All language subtitles for Hooten and the Lady 2016 S01E08 FiNaL 720p BluRay HEVC x265 BONE.eng

I'm looking for Caleb.

The name's Hooten.

Great poker face.

Boss. Hooten.

You got something for me?

Do I look like
a vending machine?

I hope not. You see,
me and vending machines,

we don't really get along
that well.

They steal my money,

then I need to kick the crap out
of them to get what I want.

Leon told me you were a bad-ass.

- Address?
- I'm working on it.

I can see that.

- What's this guy to you anyway?
- Does it matter?

He's got something I need.

I'll send someone to find you.

Hey, what can I get you?

A large scotch
and a cold beer chaser.

Yeah.

It's always this hot, huh?

Mostly.

Do you have any mayonnaise?

Freshly made, though, I can't
abide the ready-made variety.

So, a tad of balsamic and
mayonnaise on the side.

Thank you.

Oh, hello.

What in the name of everything
holy are you doing here?

Restless Year

♪ Sing like a ooh-la ooh-la
ooh-ooh

♪ I set up camp
in the centre of town

♪ Ready for freedom
when it all comes down

♪ Snapping my fingers,
walking around

♪ I'm a dusty jewel
in a thrown-out crown

♪ Got a bus pass to make my way

♪ From hideout to hideout
in the heat of the day

♪ I got a talisman tote
with the whole array

♪ When you catch my
coat-tails I'll be miles away

How in the world would
you know that I was here?

You used the museum credit card
to book your flight.

Might have got away with it,
if you'd booked economy.

I thought you did it on purpose
to get me here.

Then I remembered
you were stupid.

Wait, I'm stupid?

You guys are the ones
that paid for my flight.

I researched it, to see what
could have brought you here.

A man called Cassius Levene
found a map on an old wreck,

whilst diving with his son.

He then contacted
a local dealer in Cuba,

to get a valuation on the map,
which seems to show

the whereabouts of a cask
buried on this island

by none other than
Captain Henry Morgan.

The dealer tried to rob
Mr Levene.

In the struggle, the map was
torn in half. Ring any bells?

Nope. Not one.

So your being here
is just coincidence?

I find that
very hard to believe.

You just can't accept I'm doing
something that isn't about you,

that I have my own life,
that I get to...

- Mr Hooten.
- Yeah?

Caleb says
he's found Mr Levene for you.

Thank you, that's very helpful.

Excellent timing, too.

I was worried about you.

- Why?
- You know why. Cambodia.

Kane, what he did
to your family.

- He's dead.
- Doesn't change what he did.

- No, but I live with it.
- How do you live with it?

Mostly by not talking about it.

- Sorry.
- You don't need to be sorry.

And you don't need
to worry about me.

Mostly, you don't need to think
you can help or make it go away.

- You can't.
- Of course not.

Now you know I'm not drowning
at the bottom of a bottle,

- aren't you getting married?
- Two days.

Shouldn't you be there,
applying spot cream

or waxing your top lip? Ooh!

Er...yeah.

- Except...
- Except what?

- You've got it, haven't you?
- Got what?

The dealer's half of the
map, the part that tore off

when he was trying to steal it
from Mr Levene.

Maybe.

I knew it! You do know
what's in that cask?

Mid-1600s,

Captain Henry Morgan
captured the city of Porto Bello

and held it to ransom, at which
point the Governor of Panama

sent a written request asking
him not to attack Panama

and included an emerald ring
as a sign of good faith.

Morgan replied

by sending the Governor a pistol
and a letter saying,

"I'll collect it from you
when I'm in Panama."

Months later, once Morgan
had taken Panama,

John Ansell, his quartermaster,
on the run from

a Spanish man o' war,
took the ring and the pistol,

placed them in an old rum cask
and buried it

to prevent it from being found
if the ship was taken.

It's not like you to do
your homework.

I loved pirate stories as a kid.

Strictly speaking, Captain
Morgan was a privateer,

not a pirate.

Just like you Brits to suck
the joy out of everything.

This is a very, very important
part of our naval history.

The Museum want this
very badly.

