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You plan to settle in the west for good, Miss Berenger?
Well, I don't know, Lieutenant.
I just came out for a visit, really.
Well, it's not like it used to be, out here.
It's peaceful now. Nothing ever happens.
The Indians have lost all their spirit.
That must be a relief.
Perhaps it is from a civilian point of view,
but I am a fighting man,
and this doing nothing bores me stiff.
That's her, Jim. Elsie Berenger.
She's Mrs. Berenger's niece.
From Maryland.
Ooh-wee, she sure is a pretty little thing, isn't she?
Yeah. You boys talk to her yet?
Well, ham and I tried to.
Soon as we was introduced, though, uh,
the United States Cavalry took over.
Lieutenant Harper? Yeah.
That's him. Oh.
Something's gotta be done about that boy.
Yeah, you can't pry him away from her.
Well, what it takes is a little finesse.
Now, you boys are good, solid citizens,
and the state of Nevada needs more men like ya,
but there's just one thing you ain't got.
Finesse.
For a soldier, violence is a natural part of life,
something he hardly thinks about.
But if I could tell you about some of the battles fought
within Indians right here,
it'd be enough to make your hair stand on end.
Do you mean battles that you fought in?
Oh...no.
I haven't taken part in any campaigns myself,
that is, personally, but--
and perhaps, it's not over yet--
I mean, I may still have a chance--
well, at least one chance to prove myself in combat.
Well, now, let's see if I can figure out
what you two are talking about.
Indian fighting?
How did you know?
Well, if the Cavalry fought the Indians
as much as the Lieutenant here talks about it,
there wouldn't be an Indian alive around here.
Maybe a couple across the bolder.
You'll have to excuse Campbell, Ms. Berenger.
He likes to think of himself as one of our local humorists.
Uh, Lieutenant...
Now, why don't you pussyfoot around
and look behind the bushes and trees
for some hostile savages?
Did I tell you, you have the prettiest green eyes
I've ever seen in my whole-- look here, Campbell--
what? Lieutenant Harper.
Yes, sir.
Time we were leaving, lieutenant.
So early, sir?
It's nearly 6:00, and it's a ten-mile ride back to the fort.
And we don't want any of our soldier boys
out after dark, do we, Lieutenant?
Sir, I'd like permission to stay awhile.
I'll ride back alone.
It's your privilege. Evening, ma'am. Jim.
Major.
Now, as I was saying about your green eyes--
Campbell, if you don't mind--
will you drink some punch? Now, quit messing around.
[Man] Yah!
[Gun fires] Ya-hoo!
[Man whistling, gun fires]
[Gun fires repeatedly]
Yah! Yah!
[Gunfire]
[Whistling] Whoo, boy!
[Men whistling, shouting]
[Both laugh]
Did you see him run?
I didn't see him. I heard him.
I bet he'll be running for a week.
Hey, where's Ham?
Ham?
Hey, Ham?
[Ham laughing]
What happened to you?
I got to laughing so hard, I fell off my horse.
What's a matter, did you lose him?
I reckon. I reckon we scared him, too.
[Laughs]
Hey, Jim! What do you suppose
that Lieutenant's gonna say when he gets back to the fort?
[Laughs]
[Harper] Indians!
Open the gate! Open the gate!
Indians!
Indians! Open the gate!
Indians!
Major Breen!
Where's the Major?
Major! Major!
We gotta stop 'em! They came after me, sir!
Now, calm down, Lieutenant.
They came after me, sir!
At ease. Now, tell me what happened.
I was riding home, sir, and I was attacked by a band of Indians.
Indians? Yes, sir. I heard their war cries.
They came after me. They were shooting me.
I-- I just barely escaped with my life, sir.
How many were there?
Well, there was a whole bunch of them, sir.
There must've been at least 12. No, sir.
There was more than that. There was more like 17.
Yes, sir. There were 17 Indians, sir.
Lieutenant, are you sure they were Indians?
You didn't make some kind of a mistake?
No, sir. I'm positive.
Sergeant, round up patrol.
We'd better go see what's out there.
Oh, no, sir. I'd like to go with you, sir.
At ease. You get some rest.
You've had enough action for one evening.
Yes, sir, but this might be my chance to prove myself in combat.
I said, at ease.
