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Zulu
In the old west, a man's gun was a vital necessity.
To some, it represented a way of life.
To others, it meant life itself.
To most Westerners,
a single-action Colt .45 was the ideal weapon,
but the professional hunters and the mountain men
chose a bigger and more powerful weapon,
like this sharps rifle.
It weighs about eight pounds,
and its .45-70 shell delivered a kick like a mule.
It's not the kind of gun you'd find in the hands of a pretty, young girl,
but that's what happened when a tenderfoot met the daughters
of Peter "The Hunter."
[Bullet ricochets]
[Mule braying]
You think you could have done any better?
Glory be...
I've died and gone to heaven.
Pa, he's come to!
Where did you get these?
At Pritchard's department store
in Philadelphia, Pennsylvania.
Never heard of it.
[Drops boots]
Where did you get this?
It came with the mule.
[Drops rifle] What are you doing in these parts?
[Sighing] Prospecting.
Prospecting? For what?
Gold?
In these hills?
Boy, you're 50 miles east of the diggings.
If there's one bit of gold in this entire range,
I'll fry it in bear grease and eat it.
[Sighs]
Pa, go easy on him.
Poor Arbuckle's all tuckered out.
Tuckered out?
By the great horned toad, he ought to be laid out.
What are you two mooning at?
Thanks for taking my part.
Far as I can see, there's mighty little to take.
I mean, for telling him to go easy on me.
Oh, you talk too much.
Why do you call me "Arbuckle"?
Because that's what you are.
My name's Jim Beaumont.
Don't make you any less a Arbuckle.
[Sighs]
You must think I'm pretty stupid.
Stupid ain't near the word for it.
What'd I do wrong?
What'd you do right?
Why in tarnation are you carrying that gun around?
You don't how to shoot it.
I couldn't find anything to shoot at.
Oh, you couldn't hit anything if you did,
but even that piece of junk will make a noise
if you pull the trigger.
Well, why would I want to make a noise?
If you hadn't, and I hadn't heard it,
you'd be dead by now.
I guess I am an Arbuckle.
I guess you sure are.
[Horse snorts]
Tulie!
You take beaver from river.
Yeah, here and there.
You hunt bear, too,
grizzly ancestor of my people.
Well, now that you mention it, I can see a little resemblance.
You here alone?
Me and my three girls.
This land reserved for hunting by my tribe.
I don't recollect any treaty to that effect.
Tekote make own treaty.
[Speaks foreign language]
[Speaks foreign language]
Now, just a minute.
Before you start that, I want you to meet my daughters.
This here is Celine.
This here is my youngest,
Desiree.
And this here is my oldest,
Tulie.
[Gun fires]
[Groans]
Now, what were you saying about making a treaty?
[Speaks foreign language]
[Birds squawking]
I wanted to help.
[Laughs]
Tulie!
Tulie, where are you?
Hello.
Oh, I shaved.
Combed my hair.
Well, I didn't think a shine would help much.
These are for you.
For me?
You figure I can't pick my own?
Didn't a man ever bring you flowers before?
What would he do that for?
Well, a kind of way of saying things.
Like, uh...
"Thanks for saving my life."
Flowers?
I know you think I'm pretty much
of a Arbuckle,
but I just wanted to tell you that
I honestly and truly admire you...
Very much.
You missed!
Missed?
Why, I could've put a bullet in that critter's left eyeball
if I would've wanted to.
Yeah? Then why didn't you?
Any critter's got a right to live.
I just wanted to make him mind his manners.
That why you treat me the way you do?
What?
Well, you're not afraid of an old mountain lion.
You afraid of me?
Afraid?
Why, you Arbuckle...
You couldn't scare a one-eyed flea off'n a two-legged dog!
Well, then why are you running away from me?
Who's running? You are.
Why, every time I come near you,
you find something to do someplace else.
There's always something else to do
in a trapper's cap...
For them that know how.
[Chuckles] Boy, you sure do know how.
You know, that's-- that's kind of unusual...
For a girl.
It ain't half as unusual
as a man that don't know anything.
Tulie, don't you like me?
Why should I?
Why shouldn't you?
For one thing, you can't ride.
You can't shoot.
About the only thing you can do, is eat and talk and...
Pick flowers.
Yeah, I can do more than just that.
Like what?
I can read poetry.
You calling me ignorant?
No, I'm not. I can play the piano.
Well, you see if that helps you
the next time you lose your way in the woods.
I can give you the square root of any number you name.
Well, you see if that'll stand up against a grizzly
when one comes nuzzling at you, in the night.
In Philadelphia, I'm considered to be quite a catch.
Well, you're no catch here, let me tell you.
