Original subtitles

Candy.

No!

I find out that Ashy Slashy is my real father,

and he's got me sleeping in his sister's old room.

Hey, kiddo, rise and shine.

Some counselor from Kenwood High

left you one of those text things.

I've got you now.

One thing is clear, evil is after my offspring...

Fucker!

...the born and the unborn.

From now on, protecting Brandy is job one.

You are in grave danger.

- Who sent you? - Your uncle.

The Brujo.

There was a naked lady right there.

Those marks on your arms, that's Sumerian writing.

If I'm right, this goes one of two ways.

He kills us, or we kill him.

Hey, kiddo. I'm sorry I'm late.

I would've gotten here sooner, but, uh, I stopped to get you some flowers.

Oh. Oh, they're dripping wet.

Yeah, well, that's how you know they're fresh.

Look, um...

it's really nice that you're here,

but you barely knew my mom.

So you don't have to do this whole "dad" thing,

if you don't want.

I mean I know you're trying, but my guidance counselor

offered to put me up until I graduate.

And I think maybe I should take her up on it.

Come on now, I mean, you know,

50 bucks a week was just a suggestion.

- You know? - Hmm.

I mean, I'll keep the-the seat down.

Yeah, I guess if...

if my mom and the town can give you a second chance,

then I can too.

You must be the husband of the deceased?

Yeah, for like an hour and a half.

Uh, but, lovingly.

Relatives may pay their respects to the deceased

in the private viewing area, if you wish.

Oh, buddy boy.

Um, are you sure that's a good idea?

- Excuse me? - Well, in case you hadn't noticed,

- the kid's mom is, uh... - minus a noggin.

Oh, I think you'll find she's been well restored.

Restored?

We reinstated the head.

Son of a bitch. I mean, thank you very much.

Sorry, baby, it's nothing personal,

but you know, if you've been killed by a Deadite,

a guy can't be too careful.

Well, uh, rest in peace, Candy Barr.

You were cursed with a dumb name,

but, uh, I'll always remember you.

Or at least I'll never forget you again.

And of all the chicks, you gave the...

Hmm. Ah! Hey!

Hey!

- Damn, you look good, lover! - Oh!

Oh! Oh! Hands off the Johnson!

Just like old times, eh?

Oh, no. This ain't the Kroger parking lot.

- Yeah! - Yee-hah!

Oh, do you want to take it slow?

No, no, no! I don't want to take it at all.

- Where are you going? - You know you want it, big boy!

- Yeah? - No, no, no, no, no.

Yeah!

Oh, that's more like it, Ashy!

- Yeah! - No... means... no!

Don't you want to kiss me?

Is this better?

How was that for you?

We really should get started.

I'm sorry, I don't know where he is.

Can we just wait five more minutes?

I'm sorry, I think we should start.

Brandy, honey?

Is there anything I can do?

No. It's just... my stupid father.

- Thank you for being here. - Always.

I'm here for you.

Thank you for coming today, to remember my mother Candace.

She was a good friend to so many...

but most of all, she was my mom.

When I think back...

Um, when I think back,

I picture my mom trying to raise her little girl

in a world that sometimes felt complicated and...

Oh, my God!

Fucking hell!

Oh, Jesus...

Sorry, folks. Just a... little misunderstanding.

Ew! Jesus Christ.

We all grieve in our own way.

Go ahead, hon, you're doing great.

Um...

she taught me...

It's all right.

I've got it.

Well, uh, on behalf of Brandy,

I'd like to, uh, thank you all for coming.

Mr. Williams, I'd like to express my sincere condolences.

Oh, well, thanks, but, you know, I didn't really know her...

- Ruby. - Excuse me?

Well, if it ain't the she-devil herself.

In church no less.

You found the Book, didn't you?

What are you doing?

This is my guidance counselor, Ms. Prevett.

- The one you're moving in with? - That's right, and I want to assure you,

I only have your daughter's best interests at heart.

I don't know how she's doing it, I don't know why she's doing it,

but you got to believe me kiddo.

Little Miss Moffatt here, is a black hearted hell beast!

I have known her for two whole years.

- Seriously? - I can almost explain.

Who was your punk friend?

- Rachel. - Rachel. Right.

Well, Ruby made her, and your mom into demons.

Ms. Prevett...

turned my mom, and my best friend into demons?

I can't do this.

I'm getting my stuff out of your creepy house,

and I never want to see you again.

Oh, Brandy.

I think it's time that you backed off, Ash.

Of course there's nothing you can do to me,

but I'd hate for anything to happen to your precious little girl.

You be careful, Ruby.

Never get between a Papa Bear and his cub.

Whoa!

Fuck me.

Looks like a snuff film in here.

Well, Kelly. Pablo. New guy.

You missed all the excitement.

Everybody's favorite skanky demon Ruby is back,

and she's yanking Brandy's chain.

- Hold on, Ruby's back? - Yep.

- And this is the evil immortal Ruby. - Mm-hmm.

- Who's Ruby? - Oh, boy.

Oh, shit.

I'll be right back, guys.

