Original subtitles

Father Cobb?

Si.

Ha una carta d'identificazione?

Any means of identification?

Semple, Edith. Blessed.

8-9 EC.

Died Scotland, 1917.

Credited with one authenticated miracle which allowed her elevation to Blessed.

Namely, she restored sight to a young girl blinded in a wartime munitions factory.

September 1915.

Blessed Edith Semple.

You've come a long way, little Father.

Let's see what you've brought for us to look at.

I've brought some things, little proofs.

We think it's time to consider the Blessed Edith for sainthood.

It's a lovely little lady, lovely.

A quiet, pious consumptive life.

One nice little miracle and then off.

Er, I've brought all the available evidence, Monseigneur.

These are the newspaper clippings of our annual procession

and, this is the medal which we had struck on the 50th anniversary

of the miraculous restoration of sight. - Please, please, Father.

These can't... these can't all be miracles.

Well, some reports do excite interest

and even point in the direction of intervention.

I mean, here we see a woman, 58 years miraculously pregnant

after praying to the Blessed Edith.

And here we have a man that claims he grew a third set of teeth.

The dental X-rays and records are in the brown envelopes.

We can't have miracles turning people into saints all the time.

The Church doesn't like miracles. Hates them.

Even here in Italy, we haven't made any new saints for years.

It causes problems of course.

The local people complaining that everyone is praying

to the same busy guys up there.

I was looking for something. A sign.

Every year, the congregation gets older and the young don't understand.

Scotland's a hard-headed country when it comes to believing.

Well, you return there, little Father.

I'm told it's very beautiful. And remember...

lots of prayers from our Scottish friends

but no more miracles, huh?

No miracles.

Nobody here from Poland?

TH. That's the sound.

T-H, the "th". Look...

Here, use a pencil. I want that one.

Gi' us it!

TH. That. TH...

Stevie, this is not too difficult for you, you know.

Do you want some advice?

Don't overdo it.

Cos nobody could possibly be as stupid as you're making out to be.

Sir?

Watch it, I'm onto you.

Stop, stop! There are ten minutes left in this period.

But, sir, it's the procession. There was a note sent round.

Alright, alright, alright. Cheerio. Cheerio.

C'mon.

And watch your language.

This is supposed to be a religious occasion.

Quite right, sir.

The language in this school is fucking atrocious.

No question.

Off you go, Mike.

Forget miracles.

Catholics only got into miracles

because the Reformation protestants were dead set against them.

Not so. The Church mistrusts them because they undermine faith.

What do you believe, Vic?

I believe I might be difficult to convince. I believe most sincerely

that our new Miss Ruth Chancellor is the most beautiful woman in the school

and that her blond hair is her natural colouring.

Of course, it's only a personal preference

but what about the little French mademoiselle?

No. Miss Chancellor...

Five foot five, nine stone dead...

size ten in a dress.

- You sure? About the size ten? - Absolutely.

Amen.

...that is the message, the cry, the prayer, I carried to the Holy Father in Rome.

My purpose, to draw attention to the holy healing achieved in her name.

So now we ask Blessed Edith to intercede on behalf of the sick.

Alice Mackenzie, crippled with a wasting illness.

Pray for her.

- John MacGovern, in hospital. - Pray for him.

- Emilio Jaconelli. - Pray for him.

- Mary McNeil. - Pray for her.

- Claire Brady. - Pray for her.

- Sean Thornton. - Pray for him.

- Andrew Grey. - Pray for him.

- Anne-Marie Nealan. - Pray for her.

Estranged from her husband

so out of bounds to all but non-believers like you.

Relax, for heaven's sake. I'm only window shopping.

So are you a fan of the Blessed Edith?

- She's fine. - Just fine?

Don't you think she's saint material?

I think the Blessed Edith is much admired by her admirers.

Don't all Catholics believe in miracles?

Believing in miracles is one thing

but insisting that they're a daily occurrence is quite another.

More tears are shed over answered prayers than unanswered ones.

Did you make that up?

- St Teresa. - Oh, aye.

Formidable woman.

A tremendous set of knockers. I hear.

More luck your lot than mine.

Sir? Do you want us to be quiet, sir?

- What? - Do you want us to be quiet?

No, no, no, no. I want you to shout.

A word that means something loud.

- Crash! - Pick another one?

Bang!

- Very good, Carole. - Sir, wallop!

Wallop. Right.

Good, right.

Loud words. Loud words.

Sir, sir, thunder!

- Pow! - Right. Good. Loud words.

- Sir? - Yes?

- Pop! - Kate.

- Pow! - Right.

- Sir, sir, sir... - Exactly, very good.

OK.

Stevie!

Loud word, loud word.

He's busy. He's busy.

Sir, rumble!

- Which? - Rumble!

Rumble!

- Smash! - Right.

- Sir. I've got a colour. - OK. OK, right.

- One at a time. - What's your colour?

- Tartan. - Right, OK.

Sir, ginger!

Wait, wait. I want loud colours.

Lavender.

Very good.

...called the river Loire.

- Oui. - We had this fantastic wine.

It was called claret.

Well, it was called claret in English. I mean, maybe, um...

Well, in Scotland, it's called claret.

And what I was actually wondering was if you could give me

some books, French books, any French...

No, wait a minute. Sorry, sorry to stop you.

Picking up the melody again.

Alright? Don't forget that.

OK?

And...

Good, good, good.

At last.

Well, are we going for a drink after this?

I don't know. I'll tell you when it's over.

- You'll have to tell me now, Vic. - What for?

If I give you a local, you won't be able to find your lips with a glass.

If you can't taste it, you might as well not bother.

You're not, er...

You're not proposing to dig around in here without an anaesthetic?

Well, why not? I've done it before.

Because it hurts.

The tooth that you're working on is already hurting.

If I drill into healthy tissue

you yell, and I'll know when to stop.

At least you're not afraid of the needle.

I am afraid of the needle.

Och, it's never the right one.

He's fainted.

Well, somebody phone for an ambulance!

- I'll go and phone. - Out cold.

- I think he's coming round now. - He's coming round.

We've sent for help.

Right...

Just coming round.

- I'm OK, I'm... I'm fine, really, I'm fine. - Of course you are.

- We've sent for an ambulance. - What? No.

- No, no, I don't need an ambulance. - Ah, you'll be alright.

I'm fine. Really. Thanks very much. I was... I was, um...

- I was at the dentist. - No, no, don't talk. Just take it easy.

