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Hahahahaha!
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Ladies and gentlemen...
3
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welcome to Mrs Brown's Boys.
4
00:00:26,000 --> 00:00:27,860
What's wrong with you, Granddad?
5
00:00:27,895 --> 00:00:29,720
I haven't slept for three days.
6
00:00:35,040 --> 00:00:36,120
Hello!
7
00:00:37,120 --> 00:00:38,920
I'm just doing a bit of cleaning.
8
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I'm just about to take a break.
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God, I say cleaning like
it was a hobby. It's not.
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00:00:45,880 --> 00:00:47,680
Shut up, you feckin' mutt!
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I... I'd better feed him. Hold on.
12
00:00:53,520 --> 00:00:54,840
Here, Spartacus!
13
00:00:57,880 --> 00:01:00,240
When I... Jesus, I never
opened the feckin' thing!
14
00:01:01,960 --> 00:01:03,400
Here, Spartacus!
15
00:01:07,120 --> 00:01:11,280
I had six children I reared on my own
and they weren't as much trouble as you!
16
00:01:11,315 --> 00:01:13,760
Where was I? Oh, yeah...
17
00:01:13,795 --> 00:01:15,845
cleaning!
18
00:01:15,880 --> 00:01:18,140
Well, it's not as
if it goes unnoticed.
19
00:01:18,175 --> 00:01:20,267
I had Father Quinn round
the other day...
20
00:01:20,302 --> 00:01:22,325
he took one look at the house
and said,
21
00:01:22,360 --> 00:01:25,280
"Mrs Brown,
yourself and God keep a lovely home".
22
00:01:25,315 --> 00:01:27,457
I said "Thank you, Father"
but I'm thinking,
23
00:01:27,492 --> 00:01:29,600
"You should see it when
God has it on his own!"
24
00:01:32,800 --> 00:01:35,645
I feel like I've
always been cleaning.
25
00:01:35,680 --> 00:01:39,520
When I was 18, I married his son,
Redser Brown,
26
00:01:39,555 --> 00:01:41,240
because of a condition I had...
27
00:01:41,275 --> 00:01:42,640
called pregnancy.
28
00:01:44,480 --> 00:01:46,920
The next day, I started cleaning.
29
00:01:46,955 --> 00:01:49,197
Hiya, Mammy! Hello, Cathy, love.
30
00:01:49,232 --> 00:01:51,440
Ah! Granddad looks peaceful.
31
00:01:51,475 --> 00:01:52,960
Doesn't he! Hahaha!
32
00:01:56,200 --> 00:01:57,765
Heading out on the big date, love?
33
00:01:57,800 --> 00:02:00,440
It's not a big date, Mammy.
It's just a quiet drink.
34
00:02:00,475 --> 00:02:02,845
Quiet drink! That's what all men say.
35
00:02:02,880 --> 00:02:05,800
They think vodka's a lubricant
to get your knickers off easy.
36
00:02:07,080 --> 00:02:11,085
You may laugh, but I tell you, one minute
you're sipping Piney Coladies, next...
37
00:02:11,120 --> 00:02:15,160
your legs are up in stirrups with the doctor
shouting, "Don't push till I tell you!".
38
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I'll keep that in mind, so!
39
00:02:17,560 --> 00:02:19,485
You do that. Ah, why do I bother?
40
00:02:19,520 --> 00:02:22,520
Right, I'm off! Do you want
a cup of tea before you go, love?
41
00:02:22,555 --> 00:02:24,285
No, Mammy. Sure, I'm running late.
42
00:02:24,320 --> 00:02:27,080
Don't be breaking your neck,
he'll be feckin' late as well.
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Did Daddy always come late?
44
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That's none of your feckin' business!
45
00:02:38,000 --> 00:02:39,445
See you later!
46
00:02:39,480 --> 00:02:42,680
Cathy, love!
Yes, Mammy? You look fantastic!
47
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Thanks, Mammy.
48
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Keep them on!
49
00:02:49,720 --> 00:02:51,360
I... I'm not just a cleaner.
50
00:02:52,840 --> 00:02:54,805
I have a market stall as well.
51
00:02:54,840 --> 00:02:58,280
I sell fruit and vegetables. I
suppose I'm a business woman! Ha ha ha.
52
00:02:59,840 --> 00:03:02,405
I don't like customers
who come and just poke.
53
00:03:02,440 --> 00:03:05,760
They come and maul your fruit without
any feckin' reason whatsoever.
54
00:03:05,795 --> 00:03:08,400
I say to them, "Missus,
that's a banana, not a willy..."
55
00:03:09,840 --> 00:03:12,640
".. it won't get bigger
if you squeeze it!"
56
00:03:14,120 --> 00:03:15,480
Hahaha! Hahaha!
57
00:03:23,200 --> 00:03:24,600
There goes Happy Feet!
58
00:03:27,200 --> 00:03:30,520
I better go in and see what's
happening in the North Pole.
59
00:03:31,600 --> 00:03:33,845
Hello, Dermot, son.
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00:03:33,880 --> 00:03:36,200
Hello, Mammy.
What are you promoting this week?
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00:03:36,235 --> 00:03:38,320
Chocolate biscuits.
Oh, lovely...
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00:03:38,355 --> 00:03:40,497
what kind?
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00:03:42,161 --> 00:03:43,700
Kit Kats!
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00:03:45,240 --> 00:03:46,805
Dermot, love...
65
00:03:46,840 --> 00:03:49,200
quack, quack, quack, quack!
66
00:03:50,440 --> 00:03:53,600
What's wrong, love? Why are you
such a sad little penguin?
