All language subtitles for d.m.o.s03e06.720p.web.h264-skyfire

Society has ended.

There's been a catastrophe and most
of humanity has been wiped out.

It was bound to happen
sooner or later.

In this post-apocalyptic wilderness,
six comedians have survived,

and we've given them six days
- to rebuild civilisation.
- Oh.

Should be enough.

Prepared is a funny word, isn't it?
Mentally, not at all.

Physically, not at all.

What's the best outcome
of an apocalypse?

And it's probably death, isn't it?

We should just call this
the Mitchell dictatorship.

Each day they'll be learning
vital skills...

- Panda toilet.
- Panda toilet?
Panda toilet.

...and competing for badges.

Some rules are made to be bent.

And I'm here for that.

The skills that I bring to the table
in this setting are minimal.

That does not look good, babe.

I'm really good at working
with others as long as they do

exactly what I tell them to do.
- Chakra the hell up.
- OK.

I always think to myself,
"What would David Mitchell do?"

And I do that. And then I hope
one day that he sees it.

BOTH:# He's got a badge
to give away!

♪ What is the game
that we will all play? ♪

Will they thrive?
I just want to smash something.

- Call me back!
- Will they die?

Oh, right in the balls.

The insurance waivers have been
signed. The cesspit has been dug.

We're ready to go.
This is Outsiders.

This is our last morning.
I'm going to miss you a lot, man.

You're a nice, really nice bunch.
I've learned a lot this week.

What have you learned
about yourself?

I've learned that I'm an outsider,
- not an insider.
- Aw!

And I want to come inside
- your hearts.
- Lovely stuff.

Have your sunglasses got bigger?

You got two pairs
of 42-inch screens.

They're catching.
Now you should get a pair.

Can you compete with them?
Compete back.

Just compete back with them.
- Oh.
- That gives a lovely colour.

That's a nice colour. You look good.
Oh, my God, you look like

an absolute retired gangster.

- Oh, yeah.
- He could be cast in,
like, a Guy Ritchie movie.

You do look like you could be
in a Guy Ritchie movie. You do.

I'd love to be in a Guy Ritchie
movie."Where's myBLEEPmoney?"

- - Where's myBLEEPmoney?
- Oh!
- But,
actually, where is theBLEEPmoney?

LAUGHTER

♪ We're the Outsiders! ♪
Come on!

♪ Not the insiders!

♪ And we want
to come inside your heart. ♪

- It's a football chant.
- It is.
You can do that on Saturday.

ALL: # We're the Outsiders!

♪ Not the insiders!

♪ And want to come inside
your heart!

♪ We're the outsiders,
not the insiders

♪ And we want to
come inside your heart

♪ We're the outsiders... ♪

INDISTINCT CHATTER AND LAUGHTER

- - - Hello.
- Hello.
- Oh, hello.
- We've been
doing football chants, David.

ALL: # We're the Outsiders!

♪ Not the insiders!

♪ And we want to come inside
your heart

♪ We're the Outsiders,
not the insiders

♪ And we want
to come inside your heart

♪ Outsiders... ♪
Sorry... You've changed it.

It was, you know, the way we first
did it with that folk band,

it was much more left wing.
Now it's moving to the right.

- Yeah.
- OK.

The scores are six, five, five.

Ooh!

Alan and Roisin, six.
Guz and Judi, five.

Chris and Laura, five.

So, first badge of the last day.

Penultimate badge. Flying.

To earn your Flight Badge,

you must find a way of launching me
through the air.

- Yes!
- But, call me a coward, I have
nominated Dummy David as my proxy.

You must launch Dummy David
as far as possible through the air.

The scrapheap is open for you to use
whatever you please from it.

I will be judging you on the
distance Dummy David travels.

You have 30 minutes to design
and launch your Davids.

- - Is that clear?
- Yes.
- Yes.

Remember, the Wright brothers' first
flight in 1903 was just 36 metres.

And that was a massive breakthrough
in powered aviation,

though the real achievement

was serving the in-flight meal
before landing. So there we go.

Any questions?

No, but I'm not happy with it.
Why not?

We was hoping that you wouldn't
- be a wussy.
- Yeah, yeah.

And that we could actually use you
instead of the dumbass David.

Why were you hoping I wouldn't be
- wussy?
- We thought you'd pad up.

I mean, I couldn't be more clearly
projecting wussy

in my everything I do.
He hasn't misled any of us.

Yeah, think of the telly.

We could wrap you in a mattress,
and then we promise not to, like,

ball you up or anything
and then launch you.

