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1
00:00:04,200 --> 00:00:06,000
You're not ticklish at all? Nothing.
2
00:00:07,440 --> 00:00:09,879
There's shell in there.
3
00:00:09,880 --> 00:00:12,999
You've got to go to Stonehenge.
Strong recommend.
4
00:00:13,000 --> 00:00:16,639
Where is she? Hurry up, Sue,
or I'll be late for the dentist!
5
00:00:16,640 --> 00:00:20,999
Oh, all right, Rachel, but I've got
to put me DVDs in their sheaths.
6
00:00:21,000 --> 00:00:23,999
Oh, my God. Now, Paul, I didn't
rewind them,
7
00:00:24,000 --> 00:00:25,959
but that's fine with DVDs, isn't it?
8
00:00:25,960 --> 00:00:27,719
Yes, Mum, we've been through this.
9
00:00:27,720 --> 00:00:29,479
Oh, look, Mum, the under offer
thing's gone
10
00:00:29,480 --> 00:00:30,799
from next door's for sale sign.
11
00:00:30,800 --> 00:00:33,639
Oh, no! Does that mean it's
no longer under offer?
12
00:00:33,640 --> 00:00:35,559
I don't know. I mean,
it might have blown off.
13
00:00:35,560 --> 00:00:37,279
Oh, have they pulled out?
14
00:00:37,280 --> 00:00:39,959
Well, they can't have pulled out.
They can't have pulled out!
15
00:00:39,960 --> 00:00:42,639
They won't have pulled out.
No way. No way.
16
00:00:42,640 --> 00:00:44,799
We can go via the estate agent
and ask them,
17
00:00:44,800 --> 00:00:46,359
as long as we leave right now.
18
00:00:46,360 --> 00:00:48,319
CLATTERING
Come on. Paul, I've dropped them!
19
00:00:48,320 --> 00:00:50,519
There's one rolling down the drive.
20
00:00:50,520 --> 00:00:51,960
Ooh, I'm coming.
21
00:00:52,261 --> 00:00:54,439
What do they look like?
22
00:00:54,440 --> 00:00:56,719
He's very smart,
and her coat's very orange. Ah.
23
00:00:56,720 --> 00:00:58,639
I've only seen them from behind.
24
00:00:58,640 --> 00:01:00,759
So, Dutch, maybe.
25
00:01:00,760 --> 00:01:03,759
What are you doing? Sh, sh, sh.
It's OK. Get over here.
26
00:01:03,760 --> 00:01:06,199
Listen, there are some potentially
Dutch people
27
00:01:06,200 --> 00:01:08,239
who have made an offer next door,
so we're just trying to...
28
00:01:08,240 --> 00:01:09,279
Scare them off?
29
00:01:09,280 --> 00:01:11,199
No. No, spy on them...a bit.
Find out who they are.
30
00:01:11,200 --> 00:01:12,999
Right. Ah!
SUE INHALES SHARLY
31
00:01:13,000 --> 00:01:14,999
What? Oh, my tooth hurts
when I do that.
32
00:01:15,000 --> 00:01:18,159
So don't do that. Oh, thank you.
Thank you, Amy, great advice.
33
00:01:18,160 --> 00:01:19,559
SAM: Well, just go to a dentist.
34
00:01:19,560 --> 00:01:21,999
Aren't you supposed to be at school?
No, it's a study day.
35
00:01:22,000 --> 00:01:24,679
Well, go and study, then.
I am, I'm doing film studies.
36
00:01:24,680 --> 00:01:26,759
I have to make a 15-second
horror film.
37
00:01:26,760 --> 00:01:28,279
Just film Dad eating a doughnut.
38
00:01:28,280 --> 00:01:30,039
PAUL: Oh, yeah, very funny, Amy.
39
00:01:30,040 --> 00:01:31,999
Lots of people suck
the jam out first.
40
00:01:32,000 --> 00:01:33,679
It's not that weird. It is.
41
00:01:33,680 --> 00:01:35,439
Why have you got your suitcase open?
42
00:01:35,440 --> 00:01:37,359
Oh. Are you moving back in?
43
00:01:37,360 --> 00:01:39,799
What? No, of course not.
44
00:01:39,800 --> 00:01:41,319
No, Granny said she'd do my ironing.
45
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Yeah, I did.
46
00:01:42,560 --> 00:01:46,159
Which ones are the horror films
again, Sammy? Is it like Titanic?
47
00:01:46,160 --> 00:01:47,639
SAM: It's like... Have you seen It?
48
00:01:47,640 --> 00:01:49,599
What, Titanic? No, no. It.
49
00:01:49,600 --> 00:01:51,279
PAUL: Or The Thing, Mum.
Have you seen The Thing?
50
00:01:51,280 --> 00:01:52,959
What thing? Where did you put it?
51
00:01:52,960 --> 00:01:54,759
Oh, just forget it.
SAM CHUCKLES
52
00:01:54,760 --> 00:01:57,559
Maybe I'll get some for my film club
with Prudence.
53
00:01:57,560 --> 00:01:58,999
Bedsheets? Are you kidding?
54
00:01:59,000 --> 00:02:01,799
You're not getting your bedsheets
ironed like you're Kim Jong-un.
55
00:02:01,800 --> 00:02:03,839
Yeah. All right, fine. And knickers.
56
00:02:03,840 --> 00:02:06,119
I mean, who gets knickers ironed,
for goodness' sake?
57
00:02:06,120 --> 00:02:08,079
Those are Maya's. Oh, are they?
58
00:02:08,080 --> 00:02:09,919
Mm-hm. So put them down!
59
00:02:09,920 --> 00:02:12,199
I am. I have. I'm not touching
Maya's panties.
60
00:02:12,200 --> 00:02:13,479
Panties? Oh, God.
61
00:02:13,480 --> 00:02:15,079
Pants. Knicknocks.
Never say panties.
62
00:02:15,080 --> 00:02:16,639
Yeah, this is all Maya's, actually.
63
00:02:16,640 --> 00:02:18,839
I don't have anything that needs
ironing. I don't have a job.
64
00:02:18,840 --> 00:02:20,719
And she's been doing
overtime recently
65
00:02:20,720 --> 00:02:23,199
because we've got quite a few
bills... And you don't have a job.
66
00:02:23,200 --> 00:02:25,719
Yeah. So I'm trying to find nice
things that I can do for her,
67
00:02:25,720 --> 00:02:26,999
do you know what I mean?
Do this. Mm.
68
00:02:27,000 --> 00:02:29,319
Paul, should I iron your tabard?
69
00:02:29,320 --> 00:02:31,719
It's a tactical vest, Mum,
not a tabard.
70
00:02:31,720 --> 00:02:34,119
I'm a policeman,
not a bloomin' dinner lady.
71
00:02:34,120 --> 00:02:35,639
SAM: Lady? What?
72
00:02:35,640 --> 00:02:37,719
PAUL: Man. Dinner man.
73
00:02:37,720 --> 00:02:39,799
Yes. No, I don't want you
to iron creases
74
00:02:39,800 --> 00:02:41,639
into my tactical vest, please.
75
00:02:41,640 --> 00:02:43,759
The other officers already
think I'm a bit...square.
76
00:02:43,760 --> 00:02:45,319
DOORBELL RINGS
Doorbell!
77
00:02:45,320 --> 00:02:46,799
SAM: You're the closest
to the door, Mum.
78
00:02:46,800 --> 00:02:47,999
Yeah, but I've got a bad tooth.
79
00:02:48,000 --> 00:02:49,159
PAUL: You only have to answer it.
80
00:02:49,160 --> 00:02:50,639
You don't have to eat your way
through it.
81
00:02:50,640 --> 00:02:52,359
SAM: Yeah, exactly.
Oh, my God.
82
00:02:52,360 --> 00:02:55,039
Can I invite Maya to pizza night
on Wednesday?
83
00:02:55,040 --> 00:02:56,999
Why? So you can have a free dinner?
84
00:02:57,000 --> 00:02:58,799
No, to cheer her up.
85
00:02:58,800 --> 00:03:00,039
Well, both. Mm.
86
00:03:00,040 --> 00:03:01,319
Cherry!
CHERRY: Hiya.
87
00:03:01,320 --> 00:03:03,199
ROBIN: Watch out for
the bump, please.
88
00:03:03,200 --> 00:03:04,399
The lovely lady lump.
89
00:03:04,400 --> 00:03:06,599
All right, all? Bump coming through.
90
00:03:06,600 --> 00:03:08,079
Oh, Cheryl!
91
00:03:08,080 --> 00:03:09,959
It's a boy. I can tell.
92
00:03:09,960 --> 00:03:11,159
PAUL: No, you can't.
93
00:03:11,160 --> 00:03:13,719
CHERRY: Oh, it feels like a whole
bunch of boys, to be honest, though.
94
00:03:13,720 --> 00:03:16,039
There is so much kicking.
I mean, there really is.
95
00:03:16,040 --> 00:03:18,239
It's like she's got the cast
of Riverdance down there. It is.