67
00:03:53,635 --> 00:03:56,160
You're not in trouble
with the law again, are you?
68
00:03:56,195 --> 00:03:58,245
No, Mammy, it's Maria.
69
00:03:58,280 --> 00:04:00,760
Ah, the lovely Maria.
We've broken up.
70
00:04:00,795 --> 00:04:01,880
Bitch! Never liked her!
71
00:04:04,280 --> 00:04:07,165
What did she do?
She's not a bitch, Ma.
72
00:04:07,200 --> 00:04:09,685
And she didn't do
anything, it's just... Yes?
73
00:04:09,720 --> 00:04:12,640
.. to be honest Mammy, I'd rather
not talk about it right now.
74
00:04:12,675 --> 00:04:14,417
I understand...
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00:04:14,452 --> 00:04:16,125
so what happened?
76
00:04:16,160 --> 00:04:19,120
Mammy! I'm not talking about it!
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Fine...
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00:04:21,640 --> 00:04:24,685
Do you want a cup of tea?
No, I'm only on a quick break.
79
00:04:24,720 --> 00:04:28,240
Well, if it's only a quick break, you
should slip into the fridge and relax!
80
00:04:28,275 --> 00:04:31,480
Hahahahaha! Slip into the... Hahaha!
81
00:04:43,120 --> 00:04:45,720
It's very late to be studying.
Hi, Mammy.
82
00:04:47,360 --> 00:04:50,360
I can't sleep,
worrying about Dermot and Maria.
83
00:04:51,400 --> 00:04:52,685
Cathy...
84
00:04:52,720 --> 00:04:57,080
you amaze me the amount of work and persistence
you put into everything you feckin' do.
85
00:04:59,840 --> 00:05:02,240
And I know I'm biased...
you're my only daughter
86
00:05:03,280 --> 00:05:06,560
.. but the man who gets you will be...
he'll be the luckiest man on earth.
87
00:05:07,680 --> 00:05:11,000
Not bad for a widow bringing
up a girl on her own, hey?
88
00:05:11,035 --> 00:05:12,040
Am I right?
89
00:05:13,240 --> 00:05:14,360
Sorry, Mammy?
90
00:05:16,880 --> 00:05:18,240
Nothing, it doesn't matter.
91
00:05:19,200 --> 00:05:22,005
Cathy, what am I going to
do about Dermot and Maria?
92
00:05:22,040 --> 00:05:27,280
Mammy... it's best if we all just butt
out and let them sort it out themselves.
93
00:05:28,720 --> 00:05:30,800
What do you want, Granddad?
94
00:05:30,835 --> 00:05:32,285
I don't feel well.
95
00:05:32,320 --> 00:05:34,800
You're 92, you're not
supposed to fuckin' feel well!
96
00:05:37,012 --> 00:05:39,085
Mammy! What?
97
00:05:39,120 --> 00:05:40,965
Maybe he really is sick.
98
00:05:41,000 --> 00:05:43,520
Don't take any chances.
Call the doctor!
99
00:05:43,555 --> 00:05:45,245
A doctor? At 80 euro a visit?!
100
00:05:45,280 --> 00:05:48,640
He's no health insurance.
At least he's insured for a funeral.
101
00:05:48,675 --> 00:05:49,760
Mammy!
102
00:05:51,200 --> 00:05:52,880
Fine. I'll call the doctor.
103
00:05:54,280 --> 00:05:56,920
This is all because of his
feckin' budgie! His budgie?
104
00:05:56,955 --> 00:05:58,657
Found him dead today.
105
00:05:58,692 --> 00:06:00,466
Well, he must be upset.
106
00:06:00,501 --> 00:06:02,205
He's at that age, love.
107
00:06:02,240 --> 00:06:04,480
His budgie dies,
he's sure he's going to be next.
108
00:06:05,640 --> 00:06:07,800
With a bit of buckin' luck!
109
00:06:13,320 --> 00:06:16,600
It's a sharp pain across
the shoulders and down the spine.
110
00:06:16,635 --> 00:06:19,440
How long has he had it?
Not him... ME!
111
00:06:22,360 --> 00:06:24,725
Mrs Brown,
I'm here to examine Granddad.
112
00:06:24,760 --> 00:06:27,240
You're wasting your time with him,
he's fucked.
113
00:06:29,240 --> 00:06:31,320
Only a matter of time,
isn't it, Granddad?
114
00:06:31,355 --> 00:06:32,597
Am I dying?
115
00:06:32,632 --> 00:06:33,840
Yes... Friday!
116
00:06:36,920 --> 00:06:38,540
What's wrong with him, anyway?
117
00:06:38,575 --> 00:06:40,427
I'll have to run some tests.
118
00:06:40,462 --> 00:06:42,245
Tests! More feckin' money!
119
00:06:42,280 --> 00:06:45,760
I'll need a sample of his urine,
and a sample of his stool.
120
00:06:47,760 --> 00:06:50,365
What'd he say?
121
00:06:50,400 --> 00:06:52,080
He wants your underpants.
122
00:06:54,440 --> 00:06:58,360
Granddad, I need you to close
your mouth when I put it in.
123
00:06:58,395 --> 00:07:00,485
Hahahahaha!
124
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He's never heard that before!
125
00:07:04,320 --> 00:07:06,520
I'm afraid I'll have
to do a rectal reading.
126
00:07:06,555 --> 00:07:07,765
Ooh!
127
00:07:07,800 --> 00:07:08,845
Can you help me?
128
00:07:08,880 --> 00:07:10,560
With buckin' pleasure!
129
00:07:12,800 --> 00:07:14,845
Come on, Granddad!
130
00:07:14,880 --> 00:07:16,480
The doctor has a surprise for you!
