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1
00:00:03,720 --> 00:00:05,720
Where are the spoons?
2
00:00:06,280 --> 00:00:08,280
I am as regular as clockwork.
3
00:00:09,280 --> 00:00:10,840
Give me a header!
4
00:00:10,920 --> 00:00:12,920
Not in the house, Amy!
5
00:00:13,880 --> 00:00:15,600
# Here we go, here we go,
here we go! #
6
00:00:15,680 --> 00:00:17,520
OK, off you go. Oh, all right?
Hey! Hey!
7
00:00:17,600 --> 00:00:19,080
# Here we go, here we go,
here we... #
8
00:00:19,160 --> 00:00:21,880
Sorry, do you mind not? That's the
car. Stop it! Stop singing!
9
00:00:21,960 --> 00:00:24,920
OK, OK. Good luck, I hope
you win, if that's what you want.
10
00:00:25,000 --> 00:00:27,120
I just want to get it over with,
get home as soon as possible
11
00:00:27,200 --> 00:00:28,480
and eat a Yorkie in the bath.
12
00:00:28,560 --> 00:00:30,440
Hashtag life goals. Why are you
wearing gloves
13
00:00:30,520 --> 00:00:31,720
if you're going to be on the bench?
14
00:00:31,800 --> 00:00:34,080
I don't know, Sam. I'm nervous.
I have no idea what I'm doing.
15
00:00:34,160 --> 00:00:36,920
All right, then? You will protect
me, won't you, Robin?
16
00:00:37,000 --> 00:00:39,400
Huh? Make sure I never have to go
on the, er, lawn.
17
00:00:39,480 --> 00:00:40,640
-Lawn?
-The pitch?
18
00:00:40,720 --> 00:00:42,240
Yeah, don't worry, big boy.
I got you.
19
00:00:42,320 --> 00:00:43,880
OK. I'll be your human shield. OK...
20
00:00:43,960 --> 00:00:46,480
Off you go! Get in the car!
Come on, Paolo!
21
00:00:46,560 --> 00:00:49,640
Well, this is it, then. Oh, God!
It's coming home, I guess. Yeah.
22
00:00:49,720 --> 00:00:52,280
HORN HONKS REPEATEDLY
It's coming home. It's coming home.
23
00:00:52,360 --> 00:00:53,960
Get off, get off! Stop, Oh, God!
24
00:00:54,040 --> 00:00:56,320
Stop honking, you silly sod!
25
00:00:56,400 --> 00:00:58,280
Hurry up, Paul. Get in the car,
get in the car.
26
00:00:58,360 --> 00:01:00,400
Yeah, I'm coming, I'm going, yeah.
OK. Aah, love you.
27
00:01:00,480 --> 00:01:02,280
All right, OK! Let's do this!
28
00:01:02,360 --> 00:01:04,400
Come on, Sam.
Yeah, I'm coming.
29
00:01:04,480 --> 00:01:07,440
Why is Mum being so weird?
Yeah, I don't know.
30
00:01:07,520 --> 00:01:09,720
They're doing an extension
over there.
31
00:01:09,800 --> 00:01:12,280
Yeah. Well, they've been doing that
for 18 months, Mum.
32
00:01:13,640 --> 00:01:15,160
Who's that...? Who's that guy?
33
00:01:15,240 --> 00:01:18,040
Why have you got
three isotonic drinks?
34
00:01:18,120 --> 00:01:19,920
Oh, my goodness. God, it's massive.
35
00:01:20,000 --> 00:01:21,640
Is it ever? Wow. Yep.
36
00:01:21,720 --> 00:01:24,320
It looks like - and please don't
take this the wrong way, Robin -
37
00:01:24,400 --> 00:01:26,400
something out of a cartoon.
Thank you.
38
00:01:27,440 --> 00:01:28,720
Is it a real diamond?
39
00:01:28,800 --> 00:01:32,720
It... Er, yes and no. It's lab
grown, so it's like an IVF diamond.
40
00:01:32,800 --> 00:01:34,920
Don't touch it. But it's... It's so
sparkly, isn't it?
41
00:01:35,000 --> 00:01:37,360
Yeah.
It's amazing. Oh, my God,
42
00:01:37,440 --> 00:01:38,560
Cherry's going to love it.
43
00:01:38,640 --> 00:01:40,960
It sort of suits her.
DOORBELL RINGS
44
00:01:41,040 --> 00:01:42,080
Doorbell!
45
00:01:42,160 --> 00:01:43,320
Oh, I'll get it!
46
00:01:43,400 --> 00:01:45,320
Don't touch it, please, Rach.
Well, no, it's just amazing.
47
00:01:45,400 --> 00:01:46,600
When's the proposal?
48
00:01:46,680 --> 00:01:48,560
I'm still trying to work that bit
out, actually,
49
00:01:48,640 --> 00:01:51,240
because I wanted to get a flash mob
going... Oh. Flash mob!
50
00:01:51,320 --> 00:01:53,400
..but so far I've only managed
to rope in Dean and Jelson,
51
00:01:53,480 --> 00:01:55,880
so that probably wouldn't look
great. No.
52
00:01:55,960 --> 00:01:58,320
Probably not, no. No.
Oh, my godfathers, Paul,
53
00:01:58,400 --> 00:02:00,680
they're absolutely amazing!
What's that, Mum?
54
00:02:00,760 --> 00:02:01,960
Oh, my God!
55
00:02:02,040 --> 00:02:04,600
The Valentine flowers you got
for Rachel!
56
00:02:04,680 --> 00:02:07,480
Oh, wow. Oh, yeah, they're pretty
cool, huh? There's...
57
00:02:07,560 --> 00:02:09,920
Oh, no, they're not mine,
mine are over there.
58
00:02:10,000 --> 00:02:11,120
Who are THEY for, then?
59
00:02:11,200 --> 00:02:15,160
Erm, I don't know,
the postie just dropped them off...
60
00:02:15,240 --> 00:02:17,880
Oh, they're for Amy, from Maya.
61
00:02:17,960 --> 00:02:19,560
Oh! Oh, my God! That's nice, innit?
62
00:02:19,640 --> 00:02:22,280
I didn't have Maya down
as the romantic type. No.
63
00:02:22,360 --> 00:02:23,880
She must be cheating on her, then.
64
00:02:23,960 --> 00:02:26,600
That is the only reason you buy
a bunch that big, trust me.
65
00:02:26,680 --> 00:02:29,120
Yeah, hundy P. That absolutely reeks
of guilt, actually.
66
00:02:29,200 --> 00:02:30,800
Do you reckon? Letter for you, Paul.
67
00:02:30,880 --> 00:02:33,920
Oh, thanks. Amy! Amy, love!
68
00:02:34,000 --> 00:02:35,120
Where is she?
69
00:02:35,200 --> 00:02:38,160
She's upstairs.
Awwwww. HE CHUCKLES
70
00:02:38,240 --> 00:02:40,080
Aww, thanks, babe.
71
00:02:40,160 --> 00:02:43,280
Amy! What? What for? The card. Aww.
72
00:02:43,360 --> 00:02:46,000
Well, I didn't. That's not from me.
HE LAUGHS
73
00:02:48,320 --> 00:02:49,560
Really?!
74
00:02:49,640 --> 00:02:51,480
Oh! What's all this?
75
00:02:51,560 --> 00:02:53,920
"To Paul. Roses are red,
violets are blue,
76
00:02:54,000 --> 00:02:55,560
"you're too sexy to be true.
77
00:02:55,640 --> 00:03:00,360
"Be my Valentine, love and kisses
from question mark."
78
00:03:00,440 --> 00:03:02,440
Oh, my God!
79
00:03:02,800 --> 00:03:04,520
What's going on?