- You'll be fine. - I'm fine, really...

How long was I out?

Just lie nice and still please.

Am I moving? Can you see me moving?

Thank you. Just one more then you can get down.

What we think it best to do is to keep you here for a couple of days

so we can run a series of tests.

- What more do you need to know? - I can explain that.

The X-ray only gives us an imperfect picture.

Well is it, is it...

is it really bad news or could it wait till the weekend?

- Well, you did faint once. - Well, you could stretch a point.

Book me in for Friday or Saturday, no?

Give me a chance to tidy up my life.

Look at the plate. That shadow could be pressure.

- What does that tell you? - That I should make more tests.

Why did you do the tests with me staring at your eyes and you waggling your fingers?

Well, if you see my fingers as long as I do

there's no evidence of pressure restricting your field of vision.

Yes, if you're OK.

- How did I do? - Well, you kept saying yes.

Oh, well... there's a chance we're both OK.

That's what I'd like the chance to prove.

Right. You'll get your chance.

Why didn't you insist he stayed in?

Why bother? If it's as bad as I think it is, it doesn't much matter.

Good morning, Frank. Can I have a word?

Sure, boss.

Vic Mathews... He's gone over my head

and written to the education department about his new pet pupil.

Seems that I'm conducting some sort of personal vendetta

against this boy, Stevie Deans.

He's not that daft.

I'm still supposed to be headmaster, here, right?

Maybe there's a reason for it. He's a damn good teacher.

His problem is he thinks he's the only teacher.

If my concern leads me to go outside the school and involve Child Guidance

then I'm 100% within my rights.

Absolutely, I'll talk to him.

Him, so far, he's only harming himself.

You are the union rep.

I hear about it soon enough if I don't keep my side of the agreement.

Why don't you keep your troops in line?

Keep it nice and steady.

That's it.

- You want to see me? - Aye. Can we have a chat outside?

Yeah, sure.

Paul, you play big chief for five minutes.

What's up? What?

Did they say what made you faint?

What, at the hospital? No. No, they didn't.

Maybe you didn't listen.

Teachers never listen.

Well, I'm listening now. So what, about what?

All I ask is a little quiet in class

and some good results in the exams, but now you...

you want to prove the education department daft and Stevie Deans smart.

I wrote a letter.

Over the boss's head.

Well... I thought it was the smart move.

You would.

Vic, the boss doesn't understand.

He hasn't got a clue about any of this.

No, but that's fine, that's fine.

As long as he asks people who really know.

Like you?

Well, I mean, I'm...

Vic, he's got enough on you to land you with the slow learners

and the duff school leavers

and has he tried the one about "Just hang around a wee bit longer

till the new teacher arrives next term"?

Mm, maybe.

How's Stevie doing?

Inch by inch.

You know, inch by inch.

Alright, I'll raise you another quid.

Are you still in?

No, I'm for home.

- Pay up for the privilege. - It looks nasty.

- You're out, Vic? - Absolutely.

Six whiskies with water.

No...

Where's three?

- Aye, there you go. - Right.

So?

So, the report of the educational psychologists is not binding.

They are not going to stick Stevie Deans in a special school.

No? Well, while you're planning Stevie's future

bear in mind two things.

You'll get nowhere without help, and nobody's interested in a smartarse

who's playing school politics.

- I'm still right. - If you are right.

And suppose... alright.

If I took your advice

and I started to calm things down, what then?

I don't think you could withstand the tidal wave of goodwill

that would hit you.

Yes, I could.

That's sweet of you.

I'm off. Behave yourself.

Goodnight, flower.

Right.

No, no, it's alright. It's alright. You just, er...

Well, that's the party over for another week, Vic.

- See you in the morning. - Aye, it was a good party though.

Gosh, wasn't it just a terrific party?

Whatever happened to those nice wee cheesy biscuits?

You've got my money, you want also my cheesy biscuits?

See you tomorrow.

Yeah, if you can drop me off, that'll be great.

What we need here is a very minor miracle, you know?

There's no doubt?

You saw it? With your own eyes?

It happened?

That's absolutely correct.

I signalled him to come in.

Since Miss Chancellor is new to the building, I often look in as I pass.

Thank you for asking Mr Mathews to join us.

You see, I have a... I have a right as his registration teacher.

You see, the... the union agreement is quite explicit on that point.

You're right and I'm to blame for not summonsing you.

No problem.

The rest of us have been over the ground but I'd be quite happy to give you a resume.

Well, I'd... I'd...

really quite like to hear it from... from Miss Chancellor.

- Hear what? - Er, now that you've had a chance to...

to calm down. I'm sure that you were best placed

to be able to tell us what... what really happened.

I'm perfectly calm now. I was perfectly calm then.

And anyway, I don't think that my reactions are the issue here.

They're not, Miss Chancellor.

In no way.

There's no mention in the report I'm compiling.

Oh, that's good.

No, no, that... that's good.

Um, and so, what do you think, you know, as chaplain?

Well, I think in this case, it wisest we look for a...

practical solution rather than the spiritual.

Absolutely, absolutely.

Now what we're dealing with here is abuse?

Self-abuse.

Masturbation in class

in front of a female member of staff.

No, not in front of.

He kept behind the boy who was in front of him.

Oh, that's good.

We're agreed, but what do we do?

He's outside, isn't he?

Yes, yes, uh...

now, do you think that this calls for a psychological assessment?

No one's talking about going outside the school, involving Child Guidance.

Ah, that's good, yes.

And there's no relationship between this boy's case

and that of Stevie Deans. You're not being rational.

Well, let's be rational, hm?

This is not a new problem.

This is something certainly that we all do, isn't it?

And James' problem is not so much what he did

but learning to do it in private.

Like the rest of us.

So is... is that the message that you would like conveyed to James?

No more of the public displays?

I think we would all be grateful, if you would.

A pleasure. Thank you.

Well...

That's another wee problem solved.

OK?

I'll give you "OK".

Come on, sir, it was just a wee lapse.

The only lapse was on the side of the prosecution.

If you could read and write, they'd have murdered you.

They think you're too daft to be blamed.

I know different.

I'm daft sometimes, but this time it was a dare.

Honest. I mean it, I'm sorry.

If you ever land me in it like that again...

Ah, I see you've got your...

Vandals.

What, did they break it?

Nah, they don't need to break it.

If they bump it hard enough, the lenses need recalibration.

Oh, dear.

Dear, oh, dear.

What would you say if...