96
00:03:18,240 --> 00:03:19,919
They're coming out again, Paul.
97
00:03:19,920 --> 00:03:21,879
They're...? What?
They're coming out.
98
00:03:21,880 --> 00:03:24,239
Oh, we've got some Dutch people
moving in next door.
99
00:03:24,240 --> 00:03:26,399
Oh, Holland. Yes, Holland.
100
00:03:26,400 --> 00:03:28,079
Any reason you're here, Robin?
101
00:03:28,080 --> 00:03:30,439
He wants sponsorship
for his bungee jump.
102
00:03:30,440 --> 00:03:32,599
AMY: Bungee jump? You're going
bungee jumping?
103
00:03:32,600 --> 00:03:33,839
ROBIN: Boi-oi-oi-oi-oing.
104
00:03:33,840 --> 00:03:35,919
Stop doing that. I'm so sorry.
Yes, I am. Yes.
105
00:03:35,920 --> 00:03:38,919
I want to do as mad shit as I can
before the baby slides out.
106
00:03:38,920 --> 00:03:40,679
So if you'd care to sponsor me...
107
00:03:40,680 --> 00:03:43,279
Go on, then, Robin.
I'll give you �1 a bounce.
108
00:03:43,280 --> 00:03:45,919
Oh, it should only
be one bounce, ideally,
109
00:03:45,920 --> 00:03:47,719
but, thanks, Sue, that's...kind.
110
00:03:47,720 --> 00:03:48,799
You doing it, too, Cheryl?
111
00:03:48,800 --> 00:03:50,599
CHERRY: Is that a joke?
112
00:03:50,600 --> 00:03:51,879
I've just had my hair done.
113
00:03:51,880 --> 00:03:54,319
Exactly. And you're
heavily pregnant.
114
00:03:54,320 --> 00:03:56,719
Oh. What? Heavily?
115
00:03:56,720 --> 00:03:58,999
As in, you know,
you're eight months pregnant.
116
00:03:59,000 --> 00:04:00,839
You look fantastic on it.
117
00:04:00,840 --> 00:04:02,999
Oh, that is true. Yeah.
118
00:04:03,000 --> 00:04:05,599
And the baby would probably
come out when I boing back.
119
00:04:05,600 --> 00:04:07,479
ROBIN AND PAUL LAUGH
Yeah, that's true. Yeah.
120
00:04:07,480 --> 00:04:10,799
Good one! And the old umbilical
cord - nature's bungee rope, innit?
121
00:04:10,800 --> 00:04:13,119
SAM: Can I film it? I need stuff
for my horror film.
122
00:04:13,120 --> 00:04:14,599
Oh, yeah, just a bit, Spielberg.
123
00:04:14,600 --> 00:04:17,319
So, it's 10am, Saturday,
Box End Park.
124
00:04:17,320 --> 00:04:19,279
Hang on. Horror film?
125
00:04:19,280 --> 00:04:21,839
What? Why? It's not...
It's not dangerous, is it?
126
00:04:21,840 --> 00:04:23,359
No. No. Probably not.
127
00:04:23,360 --> 00:04:24,879
I'll check...
PAUL: Don't check.
128
00:04:24,880 --> 00:04:28,199
..on www.google.co.uk.
129
00:04:28,200 --> 00:04:29,319
Just say "Google".
130
00:04:29,320 --> 00:04:31,359
Come with me and Graham to
the death metal gig on Thursday
131
00:04:31,360 --> 00:04:32,439
if you want horror, Sam.
132
00:04:32,440 --> 00:04:34,439
Someone threw a dead
pigeon onstage last time.
133
00:04:34,440 --> 00:04:36,079
ROBIN: Oh, yes. I'll have
a bit of that.
134
00:04:36,080 --> 00:04:37,639
I've never been to
a death metal gig.
135
00:04:37,640 --> 00:04:40,959
It's saying bungee jumps
can make your eyes pop out.
136
00:04:40,960 --> 00:04:41,999
CHERRY: What?
137
00:04:42,000 --> 00:04:44,039
No. No. I do not want that.
138
00:04:44,040 --> 00:04:45,399
Well, I don't want that.
139
00:04:45,400 --> 00:04:47,719
I don't want to be married
to...Popeye.
140
00:04:47,720 --> 00:04:50,359
I won't get Popeye.
I doubt I'll get Popeye.
141
00:04:50,360 --> 00:04:51,999
I mean, it's a health
and safety nightmare.
142
00:04:52,000 --> 00:04:54,919
Oh, God, here we go.
PC Gone Mad reporting for duty.
143
00:04:54,920 --> 00:04:56,439
ROBIN: Oh, that is witty.
I like that.
144
00:04:56,440 --> 00:04:58,879
I'm just saying it's dangerous,
Amy. I'm not being PC.
145
00:04:58,880 --> 00:05:00,999
OK, fine. You're being boring.
ROBIN CHUCKLES
146
00:05:01,000 --> 00:05:03,039
I hardly think pointing out
the potential risks
147
00:05:03,040 --> 00:05:05,679
of a leisure activity
makes someone...boring.
148
00:05:05,680 --> 00:05:07,759
That's why the police hide
you in the basement,
149
00:05:07,760 --> 00:05:09,039
so no-one has to talk to you.
150
00:05:09,040 --> 00:05:11,399
They don't hide me, thank you.
151
00:05:11,400 --> 00:05:13,599
I am manning the evidence store.
152
00:05:13,600 --> 00:05:15,159
MOCKING: "I'm running
the evidence store."
153
00:05:15,160 --> 00:05:17,079
Oh, Paul, are the other
boys picking on you?
154
00:05:17,080 --> 00:05:20,199
Well, no, they're just...just a bit
angry with me, you know?
155
00:05:20,200 --> 00:05:21,399
AMY: What? Why?
156
00:05:21,400 --> 00:05:23,399
I told one of the Jamies
about his leaving do,
157
00:05:23,400 --> 00:05:25,439
and it turns out it was supposed
to be a surprise,
158
00:05:25,440 --> 00:05:27,439
so I ruined it, sadly.
159
00:05:27,440 --> 00:05:29,559
One of the Jamies? Yeah.
160
00:05:29,560 --> 00:05:30,959
How many Jamies are there?
161
00:05:30,960 --> 00:05:33,239
There's four! All right.
There's four Jamies.
162
00:05:33,240 --> 00:05:35,839
That's a lot of Jamies.
It's so confusing. Yeah.
163
00:05:35,840 --> 00:05:39,079
And they're all so, like,
hunky and spunky. What?
164
00:05:39,080 --> 00:05:41,639
So I guess they consider me
to be sort of older and...
165
00:05:41,640 --> 00:05:42,919
AMY: Boringer.
166
00:05:42,920 --> 00:05:46,039
Stop saying boring.
I am not boring!
167
00:05:46,040 --> 00:05:47,090
Am I?
168
00:05:51,400 --> 00:05:52,999
ROBIN: No.
169
00:05:53,000 --> 00:05:56,999
I mean... Oh, my God, guys,
that was, like, five seconds.
170
00:05:57,000 --> 00:05:59,999
You're not THAT boring, Paul.
"That"?!
171
00:06:00,000 --> 00:06:03,839
What do you mean, "that"?
There's no need for the "that", Mum.
172
00:06:03,840 --> 00:06:06,519
"You're not boring, Paul," will do.
173
00:06:06,520 --> 00:06:09,679
I mean, I'm a former Olympian,
for goodness' sake.
174
00:06:09,680 --> 00:06:12,239
Some of the most boring people
on the planet. Carry on.
175
00:06:12,240 --> 00:06:15,159
You've got some funny stories.
176
00:06:15,160 --> 00:06:16,999
CHERRY: Has he?
177
00:06:17,000 --> 00:06:21,039
SUE: Er...Er, the pizza one. Yeah.
Yeah. That's quite funny.
178
00:06:21,040 --> 00:06:23,599
Yeah, the pizza one.
It's REALLY funny.
179
00:06:23,600 --> 00:06:25,279
OK, I'll tell you what, Paulo,
180
00:06:25,280 --> 00:06:27,239
join me on the bungee cord
on Saturday morning.
181
00:06:27,240 --> 00:06:29,479
Nothing boring about that, mate.
Problem solved.
182
00:06:29,480 --> 00:06:30,799
It's not a problem!
183
00:06:30,800 --> 00:06:32,719
Oh, my God. Rachel, am I boring?
184
00:06:32,720 --> 00:06:33,879
Yeah.
185
00:06:33,880 --> 00:06:36,239
It's Susie and Joe. The people
buying next door.
186
00:06:36,240 --> 00:06:38,439
Do you remember Susie and Joe?
They don't sound very Dutch.
187
00:06:38,440 --> 00:06:40,679
No, they're not Dutch. They had
a son that went to school with Amy,
188
00:06:40,680 --> 00:06:42,519
but then he left to go
to a different senior school,
189
00:06:42,520 --> 00:06:44,199
so we lost touch.
What, Milo's parents?
190
00:06:44,200 --> 00:06:45,959
Milo. Yes, exactly.