♪ Wrap him in a mattress! ♪

LAUGHTER

Run, David, run!
♪ Wrap him in a mattress! ♪

♪ Wrap me in a mattress

♪ Wrap him, wrap him... ♪
- You got the vibes?
- Yeah.

I'm like untaxed cash,
- in the mattress.
- Yes.

So I'll meet you
in the caravan park.

- Let's go.
- We going your way
- or my way?
- This way.

Let's go.

I'm going to miss your hand
on my shoulder.

Aw. That's so sweet.

The Outsiders each have 30 minutes

to create
carbon-friendly flying machines

and launch their Dummy Davids

using these scrap materials
and help from this engineer, Albert.

Does he have to remain in one piece
or can we fly him a bit at a time?

You're supposed to keep him in one
piece and, ideally, he would travel

as comfortably as possible
and make a soft landing.

We're going to kick the shit
- out of him.
- So you've got
half an hour starting now.

There's wood, there's pallets,
there's stakes,

there's a massive tyre.
Oh, my God, here we go.

That, my friend... Bungee.

Tell me what you're envisioning.
I think we skewer him, Alan.

We break up these pallets
and then we make the longest skewer

- you've ever seen.
- I don't think
we can have too many joints in it.

He's going to be gone. We'll never
have to deal with him again.

- That'll just snap.
- OK.

I know they are going to be like,

"Guz and Judi's going to take
the easy way out,

"they're going to cut him up.
they're going to throw him
bit by bit."

I don't want them
to be able to judge us.

- Yeah.
- I want us to do something
today that proves we are big time.

HE LAUGHS

- So what are we thinking?
- We've just
got to do the Acme catapult, surely.

If we're going to use this,
we need the base, though.

How big is that tyre?
- It's big.
- Massive.

We need something
- that's elasticated.
- Ah!

- Try that.
- That can...

Bitch! You see that?

It's quite launchable.

I feel a little bit queasy now.

And then... go!

Whoa! No, that works,
that works, that works.

I don't think shouting "go"
will work with Dummy David.

If you slung him with a bit
of an extended length of something,

you could get some...
like a hammer throw.

If he's up here... Yeah.

...and we can pull this back
as far as possible... Yeah.

...then when he leaves... Yeah.

...he's going to leave
on a bigger angle... Yeah.

- ...from a higher place.
- Yeah.

So that's going to give him
more distance.

I don't know if other people
have done their task,

I don't want this idea
going out too far.

This is stretchy...
We're trying to fling it.

We try to do it with our hands.

we can get a certain amount
of stretch on it,

but I'm looking at...
Can we not use the struts?

Are we allowed to use the struts?

That is stretchy.
So what do you think?

If you attach this to him
and we pull it back,

it would... It would fly quite
a long way. It's a catapult vibe.

OK.Do you think?
I'll go with it if you think we can.

There's a big bit of wood.
Yeah, we get that sheet of wood.

- Yeah.
- We put that up against this.
- Yeah.
- Get even higher.

This is feeling good, Chris.

I think we need to reduce him down
into a cannonball shape.

- That's good.
- What about a kind of
big V in the top of that?

Kind of big...? Oh.
Did you hear that?

Yeah, I think that would work.
Yeah, because then you've got

the space for his body to be.
Yeah.

Let's see how heavy he is first.
How heavy is he?

Oh, he's light, ain't he?

You are now halfway
through your time.

We're going to try
- and look after him.
- Thanks.

I'm going to get him
into a rolled position

so when he lands
he won't hurt himself.

They do that on Ryanair, I think.

LAUGHTER

"Ooh. £15 flight.
Oh, it's £200 extra

"if they don't tie you in a ball
and fling you."

LAUGHTER

You're about to step into a tyre!

Shit!

Fucking hell.

Whose idea was it
to have me on the show?

This is just a practice.

Oh.

OK, so what we learned is that side
needs to... It needs to be tight.

- Tight, tight.
- That's it.
You got it, you got it, you got it.

It's like watching a rocket launch.

Oh, it's round my ankle. Oh!

It went two feet.

LAUGHTER

You have ten minutes remaining.

- Ooh!
- Ooh.

You whacked yourself in
- your bollocks?
- Nasty.

That's what you get
for single knots.

I'm not entirely sure I'm
- in control.
- This is for the gold,

You can do it, Alan.
- It's round my ankle.
- You can do it.

LAUGHTER

If you fly with him, can
you serve him a meal on the way?

This brings back a lot of memories.

Guz.

Oh, is that your face? Oh... No!

Not...

The sad thing is, a lot of you think
that's not your face

but it actually is.

Oh, please.

You have five...

We've not even fired him yet.

I feel like we should have left
more time for the attempts.

