Original subtitles

(man on speaker phone) 'Hello, this is Helmut Jorgensen'

'from the Nobel Prize Foundation.'

'I'm calling to inform Mr. Bugs Bunny'

'that he has been awarded the Nobel Prize..'

[automated] 'Message deleted.'

(Tina) 'Daffy, Tina.'

'Just reminding you, tomorrow's date night.'

'Don't forget to make re..'

[automated] 'Message deleted.'

(Porky) 'Hey, guys. It's Porky.'

'I'm in kind of an emergency, and I..'

[automated] 'Message deleted.'

- 'End of messages.' - Anything important?

Nope.

[grunting]

I c-can't hold on much longer!

[grunts and screams]

[theme music]

[instrumental music]

Wow. I'm glad you're okay, Porky.

But you know, next time that happens

you really should call someone.

[doorbell rings]

Oh, got to go.

beep

[vehicle departing]

"Sweden?"

- What's that? - Huh.

I guess I won the Nobel Prize.

What's the Nobel Prize?

An award given to those who have made

the greatest contributions to the betterment of humanity.

Oh, the betterment of humanity!

That's why I haven't won one.

I wonder where I should put it.

Ugh, you're gonna display it?

That's so tacky, so showy.

Have a little decorum.

What about that thing?

This?

Oh, this is a major award.

World's greatest daughter?

Do you know how many daughters there are in the world?

Millions.

And I, "Sandra Sanchez"

am the world's greatest.

Now get your own shelf.

[sighs]

Here's your shelf.

You know, for an additional 20 bucks

we'd be happy to install it for you.

Twenty dollars? To install a shelf?

I won a Nobel Prize!

I think I can put up my own shelf.

thud

Looks secure.

Hmm. I guess I need to find a stud.

[tapping]

Ah. Here we go.

Yep. That's the stud right there.

crack

Guess that wasn't a stud.

You guys have anything to fill in

a couple of tiny, little holes?

Barely anything.

- You mean spackle? - Yeah, spackle.

Some people call it spackle.

Aisle 19.

You havin' trouble puttin' up that shelf?

What? No.

I put that up no problem. Just hammered it right in there.

Hammered? You used a drill, right?

Of course. Drilled it right in there.

Are the drills anywhere near the spackle?

Well, the award will cover that.

[whirring]

[doorbell rings]

Oh. Hi, Tina.

Hey. Picking up Daffy. Date night.

- Oh, is that a Timmel? - Huh? Oh, yeah.

That's my brand, Timmel.

Is that what you said, Timmel?

- What you working on? - Just putting up a shelf.

[whirring and clanking]

- Oh, that doesn't sound good. - It's fine.

- I'm sure I just hit a stud. - That's not a stud.

You either hit your junction box or a water pipe.

Thanks for your help. But I think I know what I'm doing.

I mean, I won the Nobel Prize.

[whirrs and clanks]

There, see?

(Daffy) What happened to the water?

Guess it was your water pipe.

- What are you doing here? - Date night. Remember?

Isn't that why you're in the shower?

What? No. I got peanut butter all over my back.

When's the water gonna come back on?

Well, first, he's got to remove the drywall.

Saw off the damaged pipe, and put on a slip coupler.

'Then, he's going to replace the drywall'

spray the texture on, and paint it.

I could do it for you, but it would take a couple of days.

A couple of days? I can't go without a shower for that long!

Since when do you take so many showers?

It's the principle.

If I'm gonna pay rent somewhere

then I want everything to work.

You don't pay rent.

And I won't. Not until that's fixed.

Now where am I supposed to live?

They won't let me back at the Y.

Long story.

I guess you could stay with me.

I don't think so. Not until there's a ring on this finger.

[hissing]

Here. Looks like you're going to need this.

Hey. My eyes are up here.

(Daffy) Thanks for letting me stay here, Porky.

It will be fun, it can get kind of lonely

l-living in this big old house by myself.

Well, t-this is the guest bedroom.

Great. I'm sure you'll be very comfortable here.

[instrumental music]

You get that shelf up?

Shelf? Ha ha ha.

You must have me confused with somebody else.

I'm a totally different customer.

Never been here before.

- Just the saw? - Uh, yeah.

Oh, I-I'm also going to need a...slip coupler.

Oh. You got a cracked water pipe?

Oh, yeah. Heh. You know how that goes.

The water was pouring out when I left.

You mean, you didn't shut off the water main?

[screaming]

Keep the change!

crash

Congratulations!

Lola, I got to get inside and shut off the water main.

Whatever that is.

Winning the Nobel Prize?

- That's amazing! - Lola, move it!

I mean, no bells.

None. I can't live without bells.

[jangling]

I think my house is flooded!

Wow! Someone wins the Nobel Prize

and thinks they're pretty hot.

Well, guess what? You're not, alright?

All you did was not have a bell, okay?

Anyone could do that. I could totally do that.

Who am I kidding? No I can't. Bells are so fun!

[jangling]

What's going on, man? I was taking a nap.

