All language subtitles for The Patrick Star Show s03e11 Patrickle Jokes.eng

af Afrikaans
ak Akan
sq Albanian
am Amharic
ar Arabic
hy Armenian
az Azerbaijani
eu Basque
be Belarusian
bem Bemba
bn Bengali
bh Bihari
bs Bosnian
br Breton
bg Bulgarian
km Cambodian
ca Catalan
ceb Cebuano
chr Cherokee
ny Chichewa
zh-CN Chinese (Simplified)
zh-TW Chinese (Traditional)
co Corsican
hr Croatian
cs Czech
da Danish
nl Dutch Download
en English
eo Esperanto
et Estonian
ee Ewe
fo Faroese
tl Filipino
fi Finnish
fr French
fy Frisian
gaa Ga
gl Galician
ka Georgian
de German
el Greek
gn Guarani
gu Gujarati
ht Haitian Creole
ha Hausa
haw Hawaiian
iw Hebrew
hi Hindi
hmn Hmong
hu Hungarian
is Icelandic
ig Igbo
id Indonesian
ia Interlingua
ga Irish
it Italian
ja Japanese
jw Javanese
kn Kannada
kk Kazakh
rw Kinyarwanda
rn Kirundi
kg Kongo
ko Korean
kri Krio (Sierra Leone)
ku Kurdish
ckb Kurdish (Soranî)
ky Kyrgyz
lo Laothian
la Latin
lv Latvian
ln Lingala
lt Lithuanian
loz Lozi
lg Luganda
ach Luo
lb Luxembourgish
mk Macedonian
mg Malagasy
ms Malay
ml Malayalam
mt Maltese
mi Maori
mr Marathi
mfe Mauritian Creole
mo Moldavian
mn Mongolian
my Myanmar (Burmese)
sr-ME Montenegrin
ne Nepali
pcm Nigerian Pidgin
nso Northern Sotho
no Norwegian
nn Norwegian (Nynorsk)
oc Occitan
or Oriya
om Oromo
ps Pashto
fa Persian
pl Polish
pt-BR Portuguese (Brazil)
pt Portuguese (Portugal)
pa Punjabi
qu Quechua
ro Romanian
rm Romansh
nyn Runyakitara
ru Russian
sm Samoan
gd Scots Gaelic
sr Serbian
sh Serbo-Croatian
st Sesotho
tn Setswana
crs Seychellois Creole
sn Shona
sd Sindhi
si Sinhalese
sk Slovak
sl Slovenian
so Somali
es Spanish
es-419 Spanish (Latin American)
su Sundanese
sw Swahili
sv Swedish
tg Tajik
ta Tamil
tt Tatar
te Telugu
th Thai
ti Tigrinya
to Tonga
lua Tshiluba
tum Tumbuka
tr Turkish
tk Turkmen
tw Twi
ug Uighur
uk Ukrainian
ur Urdu
uz Uzbek
vi Vietnamese
cy Welsh
wo Wolof
xh Xhosa
yi Yiddish
yo Yoruba
zu Zulu
Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:07,206 --> 00:00:08,862 - Hi! I'm Patrick Star! 2 00:00:08,931 --> 00:00:11,827 And I live with my parents! 3 00:00:11,896 --> 00:00:12,946 Ow! 4 00:00:12,965 --> 00:00:14,482 This is my dad. 5 00:00:14,551 --> 00:00:16,758 [zany music] 6 00:00:16,862 --> 00:00:19,965 This is my mom. [laughs] 7 00:00:20,068 --> 00:00:22,620 This is my sister. She's shy. 8 00:00:22,689 --> 00:00:24,827 This is my grandpa. 9 00:00:24,896 --> 00:00:27,758 This is my room! 10 00:00:27,759 --> 00:00:28,895 And this... 11 00:00:28,896 --> 00:00:30,758 ? ? 12 00:00:30,827 --> 00:00:34,000 This is my show! 13 00:00:34,068 --> 00:00:36,000 ? ? 14 00:00:37,448 --> 00:00:40,379 [suspenseful music] 15 00:00:40,448 --> 00:00:43,620 - [stifled laughter] 16 00:00:43,689 --> 00:00:45,551 [laughter] 17 00:00:45,620 --> 00:00:47,413 Sorry about that, folks. 18 00:00:47,482 --> 00:00:49,206 I'm just excited because 19 00:00:49,275 --> 00:00:53,517 I'm gonna pull the funniest prank in the world 20 00:00:53,586 --> 00:00:55,206 on our next guest... 21 00:00:55,275 --> 00:00:57,758 a whoopie cushion. 22 00:00:57,862 --> 00:01:00,103 [zany music] 23 00:01:00,206 --> 00:01:02,000 [suspenseful music] 24 00:01:02,103 --> 00:01:04,000 Shh. 25 00:01:04,034 --> 00:01:07,896 - Welcome, Squidward Tentacles! 26 00:01:07,897 --> 00:01:10,274 [scattered applause and booing] - Paperboy! 27 00:01:10,275 --> 00:01:11,325 - Humph. 28 00:01:11,344 --> 00:01:12,551 - [stifled laughter] 29 00:01:12,620 --> 00:01:15,034 Say, Squidward, why don't you take a seat? 30 00:01:15,035 --> 00:01:16,171 [giggles] 31 00:01:16,172 --> 00:01:18,517 - Anything to get this over with. 32 00:01:18,620 --> 00:01:20,034 - [giggles] 33 00:01:20,035 --> 00:01:21,102 [gasps] 34 00:01:21,103 --> 00:01:22,482 [dramatic notes] 35 00:01:22,517 --> 00:01:24,758 [whimpering gasps, sputtering] 36 00:01:24,827 --> 00:01:26,103 [jalopy horn honks] 37 00:01:26,104 --> 00:01:27,171 - So... 38 00:01:27,172 --> 00:01:28,222 - Mama. 39 00:01:28,275 --> 00:01:30,620 - I'm a bit of a Renaissance man. 40 00:01:30,689 --> 00:01:32,172 And- - You sat down wrong! 41 00:01:32,241 --> 00:01:33,344 Do it again! 42 00:01:33,379 --> 00:01:35,034 - How can I sit wrong? 