This is it, David. Come on.

That was really good.

- Oh.
- That was great.

- Oh! I hit the tyre.
- Ow!

That hurts.

Judi Love, first attempt.

- Oh!
- Quick!

He's like an MP
hurrying from the bushes.

Oh!

- Oh!
- Yes!

Yes, it's further.

I can still beat it.

I believe you, I have faith in you.

- Are you ready?
- Yeah.

- Yes.
- Oh.

Oh, oh, it went a bit of a way.
Go and get him, go and get him.

At this point, they could have
hurled it further.

- Let's wrap him up in a ball.
- Push
his head in his arsehole like this.

- Look.
- Oh, here we go.

Oh, the full gaffering.

Of course, if I'd been
to boarding school,

I'd be used to this sort of thing.

It's what gave Boris Johnson
his desire to destroy humanity.

Cameron gave him a right gaffering.

After Double Latin.

OK, I'm taking a run up.
- Go for it.
- Ready?

LAUGHTER

That's unsafe.
His goggles have come off.

Medic! Medic!

You put it in.
Let's see how far it goes.

Leaning back.

Shit.

Is it against the rules
for Albert to have a go?

- Have a go, Albert.
- Achieve.

Oh, he's going hammer.

He's going for the dizzy version.

Oh, it broke again... Classic...

LAUGHTER

Babes! We need something
to pull back.

Yeah, let's attach that shit
to the Gator.

You have one minute remaining.

MUSIC: Der Beherrscher Der Geister

Fuck.

Really hurt my arm.

Come on!

Time's up.

Phew. I'm out.

One more!
No, your time is up.

I think you've got really far.
Genuinely, I don't think anyone else
is going to get as far.

Feel like we really used physics.
100% I'm right.

We had good ideas, but I genuinely
think we failed to deliver.

We should have just
kicked it down there.

I want to say to you, my brother,
so proud of you.

I think we smashed it
out of the waters.

Could you speak back slang
- when you were kids?
- Oh, my gosh...

SHE TALKS BACK SLANG

What?

SHE TALKS BACK SLANG

Do you understand what I am saying?

SHE TALKS BACK SLANG

SHE TALKS BACK SLANG BACK

Are you auctioning
some livestock?

SHE TALKS BACK SLANG

SHE TALKS BACK SLANG ALSO

Do you know what, one time...

SHE TALKS BACK SLANG

Al? What's happening?

JUDI CONTINUES SPEAKING BACK SLANG

...and she went...

SHE TALKS BACK SLANG

LAUGHTER

THEY SPEAK BACK SLANG AND LAUGH

Put some holy water on her.

LAUGHTER

- She's speaking in tongues.
- Yeah.
I think you might have a point.

She's filled with the spirit.

I put a tenner on the fact
that her head spun around 360.

This is a possession situation.

LAUGHTER

SHE TALKS BACK SLANG

JUDI TALKS BACK SLANG

- Hello. Look.
- Oh, my word.

SHE TALKS BACK SLANG

DAVID STUTTERS

SHE TALKS BACK SLANG

DAVID MUMBLES

SHE TALKS BACK SLANG

Is this like pig Latin?
Don't get involved.

Are you a town crier?
No. It's mayoral.

So I've got a tricorn hat on,
red robe, shitty chain.

LAUGHTER

Now, one of the biggest challenges
facing the new society

that you are building
is, who's in charge?

The traditional political parties
have melted away.

We need bold-thinking political
movements to take centre stage.

To earn your Election Badge, you
must create a new political party

which represents
your ideological goals.

You must decide on a party name,
slogan and manifesto.

You will have to deliver your policy
priorities to potential voters

in a short speech.

The pair with the most votes
at the end of the debate

wins the badge.

- - So is that clear?
- Kind of.
- Crystal.

So, I'm going to walk away
and I reckon if you start to get up,

that would be wrong. And if you
- don't, that will be wrong.
- Yeah.

What about if we just whistle at
- you?
- Yes, good. Whistle at me

like slightly condemnatory,
but also slightly,

"He's got something attractive
about him."OK. We'll do that.

OK. See you later.
WHISTLING

Give it a wiggle.

WHISTLING

- Yeah.
- Oh!

LAUGHTER

- Mm!
- This is a great
outfit for hiding an erection.

LAUGHTER

It's not hidden.

You big boy.

LAUGHTER

Oh, it's not often my legs
can swing off something.

It's just nice.
It feels very playful.

How about we call ourselves
the Inside Out Party?

That sounds good.

So we're taking the inside out
cos we want the benefits.

I know - we want the benefits
- of inside, outside.
- Outside.

