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Zulu
Hi! I'm Patrick Star!
And I live with my parents! Ow!
This is my dad!
This is my mom! [chuckles]
[giggles] This is my sister! She's shy.
This is my grandpa!
This is my room!
And this...
[cheering]
This is my show!
? gentle music playing ?
[clock ticking]
[clanging]
-[banging] -? music stops ?
It's Leif Erikson Day!
? seafarer music playing ?
[strained grunts]
Hi, SpongeBob! Hi!
Happy Leif Erikson Day!
Hinga Dinga Durgen!
[grunts]
[speaking vague Nordic gibberish]
[both chanting] Vikings! Vikings! Vikings!
What's with all the commotion?
And what're you supposed to be anyhow?
-[crashes] -Oh.
Why, it's Leif Erikson Day,
Mr. GrandPat, sir!
We're being Vikings!
Vikings?!
With those plastic helmets and that...
[in mocking tone] "Hinga Dinga Durgen"?!
You wanna see a Viking?
-I'll show you. -[metal clanking]
Now here's a realViking helmet!
Is that a bucket?
It's a helmet!
And I know 'cause I
was a fearsome Viking warrior!
In Viking times!
And a helmet like this was the only thing
that stood between you and certain doom!
So don't you soft-bellied,
-tender little cupcakes... -Ow.
...tell me I don't know about Vikings!
Why, the stories I have would rattle your horns off!
The daring adventure and the pillaging!
Battles...
Meatballs...
-[snoring loudly] -? lullaby playing ?
We should time closet to when GrandPat wakes up
so we can hear his Viking stories.
Or we could time closet to his Viking days
and see them ourselves!
[gasps]
? Viking times, Viking times ?
? We're gonna go to Viking times ?
[giggles]
Here we go!
[indistinct battle cries]
Ooh!
[crashes]
Oh, Sven, you kidder!
Ooh, I can't believe it. Patrick!
We're in a real Viking village!
Yeah!
And everyone looks like
they're having lots of fun!
-[Vikings grunting] -[metal clanging]
[grunts]
Yeah! Lots of fun!
Ooh. Look, Patrick!
A skirmish! Let's go see.
-That looks intense! -[Vikings grunting]
Yeah. Intense in-a-tent! [laughs]
[yells]
[Patrick] Is that GrandPat?!
[both] Whoa!
[GrandPat-like laugh]
[coughs]
[in deep voice] Oh, meatball boy!
Did somebody say meatball boy?
Hinga Dinga Durgen!
Here I am with my bucket o' meat!
With juicy meatballs as plump as my cheeks!
So shout hooray and jump for joy!
'Cause here I am, I'm the meatball boy!
Meatballs!
One heapin' spoon o' meatballs comin' right up, big fella!
Whoa!
Whoa, whoa! Woopsie doodles!
Ow!
-Ooh! What happened? -? ominous music plays ?
What happened is you got gravy on my beard, meatball boy!
So you and your soft-bellied tender little cupcake body
should stay out of my way if you know what's good for you.
-Wow, that was embarrassing. -? music stops
Who are you?
We are from the future,
where you are a fearsome Viking warrior!
But it looks like we got here a little early.
So I guess it's up to us to mold you
from meatball boy into a real Viking warrior!
In Viking times!
So whaddya say?
We even got your Viking helmet nice and clean!
Looks like a bucket to me but whatever.
Sure. Not like life can get much worse.
Okay! Let's start with battle axe skills.
I'll do a quick demo with SpongeBob here.
First, we swing back!
-Ow! -Let out a tri-elephant scream.
[screams]
And swing!
Whoa, whoa, whoa! Are you crazy, Patrick?
I don't want to damage my protective helmet!
Oh! Good thinking!
'Kay. All good.
Alrighty.
-[grunts] -Yah!
[French Narrator] One second later...
One big swipe is all it takes.
Here. Now you try!