43 00:01:35,137 --> 00:01:36,758 Hey! - Sit right! 44 00:01:36,827 --> 00:01:38,965 [Squidward yelps] Sit right! 45 00:01:39,000 --> 00:01:40,310 [Squidward shouting] 46 00:01:40,413 --> 00:01:42,758 [Patrick bellows] 47 00:01:42,827 --> 00:01:46,137 My perfect prank is ruined! 48 00:01:46,138 --> 00:01:47,205 - Huh? 49 00:01:47,206 --> 00:01:48,896 [both screaming] 50 00:01:48,965 --> 00:01:50,586 [zany downbeat music] 51 00:01:50,655 --> 00:01:52,155 - What's the matter, Patrick? 52 00:01:52,206 --> 00:01:55,068 - My stupid whoopie cushion is deflective! 53 00:01:55,137 --> 00:01:59,379 Do you know the hoops I had to jump through to get that thing? 54 00:02:01,482 --> 00:02:02,827 [upbeat music] 55 00:02:02,896 --> 00:02:05,344 - That'll be 25�. 56 00:02:05,413 --> 00:02:08,241 - Keep the change, my good man. 57 00:02:08,275 --> 00:02:12,448 Oh, a hoop. 58 00:02:12,517 --> 00:02:14,724 - Who made this thing, anyway? 59 00:02:14,793 --> 00:02:17,724 - Comedy K Novelties? 60 00:02:17,827 --> 00:02:20,068 We should do an undercover piece 61 00:02:20,103 --> 00:02:24,448 and show everyone that Comedy K are a bunch of crooks. 62 00:02:28,241 --> 00:02:30,172 [suspenseful music] 63 00:02:30,241 --> 00:02:35,034 - We're here outside the Comedy K Novelty factory 64 00:02:35,103 --> 00:02:38,310 to expose a story of corruption, 65 00:02:38,379 --> 00:02:41,172 receipt, and lies. 66 00:02:41,241 --> 00:02:42,689 - And cut. 67 00:02:42,724 --> 00:02:44,448 Great job, Patrick. 68 00:02:44,517 --> 00:02:47,517 These crooks would never let us in with a camera, 69 00:02:47,586 --> 00:02:51,862 but they'll never suspect a little girl and her dolly. 70 00:02:51,896 --> 00:02:55,241 So are you ready to expose the truth? 71 00:02:55,310 --> 00:02:57,103 - Yeah. 72 00:02:57,206 --> 00:03:00,172 You know, for a corrupt multinational company, 73 00:03:00,241 --> 00:03:03,724 they sure do just let anybody walk right in. 74 00:03:03,725 --> 00:03:04,792 Oof. 75 00:03:04,793 --> 00:03:05,931 - Stop right there. 76 00:03:05,965 --> 00:03:08,413 Where do you think you're going? 77 00:03:08,482 --> 00:03:10,586 - Inside a corrupt company. 78 00:03:10,655 --> 00:03:11,931 Why? 79 00:03:12,000 --> 00:03:14,413 - Youse best not be a journalist 80 00:03:14,482 --> 00:03:18,517 looking to expos� any secrets or nothing. 81 00:03:18,586 --> 00:03:20,344 - Uh, no. 82 00:03:20,413 --> 00:03:22,137 - Definitely not. 83 00:03:22,241 --> 00:03:26,275 - Good. But you've still gotta go through security. 84 00:03:26,379 --> 00:03:27,551 - Oof. 85 00:03:27,620 --> 00:03:29,482 X-ray specs? 86 00:03:29,551 --> 00:03:32,517 [laughs] Do those things even do anything? 87 00:03:32,586 --> 00:03:33,965 [screams] 88 00:03:36,620 --> 00:03:40,068 - Excuse me, Mr. Secuwity Guawd. 89 00:03:40,137 --> 00:03:42,793 Do me and my innocent widdle dowwy 90 00:03:42,896 --> 00:03:46,034 have to go through secuwity, too? 91 00:03:46,103 --> 00:03:51,000 - Oh, of course not, sweetie. Go right on through. 92 00:03:52,137 --> 00:03:54,517 - Whoa. - Wow. 93 00:03:54,586 --> 00:03:59,241 place is novelty nirvana. 94 00:03:59,310 --> 00:04:03,551 - OK, folks, the 2:00 tour is right this way. 95 00:04:03,620 --> 00:04:05,586 Follow me for an in-depth look 96 00:04:05,655 --> 00:04:08,206 at everything going on in this factory. 97 00:04:08,310 --> 00:04:10,896 all: Meep, meep, meep. 98 00:04:10,965 --> 00:04:14,965 - So folks, remember, no cameras, no touching, 99 00:04:15,034 --> 00:04:17,862 and never leave the tour group. 100 00:04:17,965 --> 00:04:20,172 Or else! 101 00:04:20,241 --> 00:04:21,896 [chuckles] All righty. 102 00:04:22,000 --> 00:04:23,689 Let's have some fun. 103 00:04:23,758 --> 00:04:26,517 This is Todd. He's our stress doll tester. 104 00:04:26,620 --> 00:04:27,931 Say hi, Todd. 105 00:04:28,000 --> 00:04:29,689 - Hiya, folks. 106 00:04:29,758 --> 00:04:33,000 - So Todd is just gonna to give this little fella a squeeze. 107 00:04:33,034 --> 00:04:34,862 - [grunts] 108 00:04:34,931 --> 00:04:36,620 - And it's on to the next one. 109 00:04:36,689 --> 00:04:38,689 - [grunts] 110 00:04:38,793 --> 00:04:40,000 - Tell us, Todd. 111 00:04:40,068 --> 00:04:42,758 How do you like working here at Comedy K? 112 00:04:42,862 --> 00:04:45,896 - It's a great job, and I'm treated ethically. 