ROBIN SCOFFS
80
00:03:04,600 --> 00:03:06,840
I don't know, why are you asking me?
I didn't send it.
81
00:03:06,920 --> 00:03:09,040
Well, who's it from?
Well, I thought it was from you.
82
00:03:09,120 --> 00:03:11,160
Well, it's not.
A bit jelly are we, Rach?
83
00:03:11,240 --> 00:03:13,640
No, not jelly. Not jelly,
just confused.
84
00:03:13,720 --> 00:03:15,760
I mean, "Too sexy to be true."
85
00:03:15,840 --> 00:03:17,640
It is confusing, innit?
86
00:03:17,720 --> 00:03:19,520
Are you...?
87
00:03:19,600 --> 00:03:21,560
Are...are you having an affair?
88
00:03:21,640 --> 00:03:23,640
CHERRY GASPS
89
00:03:24,600 --> 00:03:26,360
What?!
Because that's what it looks like.
90
00:03:26,440 --> 00:03:28,320
Yeah. Well, are you?
91
00:03:28,400 --> 00:03:30,520
Of course I'm not! Oh, my God!
92
00:03:30,600 --> 00:03:33,880
I could never handle that, Rachel.
I'm a terrible liar.
93
00:03:33,960 --> 00:03:36,560
Oh, oh, oh - THAT'S...
that's what's stopping you, is it?
94
00:03:36,640 --> 00:03:39,000
I have panic attacks just
thinking about things like that.
95
00:03:39,080 --> 00:03:41,960
Of course I'm not having an affair!
It's just stupid, isn't it?
96
00:03:43,040 --> 00:03:44,200
Well, are there...are there
97
00:03:44,280 --> 00:03:46,600
any women on your police thing,
your training course?
98
00:03:46,680 --> 00:03:50,040
Well, I mean, there's...
there's one. Aha! Oh, hello!
99
00:03:50,120 --> 00:03:52,200
No, not "hello", Robin.
100
00:03:52,280 --> 00:03:53,720
The opposite of hello.
101
00:03:53,800 --> 00:03:55,240
Goodbye.
102
00:03:55,320 --> 00:03:57,360
Well, I mean...
You know, it's just Zoe,
103
00:03:57,440 --> 00:04:00,320
you don't have to worry about Zoe.
Zoe? Oh, OK. Zoe. Zoe. Zoe.
104
00:04:00,400 --> 00:04:03,480
Zoe! Zoe. So you're on first-name
terms, then, with Zoe.
105
00:04:03,560 --> 00:04:06,480
Oh, Rach, it is not his fault
if she fancies him, come on.
106
00:04:06,560 --> 00:04:08,320
Exactly, thank you. Yeah.
107
00:04:08,400 --> 00:04:10,640
Nor is it hers, by the way. No.
108
00:04:10,720 --> 00:04:12,600
You know, she's flesh and blood,
109
00:04:12,680 --> 00:04:15,240
I look pretty good in my uniform.
What can I say?
110
00:04:15,320 --> 00:04:17,800
We work at close quarters,
things like this can happen.
111
00:04:17,880 --> 00:04:19,080
It's going to happen. You know,
112
00:04:19,160 --> 00:04:21,880
I always thought YOU'D be the one
to have an affair, Rach, no offence.
113
00:04:21,960 --> 00:04:23,240
No, no, me too, none taken.
114
00:04:23,320 --> 00:04:25,280
Oh, I'm not having
an affair!
115
00:04:25,360 --> 00:04:27,680
That didn't sound innocent.
It IS innocent.
116
00:04:27,760 --> 00:04:29,920
What...? What is it, Granny?
Here, look.
117
00:04:31,120 --> 00:04:32,720
Aren't they all big and smelly?!
118
00:04:32,800 --> 00:04:36,240
Wow! Yeah. That puts my box
of jelly babies to shame.
119
00:04:36,320 --> 00:04:38,360
Aww. You all right, hon?
120
00:04:38,440 --> 00:04:40,480
Mm. What? Yeah.
121
00:04:40,560 --> 00:04:44,000
What do you mean?
Done the dirty, has she? What?
122
00:04:44,080 --> 00:04:46,400
Oh, no. Maya...
What's the dirty?
123
00:04:46,480 --> 00:04:47,680
Well, it's, you know...
124
00:04:47,760 --> 00:04:49,640
The Dirty Gerty from number 30.
125
00:04:49,720 --> 00:04:51,760
Exactly. What are you all talking
about?
126
00:04:51,840 --> 00:04:54,600
Has Maya cheated on you?
Of course not.
127
00:04:54,680 --> 00:04:57,320
OK. Oh, phew. We assumed she'd been
at it as well,
128
00:04:57,400 --> 00:04:58,920
from the size of that bunch.
129
00:04:59,000 --> 00:05:01,640
Yeah. Yeah, well, she hasn't, so...
What do you mean, "as well"?
130
00:05:01,720 --> 00:05:04,200
Ask your dad. Nothing.
She doesn't mean anything.
131
00:05:04,280 --> 00:05:06,640
He has been flirting with someone
from his police course.
132
00:05:06,720 --> 00:05:09,600
Oh, Paul!
I haven't! I haven't, Mum!
133
00:05:09,680 --> 00:05:10,680
There's a female cadet
134
00:05:10,760 --> 00:05:13,200
who just happens to have the hots
for me, that's all!
135
00:05:13,280 --> 00:05:16,240
Oh, my God, what's wrong with her?
Oh, ha-ha! Nothing.
136
00:05:16,320 --> 00:05:19,480
And, for the record,
I have not encouraged her at all.
137
00:05:19,560 --> 00:05:22,880
The infatuation is entirely one way,
the poor lass!
138
00:05:22,960 --> 00:05:26,360
It does explain why you're suddenly
so keen to go for a pint...
139
00:05:26,440 --> 00:05:28,240
CHERRY GASPS
..and some crisps after class.
140
00:05:28,320 --> 00:05:29,760
Yeah, yeah, no...
141
00:05:29,840 --> 00:05:33,280
No! That's... That's tactical,
actually, I'm thinking ahead.
142
00:05:33,360 --> 00:05:35,720
Zoe's friendly with a few guys
from CID... "Zoe."
143
00:05:35,800 --> 00:05:38,480
..so I thought if I get in with them
now, then, you know, I can...
144
00:05:38,560 --> 00:05:41,880
Well, I'll have a couple of pints,
watch some football... Right.
145
00:05:41,960 --> 00:05:44,920
And they might help me to become
a detective once I've trained.
146
00:05:45,000 --> 00:05:46,880
Football?
You know nothing about football.
147
00:05:46,960 --> 00:05:49,000
Yeah, I know,
I'm just fumbling around that bit.
148
00:05:49,080 --> 00:05:51,720
So you're pretending that
you like football. That's pathetic.
149
00:05:51,800 --> 00:05:54,280
Yeah, tragic. Well, it's better
than coming home every night
150
00:05:54,360 --> 00:05:56,600
and watching you read
your therapy books. Oh, no!
151
00:05:56,680 --> 00:05:59,520
I'm not... I am... Well, it's
a big module. I'm doing a course!
152
00:05:59,600 --> 00:06:01,760
And I'm fitting it in
with a part-time job as well
153
00:06:01,840 --> 00:06:04,160
so I'm quite busy! Clearly!
You tell him, sister!
154
00:06:04,240 --> 00:06:07,080
Clearly. You didn't even buy me
anything for Valentine's Day. Oh.
155
00:06:08,200 --> 00:06:10,040
Rach...
156
00:06:10,120 --> 00:06:11,480
That's bad.
157
00:06:11,560 --> 00:06:13,200
Oh is that true, Mum?
158
00:06:13,280 --> 00:06:15,280
Er-r-r-r... I forgot.