Round two, SB!
-[laughs heartily] -? seafarer music playing ?
Let 'er rip.
[screams]
Whoa! Wah!
[GrandPat] Dadgum it!
-? music fades out -Whoa!
Oh boy.
We better try a less dangerous weapon.
This combination fork and spoon
is the perfect comproprize!
What the heck am I supposed to do with this?
Run with it at full force and...
jam it into SpongeBob's face!
[giggles]
Okay. Here goes!
[engine revving, tires screeching]
Charge!
-[laughs maniacally] -? rock music plays ?
-? music stops -[squeaking]
-? rock music plays -Whoa, whoa, whoa!
Where am I?
? lounge music playing ?
You up for pillaging tonight?
I dunno. I kinda wanted to braid my beard.
-? rock music plays -Whoa, whoa, whoa!
-? rock music stops -Hm!
-? fanciful music playing -[giggles nervously]
-? suspenseful music playing -[growls]
-? drumroll playing -[laughs nervously]
[growling]
-[GrandPat] Ow! Ow! -? tense music playing ?
-? music stops -[GrandPat groans]
-That went well! -Yeah!
Not bad for a first Viking battle!
[yodeling]
The most important Viking skill
that you'll need to master is pillow-jalopy-
I mean, uh... pigeon jail!
Bah! Pillar-jazz!
Pillaging.
What he said.
Pillaging?
I-I don't think I'm ready for that.
You're not. That's why we're gonna start out small.
You'll be pillaging this clam house.
Clam house?
What am I supposed to pillage from a clam house?
Oh, you'd be surprised!
They have really nice things.
-Hmm? -Well?
What are you waiting for?
Alright!
? drumroll playing ?
-Let's see here. -? dramatic music playing ?
Oops! My bad!
Mmm-hmm! Ooh!
This feels expensive!
[snickers]
Ow! Dagnabbit!
The clam's not in on the exercise?!
Oops! We forgot to ask for permission!
[grunts] Ah!
[barks]
[screams]
Anyhoo... Uh...
Gimme that thing!
There!
-How's thatfor pillaging? -? music fades out
Not. Bad. At. All!
You're ready for level two.
-[SpongeBob] It's time for... -[audience cheering]
-...Village Pillage Sweep! -? game show theme music plays ?
How many things can you pillage
from an actual Viking village in 30 seconds?
We're about to find out.
That's right, SpongeBob!
[SpongeBob] Our contestant is standing by!
[Patrick] With a shopping cart ready to roll.
Now let's put 30 seconds on the time sand thingy!
-[bell dings] -On your mark, get set!
[inhales and laughs]
[Patrick] And there he goes!
Look at him pilly-village-ing all that underwear!
[shopping cart squeaking]
[Patrick] This race is really heating up!
[grunting]
[SpongeBob] Last call for tighty-whities!
Three, two, one!
-Huzzah! -[bell dinging]
I pillaged all the Vikings' underwear!
[voice echoing] Vikings' underwear!
[low growls]
-I'm a real Viking! [laughs] -? ominous music playing ?
-[Viking grunting] -[laughter winding down]
Oh...
[grunting]
The Vikings are accepting him as one of their own!
Yay!
Ah!
Oh!
Ow!
[screaming]
[groans weakly]
Ow!
[punches landing]
-My GrandPat is a Viking. -? seafarer music playing ?
I'm so proud!
-Our work here is done! -Yup!
-Now let's go home. -[metal clangs]
[both] GrandPat!
GrandPat! GrandPat!
[startled scream]
GrandPat! You weren't lying!
You really area Viking!
You're darn tootin' I am!
Speaking of which!
It's time to pillage the bathroom!
-[snickers] -[Cecil] Hey!
I need that!
I don't know how this day could get any better!
Who wants meatballs?
[both] Yay!
Best Leif Erikson Day ever!
-[audience cheering] -[drumroll playing]
[all yodeling]
You kids have such angelic voices!