No can do.

The emerald alone's gotta be
worth north of $1 million.

You take the pistol
and the Morgan provenance,

- I can get five times that.
- You cannot sell them.

- I have a buyer.
- Without talking to me first?

You're supposed to be off
marrying Farquar.

Edward.
You can't do this on your own!

Why not?

Because it's not like the films.

This is not, "Yo-ho-ho"
and 20 paces across the beach,

then you dig where the cross is!

This is complicated.

There are gonna be puzzles
and clues to solve

and I'm better at this
than you are.

- Since when?
- Since always.

Are you kidding me?

You can't outsmart me.

A chicken could outsmart you.

OK.

Let the best man win.

Woman.

And chickens are very smart,
by the way.

All that...pecking.

I'd like to see you lay an egg.

- Wha...?

Call me back.

I don't know why you put up with
it, dear boy, I really don't.

- I'm not her keeper.
- You bloody well should be.

- And that means what, exactly?
- It means grow a pair.

No, no, no.
They're too close together.

Look, she's had her fun,
bouncing around the world

with all these
ridiculous travels.

Now it's time that
she settles down.

She's her own woman.
It's the 21st century.

Men don't control their wives.

Maybe in this case, they should.

The way
Lord Anthony controls you?

That's different. Look...

I want you
to telephone Alexandra

and tell her to come home
immediately.

Start as you mean to go on,
Edward.

Put your foot down!

Trust me,
you'll thank me for it later.

Do I have to do
everything here?

Damn sanctimonious,
condescending know-it-all,

patronising British,
always right,

looking down on
the rest of the world...

Like a chicken could outsmart
me! It could outsmart her.

A clam could outsmart her.

- You did what?
- I gave it to your partner.

She's not my partner.

She seemed to know
a lot about you.

She knows nothing about me.

I want my money back.

You paid me to find
Cassius Levene. I found him.

And gave the address to
the Wicked Witch of the West.

Maybe if you told me why
you wanted him so badly...

I didn't tell you because it's
none of your damn business.

How long ago was she here?

- Ten minutes.
- Great.

Nice, huh?

Where am I going?

No, no, no, no, no.
You can't do this.

- I already have.
- I'll give you double.

- Triple.
- You're too late.

Mr Levene's agreed to loan
the museum his half of the map

in return for a finder's fee.
This gives me the start point.

- How much?
- More than her.

I'll be able to work out
the rest from there.

- Who the hell is this?
- My guide.

- Your "guide"?
- Coconut Island Tours.

Lay back and
let us take the strain.

This won't do you any good. I
have the other half of the map.

Oh, the smaller half, you mean?

Size isn't an issue here.

My half gives me everything
I need, thank you.

Have fun with your friends,
Hooten.

Maybe you could play Scrabble
together.

You don't recognise
this coastline?

It's half a map. Could be
any one of a dozen places.

I've no idea of knowing
where this starts.

I need to get up high.
You got a helicopter?

Small plane?

I've got Raheem.

What's a Raheem?

♪ A million dollar red light
in the skies

♪ So beautiful it makes
me want to cry

♪ I can't stop myself,
keep thinking of her

♪ It's not quite the same...

We're looking for someone.

Caleb Moncriefe.

It's all right. That's me.

Then I believe you can help us.

Nobody steals from me.

Answer To Your Name

♪ Fresh off the plane
to my dame inna Brixton

♪ No, she never ask 'bout flight

♪ Two month now,
no telegram write

♪ Hey, she send taxi fi I

♪ She gone a
some house party tonight

♪ So call me article like

♪ Make a few call,
get a couple invite

♪ Inna the place me gone

♪ Never left the Yard
from the day me born

♪ Right up front,
who me starin' 'pon?

♪ You can tell say a she
by the way she gwaan

♪ Christine, Christina, Crystal

♪ Try all a dem
and she still never respond

♪ Understand, catch a pree
from a distance

♪ Man hand gone inna pants
fi a six-pance

♪ Whoa! Tough guys beside her...

If I've got
the first clue right,

the next point on the map is
a mile or so north of here.