131
00:07:19,880 --> 00:07:22,045
Oooooh! Ooh hoo hoo!
132
00:07:23,140 --> 00:07:25,265
Would you like a cup of tea, Doctor?
133
00:07:25,300 --> 00:07:28,140
I wouldn't mind another one
of these. It's in the kitchen.
134
00:07:28,175 --> 00:07:29,477
Hahahahaha!
135
00:07:30,780 --> 00:07:33,880
I'll get you a cup of tea, Granddad.
136
00:07:33,915 --> 00:07:36,507
I wish you could see it
from this side!
137
00:07:36,542 --> 00:07:39,100
You look like a big buckin'
toffee apple.
138
00:07:41,152 --> 00:07:43,065
Oooooooh!
139
00:07:43,100 --> 00:07:48,580
Granddad! What are you doing there in
that state? Come on... fix yourself!
140
00:07:48,615 --> 00:07:50,740
Now, sit down.
141
00:07:50,775 --> 00:07:51,785
No!
142
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Granddad! Come on, sit down.
No! No! No!
143
00:07:55,775 --> 00:07:57,265
Arrrgh!
144
00:08:02,460 --> 00:08:03,500
Now...
145
00:08:04,940 --> 00:08:08,140
.. now, Granddad,
isn't that much better?
146
00:08:13,980 --> 00:08:15,720
Granddad! Hahahahaha!
147
00:08:15,755 --> 00:08:17,425
What are you doing?
148
00:08:17,460 --> 00:08:20,340
Come on, Granddad. Now
we're going to play Treasure Hunt!
149
00:08:25,860 --> 00:08:27,820
No, Mrs Brown. I'm afraid it's gone.
150
00:08:27,855 --> 00:08:31,357
Gone?! I'm not paying for that!
151
00:08:31,392 --> 00:08:34,860
Now, wait a minute... er, gone?
152
00:08:34,895 --> 00:08:36,585
Arrgh!
153
00:08:36,620 --> 00:08:38,460
Is that bad? Is that dangerous?
154
00:08:38,495 --> 00:08:39,940
Get him to hospital today.
155
00:08:41,340 --> 00:08:43,220
We'll explore the cavity then.
156
00:08:44,340 --> 00:08:46,440
Explore the cavity! What?
157
00:08:46,475 --> 00:08:48,540
He's going potholing!
158
00:08:50,220 --> 00:08:52,660
Goodbye, Mrs Brown.
Goodbye, Doctor.
159
00:08:54,780 --> 00:08:57,420
Now you've heard of
"Doctor Dolittle"...
160
00:08:57,455 --> 00:08:59,300
there goes "Doctor Do-Fuck-All"!
161
00:09:02,180 --> 00:09:04,600
You're going to hospital, Granddad...
162
00:09:04,635 --> 00:09:07,020
and you're not coming fuckin' back.
163
00:09:08,980 --> 00:09:12,065
Mammy. Yes, love?
Did you see me Psychology magazine?
164
00:09:12,100 --> 00:09:15,180
I left it down here last night.
No and if you left it on that chair,
165
00:09:15,215 --> 00:09:16,620
it's probably up his arse!
166
00:09:18,340 --> 00:09:20,380
Arse like a buckin' Dyson he has!
167
00:09:22,860 --> 00:09:27,700
Cathy, there has to be something
I can do about Dermot and Maria.
168
00:09:27,735 --> 00:09:28,740
Mammy...
169
00:09:29,860 --> 00:09:33,700
.. as I said, we all need to just
butt out. I want to be involved...
170
00:09:33,735 --> 00:09:36,037
I want to be a leader!
Like your man in Iran,
171
00:09:36,072 --> 00:09:38,340
'Mock Mood Momamma Jibbidi
Get It Back Up Again'.
172
00:09:39,300 --> 00:09:43,460
Mammy, of all people
you stay out of this. I mean it.
173
00:09:45,780 --> 00:09:48,020
Promise me you won't interfere.
174
00:09:48,055 --> 00:09:49,740
OK!
175
00:09:51,900 --> 00:09:54,180
Me? Interfere?
176
00:10:03,220 --> 00:10:05,380
Biscuit, Maria? Thank you.
177
00:10:07,460 --> 00:10:10,940
Ah, I cut the edges off
so they fit in the mug.
178
00:10:13,432 --> 00:10:15,820
Oh. I see.
179
00:10:17,460 --> 00:10:19,500
So, Maria, why are you torturing my
son?
180
00:10:20,860 --> 00:10:21,865
Excuse me?
181
00:10:21,900 --> 00:10:24,500
Well, you've obviously
done something to upset him.
182
00:10:24,535 --> 00:10:25,700
How can we make it right?
183
00:10:26,820 --> 00:10:28,380
Maybe if you apologise?
184
00:10:28,415 --> 00:10:30,185
Me? Apologise?
185
00:10:30,220 --> 00:10:32,985
That's the spirit, love!
186
00:10:33,020 --> 00:10:37,220
Mrs Brown, I have no idea what Dermot
has told you about what's going on, but...
187
00:10:37,255 --> 00:10:40,225
maybe I should say I'm sorry
all right, sorry I ever met him,
188
00:10:40,260 --> 00:10:44,500
sorry I allowed myself to fall in love with him
and sorry I ever got involved with his family.
189
00:10:44,535 --> 00:10:49,220
And sorry that he has to put up with
such a domineering matriarch as you!
190
00:10:49,255 --> 00:10:51,820
I was hoping for something shorter!
191
00:10:52,820 --> 00:10:56,940
Dermot, you're home, just in time. Maria has
something she wants to tell you. You have?