Yes, sir.
Couple of you men there,
take Lieutenant Harper to his quarters.
He seems to have fainted.
[Ham singing]
Hey. Hey, wait. You know what I'm gonna say?
I'm gonna say, "Miss Berenger--"
uh-uh-uh. "Miss Berenger, may I call you 'Elsie'?"
And she'll say, "why, sure, Jim."
And I'll say, "Miss Elsie, you are undoubtedly
the prettiest little gal that ever came out of this country."
And she'll say, "oh, gee!"
[All laugh]
Hey, do you figure we really scared him good enough
to keep him away for good?
Well, let me put it this way. Even if he goes to see her,
he's not gonna stick around after sundown.
And a man who has to do all his courting in the daytime
ain't gonna be much of a rival.
[All laugh]
[Man] Ho!
Hold it right there, whoever you are.
Oh, major, have 'em put their guns down. It's just us.
Secure arms.
What are you men doing out here?
Well, we're just on our way home from the party, Major.
What do you mean? The road you should be on
is over five miles from here.
And you, ham, where's your horse?
Oh, my horse?
You heard me. Where is it?
Well, um...
It was stolen, Major.
Who stole it?
Indians.
Indians? That's right.
They attack us and took Ham's horse.
We were looking for it.
That's how we got so far out of our way.
We haven't found hide nor hair of those Indians since.
Are you sure it was Indians?
Oh, yeah, I'm sure.
I'm sorry to hear that. Real sorry.
Sorry?
Lieutenant Harper said
he was attacked by Indians tonight, too.
I'd been hoping he made a mistake,
but evidently, he didn't.
It looks like we're in for an uprising.
You men better go on home. It's not safe out here.
Let's get back to the fort, men.
There's a lot to be done.
Forward ho!
I don't think we should've told him that, Jim.
I had to tell him something.
Boy, we'd better do something.
He thinks there's an uprising. You heard him.
Oh, it'll blow over.
No, I think Ham's right.
Look, we started this, and now we've gotta stop it
before it turns into real trouble.
Oh, don't get upset. We'll ride over to the fort tomorrow
and get things calmed down.
They'll probably have forgotten all about it, tomorrow.
Yeah.
And this is the Indian camp.
If we can take a patrol into this terrain-- Major!
I was wondering if we could have a little talk with ya.
The major and I are working
on important military preparations.
We can't waste time talking with civilians, Mr. Campbell.
Make it brief, Campbell. What is it?
Uh, well, maybe, we were just thinking
about those Indian attacks last night,
and, uh, well, we were just wondering
if there couldn't have been a little mistake.
Mistake?
Oh, but it were awful dark out there, Major.
Yeah, Major. A man could hardly see anything out there.
That's right. It could've been Indians
or anything else out there in all that dark.
Are you trying to tell me that you've decided now
that you weren't attacked by Indians?
I wouldn't listen to them, sir. It could be some sort of trick.
[Breen] It better not be.
Now, were you attacked by Indians, or weren't you?
And if you weren't, what happened to Ham's horse?
And what were the three of you doing out there?
It was just like we said it was. We just wanted to make sure
there wasn't some sort of mistake, you know.
We wouldn't want an Indian war to break out, or anything like that.
Maybe you can't face the facts, Mr. Campbell, but I can.
No, I was attacked by a band of screaming Indians last night,
and there's no question about that.
And now there's going to be some shooting around here,
and I intend to be right in the thick of it.
Now, maybe that's what you're so afraid of,
that I will come out of this...A hero.
Major, now, those Indians have been peaceful for years.
They wouldn't go on a warpath now.
I can't ignore the facts, Jim, but don't worry.
We aren't going to take any military action
until we have more information about what they're up to.
Well, that's a very sensible attitude, Major.
I told you there wasn't nothing to worry about.
[Man] Major? Major!
I thought you'd want to know,
I just talked to two sheep herders
that was down by the Indian camp.
How does it look?
Looks mighty bad.
Faces all painted up, doing their war dances.
They said you could hear the drums a half mile away.
No question about it.
Them red-skins is on the warpath.
Oh, no, that couldn't be.
Now, are you satisfied, Mr. Campbell?
West gate's open. Yah!
[Whistles] Yah!
Why you come here?