If I told you that last night... my record player worked...

but it wasn't actually switched on.

I'd say you were a wee bit drunk.

I know I was.

Oh. Oh, well, you know...

No, but I mean, do you think probably that...

that it was, you know, the circuits had got...

you know, the wires...

they sort of jumped into the wrong sort of hole or something?

Either that, Vic, or pilot error.

It's Ruth Chancellor. Father.

Is something wrong?

No, no, it's alright.

It's just that in your hurry, you left your report behind. Here.

I don't think it matters much now.

Look, I'm sorry about today.

Oh, don't worry, I can look after myself.

Did you want me to hear your confession?

No, no, it's alright.

I haven't done anything wrong yet.

Well, I'll say goodbye then.

Do I, er... do I look out of place?

Can you tell I'm a non-believer?

What are you doing here?

Well. I was following you. I, er... I wanted to apologise.

I accept.

I sometimes get a bit above myself.

It happens.

Well, you've apologised very nicely.

You understand?

Er, yes. Yes, I accept.

Something else you wanted?

No, no, no, no.

I just wondered if we could go for a drink?

Oh. I see, it's not exclusively an apology then?

Oh, yes. No, it is, it is.

And... and yet it isn't.

Can I just tell you something?

I'm not up for involvements at the moment.

- You're still angry? - No. No, I'm not.

I've accepted your apology because I thought that I was owed one.

But if you want my complete candour, then I have to tell you

that at the time, I thought that you were the real wanker

and not the boy.

So let's forget it, shall we?

Thank you very much.

That's very clear. Just this isn't so good though.

Let's have another go at that, just...

You see, the "L" has to go all the way.

And the "I" has to be different, it only goes about half the way.

Just... just do what I'm doing, hm?

Just copy me. Just do everything I do.

Copy me, copy me, copy me.

Oh, Jeff, can I have a word please?

You know we have a...

They didn't even take the vote!

We're being watched.

He's your mate, isn't he, Vic Mathews?

Well, did you know that he follows me about?

He's harmless.

But I'm not.

Good night, Margaret.

Good night, Father.

"'Whose bike is it,' asked John."

"As he tried the kick starter."

"'Mine,' said Robert. 'It's mine. 250 CC."'

"'Only 250 but it's fast."'

"Frank didn't speak"

"but while the others talked, he got astride the bike"

"and twisted the throttle."

"He smiled and kicked the starter."

"The engine burst into life."

"'First kick,' said John."

"'It always works, first kick."'

Turn the page, Robbie.

I said, turn the page, Robbie.

Now, suppose you put ten pounds in the bank

at an annual interest rate, at a yearly interest rate

of ten percent.

What do you have in the bank at the end of the year?

Alright, wait a minute. Uh, right.

Suppose you put a pound on a ten to one shot?

What do you have coming back?

Ten.

- Ten pounds. - Eleven!

Why eleven?

Ten pounds and your one pound stake money.

Right.

Er, suppose you have, uh...

three pound doubles

and a one pound treble

at fives, evens and twos?

Sue?

Seventy.

Right.

Sir, is it on the horses?

Jeff Jeffries?

No, I'm Ruth Chancellor.

Jeff Jeffries is up on the roof playing with his telescope.

Fives, twos and evens.

What answer did he give?

Seventy, seventy.

Seventy.

Well, don't send him for the groceries, he's wrong.

What do you mean he's wrong?

He should've carried the stake money on the second double.

It should've been 72. Hard lines.

Now what do you mean, hard lines?

Come on, what do you mean hard lines?

He spoke out in class without any prompting, didn't he?

And he was nearly right.

- What? - Well, where counting is concerned

nearly right is a damn sight more normal than absolutely right.

Mathews, you're off the bloody wall.

Right is right and wrong is wrong.

Don't be so bloody stupid.

Now, I'm stupid? Where's your brains?

In my arse. Where do you think?

Look...

So far so good. Yeah?

All I'm saying is don't rush matters now you're in front.

Go slow.

Double prove your point.

Understate your proofs.

You want to win, don't you?

- I want him to win. - Well...

Deliver me proof.

Show me...

and the two psychologists from the education department

that we're wrong

and I will personally go to the parents with the good word

but remember.

A "special school" can give time and attention

to "special" cases like Stevie Deans.

Then give me some time. That's all I want.

- More time? - Yes.

You mean you can't get him to do the mental arithmetic stuff for me?

Oh, come on, look.

Look, I'm just at the beginning with this.

I'm not a miracle worker.

Maybe you should include me in your prayers to this Blessed Edith.

Have you heard something?

What?

Have you heard something?

What about?

Alice Mackenzie.

No, what about her?

It's true.

- What? - There's been an improvement.

Oh, I see.

Oh, that... no, that's... that's great.

A definite movement in the legs. Definite.

Yeah, you sometimes get remission in cases like that.

Probably best to say nothing for the present.

Not after all those special prayers.

We don't want hopes raised unnecessarily.

I wonder if you'd ask the school chaplain to come to my office, please?

It's the child I'm interested in, not the chance of a miracle.

What about the child I'm interested in?

Well, page him.

Father Cobb...

- Father Cobb. - Sir, bough like a tree, and bow.

- Yes, very good. - Sir, there's flour.

Flour for baking with, and flower, a smelly flower.

- A smelly flower. - Sir! Sir!

Sir, you've got a pear, right, a fruit

that you can eat and then you've got a pair of shoes.

Two things, good, right. So there you have it.

A whole lot of words, they all sound the same but they're all spelt differently.

Don't think for a minute that I don't realise English is not a very difficult language.

Sir, is it the hardest?

- No, Chinese is, Chinese is, sir. - I don't know them all. Which?

Chinese is hardest, Janine?

- Well, let's hear the other languages. - German.

- German. - French.

- Ann-Marie, have you got one? - Indian.

Harley-Davidson.

What?

No, no, no. Wait a minute, wait a minute. Whoa!

Norton.

- Gilera. - Motorbikes!

BSA.

BMW.

Vincent.

Laverda.

Um, Sunbeam.

- Honda. - Yes!

Panasonic! No! Kawasaki.

Yeah. Stevie!

Suzuki.

Yamaha.

Great news.

- Wonderful. - I mean it.

I know.

But how did you hear?

- It's all over the school. - What, what is?

Little Alice Mackenzie.

She can walk! It's wonderful.

Wonderful.

A wee bit of prayers. At least I hope we do.

Well, I hope we'll all enjoy ourselves for this brief while

we've allotted for the celebration this afternoon.

