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1
00:00:13,432 --> 00:00:16,792
Ladies and gentlemen,
welcome to Mrs Brown's Boys.
2
00:00:16,793 --> 00:00:19,951
♪ She's Mrs Brown
3
00:00:19,952 --> 00:00:23,111
♪ That's Mrs Brown
4
00:00:23,112 --> 00:00:26,552
♪ Oh, Mrs Brown. ♪
5
00:00:44,192 --> 00:00:45,432
Ya bastard!
6
00:00:47,992 --> 00:00:50,550
What do you want, Granddad?
Who was it?
7
00:00:50,551 --> 00:00:53,032
I don't know.
It stopped before I got to it.
8
00:00:53,033 --> 00:00:55,712
Was it for me?
I don't fuckin' know!
9
00:00:57,352 --> 00:00:59,432
What do you think I am,
a psychopath?
10
00:01:11,731 --> 00:01:13,370
Hello?
11
00:01:13,371 --> 00:01:15,411
Feck it!
12
00:01:17,571 --> 00:01:19,810
What? Who was it?
13
00:01:19,811 --> 00:01:24,051
Murphy's Funeral Home. They want
to know what height you are.
14
00:01:33,996 --> 00:01:35,156
Right, I'm going...
15
00:01:37,236 --> 00:01:39,436
out the back to hang out clothes.
16
00:01:41,356 --> 00:01:42,476
Goodbye now.
17
00:02:10,396 --> 00:02:11,956
They can fuck off.
18
00:02:16,196 --> 00:02:18,354
C'mon, Thomas,
I'll put the kettle on.
19
00:02:18,355 --> 00:02:20,594
Actually,
there's no need to make tea.
20
00:02:20,595 --> 00:02:23,156
I just want to ask you
something important.
21
00:02:23,157 --> 00:02:25,675
In private...
Sit down, Thomas.
22
00:02:25,676 --> 00:02:28,594
What's so important that you needed
to talk to me on my own?
23
00:02:28,595 --> 00:02:31,676
I want to ask you something.
It's... rather a big thing.
24
00:02:31,677 --> 00:02:34,795
Go on. Well, I'm not getting
any younger
25
00:02:34,796 --> 00:02:37,955
and, well, time comes for... change.
26
00:02:37,956 --> 00:02:39,556
I understand.
27
00:02:41,716 --> 00:02:43,116
Hello, Mrs Bro...
28
00:02:47,876 --> 00:02:49,436
Hello? How do you do?
29
00:02:50,436 --> 00:02:52,035
No, he's not here.
30
00:02:52,036 --> 00:02:53,715
OK, I'll tell him.
31
00:02:53,716 --> 00:02:56,476
You thought you'd fuckin' had me,
didn't ya?
32
00:03:00,196 --> 00:03:02,235
Hello, love. Hello, Thomas.
33
00:03:02,236 --> 00:03:03,715
Hello, Mrs Brown.
34
00:03:03,716 --> 00:03:05,674
Perhaps we should do this
another time.
35
00:03:05,675 --> 00:03:08,276
But, Thomas... No, no really.
Another time.
36
00:03:12,356 --> 00:03:14,715
You spoilt it again.
37
00:03:14,716 --> 00:03:18,115
Why do you have to embarrass me
every time?
38
00:03:18,116 --> 00:03:20,355
Me embarrass you?
39
00:03:20,356 --> 00:03:22,674
How do you think I feel
when the neighbours say,
40
00:03:22,675 --> 00:03:25,756
"Is that your daughter
with Worzel fuckin' Gummidge?"
41
00:03:29,396 --> 00:03:31,195
Hello.
42
00:03:31,196 --> 00:03:32,516
Come into the kitchen.
43
00:03:36,556 --> 00:03:39,475
I don't know what's wrong
with Cathy.
44
00:03:39,476 --> 00:03:42,556
She's besotted with
this Thomas fella. Professor...
45
00:03:43,956 --> 00:03:44,996
Clown.
46
00:03:47,356 --> 00:03:49,754
You know, you'd think
if she had somebody that she likes,
47
00:03:49,755 --> 00:03:52,596
you know,
she wouldn't be as jumpy as she is.
48
00:03:53,716 --> 00:03:57,555
I don't like him,
not one feckin' bit.
49
00:03:57,556 --> 00:03:59,115
He's too into himself.
50
00:03:59,116 --> 00:04:01,956
You know, I can see him
strolling down Lover's Lane,
51
00:04:01,957 --> 00:04:03,996
hand in hand with himself.
52
00:04:06,436 --> 00:04:10,556
Cathy needs to understand
that... love is like snow.
53
00:04:12,196 --> 00:04:14,754
You know, you don't know
if its going to stick.
54
00:04:14,755 --> 00:04:18,396
And you never know how many inches
you're going to get.
55
00:04:18,397 --> 00:04:20,435
Who's getting inches?
56
00:04:20,436 --> 00:04:22,796
Not yours truly anyway.
57
00:04:24,676 --> 00:04:26,875
So how is everybody?
Ah, grand.
58
00:04:26,876 --> 00:04:29,834
Cathy's still cavorting
with ya man Professor Clown.
59
00:04:29,835 --> 00:04:33,476
Well, at least Cathy does something
about a boyfriend. My Sharon does...