192
00:10:56,975 --> 00:11:00,060
Yeah! I hope you and your mother
will be very happy together!
193
00:11:00,095 --> 00:11:02,540
Keep it short! Keep it short!
Now get stuffed!
194
00:11:07,420 --> 00:11:08,820
Do you want a cup of tea, love?
195
00:11:09,860 --> 00:11:11,665
What the hell happened here, Mammy?
196
00:11:11,700 --> 00:11:14,500
What the hell happened?
She came here, sat down,
197
00:11:14,535 --> 00:11:16,460
nibbled the biscuits and dunk...
198
00:11:16,495 --> 00:11:17,705
I don't know what to...
199
00:11:17,740 --> 00:11:19,880
She meant... What is this side...
So she...
200
00:11:19,915 --> 00:11:22,020
I'm here... Oh, yeah, wuzzah...
And she said...
201
00:11:22,055 --> 00:11:23,225
Don't you muck! Eh!
202
00:11:23,260 --> 00:11:27,300
Ohhh! Zem! Nice! You keep away!
Uzzah!
203
00:11:27,335 --> 00:11:29,300
It's no wonder you dumped her!
204
00:11:31,300 --> 00:11:35,380
I didn't dump HER. She broke up with
me, because I wouldn't move in with her.
205
00:11:35,415 --> 00:11:38,060
Leave home? Yes!
She wants us to move in together.
206
00:11:38,095 --> 00:11:39,540
It's far too early for that!
207
00:11:40,580 --> 00:11:41,620
I'm 33.
208
00:11:43,220 --> 00:11:44,425
Exactly!
209
00:11:44,460 --> 00:11:48,940
Mammy, I wish you'd stay
out of things and for once...
210
00:11:48,975 --> 00:11:50,580
mind your own business!
211
00:11:52,820 --> 00:11:55,460
You are my business!
212
00:11:56,740 --> 00:11:58,140
I'm... your mother...
213
00:11:58,175 --> 00:11:59,545
Awww.
214
00:11:59,580 --> 00:12:02,100
It's a man in a fuckin' dress!
215
00:12:07,340 --> 00:12:08,705
Here, Cathy...
216
00:12:08,740 --> 00:12:10,780
I believe your date was a disaster.
217
00:12:10,815 --> 00:12:12,677
I wouldn't say that, Winnie!
218
00:12:12,712 --> 00:12:14,540
You're better off, Cathy.
219
00:12:14,575 --> 00:12:16,340
Men, preverts!
220
00:12:18,500 --> 00:12:21,660
They all look for one thing,
and don't need a com-pass!
221
00:12:22,860 --> 00:12:25,780
Will you stop it, Mammy!
He wanted to go out and have a talk.
222
00:12:25,815 --> 00:12:28,420
Oh, a talk... yeah!
Talk about doin' it!
223
00:12:32,020 --> 00:12:34,980
Mammy...
Hold on, where's me handbag?
224
00:12:35,015 --> 00:12:36,820
Feckin' hang on.
225
00:12:52,580 --> 00:12:53,820
Me tablets are in it.
226
00:12:56,140 --> 00:12:58,305
Mammy, my date was not a disaster!
227
00:12:58,340 --> 00:13:00,820
Well, when are you seeing him again?
I'm not.
228
00:13:00,855 --> 00:13:02,977
Disaster!
229
00:13:05,100 --> 00:13:07,020
My Sharon's got herself a new...
230
00:13:07,055 --> 00:13:08,025
yoke.
231
00:13:08,060 --> 00:13:10,940
Boyfriend, Mrs McGoogan.
I've met him and he's very nice.
232
00:13:10,975 --> 00:13:12,905
One of the usual weirdos
Sharon picks?
233
00:13:12,940 --> 00:13:15,420
Actually he's a gentleman.
Gentleman, Betty?
234
00:13:15,455 --> 00:13:17,865
And what would you call a gentleman?
I dunno.
235
00:13:17,900 --> 00:13:21,020
Opens the door for you? Mmmm. Takes
your coat off when you go in?
236
00:13:21,055 --> 00:13:24,740
Mmmmm. Pulls the chair out
when you go to sit down. Aye!
237
00:13:24,775 --> 00:13:26,540
Dirty bastard!
238
00:13:28,540 --> 00:13:30,905
That's all put on!
239
00:13:30,940 --> 00:13:32,740
He just wants to
play hide the sausage!
240
00:13:35,740 --> 00:13:37,680
Will you stop it, Mammy.
241
00:13:37,715 --> 00:13:39,620
Not all men are sex maniacs!
242
00:13:39,655 --> 00:13:41,345
Yes, they are!
243
00:13:41,380 --> 00:13:42,865
They are! Aren't they, Winnie?
244
00:13:42,900 --> 00:13:46,460
Only last year, me and Winnie went to
that film festival, The "Cock-a-Coh".
245
00:13:46,495 --> 00:13:48,697
Uh, what's the one with the...
246
00:13:48,732 --> 00:13:51,456
the motorbike and the swords and..
247
00:13:51,491 --> 00:13:54,180
Radiator! Gladiator! The Graduate!
248
00:13:55,860 --> 00:13:58,540
We looked great with
our Liverpool hairdos.
249
00:13:58,575 --> 00:13:59,865
I had mine like Cilla Black,
250
00:13:59,900 --> 00:14:01,580
she had hers like fuckin' Ken Dodd.
251
00:14:03,060 --> 00:14:06,180
We went to that picture house and
were only five minutes there...
252
00:14:06,215 --> 00:14:07,740
Five minutes... sitting down.
253
00:14:09,420 --> 00:14:12,585
I can't... I can't say it!