113 00:04:45,965 --> 00:04:47,482 - You heard the man, folks. 114 00:04:47,551 --> 00:04:50,068 Completely normal business practices. 115 00:04:50,137 --> 00:04:51,724 [chuckles] 116 00:04:51,827 --> 00:04:55,206 Golly, have you ever wondered where fake vomit comes from? 117 00:04:55,310 --> 00:04:58,896 Well, meet our friend, the Vomit-Tron 1000. 118 00:04:58,965 --> 00:05:01,137 Simply nauseate the little guy 119 00:05:01,206 --> 00:05:03,827 with a moldy egg sandwich, and... 120 00:05:03,828 --> 00:05:07,861 [robotic retching] - Cleanup on aisle three. 121 00:05:07,862 --> 00:05:09,137 [chuckling] Am I right? 122 00:05:09,241 --> 00:05:11,344 all: Meep, meep, meep, meep, meep. 123 00:05:11,345 --> 00:05:12,447 - [laughs] 124 00:05:12,448 --> 00:05:15,310 Hey, I said no cameras allowed! 125 00:05:15,379 --> 00:05:16,551 Security! 126 00:05:16,620 --> 00:05:18,000 all: Meep, meep, meep, meep. 127 00:05:18,068 --> 00:05:21,103 - OK, folks, let's keep it moving. 128 00:05:21,206 --> 00:05:23,965 - This tour is what they wantus to see, 129 00:05:24,068 --> 00:05:26,275 but where are they hiding the dirt? 130 00:05:26,310 --> 00:05:27,931 - Maybe behind that door! 131 00:05:28,034 --> 00:05:30,344 [suspenseful music] 132 00:05:30,413 --> 00:05:33,482 - Time for some real journalism. 133 00:05:33,551 --> 00:05:36,310 - Cold, hard truth, here we come! 134 00:05:36,379 --> 00:05:37,517 - Patrick, stop! 135 00:05:37,586 --> 00:05:38,931 - OK! 136 00:05:39,000 --> 00:05:41,586 - We can't just go barging into restricted areas. 137 00:05:41,620 --> 00:05:43,931 We need to disguise ourselves. 138 00:05:44,034 --> 00:05:47,034 [suspenseful jazz music] 139 00:05:47,103 --> 00:05:49,000 - The coast is clear. 140 00:05:49,068 --> 00:05:51,862 - There should be something juicy back here. 141 00:05:51,931 --> 00:05:53,000 Hey, look. 142 00:05:53,068 --> 00:05:56,379 It's their entire novelty chewing gum line. 143 00:05:56,448 --> 00:06:00,275 - Talk about juicy. 144 00:06:00,379 --> 00:06:02,586 - [munching] - Wait. 145 00:06:02,655 --> 00:06:05,620 Is that Bubble Bass? 146 00:06:05,689 --> 00:06:09,137 - What's he doing here eating all those burritos? 147 00:06:09,206 --> 00:06:11,655 - [munching] 148 00:06:11,689 --> 00:06:14,482 These bean burritos are terrible. 149 00:06:14,586 --> 00:06:17,586 Nevertheless, I want more. 150 00:06:17,655 --> 00:06:19,275 [buzzer blares] 151 00:06:19,310 --> 00:06:21,068 [munching] 152 00:06:21,137 --> 00:06:24,965 And now to earn my paycheck. 153 00:06:25,034 --> 00:06:28,000 [flatulence] 154 00:06:31,827 --> 00:06:33,068 - OK, boys. 155 00:06:33,137 --> 00:06:35,896 Another batch of pre-inflated whoopie cushions 156 00:06:35,965 --> 00:06:39,931 with lethal death stench are ready to be boxed. 157 00:06:40,000 --> 00:06:43,620 - [sighs] Life's a gas. 158 00:06:43,689 --> 00:06:47,551 - They're putting real farts in whoopie cushions? 159 00:06:47,620 --> 00:06:50,103 That's against the law. 160 00:06:50,172 --> 00:06:52,655 - Good thing I got it all on tape. 161 00:06:52,758 --> 00:06:54,517 Now, come on. 162 00:06:54,620 --> 00:06:55,896 ? ? 163 00:06:55,965 --> 00:06:57,015 Dad? 164 00:06:57,103 --> 00:06:59,275 What's he doing here... 165 00:06:59,344 --> 00:07:01,275 in his underwear? 166 00:07:01,310 --> 00:07:03,758 - Looking sharp, I'd say. 167 00:07:03,793 --> 00:07:06,724 - OK, subject number one. 168 00:07:06,793 --> 00:07:11,551 We're gonna test out some electric shock underwear, OK? 169 00:07:11,620 --> 00:07:14,724 - Oh, you may fire when ready. 170 00:07:14,793 --> 00:07:16,206 [buzzer blares] 171 00:07:16,275 --> 00:07:17,535 [electricity cracking] 172 00:07:17,551 --> 00:07:19,862 - [shouts] They work, they work, they work! 173 00:07:19,931 --> 00:07:21,620 [shouting] 174 00:07:21,689 --> 00:07:23,655 [chaotic orchestral music] 175 00:07:23,724 --> 00:07:25,379 Ugh. 176 00:07:25,448 --> 00:07:28,103 - Well, that was successful. 177 00:07:28,172 --> 00:07:30,034 What else we got here? 178 00:07:30,103 --> 00:07:34,413 Oh, let's test out the Pie-O-Matic. 