something - do your CPR!
622
00:23:04,240 --> 00:23:07,200
Huh? Well, you made me give up
my Choking Charlie!
623
00:23:07,280 --> 00:23:09,120
You must know how to do it, surely!
624
00:23:09,200 --> 00:23:12,680
Come on! Come on!
Come on!
625
00:23:12,760 --> 00:23:15,120
OK... Quick, Dad!
Which way do you need him?
626
00:23:15,200 --> 00:23:17,920
OVERLAPPING SPEECH
Here!
627
00:23:18,000 --> 00:23:20,160
Come on. Right.
628
00:23:20,240 --> 00:23:22,800
GURGLING
Get it out, then.
629
00:23:22,880 --> 00:23:24,040
Urgh!
630
00:23:24,120 --> 00:23:25,320
DEAN RETCHES
631
00:23:25,400 --> 00:23:26,720
Oh, yes! Yes!
632
00:23:26,800 --> 00:23:27,760
OVERLAPPING SPEECH
633
00:23:27,840 --> 00:23:29,560
That's exactly what I would have
done.
634
00:23:29,640 --> 00:23:31,880
There she blows! Well done. Oh, my
God. What is that? Stripper!
635
00:23:31,960 --> 00:23:35,120
That's charcoal, mate.
Well done, stripper. Well done.
636
00:23:35,200 --> 00:23:37,680
That was tremendous.
Pride of Britain.
637
00:23:37,760 --> 00:23:39,800
Oh, God.
638
00:23:39,880 --> 00:23:43,000
Yeah, well done, that was...really
fantastic work.
639
00:23:43,080 --> 00:23:44,560
Really...
640
00:23:44,640 --> 00:23:47,440
..well done for saving the day,
that was fantastic. Wow, yeah.
641
00:23:47,520 --> 00:23:49,240
We will, of course, we'll pay you.
642
00:23:49,320 --> 00:23:53,160
We'll double it. No, but... For last
night, yeah. Sorry about that.
643
00:23:53,240 --> 00:23:55,360
I was just really angry
about the hag.
644
00:23:55,440 --> 00:23:57,680
I spent months organising being
well...
645
00:23:57,760 --> 00:24:00,640
..you know...shit.
646
00:24:00,720 --> 00:24:02,240
OK.
647
00:24:02,320 --> 00:24:04,640
And it is a shame the parakeets
are here.
648
00:24:04,720 --> 00:24:07,360
I mean, they're everywhere,
and they're the worst.
649
00:24:07,440 --> 00:24:09,080
Yeah, I know, exactly.
650
00:24:09,160 --> 00:24:10,760
Come on. Yeah.
651
00:24:10,840 --> 00:24:12,760
Erm, actually, as we've got you
here,
652
00:24:12,840 --> 00:24:15,840
can I just ask you a question?
653
00:24:15,920 --> 00:24:18,960
What? My granddaughter's girlfriend
654
00:24:19,040 --> 00:24:21,160
won't tell her parents about them,
655
00:24:21,240 --> 00:24:22,880
or about being gay.
656
00:24:22,960 --> 00:24:24,320
Oh, no, Granny, don't.
657
00:24:24,400 --> 00:24:28,320
And I just wondered if you had
any advice about what to do.
658
00:24:29,600 --> 00:24:32,040
You don't have to answer that.
659
00:24:34,000 --> 00:24:36,000
SIGHS
660
00:24:36,640 --> 00:24:38,640
It's not about you.
661
00:24:39,400 --> 00:24:41,480
It's between her and her family.
662
00:24:41,560 --> 00:24:44,200
You could...
663
00:24:44,280 --> 00:24:46,560
..try and be nice
and support her through
664
00:24:46,640 --> 00:24:48,640
a difficult situation.
665
00:24:49,280 --> 00:24:53,160
Or you could be a brat and make
it about yourself.
666
00:24:54,600 --> 00:24:56,080
Right.
667
00:24:56,160 --> 00:24:58,160
Thanks.
668
00:24:58,520 --> 00:24:59,760
Lovely to meet you all.
669
00:24:59,840 --> 00:25:02,360
Cheers! I didn't get your name,
but... Lovely to meet you. Bye.
670
00:25:02,440 --> 00:25:03,800
You're a well-fit couple.
671
00:25:03,880 --> 00:25:05,880
Wow, what guys.
Wonderful men.
672
00:25:07,760 --> 00:25:11,440
And the hag do hasn't been shit,
by the way, Rach! Oh, well...
673
00:25:11,520 --> 00:25:13,000
That's crazy talk.
674
00:25:13,080 --> 00:25:15,920
It's been, I think, good...
Yeah?
675
00:25:16,000 --> 00:25:17,600
..in a way. Right, Chez?
676
00:25:17,680 --> 00:25:18,720
No.
677
00:25:18,800 --> 00:25:21,640
It's been awful, total wash-out -
nothing to do
678
00:25:21,720 --> 00:25:24,080
and Dean nearly died.
679
00:25:24,160 --> 00:25:26,160
Yes, that's true as well.
Mm.
680
00:25:26,240 --> 00:25:28,200
Yeah. No, I'm sorry.
681
00:25:28,280 --> 00:25:31,840
I-I'm really sorry. I'm sorry for
a dreadful weekend. Thank you.
682
00:25:31,920 --> 00:25:34,040
Yeah, but it's not over yet,
though, is it? Right.
683
00:25:34,120 --> 00:25:36,560
It is, because we have to check
out within the next 90 minutes.
684
00:25:36,640 --> 00:25:38,600
So, I'm really sorry.
Please don't say anything.
685
00:25:38,680 --> 00:25:41,600
I'm not going to say anything.
I apologise. What else can I do?