I'm too embarrassed. You tell them.
254
00:14:12,620 --> 00:14:16,140
Well, this..... fella came over and
sat beside Winnie, right beside her.
255
00:14:16,175 --> 00:14:18,180
Right beside me! Right beside her!
256
00:14:19,700 --> 00:14:22,460
Five minutes later,
what's he do? What's he do?
257
00:14:22,495 --> 00:14:26,340
He takes his willy out... Out! Out!
258
00:14:26,375 --> 00:14:27,825
Oh, my God.
259
00:14:27,860 --> 00:14:29,460
The dirty bastard!...
260
00:14:30,580 --> 00:14:32,880
Winnie says to me,
"Look, look Agnes!"
261
00:14:32,915 --> 00:14:35,180
Well, I glanced...
I only feckin' glanced!
262
00:14:36,740 --> 00:14:41,225
Oh, my God! What?
He was playing with it!
263
00:14:41,260 --> 00:14:44,940
Poor Winnie was disgusted.
I was disgusted. She was disgusted!
264
00:14:44,975 --> 00:14:47,900
Well, why didn't you move?
We couldn't move!
265
00:14:47,935 --> 00:14:49,860
He was using Winnie's hand.
266
00:14:57,380 --> 00:14:58,900
I'm only joking, Winnie!
267
00:15:01,340 --> 00:15:02,580
Oh, Jesus!
268
00:15:02,615 --> 00:15:03,820
Well, here...
269
00:15:04,860 --> 00:15:09,300
.. it's because of weirdos like him
that I carry this.
270
00:15:09,335 --> 00:15:10,425
Jesus!
271
00:15:10,460 --> 00:15:12,625
Jesus Christ! What's that?
272
00:15:12,660 --> 00:15:19,340
It's a Tazer gun. If it was me he sat beside, I'd
give him one jab of this and he'd be electrocuted.
273
00:15:19,375 --> 00:15:21,500
And she wonders why
she can't get a man.
274
00:15:23,820 --> 00:15:25,300
Vibrators!
275
00:15:28,340 --> 00:15:29,705
I beg your pardon, Winnie?
276
00:15:29,740 --> 00:15:34,020
Well, nowadays, that's what
the women do get, them vibrators!
277
00:15:34,055 --> 00:15:35,340
Shut the buck up, Winnie!
278
00:15:36,380 --> 00:15:38,180
Honest, Agnes, they do!
279
00:15:39,260 --> 00:15:40,780
I think I might get one meself!
280
00:15:43,140 --> 00:15:45,620
Well, make sure you get
one that takes diesel!
281
00:15:51,140 --> 00:15:53,385
Can you imagine her with a vibrator?
282
00:15:53,420 --> 00:15:55,580
"Winnie, are you coming
to Bingo on the bus?
283
00:15:55,615 --> 00:15:58,340
"No, I'm on a vibrator!"
284
00:15:58,375 --> 00:15:59,905
Hahahaha!
285
00:15:59,940 --> 00:16:03,900
Oh, Winnie,
stop that feckin' dirty talk!
286
00:16:06,940 --> 00:16:09,100
Hello? Yes? Is that Out Patients?
287
00:16:09,135 --> 00:16:11,260
I'm enquiring about Mr Brown.
288
00:16:12,580 --> 00:16:13,660
Brow-we-nuh.
289
00:16:14,940 --> 00:16:16,900
.. Up his arse, that's him, yes.
290
00:16:18,980 --> 00:16:21,340
Very generous? Why, what did he do?
291
00:16:22,340 --> 00:16:25,900
Nurse, is he near you? Put him
on the phone will you, please?
292
00:16:25,935 --> 00:16:28,065
For God's sake, feckin' eejit.
293
00:16:28,100 --> 00:16:31,620
Hello Granddad. Yes, did you fill
out a form there this morning?
294
00:16:32,860 --> 00:16:34,460
Yeah. What did you tick off on it?
295
00:16:35,540 --> 00:16:37,340
Kidneys...
296
00:16:37,375 --> 00:16:39,177
heart...
297
00:16:39,212 --> 00:16:40,945
liver...
298
00:16:40,980 --> 00:16:42,620
that was a donor form!
299
00:16:44,140 --> 00:16:46,780
No, it wasn't
the feckin' breakfast menu!
300
00:16:48,980 --> 00:16:53,180
Well, you go back to her and make sure
you get all the bits you went in with!
301
00:16:53,215 --> 00:16:56,540
I swear that man is getting
feckin' worse every day!
302
00:16:56,575 --> 00:16:58,665
Mammy? What?
303
00:16:58,700 --> 00:17:01,465
I really enjoyed those few
drinks we had last night!
304
00:17:01,500 --> 00:17:05,220
You had enough of them! Yeah, one more
vodka and I'd have been under that table!
305
00:17:05,255 --> 00:17:08,180
One more pint of cider and I'd
have been under that buckin' barman!
306
00:17:10,420 --> 00:17:13,905
You wouldn't, would you, Mrs Brown?
Don't be ridiculous, Betty!
307
00:17:13,940 --> 00:17:18,820
It's so long since I had sex, I can't
even remember who it is that gets tied up!
308
00:17:18,855 --> 00:17:20,497
Here, we'll miss the shops.
309
00:17:20,532 --> 00:17:22,140
You all right, Cathy? Yeah!
310
00:17:24,100 --> 00:17:25,505
Mammy...
311
00:17:25,540 --> 00:17:28,060
keep an eye on me Tazer
for me will you, it's charging.
312
00:17:28,095 --> 00:17:30,517
When the red light goes out,
plug it out.