159
00:06:15,800 --> 00:06:18,560
..what is...what's your big module,
Rach? Yeah.
160
00:06:19,640 --> 00:06:21,080
Um, it's just...
161
00:06:21,160 --> 00:06:22,960
Marriage counselling.
Doesn't matter.
162
00:06:23,040 --> 00:06:25,480
Oh, my God, it's just all
a load of rubbish anyway, isn't it,
163
00:06:25,560 --> 00:06:27,640
Valentine's Day? No, it isn't.
164
00:06:27,720 --> 00:06:30,560
Yeah, it's just a way to make idiots
waste money
165
00:06:30,640 --> 00:06:32,560
on crap poetry and dead plants.
166
00:06:32,640 --> 00:06:35,960
Oh, Rachel, don't be a Valentine's
Day equivalent
167
00:06:36,040 --> 00:06:37,160
of Scrooge.
168
00:06:37,240 --> 00:06:39,800
Well... Romance can be very thrifty.
169
00:06:39,880 --> 00:06:43,200
OK, Sue. I mean, just cook him
a nice meal or something,
170
00:06:43,280 --> 00:06:45,080
that's what I used to do for Les.
171
00:06:45,160 --> 00:06:47,520
Oh, no, please don't make Dad
another beef Wellington,
172
00:06:47,600 --> 00:06:49,960
it was like trying to eat
a cricket bat last time.
173
00:06:50,040 --> 00:06:52,160
No, it wasn't! Was it?
174
00:06:52,240 --> 00:06:53,560
A lot worse, actually, Mum.
175
00:06:53,640 --> 00:06:55,160
It was a bit batty, Rach.
176
00:06:55,240 --> 00:06:58,600
Look, don't... Please don't cook me
anything, babe, you know?
177
00:06:58,680 --> 00:07:00,320
It'll only be - no offence -
178
00:07:00,400 --> 00:07:01,520
gross.
179
00:07:01,600 --> 00:07:03,640
Er, I am a very good cook, actually.
I can be.
180
00:07:03,720 --> 00:07:07,120
Look, just hire my mate, Ugly Chris,
Rach. He does home bookings
181
00:07:07,200 --> 00:07:09,720
and he used to chef for,
like, Michelin.
182
00:07:09,800 --> 00:07:12,360
That guy, honestly,
he can cook the lot.
183
00:07:12,440 --> 00:07:15,960
No, we've got one of Mum's lasagnes
in the freezer. You can just defrost
184
00:07:16,040 --> 00:07:18,720
that if you want to make me
something nice. Oh, I can defrost
185
00:07:18,800 --> 00:07:21,760
one of Sue's lasagnes -
is that all I'm capable of, is it?
186
00:07:21,840 --> 00:07:24,240
Er, best to let me do it.
187
00:07:24,320 --> 00:07:26,560
Yeah, probably.
PHONE BUZZES
188
00:07:26,640 --> 00:07:28,480
Oh, hello! There's Zoe now.
189
00:07:28,560 --> 00:07:30,120
Oh! It's not, is it?
190
00:07:30,200 --> 00:07:32,480
No. Of course it's not.
It's probably not.
191
00:07:32,560 --> 00:07:34,280
Who is it, then? Um...
192
00:07:34,360 --> 00:07:37,640
No! It's Greg, it's Greg from CID.
193
00:07:37,720 --> 00:07:40,880
Yeah, he wants to know if I want
to go over there and watch
194
00:07:40,960 --> 00:07:44,080
the England match on Sunday.
Will Zoe be there?
195
00:07:44,160 --> 00:07:46,600
Um, I...I don't know,
she's in the WhatsApp group.
196
00:07:46,680 --> 00:07:48,480
- Then, you can't go.
- Whoa, Mum!
197
00:07:48,560 --> 00:07:50,120
Steady on, Rach! That's a bit
198
00:07:50,200 --> 00:07:53,320
hashtag controlling behaviour,
innit? Yeah. Babe? Yeah.
199
00:07:53,400 --> 00:07:55,800
Mum, you can't really do that.
No, not cool.
200
00:07:55,880 --> 00:07:58,160
Well, then, invite them
over here to watch it.
201
00:07:58,240 --> 00:08:00,120
All right. Fine. Fine!
202
00:08:00,200 --> 00:08:03,640
Well, just...just promise
not to embarrass me, OK? Please.
203
00:08:03,720 --> 00:08:06,560
These people are my mates.
204
00:08:06,640 --> 00:08:08,760
And is it man on or man up?
205
00:08:08,840 --> 00:08:10,640
No, man on and mark up.
206
00:08:10,720 --> 00:08:14,120
Yes. Mm-hm. And what about Man YOU
cos that's one as well, isn't it?
207
00:08:14,200 --> 00:08:16,920
No, that's...that's Manchester
United. That's not...
208
00:08:17,000 --> 00:08:19,120
You don't need that. How have they
not worked out
209
00:08:19,200 --> 00:08:21,320
you hate football yet?
I don't hate it.
210
00:08:21,400 --> 00:08:24,240
I just find it inane, you know?
211
00:08:24,320 --> 00:08:27,000
It's not like I have to play
or anything. I just have to bluff
212
00:08:27,080 --> 00:08:29,280
my way through the conversation.
It's fine.
213
00:08:29,360 --> 00:08:30,840
DOORBELL RINGS
Oh! Oh, that's them.
214
00:08:30,920 --> 00:08:33,360
OK, I'll get it. I'll get it.
Doorbell! Oh, God. It's my mates!
215
00:08:33,440 --> 00:08:35,200
My mates are here!
Please don't say anything.
216
00:08:35,280 --> 00:08:36,760
What? Not in front of your
girlfriend?
217
00:08:36,840 --> 00:08:38,120
No...
218
00:08:38,200 --> 00:08:39,160
Come on!
219
00:08:39,240 --> 00:08:41,920
# Eng-er-land, Eng-er-land... #
England! Forever!
220
00:08:42,000 --> 00:08:44,400
Hiya, Jeffrey. Greg, how are
you? Hello, nice to meet you.
221
00:08:44,480 --> 00:08:46,120
Thanks for having us.
The Barmy Army!
222
00:08:46,200 --> 00:08:50,200
Yeah, barmy! The army!
Brought some, er, Peter Beersleys!
223
00:08:50,280 --> 00:08:52,040
What...what's that, then?
224
00:08:52,120 --> 00:08:54,920
Beers. You know,
Peter Beersley, yeah?
225
00:08:55,000 --> 00:08:56,200
Ha-ha-ha!
226
00:08:56,280 --> 00:08:59,320
Yeah! Where we going? First right.
In the house, thank you.
227
00:08:59,400 --> 00:09:01,960
And this is Fozzie. Oh, hi.
Where's your telly?
228
00:09:02,040 --> 00:09:04,720
It's... Well, through there. OK. Hi.
Thank you. Hello.
229
00:09:04,800 --> 00:09:07,360
And, well, yeah, this is, um...
This is...this is Zoe.
230
00:09:07,440 --> 00:09:11,640
Oh, right, you're... Hi. Hi.
Hi, I'm Rachel. I'm Paul's wife.
231
00:09:11,720 --> 00:09:14,280
And I'm Sue, Paul's mum,
232
00:09:14,360 --> 00:09:17,760
and this is Sammy with the camera.
Hello.
233
00:09:17,840 --> 00:09:20,560
Foden's starting, Jeffrey.
Oh, congratulations, Foden.
234
00:09:20,640 --> 00:09:21,760
That's... It's coming home!
235
00:09:21,840 --> 00:09:24,320
About to kick off! Great!
236
00:09:24,400 --> 00:09:26,200
Mm. Huh?
237
00:09:26,280 --> 00:09:28,800
Why do they keep
calling you Jeffrey?
