Original subtitles

[doorbell ringing]

- Hi. - What?

Oh, uh, I thought may-maybe we could hang out.

Can't. Got a date with Tina.

Well, may-maybe I'll see what Bugs is doing.

Whatever.

[whistling]

- Porky? - Hey, hi, Bugs.

What are you doing here?

I thought may-maybe we could hang out.

Oh, I can't. I-I got a date with Lola.

Uh, oh, okay.

I-I'd ask you if you wanted to hang out

uh, but-but you probably have a girlfriend, too.

- I don't got a girlfriend. - Oh!

- Uh, you wanna hang out? - Not really.

[door shuts]

Uh-uh, you wanna hang out?

Uh, sure. Eh, wh-what do you wanna do?

Oh, I don't know. Eh, wh-what do you wanna do?

Oh, I'm pretty easy. Whatever you wanna do.

It-it-it doesn't matter to me. I-I'm up for anything.

'A-are you hungry? Uh, we-we could get something to eat.'

Ooh, w-where do you wanna go?

Uh, I don't know. Uh, you wanna go to Tutty's?

Uh, I don't know. I d-don't really like Tutty's.

How can you n-not like Tutty's?

Hey, let's just go to Pizzarriba.

Uh, but-but we always go to Pizzarriba.

Come on, it'll be fun!

Well, okay, when you put it that way.

I'm glad we're friends.

Uh, me, too.

[theme music]

[instrumental music]

- I'm just so sick of my job. - Mm-hmm.

- Would you like dessert? - Just the check.

It's like they keep telling me, "Tina, as soon as

the junior assistant manager position opens up, it's yours."

So then the junior assistant manager position opens up

and what do they do? They give it to Brian.

Mm. Brian.

I don't know. Maybe I should quit.

Mm-hmm, quit. Makes sense to me.

You know, my sister went to beauty school.

Maybe I should do that.

Get my cosmetology license.

What do you think?

[clears throat]

Anything you decide

I will be there to support you

because that's what I do

support you.

I'll get it.

You know what? I think we will have dessert.

What can I get you?

Uh, t-two cheese and mushroom pizzas

uh, uh, two milkshakes

and t-two orders of ca-calamari.

Ooh, good for you, Pinky! You got a girl coming?

No, it-it's just for me.

You need some help, man.

Lucky for you, I have just the thing.

(Porky) 'Uh, y-you teach dance classes?'

What, you think I'm just a pizza guy?

I teach upstairs, Monday nights.

Trust me, women love men who can dance.

Hm..

[doorbell rings]

- You killed your boss? - What?

I knew you were upset at work

but I didn't think you'd take it this far.

I mean, not that I blame you.

Who among us hasn't considered murder

as a means of settling a dispute?

I mean, I-I certainly have.

Where's the body? I'll help you get rid of it.

Daffy, this is a wig head.

Today was my first day of beauty school.

So no one got murdered? Lame.

[explosion]

Sorry I have to spend date night doing my homework.

Oh, is tonight date night? Don't worry about it.

You buy me dinner next time. We'll call it even.

[gunshots on TV]

Aw! Too short.

[woman screaming on TV]

- What are you doing? - Trying to cut bangs.

Dah! It's impossible!

Here, let me see.

- There you go. - How did you do that?

I don't know. I just did it.

You think you could also do a bob and a French braid?

So what do you wanna see?

Oh, I don't know. "Aliens?"

- Isn't that an old movie? - It's a movie?

[cell phone ringing]

- Hello? - Hey, Bugs.

- Who is it? - 'Guess what?'

I-I signed up for, uh, S-Speedy's dance classes.

- Wow! - What?

Yeah, he says w-women love a man who can dance.

So I figured w-what do I have to lose?

- That sounds great! - What sounds great?

Yeah, but the only thing is, the flyer says

you-you have to bring a partner.

- So? - So what?

(Porky on phone) 'So I was w-wondering'

'i-if you'd be my partner.'

- Me? - What about you?

Wouldn't you rather ask a woman?

- What woman? - 'I d-don't know any women.'

That's why I'm taking the dance class.

- I don't know. - What don't you know?

Ne-ne-never mind. I-it was a dumb idea, anyway.

I guess I ju-just figured

since you and Daffy had, uh, g-girlfriends.

[sighs] It's okay, though.

I-I'm used to be-being alone.

- No, wait. I'll do it. - Do what?

Uh, uh, really? Oh, wow!

I can't thank you enough.

'Uh, s-see you Monday night!'

There, I'm off the phone. Now we can talk.

What do you wanna talk about?

Ooh, you wanna talk about aliens?

Couldn't you do this on a wig head?

No. Head down.

Bobs are very intricate.

I need to see how the hair moves.

Shake it out for me.

Stand up for me.

It's impossible to evaluate with you in that shapeless smock.

Maybe this will give the illusion of a waistline.

Ooh, you are one ugly woman

but that haircut's got class.

[gasps] Class!

'Porky's gonna kill me!'

Wait! Tina still needs a French braid!

I am such a good girlfriend.

Dropping by uninvited without calling first, guys love that.

Who is that ugly woman leaving Bugs' house?