60
00:04:33,477 --> 00:04:35,475
Everybody! ..nothing.
61
00:04:35,476 --> 00:04:38,396
Nothing. That's what I meant,
nothing, yeah.
62
00:04:38,397 --> 00:04:42,115
I often wonder,
will she ever lose her virginity?
63
00:04:42,116 --> 00:04:43,396
I mean, she's such a...
64
00:04:43,397 --> 00:04:44,995
Bike.
65
00:04:44,996 --> 00:04:46,755
Shy girl.
66
00:04:46,756 --> 00:04:49,356
Shy girl, that's what I meant.
Yes. Shy, yeah.
67
00:04:51,956 --> 00:04:55,236
Look, I don't know what's
going on with Sharon's relationships
68
00:04:55,237 --> 00:04:58,435
but Cathy's just like
a bag of feckin' cats.
69
00:04:58,436 --> 00:05:01,274
She nearly bit the head off me
just then. Sharon's the same.
70
00:05:01,275 --> 00:05:03,554
I asked her when she was going
to get a better job
71
00:05:03,555 --> 00:05:05,314
and she just nearly devoured me.
72
00:05:05,315 --> 00:05:07,314
But she likes that job
she has in Foley's.
73
00:05:07,315 --> 00:05:09,276
She speaks four languages, Agnes.
74
00:05:09,277 --> 00:05:13,435
And she can't say no in any of them!
What?
75
00:05:13,436 --> 00:05:15,635
Nothing. Nothing.
76
00:05:15,636 --> 00:05:19,795
Great news. Mammy. Me and Dino
are getting a condominium.
77
00:05:19,796 --> 00:05:21,315
That's fantastic.
78
00:05:21,316 --> 00:05:23,716
Rory, be careful.
They're not a 100% safe.
79
00:05:25,396 --> 00:05:26,954
Your Mammy's right, Rory.
80
00:05:26,955 --> 00:05:30,196
Sharon's friend wore one of them
and got run over by a bus.
81
00:05:30,197 --> 00:05:32,356
Well, shows you.
82
00:05:33,396 --> 00:05:35,835
We've got an apartment.
83
00:05:35,836 --> 00:05:37,795
Con-do-minium.
84
00:05:37,796 --> 00:05:39,316
All-fuckin'-right.
85
00:05:41,076 --> 00:05:42,835
It's gorgeous.
86
00:05:42,836 --> 00:05:44,715
Fuckin' flies.
87
00:05:44,716 --> 00:05:47,074
We're only hoping now
that it will be ready
88
00:05:47,075 --> 00:05:49,394
before Dino gets
turfed out of the bedsit.
89
00:05:49,395 --> 00:05:52,116
Ah, well, I'm happy that
yous are happy. Where is it?
90
00:05:52,117 --> 00:05:53,156
In Kil...
91
00:06:07,636 --> 00:06:10,555
I'm sorry, love, where is it?
92
00:06:10,556 --> 00:06:14,395
It's in Kilbride, Mrs Brown. Oh!
Oh, it's beautiful.
93
00:06:14,396 --> 00:06:16,475
Oh, that's very far out, Rory.
94
00:06:16,476 --> 00:06:19,756
I mean, that's going to be a long
trek in and out of Wash & Blow.
95
00:06:19,757 --> 00:06:21,915
That's why I'm doing this.
96
00:06:21,916 --> 00:06:24,795
Driving lessons.
Oh, Rory, I don't know.
97
00:06:24,796 --> 00:06:26,674
Remember the first time you drove?
98
00:06:26,675 --> 00:06:28,954
Oh, God, you cried so much
I had to go into the shop
99
00:06:28,955 --> 00:06:30,836
and ask the man
to pull out the plug.
100
00:06:31,956 --> 00:06:33,315
I'd be grand.
101
00:06:33,316 --> 00:06:36,874
The instructor said, if I do the
course, I'd pass me test no problem.
102
00:06:36,875 --> 00:06:38,714
That's what the last
instructor said.
103
00:06:38,715 --> 00:06:40,154
You had lessons before?
104
00:06:40,155 --> 00:06:42,794
Tell him, tell him!
Well, I put the car into gear
105
00:06:42,795 --> 00:06:46,314
and when it started, the instructor
started shouting, "Stop! Stop!"
106
00:06:46,315 --> 00:06:48,316
The man hadn't got into the car yet!
107
00:06:50,516 --> 00:06:51,835
I couldn't stop it.
108
00:06:51,836 --> 00:06:53,954
I said to Mammy,
"How do I stop this thing?"
109
00:06:53,955 --> 00:06:56,236
What were you doing in the car,
Mrs Brown?
110
00:06:56,237 --> 00:06:58,196
I was feckin' praying, son.
111
00:07:00,036 --> 00:07:04,354
So what happened? Well, you know
the flower shop on Rathmore Street?
112
00:07:04,355 --> 00:07:06,596
There is no flower shop
in Rathmore Street.
113
00:07:06,597 --> 00:07:08,596
Exactly! Not now!
114
00:07:10,076 --> 00:07:12,676
Don't do it, Rory.
It's too dangerous.
115
00:07:12,677 --> 00:07:14,676
No, I am doing it.