686
00:25:41,680 --> 00:25:45,080
It was a disaster. I'm sorry.
So, sorry. Sorry. Rach, come on.
687
00:25:45,160 --> 00:25:47,160
Rubbish!
688
00:25:49,520 --> 00:25:51,160
Have you got any more charcoal,
Jelson?
689
00:25:51,240 --> 00:25:54,760
Oh, don't take another one,
you daft ha'p'orth.
690
00:25:54,840 --> 00:25:56,240
Come on. Hurry up, guys.
691
00:25:56,320 --> 00:25:58,320
Oh, dear, sorry.
692
00:25:59,320 --> 00:26:01,360
So much gas!
693
00:26:01,440 --> 00:26:03,080
How am I producing so much gas?
694
00:26:03,160 --> 00:26:05,160
Urgh!
695
00:26:09,600 --> 00:26:11,600
You all right?
696
00:26:12,320 --> 00:26:14,480
Hurry up, please!
697
00:26:14,560 --> 00:26:17,160
I should have gone to Swansea.
698
00:26:17,240 --> 00:26:19,240
To see Maya.
699
00:26:21,640 --> 00:26:24,160
I think I might have been
a total dick.
700
00:26:24,240 --> 00:26:26,240
Guys, come here!
701
00:26:26,320 --> 00:26:28,320
Come here.
702
00:26:28,680 --> 00:26:31,600
Can you hurry up, please?
There's a fine if we check out late.
703
00:26:31,680 --> 00:26:33,680
Yeah, all right. Hurry up.
Yes, all right. Amy.
704
00:26:33,760 --> 00:26:35,480
AMY GROANS
705
00:26:35,560 --> 00:26:36,720
That's it.
706
00:26:36,800 --> 00:26:38,760
There's a fine.
707
00:26:38,840 --> 00:26:40,320
Cherry, there's a fine.
708
00:26:40,400 --> 00:26:42,400
Yeah, you said!
709
00:26:47,240 --> 00:26:49,280
That was our exit, wasn't it?
710
00:26:49,360 --> 00:26:51,600
Dad, we missed the exit.
711
00:26:51,680 --> 00:26:53,440
I didn't, actually, Sam.
712
00:26:53,520 --> 00:26:55,760
We're not going home.
What?
713
00:26:55,840 --> 00:26:58,680
Where are we going, then?
714
00:26:58,760 --> 00:27:01,120
We're going to Swansea.
What?
715
00:27:01,200 --> 00:27:02,760
What are you talking about?
716
00:27:02,840 --> 00:27:05,160
Well, why not?
717
00:27:05,240 --> 00:27:07,280
Because it's on the other
side of the country?
718
00:27:07,360 --> 00:27:09,200
Yeah, everyone's asleep anyway.
Ah! Oh, God!
719
00:27:09,280 --> 00:27:11,760
AMY BABBLES
Careful, Amy, I'm driving.
720
00:27:11,840 --> 00:27:13,280
What's going on? Go back to sleep.
721
00:27:13,360 --> 00:27:15,000
What? We're going to Swansea!
722
00:27:15,080 --> 00:27:17,920
What?! Woo! What's happened?
723
00:27:18,000 --> 00:27:20,240
We're taking Amy to Swansea
to see Maya.
724
00:27:20,320 --> 00:27:23,520
What about the rest of us?
Well, we're going as well.
725
00:27:23,600 --> 00:27:25,640
Hag Do Part Two. Eh?
726
00:27:25,720 --> 00:27:28,040
Hag Harder in Swansea!
727
00:27:28,120 --> 00:27:29,320
What?
728
00:27:29,400 --> 00:27:32,120
I can't let your first hag
end like this, Rach, no way.
729
00:27:32,200 --> 00:27:33,720
If that's OK with you.
No, definitely.
730
00:27:33,800 --> 00:27:35,840
I've hated every second of
organising...
731
00:27:35,920 --> 00:27:39,160
Sorry, Paulo, question from the
back. What's going on?
732
00:27:39,240 --> 00:27:43,360
Well, I've booked some
rooms at the Palace Hotel and Spa.
733
00:27:43,440 --> 00:27:44,920
CHEERING
734
00:27:45,000 --> 00:27:48,080
Yeah. And a booth at Top Bananas...
735
00:27:48,160 --> 00:27:50,840
Yes? ..tonight... Yes?!
..for the foam party!
736
00:27:50,920 --> 00:27:52,320
CHEERING
737
00:27:52,400 --> 00:27:54,640
Paulo!
Yes to everything!
738
00:27:54,720 --> 00:27:57,280
Paul, Paul, what's a foam
party?
739
00:27:57,360 --> 00:27:59,480
It's a ticket to paradise,
is what it is.
740
00:27:59,560 --> 00:28:00,960
Strap yourself in, Spielberg,
741
00:28:01,040 --> 00:28:02,600
this hag party is about to get
X-rated!
742
00:28:02,680 --> 00:28:04,400
Oh, I think my battery's
going to die.
743
00:28:04,480 --> 00:28:06,800
Haggy, haggy, haggy!
Do, do, do!
744
00:28:06,880 --> 00:28:09,120
You are the best.
You're the absolute best.
745
00:28:09,200 --> 00:28:11,600
Haggy! ALL: Do!
Haggy! ALL: Do!
746
00:28:11,680 --> 00:28:14,560
Thank you. I'm driving, Rach!
Rach!
747
00:28:14,640 --> 00:28:17,240
CHEERING
748
00:28:17,320 --> 00:28:19,000
Paul? Yeah?
749
00:28:19,080 --> 00:28:20,360
I've got work tomorrow!
750
00:28:20,440 --> 00:28:22,440
Have you?
751
00:28:23,040 --> 00:28:25,920
BIRDSONG
55525
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