[gasps] She's getting in Bugs' car?

[car engine revving]

Is Bugs cheating on me?

[engine revving]

[car honking]

[alarm blaring]

crash

You're not gonna get away from me!

I will follow you until I found out who you are.

I won't rest until I get to the bottom of this.

Ah, ooh, is that a cupcake store?

[tires screeching]

[bell dings]

[instrumental music]

- Sorry I'm late. - Uh, B-Bugs?

Yeah, but why are you dressed like a woman?

Huh? Ah!

Daffy was practicing cutting hair.

Hey, n-nice bob. Uh, you make kind of an ugly woman, though.

Why does everybody say that?

I think I look beautiful.

Pinky, who's your dance partner?

She's such a beautiful woman.

Uh, wh-what?

- Uh, oh, no, it-- - Kathy.

Finally, someone with some taste.

Mwah.

Told you I was beautiful.

- What are you doing here? - I couldn't wait.

- How did we do? - We got a C.

What, did you tell them

it was because I had to do it on a wig head?

No, it's because I didn't turn in the bob.

Bugs! What's tonight's homework?

- A perm. - A perm?

What is this, 1984?

Mm, her hair's very fine. It's not gonna be easy.

I'll definitely need some volumizer.

You know what? This isn't your problem.

I'll figure something out.

[engine starts]

knock knock knock

- Oh, hey, Lo-- - Who is she?

Who?

That ugly woman I saw

leaving your house and driving your car.

First of all, she's not ugly

and second of all, that was me.

- Say what? - It's very simple.

Tina's going to beauty school

but Daffy's doing her homework for her

so I was wearing a wig that he was cutting

when I remembered that I was late for a dance class

that I agreed to take with Porky.

How dumb do you think I am?

I'm gonna be watching you.

You hear me? Watching you like a hawk.

I'm watching you.

Ow! Oops.

[Lola grunting]

Watching you!

[instrumental music]

Uh, w-where did you get that dress?

I thought Kathy deserved something

a little nicer than a smock.

Ooh, and look how pretty it twirls!

All my years of teaching

I have never seen such grace

such beauty on the dance floor.

- Uh, th-thank you! - I was talking to Kathy.

Too bad I have a strict rule about dating my students. Hm.

[laughing]

Good thing for that rule.

[giggles]

Okey-dokey, everyone. I'll see you next week.

Uh, y-you sure will. I-I'm gonna practice every day.

Ooh.

(Speedy) 'Yeah, whatever, Pinky.'

'Until Monday, Kathy.'

I'll be counting the seconds.

Uno, dos, tres

cuatro, cinco, seis

siete, ocho

nueve, diez

once, doce, trece..

[instrumental music]

So how are things?

[scoffs] Oh, I don't know. Complicated.

- Talk to me. - Get this.

My dance teacher has a crush on me.

What's complicated about that?

Well, A, I'm not interested

and, B, I'm taking the class as a favor to a friend

but now with all the weirdness in the air

I-I don't wanna go back.

Listen, girl. Don't let this teacher get under your skin.

You made a commitment to a friend

you gotta follow through on that commitment.

You're right. You're so right.

You know what else is right?

The amount of volumizer I used on your perm.

[instrumental music]

[doors shut]

Where are you going? You don't have your homework!

I'm going to work.

You're looking at the new junior assistant manager

at Copy Place.

Brian got fired for stealing ink.

What about beauty school? What about our dream?

That was never my dream. I wasn't even good at it.

But you only have one more test

before you get your cosmetology license!

I don't want my cosmetology license.

Oh, nice perm.

Hey, if anyone should be a hairdresser, it's you.

[engine revving]

Hm..

[instrumental music]

Tina Russo, it's time to get your cosmetology license.

chomp chomp

[theme music]

Uh, y-you have such a nice girlfriend, Daffy.

Uh, wh-what's it like to be in love?

Well, I'm glad you asked.

♪ How do you know when you're in love? ♪

♪ Well you came to the right friend ♪

♪ Love is like an ice cream sundae ♪

♪ That you think is never gonna end ♪

♪ Love makes you feel all tingly ♪

♪ Lightheaded and pretty ♪

♪ Just like a 700-foot robot ♪

♪ That's invading a city.. ♪

- A r-robot? - Exactly.

♪ But you're not an evil robot ♪

♪ You're a robot looking for love ♪

♪ But there's not a lot of giant 700-foot robots around ♪

♪ To love ♪

♪ So you glue a bunch of smaller robots together ♪

♪ To make one big super robot ♪

♪ Then you and your robot go out to brunch ♪

♪ And by the end of brunch you're in love.. ♪

Trust me.

♪ That's exactly what it's like ♪

♪ To be in love.. ♪

- Hey, can I ask a question? - No.

♪ Then you and your robot lover destroy ♪

♪ The entire Schenectady Turnpike ♪

♪ 'Cause you're doing a robot love dance ♪

♪ And you don't care what it looks like ♪

♪ And when the armies of the world come to fight you ♪

♪ You get into your spaceship ♪

♪ And you tenderly embrace while you fly into space ♪

♪ 'Cause Earth's not ready for giant robot love ♪

♪ That's how you know you're in love ♪

♪ Find yourself a robot to love ♪

♪ That's how you feel when you're in ♪

♪ Love.. ♪

I-I'm not really following you.