116
00:07:15,836 --> 00:07:17,876
Danger is my middle name.
117
00:07:21,556 --> 00:07:23,796
Bond. James Bond.
118
00:07:24,876 --> 00:07:26,516
Off. Fuck off.
119
00:07:29,036 --> 00:07:32,036
Do you know, at first
I was really nervous about this,
120
00:07:32,037 --> 00:07:33,875
but now I'm excited.
121
00:07:33,876 --> 00:07:35,275
Excited about what?
122
00:07:35,276 --> 00:07:36,955
Driving lessons.
123
00:07:36,956 --> 00:07:39,434
Why would you get driving lessons
when you haven't got a car?
124
00:07:39,435 --> 00:07:41,396
I don't say anything
when you buy a bra.
125
00:07:50,556 --> 00:07:53,355
D'you want tea?
Yes, please, Mammy.
126
00:07:53,356 --> 00:07:56,435
Fine. Look, I'm sorry
for snapping earlier.
127
00:07:56,436 --> 00:07:59,835
It's all right, love,
that's what dinosaurs do.
128
00:07:59,836 --> 00:08:01,716
Argh! Thanks, Mammy.
129
00:08:03,636 --> 00:08:06,235
How is? Dermot is not here.
130
00:08:06,236 --> 00:08:08,994
Actually I'm looking for you,
Mrs Brown. I don't want any.
131
00:08:08,995 --> 00:08:12,034
Dermot tells me you're looking
to get your kitchen done.
132
00:08:12,035 --> 00:08:15,554
Yes, so? Well, I don't know
if you were aware, Mrs Brown,
133
00:08:15,555 --> 00:08:18,116
but I have a lot of experience
in renovations.
134
00:08:18,117 --> 00:08:21,436
No, I wasn't aware.
Because you don't!
135
00:08:23,036 --> 00:08:25,716
Look, all I want is a chance
to quote for the job.
136
00:08:28,196 --> 00:08:29,875
Fine, you can quote.
137
00:08:29,876 --> 00:08:31,276
Seven and a half grand.
138
00:08:33,756 --> 00:08:36,235
For what? For me. That's my quote.
139
00:08:36,236 --> 00:08:37,714
Buster, to put in a quote,
140
00:08:37,715 --> 00:08:40,516
you have to show Mammy
what you're going to do,
141
00:08:40,517 --> 00:08:42,435
take measurements and that,
142
00:08:42,436 --> 00:08:46,235
decide how long it's going to take
and then how much.
143
00:08:46,236 --> 00:08:47,796
Seven and a half grand.
144
00:08:59,676 --> 00:09:01,834
What the feckin'!
What are you doin'?
145
00:09:01,835 --> 00:09:04,594
Mammy, I want to talk to you
about something important.
146
00:09:04,595 --> 00:09:06,396
That's what ad breaks are for.
147
00:09:08,436 --> 00:09:11,795
What? Mammy,
what did you do to impress Daddy?
148
00:09:11,796 --> 00:09:15,114
What do you mean impress him?
You know, when you were dating.
149
00:09:15,115 --> 00:09:17,276
What did you have to do
to keep him interested?
150
00:09:17,277 --> 00:09:18,756
Fuckin' turn up!
151
00:09:21,076 --> 00:09:22,474
Why, what's on your mind?
152
00:09:22,475 --> 00:09:24,714
I was thinking about
getting a boob job.
153
00:09:24,715 --> 00:09:26,996
And what's wrong with
the job you have?
154
00:09:28,356 --> 00:09:31,915
No, Mammy, a boob job!
Breast enlargements.
155
00:09:31,916 --> 00:09:33,675
Oh, yeah...
156
00:09:33,676 --> 00:09:36,714
I have enough money saved.
What do you think?
157
00:09:36,715 --> 00:09:39,234
I think you should do
whatever you want to do, love.
158
00:09:39,235 --> 00:09:42,116
Thomas is always looking at women
with big breasts.
159
00:09:42,117 --> 00:09:44,955
A man looking at women
with big breasts.
160
00:09:44,956 --> 00:09:46,476
Wonders will never cease.
161
00:09:47,636 --> 00:09:49,596
Mammy, would you change anything?
162
00:09:49,597 --> 00:09:53,435
Never, no.
I was always very proud of my body.
163
00:09:53,436 --> 00:09:56,554
I used to just strip naked
and stand in front of the mirror.
164
00:09:56,555 --> 00:09:57,796
I'd go, "Hm-hm-hm-hm!
165
00:09:59,556 --> 00:10:01,195
"Go on, you good thing."
166
00:10:01,196 --> 00:10:05,276
Everybody else in the butcher's
would just stare at me.
167
00:10:07,636 --> 00:10:11,036
But they weren't getting their mince
for 40 pence a pound.
168
00:10:12,996 --> 00:10:16,316
Seriously, Mammy, if you had
had access to plastic surgery,
169
00:10:16,317 --> 00:10:18,715
what would you have gotten done?
170
00:10:18,716 --> 00:10:21,956
I might have got a couple of inches
put onto your father's penis.
171
00:10:25,836 --> 00:10:28,156
That's just me
being feckin' greedy now!