191
00:06:45,960 --> 00:06:49,319
I always felt me and Susie
had a real connection.
192
00:06:49,320 --> 00:06:51,999
I really felt that we were
meant to be special friends.
193
00:06:52,000 --> 00:06:53,719
Susie and Joe... Yeah.
194
00:06:53,720 --> 00:06:55,479
Oh, didn't we do the school quiz
with them? Yes!
195
00:06:55,480 --> 00:06:57,199
Yes. Do you remember? Yeah.
They were great.
196
00:06:57,200 --> 00:06:59,599
Can you imagine if they move
in next door? Oh-ho-ho!
197
00:06:59,600 --> 00:07:02,199
Oh, my God. Oh, my God. Oh, my God.
We should go and invite them over!
198
00:07:02,200 --> 00:07:03,439
Oh, my God, really?
Do you think so?
199
00:07:03,440 --> 00:07:05,239
Yeah. Yeah, if they're going to be
our neighbours.
200
00:07:05,240 --> 00:07:07,439
I mean, you should go and invite
them over one night this week!
201
00:07:07,440 --> 00:07:09,319
Oh, my God. OK, I'm going to bloody
do it. Oh, my God.
202
00:07:09,320 --> 00:07:11,679
Susie. Me and Susie.
Susie and Rachel.
203
00:07:11,680 --> 00:07:13,639
Oh, my God! Yeah, go. I'm so excited
about this.
204
00:07:13,640 --> 00:07:15,519
RACHEL GIGGLES
205
00:07:15,520 --> 00:07:16,559
ROBIN: Wow.
206
00:07:16,560 --> 00:07:17,999
There's no jam in this doughnut.
207
00:07:18,000 --> 00:07:19,959
SAM: Yeah, that's...
Really dry.
208
00:07:19,960 --> 00:07:21,079
Mm.
209
00:07:21,080 --> 00:07:22,519
AMY: Yeah, er...
210
00:07:22,520 --> 00:07:24,330
PAUL: OK, as quick as we can.
Yes, yes.
211
00:07:26,240 --> 00:07:27,719
Hello. Hi.
212
00:07:27,720 --> 00:07:30,999
Sorry. We were just
after some information.
213
00:07:31,000 --> 00:07:33,359
Erm... Oh. OK.
214
00:07:33,360 --> 00:07:34,920
Hiya. Hello. Hello.
215
00:07:36,000 --> 00:07:37,279
Good day. OK.
216
00:07:37,280 --> 00:07:38,920
Uh, hi. Hello.
217
00:07:40,000 --> 00:07:43,319
Hi. We're just here to ask about
the house on Pin Oak Court.
218
00:07:43,320 --> 00:07:44,679
37 Pin Oak? Yes.
219
00:07:44,680 --> 00:07:45,999
Yep, no problem. What's your name?
220
00:07:46,000 --> 00:07:47,359
Oh, no, no, no, we're not stopping.
221
00:07:47,360 --> 00:07:49,639
I've got... I'm late for a dentist
appointment, so... Yeah.
222
00:07:49,640 --> 00:07:51,239
Is it... Is it back
on the market? Yeah.
223
00:07:51,240 --> 00:07:53,319
Only the under offer strip's
been removed from the sign,
224
00:07:53,320 --> 00:07:54,799
so we just wanted to know
what was going on. Yeah.
225
00:07:54,800 --> 00:07:57,279
Yeah, no problem. If you just give
me an email address,
226
00:07:57,280 --> 00:07:59,919
we can start your property search
for you. We're not searching...
227
00:07:59,920 --> 00:08:02,199
No, we're not, we're not looking
for a property. ..for a property.
228
00:08:02,200 --> 00:08:04,439
That's not why we're... No, we are
the next door neighbours
229
00:08:04,440 --> 00:08:06,879
in Pin Oak Court, and we just need
to know if number 37
230
00:08:06,880 --> 00:08:09,639
is under offer or not. Yeah, that's
literally all we need to... Yeah.
231
00:08:09,640 --> 00:08:13,239
No problem. So, four-bedroom houses
with outside space, ideally, is it?
232
00:08:13,240 --> 00:08:14,799
Oh. Oh, my God, no.
233
00:08:14,800 --> 00:08:17,279
No, no, no, no. We're just literally
asking about this house.
234
00:08:17,280 --> 00:08:19,239
Exactly. So if you could
just tell us,
235
00:08:19,240 --> 00:08:22,279
is 37 Pin Oak Court
still under offer?
236
00:08:22,280 --> 00:08:24,679
Is it still under offer?
That's the only reason we're here.
237
00:08:24,680 --> 00:08:26,479
Yeah. Please tell us.
238
00:08:26,480 --> 00:08:28,919
No problem. So, what shall
I put down for budget?
239
00:08:28,920 --> 00:08:31,879
Oh, my gosh. We're not...
�100 million.
240
00:08:31,880 --> 00:08:33,719
Well, that's nuts.
241
00:08:33,720 --> 00:08:35,239
What, really? Yeah.
242
00:08:35,240 --> 00:08:36,839
OK. Yeah, I'm a cash buyer.
243
00:08:36,840 --> 00:08:39,199
I'd like to buy 37 Pin Oak Court
244
00:08:39,200 --> 00:08:41,519
for �100 million. �100 million,
all right.
245
00:08:41,520 --> 00:08:43,799
Well, yeah. Can you just please
tell us... Up front.
246
00:08:43,800 --> 00:08:46,719
..if it's under offer or not?
247
00:08:46,720 --> 00:08:49,159
No problem at all. So, let's start
with your email.
248
00:08:49,160 --> 00:08:52,639
Start? It feels like we've been
talking for, honestly, 15 years.
249
00:08:52,640 --> 00:08:54,999
Definitely going to be late now
for my dentist appointment. Yeah.
250
00:08:55,000 --> 00:08:56,959
So we... Is it under offer?
251
00:08:56,960 --> 00:08:58,439
Is it? Why did the strip come down?
252
00:08:58,440 --> 00:09:01,030
Why is it off? Please just tell us.
Is it under offer?
253
00:09:02,600 --> 00:09:05,839
Paul.jonathan.jessop@proton.me.
No, don't give them your email.
254
00:09:05,840 --> 00:09:07,799
Buyers pulled out a couple
of days ago.
255
00:09:07,800 --> 00:09:10,440
Right, thank you. Did they say why?
256
00:09:13,200 --> 00:09:14,399
I think we know why.
257
00:09:14,400 --> 00:09:16,519
It might not definitely be me, Rach!
258
00:09:16,520 --> 00:09:18,319
I don't understand it, you know?
259
00:09:18,320 --> 00:09:21,999
I've been telling everyone at
the station about my bungee jump,
260
00:09:22,000 --> 00:09:24,319
and I'm getting nothing.
Nobody cares.
261
00:09:24,320 --> 00:09:26,159
Well, you know, you can't force it.
PHONE VIBRATES
262
00:09:26,160 --> 00:09:28,039
Oh. What? Who is it?
263
00:09:28,040 --> 00:09:29,679
Who is it? It's the Dentist Bastard.
264
00:09:29,680 --> 00:09:32,999
OK. Oh, I missed my appointment
with him yesterday.
265
00:09:33,000 --> 00:09:35,399
What? You've been waiting ages
for that. Yeah.
266
00:09:35,400 --> 00:09:37,239
Why is the dentist a bastard?
267
00:09:37,240 --> 00:09:40,679
Well, because he puts metal things
in my mouth and it hurts.
268
00:09:40,680 --> 00:09:42,039
So, because he's a dentist?
269
00:09:42,040 --> 00:09:43,879
Yes. The bastard.
270
00:09:43,880 --> 00:09:45,759
Anyway, I don't need
to see him now. Why?
271
00:09:45,760 --> 00:09:48,039
Because, er, it's gone away,
the pain. Gone away?
272
00:09:48,040 --> 00:09:49,599
Yeah. I'm not sure that's
how it works...
273
00:09:49,600 --> 00:09:50,759
Well, no, it's... ..with teeth.
274
00:09:50,760 --> 00:09:52,439
I think it can. I think I think
they can heal.
275
00:09:52,440 --> 00:09:53,879
I don't think they can, Mum.
276
00:09:53,880 --> 00:09:55,439
DOORBELL RINGS
Doorbell!
277
00:09:55,440 --> 00:09:57,959
Oh! Oh, that'll be Joe and Susie!
278
00:09:57,960 --> 00:09:59,640
It's not! It's Maya!
279
00:10:01,000 --> 00:10:02,839
Hi. Maya, how are you doing?
280
00:10:02,840 --> 00:10:04,679
Hey. Yeah, good, good.
281
00:10:04,680 --> 00:10:05,919
I'm just exhausted. Oh.
282
00:10:05,920 --> 00:10:08,239
And there's some people snooping
around the house next door,
283
00:10:08,240 --> 00:10:09,359
by the way. Oh.
284
00:10:09,360 --> 00:10:12,439
Oh, no. No, that's Susie and Joe.
They're coming here for dinner.