Uh, we came in peace, Chief.
We, uh, just want to have a little talk.
Talk.
Well, uh, the boys and i-- we were just wondering
if it's true about you and your braves
planning on making war against the white man.
White man make war against us.
No, no, no. They want peace.
White man's lies.
First, you make lies. Then, you ready to make war.
I know what happen.
Say we steal horse from that one.
Say we chase young Lieutenant.
Today, you send for more men to make war against me.
Now my braves are angry.
Want to go on warpath.
What if we said we made a mistake?
You take back lies?
Well, we'd say we made a mistake
about your braves stealing Ham's horse.
That's more better.
Well, then I guess everything's all right.
Still other lie.
Say we chase young Lieutenant.
We'll say that was a mistake, too.
Young soldier, he make lie.
You bring him here.
Uh, well, now, i--
I don't think we can do that.
Then we go on warpath.
No, no, no. Wait, wait, wait.
Isn't there another way?
No other way.
No other way.
No. You bring young Lieutenant here.
Take back lies before all my braves.
Then we smoke peace pipe.
Otherwise...
We have not forgotten how to make war.
Hey! Maybe we could kidnap him.
Oh, that's all we have to do, is kidnap an army officer.
He'd never admit he was wrong anyhow.
He's just dying for a chance to get into some action.
Even if we told Harper the truth,
he wouldn't believe it.
If we could just get him away from the Major,
maybe we could talk some sense into him.
Hey, what's that down there?
Cavalry patrol.
Maybe Harper's with him. Maybe this is our chance.
Ho. Campbell, what are you doing here?
I thought we warned you to stay out of this, Mr. Campbell.
Did you just come from the Indian camp?
We were down there trying to make peace with the Indians.
Peace?! What are you trying to do to me?
I'm trying to save your hide, Harper,
that's what I'm trying to do.
I'm trying to save all our hides.
Major, the Chief would like to have a little powwow
with Lieutenant Harper here.
Does he want to apologize for the attack on me last night?
Well, yeah, something like that.
Now, come on down to the camp, and let's have a talk with him.
No, sir.
I'm accepting no apologies.
I want satisfaction.
Lieutenant Harper,
I won't order you to go with him,
but remember, this is not a duel.
It's an Indian war,
and a lot of lives may be involved.
You're not afraid to go down that camp,
are you, Harper?
Of course i'm...Not afraid.
Sir, I should like permission to volunteer for this mission.
Campbell, remember, no tricks. We'll be within earshot.
Oh, now, Major, you know you can rely on us.
Hold up.
What are we stopping for?
We're gonna have a little talk.
Oh, no. Oh, now, just hold on, lieutenant.
What's the meaning of this?
[Sighs] Harper, I'm gonna confess to you.
We're not going down there
and have the Indians apologize to us.
We're going down there and apologizing to them.
For what?
For accusing them of hostile actions.
Like chasing you home the other night
after the party.
Oh, no, not again. Now, listen here.
I'm an officer of the United States Cavalry.
If I say they were Indians, they were Indians.
How can you say they weren't?
Well, it's easy. Because we were the Indians.
You?
That's right. We put on disguises,
and we made a lot of noise, shot our guns up in the air.
Ham here-- he had to fall off his horse and lose it.
That's why we had to make up that story to the major.
What started out as a little joke--
[chuckles] It sort of got out of hand.
You don't really expect me
to fall for a silly ruse like that.
Well, you fell for it.
[Laughs]
You not only fell for it, you ran for it.
[All laugh]
I see.
Trying to make a fool of me, aren't you?
Well-- you'd like that, wouldn't you, Mr. Campbell?
You'd like to tell Elsie that I ran away
from three ignorant cowboys dressed in shabby disguises.
Well, it will not work. No, Harper--
if I said they were Indians, I still say they were Indians!
And I swear to you it was us!
Now, look, Harper,
there are real Indians down there in that camp,
and there's gonna be a lot of trouble
if we don't go down there and straighten it out.
It won't work, Campbell.
You know, you are pig-headed!
That's one thing you are, is pig-headed.
It was so dark out last night,
how could you tell what you saw?
I know what I heard.
A dozen Indians, at least. And I shall never forget
the sound of their savage screaming, as long as I live.
Now, you can't tell me the three of you made all that noise.