238
00:09:28,880 --> 00:09:30,800
Yeah, that's banter, Mum.
239
00:09:30,880 --> 00:09:33,720
You know, it's
like the Peter Beersley thing,
240
00:09:33,800 --> 00:09:37,600
there's a lot of banter, so I'm
Jeffrey because they...they probably
241
00:09:37,680 --> 00:09:40,840
found that I was a former Olympic
archer, so, er,
242
00:09:40,920 --> 00:09:42,440
Jeffrey Archer.
243
00:09:42,520 --> 00:09:45,120
Are you sure they don't just think
your name's Jeffrey? Mm.
244
00:09:46,360 --> 00:09:47,760
Is the skank here, then?
245
00:09:47,840 --> 00:09:49,640
Eh? No, she's not a skank!
246
00:09:49,720 --> 00:09:52,200
Don't you dare defend her.
You're on thin ice, you are.
247
00:09:52,280 --> 00:09:55,000
Well, no, she didn't...she didn't
seem like a skank
248
00:09:55,080 --> 00:09:57,400
on first impressions. England!
Hi, Ames, how's it going?
249
00:09:57,480 --> 00:10:00,240
England time!
Hi, Robin's weird friend. Dean.
250
00:10:00,320 --> 00:10:03,000
Yeah, I know your name.
All right, darling? Oh, snap!
251
00:10:04,320 --> 00:10:06,880
Oh. Sort of.
This is the women's team.
252
00:10:08,120 --> 00:10:10,880
Oh. So...
I actually like women's football.
253
00:10:10,960 --> 00:10:13,160
No need to say "actually".
254
00:10:13,240 --> 00:10:14,720
No need to say women's.
255
00:10:14,800 --> 00:10:16,800
I...like...
256
00:10:17,760 --> 00:10:19,000
..football.
257
00:10:19,080 --> 00:10:21,400
There you go. Oh, checks out.
258
00:10:23,120 --> 00:10:24,360
England!
259
00:10:24,440 --> 00:10:27,520
Greg! Oi, oi! Here they are. Hey!
260
00:10:27,600 --> 00:10:29,760
Grab a bib, then. Yeah.
261
00:10:29,840 --> 00:10:32,680
All right? Ready to get huge,
fellas? Just a bit, just a bit.
262
00:10:32,760 --> 00:10:35,600
Always. It's coming home!
It's coming home. All right?
263
00:10:35,680 --> 00:10:39,280
Oh, there's a coffee van and all!
Oh, yeah? Is there?
264
00:10:39,360 --> 00:10:42,600
Nice! Now, Paul,
I made you some honey sandwiches
265
00:10:42,680 --> 00:10:45,600
and a pot of jelly, just in case
you get peckish.
266
00:10:45,680 --> 00:10:50,120
Jelly?! I don't think Michael Owen
eats jelly before he plays football.
267
00:10:50,200 --> 00:10:52,480
You're on the bench.
It doesn't matter, does it?
268
00:10:52,560 --> 00:10:54,920
Yeah, but even so, can you not use
my old lunchbox, please?
269
00:10:55,000 --> 00:10:57,600
I'm not eight any more. All right,
then, I'll take it back.
270
00:10:57,680 --> 00:11:00,760
No, no, don't. I mean, I'll have it.
What?
271
00:11:00,840 --> 00:11:02,520
All right, babe?
272
00:11:02,600 --> 00:11:05,240
Oi, Sam, make sure you're filming
when we're playing, OK?
273
00:11:05,320 --> 00:11:08,040
I've got a bit of a surprise
planned. Oh, yeah? What is it?
274
00:11:09,720 --> 00:11:12,400
Huh? Ha-ha! Look at that! Oh, wow.
275
00:11:12,480 --> 00:11:14,720
I'm going to do it
as a goal celebration.
276
00:11:14,800 --> 00:11:17,040
That is quals, mate. Yeah.
That's pure quals. I know.
277
00:11:17,120 --> 00:11:19,000
What about if you don't score?
278
00:11:19,080 --> 00:11:21,240
Er...
279
00:11:21,320 --> 00:11:23,000
..I hadn't thought of that. Mm.
280
00:11:23,080 --> 00:11:24,560
Oh. Oh, you'll slot, mate.
281
00:11:24,640 --> 00:11:26,800
The Slot Machine? Slotbot 3000?
282
00:11:26,880 --> 00:11:28,880
Don't worry about that.
He slots when he wants.
283
00:11:28,960 --> 00:11:30,200
Yeah, slot when you want, mate.
284
00:11:30,280 --> 00:11:33,520
Oh, God. What?
I've got honey all down me.
285
00:11:33,600 --> 00:11:36,400
Oh, well, that doesn't matter.
It's only on your bib.
286
00:11:36,480 --> 00:11:40,320
Mum, this is not a food bib!
This is a sports bib
287
00:11:40,400 --> 00:11:42,680
for the football game.
This is my uniform.
288
00:11:42,760 --> 00:11:44,560
Oh, hi, guys.
289
00:11:44,640 --> 00:11:48,880
OK, here we go. You, er...you cool
to start off, then, Jeffrey?
290
00:11:48,960 --> 00:11:51,000
Er, no, no.
291
00:11:51,080 --> 00:11:53,520
No, I don't want to play yet,
thanks.
292
00:11:53,600 --> 00:11:55,120
What? I'm just going to...
293
00:11:55,200 --> 00:11:57,320
I'm happy on the side bench. OK.
That's my position.
294
00:11:57,400 --> 00:11:59,000
That's what "start off" means, Dad.
295
00:11:59,080 --> 00:12:02,520
Oh, yeah, as in I'll start OFF
and stay off... Yeah. Right.
296
00:12:02,600 --> 00:12:05,440
..I think
cos I'll be the substitute. OK.
297
00:12:05,520 --> 00:12:08,200
What? Not for the whole tournament.
298
00:12:08,280 --> 00:12:09,640
Well, ideally, yeah.
299
00:12:09,720 --> 00:12:11,440
Right, come on, then, guys.
Let's do this!
300
00:12:11,520 --> 00:12:13,640
Yeah, come on! Let's go!
It's coming home!
301
00:12:13,720 --> 00:12:15,960
Oh, God, you're massively
overusing that phrase, Dad.
302
00:12:16,040 --> 00:12:19,160
Yeah, I know I am, I'm nervous.
Yeah. Use this one, please, ref!
303
00:12:19,240 --> 00:12:21,240
Yes, football time!
304
00:12:21,320 --> 00:12:25,720
Chez? Cherry! Cherry! Can you just
stop selfie-ing, babe? Watch a sec.
305
00:12:28,200 --> 00:12:30,200
Cherry! Man on, man on!
306
00:12:31,240 --> 00:12:34,440
Oh! Keeper! Unlucky, Robin!
Don't worry, babe.
307
00:12:35,400 --> 00:12:37,120
Come on, yeah? Cherry!
308
00:12:37,200 --> 00:12:39,320
Argh!
309
00:12:39,400 --> 00:12:41,520
Cherry! Cherry! Cherry!
310
00:12:41,600 --> 00:12:44,040
Argh! No, don't dink it! Go on, Ron.
311
00:12:44,120 --> 00:12:47,200
Oh! Cherry! Cherry, this time.
312
00:12:47,280 --> 00:12:48,800
Oh!
313
00:12:48,880 --> 00:12:50,600
Argh! Oh, Robin!
314
00:12:50,680 --> 00:12:53,040
I leant back, brother.
Yes, yes, you leant back.
315
00:12:53,120 --> 00:12:54,080
Yes, yes, yes.
316
00:12:54,160 --> 00:12:56,800
Yes, I'm free!
Pass it! Pass it! Please pass it!
317
00:12:56,880 --> 00:12:58,520
Don't pass it! Pass it!
