Original subtitles

It's just so sad.

What's going on?

Sass has been posting up on that bench

for three days, pathetically waiting for Joan.

She said she'd be back November 28.

That's the day the lovers

in her steamboat romcom finally kissed.

But unlike the plucky heroine in Choppy Waters,

this woman clearly has no intention of returning.

Someone needs to just set him straight.

We can't have him sitting out on that bench all day.

- I know. Poor guy. - No.

I mean, he's in direct view of my pondering window.

I don't want to be looking at that sad sack while I ponder.

Agreed. We should say something.

Um... hey, guys.

Hey, Sass. There's our slugger.

I'm starting to worry that Joan's not coming back.

That maybe she doesn't like me anymore?

Uh, is that crazy?

- No. - What? - Not possible.

- She's obsessed with you. - Great.

So, I should go back out there and wait, or...

Absolutely.

- Okay. - Although, maybe you should try

waiting at the bench at the back of the house.

If memory serves, I believe,

last time, she arrived from the south.

Yeah. Good call. Okay.

Thanks, guys.

Poor schmuck.

Somebody should really say something. Hmm.

Oh, man, last night was rough.

Oh, the dishwasher broke at Mahesh.

And then Sass came into my dreams

to whine about Joan. Again.

- Sass is in here. - Oh, boy.

Ah, sorry for bending your ear, Jay.

Oh. Also, Natalie Portman was in his dream last night. Again.

You know, Sass, now that Jay

has so callously brought it up, it does seem

like Joan might not be coming back.

Yes, Sasappis. I'm sorry.

I know that's difficult to hear.

Oh, you guys are right.

I'm such an idiot, and... ugh, why is love so hard?

- Guess who's getting married?! - Oh, my God.

- Eric proposed? - No, but he's going to.

Imminently. Get this. He called me,

asked me if my nails were done.

And said he's coming to visit tomorrow.

And last week, he asked me for my ring size.

I'm so happy for you.

Oh, let me also note that there are no employee

or family discounts for weddings at the mansion.

- Jay... - Bela, I'm so excited for you.

It is kind of a bummer I know it's coming, though.

I guess I just always imagined

that my proposal would be a surprise.

Ah, your proposals

don't always go the way you expect them to go.

When I proposed to Sam, it was a bit of a mess,

but ultimately, it didn't matter,

because it's not about the proposal.

- Uh-huh. - Oof. That "uh-huh" tells a sad tale.

So, have you given any thought to a maid of honor?

You know what's crazy?

I've never even been one.

Seriously, Sam? So thirsty.

Yeah. I don't actually know if we're gonna do wedding parties.

Incredible. That question was so uncomfortable,

it caused Bela to abandon

wedding parties completely.

Oh, it would be so boring to be a ghost

- in the house of a socially adept Living. - Mm.

- We are lucky. - Hmm.

Life is hard in the basement, Peter.

Those freaks sleep standing up.

Well, no one's forcing you to live down there.

I have to establish residency.

I lost the upstairs primary.

Now, my only chance

at winning the ghost representative election lies

in my securing the nomination of the basement ghosts.

How do you sleep standing up?

I don't. I haven't.

And the only thing worse than the nights are the days...

with the wall-to-wall water-heater talk.

"Have you heard that gurgle?"

"Ooh, that's a pretty good gurgle."

Isaac, why are you doing this to yourself?

Even if you win, the position doesn't even mean that much.

It means everything, Peter.

I'm an elected official who's never won an election.

Uh, I mean, maybe you can get Sam

to move a cot down there for you.

No, no, no, no, no.

If I am to win their vote,

I need to show that I am one of them.

A man of the people.

You see, Peter...

Isaac?

- Isaac! - Yes. Gurgles.

Heard the gurgles. Ooh.

And the order for the new dishwasher has been placed,

which is the least exciting thing I've ever spent money on.

My dishwasher slept with my husband.

Quit your complaining.

I'm such an idiot.

What happened?

Eric's not coming. There's no engagement.

I got completely Sasappis'd.

What was that? Sasappis'd?

Some people are using it as a sort of catchall

for experiencing profound romantic disappointment.

- What's going on? - Eric just called

and said he's canceling his trip.

He said he had an "architecture emergency."

This term made the leap to the Livings?

When something's catchy, bro. You should be flattered.

And get this. The reason

he asked my ring size is

because he's getting us his and hers bowling balls.