I almost drowned!

I was trying to put up a shelf

and I drilled into a water pipe.

Why didn't you just pay someone to put it up for you?

- I don't get it. - I won the Nobel Prize.

I think I can put up a shelf.

Oh, the Nobel Prize, huh? What did you get it for?

Making bad decisions?

[jangling]

Speedy, what are you doing here?

I live here. Or at least I used to.

Wait a minute. You live in Bugs' house?

Don't you own a restaurant? Can't you afford your own place?

Mm. Probably.

Speedy, we're adults, okay?

Adults live on their own.

- Where do you live? - With my parents.

They gave me these bells!

knock knock

What's up?

Oh, I was just gonna do some laundry.

So I-I n-need to get my laundry basket.

I'll get it.

- Here you go. - Thanks.

Hold it. These are my whites.

These are my darks. Oh!

And...these are my delicates.

I-I've never seen you wear clothes.

I like having the option.

Now, pay attention.

The delicates don't go in the machine.

These are a 100% silk.

They need to be hand washed.

- Got it? - I-I think.

Repeat it back to me.

Uh, d-darks, whites, d-delicates.

- What about the delicates? - Uh, hand wash them?

Oh, and I'm having a lady friend over for dinner tonight.

So here's a list for the grocery store.

Ooh, who are we having d-dinner with?

I'm having dinner with my girlfriend.

Now, if you'll excuse me

I'm in the middle of something.

It's fun having a roommate.

Alright. Let's see what we got here.

crash

Looks like we got a big hole in the wall.

Okay. So I guess I just need to make a cut here and here.

Then remove this part, put in a slip coupler

then somehow... fix this whole wall.

Pop in the ol' shelf, and we're done. Easy.

[whirring]

Whoa!

[creaks]

I wonder if this beam was important.

[cracking]

Hmm. Might need to get a little more spackle.

[creaking]

[crash]

Maybe a lot more spackle.

[theme music]

Happy b-birthday, Daffy!

[gasps]

D-do you like it?

Hmm.

♪ You've given me a birthday gift ♪

♪ You've really given my day a lift ♪

♪ Oh wow a childhood photo of you and me ♪

♪ But I have to tell you something now ♪

♪ And I'm trying to find the words how ♪

♪ While your gift was thoughtful ♪

♪ It was also chintzy ♪

♪ I can remedy the situation ♪

♪ And you can avoid future humiliation ♪

♪ If you would just follow these gift-giving guidelines ♪

♪ Buy me something made of solid gold ♪

♪ 'Cause this homemade sweater leaves me cold ♪

♪ Think in term of things that are expensive ♪

♪ A coffee mug that says my best friend ♪

♪ Will find a new home in my trash bin ♪

♪ And if you knit me a scarf ♪

♪ I'll bury it in the backyard ♪

Now, pay attention.

♪ Chintzy chintzy chintzy chintzy ♪

♪ Not chintzy ♪

♪ Chintzy chintzy chintzy chintzy ♪

♪ Very chintzy ♪

♪ This gift has a hot date ♪

♪ With my shredder ♪

♪ Buy me a Jacuzzi filled with caviar ♪

♪ Or a diamond-encrusted rocket car ♪

♪ And when in doubt try a briefcase full of money ♪

♪ Try to stay away from arts and crafts ♪

♪ I don't want your homemade bubble bath ♪

♪ And cookies are better when they're made by professionals ♪

♪ Buy me a ranch with a thousand longhorn steers ♪

♪ Or a mansion filled with crystal chandeliers ♪

♪ An M60A3 army tank ♪

♪ Would be met with heartfelt thanks ♪

♪ Because that's something I could drive to the supermarket ♪

Oh, I get it.

♪ Chintzy chintzy chintzy chintzy ♪

- Not chintzy. - Good.

♪ Chintzy chintzy chintzy chintzy ♪

- Very chintzy - Yes.

♪ That's why I'm setting fire ♪

♪ To the photo you gave me ♪

♪ So I'm glad I could help you out ♪

♪ This is what friendship's all about ♪

♪ But the next gift that you bring ♪

♪ Should require a trailer ♪

♪ So before a new day dawns ♪

♪ Maybe cash in your savings bonds ♪

♪ And buy me a present ♪

♪ That is not ♪

♪ Chintzy-y-y-y ♪♪

- Phew. - 'Ahem.'

You still owe me a birthday present.

[instrumental music]

- Well, what do you think? - Hmm.

It's pretty nice, I guess.

Maybe I could put my hole over here.

What are you talking about?

You don't have to live in a hole.

You got all this space.

I don't know. It seems so big.

I could help you decorate. Oh, it will be fun!

I have a really great eye. It's my left one.

My right eye's just a regular eye.

Oh, no, wait. I'm wrong. My right eye is my great eye.

My left eye has X-ray vision.

Hey, my eyes are up here, okay?

I can totally see through that.

[wheels squeak]

Doing a little home improvement?

Oh, you know.