You should yodel on your TV program sometime!
Hm... Wait!
What are your fans gonna watch while we're on vacation?
Well, we got a guest host who, uh, wasn't my first choice.
But it's only for a couple of days.
[chuckles nervously] Hopefully the Lawnies can make do.
[cheering]
[band playing music]
[Karen] Live from the Chum Bucket,
Bikini Bottom's favorite replacement
for their favorite show...
It's Too Late! With Sheldon J. Plankton!
And now, here's Plankton!
-[Lawnies cheer and applaud] -[Plankton laughs]
Ooh! [snickers] Alright!
Ooh! [laughs]
Enough!
[music stops]
Thanks for having me, Bikini Bottom!
You know, this is my first time hosting a TV show.
They say TV rots the brain,
but when I look at this audience,
I'm not too worried.
-[cymbal and drum hit] -[laughs]
-[coughing] -What's wrong?
-Can't you idiots hear me?! -[microphone feedback]
Don't tell me this microphone's broken.
We can hear you, we just can't see you!
Well I can take care of that.
Let's get a little magnification!
-[buzzes] -[Lawnies screaming]
Ya know, Krabs didn't pay a cent in income tax last year.
He's not just cooking patties over there, folks.
He's also cooking the books!
[cymbal and drum hit]
[laughs]
Still can't see me, eh?
-Spotlight, please! -[buzzes]
[screams]
[laughs]
Grr!
I hope that stupid seastar
is enjoying his stupid vacation!
[tweeting and squawking]
Here we are, family. The Alps!
Dad, this place is a dump.
It's pronounced "dumph."
It's Swiss.
Just smell that fresh air.
[inhales]
[raspy tone] Now that's clean!
Time to hit the slopes!
Yodelayheehoo!
? yodel music playing ?
[Patrick] Stinky snowball fight!
[laughs]
[GrandPat] Watch it, punk!
[laughs]
Good thing I packed my hazmat suit.
Hey, Patrick! Hyah!
? yodel music fades out ?
Please welcome our first guest,
a self-described "multidisciplinary auteur"
here to promote his new short film,
-it's Squidward Tentacles! -[drumroll playing]
[one fish applauds]
[laughs giddily]
Thanks for being here, Squidward.
So I hear you work at the Krusty Krab?
Part time.
It isn't much, but it helps pay
for my art projects.
Like my new film!
Can we roll the clip?
[projector whirring]
[dramatic music playing]
[Squidward narrating] Wretched existence.
A mind in...
What the- Hey! What about the rest of the clip?
[chuckles] Great stuff, great stuff.
Tell me more about the Krusty Krab!
You know, floor plans, safe combos,
secret formulas...
Well, my new film is a deep exploration
of the time I spent working there.
Why didn't ya say so?
Karen, roll clip!
-[projector whirring] -[dramatic music playing]
[Squidward narrating] Wretched existence.
A mind in agony.[echoing]
A mind in agony.
-Nope, can't do it. -[music stops]
-[Squidward screams] -[seat squeaking]
And now, for our next guest!
Heiress of a fast food chain, it's Pearl Krabs!
-Hi! -[Lawnies cheering]
Hi, Plankton!
So, Pearl. Krusty Krab.
Secret formula.
Secret formation?!
Like cheerleading?
Oh, I couldn't!
My squad would beach me!
No, the formula-
Well, maybe I'll just show you this one part.
[cheering] Rah! Rah! Rah, rah, rah!
Karen! Cut to commercial!
I don't always have time to cook,
so when my family needs a fast, wholesome meal,
there's only one place we go.
? Who's got the best chum on the ocean floor? ?
? Chum Bucket It's the Chum Bucket ?
? Full of protein, nitrates, preservatives and more ?
? Chum Bucket It's the Chum Bucket ?
? Who's got the edible glop that is delicious? ?