179 00:07:34,517 --> 00:07:38,275 [Herb groaning] 180 00:07:38,379 --> 00:07:41,862 ? ? 181 00:07:41,931 --> 00:07:43,793 [Herb yelping and grunting] 182 00:07:43,896 --> 00:07:46,724 ? ? 183 00:07:46,758 --> 00:07:48,482 - I've seen enough! 184 00:07:48,551 --> 00:07:50,758 [both shouting] 185 00:07:50,862 --> 00:07:53,413 They're wasting pies! 186 00:07:53,517 --> 00:07:54,620 [Herb groans] 187 00:07:54,724 --> 00:07:58,344 ? ? 188 00:07:58,413 --> 00:08:02,000 - What's going on here? They're not part of the test. 189 00:08:02,034 --> 00:08:03,793 Let's get 'em. 190 00:08:03,862 --> 00:08:08,068 - Guess it's time for some Explodo-Gum. 191 00:08:08,137 --> 00:08:09,758 [dramatic music] 192 00:08:09,827 --> 00:08:11,413 [both shouting] 193 00:08:11,482 --> 00:08:16,517 ? ? 194 00:08:16,620 --> 00:08:18,517 [munching] 195 00:08:18,620 --> 00:08:22,482 ? ? 196 00:08:23,310 --> 00:08:25,137 - Aw, man. 197 00:08:25,241 --> 00:08:26,482 - Ugh. 198 00:08:26,551 --> 00:08:29,241 Hey, this was myjob. 199 00:08:29,310 --> 00:08:30,586 - Not anymore. 200 00:08:30,655 --> 00:08:33,586 We're getting you out of here, Dad. 201 00:08:33,655 --> 00:08:36,379 - Dad? Who do you think you are? 202 00:08:38,448 --> 00:08:40,965 Oh, sorry, kids. I'll go with you. 203 00:08:41,034 --> 00:08:43,931 But first, I've got a major case of Dad breath. 204 00:08:44,000 --> 00:08:48,379 Nothing this minty ice gum won't fix. 205 00:08:48,448 --> 00:08:50,275 - [sighs] Dad- 206 00:08:51,655 --> 00:08:52,793 Gummit. 207 00:08:52,827 --> 00:08:54,655 - You three, freeze. 208 00:08:54,724 --> 00:08:56,172 Oh, you're good. 209 00:08:56,241 --> 00:08:58,793 Now you two, freeze! 210 00:08:58,827 --> 00:09:00,896 both: Run! 211 00:09:00,931 --> 00:09:02,413 - [panting] 212 00:09:02,517 --> 00:09:06,034 ? ? 213 00:09:06,103 --> 00:09:08,551 - There's only one way out of this jam... 214 00:09:08,655 --> 00:09:10,413 oil slick gum. 215 00:09:10,517 --> 00:09:14,793 ? ? 216 00:09:14,862 --> 00:09:17,551 - Whoa! 217 00:09:17,620 --> 00:09:20,241 - [laughs] Got him. 218 00:09:20,275 --> 00:09:22,448 [both yelp] 219 00:09:22,517 --> 00:09:26,896 - Oh, just in time for the finalpart of our tour. 220 00:09:27,000 --> 00:09:28,206 - Uh- 221 00:09:28,241 --> 00:09:30,724 - We're actually on our way out. [chuckles] 222 00:09:30,758 --> 00:09:32,689 - Oh, no, you're not. 223 00:09:32,758 --> 00:09:35,931 I've got something special to show you. 224 00:09:36,034 --> 00:09:39,379 ? ? 225 00:09:39,413 --> 00:09:43,379 Behold, the world's biggest propeller beanie. 226 00:09:43,482 --> 00:09:45,172 [beanie whirring] 227 00:09:45,241 --> 00:09:47,862 Pretty neat, huh? 228 00:09:47,931 --> 00:09:50,241 - It ispretty neat. 229 00:09:50,344 --> 00:09:51,551 ? ? 230 00:09:51,655 --> 00:09:55,241 - And now, a closer look. 231 00:09:55,344 --> 00:09:58,000 ? ? 232 00:09:58,068 --> 00:10:00,620 [laughs evilly] 233 00:10:00,689 --> 00:10:03,448 - This breeze feels good. 234 00:10:03,517 --> 00:10:04,655 - Run! 235 00:10:04,724 --> 00:10:06,620 [both yelping and panting] 236 00:10:06,689 --> 00:10:09,241 No, the other way! 237 00:10:09,344 --> 00:10:12,448 - When you go sneaking around Comedy K Novelties, 238 00:10:12,517 --> 00:10:14,068 the joke's on you. 239 00:10:14,172 --> 00:10:16,724 [laughs evilly] 240 00:10:16,793 --> 00:10:19,655 - Did somebody say joke? 241 00:10:19,656 --> 00:10:20,723 - What the? 242 00:10:20,724 --> 00:10:22,172 both: Dad! 243 00:10:22,241 --> 00:10:27,068 - Now, what do you say we test out some disappearing ink? 244 00:10:27,172 --> 00:10:28,896 - No! 245 00:10:29,000 --> 00:10:31,482 [quirky upbeat music] 246 00:10:31,551 --> 00:10:33,206 - [laughs] 247 00:10:33,275 --> 00:10:35,172 both: Dad, hurry! 248 00:10:35,241 --> 00:10:37,551 - Oh, right. Sorry. 249 00:10:37,655 --> 00:10:39,379 [buzzer blares] 250 00:10:39,448 --> 00:10:42,000 Oops. Wrong button. 251 00:10:42,068 --> 00:10:43,655 [mechanical whirring stops] 252 00:10:43,656 --> 00:10:44,757 both: Phew. 253 00:10:44,758 --> 00:10:48,103 - Let's get out of here. 254 00:10:48,172 --> 00:10:51,103 [mechanical buzzing] 255 00:10:51,206 --> 00:10:54,172 ? ? 