318
00:12:58,600 --> 00:13:01,480
Ah! Suck on that!
319
00:13:01,560 --> 00:13:04,960
Slam, bang. Go on, Zo!
Well done. Yes, yes, yes!
320
00:13:05,040 --> 00:13:08,200
Go, CID! You've already got a goal!
321
00:13:08,280 --> 00:13:10,080
Yellows!
322
00:13:10,160 --> 00:13:13,360
It's hopeless. Close him down!
Close him down, someone!
323
00:13:13,440 --> 00:13:17,320
Energy. Energy! Right, well,
I'm bored now. Yeah? Get tight!
324
00:13:17,400 --> 00:13:20,400
Get... Exactly. Get tight and...
325
00:13:20,480 --> 00:13:21,760
I mean, what was that?
326
00:13:21,840 --> 00:13:23,480
Good ball. Lovely ball.
327
00:13:23,560 --> 00:13:25,600
England! Oh. Er...
328
00:13:25,680 --> 00:13:26,680
Oh.
329
00:13:26,760 --> 00:13:29,960
All right, Mum. That's a bit much.
Yeah, I'm eating onion rings, babe.
330
00:13:30,040 --> 00:13:32,840
All right, forget it. Argh!
Oh, well, don't... Oh, come on!
331
00:13:32,920 --> 00:13:34,560
Pathetic. Isn't it?
332
00:13:34,640 --> 00:13:35,680
Pathetic. Isn't it?
333
00:13:35,760 --> 00:13:39,400
I mean, they are overpaid idiots,
frankly. Yeah.
334
00:13:39,480 --> 00:13:42,040
Lovely legs, though. Mm.
335
00:13:42,120 --> 00:13:43,400
Lovely everything.
336
00:13:43,480 --> 00:13:47,040
Oh, yeah, yeah?
What's your type, then, Zoe?
337
00:13:47,120 --> 00:13:48,760
Marcus Rashford. Right.
338
00:13:48,840 --> 00:13:53,240
All day long. I would grind his bits
to butter, given the chance.
339
00:13:54,360 --> 00:13:57,760
Yeah. Well, he is
too sexy to be true.
340
00:13:57,840 --> 00:13:59,160
Don't!
341
00:13:59,240 --> 00:14:01,400
Do you like older men, Zoe?
342
00:14:01,480 --> 00:14:04,120
Beard, father...
343
00:14:04,200 --> 00:14:05,680
Oh, referee!
344
00:14:05,760 --> 00:14:08,200
Huh? What? Referee?
What? What about him?
345
00:14:08,280 --> 00:14:11,840
Well, I'm just thinking about
all of, you know, his past stuff.
346
00:14:11,920 --> 00:14:15,800
I mean, get... Bloody hell,
get some glasses, ref, isn't it?
347
00:14:15,880 --> 00:14:17,880
Ah.
348
00:14:18,400 --> 00:14:21,960
Huh? Jeffrey, any chance of getting
some more Hernan Crispos?
349
00:14:23,440 --> 00:14:27,440
He means crisps, Dad. Crisps! Yeah.
Yeah, I've got some canapes coming,
350
00:14:27,520 --> 00:14:30,240
actually... Rach?
..and, yeah, some salmon puffs.
351
00:14:30,320 --> 00:14:32,560
Can't see the telly. Sorry, yeah,
sorry for taking up space
352
00:14:32,640 --> 00:14:34,560
in my own house.
Do something with it!
353
00:14:34,640 --> 00:14:37,960
Yeah, do something, for good...
I mean, score a goal at least.
354
00:14:38,040 --> 00:14:40,160
I mean, why don't
they bring Grealish on?
355
00:14:40,240 --> 00:14:43,080
He is on. Take him off, then.
Make a change.
356
00:14:44,280 --> 00:14:46,840
I didn't know you were
a football fan, Paul? Huh?
357
00:14:46,920 --> 00:14:48,560
Football fanatic more like.
358
00:14:48,640 --> 00:14:50,280
Yeah. Who do you support?
359
00:14:50,360 --> 00:14:52,360
Liverpool, the Reds.
360
00:14:52,440 --> 00:14:56,280
Yeah, my mother's family are from
there, so...
361
00:14:56,360 --> 00:14:59,040
Yeah, no, cut me open and I bleed...
362
00:14:59,120 --> 00:15:01,480
..red. Yeah, we all do.
363
00:15:01,560 --> 00:15:04,960
Yeah. Who's your favourite player,
then? What, of all time? Yeah.
364
00:15:05,040 --> 00:15:08,200
John Barn. Barnes, John Barnes.
365
00:15:08,280 --> 00:15:10,480
John Barnes, definitely.
366
00:15:10,560 --> 00:15:13,240
Here, you should join our
five-a-side team. Oh, yeah, defo.
367
00:15:13,320 --> 00:15:16,320
Keep talking, what's this? Oh,
my dentist has got this five-a-side
368
00:15:16,400 --> 00:15:19,320
charity tournament thingy next
weekend, so... Ooh! ..if you want to
369
00:15:19,400 --> 00:15:22,320
put a team together, we've only got
me and Robin so far. Hell, yeah,
370
00:15:22,400 --> 00:15:24,760
me and Fozzie used to have
our own CID team a few years back
371
00:15:24,840 --> 00:15:27,800
until we lost a couple of players.
Well, let's reform it!
372
00:15:27,880 --> 00:15:31,320
Jeffrey and I can plug the gaps
in CID no problem. Right, Jeffrey?
373
00:15:31,400 --> 00:15:35,400
Just a bit. Yeah, I'd love that.
Yes! Yeah, game on! Hey!
374
00:15:35,480 --> 00:15:38,480
Let's do it! Yeah, I should just
say, though, I'm not that good.
375
00:15:38,560 --> 00:15:39,760
You know, I'm no Ben Fogle and...
376
00:15:39,840 --> 00:15:41,920
MOBILE BUZZES
..you know, maybe I should be
377
00:15:42,000 --> 00:15:44,640
a spare or something, you know.
Sub. Spare? He means sub.
378
00:15:44,720 --> 00:15:47,360
Er, substitute, yeah. Ben Fogle?
Yeah. Hey, Maya, can you hear me?
379
00:15:47,440 --> 00:15:50,840
Didn't he play for Everton?
I mean... Maya? Oh, hang on,
380
00:15:50,920 --> 00:15:53,560
I'll go outside. If she is doing
the dirty, she is well good
381
00:15:53,640 --> 00:15:57,880
at hiding it. Mm. Well, I wouldn't
blame him for flirting with
382
00:15:57,960 --> 00:16:01,920
someone else anyway. I have been
neglecting him a bit recently.
383
00:16:02,000 --> 00:16:04,360
Do not victim blame yourself, babe!
384
00:16:04,440 --> 00:16:06,200
OK. This is not your fault.
385
00:16:06,280 --> 00:16:10,680
Right, yeah, well, I know,
but I shouldn't have forgotten
386
00:16:10,760 --> 00:16:15,480
Valentine's Day. You know, um...
Yeah. ..that's a bad sign according
387
00:16:15,560 --> 00:16:18,520
to all the marriage counselling
books I've been reading.
388
00:16:18,600 --> 00:16:21,320
Oh, my... Oh, dear. Oh, for...
389
00:16:21,400 --> 00:16:23,360
Yeah, you know...
390
00:16:23,440 --> 00:16:24,800
Oh!
391
00:16:24,880 --> 00:16:28,280
In fact, Cherry, can I have
the number of...
392
00:16:28,360 --> 00:16:30,880
..is it Ugly Chris, the chef?
Yeah, sure.
393
00:16:30,960 --> 00:16:33,840
Do you know, he is single
at the moment as well?
394
00:16:33,920 --> 00:16:37,040
No, I don't want to go out with him.