285
00:10:12,440 --> 00:10:13,759
Paul, they're here!
286
00:10:13,760 --> 00:10:15,079
Um, how do I look?
287
00:10:15,080 --> 00:10:18,159
Just... Tense. ..made an effort
with the... Why are you so tense?
288
00:10:18,160 --> 00:10:19,879
They know the people moving
in next door,
289
00:10:19,880 --> 00:10:22,279
so Mum's excited they might
finally have some friends.
290
00:10:22,280 --> 00:10:24,759
No. We have friends, thank you.
I think that's unfair.
291
00:10:24,760 --> 00:10:26,119
Mm, Robin and Cherry don't count.
292
00:10:26,120 --> 00:10:28,559
Er, no, Amy, we have friends.
We've got...
293
00:10:28,560 --> 00:10:31,239
Each other. Well, no,
that's tragic. We've got...
294
00:10:31,240 --> 00:10:32,399
FAINT SCREAMING
I've got Debra.
295
00:10:32,400 --> 00:10:33,679
SAM: Is that... What is that noise?
296
00:10:33,680 --> 00:10:35,999
Oh, it's Prudence and your
grandmother. Sorry.
297
00:10:36,000 --> 00:10:38,519
RACHEL: Er, Sarah. Who's Sarah?
You don't remember Sarah?
298
00:10:38,520 --> 00:10:39,919
No. You haven't spoken to her
for ages, Mum.
299
00:10:39,920 --> 00:10:41,879
Can we turn it down,
please, Mum? It's...
300
00:10:41,880 --> 00:10:43,759
Whoa, whoa!
301
00:10:43,760 --> 00:10:45,759
WHIRRING
What even is that?
302
00:10:45,760 --> 00:10:47,559
The Human Centipede.
303
00:10:47,560 --> 00:10:49,319
MUFFLED SCREAMING,
DRILLING
304
00:10:49,320 --> 00:10:52,199
Well, can you lower the volume,
please? We've got guests coming.
305
00:10:52,200 --> 00:10:55,999
No, Prue won't be able to hear it
if it's lower than this.
306
00:10:56,000 --> 00:10:57,079
Really? I won't.
307
00:10:57,080 --> 00:10:58,719
Is it a pirate DVD, Granny?
308
00:10:58,720 --> 00:11:00,519
No, it's a horror one.
309
00:11:00,520 --> 00:11:03,559
No, I mean... Sorry, as in,
where did you get them all from?
310
00:11:03,560 --> 00:11:09,719
Oh, you know Ken, the chap who sells
movies out the back of his car
311
00:11:09,720 --> 00:11:11,479
in the boating lake car park?
312
00:11:11,480 --> 00:11:14,639
OK, well, then, they're definitely
pirate DVDs,
313
00:11:14,640 --> 00:11:16,439
and that's a crime, Mum!
314
00:11:16,440 --> 00:11:19,919
MOCKING: That's a crime, Mum!
Stop committing crimes.
315
00:11:19,920 --> 00:11:22,479
I do not speak like that, Amy!
Yes, you do.
316
00:11:22,480 --> 00:11:24,279
RACHEL: They're here, they're here!
I'm not boring!
317
00:11:24,280 --> 00:11:25,479
Oh, God.
DOORBELL RINGS
318
00:11:25,480 --> 00:11:27,679
No, no, no, don't answer
the door straight away, that's...
319
00:11:27,680 --> 00:11:28,999
Susie, hi.
320
00:11:29,000 --> 00:11:31,719
Hi. Joe. Hi. Susie.
321
00:11:31,720 --> 00:11:33,759
We were just near the door,
we weren't waiting for you.
322
00:11:33,760 --> 00:11:36,719
Just... I forgot you were coming.
PAUL CHUCKLES NERVOUSLY
323
00:11:36,720 --> 00:11:39,559
No, I mean... Come on in.
Yeah, come on, come on.
324
00:11:39,560 --> 00:11:42,919
Sorry, we're so on time. We were
just having another look next door.
325
00:11:42,920 --> 00:11:44,399
Check out our new house.
326
00:11:44,400 --> 00:11:45,919
Fingers crossed.
Oh, fingers crossed.
327
00:11:45,920 --> 00:11:47,719
Everything crossed.
Everything crossed.
328
00:11:47,720 --> 00:11:49,679
Everything crossed. X factor.
329
00:11:49,680 --> 00:11:52,039
Oh, thank you. Thank you
for shutting the door.
330
00:11:52,040 --> 00:11:53,640
Nice to see you. Hello.
331
00:11:53,641 --> 00:11:56,999
Oh. Sorry, I didn't mean
to kiss your neck.
332
00:11:57,000 --> 00:11:59,119
This is my partner, Paul...
Hey, Paul. ..who you've met.
333
00:11:59,120 --> 00:12:00,359
Joe. Nice to meet you.
334
00:12:00,360 --> 00:12:02,039
Hi. Nice to see you.
335
00:12:02,040 --> 00:12:03,999
I thought you were Dutch.
336
00:12:04,000 --> 00:12:06,479
And, uh... Yeah. When?
337
00:12:06,480 --> 00:12:07,799
Because...
338
00:12:07,800 --> 00:12:09,479
No, no.
339
00:12:09,480 --> 00:12:12,279
Rach, take it away.
340
00:12:12,280 --> 00:12:14,759
Uh, well, Amy, you know,
from year six...
341
00:12:14,760 --> 00:12:16,719
Well, she's grown a little bit now.
Come over here.
342
00:12:16,720 --> 00:12:18,199
Hello. Grown up.
343
00:12:18,200 --> 00:12:19,479
Very tall. Yeah. Very tall.
344
00:12:19,480 --> 00:12:21,479
And Maya, her girlfriend,
also very tall.
345
00:12:21,480 --> 00:12:23,599
Very tall. Why are kids so tall
these days?
346
00:12:23,600 --> 00:12:25,559
Yeah, why are they? I mean,
you know, if they...
347
00:12:25,560 --> 00:12:26,999
I mean, they might not be,
all of them.
348
00:12:27,000 --> 00:12:28,639
I mean, I'd be very interested
to see the stats.
349
00:12:28,640 --> 00:12:30,999
I would be. Genuinely.
350
00:12:31,000 --> 00:12:33,559
This is our youngest. Hi.
He has got a camera.
351
00:12:33,560 --> 00:12:35,439
He's got ADHD,
tends to film everything.
352
00:12:35,440 --> 00:12:37,439
Oh, right. I hope that's OK.
I hope that's cool. Yeah.
353
00:12:37,440 --> 00:12:40,239
Hi. Hello. Come on through.
We ordered some pizzas.
354
00:12:40,240 --> 00:12:42,119
Oh, go on. Get the hell in there.
That's cool, right?
355
00:12:42,120 --> 00:12:43,519
Love pizza, yeah.
356
00:12:43,520 --> 00:12:44,919
Thank you. No, not in there!
Not in there.
357
00:12:44,920 --> 00:12:47,359
WHIRRING, SCREAMING
Oh, God.
358
00:12:47,360 --> 00:12:48,560
Sorry about that.
359
00:12:50,000 --> 00:12:51,799
SAM: Just relax, Mum.
360
00:12:51,800 --> 00:12:55,559
You were amazing, Joe,
at the music round, I recall.
361
00:12:55,560 --> 00:12:58,479
Oh, yeah... Yes. ..well, you know,
misspent youth.
362
00:12:58,480 --> 00:13:00,039
THEY LAUGH
363
00:13:00,040 --> 00:13:01,799
Yeah. We were a good team, actually.
364
00:13:01,800 --> 00:13:04,439
Oh, we were. We really were.
365
00:13:04,440 --> 00:13:06,919
Oh, we can do quizzes all the time
now you're next door.
366
00:13:06,920 --> 00:13:09,359
Well, the deal's not done yet,
but, you know...
367
00:13:09,360 --> 00:13:12,199
Barbecues... I mean,
this will be us from now on.
368
00:13:12,200 --> 00:13:14,159
Glass of wine at four o'clock.
369
00:13:14,160 --> 00:13:17,039
One o'clock, more like! Cheers.
RACHEL LAUGHS
370
00:13:17,040 --> 00:13:20,239
We can pull this wall down
and make it one big house!
371
00:13:20,240 --> 00:13:22,439
Well, that wouldn't be
structurally safe.
372
00:13:22,440 --> 00:13:25,199
No, it was a joke. Yeah. But we can
put a door in. Can put a door in.
373
00:13:25,200 --> 00:13:28,239
Yeah. So, do you still
do the archery then, Paul?
374
00:13:28,240 --> 00:13:30,319
Huh? Ah, yeah.
375
00:13:30,320 --> 00:13:33,679
As in, no. No, I do not compete now.
376
00:13:33,680 --> 00:13:36,279
No. But I am a policeman now.
377
00:13:36,280 --> 00:13:38,599
Really? Big time, yeah.
Yeah, no, he is. Yeah.
378
00:13:38,600 --> 00:13:41,639
OK. Oh, hang on, you must know
Jamie, then. Do you?