On foot from here, I think.

There's a cross here. I think
we should head for that.

X marks the spot.
Excellent.

I very much doubt
it will be that easy.

Hi.

North?

That way.

Oh, wait! I've brought supplies.

Wait!
There's their Jeep! I see 'em!

Raheem! Raheem!

I think I saw
which way they went.

Can you wait here?

I have bookings.

Lots of bookings.

Never been so busy.

All right.

I need you
to be honest with me.

This urgent trip
that Alex has gone on...

How urgent is it really?

On a scale of one to ten?

Oh, it's...nine. Eight.

Well, definitely a seven.
I mean, a high six.

She wants this wedding
as much as you,

she just can't deal with
the nonsense around it.

- So she runs away.
- She avoids confrontation.

- With me?
- God, no.

You are the only thing about
the wedding she cares about.

She loves you, but, you know,

her mother has taken
over completely.

Your lot aren't much better.
You know, she just...

She feels suffocated
by it all.

You know, rightly or wrongly,

she believes the best chance
of getting through this

is just to avoid the circus.

Turn up the night before
and just get through the day.

This is her wedding day.
I don't...

I don't want her just to
"get through it".

Well, don't shoot the messenger.

Are you sure
we're still heading north?

More or less. The local ramblers
use this track.

It's a little convoluted
but, believe me,

you wouldn't want
to veer off it.

- Thank you.
- Would you like some juice?

Yes, please.

Mango, pineapple
or a combination?

Whoa!

Mango would be lovely.

I'm not used to it being
this organised.

- Oh?
- No.

Heaven knows what it'd
be like with my usual chap.

Why ever do you use him,
if he's so disorganised?

He sort of gets there
in the end, I suppose.

Oh, that wouldn't do.

If you fail to prepare,
you prepare to fail.

That's my motto.

You have a motto?

Everyone should have a motto,
that's my other motto.

Thank you.

A church!

That's what the cross
must mean.

It doesn't help that I have
no idea what I'm looking for.

"100 paces from me."

- From the church?
- I suppose.

It just says,
"Turn your back on me

and take 100 paces to the rock."

In which direction?

It doesn't say.

That makes no sense.

St Bartholomew's chapel is
from the right period,

but it's not been used for the
past couple of hundred years.

Yeah. The direction from there

must be on
the other section of the map.

Which I haven't got.

Is this a good time
to remind you that this trip

was only approved by the board
because you - and I quote -

"Guarantee to return with
Captain Morgan's cask

from the sacking of Panama"?

No, it isn't, Ella.

Then let me give you something
to take your mind off it.

Edward came to see me.

How is he?

Poor Ed.

I shouldn't have left him
to deal with that on his own.

I'll call him as soon as
I get back to the hotel, OK?

OK. Bye.

- Open your legs!
- Excuse me?

John Ansell!

He was Henry Morgan's
quartermaster!

"100 paces from me"!

No, no, no. Wait, wait, wait!

"Turn your back on me and take
100 paces to the rock."

One, two, three, four,
five, six, seven, eight,

nine, ten, 11, 12...

..91, 92, 93, 94, 95,

96, 97, 98, 99, 100.

That must be the rock, so we're
definitely in the right place.

So where now?

Er...

I don't know.
This is where my map ends.

I thought I'd be able
to work it out once I got here.

Caleb. Gwaan?

How did you find me?

I told you
you couldn't outsmart me.

This is it, isn't it?

This is the beach.

My beach.

- My part of the map.
- Now we're here together...

- We're not here together.
- We're on the same beach.

No, no, you're with him.

OK.

Just have to pace
into the sunset from...

From where?

You don't know?

Don't look so pleased
with yourself.

What did you say? "Oh,
it's not like the films, Hooten.

It's not, "Yo-ho-ho" and
50 paces to where the X is."

Oh, look! It is.
Just like the movies.

You still don't know
from where to start pacing.

And you do?

Oh, so you do need me?

I don't need you.

All right, fine, off you go.
Pace away.

- Isn't it the...?
- No.

He knows, doesn't he?

Julian, don't even look at him.