Oh, I thought you wanted to have
395
00:16:37,120 --> 00:16:39,560
a, like, revenge affair.
396
00:16:39,640 --> 00:16:41,760
Er, no, I don't.
397
00:16:41,840 --> 00:16:43,760
And even if I did,
I wouldn't pick someone called
398
00:16:43,840 --> 00:16:46,160
Ugly Chris, would I?
Oh, no, he's hot, though.
399
00:16:46,240 --> 00:16:48,600
Oh, right, is he? Yeah, smoking hot.
400
00:16:48,680 --> 00:16:51,960
We call him Ugly as a joke
because he isn't.
401
00:16:52,040 --> 00:16:53,960
Oh!
402
00:16:54,040 --> 00:16:55,480
Oh, that's funny. Yeah. Is it?
403
00:16:55,560 --> 00:16:56,960
Yeah. Yeah.
404
00:16:57,040 --> 00:17:00,480
Well, I was meant to cook
the Wellington thing for Paul
405
00:17:00,560 --> 00:17:03,080
and I do tend to overcook things
a bit. You do, yeah.
406
00:17:03,160 --> 00:17:05,280
It'd have to be a secret, though.
Of course.
407
00:17:05,360 --> 00:17:09,640
I need Paul to think I made it,
ideally, and Amy. Yep. OK.
408
00:17:09,720 --> 00:17:12,360
SHOUTING
Oh! Something's happening.
409
00:17:13,920 --> 00:17:16,360
A goal! A headed goal!
410
00:17:16,440 --> 00:17:18,240
Everything all right, Sammy?
411
00:17:18,320 --> 00:17:21,560
Yeah, I think we just scored,
Granny. Oh, fab!
412
00:17:21,640 --> 00:17:25,960
Oh, we scored, Amy! A goal. Uh-hm.
Off the post and then in!
413
00:17:26,040 --> 00:17:30,240
The post? The bar, you mean? Amy?
The bar! Off the bar and then in!
414
00:17:30,320 --> 00:17:32,320
Are you all right, love? Yep.
415
00:17:34,520 --> 00:17:37,000
OK, one more game
and we win this thing.
416
00:17:37,080 --> 00:17:39,920
We'll start with the same formation,
OK? Narrow in defence,
417
00:17:40,000 --> 00:17:43,480
wide in attack. Keep it tight
and talk to each other. Always.
418
00:17:43,560 --> 00:17:46,280
Yeah, let's have it!
SHOUTING
419
00:17:46,360 --> 00:17:48,960
It's coming home! Yeah!
420
00:17:55,200 --> 00:17:57,520
Come on, yellows!
421
00:17:57,600 --> 00:18:00,920
Ah! He's done you.
Great save, Fozzie.
422
00:18:02,160 --> 00:18:05,160
CID forever! Paul, on you come,
mate.
423
00:18:05,240 --> 00:18:07,920
No, I'm all good, thanks. Come on,
mate. I'm breathing out my arse
424
00:18:08,000 --> 00:18:10,280
here. No, I can't come on, Dean.
425
00:18:10,360 --> 00:18:12,320
I'm eating my jelly. What?
426
00:18:12,400 --> 00:18:14,720
So... Right. Oh, good effort!
427
00:18:14,800 --> 00:18:16,800
Unlucky!
428
00:18:17,280 --> 00:18:18,840
Man YOU! What? What?
429
00:18:18,920 --> 00:18:21,640
I mean man on. Sorry, man on.
430
00:18:21,720 --> 00:18:23,560
No, no, no, no, no.
431
00:18:23,640 --> 00:18:25,600
Oh, Deano! Oh, Deano.
432
00:18:25,680 --> 00:18:27,800
Oh, and there...and there
you have it.
433
00:18:27,880 --> 00:18:30,640
Come on, heads up. It's OK.
434
00:18:30,720 --> 00:18:33,040
Come on, boys.
435
00:18:33,120 --> 00:18:35,320
And girls.
436
00:18:35,400 --> 00:18:36,840
Zoe, sorry.
437
00:18:36,920 --> 00:18:38,480
Keep your heads up.
438
00:18:38,560 --> 00:18:41,160
What did she do, then - Maya?
439
00:18:42,640 --> 00:18:44,680
I know you binned the flowers.
440
00:18:44,760 --> 00:18:46,920
Oh, no, nothing.
441
00:18:48,080 --> 00:18:50,520
Just, they were getting old,
that's all.
442
00:18:50,600 --> 00:18:54,160
Oh, Amy, she did do the dirty,
didn't she?
443
00:18:56,280 --> 00:18:58,280
No, it's nothing like that.
444
00:19:00,560 --> 00:19:03,280
She just hasn't told her parents
about me.
445
00:19:03,360 --> 00:19:05,000
She said she had, ages ago.
446
00:19:05,080 --> 00:19:08,120
Turns out they don't even know
she's gay, so...
447
00:19:08,200 --> 00:19:10,200
Do you want me to talk to them?
448
00:19:11,360 --> 00:19:14,200
Um, I think...definitely not.
449
00:19:14,280 --> 00:19:18,440
Because Les didn't tell his parents
about me, you know,
450
00:19:18,520 --> 00:19:21,360
for years, and we weren't even gay.
451
00:19:21,440 --> 00:19:23,440
Right.
452
00:19:23,800 --> 00:19:24,920
Why not?
453
00:19:25,000 --> 00:19:30,280
Oh, well... Oh, they were snobs.
They didn't want him
454
00:19:30,360 --> 00:19:33,160
marrying a working-class girl
from the north, did they?
455
00:19:34,400 --> 00:19:38,000
But it turned out well in the end...
456
00:19:39,240 --> 00:19:41,240
..so give her time.
457
00:19:42,680 --> 00:19:44,880
Thanks, Granny.
458
00:19:44,960 --> 00:19:48,120
Oh! Chez! Chez, watch me. Hang on
a sec. Go on, Rob. Go, go, go!
459
00:19:48,200 --> 00:19:50,440
Cherry, eyes on me! Yes, Robin!
Hang on a sec. You're in!
460
00:19:50,520 --> 00:19:52,120
Pass it!
461
00:19:52,200 --> 00:19:53,800
CHEERING
462
00:19:53,880 --> 00:19:55,920
{\an8}Cherry! Yeah!
463
00:19:56,000 --> 00:19:59,960
Cherry? Where are you? I can't see!
Over here, Robin! I'm here!
464
00:20:00,040 --> 00:20:02,480
Robin! Cherry! Will you marry me?
465
00:20:02,560 --> 00:20:05,160
Yes! Yes, I will! Oh, babe!
466
00:20:05,240 --> 00:20:07,720
Oh! Oh, no! Robin?
467
00:20:07,800 --> 00:20:10,680
You all right, babe?
Up you get, then, Rob!
468
00:20:10,760 --> 00:20:14,480
Oh, Robin. It's like an egg,
isn't it? Oh, don't touch it, babe.
469
00:20:14,560 --> 00:20:18,520
OK, so, Robin's not allowed
back on for a bit
470
00:20:18,600 --> 00:20:21,480
cos of some woke health and safety
concussion nonsense.
471
00:20:21,560 --> 00:20:23,720
Well, in case he has brain damage.
That, yeah.
472
00:20:23,800 --> 00:20:26,120
It was a good goal, though, weren't
it? It was a brilliant goal
473
00:20:26,200 --> 00:20:28,280
from my fiance.
It was a golden goal.
474
00:20:28,360 --> 00:20:31,800
Yeah, so, Jeffrey, you're on.
Er...er...hang on.
475
00:20:31,880 --> 00:20:34,360
Um, Greg... No, look, come on,
sit at the back with me.
476
00:20:34,440 --> 00:20:37,360
You'll be golden. No. You can do
a shift in defence, right?