- Oh, there you go.
- Yeah?
That's the slogan.

This is writing itself.

How do you want to rule the people?

We can be whatever
you want it to be.

But the only thing I ask
is that we cheat, we lie,

and we steal.

Our political party is known as
the Good Vibes Group.

- Oh!
- Oh, my gosh.

And you know what? The problem is,

a lot of people out there that's not
finding anybody with vibes.

I think me and you rule.
So, oligarchy.

It's hard selling an oligarchy,
isn't it?

They don't normally sell it

cos they don't need to get elected
- as an oligarchy.
- They just do it.

Yeah. So we just say to them,
"Piss off."The issue, perhaps...

I'll tell you what, I'm going
to be like Keir Starmer.

I'm going to go up there with
a placard with nothing on it.

Oh, don't be like Keir Starmer.
Everyone will fall asleep.

We're not trying to do the hard sell
cos, really, you've got no choice.

You're blessed to have us.

So you can either do this
the nice way or the hard way.

You can come with us and pretend
you're participating,

like in Russia, or you can get
your fucking head chopped off.

It's an oligarchy,
not a dictatorship.

I think just a little threat of,

"If you don't vote for us,
it might not be the best thing."

- You're a bit mafia.
- Everybody dreams
that they go to sleep,

and in the morning they log into
their online banking

and out of nowhere... Ding!
- ...200 grand.
- Yeah.

How are you going to get the 200?
We're going to tell you.

- Have you heard of Jeff Bezos?
- Yeah.
- Have you heard of Elon Musk?
- Yeah.

- They got to give up the bread.
- Shit.
Yeah. And it's entirely up to you

what you do with the money.

Now, our principle policy,
the one that I really am banking on

is sanitation and hygiene.
That is what we're all about.

We want the best latrines
in the post-apocalyptic world.

Clean hands, clean penes.

Penes is a penis.

I haven't written that down,
but I don't think I'll forget it.

All cramped dwellings will have
flushing toilets, hot water

- and plumbing.
- Underfloor heating.

I think that's bad
for the environment.

Yeah, but it's bringing inside
- outside.
- No, but it's warm anyway.

- But not in the winter.
- OK.

Napping should become
- a national treasure.
- Yeah.

Is there a cap on how many naps?
Is there a cap on the naps?

Well, I think two 15-minutes naps.
- Let's say 20 minutes.
- How many?

- Three a day?
- Two. Think
we're pushing it with three.

Maybe we could say real beds. Real
- - beds.
- Yeah, real beds.
- Real beds.

Real beds for real people.

Idea sharing is important. If you
have an idea, you have to share it.

Good or bad ideas, we're sharing
- them all.
- Sharing them all.

Oh, so there'll be no shame.
No shame.

Because everyone's shared
everything.

Oh! I've just,
I've just, I've just, I've just,

I've just thought of something.

There should be a new drug
that is prescribed - holidays.

An end to pharmaceutical medication
and an introduction of...

Sun, sand and sex.

Maybe we should be very sexy
about it.

So we perform the whole thing
really like we're in porn.

I'm not doing that.

Look at me. People are just
going to feel a bit nauseous.

Play with your hair.
I'm not playing with my hair.

What do we want?
Instant gratification.

When do we want it?
A little bit later.

Like, looking at this, I'm, pfft.

- Let's go.
- Let's go.

Ooh! I got to jump off.

HE FARTS

- Oh, my God.
- It's a little one.

Thank you very much for coming.

I'm now going to ask you
one at a time to give the name

of your party
and your key policy points,

and then we'll open
to the floor for questions.

Alan and Roisin,
if you could start, please.

We are the Truth Bunnies.

And this comes from a central
policy, which is ask us no questions

and we'll tell you no lies.

Thing is with Alan, he's got
that soft, warming dad voice,

and then he knows his facts
and it throws you off,

even when he's telling you bullshit.

Our most important and abiding
principle is sanitation.

It's the thing that's most
important to all of us,
and particularly Roisin.

Clean hands, clean penes.

Our second policy is if you have
an idea, you must share it,
good or bad.

Everybody who has a good idea
will be for the benefit of all.

Everyone is allowed a voice
except Chris, obviously.

And the thing is,
we are asking you to elect us.

But we are an oligarchy.

So we're asking you in the way
that the Mafia asks you.

We would like you to be on board,

but if you don't,
you're going to be on board.

Thank you very much.
Thank you very much.

And now Chris and Laura.

We are the Inside Out Party.

Bringing you the benefits
of inside... Outside.

Middle of the line.

All outdoor dwellings
will have underfloor heating,

- hot showers, Wi-Fi.
- All the luxuries
of indoors, outdoors.