379
00:13:41,640 --> 00:13:42,799
Um...
380
00:13:42,800 --> 00:13:44,719
Yeah, my brother Jamie's a cop.
381
00:13:44,720 --> 00:13:47,799
Yeah. Well, he's quitting next month
to become a yoga teacher.
382
00:13:47,800 --> 00:13:48,839
Wow.
383
00:13:48,840 --> 00:13:51,239
AMY: Oh, yeah. Dad ruined
his surprise leaving do.
384
00:13:51,240 --> 00:13:53,479
Well, yeah, not on purpose
I didn't, not deliberately.
385
00:13:53,480 --> 00:13:55,999
I would never, erm...
But, yeah, I know Jamie.
386
00:13:56,000 --> 00:13:57,759
Yeah, I know Jamie.
387
00:13:57,760 --> 00:13:59,639
Really great smile,
smells real good.
388
00:13:59,640 --> 00:14:01,399
Yeah. Huge. What? Yeah.
389
00:14:01,400 --> 00:14:03,519
He's got... He's a big guy.
He's a big guy.
390
00:14:03,520 --> 00:14:05,839
Yeah, he's... Yeah. I mean, yeah.
391
00:14:05,840 --> 00:14:07,879
Is that a diamond earring?
392
00:14:07,880 --> 00:14:11,639
Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. Well, just
a midlife crisis, you know.
393
00:14:11,640 --> 00:14:13,559
RACHEL AND PAUL CHUCKLE
Wouldn't know about those.
394
00:14:13,560 --> 00:14:15,399
In jewellery form... Yeah.
..literally, you know.
395
00:14:15,400 --> 00:14:17,799
Yeah. I'm turning 45 next week.
396
00:14:17,800 --> 00:14:19,799
Oh, shame. It's no age.
397
00:14:19,800 --> 00:14:21,599
Are you doing anything
to celebrate or...?
398
00:14:21,600 --> 00:14:23,279
No, we're... No.
399
00:14:23,280 --> 00:14:26,759
These pizzas are delicious...
Oh, thank you. ..by the way.
400
00:14:26,760 --> 00:14:28,919
Yeah. A really nice, thin...
401
00:14:28,920 --> 00:14:30,599
BAD ITALIAN ACCENT: ..Romana base.
402
00:14:30,600 --> 00:14:31,759
SAM: What?
403
00:14:31,760 --> 00:14:34,839
RACHEL: Yeah. And, um,
some olive verde,
404
00:14:34,840 --> 00:14:36,520
if anyone likes green olives.
405
00:14:37,840 --> 00:14:41,159
Um... Italy, yeah. Yeah.
406
00:14:41,160 --> 00:14:44,399
I, um, actually have a funny
story about pizzas. Oh, no.
407
00:14:44,400 --> 00:14:45,959
RACHEL LAUGHS
Oh, yeah?
408
00:14:45,960 --> 00:14:47,399
Good. This is good. Yeah. Yeah.
409
00:14:47,400 --> 00:14:49,639
Um, yeah, well...
410
00:14:49,640 --> 00:14:52,159
I mean, I once went to -
well, we all did -
411
00:14:52,160 --> 00:14:54,879
this...this pizza place in Hitchin.
412
00:14:54,880 --> 00:14:57,639
All right. Mm. Mm.
About five years ago now.
413
00:14:57,640 --> 00:14:59,999
We'd all been to
the North Hertfordshire Museum.
414
00:15:00,000 --> 00:15:01,239
Yeah. Yeah, it's great.
415
00:15:01,240 --> 00:15:05,519
They've got some really interesting,
um, displays about wool.
416
00:15:05,520 --> 00:15:06,599
SAM: Oh, yeah.
417
00:15:06,600 --> 00:15:11,759
About its value to the North
Hertfordshire economy back in...
418
00:15:11,760 --> 00:15:14,039
Well, through the ages, really.
Yeah, but just get on with the...
419
00:15:14,040 --> 00:15:17,439
Yeah, OK. Well, afterwards, I really
fancied a pizza.
420
00:15:17,440 --> 00:15:20,319
Well, we all did. Yeah.
So we went to this place nearby
421
00:15:20,320 --> 00:15:23,239
that from the outside looked
perfectly nice, you know.
422
00:15:23,240 --> 00:15:24,999
But on the inside...
423
00:15:25,000 --> 00:15:27,719
Oh, no. Well, no, it was nice.
424
00:15:27,720 --> 00:15:30,239
It was nice, as well,
truth be told.
425
00:15:30,240 --> 00:15:35,199
And this waiter comes over - he was
a nice kid, young, not Italian -
426
00:15:35,200 --> 00:15:37,999
and I ordered my pizza.
Well, we all did.
427
00:15:38,000 --> 00:15:41,679
And everyone's pizza arrived,
and I was just sat waiting for mine.
428
00:15:41,680 --> 00:15:42,799
Oh, God.
429
00:15:42,800 --> 00:15:45,759
I mean, it was fine, it was probably
like five minutes or so,
430
00:15:45,760 --> 00:15:48,759
maybe even less. You know,
three or four minutes.
431
00:15:48,760 --> 00:15:52,559
And, in fact, Sam's pizza
arrived late, as well.
432
00:15:52,560 --> 00:15:55,399
So, you know, it wasn't an issue.
433
00:15:55,400 --> 00:15:57,359
Get to the funny bit.
Yeah, anyway... I am.
434
00:15:57,360 --> 00:15:59,679
Anyway... Erm...
435
00:15:59,680 --> 00:16:02,319
So, eventually, and I still can't
believe this...
436
00:16:02,320 --> 00:16:04,239
RACHEL LAUGHS
437
00:16:04,240 --> 00:16:07,999
..my pizza arrived,
the waiter brings it over,
438
00:16:08,000 --> 00:16:09,919
big smile on his face,
439
00:16:09,920 --> 00:16:12,520
and it... My pizza...
440
00:16:13,560 --> 00:16:14,920
..was square.
441
00:16:18,280 --> 00:16:19,519
It was square.
442
00:16:19,520 --> 00:16:21,480
Oh, right. Yeah.
443
00:16:24,280 --> 00:16:26,519
Was it meant to be square?
444
00:16:26,520 --> 00:16:27,919
I don't know.
445
00:16:27,920 --> 00:16:29,360
I don't think so. No.
446
00:16:31,000 --> 00:16:34,760
Nobody else's was, but mine
was...mine was square. Square.
447
00:16:36,400 --> 00:16:38,800
LIGHT SNORING
448
00:16:40,280 --> 00:16:43,319
What is that noise?
Can you hear that?
449
00:16:43,320 --> 00:16:44,919
What is that noise?
450
00:16:44,920 --> 00:16:46,359
Maya's asleep.
451
00:16:46,360 --> 00:16:49,199
Oh. Oh, my goodness. Maya.
452
00:16:49,200 --> 00:16:50,479
Maya.
453
00:16:50,480 --> 00:16:51,759
Oh. Yeah, it's OK. Yeah.
454
00:16:51,760 --> 00:16:54,199
You fell asleep during
Dad's anecdote.
455
00:16:54,200 --> 00:16:55,719
Oh. Shall we...?
456
00:16:55,720 --> 00:16:58,159
Sorry. Understandable.
Understandable. Sorry, everyone.
457
00:16:58,160 --> 00:17:00,439
Pizza was square in the end.
458
00:17:00,440 --> 00:17:02,919
Square pizza. Square pizza.
Very unusual.
459
00:17:02,920 --> 00:17:06,039
She's working really long hours.
She really is. What a trouper.
460
00:17:06,040 --> 00:17:08,879
That's why. That'll be why. Yeah.
Yeah, it really is. Yeah.
461
00:17:08,880 --> 00:17:11,839
Uh, anyone for an olive?
462
00:17:11,840 --> 00:17:13,680
Doing a bungee jump next week.
463
00:17:15,240 --> 00:17:18,159
I think Jamie has
mentioned you, actually.
464
00:17:18,160 --> 00:17:19,719
Yeah. Oh, yeah?
465
00:17:19,720 --> 00:17:22,599
And, uh... Have an olive.
Oh, no, I'm OK. ..in what way?
466
00:17:22,600 --> 00:17:24,439
Sorry.
467
00:17:24,440 --> 00:17:26,279
Ah! Ah! Sorry. Are you OK?
468
00:17:26,280 --> 00:17:28,679
Ah! You all right? You OK?
No. Sorry.
469
00:17:28,680 --> 00:17:31,279
The stones are still
in the...olives.
470
00:17:31,280 --> 00:17:35,279
SAM: Oh, Mum, is that your tooth
on Susie's pizza?
471
00:17:35,280 --> 00:17:37,239
I think it is, actually.
RACHEL: That really hurt.
472
00:17:37,240 --> 00:17:39,119
Oh, my God. Yeah, it is.
473
00:17:39,120 --> 00:17:41,639
Oh, that's horrible. What?
Your tooth. Your tooth.
474
00:17:41,640 --> 00:17:44,639
Oh, my... I'm so sorry, Susie.