- Of course, I had intended... - Is this for real?

- So the hospital says. - ...making a very brief formal speech.

Took three steps.

Without the benefit of medication.

Or physical help.

...happy news that's come through to us today.

But as usual, the Bush Telegraph has proved itself a superior form of communication.

Thought you were too cynical

- to attend celebrations like this. - We asked Father Cobb

- I thought you were too smart. - ...to invite little Alice and her mother

to visit us here.

I know they're anxious to thank the pupils and the staff

of the Blessed Edith Semple School for their many prayers

for the intercession of the Blessed Edith.

Father Cobb.

I think this is a very great day...

So miracles really happen?

I never I thought I'd hear you say that.

Why grudge the Head his moment of victory?

...be ratified and accepted by the church as proof of saintly intercession.

There are other ways of killing a cat

- than sticking a cream cake up its... - Right.

...arse.

You're right.

- Thank you. - Right.

Thank you, sir.

Paper!

No, no, pal. You're way out of line there.

Way out.

Now, the doctors say there is no cure.

And, look, I'll tell you something else.

It says here, categorically, it says here.

The specialist says it's not operable.

Look, the way I figure it, miracle or no miracle

the wee lassie's up and walking again. Now that's got to be a good thing, eh?

Absolutely. Absolutely, I'm... I'm not...

Where's the harm in that? That has got to be a good thing.

- I did not say... - There is no harm in that.

How's it going, lads?

Who is that man with her?

A reporter friend from way back.

I wouldn't worry about him.

Bastard.

No, this is just, it's just a drop of vodka

with something in it to, you know, pep it up.

I was just saying to my friend here... that the Alice Mackenzie miracle gives me...

a right royal pain in the arse.

He doesn't believe in miracles.

I d... I believe in that miracle.

I believe in that miracle.

In fact, I think that miracle ought to be extended.

And he gets a wee bit aggressive on drink.

Don't worry about that. So do I.

See, friend.

Look, look, allow me to explain this. Look, look, see.

"It's a miracle, says mum."

"Alice... Alice Mackenzie's mother today reported."

"It was stated by her mother."

"Her mother asked for special prayers." "Her mother. Alice Mackenzie's mother."

Her mother, her mother...

- her mother has said, mm? Right? - So?

Before the miracle. Alice Mackenzie could not walk.

Now she can walk.

Before the miracle. Alice Mackenzie's mother could only talk.

Now she talks and talks and talks...

Excuse me, Mack. Are you gonnae put up with this?

No, it's alright, mate. He's, er... No offence, he's just a wee bit drunk.

- The man's drunk. - The man's drunk.

Come on, eh? Try your luck.

- Take it easy, Vic. - Absolutely.

The appliance of science.

Stand back. Let me apply the master touch here.

You don't make jokes about mothers.

I beg your pardon?

You don't make jokes about mothers.

Would you like to go and have a conversation with that piece of wood over there?

Oh, hey, hey.

I never hurt him, honest.

It's alright, everyone.

Oh, leave him, he's just pissed.

There's nothing the matter wi' him.

Vic. Vic?

He's coming round.

Oh, Christ. You're something else.

Let's just get him into the car, shall we?

Come on. Nice and easy.

That's it, that's it.

And now you're smiling.

Stevie Dean, he spoke out brilliantly in class today.

He can do it anytime.

He can do it anytime. He can do it for me.

He can do it for the Head. He can do it for all the psychologists

in the education department. Ho, ho, God!

No special school for that boy.

Not now.

It is another miracle.

You fainted in there, didn't you?

I mean, that man didn't even hit you.

Have you fainted before?

What are you afraid of, Vic?

See if you can catch that set of lights.

What do you mean "catch them"? They're red.

- Drive at them. - What?

Drive at them.

- What are you doing? No, what... - Keep driving, keep going. Come on!

Vic, what are you doing? Get off me!

- Keep going, that's it! - Jesus Christ!

That's it, go! Steer, keep going!

- Go! - Oh, my God!

- Just drive. Just drive, yes. - You're crazy. You are crazy!

- Get... off! - Steer the car!

- Just steer! - Stop it! Stop it now!

- Look out! - Look at that!

- Look at that! - No!

No more, now stop now!

You're crazy, you know. You need help.

No, no, I don't need help. I don't.

In fact, it's...

it's amazing, you know.

I feel I can help. I can help just...

just by touching.

Somebody up there likes me.

Maybe it's the van driver He likes.

Are you cancelling the prayer?

No, not really.

It's just for someone who doesn't believe in God or miracles...

And what about you, Ruth, do you believe in miracles?

I don't know. Do you?

I was trained to believe.

I grew up with them.

Our parish priest was a "layer-on of hands".

Or rather the squeezing on.

- Very painful. - Did it work?

Yeah, possibly. He certainly put enough effort into it.

So he took to doing the rounds at the local hospital

and telling people they didn't need their medicine anymore

because the Lord was on their side.

What happened to him?

They locked him up.

It would be wonderful to really believe like that.

Now that would be something.

See, you can't say... To my father and me... to...

It should be, "My father and me". You wouldn't say "to I".

So you'll say "to me".

So if you put father in the middle...

Very good.

What are you doing?

Chewing my pencil.

I don't know what to do.

Can I use this? Is this yours?

Right. I know what to do, I think.

Nearly to the top and curls...

then you cross it there.

- See? - I see...

- Like this? - Yeah.

Yeah, nearly to the top.

No, you cross it here, look...

cos you can do it for joined up writing.

You cross it on the line, look. Like for... for foot.

Or... or... or fat.

See, fat.

Up the top...

it curls.

And you cross it there.

It always works first kick.

Turn the page, Robbie.

, said turn the page, Robbie.

Robert nodded his head...

Right, special assembly.

Can we go quietly to this, do you think?

So, listen, I'm quite sure you've all heard enough from me today.

So it's my pleasure to move on to the important business of the afternoon.

And invite little Alice up here to give her own thanks.

Alice.

Thanks.

Thank you.

I have to tell you, as parents, these exams are...

Sorry to butt in, but you'll be very pleased to know

that you're next for tea.

Then it's me, then Harry. OK?

Sorry.

Oh, as I was saying...

The thing is, he didn't seem to be ill.

He looked perfectly well.

But of course, it was working on him all the time.

You'd have to have known him extremely well to have suspected just how grave it was.

To let you understand, it actually started quite low down.

You know.