- A lot of rubbish.
- It was nothing.
- Where was the vibe?
- Nah.

As much as we want to survive
outside,

we want to make outside
as close to inside as possible.

I'm sure those constituents
could see right through those lies.

Now we've learnt how to survive
outside,

what we propose is to have a huge,
gigantic, retractable roof

for when the outside gets too
much... And we want to
make it just like inside.

Do you want to live in Center Parcs?
LAUGHTER

It was just crackers stuff. Do you
- know what I mean?
- Absolutely barmy.

- Yeah.
- Just fantastical nonsense.

Now Judi and Guz.
We're not a party.

We're a feeling.
- We're an energy.
- Yeah.

We're a brotherhood and sisterhood.
We are the Good... Vibes.....Group.

Ladies and gentlemen, up on your
feet. Up on your feet. Feel the vibe

THEY TALK OVER EACH OTHER

...they were forcing you into a box
and we just want something simple.

When we say "good,"
you say "vibes."

- - - Good.
- Vibes!
- Good.
- Vibes!

When we say "good," you say "vibes."

Vibes...
You're meant to do the "good."

- You didn't say "good," Guz.
- Good.
- - - Vibes!
- Good.
- Vibes!
- Thank you!

Look, you already had your fist
in the air. Sit down.

Oh, it's like Nuremberg.

LAUGHTER

Ladies and gentlemen, if I was to
ask you what's some of the main
issues

facing our society and our people
today are, what might we say?

- Poverty.
- Poverty. Thank you.
Money is an important thing.

How is your day right now?
It's OK.

It's OK. If I gave you £5,
does that make your day better?

It is really better. Tomorrow
morning when you all wake up,

you're going to have £200,000
sterling in your bank accounts.

Every single one of you.
How does that make you feel?

Oh, shit.

No, of course it's not bribery.
That fiver, that's... that's £5...

Tomorrow... Don't be so facetious.
...once she's voted for us,

she's going to get £190...
- 9,995 more.
- Yeah.

She was getting a part
of her payment.

Number two. The mastermind
behind this was Judi Love.

As we move forward as people
and bridge the gap,

I'm no different to you.
You're no different to me.

We all wear bras some days.

And some days we let them free.
Right?

And what I want to say to you,
it made me think about... Yes?

what do you need to do sometime?
You need to... nap.

Specifically, two 20-minute naps
per day. No questions.

Don't have to ask your manager.
Don't have to ask the staff,
don't have to ask nobody.

They're just like a walk-in
call centre, aren't they?

Just... just... just verbal diarrhoea,
like they phone you at home

when you're having your dinner
and just start trying to sell you
something you don't want.

Thank you, thank you. Goodbye.

Thank you very much.

Now we can open to the floor
for questions.

What's your fundamental
education policy?

Well, the teachers will be blessed
with good vibes when they're feeling

less stress when they're taking
their annual holiday.

- Where will they get them?
- Pardon me?

You said the teachers
were blessed with good vibes.

Where will they get the good vibes?
Well, the thing is,

the policy about our community
is that we build into each other,

which would take away
all those areas of stress.

OK? OK?

LAUGHTER

Not getting very good vibes
from you at the minute, Judi.

Chris is full of slander.
Chris talks a lot of...

HE FARTS

HE FARTS AGAIN

I would like to say that all lessons
are to be sung.

That way...
We want to see this in action.

♪ 9 x 9... ♪

81. 81.
♪ 81! ♪

LAUGHTER

"9 x 9 is..."
And then she didn't know.

She didn't even know her squares.

If Judi sung her good vibes,
I might have listened for longer.

Oh, OK, OK.Oh, mate!

♪ I want to give you

♪ The good, good vibes

♪ Why don't you come
and slide inside?

♪ Cos we're the Good Vibe Nation. ♪

- Take that!
- My sister.
Oh, that's...

That reminds me of Theresa May's
conference tweets.

I think we've got time
for one more question.

What is your major new initiative
for energy efficiency?

Chris and Laura.

- Laura.
- Ah!
LAUGHTER

Well,
everything will be solar powered.

And when that's charged up, all the
generators are charged up,

we can use the retractable roof to
say, "It's all right, son.
You've done enough." In fact,

the retractable roof
will be all solar panels.

I love it when a politician in the
middle of a policy sentence...

"In fact...
come to think of it, 12%!"

- Alan and Roisin.
- I can predict
there'll be an idea where you can

genetically modify future babies
to be temperature controlled.

- Wow. Wow.
- Whoa.

