Original subtitles

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[frogs croaking]

[frogs croaking]

[Bessie purring]

Ah, a leisurely outing with Bessie.

Why, we could really go anywhere. Do anything.

Ooh, ooh! Can we get Swamp Slushies? They have new flavors.

[chuckles] Nope.

Can we go off-road? Do some crazy stunts?

Double no.

Ooh, ooh! Can I drive? Sure.

Aw, come on, Hop Pop. Wait, really?

Absolutely. I've been trying to teach this guy for years. It's true.

All right. Give me those reins. I'm ready to drive.

Not before reading this, you ain't. What?

This is Bessie's History.

Before touching a snail's reins, you gotta know them.

Feel their heartbeat next to yours and become one.

Hop Pop, it's just a vehicle.

We had a family car back home. It's no biggie.

Oof! Don't care.

You can't drive Bessie

unless you read this cover to cover.

And that's final.

Are there pictures?

There are diagrams.

[echoing] No!

Dramatic much?

Now if you'll excuse me, Polly's due for a wash.

[giggles]

No, no. Wait. No!

I'll just get dirty again.

You can't stop me.

I learned this from watching you, Anne.

[groans] I'll be old before I finish reading this thing.

Yeah, page five is as far as I got.

Too much description, not enough plot.

[sighs] This is ridiculous.

I don't need history.

I need experience.

Hey.

What do you say we take a harmless test-drive?

Prove to Hop Pop we're fast learners?

Hmm. Do you get the feeling

this is one of those decisions we'll look back on and say,

"Ooh-boy, we probably shouldn't have done that"?

[sing-song] We'll get Swamp Slushies while we're out.

No regrets!

That's what I like to hear. Hyah!

-[whooping] -[laughing]

Huh? What in tarnation?

Whoa, whoa, whoa!

Out of the way, slowpoke.

Hooligans! Ruffians! Swamp suckers!

Whoa. What was that?

I've always wanted to try road rage. And the verdict?

Exhilarating.

Live your truth! Yeah!

[both laugh]

[Sprig] Man, you were right.

We didn't need to read some silly book. You drive just fine.

Just fine? Pshh. Boy, I'm a natural.

-[gasps] Ooh, ooh! Wanna take this baby off-road? -Yup.

-[revving] -Whoo-hoo!

[both] Whoa!

[laughing]

[both] Whoa!

[laughing]

[both] Whoa! Oof!

[sighs] So, off-roading. Fun.

But how about we go back to on-roading?

Good old reliable on-roading, yes, please.

All right, Bessie. Let's move.

One more time. Let's move.

Um, Bessie?

[sputtering] You all right, girl?

Hey, what's going on here? Does it need fuel in the tank or something?

Is the oil low?

Come get the tasty fuel, Bessie.

Ew, Anne. These leaves are tastier.

Here, Bessie. I got dem good leaves, girl.

[purrs]

Hmm. Maybe we can push her?

Give her a jump-start? I'm sure that's a thing.

[both straining]

-Okay. She is way too heavy. -[Sprig panting]

Also, I'm crazy out of shape.

What are we gonna do? We're stuck.

We have no choice.

I'll stay here with Bessie

while you hitch a ride back to the farm and...

[groans]

go get Hop Pop.

Good idea. It's the right thing to do, even if we get an earful.

Back in a flash.

[grunting]

[sighs]

[scatting]

[yawns]

Ah, this is so boring. [groans]

Wish I had something to read.

Fine. But just to pass the time.

[coughs] Okay, let's see here.

"It was an especially cold morning

the day Bessie was brought into this world."

[Hop Pop] "The leaves had just changed color,

and now I shall describe those leaves to you in great detail--"

Nope. Nope, nope, nope, nope, nope.

[grunting]

Aha!

Over here, over here. I need a ride.

-[coughing] -[tires squeal]

Oh, thank you so much for stopping. I, uh--

Oh.

Bless my socks. If it isn't Sprig Plantar. [barks]

[chuckles] Yep.

Hey, uh, sorry about earlier.

Got a little carried away.

Oh, pishposh.

Sadie Croaker never holds a grudge, honey.

Well, that's lucky. Will you give me a lift back home? It's urgent.

Oh, absolutely.

Thanks, Mrs. Croaker.

Oh, my pleasure, honey. Well, go on and get comfy.

Watch out for ol' Archie, though.

His venom can cause paralysis.

Now hold on to your eyebrows.

-'Cause here we go! -[engine revving]

[both whooping]

Can't this thing go any faster?

[Hop Pop] "And it was at that moment

I realized Bessie was no ordinary snail,

but a kind, clear soul who would help others at a drop of a hat.

I raised my bid to 400 copper pieces, winning the auction,

and in the process, saving Bessie from the nefarious Jim Snapes."

Yes! In your face, Snapes. [grunts]

Man. This is actually pretty good.

And I need to stop eating leaves.

[humming]

Come on, come on.

You know what would make this ride go a lot quicker?

What? Anything. What?

A song.

[vocalizing]

♪ Ninety-nine jugs Of juice on the wall ♪

♪ Ninety-nine jugs of juice ♪

♪ Take one down, pass it around ♪

[Hop Pop] "The snow swirled around us and I knew we were doomed.

I could feel the strength leaving my body bit by bit.

The sweet embrace of eternity crept closer and closer

-until suddenly I heard a sound pulling me back." -[warbling]

"Bessie... Bessie was singing!"

[Anne sobbing]

You go, girl.

You noble, noble creature.

Man. This is messing me up.

[sniffles] Now let's see. Where was I?

"The reason Bessie had hidden in her shell was now very clear to me.

A predator was close.

And not just any predator. A natural enemy of snails."

-[rustling] -[bird caws]

Uh... Hello?

Uh, anything in here about this predator?

Oh, there we go. Aw, it's actually pretty cute.

[snarling] [screams]

[whimpers]

[snarling]

[yells]

[growling]

Cone on, come on. Yes!

"When Bessie senses danger,

you gotta sit on her shell

and yell at the top of your lungs,

'Bessie, things are getting messy!'"

Yes!

Whoo!

[growling]

Eat our dust, hedgehogs. [screams]

"If you still haven't escaped, give Bessie some berries

from the secret compartment in the front of her shell."

Whoa, this is gross.

Let's do this thing, Bessie.

[purrs]

[yelping]

Way to go, Bessie!

You are the queen of the road.

[purrs]

All right, let's go home.

♪ Take one down Pass it around ♪

♪ No more jugs of juice On the wall ♪

[sighs] Glad that's finally over.

One more time.

[muffled screaming]

[Anne] Hey, kid, need a lift?

[purrs]

Anne! Thank goodness.

Okay, bye, Mrs. Croaker. Thank you.

Bye, darlin'. Next time, try to keep that road rage in check.

[laughs] Yee-haw!

[cackling]

[whooping]

Pretty sure I just got played.

That woman is everything I want to be.

[both groan]

We made it.

And it looks like Hop Pop's still washing Polly.

-You'll never take me alive! -Dang it, Polly.

You're getting filth everywhere.

[crash]

Hey. You coming?

I think I'm going to spend a little more time

with ol' Bessie here.

Suit yourself.

[door closes]

[purring gently]

Now where were we?

[snoring]

[grunts] What the hey?

Good morning, Hopadiah.

Anne?

I did it.

I read the whole thing.

In one night.

Impressive. Kinda scary. But impressive.

I was wrong about Bessie. She's not just a vehicle.

She's a noble, beautiful creature.

And now that you've read this, all you need is experience.

[chuckling]

[evil laughter]

I don't feel safe.

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