Just tinkering with a few little projects.

'Nothing big, just replacing the ceiling'

an entire wall, most of the floor.

Maybe put in a new support beam or two.

That'll be $2,865.43 cents.

Say what?

What do you think?

I think I need to get back to the gym.

Not you, silly. The mirror.

Oh-oh! It's divine! Is it Rococo?

No, no, no. It's Baroque.

But a Baroque mirror is seven years' bad luck.

[both giggle]

[bell dings]

- Ooh. Nice bell. - May we help you?

Hi! Yes. Hello. Hi.

I am decorating an apartment

for a dear, dear friend of mine.

Ooh, whatever can you tell us about him?

Um, well, he's a mouse named Speedy Gonzalez.

I think he might wear a hat.

Well, we just received some lovely pieces from Spain.

This particular chest of drawers is 18th Century Mahogany.

Notice the burled walnut inset panels.

Oh, I don't know. It's not really speaking to me.

Oh, well, perhaps Senor Gonzalez would prefer

something a little more modern.

I am positively obsessed with this mid-century sofa.

No. This isn't really speaking to me, either.

[gasps] Ooh!

Now, this is speaking to me.

Hmm? Oh, thank you.

That's very flattering, but I have a boyfriend.

He just won the Nobel Prize.

Besides, you're not really my type.

You're too tall. And you're an armoire.

So.. Huh?

Oh, an arm-wah. Excuse me!

Blah, blah, blah, I'm from France.

Well, uh, what about this? It arrived this morning.

Look, I appreciate what you're trying to do

but you don't know Speedy like I know Speedy.

I know you think you do, because you're all mice.

- We're gophers. - We're gophers.

Oh. Is that different?

Just take a look. It's Italian Baroque.

- Isn't it exquisite? - Hmm.

It is nice. And Speedy is Italian.

Maybe this is Speedy!

[crash]

Oh, you know what?

No, this, this isn't Speedy.

Mm-mmm.

Yeah, I think I'm just gonna keep looking around

try few more stores and maybe

'some place that feels more like him.'

[nervous chuckle]

[bell dings]

Oh, I do love that bell, though. It's a great bell.

[bell dings]

Seven years isn't that long, when you think about it.

[slurping]

What? You don't like lobster bisque?

[scoffs] I'll get you something else.

Something for a less refined palate.

[bell dings]

So, uh.. Where's Porky?

How may I be-be that-be of service?

Porky, what are you doing in that outfit?

(Daffy) Don't engage the help.

That better be my bread and butter.

Yes, sir.

The lady doesn't like her soup.

Bring her something else.

There's nothing wrong with the soup.

- The butter is hard! - What?

I said, "The butter is hard."

Because somebody failed to let it soften

before serving dinner.

I'm sorry. I-I just got so busy with the creme brulee.

[stammers] But you're not too busy to make excuses!

Ow! That hurt!

I bet it hurt, because it's hard!

Daffy!

This doesn't concern you, Tina.

This is between me and my butler.

He's not your butler! Porky, you are not his butler.

I-I know. I just.. I like having someone around.

Are these store-bought rolls?

- Ow! - Of course you're saying "Ow!"

They're like rocks!

Ow!

Porky, what are you doing?

You're letting him walk all over you like this.

'This is your house! Be a man.'

- Y-you're right. - What?

I was s-sick of wearing this, anyway.

There. That's better.

Well, if this dump doesn't come with a butler

I might as well go back to the old dump.

And I can tell you put these in the dryer.

(Lola) 'Okay. In decorating your apartment'

'I had to ask myself, "Who is Speedy Gonzalez?"'

What does Speedy Gonzalez want?

What does Speedy Gonzalez need?

I had to get inside the mind of Speedy Gonzalez.

It wasn't easy, but I think I nailed it.

Speedy Gonzalez, welcome home!

[gasps] 'What do you think?'

(Speedy) 'Uh, yeah, it's, uh..'

There's a lot of little bells everywhere.

These bells have little bells inside the bells!

[dinging]

(Speedy) You know, Lola, I appreciate you doing all of this

but I think I'm going to go back to Senor Bugs.

I like my little mouse hole there.

It's got to be dry by now.

But then who's going to live here?

- You could. - Me?

I don't know. It's not really my taste.

I guess I could make it work.

Get rid of some of this Speedy Gonzalez influence.

- "Home sweet home." - Ain't that the truth!

[whirring]

I got the shelf up!

[theme music]

[popping]

meep meep

[blows]

ting

[blows]

[creaking]

thud

ting ting

[whirring]

screech

meep meep

[dramatic music]

crash

meep meep

[wind blowing]

[whirring]

[buzzing]

[popping]

meep meep

(Porky) 'I t-thought your house was destroyed.'

It was, but I'm a Nobel Prize winner.

I know how to fix a house.

Okay. Fixed the house.

Let me know if you need anything else.

[door opens and shuts]

Well, she fixed the house, but I put up the shelf.

crash

[theme music]

I'll just wear it.