Down in the region of the, um...

The area of the sort of scrotum.

That was the first he knew of it.

Of course, matters like that quite often start down there.

I've done the parents from this school, OK?

Madam, I crave your indulgence.

I've done my duty. I'm going home.

Your place or mine?

Chance would be a fine thing.

I'm so sorry...

Have you got a minute? Excuse me one second.

Absolutely. Excuse me.

Ruth, can you give Vic a hand? Some kids are running wild on the roof.

- I'll get the janitor. - Oh, not again.

Come off the edge!

Come on, move it!

Get off the bloody roof!

Jesus Christ! Eddie.

- I'm slipping, sir. - Hold on.

- Just hold on. - Christ, I'm slipping!

I'm going to fall!

- No, you'll be alright. Just hold on. - I'll get help.

- Alright. - I'm gonna fall.

- No, you're not. - I'm slipping, argh!

Help, I'm gonna fall, sir!

You're not going to fall if you hold tight. Hold really tight, OK?

- I'm slipping. - No. OK.

- Sir. I'm slipping! - Hold on.

Alright!

- Help! - OK, Eddie, OK. I'm coming. I'm coming.

- Sir, quick. - Alright!

No! Eddie!

Vic?

Oh, God.

Come on, sit down.

I've seen the boy. He's fine.

It's a miracle he didn't kill himself.

And what about Vic?

Cheers, Chris.

Falls 40 feet and walks away.

I was carried away.

That's right, the ambulance men wouldn't let him walk.

Lucky man.

How's the boy?

Oh, he was lucky too.

But not as lucky as you.

He's got a couple of bad fractures.

He'll probably spend some time in traction.

- Can I see him? - No, not tonight.

Tomorrow or the day after.

I really am alright?

Unbelievably.

Just for the record, I'd like to make some more X-rays

and then you can go home.

- You OK? - You alright?

Cuts and bruises. Shock.

I can't believe you didn't break anything.

- I know. - It's a miracle.

No, it's not.

If it was a miracle, why is the boy in the hospital?

I think Father means it's nice you're not both on a slab in the morgue, Vic.

I saw the tree that broke my fall and I threw myself at it.

OK.

I'm sure you did. I didn't mean anything by it.

Thank you for coming in, Mr Johnson.

These are the plates I wanted you to have a look at.

They were taken within four weeks of each other.

Five weeks tomorrow.

Yes, a fairly remarkable pace of growth for only five weeks.

No, I think I may have misled you, Frank. It's the other way round.

This is how things stood five weeks ago and this is what we got last night.

The first time we saw him, he'd fainted in the street.

I suppose it's fairly stretching matters

to view this as a kind of spontaneous remission?

He's the teacher from that school where they've claimed a miracle

for the little girl Alice Mackenzie.

Shit!

- What brought him in again? - He fell off the school roof, 40 feet.

Hit a tree and ended up with nothing but minor scratches and contusions.

You're trying to tell me that a man falls 40 feet

and only bangs himself up sufficiently to cure his incurable cancer?

Ah, you've been had. It's a set up.

We don't think so.

We took those X-rays.

Long before anybody had heard of Alice Mackenzie or Blessed Edith.

Just because you can't work it out doesn't mean you're not being had.

So where is your miracle man?

Sent him home.

He'd never known how truly ill he was

so there wasn't any point in telling him he was better.

- So nobody knows about these X-rays? - No.

Ah, we could be off the hook.

You know what we're playing with here?

Miracle cures.

Drive the whole of medical science back into the Dark Ages.

Well, I'm taking charge of these plates and I want absolute silence.

I mean not one word.

Nothing.

Morning papers.

There you go.

- Cheerio. - Good night.

Night.

They should have kept him in overnight.

You're right. He's a pain.

It's the shock. It makes him tense and nervous.

You're on your own time. You don't have to look on the bright side.

There we go.

"Miracle school a new sensation."

"Teacher falls 40 feet and survives unhurt."

It doesn't mention the boy, only Vic.

What price, Blessed Victor Mathews?

Hamburger and chips?

It's right. You can't keep anything out of the papers these days.

Oh. I'm reading the odd script and thinking about the odd project.

In other words, I'm out of work.

- You mean, you're resting. - Resting!

I'm absolutely demented.

I don't believe you. Gordon Jackson, it's been lovely having you.

It's always nice to see you.

You've got another little item. I think.

Oh yes, yes. It's a...

a wee item that especially interested me.

It's a miracle story that broke in Scotland.

A schoolmasters called Vic Mathews

fell 40 feet off the school roof and walked away.

Now this is a follow up

to that story about the little girl who walked again.

Same school.

It's called the Blessed Edith Semple School

after a local girl the Vatican credited with a miracle during the First World War.

Now, to get promotion from Blessed to Saint

she'd need to do two more authenticated miracles.

And they think that this could be one.

Oh, well. It doesn't stop there.

Pupils in the school who are taught by this teacher

are said to be making startling improvements in their academic work.

What?

Oh, I'm sorry.

I'm sorry, Ruth.

No.

No, no. I was going to put it off the hook, but I...

Oh, I've been on four or five times already this morning.

Yes.

No, look, they want to know

do I do miracles all the time or just sometimes, you know?

How do they find out so much?

Well, there were over 200 parents in the school last night.

I'm not talking about Vic, I'm talking about this reference to Stevie Deans.

The whole school knows about Stevie's improvement.

It is a nine-day wonder.

- You know they're phoning his parents? - And?

Well, they're desperate to talk.

They're flattered their son's in the newspaper.

It's the worst possible thing for the boy.

I've got to do something.

Now the Bishop wants to speak to me.

- Me! - Look.

Can you get the boy quietly out of town for a while?

There's no story if there's no boy to interview.

Where?

Get Father Cobb to help.

Stash the boy in the retreat house.

That way, you place the boy under the Bishop's jurisdiction.

It was my idea, right?

If you're asked, you don't know anything.

The fewer people who know about this the better.

"St... S..."

Stevie.

"Stevie Deans."

Good.

"Called Stevie Deans."

That's right.

That's all you hear.

Stevie Deans.

I'm in his class too.

And me. It doesn't mention my name, does it?

Why doesn't he make me the next one he helps?

I'm older than him.

I should have been first.

But I'm helping you.

I'm not in the papers, am I?

It's not me that's on television.

How can you expect anything but trouble?

When you mix up miracles with non-believers.

They simply use them for their own ends.

He broke his fall on a tree, right?