Well, you know...

Oh, no, Jay's terrible at silver linings.

...it's almost the weekend.

That ain't even connected. What is wrong with him?

I can't believe I thought he was going to propose.

I just paid a woman $100 to put snail mucus all over my face.

Snail mucus, Jay!

In my day, we powdered our faces

with lead and arsenic.

We didn't know. We didn't care.

We looked incredible.

I'm gonna go watch some bowling tutorials,

'cause that's my life now.

Just a sad bowling lady

with great skin and a well-fit ball.

TGIF.

Just stop.

She's going to be so surprised.

Wait, what are you talking about?

Eric didn't actually cancel. He just pretended to cancel

so he could surprise her.

- I called him and gave him the idea. - Babe, I don't think

this is something you should be getting involved in.

Oh, come on. I just want Bela to love her proposal.

It's something that only happens once. It's a big deal.

Does this have something to do with our proposal?

No.

- That's a yes. - Okay,

first of all, obviously, I wasn't planning on doing it

on the tarmac at JFK after a baby puked in your lap.

- What the hell? - I was gonna do it

in the Bahamas, but then, I pulled out a napkin

from my pocket, and also, accidentally, the ring,

and then, you saw the ring, and...

And then you said a bunch of swear words, and you said,

"I guess you know I want to marry you."

And I love that that's our story, Jay. I really do.

But we have the chance to give Bela one

that makes her really happy, so why not try?

Okay.

You know, what I had planned was pretty cool, by the way.

Mark, the contractor... he proposed in a Rite Aid, so...

Now he's just listing worse proposals?

This is not where you want to be, bro.

Oh, yes.

Oh, yes.

Ah.

Mm.

Well...

...well, well.

A gal goes out for an evening cheese sniff,

and what does she find?

A stinker.

- I can explain. - Oh, you're not one of us.

You're a lay-down cushion boy,

and you're never gonna be our ghost representative.

No! I'm a man of the people.

- Oh, you're a man of the couch. - No!

Nancy, wait.

I was just resting my eyes.

I loathe being prone.

Nancy!

Oh, it's so beautiful.

And it fits.

The bowling ball fits.

Hey, there, Bela.

Um, I'm Sass.

Sass? What are you doing here?

I can go into people's dreams. It's not a big deal.

But it is a tier-one power.

Anyway, I just came to check on you.

I heard about the whole engagement disappointment.

That's really nice of you.

Look, I get it.

I've been going through kind of a tough time myself.

Thanks.

Tomorrow is going to be so fun.

I can't wait to see the look on Bela's face.

Yeah. I just... I hated seeing her so upset.

Jay, it's one night.

Then she'll have the rest of her life to be happy.

Nothing bad is going to happen

because of one night of disappointment.

I mean, maybe he'll never propose.

Well, he'd be an idiot, because you're awesome.

Aw. You're awesome.

- I'm so lonely. - Me, too.

Good morning, babe. Anybody get engaged yet?

All Eric would say on the phone is

that it's definitely happening today,

and it's going to be incredible.

- Hey, uh, Sam, can I talk to you? - Absolutely.

- Sass is in here. - Um, okay, don't really know

how to say it, so, I'm just going to come out with it.

I hooked up with Jay's sister.

- What? - What?

- How? - What's happening? - In her dream.

I went in there to commiserate,

and, you know, one thing led to another, and...

Sass and Bela hooked up in her dream.

Oh, God.

That crazy bitch did it.

She finally hooked up with a ghost.

This is bad. This is very bad.

Well, hold on. Nothing really happened.

It was just a dream.

Interesting. Okay, I want to go on this journey with you

because it makes my sister less crazy.

And mitigates his Natalie Portman problem.

But I do have to point out that

none of this would have happened

if you hadn't meddled in her engagement.

What is he talking about? What engagement?

Bela said that Eric's not proposing.

Bela was mistaken, because our friend Sam

engineered a delay in the proposal

for the purpose of setting up a surprise.

Oh, my God.

I'm a homewrecker.

From virgin to homewrecker in a matter of months.

What a journey.

I'm sorry, Jay. And Sass.

But I do believe we have a bit of a loophole...

some moral wiggle room, if you will...

with the whole "hooking up with a ghost in a dream" thing.

- Okay. - I can't believe

I wasn't the first ghost to hook up with a Living.

It was my destiny.

Well, what if Bela feels guilty

and tells Eric?