Look, you're just going
to have to face it,

that whether we like it or not,
we have to work together.

OK.

Show me yours.

You show me yours
and I'll show you mine.

Both of us at the same time.

All right.

- The rock!
- 50 paces!

- I'll do it.
- Why you?

Because Morgan's
quartermaster was a guy.

- He'd have bigger steps.
- He could have been a dwarf.

All right, fine, you do it.
But I'm right behind you.

- One, two...
- Julian, get the shovel!

Five, six...

..44, 45, 46, 47,

48, 49...50.

Right, well.
As we're partners now,

perhaps we should strike
some kind of a deal?

First, if the museum could
exhibit whatever we find for...

How about I sell it,
get my money,

and you try to borrow it
from the guy I sell it to?

I've already promised it
to the museum.

That wasn't very smart, was it?

I showed you my map!

I showed you mine.
Now we're even.

So it's every man for himself.

All right.
You leave me no choice.

Julian,
take that shovel from him.

You take one more step
I'll take this shovel

and turn you into a popsicle.

I could fetch you
another sandwich.

Come on, baby.

You know, the British Museum
is well within its rights...

These were actually held
by Captain Morgan himself,

sent to prevent
the sacking of Panama.

And now they're mine.

Ours.

Actually they're mine.

- Over my cold, dead body.
- Yes, I second that.

H-his cold, dead body.

Looks to me like
you're outnumbered.

No, there are three of us.

Please, count me out.

Much as I'd like to help,
not really my thing, you see.

I've got issues with my back.

Third vertebrae. So...

I've got this.

You didn't put up
much of a fight.

- There were three of them.
- Even so.

- Well, where were you?
- Shouting encouragement.

Sounded more like critique.

Really? I thought I was being
very constructive.

- You called me a wimp.
- Did I?

Yeah.

Well, I suppose...

out of context.

Still, we're all in one piece.
It could be worse.

It could also be better.

We can try and sort of
paddle back with our hands.

Can you remember
which way was land?

- Can you?
- Um...

Er...

Sort of... Er...

Alex!

- Oh, thank God.
- Alex!

Urrgh!

- Edward!
- Alex.

- Hello.
- Hi.

You're my knight
in shining armour.

Still can't believe you're here.

- It was meant to be a surprise.
- It was.

Not exactly what I had in mind.
I got off the plane.

Thought I'd surprise you
at breakfast, and then...

I find your guide here
organising a search party.

- Julian.
- He said you were attacked.

Not...exactly.

Can I just explain this
later on?

- Yeah.
- Sorry. Um...

I didn't introduce you properly.
Edward, this is Hooten.

I've heard a lot about you,
Mr Hooten.

Funny. She's never mentioned
you. There's no "Mr".

- American sense of humour.
- I see.

If you're manacling yourself
to her voluntarily

you're the bravest man
I've ever met. I salute you.

- Where are you going?
- Where do you think?

Alex.

No. I haven't flown
halfway across the world

so I can sit waiting for you
in a hotel room.

Whatever it is, it can wait.

Come here.

Oh, you'd better turn around,
boy.

There's nothing for you here.

It's the same
all over the world.

Small-town mentality.

You see, Caleb,
where I come from,

it's not about how much
muscle you have.

It's about how far
you're prepared to go.

Is that so?

Yes, it is.

Are you crazy?

Crazy enough to burn down
your bar. Where's my barrel?

- I sold it.
- To who?

They came here looking for it.
They knew you had the map.

But you're too late!
The boat leaves tonight.

Which boat?

I know why you came.

To get away
from our wedding day.

Are you having doubts?

No.

Not at all.

No, just all this stupid...

pedantry.

Have I ruined everything?

No.

We're supposed
to be getting married tomorrow.

Well, to be more precise,
we're gonna get married here.

- Tonight.
- What?

I organised it with the hotel
before I left England.

Ed, we can't.
Everything is ready in London.

What about my mother?
What about your mother?

I don't care.

I don't want you just putting up
with your wedding day.

Ed, we can't.

- Can we?
- Yes!

I want this to be a day
you remember

for the rest of your life.