Then he makes the slow-witted quick and the dull sharp.

And in your school.

The next thing, he'll be curing the sick.

I won't have it.

The press mentions one child, Steven Deans.

But they hint that there's more.

The boy's been sent away quietly.

Uh, with his parents' consent.

It was my suggestion.

Alright.

But you'll strike Victor Mathews' name from your Blessed Edith Semple list.

I don't care if he brings the tablets down from the mountain.

I don't want proofs.

I want silence.

Come on, Robbie!

Come on, go.

Come on, Bruce.

If he can do it, we can do it. Go!

Hang on. That's rubbish.

Go, Robbie, go!

You know, you shouldn't be jumping like that after a fall.

Did I make it?

No, not quite.

Right! Once again.

Must be that wine that's slowing me down.

OK, come on, Vic!

How did I do?

Oh, come on, by how much?

Oh, no. How much? How much?

Ah, well, no, that's fine.

That's fine. I could've managed it. I could definitely have...

You know, with a little... with a little wind assistance.

Definitely no bloody miracle there.

It's not the jump they think is the miracle.

It's you falling 50 feet without hurting yourself.

Oh, well, that. Yes, together with my miraculous teaching practice.

Oh, don't start all that.

Why?

I can sail through the air like Superman.

Compared to that, teaching Stevie Deans to read

is a very minor miracle.

Is this Stevie Deans' work? It's very good.

No, no. That's actually Carole Adams.

They'll be saying that's a miracle in a minute.

Oh, you bet your bottom dollar on it.

Nothing newspapers love more than miracles and miracle workers.

Well, I can't help that.

I just tell the truth.

Vic, that's such dangerous talk.

Believe me. I've worked in newspapers. I know.

Have you ever been inside of a newspaper morgue?

Ten minutes in there and you'd stop all this rubbish

about telling the truth to newspapers.

Now, look at this, here.

Miracles one, miracles two.

Miracles, non-Catholic. Miracles, mirages.

Miracles, post-auxiliary.

Miracles five, six...

Start off with them.

And then come and see me.

Have you seen enough out there?

OK, have a look at this.

Stigmata...

Bleeding sacred hearts...

"Statue cries real tears for baby Marie."

"'It's a miracle,' says groom's father."

I would never have believed this. They do a miracle story every two months.

It's a wonder they noticed Blessed Edith in the rush.

And there's nothing substantial. They're all iffy.

No one ever gets back a leg that was shot off.

Well, I guess it does no harm in the end.

Oh, no. Oh, no, it does harm, it does harm

because it slows progress. Look...

People's lives have got to improve. They'll only improve through education.

Now, Blessed Edith did not get Stevie Deans off the hook.

It was me, and I'm not a miracle man.

I'm a teacher.

I've got something to confess to you.

It sounds like Father Cobb's department.

No, I'm serious.

Oh, serious.

Oh, gosh.

What?

I've been praying for you.

I think what you mean is that you've been asking Blessed Edith to intercede for me.

Talk to the boss.

Every little helps.

Especially when you need it.

Does that mean that if I get lucky at the staff dance

it's because Blessed Edith is doing my pulling for me?

Don't be so fucking stupid.

I'm not fucking stupid, sometimes just a wee bit stupid.

And don't talk so loud.

Who's gonna hear us?

Nobody.

Well...

Absolutely nobody.

Make a vow.

You alright?

Yes.

What if we get caught?

You make your own luck, remember?

Oh, yes, I just forgot in the excitement.

I just forgot for a moment.

Let's hedge our bets.

Can I just kiss you again, just...

- How do you mean, hedge our bets? - Switch off the light.

Oh, yeah, fine.

Yeah, fine.

Switch it off.

If there are really saints up there, are they watching us?

- Oh, yeah, definitely. - D'you think they'll be able to see alright

- with the lights out? - Mm-hm.

That's alright. I don't want to spoil their fun.

Can I just put the light back on?

Yeah.

I just wanted to make sure.

And are you?

Well, now that the hair's down, absolutely.

Are you?

Yes.

My favourite football match.

My favourite video.

My favourite hobby.

Sir, could nooky be a hobby?

Um, no.

A hobby's supposed to be something that you're good at. Robbie.

The Divisional Education Officer insists on a meeting.

With all of us involved.

He probably wants to make sure that this is an educational establishment

and not a miracle factory.

Don't smirk. I've seen bigger men than you believe in miracles.

There's a lot of press interest in Vic.

Do you intend to say that this was a miracle?

My phone never stops ringing. What can we do?

Ignore it.

Or you could try telling them to ask the boy with the broken legs

if he thinks it was a miracle.

That's not a bad idea, Vic. We could refer them to the hospital.

Separate the school from all the speculation.

That's what the Bishop insists.

Do you know this boy, Stevie Deans?

Sure. I know Stevie Deans.

Does Mr Mathews have any more special pupils in his class?

Maybe girls like yourself?

Well, he says some of us are special.

Hey, listen.

- D'you want us to take your photograph? - Aye.

- OK. - Alright.

Come on, you lot, into class. Move.

Now, you want to talk to any kids in this school

you get written permission from their parents

and then you get permission from the Head.

You know the rules as well as I do.

Well, are you gonna... You take one quick candid snap

with that camera and I'll scream bloody blue murder. Understood?

- Right, nobody's giving... - Right?

...anybody a hard time. What's your problem, dear?

Fuck off.

Watch your language.

We've got rights too, you know.

Come on, Carole.

Are you planning to send Stevie Deans away?

We already have. Vic.

My God, that's all you're good for, isn't it?

Reacting.

Well, you'd better be on your toes

because there's gonna be more than Stevie Deans

doing well around here. That's a promise.

Well, they've got Stevie Deans exactly like you thought they would.

The one thing that they've got that they don't want is publicity.

Well, nobody wants publicity.

Oh, well.

Maybe... you know...

we worry about all this stuff.

Maybe... maybe we should use the public interest to do something good.

Maybe we should just tell them the bloody truth?

- The truth? - Mm.

Well, what truth?

That you're good at the long jump?

What are you talking about? Come on.

I'm getting results in class. I'm getting good results.

Oh, it's results you're interested in now, is it?

Not at the expense of the children. You know that.

Listen, if you saw what I just saw two minutes ago

Carole here, chatting up a photographer and a reporter from some rag

then you'd see the wisdom in getting Stevie Deans out of here.

- No. - Come on, Carole.

No, no, look. Look, look.

