Original subtitles

- Hi! I'm Patrick Star!

And I live with my parents!

Ow!

This is my dad.

[zany music]

This is my mom. [laughs]

This is my sister. She's shy.

This is my grandpa.

This is my room!

And this...

? ?

This is my show!

? ?

[upbeat music]

[thunderclaps]

? ?

- There. All buried.

- Oh! [giggles]

How I love Halloween at the beach.

- [chuckles] Same!

One of my favorite Star family traditions.

- For over 200 years and counting.

- Yeah, yeah, yeah.

- And now it's my turn to join in on the fun

and bury myself with sand.

- Oh! - Ow!

[bell rings] - Huh?

[disjoined music box music]

- [wheezy laugh]

- Gruesome Goober.

- [clears throat]

What?

Ice cream?

[engine revving]

[cackling laughter]

- Best Halloween ever!

- Ice cream! Ice cream! I want ice cream!

[wheel squeaking]

[panting] Mr. Ice Cream Man, wait up!

[panting]

Hello?

[suspenseful music]

[echoing] Hello?

? ?

[disjoined music box music]

[Patrick shouts]

[disjoined music box music]

- [wheezy laugh]

- [giggles]

Ice cream!

One quadruple scoop of mint chocolate chip, please.

[suspenseful music]

What the?

Huh?

- You're not here for ice cream.

You're here to see your future.

- Whoa.

Is this ball made of ice cream?

- No.

[electricity zaps]

[Patrick screams]

[Patrick babbles]

Now let us look deep into my crystal,

and certainly not ice cream,

ball and see your fortune.

- ? Oh ?

? You can keep your stale tacos ?

? I love my space nachos ?

? Listen, you muchachos ?

? It's the best in all the cosmos ?

? Computer chips and space cheese ?

? I always answer yes, please ?

? Boom chaka-laka, boom, boom ?

[grunts]

[cheese sputters]

Hey, I think the microwave's broken.

- We don't have a microwave.

You just fried our emergency force field subsystem!

- Oops. My bad.

[alarm blaring] Huh?

- Oh, now what?

- Spacecraft approaching. [alarms blaring]

- I'll handle this.

- No, wait! Pat-Tron, no, no, no, no, no!

[dramatic music]

[groans]

- Problem solved.

- That's the mail delivery ship!

- Whoopsie again.

- Enjoy your barbecued space mail!

[grumbles indistinctly]

- Sorry!

Well, let's see what we got here.

And there you go.

We're being fined a million space bucks

for attacking a mail ship.

- Well, I've got somegood news!

My Great Grandroid permanently malfunctioned

and has been deactivated!

- But that's horrible news.

- He left me 1 million space bucks in his will.

- Wait. That's great news.

We'll pay off the fine, and our problems are over.

- One more thing.

I got to spend one night in Great Grandroid's old house

to get the money.

[chuckles] Well, how hard could that be?

[tense dramatic music]

- Are-are you sure this is the right address?

- Oops. You know what? It's actually the next house.

- Hey, hey!

both: Hey, guys!

- Maybe we should stay more than one night.

- Oh, wait a nanosecond.

This isn't it either. - What?

both: Bye, guys.

- This is Great Grandroid's house.

- [babbles indistinctly]

- Now let's go.

? ?

1 million space bucks, here we come!

- [yelps] What the?

Why is this place booby-trapped?

- Great Grandroid owned a booby trap factory!

That's how he made his fortune.

- Oh, yeah?

Well, now explain why that furniture over there

is moving by itself.

[eerie music]

- We're in outer space, duh.

Now, let's go. - [yelps]

- Isn't this decor charming?

- [screams]

[chuckles uncomfortably] Yeah. Early Transylvania.

[electronic glitching]

[screams]

[gasps]

[electronic beeping]

[moose roars]

[screaming]

[groaning]

- You look beat.

Let's get you to bed.

Come on.

Well, here are the guest rooms.

See you in the a.m.

- G-good night.

- [sighs] Now to recharge my battery.

[metallic clank] Cozy.

[electronic whirring] [Pat-Tron sighs]

- Just brush your teeth and go to bed.

Just brush your teeth and go to bed.

[electricity buzzing]

Just brush your teeth and go to bed.

[whimpers]

[alarm buzzing]

- Ha, ha, ha.

- [whimpers] What the?

Oh.

- Oh.

[dramatic music]

- [screaming]

- Ha, ha, ha.

? ?

- [panting] Is it cool if I crash in here?

The AC is out in my room.

- Of course, buddy. Well, good night.

[snores]

- Ha, ha, ha.

Ha, ha, ha.

? ?

[bell rings]

- Uh, Pat-Tron?

- [Pat-Tron's voice] Ha, ha, ha!

Your time is up.

- Great Caesar's ghost!