Alright, let me put it another way.

♪ It's just like you're a merman ♪

♪ That's 700 feet tall ♪

♪ And you're looking for a lady merman to love.. ♪

- Hey, don't you mean mermaid? - Don't interrupt.

♪ But the ocean is a massive place ♪

♪ And there's not a lot of lady mermen ♪

♪ So in order to increase your chances ♪

♪ You travel to the undersea merman mall.. ♪

Uh, m-merman mall?

♪ That's where fish and mollusks go to find love.. ♪

You know, I'm just not really sure what any of this has--

♪ And you find a female merman ♪

♪ Who is working at a kiosk ♪

♪ Selling cell phone covers ♪

♪ And personalized key chains ♪

♪ Your hand brushes one of her tentacles ♪

♪ And she just melts inside.. ♪

- Tentacles? - Shut up.

♪ Her manager gets ♪

♪ Insanely jealous ♪

♪ And stabs you with his trident and you're dead ♪

♪ Stabs you with his trident and you're dead ♪

♪ That's how you know you're in ♪

♪ Love ♪♪

Uh, th-thanks for clearing that up for me.

That's what I do.

[upbeat music]

Good bounce, nice elasticity.

'Ooh, and somebody used some volumizer.'

Good job, Tina. That's an A-plus perm.

Yes!

I mean..

[imitating Tina] Yes.

Alright, everyone, now, for your final exam

you've been assigned a volunteer client.

Good luck.

Your cosmetology license is on the line.

- Ooh. - Ooh-oh.

I should warn you

my hair is very brittle.

Hm..

[stammering]

An-an-another new dress?

It's the last class. I want to look nice.

(Speedy) 'Can I get everyone's attention?'

I just want to say it's been a pleasure

being your instructor for the past few weeks.

You have all come so very far.

Of course, some of you have come farther than others.

Now, let's dance!

[instrumental music]

Whoa! Whoa! Whoa!

Hola, Kathy.

Whoa! Whoa! Whoa-a!

That's a beautiful dress.

Uh, B-Bugs, you're supposed to let m-me lead.

Just shut up and dance.

[instrumental music]

Mm! Good cupcake.

[instrumental music]

Oh, there's Porky. There's that woman.

[gasps] Bugs' mistress is cheating on him

with Porky?

Poor Bugs.

Speedy?

Oh, what is going on up there?

[dramatic music]

Gorgeous.

Tina, you've outdone yourself.

Thank you. It wasn't easy.

Her hair's like straw you wouldn't feed a donkey

but as I always say

extensions, a Brazilian blowout

and platinum highlights can hide any flaw.

Well, you've just earned yourself

a cosmetology license.

Congratulations, Tina.

[indistinct chattering]

(Tina) Daffy?

Tina? I mean, uh..

It's my twin sister.

Uh, Grina. What are you doing here?

I'm returning my wig heads.

What are you doing here?

Wh-what is going on?

I'm not Tina Russo.

[gasping]

Then who are you?

Who am I?

Until recently I didn't know the answer

but now I do.

You see, my whole life I've been forced

to live among ugly people

helpless to do anything about it

but now, thanks to these

I have the power to trim the ugliness away

one haircut at a time.

So you ask me who I am

I'll tell you.

[gasping]

I'm Daffy Duck

and I'm a hairdresser.

[instrumental music]

No, no, no, Pinky

you're supposed to be the dipper, not the dippee.

You're the man, Kathy's the woman

a woman unlike any I've ever met.

Look, I'm flattered

but I'm also Bugs.

Senor Bunny?

Bugs' mistress is actually just Bugs in a wig

taking a dance class with Porky!

Oh, right, he said that.

I signed up to be Porky's dance partner

not to be the target of your incessant flirting.

I mean, I certainly didn't help things by looking so beautiful.

Beautiful? Who said you were beautiful?

- You did! - I was just being nice.

You-you were clearly the most unattractive woman in the class

so I was trying to make you feel better about yourself.

It's called overcompensating.

Claro que no. Unbelievable, this guy.

[speaking in foreign language]

[sobbing]

Why? No!

[sobbing]

Uh, sorry, Pork.

Uh, w-would you like to dance?

I'd really love to.

[giggles]

- Lola? - Hi, Bugs..

[thud]

I'm okay!

The cupcake broke my fall!

Mm. It's still good.

Here you go, your new business cards.

It's pretty cool to be dating a licensed cosmetologist.

Well, it's pretty cool for me to be dating

the junior assistant manager of Copy Place.

Doesn't quite roll off the tongue

like licensed cosmetologist, does it?

[instrumental music]

Okay, can I get you anything else?

Nah, we're good.

More iced tea for the lady?

[laughing]

I miss her so much.

Hi, guys. Uh, t-this is my friend, Nancy.

Nice to meet you.

Call me when you're ready

to do something with that.

slurp slurp slurp

[theme music]

That's the end of the.. Whoa..

thud