Both of our lives.

So, forget about London.

OK, tonight at sunset,
it's just you...

and me and the beach.

And a local vicar.

And some of the hotel staff
as witnesses.

What about my dress?

Oh!

Oh, Ed.

My mum is going to go bonkers.

Hoo...

- Are you all right?
- Yeah, no, I'm fine.

I'm just...I'm just overwhelmed.

Oh. Well, then...
you need to relax.

Shall I send down
for some champagne?

No, we're getting married
in a few hours

and I've got a whole
beauty regime I have to...

- My top lip and spot cream.
- OK. OK.

- Call me.
- I will. I love you.

What the hell
are you doing here?

- Is there a fire?

Possibly. I need you to meet me
in the marina in one hour.

I'll explain when you get there.

- No, you will explain now.
- No time. The marina, one hour.

- And dress up.
- I can't... Hooten!

You're late.

Can't actually believe
I'm here at all.

- Where's Farquaad?
- Edward is at the hotel.

I told him
I was having a face pack.

Wouldn't hurt.

The people who own this boat are
the people who took the cask.

They are having a sail-away
party and we're crashing it.

- Then what?
- You create a diversion.

- I search the boat.
- What kind of diversion?

Think of something.

What kind of diversion?

- I don't know.
- This is your plan.

You think of a diversion.

I'll think of something.
You won't like it.

- Then you start complaining.
- No, I won't.

- You sure?
- Yes.

OK.

Man overboard!
You've got to help her!

- Are you sure you're all right?
- Yes, I think so.

- How did it happen?
- Not really sure.

Let's get you home, dear.
Get some coffee inside you.

I told her she could have
one drink to celebrate

the whole sailing-away thing,
but... when she gets the taste.

You.

You do realise I'm supposed
to be getting married.

Bride's always late,
everyone knows that.

She's not meant
to be held prisoner

while her groom
is waiting for her.

Clearly we don't go to
the same kind of weddings.

If I get out of this alive,
I'm never speaking to you again.

OK, but I want that in writing
before we leave.

At last. Can we talk?

I feel there's been some...
terrible mistake.

Yes, there has. The moment
you came on the island

to steal the map from us.

Funny, I thought it started
when you sent your gorilla

- to steal it off me.
- Us.

The dealer who tried to take
the map from Mr Levene

was supposed
to be working for us.

Not my problem. We had the map.
We found the cask.

And now we have it.

What happens?
Are you going to kill us?

What?

You think because I come from
Serbia, that I am a gangster?

Yes, Alex. Don't be racist.

So, you're not?

My company manufacture
domestic cleaning products.

But I'm a keen historian with a
private collection of artefacts.

As a sailor, naval history
is my area of expertise.

So, in answer to your question
"What happens next?"

we are waiting for the police.

Oh.

If you're not a gangster,
why do you have a pet ape?

Jadran is my PA.

He's your PA?

- He beat me up.
- Yes, he was party to that.

But he stopped it
from going too far.

It was my idea
to put you in a dinghy.

He's a little squeamish.

So you're...you're not violent?

Absolutely not.

Lucky for me
and the blushing bride here,

- I am!
- Argh!

Did you really have to kick
that poor man?

I thought you said you
weren't talking to me again.

I didn't sign anything.

This way.

OK.

Oh, God,
look at the state of me.

Hey, I saw this guy's face.
He's already hooked.

All you got to do is land him.
Go.

- I can't.
- Can't what?

I can't do this.

I can't marry him.
This isn't fair.

No, it's not,
but he probably deserves it.

What if he wants
to have children?

- Wait, you can't have children?
- Yes.

I mean, I think I can. I just...
I mean, what if he...

What if he wants them
sooner than I do?

I'm not ready for that.
I love what I do.

He doesn't know where I am
from one moment to the next

and he says he's fine with it,
but what if he's not actually?

Look. I don't know how many
women are out there,

and, believe me,
I've done some counting.

But I've yet to meet a single
one that's as smart as you,

as funny as you,
or as loyal as you.

You're pretty.

You can kick ass
when you need to.