256 00:10:54,241 --> 00:10:58,137 - This videotape is gonna blow the lid off this place. 257 00:10:58,138 --> 00:10:59,205 [yelps] 258 00:10:59,206 --> 00:11:01,137 - [laughs] Gotcha! 259 00:11:01,206 --> 00:11:03,034 - Are you kidding me, Patrick? 260 00:11:03,103 --> 00:11:04,344 With no videotape, 261 00:11:04,448 --> 00:11:06,931 we'll never be able to take this company down! 262 00:11:07,000 --> 00:11:09,310 - That's what you think. 263 00:11:10,068 --> 00:11:13,344 [air hissing] 264 00:11:14,137 --> 00:11:15,793 - Now, that's what I call... 265 00:11:15,896 --> 00:11:17,965 Komedy with a K. 266 00:11:18,068 --> 00:11:19,118 [horn honks] 267 00:11:20,758 --> 00:11:23,103 [upbeat jazz music] 268 00:11:23,172 --> 00:11:27,068 - Good evening, Lonnies and Lonnettes. 269 00:11:27,137 --> 00:11:31,000 Get ready for the stand-up comedy stylings 270 00:11:31,068 --> 00:11:35,034 of Patrick Star! 271 00:11:35,137 --> 00:11:37,000 [cheers and applause] - What the? 272 00:11:37,068 --> 00:11:41,068 How'd that get in there? 273 00:11:41,137 --> 00:11:43,275 Uh... 274 00:11:43,344 --> 00:11:44,827 [clam trills] 275 00:11:44,862 --> 00:11:46,206 Hey, folks! 276 00:11:46,275 --> 00:11:51,482 So shouldn't we call Krabby patties "grabby" patties? 277 00:11:51,517 --> 00:11:54,689 Because I just wanna reach out and grab 'em! 278 00:11:54,690 --> 00:11:55,999 [upbeat jazz music stops] 279 00:11:56,000 --> 00:11:59,517 - [cackles wildly] 280 00:11:59,551 --> 00:12:02,172 Oh, it's like he is in my mind. 281 00:12:02,241 --> 00:12:04,689 And I welcome him. 282 00:12:04,758 --> 00:12:07,586 - You know, I live with my parents. 283 00:12:07,689 --> 00:12:09,206 People keep asking me, 284 00:12:09,241 --> 00:12:12,206 "Patrick, when are you gonna move out?" 285 00:12:12,275 --> 00:12:15,896 But I tell them I move out all the time. 286 00:12:16,000 --> 00:12:18,344 I move out of my bedroom 287 00:12:18,413 --> 00:12:20,344 into the living room to watch TV, 288 00:12:20,413 --> 00:12:23,379 and then I move out of there 289 00:12:23,413 --> 00:12:25,793 into the kitchen when I'm hungry. 290 00:12:25,896 --> 00:12:29,275 And then I move out into the bathroom when I- 291 00:12:29,344 --> 00:12:32,724 - Oi! When does the comedy start? 292 00:12:32,758 --> 00:12:35,137 [laughter and murmuring] 293 00:12:35,206 --> 00:12:37,862 - Well, the show started a few minutes ago. 294 00:12:37,931 --> 00:12:42,344 - You could have fooled me! It feels like hours! 295 00:12:42,379 --> 00:12:44,206 [laughter] 296 00:12:44,275 --> 00:12:47,896 - Humph. Mess with my Patrick, will you? 297 00:12:48,000 --> 00:12:52,275 - Is this a comedy routine or a root canal? 298 00:12:52,344 --> 00:12:53,758 'Cause I've had root canals 299 00:12:53,862 --> 00:12:57,965 that were less painful and funnier, too! 300 00:12:58,034 --> 00:12:59,655 I demand a re- 301 00:12:59,724 --> 00:13:01,689 [sputters] - What? 302 00:13:01,758 --> 00:13:02,965 Where'd he go? 303 00:13:03,034 --> 00:13:04,724 [muffled speech] 304 00:13:04,793 --> 00:13:06,482 - Beats me. 305 00:13:06,586 --> 00:13:07,965 - A-ha. [bell rings] 306 00:13:08,344 --> 00:13:09,793 Patrick, I think I know 307 00:13:09,827 --> 00:13:13,551 what kind of comedy this crowd wants. 308 00:13:13,620 --> 00:13:16,000 announcer: "The Patrick Show" presents... 309 00:13:16,068 --> 00:13:18,172 the roast of Patrick Star! 310 00:13:18,275 --> 00:13:19,325 [upbeat jazz music] 311 00:13:20,448 --> 00:13:22,413 - Who, me? 312 00:13:22,482 --> 00:13:24,310 Ow. 313 00:13:24,413 --> 00:13:26,172 - Good evening, everybody! 314 00:13:26,275 --> 00:13:31,689 Let's give it up for the host we love to roast the most, 315 00:13:31,758 --> 00:13:34,068 Patrick- 316 00:13:34,137 --> 00:13:36,275 wait, where is he? 317 00:13:36,344 --> 00:13:38,896 [steam hissing] 318 00:13:38,897 --> 00:13:39,964 [sniffs] 319 00:13:39,965 --> 00:13:41,015 [laughs nervously] 320 00:13:41,103 --> 00:13:43,655 It's not that kind of roast, Patrick. 321 00:13:43,656 --> 00:13:44,757 [laughter] 322 00:13:44,758 --> 00:13:45,826 - [mouth full] It's not? 323 00:13:45,827 --> 00:13:47,172 - It's the kind where 324 00:13:47,275 --> 00:13:50,620 guests come up and make jokes at your expense. 