[screaming]

? ?

Pat-Tron, don't you know me? I'm your pal!

- Your time is up.

Your time is up.

[voice slowing] Your time is up.

- You OK there, buddy?

- Never felt better.

But why is my emergency death ray activated?

- You got possessed by an evil robot glitch.

It's out of you now,

but it's back inside the circuitry of the house.

- Sounds implausible.

- Ha, ha, ha.

Ha, ha, ha.

- Eh, you're seeing things.

I'm going back to bed.

- Oh, no, you're not.

We've got to purge this house's

corrupted operating system before we get killed!

The mainframe should be in the basement.

I'll lead the way.

From behind you.

- You are so brave.

[suspenseful music]

- [screams]

? ?

It sure is dark down here.

- I can help with that.

Ha, ha, ha.

- Maybe we should call an electrician.

My cousin knows a guy who-

- Ha, ha, ha.

- Pat-Tron!

Help! Hit the switch!

Hit the switch!

- Oh, all right.

- [screams]

[wailing grunt]

You know, some days I'm glad I didn't have you recycled.

Turn on the lights.

- And reboot!

There! The house is back to normal.

- [growls]

[both scream]

It's our old buddy, Al.

- What are youdoing here?

- Believe it or not,

I'm in your Great Grandroid's will too.

- Awesome!

- Hey, is it cool if I crash in youse guys' room?

This place is creepy.

Gives me the willies.

[snoring]

[peaceful music]

[all yawn]

- Great Grandroid?

- Nice going, kiddos.

You made it through the night,

and you cleared that evil glitch.

As promised in my space will, here's your space inheritance.

- Great!

- Well, it was quite a night, but we made it.

Ooh.

Say, Pat-Tron, when you rebooted the house,

did you reset our artificial orbit?

- I hope so.

Otherwise, we'd probably crash into the sun.

- [gasps] Pat-Tron!

You idiot!

- Oopsie.

[peaceful music]

- There was no ice cream in that future.

- There were nachos.

- Yeah, but it wasn't even about me.

- Hmm.

You're right.

[glass shatters] Let's try a different method.

Tarot cards.

- [whimpers]

- Card number one.

The hungry stomach.

Card number two...

the empty fridge.

And card number three...

what have we here?

- Ooh! Ice cream cone!

Oh, ho, ho!

- [laughs]

Or is it?

[dramatic music]

- [yells]

[snarling and grunting]

? ?

- [snarls]

Oh!

[all snarling]

all: Hmm?

- [grunts]

[all groaning]

- [humming to self]

- Pat the Hapless, thank you so much for saving our village.

How can we ever repay-

You?

- Oops. Looks like I got carried away.

- No problem. We know thy style.

And now we must away!

Toodles!

[stately orchestral music]

- [sighs] It's quittin' time.

[cheerful music]

? ?

- Huh?

[tense music]

Jeez, Louise.

Is there anyone I haven't beheaded?

? ?

Home sweet home.

A great place to lay down your heads.

Now, let's see, let's see.

Hmm, ooh, can he go over-

huh.

- You think you got enough trophies there, pal?

- Well, we'll find somewhere for you.

But for now, I'll just put you in the closet.

OK, good night.

- [grunts]

[peaceful music]

[sighs] Nighty night.

- Psst, psst.

[tense music]

- What? - I'm hungry.

You got any snacks? - [growls]

- [screams]

- [sighs]

[indistinct chatter]

What do you want?

I'm trying to get my ugly sleep.

- Us heads were talking, and, well, we want to hang out.

- Yeah, we're bored.

We want to do something fun for a change.

Right, gang? all: Yeah!

- You know, like playing a board game or bowling.

[overlapping chatter]

- So you're not going to let me sleep?

all: No!

- But if I do stuff with you, you'll let me sleep?

all: Yes!

- OK.

[cheerful music]

all: ? We were sailing along ?

- ? Bum, bum, bum, bum ?

all: ? The moonlight bay ?

- ? Bum, bum, bum, bum, bum ?

- ? We could hear the- ?

- Meep! - Meep, meep!

- Meep! - Meep!

- Meep!

[triumphant orchestral music]

[bowling pins crash] all: Meep!

[soft upbeat music]

[camera shutter clicks]

- [babbles]

[laughter]

[all screaming]

[camera shutter clicks]

? ?

[camera shutter clicks]

? ?

[rooster crows]

- Can it! [rooster squawks]

[rooster squawking]

- Hey, wait! It was my turn next!

- We were going to go kayaking.

- You were gonna help me with my master's degree.

- I gotta get their heads back on their bodies.

There's only one wizard who can help.

Beelzebass.

- Is our next adventure in that spooky castle?

[overlapping chatter]

- No!

Now, pipe down or I'll-

- Or you'll what? Cut our heads off?