A girl'd have no call to take pride in it,
if you came a-courting her.
What makes you think I'm courting you?
You mean you ain't?
[Footsteps approaching]
You get on back to camp.
Get!
I'm gonna whoop the hide right off'n you, boy.
Why?
Why?!
[Scoffs] Well, I'll say one thing for you.
You got gall.
Yeah, I must have a lot of it,
or I wouldn't want to marry your daughter.
You what?!
I'm in love with Tulie. I want to marry her.
[Stammers]
You ain't got just gall! You got brain fever!
You're crazier than a moon-struck loon!
May I have your consent to our marriage?
No!
I don't understand your attitude.
If I ever catch you near that girl of mine again,
I'm gonna cut you up into skunk bait
and feed you to the buzzards!
Now, you get out of my sight and stay out!
Move!
Move.
I'm surprised you got the gall to face me
after how you've been a-carrying on.
Pa-- don't you "Pa" me.
I gotta have that boy.
You what?
I gotta have that boy!
Are you absolutely
out of your grass-hopping, weasel-eyed mind?
Ain't no help for it, Pa. I gotta have him.
Look at him!
If that ain't a lop-eared,
six-fingered, swivel-necked Arbuckle--
ain't gonna make no difference what you call him.
[Groans]
Do you know what he was doing this morning?
Right out in broad daylight?
He was scraping the whiskers off of his chin!
Do you hear me?
He was scraping off his chin whiskers!
That's a right nice thing to do when a fella goes a-courting.
If the good lord intended male and female to look alike,
he wouldn't have give whiskers to the men.
Oh, Pa, you--
[sighs] You just don't understand about men and women.
I know what I see with my own eyes.
Why-- why, he ain't even a full-sized greenhorn!
He's puny!
Tulie, can't you see it with your own eyes?
Why, that scrawny greenhorn ain't got sense to pick figs,
let alone take on a wife,
even if he lives long enough
to make marrying him worthwhile, in the first place.
I ain't saying he's much use to anybody.
Oh...
I reckon I can outride, outrun, outshoot, or outwrestle him
with one hand tied behind my back.
[Sighs] But that don't count.
Oh, I gotta have that boy.
I ain't a-gonna let you do it.
You can't stop me, pa. A girl's got a right to marry.
I won't stand in your way...
If the right man ever comes along,
but you've got too much to offer
to throw it away on a no nothing,
no account Arbuckle.
I gotta have him, Pa.
Come sunup, I'm gonna sit him back on his horse
and point him towards the oil fields.
He'll never make it.
That's his hard luck!
Nobody asked him to get hisself lost here
in the first place.
Tulie?
Tulie!
[Horses approaching]
Go get your traps set.
Go on, get.
[Horse whinnies]
[Horse whinnies]
[Branches snapping]
All right, everybody, stick 'em up!
Did they...Get away?
Yeah, with all my furs.
You think you was gonna stop 'em?
We gotta get lose and go after 'em!
Boy, it was injuns tied them knots.
I think I can...
Reach the fire...
With my foot.
You should've gotten cold feet sooner.
A whole lot sooner.
If I can get a...
A burning branch...
I can burn these ropes off.
Do me a favor, boy.
Just sit still.
[Branches snapping]
[Speaks foreign language]
[Coughs]
I was wondering when you three was finally gonna get here.
Well, I...
I guess you'll all be glad to see me go.
Why, I don't belong here.
I just want you to know...
I've been nearly starved,
drowned, froze,
burned to death, and scalped...
But it's all been worth it because...
I love you.
Good-bye.
Pa!
Boy, you get down off that mule, you hear me?
I ought to skin you alive.
What'd I do now?
You may be able to do it in Philadelphia,
but, out here in the west,
men don't go around making fools out of women
and then ride off and leave 'em.
But you're the one who told me to hit the road and not come back!
That was before I changed my mind.
Now, are you gonna do the honorable thing by my daughter,
or aren't ya?
Well, I just might.
I just might!
Oh, Pa, you're so doggone mean!
Well, somebody's gotta look after that Arbuckle.
And there's another thing.
If I'm so old and no account
that you can do a thing like this to me,
without me catching you at it,
I'm too old to look after two more like ya.
You're gonna have to look after your sisters, too.
Oh, I will, Pa.
I will.
I'm sure you will, girl.
It really happened, and tulie kept her promise
and found good husbands for her sisters.
And when Peter "The Hunter" told the story,
he said that left him free
to take up trapping grizzly bears for a living,
which, after raising three daughters,
was kind of peaceful-like.
Next week, another page from western history
as people lived it not so long ago.
See you then.
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