You're falling into exactly the same trap as he did.

If you let them take Carole away, like they did Stevie

then you're telling the whole world that there's something going on here

- that we have to hide. - Well, that is exactly what I intend to do.

Come on, Carole.

You'll also be telling them that you're not on my side.

Headmaster?

So we're all agreed?

I will read the prepared statement.

That is the only comment we make.

It is circulated and we leave matters at that.

OK, gentlemen, let's do it.

I would like to read a short statement.

The education department and representatives

of the Blessed Edith Semple School wish to state their profound relief

that the member of staff who fell from the school roof

when going to aid a pupil, sustained only minor injuries.

But they stress that they see no more than good fortune in that outcome.

Likewise, they wish to underline their contention that recent media claims

as to the marked academic improvement in some pupils

is wholly attributable to sound and diligent teaching practice.

Statement ends.

Can I take it from this statement that the Blessed Edith Semple School

is disassociating itself from the alleged miraculous cure of little Alice Mackenzie?

The statement doesn't say that.

So it's still a miracle in your eyes?

The Blessed Edith Semple School doesn't deal in miracle claims.

We leave that to the friends of Blessed Edith.

And, er, we've made our statement

concerning exaggerated press suggestions about Mr Mathews.

Your statement made no references to the fact that one of the pupils

made a sufficiently miraculous academic improvement

which reversed a decision to send him to a special school.

That's a completely unfounded remark.

We have no further comment to make.

Do you have a private opinion, Mr Mathews?

Oh, well, if I have. I'm required not to voice it.

Recent reports in the press say you fell over 40 feet from the school roof

and landed completely unscathed.

Well, I still have cuts and scar tissue

so don't agree with "completely with unscathed".

- How about miraculously unscathed? - Don't answer that one.

How about the miraculous omissions from your report?

- Omissions? - Aye, yes, oh, yes, omissions.

You see, you said that the boy who fell with me

only suffered minor injuries.

- That's what we were told. - Ah, no, no.

Even if that's what you were told, that was not...

it's not in your interests to print

- that that boy is in traction. - In traction?

- In traction. - You weren't exactly shouting about it.

- Ah, come on. - We didn't know that.

Listen, this is ridiculous.

To hell with this, I'm going to have my say.

You do and I'll suspend you. I promise.

Every time, every time a child has a breakthrough

he's got to be stashed away in the country

because you keep interviewing them and tormenting them.

You said every time.

So there's been more than one miraculous advance?

Who the hell said anything about miraculous advance?

Look. No, I did not.

What the hell is the point of you asking the questions

if you don't listen to the bloody answers? It's a waste of time.

I cannot repeat often enough that these are Mr Mathews' own personal feelings.

I have no further comment to make. Thank you.

The classes that we run for children with learning difficulties are standard.

They are standard right across the country.

Everybody's had a good laugh at the teacher that fell off the roof

but it was luck. It was not divine intervention.

Bless me, Father, but you were the one on the television tonight?

I can't discuss it. Bishop's orders.

I work at the hospital where they took Mr Mathews when he fell off the roof.

So when I saw him saying that it wasn't a miracle

- my conscience began to trouble me. - Why?

I held back information. We all did.

There was a miracle.

What do you mean, a miracle?

The X-rays proved it.

What X-rays? I was there. There were no breakages to X-ray.

I'm not talking about breaking bones.

The X-rays were of a brain tumour we diagnosed five weeks ago.

The tumour was gone when we did the second batch of X-rays.

A brain tumour had gone? Who could corroborate this?

The professional staff who were there, I think.

Nobody approved of the cover-up the admin people wanted.

So this is definite proof?

Yes.

With those X-rays, it is.

Praise be to God.

Father, what am I to do?

If I tell, they'll fire me.

If I don't, I'm living a lie.

Come with me.

Listen, I'm terribly sorry. I have some church business.

If you could just...

Do you understand?

Well, not yet, but more important, I believe.

But you don't have to believe, you've got the proof right there in your hand.

Listen, every year, the congregation gets smaller, older.

I wanted to give them a sign.

Something to bring them back.

Look, there, can you see?

It was me that needed the sign.

Look, this is important. This is your proof.

That's why I didn't want them to have it.

Why?

In case they destroy them.

So now my need puts you at risk?

So if I destroy them and keep my mouth shut, they can't touch you?

We don't need proof, we believe.

- You not frightened of anything? - No.

Me neither.

I could kiss you.

I'm in enough trouble already.

A great wee man. Father Cobb.

D'you know where the nearest public telephone is?

- Outside. - Right.

Complete remission in five weeks?

And Mr Mathews was never told?

No, just your statement about the cover-up.

We don't have to name names.

One minute.

I want a signed statement from this nursing sister.

There's the name and address.

She won't agree to a photograph, but I need one in uniform.

Helena, where's the article we did on the teacher who fell off the school roof?

Yes, thank you, Sister.

Thank you, good night.

You'll like this one.

Thanks, Helena.

Perfect. It couldn't be better.

Run the two articles side by side, with photographs.

See if the hospital will give a statement.

Also, we should be the first to break the good news to Mr Mathews.

We have a news update. Now back to our news desk.

Thank you, sheila. Sports news in five minutes.

But first, the miracle story that broke in Scotland

and is now being picked up down south.

It's claimed that schoolteacher Vic Mathews has been miraculously cured

of a brain tumour.

Mr Mathews teaches at the Blessed Edith Semple School.

Despite strenuous Vatican denials of divine intervention

the local movement to have the Blessed Edith canonised grows daily.

- Did you tell her to do this? - Hm? Sorry.

- She said she did this for you. - Not me. Vic.

- I burned the evidence here. - The evidence? The evidence?

You call this evidence? You call this evidence?

According to this, I'm not even a teacher anymore.

You've even taken that away from me.

If Stevie Deans can learn to count, that's because of Blessed Edith Semple

or Carole, or any of them. It's nothing to do with me anymore.

It wasn't me that chose you, Vic.

I don't care how many Alice Mackenzies you turn up

you're not going to make a miracle man out of me.

- We'll pray for you. - I don't want your bloody prayers!

You want to pray for somebody, pray for the boy in the hospital.

That's him.

Maybe it was a miracle the boy wasn't killed.

What... what if you can bring him a little more help?

Y'know, they laugh at me and you're the one that's crazy.

Don't you think I'd be up there laying on the hands if that's all that it took?

Victor, I know about the subsidiary happenings. They told me.

Stay away from me.