325 00:13:50,724 --> 00:13:52,517 - My expense? 326 00:13:52,586 --> 00:13:55,620 Well, I hope they take an IOU. 327 00:13:55,689 --> 00:14:00,034 - First up, some familiar faces from outer spaces, 328 00:14:00,103 --> 00:14:03,862 Captain Quasar and Pat-Tron. 329 00:14:03,965 --> 00:14:05,758 [cheers and applause] 330 00:14:05,827 --> 00:14:09,034 - Thank you, Bikini Bottom. You're too kind. 331 00:14:09,068 --> 00:14:12,172 Say, Pat-Tron, what's big, gassy, 332 00:14:12,206 --> 00:14:15,413 and gobbles up anything that comes near it? 333 00:14:15,517 --> 00:14:18,206 - Uh, is it Patrick Star? 334 00:14:18,275 --> 00:14:19,413 - [laughing] No. 335 00:14:19,482 --> 00:14:21,689 I'm talking about the planet Jupiter, 336 00:14:21,724 --> 00:14:25,931 but Patrick is our second favorite gas giant. 337 00:14:26,000 --> 00:14:27,137 - Aw. 338 00:14:27,206 --> 00:14:28,275 [giggles] 339 00:14:28,276 --> 00:14:29,343 [belches] 340 00:14:29,344 --> 00:14:30,827 [laughter] 341 00:14:30,896 --> 00:14:31,946 - That's my- 342 00:14:31,965 --> 00:14:34,689 [belches] Boy. 343 00:14:34,758 --> 00:14:37,034 - Hey, boss. Why are we here? 344 00:14:37,137 --> 00:14:38,517 - For Patrick. 345 00:14:38,586 --> 00:14:40,026 - Right, but I thought we were 346 00:14:40,068 --> 00:14:43,137 supposed to be looking for intelligent life. 347 00:14:43,206 --> 00:14:45,379 [laughter] 348 00:14:45,827 --> 00:14:49,689 - They say Patrick has a face only a mother could love. 349 00:14:49,724 --> 00:14:52,137 [chuckling] Well, let's put that to the test. 350 00:14:52,206 --> 00:14:55,103 Here's Bunny Star. [cheers and applause] 351 00:14:55,172 --> 00:14:56,517 [vacuum whirring] 352 00:14:56,551 --> 00:14:59,034 all: Roast, roast, roast! 353 00:14:59,137 --> 00:15:00,241 - Roast? 354 00:15:00,344 --> 00:15:03,931 I wouldn't roast my precious baby boy. 355 00:15:04,034 --> 00:15:07,206 Instead, I'm gonna celebrate him 356 00:15:07,275 --> 00:15:11,448 with some adorable family photos. 357 00:15:11,517 --> 00:15:14,724 This is Patrick potty training. 358 00:15:14,793 --> 00:15:18,517 And this is the potty training Patrick. 359 00:15:18,586 --> 00:15:21,586 [laughter] 360 00:15:22,758 --> 00:15:24,310 - Oh, man. 361 00:15:24,413 --> 00:15:28,206 That kid must have grown up to be a real doofus. 362 00:15:28,275 --> 00:15:32,655 - And here's Patrick figuring out how underwear works. 363 00:15:32,656 --> 00:15:33,757 [giggles] 364 00:15:33,758 --> 00:15:35,758 - [chuckles] I remember that. 365 00:15:35,827 --> 00:15:37,448 - Huh? Who said that? 366 00:15:37,517 --> 00:15:38,586 [yelps] 367 00:15:38,655 --> 00:15:40,034 - 'Scuse me, Patrick. 368 00:15:40,103 --> 00:15:42,206 - [laughs] Ladies and gentlemen, 369 00:15:42,275 --> 00:15:46,379 it's Patrick's underwear! [cheers and applause] 370 00:15:46,448 --> 00:15:48,793 - I promise I'll be briefs, folks. 371 00:15:48,794 --> 00:15:49,895 [chuckles] 372 00:15:49,896 --> 00:15:51,448 [laughter] 373 00:15:51,551 --> 00:15:54,344 You know, they say change is good, 374 00:15:54,413 --> 00:15:56,310 but Patrick here begs to differ. 375 00:15:56,413 --> 00:15:59,551 I've been riding his rump for three weeks straight. 376 00:15:59,620 --> 00:16:02,758 At least turn me inside out. 377 00:16:02,827 --> 00:16:04,793 [laughter] 378 00:16:04,862 --> 00:16:07,689 I know you folks didn't come here for dirty laundry, 379 00:16:07,758 --> 00:16:11,379 but here I am, anyway. [laughter] 380 00:16:11,380 --> 00:16:13,240 Thank you, folks. You've been great. 381 00:16:13,241 --> 00:16:16,482 Now, I'm gonna turn it over to another wrinkled old specimen, 382 00:16:16,586 --> 00:16:18,206 GrandPat Star! 383 00:16:18,207 --> 00:16:19,274 Whoa! 384 00:16:19,275 --> 00:16:21,689 [tires squealing] 385 00:16:23,482 --> 00:16:26,137 - I hope you brought eyeball diapers, 386 00:16:26,206 --> 00:16:30,655 'cause these jokes are gonna make you wet your face! 387 00:16:30,724 --> 00:16:33,827 As you all know, Patrick is my grandson, 388 00:16:33,931 --> 00:16:35,965 or, as I call him, my... 389 00:16:36,000 --> 00:16:37,206 [dolphin squeaking] 390 00:16:37,310 --> 00:16:38,620 [all gasp] 391 00:16:38,655 --> 00:16:40,344 [dolphin squeaking continuing] 392 00:16:40,413 --> 00:16:44,379 - OK, give it up for GrandPat, everybody. 