♪ We're gonna genetically
modify babies. ♪

That sounds all right, doesn't it?
♪ Turning up the temperature. ♪

The one thing I didn't want
was just to sound like the Nazis.

LAUGHTER
Don't say that!

I think anything that brings to mind
Nazi experiments on children

is not a good manifesto point.
No, it's before that,

it's before they're born.
It's, like, we do it all nicely.

It's technology. In the same way
a hearing aid isn't the Nazis,

it just makes things louder.

Thank you all.
♪ Thank you. ♪

Thank you.

Return to your tents and prepare
- for government.
- Thank you very much.

Thank you very much.
You keep that fiver.

We actually went for ideas
that could work.

Very sensible policies.
Very sensible.

And I think
we've probably been outdone

with just absolute nonsensical
ridiculousness of...

- Playing to the gallery.
- Yeah.

Crowd pleasing, undeliverable
- promises.
- Good vibes, good vibes

and genetically modified babies.
Oh, come on.

After six long days,
and with all the badges complete,

it'll soon be time to let the
Outsiders back inside.

- Ah! Ah!
- Push harder,
what's wrong with you?

Across the week,
they've connected with nature...

Give us your hand. There you go.

...bonded as a team...

Slags.

In the boutique!

...and done whatever it takes
to survive.

- Hand job.
- Now,
that's interesting to me.

But which team has shown that they
have what it takes to build

a post-apocalyptic society?

Is this war or not?

OK.

Shortly, they'll be making their way
to my HQ one final time.

But first, they can enjoy
this delicious woodland feast

I've kindly laid on for them.

Oh, guys!

- Look.
- What we got?
There's fruit.

I didn't come all this way
for fruit.

Hmm, you can almost
taste the disappointment.

It looks a bit like
the Hansel and Gretel.

It looks like someone's
about to get killed.

So, folks, have you had a good week?
- Oh, the best.
- Really nice.

Now it's come to the end,
what's been your highlight, Alan?

Hanging around with you lot.
ALL: Aww!

It's been the best thing, for me.
- Yeah.
- You really made me laugh.

Who do you think's winning this? Who
do you think's going to end up...?

I don't think we can predict it.
And I'm easy...

But I will fight like a dog
in the tent tonight.

Let me tell you something.

If you think you've seen fighting
this week, you ain't seen nothing.

No, me and Judi are going to be
like this in the tent.

It's yours to lose.
I'm going in there and I'm going,

"Pa pa pa pa pa pa bah bah bah bah
bah bah bah bah bah bah!"

She's going, she's going.

She's going full...
You better back me.

In the words of Good Vibe Group,
- we've all won.
- That's it.

OK? We've all come together, right,

and we're going to enjoy
these last moments. Why?

Because at the end of the day,
it's the end of the day.

I'll drink to that.

- There you go.
- That sums it up.
Fuck all to drink.

Oggy, oggy, oggy!
ALL:Oi, oi, oi!

Oggy, oggy, oggy! ALL:Oi, oi, oi!

- - - Oggy!
- Oi!
- Oggy!
- Oi!

Oggy, oggy, oggy!
ALL:Oi, oi, oi!

Look, just come to the tent!

- - Let's go.
- Come on, then.
- Let's do
this. Oh, I've got nutty fingers.

Hello, everyone.
- - Hello.
- Evening.
- Hello.

It's the end of day six.
- Oh.
- The end of days.

Well, we went into it
with these scores.

Chris and Laura on five,
Guz and Judi on five,

Alan and Roisin on six.

OK? That's where we were
this morning.

Since then, we've had two badges.
Firstly, the Flight Badge.

I asked you to find a way of giving
Dummy David a lovely flight.

You had to propel him through
the air as far as you could.

I was also hoping
he'd have a comfortable journey.

That was something
you all disregarded.

LAUGHTER

You all did this to him.
You turned him into a ball.

LAUGHTER

Which is why, look,
there's this little goggle

and there's his other goggle.
If his goggles are that far apart,

what the fuck's happened
to his face?

LAUGHTER

Let's start with Alan and Roisin.

You favoured the low-tech approach.

We just basically chucked him down
- the end of the field.
- Yes. Yeah.

- That's it.
- You shot-putted him?
Alan did a good job.

- It was more sort of hammer.
- Yeah.
Woo-woo-woo. Round the head,

centrifugal force.
- Straight into the guy rope.
- Yeah.

Well, the great advantage of Alan
and Roisin's approach is Alan had

more goes than any other team.

- Wow.
- And they got further away
and further and further.

And then there was a point
- came when he tired.
- Yeah.

And then het got nearer and nearer.

LAUGHTER

Apparently, there are images.

Oh!