313
00:17:30,552 --> 00:17:32,940
Red light out, plug out.
Cathy love...
314
00:17:34,220 --> 00:17:36,860
.. what am I going to do about
Dermot and Maria?
315
00:17:36,895 --> 00:17:38,180
I think you've done enough.
316
00:17:39,180 --> 00:17:42,100
I have an idea. Cathy, you're
training to be a psychologist.
317
00:17:42,135 --> 00:17:44,757
Why not give them counselling?
Counselling?
318
00:17:44,792 --> 00:17:47,345
That's not a bad idea, Betty.
No, no, Cathy!
319
00:17:47,380 --> 00:17:49,865
I'll talk to Maria.
I'll see you later, Mrs Brown.
320
00:17:49,900 --> 00:17:53,340
See you later, Betty.
Cathy, Cathy love. Wait a second!
321
00:17:53,375 --> 00:17:55,500
We need to talk about this!
You can't just...
322
00:17:56,820 --> 00:17:58,265
Cathy! Cathy, love!
323
00:17:58,300 --> 00:18:01,780
You're not even qualified to feckin'
counsel for God's sake! Cathy!
324
00:18:03,820 --> 00:18:05,620
Cathy, for God's sake!
325
00:18:05,655 --> 00:18:07,140
Hello?
326
00:18:27,300 --> 00:18:29,620
Hello? Hell, hell, hello?
327
00:18:29,655 --> 00:18:31,940
How do you do, do, do, do do?
328
00:18:33,220 --> 00:18:35,940
No, there, there's no O'Brien here...
329
00:18:35,975 --> 00:18:38,660
you have, have
the wr... wrong number.
330
00:18:38,695 --> 00:18:40,300
Are you fucking deaf?!
331
00:18:41,660 --> 00:18:43,300
Oh, hello, Father Quinn!
332
00:18:55,220 --> 00:18:58,545
Hm! Counselling?
No counselling in my day.
333
00:18:58,580 --> 00:19:03,140
You must be joking. If me and your father
had problems, we couldn't run to a counsellor!
334
00:19:03,175 --> 00:19:05,625
No way, Jose!
335
00:19:05,660 --> 00:19:09,340
We'd sort it out ourselves, like
adults! Into a room on our own...
336
00:19:09,375 --> 00:19:11,140
and I'd knock the shite out of him.
337
00:19:14,460 --> 00:19:16,620
We didn't need a counsellor...
338
00:19:16,655 --> 00:19:18,780
We needed a buckin' referee!
339
00:19:20,220 --> 00:19:22,140
Well, we're nearly
ready to get started.
340
00:19:23,500 --> 00:19:25,465
Oh, don't mind me.
341
00:19:25,500 --> 00:19:29,780
I'm just a fly on the wall,
a fly on the wall.
342
00:19:29,815 --> 00:19:31,140
Bzz, bzz, bzz, bzz.
343
00:19:31,175 --> 00:19:32,537
Bzz, bzz, bzz.
344
00:19:32,572 --> 00:19:33,900
Tss, tss, tss.
345
00:19:38,140 --> 00:19:41,140
I think everybody would be more
comfortable if you weren't here.
346
00:19:41,175 --> 00:19:43,660
It's a pity everybody
doesn't pay the buckin' rent!
347
00:19:48,420 --> 00:19:51,620
All right Mammy,
but please... don't interfere.
348
00:19:51,655 --> 00:19:54,060
Fly, wall, me.
349
00:19:54,095 --> 00:19:55,220
Bz.
350
00:19:56,460 --> 00:19:58,220
OK then, let's begin...
351
00:19:58,255 --> 00:19:59,300
Badges!
352
00:20:00,500 --> 00:20:03,060
You never gave us our badges!
353
00:20:03,095 --> 00:20:04,065
Badges?
354
00:20:04,100 --> 00:20:05,625
We're all meant to have badges.
355
00:20:05,660 --> 00:20:08,020
You know, "My name is Agnes
Brown. I'm a lunatic!"
356
00:20:09,780 --> 00:20:12,140
No, Mammy. You don't get badges.
357
00:20:12,175 --> 00:20:13,785
You're meant to get badges.
358
00:20:13,820 --> 00:20:15,940
You don't, Mammy,
and that's the end of it!
359
00:20:15,975 --> 00:20:17,860
Fine... you forgot the badges.
360
00:20:19,500 --> 00:20:21,760
Maria, what do you...
361
00:20:21,795 --> 00:20:23,985
I have stickers upstairs!
362
00:20:24,020 --> 00:20:26,820
We could use stickers and a marker
and write the names on.
363
00:20:26,855 --> 00:20:27,825
Mammy, please!
364
00:20:27,860 --> 00:20:31,140
I'm only trying to
help you out of your badge situation.
365
00:20:31,175 --> 00:20:33,145
I DON'T HAVE A BADGE SITUATION!
366
00:20:33,180 --> 00:20:36,220
Well, obviously, because you
don't have fuckin' badges!
367
00:20:36,255 --> 00:20:39,225
I did not forget the badges,
we're just not having badges.
368
00:20:39,260 --> 00:20:43,220
Badges would be pointless in this
situation, because we don't need them!
369
00:20:47,060 --> 00:20:48,460
Cathy, calm down...
370
00:20:49,820 --> 00:20:51,825
.. you're making something
out of nothing!
371
00:20:51,860 --> 00:20:54,460
Dermot, you don't need a badge.
Maria, need a badge?
372
00:20:54,495 --> 00:20:57,140
No, I don't need a badge.
Fuck the badges!
373
00:20:59,580 --> 00:21:00,700
Maria...
374
00:21:02,020 --> 00:21:04,540
what do you think
started all of this? Well...