475
00:17:44,640 --> 00:17:46,679
No, no, no, it's fine, it's fine.
It's just...
476
00:17:46,680 --> 00:17:48,519
Oh, gosh. Yeah, maybe if you just...
Shall I get that?
477
00:17:48,520 --> 00:17:50,199
Yeah, if you just grab it,
I think. Sorry.
478
00:17:50,200 --> 00:17:51,519
Yeah, just grab it and then...
479
00:17:51,520 --> 00:17:53,999
Oh, unless you...unless you
want an extra topping.
480
00:17:54,000 --> 00:17:56,879
I really don't. I shouldn't
have done that, sorry.
481
00:17:56,880 --> 00:17:59,039
Do you want to take it?
No, I don't want to take it.
482
00:17:59,040 --> 00:18:00,519
Eurgh!
RACHEL LAUGHS NERVOUSLY
483
00:18:00,520 --> 00:18:01,959
Don't film this, Sam!
484
00:18:01,960 --> 00:18:03,799
RACHEL GROANS
485
00:18:03,800 --> 00:18:05,679
God.
486
00:18:05,680 --> 00:18:08,959
PAUL SIGHS
You and your bloody square pizza.
487
00:18:08,960 --> 00:18:10,679
We don't know why they
pulled out, Rachel, OK?
488
00:18:10,680 --> 00:18:12,439
Well, we do. We do. We do.
489
00:18:12,440 --> 00:18:14,399
And your tooth fell out
at the dinner table1
490
00:18:14,400 --> 00:18:15,719
That could happen to anyone.
491
00:18:15,720 --> 00:18:17,399
People who don't go
to the dentist, mainly.
492
00:18:17,400 --> 00:18:19,639
Yeah. That was funny.
That was a good bit.
493
00:18:19,640 --> 00:18:21,599
Losing a tooth was a good bit?
494
00:18:21,600 --> 00:18:24,439
Well, you didn't help, Sam,
filming them the whole time. Yeah.
495
00:18:24,440 --> 00:18:26,319
Oh, well, don't blame Sammy.
496
00:18:26,320 --> 00:18:28,599
Oh. Oh, OK. I'll blame you,
then, Sue,
497
00:18:28,600 --> 00:18:32,919
for showing them an absolutely
disgusting horror film! Exactly!
498
00:18:32,920 --> 00:18:35,559
I thought The Human Centipede
499
00:18:35,560 --> 00:18:38,559
would be more like
The Hungry Caterpillar, to be fair.
500
00:18:38,560 --> 00:18:42,519
Hence returning them. This... This
isn't the boating lake car park.
501
00:18:42,520 --> 00:18:45,199
No, I know, Mum. We're just dropping
Rachel off at the dentist,
502
00:18:45,200 --> 00:18:48,399
and then I will take you
to your pirate DVD man.
503
00:18:48,400 --> 00:18:50,239
Ken. Yeah, right.
504
00:18:50,240 --> 00:18:52,959
Well, I'll tell Prue to meet me
here, then.
505
00:18:52,960 --> 00:18:54,999
Can I film you in the dentist, Mum?
506
00:18:55,000 --> 00:18:56,679
What? No. Why?
507
00:18:56,680 --> 00:18:58,999
For my horror film. The death metal
gig was useless. No.
508
00:18:59,000 --> 00:19:01,079
Um, have you got Joe's number?
509
00:19:01,080 --> 00:19:03,239
No, I... We're not
calling them, Rachel.
510
00:19:03,240 --> 00:19:04,719
No, I just... I need to
get to Susie.
511
00:19:04,720 --> 00:19:06,999
I need to explain that
we're meant to be friends.
512
00:19:07,000 --> 00:19:09,479
Just go and get your tooth fixed...
OK, that's what I'm doing.
513
00:19:09,480 --> 00:19:11,039
..before you miss yet
another appointment.
514
00:19:11,040 --> 00:19:13,039
DOOR SLAMS
Is the door shut?
515
00:19:13,040 --> 00:19:16,680
DEATH METAL MUSIC PLAYS
516
00:19:18,840 --> 00:19:20,679
SAM: I think...
What?
517
00:19:20,680 --> 00:19:22,879
SHOUTING: Not being...
Not being negative,
518
00:19:22,880 --> 00:19:26,599
but I hate this. It's awful.
I have to... I have to go.
519
00:19:26,600 --> 00:19:27,920
OK.
520
00:19:34,000 --> 00:19:36,039
Put your foot down, Paul.
521
00:19:36,040 --> 00:19:39,999
If Ken has gone home, we won't be
able to return our DVDs.
522
00:19:40,000 --> 00:19:41,719
Yes, all right, Mum!
523
00:19:41,720 --> 00:19:44,119
It's not my fault. Don't blame me.
524
00:19:44,120 --> 00:19:45,679
We've been waiting ages for Rachel.
525
00:19:45,680 --> 00:19:48,199
SLURRED: It was that
Dentist Bastard, Sue.
526
00:19:48,200 --> 00:19:50,959
He numbed your jaw, then,
did he, Rachel?
527
00:19:50,960 --> 00:19:53,399
He did much more than
necessary, yes.
528
00:19:53,400 --> 00:19:55,279
SAM, MOCKING: Nethethary.
Oh, bless you.
529
00:19:55,280 --> 00:19:57,119
Have we seen Saw II, Sue?
530
00:19:57,120 --> 00:19:59,479
I saw Saw II with you, Prue.
531
00:19:59,480 --> 00:20:01,919
Are you sure? I thought we saw Saw.
532
00:20:01,920 --> 00:20:04,759
We did see Saw,
then we saw Saw II.
533
00:20:04,760 --> 00:20:07,079
You saw Saw II, too, Prue.
534
00:20:07,080 --> 00:20:08,639
Did I see Saw III, though?
535
00:20:08,640 --> 00:20:09,839
Not with me, no.
536
00:20:09,840 --> 00:20:12,999
Oh, my God, can we
stop this, please?
537
00:20:13,000 --> 00:20:15,999
It's like being in the car
with Dr Seuss.
538
00:20:16,000 --> 00:20:18,279
Right. Go on, then, you two.
539
00:20:18,280 --> 00:20:22,320
Go and get a refund on your pirate
DVDs, as if that's ever happened.
540
00:20:25,320 --> 00:20:27,359
Is that the police?
541
00:20:27,360 --> 00:20:28,719
Hmm?
542
00:20:28,720 --> 00:20:30,039
What? The police?
543
00:20:30,040 --> 00:20:32,079
PAUL GASPS
It's one of the Jamies!
544
00:20:32,080 --> 00:20:33,439
Oh, my God!
545
00:20:33,440 --> 00:20:34,640
Mum!
546
00:20:34,641 --> 00:20:37,359
QUIETLY: Come back, Mum! Come back!
547
00:20:37,360 --> 00:20:39,519
You what? Come back.
548
00:20:39,520 --> 00:20:40,919
Why?
549
00:20:40,920 --> 00:20:43,439
It's Ken. It's the police,
they're raiding him.
550
00:20:43,440 --> 00:20:47,719
Come on. This is what happens
when you dabble in pirate DVDs.
551
00:20:47,720 --> 00:20:49,319
They're horror DVDs.
552
00:20:49,320 --> 00:20:51,559
No, as in... Just get rid of them.
553
00:20:51,560 --> 00:20:55,319
I can hide them in my pouffe.
It's got a secret lid.
554
00:20:55,320 --> 00:20:57,599
No, you're not hiding them
in the pouffe.
555
00:20:57,600 --> 00:20:59,439
I'm dumping them in the lake.
556
00:20:59,440 --> 00:21:01,439
SAM: The lake?
They're not dead bodies.
557
00:21:01,440 --> 00:21:02,959
RACHEL: And they'll float.
558
00:21:02,960 --> 00:21:04,799
Oh. All right, fine, the bin.
559
00:21:04,800 --> 00:21:05,999
Come on, Sam.
560
00:21:06,000 --> 00:21:08,799
I could get serious troubs
if I get caught with these.
561
00:21:08,800 --> 00:21:11,520
Oh, Dad, look, it's Joe and Susie.
562
00:21:14,240 --> 00:21:16,319
Oh, my God.
563
00:21:16,320 --> 00:21:18,519
Oh, my God. It's them.
564
00:21:18,520 --> 00:21:20,519
It's them, Rach.
565
00:21:20,520 --> 00:21:21,759
Who, the police?
566
00:21:21,760 --> 00:21:24,239
No, Joe and Susie.
They just walked past.
567
00:21:24,240 --> 00:21:25,359
Susie? Yes.
568
00:21:25,360 --> 00:21:26,439
Susie? Should we do something?
569
00:21:26,440 --> 00:21:28,039
Oh, my goodness.
Should we do something?
570
00:21:28,040 --> 00:21:29,679
Yes, we should do something.
Can we do anything?
571
00:21:29,680 --> 00:21:31,440
Erm... Erm...
572
00:21:33,160 --> 00:21:34,520
What should we do?