477
00:20:37,440 --> 00:20:40,600
Um, I mean, not traditionally.
Stay tight, hold them up, no shots,
478
00:20:40,680 --> 00:20:43,160
hit them on the counter, OK?
Right, er, exactly. And where is
479
00:20:43,240 --> 00:20:45,720
the counter? What? Sorry.
You'll be fine.
480
00:20:45,800 --> 00:20:49,360
Right, yeah. Sorry, guys! Guys,
I should just, um... I should just
481
00:20:49,440 --> 00:20:51,480
say, um, full disclosure
before we start.
482
00:20:51,560 --> 00:20:54,480
I mean, you've probably noticed this
anyway, but I am -
483
00:20:54,560 --> 00:20:58,440
how can I put this? -
bobbins, sadly.
484
00:20:58,520 --> 00:21:00,560
Yeah, yeah, we're all past our best,
mate.
485
00:21:00,640 --> 00:21:04,640
No, I'm not... I've never... I've
never actually played it before,
486
00:21:04,720 --> 00:21:07,000
football, is the thing.
487
00:21:10,520 --> 00:21:12,960
Are you winding me up?
You've never even played?
488
00:21:13,040 --> 00:21:14,840
Then, why did you join
the team, then?!
489
00:21:14,920 --> 00:21:18,200
You're right. Exactly.
I shouldn't have done.
490
00:21:18,280 --> 00:21:20,720
I guess I've...I've always wanted
to be in the CID
491
00:21:20,800 --> 00:21:24,240
and I thought that being in a team
with you now might help.
492
00:21:24,320 --> 00:21:26,880
It doesn't,
it doesn't work like that.
493
00:21:26,960 --> 00:21:29,680
No, yes, I know, I know,
and I'm sorry. I'm sorry, everyone.
494
00:21:29,760 --> 00:21:32,600
How bobbins are we talking?
Oh, the maximum.
495
00:21:32,680 --> 00:21:34,120
As bobbins as can be.
496
00:21:34,200 --> 00:21:38,280
I don't think I've ever kicked
a football before.
497
00:21:38,360 --> 00:21:42,400
I'm better with my hands, you see.
Hence the archery.
498
00:21:42,480 --> 00:21:44,280
Your what? What?
499
00:21:44,360 --> 00:21:47,400
Archery. I'm a former
Olympic archer. Oh, are you?
500
00:21:47,480 --> 00:21:49,560
Yeah, I thought you knew that
because of the...
501
00:21:49,640 --> 00:21:50,920
Just go in goal, you'll be fine.
502
00:21:51,000 --> 00:21:54,920
OK, yeah, yeah. So, Fozzie, you
come out. Jeffrey goes in there.
503
00:21:55,000 --> 00:21:56,200
In goal?!
504
00:21:56,280 --> 00:21:58,000
Yeah. Now. Let's go.
505
00:21:58,080 --> 00:22:01,960
Oh. And I can use my hands, right?
I can use my hands? Yes!
506
00:22:02,040 --> 00:22:04,280
And my feet? I can use my feet?!
507
00:22:04,360 --> 00:22:06,920
It's coming home. Nothing fancy,
yeah? Just keep it tight.
508
00:22:07,000 --> 00:22:09,800
Go on, Paolo! It's coming home,
it's coming home... Good luck, Dad.
509
00:22:09,880 --> 00:22:11,520
..it's coming home.
510
00:22:11,600 --> 00:22:14,880
Come on, Jeffrey! Come on!
511
00:22:14,960 --> 00:22:18,200
Ah! OK, yeah, yeah, that's fine.
512
00:22:19,280 --> 00:22:21,240
Ah! Oh, my God.
513
00:22:21,320 --> 00:22:23,600
Well in, Jeff! Come out! Come out!
514
00:22:23,680 --> 00:22:25,360
All right, good.
515
00:22:25,440 --> 00:22:27,120
Ah! Not too close, not too close!
516
00:22:27,200 --> 00:22:29,000
Well done, Paul, yes!
517
00:22:29,080 --> 00:22:31,240
Nice one, Dad! Well done, Paul!
518
00:22:31,320 --> 00:22:33,040
Well done, Jeffrey.
519
00:22:33,120 --> 00:22:35,520
Who's on him? Who's on him?! Deano!
520
00:22:37,520 --> 00:22:39,640
Good tackle, good tackle. Aargh!
521
00:22:39,720 --> 00:22:42,280
Aargh! Oh, my God, Dean! Dean!
522
00:22:42,360 --> 00:22:46,920
Oh, ref! He fouled me, ref! Oh...
You can't be serious!
523
00:22:47,000 --> 00:22:50,520
..he's got the red one out.
He fouled ME! It's the red one.
524
00:22:50,600 --> 00:22:53,080
That's outrageous. He fouled ME,
ref! Is your face OK, Dean?
525
00:22:53,160 --> 00:22:56,200
Yes, Paul. Of course my face
is all right. Well, you were holding
526
00:22:56,280 --> 00:22:59,360
your face. That's everything that's
wrong with the modern game, that is.
527
00:22:59,440 --> 00:23:02,720
Is there any way
we can...sort this out?
528
00:23:02,800 --> 00:23:04,600
Come on, Paolo!
529
00:23:04,680 --> 00:23:06,520
If you don't save this, we're out.
530
00:23:06,600 --> 00:23:08,400
We believe in you!
531
00:23:08,480 --> 00:23:11,680
You're saving this.
Do you understand me, Jeffrey?
532
00:23:12,680 --> 00:23:14,720
Yeah. I mean, I'll try.
533
00:23:14,800 --> 00:23:16,800
And succeed. Sure.
534
00:23:16,880 --> 00:23:19,960
Just pick a side and
throw yourself at it, yeah? Yeah.
535
00:23:21,360 --> 00:23:22,960
Come on, Dad. You've got this.
536
00:23:23,040 --> 00:23:24,640
Love you, Paolo!
537
00:23:24,720 --> 00:23:25,880
What's happening?
538
00:23:25,960 --> 00:23:28,280
It's a penalty, babe. Oh, no.
539
00:23:28,360 --> 00:23:31,200
Come on, Jeffrey!
Oh, my God, I can't watch.
540
00:23:31,280 --> 00:23:33,280
Come on!
541
00:23:35,240 --> 00:23:36,480
PAUL YELPS
542
00:23:36,560 --> 00:23:38,640
CHEERING
543
00:23:38,720 --> 00:23:41,200
Pick it up, Jeffrey!
544
00:23:41,280 --> 00:23:43,520
Jeffrey! Oh!
545
00:23:43,600 --> 00:23:45,520
I'm sorry!
546
00:23:45,600 --> 00:23:49,080
You idiot! You only had to pick it
up, you useless goon!
547
00:23:49,160 --> 00:23:51,360
Don't you talk to him like that!
548
00:23:51,440 --> 00:23:55,600
You've lost us the whole thing,
Jeffrey. You big sack of old shit.
549
00:23:55,680 --> 00:23:57,840
Paul! My name is Paul!
550
00:23:57,920 --> 00:24:00,160
Paul, Paul, Paul, Paul, Paul...
551
00:24:00,240 --> 00:24:02,280
Sammy, Sammy, help me get him up.
552
00:24:02,360 --> 00:24:04,040
PAUL GROANS
Oh, you're all right.
553
00:24:04,120 --> 00:24:05,600
Right in the peanuts!
554
00:24:05,680 --> 00:24:07,520
Oh, really? Come on, brother.
I got you, I got you.
555
00:24:07,600 --> 00:24:09,080
PAUL GROANS
Up you get.
556
00:24:09,160 --> 00:24:10,920
Goodness. Oh, I need a poo.