Pablito.

Naked lady?

I think there's a dress code.

You must listen to the Brujo...

you are in danger from the demon woman.

To protect you, he wants to give you something...

The Kandarian dagger?

It is close to where it was lost...

you must go there.

It is the key to your salvation.

Got it.

Hey, uh, by the way, you got a name?

Maybe we could, uh,

grab a coffee sometime,

or meet up, you know, like at a clothing store...

Find it!

You must accept your destiny.

Cool.

This demon, Ruby? She's the Dark One?

We need to kill her. Now!

You want to do that, you need a Kandarian dagger.

Guys... I think it's still there.

The dagger.

I think it's at the place, where the cabin went down.

- How would you know? - Because a naked lady told me.

Uh...

- There's only one way to find out. - Road trip.

- Road trip. - Copy that.

But you three are going to have to go solo this time.

- What? What are you going to do? - I'm going to try and talk some sense

into my seriously hormonal daughter.

Good luck with that.

So, where do we start?

Over there.

Like, way over there.

Hard to believe this is the place where evil was released.

It's harder to believe that evil keeps bringing us back to the cabin,

and this time it's not even here.

It's creepy being back.

This was the last place I saw Ruby.

Two Rubies, actually.

Then we should dig fast.

- Kel. - Yeah?

I got something.

That dagger is definitely here.

You want me to come with?

I'll be fine.

I just need to pull myself together, and then I'll get a ride to your place.

Maybe I should say good-bye to Ash.

I'll be waiting.

Some people just don't treat family with enough respect.

And they say there's no such thing as second chances.

I don't even know what to think anymore.

I feel like I'm losing my mind.

Now, now.

It's that damn Ash...

kid's got more loose screws than a Nevada cathouse.

What do you think you're doing?

Oh, uh, enjoying my couch,

now that I swept off all your nasty chips and shit.

How about we watch it again?

That'll bring a smile.

You know me as Ash Williams,

the hero who saved Elk Grove from evil.

I'm serious, buddy.

Watch, this is the best part.

Because at Ashy Slashy's, "service" is literally...

- Not. - Our middle name!

What a piece of shit.

You actually put this on TV?

What's wrong with... Forget that.

What the hell are you doing in my house, creep-o?

Enjoying the company of the granddaughter I never knew I had.

Brandy, you know your grandpa's dead, right?

- Am not. - Is too.

- Nope. - What is your problem? He's fine.

Forget him. Kid's got demon on the brain.

Your grandpa was run over by the Delta.

Yeah, he told me about the accident.

It's amazing he survived.

Survived? His head was squashed like a fucking watermelon!

It'll take more than that shitty rent-a-wreck to keep me down.

Can you please stop, okay?

This is the first time that I have felt even close to normal since I met you.

Yeah, quit being such an asshole, and let us enjoy our family time.

Come here, sweetness. Thread 'er up again.

Hey, Dad, can we have a chat?

Oh, that boy is such a buzzkill.

We found everything but the dagger.

Still think we're getting warm?

Hold on!

Hello, gorgeous.

Guys, I found it!

Shit.

Guys!

I think we need to get out of here right now.

Run!

Pablo!

Dalton! Can you guys hear me?!

Fuck!

Hello?!

Pablo... goddamn it.

Shit.

Dalton! No, no, no, no, no, no.

No...

It was Pablo...

Pablo did this.

- Pablo did this to you? - Kelly, get out of here.

Look at me.

Look at what your fucking friend did.

He set us up.

What are you talking about?

We should have killed him when we had the chance.

Give me the dagger.

There's got to be another way.

Kelly... give me the dagger.

I told you this would happen,

but you wouldn't listen to me.

I'm sorry, Dalton.

I'm sorry, too.

Now give me that fucking dagger!

Nobody fucks with the Ghost Beaters!

Pablo!

Pablo?

Dalton.

Well, let's see, he's got some beer...

some Pop-Tarts, and...

and an old corn dog.

Goddamn, boy.

Don't you keep any real food around here?

What's your game, Gramps?

Why's everything got to be a drama with you?

We got rope!

We got rubber! We got it all!

That cutie-pie's counselor

asked me to drop in on her, that's all.

Oh, yeah? Your buddy Ruby?

Yeah, ol' Sasquatch.

That fine-looking slice of evil pulled me right from the dirt.

Go ahead, make your move.

I put you in the dirt once, I can do it again.

Oh, attaboy.

Show Brandy the monster that you really are.

- ...to "ildo." - Goddamn it.

Because at Ashy Slashy's service is literally...

- Oh, what are you doing? - ...my middle...

You think she hates you now?

Whoa!

Oh, boy.

Don't worry about Brandy, I'll give her a shoulder to cry on.

I like my kids cooked medium rare.

And I love the smell of old man in the morning!

Ah! Hey!

Ow.

Uh... the good news is I can explain.

I wish you were the one that was dead.

Honey, don't judge a book by its cover!

- Leave me alone. - No, look, sweetie,

I didn't even kill him, 'cause he's already dead!

Kids.

Created by A. Vandelay