And you got a smile
that could light up a room.

He's a lucky guy.

Stop being so nice to me.
It's very...

very disconcerting.

You want me to start
with your bad points?

No, thank you.

Will you come with me?
You could give me away.

Don't be ridiculous. However
appealing that may sound.

Good luck, Lady Alexandra.

Go and marry
your knight in shining armour.

Maybe I'll see you around.

Where are you going?

There's this temple in Vietnam

where just before
the fall of Saigon,

they melted all their gold
into a single statue of Buddha.

Covered it in clay to hide it.

Sounds like a wild-goose chase
to me with...

no historical
or cultural evidence.

Exactly how I like it.

♪ This isn't sometimes

♪ Yeah, it's for always

♪ If I'm gonna love you
with all of my heart

♪ And if there is no more time

♪ This always remains

♪ Even as the world
spins itself apart

♪ Cos I remember them days

♪ I waited so patiently

♪ For God to bring someone

♪ Who is gonna be good to me

♪ And then he blessed my soul

♪ Well, I travelled a long way

♪ And it took
a long time to find you

♪ But I finally found you

♪ I remember
all them lonely days

♪ I travelled out on my own

♪ Then you brought me everything

♪ You made my house a home

♪ But if it's not the real deal

♪ Then I don't know it

♪ Cos it sure does feel

♪ And I think it sure does show

♪ Ha!

♪ A-ah-ah-ah-ah

Thank you.

You look like
you're headed to the airport?

Yeah, I am.

Mind if I catch a lift?

Sure. Why not?

Allow me to show you
to your seat.

I have to admit
I'm a really nervous flyer.

Any chance
you could hold my hand?

Maybe you could go through
some emergency positions.

What's this?

I assumed you'd know.
It was left at reception.

What is it?

It's from Hooten.

It's just a few knick-knacks.

That's sweet.

Yeah, it is.

So, I've been thinking...

Where do you want to go...
for our honeymoon?

What about Vietnam?

- Vietnam?
- What could possibly go wrong?

Come on, guys.
All this for what?

Because I stole your itsy-bitsy
tiny little golden Buddha?

Seriously?

Don't you think
you're over-reacting?

Shouldn't the punishment
fit the crime?

Shouldn't you just steal
something from me

and then we're even?

Bears?

What do you mean,
the bears are gonna eat me?

Is it because I'm American?

No, it's because
you're annoying.

They were very probably
gonna let us go

before you started
talking to them.

That's harsh.
I was trying to cut a deal.

By offering them something
already theirs.

- That was my starting position.
- How did that go for you?

This isn't real.
They'll be back any second

with a counter offer
which I'll accept.

Ignore that.
That's just brinkmanship.

- They're trying to scare us.
- With some success.

There's no bears.
They're messing with us.

What was that?

- The wind?
- Wind doesn't growl.

- An angry wind?
- Or a bear.

OK, I read something about
how to survive a bear attack.

- What do we do?
- Play dead.

Lay on your stomach and put
your hands behind your neck.

Lay on your stomach?

Not so easy being tied up,
I guess.

OK, what else did it say?

I don't remember. I got bored
after the playing-dead part.

There were pictures of women
on the other page.

I'm supposed to be
on my honeymoon.

Instead, I'm tied up,
about to be eaten by bears,

while my new husband thinks
I'm out shopping for a hat.

Now you are married, what do
you do about the name thing?

- What?
- You already had five names.

So, are you now Lady Alexandra
Diana Elizabeth Lindo-Parker...

..Farquaad?

Your credit card
must be three feet long.

♪ Ooh-la-ooh

♪ Sing like a
♪ Ooh-la ooh-la ooh-ooh

♪ I set up camp

♪ In the centre of town

♪ Ready for freedom

♪ When it all comes down

♪ Snapping my fingers

♪ Walking around

♪ I'm a dusty jewel

♪ In a thrown-out crown

♪ Got a bus pass to make my way

♪ From hideout to hideout

♪ In the heat of the day

♪ I got a talisman tote

♪ With the whole array

♪ When you catch my coat-tails

♪ I'll be miles away