The record player worked, didn't it? And the traffic lights?

You just didn't understand the significance. I do.

Let me go.

It worked for little Alice and for you. Maybe it'll work for the boy.

Victor, you're special, you must know that.

You know you're special. You must feel it inside, you're special.

Oh, Vic!

Vic, don't listen to him.

Don't listen. He's daft. He doesn't know what he's talking about.

- Listen, you're not one of the chosen. - What if he's right? What if he's right?

You're not one of the chosen ones.

It's the kids who are special, Vic!

You've said it yourself! You remember?

Shit!

Sir, I knew you'd come. I knew you wouldn't forget.

They said you would, but I knew you wouldn't forget.

I'm sorry it's taken me this long.

Listen, I want to try something, I... I...

I want to see. I want to see... if I can make your leg better.

What do you mean?

No, I know it sounds strange but a lot of strange things have been happening

over the last few days, so...

If we just see if we can do this together.

Well, just... you empty your mind, mm?

Don't think of anything at all. Look at the ceiling or something

and let's see if we can do this.

Right?

What's going on here?

Harry!

Nurse, it's alright.

It's alright, nurse.

- But who are you? - I know who he is, nurse.

But, sir! But, nurse... I know him.

- He's my teacher! - Why don't you ask Dr Knox?

He knows exactly... He knows who I am.

Just... just bloody well leave me!

Dr Cramer to Casualty.

Where is he? 6A or 6B?

6B.

It's the same Mr Mathews.

The same Mr Mathews.

What the hell's wrong with you?

I mean, don't you get enough publicity as it is?

- Will you tell me? - Well, if I can.

Well, is it true or isn't it?

Who knows.

I know.

I know. I saw it in your eyes that first day.

Look, in a bad week I do maybe 80, 85 hours.

I look at a lot of X-ray plates.

Maybe there was an error, maybe there was nothing there in the first place.

You don't believe that.

Nor, of course, do you believe in miracles.

No, I diagnosed a tumour and now it doesn't seem to be there.

Well, why the hell is that?

Tumours do remit.

- Dr Knox. - A minute.

Look I'm afraid you lost your priority when you got well.

Right, just let me understand this.

So, when wee Mrs MacGlumper stops me in the street and says

"You're the man that can do miracles, aren't you?"

I just say to her, "Tumours remit", hm?

That's it. Just, "Tumours remit". That's the best you can do?

Well, I could tell you what my father tells me.

Be grateful you're well.

Find a nice girl, settle down

have some kids and get some ordinary problems.

Hey, I guarantee you won't worry about miracles anymore.

What were you doing up there?

Making a fool of myself, but I'm alright now.

Hello, sir.

- How are you? - Good.

Come here.

Listen, have you seen any photographers or reporters or anything hanging around?

- No. - Good man, good man.

Why, did something happen?

No.

Come on, I'll walk you in.

Life doesn't really trouble you too much.

I mean, it doesn't really stand on your toes a lot, does it?

No, sir. Does it get in your way, aye?

No, Lois, Lois. You're going too fast.

Tempo, remember, tempo.

Good, much better.

OK, Fred, I'm listening to you again now.

I know this is your difficult bit so...

Terrific.

What? Fred?

I just wanted to ask you about...

I just wanted to ask you about a piece of music.

No, you didn't.

You thought you'd better get up here to see how things stood with me.

It's alright, they can't hear anything.

Oh, fine. Well, in that case, yes, absolutely right.

Go to the end of your pieces, everyone.

Well, I'll tell you how things stand with me.

I thought about your performance at Mass this morning.

And I saw you on the television.

And I read about you in the newspapers.

Now, I like a practical world with practical solutions.

I don't like miracle workers.

I don't like being one.

Well, you're not one, so you can forget it.

You're very sure.

I mean, you didn't work a miracle on Stevie Deans.

The boy was bright already.

A blind man on a galloping horse could see that.

What you did was brilliant.

You found a way of getting his brightness out of him.

Alright, what about Robbie? I taught him to write his name.

Nearly write his name.

Alright, alright, if I can guarantee absolutely

to teach Robbie to read and write

would you accept that as a miracle?

Don't you go anywhere near Robbie.

Miracles my arse.

Did she really say that?

Not in so many words but...

that's what she meant.

She's dead right.

Well, you must admit there've been some pretty strange happenings.

Strange enough to convince your best girl you're a nutter.

And your two-star pupils stashed away in the country.

At an address that you won't tell me.

What about the miracle mercy leap?

That's my only doubt.

But that's because I measured the gap.

How did you do it? Triangulation?

From the ground.

I went down and did it.

It's easier.

Yeah.

About 17 feet.

- Is that a lot? - Mm...

In my athletic youth, it was something.

How big a something?

For you, Vic, enormous.

Miraculous, but you didn't quite make it, remember?

- There you go, sir. - Thanks, Robbie.

So you got the job as the Head's chief messenger, eh. Robbie?

Aye, because he thinks I can't read the messages very good.

What's wrong, Robbie?

You didn't make me a special pupil, not like you promised.

But come on, you are special.

You are.

No, I mean really special, like Stevie or Carole.

Why, Robbie?

Because I want them to see my name in the papers.

Oh, no.

You don't want that. It's all nonsense.

Look at all that rubbish they wrote about me. That was rubbish, Robbie.

You did do a miracle.

You jumped it.

That was easy.

No, I could do it anytime.

Nobody else in the school would dare do it.

I could.

I could do it just now if you wanted me to.

Do you want me to?

No.

No, it wasn't...

it wasn't caused through a miracle.

Talk's cheap.

Hold my jacket.

Sir!

Sweet mother of Christ, will you never learn?

I'm sorry, Jeff.

I had to do it, I'm really sorry.

Don't be.

Look, whatever happens, whatever they say, the kids need you.

I admit it.

Just for God's sake, you daft bastard, go and pick up the other two, will you?

I'm suspended.

Leave that to me. Politics is my game.

Queen Street Station. It's a request stop on the West Highland Line.

McGilvery House.

Pick up your jacket and you might just make it.

Right.

- Robbie. - Aye.

How good are you at running errands?

Brilliant.

Hold him for me!

OK.

Come on!

- She's here. - What?

Come, she's here. Hurry up!

- He's over there. - Yes, I see him! I see him.

Oi! Come back, Miss.

Vic!

Excuse me.

Give the flowers to the princess, sonny.

Come on, pick them up!

Go on, give Princess Di the flowers!