375
00:21:04,575 --> 00:21:07,060
Miss! Miss!
Mammy, is this you not interfering?
376
00:21:07,095 --> 00:21:10,380
No, it's Sooty in his nude!
377
00:21:11,540 --> 00:21:15,760
I just want to say this is Dermot's
home. Dermot should go first.
378
00:21:15,795 --> 00:21:19,980
Mammy, it doesn't matter who goes
first. Then start with Dermot.
379
00:21:20,015 --> 00:21:22,185
No, Mammy, I will not
start with Dermot.
380
00:21:22,220 --> 00:21:24,905
Now, if you don't mind,
there's a system for doing this.
381
00:21:24,940 --> 00:21:28,025
Is there? Yeah! Well, how come
it doesn't matter who goes first?
382
00:21:28,060 --> 00:21:32,540
I beg your pardon? You can't have "system" and
"doesn't matter" in the same feckin' sentence.
383
00:21:32,575 --> 00:21:35,180
Imagine if that was the
system for landing airplanes?
384
00:21:35,215 --> 00:21:37,660
And the pilot coming in to land says,
385
00:21:37,695 --> 00:21:39,865
"Excuse me captain... captain...
386
00:21:39,900 --> 00:21:42,540
"whatever your name is,
cos we've no fuckin' badges."
387
00:21:44,540 --> 00:21:46,540
"Are the wheels down?
388
00:21:46,575 --> 00:21:48,540
"Oh, it doesn't matter!"
389
00:21:52,340 --> 00:21:56,660
That wouldn't that be a nice way for the
Hoolihans to start their two weeks in Fuengerola!
390
00:21:56,695 --> 00:21:58,580
Do you know what, Mammy? What?
391
00:21:58,615 --> 00:22:01,105
You do this every time.
392
00:22:01,140 --> 00:22:04,580
Ah, don't exaggerate, I never
flew an airplane in me buckin' life.
393
00:22:06,020 --> 00:22:09,100
You mess everything up when
I try to do my own thing!
394
00:22:09,135 --> 00:22:11,437
You're getting paranoid. Am I? Yes!
395
00:22:11,472 --> 00:22:13,740
Well, what about Teddy Brannigan?
396
00:22:15,860 --> 00:22:17,460
Teddy Brannigan?
397
00:22:18,460 --> 00:22:22,180
That was a long time ago. Yes, it was,
but you still remember it, don't you?
398
00:22:22,215 --> 00:22:23,900
Oh, I remember, all right.
399
00:22:27,860 --> 00:22:29,660
You were sixteen years of age!
400
00:22:29,695 --> 00:22:31,785
Not a titty to your name.
401
00:22:31,820 --> 00:22:36,060
I was going to get you glasses so people
would know which way you were facing!
402
00:22:40,980 --> 00:22:44,580
The neighbours used to say, "Here
comes Cathy Brown with the two backs".
403
00:22:46,820 --> 00:22:50,780
Teddy Brannigan used to go up and down
our road at two o'clock in the morning,
404
00:22:50,815 --> 00:22:52,825
"Neeeeow, neeeeeow, brrm."
405
00:22:52,860 --> 00:22:54,860
If he got a motorbike,
he'd be dangerous!
406
00:22:57,380 --> 00:23:01,780
And you, running behind
him with your helmet on you!
407
00:23:01,815 --> 00:23:03,705
I was in love!
408
00:23:03,740 --> 00:23:06,740
Love, my arse! What would you know
about love at sixteen?
409
00:23:06,775 --> 00:23:08,625
Especially to a thug like that.
410
00:23:08,660 --> 00:23:11,220
Oh, Mammy, if you had your way,
I'd never get a man!
411
00:23:11,255 --> 00:23:13,300
It'd help if you'd
stop electrocuting 'em!
412
00:23:15,740 --> 00:23:17,820
I saved you!
413
00:23:19,260 --> 00:23:22,025
You saved me?
Don't try and thank me now!
414
00:23:22,060 --> 00:23:25,260
I'm not thanking you. I don't know
what you're talking about!
415
00:23:25,295 --> 00:23:28,460
You wouldn't have been happy!
Well, I'm not happy now, so there!
416
00:23:28,495 --> 00:23:30,900
You should talk to yourself
and leave them alone!
417
00:23:30,935 --> 00:23:33,220
Jesus Christ! Jesus Christ,
yourself!
418
00:23:33,255 --> 00:23:35,740
You won't even let me...
419
00:23:39,660 --> 00:23:42,505
This is a waste of time! Is it?
420
00:23:42,540 --> 00:23:44,825
Mammy, it's not just
Teddy Brannigan, is it?
421
00:23:44,860 --> 00:23:47,500
No man I ever meet will be
good enough for you, will they?
422
00:23:47,535 --> 00:23:50,105
Where did I leave my violin?
423
00:23:50,140 --> 00:23:53,260
I'm going to me room.
Go to your room... Oh, Jesus!
424
00:23:53,295 --> 00:23:54,580
How could you do that?
425
00:23:55,900 --> 00:23:58,100
How could you beat your mother?
426
00:23:58,135 --> 00:24:00,385
I brushed off you!
427
00:24:00,420 --> 00:24:02,220
You beat me! Oh, my Jesus...
428
00:24:02,255 --> 00:24:03,740
It's gone dead!
429
00:24:06,260 --> 00:24:09,380
It's gone dead, look, it's
feckin' dead! Look it's feckin'...
430
00:24:09,415 --> 00:24:11,820
Oh, Cathy, I can't turn left!
431
00:24:11,855 --> 00:24:13,780
It's spreading... Oh!