393 00:16:44,482 --> 00:16:47,034 Let's get a more family-friendly roaster 394 00:16:47,137 --> 00:16:48,724 up on the stage, 'K? 395 00:16:48,793 --> 00:16:50,827 Give a big hand 396 00:16:50,896 --> 00:16:55,620 or a big Hans for SpongeBob SquarePants. 397 00:16:55,689 --> 00:16:58,379 [SpongeBob laughs] [cheers and applause] 398 00:16:58,482 --> 00:17:00,724 [thunderous clapping] 399 00:17:00,827 --> 00:17:02,896 - Hey, just 'cause we're best friends 400 00:17:02,931 --> 00:17:05,551 doesn't mean I'm gonna go easy on you, Patrick. 401 00:17:05,655 --> 00:17:07,172 Better buckle up. 402 00:17:07,241 --> 00:17:09,068 [oohs and laughter] 403 00:17:09,103 --> 00:17:11,689 - Oh, don't start yet! 404 00:17:11,724 --> 00:17:13,206 I've almost got it! 405 00:17:13,207 --> 00:17:14,343 [grunts] 406 00:17:14,344 --> 00:17:15,827 Do your worst. 407 00:17:15,896 --> 00:17:18,965 - Do you know why they call him Pa-trick? 408 00:17:19,034 --> 00:17:20,517 all: Why? 409 00:17:20,586 --> 00:17:23,172 - Because he's been known to- [giggles] 410 00:17:23,241 --> 00:17:25,379 Play a trick or two. 411 00:17:25,482 --> 00:17:27,413 [laughs] 412 00:17:27,517 --> 00:17:29,344 That merry prankster. 413 00:17:29,413 --> 00:17:31,689 [cricket chirping] 414 00:17:31,758 --> 00:17:34,517 Darn it, SpongeBob. I knew that one was too mean. 415 00:17:34,586 --> 00:17:36,310 I'd better lighten things up. 416 00:17:36,311 --> 00:17:38,481 [chuckles uncomfortably] Hey, uh, did do you know 417 00:17:38,482 --> 00:17:40,793 also call him Pat-rick 418 00:17:40,862 --> 00:17:44,862 because Patrick's always good for a pat on the back? 419 00:17:44,863 --> 00:17:45,895 Huh? 420 00:17:45,896 --> 00:17:46,965 [cricket chirping] 421 00:17:47,034 --> 00:17:51,103 - Hey, my cricket is not amused. 422 00:17:51,206 --> 00:17:53,241 - Oh, they still think I'm too mean. 423 00:17:53,242 --> 00:17:55,033 Oh, uh- [chuckles uncomfortably] 424 00:17:55,034 --> 00:17:57,379 Did I say Patrick's my best friend? 425 00:17:57,448 --> 00:17:59,344 Patrick is actually my 426 00:17:59,413 --> 00:18:02,793 super-extra-double best friend supreme! 427 00:18:02,827 --> 00:18:04,827 [audience booing] 428 00:18:04,931 --> 00:18:06,620 I'm sorry! 429 00:18:06,655 --> 00:18:08,551 What do you want from me? 430 00:18:08,620 --> 00:18:11,103 The shirt off my back? 431 00:18:11,172 --> 00:18:13,758 [SpongeBob sobs] 432 00:18:13,793 --> 00:18:17,068 [laughter] 433 00:18:17,137 --> 00:18:18,931 - Strong finish. 434 00:18:19,000 --> 00:18:21,931 - Comedy, thy name is SpongeBob. 435 00:18:21,965 --> 00:18:23,015 [chuckles] 436 00:18:23,103 --> 00:18:25,137 - [laughs] He said name! 437 00:18:25,241 --> 00:18:26,291 [laughs] 438 00:18:26,310 --> 00:18:27,655 - At long last, 439 00:18:27,724 --> 00:18:31,137 we've reached the best part of the show, the end. 440 00:18:31,172 --> 00:18:32,551 Good night. 441 00:18:32,620 --> 00:18:34,172 - Wait! 442 00:18:34,241 --> 00:18:37,965 We didn't get to hear from the most important roaster of all. 443 00:18:38,068 --> 00:18:39,241 Me. 444 00:18:39,310 --> 00:18:41,931 You'd know Patrick if you watched his show. 445 00:18:41,965 --> 00:18:43,620 Wait, never mind. 446 00:18:43,655 --> 00:18:46,103 No one watches his show! 447 00:18:46,137 --> 00:18:48,586 [laughter] 448 00:18:48,620 --> 00:18:50,310 - I watch your show. 449 00:18:50,413 --> 00:18:52,758 Aren't I someone? 450 00:18:52,827 --> 00:18:54,689 [sad violin music playing] 451 00:18:54,793 --> 00:18:58,724 - How could a guy with, uh, one, two, three, 452 00:18:58,793 --> 00:19:02,655 four, five points be so dull? 453 00:19:02,689 --> 00:19:03,793 [laughter] 454 00:19:03,862 --> 00:19:05,482 Who said that? 455 00:19:05,517 --> 00:19:06,862 Over here. 456 00:19:06,863 --> 00:19:07,964 Huh? 457 00:19:07,965 --> 00:19:09,015 Yoo-hoo. 458 00:19:09,016 --> 00:19:10,067 Huh? 459 00:19:10,068 --> 00:19:11,275 [Patrick growls] 460 00:19:11,344 --> 00:19:13,034 A-ha! You! 461 00:19:13,103 --> 00:19:14,689 My points aren't dull. 462 00:19:14,793 --> 00:19:16,931 They're sharper than your jokes. 