That'll blow up the whole proposal.

So let's get ahead of it.

We'll talk with Bela, and reassure her

that she's done nothing wrong.

Wrong, no. Weird, yes.

And then everything will be back on track.

And Bela and Eric will be engaged,

and I will be the maid of honor,

and I'll push for a fall wedding because...

I'm an autumn.

Her eyes went black when she said that.

It was terrifying.

All right, Isaac.

We discussed your situation and came to a decision.

There was a large contingent

that wanted to kick you out of the basement.

But we think you deserve a chance to prove yourself.

- Of course. Anything, name it. - Okay.

If you want to stay in the basement,

then you got to participate

in one of our most cherished rituals.

Fight club.

Fight club?

You don't know about fight club? It's the best.

I'm sorry. You've been, Peter?

Yeah.

I never miss it.

Finish him!

Yeah!

Yeah!

God, I love bloodsport.

So, are you in?

I... Yeah, sure.

I am in. I will

watch fight club and cheer with great fervor.

Oh, you're not watching, buddy.

You're fighting.

What?

Hmm. So this is the new dishwasher?

Yeah. Apparently, it has Wi-Fi.

Why?

I don't know.

Uh, Bela, we wanted to talk with you about something.

We know about what happened with you and Sass.

And we don't think you should feel bad about it.

Though it's fine to feel bad

that the hookup was with your backup ghost.

I actually don't feel that bad.

I mean, the way Eric canceled on me yesterday?

- He clearly doesn't care. - Yeah, about that...

Eric didn't actually cancel on you.

He just pretended to cancel.

Why would he do that?

Because Sam is a psychopath.

Because he wanted to surprise you.

I can't believe this.

So I cheated on Eric?

With my backup ghost?

- Booyah. Suck it, Sass. - Here's the thing.

We think what happened between you and Sass falls

in this dreamy, ghosty, gray area.

So, wait. Eric's still coming to propose?

- Yes. - And you don't think I need to tell Eric

about the whole hooking up with Sass thing.

Ah. We just feel like it's going to hurt him.

It does. It hurts.

- Eric? - I'm in the box.

- Surprise. - Wait.

Where's the dishwasher?

Oh. Uh, I installed it for you.

Oh, damn it. He's a good guy.

I just got an email from the dishwasher.

Said it's starting the rinse cycle.

Yeah.

Programmed it.

I-I can't believe you hooked up with a ghost the night

before I was gonna ask you to marry me.

Past tense. Not looking good, Samantha.

I was upset.

I was expecting a proposal, and then

it seemed like you weren't coming.

Eric, please. I don't even care about Sass.

I felt like we shared something, but I understand

you're making a point.

Babe, the dishwasher's asking if we have any rinse aid?

I'm sorry, Bela, but

your attraction to ghosts is really triggering for me.

I need some space to think.

Hmm. So what am I telling the dishwasher?

It's the night we've all been

waiting for!

It's fight club!

In this corner is...

Isaac!

Boo!

We love the boos, 'cause they fuel your inner rage demon.

Yeah, well, what if you don't have one of those?

And in this corner, it's...

it's The Trunk!

I thought he was a support column.

Now fight!

- Yeah, I can't do this. I can't do it. - What?

- I can't do it, Pete. - Isaac.

- It's not gonna happen. - Isaac.

- What? What? - Isaac.

You're always telling stories

about how you surrendered in this battle or that battle.

- Uh-huh? - But if these people are gonna

follow you, then you need to be a leader.

- And I know there's a leader in you. - Oh.

You got this.

Thank you, Peter.

I guess it's true what they say, huh?

The bigger they are, the harder they fall!

Oh...

It's so much better as a spectator.

There we go, Mr. Tree.

And we'll give you a happy little friend there.

That's nice. That's very nice.

Oh, love what you're doing there.

Oh, great. It's Sass.

Well, you know what?

Now these are all sad little trees.

I don't know what that means.

What do you want, Sass?

You're interrupting my Bob Ross dream.

I want you to forgive Bela.

Okay, so she had a meaningless hookup

in a dream. Is that really so threatening?

Very much so.

Some women are into pool boys and personal trainers.

Well, mine's got it bad for ghosts.

Eric, don't throw away something

just because of a misunderstanding, okay?

You can still save this.

Well, why do you care so much?

Because I'm in love with this roamer ghost named Joan,

and all I want to do is tell her how I feel,

but I can't, because I'm stuck here.