557
00:24:11,000 --> 00:24:14,440
Do you want my cold pack? A poo?!
Yeah, put them on there. Oh!
558
00:24:14,520 --> 00:24:17,480
Hello? Mum, we're back!
559
00:24:17,560 --> 00:24:21,920
Oh! OK. So, you have to go. Right
now. OK, yeah. Just remember to let
560
00:24:22,000 --> 00:24:25,080
it stand for, like... I'll let it
stand. ..15 minutes. You'll have to
561
00:24:25,160 --> 00:24:28,000
go out the back. Don't let them see
you. I think Dad's out there. Oh!
562
00:24:28,080 --> 00:24:31,160
Agh! Oh, God. OK. No, down here.
Out the front. Go, go. Can you run?
563
00:24:31,240 --> 00:24:33,160
Can you run? Quick, quick, quick.
564
00:24:33,240 --> 00:24:36,840
Oh, my God! OK, up the stairs.
Hide, hide, hide!
565
00:24:36,920 --> 00:24:39,520
Don't tell them about this.
I don't know what THIS is. Hey!
566
00:24:39,600 --> 00:24:41,480
Ah, you're back! Oh, I'm sore.
567
00:24:41,560 --> 00:24:43,840
Oh, my gosh. Great. How did it go?
You're being weird.
568
00:24:43,920 --> 00:24:46,320
Why are you being weird?
I'm not being weird. We lost.
569
00:24:46,400 --> 00:24:48,400
Aww. And he got a ball to the balls.
Oh.
570
00:24:48,480 --> 00:24:51,600
And Robin and Cheryl are engaged.
Oh, my God, it's all happening.
571
00:24:51,680 --> 00:24:53,800
And I think it's fair to say
Zoe doesn't fancy Dad.
572
00:24:53,880 --> 00:24:56,280
What? Yeah, she couldn't have been
the one that sent me that card.
573
00:24:56,360 --> 00:24:59,080
She didn't even know my name
was Paul! What card?
574
00:24:59,160 --> 00:25:02,040
Where are you going? Where are you
going? The Valentine's card, Mum.
575
00:25:02,120 --> 00:25:04,840
You know, the one that says,
"You're too sexy to be true."
576
00:25:04,920 --> 00:25:07,560
No. Yeah. That was from me!
577
00:25:07,640 --> 00:25:09,360
It... What?!
578
00:25:09,440 --> 00:25:11,360
Oh, my God, that's tragic.
579
00:25:11,440 --> 00:25:14,320
Well, I thought you'd figure it out!
I mean...
580
00:25:15,360 --> 00:25:18,800
..Mum, you're not supposed to send
your son a Valentine's Day card.
581
00:25:18,880 --> 00:25:20,560
That's just weird!
582
00:25:20,640 --> 00:25:23,200
Well, we used to do it
all the time, back in the day.
583
00:25:23,280 --> 00:25:26,880
Yeah, it was weird then as well.
I'm a grown man!
584
00:25:26,960 --> 00:25:29,840
I shouldn't be eating jelly
and I certainly shouldn't be
585
00:25:29,920 --> 00:25:32,200
receiving love letters from
my mother! No-one's MAKING you
586
00:25:32,280 --> 00:25:35,160
eat jelly. Well, at least you know
he's not having an affair, Mum.
587
00:25:35,240 --> 00:25:39,160
Of course I'm not because I'm a
loser. I'm a pathetic old loser. Aw.
588
00:25:39,240 --> 00:25:42,480
No, you're not old, Paul.
Not really.
589
00:25:42,560 --> 00:25:46,080
Or a...or a loser! And I won't make
a detective, I can tell you that
590
00:25:46,160 --> 00:25:48,840
now. Why are you going upstairs?
Because I'm sweaty! Well, I don't...
591
00:25:48,920 --> 00:25:51,280
Maybe come down. Do it later.
Change...change downstairs.
592
00:25:51,360 --> 00:25:54,760
The football clothes make me sad.
Oh, God. Oh, God. Oh, no.
593
00:25:54,840 --> 00:25:57,760
What's wrong with you? You're acting
so weird. I don't get it.
594
00:25:57,840 --> 00:25:59,000
Oh!
595
00:25:59,080 --> 00:26:01,080
Oh, my God!
596
00:26:02,040 --> 00:26:04,040
Are YOU having an affair?
597
00:26:04,800 --> 00:26:06,400
What?
598
00:26:06,480 --> 00:26:08,560
No, no!
599
00:26:08,640 --> 00:26:12,480
No? There's a man hiding
in our wardrobe, Rachel!
600
00:26:12,560 --> 00:26:14,920
Maybe you WILL be a detective
after all, Dad.
601
00:26:15,000 --> 00:26:16,720
Hey.
602
00:26:16,800 --> 00:26:20,160
Hello, there. Don't greet him, Mum!
603
00:26:20,240 --> 00:26:22,040
What the hell's going on?
604
00:26:22,120 --> 00:26:24,800
This is Ugly Chris.
He's Cherry's friend.
605
00:26:24,880 --> 00:26:27,680
OK. I mean, that guy's not ugly.
No way.
606
00:26:27,760 --> 00:26:30,320
No, he's an absolute dreamboat!
607
00:26:30,400 --> 00:26:35,040
Yeah, no, Cherry calls him Ugly
Chris as a joke because he's not.
608
00:26:35,120 --> 00:26:36,560
Tell him.
609
00:26:36,640 --> 00:26:39,200
Yeah, I didn't know she called me
that, actually.
610
00:26:40,200 --> 00:26:41,560
Well, she does.
611
00:26:41,640 --> 00:26:46,320
He's a chef, he's making
beef Wellington for you, from me.
612
00:26:46,400 --> 00:26:50,240
I wanted you to think I'd made it,
that's why he's here
613
00:26:50,320 --> 00:26:52,280
and in there.
614
00:26:52,360 --> 00:26:54,360
Right.
615
00:26:55,560 --> 00:26:57,600
We should probably get it out
the oven now, Rach. Yeah, no, sure,
616
00:26:57,680 --> 00:27:00,040
thank you so much.
OK. Thank you, Ugly Chris. Cheers.
617
00:27:00,120 --> 00:27:02,120
I'll lay the table.
618
00:27:03,040 --> 00:27:05,600
Wait for me, Ugly Chris!
619
00:27:05,680 --> 00:27:06,920
Sorry.
620
00:27:07,000 --> 00:27:08,760
You are not a loser.
621
00:27:08,840 --> 00:27:10,400
I mean, you won me, didn't you?
622
00:27:10,480 --> 00:27:12,480
Yeah. Yeah.
623
00:27:13,560 --> 00:27:17,280
Thanks, babe. I love you.
I love you, and happy Valentine's.
624
00:27:17,360 --> 00:27:20,440
You're both way too dull
to have an affair anyway.
625
00:27:20,520 --> 00:27:23,800
Yeah, that's true, that's true.
Yeah. And I did win
626
00:27:23,880 --> 00:27:27,480
the Men's Archery Field
Championships in 2007, so...
627
00:27:27,560 --> 00:27:31,640
Yep. Come on, Sammy.
It's coming home! Huh?
628
00:27:31,720 --> 00:27:34,760
Let's Go
by The Routers
629
00:27:34,840 --> 00:27:36,840
# Let's go!
630
00:27:37,880 --> 00:27:39,880
# Let's go!
631
00:27:41,320 --> 00:27:43,320
# Let's go!
632
00:27:44,760 --> 00:27:46,760
# Let's go!
633
00:27:48,080 --> 00:27:50,080
# Let's go!
634
00:27:51,440 --> 00:27:53,440
# Let's go!
635
00:27:54,800 --> 00:27:56,800
# Let's go!
636
00:27:58,160 --> 00:28:00,160
# Let's go! #
50382
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