172
00:10:30,596 --> 00:10:34,434
Listen, Cathy love, you get a titty
job, that's your own business.
173
00:10:34,435 --> 00:10:36,676
But I think it might be
much better for you
174
00:10:36,677 --> 00:10:40,635
if you found somebody who loves you
just the way you are.
175
00:10:40,636 --> 00:10:42,636
It's not like that any more, Mammy.
176
00:10:43,796 --> 00:10:46,836
It's not enough to just turn up.
177
00:10:47,916 --> 00:10:51,876
Well, maybe it is...
for the right man! Uh!
178
00:10:53,836 --> 00:10:56,356
What's a mother to do?
179
00:10:59,716 --> 00:11:01,596
Ah, bollocks!
180
00:11:09,076 --> 00:11:13,475
Mrs Brown, this is the best
draughtsman in the city.
181
00:11:13,476 --> 00:11:15,435
He's the best there is?
182
00:11:15,436 --> 00:11:17,036
Hello.
183
00:11:20,636 --> 00:11:22,996
Hello, Mr...
His name is Giddyeye.
184
00:11:22,997 --> 00:11:27,035
Giddyeye.
Pleased to meet you, Mrs Brown.
185
00:11:27,036 --> 00:11:29,316
Now, can you show us the kitchen?
186
00:11:32,836 --> 00:11:35,435
We're in the fuckin' kitchen.
187
00:11:35,436 --> 00:11:37,235
Oh, yeah of course.
188
00:11:37,236 --> 00:11:40,956
First thing we need to do
is better lighting.
189
00:11:42,356 --> 00:11:44,236
It's almost pitch black in here.
190
00:11:47,076 --> 00:11:49,036
Pitch black? He's very cheap.
191
00:11:49,037 --> 00:11:50,796
He can't see!
192
00:11:51,836 --> 00:11:54,955
Of course he can see!
Just not very well.
193
00:11:54,956 --> 00:11:57,356
He can make out shapes
close to his face.
194
00:11:59,076 --> 00:12:00,676
Can you make out that shape?
195
00:12:03,076 --> 00:12:05,755
Hey, who are you? Jesus Christ!
196
00:12:05,756 --> 00:12:08,156
What are you doing?
This sink is far too big.
197
00:12:08,157 --> 00:12:10,076
What?
198
00:12:11,316 --> 00:12:13,676
Hello, Blondie.
199
00:12:16,116 --> 00:12:18,236
Buster, get Helen Keller
out of here.
200
00:12:20,036 --> 00:12:21,714
C'mon Giddyeye, we're going.
201
00:12:21,715 --> 00:12:24,074
Looking forward to seeing you
again soon, Mrs Brown.
202
00:12:24,075 --> 00:12:26,956
I'm looking forward to you seeing me
for the fuckin' first time!
203
00:12:31,276 --> 00:12:32,716
Lying bastard!
204
00:12:34,796 --> 00:12:35,996
Shit! Shit!
205
00:12:38,476 --> 00:12:40,436
"Wedding dress for sale.
206
00:12:41,476 --> 00:12:42,516
"Worn once...
207
00:12:45,316 --> 00:12:46,796
"..by mistake."
208
00:12:59,996 --> 00:13:02,196
Tea, love? Yes, please, Mammy.
209
00:13:03,436 --> 00:13:05,675
Well, what do you think?
210
00:13:05,676 --> 00:13:07,635
What do I think of what?
211
00:13:07,636 --> 00:13:12,115
You got it done already?
No, I'm wearing a size decider.
212
00:13:12,116 --> 00:13:15,554
What? The clinic want me
to be sure I get the size I want,
213
00:13:15,555 --> 00:13:18,516
so they gave me this
to try out different sizes.
214
00:13:18,517 --> 00:13:20,556
It adjusts, watch.
215
00:13:30,836 --> 00:13:32,076
Inflatable titties!
216
00:13:33,836 --> 00:13:36,954
It's amazing! I'm going to try it
out on my date tomorrow night.
217
00:13:36,955 --> 00:13:39,634
Hope Thomas reacts the way
I think he will.
218
00:13:39,635 --> 00:13:43,434
I wonder will he notice it? Oh,
believe me, he'll fuckin' notice.
219
00:13:43,435 --> 00:13:45,676
How do you get them
to go down again?
220
00:13:45,677 --> 00:13:49,236
I'm not sure.
The instructions are upstairs.
221
00:13:54,556 --> 00:13:56,196
And what do you two want?
222
00:13:56,197 --> 00:13:58,075
Tell her, will you, Dermo?
223
00:13:58,076 --> 00:14:00,674
Mammy, Giddyeye isn't going
to design your kitchen.
224
00:14:00,675 --> 00:14:03,236
Buster knows what he wants.
Seven and a half grand.
225
00:14:04,316 --> 00:14:05,954
But to get it past the council,
226
00:14:05,955 --> 00:14:08,034
he has to get
a draughtsman's signature.
227
00:14:08,035 --> 00:14:09,756
That's all he needs Giddyeye for.
228
00:14:09,757 --> 00:14:13,315
So Giddyeye is going to sign it?
How? In Braille?
229
00:14:13,316 --> 00:14:16,275
It's just to cover meself and you.