463 00:19:16,932 --> 00:19:18,033 Ow. 464 00:19:18,034 --> 00:19:20,724 Pfft, you call these jokes? 465 00:19:20,827 --> 00:19:24,586 I saw funnier stars in my last concussion! 466 00:19:25,689 --> 00:19:28,310 You not nice guy! 467 00:19:28,379 --> 00:19:29,965 [tense music] 468 00:19:30,034 --> 00:19:31,517 - Patrick. 469 00:19:31,586 --> 00:19:34,416 all: Fight, fight, fight, fight, fight, fight, fight! 470 00:19:34,482 --> 00:19:37,965 - [gasps] Well, gotta give the people what they want. 471 00:19:38,034 --> 00:19:40,172 announcer: Tonight on Pat-Per-View, 472 00:19:40,241 --> 00:19:42,793 it's the self-fight of the century. 473 00:19:42,862 --> 00:19:44,310 [heavy metal music] 474 00:19:44,379 --> 00:19:49,344 - In this corner, weighing in at 102 grams, 475 00:19:49,379 --> 00:19:54,620 the sea star slugger, Patrick Star! 476 00:19:54,689 --> 00:19:56,448 - [growls] 477 00:19:56,517 --> 00:19:58,896 - And in the other corner, 478 00:19:59,000 --> 00:20:05,586 weighing in at 0.22487151 pounds, 479 00:20:05,689 --> 00:20:10,620 the pig pulverizer and best show host around, 480 00:20:10,689 --> 00:20:13,137 also Patrick Star! 481 00:20:13,206 --> 00:20:15,310 - Never heard of him. 482 00:20:15,311 --> 00:20:16,343 [bell rings] 483 00:20:16,344 --> 00:20:17,793 [both shouting] 484 00:20:17,862 --> 00:20:20,827 Let me at me! Let me at me! 485 00:20:20,862 --> 00:20:22,655 Ooh. - He goes for the left hook! 486 00:20:22,724 --> 00:20:25,965 Oh, right in the back of the noggin! 487 00:20:26,034 --> 00:20:28,206 [Patrick grunts] An uppercut! 488 00:20:28,310 --> 00:20:29,689 [Patrick groans] 489 00:20:30,586 --> 00:20:32,758 Whoa, the double-whammy! 490 00:20:32,827 --> 00:20:34,310 [gasps] What's this? 491 00:20:34,344 --> 00:20:37,827 ? 492 00:20:37,896 --> 00:20:40,068 [Patrick screams] 493 00:20:40,172 --> 00:20:43,206 ? ? 494 00:20:43,207 --> 00:20:44,309 [audience gasps] 495 00:20:44,310 --> 00:20:45,360 - No! 496 00:20:45,379 --> 00:20:47,931 impending bloodshed. 497 00:20:48,000 --> 00:20:49,620 [pants] 498 00:20:49,621 --> 00:20:50,688 - [snarls] 499 00:20:50,689 --> 00:20:52,034 [whimpers] 500 00:20:52,758 --> 00:20:54,689 Hey, what gives? 501 00:20:54,758 --> 00:20:55,896 - Oi! 502 00:20:56,000 --> 00:20:57,241 [grunts] 503 00:20:57,275 --> 00:20:59,172 He's so dull in the head, 504 00:20:59,241 --> 00:21:02,379 he's using the dull end of the sword! 505 00:21:02,448 --> 00:21:04,448 [laughter] 506 00:21:04,517 --> 00:21:08,241 - Oh, you didn't mean my points were dull? 507 00:21:08,310 --> 00:21:11,137 You meant that our head is dull 508 00:21:11,241 --> 00:21:13,620 because I'm dumb! 509 00:21:13,724 --> 00:21:16,862 [laughs] Oh, I get it. 510 00:21:16,931 --> 00:21:18,310 [laughs] 511 00:21:18,379 --> 00:21:20,758 [sheepish laughter] - I stilldon't get it. 512 00:21:20,793 --> 00:21:23,000 - [laughs] 513 00:21:23,103 --> 00:21:26,241 That was a real good one. [chuckles] 514 00:21:26,310 --> 00:21:28,310 You really get me. 515 00:21:28,379 --> 00:21:29,965 Sorry we fought. 516 00:21:30,034 --> 00:21:31,448 No worries. 517 00:21:31,551 --> 00:21:33,931 I love you, man. 518 00:21:34,000 --> 00:21:36,206 I love you too, Patrick. 519 00:21:36,275 --> 00:21:38,620 all: Aww. 520 00:21:38,621 --> 00:21:40,067 [soft dramatic piano music] 521 00:21:40,068 --> 00:21:41,448 - [smooching] 522 00:21:41,517 --> 00:21:43,620 [all groan] 523 00:21:43,724 --> 00:21:46,068 [jazzy saxophone note] 524 00:21:46,137 --> 00:21:47,931 [Slappy hyperventilating] 525 00:21:48,000 --> 00:21:49,517 - Show's over, Slappy. 526 00:21:49,620 --> 00:21:51,896 Let's give these two their privacy. 527 00:21:51,965 --> 00:21:53,275 [Patrick smooching] 528 00:21:53,344 --> 00:21:55,793 [zany music] 529 00:21:55,862 --> 00:21:59,103 - Ugh, I think I like being buried alive better. 530 00:21:59,206 --> 00:22:00,256 Ugh. 531 00:22:00,275 --> 00:22:01,965 ? ? 532 00:22:02,015 --> 00:22:06,565 Repair and Synchronization by Easy Subtitles Synchronizer 1.0.0.0 34162

Can't find what you're looking for?
Get subtitles in any language from opensubtitles.com, and translate them here.