432
00:24:27,660 --> 00:24:30,500
Jesus Christ, I've gone blind!
433
00:24:35,180 --> 00:24:38,980
Cathy! I'm going! Is she still there?
434
00:24:39,015 --> 00:24:40,860
This is ridiculous!
435
00:24:42,260 --> 00:24:45,260
Cathy! Cathy, wait!
Cathy, please...
436
00:24:45,295 --> 00:24:46,540
Cathy, let me explain!
437
00:24:46,575 --> 00:24:47,580
Cathy...
438
00:24:48,940 --> 00:24:49,980
Cath...
439
00:24:51,060 --> 00:24:53,180
Don't bring me up
them feckin' stairs!
440
00:24:54,940 --> 00:24:57,980
You saw that, now. I was minding
my own business
441
00:24:58,015 --> 00:25:00,185
and she feckin' attacked me!
442
00:25:00,220 --> 00:25:02,460
This is because she
forgot the feckin' badges.
443
00:25:04,620 --> 00:25:08,660
I tell you now, if Jesus Christ appears
to me and asks me to sacrifice a child...
444
00:25:08,695 --> 00:25:10,420
she's fuckin' gone!
445
00:25:15,980 --> 00:25:18,300
Well, I feel much better after that.
446
00:25:19,980 --> 00:25:21,020
So do I.
447
00:25:22,300 --> 00:25:23,465
I'm so sorry, Maria.
448
00:25:23,500 --> 00:25:24,940
No, Dermot, look I'm sorry.
449
00:25:26,020 --> 00:25:28,500
I shouldn't have made a big deal
about us moving in.
450
00:25:28,535 --> 00:25:30,265
Yes, you should!
451
00:25:30,300 --> 00:25:31,545
You were right, Maria.
452
00:25:31,580 --> 00:25:33,460
You mean you want us
to live together?
453
00:25:34,460 --> 00:25:36,620
On one condition. What?
454
00:25:41,180 --> 00:25:44,500
Will you marry me, Maria?
Oh, yeah I will.
455
00:25:45,980 --> 00:25:47,700
Right!
456
00:25:49,140 --> 00:25:52,100
Let's go down to Foley's
and tell everyone! Haha!
457
00:26:02,940 --> 00:26:07,460
I thought that went well. Yeah, Mammy,
it did, it was a great idea. Thanks, love.
458
00:26:08,980 --> 00:26:10,540
I'll get you a cup of tea.
459
00:26:11,700 --> 00:26:14,740
I swear that man thinks
I'm on a feckin' bungee rope!
460
00:26:17,300 --> 00:26:18,840
What do you want now?
461
00:26:18,875 --> 00:26:20,345
'I think I'm dying!'
462
00:26:20,380 --> 00:26:22,900
Yeah? Well,
call me when you're sure.
463
00:26:24,620 --> 00:26:27,145
Go up and see what's wrong with
him will you, Cathy?
464
00:26:27,180 --> 00:26:30,500
Tell him if he doesn't behave, I'll
come and take his temperature!
465
00:26:30,535 --> 00:26:31,700
Cathy!
466
00:26:35,220 --> 00:26:37,420
Here, love, that's for you.
467
00:26:37,455 --> 00:26:38,985
What's this?
468
00:26:39,020 --> 00:26:40,980
Encyclopaedia Britannica.
469
00:26:43,660 --> 00:26:44,865
It's a phone number.
470
00:26:44,900 --> 00:26:47,700
Yes, it's Teddy Brannigan's
phone number.
471
00:26:50,220 --> 00:26:53,740
You know I don't like gossip, but
I was down at me yoga classes and...
472
00:26:56,260 --> 00:26:58,660
.. I was levitating
beside Mary Matthews and...
473
00:26:58,695 --> 00:27:00,785
she was talking
about Teddy Brannigan.
474
00:27:00,820 --> 00:27:04,260
His wife shagged off on him, left him
with two young kids, two years ago.
475
00:27:06,060 --> 00:27:09,780
It's not easy on your own with young
children, and I know that. And I...
476
00:27:09,815 --> 00:27:11,865
I thought a phone call
might cheer him up.
477
00:27:11,900 --> 00:27:14,220
You know you get a phone call
sometimes, "Hello?
478
00:27:14,255 --> 00:27:16,020
"Oh, Jesus I'm cheered up!"
479
00:27:17,940 --> 00:27:20,300
Anyway that's his number...
480
00:27:23,660 --> 00:27:25,940
Thank you, Mammy. You're welcome!
481
00:27:28,580 --> 00:27:30,060
I mean it, Mammy.
482
00:27:32,340 --> 00:27:33,380
Really.
483
00:27:34,740 --> 00:27:36,080
Thank you.
484
00:27:36,115 --> 00:27:37,420
I know you do.
485
00:27:40,340 --> 00:27:42,380
That... that's what we do, love...
486
00:27:42,415 --> 00:27:44,385
mothers...
487
00:27:44,420 --> 00:27:45,860
that's what we feckin' do.
488
00:27:54,420 --> 00:27:58,540
That's it, I suppose, you know. I'm
not a cleaner, or a businesswoman.
489
00:27:59,940 --> 00:28:01,340
I'm a mother.
490
00:28:02,780 --> 00:28:05,140
And, and that's what we do. That!
491
00:28:08,020 --> 00:28:10,380
He's still a buckin' thug!
492
00:28:13,060 --> 00:28:14,500
Who are you talking to, Mammy?
493
00:28:15,540 --> 00:28:19,020
Nobody. Just meself, you know.
Nobody important.
494
00:28:23,500 --> 00:28:25,065
Goodnight.
37684
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