230
00:14:16,276 --> 00:14:20,554
Look, I'll trust him this time,
but I'm telling you, Buster,
don't you push me!
231
00:14:20,555 --> 00:14:22,274
How did Cathy get on at the clinic?
232
00:14:22,275 --> 00:14:25,194
How did you know about Cathy and
the clinic? Maria was telling me.
233
00:14:25,195 --> 00:14:28,274
Well, it's private and personal
and it's not to be discussed.
234
00:14:28,275 --> 00:14:29,916
They gave her blow-up titties.
235
00:14:31,716 --> 00:14:33,274
It all goes different sizes
236
00:14:33,275 --> 00:14:35,034
because she has to decide
what size she wants,
237
00:14:35,035 --> 00:14:38,676
cos some women are different,
you know, you don't want to get...
238
00:14:40,316 --> 00:14:43,676
Get 'em too long
and you're in the shower
trying to fuckin' wash them...
239
00:14:48,916 --> 00:14:51,154
Oh, right.
Is Cathy sick, Dermo?
240
00:14:51,155 --> 00:14:52,514
No, she's getting a boob job.
241
00:14:52,515 --> 00:14:54,394
That's none of his fuckin' business.
242
00:14:54,395 --> 00:14:57,316
You're right, Ma.
Buster, you never heard that.
243
00:14:57,317 --> 00:14:59,715
You'll have to speak up, Dermo.
244
00:14:59,716 --> 00:15:02,276
Ssh! You two,
don't open your fuckin' mouth.
245
00:15:03,476 --> 00:15:04,876
I don't know where it is.
246
00:15:04,877 --> 00:15:06,596
Oh, hiya, Dermot.
247
00:15:09,996 --> 00:15:11,035
Hiya, Cathy.
248
00:15:11,036 --> 00:15:13,116
Hel-lo, Cathy!
249
00:15:14,996 --> 00:15:18,236
Hello, Buster. I heard
you're getting your tits blown up?
250
00:15:20,036 --> 00:15:21,076
Buster, out!
251
00:15:24,756 --> 00:15:26,195
And who told him?
252
00:15:26,196 --> 00:15:30,075
Nobody! But in fairness, you know...
253
00:15:30,076 --> 00:15:31,475
I suppose.
254
00:15:31,476 --> 00:15:34,556
Would you like a cup of tits...
tea, love! Tea, cup of tea.
255
00:15:36,676 --> 00:15:39,756
I should have known better than
trusting you with a secret.
256
00:15:39,757 --> 00:15:42,475
Well, I meant PG tits... Tips!
257
00:15:42,476 --> 00:15:45,076
PG... tips.
258
00:15:46,876 --> 00:15:49,515
I'm so disappointed with Cathy.
259
00:15:49,516 --> 00:15:52,514
I think she's beautiful
just the way she is.
260
00:15:52,515 --> 00:15:55,634
Why, what's wrong with her? She's
talking about getting implants.
261
00:15:55,635 --> 00:15:57,954
Don't talk to me, I went about them.
262
00:15:57,955 --> 00:16:00,394
Never been so embarrassed
in me life.
263
00:16:00,395 --> 00:16:01,476
I didn't know that. When?
264
00:16:01,477 --> 00:16:04,515
Oh, a long while ago. Ten years now.
265
00:16:04,516 --> 00:16:07,514
I thought I'd go and ask
if implants would be any good.
266
00:16:07,515 --> 00:16:11,476
I was only in there five minutes and
he started feeling me jing-jangs.
267
00:16:12,876 --> 00:16:15,195
Well, I let out a scream.
268
00:16:15,196 --> 00:16:17,076
Worst dentist I've even been to.
269
00:16:19,916 --> 00:16:22,714
Winnie, I was talk...
Oh, it doesn't matter.
270
00:16:22,715 --> 00:16:25,754
I can see where Cathy's coming from,
getting a boob job.
271
00:16:25,755 --> 00:16:28,436
It's all down to
how you feel about yourself.
272
00:16:28,437 --> 00:16:30,956
Its all about S-E-K-S.
273
00:16:32,436 --> 00:16:34,036
Sex!
274
00:16:35,796 --> 00:16:39,236
No, Mrs Brown, Betty's right.
A woman needs good self-esteem.
275
00:16:39,237 --> 00:16:40,395
Does she?
276
00:16:40,396 --> 00:16:44,156
When was the last time a man asked
to feel your self-esteem, Winnie?
277
00:16:46,676 --> 00:16:49,354
No, the world's gone sex mad.
I see young boys now
278
00:16:49,355 --> 00:16:52,714
and they're dressing like
they're feckin' Chippendales.
279
00:16:52,715 --> 00:16:55,954
I hear young girls now talking
like adults, and they're only 12.
280
00:16:55,955 --> 00:16:58,596
I don't remember even
thinking about sex at that age.
281
00:16:58,597 --> 00:17:02,795
It's different for men, Maria.
Sex is a big thing to them.
282
00:17:02,796 --> 00:17:05,834
My Jacko can remember
the first time he had sex.
283
00:17:05,835 --> 00:17:07,756
He still has the fuckin' receipt.
284
00:17:10,276 --> 00:17:13,555
Hiya's!
Hiya! So, what's the conversation?