573
00:21:36,280 --> 00:21:38,079
SAM: This is really creepy.
574
00:21:38,080 --> 00:21:40,479
RACHEL: Well, we have no way
of contacting them, Sam,
575
00:21:40,480 --> 00:21:41,799
and they're our friends.
576
00:21:41,800 --> 00:21:43,359
Yeah? Go and talk to them, then.
577
00:21:43,360 --> 00:21:45,239
Well, hang on. No, no, no,
we can't do that.
578
00:21:45,240 --> 00:21:46,439
They'll think we're following them.
579
00:21:46,440 --> 00:21:48,999
You are following them!
We should just turn around.
580
00:21:49,000 --> 00:21:51,039
No, I need to know why
they pulled out, Sam.
581
00:21:51,040 --> 00:21:54,359
If they think I'm boring, then they
can jolly well say it to my face.
582
00:21:54,360 --> 00:21:55,679
And why would that help?
583
00:21:55,680 --> 00:21:57,239
Because I am not boring!
584
00:21:57,240 --> 00:21:58,399
They've stopped.
585
00:21:58,400 --> 00:22:00,039
PAUL GASPS
Joe's making a call.
586
00:22:00,040 --> 00:22:02,039
Oh, no, they're going separate ways.
What do we do?
587
00:22:02,040 --> 00:22:04,479
Let's stick with Susie. OK. Yeah.
588
00:22:04,480 --> 00:22:06,079
WHISPERING: Hang back, hang back.
589
00:22:06,080 --> 00:22:07,759
Wow, is that their house?
590
00:22:07,760 --> 00:22:09,319
I don't know. I don't know!
591
00:22:09,320 --> 00:22:10,999
Rach, this feels wrong. What?
592
00:22:11,000 --> 00:22:12,999
We shouldn't be here. It's fine.
593
00:22:13,000 --> 00:22:14,480
Let's go, quickly.
594
00:22:16,040 --> 00:22:17,679
WHISPERING: Where's she going?
595
00:22:17,680 --> 00:22:19,279
DOOR OPENS AND CLOSES
596
00:22:19,280 --> 00:22:21,999
OK, OK. This is weird, Rach.
This is really weird.
597
00:22:22,000 --> 00:22:24,359
No, it's fine. It is weird.
598
00:22:24,360 --> 00:22:27,399
It's really weird that you're
following her in here.
599
00:22:27,400 --> 00:22:28,799
I agree.
600
00:22:28,800 --> 00:22:30,559
Let's go.
601
00:22:30,560 --> 00:22:32,639
I don't want to go.
I don't want to go.
602
00:22:32,640 --> 00:22:34,839
Look at it. It's...It's tasteful.
603
00:22:34,840 --> 00:22:36,479
It's like being born.
604
00:22:36,480 --> 00:22:38,599
It's fine. It's not fine.
605
00:22:38,600 --> 00:22:40,239
It's weird, Rachel.
606
00:22:40,240 --> 00:22:41,999
We need to get away.
607
00:22:42,000 --> 00:22:44,040
Can you go in first? What?
608
00:22:48,960 --> 00:22:50,559
Hello?
609
00:22:50,560 --> 00:22:52,000
Hello?
610
00:22:53,000 --> 00:22:55,279
ALL: Surprise!
611
00:22:55,280 --> 00:22:57,920
RACHEL SCREAMS
612
00:23:00,120 --> 00:23:01,839
Rachel, what...?
613
00:23:01,840 --> 00:23:03,199
And Paul.
614
00:23:03,200 --> 00:23:05,959
Susie, surprise.
615
00:23:05,960 --> 00:23:08,159
Er, s-sorry, what are you
doing here?
616
00:23:08,160 --> 00:23:10,239
Well, I don't have your number,
617
00:23:10,240 --> 00:23:12,999
and I wanted to discuss
the house purchase...
618
00:23:13,000 --> 00:23:15,159
What? ..and whether that...
Have you been drinking.
619
00:23:15,160 --> 00:23:17,679
No, I haven't been drinking. No.
Not a sausage. Not at all, no.
620
00:23:17,680 --> 00:23:20,159
No, I've been to the dentist.
I've been to the dentist.
621
00:23:20,160 --> 00:23:22,079
Right, OK. Uh, well...
622
00:23:22,080 --> 00:23:23,999
Sorry, can we just reset
everything? Sorry.
623
00:23:24,000 --> 00:23:26,599
Reset. Reset everything. Reset.
Reset. Reset the lights, please.
624
00:23:26,600 --> 00:23:28,239
So sorry. Banner up, up, up. Reset.
625
00:23:28,240 --> 00:23:29,799
Absolutely. Oh, gosh.
626
00:23:29,800 --> 00:23:31,639
So sorry. Action stations.
JOE: Hey.
627
00:23:31,640 --> 00:23:33,199
It's like Challenge Anneka,
isn't it?
628
00:23:33,200 --> 00:23:35,399
Hey, guys. Get it all out the way.
Hey. Challenge Anneka.
629
00:23:35,400 --> 00:23:37,519
Hey. Oh, hey. Sorry, excuse me.
630
00:23:37,520 --> 00:23:38,760
Hey.
631
00:23:40,680 --> 00:23:42,399
Oh. Oh, my God.
632
00:23:42,400 --> 00:23:43,919
Er... All right?
633
00:23:43,920 --> 00:23:45,199
What's going on?
634
00:23:45,200 --> 00:23:48,559
Erm... I'm so sorry.
635
00:23:48,560 --> 00:23:50,479
Happy birthday. Erm...
636
00:23:50,480 --> 00:23:52,039
# Happy birthday... #
637
00:23:52,040 --> 00:23:54,559
No, no, no, no! No, no, no. Don't.
638
00:23:54,560 --> 00:24:00,399
No, we had a surprise thing planned,
but they, erm, ruined it.
639
00:24:00,400 --> 00:24:01,639
Oh, right.
640
00:24:01,640 --> 00:24:02,839
Sorry about that.
641
00:24:02,840 --> 00:24:05,079
Hi. Hi, Paul. Hey, mate.
642
00:24:05,080 --> 00:24:06,919
Paul? Happy birthday.
643
00:24:06,920 --> 00:24:08,159
Oh, hey, Jamie.
644
00:24:08,160 --> 00:24:09,639
Are you kidding?
645
00:24:09,640 --> 00:24:11,999
He's done it again.
What is your problem?
646
00:24:12,000 --> 00:24:14,639
Why do you keep ruining
people's surprise parties?
647
00:24:14,640 --> 00:24:17,359
Well, I didn't know about this one,
you know?
648
00:24:17,360 --> 00:24:20,359
And she said that they weren't
planning anything for his birthday.
649
00:24:20,360 --> 00:24:22,159
Well, that was because it
was meant to be a surprise.
650
00:24:22,160 --> 00:24:24,479
Well, yeah, obviously, that makes
perfect sense. Oh, gosh, yeah.
651
00:24:24,480 --> 00:24:26,999
I'm sorry. We will get out of here.
I'm sorry. I'm so sorry.
652
00:24:27,000 --> 00:24:30,639
But, erm, can I...can I just take
your number, Susie,
653
00:24:30,640 --> 00:24:32,759
so that we can stay in touch,
because I haven't got it?
654
00:24:32,760 --> 00:24:34,799
Why would we stay in touch?
655
00:24:34,800 --> 00:24:36,399
I barely know you, Rachel.
656
00:24:36,400 --> 00:24:40,039
That's... That's why you weren't
invited to this party.
657
00:24:40,040 --> 00:24:42,079
Yeah.
658
00:24:42,080 --> 00:24:43,639
Uh, makes sense.
659
00:24:43,640 --> 00:24:45,759
Um, OK.
660
00:24:45,760 --> 00:24:49,439
Uh, well, let's clear up the DVDs.
We'll clear up the DVDs. Yeah.
661
00:24:49,440 --> 00:24:51,159
Come on, let's get this done.
662
00:24:51,160 --> 00:24:52,919
Thank you, Jamie.
Genuine apologies.
663
00:24:52,920 --> 00:24:54,719
Let's just get all these
out of your way.
664
00:24:54,720 --> 00:24:56,679
The Texas Chainsaw Massacre? What?
665
00:24:56,680 --> 00:24:57,839
Huh?
666
00:24:57,840 --> 00:24:59,919
Are these all pirate?
667
00:24:59,920 --> 00:25:02,119
They're my mum's.
They're my mummy's.
668
00:25:02,120 --> 00:25:04,799
She's got a film club... She has.
..with her friend Prue.
669
00:25:04,800 --> 00:25:06,519
Yeah. And they... Yeah, leave it.
670
00:25:06,520 --> 00:25:07,959
Let's go, let's go. I'm so sorry.
671
00:25:07,960 --> 00:25:11,039
Come on, Sam. Yeah, coming.
See... See you later. Have a good...
672
00:25:11,040 --> 00:25:13,439
Erm, sorry, hang on.
Just want to say...
673
00:25:13,440 --> 00:25:15,000
..I am not boring.
674
00:25:16,200 --> 00:25:17,639
What?