? Chum Bucket It's the Chum Bucket ?
? Special ingredients, so mysterious ?
? Chum Bucket It's the Chum Bucket ?
[narrator] Chum is made from ingredients
and is part of a possible breakfast.
Medical treatment not included.
And we're back!
Now because you've been such a great audience...
[audience member] We hate you!
...we decided to give you all a little something special.
[gasps] An all-expense-paid vacation?
A new boat?!
Even better!
Take a look under your seats.
[indistinct chatter]
Ew!
-[screams] -[retches]
Ew! What is this?!
It's chum!
You get some chum and you get some chum!
And you! And you!
-Oh, you're not leaving. -? menacing music playing ?
-It's too late for that! -[buzzes]
[monstrous laughter]
Oh!
[whimpers]
[buzzes]
[clamoring]
[screams]
[screaming]
[whimpering]
[yelps]
? music fades out ?
You won't get away with this!
Oh yeah? Who's gonna stop me?
[all yodeling]
Don't forget we have to pick up the Lawnies!
-On it! -[tires screeching]
[all scream]
So tell us, Mr. Krabs.
Why are you so cheap?
I don't know. Why are you so puny?
[laughs]
I'll show ya puny!
[grunts in anger]
Look. We've got some new audience membererers.
Huh? This is weird.
[whispers] Run. While you still can.
[yells] Run!
Maybe we should go?
[Plankton chuckles] No.
I think you should stay!
Right, Eugene?
Sure. If they like bad jokes and a boring host.
[laughs]
Oh shut up, you!
-[buzzes] -[machine whirring]
[clanks]
And now, please welcome
your former host and current hostage,
Patrick Star!
[gasps] Patrick Star? I love that guy!
[laughs] Oh!
So, Patrick, tell me how it feels
to lose everything you've ever worked for.
I feel...
hungry.
We can fix that!
[buzzes]
[gasps] Chum!
[chomping]
I don't know what's less appetizing,
my chum or watching him eat it.
-[buzzes] -[dings]
You don't like my jokes?
-Try my laughing gas! -[buzzes]
[hisses]
[hysterical laughter]
[Cecil laughing] Squidina!
-Huh? -Isn't this hilarious?
[laughs maniacally]
I think it's time to return to our regularly scheduled program.
-Stop! -? heroic music playing ?
The Patrick Show may have a pretty low bar,
but even we draw the line at kidnapping.
This is over!
We're taking our show back.
Oh yeah?
How're you gonna do that
when I have your audience,
your time slot, your host,
and these really big robot arms!?
-? music fades out -[gulps]
-Get her, boys! -[buzzes]
[Plankton] Slice her! Flatten her! Smash her!
-[yelps] -Poke!
-Prod! Bury! -[gulps]
-Mangle! -[sighs]
Ooh, maybe that button will get me more chum.
-Clobber! -[Patrick's body squeaks]
[pants]
? menacing music plays ?
[laughs maniacally]
-No! -[grunts]
Huh?
Wait, what's going on?
Where's my remote?
-[buzzes] -Uh-oh.
-Ooh! Ouch! Ow! Ow! -? whimsical music playing
Ouch!
Ooh! That felt pretty good.
Ow! Ouch! Ow!
Patrick! You did it!
Not yet.
-Where's my chum? -[buzzes]
[Squidina yelps]
-Aww! -Sorry, Plankton,
but your services will no longer be required.
? jazz music playing ?
[sighs] It's nice to have things back to normal.
Yes, I wrote and directed it myself.
Fascinating.
Show the clip!
[Squidward narrating] Wretched existence.
A mind in agony.[echoing]
A mind in agony.
My mind is a prison.
[SpongeBob laughs]
-Oh brother! -Pew!
Uh-oh! We're losing 'em.
[buzzes]
[Squidward screams]
[laughs]
-Hey, a good idea's a good idea. -[cymbal and drum hit]
??
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