285
00:17:13,556 --> 00:17:15,594
Ah, don't you know? Men and sex.
286
00:17:15,595 --> 00:17:18,196
What do they say?
You can't have one...
287
00:17:18,197 --> 00:17:20,195
without the other.
288
00:17:20,196 --> 00:17:21,236
Yes, you can.
289
00:17:27,716 --> 00:17:30,316
Winnie, you stay away
from that tumble dryer.
290
00:17:31,516 --> 00:17:34,234
You know, I'd rather clean
me oven than have sex.
291
00:17:34,235 --> 00:17:37,514
Really? Yes. If I'm going to be
on my hands and knees for 15 minutes
292
00:17:37,515 --> 00:17:39,716
I want something
to fuckin' show for it!
293
00:17:42,916 --> 00:17:46,554
No, Cathy, don't order, I have to go
home and let Dermot out for a pint.
294
00:17:46,555 --> 00:17:49,834
Come back to my place and I'll open
up a bottle of wine. Great. Betty?
295
00:17:49,835 --> 00:17:51,596
Have you only got the one bottle?
296
00:17:56,036 --> 00:17:57,995
What are you smiling at?
297
00:17:57,996 --> 00:18:01,436
You know the inflatable titties
that Cathy got? Uh-huh.
298
00:18:01,437 --> 00:18:03,356
I'm wearing them!
299
00:18:05,396 --> 00:18:07,795
You are not!
300
00:18:07,796 --> 00:18:09,475
Here, show me.
301
00:18:09,476 --> 00:18:11,596
There's a gizmo here,
takes a second.
302
00:18:22,476 --> 00:18:24,355
Hello, Father Damien.
303
00:18:24,356 --> 00:18:28,036
Mrs Brown. I just wanted to tell you
your Mark was out was out
with me today.
304
00:18:28,037 --> 00:18:30,515
Thank you. Winnie, get the switch!
305
00:18:30,516 --> 00:18:33,954
He was looking for a reference from
me for his emigration application.
306
00:18:33,955 --> 00:18:36,434
I don't know him that well,
but I gave him a good one.
307
00:18:36,435 --> 00:18:39,634
Oh, thank you, Father.
Winnie, for fuck's sake!
308
00:18:39,635 --> 00:18:41,674
My pleasure,
he's such a fine young man.
309
00:18:41,675 --> 00:18:43,676
He'll be a great loss
to the community.
310
00:18:43,677 --> 00:18:45,195
Winnie, do something!
311
00:18:45,196 --> 00:18:47,875
Mrs Brown, are your tits swelling?
312
00:18:47,876 --> 00:18:49,595
I beg your pardon?
313
00:18:49,596 --> 00:18:52,876
It's just that...
Winnie, do something now!
314
00:19:04,116 --> 00:19:08,196
Right then, I'll...
I'll leave you two with it.
315
00:19:23,676 --> 00:19:25,514
Have you got everything you need?
316
00:19:25,515 --> 00:19:27,074
That's nearly everything.
317
00:19:27,075 --> 00:19:30,354
Birth, baptism certificate,
stamped letter from the police.
318
00:19:30,355 --> 00:19:32,234
Just a couple of references
to get now,
319
00:19:32,235 --> 00:19:35,196
send them all off to the Australian
embassy. And that's it.
320
00:19:37,876 --> 00:19:39,316
And when will you know...
321
00:19:42,516 --> 00:19:44,954
When will you know
if you have the visas?
322
00:19:44,955 --> 00:19:48,316
A few weeks, I'd say.
Then we do medicals. That quick?
323
00:19:55,556 --> 00:19:57,514
So when do you think
you'll be going?
324
00:19:57,515 --> 00:19:59,596
No complications,
I'd say a few weeks.
325
00:19:59,597 --> 00:20:03,435
Well, I won't lie to you,.
I wish you weren't going.
326
00:20:03,436 --> 00:20:06,954
Neither do I, but I have to do
what's best for me family.
327
00:20:06,955 --> 00:20:08,914
Anyway, you can come out and visit.
328
00:20:08,915 --> 00:20:12,596
To Australia? Oh, no, love,
nobody out there knows me.
329
00:20:16,516 --> 00:20:18,394
We do and that's all that matters.
330
00:20:18,395 --> 00:20:21,794
Yes, love. Right, I'm off.
I'll see you tomorrow.
331
00:20:21,795 --> 00:20:24,234
Oh, by the way,
what's happening with the kitchen?
332
00:20:24,235 --> 00:20:26,754
Buster says he's got
a couple of pieces to put in place,
333
00:20:26,755 --> 00:20:29,274
before he can give us a quote.
But he'll get back to us.
334
00:20:29,275 --> 00:20:31,716
I'll be here to keep an eye on him
for most of it. See ya.
335
00:20:31,717 --> 00:20:34,075
Bye love. Hey. Rory.
336
00:20:34,076 --> 00:20:36,395
Hello, love. Cup of tea?
337
00:20:36,396 --> 00:20:39,274
No, thanks, Mammy. Have you got
anything for a headache?
338
00:20:39,275 --> 00:20:40,635
Me head is pounding.
339
00:20:40,636 --> 00:20:42,516
How did the driving lesson go today?