There we go.

I mean, I have to say,
that really captures it.

You look like the guy from
Back To The Future.

- That was your technique.
- OK.
I'm going to go for...

You're going to go straight to the
- picture, are you?
- There we go.

Now, this is...
This is a great one of you, Chris.

- Yep.
- You've got elements of Dummy
David's corpse in the bungee.

It's being pulled back.
Laura is watching on.

Like a wife that's looking on like,

"He promised he wouldn't do this
on holiday again."

"If you don't get rid of that body
I'm divorcing you."Yeah.

So can you explain to the others
what you constructed?

I think, if I'm honest,
it was a bit complicated.

And looking back, I was thinking,
"Oh, why didn't we just throw him?"

LAUGHTER

I mean...
So we spent 25 minutes.

Oh, more than that,
I think 28 minutes building it

- and two minutes to try it.
- Yeah.

I wish I had kicked you
with every ounce of energy I had.

Guz and Judi, here we go.

You drove it up there.
GASPING

Well, would you like to explain?

I said we need to turn Dummy David
into somebody we can slingshot.

Judi's gone rushing around in the
thing. I'm talking to Alfred.

Me and Alfred are good friends.
- Albert.
- Albert. Me and Albert
are good friends.

Judi comes back with the biggest
elastics I've ever seen

in my whole existence.
Like my drawers.

Then, with the help of... Albert
...Albert we...

Think of the penis piercing.
I'm talking about Alfred,
you're talking about penises.

His name is Albert.
- See what his name is.
- Albert.

- - Albert!
- Not Alfred.
- Yeah, well,
we weren't talking about his penis.

Whatever it was.
We said... A Prince Albert

is a piercing of a penis.
I didn't invent that.

Albert gave us a lot of... Insight.
Insight?

And we had this slingshot
that we built from scratch

with our bare hands.
With a fully formed Gator.

No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no,
don't take it out of concept.

Let's break it down.

We thought about it mathematically,
scientifically, whatever,

- - physics-ly.
- Physics-ly!
- Physics-ly!

- Yeah.
- We tied those elastics...

In a prism, in a prism shape.
- Yeah.
- Because we said...

Albert, you said, "Albert..."
We said, "Albert..."Has someone
- hit you on the head?
- No, because...

It was all the energy
with the slingshot.

We said, "Albert, brother,
you need more momentum.

"You need more force
to send him further."

And then we saw the Gator
and next to the pile of shit

and we said, "Can we use the Gator?"
Can I say,

this one here
nearly knocked his face off.

That elastic slapped me so hard
for a minute I thought my name
was Alfred.

That's how hard it slapped me.
- - Albert.
- Albert.
- Albert!

I thought my name was Albert.
Yeah, I believe you.

I think you got
a little bit of a...

What Gaz and Judi did, if you
remember the posts that were there,

it was that is the sides
of the catapult.

They are the elastic
tied in four places

with the round blue thing.

Had a few goes with just human
strength, and then used the Gator

to draw it back further.
Well, the Gator is going to be...

That's got to have some sort of
- legal ramification.
- Gotta be
something.

The Gator was by the heap.
Albert was leaning on the Gator.

- - Yeah.
- As you found him.
- Yeah.

It was hiding in plain sight.
OK.

Alan and Roisin -
44 feet, 7 inches.

Chris and Laura -
29 feet, 1 inch.

Guz and Judi -

75 feet dead on.

So the Flight Badge
goes to Guz and Judi.

- - Wow!
- Wow.
- Wow.

- This is intolerable.
- Wow.
It's mind-blowing.

- Wow.
- You know what?
I'm angry with meself.

I'm angry with myself.
That's it. I'm angry.

I'm angry with you, too.
There we go.

Next - Election Badge.

Each team had to address
an election husting

and put forward their manifesto
for government.

Alan and Roisin,
- you were the Truth Bunnies.
- Mm-hm.

And you advocated an oligarchy
led by the two of you.

Sanitation was put to the fore.
Primary, yeah.

All ideas were the product
of the community, good and bad.

Yeah. So you get rid of shame and
you get rid of hoarding wealth.

- It's a lovely idea.
- Isn't it?

Forgotten, of course, the
genetically modified babies

- that were thrown in.
- Oh, yeah, yeah.

Well, I think that was just
a bit of blue sky thinking.
Cherry on top.

LAUGHTER

Chris and Laura,
the Inside Out Party.

I think that our manifesto
was the one that was grounded

in the most common sense. I think
we took it the most seriously.

What was the thing
that was most grounded about it?

Was it the giant retractable roof?
The underfloor heating!