I'm sorry, man. That's... that's tough.

It is. But you can go for what you want.

And that is such a gift.

So if you want to marry Bela, go for it.

Oh, honey,

it's beautiful.

You show real promise.

Oh, this is my mom.

Uh, Mom, this is a ghost who hooked up with my girlfriend.

Oh. Nice to meet you.

Pleasure.

- How you feeling? - Humiliated.

Defeated, embarrassed.

A failed politician.

The reject of a group so reviled

they were locked away and left to die.

That's us. Little tip?

If a man's opening a door for you,

but holding a hammer and shouting,

"Get in the pest house," that is not chivalry.

- What are you doing here, Nancy? - Look, Isaac,

obviously, you didn't win, but you showed guts.

Literally.

At one point, he ripped out your spleen

and held it up like a trophy.

That was so cool. The Trunk's a showman, you know?

Oh, yeah.

Did you just come here to glory in my defeat?

I came up here to tell you you earned my respect.

You earned everyone's respect in the basement.

- I did? - Sure, The Trunk wiped the floor with you.

But you took him on.

And you never gave up,

which is what being a basement ghost is all about.

How so?

I don't know, man.

Do you want to keep living down there, or not?

- I do. - Well, then,

enough laying around on this poofy princess pad.

Let's get down to the basement. Your public awaits!

Did you hear that, Peter?

I have a public.

I'm happy for you.

So, what did I miss today?

Ooh, there was a big gurgle earlier.

We think it may have been Sam shaving her legs in the shower.

Ooh. About time, right?

Yeah, winter months are lean, gurgle-wise.

Bela?

What are you doing here so early?

I couldn't sleep, so I thought I'd just start work.

Diving into labor to avoid emotional pain.

This is why our best workers were orphans.

I'm so sorry, Bela.

I just can't believe I have to start all over again.

Even if I met someone tomorrow, then what?

It's a year before we move in together.

And then another year before we get engaged.

Then we have to plan the wedding,

and then it's, like, three more years before we have kids.

I just don't want to be back at the starting line.

I hear you.

But in all that, I didn't hear you mention Eric's name once.

What do you mean?

I get that it's scary to start over.

But if avoiding that is the reason

you want to marry Eric, maybe... you're settling.

Maybe? Was that in dispute?

What if I was settling? Is that so bad?

Yes, it is, Bela, because you're the best,

and you deserve the best.

Oh, Jay.

Oh. It's too bad these two are siblings.

If they were cousins, I'd really be rooting for them.

I guess I have to officially break up with Eric.

Ugh. That's not going to be a fun conversation.

I'm here again.

- Oh, hell no. - This again?

Oh, I'm... I'm not produce.

I'm so sorry, Eric.

Eric, what do we do?

Do we just stay in here?

- Are your parents here? - Yeah, I flew them out for the proposal.

- Surprise. - Hey, guys.

Good to see you out and about, Steve.

So, sweetie,

what do you want me to do about the hot air balloon?

We should probably let the company know?

Oof. I've seen bodies get cut to tiny pieces

and dumped in the East River.

This is more painful to watch.

Jay, what is all this?

It's a do-over.

We're in the Bahamas, and...

we're drinking this.

Okay.

- I miss drinking. - Right?

A cocktail and some of my roommate's ADHD pills?

Pretty nice little Tuesday.

Okay, I think this is going to take too long.

Um, we finish it, and there's a ring at the bottom,

and you're like, "Oh, my God."

Would she be like that, or would she be passed out on the floor?

Okay, so,

I had to dig deep into my old Yahoo account

to find my original proposal.

Come on, buddy. We're rooting for ya.

"We may not have found a Charmander in Pokémon GO,

"but I found something even better in real life.

"A Sam-mander.

"And unlike Tom Brady's football in the AFC Championship game,

my love for you will never deflate."

Okay, I forgot how reference-y this was.

Let me just skip to the end.

I love you, Sam.

I want to spend the rest of my life with you.

Will you marry me?

Yes.

And this is the proposal

that I had always dreamed of.

But what really matters is I get to spend my life

with the most wonderful man in the world.

Jay, you got fireworks?

Yup.

They were Eric's, but he forgot to cancel them.

Anything for you, babe.

Captioning sponsored by CBS

and TOYOTA.

Captioned by Media Access Group at WGBH access.wgbh.org