340
00:20:42,517 --> 00:20:44,235
Not great.
341
00:20:44,236 --> 00:20:47,356
Mammy, what do you do
when a policeman does that?
342
00:20:48,636 --> 00:20:49,755
You slow down.
343
00:20:49,756 --> 00:20:51,676
What do you do when he does that?
344
00:20:51,677 --> 00:20:53,155
You stop.
345
00:20:53,156 --> 00:20:56,916
And what do you do when he goes,
"Oh, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck?"
346
00:20:58,196 --> 00:21:00,476
You drive on as quick
as you feckin' can!
347
00:21:03,356 --> 00:21:06,515
Oh, Rory,
sounds like you had a rough day.
348
00:21:06,516 --> 00:21:09,194
I can't get the hang
of this parking thing.
349
00:21:09,195 --> 00:21:12,116
Now, the instructor was
very nice about it.
350
00:21:12,117 --> 00:21:15,595
He said, "It's OK,
I'll get out your side."
351
00:21:15,596 --> 00:21:19,195
He told me
to bring a crash helmet next time.
352
00:21:19,196 --> 00:21:21,916
You'd look stupid
driving around in a crash helmet.
353
00:21:21,917 --> 00:21:23,676
No, for him!
354
00:21:25,396 --> 00:21:28,916
How are ya? I've got the designs.
355
00:21:33,396 --> 00:21:35,154
Do you know something, Buster?
356
00:21:35,155 --> 00:21:38,756
I do - bats always turn left
when they come out of a cave.
357
00:21:42,676 --> 00:21:45,955
Do you know, this is very good.
It's perfect.
358
00:21:45,956 --> 00:21:48,594
I just need to make
a couple of changes.
359
00:21:48,595 --> 00:21:51,154
Mark and Betty,
they're going to Australia.
360
00:21:51,155 --> 00:21:53,314
So fly away, Mark, fly away, Betty.
361
00:21:53,315 --> 00:21:55,314
And it's all going to be
good quality.
362
00:21:55,315 --> 00:21:58,716
I'm getting it from
that Scandinavian company
with the small name.
363
00:21:58,717 --> 00:22:01,236
IKEA. Lego.
364
00:22:05,196 --> 00:22:06,996
Just kidding. It is, it's IKEA.
365
00:22:09,316 --> 00:22:11,276
Buster, this is good.
366
00:22:13,236 --> 00:22:15,515
OK, Buster, you have the job.
367
00:22:15,516 --> 00:22:17,236
Ah, thanks, Mrs Brown.
368
00:22:18,636 --> 00:22:20,036
Cancel the Lego.
369
00:22:23,756 --> 00:22:25,954
It's a great idea,
a night at the bingo.
370
00:22:25,955 --> 00:22:27,714
Imagine if we won the jackpot?
371
00:22:27,715 --> 00:22:31,194
Yes, then maybe Mark wouldn't have
to emigrate to Australia.
372
00:22:31,195 --> 00:22:33,916
Mrs Brown, we don't want to
emigrate, but what can we do?
373
00:22:35,676 --> 00:22:37,914
Cathy is meeting Clown
after the bingo.
374
00:22:37,915 --> 00:22:40,434
Do you think he's going to
pop the question soon?
375
00:22:40,435 --> 00:22:42,836
Oh, wouldn't that be lovely.
Gorgeous.
376
00:22:42,837 --> 00:22:46,835
Excuse me... do any of you
like Clown?
377
00:22:46,836 --> 00:22:48,876
God, no, he's a boring old shit!
378
00:22:50,956 --> 00:22:54,114
Hello?! Why would you want him
to marry Cathy?
379
00:22:54,115 --> 00:22:56,754
Well... It's a wedding.
I love a wedding.
380
00:22:56,755 --> 00:22:58,994
And who knows,
he might make her very happy.
381
00:22:58,995 --> 00:23:00,756
If he dies at the reception.
382
00:23:03,596 --> 00:23:06,834
Do any of yous have any idea
what it's like to live with a man
383
00:23:06,835 --> 00:23:09,956
who's a complete bore
and has no personality?
384
00:23:09,957 --> 00:23:11,916
Tell them, Winnie.
385
00:23:14,116 --> 00:23:15,356
Well...
386
00:23:18,356 --> 00:23:21,795
Hold on now, Agnes,
Jacko does have his moment.
387
00:23:21,796 --> 00:23:23,635
When?
388
00:23:23,636 --> 00:23:27,435
April 8th 1985.
When Sharon was little.
389
00:23:27,436 --> 00:23:29,516
Ha-ha-ha! Sharon... little!
390
00:23:31,636 --> 00:23:35,676
I said to her, "Would you like your
daddy to make you toasted soldiers?"
391
00:23:36,996 --> 00:23:40,916
And quick as a flash he said,
"Daddy won't, but Mammy will."
392
00:23:43,556 --> 00:23:46,436
Oh, it still makes me laugh today.
393
00:23:49,956 --> 00:23:51,956
And that's what you want for Cathy?
394
00:23:53,636 --> 00:23:55,315
So, how do I look?
395
00:23:55,316 --> 00:23:57,155
You look lovely. Stunning.
396
00:23:57,156 --> 00:24:00,396
I'm wearing my tester boobs.