Well, I don't have to tell you. I can prove it to you.
Ham. Hmm?
The lieutenant here doesn't believe
we can sound like a dozen Indians.
How is your voice?
[Shouts]
Fine.
[Shouts]
[Both shout]
[Shouting continues]
All right! All right! All right! All right!
You believe it?
I believe you.
We've got to do something, be--
because there's going to be a war!
Those were war cries. They must've been ambushed.
Bugler, sound the charge.
[Bugle call]
[Horses approaching]
Cavalry! They attack us!
[Speaks foreign language]
[Shouts]
[All shouting]
We gotta do something.
[Whistles] Yah!
Stop, Major!
Major, you don't have to go!
Major, you don't have to go!
No, Major! You don't have to go!
Let go! They attack us!
Major!
Major! Major! You--
What happened? They try to ambush you?
No, sir.
Let go! They attack us!
They're not attacking you, and they're not about to.
Lieutenant want to make peace?
I have a feeling the lieutenant's about
to become the most peaceful man in the United States Cavalry.
What was that noise I heard?
Noise, sir?
Horrible screaming and yelling,
enough to make a man's blood run cold.
Well, I can't imagine what that was, sir.
[Harper] Do you, gentlemen?
Beats me. Well, it could've been
a bunch of screaming cowboys out there somewhere, major.
Or sheep herders maybe.
I don't know. Sounded like war cries to me.
Oh, well, sir, that just proves how easy it would be
to make a mistake on a thing like this,
and, uh, well, how tragic it might be
if some innocent lives were lost as a result of it.
Lieutenant, have you decided that you made a mistake?
No, sir. Not at all.
Well, I thought maybe it was best
if I just forgot the whole incident.
Uh, sir, I think maybe I'd better
go down to their camp and talk with them.
Campbell says they want some sort of apology.
Well, that's ridiculous, I know,
but I think maybe we ought to do everything we can
to preserve the peace and to, uh...
Satisfy their simple, primitive pride.
[Speaks foreign language]
Yah!
You know, um...
Major breen would certainly be angry
if he found out the three of you
started all of this.
And, uh, you certainly
could get in trouble with the law about it.
I mean, staging a fake Indian raid,
that's a very serious offense.
Harper, uh...
You thinking about turning us in?
Well, to be perfectly frank with you,
I'd just as soon the truth didn't get out about this.
I mean, you know,
if it were told in a distorted way,
it would make me appear--
foolish. No, it--
stupid. No. I'm saying that, um...
A thing like this could do a great deal of damage
to an officer's reputation.
I mean, it could ruin his whole career.
Well, uh...
I'd be very happy to forget about the whole thing.
Lieutenant, what are you doing here?
The same thing you are, it would appear.
I've come to pay a call on Miss Berenger.
Well, i-i--
Lieutenant!
Did you realize it's almost sundown?
That doesn't worry me, Mr. Campbell. No?
No, you see, I don't believe I have anything to fear
from our red brothers.
And I'm sure I have nothing to fear from you.
Well, i-- please go ahead.
Knock.
[Sighs]
How do you do, Mr. Campbell?
Lieutenant Harper. Miss Berenger.
I heard about your adventure with the Indians, lieutenant.
It must have been quite exciting for you.
It was nothing.
Well, maybe it didn't mean anything to you,
but, in a way, I'm glad it happened.
It's made me realize the truth of what you said
about how violent a soldier's life is.
I had never been socially acquainted
with professional military men before.
And now that I know what hard existences they lead,
well, I'm sure I never will be again.
I hope I make myself clear.
Miss Berenger, you--
good day, Lieutenant.
Miss Berenger, may I compliment you
on your good judgment?
I would've hate to see a fine young lady like yourself,
uh, get involved with one of those roughneck soldiers.
Could I suggest that maybe you might find yourself
a nice, uh...
Gentleman civilian to settle down with.
Well, I intend to do just that.
That's fine.
But it most certainly won't be you.
I've never heard of such a place.
Indians here, Cavalry there.
You may look forward to spending your life in this country,
but I certainly don't.
There's a train leaving for the east tomorrow,
and I plan to be on it.
Good day, Mr. Campbell.
Oh, Miss Berenger, maybe you could just
stay around just for a few night--
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