Indoor comforts outside
and then a big retractable roof

for when you get bored of being
- outside.
- What do you think

the environmental impact of
underfloor heating

everywhere outdoors... It's
apocalypse, David. Who gives a shit?

WWE weren't going for
the popularity vote

and now I see that was the problem!

In a sense, popularity vote

is just, it's like a waste of
- syllables, isn't it?
- Talk to them.

Popularity vote.

What have you got to say in defence
of your shameless populism?

When we said stand up and we say
"good," you say "vibes,"

let's test it now.
- - - Good.
- ALL: Vibes!
- Good.
- ALL: Vibes!

Just that little bit was better
than all the shit they was talking.

- Yeah.
- I mean, it was a very,
very inviting manifesto.

The £200,000 to be issued
to each citizen

I think would definitely be
a vote winner.

This is a situation
where we're saying, we give you

a chance to empower yourselves
and your community

but if you want to go out
and spunk it on a Ferrari -

help yourself, mate.

And the point is, the money
will bring good vibes.

And that's how the happiness
and the joy continues to grow.

You are second to none, Judi,
in your ability to just keep

throwing words at a situation

without conveying
any further meaning.

Sometimes you have to allow people

to walk away and sit in a place
and reflect on what I've said,

and let it touch their soul at a
moment where it's necessary. Right?

I think that was a masterclass
in what I just described.

Absolutely... It's like she's
powered by ChatGPT, isn't it?

- It's absolutely amazing.
- Yeah.

Let's move on to National Nap
Day/two naps a day.

It was not clear whether the policy
was there was a National Nap Day

when you had two naps a day,
or you had two naps every day

and God knows how many naps
on National Nap Day.

- Good choice.
- Which was it?
You could go for either or either.
We did put a cap on it.

How many minutes did we say?
20...Two 20-minute naps.

Even if you're having that every
single day, I think they would say,

"We're voting for them,"
cos they would have liked it.

And we don't have to stamp
the rules and regulations.

I think I have two naps
a day already.

LAUGHTER

I had one just now.
When are you going to

take control of these chances?
No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no.

This is absolute swindling,
lying... Wow.

Have you not read the news?
This is the way things are going.

- Yeah.
- That's what you do,
you tell a big lie

that's what people want to hear
and when people call you out

and say it's a lie, they say
"That was not a lie

"and that's terrible negativity,"
and you cover it in a tsunami of
words.

You're abdicating your
responsibility.

I'm accepting reality.
You need a nap. You need a nap.

That irritation.
Yeah, nap, Roisin.

I was in love with nap-Roisin.
Non-nap-Roisin
is a different person.

This is a result of not napping.

When you have a party
that is offering £200,000 each

and you can have a nap as much
as you want...

A retractable roof
just doesn't seem so exciting.

...what you are relying on then
to save yourself from the spectre

of that government is the
intelligence of the electorate.

Well, let's see.

LAUGHTER

Chris and Laura - two votes.

Alan and Roisin - one vote.

Guz ad Judi - 11 votes.

LAUGHTER

And may I say, one of the 15 people
who came did not vote.

LAUGHTER

I hope it's the lady
you gave the fiver to.

I can't believe we...
- One vote.
- One vote.

So, by a landslide,

the Election Badge
goes to Guz and Judi.

- Yeah.
- Our new leaders.

- Wow!
- Good Vibes Gang.

It means that this year's
Outsider Champions are...

DRUM ROLL

...Guz and Judi.

CHEERING

I'm standing up. We'll go...

Well done.
Worthy winners. Worthy winners.

We must go down to the camp
for the award ceremony.

As the Outsiders haul their sorry
arses to camp one last time,

why don't we put on our rose-tinted
spectacles and look back

at some winners' highlights?

Despite advocating imperialism
to kids and framing an innocent man

for easy justice... I think the
easiest one to get through

prosecution would be number
fucking five, wouldn't it?

...Guz and Judi showed that
they really are survivors.

I feel like I'm going to
piss myself.

Apart from a bit of lama drama,

nothing could shake
their self-belief.

I've got tits. I wear bras.

Determined to win at all costs,
even if one of the costs

was their dignity
and, even worse, my dignity.

- Ha!
- Ha!

Laura and Chris
made the early winning.

Alan and Roisin fought hard,

but in the end it was Guz and Judi
who bullshat their way to victory.

Look at it...

Now to crown this year's winners.

Cue the ridiculously large,
heavy and unwieldy trophy.

- Thank you.
- It's a fine cup.

Solid wood.

Oh, wow!

APPLAUSE

Congratulations.

Well done, you two.

Well done, you four.

End of programme.

CHEERING

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