I thought I'd try them out on Thomas.
397
00:24:00,397 --> 00:24:02,556
But I bit...
Ha-ha! Winnie!
398
00:24:04,156 --> 00:24:05,876
Toasty soldiers, I get it now!
399
00:24:07,636 --> 00:24:08,876
Shut your fu...
400
00:24:10,436 --> 00:24:12,594
Here, Cathy, give us
a demonstration.
401
00:24:12,595 --> 00:24:14,234
Yeah, show us how it works.
402
00:24:14,235 --> 00:24:15,674
This mightn't be the right time now.
403
00:24:15,675 --> 00:24:17,116
Because I bit... Winnie!
404
00:24:19,796 --> 00:24:23,956
Hello, Thomas. What are you doing
here? I was just heading out.
405
00:24:23,957 --> 00:24:26,715
Could I have a moment... in private?
406
00:24:26,716 --> 00:24:28,555
Sure, we'll go on ahead.
407
00:24:28,556 --> 00:24:30,876
Follow us down, Cathy.
C'mon, let's go.
408
00:24:37,956 --> 00:24:41,835
Sit down, Thomas.
I'm glad you called.
409
00:24:41,836 --> 00:24:45,035
Actually, I have a surprise for you.
410
00:24:45,036 --> 00:24:46,476
Oh, shit!
411
00:24:47,916 --> 00:24:49,875
A surprise, really?
412
00:24:49,876 --> 00:24:51,675
What do you think of this?
413
00:25:02,196 --> 00:25:05,594
Look, Cathy, I've been trying
to ask you something all week.
414
00:25:05,595 --> 00:25:09,154
I know, it's difficult to get
some privacy in this house.
415
00:25:09,155 --> 00:25:11,636
But we're alone now, Thomas,
so what is it?
416
00:25:12,676 --> 00:25:14,076
Wait...
417
00:25:15,276 --> 00:25:17,115
Does this turn you on?
418
00:25:24,676 --> 00:25:27,396
Well, not really, no.
Go on, Thomas.
419
00:25:28,636 --> 00:25:31,275
Well, Cathy,
love is a strange thing.
420
00:25:31,276 --> 00:25:32,315
Yes, it is.
421
00:25:34,356 --> 00:25:37,995
And one can never foresee
who or what we will love.
422
00:25:37,996 --> 00:25:39,635
No, we can't, Thomas.
423
00:25:39,636 --> 00:25:44,555
I mean, I never dreamt I'd meet
anyone as warm and as gentle as you.
424
00:25:44,556 --> 00:25:47,236
Hiya! Oh, piss off, Rory!
425
00:25:48,596 --> 00:25:50,676
Go on, Thomas, warm and gentle is me.
426
00:25:52,396 --> 00:25:54,274
Well, to get to the point, Cathy,
427
00:25:54,275 --> 00:25:58,116
I've been offered a wonderful
position in a university in America.
428
00:25:58,117 --> 00:25:59,595
That's fantastic.
429
00:25:59,596 --> 00:26:01,036
And I was wondering...
430
00:26:02,716 --> 00:26:05,035
Yes? Will you... m...
431
00:26:05,036 --> 00:26:06,995
mind my dog for me?
432
00:26:06,996 --> 00:26:11,756
Oh, Thomas, I've never even
considered marriage and now...
433
00:26:14,116 --> 00:26:15,555
Your dog?
434
00:26:15,556 --> 00:26:17,315
Yes, just for a year.
435
00:26:17,316 --> 00:26:22,115
Thomas, I have been a loyal
and faithful girlfriend.
436
00:26:26,036 --> 00:26:28,836
I am an attractive
and intelligent woman.
437
00:26:31,076 --> 00:26:34,075
With more to offer than any
man knows.
438
00:26:37,316 --> 00:26:42,235
For the last year, I have been
a loving and caring partner...
439
00:26:43,676 --> 00:26:48,715
And now you want me
to mind your dog?!
440
00:26:48,716 --> 00:26:50,396
I'm not so sure now.
441
00:26:52,956 --> 00:26:56,035
Thomas, good luck in America.
442
00:26:56,036 --> 00:26:58,315
And as for your dog?
443
00:26:58,316 --> 00:27:03,676
Why don't you cover him in butter
and shove him up your arse!
444
00:27:10,796 --> 00:27:11,836
Now get out!
445
00:27:28,756 --> 00:27:31,115
Well, it's been a hectic week.
446
00:27:31,116 --> 00:27:33,954
But you know, not everything
has to be a feckin' drama.
447
00:27:33,955 --> 00:27:36,434
Cathy's heart is broken,
but that can be fixed.
448
00:27:36,435 --> 00:27:39,276
And Rory did damage the car
for the driving school,
449
00:27:39,277 --> 00:27:40,835
but that can be fixed.
450
00:27:40,836 --> 00:27:45,036
You'd be surprised what can be fixed
with a little love and tender care.
451
00:27:46,396 --> 00:27:48,036
And a puncture repair outfit.
452
00:27:52,396 --> 00:27:55,556
OK, I've got to stop...
stop the fuckin' thing! Stop it!
453
00:27:57,276 --> 00:27:59,396
Stop it! Good night!
34935
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