[laughter]

- You'll never get rid of us, Pat the Hapless!

[thunderclap]

- Presto.

Pizza magika-la!

- Hey, that's mine!

- Beelzebass! [loud banging]

Open up!

[dramatic music]

[Pat the Hapless snarling]

- Oh, no! It's Pat the Hapless!

[screams]

- Hey!

? ?

- Please! No!

Stop!

Take pity on me!

Mercy!

Why are you doing this?

Why?

- I need your help.

- Huh?

- I need your help to put everyone's heads

back on their bodies.

- Did you say you need my help?

[chuckles] Say please.

- [growls]

Please.

- Say pretty please.

- [growls]

[growling] Pretty please.

- Say pretty please with a cherry on top

and then do a little twirl.

I see I've asked too much.

Well, Pat the Hopeless,

I was going to help you, but now you're on your own.

Good luck, chump.

[babbles indistinctly]

Alakazoo!

- Hey, there you are!

- Hang with us!

- We're best friends forever!

[overlapping chatter]

[Pat the Hapless screams]

- Freedom!

Well, at least now I'll get some peace and quiet.

[explosion]

- Hey, fellas, it's Pat the Hapless.

- Just in time to hang out with us.

- We got the whole month all planned out.

- [screams]

- Again, no ice cream!

And this time the fortune was about a gosh darn caveman!

- Barbarian, actually.

But I see your point.

Oh, enough with the stupid cards.

We'll try palm reading, all righty?

Now show me your palm.

- Here.

- I meant the palm of your hand.

- Oh.

Here.

- Hmm, let us look deep into the tiny,

twisting pathways of your soul.

[eerie music]

- [snoring]

- Once upon a midnight rumbling...

[stomach gurgling]

Tremors from a tummy grumbling.

[ricochet sounds]

? ?

Outside, the sky is dark and black,

perfect for a late-night snack.

Though he had dinner mere hours before,

Patgor yearns to eat some more.

- I got a fast metabolism.

- To the fridge Patgor does tread,

where he empties the contents

onto bread.

[eerie music]

It is not yet time for him to eat.

- It's not?

- This monstrous sandwich requires some heat.

- Oh.

- A toaster lacks sufficient volts.

So Patgor will cook...

[Patgor grunts]

With lightning bolts.

[thunderclap]

Flicking a switch in the doctor's lab,

the sandwich lives!

And it is mad.

[sandwich growls]

As Patgor reaches for his meal,

the sandwich bites him.

And Patgor squeals.

[Patgor screams]

Letting loose a mighty roar, this sandwich yearns to...

- Patgor is hungry, but he's not crazy.

He knows it's time to run away-zy.

[Patgor screaming]

Chasing Patgor through hall and door...

[sandwich roars]

The sandwich vows to...

- Eat some more!

- The chaotic pursuit makes the castle shake.

- What the dickens?

[groans]

- The monster and doctor do awake.

- Huh?

[Doctor screams]

- They try to stop this beast on rye.

- I'll cut your crust off!

- But the sandwich eats them both.

Goodbye.

For Patgor, this is the living end...

'cause no one eats his two best friends.

Using all his hungry wiles, Patgor traps the sandwich...

[Patgor grunts] [sandwich shrieks]

- And feasts inside.

[sandwich shrieking]

[Patgor burps]

- Total disaster Patgor did avert,

but before he can contemplate dessert...

- Oh!

- Protest comes from Patgor's tummy.

- 'Cause we're still in here, you overfed dummy.

[yelps]

Bleh!

- Patgor, get us outta here!

- Patgor heaves forth a mighty upchuck.

- [sighs] Whatever you want, narrator person.

- Releasing his chums from his sickly gut.

[SpongeMonster grunts]

Once again, they are free.

Patgor and his friends make three.

- Sorry about partially digesting you guys.

- Now the doctor will lock the fridge door.

- Darn tootin' I will.

- Lest Patgor should e'er...

- Eat some more!

[suspenseful music]

- If there's no ice cream in my palm,

then there's no ice cream in my future at all.

Is that what you're saying?

[Patrick whimpers] - Uh, well, I, uh-

[Patrick bawling]

- Uh, excuse me for a moment.

? ?

Hap, you're up.

Four scoops and make it funny.

[Pat the Hapless grunts]

[Patrick sobbing]

- I stepped outside. I gazed into the heavens.

Yadda, yadda, yadda. You're getting what you want.

[peaceful music box music]

- Ice cream!

[triumphant music]

[Patrick laughs deliriously]

Ice cream! Ice cream!

Ice cream! Ice cream! Ice cream!

One quadruple scoop cone, please.

[excited hyperventilating]

- Hey!

- Trick!

- And!

- Treat!

- Totally worth the wait.

all: Happy Halloween, everybody!

[upbeat music]

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