675
00:25:17,640 --> 00:25:20,599
I am not a boring man, so...
676
00:25:20,600 --> 00:25:23,959
That pizza story was solid, OK?
677
00:25:23,960 --> 00:25:25,759
It's gone down very well
in the past.
678
00:25:25,760 --> 00:25:26,919
What story?
679
00:25:26,920 --> 00:25:30,399
OK, well, basically, I went to this
pizza restaurant in Hitchin -
680
00:25:30,400 --> 00:25:33,199
well, we all did - a few years ago
now. Don't do it again.
681
00:25:33,200 --> 00:25:35,679
What? Well, you don't know, it might
work. The pizza was square.
682
00:25:35,680 --> 00:25:37,879
Yeah? Is the ending.
683
00:25:37,880 --> 00:25:40,959
MAN CHUCKLES
Thank you.
684
00:25:40,960 --> 00:25:42,199
Funny.
685
00:25:42,200 --> 00:25:43,480
Erm... And, look...
686
00:25:45,080 --> 00:25:49,319
..I just want to say, is that
why you're not moving in next door,
687
00:25:49,320 --> 00:25:51,759
because I'm boring?
688
00:25:51,760 --> 00:25:53,319
Or is it... Or is it her tooth?
689
00:25:53,320 --> 00:25:55,279
Because of my tooth falling
on your pizza. Her tooth.
690
00:25:55,280 --> 00:25:57,159
What are you talking about?
691
00:25:57,160 --> 00:25:58,519
No.
692
00:25:58,520 --> 00:26:00,559
No? There's Japanese knotweed
in the garden.
693
00:26:00,560 --> 00:26:02,159
Oh!
694
00:26:02,160 --> 00:26:03,199
PAUL LAUGHS
695
00:26:03,200 --> 00:26:05,079
Is there? That explains it.
Well, fantastic.
696
00:26:05,080 --> 00:26:06,639
That's... Oh, fantastic. That's bad.
697
00:26:06,640 --> 00:26:08,159
That's bad news.
698
00:26:08,160 --> 00:26:09,599
Oh, is it?
699
00:26:09,600 --> 00:26:10,920
I'd say!
700
00:26:10,921 --> 00:26:13,919
It's the worst news ever.
I can't believe this.
701
00:26:13,920 --> 00:26:15,639
DVDs CLATTER
No, don't drop the DVDs.
702
00:26:15,640 --> 00:26:18,319
Japanese knotweed? Oh, for God's
sake. Japanese knotweed?
703
00:26:18,320 --> 00:26:21,359
It's not great, but... OK, let's go.
I'm sure you'll sort it out.
704
00:26:21,360 --> 00:26:22,839
Sorry. Bye. Thank you.
705
00:26:22,840 --> 00:26:25,639
Happy birthday.
# Happy birthday to you. #
706
00:26:25,640 --> 00:26:28,639
Come on. Japanese knotweed, Rach!
That's going to take years!
707
00:26:28,640 --> 00:26:31,919
Oh, I'm going to have to apply
a glyphosate-based herbicide
708
00:26:31,920 --> 00:26:33,719
over several summers.
709
00:26:33,720 --> 00:26:36,079
Oh, dealing with this
is going to be so boring.
710
00:26:36,080 --> 00:26:37,999
So you'll love it, then, won't you?
SAM CHUCKLES
711
00:26:38,000 --> 00:26:39,439
I probably will, yeah.
712
00:26:39,440 --> 00:26:41,439
I'm sorry your friends
aren't moving in any more.
713
00:26:41,440 --> 00:26:42,999
No, it's fine.
714
00:26:43,000 --> 00:26:45,679
Now we've got to know them,
I've realised they're horrible
715
00:26:45,680 --> 00:26:47,399
and I don't like them at all.
716
00:26:47,400 --> 00:26:49,399
Oh, good. What a happy ending.
717
00:26:49,400 --> 00:26:50,679
ROBIN: Oi, oi!
718
00:26:50,680 --> 00:26:51,999
Oh! Oh, no!
719
00:26:52,000 --> 00:26:53,999
Oh, Robin! What's happened, Robin?
720
00:26:54,000 --> 00:26:55,279
Oh, what happened?
721
00:26:55,280 --> 00:26:57,279
Well...
CHERRY: Whiplash, innit?
722
00:26:57,280 --> 00:26:59,599
Yes. Too much head banging,
the thick tit.
723
00:26:59,600 --> 00:27:01,319
From the old death metal.
724
00:27:01,320 --> 00:27:02,679
Oh. So you got into it, then?
725
00:27:02,680 --> 00:27:05,119
Well, musically, it was
a bit like R2-D2
726
00:27:05,120 --> 00:27:07,639
being run through a woodchipper,
but the people were lovely.
727
00:27:07,640 --> 00:27:09,879
OK, but hang on, can you...can you
still jump?
728
00:27:09,880 --> 00:27:12,919
Probably shouldn't, no. No.
So, yeah, sorry, Paulo,
729
00:27:12,920 --> 00:27:14,399
I think you're on your
own, mate. Yeah.
730
00:27:14,400 --> 00:27:16,119
I wasn't going to do it
anyway, to be honest.
731
00:27:16,120 --> 00:27:18,239
Really? I'm not
a bungee jumper, Rach.
732
00:27:18,240 --> 00:27:19,999
Who am I trying to kid?
733
00:27:20,000 --> 00:27:22,959
I'm a 46-year-old man who enjoys
watching Only Connect
734
00:27:22,960 --> 00:27:25,999
with a bottle of Marston's Pedigree.
735
00:27:26,000 --> 00:27:28,639
And if the Jamies think I'm boring,
well, let them.
736
00:27:28,640 --> 00:27:30,559
Yeah. Let them. Yeah.
737
00:27:30,560 --> 00:27:32,639
CHERRY: Wait, so no-one's doing it?
738
00:27:32,640 --> 00:27:34,559
We bought two jumps.
739
00:27:34,560 --> 00:27:35,679
SAM: Don't look at me.
740
00:27:35,680 --> 00:27:37,839
Sue? No. No. No.
741
00:27:37,840 --> 00:27:39,119
Ladies?
742
00:27:39,120 --> 00:27:40,439
AMY: Come on.
743
00:27:40,440 --> 00:27:41,919
What? What do you mean?
744
00:27:41,920 --> 00:27:42,999
It'll be fun.
745
00:27:43,000 --> 00:27:45,159
Fun? No. No way.
746
00:27:45,160 --> 00:27:48,199
Look at me, I'm knackered.
That'll finish me.
747
00:27:48,200 --> 00:27:50,639
Or maybe help you bounce back.
748
00:27:50,640 --> 00:27:51,999
Yeah.
749
00:27:52,000 --> 00:27:53,439
PAUL AND ROBIN CHUCKLE
Good, innit?
750
00:27:53,440 --> 00:27:55,839
ROBIN: She's weakening.
She's weakening. Oh, look.
751
00:27:55,840 --> 00:27:57,439
AMY: Here we go. Good luck.
752
00:27:57,440 --> 00:27:58,959
Thanks, Dad.
753
00:27:58,960 --> 00:28:00,199
Whoa! Whoa!
754
00:28:00,200 --> 00:28:01,759
Whoa-ho-ho!
755
00:28:01,760 --> 00:28:03,080
CHERRY: Don't get Popeye!
756
00:28:04,080 --> 00:28:05,999
Oh, that's going fast, that, innit?
757
00:28:06,000 --> 00:28:07,119
Oh, God.
758
00:28:07,120 --> 00:28:09,119
Be careful, girls.
I love you, Mum and Dad.
759
00:28:09,120 --> 00:28:11,719
SUE: Oh, God, I can't look.
ROBIN: I can't look up.
760
00:28:11,720 --> 00:28:12,999
Why did I rope us into this?
761
00:28:13,000 --> 00:28:15,830
I don't know. This is your fault.
If we die, it's your fault.
762
00:28:17,280 --> 00:28:18,479
OK, here we go.
763
00:28:18,480 --> 00:28:19,679
ROBIN: I can't see anything.
764
00:28:19,680 --> 00:28:22,279
INSTRUCTOR: OK, girls, three,
two, one, you're away.
765
00:28:22,280 --> 00:28:23,959
THEY SCREAM
766
00:28:23,960 --> 00:28:24,999
Oh, my God!
767
00:28:25,000 --> 00:28:26,200
Oh!
768
00:28:27,800 --> 00:28:29,239
All right, Amy?
769
00:28:29,240 --> 00:28:31,200
SCREAMING
770
00:28:33,720 --> 00:28:35,119
AMY: Oh, my God!
771
00:28:35,120 --> 00:28:37,999
MAYA LAUGHS
772
00:28:38,000 --> 00:28:40,359
Yeah, it's actually quite boring,
isn't it?
773
00:28:40,360 --> 00:28:42,280
It's really boring. Yeah.
774
00:28:44,800 --> 00:28:48,000
DEATH METAL MUSIC PLAYS
775
00:28:48,050 --> 00:28:52,600
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